All language subtitles for Cafe Express 1980-subrip

- Are you sure it's for me?
- That's what they said.

- When's it coming in?
- Should be any minute.

You sure this thing still works?

It did when they notified
us a little while ago.

So far so good, huh?

From the Head Office of the
Ministry of Transportation, Rome.

To Chief Conductor Guiseppe Sanguigno.

- See, it's addressed to you personally.
- Yeah, I see.

Identify and hold in custody for
railway police one Michele Abbagnano,

due in Vallo Della Lucania
on express train 517,

arriving from Napoli, wanted
in Rutino, Ogliastro,

Pontecangnano, Castellanmare, Torre
Del Greco, Salerno and Pompeii,

by the state railway authorities
for vending without a licence.

Who the fuck is Michele Abbagnano?

That's it coming now, the 517 express.

- Let's go, get moving.
- But the teletype is still going.

What if they're sending more information?

It'll still be waiting for you
but the train's here right now.

Ah, you can't see a thing out there.

Give me a chance to switch on
the main yard lights, will you?

Look at this, those lights wouldn't
even light up a graveyard.

You're not going to thread a needle, are you?

No, we're just going to grab a guy
from Naples. Come on, give us a hand.

- What for?
- Don't just stand there, come on.

- Scognamilio, over there.
- Yes, your highness.

- What does this guy look like anyway?
- No idea.

Oh well then it's no problem,
we'll be sure to pick him out...

Well, how many people do you know
who come all the way from Naples,

get off here, and then
take the next train back?

We know all the regular commuters,
so we can forget about them.

The first stranger we
see has got to be him.

Yeah, there's nothing to it.
And what if we don't catch him?

If nothing else, we'll catch pneumonia.

Yeah, look on the bright side!

- Good evening, Don Luigi.
- Good evening.

You'd better cover up, Antonio,
it's cold out here.

Hurry up, willya?

This way, please.

Nothing?

- Then he couldn't have gotten off here.
- We couldn't have missed him.

- Now what do we do?
- Now we've got nothing to worry about.

- Did you see anything?
- No.

I told you everything was fine,
but you wouldn't believe me.

Hey! Over there.

Look at that nice little swagger.

That is one cute ass.

- I wouldn't call it cute.
- No? What, then?

I'd call it paradise.

A hot pack like that on my chest
is all I need to cure my cold.

Laugh a little, it's good
for what ails ya.

There's nothing to laugh at.

Everything depresses him.

A nice ass like that.

And it doesn't even get a rise out of him.

Sanguigno, what were asses
like in your day?

- We didn't have asses in my day.
- Ah, relax, our problem's solved.

Abbagnano didn't get off the train.

- Are we going, or what?
- What's the rush?

They're only 25 minutes late. For
them, that's practically early.

Don't complain, if we're early
now, so much the better for you.

You're sure to be a lot later
before the night's over.

- Anything special?
- No, nothing.

- Goodnight.
- I'll be glad to get to bed tonight.

Hey chief, mind if I have
another swig or two?

Take it along, it's
almost empty anyway.

- Scognamiglio!
- Yeah, here I am!

- So?
- I was waiting for you.

You ready?

Hold it a minute.

Excuse us, a friend of ours
is in the toilet for a moment.

- Right now?
- When you gotta go, you gotta go.

How is it possible that he does
this before every job we pull?

It's just nerves, everyone deals
with it in his own way.

I get over it by praying.

He takes a dump.

- I'm coming.
- Hurry up

I gotta do up my pants.

Get up.

He's gotta either screw it up or shit himself.

Here comes Michele, here comes Michele
to provide you with all your comforts:

Black coffee, hot milk and cappuccino.

Treat yourself.

Don't deny yourself one
of life's little pleasures.

After all, we're here today and gone
tomorrow and then it's too late.

- Is it hot?
- You bet it is.

When my son brings it he gets it
from a locker near the heating box.

- We'll have two black coffees.
- Right away.

One...and two...

- Where'd he go?
- We must've offended him.

- So what'd you say?
- I didn't say anything.

Your tickets, please.

Thank you.

Two black coffees, that's 600 lira.

Ah, you're selling without
a licence, huh?

No, this is our new uniform,
it's the latest Parisian fashion.

We change to white in the summer.

Here comes Michele, here comes Michele
to provide you with all your comforts.

Calling for the priest's more
expensive and less fun.

Black coffee, hot milk and cappuccino.

Can't you sell your coffee without
waking up everyone on the train?

Good thing I do, if you drank coffee
in your sleep you'd choke to death.

- I'd like a coffee.
- Sure.

The sugar's already in it. 300 lira.

Will you go on like that all night,
you're giving me a headache, already.

Well, that's a good sign.

At least it means you've
got a head. Give me that.

- What?
- We're about to come to an old switch.

If you're not ready for it, you'll
spill coffee all over yourself.

How do you know that?

First the train goes de-de-da-da
which means the switch is coming up,

When it goes da-da-da
you'll feel a big thump.

What did I tell you? Wait a
minute, it's not over yet.

I'll put your cup here for you.

Caffe, cappuccino, hot -

- Want some coffee, sister?
- Yes, thank you.

- But try to be quiet, will you?
- Quiet coffee, eh?

- Are they orphans?
- They're the lord's children.

Orphans.

- Are you taking them to the sea?
- To the mountains.

They're lucky.

- My son's never been on a summer camp.
- Your son's not an orphan.

- That's the trouble.
- How much?

300's fine, 400's even
better. Whatever you wish.

- There you are.
- Thank you, may god bless your soul.

My change!

Oh, you wanted it? My mistake.

You'll have to be patient with
me, with only one hand...

Have you been disabled from birth?

Disabled?

Ah, you mean the wooden arm?

I'll tell you what happened.

One night outside Casavalore
during a terrible storm,

two little kids were trapped
in a raging fire.

There was the howling wind
and the roaring flames,

but I still heard those kids and
I jumped right into the fire.

They told me when I woke up in the
hospital that I got them out safe,

but my arm didn't make it.

