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1
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,570
Okay, kids.
2
00:00:35,570 --> 00:00:36,690
Let's take our seats.
3
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:41,930
There has been a change in school policy and so I am assigning you all a book to read.
4
00:00:42,020 --> 00:00:43,470
Aw, a book?
5
00:00:43,470 --> 00:00:44,850
God, I hate those.
6
00:00:44,850 --> 00:00:50,730
Now kids, this book is very controversial and has just been taken off the banned books list.
7
00:00:50,730 --> 00:00:52,150
Oh really? Sweet!
8
00:00:52,150 --> 00:00:54,200
It's called "Catcher in the Rye,"
9
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,340
and it has some very risque parts.
10
00:00:57,340 --> 00:00:58,420
Alright!
11
00:00:58,420 --> 00:01:00,700
And strong, vulgar language.
12
00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:01,780
Awesome, dude!
13
00:01:01,780 --> 00:01:07,630
And in fact, many schools across the country still ban this book because it's thought to be so inappropriate.
14
00:01:07,630 --> 00:01:09,290
Oh man, I can't wait!
15
00:01:09,290 --> 00:01:13,510
Tonight I want you to read chapters one through five, and tomorrow we will discuss the --
16
00:01:13,510 --> 00:01:15,140
No, come on, let's read it now!
17
00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:18,450
Mr. Garrison, didn't the guy who shot John Lennon say it was because of this book?
18
00:01:18,450 --> 00:01:23,150
Yes, apparently John Lennon's killer said he was inspired by "Catcher in the Rye."
19
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,740
But he was just a kook.
20
00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:29,360
Woa, you're telling us this book is filthy, inappropriate and made a guy shoot the king of hippies?
21
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,380
Can we please read this right now?
22
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:37,390
You will read it at home and you will all be mature about its adult themes and language.
23
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,220
Did you get to any dirty parts yet?
24
00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:51,570
No. It's still just some whiny annoying teenager talking about how lame he is.
25
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,090
I don't get it, dude.
26
00:01:55,090 --> 00:01:56,640
What's so controversial about this?
27
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,980
All he's done is said
shit and fuck a few times.
28
00:01:58,980 --> 00:01:59,830
I know.
29
00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:01,480
I'm almost at the end
and there's nothing.
30
00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:06,260
Mother fucker!
31
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,290
The whole thing.
32
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,190
I read the whole fucking thing!
33
00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:17,760
I kept thinking, alright, I guess the cool offensive stuff must be coming, and then after like a hundred pages I was like, alright, I guess all the dirty stuff is at the end.
34
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,440
And then I got to the last page.
35
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,100
And I was all, what the fuck is this?
36
00:02:22,170 --> 00:02:22,770
I just read a book!
37
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,270
For nothing!
38
00:02:24,340 --> 00:02:25,870
Why the hell was this book banned?
39
00:02:25,940 --> 00:02:28,240
They fucking tricked us,
that's what they did!
40
00:02:28,310 --> 00:02:31,230
Tricked us into reading a book by enticing us with promises of vulgarity.
41
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,150
Dude, what the fuck is so dirty
about this piece of shit?
42
00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:39,180
We know, we were just saying that!
43
00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:41,690
Why would anybody think this
book is obscene or dangerous?
44
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,280
Kill John Lennon!
45
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,300
Kill John Lennon!
46
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:53,330
Kill John Lennon!
47
00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:55,110
Kill John Lennon!
48
00:02:57,860 --> 00:02:59,760
Hey dad, where does
John Lennon live?
49
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,730
John Lennon's dead, Butters.
50
00:03:01,730 --> 00:03:04,170
Aw, dangit.
51
00:03:06,370 --> 00:03:08,960
Dude, some people really
do consider this obscene!
52
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,240
It's not obscene, dude.
53
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,720
I'll show them fucking obscene.
54
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,310
Hey yeah, we should write
our own banned book.
55
00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:16,690
Yeah, we could get a book
banned way more than this one.
56
00:03:16,690 --> 00:03:18,150
- Yeah, sweet!
