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1
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:50,409
Shh.
2
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,925
It's a beautiful
summer day in Chicago today.
3
00:03:57,987 --> 00:04:00,491
Temperatures expected
to reach the upper 80s.
4
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:04,579
In recent news, a health advisory was
reported from Happy Poultry Farms.
5
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:07,254
They're telling us
they're issuing a full recall
6
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:11,461
for their pre-cooked chicken tenders
and also their buffalo chicken tenders.
7
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:14,387
This only applies to chicken
that was packaged Friday
8
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,387
and delivered to Fort Chicken
and Danville.
9
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,595
Morning, honey.
- Ahem.
10
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,896
Rise and shine.
11
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,098
- Morning, Mum.
- How's the book going?
12
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:27,776
Good. Yeah, I've been working
really hard on it.
13
00:04:27,975 --> 00:04:31,980
Rewriting it. It's a first draught,
you know. Did you get a chance
14
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,862
- to read the manuscript?
- I did and I loved it.
15
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:39,697
- Oh. Any thoughts? Criticisms?
- No, I thought it was wonderful.
16
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:44,668
I won't become a better writer if I don't
get constructive criticism. Please.
17
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:47,120
- I'm begging you.
- Well,
18
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:53,382
um, I did think the characters
were a tiny bit unlikeable.
19
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:57,630
- That's more like it. Noted.
- And it was a little slow.
20
00:04:57,838 --> 00:05:00,432
I found myself a little bored,
to be honest.
21
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:04,353
- And I heart honesty.
- I also didn't know what was going on
22
00:05:04,553 --> 00:05:06,898
or where we were.
It wasn't explained well.
23
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:10,067
I couldn't figure out the plot.
It was kind of insulting.
24
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:13,237
And there was no specificity
in terms of time and place.
25
00:05:13,437 --> 00:05:17,192
- And where was the inciting incident?
- OK, OK, this is... Wow.
26
00:05:17,983 --> 00:05:19,326
Thank you, heh.
27
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,826
But mostly I loved it.
28
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:27,002
Now, get up and teach those summer
school kids how to write like you.
29
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:34,548
Chapter one. The boat was evil,
but he loved the boat.
30
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:41,639
Chapter one. The boat was evil,
but he didn't know just how evil.
31
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,514
The boat was evil,
32
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:47,393
but it was an acceptable level of evil.
33
00:05:47,596 --> 00:05:51,476
Chapter one. The sea-faring vessel,
The Schooner, was evil.
34
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,649
Ah. It's getting there.
35
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:07,250
Jesus. I've come full circle.
How very, very utterly depressing.
36
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,459
What's up, amigo? Hey.
37
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:15,041
- You're not my dealer.
- No, I'm Clint...
38
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:19,004
- Hey, you don't sell shrooms do you?
- No. I'm Clint Hadson.
39
00:06:19,211 --> 00:06:20,930
Is that Hudson?
40
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,800
- Hadson.
- Yeah, it's him. I'll let him in.
41
00:06:26,343 --> 00:06:30,019
- Oh. So that's a no on the shrooms?
- Right.
42
00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:47,995
Excuse me.
43
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,326
I'm having trouble...
44
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,387
Don't you forget, you're grounded.
45
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,769
When school's over
you come straight home.
46
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:14,317
- Fuck you, Mum.
- Oh, yeah? Fuck you.
47
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:18,146
- I'm just gonna miss you so much.
- Can't I take it off?
48
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,483
No. The playground is a war zone.
49
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,362
- Watch it.
- Sorry. Didn't see you there.
50
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:29,949
Well, maybe you should take in
your surroundings more.
51
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:32,076
Yeah.
52
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:39,925
- Mr. Hudson.
- Hadson.
53
00:07:40,125 --> 00:07:42,048
- Hi. Uh, call me Clint.
- Righteous.
54
00:07:42,252 --> 00:07:44,221
Thanks for coming
on such short notice.
55
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,391
Mrs. Kenner is down with the flu,
or maybe she's pregnant.
56
00:07:47,591 --> 00:07:49,720
She is Mormon, so that's a possibility.
57
00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:53,057
I'm vice principal Simms.
Principal Hodges is in the Bahamas.
58
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,560
You know what they say.
59
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,439
When the cat's away, the vice principal
becomes acting principal.
60
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,816
I forgot they say that.
61
00:07:59,019 --> 00:08:00,896
Teacher's lounge is across the way.
62
00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:04,076
Go get a cup of joe.
It's not strong enough for my taste.
63
00:08:04,274 --> 00:08:08,120
To deal with these terrors I need
the high-octane stuff. Isn't that right?
64
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,574
Heh, she's hilarious.
A lot of personal tragedy.
65
00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:14,411
Come on in to this office.
Pull up a ball chair.
