Original subtitles

Thank you.

Taste this!

A wagon of watermelons for a kiss!

Sophia Lauren!

And now, Snow White chooses her Prince!

Misha!

Drink up, guys! They're on me!

Tania! Tania Simakova is back!

Tania, here l come!

Where have you been? How long are you staying?

-Forever! -What, are you nuts?

ln this rathole? Tania!

-Where's the gang? -Right! This calls for a drink!

Hi, Misha.

lt 's me, Tania.

Our Beauty Queen. Give us a kiss.

Go get, Misha! Girls are for the chasing.

A kiss and what else? Coffee in bed?

Keep the coffee. l'll settle for bed.

lt 's our dance!

Make way for your Scout Leader!

She'll be coming round the mountain...

-You're very quiet. -What should l say?

-That you're happy to see me. -l am.

Careful! He'll faint again!

And you're asking me to dance.

-Okay, l'm asking. -l accept.

-Don't you want to kiss me? -Drop it.

Do you still love me?

-None of your business. -Maybe it is.

Maybe l love you and l've come back to marry you.

Are you drunk?

You know the laws of probability?

Sveta, give me a coin.

-What 's it for? -Heads l marry Misha.

-Tails l go back to Moscow. -She's out of her mind!

Okay, Misha? Heads you marry me?

You'll ditch him again when you're sober!

Agreed, Krapivin?

Where is it, can you see?

Get off me, stupid!

Let me see.

Heads!

So, Mikhail Krapivin, will you marry me?

Yes.

''THE WEDDlNG''

Krotov!

l'm getting married!

Stop yelling. Our wages have arrived.

Down tools, guys! Our wages are here!

-How much are we getting? -Ask my dick!

Listen, guys.

Don't forget! The Palace of Culture, 7:00 sharp!

Don't worry, we'll be there.

Don't get drunk before!

Antonina, you've really hit the jackpot.

A daughter-in-law from nowhere. No family, no class...

-A chain-smoking hooker... -Don't, Grandpa.

-lt 's bad enough already. -Your sins are being punished.

She's so busy! Can't even find time to pay her respects to us!

''Sorry, Grandpa. l'm off to Moscow to have my dress made.''

Our Misha's a goner. She'll have him for breakfast!

-Your sins are too great. -What sins?

l slaved all my life down the coal mine!

What we ate wasn't Snickers!

-You had lost God. -God doesn't exist!

You pray your brains out, for what?

Does God give you a man? Not one! Not even a shrimp!

You'll die an old maid, angel.

The jellied beef will never set.

Poor little Misha! She's been around. How will he cope with her?

Around? l'll say! Give her an inch, she'll take a mile.

You've watched TV. Ads, sex and smut.

Now it 's here, in real life. She'll eat him, bones and all!

Hey, you Krapivins!

Shake a leg! The wages are here!

Come and get them!

First course: smoked tongue at 57 roubles a plate.

For how many? Say 100.

That makes... 5,700 roubles.

Tongue won't last ten seconds!

Give us herring salad. Let 's stay Russian.

Herring salad? For a wedding?

That 's no way to impress people!

You need delicacies! Understand?

-l can't afford more than 30. -50!

People will bring presents. 50!

Now, what 's the main course?

-Natasha? Main course? -Beef Stroganoff.

-With buckwheat porridge. -You said meatballs.

Meatballs?

You eat this garbage every day!

Stop stuffing your face!

You get a government pension. A special one for Model Workers!

Like hell! l haven't seen a kopeck for six months.

Don't worry.

Look at this.

l was saving it for myself. You can have it cheap.

Take a sniff!

-Fresh as a daisy! -You want to ruin me or what?

The money's come! They're paying at the mine!

Keep the tongue! Maybe l can afford it!

OUR HEROlC WORKERS

DlCKHEAD

Get back! Get back!

-Hands off! -Stand back! Don't push!

Go home! You embarrass me. l'll get the money.

-No way! l'm getting it. -You'll get something else!

Go on, hit me!

Have a little fun!

Here, in front of everyone!

Give us our wages!

There's enough for everyone!

Don't push!

Where you think you're going?

Wages come first, then pensions. Don't push!

This is Krapivin, our Model Worker.

He's a local hero.

lsn't your son marrying Tania Simakova today?

He's the one! A good, hard-working boy...

who's picked himself a peach!

Krapivin, invite the Chief here to the wedding.

-He might accept. -By all means.

We'd be honored.

-You'd be welcome! -Get going.

-The world's gone crazy. -Seen Misha anywhere?

-No. -Don't you worry!

Coalface workers get paid first.

Your Misha's a lucky boy.

Seven months without pay and the day he's married, bingo!

lt arrives! Right, Garkusha?

-He's a lucky boy, your son! -Lucky fool, you mean.

You're mine, all mine!

lt 's here, boys! The dough is here!

Make way!

Go on! Run them over!

Get off!

Don't give Garkusha a rouble! Cashier lady!

-Don't give my husband anything! -Move your crazy ass!

-Hi, old-timer. -Hi, boys.

