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1
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,200
Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.
2
00:00:05,230 --> 00:00:06,500
Chappelle's Show.
3
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:07,800
Chappelle's Show.
4
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:08,640
Chappelle's Show.
5
00:00:08,270 --> 00:00:09,970
Ow.
6
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,140
Woo-hoo hoo.
7
00:00:12,170 --> 00:00:13,440
Woo hoo.
8
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,480
Yeah, yeah.
9
00:00:16,510 --> 00:00:18,650
Let's start the show.
10
00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:23,850
(announcer)
Dave Chappelle!
11
00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:28,620
(cheering and applauding)
12
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:33,400
Damn, that
was nice.
13
00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:35,560
Thanks, y'all.
14
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,770
Oh, be comfortable,
relax, everyone.
15
00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:39,070
Thanks for
coming out, man.
16
00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:41,200
You guys are so nice.
17
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,400
Make ya feel good having
your own TV show.
18
00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:46,010
That's a good thing, man,
you have your own show,
19
00:00:46,010 --> 00:00:47,740
all these opportunities
just open up.
20
00:00:47,740 --> 00:00:49,910
Like, recently,
I'm not bragging...
21
00:00:49,910 --> 00:00:52,050
QVC, I don't know if
you watch it.
22
00:00:52,050 --> 00:00:54,680
They offered me
my own line of clothing.
23
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,820
Now, I almost did it.
24
00:00:57,250 --> 00:00:58,150
The only reason
I didn't do it
25
00:00:58,150 --> 00:01:00,290
was not because
I don't like their products,
26
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:01,620
as much as I just don't
like the way
27
00:01:01,620 --> 00:01:03,360
they conduct
themselves on the network.
28
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,660
They're just gross, man.
29
00:01:04,660 --> 00:01:06,360
They just
nasty people.
30
00:01:06,390 --> 00:01:07,700
I don't know if you
watch it.
31
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,000
This was on
just last night,
32
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,300
we taped it just
for the show.
33
00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:12,470
Look at this,
it's disgusting.
34
00:01:12,470 --> 00:01:13,740
Okay!
35
00:01:13,770 --> 00:01:16,800
I am being told our
napkin ring bonanza is over,
36
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,550
we are totally sold out!
37
00:01:18,940 --> 00:01:22,010
Now, Ron, you are actually
wearing our next product,
38
00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:24,180
a beautiful
Timeco gold wristwatch.
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00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:25,450
I am, Jessica!
40
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:27,650
Now, not only is this
watch attractive,
41
00:01:27,650 --> 00:01:29,380
it keeps incredible time!
42
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:34,560
Uh, Ron, uh, I think you
have a booger on your hand.
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00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:36,730
You're right,
Jessica, I do!
44
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,330
Ha, ha, ha!
45
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,530
Better get rid of it,
before one of our customers
46
00:01:41,530 --> 00:01:42,390
bids on it!
47
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,970
I'll start
the bidding at $9.95.
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00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,700
Sold!
49
00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:51,910
You dick.
50
00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:54,510
Pretty damn bad, huh?
51
00:01:54,540 --> 00:01:56,240
It gets worse.
52
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:57,980
Look at
this one.
53
00:01:58,010 --> 00:02:00,150
Okay, now, I'm hearing
we've gotta move on
54
00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:01,050
to our next product.
55
00:02:01,050 --> 00:02:04,520
Now, we have a beautiful
set of cubic zirconia earrings
56
00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,120
that one of our models,
Tammy, is modeling.
57
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,390
Oh, very nice.
58
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:09,260
Nice, huh?
59
00:02:09,290 --> 00:02:11,430
Oh, Tammy.
60
00:02:11,460 --> 00:02:14,500
Looks like someone's having
a herpes outbreak.
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00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:19,670
It's not genital herpes,
it's just a cold sore!
62
00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:21,560
No, that's genital herpes.
63
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,440
Believe me, I should know,
I've had it since 1979.
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00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,190
Remember that place in...
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00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:30,980
I don't know where they
get them models from.
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00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:32,680
Now, this next one...
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00:02:32,710 --> 00:02:35,320
this one made me
actually wanna spit up.
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00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,590
Observe.