66
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,667
Got a cell phone?
67
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:18,836
Um, yeah.
68
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,463
- I'm gonna have to take it.
- Are you serious?
69
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:25,423
Yep. This is a no cell-phone campus.
We can't ask the kids to give up
70
00:08:25,629 --> 00:08:29,475
something we're not willing to.
So hand over that crackberry.
71
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:35,524
Booyah. Now, I gotta warn you,
I run a pretty tight ship.
72
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,897
Yeah, I'm fine with that.
73
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:41,900
Heh, it's funny you should say that.
I'm actually writing a book about a ship.
74
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:44,403
Well, it's more of a boat.
I have it with me.
75
00:08:44,606 --> 00:08:47,985
If you're asking me to describe
my pedagogical "philosophy"
76
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:50,663
- I'm not.
- Some charter schools out of Boston
77
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:54,243
are "absolutely" "revolutionising"
"education."
78
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,578
I'm not sure you know
how air quotes work.
79
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,460
I wanna bring these kids back
to a pre-digital era.
80
00:08:59,663 --> 00:09:03,840
No cell phones, and I don't care
if it's raining labradoodles,
81
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,513
I wanna get those kids outside
during recess.
82
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,557
Heck, I'll lock them out.
And I will do that.
83
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:13,557
Now, here's a map of the school.
Mrs. Kenner is in Room 12.
84
00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:18,359
Oh, I don't need that.
I actually used to go here. Class of '88.
85
00:09:18,557 --> 00:09:22,778
Hey, you know what that is?
That's out of sight.
86
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,447
- All right.
- Shouldn't joke about guns though.
87
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,945
- No.
- Not in a school.
88
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,652
- Yeah.
- That's not funny.
89
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,532
My partner's name is David.
He is awesome.
90
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:37,870
He's a little bit older,
but really has this amazing body.
91
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,955
If I'm being completely honest,
92
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:43,667
he does have these fantastic balls
that I just love to play with.
93
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:47,424
They're firmer and fuzzier, so...
94
00:09:48,962 --> 00:09:53,639
Heh, tennis partner.
Heh, David's my tennis partner. Heh.
95
00:09:57,721 --> 00:10:00,725
Hi there. Um, you know which
one of these is Mrs. Kenner's?
96
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,482
Buddy, I don't know
what that bitch drinks out of.
97
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:07,190
Here's what I do know.
I know that this is a rape button.
98
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:10,572
It emits a shit-crazy alarm
that will inform local police,
99
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:15,123
who'll arrive within two minutes should
you decide to get touchy and/or feely.
100
00:10:15,322 --> 00:10:18,042
Wanna know why I have a rape button?
Don't answer.
101
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:21,746
Because the State of Illinois
doesn't trust the citizenry enough
102
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,083
to pass safe, sensible,
conceal and carry laws.
103
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,963
OK.
104
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,303
So any of these then?
105
00:10:35,884 --> 00:10:38,683
Hm. She's a little tightly wound, huh?
106
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,072
Oh, my God.
107
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,955
Lucy? Lucy McCormick?
108
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,253
- It's Clint Hadson.
- Oh, my God.
109
00:11:01,451 --> 00:11:04,706
- Wow, what are you doing here?
- I'm subbing for Mrs. Kenner.
110
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,504
Oh, my God. Amazing.
111
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,427
I heard you lived in New York.
112
00:11:09,626 --> 00:11:11,674
Yeah, I did. In Brooklyn.
113
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:15,053
But now I'm in town for a while.
Staying at Charman's.
114
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:17,259
Oh.
115
00:11:17,467 --> 00:11:19,937
- Who's Charman?
- My mum.
116
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,607
But it's the guesthouse, so it's...
117
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,485
So you're a teacher now?
118
00:11:27,102 --> 00:11:29,400
No. Well, I mean yes.
119
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:35,158
I subbed a little in New York,
but I'm a writer.
120
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:36,863
That's great.
121
00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:41,625
God, it's a scorcher out there, huh?
122
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,373
Unseasonably warm.
123
00:11:45,078 --> 00:11:46,422
Yeah.
124
00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:51,009
Uh, Wade, have you met Clint?
125
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:55,849
I have not. Wade Johnson. Pleased
to meet you with meat to please you.
126
00:11:56,048 --> 00:12:00,770
Actually, we kind of met earlier.
You parked me in.
127
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,732
- What are you talking about?
- Nothing. It's... It's fine.
128
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:08,607
It's just that, um, you parked so close
that I couldn't get out of my car.
129
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,812
My truck's got a dual real wheel.
130
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:15,907
- I'm sorry?
- Dual real wheel.
131
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,283
Dual real... Dual real...
132
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:22,333
Dual real real. Dual real...
133
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,998
Dual real wheel.
