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1
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_
2
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Hashtag So Funny!
3
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I told you, man. They're killers.
4
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,970
They're stone-cold killers.
5
00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:51,583
What the...?
6
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,067
Look at that. VHS tapes and
fur coats. Welcome to Russia.
7
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,469
30 years behind...
8
00:01:47,973 --> 00:01:50,525
God. Small feet.
9
00:02:02,657 --> 00:02:05,924
Lucky I'm a knot guy. Ah, come on!
10
00:02:15,670 --> 00:02:17,536
Oh, man. It's so far.
11
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:20,805
Aw, damn it!
12
00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:47,833
Help me! Help! Help!
13
00:02:49,275 --> 00:02:51,475
Stop eating soup!
14
00:02:51,477 --> 00:02:53,745
Guys, help!
15
00:02:55,148 --> 00:02:57,949
Stop eating!
16
00:03:13,953 --> 00:03:15,419
Help! Help me!
17
00:03:19,172 --> 00:03:21,705
How did I get here?
18
00:03:34,185 --> 00:03:35,278
_
19
00:03:35,306 --> 00:03:39,066
All right, party animals.
Who wants to get laid?
20
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:42,319
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
21
00:03:43,003 --> 00:03:44,482
Sharpen your pencils, boys.
22
00:03:44,484 --> 00:03:46,118
Good to see ya. Excuse me.
23
00:03:50,732 --> 00:03:52,699
What? No, no, no. I'm not
part of this tour, guys.
24
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,343
I'm... I got to get downtown
to the embassy.
25
00:03:54,344 --> 00:03:55,607
You need to go inside.
26
00:03:55,608 --> 00:03:56,958
You don't get free trip to Russia
27
00:03:56,959 --> 00:03:59,772
without leaving with
nice bony betty, okay?
28
00:03:59,774 --> 00:04:01,613
Okay.
29
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:28,204
Welcome, welcome... American macho men.
30
00:04:28,729 --> 00:04:32,865
Pick a seat, pick a girl,
and let the fast romance begin.
31
00:04:33,074 --> 00:04:36,676
Holy shit. This is so sad.
32
00:04:36,678 --> 00:04:38,469
Yes, it is.
33
00:04:38,775 --> 00:04:40,510
Remember, boys, watch your drinks.
34
00:04:40,511 --> 00:04:42,393
Otherwise you'll wind up in a bathtub
35
00:04:42,394 --> 00:04:44,061
having your organs harvested.
36
00:04:44,063 --> 00:04:46,129
Gentlemen?
37
00:04:49,881 --> 00:04:52,402
Okay. I'm going. God.
38
00:04:56,850 --> 00:04:58,516
So, uh, listen. I gotta be honest.
39
00:04:58,518 --> 00:05:00,016
I just need to get
to the American embassy.
40
00:05:00,017 --> 00:05:03,007
I'm looking for an old,
wealthy man with bad heart.
41
00:05:03,897 --> 00:05:06,097
- Are you any of those things?
- No.
42
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:07,595
No, I'm none of those things.
43
00:05:07,596 --> 00:05:11,091
Did you know that I am number
one in all of selfie class?
44
00:05:11,092 --> 00:05:12,234
I'm not really here to flirt.
45
00:05:12,235 --> 00:05:15,267
#MeToo.
46
00:05:15,269 --> 00:05:17,603
You don't look like a guy
who consume a bag of dicks.
47
00:05:17,605 --> 00:05:19,671
No, the expression is
"eat a bag of dicks."
48
00:05:19,673 --> 00:05:21,807
Hey, pay attention
to your own girl, okay?
49
00:05:21,809 --> 00:05:23,742
- What is favorite food?
- I don't know. Pizza.
50
00:05:23,744 --> 00:05:26,892
Pizza?! Yes! #MeToo!
51
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,790
Why you here? Micropenis?
52
00:05:28,791 --> 00:05:30,276
- No.
- Soft penis?
53
00:05:30,277 --> 00:05:32,183
No. Sometimes. But most of the time...
54
00:05:32,184 --> 00:05:33,715
What do you want to call
your first child?
55
00:05:33,809 --> 00:05:35,004
I already have. Her name's Del...
56
00:05:35,005 --> 00:05:39,679
Delicious! Yes! #MeToo!
Delicious is great name.
57
00:05:39,681 --> 00:05:41,014
- Tuna-can penis.