Give me the money.

lt 's not all here.

l'm waiting.

Give me all of it. Every kopeck.

Leave me some for a present!

He wants to buy a present? Terrific!

Here, read this.

100 portions of smoked tongue, 50 plates of cold cuts...

Me, l wanted meatballs!

What do l get? Beef Stroganoff at 17 roubles a plate!

The money's not for me. lt 'll all be eaten tonight!

Digested, every last kopeck!

l have to buy a present! You were young once too, Dad.

Your mother's savings account is empty, cleaned out!

Mine has only 50 roubles left.

That 's how broke we are!

Leave me some for flowers, at least.

Flowers? What flowers, son?

Don't make me laugh! Our guests aren't cows to eat flowers!

Who pays the priest?

Who coughs up for the waiters?

Nobody helps for free anymore. Those days are gone.

Where are you going?

To take a leak. Don't worry. That 's still free!

Your dad collectivized your pay?

-He sure did. -Chip in, guys!

Forget it...

The bride loves her groom, but the wife loves money!

Thanks, guys.

-See you at 7 o'clock! -We'll be there.

Garkusha!

Come here.

Did you get paid?

Shit, no. l got nothing, Zoya grabbed it all. And you?

Same story. Daddy swiped it.

Take this. Hide it, or he'll grab it off me.

No problem. Garkusha gets the picture.

Watch out! lt 's for my bridal gift. lt 's sacred.

A wild beast would understand that. You think l'm worse?

l remember that! The school New Year's party.

She played Snow White.

l'll tell you about Snow White!

At 17, she went to Moscow to be a model.

-''Model'', spelt S-L-U-T. -Hush, Daddy!

-Get off my back, Antonina. -Taste this, Efim.

Try one. l baked this myself.

-Why aren't you playing? -Thank you.

Give us a march!

Leopardskin! What next?

-Pass it through the window. -Take care, son!

Your mother and l never had a bed like that.

Buzz off, Grandpa, or l'll go berserk!

Look out! Don't tear the fabric!

lt 's fragile! Be careful! 3,000, it cost!

-How much? -Grandpa, l'll strangle you!

Knock, Knock. Can you call Garkusha?

-He's out. -Where is he?

Some stupid prick or other...

gave him money. He won't be home till he's drunk it all.

-How come? -What do you think?

He was seen at the store, inviting all the bums to drink with him!

-Maybe it 's his dough? -His dough is here...

in my own private safe! l confiscated every last kopeck.

His dough? No chance!

Bridegroom! l've come to make the bed.

-Can't l stay? -This is no job for a man. Go away.

-l just wanted... -No! Go away.

-lt 's a deal? -No, it 's not enough.

Wait. Wait, damn it! You can eat and drink all you like!

Go home on all fours, if you want!

Dad?

What day of the week did you and Ma get married?

Not now, son.

Give me a minute. Where were we?

Whoever heard of a wedding without music?

Efim, let 's leave.

-50 roubles. -For that price...

get a radio! Dance to the news!

-60. Shake! -l'd rather go to town...

play accordion in the street. l'd make 1,000, easy!

Quiet, Dad. What 's your price?

-75. -100!

-You're on! -Deal? 100 for you, too!

l'll be your toastmaster free of charge.

l taught you as a boy.

l remember the school New Year's party, when you fainted...

when Tania chose you as her prince.

He remembers!

He remembers! Give him a million!

Shut up, Dad! lt 's my wedding, for God's sake!

Come back, son!

Here's your menu.

Son!

lt 's your money! You spend it!

-Misha. -What?

-Buy Tania flowers. -Forget it.

Go on.

Thanks, Valia.

-This is all l have. -l can't.

l'd lose out.

Wait.

-Take this. -What is it? l have a Rolex!

Sorry.

Bridegroom! Come here.

-ls your fianc�e pretty? -Yes, very.

-Got a picture? -Yes.

-Show me. -Just a sec.

How much are those flowers?

Wait just a second, sweetheart.

That 's her.

Wow! Sweet babe!

Rafik, bro!

Look.

-Sophia Loren, right? -Take these...

as Tewfik's gift of respect for Russian babes.

Stop!

-Misha Krapivin? -Yes.

-You're the fianc�? -ls it a crime?

Keep your shirt on!

-l just want to congratulate you. -Thanks.

-Congratulations. -Thanks.

-Sorry, l'm a bit rushed. -Off you go.

Stop. No entry.

-My fianc�e's up there. -She doesn't want to be disturbed.

-l want to give her these. -Forget it.

Come off it, guys!

-Tell him to keep them. -Are you crazy?

l don't want them.

Tania tells you to keep them.

l never take my presents back.

She's grateful to you, obviously, but she wants no more presents from you.

She may change her mind.

You know what she's like. She's nuts!

Tell her she makes me feel old for the first time.

lt really hurts.

Judging by the flowers, he's the lucky bridegroom.

A fine specimen!

What do l do with these?

Keep them yourself.

-Mr. Borodin, may l detain you? -Detain criminals, not me!

