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Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.
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00:00:03,511 --> 00:00:06,507
Chappelle's Show.
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Oww.
4
00:00:08,283 --> 00:00:10,410
Woo-hoo-hoo.
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Woo-hoo.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Let's start
the show.
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(man)
Ladies and gentlemen,
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Dave Chappelle...!
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Whoa!
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(cheers & applause)
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00:00:29,103 --> 00:00:30,797
H-hey!
13
00:00:30,838 --> 00:00:32,533
Wow...
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00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:35,569
Man.
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Hey, little buddy.
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All right,
thank you so much.
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00:00:40,815 --> 00:00:42,983
Have seen you this,
uh, commercial
18
00:00:42,984 --> 00:00:46,887
where a guy, Calvin, gets a job
at a fast food restaurant?
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Remember
that commercial, though,
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00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,791
that guy, Calvin, would get a
job at a fast food restaurant
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00:00:50,792 --> 00:00:52,092
and they'd act like
that's the best thing
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that can happen to a guy
in the ghetto?
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Like, the whole
neighborhood's excited
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00:00:55,129 --> 00:00:57,297
like, this is gonna
end poverty.
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Calvin, you getting this job
is the signpost to a new era
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00:01:01,636 --> 00:01:03,764
in the black community.
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Thank you,
fast food restaurant!
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That's not what it's like
to work at a fast food.
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People aren't proud of you.
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Let's see what
would happen to Calvin
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if he really had a job
in fast food.
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Look at that!
33
00:01:21,155 --> 00:01:22,456
Calvin's
got a job.
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Hey, Calvin!
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Way to go, youngblood,
way to go!
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(man) WacArnold's is proud to
give young African-Americans
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an opportunity
to serve their communities,
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making them feel responsible
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for the welfare
of their own environment.
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Afternoon, ladies.
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Eww, nigga,
you smell like french fries.
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WacArnold's.
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Well, see, hold up.
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Now, that's just
a week into it.
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Let's see what happens
to Calvin, like,
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three weeks into it.
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Well, here you go,
Calvin.
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My first check...
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thank you, sir.
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(man) WacArnold's is proud to
give young African-Americans
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an opportunity
to serve their communities,
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making them feel responsible
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for the welfare
of their own environment.
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Look at that,
Calvin's got a job.
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Hey, Calvin!
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Hey, Mrs. Harper,
got my first paycheck.
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That's good, Calvin,
very good.
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Way to go, youngblood.
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Getting paid,
getting paid.
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Hey, yo,
I heard Calvin got a job.
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Man, I'm proud of him.
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Let's rob
that nigga, man.
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Yeah, son.
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WacArnold's.
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Pretty rough.
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Why don't we check in with
Calvin two months later.
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(man) WacArnold's is proud to
give young African-Americans
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an opportunity
to serve their communities.
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Making them feel responsible
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for the welfare
of their own environment.
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Hey, where's
Mrs. Harvey?
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Oh, she died, Calvin,
of high cholesterol.
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Too much WacArnold's.
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Damn, Calvin,
you look beat the hell up.
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What's up, fry guy?
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Punk bitch.
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Corny-ass nigga.
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Yo, Calvin, it's a thin line
between fries and shakes.
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One-two, one-two...
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the leanest burger
in the world
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could be the meanest
burger in the world
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if you cook it that way.
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I need to stop smoking
this shit here, bro.
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Hey.
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Brought y'all home
some dinner from work.
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Calvin, you can't keep
feeding me and your baby
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hamburgers and french fries
every goddamn night!
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What the hell do you
expect me to do?
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Nigger,
get a real job!
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Bitch!
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WacArnold's is giving me
an opportunity
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to serve my community
93
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and feel responsible for the
welfare of my own environment!
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00:04:03,818 --> 00:04:05,552
Don't give me that
triflin'-ass bullshit!
95
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I'm under
a lot of pressure!
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Aye!
97
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And who's gloves
are these?
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Huh?
99
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Who you fucking, O.J.?
100
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What is this?
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Well, Calvin,
you always workin'!
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Ohhh, you fucking the fairy!
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I seen that African leaving here
when I was coming in.