- What?
58
00:05:41,016 --> 00:05:43,082
Penis with a hole halfway down shaft.
59
00:05:43,084 --> 00:05:44,067
No, that's not a thing.
60
00:05:44,068 --> 00:05:46,525
- Penis with a tooth on it.
- Is that a Chernobyl thing?
61
00:05:46,526 --> 00:05:48,421
Nyext!
62
00:05:51,026 --> 00:05:52,244
Still here.
63
00:05:53,637 --> 00:05:54,691
Douche.
64
00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:56,853
Ugh.
65
00:05:57,912 --> 00:05:59,712
How long does thing go on for?
66
00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:02,594
Yes, this is not what
I had hoped for, either.
67
00:06:02,637 --> 00:06:04,571
All the sad people...
68
00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:07,340
dancing around lies, afraid of truth.
69
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,776
I like your shoes.
70
00:06:09,778 --> 00:06:11,511
- Hm.
- And your hat!
71
00:06:11,513 --> 00:06:13,484
Are you actually from Syracuse?
72
00:06:13,485 --> 00:06:15,048
Yeah, born and raised.
73
00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:17,376
I've always wanted to go there.
74
00:06:17,496 --> 00:06:18,510
Really? Why?
75
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:21,788
Sometimes love need no explanation.
76
00:06:26,195 --> 00:06:29,796
Mm. Whoa. These beets are good.
77
00:06:29,798 --> 00:06:31,999
- They go well with vodka.
- Oh, wow.
78
00:06:32,001 --> 00:06:34,201
That would help me get
through this event for sure.
79
00:06:34,203 --> 00:06:35,602
And there it is.
80
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,404
Whoo!
81
00:06:37,842 --> 00:06:40,007
Last time I drank vodka with
a beautiful Russian woman,
82
00:06:40,009 --> 00:06:42,675
I almost died. Oh, my God.
83
00:06:43,073 --> 00:06:44,555
You find me beautiful?
84
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:48,414
That is a very Russian takeaway
from what I just said.
85
00:06:48,683 --> 00:06:50,215
I was just thinking...
86
00:06:50,264 --> 00:06:51,932
why did I come to this pathetic event?
87
00:06:52,021 --> 00:06:55,955
And then you show up. I think
you are the best-looking man.
88
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,535
- Well, thank you.
- In the room.
89
00:06:57,536 --> 00:07:00,159
- I'll still take it.
- Na zdorov'e.
90
00:07:00,161 --> 00:07:01,951
Sure.
91
00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:04,497
Za zdorov'e!
92
00:07:07,569 --> 00:07:10,370
Oh, there's a lot
of vodka in this alcohol.
93
00:07:10,372 --> 00:07:12,848
But I'll have one more.
Then I gotta hit the road.
94
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:14,708
I show Russian-style.
Okay, give me your hand.
95
00:07:14,710 --> 00:07:17,376
- Russian. Uh-huh?
- Okay. One, two, three, go!
96
00:07:17,378 --> 00:07:19,112
- Mmm!
- Mmm!
97
00:07:19,114 --> 00:07:21,114
- Ahh!
- This is awkward.
98
00:07:21,116 --> 00:07:22,849
- But I like!
- You like?
99
00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:25,051
Yeah. You know that?
100
00:07:25,054 --> 00:07:28,305
Oh, I don't mean to get serious,
but do you like hockey?
101
00:07:28,306 --> 00:07:30,257
- There's no other sport.
- Are you a Sabres fan?
102
00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:31,725
♪ Let's go, Buffalo! ♪
103
00:07:31,727 --> 00:07:33,727
And you even know the song!
104
00:07:33,729 --> 00:07:36,463
Oh, my God! Drew Stafford
was my first crush!
105
00:07:36,465 --> 00:07:39,399
- What?! He was mine!
- No.
106
00:07:40,736 --> 00:07:42,736
I mean, in a man-crush
kind of way, but holy...
107
00:07:42,738 --> 00:07:45,338
It's like I'm staring
at my new best friend!
108
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,740
Friends with benefits?
109
00:07:46,742 --> 00:07:49,008
There's always benefits
to having more friends.
110
00:07:50,077 --> 00:07:52,545
Okay, enough talking.
111
00:07:52,547 --> 00:07:54,881
Now we see who is dance-compatible.