Thank you so much for the computers.

We're the best-equipped police force in the area!

We're on the lnternet. We can even contact lnterpol!

Keep it up, you'll get a medal.

Take a good look. You won't see them again.

Some men still give real presents.

-You came to see Tania? -No.

Then who?

You, Sveta.

Happy birthday.

-Where did he find time? -l'll drown him!

l'm sick of seeing that alcoholic face.

-l have it all planned, Misha. -No, Zoya!

The autopsy will say he drowned, drunk.

Garkusha!

Can you hear me?

What have you done?

Misha!

Forgive me! l'm a dirty rat! l drank the lot!

My soul was aching for it!

lt 's Zoya's fault, the slut!

Not letting me drink! Think of it! Me!

Forbidding me my vodka!

Forbidding Garkusha is forbidden! Stupid cow!

Not my face!

Easy, Misha.

We'll find a solution, no problem.

We'll give her a bridal gift like you've never seen!

lt 'll make her forget Moscow and everything else!

Garkusha!

-l want earrings. -Earrings?

She'll have earrings! Zoya! My business suit!

Zoya!

On your mark...

Get set...

These aren't knives, they're works of art.

They sell like hot cakes. 100 roubles each!

Add it up. Let 's go!

Zoya! You'll be there at 7, right?

Where can l go like this? A freak show?

Come. lt 's my wedding. See you there.

A gift. They're American. Hot stuff!

You're better than Bruce Lee, man!

Choose my best melon.

Happy?

Enjoy it!

''Once more unto the breach...'' Here goes.

-We do business with Mohammedans? -Who else?

Listen, chief.

l have a red hot deal.

Get lost. l already lost three! You think l'm Santa Claus?

-Me, l got one too. -No deal?

Okay, no big deal. lt 's a free country.

No sweat, Misha. That 's capitalism. Dog eat dog!

Hi, chief. ls that your son?

What 's it to you?

Give the kid a present.

Buy it for me, Dad!

Give me that. Beat it.

-He's a real man already. -Give him the bottle.

Just a minute! We need cash.

-You have no cash? -Give it back!

Wait!

Cash would have been good, but this isn't bad.

-Go on, get lost! -Allah Akbar!

A la what bar? And the gift?

Hurry up! Your fianc�e's waiting!

Pass it! Here!

Go, go.

-lt 's yours. -Here, here.

Go, go.

Pass, pass.

Play it high.

l'll drive it with my head!

Great.

Listen.

We have to face the facts.

Vodka is not an acceptable bridal gift.

-No way. -That being the case, what do we do?

-Drink it. -You said it, not me!

-Three roubles 20. -How much short are you?

Call it 3. Put the rest on my tab.

-You broke your piggy bank? -No, we begged it.

-No, no! -That one.

Hands off! l don't even know you.

Congratulations, Misha.

Getting married is a big decision. The foundation of society.

Here's wishing you luck. Cheers.

Without a gift, l can't.

-lt 's pitiful. -Misha...

There's a bunch of rough guys near here.

They owe me money.

-l'm going to get it. -Where are you going?

You stay here.

They can't stand strangers.

Hi there, Weasel!

So you're getting married?

-To the Simakova girl? -No, to you!

Stepan saw her in a Hong Kong bar.

-He's full of shit. -Yeah, he never got past Beijing!

-Not when l'm driving. -Go on. it 's my wedding!

Weasel?

-Can you help me out? -They stopped paying us.

l swiped some cement, but l can sell it.

Try Yuri. He's building his own house.

-Roll'em, Weasel! -So long!

There's one thing l don't get.

What 's the point of getting married?

You're married.

Yeah, so what?

-Do you have to spit on me? -Sorry.

At home, l'm the king.

l'm Mr. Sunshine and Mr. Springtime all rolled into one.

What 's so funny? Who are you, anyway?

Who do you think you are?

-What did Tania do in Moscow? -Lay off.

-Moscow isn't cheap. -Shut up!

She didn't work in a factory! Or a dairy!

-Shut the hell up! -Cool it.

Relax.

All l'm saying is, l feel for you.

Down by the mine...

Down by the mine Once upon a time

There was a boy who looked so fine

They took his hand and made him sign

And sent him down the coalmine

He sold his soul to Russian Coal

Now the fine boy's a mine boy forever!

l still have nothing to give her.

l'll be your present.

Take me and give me, just as l am. No wrapping, no ribbon.

Let 's get going.

The girls still love him however!

There were 100! l counted three times.

...91, 92, 93!

-There were 100! -You ate seven meatballs!

Dad...

l know you're a Stakhanovite, a Model Worker.

They always told me, ''Make him proud!''

-Calm down, Misha. -But l'll tell you this:

you know nothing about love. Love isn't measured in meatballs.

Twerp!

lf you can't drink, don't!

He's entitled to! He's getting married!

You've never understood the depths of my soul and you never will!

The Communists abolished the soul!

-Meatball? -No.

Don't torture me with your fish.

ln any case, l'm broke.

lt 's a gift! A gift!