You want your change?

- Excuse me, where are we?
- That was Tortiano we went through.

But it's black as pitch,
how can you be sure?

I'm like a cat in the dark,
I just know, period.

- When do we get to Ogliastro?
- It's the next stop.

- Do you want a coffee call?
- A what?

So when you know to get off,
I'll bring you a cup of coffee.

I'm not getting off there, I'm
expecting someone else to get on.

It's still worth having a call anyway,
for 200 lira you can stop worrying.

- No, thanks, I'll know when we're there.
- Whatever you say.

Black coffee, hot milk, cappuccino.

- Want some coffee, sir?
- Why not ask inside first.

- There's five of them.
- I will, thanks.

Black coffee, hot milk, cappuccino.

- How much is it?
- Special group rate.

- 200 lira.
- Fine.

- Let me help you.
- Thank you

- How many?
- One.

- And fill the cup.
- Sir.

- And lots of sugar in it.
- Naturally.

- Sugar.
- Thanks.

Okay then. Everyone served.

- Your little one has his own supply.
- He's only quiet when he's nursing.

Very cute. What's his name?

Peppino.

Has he done his military service yet?

What?

- She's grieving.
- What happened?

My son worked in a quarry.

But heavy rain turned everything
to ruins, and he died.

He owns the quarry, the man out there.

He's endured this trouble
too, poor fellow.

My son wasn't even insured.

He's been very charitable.

He's been very good to us. He's given
us this compartment to go to the funeral.

- At his expense.
- You didn't have to pay for the ticket?

No, nothing.

What a fine man.

- Thanks.
- No problem.

- Would you like a coffee now?
- Sure, one coffee.

I heard about the accident.

- Oh, yeah?
- We've all got our troubles.

For example, how are you off for
a reliable night watchman?

I've got a bull mastiff.

But how much does it cost you?
They eat a lot: pasta, meat...

On the other hand, I never eat meat.

- The dog can bark.
- Yes, yes.

But only barks.

I know how to phone someone.

- Who?
- I don't know...police...

- If there were thieves about.
- We don't need policemen complicating things.

When the dog starts barking,
any thieves will clear out.

- But what if they don't clear out.
- Then the dog'll tear them apart.

Well, I suppose to takes a special
vocation to savage Christians.

But I can bark.
Do you want to hear?

No, no. How much is it?

You don't even want to hear me?

- Then let's say 1000 lira.
- 1000 lira for one coffee?

Two. Wouldn't you at least want
to offer something hot,

to the family of your other dog?

- Thank the master.
- Let's thank the Master.

Ogliast...

- Ogliastro!
- Right.

- Ferdinando! Ferdinando!
- Hey baby, my name's Ferdinando...

I'm over here!

Quick, darling, up here.

Look at this, I get a
surprise at every station.

It's easy for them, they just send me
telegrams and think it solves everything.

As if there was only one man on the train.

"Chief Inspector will board 718
express to aid with investigation."

- Shit, an inspector!
- The Chief Inspector!

- Well, so what?
- You couldn't care less.

But what's there to investigate, there's
no Michele Abbagnano on the train.

They're always trying to
put the wind up you.

Why don't you call Rome and tell
them not to send the inspector?

You're so goddamn smart, d'you think anyone
in Rome's sitting by the phone at this hour?

Okay, don't have a stroke.

- Scognamilio, you want a slug of this?
- No, no.

- It's good for your cold.
- Are you trying to make me sick?

You know I can't drink. What made
me come to work tonight anyhow?

I was sitting pretty on sick leave.

Are you kidding, you could
never sit pretty.

You're homely, you're a fathead,
and what's worse, you're sober.

If you're sick, it's because
you deserve it.

Screw you, you halfwit.

Doctor! Doctor!

- But you said the last car.
- It was, but it's been downgraded.

Here. The latest scientific discovery.
It's not even on the market yet.

- Are you kidding, it's poison.
- No, that's not the original bottle.

The hospital is supplied
with everything in bulk.

- Will it cure him?
- No, it won't.

- Then what's it for?
- Michele, let's be honest now.

This is one case where
drugs can't do much good.

What your son needs is an operation.

- The sooner the better.
- It's as serious as that?

It's not serious, but if we wait,

he'll be handicapped the rest of his life.

What's wrong with his hands, I
thought the trouble was his lungs.

He was born with a minor physical defect.

Which only an operation can
take care of. How old is he?

Cazzillo? He's 14.

Bring him to the hospital in Naples,
we'll operate and get it done with.

And who'll take care of
him when he gets out?

That's why he's in boarding school,
because he doesn't have a mother.

Have a look at this.

It's still swollen. If I were
you I'd bathe it in alcohol.

- You got any?
- No.

By the way, how's your
money situation?

Not too bad, I've got
close to 200,000 lira.

That's chicken feed.

But you said you would do
the operation for nothing.

The operation, sure, but you're
not covered by health insurance.

- And medicine, can you afford it?
- Sure.

And the x-rays plus all the other
tests, can you afford that?

I can afford 200,000,
that'll be enough.

With only 200,000 you'll be lucky if
you can bribe the hospital attendant,

- into finding a bed for you.
- Is that what you call lucky?

Even then, with something
for me as a personal favour,

the whole business should
come to around to a million.

What it ought to come to is
dousing you with a can of gas,

and setting a match to your whole business.

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.
You wanted medicine, I stole it.

What more d'you want?

Sure, you got a lot to be upset about,
but you don't have to take it out on me.

- I never said it was your fault.
- Then why are you shouting?

- Because I'm pissed off!
- So why are you pissed off with me?

Did I say I was pissed off with you?

- Then who are you pissed off with?
- The only one I'm pissed off with is me.

Haven't I got a right to
be pissed off with me?

A million lira.

Around one million lira.

- Will 3000 be enough?
- For what?

- For the pills you brought.
- It's okay, I didn't pay for them.

Never mind that, you've got kids
to feed as well, so take it.

Okay, what say we split
it, that okay with you?

Thanks.

