Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,868 --> 00:00:03,378
Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.
2
00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:06,072
Chappelle's Show.
3
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:07,374
Oww.
4
00:00:07,415 --> 00:00:09,977
Woo-hoo-hoo.
5
00:00:10,018 --> 00:00:11,712
Woo-hoo.
6
00:00:11,753 --> 00:00:13,881
Yeah, yeah.
7
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,784
Let's start
the show.
8
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,555
(man) Dave Chappelle, come on down.
9
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:26,066
You're the next black comedian
to get his own show!
10
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:29,062
("The Price is Right" theme)
11
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:33,400
(cheers & applause)
12
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,943
Oh, my God, I did it.
13
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,546
Hey, everybody,
what's up?
14
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:51,184
Welcome... welcome everybody,
to Chappelle's Show.
15
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:55,522
You see, I am dizzle.
16
00:00:55,563 --> 00:00:56,863
You know,
I've been watching the news
17
00:00:56,864 --> 00:00:58,559
and reading the papers,
18
00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,900
and I've been seeing that
there's been a lot of, like,
19
00:00:59,901 --> 00:01:01,595
scandalous behavior.
20
00:01:01,636 --> 00:01:04,237
Like, these, uh,
these major corporations
21
00:01:04,238 --> 00:01:05,539
they rip everybody off.
22
00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:08,535
Enrons and Tycos
and all this stuff.
23
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,744
They don't be getting no time.
24
00:01:10,745 --> 00:01:13,307
They don't get
no time in jail.
25
00:01:13,348 --> 00:01:17,210
I gotta get in on this
"being white" thing.
26
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:20,721
It's like there's
two legal systems, damn near.
27
00:01:20,722 --> 00:01:22,022
It'd be better if they,
28
00:01:22,023 --> 00:01:25,058
just for like, maybe,
three days if like...
29
00:01:25,059 --> 00:01:28,487
they actually put those guys
through the legal system
30
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:30,697
that we all
have to go through.
31
00:01:30,698 --> 00:01:31,999
And then they put, like,
crack dealers and shit
32
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:36,296
through the legal system
that they go through.
33
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,650
Wouldn't that be something?
34
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,067
Well, tonight we have
a very special episode
35
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:43,670
of "Law & Order."
36
00:01:43,711 --> 00:01:46,707
I hope
you enjoy it.
37
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:50,651
How was work today,
Charles?
38
00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,779
Oh, same old, same old.
39
00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:55,856
Accounting's complaining about
us misleading the stockholders
40
00:01:55,857 --> 00:01:58,417
and blowing the employee
pensions and...
41
00:01:58,418 --> 00:01:59,326
what a bunch of babies.
42
00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:01,928
I mean, come on, this is
business, people, right?
43
00:02:01,929 --> 00:02:04,925
And speaking of business,
yeah...
44
00:02:04,966 --> 00:02:05,792
(growl)
45
00:02:05,833 --> 00:02:07,961
Satchco, take a powder.
46
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,262
And you...
47
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:10,413
(playful scream)
48
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:11,865
(growl)
(meow)
49
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,600
Snugglebunny!
50
00:02:13,641 --> 00:02:16,203
(screaming)
51
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,208
(man)
Get on the ground!
52
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,878
(dog panting)
53
00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:26,612
Shut that
fucking dog up!
54
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:27,481
(gunshot)
55
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,517
(screaming)
56
00:02:30,558 --> 00:02:33,120
Stop resisting, sir!
57
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,759
(phone ringing)
58
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,662
Nigga, I said stop
calling here, all right?
59
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,438
I'm baggin' up the coke up
as fast as I can!
60
00:02:44,439 --> 00:02:45,739
I'm detective
Charles Stevens
61
00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:47,908
from the Dade County
police department.
62
00:02:47,909 --> 00:02:50,077
I've got a warrant here
for your arrest.
63
00:02:50,078 --> 00:02:50,904
A warrant?!
64
00:02:50,945 --> 00:02:53,113
Charges of cocaine
trafficking.