For the wedding! We're not animals!

This must be it...

Tell me boys, what number is this?

Misha...

You're asleep.

Dead to the world.

Excuse me...

Do you like the songs of Julio lglesias?

-Who? -Madam...

Knives going cheap!

-Add a shine to your table. -Don't touch me!

l'm a stranger here. And l haven't any money!

Personally, l prefer Lolita Torres.

Gently. Don't rip my ear off. l'll do it myself

-Can l go now? -Sure.

Where'd you get them?

Thanks.

lt 's cold!

Look at the state of you!

My darling, drunk fianc�...

How will l cope with you?

Like this.

Keep it together.

l'm not going to church.

lt 's the latest craze. All the bigshots go to church.

They'll be jailing non-believers next!

l wouldn't put it past them.

Listen, son. Skip church. Go straight to the town hall.

-Okay, Grandpa. -Coming, coming!

See? We're late.

Come here, dear.

Take these wedding rings. This one is your father's.

No, not that finger. Like this.

And take mine.

lt may not fit her. She has such slender fingers.

lt will, Ma.

Thanks.

Ma?

What 's the matter?

Don't cry.

lt 's my wedding day. Why are you crying?

Me and Grandpa are getting married too!

-ln church! -Behave, you two!

Misha, it 's time.

Praise God! Praise the Lord!

Tania...

These are for you.

A present.

What are you doing?

lt brings good luck.

Hold it.

Tell me, Tania. What if the coin had come up tails?

Would none of this be happening?

lt did come up tails.

What do you mean?

What l'm saying. l tricked you.

l cast my evil spell on you. Like in school.

You're not invited. Nobody sent for you!

Who the hell are you?

Comrade Lujina, come in!

Make way for our cashier.

And Comrade Pletniov, the mine manager!

Welcome, Sir. There's a place reserved for you.

Misha!

l sold the cement. Here's the money.

Keep it, Weasel. l don't need it anymore.

Come on in.

Bridegroom! They won't let me in!

-Let him in, Dad. He's with me. -You see!

Go in, host the party. We'll hold them off.

-Even if it kills us! -Thanks, boys.

Congratulations! From the bottom of my heart!

Look what a treat we have for you!

-Where do l put it? -Later.

''These wedding rings two destinies combine

Let your hearts forever their strengths combine!''

Leave it to me.

Son!

There's a crate of vodka under the bed. Get it!

What, now?

We're short of food! Too many people!

We'll stun them with vodka. Run!

Life may not be better in Ukraine, but at least it 's less chaotic.

Get to the point, little lady.

Like l said, l came in the door...

The punks were sitting on the stairs.

The bald one, the ringleader, was singing ''Besame Mucho''.

He drew a knife! ''Your earrings!''

-Get to it. -This town is chaos!

The punk wasn't all bad. Quite polite.

-Good-looking... -Keep it short.

l'm from Kharkov, myself. l've come a long way...

for my niece Simakova's wedding. Do you know her?

Do l? The beauty queen! She's our local star.

-That 's him! -Hello.

-That 's the swine! Catch him! -Let him go!

-lt 's him! The mugger! -Steady...

-My earrings! -Calm down!

-Hi, Misha. -Hi.

Let 's fill our glasses...

with this heavenly nectar...

and raise a toast to the newlyweds!

With the compliments...

of the restaurant 's management...

and from me, personally.

Be happy, little Tania and little Misha!

Garkusha!

l sent him to get vodka. See what he's up to.

Zoya, my hat!

Get a move on!

The punk is your niece's fianc�.

He's what?

ln fact by now, he's her husband. Aren't you, Misha?

-Yes. -Come along, husband.

Husband? l'm putting my niece's husband in jail?

-l made a mistake! -Keep your hands off.

lt 's nearly him, but not exactly!

The other one was bald. He sang ''Besame Mucho''!

-Hands off. -Bald, l tell you!

Kra-pi-vin...

Mik-ha-il...

So...

...who was with you? -l forget. l was drunk.

You're not helping, Krapivin.

Not helping at all.

Let 's have you.

Leave that. Save your thirst for later.

lmprovise! lt 's what you're paid for!

l can't.

The first toats is always to the bride and groom.

Efim...

help us.

Dear friends! l invite you to listen to a virtuoso piece...

''The Flight of the Bumblebee''...

performed by a maestro of the accordion...

Afanassi Svetlanov!

Applause!

Face the wall.

Picture the scene: the bride alone and weeping...

the guests hungry, the husband in jail!

Quite an achievement.

Sir, please, let me out.

-l'll come back tomorrow, l swear! -You want to get laid? Forget it!

You'll spend your wedding night here...

and every other night until the trial.

Mr. Borzov, let me out. Be human!

l pity your dad.

All his savings went into your wedding.

Admit it was you that mugged the aunt.

-Sign, and l'll let you go. -l'll sign!

-Where do l sign? -There.

ls that it?

You didn't even read it. You should read what you sign.

Can l go now?

Mr. Borzov...

Can't l go now?