- You want some coffee?
- You gave me one already!

So have another one!

- A couple of coffees.
- I'm booked right now.

I'll be right back.

- Excuse me.
- Of course, come in.

Just what I needed, a cappuccino.

Sorry, this one has been
reserved for a UN diplomat.

- What do you mean, UN?
- NU.

He was sent to help earthquake
victims in the south.

But he told me he drove a hearse
for the National Undertakers.

What do you think the UN sends to
help earthquake victims, huh?

Excellency, Agropoli is in five
minutes. Here's your cappuccino.

Do you want your bill for this week?

You've had four cappuccinos booked
in advance and one that wasn't.

Wait a minute, you have to book
your coffee in advance?

No, only coffee with a wake-up call.

A wake-up call! That's why I never sleep,
because I'm scared I won't wake up in time.

Could you wake me with a coffee
before we get to Torre Annunziata?

- If you like.
- Thanks, Michele.

Don't mention it, your excellency.

Excuse me, you will wake
me? I can count on you?

- You're not gonna forget about it, are you?
- Well, it's my duty.

I'm a bit worried because if I'm not awake
I'll miss an appointment for a job interview.

I don't know if you've noticed
but I have a slight physical defect.

Where?

In the way I look.

I'd never have noticed.

So what? I suppose you're a bit cross-eyed,
some people think it's charming.

The girls don't exactly
fall over me though.

Don't worry, you're still
a very young man.

I guess so. Only, the police
wouldn't take me on the force.

It's not as bad as all that,
there are other jobs around.

Yeah, sure. But that
was the one I wanted.

There once was a time when
I was quite a pianist.

You were?

One night as I was giving an open-air concert
the most terrible thunderstorm blew up.

There was the howling wind
and the roaring thunder,

and while I was playing the introduction
to the main theme of the symphony,

the wind slammed the piano
lid down on my fingers.

You don't mean that...

Ah, my boy, you can't
have everything in life.

But we still go on living the
best we can in spite of it?

The best we can...in spite of it.

I told you I'd be back.

Two coffees.

- Long?
- No, why?

Just wondering.

Are you coming down here
or should I go up there?

Here comes Michele to provide
you with all your comforts.

Black coffee, hot milk, cappuccino.

Coffee's the best friend a man
ever had, keeps you wide awake,

helps you avoid trouble and gives you
the strength to live to a ripe old age.

- You want some coffee?
- It makes me sick.

Maybe you're not well. You do
look a bit green around the gills.

Yeah, I know. I suffer
from claustrophobia.

When you're holed up in there with all the
windows closed and not a breath of air...

- Feels like you're in jail, huh?
- Don't say that, or I'll puke.

Would you like a pill for your stomach?

- No thanks.
- I always keep a couple on me.

Because there are some trips on
this train that make me nauseous.

- Really?
- You have to have patience.

If it gets any worse, give me a call.

I've always said, nothing cements
a friendship like a little vomit.

- That's so true.
- Beat it, will ya?

Listen you - wise up, or else.

Let go of that arm if you
know what's good for you.

What if I don't feel like letting go?

Then you'll get splinters,
that arm's made out of wood.

You're gonna quit ringing that bell. If
they're sleeping, let them sleep.

- And how am I going to sell the coffee?
- Sell it somewhere else.

And don't ring the bell.

I suppose you're going to make
up for all the money I lose.

- Wanna lose both arms?
- The conductor's coming!

- Hey! Where are you going?
- There's no time for that.

Lucky break for you.

Just try ringing that bell again. Try it.

Ring it once more, you'll see.

Excuse me, do you know whether this train
stops in Pompeii or goes straight through?

- Ah, don't give me that shit!
- Careful, the conductor!

- Fuck the conductor.
- Ha, ha! That's a good one, young man...

Got any more amusing stories?

Hi, Dad.

What the hell?

What are you doing on the train?

Cazzillo, you going to answer me?

Dad, I put your thermoses in the locker.

When I jumped on the train, it pulled out.

You mean they let you out on vacation?

I don't like school so I ran away.

My god, listen to this, after I went to
all that trouble to get them to take you.

You'd think you be'd glad to go to a
school where you get three meals a day.

- That's not enough for me though.
- How the hell often d'you have to eat?

It wasn't a real school,
it was an orphan school.

And I was the only orphan in the
school whose father was alive.

So you'd rather I was dead,
is that what you mean?

I think we should have a long talk.

Okay, then.

- You want to start?
- Just a minute, I don't want to cut myself.

What do you have to shave for anyhow?

Nobody believes me when I say I'm 14.

What's the hurry to grow a beard?

- Because I want to start working.
- So you can end up like me?

I don't see why you're passing up the chance
to go to school with boys your own age,

- study, play football...
- I'm not allowed to play football.

I've got asthma and can't breathe,
and I can't take gym,

and everyone calls me a loser
so why should I stay there?

I've got a father, so
I want to stay with you.

You're all alone too. I even
began to learn how to cook.

Wash that stuff off your face,
okay? You look kinda creepy.

Ticket, sir.

Thank you. As far as pension goes, it's
calculated on the final month's salary.

So I'm not about to let anything
gyp me out of my pay increase.

Let's see, 365 divided by 24 plus 221,

that's the additional
compensation for night work.

Yeah, so you see, it works out
to more than you counted on.

I'd have to get a calculator
to work it out.

So, someone like Michele Abbagnano
could screw it all up for me,

because of him I'd lose 422 lira a day
every day for the rest of my life.

I could strangle that son of a bitch!

- Plus all the vacation I have coming.
- Is that so?

And another thing...just a minute, son.

There's a 2.85 seniority bonus to consider.

Plus the 3.25 hardship bonus.

Hey, there's no water.

When you add it up...why
doesn't this thing work?

Ah, there we are. I almost forgot, I
haven't used up last year's vacation.

With all these added benefits,

I'm liable to be risking everything
I've worked hard for all these years.

Now the damn thing won't stop.

It's all too much. How can a
man live under such tension?

They're gone now, Dad.

