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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
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Oh.
3
00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:17,149
Hello.
4
00:01:17,150 --> 00:01:19,150
Hello.
5
00:01:20,150 --> 00:01:21,150
That was quick.
6
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:26,150
Well, obviously,
I know the house, so...
7
00:01:28,150 --> 00:01:32,150
So you have an unfair advantage.
Unfair advantage. Yes.
8
00:01:39,150 --> 00:01:41,150
Well, let's...
9
00:01:42,150 --> 00:01:43,150
Come on in.
10
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:49,150
Are you not going to get the... Oh.
11
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Sorry, we weren't properly
introduced. I'm Ian, by the way.
12
00:02:04,150 --> 00:02:05,150
Hello.
13
00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:09,150
We'll just... Oh.
14
00:02:16,150 --> 00:02:18,149
It's Rachel, isn't it? Rebecca.
15
00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:21,150
Rebecca. I work with Jeremy. Oh.
16
00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:26,149
I say work with. I'm more on the
IT side, but obviously with him
17
00:02:26,150 --> 00:02:30,149
being the Office Manager,
there is a fair amount of overlap.
18
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,149
He's more responsible
for infrastructure
19
00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:36,149
whereas I take more of a lead in
programme development. Right. Right.
20
00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:39,149
What did you say
your name was again? It's Ian.
21
00:02:39,150 --> 00:02:42,150
That's right. Yes.
Jeremy HAS mentioned you.
22
00:03:06,150 --> 00:03:08,150
Hm. Sh!
23
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:13,150
I wonder who that was. Don't know.
24
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:16,150
It could be a long game.
25
00:03:17,150 --> 00:03:19,150
Yes.
26
00:03:26,150 --> 00:03:29,149
So, how does it feel to be engaged,
Rachel? Rebecca.
27
00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:32,149
Rebecca. You set a date yet?
28
00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:34,149
9th November.
29
00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:35,150
Oh, dear.
30
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,150
That's 9/11.
31
00:03:40,150 --> 00:03:43,149
You'll not forget that
in a hurry, will you?
32
00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:44,150
Oh.
33
00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:48,150
No, I hadn't thought of it
that way, to be honest.
34
00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:54,150
Well, you must.
35
00:03:56,150 --> 00:04:00,150
I was christened Richard Ian
Percival, if you can believe that.
36
00:04:01,150 --> 00:04:03,150
RIP.
37
00:04:06,150 --> 00:04:09,149
Boo. Oh, Carl. Get in quick.
38
00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:11,149
I heard you talking.
Very slack, Rebecca.
39
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:12,949
Why are you hiding in here?
40
00:04:12,950 --> 00:04:14,149
I didn't choose it, did I?
41
00:04:14,150 --> 00:04:17,149
Guilty as charged. Have you met Ian?
42
00:04:17,150 --> 00:04:20,149
No, I don't believe
I've had the pleasure. Carl.
43
00:04:20,150 --> 00:04:21,149
I'm Rebecca's brother.
44
00:04:21,150 --> 00:04:25,149
So, you must know all the nooks
and crannies of the house, then.
45
00:04:25,150 --> 00:04:26,149
Oh, yes.
46
00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:29,149
I spent most of my Christmases
hiding in various cupboards
47
00:04:29,150 --> 00:04:31,150
waiting for my bossy
little sister to find me.
48
00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:36,150
You never could, though, could you?
49
00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:39,150
Get in.
50
00:04:50,150 --> 00:04:51,149
Is Daddy playing?
51
00:04:51,150 --> 00:04:56,149
He said he would. He's out showing
Mark and Elizabeth the stables.
52
00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:59,149
He can do that afterwards.
We're meant to be playing the game.
53
00:04:59,150 --> 00:05:01,149
It's all right.
Keep your voice down.
54
00:05:01,150 --> 00:05:03,149
You'll give us all away.
55
00:05:03,150 --> 00:05:04,150
Yeah, chill out, bitch.
56
00:05:08,150 --> 00:05:10,150
Sorry, that was misjudged.
57
00:05:12,150 --> 00:05:14,149
Actually, it was quite funny.
58
00:05:14,150 --> 00:05:17,150
She is a bit of a bitch,
aren't you, Becks?
59
00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:27,149
Lollipops!
60
00:05:27,150 --> 00:05:32,150
Come and get your lollipops.
Where are those children hiding?
61
00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:37,149
Now, then, if I were going to
secrete myself in this room,
62
00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:38,149
where would I go?
63
00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:41,150
Not behind those curtains. They're
a migraine waiting to happen.
64
00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:45,150
Oh, hanging around
the toilets, perhaps.