65
00:02:53,114 --> 00:02:54,374
And, um, frankly,
66
00:02:54,415 --> 00:02:56,976
I'm afraid I don't know
how to handle it.
67
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,752
Oh, man, we gotta
be careful with this.
68
00:02:58,753 --> 00:03:00,487
We don't wanna embarrass
somebody like me
69
00:03:00,488 --> 00:03:02,656
in front of my family
and my community.
70
00:03:02,657 --> 00:03:04,351
I tell you what,
71
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:07,427
I'll come in and turn myself in
around Thursday, okay?
72
00:03:07,428 --> 00:03:09,122
Is 1:00 good for you?
73
00:03:09,163 --> 00:03:10,897
Oh, no,
that's no good for me.
74
00:03:10,898 --> 00:03:13,459
I've got some trim
coming at 12:00.
75
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:16,496
I'll turn myself in,
say, between...
76
00:03:16,537 --> 00:03:17,798
2:00 and 6:00?
77
00:03:17,839 --> 00:03:20,399
Thank you so very much
for your help and, again,
78
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,568
I'm sorry for
the inconvenience.
79
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:23,870
Oh, no problem.
80
00:03:23,911 --> 00:03:25,605
One love.
81
00:03:25,646 --> 00:03:28,642
Uh, yeah...
I love you, too.
82
00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:32,586
(man) So, what am i charged with?
83
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:36,016
Yeah, like you don't know,
you little bitch.
84
00:03:36,057 --> 00:03:38,658
Would you do me
a favor and not smoke,
85
00:03:38,659 --> 00:03:39,920
I'm allergic.
86
00:03:39,961 --> 00:03:42,088
Oh, well, hey,
I'm sorry, Chuck.
87
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,297
Why don't I do you a favor and
put it out there for ya, huh?
88
00:03:44,298 --> 00:03:47,728
How do you like that,
you piece of crap!
89
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,279
I want answers, punk!
90
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,631
(whimpers)
91
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,406
I wanna talk
to my lawyer!
92
00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:55,534
He wants to talk
to his lawyer...
93
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:57,270
legal aid,
you're on.
94
00:03:57,311 --> 00:04:02,476
Sorry, you're like,
my 14th case this week.
95
00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:04,667
Somebody
take a piss in here?
96
00:04:04,685 --> 00:04:06,813
It was me!
97
00:04:06,854 --> 00:04:08,548
I peed...
98
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,320
(playing harmonica)
99
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:18,525
(still playing harmonica)
100
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:22,903
I would like to
complement you, gentlemen
101
00:04:22,904 --> 00:04:26,333
on a very classy
baller-ass spread
102
00:04:26,374 --> 00:04:29,409
with cheeses that I've
never even seen before.
103
00:04:29,410 --> 00:04:31,144
And my apologies
for being late
104
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:34,141
but I got caught up
with some poonany.
105
00:04:34,182 --> 00:04:35,282
Heh, heh, heh..
106
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,176
Well, so,
it's like I said,
107
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,345
we don't wanna make a
big deal out of this thing.
108
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,646
You're a cocaine dealer
109
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,422
but you've done a lot of
good for the community.
110
00:04:42,423 --> 00:04:44,157
Oh, I know, man,
on Thanksgiving
111
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:46,760
I be passing turkeys out
like "Nino Brown," baby.
112
00:04:46,761 --> 00:04:48,495
But, seriously,
we have to do something.
113
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:51,531
How about you testify before
a senate committee
114
00:04:51,532 --> 00:04:54,961
and spend...
two months at Club Fed?
115
00:04:55,002 --> 00:04:57,130
When I get out,
116
00:04:57,171 --> 00:05:01,034
can I still traffic rocks
to the community?
117
00:05:01,075 --> 00:05:05,372
Absolutely not!
118
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:09,276
You're right,
selling rocks would be wrong.
119
00:05:09,317 --> 00:05:14,915
Heh, heh, heh...
jail's the shit!
120
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,726
Anyway,
he points the gun at us
121
00:05:19,727 --> 00:05:21,461
and he tells his dog
to sick us.