134
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:30,546
Dual real... Real real.
135
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:35,051
It's got a dual real wheel.
Dual real wheel. Dual real...
136
00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:38,932
- Dual real.
- I don't understand.
137
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:43,308
It's got two extra wheels
on the back part of it.
138
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:45,815
Dual rear...
139
00:12:46,014 --> 00:12:49,735
So, Clint, heard tell you were a writer,
hmm?
140
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:54,316
- What have you written?
- Ah. Nothing that you've read, yet.
141
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,991
I'm actually working on
my first novel.
142
00:12:57,192 --> 00:12:59,115
- Really?
- Yeah.
143
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,413
Oh, yeah, well, that's actually
why I'm home.
144
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:05,994
You know, just to hunker down
and bang out that story.
145
00:13:06,201 --> 00:13:09,000
But, uh, I need a few shekels.
146
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,712
Shekels.
147
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,594
- Hebrew for...
- Doug.
148
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:17,592
...currency. Yeah. OK.
149
00:13:18,338 --> 00:13:20,966
- Wow. Good for you. That's so exciting.
- Thanks.
150
00:13:21,174 --> 00:13:22,927
What's it about?
151
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,264
Oh. Uh, well, it's a horror novel.
152
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,894
Um, it's about a guy who buys a boat,
153
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,945
but the boat turns out
to be possessed.
154
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,072
Like Christine.
155
00:13:36,231 --> 00:13:38,485
- I'm sorry?
- Christine by Stephen King.
156
00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:41,162
The guy buys a car
and it's possessed.
157
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:46,534
- Um, but this is about a boat.
- So it's like Speed 2?
158
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:49,707
Starring...?
159
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:53,131
Sandra Bullock, yes, of course, and...
160
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,794
- Keanu Reeves?
- Jason Patric.
161
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,677
- I am the biggest Jason Patric fan.
- Jason Patric, heh.
162
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:03,181
- Lost Boys. Kiefer.
- "They're not lost, they're vampires."
163
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,071
- They got lost.
- All right. Let's roll.
164
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:14,232
Your classroom is actually right next
to mine. I can walk you if you want.
165
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:17,280
Um, yeah. That would be great.
166
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:27,793
You are so fucking ugly.
167
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:31,421
If my butthole had a butthole,
that's what you'd look like.
168
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:35,171
Yeah, you look like my butthole's ass.
169
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,217
You look like you got chicken pox.
170
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,671
If chicken pox was made out
of haemorrhoids.
171
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,974
Yeah, if chicken pox
was made out of my ass.
172
00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:46,269
And here we are.
Fourth grade, that's me, heh.
173
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:50,349
And you're right up there. Good luck.
Holler if you need anything.
174
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:53,684
Or you can ask Wade.
The athletic office is right down there.
175
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:57,317
Yeah, what's with that guy?
He seems like a bit of a dick.
176
00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,774
Heh. He's my boyfriend.
177
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,655
Sorry, I'm late.
I was helping a friend out.
178
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:07,615
Eric, what is that?
You just put that right down now.
179
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,758
Hey, did somebody order a sub?
180
00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,381
Tough crowd, heh.
181
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,642
My uncle's cancer
182
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:28,515
took his stomach.
183
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:31,346
But his divorce
184
00:15:32,347 --> 00:15:33,975
took his mind.
185
00:15:35,058 --> 00:15:36,856
Anyhoo...
186
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:40,023
That was my weekend.
Let's begin class.
187
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:43,201
Maybe we were created
by an all-knowing God
188
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:46,279
who sent down his only son
to die for us,
189
00:15:46,486 --> 00:15:49,365
or maybe we were monkey people
who sat around
190
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:52,793
crapping in each other's mouths
until one day we were like:
191
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:57,090
"I don't like all this hair.
Just on my head and crotch, please."
192
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:59,004
Who can say?
193
00:15:59,207 --> 00:16:04,429
I can't, because the State of Illinois
doesn't allow me to, Hank.
194
00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:10,679
I know I'm the substitute,
but I'm also a friend.
195
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:14,140
It wasn't so long ago that
I was sitting exactly where you are.
196
00:16:14,347 --> 00:16:16,567
In fact,
don't tell those other teachers,
197
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,144
but I want you to call me
by my first name.
198
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:28,196
- "Cunt"?
- What?
199
00:16:28,403 --> 00:16:30,576
No. You can't say...
200
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,250
OK, no. Uh, my name is Clint.
201
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:38,999
You know what?
Just call me Mr. Hadson.
202
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:44,721
I'm not really a teacher.
I'm only substituting to pay the bills.
203
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:48,892
I'm actually writing a horror novel.
Pretty cool, huh?
204
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,388
Yeah, real cool, asshole.
205
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:54,104
- Excuse me? What's your name?