Go and have fun, Krapivin!

Until 11 p.m.

Then back inside!

l'll deal with you tomorrow morning.

Maybe this isn't your first offense.

Can l ask you to the wedding?

You bet.

l'm not leaving you.

There's a little vodka missing. Don't be angry.

My boys had to toast your wedding.

-Are you rushed? -They're waiting.

Run along, then.

Where were you?

Let the waltz begin!

The first waltz of love and beauty!

Maestro, music!

-Are you done? -Yes, sure.

A surprise from the night shift!

Come on! All aboard!

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

3, 4, 5...

6, 7, 8, 9...

-10, 11, 12... -How beautiful!

-Have you seen my husband? -Garkusha? No, l haven't.

-Borzov, have you seen Garkusha? -Who?

-My husband! -Get lost. l've seen nobody.

...19, 20!

Borodin's here! Mr. Borodin!

We gave up hoping you'd come!

Take a seat.

Thanks for the church! So beautifully restored, it warms the soul!

ls it true the mine's for sale?

-An English buyer's interested? -We don't need the English.

We still need bells.

You'll get your bells, Father Nikolai.

Mr. Borodin, sit here with us.

-Do you dance? -Of course he does.

-l work at the disco. -Our local youth and beauty.

-See you. -Buzz off.

-A little vodka? -Just a drop.

Let us congratulate the newlyweds.

The fine young man and maiden, united in love until their dying day!

Matrimony will teach you to dance!

That 's Borodin, an ex-Young Communist leader.

He was Tania's patron. Took her to Moscow.

He'll patron you next.

You know his father-in-law owns Russian Coal?

So that 's why they're licking his ass!

-What do we drink to? -Our life!

To hell with the lot of them.

Right.

-l have something to tell you. -Later.

-Here they are, Vassili. -Thanks, Sveta.

-Should l go? -Yes, go.

Halfway back to Moscow, l was going crazy.

l had to turn back. Don't send me away.

Tania, l'm going for a smoke.

Stay and meet each other. This is my husband, Misha.

This is Mr. Borodin, a Stakhanovite of capitalism.

Mikhail Krapivin.

No, l'll go for a smoke.

Sveta? Show me where we can smoke.

Eat, drink, but stay out of sight.

Don't come in until l call you.

Mr. Borodin...

may l have a word?

l have an unusual case to submit to you.

An amusing case.

-The bride's aunt got mugged. -So what?

-The bridegroom did it. -Why tell me?

lf you're interested, we could throw the book at him.

Armed robbery, 5 to 8 years in jail.

Why do you always make such a fuss?

Have you got a problem?

You know very well.

l want to go to Moscow.

You sound like the Three Sisters. ''Ah, Moscow!''

This place is killing me.

-lt 's driving me to drink. -Dream on, cop.

-lt won't hurt you. -So, what 's your answer?

None.

You know the game show, ''Name That Tune''?

''Fuck off''. Get it?

Now for our musical gift to the newlyweds!

Hello, everybody!

Tania, darling!

-God, you're so beautiful! -Auntie Rima!

lf only your poor mother could see this!

-Why are you crying? -lt 's the done thing!

-Don't cry. -lf you only knew!

Dear God, how we used to cry!

And your poor mother, gone before...

These piroshkis are delicious! How d'you do?

Thanks. You're doing a great job...

...but the kids want to have fun! -Efim, l told you!

Pretty earrings! Where are they from?

My husband gave them to me.

What a tasteful little husband! Now l understand.

Stick with him, you'll never go without.

What do you mean?

Young people today all dream of being gangsters.

Like joining the Party, before.

Not Misha. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

Suit yourself, honey. lt 's your life.

Stay!

Forthe sake of our future happiness,l beg you

Stay!

This word will be forever on my lips

Stay!

Tania, specially for you...

A musical surprise of cosmic strength!

Galina lvanovna!

When the last star fades from the sky

You will say No but I'll keep saying Yes

l will never let anyone else take charge of your destiny

You will understand How much l love you

Stay!

Forthe sake of our future happiness,l beg you

Stay!

The word will be forever on my lips

-You'll live in your own home? -No, yours.

Mine?

Here's to you!

Say, Misha...

What 's Borodin up to with Tania?

-You tell me. -What a jerk! This isn't Moscow.

-Let 's smash him up. -l'll do it.

Guys, guys! Let him be!

Okay. lt 's your business.

You understand, Tania? ''So we'll have nothing to regret.''

Stay!

So we'll have nothing to regret

So we'll have nothing to regret

Stay!

Thanks, Galina. You're a genious.

So?

Did you like it?

No, you didn't.

Got your revenge? Happy now?

Yes, very.

Look at your new life.

Drunken slobs...

kissing and chanting one moment...

and punching each other the next.

You can't take it anymore. You've changed!

Wrong, Mr. Borodin.

This is my home.

Not everyone here is a slob.

Father, give us a song.

lf my wife lets me.

Should you really?

lt would be a sin not to sing in a day like today.

Now we're sisters!

Young man, may l borrow your instrument?