122
00:05:21,462 --> 00:05:24,064
It was at that point that
I fired upon the canine
123
00:05:24,065 --> 00:05:26,666
and we were able
to subdue Mr. Jeffries.
124
00:05:26,667 --> 00:05:29,229
Upon further search
of the mansion,
125
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,873
we were able
to locate this...
126
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:34,868
pure Colombian heroin.
127
00:05:34,909 --> 00:05:37,077
Yeah, wait a minute,
your honor...
128
00:05:37,078 --> 00:05:39,246
I don't know
who's heroin that is
129
00:05:39,247 --> 00:05:42,242
but it certainly
isn't mine!
130
00:05:42,283 --> 00:05:44,885
Then his wife threw her titties
in my hand.
131
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,186
It was weird,
your honor.
132
00:05:46,187 --> 00:05:47,880
You grabbed
her titties!
133
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:48,748
I saw you!
134
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,520
Before I sentence you,
135
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,295
is there anything
you'd like to say?
136
00:05:55,296 --> 00:05:57,858
Okay, first of all...
137
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,592
all right,
that's enough.
138
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:03,103
You're the worst kind of scum
on the face of the Earth!
139
00:06:03,104 --> 00:06:05,232
You're an animal.
140
00:06:05,273 --> 00:06:08,268
A filthy,
big-lipped beast!
141
00:06:08,309 --> 00:06:13,039
We'd like to congratulate
the jury of your peers
142
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:16,076
for reaching
a verdict so quickly.
143
00:06:16,117 --> 00:06:17,851
Their minutes is
a new court record.
144
00:06:17,852 --> 00:06:20,887
All your possessions will be
seized immediately by the court
145
00:06:20,888 --> 00:06:23,884
and you will receive
the mandatory minimum
146
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,619
of life in prison.
147
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:32,125
Plenty of time to lift weights
and convert to Islam.
148
00:06:32,166 --> 00:06:36,897
Now get out of
my sight, you fuck.
149
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:42,142
Sir, is it true you were
a crack/cocaine dealer
150
00:06:42,143 --> 00:06:43,837
for seven years?
151
00:06:43,878 --> 00:06:46,006
Uh, I plead the fifth.
152
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:51,210
Sir, will you tell us about
the cartels you dealt with
153
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,420
in your time as
a crack/cocaine dealer?
154
00:06:53,421 --> 00:06:57,717
Um, no, but I can tell you
that I plead the fizzith.
155
00:06:57,758 --> 00:06:59,492
Exactly how much money
did you earn
156
00:06:59,493 --> 00:07:02,489
in your time as
a crack/cocaine dealer?
157
00:07:02,530 --> 00:07:03,790
There...
158
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,091
are...
159
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:07,694
I said
there are
160
00:07:07,735 --> 00:07:10,297
so many amendments
161
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:16,803
in the Constitution of
the United States of America
162
00:07:16,844 --> 00:07:19,406
I can only
choose one
163
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:23,310
I can only choose...
164
00:07:23,351 --> 00:07:25,912
one!
165
00:07:25,953 --> 00:07:27,647
I plead the fifth
166
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:31,551
I plead
the fifth
167
00:07:31,592 --> 00:07:32,852
five!
168
00:07:32,893 --> 00:07:35,455
One, two, three,
four... fifth!
169
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:37,624
Anything you say...
fifth!
170
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:38,965
Go ahead,
ask me a question
171
00:07:38,966 --> 00:07:39,793
did you...
172
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,528
fifth!
173
00:07:41,569 --> 00:07:43,303
I have a secret document that
I think you need to see...
174
00:07:43,304 --> 00:07:46,299
fifth...
175
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:50,637
that will be all, sir,
good afternoon.
176
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,713
I got your sentence
reduced to a month, buddy.
177
00:07:53,714 --> 00:07:55,408
Oh!
178
00:07:55,449 --> 00:07:58,445
Heh, heh, heh...
179
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,288
we'll take
a quick commercial break
180
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,891
and be right back.
181
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,562
Chappelle's Show.
182
00:08:15,603 --> 00:08:18,598
Better not
bring your kids!
183
00:08:18,639 --> 00:08:21,634
Hello,
my name's Tyrone Biggums.