112
00:07:54,883 --> 00:07:56,215
- Let's go dance.
- I'm not...
113
00:07:56,217 --> 00:07:58,151
Let's go dance.
114
00:07:58,153 --> 00:08:00,820
I'm not... I don't know
what you're saying.
115
00:08:00,822 --> 00:08:02,756
- Whoo!
- All right. All right.
116
00:08:02,758 --> 00:08:05,692
- One dance, and then I gotta go.
- Whoo!
117
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,226
I need to go somewhere.
118
00:08:07,228 --> 00:08:08,561
- Whoo!
- Whoa. Yeah.
119
00:08:10,766 --> 00:08:12,432
I like this song!
120
00:08:12,434 --> 00:08:14,901
I like the Funky Bunch version better!
121
00:08:16,617 --> 00:08:18,237
I'm not a Marky Mark fan.
122
00:08:18,239 --> 00:08:20,039
- Whoo!
- See ya.
123
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,113
Whoo!
124
00:08:22,114 --> 00:08:24,911
Huh? I'm coming to you.
Who's coming to you?
125
00:08:24,913 --> 00:08:28,648
Come to me! Come to me! Whoo! Yes!
126
00:08:28,650 --> 00:08:30,784
Whoo!
127
00:08:32,799 --> 00:08:34,921
Whoo! Yes!
128
00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:46,186
Ohh. Oh.
129
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,420
Oh, God.
130
00:08:48,603 --> 00:08:50,348
Ohh.
131
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:52,894
Ohh...
132
00:08:53,342 --> 00:08:54,716
I need to find my family.
133
00:08:55,609 --> 00:08:57,165
My family's... Ohh.
134
00:08:57,292 --> 00:08:58,500
I told you, man!
135
00:08:58,501 --> 00:09:02,092
They're killers!
They're stone-cold killers!
136
00:10:29,304 --> 00:10:33,183
Oh, no, no, no! He escaped! Find him!
137
00:11:34,836 --> 00:11:36,570
You are the man Natalia's looking for?
138
00:11:36,572 --> 00:11:38,572
If that's the chick trying
to harvest my organs,
139
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:39,829
then, yeah, I'm the guy.
140
00:11:42,844 --> 00:11:44,222
Ah, shit.
141
00:11:46,508 --> 00:11:48,308
Aah!
142
00:11:48,384 --> 00:11:49,603
Why does...
143
00:11:50,383 --> 00:11:51,987
Buddy, is there a way off this roof?
144
00:11:52,219 --> 00:11:54,086
Yes. That way.
145
00:11:55,596 --> 00:11:57,094
- What do you mean? Jump?
- Yes.
146
00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:00,794
What?! That...
147
00:12:01,691 --> 00:12:03,684
No! That's like 60 feet!
148
00:12:03,705 --> 00:12:06,152
No. Like 6 feet. You can make it.
149
00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:08,402
I can't make that.
150
00:12:08,404 --> 00:12:09,703
You are parkour?
151
00:12:11,304 --> 00:12:12,806
How do you know my last name?
152
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,266
- Parkour.
- Yeah. Nate "Park-our." Yes.
153
00:12:15,459 --> 00:12:17,010
- How do you know that?
- Parkour can make.
154
00:12:17,012 --> 00:12:18,746
Parkours can do a lot of things, okay,
155
00:12:18,747 --> 00:12:20,050
but that I cannot make.
156
00:12:20,234 --> 00:12:21,701
- You can make it.
- I can't!
157
00:12:23,218 --> 00:12:24,618
Okay. Maybe I can, right?
158
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,420
'Cause I'm jumping at a downward angle.
159
00:12:26,422 --> 00:12:28,288
- That's Pythagorean theorem, right?
- Sure.
160
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:30,356
Sum of the two sides
of an isosceles triangle,
161
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:32,358
divided by the square root
of the other two sides
162
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,828
is the momentum that...
That's the math.
163
00:12:41,903 --> 00:12:43,903
I would jump. She will try to kill you.
164
00:12:43,905 --> 00:12:45,643
Is that what she said?
165
00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:53,113
You better go. She said she will
throw you off the building.
166
00:12:53,115 --> 00:12:54,981
Oh, no! Why would she do that?
167
00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,383
Much easier to harvest organs
from a dead man.
168
00:12:57,385 --> 00:12:59,453
Why would she want these fatty organs?