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00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:40,520
Okay, our sportswear tsunami
continues to gather strength.
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00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,260
We have more ladies'
bathing suits.
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00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:44,830
This is a
beautiful bikini on Bonnie.
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00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:47,000
Whoa!
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00:02:47,030 --> 00:02:50,030
It's a jungle
down there.
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00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:52,200
(Tarzan yell)
75
00:02:52,230 --> 00:02:55,240
Me Jane.
She hairy.
76
00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:56,570
The rugs don't quite
match the drapes,
77
00:02:56,570 --> 00:02:58,410
have you noticed that?
78
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:02,180
(applauding)
79
00:03:02,610 --> 00:03:04,380
That was fuckin'
gross and hairy, man.
80
00:03:04,380 --> 00:03:06,510
That just looks so nasty,
doesn't it?
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00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,150
What would you
do if you seen that lady?
82
00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:11,720
Would you run?
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00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:14,320
Most niggas would
be like...
84
00:03:17,790 --> 00:03:19,990
Gotta do what
I gotta do, son.
85
00:03:19,990 --> 00:03:23,870
We all have our faults,
you know.
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00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:27,370
Now, you guys, I don't know if
you guys are big movie buffs,
87
00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:29,070
but I collect DVDs.
88
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:32,110
For god's sakes,
pick this one up.
89
00:03:32,140 --> 00:03:35,140
(narrator)
25 years ago,
90
00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:39,920
an epic motion picture was
unleashed on America,
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00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:43,820
considered one of the most
important films in history.
92
00:03:43,850 --> 00:03:47,580
We are now proud to release
this masterpiece on DVD.
93
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,460
For the very first time.
94
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:51,660
This one-of-a-kind,
25th anniversary
95
00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:53,360
commemorative edition
96
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,000
features extras including
cast interviews,
97
00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:00,300
director commentary, and
never-before-seen outtakes.
98
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:05,510
Kizzie, behold, the only thing
greater than yourself.
99
00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:08,540
Oh, oh!
100
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:10,710
Oh, I'm...
hey, I'm sorry.
101
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,780
I told y'all not to
give me a real baby.
102
00:04:13,780 --> 00:04:15,920
Pissin' all over me
and (beep).
103
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:20,690
Catch all the gags, spills,
and hilarious practical jokes.
104
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,730
Coming fore
to carry me home.
105
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,800
Your name is Toby!
106
00:04:29,830 --> 00:04:33,700
Kunta Kinte!
107
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,870
Oh!
108
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:40,210
I said, your name
is Toby!
109
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,810
Kunta Kinte!
110
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:44,550
Damn!
111
00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:47,610
Steve, what'd I say about
hitting so hard, man?
112
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,350
I'm sorry,
are you all right?
113
00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:50,190
You sorry?
114
00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:51,950
I'm gonna show
you sorry, man!
115
00:04:51,950 --> 00:04:53,690
I'm gonna show you sorry!
116
00:04:53,690 --> 00:04:57,560
(laughing)
117
00:04:57,590 --> 00:05:00,010
I told y'all
he's scared of me!
118
00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:07,130
Hold on, let me
get up there.
119
00:05:09,270 --> 00:05:13,610
The Roots 25th anniversary
commemorative edition on DVD.
120
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,650
(man)
Including all Walbogs!
121
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,280
We'll be right back, with more
Chappelle's Show.
122
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:20,980
Don't go anywhere.
123
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,890
Chappelle's Show,
ow.
124
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:29,220
Hey, hey,
welcome back!
125
00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:32,260
You all know this is not
my first show?
126
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,620
Did you know that?
127
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,600
No, I've had
several attempts, man.
128
00:05:36,630 --> 00:05:38,770
Uh, I actually, my first...
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00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,530
my first show that ever
got on the air
130
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,970
was the ill-fated
Buddies, on ABC.
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00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,740
The thing that was wrong
with that show
132
00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:48,740
was it was just
irrelevant and not funny
133
00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:52,250
by me having a white friend,
like, "how incredible,
134
00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:55,250
look at 'em, talking
and laughing together."
135
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:57,420
And then, I did a show
after that
136
00:05:57,420 --> 00:05:59,620
that almost got to
the air, but then I got sued
137
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:02,190
'cause it was
a reality show.