- Patriot.
206
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,273
- He got held back.
- Shut up.
207
00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:58,359
Your name is Patriot?
208
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:00,477
That's right.
209
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,653
I was born on September 11th.
210
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,232
God sent me on that day.
211
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,739
That's why on my 18th birthday,
212
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:11,198
I'm joining the Marines
just to kick some towel-head ass.
213
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:15,117
Wow. A lot to unpack there.
214
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:18,125
First off, could you keep
the language down, please?
215
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:20,047
Otherwise, I'll send you outside.
216
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:23,877
Yeah, while you were talking,
I just looked at like a hundred vaginas.
217
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,053
- All right. Give me that.
- Why?
218
00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:29,303
You're not allowed to have it.
Your principal told me.
219
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:32,727
How about I start crying
and suggest to my parents
220
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,726
about how you touched me
inappropriately?
221
00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:43,939
Wait. You didn't happen to write
on a Prius this morning, did you?
222
00:17:47,023 --> 00:17:52,497
OK. So I actually have the first
draught of my new novel with me.
223
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:55,959
Who would like to come up here
and read the first chapter?
224
00:17:56,157 --> 00:17:58,251
And then you guys can
give me some notes.
225
00:17:58,451 --> 00:18:00,328
- Great. What's your name?
- Ahem. Douche.
226
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,628
- Calvin.
- Calvin, come on down.
227
00:18:11,464 --> 00:18:13,262
Go ahead.
228
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,730
"Chapter one. Trent always loved boats,
but when he spent his life savings
229
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:21,809
on the Anna Marie, he didn't know
he'd just charted a course to evil.
230
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,019
It was an easy money transaction..."
231
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,980
You'd be good in a horror novel.
232
00:18:32,068 --> 00:18:33,662
Hey.
233
00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:36,123
You listening to me?
234
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,227
All right. Everyone calm down.
Stay here.
235
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:59,681
I'm gonna take Patriot to the nurse.
Come on. Come on.
236
00:19:00,096 --> 00:19:01,440
Don't be a baby.
237
00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:04,856
Come on, Patriot. Let me see.
Come on.
238
00:19:08,396 --> 00:19:12,071
This is going to need stitches.
There's nothing I can do about it here.
239
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:15,371
- He's gonna have to go to the hospital.
- That's OK.
240
00:19:15,570 --> 00:19:16,948
Patriot can handle it.
241
00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:18,999
Right, Patriot? You're a Marine.
242
00:19:43,848 --> 00:19:46,192
Beautiful, beautiful shrooms.
243
00:19:55,318 --> 00:19:58,993
So one of my students tried
to eat another one's face off.
244
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:02,542
How's your day going?
I'm really sorry about this morning.
245
00:20:02,742 --> 00:20:05,541
- What happened?
- Uh, I called your boyfriend a dick.
246
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:08,715
I didn't know you guys were dating
and now I feel awkward.
247
00:20:08,915 --> 00:20:11,044
No, in your classroom.
What happened?
248
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:14,131
Oh. This girl went ape-shit on this kid.
She was biting him.
249
00:20:14,337 --> 00:20:17,592
- I sent him to the nurse.
- Did you send her to the principal?
250
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:21,019
You kidding? I wanted to give
her a high-five. That kid's a dick.
251
00:20:42,907 --> 00:20:44,410
Hey.
252
00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:47,579
You bit my friend's face.
253
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,751
What, are you sick or something?
254
00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:54,802
Hey, you bitch.
255
00:20:56,212 --> 00:20:58,010
I just wanted to say to them, like,
256
00:20:58,214 --> 00:21:01,013
"Guys, I'm a writer
who moved here from New York City.
257
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,721
"Like, I'm way cooler than
your regular teacher."
258
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,432
- This day could've been super fun.
- Kids are always rough on subs.
259
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:10,315
This is different from
what we were like growing up.
260
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,112
They're, like, not even kids.
261
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:26,501
The fuck?
262
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,788
He can't be that funny.
263
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,619
So single. Ooh-la-la.
264
00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:51,001
Yeah, I'm such a catch.
265
00:22:51,662 --> 00:22:55,383
You'll be beating off the women
in Fort Chicken.
266
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,585
Oh, yeah. Fort Chicken girls.
267
00:22:57,792 --> 00:22:59,295
Yeah, the hottest.
268
00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:08,391
What is happening here, kids?
269
00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:17,195
Goddamnit.
270
00:23:24,193 --> 00:23:25,615
What is wrong with me?
271
00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:33,296
Oh, no, you didn't.
272
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:36,669
Vice Principal Simms?
273
00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:39,631
Yeah, you're go for Simms.
274
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:41,211
I'm under some
275
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,513
medication for a medical condition
276
00:23:43,713 --> 00:23:47,513
So I may not be seeing things
correctly.
