All language subtitles for Kirstie s01e11 Maddies Agent.eng

Kirstie is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.

Whoa. That was some
opening night party, huh?

Yeah, give Angela Lansbury
a few drinks,

and she's all over my bed knobs
and broomsticks.

Well, Arlo had a ball.
He's never been to a party like that.

Arlo...
I don't know about that kid.

- Frank, he's sweet.
- Nobody is that sweet.

I left a $20 bill on the floor
out front of his room,

and it's still there.

No, it isn't.

- Oh, hey. Good morning.
- I'll ask the questions.

It wasn't a question.
[Laughs]

Hey, if you're looking for Maddie's
safe, it's not in the kitchen.

No, I-I was just looking
for a glass.

Oh, well,
let me give you the quick tour.

Glasses.

Red wine, white wine,
highball, lowball,

champagne, margaritas,
sake, shooters,

and molds for jell-o shots.

Anything for juice?

[Laughs]

I'm sorry. I am not used to hearing
the word juice without quotes around it.

- Good morning, everyone.
- Morning.

Thelma, I'm ready
for my breakfast "juice."

What are you doing
up so early?

Well, I'm a mother now.
I want to set a good example.

- Arlo, I'm gonna make you breakfast.
- Oh, actually, I like to cook.

Oh, thank God, 'cause
I don't know how to fry toast.

I was actually thinking
that maybe sometime this week,

I could make a big family dinner
for all of us.

Oh...

We don't really do dinner
with my show schedule and all.

I just snack sensibly
round the clock.

So what are your plans
for the day?

Oh, I thought I'd go back out to Trenton
and get the rest of my stuff.

Oh, Frank would be happy
to take you.

- Right, Frank?
- Sure.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind
a long ride with junior.

Give us a chance
to get to know each other.

[Groans]

Frank's chair.

- That's Maddie�s chair.
- Maddie's chair.

Um, you know what? I'm... I'm just
gonna go hang out in my room.

- I don't want to get in anybody's way.
- No, Arlo, come here. Don't be silly.

Come here.

I'm glad you're here.
Look at us.

The kid I gave up,
the people I pay...

We're like a real family.

[Upbeat jazz music]

Season 1, Episode 2
"Arlo Moves In"

Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com

You!
[Laughter]

[Gasps]

What the...

Well, isn't this awkward?

Brittany, what are you doing
in my costume?

Short answer is "swimming."

As your understudy, I just assumed
you wouldn't be going on tonight.

I thought you'd be at home,
with your son,

trying to put the shattered pieces
of your life back together.

My life
has never been better.

I have a hit Broadway show,
my son has come home,

and you're not
going on tonight.

That's the spirit.

You depression-era kids truly
are the greatest generation.

- I can be an actress and a mother.
- But he's just come back into your life.

Go home, Maddie.
You get to know the little guy.

The audience gets a better show.
It's a win-win.

- Can it, Brittany. She's fine.
- Of course she is.

What if she's never shown a hint
of kindness or compassion?

Who's to say
the world's biggest narcissist

won't turn out to be
a perfectly adequate mother?

Did she really think
you were gonna fall for...

Oh, boy.

What if she's right?

Maybe I'm not maternal.

Maybe this is
one role I can't play.

Well,
you did give it your best shot.

- I did, didn't I?
- No.

Um, this isn't
the way to Trenton.

How 'bout you don't tell me
how to do my job,

and I don't tell you
how to scam Madison Banks?

Scam? No, I'm her son.

Well, we'll see
when the blood test comes back.

What blood test?

Eh, let's just say
you sleep like a rock.

Um, hey.

Why are we stopping by a pier?

I'm gonna ask you
a couple of questions.

You answer them right, this car
goes home with two people.

Where did you get
these pictures?

Who's the little hottie
in the plaid skirt?

It's Molly Gerber,
my junior high crush.

You were supposed to take her
to the prom, but you didn't. Why?

She said no.

Okay, that checks out.

But I still have
my eye on you, kid.

So you managed to raise a child.
How did you do it?

Well, I had to accept that
once my daughter came along,

I wasn't the center
of the universe anymore.

Well, obviously
that isn't gonna work for me.

[Gasps]

He's here.

And he isn't going away.

He's like
these last 5 pounds.

Shut up.

Hey. Sorry about all the stuff.
I'm kind of a yard sale junkie.

My friends used to always tease me about
always dragging home some piece of trash.

Must be genetic.

Well, you have a lot more things
here than you did yesterday.

What's in the box?

Uh, that's all
my old photo albums.

My adoptive mother took,
like, zillions of pictures.