138
00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:03,930
It was raw and gritty.
139
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,130
You know, one of
them hidden camera shows,
140
00:06:06,130 --> 00:06:09,580
like Totally Hidden Video
or something like this.
141
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,600
Mine was like
that, but it was raw!
142
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,340
Like life!
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00:06:14,370 --> 00:06:16,500
I didn't wanna hit
'em soft.
144
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,710
Mine was supposed
to be hard and real!
145
00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:21,080
I got some clips
I'll show you.
146
00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:24,780
(announcer) Coming this fall, on the WB:
147
00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:26,470
Look out, Jamie Kennedy!
148
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,250
There's a new video
prankster in town,
149
00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:31,250
and he goes by
the name, Dave Chappelle!
150
00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:32,990
Zapped!
151
00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:35,580
Watch the look
on these kids' faces
152
00:06:35,590 --> 00:06:37,760
when Dave tells them their
parents are dead.
153
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,930
How're you kids doing?
154
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,830
Well, kids,
a doctor's job is hard,
155
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,030
and it never gets harder
than telling you guys
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00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:47,740
that your parents are dead.
157
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:51,640
(children crying)
158
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:58,150
(laughing)
159
00:06:58,580 --> 00:07:00,780
Foster care is
coming to pick you guys up,
160
00:07:00,780 --> 00:07:02,920
and somebody's gonna adopt you,
right like this!
161
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:03,790
I would.
162
00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:05,520
All right, guys,
be good.
163
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,420
Be good to each other.
164
00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:08,160
Hopefully, they don't
split you up.
165
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,860
All right, take care.
166
00:07:09,890 --> 00:07:12,060
Oh, by the way,
I forgot to tell you...
167
00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:13,330
Psych!
168
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,530
I'm just kidding,
come on out, mom and dad,
169
00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:16,800
come on out.
170
00:07:16,830 --> 00:07:18,850
Why did you do
this to us?
171
00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:22,000
Y'all been zapped!
172
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:25,910
Look out, America,
173
00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:30,030
'cause when Dave Chappelle's
around, you might get zapped!
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00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:33,720
Julie!
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00:07:34,150 --> 00:07:35,450
What up, playboy?
176
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,650
Damn it, how could
you do this to me?
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00:07:37,650 --> 00:07:40,250
You've wasted eight years
of my life!
178
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:42,860
Oh, come on, man,
with all that shouting.
179
00:07:42,860 --> 00:07:44,560
Dave Chappelle?
180
00:07:44,990 --> 00:07:48,900
Jeez, Julie, why don't
you just fuck JJ.?
181
00:07:48,930 --> 00:07:50,200
JJ.?
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00:07:50,230 --> 00:07:55,400
I ain't JJ,
but it was dyn-o-mite!
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00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,170
While we're on the subject,
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00:07:57,170 --> 00:07:58,470
I've been sleeping with
my secretary
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00:07:58,470 --> 00:08:00,640
for the last
three and a half years.
186
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,340
What?
187
00:08:02,380 --> 00:08:04,950
This wasn't real,
this was fake!
188
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:06,410
Well, what's that
in his pants?
189
00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:08,420
It's a dildo, dawg!
190
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:13,190
You have
been zapped!
191
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:15,820
Dave Chappelle, you have
ruined my life!
192
00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:18,830
(laughing)
193
00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:23,160
(cheering and applauding)
194
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,770
Now, the next one is
the one that really
195
00:08:25,770 --> 00:08:27,500
got me in a lot more trouble.
196
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:29,270
This is when the heat
got turned up.
197
00:08:29,270 --> 00:08:30,540
Observe.
198
00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:34,440
Zapped!
199
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,640
All right, everybody,
get on the fucking floor!
200
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:37,970
This is a robbery!
201
00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:39,680
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey!
202
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,250
Stay cool, big time,
stay cool!
203
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,580
Don't you move, baby!
204
00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:46,190
You've got 20 seconds to
fill this bag with cash.
205
00:08:46,190 --> 00:08:47,920
I don't wanna
see a peep outta you.
206
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,090
Hey, big time, what you looking
in my face for?