- Want a cold baked potato?
- No thanks, I'm sick of potatoes.

- But you must be hungry.
- I got to eat in school.

- Let me work the train.
- No, we have a long way to go.

- I want you to lay down and sleep.
- But I can carry the basket around.

You're a growing boy, and growing
boys can't do without sleep.

Wait till tomorrow morning, we'll see.

Run along, eh?

Black coffee, hot milk, cappuccino.
Prices everyone can afford.

Don't hang on to your money,
you can't take it with you.

Here comes Michele, always thinking of you.

Whoa, what have we got here.
Hot milk, cappuccino, coffee?

Uh...er...one black coffee.

Here you go.

- Who are you giving it to?
- Isn't it for you?

No, I'm treating you, okay? You drink it.

Okay. Here's looking at you.

But only if you drink it in the corridor,
and keep watch outside the room.

Keep watch for what?

- In case anyone comes along.
- In that case, sorry, I'd better not.

Will that make you feel any better?

But it's only four minutes to Battipaglia,
where the workmen get on.

Well, what can you do in four minutes?

A lot, if you wouldn't waste our time.

But you shouldn't rush a thing like that.
You should take time to enjoy it.

When those workmen get on,
they nose around everywhere.

How am I supposed to keep them away?

Now look here, young lady...young man...

Hey, intermission, huh?

You're making me lose customers,
I could've sold 6 or 7 cappuccinos.

Not to mention the coffee,
I could've sold 5 or 6.

Well, it's better not to sell it, huh?

I never was able to say no
to such heartfelt passion.

RESERVED FOR PARLIAMENT

- Yes, you
- What?

- Will you do me a favour?
- Yes, of course.

Will you call the conductor?

- Me?
- I can't leave the girls alone in the compartment.

- What's the trouble?
- Those two next door.

Do you have any idea what they're doing?

- No, what are they doing?
- Take a look.

I can't see a thing, the
curtains are closed.

But if you stand right here on your
tiptoes, and look through the slit,

- you can see everything.
- But if you don't stand on your tiptoes

and don't look through the slit
then you won't see anything.

Yes, but what if some poor innocent
soul were to walk in there?

True enough. I think
I know what to do.

While you pray for the
souls of those lost sinners,

I'll take care of the rest and
stand watch outside the door,

- so that nobody goes inside.
- Bless you.

Although it's going
to be bad for sales.

What if I bought milk for
all the girls tomorrow?

- One good turn deserves another.
- All right.

They always hurry us out at night
without even time for coffee.

Yeah, but duty comes first.

Why did you all get off?

Let's go, everyone back on board.

Looks like everyone's still asleep.

Morning, boys.

- Morning, Michele!
- Hope you didn't work too hard.

The only ones who don't work
hard these days are the priests.

What d'you mean, you wouldn't be
caught dead working too hard!

- I'll have this one.
- No, no, that one's occupied.

Since when do diplomats travel second class?

Must be a relative. There's a woman
stretched out on the seat there moaning.

- What's wrong with her?
- She threw up everywhere.

- Even on the seats, floor...
- Is she pregnant?

Not yet. Well, I don't think so.

I'd better tell her you're coming in.

No, no, forget it then,
I'll find somewhere else.

Do you want me to bring you a
coffee? What class will you be in?

The working class!

Sorry, you two, but your time's
up, I've got work to do.

- Just a minute.
- Come on, if I wait any longer,

I'll have to apply for a brothel licence.

- Ferdinando!
- Ah, I've had enough of this.

- Michele!
- What?

Come and give me a hand, will
ya, l can't do it alone.

- Do what?
- Wash myself.

- I'm covered with grease
- Oh, sure, of course.

You hold the soap while I
stand on the water pedal.

Sorry!

You hold the soap and I'll do the water.

What happened to your finger?

Got mangled by a machine
at the factory.

I hope you got compensation.

- No, you need to lose two fingers for that.
- And you only lost one?

That's just plain unlucky.

- How much did you get for your hand?
- Me? Nothing.

- You must be due for something.
- Sure, but that doesn't mean I get it.

Well, did you make
out an application?

I've been making applications
for years and I'm still waiting.

- Can't they get a move on.
- They don't want to.

They won't cough up 'til I'm dead.

- How about a coffee.
- Right away, sir.

Is it good?

Sure, if it wasn't I wouldn't
make any money.

On an overnight trip I tend to have some
of it myself, so I drink all the profits.

- One cup of your best coffee, eh?
- One coffee, coming up.

- How much are these sandwiches?
- 1200.

Robbery!

Could you heat this milk for my baby son?

Sure.

A real espresso!

- And could you do this one too?
- Your kid's got some thirst on him, huh?

We're going all the way to Germany.

Mind if I take one?

- Yeah, go ahead.
- He'd like some sugar.

I'll put it in his milk later,
we've got a long way to go.

Much appreciated.

- Good.
- His name's Abbagnano.

He's a small-time hustler who rides the
trains selling coffee without a licence.

He's been doing it for years. I don't
know why those jerks from Rome,

sitting on their asses, tell
us to jump on him tonight.

Come on, I'll buy you a drink.

- We have to wait for the connection anyhow.
- Thanks, I'll have a grappino.

- You should have one, Scognamiglio.
- No, nothing alcoholic.

- It's dangerous to mix it with cough medicine.
- Then, for my colleague,

a double oral suppository.

I'll pass, I've got enough poison
inside me as it is.

- Lend me your umbrella.
- Where are you going, Sanguigno?

I won't be long, I want
to find out something.

If Rome can ring me in
the middle of the night,

then I don't see why
I can't ring them.

Okay, let's divvy it up.

...fourteen...

And fifteen and sixteen...

...seventeen and eighteen...

...nineteen and twenty...

Twenty-one, twenty-two...

...twenty-three, twenty-four.

You sure that's right?

Instead of taking a load off while we're
working, why not have a crap now?

I can't, I'm not scared right now.

Time and a place for everything, huh?

What?

This?

- It's patane...potatoes...
- "Patane"?