You know, it might be a nice way for
you to catch up on what you missed.

Oh, I get the general sense.

Awkward at 5, awkward at 13,
awkward at 30.

I'm not 30 yet.

Yeah, I'm just guessing
the awkward's not gonna go away.

Psst!
Check it out.

He saves
all of his mother's cards.

Oh, yeah. Kids love when you root
around in their personal stuff.

You're a natural at this.

Happy Birthday, Arlo,
my very special apple dumpling.

Oh, my God. She sounds
so annoyingly sweet and nurturing.

How the hell
do I compete with that?

How the hell do I compete
with that?

Oh, no.
You taped over her voice.

Oh, no.
You taped over her voice.

Maddie, will you stop staring
at that birthday card?

It's not gonna bring
his mom's voice back.

He's gonna hate me
for doing this.

Maybe if you just
sit him down and be honest.

Or...

- I have a crazy idea.
- That always sounds promising.

All we need is someone
with a high-pitched, trill voice

that makes you want
to stab ice picks in your ears.

Brittany:
Greetings, one and all

- Brittany, can you come in here a minute?
- I'm ready to go on.

I can be out of this dress
in five seconds.

So I've heard.

But again,
you're not going on for me.

Brittany, come here.
I need you to do me a favor.

I need you to record
an old woman's voice.

Well, you've got one.
Why don't you do it?

Call me when you need
a young, sexy starlet's voice.

Not so fast.

Ooh!

Okay, Brittany, do you know
Maddie�s driver, Frank?

The shifty giant
who moves like Gumby?

He's also
an unlicensed private detective

with an interest
in photography.

Isn't this a picture
of you in church?

I am a woman of faith.

And isn't this one
of you behind a church?

You're receiving something,
but it's not communion.

What do you need?
Hillbilly twang?

Connecticut lockjaw?
Autistic Vietnamese lady?

'Cause I've done it.

Look, Arlo's adoptive mother
gave him this audio card,

and someone accidentally
taped over it.

For all we know, this is the last
time he ever heard her voice.

Oh, that's so moving.
Let me give it a shot.

[Clears throat]

Arlo, why did you bury me?
I wasn't dead. You threw dirt on me.

[Knocking on door]

Yep.

Hey.

How's the settling in going?

Pretty good. [Laughs]
So let me get this right.

You used this entire spare room
just to wrap gifts?

Well, I used to have
a room just for ribbons,

but then Thelma moved in,
and you learn to make do.

What are you looking for?

This card my mom gave me last year.
I've been looking for it everywhere.

Hmm.

Is this it?

Yeah,
how could I have missed that?

[Laughs]

You know what?

Let's just put it
right up here,

so she'll always be
looking over you

Uh, actually, I thought
I would put it next to my bed.

Her voice comforts me.

Happy Birthday, Arlo,
my very special pumpkin.

- Wait a minute.
- Oh, look here. Most improved bowler?

Well, I bet
there's a story behind that.

That's not my mom's voice.
That's not even the same message.

She called me "apple dumpling,"
not "pumpkin."

Maddie, what is going on?

Oh, all right, all right.
I accidentally recorded over it.

And I was hoping
that I could trick you.

Did you really think
I wouldn't know my mother's voice?

Look, it's okay.
I'm sure it was an accident.

Arlo, I'm really sorry.
I feel awful.

I want to make it up to you.

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we have one
of those special family dinners

that you've been
blathering on about?

- Really? That'd be fun.
- Okay, great.

How 'bout tomorrow?

For what?

- The dinner.
- Oh, oh, oh. Right, right, right.

I got so excited,
I almost forgot.

Tony Cameron, you were
at the show tonight?

Oh, I'm such a fan.

- You follow football?
- I have you in my Fantasy League.

And I'm not talking
about football.

I was actually hoping
to meet Madison Banks.

Ugh, what do you want
with an old skank like...

Madison Banks,
ladies and gentlemen.

- Hi, I'm, uh...
- Oh, you need no introduction.

But just for the fun of it,
why don't you say your name?

- Tony Cameron.
- Exactly.

Oh, yeah.

You were the guy that was
100 feet tall in your briefs

on the side of that building
in Times Square.

- You remember that, huh?
- Yeah.

I especially liked the areas between
the seventh and ninth floors.

- Well, you were great in the show.
- Oh, thank you.

Listen, you want to grab a bite?
Unless you have plans.

No, not at all.
I'm wide open.

You can take that
any way you want.

They should be here
any minute.

- Where's Maddie?
- Well, I went to pick her up,

and the doorman says
he doesn't know where she was.