184
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,843
Sometimes, the endless
pursuit of crack
185
00:08:23,844 --> 00:08:27,273
leaves me tired and depleted.
186
00:08:27,314 --> 00:08:30,350
But now cocaine comes
in a delicious shake!
187
00:08:30,351 --> 00:08:32,045
"Red Balls!"
188
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:35,081
It gives me wings!
189
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:38,985
Ahhh...
190
00:08:39,026 --> 00:08:41,194
mmm... hummina, hummina,
hummina, hummina!
191
00:08:41,195 --> 00:08:42,455
My baby!
192
00:08:42,496 --> 00:08:44,891
I left my baby
in the car!
193
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:49,829
(baby crying)
194
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,505
Oh, my God!
195
00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:01,107
(bionic effect)
196
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,879
(bionic effect)
197
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,892
FYI, people still
do steal radios, hon.
198
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:23,229
How do you think
I got this suit?
199
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:25,872
That Red Ball's got me!
200
00:09:25,873 --> 00:09:27,567
Ahhh!
201
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,640
(beeping)
202
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:40,146
(bionic effect)
203
00:09:40,187 --> 00:09:41,881
Mayday, mayday...
204
00:09:41,922 --> 00:09:43,182
we have a crackhead
lifting up the bus,
205
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:46,219
must be Red Balls.
206
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,461
I love this drink!
207
00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:57,497
Thank you,
Red Balls.
208
00:09:57,538 --> 00:10:00,967
Excuse me, jailer...
pardon me.
209
00:10:01,008 --> 00:10:04,437
Might I have
a Red Balls, please?
210
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,510
Shazam!
211
00:10:10,551 --> 00:10:13,546
Ahhhhh...!
212
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,016
(bionic effect)
213
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:28,294
Red Balls...
cocaine in a can, baby!
214
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,198
I can get some money
for this.
215
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,235
(cheers & applause)
216
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,046
Y'all remember
last season,
217
00:10:40,047 --> 00:10:42,215
we used to do a segment called
"Ask A Black Dude"
218
00:10:42,216 --> 00:10:44,777
that featured
comedian, Paul Mooney.
219
00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:47,380
Well, he's back again
this year
220
00:10:47,421 --> 00:10:52,585
as America's leading
black psychic, Negrodamus.
221
00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:00,867
(woman)
For centuries,
222
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,561
people have
turned to one man
223
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,771
for the answer to life's
great mysteries.
224
00:11:04,772 --> 00:11:08,201
That man,
is Negrodamus.
225
00:11:08,242 --> 00:11:09,936
You, sir.
226
00:11:09,977 --> 00:11:15,575
Negrodamus, will Aresenio Hall
ever have another show?
227
00:11:15,616 --> 00:11:19,045
Yes, Arsenio Hall
will get another show.
228
00:11:19,086 --> 00:11:20,780
It will be called,
229
00:11:20,821 --> 00:11:23,816
"Good Morning
Black America."
230
00:11:23,857 --> 00:11:27,720
It will be shown at noon
throughout the country.
231
00:11:27,761 --> 00:11:30,323
Thank you so much,
Negrodamus.
232
00:11:30,364 --> 00:11:31,624
Next.
233
00:11:31,665 --> 00:11:34,661
(French accent)
Negrodamus,
234
00:11:34,702 --> 00:11:37,263
hello from France.
235
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,979
Arnold Schwarzenegger
will divorce his wife
236
00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:49,409
and marry
Shirley Temple Black.
237
00:11:49,450 --> 00:11:50,316
And she will be,
238
00:11:50,317 --> 00:11:53,746
Mrs. Shirley Temple
Black-negger.
239
00:11:53,787 --> 00:11:55,915
You, sir.
240
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,518
Negrodamus...
241
00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:02,855
uh, why do white people
love Wayne Brady so much?
242
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:05,892
White people
love Wayne Brady
243
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:08,061
because he makes...
244
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:11,965
Bryant Gumbel
look like Malcolm X.
245
00:12:12,006 --> 00:12:14,607
For centuries people
have turned to one man
246
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:17,169
for the answer to life's
great mysteries.