- Kartoffeln!
- "Kartoffeln"?

Kartoffeln, patane.

- I nicht! I kameraten!
- Kameraten?

- Kameraten, kartoffeln.
- Kartoffeln?

What the fuck are you talking about?

- Are you Italian?
- We're from the Alpine Brigade.

- So you speak ltalian.
- Yeah, I do.

These guys are almost all from Bergamo.

We're checking for explosives
along the line.

That's why they stopped you.
You're not carrying bombs, right?

- Yeah, as if...
- What?

No, no, "as if", yes, no bombs.

You look pale, you afraid of something?

No, I always look like this,
that's fear of being afraid.

Excuse me now, I've got
to go. Ah, my knife!

Thanks. Can I have my hand back now?

- Can I ask you a question?
- Go ahead.

Are you Catholic?

No, I'm unemployed.

You shouldn't lose faith, when the heavenly
father has arranged two miracles for you.

No kidding.

He sees everything.

Now it seems he is aware that
you're a bit short of cash.

You mean it's taken him forty
years to figure that one out?

That's nothing in the
infinity of eternity.

Just clear something up for me: what
does the heavenly father want in return?

- Come on, tell me.
- Well, maybe some information.

For instance, when you sell coffee,

you might accidentally notice if your
client's wallet is a bit thin or well-fed.

- Well...
- And then you tell me.

And then he'll accidentally lose it.

- Not accidentally.
- Beautiful.

So where's the miracle?

The heavenly father, in
his infinite kindness,

will happily repay your zeal
to the tune of 20,000 a night.

And so I become a thief
by the grace of god.

Tell you what.

You go back up to heaven and tell the
heavenly father you couldn't reach me.

Wait a minute, you've forgotten
the second miracle.

If it's anything like the first,
I can live without it.

No, it's different. The
lord sent me to warn you,

that as things stand now you
could run into some bad luck.

You know, starts with a broken
toe, then a broken neck,

then into the hospital
or even the mortuary.

And who is god's chosen instrument,

to help your little peek
into the future come true?

That would be Amitrano. Bad news.

Who's he?

That's me.

Looks like god sent the archangel Gabriel.

- So?
- So...

So...

Well... under the circumstances... we'd
better discuss the whole thing again.

I hoped you'd get smart.

But not here.

- I don't want to be overheard.
- Where, then?

In here. Good evening, gentlemen.
I've got a couple of surprises for you.

Come in, Gabriel.

No, no, it's all right...
we'll talk about it later.

We'll find you. Don't worry.

- So what are these two surprises?
- Two cups of the best coffee.

How did you know we wanted coffee?

I'm in direct contact with
the archangel Gabriel.

I see by your ribbons that you
had some years in Russia.

- Were you there as well?
- Yes, this is my souvenir.

- Frostbite.
- War's bad for everyone.

- Sometimes it's worse than peace.
- Where did you serve?

I was all over the place.
Finally I ended up in...ah...

- Stalingrad?
- Stalingrad, that's it.

One day I was walking by the river when
I found this guy in snow up to his neck.

The wind was terrible, the snow was coming
down. I couldn't just walk away.

- So I gave him my overcoat.
- I would've done the same.

Sorry, I don't have any change...wait.

Take some extra sugar
if you like it sweet.

On the house. And the change?

No change, that's a problem. Can
I bring it back to you later?

No, forget it. That's okay.

I would've done the same too.

Coffee, fresh hot coffee.
Morning, Pasquale.

- Morning, Michele. Two cups.
- Right away.

- You want it good and hot, eh?
- How much?

Got any Marlboros?

That's all right, take
your time. No hurry.

How many packs do you want?

One'll do. One shiny new pack, eh?

- 600 lira.
- We're all square, then.

You'll wake the whole goddamned
train with your cold.

Tickets, please.

- It's occupied.
- Tickets, please, sir.

Yeah, okay, just a minute.

- Have you got it?
- I'm trying to find it.

Can't you punch it later on?

- No, sorry.
- Tickets, please.

- I've got a season.
- Get your tickets ready.

- Thank you. Tickets!
- Here, take it.

Ticket, sir.

I always forget where I put it.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

- Did you check the whole train?
- Yeah, nothing.

The ministry can send a
whole army of inspectors.

They're not going to find any sign
of an unlicensed coffee vendor here.

- Excuse me.
- Sure.

He's not on board, that's for certain.

- That means you won't lose your bonus.
- It's a lot of money!

D'you know what it amounts to?

- Hey, Pasquale, you got one of those...
- One of those what?

You know, for adding up numbers.

- A pocket calculator.
- I might have one tucked away somewhere.

Sorry, looks like they're sold out.

Well, maybe you'll be luckier next
trip. Want some of our coffee?

- Thanks.
- No, not you, you've got a cold.

D'you want the rest of us to catch it?

That's good.

Very refreshing.

- See you later.
- Anytime you want to buy something.

Bye.

Who the hell sold you that coffee?

Come on, hurry up.

- My love!
- Say you love me.

I'll see you tomorrow,
on the 4:06 express!

Wait! Ferdinando, come here!

Why don't we take the 2:48
rapid? It goes slower.

- The 2:48 all-stations train?
- Yes.

But what'll I tell my wife?

Hot milk, cappcuccino, get
your coffee, second sitting.

- How much is a cappuccino?
- 400.

Got anything less expensive?

A cappuccino without coffee.

- What'd that be?
- Milk.

One cappuccino without coffee coming up.

- I can't keep up with you, I'm sick.
- How do you know he's on the train?

He must be here if he sold
Pasquale that coffee.

- Nothing?
- Well, this is the only compartment left.

Dad. Dad, come, quick.

What if the priest had woken up?

That's no priest! That's old Genarro.

Biggest con man in Naples, under his
skirt he's about as holy as we are.

Come on, hurry up.

Dad, these three want to take
a whole thermos from you.

And a glass of milk for our
helpful little messenger.

Okay, but come into the corridor,
you can drink it out here.

I don't think that's good manners,

to accept a drink from someone
and then take it away.