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Well, shit, if you was here
a little bit more...
105
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WacArnold's is tearing
this family apart!
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Old Mrs. Harvey died.
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(baby crying)
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The baby...
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the baby's crying.
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See?
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And guess what?
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The rib sandwich
is coming back on Tuesday!
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Guess who ain't
getting one!
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I don't eat pork,
anyway.
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You damn right
you don't eat pork,
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'cause I ain't
giving you none.
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I ain't giving you
no hamburgers,
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no apple pies,
I ain't giving you shit!
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Calvin got that
all locked down.
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If you want some WacArnold's
you gots to go through me.
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You cut off!
122
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I'm Calvin
around here!
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You know about me?
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Everybody know
I got a job!
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00:05:01,075 --> 00:05:03,243
All right, guys, we're gonna
take a quick commercial break.
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Don't go anywhere,
we'll be right back
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00:05:04,979 --> 00:05:07,974
with more Chappelle show.
128
00:05:08,015 --> 00:05:09,709
(cheers & applause)
129
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(man)
Chappelle's Show.
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Oww!
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Welcome back...
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(cheers & applause)
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Welcome back,
everybody.
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Ah... thanks, guys.
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Last season, I had Paul Mooney
on the show do a segment
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called, "Ask a Black Dude."
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And I asked him,
I said,
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"Paul, we gotta do that again
this year."
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00:05:35,643 --> 00:05:37,770
He said,
"oh, I can't do it, homey.
140
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,373
But I'll do ya one better."
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00:05:40,414 --> 00:05:43,724
And he put me on
to the hottest psychic ever,
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in the history of the world.
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So, please, America,
make some noise
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00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:53,386
for Paul Mooney...
as "Negrodamus."
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00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:04,271
(woman) For centuries,
people have turned to one man
146
00:06:04,272 --> 00:06:06,640
for the answer to life's
great mysteries.
147
00:06:06,641 --> 00:06:09,436
That man,
is Negrodamus.
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00:06:09,477 --> 00:06:12,472
You, sir.
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Negrodamus,
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what mistakes did
Michael Jackson make
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before he got arrested?
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00:06:19,453 --> 00:06:22,015
Michael Jackson...
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00:06:22,056 --> 00:06:23,790
should have not been
a singer.
154
00:06:23,791 --> 00:06:26,352
Michael Jackson
should have been a priest.
155
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:29,389
Then he would have
just been transferred.
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00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,124
You, ma'am.
157
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Negrodamus, why is
President Bush so sure
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Iraq has weapons of
mass destruction?
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Because
he has the receipt.
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00:06:41,142 --> 00:06:42,836
Next question.
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Rosie O'Donnell
shall have a sex change.
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She will become a man
163
00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:05,392
and marry
Liza Minelli's husband
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00:07:05,433 --> 00:07:07,560
and beat him.
165
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:09,729
Grazie,
Grazie Mille.
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Grazie.
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Next.
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Hi, Negrodamus.
169
00:07:16,711 --> 00:07:19,705
What will happen to Star Jones
on "The View?"
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Star jones...
I'm getting something...
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Star Jones will have
two jobs.
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First she'll do "The View,"
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then she'll take her wig off
and do the weather.
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Thank you,
Negrodamus.
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For centuries,
people have turned to one man
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for the answer to
life's great mysteries.
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00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:42,495
That man,
is Negrodamus.
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That's right.
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00:07:44,472 --> 00:07:47,033
(cheers & applause)
180
00:07:47,074 --> 00:07:50,937
Y'all remember that
comedian, Gallagher?
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00:07:50,978 --> 00:07:52,388
(affirmative murmurs)
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Pretty corny,
right?
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He is,
he was a corny dude.
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00:07:57,051 --> 00:07:59,178
But the thing that people
don't know about Gallagher-
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00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,086
I don't know if
you know this or not...
186
00:08:00,087 --> 00:08:02,689
it might be just something
comedians know...
187
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:05,291
he had a twin brother,
did you know that?
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00:08:05,292 --> 00:08:07,894
He sold his act
to his twin brother.
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00:08:07,895 --> 00:08:11,758
His twin brother goes on
the road as "Gallagher Two."