-But Father! -Life's full of surprises, my son.

I'm rolling drunk

l can't walk straight

I'll never make it home

This shady path leads me gently

To the cherry orchard

I'll never make it home

This shady path leads me gently

To the cherry orchard

That's not the cuckoo singing

That's only my heart beating!

Efim, you've known me thirty years.

Tell me, frankly. Am l really that bad?

Be quiet.

You're amazingly talented.

There he is!

Arrest him!

l told you, the case is closed.

What have you done, you jerk?

Framing Misha on a charge of armed robbery!

What? Misha?

To clear you, he signed a full confession.

Never sign! Never sign anything!

You put him in jail, you rat!

-Chief! -Not now, Garkusha. l'm closed.

Office hours are Monday, 9 to 11.

Shit!

ls it my fault,ls it my fault

ls it my fault that l love him?

ls it my fault that my voice shook

When l sang him this song?

Am l to blame

When l sang him this song?

Am l to blame?

Love ls to blame

lf you want to apologize

Hold it!

Stop right there!

What have you been up to, you lousy lush?

Give me a break. Work me over later, okay?

Look at me.

-Let 's dance. Come on! -Not now.

One dance, please!

Look, even Valia's dancing.

Aren't l woman enough for you?

Zoya, later!

Later we'll dance and sing and play golden harps!

l'm the widow of a living husband!

Have you seen a skinny redhead anywhere?

Not my thing.

Did you try the tongue?

lsn't it fresh?

Some tongue?

Care to dance?

Go dance with the wolves in Siberia!

Why the sudden preference for Siberia?

Get lost, mugger!

-Let 's find some privacy. -Privacy? Stop or l'll scream!

You're such a desirable woman!

A man could still fall in love with you.

What did l do?

l kept my promise.

You became a top model, like you wanted.

l bought you a flat, we saw the world...

You always knew l was married.

What did l do wrong? Why did you leave?

Maybe l wanted to be loved.

Listen to me. Listen carefully.

l've never said this to anyone.

l love you. You hear? l love you.

ln Thailand once, you told me ''l can't share you.''

Well l can't share you, either.

l'm not a cake. You can't divide me into portions.

l meant it, about getting a divorce.

You lied!

No! l even spoke to my father-in-law!

He said, ''As a man, l sympathize.

Live discreetly, but forget about remarrying or having other children.

All that we've amassed will go to your son, my grandson...''

-l can't take this. -''...and nobody else.''

-No. -You don't know them.

They'd bury us in concrete.

-You, me and you-know-who. -Shut up!

Calm down.

-Get lost! -Come to Moscow.

Your flat is waiting, new ltalian furniture...

Touching your hand, l got an electric shock.

-You're mine! Nobody else's! -Drop dead!

What will you do with that clown?

Shit!

How much do l owe you for the earrings?

Forget it. They're still in the family.

But who'll compensate me for the mental distress?

Mental distress?

l'll compensate you.

-What are you doing? -Compensating you.

lmagine the sun, the sand...

Stop it, mugger!

Hush!

First you rob me, now you screw me?

You'll drop your charge?

l'll drop it!

-You'll drop it? -l drop it! l drop it!

l drop it!

l drop it!

Care for a drink?

Good idea.

Now, how about a kiss?

Come over here.

l'm like a magnet, you know. l attract things.

You do?

Yesterday, l came home with a fork in my bra.

Coins and keys, l've lost count.

l'm a walking hardware store.

-You want to go to Moscow? -No, Paris.

Ladies choice! Take your partners.

l know my power.

l have psychic gifts.

l give off boundless energy. Would you like me to heal you?

-Of what? -Your love.

One of my friends had a backache.

His jacket had a metal zipper, so he stuck to me like glue.

We dated for a whole week.

When they pulled us apart, his backache came back.

His wife's so dumb, she can't see it.

-l need a break. -You don't believe me?

Come here, l'll show you.

You don't believe me?

Do you now?

Still don't?

l do, l do.

Limpdick!

Your wife's on the line.

l'm in a meeting.

Sure, l'll be home.

Soon, yes.

Switch it off.

Let 's run away!

Okay.

Chief, just a minute.

l don't understand. Why won't you let me confess?

-l'm feeling tolerant. -Okay, but the problem is...

Misha did nothing. l robbed the lady.

-You wrote the note? -Of course!

Let 's have it, sweetie-pie.

-You stay out of this. -Out of what?

There's nothing to stay out of.

Read this, come on! Let 's sit down.

Look! The lady's happy.

-Beat it, boy! -She's happy!

She's on cloud nine!

''l'll drop all charges.''

Don't ask me how l did it.

Honeybun!

-Home-made... -My angel of the kitchen!

-...with cabbage. -What a woman!

Don't ask me how l talked her over.

lt 's my trade secret. Let 's just say...

l gave my body to the cause...

like a kamikaze.

-Was she good? -Dynamite! A tidal wave!

l only just survived.

Have a meatball.

Listen...

maybe l could try my luck with her.