- Awesome!
57
00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:20,610
The Tale of...
58
00:03:20,610 --> 00:03:23,600
The Tale of Scrotie McDick'n'Ass.
59
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,670
No, no, Scrotie McBooger-Balls.
60
00:03:25,670 --> 00:03:27,500
Oh that's good, that's good!
61
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:30,590
Alright, chapter... one...
62
00:03:30,590 --> 00:03:33,550
It was a -
A warm spring morning --
63
00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:06,880
The Tale of Scrotie McBooger-Balls?
64
00:04:08,690 --> 00:04:14,470
It was a warm summer morning when Scrotie McBooger-Balls awoke to find his -- Ew!
65
00:04:16,210 --> 00:04:18,560
He took a what?
66
00:04:21,780 --> 00:04:23,110
Oh my god!
67
00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:24,960
He then grabbed his dog's...
68
00:04:29,030 --> 00:04:30,470
Oh, my god!
69
00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:34,450
Walking out of his house he spotted
a bloody and pus covered --
70
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:38,980
No!
71
00:04:38,980 --> 00:04:39,970
No!
72
00:04:42,090 --> 00:04:43,530
No... no!
73
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:46,270
Randy?
74
00:04:46,270 --> 00:04:47,210
Randy!
75
00:04:47,210 --> 00:04:49,290
Randy, you need to read this!
76
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:50,350
Read what?
77
00:04:50,350 --> 00:04:51,350
This book!
78
00:04:51,350 --> 00:04:53,260
Our son and his friends wrote it!
79
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,250
So?
80
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:55,300
So?
81
00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,240
Randy, it's -- It's --
82
00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,130
- It's really good.
- Huh?
83
00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:01,600
I mean, it's disgusting.
84
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:06,970
It's the most disgusting thing I've ever read, but the plot is amazing!
85
00:05:06,970 --> 00:05:10,120
And the characters are so vivid.
86
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:14,890
It was a warm summer morning when Scrotie McBooger-Balls awoke to find his -- Ew!
87
00:05:14,890 --> 00:05:16,590
Sharon, gross!
88
00:05:16,590 --> 00:05:18,400
No, no, just keep reading!
89
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,800
He took a -- and then... Oh, man! Oh!
90
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,060
This --
91
00:05:25,970 --> 00:05:27,360
I know!
92
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:30,400
I know, Randy, but trust me,
you gotta push through to the end.
93
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,980
No, no! That's just wrong!
94
00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:35,290
Randy, please!
You've got to listen to me!
95
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,050
Walking out of the house he
found a bloody pus filled --
96
00:05:39,050 --> 00:05:40,100
What?
97
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,550
Which he immediately
stuck up his infected --
98
00:05:53,130 --> 00:05:58,800
"That was all long ago in some brief lost spring, In a place that is no more.
99
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:06,460
In that hour that vag frogs begin and the scent off Scrotie's infected anus comes strongest."
100
00:06:08,820 --> 00:06:10,540
Oh, man.
101
00:06:10,540 --> 00:06:11,710
Well?
102
00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:14,630
It's -- It's awesome, Sharon.
103
00:06:14,630 --> 00:06:16,610
It's the best book I've ever read.
104
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,230
Right? It's not just me!
105
00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:21,860
No, it's -- I mean,
the whole part about Amsterdam, wow.
106
00:06:21,860 --> 00:06:23,270
What do we do, Randy?
107
00:06:23,270 --> 00:06:25,700
We can't support our son
talking like this, but I mean--
108
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:29,500
No, I-- I know -- this people need
to read this book, Sharon.
109
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:32,000
This is -- This is
Pulitzer Prize stuff.
110
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:35,120
You're dead, Kenny!
111
00:06:36,380 --> 00:06:37,890
Guys, guys!
112
00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:39,480
We are totally fucked!
113
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,160
The book is gone from
my dresser drawer!
114
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,390
My parents must have found it!
115
00:06:42,390 --> 00:06:44,190
What?
116
00:06:44,190 --> 00:06:45,250
So why are we all fucked?
