Original subtitles

"The Secret Life of a London Call Girl"

makes no apologies for lifting the lid

on the sex life of our capital.

BELLE: I love my job.

It's your first review. They're right.

It's intelligent, witty, wry.

We need to really jump on the success of this first book.

Book two, here I come.

- Jackie? - Who is it?

It's my sister. What's the matter?

Patrick's having an affair.

What? Get out of my sister.

You don't want me here.

I don't want you at Ben's either.

What's going on here, Belle?

Can we just tell the truth?

Is there anybody called Bambi out here?

- Yeah, it's me. - I'm Byron.

You make me forget this is your job.

We're getting married.

- How's my lovely sister? - It wasn't meant to go on like this.

You know, develop.

I can't do this. I mean us.

This is Duncan.

Relationships, they're unreliable.

But this... You know that.

We're a like, aren't we?

You're on his books to make money.

That's what you are to him, a cash cow.

You should remember who your real friends are.

Bambi, this is Dunky-- Duncan.

Duncan is a client.

Have you slept with Bambi?

- Hannah... - No no, don't touch me.

I didn't see that coming.

I should have listened to you.

It's been nice being with you.

How does two weeks in the Maldives sound?

The most fascinating clients.

Just go. Have adventures. Just look in your bag.

Maybe.

There's so much to tell you.

Three weeks of sun and sex

on a private island

with a millionaire client.

It looked good in the brochure.

Not all it's cracked up to be.

Still...

it's good to be home.

Every London girl's dream--

my own front door.

♪ Meet you downstairs ♪

♪ In the bar and heard ♪

♪ This is when my buzzer goes ♪

♪ Run out to meet your chips and pita ♪

♪ You say where we married ♪

♪ 'Cause you're not bitter ♪

♪ There'll be none of him no more ♪

♪ I cried for you ♪

♪ On the kitchen floor ♪

♪ I cheated myself ♪

♪ You know that I'm no good. ♪

And this is all for me.

My sanctuary.

My haven!

My boudoir.

The height of luxury.

I'll call him. I will.

It's just, you know, it's him...

and it's me.

The decision!

[Sighs]

I've got to get to work.

New client-- Liam, the Q.C.

When you've been in the business as long as I have,

you--you know what to expect.

He'll be all port and jowls--

And gout?

Sorry. I didn't mean to--

No, you're right.

Tell people you're a silk, it's what they expect.

But you are everything I'd hoped for.

Thank you.

Let's get cracking.

Yes.

Wow. Wow, that's, um--

that's a lot of stuff there.

For you. Thanks.

Shower time.

[Moaning]

You can do it.

You can do it. Go on!

Yeah. Yeah.

Go on! Yeah!

You can do it! Ahh!

Ahh! Ahh! Yes!

No!

No?! Cramp!

Ohh! Oh, Jesus!

[Panting]

[Grunting]

Do you--Do you want to take a break?

No. All right.

Well, let's--let's try another position.

Against the wall. Yeah.

[Moaning]

Okay. Oh, yeah!

Bring it home!

Bring it! Bring it! Ahh!

I'm bringing! Bring it!

Shit!

Bring it!

I just-- It's fine.

It happens.

Oh!

Is this it? Yeah.

This is the one!

Ohh!

Sorry. Can we just--

Belle, can we stop?

[Sighs]

[Panting]

Ohh.

Are you okay?

I mean, this is very strange.

There must be a reason why.

I took a few little helpers.

A few? I knew it.

Liam, I am very good at my job,

but even I can't get past that.

Why do you take them?

No offense. It's not you.

You're beautiful.

I've seen loads of beautiful girls,

and still the sex is--

There's no mystique anymore, no mystery.

Well, you know, everyone gets...

jaded.

Yeah? Yeah.

You know how many months since I last came?

The real thing, the big finish?

Mm-mm.

Nothing gets me excited anymore.

What?

You're a challenge.

And I like a challenge.

I'm sure I--

Oh, if only.

I've got to go.

I'm due in court.

What the hell am I gonna do about this?

Um, well...

they--they do say a--a change in--in temperature can help.

You think I should stick my cock in an ice bucket?

It might work.

No, or you--No.

It's probably just an old wives' tale. What?

Tap it. Yes.

Just tap it with a teaspoon.

Any other suggestions?

Um...slam it in the door!

What?!

I suppose I could just wave it at the judge.