65
00:05:47,150 --> 00:05:49,150
It, er, has been known.
66
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:55,150
Or would I enjoy spending
time in the closet?
67
00:05:57,150 --> 00:05:59,149
Oh, not interrupting
anything, I hope.
68
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,150
Come on.
69
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:06,149
It's like the back room
of Cinderella's at Wakefield.
70
00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:08,149
Has anyone got any poppers or lube?
Stuart.
71
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:10,149
You two know each other, then,
do you?
72
00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:11,149
Unfortunately, yes.
73
00:06:11,150 --> 00:06:13,149
They're partners.
74
00:06:13,150 --> 00:06:14,149
In what line?
75
00:06:14,150 --> 00:06:17,149
Well, used to be straight up
and down, but not any more.
76
00:06:17,150 --> 00:06:18,149
I'm in IT.
77
00:06:18,150 --> 00:06:19,149
Congratulations.
78
00:06:19,150 --> 00:06:22,149
I'm in SH-IT cos
I got in late last night, didn't I?
79
00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:25,149
Stuart, you can do what you like.
It doesn't bother me.
80
00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:29,149
Oh, I see.
You're living together partners.
81
00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:30,949
Yeah, we're queer, dear,
get used to it.
82
00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:32,149
That's it. I can't stay here.
83
00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:34,049
Carl, please.
84
00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:35,049
Stuart, behave.
85
00:06:35,050 --> 00:06:36,149
This party's not about you.
86
00:06:36,150 --> 00:06:38,150
It's about me and Jeremy,
so butt out. Carl.
87
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:44,149
You're much prettier
when you're angry, and so are you.
88
00:06:44,150 --> 00:06:47,149
Anyway, changing the subject
slightly, I'm not being funny,
89
00:06:47,150 --> 00:06:49,149
but there's a man downstairs
that absolutely stinks.
90
00:06:49,150 --> 00:06:51,149
Yes, that's Stinky John.
91
00:06:51,150 --> 00:06:53,149
And what is it? Is it his clothes?
His breath?
92
00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:55,149
I don't know. He was at school
with us, wasn't he, Carl?
93
00:06:55,150 --> 00:06:57,149
Yes. That's when he was just John.
Not Stinky John.
94
00:06:57,150 --> 00:07:01,149
Something must have happened to him.
He just stopped washing one day.
95
00:07:01,150 --> 00:07:02,149
Maybe we should trace it back.
96
00:07:02,150 --> 00:07:05,149
Maybe we should.
Who Do You Stink You Are?
97
00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:08,150
And what about all the other ones?
There was that really boring one.
98
00:07:11,150 --> 00:07:15,149
Yes, and, um, what about that
old woman that's wandering around?
99
00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:18,149
Oh, God, that's Geraldine.
She's Daddy's cleaner.
100
00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:21,149
I asked her to come and serve drinks
but she thinks she's a guest.
101
00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:23,149
That is hilar!
You've got to tell her.
102
00:07:23,150 --> 00:07:25,149
I can't now. She's all dressed up.
103
00:07:25,150 --> 00:07:28,149
Dressed up?
She looks like Feed The Birds.
104
00:07:28,150 --> 00:07:32,149
There's a sandwich man at work
who wears a yellow T-shirt.
105
00:07:32,150 --> 00:07:35,149
It's a jersey
but it's T-shirt material,
106
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:38,150
and all the girls call him
Mustard Mike.
107
00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:48,149
Well, thank God I brought champagne.
108
00:07:48,150 --> 00:07:49,150
Who wants a swig?
109
00:08:12,150 --> 00:08:14,149
Found them! They're in here! Sh.
110
00:08:14,150 --> 00:08:18,149
That's it, is it? I've won?
No, you've got to hide as well.
111
00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:19,149
Oh, OK.
112
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,149
No, in here! Us.
113
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:23,849
Oh, there's not really
much space in there.
114
00:08:23,850 --> 00:08:25,149
That's why it's fun, apparently.
115
00:08:25,150 --> 00:08:27,149
I'm a little bit claustrophobic.
116
00:08:27,150 --> 00:08:28,149
Then it's even more fun.
117
00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:30,150
Quick, before someone sees you.
118
00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:44,150
So, what happens now?
119
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:48,150
We wait for the others to find us.
120
00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:51,150
So, how do you win?
121
00:08:52,150 --> 00:08:54,150
Nobody wins. You just wait.
122
00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:56,150
Oh.
123
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,150
All right.
124
00:09:04,989 --> 00:09:06,149
So, when does the game start?
125
00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:08,149
This is the game, Rachel.
We're playing it.
126
00:09:08,150 --> 00:09:11,149
Oh, so you're Rachel, are you?