247
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:21,074
That man,
is Negrodamus.
248
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,849
We're gonna take
a quick commercial break.
249
00:12:22,850 --> 00:12:24,150
Y'all don't go nowhere,
250
00:12:24,151 --> 00:12:27,411
we'll be right back
with more Chappelle show.
251
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:31,184
Chappelle's Show.
252
00:12:31,225 --> 00:12:32,919
Oww.
253
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,823
Welcome back!
254
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,767
You know, I don't know
if anyone's ever seen
255
00:12:40,768 --> 00:12:42,502
this segment we've
done on the show,
256
00:12:42,503 --> 00:12:45,104
"Charlie Murphy's
True Hollywood Stories."
257
00:12:45,105 --> 00:12:46,406
But, if you haven't seen it,
258
00:12:46,407 --> 00:12:49,008
Eddie's older brother, Charlie,
works on our show
259
00:12:49,009 --> 00:12:51,611
and he tells us
these crazy stories,
260
00:12:51,612 --> 00:12:53,346
some of which are so crazy
261
00:12:53,347 --> 00:12:56,382
that we have to have him come by
and tell 'em to the crowd!
262
00:12:56,383 --> 00:12:58,945
So, tonight,
we have for you
263
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:04,584
a brand new True Hollywood Story
from Charlie Murphy.
264
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,094
I can recall another one,
like, you know,
265
00:13:08,095 --> 00:13:09,829
I think it was in '85, like,
266
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:12,865
when all that androgynous shit
was going on.
267
00:13:12,866 --> 00:13:15,468
(Charlie)
And what was wild was that
268
00:13:15,469 --> 00:13:18,464
the guy who looked
the most like a bitch
269
00:13:18,505 --> 00:13:20,633
was getting all the women.
270
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,408
Even I had it,
the jerry curl was comin' out
271
00:13:22,409 --> 00:13:25,011
and I had my shit slicked
to the side and all that.
272
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:28,047
If you wearin' baggy shit now
and you actin' hard,
273
00:13:28,048 --> 00:13:29,742
if you from LA
274
00:13:29,783 --> 00:13:33,212
You motherfuckers was wearing
some strange shit.
275
00:13:33,253 --> 00:13:35,381
We in the club,
276
00:13:35,422 --> 00:13:36,723
we getting our groove on,
shakin' it up
277
00:13:36,724 --> 00:13:38,524
and Prince came in there.
278
00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:41,888
That's when "Purple Rain"
came out
279
00:13:41,929 --> 00:13:46,225
and Prince was the shit,
you know what I'm saying?
280
00:13:46,266 --> 00:13:47,567
Prince had on, like, a...
281
00:13:47,568 --> 00:13:49,736
it was like
a zorro-type outfit.
282
00:13:49,737 --> 00:13:51,904
It had the ruffles
come down the front.
283
00:13:51,905 --> 00:13:55,335
He had the big perm
fluffed out and all that.
284
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:59,672
And the mustache, you know,
just drawn on his face.
285
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:03,616
And it looked like something
that a figure skater would wear.
286
00:14:03,617 --> 00:14:05,467
You know what I'm saying?
287
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:06,652
And he was
with his whole crew
288
00:14:06,653 --> 00:14:10,083
and he had this other cat
named "Mickey Free."
289
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:14,126
And Mickey Free was, like,
the new cat in Shalamar
290
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:15,762
that,
when he joined the group,
291
00:14:15,763 --> 00:14:17,443
I heard mad cats, like,
292
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,665
"yo, Shalamar got this
new girl in there.
293
00:14:19,666 --> 00:14:20,967
Man, that bitch fine
like a motherfucker."
294
00:14:20,968 --> 00:14:23,136
They was talkin' about
Mickey Free, okay?
295
00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:25,264
Mickey Free is not a girl.
296
00:14:25,305 --> 00:14:28,301
They came over
where we was at,
297
00:14:28,342 --> 00:14:30,076
Prince started talking
to my brother.
298
00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:32,205
Hello, Eddie Murphy.
