Original subtitles

Hey, look! A Dungeons and Dragons ride!

Wow, neat!

Give me a break.

I don't like this!

Whoa! What's happening?

Whoa!

Where are we?

Look out!

Fear not, Ranger!

Barbarian, magician, thief, cavalier, and acrobat.

Who was

that? That was Venger, the force of evil. I am Dungeon Master, your guide

in the realm of Dungeons and Dragons.

Stay down. Here it comes.

Shh. What do you think it is?

Something awful.

Now.

Good afternoon.

Dungeon Master.

What are you doing here?

Looking for you.

Ah, there's nothing like a stroll over hot lava to soothe the feet.

Yeah, well, I wish you'd soothe my nerves and tell us how to get out of

crazy world.

That's precisely why I've come, Cavalier.

I've discovered a way for all of you to get back home.

Home? You mean like no more dragons or nine -eyed monsters?

Well, what are you waiting for, Dungeon Master, old buddy? Just point the way so

we can get out of this dump.

I'm afraid it's not that easy.

I knew it. There's always a catch.

Not a catch.

A river.

You must find the river that rains upside down.

The what?

I think his brains are upside down. Once a year, for only 60 seconds, the waters

of this mystical river flow up into the sky. They will take you wherever you

want to go.

But where will we find this river?

Just follow that path.

But beware, you must never touch the beauty that breathes the beast.

Beauty that breathes the beast?

What is that? Cinderella with bad breath?

He's gone.

Well, I'm not taking one step until he comes back and explains that stupid

riddle. You can wait here if you want to, Eric. But we're going to find that

river that rains upside down.

River that rains upside down.

Look!

Oh, great!

Which way do we go now?

Whichever path we take will be the wrong one.

Then let's take them both.

Good thinking, Bobby. I'll go with Eric and Pesto down that path.

And we'll take the other. Come on!

Are you sure we're still on the path, Hank? The only thing I'm sure of is that

I'm not sure of anything.

It's a metal wall.

What are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere?

I don't know.

But I don't like the look of this.

Who goes there?

Bobby the Barbarian. And who are you?

Bobby!

Go, Lola. Destroy the intruders.

Oh, yeah?

That bright one, Steve Garvey, never on your nose.

I crush you like flies.

Magic bow, don't fail me now.

Way to go, Hank.

Uh -oh, I think you got him mad.

That thing's indestructible.

I can't beat him. Join him.

Okay, Sheila.

Do your stuff!

At least we'll get a nice suntan.

Do you think this might be that river that rains upside down?

Well, I'm upside down, and it's not raining.

Quit clowning, Presto.

Hey, guys, look at this.

What is it? The prettiest flower I've ever seen.

You think this is a beauty? You should see my mom's garden back home. This is

nothing. Eric, wait a minute. Did you say beauty?

Yeah. What of it? Remember what Dungeon Master said?

Beware of beauty that breeds the beast.

Now you tell me. It's a good thing for you nothing happened.

What are you guys staring at?

Some friends you are.

Just because I've got a little...

Frog in my throat is nothing to laugh about. I've got to get some water.

Works.

Yay! A monster!

Oh, it was hideous!

Quick! We've got to get out of here!

Relax, Eric.

Relax? Are you nuts? We've got to split before it gets us!

Don't worry.

It's not going to get us. It already got you.

problem here this isn't funny sure it is i mean you're right it's not funny

it's disgusting come on presto change me back to

me but i don't know if i can could you at least try please

okay

Well, that's different.

I'll tear you apart, Presto. I swear I'll tear you apart.

Relax. I'm just warming up.

Abracadabra. Abracadabra. Make me a potion that'll know what to do.

Hey, I did it. Give me that.

I'll try it, yes.

Put that hat back on before you kill me.

There must be a way to... I see you did not heed my warning.

Dungeon Master, am I glad to see you.

Change me back, please.

I did not create this spell, Cavalier. Therefore, I cannot undo it.

However, I can tell you, if you do not undo the spell soon, you will remain a

bog beast forever.

Forever? A bog beast?

Is that what I am?

A bog beast?

Oh, no!

There is one way to undo the spell, and that way will be found in what you

dislike the most.

This is no time for... Riddles, where is he? I hate looking like this. Not to

mention sounding like this.

That's it.

What you dislike the most is being a bug beast.

Yeah, so maybe if we find some more ugly guys like you, we can break the spell.

There's got to be water around here somewhere.

Look, there's water.

Hey, what's up?

Maybe it's trying to point out where the water is.

I think you're right, Bobby.

I think you're wrong, Bobby.

I don't understand it. That bow's never letting down the cord.

Well, there's always a first... Tom!