127
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,149
Yes, hello.
128
00:09:13,150 --> 00:09:16,150
Because I've been calling
Rebecca Rachel, haven't I? Yes.
129
00:09:18,150 --> 00:09:21,149
I think I just got mixed up because
Jeremy talks about you all the time.
130
00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:23,150
Does he?
131
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:26,149
Yes.
132
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:27,149
Who are you talking to?
133
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:30,150
Which one are you again?
Rebecca. Yes.
134
00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:35,149
Oh, I've not seen this much wood
since I was... Don't.
135
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:37,149
So what does Jeremy say about me?
I'm sorry?
136
00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:39,149
At work. You said he talks about me.
137
00:09:39,150 --> 00:09:41,149
Oh, just...
138
00:09:41,150 --> 00:09:44,150
the usual boring girlfriend stuff.
139
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:48,149
Boring girlfriend?
140
00:09:48,150 --> 00:09:53,149
Not that you're boring. Just
the stuff he says about you is...
141
00:09:53,150 --> 00:09:54,150
Boring?
142
00:09:55,150 --> 00:09:56,150
Yes.
143
00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:01,149
Coming from you, Ian,
that's quite something. Thank you.
144
00:10:01,150 --> 00:10:02,149
You're welcome.
145
00:10:02,150 --> 00:10:05,149
Is anyone else getting hot?
146
00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:08,149
I just need to open the door a crack.
I just need to get some air.
147
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,149
Wait till Stinky John gets here.
You'll need more than a crack.
148
00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:13,149
Is Stinky John playing?
Everybody's playing. It's Sardines.
149
00:10:13,150 --> 00:10:16,149
Oh, I don't know if I can stay in
here if he gets in. I do get a bit...
150
00:10:16,150 --> 00:10:18,149
Don't worry. Me and you
will nip through to Narnia,
151
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:20,149
have a snowball fight,
get some Turkish Delight.
152
00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:23,149
I'm sorry. I need to breathe.
No, you're not allowed.
153
00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:25,149
She's allowed to breathe.
154
00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:27,149
I wouldn't mind stretching
the old legs, actually.
155
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:29,150
Been in here a while.
156
00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:32,149
What? Oh, this is ridiculous.
157
00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:33,149
I'm going to have a pee-break then.
158
00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:35,149
That champagne's gone
right through me.
159
00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:36,149
Well, don't flush it.
160
00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:38,949
Don't worry. You know my motto.
If it's yellow, let it mellow.
161
00:10:38,950 --> 00:10:40,149
If it's brown, flush it down.
162
00:10:40,150 --> 00:10:42,150
Oh, occupied!
163
00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:47,849
Sorry! Well, that's something
I shall never un-see.
164
00:10:47,850 --> 00:10:49,149
Who is it? Feed The Birds.
165
00:10:49,150 --> 00:10:50,149
Geraldine.
166
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,150
Shouldn't she be using
the staff toilets?
167
00:11:02,150 --> 00:11:03,149
You OK?
168
00:11:03,150 --> 00:11:05,149
What's the matter with you?
169
00:11:05,150 --> 00:11:09,150
What do you think, Rebecca?
Look where we are.
170
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:16,149
There you go, lovey.
Doesn't have a lock.
171
00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:19,150
It's an en suite.
You warmed the seat for me.
172
00:11:22,150 --> 00:11:24,149
I heard you all talking in there.
173
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:26,149
I just didn't want to disturb you.
174
00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:28,149
That's a bomby dress.
175
00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:30,149
Thank you. I got it in Paris.
176
00:11:30,150 --> 00:11:34,150
My hip went that colour when
I fell up some steps at Legoland.
177
00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:39,149
I was just getting some air.
I'm a bit claustrophobic.
178
00:11:39,150 --> 00:11:41,149
Is that why you can't bear
to touch a snake?
179
00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:43,149
'You've got that,
haven't you, Carl?'
180
00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:45,150
I'd hardly call it a snake, Stuart.
181
00:11:46,150 --> 00:11:48,149
More like a scaly lizard.
182
00:11:48,150 --> 00:11:50,149
'I heard that.' Good.
183
00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:53,149
Right. Shall we...
184
00:11:53,150 --> 00:11:54,150
assume the position?
185
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,150
It's just a game.
186
00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:03,150
Wait for me!
187
00:12:05,150 --> 00:12:06,149
Room for little 'un.
188
00:12:06,150 --> 00:12:07,150
Of course there is.
189
00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:14,150
It's like the time and relative
dimension in space.
190
00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:18,150
TARDIS.
191
00:12:21,150 --> 00:12:24,150
So, Rachel, tell me again
how you know Jeremy.