What? You think she brought the piroshkis for me?

She has the hots for you, l swear. She told me!

Pardon me. May l be excused?

Buzz off, Krapivin. Don't disturb us!

-Be back in two hours. -l won't be long.

Go for it, Chief. Get in there.

To the bride and groom!

Get this out of my sight.

Want me to fix him, Mr. Borodin?

Don't move.

Tania, just a second. Just a sec.

l'll catch up. What 's up?

Hands up! lt 's Borzov's gun.

Hide it.

Swap it for your signed confession.

Are you raving mad?

Listen!

They're gonna clobber you.

Go on, Tania! l'm coming!

They're gonna put you in jail, okay?

And the jerk will get Tania!

We're outnumbered by patrons and bigshots.

Are you listening?

Wake up! They're stealing your woman!

-l see. -Good, now go.

l'm off for a drink to celebrate your wedding.

lt 's a God-given duty!

His uniform fits his body so well

lt makes my heart jump in my breast

The glittering braid on his lapel

The medal that shines on his manly chest

Oh, what a trick for Fate to play

Bringing him into my life that day!

-Thank you! -What for?

Releasing the bridegroom.

Nobody's released anybody.

Accordionist! You know that Spanish thing, like ''Carmen''?

-Yes. -Play it.

-l know it too. -Sing it.

Kiss me

Kiss me harder

You sing okay. Go on.

-What? -Keep going!

For us, there's only one night left

And the stars forthe poet

l first heard this song in Bulgaria on a nudist beach.

l was able to observe certain anatomical features.

lt comes as a shock.

But then you get used to it.

l would never let a woman of your quality...

be exposed to such a beach.

Why not?

ln the right company, l wouldn't mind.

As we are, l can only guess the shape of your body.

But as an investigator...

-Yes? -As an investigator...

As an investigator, would you rather jail me... or impale me?

Would you carry me to the ends of the earth?

There and back. And every station in between!

Could l have a word?

l'll leave you to it.

What 's up? Can't bring yourself to leave?

To and fro, to and fro, like a shuttle bus?

You're drunk already?

Yes, l allowed myself a snifter.

Does Russian Coal have a law against it?

Stop it. Come here.

About this business with the bridegroom.

Armed robbery, was it?

Yes. l was just working on the victim.

So when are you going to arrest him?

Hungry for it, are we?

So hungry we can hardly wait!

-Hungry, hungry! -Cut it out.

Can't do it without Borzov, can we?

Without Borzov, it 's dangerous!

Fuck you! l don't need you.

''Besame Mucho''!

Just my little joke. l'll see to it.

Mr. Borodin, it 's your father-in-law.

Yes, l'm coming!

What a silly boy you are!

You really are.

Why didn't you do this five years ago?

l'd never have gone away.

l'd have stayed here with you.

-l have to tell you... -Don't! You're so beautiful...

-What 's up with the couch? -l don't know!

lt 's new.

Why did it collapse?

l want to tell you something.

Don't tell me anything.

You don't know what it is.

lf it 's about your Borodin, l don't want to know.

lt 's not about him.

lt 's somebody else.

Who?

My son.

l have a son, Misha.

He's three.

His name is Mitia.

l see.

Funny about the couch. lt 's new.

Misha, l feel cold.

Make me some tea, please.

Tea.

lt 's up to you, whether a woman like me is for you.

Where is he?

-Who? -Your son.

ln an orphanage.

You know what?

They shave their heads there.

Why do they shave their heads?

-Where's the orphanage? -ln Chikino.

lf you hear my soul

singing today

lt's because you smiled at me

that way...

Look what l got.

Steady, copper.

Keep it nice and quiet. See your jacket?

The men here are quite something!

l'd barely arrived when this guy mugged me for my earrings.

Then he came after me and offered to repay me...

but at the last minute, wham!

He screwed me!

Who is this hero? Point him out to me, please!

Maybe he'll pay me and screw me as well!

That 's him, over there.

-Where? -The bald one, there.

Look at this.

l'll give back your gun in exchange for Misha's confession, torn up.

That 's him, the cheeky chap!

You know him?

You know if you lose your gun, you're finished.

You dirty fucker! l divorce you!

You've wrecked my whole life!

Go screw who you want, old goat!

-Damn. -What 's wrong?

We're stuck in the mud.

You know what?

l won't be a very good father.

ln two hours l have to be in jail.

Misha...

why are you lying?

l'm not. lt 's the truth.

For God's sake, why are you lying?

Don't be scared.

l haven't asked you to be a father. You don't have to lie.

l'm not lying!

Tania, wait! lt 's true! l'm not lying!

-Why yell at me, then? -l'm not!

Don't ever lie to me. l hate that!

-Stop! -l'm asking nothing of you.

-They gave me two hours! -l'm asking nothing!

l just wanted you to know that l have a son!

-Tania, come here! -Let go of me!

-Come here! -Let go!

-You're terrified, aren't you? -Keep still!

-You're hurting me. -Sit down!

Push the pedal.

l am.

Do you bottle your mushrooms hot or cold?