169
00:12:59,455 --> 00:13:01,455
They don't even work half the time!
170
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:04,124
Oh. Okay. All right.
171
00:13:04,126 --> 00:13:05,191
Okay, okay.
172
00:13:05,193 --> 00:13:07,327
- All right. Ahh.
- What is this?
173
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,129
It's called stretching, all right?
174
00:13:09,131 --> 00:13:11,128
Americans warm up
before strenuous activity.
175
00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:14,067
- Just go!
- I'm going! Cool it!
176
00:13:20,142 --> 00:13:22,008
Ahh.
177
00:13:30,152 --> 00:13:31,210
Go.
178
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,422
Whew.
179
00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:39,292
I... I can't. I can't.
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.
180
00:13:39,294 --> 00:13:41,961
Okay. Once you use
your Euclidean geometry,
181
00:13:42,594 --> 00:13:43,964
you'll make it.
182
00:13:45,507 --> 00:13:47,239
You're right. I can do this.
183
00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:51,104
All right. Whoo! All right.
184
00:13:52,841 --> 00:13:54,307
All right.
185
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,510
That's what I always tell my kids.
186
00:13:56,512 --> 00:13:59,045
Parkours can do anything
they set their mind to.
187
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,646
- Sure.
- All right.
188
00:14:00,648 --> 00:14:03,316
This is just like the
Presidential Fitness Challenge
189
00:14:03,318 --> 00:14:04,784
in middle school, okay?
190
00:14:04,786 --> 00:14:07,320
Only this time,
I'm not winning the silver.
191
00:14:07,322 --> 00:14:08,727
I'm going for gold.
192
00:14:09,725 --> 00:14:11,858
Showtime! Ahh, America!
193
00:14:20,202 --> 00:14:22,369
Aaaaaah!
194
00:14:27,955 --> 00:14:29,294
Aaaah!
195
00:14:38,887 --> 00:14:42,101
I never thought I'd be
a vodka fan, yet here I am.
196
00:14:43,177 --> 00:14:44,449
Aw, shit.
197
00:14:54,836 --> 00:14:57,037
Got a lot of history here.
198
00:15:06,248 --> 00:15:09,515
Police! Hey! Police! Police.
199
00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:11,251
There's people chasing me, okay?
200
00:15:11,253 --> 00:15:12,590
I need to get to the American Embassy.
201
00:15:14,056 --> 00:15:17,431
I'm an American. America.
Apple pie? Come on. America.
202
00:15:17,978 --> 00:15:19,459
Of course. You're 30 years
behind the times.
203
00:15:19,784 --> 00:15:21,194
Fonzie.
204
00:15:21,196 --> 00:15:23,930
"Ay-ee! Mrs. C! Mrs..."
205
00:15:23,932 --> 00:15:25,531
Avoid the Noid?
206
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:27,067
Big bucks, no whammies?
207
00:15:27,069 --> 00:15:28,948
M-M-M-Max, Max.
208
00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:30,980
Max. Max...
209
00:15:30,981 --> 00:15:32,206
H-H-H-Headroom
210
00:15:32,207 --> 00:15:34,474
- Stop!
- Stop. Hammertime. Hunh!
211
00:15:35,030 --> 00:15:37,577
Yeah, you know that. Hammer?
Come on. You know Hammer.
212
00:15:39,214 --> 00:15:41,547
Hunh-oh! Huh-oh, huh-oh.
213
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:45,326
Huh-oh, huh-oh.
Come on. Hammertime. Stop.
214
00:15:49,024 --> 00:15:51,491
See, I told you!
215
00:16:10,979 --> 00:16:13,046
Buddy, buddy. What are you doing?
216
00:16:13,048 --> 00:16:15,048
That's not what that's for.
217
00:16:15,050 --> 00:16:18,118
God, no wonder you lost the Cold War.
218
00:16:26,128 --> 00:16:28,128
Hey. Does anyone know
where the American Embas...
219
00:16:28,130 --> 00:16:30,930
What the hell is that?
220
00:16:30,932 --> 00:16:32,999
Does anyone... You guys speak English?
221
00:16:37,405 --> 00:16:39,339
Hey! Is this... Is this your baby?
222
00:16:39,341 --> 00:16:41,808
- Da.
- You just leave it hanging there?
223
00:16:41,810 --> 00:16:43,009
Da.
224
00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:45,896
What is... Russia!