192
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:28,149
Um...
193
00:12:28,150 --> 00:12:30,150
Rachel is Jeremy's ex, Geraldine.
194
00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:34,149
Oh, that's it.
195
00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:37,149
I knew it was something
I wasn't supposed to mention.
196
00:12:37,150 --> 00:12:40,149
We're just mates now. Text buddies.
197
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:42,149
He BBMs me every now and again
at weekends.
198
00:12:42,150 --> 00:12:44,149
Oh, lovely.
199
00:12:44,150 --> 00:12:49,149
Yeah, he BBMs me a lot, too.
Always BBMing.
200
00:12:49,150 --> 00:12:52,150
What it is to be young.
201
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:59,149
It's been ages
since I've been in this room.
202
00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:01,149
Your dad usually keeps it locked.
You know, after...
203
00:13:01,150 --> 00:13:05,149
We're not going down that road,
Geraldine. It's a party, remember?
204
00:13:05,150 --> 00:13:07,150
Oh, yes.
205
00:13:09,150 --> 00:13:11,149
♪ Why am I always the bridesmaid
206
00:13:11,150 --> 00:13:14,149
♪ Never the blushing bride
207
00:13:14,150 --> 00:13:18,149
♪ Ding dong, wedding bells
208
00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:22,149
♪ Only ring for other girls
209
00:13:22,150 --> 00:13:24,149
♪ One fine day
210
00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:27,149
♪ Oh let it be soon
211
00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:34,150
♪ I shall wake up in the morning
on my own honeymoon. ♪
212
00:13:36,150 --> 00:13:39,150
Right, I'm coming back in.
Nobody fart.
213
00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:46,150
Smell that. Carbolic. We should get
some of that for our en suite.
214
00:13:47,150 --> 00:13:48,149
This is fun, isn't it?
215
00:13:48,150 --> 00:13:51,149
Thank you, Geraldine. Yes, it is.
216
00:13:51,150 --> 00:13:52,150
Fun.
217
00:13:56,150 --> 00:13:58,149
Do you have a girlfriend, Ian?
218
00:13:58,150 --> 00:14:01,149
No. No.
219
00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:04,150
Young, free and single
at the moment.
220
00:14:05,150 --> 00:14:07,149
I'm not being a monk.
221
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:11,150
I've had some experiences, but no.
222
00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:14,150
Pretty barren at the moment.
223
00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:17,150
A pretty arid patch.
224
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:22,150
We'll have to get it fixed up,
won't we? Yes.
225
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:26,149
Do you like him, Rachel? No, no, no.
226
00:14:26,150 --> 00:14:30,149
I have a boyfriend. His name is Lee.
Did you meet him downstairs?
227
00:14:30,150 --> 00:14:36,149
Yes, he gave me his jacket
and asked me to get him a drink.
228
00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:40,149
Oh he's only young. How young?
Is he legal? He's 21. Oh, toy boy.
229
00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:43,149
You know what they say. If there's grass
on the wicket, let play commence.
230
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:45,150
Oh, for fuck's sake,
Stuart. Give it a rest.
231
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:48,149
What's gotten into you?
232
00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:52,149
Can't you just talk like a normal
human being for five minutes? Sh.
233
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,150
Mark, in here.
234
00:14:54,629 --> 00:14:56,149
Have you managed
to get rid of him yet?
235
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:58,149
Yeah, he's gone off
to look for the others.
236
00:14:58,150 --> 00:15:03,149
God, I loathe playing other people's
family games. It's trouble.
237
00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:04,695
We should have been done by now.
238
00:15:04,750 --> 00:15:06,149
You said we'd be away by three.
239
00:15:06,150 --> 00:15:09,149
Why don't you just do the lie
about the babysitter being ill?
240
00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:12,149
Because it needs to be seeded.
You need to seed it.
241
00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:14,149
Doesn't need to be seeded.
You just say it.
242
00:15:14,150 --> 00:15:18,149
"Oh, I'm awfully sorry, we've got to go now.
Babysitter's not feeling very well." Boom.
243
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:20,246
You're so naive, Mark.
Listen, listen.
244
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:23,149
Old man may be tedious, but he's
our way into Dicky Laurence, yeah?
245
00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:25,149
So, we have to put a shift in.
246
00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:28,149
I thought you hated Dicky Laurence.
Yeah, I hate Dicky Laurence.
247
00:15:28,150 --> 00:15:29,149
He's a first-class prick,
248
00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:32,149
but I need him to smooth over
that merger next year, yeah?
249
00:15:32,150 --> 00:15:33,149
You know what they say.
250
00:15:33,150 --> 00:15:35,149
Keep your friends close,
but your enemies closer.