207
00:08:50,090 --> 00:08:52,260
That's against
the protocol of robbery!
208
00:08:52,260 --> 00:08:53,560
You think it's
a fuckin' game?
209
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:54,860
Shoot this motherfucka.
210
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:57,000
(shooting)
211
00:08:59,170 --> 00:09:01,340
(barking)
212
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:06,550
Please, I have a family.
213
00:09:06,570 --> 00:09:08,280
Oh, you got
a family?
214
00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:09,580
Well, guess what?
215
00:09:09,610 --> 00:09:11,750
I eat cottage cheese
for dinner, all right?
216
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,080
With salt
and pepper.
217
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,350
You understand?
218
00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:15,650
Now, I'm getting
outta here.
219
00:09:15,650 --> 00:09:17,420
I wanna tell
y'all something...
220
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:20,420
you've been zapped!
221
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:23,890
(laughing)
222
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,060
Freeze, right there!
223
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:28,240
Look, we just
doing a show...
224
00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:29,100
Ow!
225
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:33,000
Damn, I got hit!
226
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,470
I didn't have
nothing to do with that.
227
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:38,210
Sorry.
228
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:39,970
Be prepared
to get zapped
229
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,300
Thursdays at 8:30.
230
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,410
This Fall,
on the WB!
231
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,450
Mammy.
232
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,620
(moaning)
233
00:09:49,050 --> 00:09:53,820
What, I can't make fun of
that fucking frog?
234
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,990
Fuck that frog.
235
00:09:56,020 --> 00:09:57,760
They don't be doing
that on white networks.
236
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,490
As soon as a black network...
237
00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:02,060
at the dubba
WB.
238
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:06,400
I like chicken...
239
00:10:06,430 --> 00:10:08,870
That's the most
racist shit ever.
240
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:15,080
Welcome back, niggers,
to the WB.
241
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:17,280
Hey, don't go
anywhere, we'll be right back,
242
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,410
with more of this
Chappelle's Show.
243
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,580
Yes, yes, we will!
244
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:28,960
Go ahead!
245
00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:32,430
(applauding)
246
00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:34,160
Welcome back.
247
00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:41,570
This next piece is, uh, from my
Masterpiece Theater archives.
248
00:10:41,570 --> 00:10:45,040
It's actually dedicated
to women who don't appreciate
249
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,610
their god-given assets.
250
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,680
I tell you ladies, especially
y'all at home watchin',
251
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,850
appreciate your
bodies for what they are
252
00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:56,170
'cause you never know who
might be likin' 'em.
253
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:03,690
What's with all
the stretching?
254
00:11:03,690 --> 00:11:07,560
Oh, you know the old adage:
Big boobs, bad back.
255
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,730
Yeah, all set?
256
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,930
I'm a little worried, I didn't
have a clean sports bra
257
00:11:11,930 --> 00:11:13,230
so I had to
wear a regular one.
258
00:11:13,230 --> 00:11:15,370
You'll be fine,
let's go.
259
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,440
(beating drums)
260
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:21,910
Oh, don't worry, Sheila,
I'm sure nobody notices.
261
00:11:21,910 --> 00:11:22,740
Really?
262
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:23,610
Yeah.
263
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,380
(man)
Look at that lady.
264
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:27,550
Yeah, her bosooms are, like,
bouncin' around and everything.
265
00:11:27,550 --> 00:11:28,850
They're not
talking about you.
266
00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:31,450
Sweet Jesus, did you see
the jugs on that brunette?
267
00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:32,720
(man)
Yeah!
268
00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:34,460
I'm gonna go in.
269
00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:35,790
Sheila, it's okay.
270
00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:37,060
It's not okay!
271
00:11:37,090 --> 00:11:38,360
Ow!
272
00:11:38,390 --> 00:11:40,530
It's not okay!
273
00:11:41,830 --> 00:11:43,570
Stupid boobs.
274
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,170
Nothing but
an inconvenience.
275
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,930
I wish I didn't have 'em!
276
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,200
Ow.
277
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:53,540
Agh!
278
00:11:53,570 --> 00:11:55,490
Careful what you
wish for.
279
00:11:55,710 --> 00:11:57,450
What?
Who are you?