117
00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:46,560
They'll think you wrote it all.
118
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,690
I'm not taking the
heat for this alone!
119
00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:49,760
We all wrote it.
120
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,710
If I'm going down somebody
has to go down with me!
121
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:53,730
Well, if I'm going down
Cartman's going down!
122
00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:56,400
And if I'm going down both Kyle and
Kenny are definitely going down.
123
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,460
Wul, dude! Somebody
has got to go down!
124
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,670
Butters, what are you up to?
125
00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:04,580
Oh, hey, fellas!
126
00:07:04,580 --> 00:07:06,190
I'm just watching the Kardashians!
127
00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:09,240
Today, my sisters and I are
going to have to wash something.
128
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,600
It's gonna blow!
129
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,160
Kim Kardashian is soo sexy.
130
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,970
Her butt is like a big
mountain of pudding.
131
00:07:15,970 --> 00:07:17,860
Butters, listen,
you are in big trouble.
132
00:07:17,860 --> 00:07:19,020
I am?
133
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:20,420
Yeah, you remember
that book you wrote.
134
00:07:20,420 --> 00:07:21,740
Stan's mom found it.
135
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:22,970
Oh no!
136
00:07:22,970 --> 00:07:24,130
Which book was that?!
137
00:07:24,130 --> 00:07:26,670
Dude! The book you left with us when
you were sleepwalking last night!
138
00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:28,240
I don't even remember that!
139
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,780
But it all makes sense now.
140
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:34,100
Ever since I read
"Catcher in the Rye"
141
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:39,700
I've been having these blackouts, crazy thoughts of wanting to kill the phonies!
142
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:43,710
I must have channeled all my angst
into dark writings in my sleep!
143
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:48,110
Alright, boys. We need to get to the bottom of this.
144
00:07:48,110 --> 00:07:52,110
We've all read the book now, and it is very shocking to say the least.
145
00:07:52,110 --> 00:07:55,050
Okay. Well, actually,
it was all written by Butters.
146
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:56,660
That's right.
147
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,290
Butters?
148
00:07:58,290 --> 00:07:59,750
Is that true?
149
00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:01,320
Yeah, I barely even remember it.
150
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:02,620
But I know I did.
151
00:08:02,620 --> 00:08:08,300
Well, Butters, we think that this is one of the of the best books we've ever read!
152
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:09,890
- Huh?
- What?
153
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,510
Yeah, really amazing.
154
00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:12,720
Oh thanks!
155
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:19,110
We were actually so moved by your book, Butters, that we brought Mr. Niedilbaum from Penguin Publishing to read it.
156
00:08:19,110 --> 00:08:26,060
Mr. Butters, we would like to offer you a deal for first publishing rights to your brilliant novel.
157
00:08:26,060 --> 00:08:27,670
Hey, wait a minute. That's ours!
158
00:08:27,670 --> 00:08:29,190
Yeah, we wrote that!
159
00:08:29,190 --> 00:08:31,690
Okay. Boys, you already
told the truth.
160
00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:32,840
No, no!
161
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,180
We, we-- we really did write it.
162
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,250
Tell them, Butters.
163
00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:37,540
I wrote that.
164
00:08:37,540 --> 00:08:39,780
- Oh, wow!
- He's so young young!
- Amazing!
165
00:08:39,850 --> 00:08:40,860
What? Hey?
166
00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:48,960
It is being called the most disgusting, foul and sickening book ever written, and it is also being called literary genius.
167
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:57,080
"The Tale of Scrotie McBooger-Balls" hit the shelves this weekend, and so far no one has been able to get through the first paragraph without vomiting.
168
00:09:02,850 --> 00:09:08,960
The book has already sold millions of copies worldwide, and has been translated into 26 languages.
169
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,670
Per lang shur ma.
170
00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:14,860
Poang shing Scrotie
McBooger-Balls bao lang shur.
171
00:09:16,780 --> 00:09:21,610
Bo nag shing chur mar pur -
Ch-Chur mar purrrrr ahghghgh!
172
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,930
Bo ya sun ma chur lang?