277
00:23:47,718 --> 00:23:53,316
But I'm pretty sure I might be seeing
some of your students
278
00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:57,394
possibly eating Mr. Peterson.
279
00:24:00,314 --> 00:24:02,316
Again, it could be the medication.
280
00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:12,498
OK. All right. Shaw's over.
281
00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:17,877
Hey, I may be acting principal,
but you all are acting crazy.
282
00:24:18,082 --> 00:24:19,584
Hey, don't... Don't...
283
00:24:21,085 --> 00:24:22,961
I have bursitis.
I have bursitis in my elbow.
284
00:24:23,170 --> 00:24:25,719
Who...? Who is your homeroom?
285
00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:56,208
Get... Get out of there.
286
00:24:57,954 --> 00:25:00,708
- It's so good to see you.
- It's good to see you too.
287
00:25:00,915 --> 00:25:02,259
Oh, look. Carnage.
288
00:25:08,548 --> 00:25:11,848
- Somebody call the police.
- Wait. Oh, hey, my button.
289
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:19,026
Come on, Johnson.
What the fuck is happening?
290
00:25:23,896 --> 00:25:27,276
What the fuck is happening?
291
00:25:30,028 --> 00:25:32,748
Wait, there's Wade. Wade.
292
00:25:34,782 --> 00:25:36,705
Oh, God.
293
00:25:40,913 --> 00:25:42,790
All right, listen up.
294
00:25:44,167 --> 00:25:45,760
I'd back off if I was you.
295
00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:49,339
I was an all-state football champion,
y'all are a bunch of kids.
296
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:54,349
Look, we've all wanted to do that
to Vice Principal Simms, OK?
297
00:25:54,552 --> 00:25:56,270
I know I have.
298
00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:58,432
But a...
299
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,143
A line has been crossed.
300
00:26:04,188 --> 00:26:07,157
You can't eat the teachers, man.
301
00:26:09,233 --> 00:26:11,487
Calm down right now.
302
00:26:22,955 --> 00:26:24,548
Come on, Johnson.
303
00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:26,423
Run, Johnson.
304
00:26:35,259 --> 00:26:36,978
They attacked the vice principal.
305
00:26:37,179 --> 00:26:39,021
Ma 'am, you need to calm down.
306
00:26:39,222 --> 00:26:41,692
Then they started chas...
Hello? Hello?
307
00:26:52,986 --> 00:26:55,114
The phones are dead.
308
00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:58,917
Those kids are fast.
309
00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:02,291
I was twice voted running back
of the year,
310
00:27:02,496 --> 00:27:06,171
Cary County,
and should've went a third year,
311
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:08,801
but it was political...
312
00:27:09,001 --> 00:27:12,175
- What the fuck are you trying to say?
- Do not go out there. Those kids...
313
00:27:15,092 --> 00:27:17,560
- Oh, God.
- Oh, no, no, no. It's Angela.
314
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,309
Hi, Angela. It's me, Mr. Lacey.
315
00:27:24,101 --> 00:27:26,854
Oh, there's Dave. Dave's coming.
316
00:27:28,689 --> 00:27:30,362
See, everything's gonna be fine.
317
00:27:30,857 --> 00:27:32,326
Shit, man. Five-0.
318
00:27:39,199 --> 00:27:42,327
Fuck it. I ain't going down.
319
00:27:42,536 --> 00:27:44,663
All right, kids. Settle down.
320
00:27:44,872 --> 00:27:46,795
You little guys need to tell me
what's going on.
321
00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:53,548
You all eat cherry pie for lunch
or something? What's going on?
322
00:27:55,382 --> 00:27:59,261
I'm here to help. Think of me
just like Batman. I'm a helper.
323
00:28:08,228 --> 00:28:09,775
What the fuck?!
324
00:28:27,580 --> 00:28:31,175
- Fuck this. I gotta do something.
- No. You can't go back out there.
325
00:28:31,375 --> 00:28:33,720
- No. Let me alone.
- Wade?
326
00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:39,634
Oh, my God.
327
00:28:39,843 --> 00:28:41,310
Oh, God.
328
00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:45,941
What the fuck, freak?
329
00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:50,980
- He's gonna bite your face.
- I can see that.
330
00:28:51,188 --> 00:28:54,738
He'll tear your goddamn face off.
You'll look like that chimp woman.
331
00:28:56,401 --> 00:28:58,243
You're achieving nothing.
332
00:28:59,403 --> 00:29:02,624
- Help me!
- Let me burn his face!
333
00:29:10,665 --> 00:29:12,259
Who is that lady?
334
00:29:14,711 --> 00:29:16,963
- Anybody have a key?
- Probably not.
335
00:29:19,465 --> 00:29:21,809
- Let's go.