- I'll stay here then.
- Not necessary.

- The boy's just fine with us.
- Get the message?

Well, if that's how it is there's not
a lot I can do about it, huh?

See, with a little compromise you
can always reach an agreement.

- Especially if you got him by the balls.
- Conductor!

- Can I have a word?
- Sure.

- My name is Michele Abbagnano.
- How do you do. Nicola Scognamilio.

What can I do for you gentlemen...

- What did you say your name was?
- Michele Abbagnano.

- You admit it? Just like that?
- How else do you expect me to say it?

Mary, mother of...! Carmine! Chief!

There's two policemen in
the next compartment.

Go sit there a while.
They're friends of mine.

- All right now, show me your ticket.
- I can't.

- What about a travel warrant?
- Don't have one.

I'll have to make an
official report then.

Selling unlicensed coffee
is a serious offence.

Yeah, but thieving's a whole lot worse.

What do you mean?

- Do you want to see our tickets?
- No, don't bother.

You've had a lot of
practice writing reports.

- Don't like my style, huh?
- You ought to try it with one hand.

Then you know what it's like trying
to make a living with only one hand.

Don't fall for that
line about his hand.

He's bullshitting you.

- This hand's made of wood.
- Is that a fact?

Take it easy!

Suppose I stick this knife into it?

Then we'll all see what it's made of.

Go on, then.

- What the hell?
- Give me a hand!

- Thanks.
- What happened?

- Where did he go?
- Down the corridor.

Did you see a guy carrying a basket?

- What happened?
- Chief!

Where's my knife?

Don't push me. I'm not
going to end up in jail.

If I'm arrested and put away,
my son will end up like us too.

That's not going to happen and
I'll do anything to stop it.

Get the message?

- Excuse me please!
- Lay off!

I'll piss in your precious coffee.

You hear me? I'll piss in your coffee!

Chief! Chief!

I've found Michele Abbagnano!

- Where is he?
- I had him, I actually had him.

But then he got away.

I lost him when the train stopped.
What's going on, anyway?

I'm just going to see. You get
Vigorito, I want him caught.

And get the railway policemen.

You!

If you find a guy with a hat
and a basket, stop him.

- They've announced a strike.
- We'll be here all night long.

Look at all that blood there.

I'm gonna faint...

- Are we going to be here long?
- How should I know. Just keep cool.

- How much longer are we going to be?
- Did we hit something?

- There was an accident.
- This late?

Maybe someone jumped in front of the train.

Hey, look.

Shut the door, quick.

Grab hold of this.

Hey, you!

Yes, you.

Come here a second!

We've got to get this track cleared.

Yeah, coming.

- Gimmie a hand, pull now.
- Yeah, okay.

- Only one hand?
- That's all I've got.

Okay...now.

Come on!

Vigorito!

You go up front, because
I've got a sore toe.

If you step on it, it'll hurt like hell.

Up! That's it.

I found Abbagnano!

Vigorito! Vigorito!

I found Abbagnano!

Get all this stuff off the track,
move those barrels away.

- Okay, we're leaving.
- All right.

- I've found him!
- Found who?

- Abbagnano!
- Ready?

Ready! We're leaving!

Just a minute!

What about my barrels, they're
all broken, it's all lost.

What are you asking me for?

- Take it up with the Ministry.
- Sure, so I end up in jail.

Move everything, I said. We're going.

Careful, there are still
two barrels jammed.

Hey, you! What's your name?

- What's the difference?
- Get on, we're leaving!

Thanks for your help out there.

Nothing! Abbagnano's gone. Disappeared!

- Vanished into thin air.
- How could you be such an idiot?

You were standing right next
to him, and he still got away.

- Is Vigorito looking for him?
- Yes.

I'll find him if I have to
take this train apart.

- They're sleeping.
- Sorry.

- Well, anything?
- No, nothing.

It's occupied, just a minute.

Open the door right now!

In a hurry, are we?

Toilets on this train are hereby closed.

Orders of the state railroad.

- That makes no sense at all.
- That's bureaucracy.

Did the state authorities just
decide when we have to shit?

Good morning sir, I've
brought you your coffee.

- What?
- Torre Annunziata. I'm in a hurry.

- D'you want to know how much?
- I don't know what you're saying.

- Just say 'how much'.
- How much?

550 lira. Coffee and wake up call.

Ah, no change. Don't worry about it.

I'll give you a voucher for a
free coffee on the return trip.

Thank you sir, and good luck to you.

ONE COFFEE

Ah, you're the guy with the coffee?

- Why?
- I've been looking all over for you.

Come with me, I've got
some customers for you.

Have you got any coffee left?

Yeah, but I've got to stay
clear of that conductor.

Don't worry, they've checked out all
the compartments in first class.

- Nobody'll bother you.
- First class isn't my style.

I don't feel at home there.

Come on, I've got two clients from
up north and we're rolling.

- I'm just tying up a deal.
- 500 lira then?

Maybe more. You'll make money and
I'll make a good impression.

It's just along here.

Lucky I know my way around.

- Who's this?
- The coffee guy.

Not just any coffee, real Neapolitan.

Great!

Yeah, we could die of thirst
in these southern trains.

- I'm here to save you.
- And we're glad to see you.

- Renaldo, coffee?
- Yes, thanks.

Right then, three coffees. Make them
nice and strong, eh? Best Neapolitan.

Southerners make the best coffee.

I don't know why, maybe it's the
water or the way we roast the beans.

But I do know that it's got
something special about it.

- Here you go, friend
- No, this is mine, I'll get it.

- Oh, let me do it.
- No, it'll be my pleasure.

- But you're a guest.
- No, I insist, really.

Let's not make a fuss
if you both insist, eh?

The fact is a thousand lira,
more or less, doesn't matter.

My friends here know how to handle money.

They're going to build a
new poultry farm near Paestum.

- We'll give it a try.
- Why don't we do a deal, you and me?

With your money and my
appetite we'll get rich.

At the end of the month
we'll split the profits.

- You'd like that, wouldn't you?
- Well...!