251
00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:38,149
Such a horrible shit, Mark.
252
00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:40,150
That's why you bloody love me.
253
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:47,150
No! Mark, stop it. Come on!
254
00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:50,150
Just fingers.
255
00:15:53,150 --> 00:15:54,823
Someone could walk in on them.
256
00:15:54,850 --> 00:15:58,149
Well, that's the thrill of it, Geraldine.
Get out of the way, I'm going to film it.
257
00:15:58,150 --> 00:16:01,150
No, you don't. Pervert.
Quick, someone make a noise.
258
00:16:08,150 --> 00:16:11,149
I think that was
a bit too subtle, Ian.
259
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:13,149
Geronimo!
260
00:16:13,150 --> 00:16:14,150
Fuck.
261
00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:32,149
Oh, you found us. Well done.
262
00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:34,149
What the hell?! Sardines.
263
00:16:34,150 --> 00:16:37,150
Hello, Mark.
Welcome to the wardrobe.
264
00:16:39,150 --> 00:16:42,150
Ian. I work for you.
265
00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:46,149
In IT.
266
00:16:46,150 --> 00:16:47,149
Of course. Hi.
267
00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:50,149
We've been hiding in here for ages
waiting for someone to find us,
268
00:16:50,150 --> 00:16:54,149
and these doors are so thick,
we didn't hear anything, did we?
269
00:16:54,150 --> 00:16:56,150
No, no. No.
270
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:01,149
Do you want to come in then?
Before Daddy finds us? Um...
271
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:04,149
Yeah, I'm a teeny bit worried
about the babysitter.
272
00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:06,149
She said she's feeling
under the weather.
273
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,150
Oh, well, so you did.
274
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:12,150
No, I'm sure we'll be all right
for a few minutes, won't we? Yup.
275
00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:16,150
Yeah, looks like a lot of fun.
276
00:17:19,150 --> 00:17:20,149
All right.
277
00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:22,150
I'm getting in.
278
00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:25,149
Yes. Everybody watch my shoes.
279
00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:27,499
Or maybe I should just take them
off... Just get in Liz. Yes, good.
280
00:17:27,550 --> 00:17:30,149
The sooner we start.
You stay in there next to Rachel.
281
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,149
Rebecca. Sorry.
282
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:35,149
It's my engagement party.
Nobody seems to know my name.
283
00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:39,149
No, it's just that Jeremy
always says...
284
00:17:39,150 --> 00:17:40,150
What?
285
00:17:42,150 --> 00:17:44,149
This one's Rachel.
286
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:47,149
Oh, hello. Nice to meet you.
287
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,150
Nice to meet you, too.
288
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:53,149
Ah, there you are.
Already been in here once.
289
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:55,149
Lee, come in.
We're having such a laugh.
290
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:58,149
Wardrobe. Can't believe
I didn't check the fucking wardrobe.
291
00:17:58,150 --> 00:18:01,149
I'm a knob. Is everything all right?
I thought I heard someone shouting.
292
00:18:01,150 --> 00:18:03,149
That was me. I said "Geronimo!"
293
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,149
Don't ask me why.
294
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:08,149
Have you met everyone?
Lee, this is Ian.
295
00:18:08,150 --> 00:18:09,149
He's... Works with Mark.
296
00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:11,149
For Mark, actually.
I own the company.
297
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:14,149
Oh, yeah. Well, if you ever
need any roofing doing.
298
00:18:14,150 --> 00:18:18,149
You know Rebecca, obviously.
And this is Mark's wife, Elizabeth.
299
00:18:18,150 --> 00:18:19,149
Hello.
300
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:22,150
Hi. You all right?
You look like you've been crying.
301
00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:26,149
It's just a little bit
dusty in here, that's all.
302
00:18:26,150 --> 00:18:31,149
And this is Rebecca's brother, Carl.
And that's Stu, his...
303
00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:34,149
Flatmate. Pleased to meet you.
304
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:36,149
Flatmate? And this is Geraldine.
305
00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:37,149
Oh, yeah, I know, yeah.
306
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:40,149
Wouldn't mind a cheeky top up
if you don't mind, love. Pardon?
307
00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:42,149
Little cheeky champers. Or succa.
308
00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:44,149
Why do you keep asking me?
309
00:18:44,150 --> 00:18:46,149
Rebecca said you were
serving drinks. No.
310
00:18:46,150 --> 00:18:50,149
No. I'm a guest.
He's got his wires crossed.
311
00:18:50,150 --> 00:18:53,149
Yes, we're all guests here.
All equal.
312
00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:55,149
I used to be their nanny.
313
00:18:55,150 --> 00:18:58,149
I've known all three of them
since they were so high.