225
00:16:51,687 --> 00:16:54,287
Jesus Christ! Guys!
226
00:16:54,289 --> 00:16:56,023
Shit.
227
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:58,825
Jesus Christ!
228
00:16:58,827 --> 00:17:01,161
What is wrong with Russia?!
229
00:17:01,668 --> 00:17:02,829
God!
230
00:17:09,371 --> 00:17:10,987
Ahh. Damn it!
231
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:15,909
Whoa. You guys being chased, too?
232
00:17:15,911 --> 00:17:18,005
Is that the only way out of this gulag?
233
00:17:18,314 --> 00:17:21,181
Guys! Hook a brother up!
234
00:17:22,784 --> 00:17:24,158
Ah. Damn it.
235
00:17:25,854 --> 00:17:28,322
Come on! Get it! Aw, shit!
236
00:17:31,193 --> 00:17:32,840
Third time's the charm!
237
00:17:32,861 --> 00:17:34,844
Aw, shit. Ah.
238
00:17:37,332 --> 00:17:38,685
That's a better way.
239
00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:40,949
Nate Parkour!
240
00:17:42,685 --> 00:17:44,776
Ah, ha, ha!
241
00:17:56,650 --> 00:17:58,040
I'm not being chased.
242
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,453
Nobody's chasing me.
243
00:18:00,956 --> 00:18:04,791
It's classic Nate Parker
overreaction right there.
244
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:07,295
Sort of the bane of my existence, man.
245
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,895
Jesus Christ. What am I thinkin'? Ahh.
246
00:18:11,166 --> 00:18:13,900
In my defense, everyone in this
country looks a little suspicious,
247
00:18:13,902 --> 00:18:15,696
but it's only 'cause you never smile.
248
00:18:15,904 --> 00:18:17,791
I mean, do you ever smile?
249
00:18:20,678 --> 00:18:22,242
See, that's very unnerving, you know?
250
00:18:22,244 --> 00:18:24,710
But Russians are a-okay with me, man.
251
00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:26,613
No! No! Ah!
252
00:18:32,921 --> 00:18:34,187
Ooh.
253
00:18:35,590 --> 00:18:37,390
Come out!
254
00:18:37,392 --> 00:18:39,280
All right, okay. Okay, guys. Cool it.
255
00:18:39,574 --> 00:18:41,108
Be cool. Be cool.
256
00:18:43,665 --> 00:18:45,532
- I've done nothing wrong, okay?
- Shut up!
257
00:18:45,534 --> 00:18:48,193
I'm an American citizen. Half Canadian.
258
00:18:50,498 --> 00:18:52,966
Aah!
259
00:18:53,342 --> 00:18:54,941
Mwah!
260
00:18:54,943 --> 00:18:57,344
Oh, I'm so happy to see you again.
261
00:18:57,346 --> 00:19:00,767
I thought you were dead when you
fell through the roof or worse.
262
00:19:01,082 --> 00:19:03,023
But, uh, you ran away from me.
263
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:04,646
No, why would I do that?
264
00:19:20,147 --> 00:19:21,434
Yeah.
265
00:19:21,436 --> 00:19:23,170
Hm. Hm. Hm.
266
00:19:23,172 --> 00:19:25,405
Mwah!
267
00:19:31,180 --> 00:19:33,180
All right. You can't
hurt me, Nutcracker,
268
00:19:33,182 --> 00:19:34,848
'cause I'm with her.
269
00:19:34,850 --> 00:19:36,249
You will marry my daughter, yes?
270
00:19:36,251 --> 00:19:37,717
Oh, shit. That's your daughter?
271
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,586
Oh, no. No. I-I actually can't.
272
00:19:39,588 --> 00:19:43,322
- Ah, you are a gay, huh?
- What? No. I'm not gay.
273
00:19:43,324 --> 00:19:45,258
- Then you may.
- No, no, no, I-I can't.
274
00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:47,194
- Then you are a gay.
- Why are those the only two choices?
275
00:19:47,195 --> 00:19:49,328
Then... you... will.
276
00:19:49,330 --> 00:19:51,130
- Not.
- Yes.
277
00:19:51,132 --> 00:19:52,933
You... will.
278
00:20:00,755 --> 00:20:02,132
You will.
279
00:20:02,477 --> 00:20:04,339
Still not gonna do it.
280
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,660
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
19066
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