D'you know about animals?

- My house is small but full of animals.
- What breed do you have?

Rats, madame.

Fine specimens. But I
only see them at night.

When I wake up there are
almost always eyes watching me.

Whatever I do, they watch me.

- But surely they're mice.
- Mice, rats, who knows?

- Or pantegane!
- No, no, they're neighbours.

I put up with them, and
they put up with me.

We're like a family but we
don't see much of each other.

We've got different schedules.

How funny.

We do need someone to keep an eye on things.

Would it be any problem for you
you to work nights if necessary?

For a steady job I can work nights,
mornings, and any time in between.

- Are you serious about it?
- There's one problem.

There always is.

It's a lot of work clearing the plot, and
how are you going to work with one hand?

Oh, this? This won't stop me, it's just a
little rheumatism I caught last winter.

I just wear a glove to keep the
joints warm, it'll be better soon.

What if it doesn't?

A job that big could take ten years.

And as I got the rheumatism one year ago,
that's nine years ahead with no problems.

These people are artists,
always ready for a joke.

A little sun, a little sea and they
don't think about troubles! True?

Yeah. We live on fantasy.

- How cute! Are you from Naples?
- And proud of it.

How lovely. Give us a song.

- Yes, well, I'm not in very good voice.
- You're just being modest.

You know, hungry men like
me don't sing a lot.

- Can we get on with our coffee?
- Please.

He's the only Neapolitan I know who
doesn't sing. You're making me look silly.

If you want work, then
sing, for Christ's sake.

- Tony. Coffee's getting cold.
- You'll see how good it is.

- You take sugar?
- I'm getting much too fat.

- And you?
- Very sweet.

How is it?

Coffee a little bitter?

No, it's very...unusual.

True.

Let me tell you the secret of your coffee
and how he makes that special brew.

When his thermos gets half empty...

he pisses in it.

Let me through, where is he?

All right, what's going on here,
let's not make any trouble.

I'll kill him! I'll kill him!

Hey conductor, it's gone 7:25, get going.

Yeah, we've got the cops
on board, we're going.

Got it.

- What?
- Have we got the ministry inspector himself,

- here on the train?
- No, no.

- That bastard!
- Forget it!

Let it alone, you hear me?
Let's get out of here.

- Fuck you.
- I said let's go, now!

You hear me? Now!

I'm through with you.

You talk about me? You were the
one shitting yourself back there.

This partnership is over, as of now.

You can both piss off
back to the mountains.

Would you go outside, just a minute, please!

For god's sake, let's get the facts.

- What's your name?
- Michele Abbagnano.

Well, so we meet at last.

- We've met once already.
- Now, tell us what happened.

The so-called coffee we bought
from this guy is poison,

and a threat to every passenger
on this train.

You're off your head, it's coffee!
Maybe not the very best quality...

- It's a lot more than that!
- Let me show you.

Excuse me a minute.

You try it, captain, you'll see if it's coffee.

Yes, that ought to prove it, eh?

You know he pissed in that.

Hey, well why me, huh?
Why don't you drink it?

- Don't you trust me?
- If you have it, we'll all have it.

Sure, I don't mind.

I'm just hurt by this lack of trust.

Once, a man's word stood for something.

- You going to drink it, or what?
- I just need to get some sugar.

- Take it neat.
- If you want.

Bitter, but it's filled
with natural ingredients.

By who?

I'll be going now.

- Not so fast.
- I'm done here.

- The coffee is just coffee.
- Sit down.

What else do you want?

You sold coffee. On this train.
You sold it to these people.

Yes, but I had to, he insisted
that I serve his friends.

Hey, don't blame me, you
friggin' two-bit crook!

You better watch your mouth because if
you don't I'm gonna stuff this right in it.

Hey! You can't talk to me like
that, I'm an important man.

Ah, you couldn't ruin my coffee
because you're too weak to piss.

You bastard!

Knock it off! Wait out there, will you?

You shut up too. Sit down.

- Give me that basket.
- What for?

I'm holding it as evidence.

- You're going to take it away?
- Yes.

Then how can I sell any coffee?

You're not allowed to sell
coffee, that's the point!

- Then how will I eat?
- Badly.

- I'm allowed to starve then?
- You bet.

- Come on, hand it over.
- Yeah, help yourself.

- Anything else you want?
- Let's have the money.

- Here.
- The whole night's worth.

Well, I earned that money, so of
course I'm not just handing it over.

- It's the law.
- What law? Whose law?

Nobody takes any notice of
me when I get arrested.

You're not getting my money. If you
want to take something, take my eyes.

You can't just take what I earned.

But I've got to take it.

- There's nothing more to say?
- Right. That's all there is to it.

All right. If you want it so much
I'll just have to hand it over.

- Abbagnano!
- Stop him!

Michele! What's going on?

Out of the way!

Keep back!

Keep back!

Get out of here! Or
I'm going to let go!

I'll jump!

Go on, go!

Leave me alone!

Go away!

- Who stopped the train?
- Let me through, please.

Who the hell are you?

Chief Inspector Ramacci Pisanelli,
from the Ministry of Transport.

Well?

Come back in.

Are you listening?

Come on.

Back to where you were.

Let's get this train moving again.

Do you mind finding another
compartment? Thank you.

Come in.

Please.

All right then.

What's your name?

Abbagnano, Michele.

Father's name?

Unknown.

Date of birth?

Answer please.

I don't know exactly, but it was a bad day.

October 3rd, 1927.

If you hadn't turned up just then you
could've recorded when I died as well.

I don't think you'd have jumped.

I didn't have much choice.

They were going to take it all,
all the money I need for my son.

A man who wants to kill himself
doesn't yell so much.

Oh, you prefer your suicides
to go quietly then?

I've only got one hand,

what makes you so sure I could've
held on much longer?

Yes, there's that...

- You only have the one arm.
- Yes, that's right.

What happened?

Does it make any difference?

I want to write a nice tidy report.

During the war I served in Russia in
a city called, I forget the name...