314
00:18:58,150 --> 00:19:00,149
Three of them? Mmm.
315
00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:02,149
Yes, we have a sister. Caroline.
316
00:19:02,150 --> 00:19:05,149
Is she not coming, Becky?
I'd love to see the boys again.
317
00:19:05,150 --> 00:19:07,149
They must be getting quite big now.
318
00:19:07,150 --> 00:19:11,150
No, they can't make it.
It's a bit too far to travel. Oh.
319
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:15,149
I'll go get my own drink then,
shall I?
320
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:18,149
Here we go, Lee. I've got some
contraband you can have.
321
00:19:18,150 --> 00:19:21,149
We'll form a splinter group
under the bed.
322
00:19:21,150 --> 00:19:22,149
You can't do that.
323
00:19:22,150 --> 00:19:25,150
It's all right.
I'm sure my flatmate won't mind.
324
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:27,150
Come on, then.
325
00:19:30,149 --> 00:19:31,149
Are you trying to bum me?
326
00:19:31,150 --> 00:19:33,149
I'm sorry, Stuart.
That's against the rules.
327
00:19:33,150 --> 00:19:35,149
Homophobic?
328
00:19:35,150 --> 00:19:37,149
Oh, you've got that,
haven't you, lovey?
329
00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:38,460
No, I'm claustrophobic.
330
00:19:38,550 --> 00:19:40,149
Well, it is a little crowded
in here.
331
00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:44,149
Yes, it's almost like
we're a tin of sardines.
332
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,149
Actually, Colin, why don't you step
out for a minute and give us
333
00:19:46,150 --> 00:19:52,149
a bit of room. Yes.
I mean, it's Ian, but, yes.
334
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:56,149
Yes. Sorry. Ian.
Under the bed with those two, yeah?
335
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:57,149
Sorry, private party.
336
00:19:57,150 --> 00:19:59,149
No, you cannot play Sardines in this.
337
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:04,150
Everyone is hiding in the same place
together. That's what makes it fun.
338
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:22,149
Oh, yes. Oh, Lee. That's nice.
Oh, keep doing that.
339
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:25,149
What big hands you've got. Oh, yes.
340
00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:26,149
'Lee?'
341
00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:28,149
Babe, I'm not doing anything.
342
00:20:28,150 --> 00:20:30,149
'Leave him alone, Stuart.'
343
00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:32,149
What's the matter, Carl?
You jealous? 'Piss off.'
344
00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:35,149
Stop arguing, you two.
This is ridiculous.
345
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:37,149
It's not my fault
you're afraid of intimacy, Carl.
346
00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:40,149
'And it's not my fault either.
347
00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:41,150
'You have no idea.'
348
00:20:56,150 --> 00:20:58,149
Ta-da.
349
00:20:58,150 --> 00:20:59,149
John.
350
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:03,149
Oh, looks like I'm one of the last
to join the party.
351
00:21:03,150 --> 00:21:05,150
Can I squeeze in? No.
352
00:21:07,150 --> 00:21:09,149
I just think it's a bit too full.
353
00:21:09,150 --> 00:21:11,150
No, there's plenty of room.
354
00:21:13,150 --> 00:21:15,149
I feel sick.
355
00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:16,149
Breathe through your mouth.
356
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:19,149
Actually, John, some people
are hiding under the bed.
357
00:21:19,150 --> 00:21:22,149
Oh, no, you don't. Just what
thinks I'm a bit claustrophobic.
358
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,149
That's not the game, is it?
359
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:28,149
You're all meant to be squashed in
together. That's the rules.
360
00:21:28,150 --> 00:21:30,549
Yes, but we thought it doesn't really
matter about the rules.
361
00:21:30,550 --> 00:21:33,550
As long as we're all in the same
room it still counts.
362
00:21:36,150 --> 00:21:38,150
All right. As you wish.
363
00:21:41,150 --> 00:21:44,149
Actually, John,
there really isn't room under here.
364
00:21:44,150 --> 00:21:47,149
There's suitcases and everything.
365
00:21:47,150 --> 00:21:50,149
Isn't that right, Lee?
Packed mate. Sorry.
366
00:21:50,150 --> 00:21:53,149
I don't think I'd fit under there
anyway, to be honest.
367
00:21:53,150 --> 00:21:56,149
What with the old 26 pack.
368
00:21:56,150 --> 00:21:59,149
Yeah, you're better off going
with the wardrobe group.
369
00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:00,150
All right.
370
00:22:02,150 --> 00:22:04,150
'I'm back again.'
371
00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:09,149
Hang on. What's going on here?
372
00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:11,149
Is it caught or something?