173
00:09:28,930 --> 00:09:32,360
Pur lang Sarah Jessica
Parker pur tsoy.
174
00:09:37,770 --> 00:09:44,470
The book is changing the literary world and it is all thanks to Leopold Butters Stotch.
175
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:50,590
Hey, here he comes!
176
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,310
Amazing book Butters!
177
00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:54,570
Thank you!
178
00:09:54,570 --> 00:09:56,240
You changed my life, young man.
179
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,360
That's nice!
180
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,340
Butters, what the fuck do
you think you're doing?
181
00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:07,300
Just enjoying myself. Why, Eric?
182
00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:10,150
Butters, you know god damn well
you didn't write that book!
183
00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:12,650
But you told me I did!
184
00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:14,910
Yeah, but that was when we thought we
were gonna get in trouble, asshole!
185
00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:18,310
Hey, hey you guys leave Butters alone.
He's a very fragile artist.
186
00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:20,450
He's so brooding and full of angst.
187
00:10:20,450 --> 00:10:22,180
Yeah, I'm brooding.
188
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:24,790
Butters doesn't deserve any
credit for Scrotie McBooger-Balls!
189
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,120
We deserve all the credit!
190
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,760
Oh god, you guys are pathetic.
191
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,390
Yeah, get a life and stop mooching
off of others' success for once.
192
00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,500
God dammit!
193
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,970
Butters, do you really think
it's fair to lie like this?
194
00:10:34,970 --> 00:10:36,660
Let me tell you
that if you don't --
195
00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:39,190
No, let me tell you
something, fellas!
196
00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:42,520
You always take advantage of me, and after reading "Catcher in the Rye,"
197
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,660
I've learned you're
nothing but phonies!
198
00:10:44,660 --> 00:10:46,660
I'm not letting you
trick me this time!
199
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:49,360
So the four of you can
just suck on my wiener!
200
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:54,100
That inconsiderate jerk!
201
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:57,980
Today on "Today"
202
00:10:59,340 --> 00:11:04,870
We meet the author of the book that has swept the nation and has now spawned TVs most popular game show!
203
00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:11,110
How long can you listen to Scrotie
McBooger-Balls on audiobook and not vomit?
204
00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:23,530
The book is full of disgusting words and acts, including Sarah Jessica Parker, who is mentioned 465 times.
205
00:11:23,530 --> 00:11:27,190
Matthew Broderick, are you upset your
wife is made fun of so much in the book?
206
00:11:27,190 --> 00:11:32,720
Well, obviously I just think it's wrong to make fun of anybody's physical appearance.
207
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,410
My wife is a beautiful woman, and I know that most people agree with me.
208
00:11:36,410 --> 00:11:42,280
Uh-huh, and Matthew, how come a transvestite donkey witch is standing next to you, and why is it wearing a dress?
209
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:47,770
Joining us now is the author of the book, Leopold Stotch, along with his parents.
210
00:11:47,770 --> 00:11:48,650
Hello Matt!
211
00:11:48,650 --> 00:11:49,780
Hi everyone!
212
00:11:49,780 --> 00:11:51,480
You must be pretty
proud of your son.
213
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,930
Oh, we certainly are!
214
00:11:52,930 --> 00:11:55,050
We are thrilled to learn
he is so very talented.
215
00:11:55,050 --> 00:11:58,130
And we also understand that your
son is grounded; is that correct?
216
00:11:58,130 --> 00:12:01,190
Yes, we did have to ground him for
the language in the novel, of course.
217
00:12:01,190 --> 00:12:03,210
I have to come right to
my room after school.
218
00:12:03,210 --> 00:12:05,020
But we are very,
very proud nonetheless.
219
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:09,340
Young man, now that you're a respected author, have you met any famous people?
220
00:12:09,340 --> 00:12:13,400
Not yet, but as soon as I'm not grounded anymore, I'm hoping to meet Kim Kardashian!
221
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,100
I wanna jump on her belly.
222
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:16,110
Alright.