299
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,112
Prince, what's up?
300
00:14:33,113 --> 00:14:35,281
I'm a big fan
of your comedies.
301
00:14:35,282 --> 00:14:36,582
Ooh, that's hot, Prince.
302
00:14:36,583 --> 00:14:37,884
Would you like to
come to my house
303
00:14:37,885 --> 00:14:39,619
and listen
to some music?
304
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:40,879
Ooh, that's cool.
305
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,180
Fruity,
get the car.
306
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:46,085
Assemble your crew,
I'll be outside.
307
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,857
We went up there.
308
00:14:50,898 --> 00:14:52,198
We get there,
he puts the tracks on
309
00:14:52,199 --> 00:14:53,933
the tracks are slammin',
you know what I mean?
310
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,668
And we're listening to
the music and everything
311
00:14:55,669 --> 00:14:58,704
groovin' at the crib,
he had girls over there...
312
00:14:58,705 --> 00:15:01,701
he had nice environment,
it was tight.
313
00:15:01,742 --> 00:15:05,171
This bores me.
314
00:15:05,212 --> 00:15:09,075
Is anyone up for
a game of basketball?
315
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,677
(hysterical laughter)
316
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,490
How about you and
your friends
317
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:20,787
versus me
and The Revolution.
318
00:15:20,828 --> 00:15:22,955
(hysterical laughter)
319
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,991
So, I was like,
"this nigga must be joking."
320
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:28,160
I don't know where he's going
with this and shit.
321
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,901
But he was dead-serious.
322
00:15:29,937 --> 00:15:32,087
He had his helper
or whatever
323
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:36,402
go and get some shorts and
sneakers and gave 'em to us.
324
00:15:36,443 --> 00:15:37,310
And we laughing, I'm like,
325
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,479
"this is gonna be some
funny-ass shit."
326
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,214
So they come out, right?
327
00:15:41,215 --> 00:15:42,949
And I look at them
and, um...
328
00:15:42,950 --> 00:15:47,370
they still got on the same shit
they was wearin' at the club.
329
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,488
It was wild
I was like,
330
00:15:55,529 --> 00:15:56,829
"I know they ain't thinkin'
about playin' ball in that"
331
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,090
but they were.
332
00:15:58,524 --> 00:15:59,866
I said,
"hey, you know what...
333
00:15:59,867 --> 00:16:01,167
you know what we're
gonna call this?
334
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,295
The shirts
against the blouses.
335
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,465
(laughter)
336
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:09,368
And when I said that,
this look came on his face.
337
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,537
He looked angry.
338
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,614
And I'm looking back at him
thinking to myself,
339
00:16:14,615 --> 00:16:16,308
you know,
"what are you angry about?
340
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,951
"I mean, you know where
you got that shirt from
341
00:16:18,952 --> 00:16:21,554
and it damn sure wasn't
the men's department."
342
00:16:21,555 --> 00:16:22,855
I mean, I kinda learned
something that day,
343
00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:25,024
don't never judge
a book by its cover.
344
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:27,587
This cat could ball, man.
345
00:16:27,628 --> 00:16:30,189
Play ball.
346
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,696
He was crossing cats,
like ice.
347
00:16:36,737 --> 00:16:37,997
Crossed me up.
348
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,772
Made my knees
slam together.
349
00:16:39,773 --> 00:16:42,334
He was getting rebounds
like Charles Barkley.
350
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,615
Snatchin' it down!
351
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:44,544
Shoot the "J."
352
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:45,805
Shoot it!
353
00:16:45,846 --> 00:16:51,444
Let's run the play,
computer blue.
354
00:16:51,485 --> 00:16:51,918
Garland picky.
355
00:16:51,919 --> 00:16:53,179
Oww!
356
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:54,954
They was kinda settin'
these fruity picks, man,
357
00:16:54,955 --> 00:16:56,255
you know what I'm sayin'?
358
00:16:56,256 --> 00:16:57,990
Like, you'd be
tryin' to check Prince
359
00:16:57,991 --> 00:17:00,118
and then you go this cat
standin' behind you
360
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:01,027
and he's getting close to you
361
00:17:01,028 --> 00:17:02,762
and his hands
is out like this...