373
00:22:11,150 --> 00:22:15,149
It's stuck, John.
Maybe try going in the bathroom.
374
00:22:15,150 --> 00:22:17,149
First time for everything.
375
00:22:17,150 --> 00:22:20,149
I can see what it is. It's fingers.
376
00:22:20,150 --> 00:22:22,149
Someone's holding it
with their fingers.
377
00:22:22,150 --> 00:22:24,149
No, we're trying to push it.
378
00:22:24,150 --> 00:22:26,149
Oh, let him in. Poor lad.
379
00:22:26,150 --> 00:22:29,150
We can't. Mark, tell them.
Try again behind the curtain.
380
00:22:30,150 --> 00:22:33,150
All right. Funniest game of Sardines
I've ever played.
381
00:22:35,150 --> 00:22:36,149
Ah.
382
00:22:36,150 --> 00:22:39,149
You haven't seen Rebecca
anywhere, have you, John?
383
00:22:39,150 --> 00:22:41,149
Oh, caught red-handed.
384
00:22:41,150 --> 00:22:43,149
She's... hiding in the wardrobe.
385
00:22:43,150 --> 00:22:46,149
But you can't get in.
Door's stuck, apparently.
386
00:22:46,150 --> 00:22:47,149
Right. Thanks.
387
00:22:47,150 --> 00:22:49,149
And there's two under the bed.
388
00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:51,150
It's a shambles.
389
00:22:55,150 --> 00:22:58,149
Becks. It's Jeremy. Hi.
390
00:22:58,150 --> 00:23:00,350
Listen, darling, I've just got to
pop down to the station.
391
00:23:00,369 --> 00:23:03,679
Pick up a chum who's running a bit
late. I can't seem to find my keys.
392
00:23:03,750 --> 00:23:06,149
You haven't had them, have you?
No, they're in your jacket.
393
00:23:06,150 --> 00:23:10,149
'No, I've looked. They're not there. I can't find them.
I might have to take the Mini. Is that OK?'
394
00:23:10,150 --> 00:23:13,149
All right. Drive safely, though.
395
00:23:13,150 --> 00:23:17,150
'Love you.' Love you too, Rachel.
Rebecca.
396
00:23:22,150 --> 00:23:24,150
Rebecca, I love you.
397
00:23:29,150 --> 00:23:31,149
What is that awful smell?
Hello, Andrew.
398
00:23:31,150 --> 00:23:33,149
Searched this room, have you?
399
00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:36,149
Yes. I believe there are some people
hiding in the wardrobe.
400
00:23:36,150 --> 00:23:40,149
Some under the bed, and Stinky
John... John is behind the curtains.
401
00:23:40,150 --> 00:23:44,150
No, that is absolutely wrong.
Come out from there, boy.
402
00:23:45,150 --> 00:23:47,149
You all have to be in the same place.
403
00:23:47,150 --> 00:23:51,149
This isn't Hide and Go Seek.
You know the rules, don't you?
404
00:23:51,150 --> 00:23:53,149
Well? Yes, sir.
405
00:23:53,150 --> 00:23:56,150
Come on. Out, out.
406
00:23:59,150 --> 00:24:00,750
It's like the Diary Of Ann Frank.
407
00:24:00,829 --> 00:24:02,149
Hi, Daddy.
408
00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:04,149
Five more sardines to go in the tin.
409
00:24:04,150 --> 00:24:06,149
Sorry, Andrew, it's just I need
to... Come on. In you go.
410
00:24:06,150 --> 00:24:08,149
That's it.
411
00:24:08,150 --> 00:24:09,150
Come along.
412
00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:21,149
There we go.
413
00:24:21,150 --> 00:24:24,149
That's the name of the game.
Sardines.
414
00:24:24,150 --> 00:24:26,149
This is fucking mental.
415
00:24:26,150 --> 00:24:29,149
I've got to tweet a picture of this.
416
00:24:29,150 --> 00:24:31,149
Oh, God. Here we are.
417
00:24:31,150 --> 00:24:33,150
Right. Smile, everyone.
418
00:24:38,150 --> 00:24:41,150
It's just they both start
with an R, so I...
419
00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:48,150
Would anyone like a mint? John?
420
00:24:50,150 --> 00:24:52,149
No, thank you.
421
00:24:52,150 --> 00:24:55,150
Are you sure?
They're very refreshing.
422
00:24:56,150 --> 00:24:59,149
They give me diarrhoea.
423
00:24:59,150 --> 00:25:01,149
Oh, dear God.
424
00:25:01,150 --> 00:25:04,149
I'll have one, actually. I've got
something catching in my throat.
425
00:25:04,150 --> 00:25:06,150
Pass them round.