280
00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,650
Who I am is not important,
281
00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:03,080
but what you said about
those titties is.
282
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,690
Follow me.
283
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,720
(bells ringing)
284
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,490
(Dave)
It's easy, try it.
285
00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:12,630
(Sheila)
Hey, that's me.
286
00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:15,700
And that's frank, the human
resources man at my office.
287
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,400
He's always
slobbering over me.
288
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,700
Not today.
289
00:12:18,730 --> 00:12:22,200
So that's why I think
I'm qualified for the promotion.
290
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:26,510
Yeah, well, um...
we'll see.
291
00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:29,150
Why is he being
so dismissive?
292
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,710
What happened to my boobs?
293
00:12:35,180 --> 00:12:37,780
Oh, you just answered
your own question.
294
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:41,260
Them boobies is gone,
girl, just like you wished for.
295
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,560
How did it go?
296
00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:43,420
Not well.
297
00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:46,030
That woman was
a flat-chested bore.
298
00:12:46,060 --> 00:12:47,790
Our clients will never
respond to her.
299
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,580
For Pete's sake,
she's got no melons.
300
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:54,300
So, should I tell her she's not
getting the promotion?
301
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:55,570
Yes.
302
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,640
In fact, tell that
titless freak she's fired.
303
00:12:58,640 --> 00:12:59,910
Oh, I'm on it.
304
00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:01,680
Oh, are guys
really like that?
305
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,810
No.
306
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,580
My guy friends aren't
like that.
307
00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:08,580
(laughing)
308
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:09,450
Boo-yah!
309
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,050
(Sheila)
Hey, look, it's Paul.
310
00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:15,960
He's always been so helpful
to me, such a loyal friend.
311
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:19,890
Hey, buddy, I have a painting
I need to hang up in my bedroom,
312
00:13:19,890 --> 00:13:21,630
do you think you
could help?
313
00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:23,760
Wow, I didn't even know
we were buddies.
314
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,970
I always thought
I was your personal handyman
315
00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:28,130
'cause you're constantly
asking me for favors
316
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,440
that I don't want to do.
317
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:30,700
You know
what you need?
318
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,910
A new set of titties
and a boyfriend,
319
00:13:32,910 --> 00:13:35,480
then you'll be
all set, all right?
320
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,390
What's gotten
into him?
321
00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:41,550
Well, it's not
what's gotten into him
322
00:13:41,550 --> 00:13:44,180
as much as it is what's
gotten out of you.
323
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:47,220
By that, of course, I mean
your massive milk bladders.
324
00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:48,490
Paul, wait!
325
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,260
I still have
big boobs!
326
00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:51,580
He can't see you.
327
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,290
We'll see about that!
328
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:57,170
(jingling)
329
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,500
He can't see you,
330
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,050
but my black ass
got 20/20 vision.
331
00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:02,370
God damn, Sheila!
332
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,110
You men are the worst.
333
00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:05,840
You're right.
334
00:14:05,870 --> 00:14:08,040
Oh, my gosh,
Sheila, you are right.
335
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,740
Women, the fairer sex,
336
00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:11,510
they would never ever
judge another woman
337
00:14:11,510 --> 00:14:15,380
by the size of her
boobies, now would they?
338
00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:16,680
Mazel tov!
339
00:14:19,290 --> 00:14:21,050
Hey, wait,
those are my friends.
340
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,760
Oh, word?
341
00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:24,060
Where's Sheila?
342
00:14:24,090 --> 00:14:26,230
Wasn't she supposed
to be a bridesmaid?
343
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:27,960
Oh, I was gonna
have her be one,
344
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,000
then I thought,
"am I getting bridesmaids,
345
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:33,200
or starting an itty-bitty
titty committee?"
346
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,040
Oh!
347
00:14:34,070 --> 00:14:36,640
(laughing)
348
00:14:36,670 --> 00:14:38,410
I didn't even invite her
to my wedding.
349
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:40,110
Oh, snap!
350
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,010
How could she do that?
351
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,480
'Cause your
friends are bitches!
352
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,820
Besides, Sheila, even girls
love girls with huge tats,
353
00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:53,940
especially at a wedding.