- Stalingrad.
- Yes.

We had terrible snow, everything
was frozen solid.

You can't imagine what
the conditions were like.

The wind was howling and
the snow was coming down.

- Did you fight there too?
- No, I was in the Ministry.

When?

Since '43.

- And you don't remember me?
- No.

In 1950 I was carrying marble at the
Ministry of Transport in Rome.

One day the wind got to gale force,
ah, believe me, it was terrible.

A block of green marble fell off the roof,

I was underneath it and
it landed on my left hand.

They took me to hospital but there
was no hope so they amputated it.

- Your right arm's damaged, too?
- Yes.

That's the time you stopped
two locomotives from crashing.

No, that was was the left one,
before they cut it off.

And which one got run over
by a British tank in Africa,

while you were rescuing the Field Marshal?

Ah, that was such a long time
ago I can hardly remember it.

And which one was burned
during the orphanage fire?

Hey, I rescued 16 kids that night.

How many arms do you have, exactly?

All of that happened?

Well, it didn't all happen to me, but it
happened to someone, so why not me?

You realise I'll have to turn
you over to the railway police?

Sure, the Phantom of the Railroad finally
brought to justice by the law.

Now listen. When did you
last pay your fare?

There are fines waiting to be settled,

from Naples to the Swiss frontier.

- I know.
- I need to complete this report.

So you can either tell me
the truth about your arm,

or you can tell the courts, or you
can tell the other cons in jail.

I didn't know it was a
crime having this thing.

It's a crime selling coffee on a train.

That's why you better start
telling me the truth.

Perhaps it could be something in your favour.

We've wasted enough time. Yes or no?
I have to catch a train back to Rome.

Pardon, Inspector. We'll
be at Naples shortly.

The truth: are you disabled or
not? Is that arm real or false?

Are you asking if it's false that it's
true, or if it's true that it's false?

How's that?

Is it false that my arm is real,
or is it real that my arm is false?

Stop playing around, it's
not doing you any good.

Inspector, I'll tell you all
you want to know, only...

- Privately.
- I'm waiting.

- So am I.
- For what?

Look.

You might think he's harmless, but
I'm not talking while he's here.

I see. Excuse us, would you
step outside for a moment?

Yes, sir.

Well?

All right.

I knew there must be a reality,

behind all the clowning around.

Sometimes it's hard to admit
but the truth must come out.

Is there only one truth?
You've thought about that?

You're obviously an educated man.

Look at this paralysed left hand.

There's truth for you, Inspector.

People don't like to look at it,
it makes their skin crawl.

That's right. I make up stories, nice
heroic ones that won't turn people off.

A false arm is something you accept so as
far as they're concerned, that's the truth.

So our friend earns his keep.

I understand, but I can't put
your fairy tales in the report.

I want facts, that's all.

No, it's that you won't
accept the comedy I play out,

because the alternative is tragedy.

The kicks are different
but it's always my ass.

We're done.

So it's not a wooden hand
after all, Inspector?

- No, it's real.
- I knew he was lying.

He says it's paralysed.

- What time is my train for Rome?
- I'll go find out for you.

What?

- Stop, stop, put him down.
- Easy now.

Put something under his head!

Give him some air, can't
you see he's sick.

- Stand back.
- Cazzi, what's the matter?

- Cazzillo!
- What's going on here?

The kid needs an operation, he's
had attacks all his life.

- Cazzillo, talk to me.
- Get up. Let us through.

- Clear the way.
- We've got a sick kid here.

Maybe we should call an ambulance.

Put it on his temple.

- He'll come around in a minute.
- That poor boy.

- Give me some time, will you?
- Sure, sure.

Write a complete report on the
affair and send it to Rome.

- To you?
- No, to the chief of your department.

To whoever it was that wired you.

Will you be filing a complaint against
Abbagnano when you get back?

That's not up to me. A rail
inspector's job is to inspect.

I caught this train to inspect
the service, that's all.

Yes, but if you don't make a complaint
I have no real reason for arresting him.

Well then, why don't you
make the complaint?

Why does everything have
to be left up to me?

Then call the police and leave it to them.

Make it quick, I have
to catch my train back.

Sergeant! Over here!

He's coming round, look.

Wait, won't you take it? Here.
the dossier's all yours.

- Martini!
- Coming, coming.

Excuse me, sir, what I am supposed
to arrest this guy for?

Dad. Are they all gone?

Yeah, they're over there talking about
how to get me some work, real work.

They're not going to arrest you?

Why would they do that? That
cop's a friend of mine.

I saved his life in the war. In Stalingrad.

The wind was howling terribly,
and the snow was coming down.

He was wounded in the leg...

- Are you faking?
- Yeah.

Oh, that little devil.

He fooled all of us. A real
chip off the old block.

Our Lady in Heaven.

What did I do to deserve you?

- He did it for you. Aren't you happy?
- No.

There's no witnesses. Did you see
him selling coffee on the train?

- Not me.
- Did you?

- No. Did you?
- I don't even like coffee.

- What about you?
- I'm strictly a tea man.

I didn't even get a glass
of milk for my cold.

Did anyone here see his identity
papers, a passport, anything at all?

- A passport?
- Does he look like a passport guy?

What if the man's not Abbagnano?
Do we know it's him for sure?

- Was it him or not?
- Well...we...ah...

Was Michele Abbagnano riding on that
train at all? None of us can swear to it.

Michele, he just saved your neck.

- How are you, really?
- He's as smart as his old man.

I hope he never grows up
to be as smart as me.

Cazzi, promise that you'll
never lie to me, huh?

- I'm not lying, I was short of breath.
- You mustn't tell lies, right?

- Or what am I going to say?
- Can I go now?

- Where to?
- I got a lot of things to do today.

- You've got to sleep now anyway.
- We're going! See you.

- Here, get something to eat.
- No, we'll be eating together tonight.

All right. Don't let me be late,
the Vallo train leaves at 23:48!

- Don't be late!
- All right!

And don't run!

Huh?

What?

No, nothing.

Subbed by Badge