- Wait, wait, wait.
336
00:29:22,009 --> 00:29:25,309
- We can't just leave her there.
- Come on.
337
00:29:27,807 --> 00:29:29,902
Move. Move.
338
00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:32,275
Come on.
339
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:35,650
Come on, we gotta get out of here.
Follow me. I do CrossFit.
340
00:29:35,856 --> 00:29:37,904
- No, don't do it.
- You sons of bitches.
341
00:29:39,403 --> 00:29:41,371
Fuck.
342
00:29:41,779 --> 00:29:43,498
- Go, go, go.
- Wade, what...?
343
00:29:47,118 --> 00:29:48,916
In here.
344
00:29:51,414 --> 00:29:55,214
- Kill him! I hate it! Kill him!
- No. Wait. He's not like the others.
345
00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:58,638
And I'm not saying that because
you're the only black student.
346
00:29:58,838 --> 00:30:00,636
- Differences make life beautiful.
- What's going on?
347
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,686
- Kill him!
- No, wait. Tracy's right.
348
00:30:04,885 --> 00:30:08,856
Calvin, are you OK? You don't have
a thirst for blood or anything?
349
00:30:09,057 --> 00:30:11,276
Why would I?
I'm studying for my test.
350
00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:13,898
- Great. How's it going?
- OK, fuck the test.
351
00:30:14,104 --> 00:30:17,153
- We gotta seek out higher ground.
- OK. Come on, Calvin.
352
00:30:17,356 --> 00:30:19,200
You come with us.
353
00:30:29,869 --> 00:30:31,462
We're clear. In here, come on.
354
00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:33,915
- Come on.
- Close the door. Close the door.
355
00:30:34,124 --> 00:30:35,467
- Close the door.
- Get it.
356
00:30:35,666 --> 00:30:38,340
- Hey, hey. Is everyone OK?
- I think so. Yes.
357
00:30:38,545 --> 00:30:41,138
- Are you OK?
- Can we please take a moment...?
358
00:30:41,339 --> 00:30:43,262
Get in here. Come on. Come on.
359
00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:45,265
She has blisters.
360
00:30:46,135 --> 00:30:49,730
We're safe. The door is locked.
They can't get through these windows.
361
00:30:49,931 --> 00:30:51,523
The phone's out in here too.
362
00:30:51,724 --> 00:30:55,025
Can somebody explain to me
what is going on? What is going on?!
363
00:30:55,228 --> 00:30:56,570
I blame rap music.
364
00:30:56,771 --> 00:30:59,776
I hated my teachers in school.
But I never tried to kill them.
365
00:30:59,982 --> 00:31:02,201
- They got cooties.
- What?
366
00:31:03,944 --> 00:31:07,950
That's what they're always saying that
girl Shelly has. Cooties. She's dirty.
367
00:31:08,616 --> 00:31:11,586
- Calvin, that's not very nice.
- No, he's right.
368
00:31:13,079 --> 00:31:16,003
In a... In a way.
If you'll follow me, you'll see...
369
00:31:16,208 --> 00:31:18,381
- You're not hurt, are you?
- No, I'm good.
370
00:31:18,585 --> 00:31:21,884
...she has the raised blisters of a vi...
371
00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:24,223
A virus.
372
00:31:24,423 --> 00:31:27,176
I'm OK. We're safe here, right?
373
00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:30,390
Everybody feels OK?
And we're all safe.
374
00:31:30,596 --> 00:31:33,601
It's pretty interesting actually.
375
00:31:35,268 --> 00:31:37,770
I knew we'd work it all out, heh.
376
00:31:48,030 --> 00:31:49,999
I would love to get inside your head.
377
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,622
Oh.
378
00:31:52,326 --> 00:31:55,125
She's gone to commit murder
somewhere else.
379
00:31:57,999 --> 00:31:59,797
All right, ladies, here's the plan.
380
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,503
We get down on that ledge,
jump to the ground,
381
00:32:02,711 --> 00:32:06,182
hightail it like linebackers
to our cars, boom.
382
00:32:06,383 --> 00:32:08,181
I thought you tried to outrun them.
383
00:32:08,384 --> 00:32:11,855
- You said they were too fast for you.
- Yeah, but that was before
384
00:32:12,055 --> 00:32:13,557
I had a weapon.
385
00:32:15,224 --> 00:32:17,102
A violin?
386
00:32:17,978 --> 00:32:21,231
Not just a violin.
It's an instrument of death.
387
00:32:22,148 --> 00:32:24,196
I propose we create
a symphony of death.
388
00:32:24,401 --> 00:32:27,575
Everyone grab an instrument.
Here. You take this.
389
00:32:27,778 --> 00:32:31,124
- Oh, yeah, that'll be real effective.