[Sighs]

Wow.

Ooh! Heh.

Thanks.

Oh, I nearly forgot.

I've got something for you.

An invitation-- from Stephanie.

You know Stephanie?

I'm her lawyer.

Oh, right.

So, um... what is it?

Croquet on the lawn?

Difficult.

She's not at home at the moment.

Apparently, Stephanie was caught speeding.

They pulled her over.

They opened the boot.

£40,000 of used cash,

three fake passports,

and a 12-inch black dildo.

Explain that one away.

What did you expect--

stripy pajamas? Porridge?

My weeping face pressed against the bars?

So, what's it actually like in here?

It's just like school.

Bitches, bullies, everything in-between.

All you really have to do is keep the prefects sweet.

Thanks, love.

So, I'm sure Liam explained what happened.

Well, sort of, yeah.

I'm not guilty, of course. Of course.

We all have a little... unexplained washing.

Hmm?

Money laundering.

Jumped-up charge.

Liam said he'd sort it out.

Heh heh.

Listen, Belle...

I need you to take care of the business for a few days.

It's getting tricky to run things from in here.

There are only so many places you can hide your phone.

Yeah, I-- I'm not doing that, okay?

Absolutely not. Sorry. Why not?

Well, be--because...

you know, I've just--I've just got back from my trip,

and I'm moving house, the whole thing's a bloody nightmare.

It's hardly an arduous task.

Caretaker-manager.

Keep the bookings rolling in. Banking.

I'm not a madam, Stephanie, okay?

And I've no intention of becoming one.

Well, the thing is...

not everyone's as sorted as you and me.

Don't do that, Stephanie.

It's not fair.

You know, I--I'm sorry. Look...

I'd love to help you, Stephanie, but...

I don't know. I'm more of a-- a front-line worker.

You know, like, management is...is not my thing.

All right.

Well, if you can't help me with that,

there is one other tiny little favor I'd like you to do for me.

What?

A lucky escape.

Still, better to pick up her post

than manage her business.

Hi! You must be Belle.

God, you look exactly like my mum described.

Sorry. You--

Oh. I'm Poppy, Stephanie's daughter.

Thank you so, so much for agreeing to let me stay.

Heh!

Oh!

I'm so sorry. Sorry about that.

Don't worry about it.

Ohh, God, it's lovely!

I would so love to have somewhere like this.

So, wh--where have you been living up till now?

Oh, well, that's the problem.

When I dropped out of uni,

I had to let my room go in halls, which was a nightmare.

That's why I'm so grateful for you putting me up.

I mean, just until my mum gets back.

Actually, can I just use your bathroom?

It's just I haven't been in hours,

and that's, like, really bad for your kidneys.

Yeah, yeah, sure. It's just, um, it's just round there.

Okay, cool. Thanks.

Typical bloody Stephanie.

Even behind bars, she's calling the shots.

Still, Poppy seems...sweet,

you know, she's hardly the devil's spawn.

Heh.

So, are you a--a corporate headhunter, too?

Yes.

Do you work for the same company as Mum?

Uh, no. Well, I used--I used to.

But, um...now I'm more on the--

the operations front.

Oh, it's lucky you weren't stuck out in Saudi as well.

Mum reckons she might be out there for weeks working on this job.

Saudi. Mm.

She must hate it out there--

the way they treat women.

Awful, huh? Hmm.

Do you know, I'm just gonna go and find you some bedding.

Excuse me.

[Telephone rings] Oh.

Um, Belle, your phone's ringing.

Someone called Ben. Shall I pick up?

No, no, just leave that! Yes.

That's that. There.

That's good.

Pillowcase! Heh. Thanks.

♪ C'est la vie, c'est la vie, c'est la vie, c'est la vie... ♪

Hi. Oh! Fuck!

Good to see you, too.

Sorry, I wasn't expecting you.

Yeah, I just thought I'd come and say hi,

say thanks--

all the postcards, emails.

Overwhelming.

It was a tropical island, Ben.

What about since you've been back?

Or have you been too busy with the whole

head-in-the-sand hiding thing?

Are you just gonna stand on my doorstep and insult me?

I could come in and do it.

Heh. Thought you'd never ask.

Wow.

Moving up in the world, Han?

Did I, um-- Did I tell you I went snorkeling?

It's amazing.

I actually got to swim with turtles.

Turtles? Yeah.

Turtles are good. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And the rays-- they were mental.