223
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:21,350
Uh, Butters, my favorite part of your novel Was when Scrotie McBooger-Balls slid his head up into the horse's --
224
00:12:40,540 --> 00:12:41,510
Sorry.
225
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:45,120
Was that chapter a slam on health
care reform as people have suggested?
226
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,910
Uh, yeah, pretty much.
227
00:12:47,910 --> 00:12:49,020
I think so.
228
00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:51,550
Is that why the doctor character
pulls out all the stringy --
229
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:13,920
Little boy, are you ever worried somebody might take your book wrong and try to kill someone like when the guy tried to shoot Ronald Reagan after reading "Catcher in the Rye?"
230
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,070
Oh, is that who the book
was telling me to kill?
231
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:21,660
Kill Ronald Reagan,
kill Ronald Reagan!
232
00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:24,170
Ronald Reagan is dead now, Butters.
233
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,890
Oh really?
234
00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:27,710
Oh gosh dangit.
235
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,470
More and more of us are
against this book every day.
236
00:13:31,470 --> 00:13:33,600
The author is cruel and offensive.
237
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:39,410
And for these reasons, we demand this book be banned from all schools, stores and libraries.
238
00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:43,900
This book is nothing, but smut and vulgarity, purely for the sake of smut and vulgarity!
239
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:47,880
That's just because you're too young
to understand the underlying themes.
240
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,790
There are no underlying themes!
241
00:13:49,790 --> 00:13:51,450
We know that for a fact!
242
00:13:51,450 --> 00:13:54,430
You just failed to understand
what the author meant.
243
00:13:54,430 --> 00:13:57,670
The author meant to be as gross
as possible because it was funny!
244
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,600
Oh no, no, no.
That is such a simplistic view.
245
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,960
God dammit, there is no
deeper meaning in this book.
246
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,080
Read it again!
247
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:10,280
So you're suggesting that the author just arbitrarily made fun of Sarah Jessica Parker for no reason.
248
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:11,380
Yes!
249
00:14:11,380 --> 00:14:13,030
But what would be the point?
250
00:14:13,030 --> 00:14:14,450
There's is no point.
251
00:14:14,450 --> 00:14:17,330
It's just because Sarah Jessica
Parker is fucking ugly!
252
00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:23,260
No writer would take the time to make fun of Sarah Jessica Parker just because they think she's ugly.
253
00:14:23,260 --> 00:14:24,820
Yes, they would!
254
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:30,210
It is because miss Jessica Parker is a metaphor in the book for oppression felt by the lower class.
255
00:14:30,210 --> 00:14:31,610
What?
256
00:14:31,610 --> 00:14:33,740
Dude, that is not
in the book at all!
257
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:38,710
Boys, this book is an important look at how liberals are hurting this country, and we can't -- What?
258
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:41,680
Scrotie McBooger-Balls is the most
conservative-Hating liberal in literature!
259
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,050
What book did you read?
260
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:45,000
There's nothing about
liberals or conservatives!
261
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,130
Oh, yeah.
262
00:14:46,130 --> 00:14:49,300
Then why does Sarah Jessica Parker's butt
cheese end up in Scrotie's milkshake?
263
00:14:52,110 --> 00:14:55,260
Breaking news from acclaimed
author Leopold Stotch!
264
00:14:55,260 --> 00:15:01,680
The artist has announced that he is working on a second novel, as a follow up to his wildly successful best seller.
265
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:05,190
We got a statement from the writer,
who is still grounded in his room.
266
00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:09,330
Can you give the public any
idea what the new book is about?
267
00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:12,280
Well, it's kind of about
love and betrayal.
268
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,520
The inner workings
of the human mind.
269
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,550
Will it be as sick and
disgusting as your first book.
270
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,230
Oh it's raunchy alright!
271
00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:22,340
I know what my readers want
and I'm going to deliver!
272
00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:24,600
Butters, away from the window!
273
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:25,940
You are being grounded!
274
00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:28,660
Sorry, dad, I was just being
the voice of a generation.
275
00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:32,210
I can't believe they
won't ban our book!
276
00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:33,170
I know!