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Not making that up.
191
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Here's even
a lesser-known fact.
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His twin brother sold the act
193
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to a black guy named
Earl Wallingford.
194
00:08:23,511 --> 00:08:26,546
And the black dude went out
as "Black Gallagher."
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I have
a tape of his special.
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00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,844
It's ridiculous.
197
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:35,615
Where are the weapons
of mass destruction?!
198
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That's what
I'm talking about.
199
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,953
Osama Bin Laden?
200
00:08:39,994 --> 00:08:44,290
Why don't they call them
"Osama Been Hidin'?"
201
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:50,368
Hope you like my outfit.
202
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:55,568
The queer guys came by
and had an eye for me.
203
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:02,535
Pink hearts, yellow moons,
green clovers, orange stars...
204
00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:06,413
that leprechaun's on acid!
205
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:12,485
He's crazy.
206
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:16,389
He's crazy like me.
207
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:21,594
Are you ready
to smash some fruit?!
208
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:23,369
Can't hear ya!
209
00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:25,065
Pee on us!
210
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,366
Yeah?
211
00:09:26,407 --> 00:09:29,836
You wanna smash
some fruit, yeah?!
212
00:09:29,877 --> 00:09:32,479
Smash the fruit,
you black son of a bitch!
213
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,949
Well, Black Gallagher doesn't
go out like no punk bitch
214
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:38,078
with a mallet!
215
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,283
Black Gallagher,
bitch!
216
00:09:43,324 --> 00:09:45,018
That's right!
217
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,922
Aaahh!
218
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:51,091
I got warrants!
219
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,597
(cheers & applause)
220
00:09:57,638 --> 00:10:00,200
(laughing)
We're gonna...
221
00:10:00,241 --> 00:10:02,842
we're gonna take
a quick commercial break.
222
00:10:02,843 --> 00:10:05,011
But don't go anywhere,
everybody.
223
00:10:05,012 --> 00:10:08,875
We got more show
coming up right after this.
224
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,420
(man)
Chappelle's Show.
225
00:10:14,421 --> 00:10:16,116
Oww!
226
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:19,586
Hey, gang.
227
00:10:19,627 --> 00:10:24,357
Welcome back to
Chappelle's Show.
228
00:10:24,398 --> 00:10:25,225
Up top...
229
00:10:25,266 --> 00:10:27,827
by the sound,
good to see you.
230
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,599
Man,
it's crazy, man.
231
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:36,532
All right, last season,
we started the series off
232
00:10:36,544 --> 00:10:39,994
with this sketch about
a black white supremacist.
233
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,575
Very controversial.
234
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,612
Yes, very...
235
00:10:45,653 --> 00:10:47,820
and sparked
this whole controversy
236
00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:52,118
about the appropriateness
of the "N" word.
237
00:10:52,159 --> 00:10:53,459
The dreaded "N" word.
238
00:10:53,460 --> 00:10:55,195
You know,
and then when I would travel
239
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:56,496
you know, people would
come up to me
240
00:10:56,497 --> 00:10:58,231
like, white people
would come up to me, like,
241
00:10:58,232 --> 00:10:59,966
"man, that sketch you did about
them niggers, that was hila...
242
00:10:59,967 --> 00:11:02,962
(laughing)
243
00:11:03,003 --> 00:11:05,565
Take it easy.
244
00:11:05,606 --> 00:11:07,774
You know,
I was joking around.
245
00:11:07,775 --> 00:11:09,943
You start to realize
these sketches
246
00:11:09,944 --> 00:11:13,806
in the wrong hands
are dangerous.
247
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:16,843
You know,
and that "N" word is a doosey.
248
00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:18,184
Especially for us black folks.
249
00:11:18,185 --> 00:11:19,919
You know, a lot of
different feelings come up
250
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,613
when they hear that word.
251
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,389
But I'm thinking, is it
because that black people
252
00:11:23,390 --> 00:11:25,558
actually identify themselves
as "N" words?
253
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:28,555
No...
I don't know... maybe.
254
00:11:28,596 --> 00:11:31,156
But what if we just used
the word for other people?
255
00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:34,627
Would it be so bad?
I don't know.