You can actually-- Han,

as much as I'm fascinated by the marine life of the Maldives--

Mauritius. Whatever.

It's not really why I came.

Well, do you want-- do you want a drink? No.

But I've got beer. Hannah.

Stop.

I know you regret ever admitting

to the possibility that we might be together.

I know that.

I even know that right now you're

probably planning to turn me down.

You're just wondering how to say it.

And that's the point, Han.

I know you better than you know yourself.

Ben, wh--what are you doing?!

Well, you can't even talk about it, about us.

So, I'm gonna do a simple graphic.

Reasons for and against. No.

Stop doing that! Why?

Upset you, does it?

Yeah, might have to face up to something

for once in your life, make a decision?

You really should go.

Really? Why? Yeah.

Because I don't want you here, fucking up my house!

Oh, that's right. We mustn't make a mess, must we?

Mustn't feel anything.

You know what? You're right.

I don't want to rush you.

I'll wait.

Three weeks?

A few more years?

♪ C'est la vie, c'est la vie, c'est la vie, c'est la vie ♪

♪ What's the point in feeling strife? ♪

♪ C'est la vie, c'est la vie, c'est la vie, c'est la vie ♪

♪ In the end, my friend, that's life ♪

Thanks for coming in. Appreciate it.

Look, something's happened.

Stephanie's cell was searched last night.

Phone was found, confiscated.

Sorry, what?

Self-explanatory. On the left, regulars--

who, what, where, when--

last column... Uh--

...commission. No, no, no, I--

I told Stephanie I wasn't interested in taking over--

[Door opens]

Excuse me, Liam.

Would you or your guest like a cup of tea?

No, no, I'm--I'm fine, thank you.

No, thanks. All-- All good here.

[Clears throat]

Liam, you know your--

your little-- little problem?

Hmm?

Well, I think I may have stumbled across a solution.

Really?

The thing is, I'm not on duty at the moment, so--

But, um--

But I might be able to find some space in my schedule

for this very... important...case.

Stay here.

I won't be long.

[Knock on door] Come! Ahem.

Come in.

[Door opens]

Is this okay? Yes.

What if we get caught?

Someone might see us.

This could be very...

very risky.

For you.

And this, Liam...

is for you.

Ohh.

[Moaning]

Paper-thin walls.

Doors unlocked.

Colleagues could walk in at any moment.

Oh, God. The shame.

The thrill.

You tell me-- tell the truth.

Explain to the Court.

I saw escorts. At first, it was--

Different? Exciting? Mm.

But then you got bored, all too predictable.

That's when you started taking the pills.

Raise the stakes. Mm-hmm.

Increase stimulation.

And now you have me.

The whore...

and the man of law, in the office.

Oh, my.

I put it to you...

that you cannot enjoy sex unless there's a risk.

Objection!

Conjecture and innuendo!

Over...ruled.

Ahh!

Ohh!

Guilty! Ohh!

Take him down.

Belle, that was--

You were incredible.

Well, that-- that was a one-off.

You know, this is a long-term problem.

You know, if--

if the sex isn't enough,

you just--you need to find something--

something real.

None of these pills and thrills. Just--

I don't know. Someone who does it for you.

It's a connection.

[Sighs]

That, milord...

is your challenge.

Talking of challenges...

Hmm?

Oh.

Belle, I can't make guarantees,

but I'm sure she'll be out in a matter of weeks.

That's all we're talking.

All right, I'll do it.

Mustn't let the boss down.

Bye.

Life is messy, Han.

What's the alternative?

You hide away in your perfect house, all alone?

I'm just scared.

I know, Hannah.

You don't. You know, you have--

you have people, you have friends and family who know you.

They know everything about you. And I just have you.

And you'll still have me.

Not if I fuck it up, I won't.

And I always do. You know, my job--

You job is just your job, Hannah.

It's not you.

I can handle it.

If I lose you, Ben, I'll have nobody.

You will not lose me.

But I might.

Hannah, there are thousands of reasons

why we shouldn't try.

There are thousands more why we should.

Yeah, it's 250 an hour.

BELLE: I'm not a madam.

Just helping out an old friend.

CHARLOTTE: You're not suited to the job.

Why not hand it over to someone who'd do it better?

Every virgin I've ever had has been great.

You like touching them, don't you?

No virgins-- they're too needy.

What?! Hi. Me again.

Did you just follow me home?