277
00:15:33,170 --> 00:15:35,440
It's so much worse than
catcher in the retarded rye!
278
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,100
It's .
279
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,800
Alright, you guys,
I know what we have to do.
280
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,190
We've got to kill
Sarah Jessica Parker.
281
00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:44,490
What?
282
00:15:44,490 --> 00:15:45,600
Think about it, guys!
283
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,990
If somebody kills Sarah Jessica Parker, then they'll assume that somebody did it because of what was in the book.
284
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:51,410
Then the book will get banned.
285
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:53,550
Dude, we're not killing
Sarah Jessica Parker!
286
00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:55,940
Be right with you!
287
00:15:55,940 --> 00:15:58,070
We don't have to kill her.
288
00:15:58,070 --> 00:16:00,310
We can just help her get killed.
289
00:16:00,310 --> 00:16:01,610
Shut up, Cartman!
290
00:16:01,610 --> 00:16:02,590
Just face it.
291
00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:03,810
We lost this one!
292
00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:10,530
Kenny, we only have to help her get killed and then we can totally get back at Butters.
293
00:16:10,530 --> 00:16:12,490
Okay.
294
00:16:12,490 --> 00:16:14,170
Mrs. Jessica Parker!
295
00:16:14,170 --> 00:16:15,210
Over here.
296
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:28,640
Well, the day has finally arrived. The eagerly-awaited second novel from the author of Scrotie McBooger-Balls hit the shelves this morning, and apparently bookstores are jammed!
297
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,510
Al, how is it out there?
298
00:16:30,510 --> 00:16:35,380
I don't know if you can see this guys, but the line stretches all the way around the block.
299
00:16:35,380 --> 00:16:39,790
People waiting for their turn to get
inside the book store and read the novel.
300
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:45,480
They've brought trash bags and buckets to throw up in, just a festive atmosphere here, Matt and Meredith.
301
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:50,680
Well, we've got our vomit buckets ready too, because coming up, a very special in studio treat.
302
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:56,600
That's right, we are going to have a reading of the first five chapters of the book here live in our studio!
303
00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:05,930
N--now, we must warn you that this is from the same author who wrote the most graphic, obscene novel of all time, so brace yourselves for some very harsh language.
304
00:17:05,930 --> 00:17:07,930
Take it away Morgan Freeman!
305
00:17:09,620 --> 00:17:11,310
The poop that took a pee.
306
00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:13,280
Chapter one.
307
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,540
Douglas had to poop.
308
00:17:15,540 --> 00:17:19,900
His butt was all stinky because
he had to poop so badly.
309
00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:26,950
There was a gross woman named Rebecca, who was sunbathing all naked and she was fat.
310
00:17:26,950 --> 00:17:31,630
Douglas walked up to her and said,
I need to poop.
311
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,720
Okay, Rebecca replied.
312
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,470
I like poop.
313
00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:42,430
Douglas squatted down over the fat sunbathing lady and went poop.
314
00:17:42,430 --> 00:17:48,030
The poop, sat there on Rebecca's boobs, looking like a wiener.
315
00:17:49,290 --> 00:17:50,980
Chapter two.
316
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,600
See any hunters yet?
317
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:03,610
Not yet.
318
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:08,200
Doing good Mrs. Jessica Parker.
Just hang out right there.
319
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,580
Guys! Stop!
320
00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:10,740
Stop!
321
00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:13,330
We don't have to do this!
322
00:18:13,330 --> 00:18:14,490
Huh?
323
00:18:14,490 --> 00:18:16,190
Butters wrote a second book!
324
00:18:16,190 --> 00:18:17,200
So what?
325
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:21,380
So dude, if Butters wrote a second book then everyone's gonna know he couldn't have written the first one!
326
00:18:21,380 --> 00:18:23,090
We can get people
to believe us now.
327
00:18:23,090 --> 00:18:24,750
Oh, dude sweet!
328
00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:37,080
Why are we here, Douglas cried, as poop came out his wiener in a long, thin strip.
329
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,950
It was wiener poop.