So I took him up to the roof, and
I held him over the edge by his ankles.

Turns out,
he doesn't know where Maddie is.

But he is stealing cable.

That's so weird.
I reminded her about this dinner.

That's what's weird to you?

This guy almost killed
a doorman.

Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.

I'm not speaking to you,
Madison Banks.

- Frank, it's okay.
- No. It's anything but okay.

Your son made an elaborate
dinner just for you.

And the special ingredient
in every dish...

Love.

With a little basil.
But mostly love.

Everyone, look away.

Don't worry about it, Maddie.
It's cool.

No, it isn't cool.

I missed out on this beautiful dinner
that you worked so hard to make me.

And my only excuse
is that I was...

Mugged.

- Mugged!?
- Yes.

I wanted to buy a beautiful
bottle of wine for this meal.

So I was in a big hurry,

and I cut down this alleyway,

and all of sudden,

this man just jumps out
from nowhere.

- Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- Well, he pinned me against the wall.

And then he came at me
with his drug-crazed eyes.

And I said to him, "Take everything.
I just want to get home to my son!"

Wow.
That is so brave.

I know.

When did
Tony Cameron get there?

It's on the Internet.

You and Tony Cameron,
canoodling in a hotel lobby.

Arlo, I'm so sorry.
Arlo, please.

First, it was that cockamamie story
after taping over the birthday card.

I apologized for that.
That's why we're doing this dinner.

- You missed the dinner!
- All right, well, let's have it now.

Then we can get to know
each other, you know?

Maybe you can even tell me how you
got the nickname "Dumpy Pumpkin."

"Apple Dumpling."

Oh, yeah.
That makes more sense.

Arlo, please, can I...

How can we ever have a relationship,
if you can't be honest for one second?

I-I-I think I could be.
For...

I would've been okay
if you just would've told me

that you were gonna blow off dinner
because you met Tony Cameron.

I mean, he was one
of my favorite football players.

Stop doing that. I want to have
our meal. I'm still hungry.

I know what you're thinking.
He's not a con man.

I never thought
he was a con man.

Oh, well, okay.
Well, carry on.

I'm just not used to this.

My mother never lied to me.

My mother actually took
an interest in me.

- My mother thought I was...
- Will you stop calling her your mother?

I'm your mother.

Okay, okay.
I'm sorry.

May... maybe I haven't earned the right
to call myself your mother yet.

But, God, Arlo,
I don't know how to do this.

I don't know
how to do this either.

I'm still trying
to find my place in this house.

I know.
And I know I screwed up.

But I'm here now,
and I'm trying to make it right.

And I'm going to make it right
by sitting down here

and eating the delicious meal
that my son prepared for me.

What are you talking about?

It's filled with coffee grounds
and eggshells now.

I don't care. You made it for me,
and I'm gonna eat it.

I'm doing it.

Okay, then. Do it.

Putting it in my mouth.

Bon app?tit.

Wait, wait. Oh, my God.

[Spitting]

You were really
gonna eat that, weren't you?

Oh, big surprise.

I once saw her eat a sandwich
she found on the bus.

I would eat everything on this table
if it meant that you would forgive me.

You know,
you're completely crazy.

Arlo,
you want to know the truth?

The truth is that I never had anybody
to come home to before, so I didn't.

But now I do.

It's like Bambi,

but the mom comes back.

Oh, sack up.

It's just a mother
and son reconciling.

[Crying]

Now me.

You dummy, Frank.

Aw, look at that.

There's a cute,
little, naked Arlo.

And another cute,
little, naked Arlo.

And another.

At what age did
these people buy you pants?

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, can you take that?

[Gasps]

Football legend
Tony Cameron!

- What are you doing here?
- Oh, my God. Tony Cameron!

Hey, Maddie, I was wondering
if you had any plans tonight

Oh, sorry, Tony.
No can do.

- I'm spending time with my family.
- Are you sure?

Because we're taking a helicopter
out to my mansion in the Hamptons.

Nope. Family comes first.
That's what I always say.

Okay.

But can I give this autographed ball
to your kid?

Thanks, Tony.

Don't do drugs!

[Laughs]
Don't listen to him, son.

All right.
Now more time for us.

Okay. I know you're still lying,
but at least I get a football out of it.

[Laughs]

See? I screwed a guy,
and my son got a football.

Tell me that isn't maternal.

All right.

Okay, who's that guy standing
next to you in the apple orchard?

That's my mom.

I think she means
the guy steadying the ladder.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's my mom.

No, she means the one
with the mustache.

Still my mom.

She's a pretty woman.
[Indistinct chatter]

[Upbeat jazz music]

Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0