354
00:14:53,990 --> 00:14:56,590
The groom's friends gotta have
somebody to sleep with.
355
00:14:56,590 --> 00:14:59,230
I had no idea these
things were so important.
356
00:14:59,230 --> 00:15:02,700
Oh, keep it real, girl,
them things are lifesavers.
357
00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:04,430
Listen, I didn't
want to put this on you,
358
00:15:04,430 --> 00:15:06,570
but the fate of
the world...
359
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:10,160
you hear me... the world
rests on them chesticles!
360
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:13,940
Shazam!
361
00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:15,240
(ringing alarm)
362
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,300
Hey, where do I know
that crazy guy from?
363
00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:20,480
He used to live
next door to you.
364
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,950
You know, masturbating to you
and those giant cans of yours
365
00:15:23,950 --> 00:15:26,090
was all he had to live for.
366
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,420
Once you took
that away,
367
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:30,320
he lost his mind
and blew up the world!
368
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,760
Thanks a lot, Sheila.
369
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,330
No, no, no!
370
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,660
I don't want the world
to end
371
00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:38,230
just because of
my sweater puppets!
372
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:40,400
Oh, that's
a beautiful thought.
373
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,730
You should've thought
about that
374
00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,300
before you wished
them sweet tits away.
375
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:46,940
World's going to end in
about 10 seconds...
376
00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:49,980
which is just enough
time to suck a titty.
377
00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:51,710
But where would I find
a titty from?
378
00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:56,450
I don't...
well, hey, it's Sheila!
379
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,920
(screaming,
explosion)
380
00:16:07,730 --> 00:16:11,200
You've taught me
a valuable lesson today.
381
00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:15,540
I'm never going to curse
my fun bags again.
382
00:16:15,570 --> 00:16:19,440
In fact, I might
even get implants.
383
00:16:19,470 --> 00:16:21,180
All right.
384
00:16:21,610 --> 00:16:23,780
You listen, world,
385
00:16:23,810 --> 00:16:27,680
I've got humongoid knockers,
and I'm proud of them.
386
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,850
(jingle)
387
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,750
Thanks, mister.
388
00:16:33,790 --> 00:16:35,960
You must be an angel
or something.
389
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,090
Angel?
390
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:40,700
I ain't no angel,
I'm a janitor.
391
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:45,060
Then how did you show me
all those places?
392
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:48,500
Girl, I am high on PCP.
393
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,700
I was gonna ask you
how you was following me.
394
00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:53,710
You smoke sherm...
a little sherman?
395
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:55,440
No... uh,
who are you?
396
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:59,350
I'm just a nigga
that love titties.
397
00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:01,080
Have a good day, miss.
398
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,680
(whistling)
399
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:09,790
All right, everybody, we'll
take a quick commercial break
400
00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:11,960
so you guys can throw up or do
whatever you have to do,
401
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,090
and then we'll be back
with more Chappelle's Show.
402
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,830
Hooray!
403
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:18,430
(cheering)
404
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,340
Man, I'm bored.
405
00:17:22,370 --> 00:17:24,970
I gotta go to
the Chappelle's Show.
406
00:17:24,970 --> 00:17:27,140
To my audience here
and my audience at home,
407
00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:28,840
God bless you
all, man.
408
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,740
God bless America.
409
00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:31,010
I'm out!
410
00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:34,480
I'm rich,
bi-atch!
411
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,380
(horn honks)
412
00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:37,080
Hi, thank you.
413
00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:44,020
Now I gotta get up, wash all
this blood off me,
414
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,660
and still get to
the club before last call
415
00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:50,100
'cause it's Fri-day night!
416
00:17:50,130 --> 00:17:52,270
(laughing)
417
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:54,000
The WB!
418
00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:55,740
WB?
419
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:59,210
Man, you told me this (bleep)
was for HBO, man.
420
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,320
Ain't dying
for no damn WB.
421
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,110
Look, it's Paul.
422
00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:05,750
He's always been so helpful
to me, such a loyal friend.
423
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,010
Word?
424
00:18:07,450 --> 00:18:09,650
I'm sorry, I wasn't listening,
what did you say?
425
00:18:09,650 --> 00:18:11,910
I had some
titties on my neck.
29219
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