330
00:18:40,950 --> 00:18:43,850
Which is the grossest poop of all.
331
00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:51,230
The pee pee got on the woman's leg and she screamed, pooping out her boobs.
332
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:56,340
And so, when the pee got mixed with
the poop it smelled like a butt.
333
00:18:56,340 --> 00:18:59,060
Oh dude, this is even
lamer than we thought!
334
00:18:59,060 --> 00:19:00,830
People are gonna want
Butters' head on a platter!
335
00:19:00,830 --> 00:19:02,280
Are you reading this, Marcia?
336
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,270
What do you think?
337
00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:05,340
So far I think it--it's incredible.
338
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:07,450
It might be better
than his first book.
339
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:12,010
I agree. It wasn't as edgy, but it's like he--he's gone back to his roots.
340
00:19:12,010 --> 00:19:12,990
What?
341
00:19:12,990 --> 00:19:14,950
You can't be serious!
You people like this?
342
00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:16,820
Some of the imagery
is unbelievable.
343
00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:19,070
A woman pooping out her
boobs is not good imagery!
344
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:21,840
Says you. You must be
a pro-life nut, huh?
345
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,670
Didn't like what the
book had to say?
346
00:19:23,670 --> 00:19:27,160
What are you talking about?
This book is as pro-life as it gets.
347
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,670
Oh, come on!
348
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:33,440
God dammit! Will you people stop
reading into stuff that isn't there?!
349
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:36,900
And the poop and the pee
lived happily ever after.
350
00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:38,120
The end.
351
00:19:39,310 --> 00:19:40,770
Kill the phonies!
352
00:19:40,770 --> 00:19:42,330
Kill the phonies!
353
00:19:44,180 --> 00:19:47,030
Today my sisters and I are
going to shop for underwear!
354
00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:49,710
Can I go with you girls?
355
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:03,240
Our nation is still reeling from the
tragic deaths of the Kardashians.
356
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:12,830
The shooter claims he was driven to commit the slaughter immediately after reading "The Poop That Took a Pee" by Leopold Butters Stotch.
357
00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:14,370
It's all over.
358
00:20:14,370 --> 00:20:20,110
The Kardashians wiped out
in the blink of an eye.
359
00:20:20,110 --> 00:20:29,400
All because one little prick had to go and write a book, Leopold Stotch.
360
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:35,290
I hope they bury you!
You evil fucker!
361
00:20:38,430 --> 00:20:40,950
Dude, people are pissed
off at you, Butters.
362
00:20:40,950 --> 00:20:42,520
I know.
363
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,340
They're saying they're gonna ban
both your books now, completely!
364
00:20:45,340 --> 00:20:46,610
You're not making any more money!
365
00:20:46,610 --> 00:20:48,980
You think I care about that?
366
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:54,650
My writing got the most beautiful
woman in the world killed!
367
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,310
I loved her!
368
00:20:57,310 --> 00:20:59,490
And now she's gone and
it's because of me!!
369
00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:03,440
Aw, no, Butters, it'll be alright.
370
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,750
Listen, we've all learned that
people look for meaning in books.
371
00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:10,800
And sometimes even if it isn't there, they'll try and invent their own meaning.
372
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,060
Yeah, dude.
373
00:21:12,060 --> 00:21:14,830
That's why we all need to avoid
books and stick to television.
374
00:21:14,830 --> 00:21:16,960
Than--thanks, fellas.
375
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,160
I'll definitely never write again.
376
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,430
I think I can get over this.
377
00:21:22,340 --> 00:21:24,650
That's good, Butters,
because we need to tell you something.
378
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:25,780
What?
379
00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:27,200
You were sleepwalking again.
380
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,430
And dress Sarah Jessica
Parker up in a moo suit.
381
00:21:29,430 --> 00:21:32,040
You left her in a forest,
and she got shot by a hunter!
382
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,600
What? Oh, no.
383
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,880
Yeah, sorry. You're gonna have to
gome down and admit that was you.
384
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,260
Oh, oh I got her killed too?
385
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,760
Aw. Oh, well. At least she was ugly.
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