256
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,965
So, I made a sketch...
257
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:42,909
it's about a white family who's
last name happens to be Niggar.
258
00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:45,038
That's all.
259
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:48,942
Let's see how offensive
the word sounds now.
260
00:11:48,983 --> 00:11:51,544
N-i-g-g-a-r,
261
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,713
it's
the Niggar family.
262
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,749
Well, we all know
who they are.
263
00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:59,786
They're Tim and Emily.
264
00:11:59,827 --> 00:12:02,388
Teaching Tim
how to ride a bike,
265
00:12:02,429 --> 00:12:05,425
these are the Niggars
that we like.
266
00:12:05,466 --> 00:12:08,027
N-i-g-g-a-r,
267
00:12:08,068 --> 00:12:10,630
it's the Niggar family.
268
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,666
It's the Niggar family.
269
00:12:13,707 --> 00:12:15,835
Yeah...
270
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,249
breakfast is served.
271
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:24,077
Look, hon,
272
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:25,852
my sister
just had another baby.
273
00:12:25,853 --> 00:12:27,587
Look at this little
bundle of joy.
274
00:12:27,588 --> 00:12:29,716
She's got those
Niggar lips.
275
00:12:29,757 --> 00:12:31,451
I know, so thin!
276
00:12:31,492 --> 00:12:32,792
Is Tim
still asleep?
277
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,487
I think so.
278
00:12:34,528 --> 00:12:37,090
He sure is
one lazy Niggar.
279
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,825
Good morning, mom.
280
00:12:38,866 --> 00:12:40,994
Morning, dad.
281
00:12:41,035 --> 00:12:42,295
Good morning.
282
00:12:42,336 --> 00:12:43,636
You know, Tim, we're having
a dinner party tonight.
283
00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:44,937
I trust you'll be here.
284
00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:46,199
Oh, I can't.
285
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:50,103
I have my first big date
with Jenny Halsted.
286
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:52,704
Jenny has a date tonight,
287
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,047
with the Niggar boy
from school.
288
00:12:54,048 --> 00:12:54,874
What?!
289
00:12:54,915 --> 00:12:55,835
Oh, God, no!
290
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:57,517
No, daddy,
that's his name.
291
00:12:57,518 --> 00:12:58,448
Timmy Niggar.
292
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,513
Oh, of course...
293
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,288
I like
that Niggar.
294
00:13:02,289 --> 00:13:05,325
He's a very good athlete
and so well-spoken.
295
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,453
That family's
going places.
296
00:13:07,494 --> 00:13:10,096
I mean, we're rich,
they're Niggar rich.
297
00:13:10,097 --> 00:13:11,791
Oh, Vic.
298
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:13,092
Morning,
Niggars!
299
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,735
Why, it's Clifton,
our colored milk man.
300
00:13:15,736 --> 00:13:18,771
And this my favorite family
to deliver milk to...
301
00:13:18,772 --> 00:13:20,900
the Niggars!
302
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:23,069
Mmm-mm!
303
00:13:23,110 --> 00:13:24,844
Something
sure smells good!
304
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,973
You Niggars
cooking?
305
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,274
We sure are.
306
00:13:28,315 --> 00:13:30,442
Here's some leftover bacon,
if you'd like some.
307
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:31,744
Ooh, none for me.
308
00:13:31,785 --> 00:13:35,647
I know better than to get
between a Niggar and their pork.
309
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,423
Might get
my fingers bit.
310
00:13:37,424 --> 00:13:38,685
(chuckles)
311
00:13:38,726 --> 00:13:40,853
Here ya go.
312
00:13:40,894 --> 00:13:43,444
I-I hate to
bother you about this,
313
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:46,532
but, uh, well, you didn't
pay your bill last week.
314
00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,660
And I know how forgetful
you Niggars are
315
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,395
when it comes
to paying bills.
316
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,999
Golly, Clifton,
it slipped my mind.
317
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,208
Here you go,
sorry about that.
318
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:58,204
Oh, Niggar please,
Niggar please!
319
00:13:58,245 --> 00:14:00,807
Well, take care
Mr. "N" word.
320
00:14:00,848 --> 00:14:02,541
I have a hot date
with the wife tonight.