362
00:17:02,763 --> 00:17:04,063
you don't really wanna
be bent over
363
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:06,666
in front of a cat like that,
you know what I'm sayin'?
364
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:11,397
Prince was incredible!
365
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:16,583
Prince,
you got a towel, man,
366
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,944
it's kind of hot
out here, man.
367
00:17:17,945 --> 00:17:20,112
Why don't you purify
yourself in the waters
368
00:17:20,113 --> 00:17:22,675
of lake Minnetonka.
369
00:17:22,716 --> 00:17:24,844
Good!
370
00:17:24,885 --> 00:17:28,314
In your face,
Charlie Murphy.
371
00:17:28,355 --> 00:17:30,049
Good hustle.
(slap)
372
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:33,953
Yo, man,
I'm not on your team.
373
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,499
I mean, it wasn't even
like it was close.
374
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:44,497
It was a landslide victory.
375
00:17:44,538 --> 00:17:47,400
Game...
376
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,870
blouses.
377
00:17:50,911 --> 00:17:52,211
I was there,
I seen it.
378
00:17:52,212 --> 00:17:53,512
You don't believe me?
379
00:17:53,513 --> 00:17:54,814
You think
I'm making it up?
380
00:17:54,815 --> 00:17:57,375
You think I'm trying to,
uh, you know
381
00:17:57,376 --> 00:18:00,846
enhance the story
because I'm involved?
382
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,489
Or trying to give myself
an excuse for losing
383
00:18:03,490 --> 00:18:06,919
because I'm telling you
a story about Prince?
384
00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:11,731
I dare you to challenge Prince
to a game of ball one on one.
385
00:18:11,732 --> 00:18:13,859
Challenge him!
386
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:15,595
A'ight?!
387
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:19,105
And make sure your people
is there to see the game.
388
00:18:19,106 --> 00:18:22,969
'Cause you might get
embarrassed, trust me.
389
00:18:23,010 --> 00:18:24,310
(man) All right, he
beat you in basketball
390
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:25,177
and then what happened?
391
00:18:25,178 --> 00:18:27,306
After it was all over,
392
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:31,170
he took us in the house
and served us pancakes.
393
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,717
Pancakes.
394
00:18:37,758 --> 00:18:40,319
Well,
I gotta admit, um,
395
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:41,800
it was a good game.
396
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:44,656
I wish I could say
the same for you
397
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,826
and your crew of flunkies.
398
00:18:46,867 --> 00:18:49,017
Do you guys
want some grapes?
399
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:50,730
I mean, you know,
400
00:18:50,771 --> 00:18:53,331
there's some great storytellers
that we live in today, man.
401
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:55,501
Bitches.
402
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:59,839
Who the fuck
can make up that shit?
403
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:03,309
(cheers & applause)
404
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:10,249
Whoo!
405
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,086
Turn on your TV.
406
00:19:14,127 --> 00:19:15,821
What you
gonna see?
407
00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:18,030
You guys are
a wonderful crowd.
408
00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:19,765
I'd like to thank you all
for being here.
409
00:19:19,766 --> 00:19:21,500
And you at home
for watching.
410
00:19:21,501 --> 00:19:24,497
I will see you another time,
good night.
411
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,666
(cheers & applause)
412
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:29,268
(Chappelle)
I'm rich, biatch!
413
00:19:29,309 --> 00:19:31,003
Hi,
thank you.
414
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,341
Next rock!
415
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,075
Woman, gimmie some
of that Red Balls.
416
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:38,876
Come on Tyrita,
come on!
417
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:41,414
Oh... oh Red Balls...
418
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,619
shazam!
419
00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:48,787
This is
the ride of my life!
420
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:51,390
I'm having another
heart attack.
421
00:19:51,431 --> 00:19:53,993
Thank you Red Balls!
422
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:57,028
Bitch, I can't sit still,
take this!
423
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,672
I be right back, Tyrita,
I gotta run some errands!
424
00:19:59,673 --> 00:20:00,933
(bionic effect)
29675
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof