All language subtitles for vivid_batman_v_superman_xxx_an_axel_braunparody_2015_641mb

You're kidding, right?

That's an excellent question, Barbara.

It's true, we've come to depend on
Superman to handle most threats that our

police and military just aren't equipped
to handle.

That's why I've dispatched a team to
work on our own metahuman solution.

Not an alien from another world, but a
very own homegrown hero who has no other

agenda except for keeping us safe.

That was President Luther introducing
the creature which became known as

to the world at large.

Luther is now facing impeachment charges
stemming from his handling of the

creature's rampage and allegations that
President Luther manufactured evidence

of criminal misdeeds by Superman.

Multiple sources close to the White
House claim the president will be

exonerated. Meanwhile, the man of steel
is still technically a fugitive with a

bounty of $1 billion on his head.

Well, I'll say this for Luther.

You're consistent.

Why have you not killed this man?

Not my way, Maxima.

You know this.

Once I would have called you a coward.

But in these past weeks as you've helped
me drive off the Imperia towards its

threatened Almarac, I have found you to
be a true warrior.

Thanks.

I think.

Stay here with me and rule.

The primitives on your adopted planet do
not appreciate you as we do.

Or as I would.

Earth is my home.

And yet they do not see you as I do. A
warlord worthy of the mantle.

Just think, Superman.

Through our progeny, the lost race of
Krypton will be giving you life.

We've discussed this, Maximus.

I'm not warlord material.

Then father an empire.

I can give you what no Earth woman
could.

I could bury your children. Children
that would rule galaxies.

You know, the prospect of continuing on
the Kryptonian line is intriguing.

Oh, yes?

Huh.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You have to rub that cock on my lips.

Come on.

Mwah.

Like I said, your proposal was
intriguing, but I have no desire to

despots. Get out!

uh uh

you know

Bravo, Bats.

You know what Mr.

J calls watching you beat down flunkies?

The Gotham Ballet.

Though, sometimes he calls it the Dark
Knight Disco.

Harley Quinn.

Don't they have locks in Arkham?

Special occasion.

Important people to kill.

Came here to find Toy Man.

Then I found out where I'll kill the
clown.

Well, we didn't want to insult you by
not trying to kill you.

But I'm really just delivering a
message.

I'm not interested.

Did I mention the part where we're going
to kill Superman?

I forget.

Since when does the Joker care about
Superman?

He don't, but you do.

And he says, a friend of my enemy is my
enemy, or something like that.

So what's the message?

You wanna know? You gotta play.

What do you want?

Come on, Bap.

Don't be such a prude.

This isn't going to happen.

Sure it is.

You'll do anything to save your friend.

And this is just between you and me.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

You like that?

I don't know.

Boom.

oh yeah oh yeah oh

yeah

We're going to be happy about that.

What are your plans for Superman?

I told you, we're going to kill him.

What else?

Well, a Mr.

President, who shall remain nameless,
told Mr.

J that the way to Superman's hide is
through a suit.

Where is she?

Now, what fun would it be for me just to
tell you?

What did you drug me with? You like it?
I got it from Poison Ivy.

Toodles, Fats.

Don't you fret.

It is with my deepest regrets that I
humbly resign

my presidency of the United States.

You doing something humbly.

Maybe I just

wanted one of them presidential pins.

Not for long, you see.

Little Lois Lane didn't quite make it
back to her apartment safely last night,

and there's no sign of Clifford the Big
Red Dog to catch my drift.

Checkmate indicates that Superman is
offered.

We'll be expecting back anytime soon.
You know, focus is what really matters.

I have no idea.

But for once, the Kryptonian is not the
source of my difficulties.

Not the source of your difficulties.

Let's just think about that for a sec,
shall we?

You went from being a super -villain CEO
to President of the United States.

How could you possibly think that would
uncomplicate your life?

We're done here.

You're absolutely right. We're done
here.

You see, before I kill Lois Lane, before
midnight, if Superman needs to come up.

Man of my word.

Really?

What is your problem?

Well, wasn't it you who said Big Blue
can hear everything?

I just...

That's a good one.

Idiot.

You are much too smart to underestimate
him, Mr. President.

Maybe.

But I can no longer sanction his
buffoonery.

If he manages to kill Lois, it will
bring Cal to his knees.

Have you found out about us?

Love sees not with the eyes, but with
the mind, and therefore it seems to fit

in the spot.

Impressive.

They teach Shakespeare on Krypton.

Oh yes!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Yes.

Oh,

my God.

Yes.

Oh,

my God.

I don't think it's that bad.

Oh, God.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus.

Swallow that fucking hug, baby.

Yeah.

oh

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

My teeth are fucking down.

My teeth are fucking down.

Like that, oh my god.

Bad Supergirl.

Don't I have any gummy bears?

I know, what a world.

Gummy bears?

Gummy bears?

Don't you have any respect?

Honesty.

Tact. Poof, that's how we handle this.

I'm sorry, where am I? I'm sorry.

Honey, I'm home.

Isn't Metropolis a little outside your
jurisdiction?

Well, you see, we're expanding our
little operation.

Business as usual in Gotham was.

Well, it was good and kind of dull.

Once Superman finds me, things are going
to get real interesting.

Well, I wish he'd hurry up.

How much easier.

Did I have to make it?

I give now her to her own apartment.

He'll be here.

What's that?

He'll be here.

Tick tock?

You should join us.

It's an open bar.

I got this hidden.

Those things look pretty funny.

I'd love to get back with a nice bottle
of hand lotion and watch this whole

thing.

I'd rather know what you're doing here.

Well, I bet she's here for her bad
boyfriend.

Like always.

Let me gut her.

Actually, I'm here because I want some
of the bounty.

Bounty?

Oh! Oh, the bounty! I almost forgot!

Forgot? What the hell are you doing this
for, then?

Well, maybe I thought it'd be a nice way
to spend a weekend.

You asked too many questions.

I've been here for hours.

What

does

that mean?

It means equal work for equal pay.

You want in on the bounty?

You're gonna have to stay.

We'll keep us entertained until
Superman.

Yeah, he's coming.

I'm... whatever.

I don't know.

Nothing at all.

And us, too.

And he likes to watch.

Yes sir.

Yeah? Right here?

This kitty?

She does like to lick.

Can

I

help with my mouth?

Yes!

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Amen.

Thank you.

Yes, I want to see that.

I couldn't.

Oh, fuck.

Right there.

Oh.

Oh...

Oh, you're going to make that tickle.

Oh, yes.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm.

Fuck!

Now that you're all filthy, beat it.

No, seriously, beat it.

Out! Out!

I hope you enjoyed the show.

Oh, I know, I know. You're shocked.

The Boy Scout blew it.

But you see, that's why I do these
little things that I do.

Makes it all worthwhile, you know.

Superman.

Batman.

They all screw up, eventually.

Everybody's human.

Real gun.

Batman, please don't be dead.

Not yet.

You seriously need to chill.

You know, I thought you'd be bigger.

You kind of look like Daredevil.

Who are you?

Um, I'm Carrie.

I'm like your biggest fan.

I saw your bat car outside, and I
thought there might be trouble.

What's wrong?

Can I help?

The next time you see trouble, Carrie,
just run away from it.

Well, you're welcome, jerk.

I didn't know he was going to kill her,
Bruce.

I could have stopped him.

I should have stopped him.

We have to find the Joker before Clark
returns.

But if it were you, wouldn't you want to
find him yourself?

Yes. Yes, I would.

And I'd want someone there to stop me
from destroying everything I've worked

build.

Clark has never dealt with something
like this before, Selina.

I have to try and stop him for his own
good.

It's easier said than done.

This isn't like catching Man -Bat or
Killer Croc.

Everyone has their witnesses.

Even Superman.

Even you?

I somehow always knew this was going to
come down to you and Big Blue.

The Earth just isn't big enough for the
both of you.

It's not what this is about.

You really think this is going to break
him, don't you?

Yeah.

I think I know what it feels like to
lose the most important person in your

world.

I don't miss him at all.

I never thought I could feel like this.

Me neither.

All these years, I thought I was in love
with him.

I guess I never knew what true love was
all about.

Second Corp is not an easy place to
break into.

Moonlighting, Mr. President.

Do you know how valuable that piece of
kryptonite is?

Some.

I could stop you.

Imagine the headlines. President Luthor
captured wanted vigilante and thief, the

Batman.

A thing like that might even ward off
impeachment.

I doubt it.

You think very highly of yourself, don't
you?

Compared to you, I've been head -to
-head with the Man of Steel.

Everyone seems much more impressed with
that than I am.

You should try it.

I might.

I've been told that you have a
contingency plan for almost any threat.

I'm curious to know what you have in
mind for me.

How's impeachment for contingency?

I'll let you keep the rock.

It might prove to be more deadly to
Superman in your hands than in mine.

Show yourself out.

I shall not debase myself with another
offer for you to stay.

The invasion's been thwarted. You no
longer need my help.

Well, it doesn't mean that I still don't
crave your companionship.

I can't, Macrame.

Nothing has changed.

Please, send me home.

Goodbye, superman of Earth.

The Daily Planet's Lois Lane was found
dead in her Metropolis apartment early

Friday morning.

Although the investigation has barely
been started, anonymous sources have

already stated that all signs lead to
the Joker's involvement.

Today, in Metropolis, over 3 ,000 people
gathered to say goodbye to the beloved

Daily Sun journalist, Lois Lane, who was
brutally murdered by the Joker last

Friday. While the Man of Steel's
whereabouts are still unknown, Batman

apparently been too busy fighting crime
in Gotham City to prevent his greatest

enemy from committing this heinous
murder.

for revenge.

Why are you protecting him?

I'm protecting you.

I will tear apart this city looking for
him, Bruce.

Help me.

It doesn't have to be like this.

You're feeling it, aren't you?

What everyone has to live through.

Your own mortality.

I want you to remember this moment,
Clark.

Through all the years to come.

I want you to remember the one man who
beat you.

Look at you. It's over.

Just let me kill him.

Somebody has to pay.

Somebody has to be held responsible.

Lois.

The guilt lies with us all, Clark.

You should have been here instead of the
other side of the galaxy.

And I should have stopped you in time.

You want to blame me?

Do your work.

But you took the biggest pain in my
city.

You need to go through me.

Enough!

You two are acting like children.

Defend now.

Look, we've all lost loved ones in this
war we fight.

And we all have to bear the burdens of
that responsibility.

But those that are gone would not wish
for us to give up this battle.

You're certain of this?

Yes.

Now we will find this maniac, and we
will bring him to justice.

You two are the finest men that I know.

And I've loved both of you.

And I find you to have souls of honor
and hearts of warriors.

Uh -huh.

Oh yeah.

Uh -huh.

Oh, dang it.

Okay.

Hmm.

Oh.

Amen.