321
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:03,449
All right,
take care.
322
00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:06,446
All right,
peace Niggar!
323
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,253
Niggars?!
324
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:19,932
(man) Stevenson, party of four?
325
00:14:19,933 --> 00:14:22,495
Ah, Stevenson,
party of four.
326
00:14:22,536 --> 00:14:24,230
Table five, please.
327
00:14:24,271 --> 00:14:26,399
Bon apetit.
328
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:27,740
Niggar,
party of two.
329
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,435
Niggar, party of two.
330
00:14:29,476 --> 00:14:30,343
Lookie here, Jack.
331
00:14:30,344 --> 00:14:32,037
Just because
we're colored
332
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,247
doesn't mean we came out here
to be disrespected, okay?
333
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,982
Ah, we're
the Niggar family.
334
00:14:35,983 --> 00:14:37,677
Oh, hi, Clifton.
335
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:42,448
Oh... well...
hello, little Niggar.
336
00:14:42,489 --> 00:14:45,918
These are the Niggars
I was telling you about.
337
00:14:45,959 --> 00:14:47,219
Are you the nigga
that broke the bottle
338
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,561
over Ronnie's head
at the dice game?
339
00:14:48,562 --> 00:14:50,256
No, not that nigga.
340
00:14:50,297 --> 00:14:52,465
The Niggar from work,
the milk round.
341
00:14:52,466 --> 00:14:54,594
Ohhh, okay.
342
00:14:54,635 --> 00:14:57,630
Have a nice meal.
343
00:14:57,671 --> 00:14:59,405
I bet you'll
get the finest table
344
00:14:59,406 --> 00:15:01,967
a Niggar's ever got
in this restaurant.
345
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:04,137
(laughing)
346
00:15:04,178 --> 00:15:06,739
Whoo-wee!
347
00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:09,776
Oh, lord.
348
00:15:09,817 --> 00:15:13,679
This racism is
killing me inside!
349
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:18,451
Honey, put your
dinner party face on.
350
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:20,620
Hello.
351
00:15:21,053 --> 00:15:23,262
Well, you must be
the Wetbacks!
352
00:15:23,263 --> 00:15:24,957
It's Sanchez.
353
00:15:24,998 --> 00:15:29,295
And don't call us
wetbacks, Niggar.
354
00:15:29,336 --> 00:15:31,464
We find it offensive.
355
00:15:31,505 --> 00:15:35,368
I'm just kidding,
we are the Wetbacks!
356
00:15:35,409 --> 00:15:36,669
(laughing)
357
00:15:36,710 --> 00:15:40,573
(all laughing)
358
00:15:40,614 --> 00:15:42,742
Wait 'til
we tell the Jews!
359
00:15:42,783 --> 00:15:46,646
Oh, you're
one crazy Niggar.
360
00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:48,815
N-i-g-g-a-r,
361
00:15:48,856 --> 00:15:51,851
it's
the Niggar family.
362
00:15:51,892 --> 00:15:54,020
It's the Niggar family.
363
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,755
Niggars!
364
00:15:55,796 --> 00:15:58,791
Yeah...
365
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:00,525
I'm Dave Chappelle,
366
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,260
you guys are the best audience
in the world.
367
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:03,603
I'd like to thank you all,
368
00:16:03,604 --> 00:16:05,297
I'd like to thank
everybody at home,
369
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,467
and we'll see you next week!
370
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,013
(Chappelle)
I'm rich, biatch!
371
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:14,881
(horn honks)
372
00:16:14,882 --> 00:16:17,443
Hi,
thank you.
373
00:16:17,484 --> 00:16:21,347
You know why
a dog licks his balls?
374
00:16:21,388 --> 00:16:24,817
'Cause they're salty!
375
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:26,552
Black Gallagher!
376
00:16:26,593 --> 00:16:28,287
Rich people stink!
377
00:16:28,328 --> 00:16:31,757
They smell like
someone's been
378
00:16:31,798 --> 00:16:36,095
cooking bologna
in their shirt!
379
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:41,300
The sun is very far away
from the Earth, people.
380
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,469
But I'm hot!
25857
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