- I'm offering leadership.
390
00:32:31,324 --> 00:32:34,999
What are you offering, besides
throwing hot pots of coffee at people,
391
00:32:35,202 --> 00:32:39,298
or a stupid book no one wants to read
about a guy who wants to fuck a boat?
392
00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,843
It's not about a guy
who wants to fuck a boat.
393
00:32:42,042 --> 00:32:45,593
- It's about obsession and possession...
- He wants to fuck the boat.
394
00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:47,720
- Listen...
- Listen, Stevie King...
395
00:32:47,923 --> 00:32:51,302
There's an invention called a cell phone
that your school confiscated.
396
00:32:51,510 --> 00:32:54,184
We need to get to the office,
grab our phones
397
00:32:54,388 --> 00:32:57,268
and call someone who can help
quarantine these kids.
398
00:32:57,476 --> 00:32:59,944
We're in a lockdown
in case you haven't noticed.
399
00:33:00,144 --> 00:33:03,944
We have been breached. There are
little cootie kids out in the hallway
400
00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:07,368
who will fucking rip your face off
with their little teeth.
401
00:33:07,568 --> 00:33:10,321
- Well, shit...
- Their big teeth haven't come in yet.
402
00:33:16,744 --> 00:33:18,838
You carry on
with your symphony of death.
403
00:33:19,038 --> 00:33:21,758
I'll sneak around the school
where there aren't kids.
404
00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:25,211
Oh, you sneak around, huh?
Sneak around like a little hobbit.
405
00:33:25,420 --> 00:33:27,923
I'm taking the fight to them
like a fucking orc.
406
00:33:28,131 --> 00:33:30,224
That's the difference
between you and me.
407
00:33:30,424 --> 00:33:33,473
I don't wanna scurry.
I don't scurry like a common squirrel.
408
00:33:33,677 --> 00:33:36,932
Both of you be quiet! The only way
we're gonna get anywhere
409
00:33:37,140 --> 00:33:41,361
is if we turn our frowns upside down
and try to get along. OK?
410
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,484
You know how I beat
the terrorists after 9/11?
411
00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:47,692
- With a positive attitude.
- It's true. She did.
412
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:53,536
I don't think going back for our
cell phones is necessarily a great idea.
413
00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:57,586
Even though it's wonderful that you're
trying. We welcome all suggestions.
414
00:33:57,786 --> 00:34:00,335
- Wait, I just thought of something.
- What is it?
415
00:34:00,538 --> 00:34:04,169
Um, it's just an idea for Keel Them All.
The hero's trapped on the boat
416
00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:08,425
and my mum doesn't understand why
he wouldn't just call for help. I got it.
417
00:34:08,630 --> 00:34:10,632
He left his phone on the dock.
418
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,967
What are you talking about?
419
00:34:13,175 --> 00:34:15,177
Oh, sorry. My book.
420
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:17,141
Are you fucking kidding me?
421
00:34:17,931 --> 00:34:20,900
- Unbelievable.
- Your book is called Keel Them All?
422
00:34:21,101 --> 00:34:24,605
OK, can we convene the book club
a little later on, please?
423
00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:29,989
Wade, I think maybe your idea is
maybe an unwise idea also.
424
00:34:30,193 --> 00:34:33,072
- Seriously, Lucy?
- I'm sorry.
425
00:34:33,737 --> 00:34:35,331
So, what do you propose?
426
00:34:35,532 --> 00:34:38,536
That we wait here until 3.00.
427
00:34:40,704 --> 00:34:44,378
Um, OK, what happens at 3.00?
428
00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:47,302
At 3.00 the parents will come
to pick up their kids.
429
00:34:47,501 --> 00:34:49,755
We get on the roof
and signal them for help.
430
00:34:49,963 --> 00:34:53,557
- I like that idea. It's a good one.
- Better than your fucking idea.
431
00:34:53,757 --> 00:34:57,137
- Anything's better than your idea.
- Oh.
432
00:34:57,679 --> 00:34:59,476
Clint, are you OK? That sounds...
433
00:34:59,681 --> 00:35:01,853
Yeah, no. I'm fine. I'm fine.
434
00:35:02,057 --> 00:35:03,434
What happened to your arm?
435
00:35:03,893 --> 00:35:06,065
- Oh, it's nothing...
- Ah.
436
00:35:06,271 --> 00:35:09,240
- Oh, shit.
- What? It's just a scratch.
437
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,568
- He's infected.
- It's nothing. I'm fine.
438
00:35:11,775 --> 00:35:14,699
You got cooties, motherfucker.
Time for a quarantine.
439
00:35:14,903 --> 00:35:17,498
- No. I'm feeling fine.
- You're coming with me.
440
00:35:17,699 --> 00:35:20,043
- Stop resisting. Don't resist.