426
00:25:11,150 --> 00:25:15,149
Andrew. Elizabeth was just asking
after Dicky Laurence.
427
00:25:15,150 --> 00:25:17,149
How is he these days?
428
00:25:17,150 --> 00:25:20,149
Dicky Laurence?
Haven't spoken to him in two years.
429
00:25:20,150 --> 00:25:23,149
Dreadful man. Ah, I thought...
430
00:25:23,150 --> 00:25:25,149
Ah, you thought you were going to
use me as a stepping stone, did you?
431
00:25:25,150 --> 00:25:29,150
Well, tough titty. That bridge
was burned a long time ago.
432
00:25:31,150 --> 00:25:32,150
Babysitter.
433
00:25:35,150 --> 00:25:37,150
You're still in love with her,
aren't you?
434
00:25:47,150 --> 00:25:51,149
We used to love playing Sardines
at parties, didn't we, Dad?
435
00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:54,149
Oh, yes.
We used to call it an icebreaker.
436
00:25:54,150 --> 00:25:56,149
Do you remember the Sardines song?
437
00:25:56,150 --> 00:25:58,149
Of course.
438
00:25:58,150 --> 00:26:01,149
♪ A baby sardine
saw his first submarine... ♪
439
00:26:01,150 --> 00:26:03,149
Don't you dare sing that.
440
00:26:03,150 --> 00:26:05,150
My house.
I'll do what I bloody well like.
441
00:26:16,150 --> 00:26:18,351
Is it just me or is there,
like, a shitty smell in here?
442
00:26:24,150 --> 00:26:27,150
Do you remember the year
we had the Cub Scouts jamboree?
443
00:26:28,150 --> 00:26:30,149
Chaos it was. Kiddies everywhere.
444
00:26:30,150 --> 00:26:32,149
That was a long time ago.
445
00:26:32,150 --> 00:26:35,149
We were having such a laugh.
446
00:26:35,150 --> 00:26:40,150
And then this one little boy
spoiled it. What was his name?
447
00:26:42,150 --> 00:26:44,149
I think we ought to be
making a move now.
448
00:26:44,150 --> 00:26:48,150
Oh, the police were involved and
everything. Do you remember, John?
449
00:26:49,150 --> 00:26:51,149
Phillip Harrison.
450
00:26:51,150 --> 00:26:53,149
That's it. Little Pip.
451
00:26:53,150 --> 00:26:55,149
Whatever happened to him?
452
00:26:55,150 --> 00:26:59,149
Family moved away, as I recall.
Spain or Somerset.
453
00:26:59,150 --> 00:27:00,150
Mmm, good riddance I say.
454
00:27:01,150 --> 00:27:04,149
Accusing you of such
horrible things.
455
00:27:04,150 --> 00:27:06,149
He paid them to go away.
456
00:27:06,150 --> 00:27:11,149
I was teaching the boy how to wash
himself. Basic hygiene.
457
00:27:11,150 --> 00:27:14,150
Well, we weren't all that lucky.
458
00:27:15,150 --> 00:27:16,150
Were we, John?
459
00:27:19,150 --> 00:27:21,149
I can smell carbolic soap.
460
00:27:21,150 --> 00:27:23,150
All right. That's enough.
461
00:27:34,150 --> 00:27:36,150
Now, before I ring Jeremy Kyle...
462
00:27:37,150 --> 00:27:41,149
..can I just say there's no-one actually
looking for us any more. We're all here.
463
00:27:41,150 --> 00:27:43,150
No, that Ian fella's not here.
464
00:27:44,150 --> 00:27:47,149
Yes, I've got to go and pick him
up from the station actually, so...
465
00:27:47,150 --> 00:27:50,149
Erm, he's in the bathroom, I think.
What?
466
00:27:50,150 --> 00:27:53,150
He's a boring chap with glasses.
467
00:27:54,150 --> 00:27:55,150
Oh, no, that's not Ian.
468
00:28:10,150 --> 00:28:15,149
♪ A baby sardine
saw his first submarine... ♪
469
00:28:15,150 --> 00:28:16,150
'Hello?'
470
00:28:18,150 --> 00:28:22,149
♪ He was scared and watched
through the peephole... ♪
471
00:28:22,150 --> 00:28:24,150
'What's going on?'
472
00:28:27,150 --> 00:28:31,150
♪ Oh, come, come, come,
said the sardine's mum... ♪
473
00:28:33,150 --> 00:28:34,149
'Open this door.'
474
00:28:34,150 --> 00:28:38,150
♪ It's only a tin full of people. ♪
475
00:28:40,150 --> 00:28:42,150
Pip?
476
00:28:57,893 --> 00:29:22,720
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