Whoa!

But I think we're surrounded.

Yeah, but by what?

Look, Dad, wait till I get through.

Hold it. Let's see what they want.

I don't think they want our lunch money.

Don't hurt.

Don't hurt.

Don't worry. We mean you no harm.

Me are bog beast.

Me friendly.

If you're so friendly, how come you scared us?

Not scaring. Fishing.

You in fishing water.

You evil cow among send you to scare fish away.

Cow among? Who's he?

He bad.

He damn up river. Make fish go away.

Cowaman want to be rid of bog bees forever.

But there's so many of you. Why don't you just plow for the guy?

I think that's your answer.

Dungeon Master was wrong.

I don't think anything in this world looks as bad as you.

Cut it out. Will you? If we don't find those bog bees soon, I'll look like this

forever.

I found something that looks worse than Eric.

I'm sinking.

There must be something you can do to stop this Cow Among character.

We stop Cow Among as soon as our leader comes.

Who's your leader?

Him legend.

Sacred scroll say him like us, but not like us. Say him drop from sky.

Lead us to victory over cow among.

Something tells me these guys are about as smart as they are handsome.

Diana! Presto!

Hi. Eric?

Our leader has come.

Now these guys know a born leader when they see one.

What am I seeing?

What am I seeing?

Eric, is that you?

Yep. It's me.

You leader.

Don't touch me, you disgusting beast.

We ready.

You lead us to victory over Calamon.

What's he talking about?

They expect you to conquer the evil ogre that's damming up the river.

Well, forget it.

Tell them to call the Department of Water and Power.

Well, we can't just let these guys starve.

Besides, they might be able to lead us to the river that rains upside down.

This is river that rain upside down.

It is?

Great. We can help the bog beast and still find our way home. I can't go home

looking like this. I'll leave your army of bog beasts. If you find a way to

change me back to normal.

Normal? You normal now.

Oh, brother.

Brother.

Oh, no.

Some army.

How are we going to beat this guy with a bunch of losers like this?

You take Medallion away.

Cowamung have no power without Medallion.

Holy moly. That dude looks real mean.

It looks like Cowamung has dammed up the water to power some sort of vessel. And

he's got those dwarf slaves making all kinds of weapons for him. He's probably

getting ready to attack the bog beast.

We'll give him a little surprise attack of our own. Eric, tell your bog beast

friends. They're not my friends.

Okay, okay.

Just tell them to keep quiet until we need them.

Sheila, you remember what to do? Right.

Sorry,

you.

Faster.

I want those weapons done so we can drive the bog beasts out of the valley

good. Guess again, Cowamung.

Who said that?

I did, you ugliness.

Thanks, Cowamung. Now that your magic's gone, perhaps you'll let the bog beasts

live in peace.

Stupid fool.

This is the real magic medallion.

I think Hank's in trouble.

Let's go!

All right, men.

Uh, beasts, forward!

Oh!

What am I doing?

Not even an army of bog beasts could stand horrible.

Come on, you guys.

Bow and ho.

Bow and ho.

Really? I don't believe I'm doing this.

Those bog beats are counting on you.

Don't mess up this time.

Hocus pocus, abracadabra, et cetera, et cetera.

Oh, great.

Just what I needed.

Wow. Did I do that?

Way to go, Pesto. You busted the dam.

It's raining upside down.

We're finally going to get our bag home.

Help!

Come on. We've got to get them.

What about the river? We've only got a minute to get home.

Put back that dam or you'll never see your friends again.

could change that fog beast into Calamon, maybe it could change you back

Later. Just grab on.

We've still got 30 seconds to make it out of this rotten place.

I can't spend the rest of my life looking like this.

Quick, the magic warp is only going to stay on for a few more seconds. If you

back, you'll never be able to come back through.

We'll be lost back there without us.

Well, what do we do?

I wonder what it'll be like alone.

Do not be alone, brother.

No.

John, you came back.

We couldn't just leave you here all alone.

Aaron, your face.

Please, don't remind me. I'll probably have to look this way forever.

I'm sure you will.

Look.

beast anymore.

I'm back to my normal, great -looking self.

Dungeon Master, I'm back to normal.

I'm back to normal.

Naturally. What do you mean, naturally?

I told you the answer would be found in what you dislike the most.

Of course.

Eric hates this world more than anything.

Precisely. And this world is the key to the magic of the medallion.

Listen, I'm sorry I messed up your chance to get home.

That's okay, Eric. There'll be other chances.

Right, Dungeon Master?

He's gone.

They're not.

We come to thank great leader and to say we sorry.

Sorry?

Because I didn't make it home?

No, because you turned so ugly.