The trick is to cool them first.

Listen, honey.

l'm not angry anymore. Let 's drink.

Look to your husband! They're arresting him!

What are you doing? He has a bad back!

Out of the way!

Hush! Hush!

What 's going on? This is a wedding!

Let him die. l'm sick of him!

Polly,put the kettle on...

Where's the gun? Talk!

Where have you hidden it?

Visits are only allowed in daytime, with the principal's permission.

Why should l let you in without permission?

What 's in it for me?

Chew on that for a minute!

-Don't shout. -l'm not!

-Do you mind? -No.

l hate them already.

Are they enough?

-They're gold? -Gold.

l can't. l've got no change.

Listen, chum.

Take one for being woken up...

and one for going back to sleep.

-l didn't wake up. -Right, nobody woke you.

-l'm already asleep. l'm sleeping. -Sleep. Sleep!

lt 's not here.

l can't remember where!

l think it was here.

l'm scared. l don't want to go in.

-He's in there? -l forget. lt was 6 months ago.

-l can't. l can't. -Come on. You can.

l'm scared.

lt 's not him.

God, there are so many of them!

ls this the right room?

They've moved the beds. l can't remember.

That 's not him.

Neither is that.

l can't remember where he is!

l'll never find him.

Mitia!

Mitia!

Mitia!

Mama?

Darling!

ls that Daddy?

Yes, l'm Daddy.

-Vassili, don't! Please! -Bug off.

Don't make a fool of yourself!

Have they all taken root? Don't they have homes to go to?

They're having fun, thank goodness!

Tell me another!

As long as Borodin stays, they'll all stay.

He's going wild while he waits for Tania.

Where do you dig up such dirty gossip?

Put a lid on it. The cake's waiting.

Come on, Vassili. Let 's go.

-l want to dance! -They're laughing at you.

l love you.

We've just had a boy!

Everybody, meet Mitia Krapivin.

But...

who is...

the father?

Me!

Do you hear?

He's my son! l'm his father.

Quiet! Quiet!

Mitia, who am l?

Hear that? l'm his daddy! Krotov, l'm his daddy!

Let me hold him! Feel his weight.

-Make a fist, son. -ln a minute.

-That 's a good miner's fist! -Don't pull his arm off!

Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop...

lt 's a boy.

And what a boy!

Don't just stand there.

At a time like this! Play something!

-Like what? -A waltz!

You're a natural.

Come here, Mitia.

Take him, Dad.

Raise him as your own. Ma...

You all be good to Tania.

l have to go to jail.

-Who says? -Did you give him the gun? Answer!

-Don't listen to this pig. -Have you got it? Look at me!

-l drop my charge! -Bug off!

Nobody mugged me, l swear! l've forgiven them!

Comrade Borzov!

-Take him away! -But you're our guest!

-Bug off! -lt 's our wedding day!

Take him away!

Bug off, l said!

You toasted the bride and groom! How can you do that?

-Let him go, l beg of you! -Fuck off!

-Don't do this! -Scram or l'll kill you!

-Beat it! -Dad!

-Bastards! -Keep cool!

Times have changed. We're free now! Where's the arrest warrant?

Get out of here! You'll wreck the place!

This way.

You won't get my husband, pig!

Dirty slut!

-Let her go! -Old buffoon!

Let him go, dick! That 's an order!

You want to go to Moscow? l'll take you!

Stick Moscow up your ass!

l'm ordering you!

Give me a bite.

Delicious!

Raindrops! Can l play with that?

Thanks. Nice toy! You're a real little tough guy.

Bye for now.

l don't want to go!

Get him out of here!

Fuck you nouveau-riche pricks!

-Capitalist scum! -l'll heal you in Moscow!

You wanted your whore?

Up yours!

Asshole!

Take him away. Now!

-Forgive me, Misha. -You'll wait for me?

Of course l will. l promise!

Where's Mitia?

-Fucking pigs! -Chief!

-Looking for this? -Don't play...

Get up.

Slowly.

You want to live?

Yes.

l don't, much.

Start walking.

Slowly!

Tell them. Tell your pigs what to do.

Let him go.

Garkusha! Don't do this.

Run, or they'll never let you go!

-What about Tania? -Take her with you.

Misha, quick!

Dad, Ma... l'm going.

Go on, get away!

Take me in, Chief.

Take me as l am. No wrapping, no ribbon.

-Get lost. -What?

ls there some vodka left? Vodka!

Zoya! Vodka!

Drink up, drink up...

End of story.

Borzov's finished.

Smile, sweethearts! Be happy!

l'm staying with you!

Play!

I've a rooster,but no chick

Now they call me Cocky Dick

-Sing, sing! -l can't remember!

-l can! -Sing, then!

Roll out the blanket Let's get merry!

Like the time You popped my cherry!

How about this one?

You gave me such a little ring!

Stick it on your ding-a-ling!

Good guy, Chief.

Knees up, everybody!

Sweethearts!

l'm staying! l'm staying!

C APTlONS BY VlDEOLAR