- I feel fine.
441
00:35:20,242 --> 00:35:23,496
- Quarantine.
- Wade. Wade.
442
00:35:25,039 --> 00:35:27,384
Let me out, asshole.
443
00:35:28,501 --> 00:35:30,628
Nobody else go in there.
444
00:35:35,050 --> 00:35:37,097
I'm going in.
445
00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:39,521
Doug, don't... I don't care-.
446
00:35:55,110 --> 00:35:57,190
We have
some breaking news developing
447
00:35:57,322 --> 00:36:00,451
in the suburb of Fort Chicken
this morning...
448
00:36:00,659 --> 00:36:03,081
- What if he...?
- Excuse me. Listen up, please.
449
00:36:03,286 --> 00:36:05,163
Could everybody please listen up?
450
00:36:09,208 --> 00:36:12,257
Guys, don't make me ask again.
Quiet. Quiet, please.
451
00:36:14,213 --> 00:36:16,512
- Please, be quiet.
- None of us are talking.
452
00:36:16,715 --> 00:36:18,514
Rebekka.
453
00:36:18,717 --> 00:36:20,061
Quiet, please.
454
00:36:21,721 --> 00:36:24,769
Thank you. It is my opinion
455
00:36:24,974 --> 00:36:27,601
- that Clint has been infected with...
- I knew it.
456
00:36:27,811 --> 00:36:30,610
- ...whatever those kids have out there.
- Oh, my God.
457
00:36:30,813 --> 00:36:33,317
It doesn't seem to be
affecting him the same way.
458
00:36:33,525 --> 00:36:36,653
He's only exhibiting
mild stomach-flu symptoms.
459
00:36:36,860 --> 00:36:43,414
Nausea, cramps, a little diarrhoea,
vomiting, mild anal leakage.
460
00:36:43,617 --> 00:36:48,715
But it is my hypothesis
that we are safe from him for now.
461
00:36:48,914 --> 00:36:52,590
He will not attempt to murder us
or tear us limb from limb.
462
00:36:52,793 --> 00:36:55,297
- He just has the flu.
- Hold on a second.
463
00:36:55,505 --> 00:36:57,974
How do you...?
How do you know all this?
464
00:36:58,382 --> 00:37:01,101
Well, Rebekka,
I just examined his fluids
465
00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:05,478
with two of histories oldest
scientific instruments. My hands.
466
00:37:06,557 --> 00:37:07,855
Doug.
467
00:37:08,059 --> 00:37:11,108
- Heh, don't worry. I'm wearing gloves.
- Oh, no, you're not.
468
00:37:11,311 --> 00:37:13,235
- No.
- No, you're not.
469
00:37:14,898 --> 00:37:16,697
- Damn it, Doug.
- Keep it together.
470
00:37:16,900 --> 00:37:18,744
I see.
471
00:37:19,237 --> 00:37:20,989
OK, OK, it doesn't matter.
472
00:37:21,197 --> 00:37:23,369
Listen, the sub stays locked
in the closet.
473
00:37:23,574 --> 00:37:27,125
He gets a clean bill of health at 3.00,
then we'll talk.
474
00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:28,389
Go time.
475
00:38:29,264 --> 00:38:32,108
- Keep your distance, Grisham.
- There's vomit there.
476
00:38:32,309 --> 00:38:34,653
- Sorry. Watch your step.
- Are you all right?
477
00:38:34,853 --> 00:38:36,777
- How you feeling? Come on.
- Um, better.
478
00:38:36,981 --> 00:38:39,574
- OK. That's yours.
- Oh, thank you.
479
00:38:39,775 --> 00:38:41,449
Wait. Oh, I know that car.
480
00:38:41,652 --> 00:38:43,655
That's the PTA president,
Racer Dopkins' mum.
481
00:38:43,862 --> 00:38:45,786
She gets here early
to open the gates.
482
00:38:45,989 --> 00:38:47,742
- Hey, hey, over here!
- Hey!
483
00:38:47,951 --> 00:38:49,248
- Hey!
- Hey!
484
00:38:49,452 --> 00:38:50,873
Hey!
485
00:38:51,079 --> 00:38:53,672
- Call for help!
- Use the phone!
486
00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:58,929
This could fall apart.
I'm just thinking about the children.
487
00:38:59,128 --> 00:39:00,630
- Hey!
- 911!
488
00:39:00,838 --> 00:39:02,932
Those little bastards
are gonna kill her.
489
00:39:03,132 --> 00:39:05,304
- She's gonna be fine.
- Wait, there he is.
490
00:39:05,510 --> 00:39:07,228
- No, no.
- Don't open the door.
491
00:39:07,427 --> 00:39:11,603
- She doesn't even see him.
- Don't let him in! Don't let him in!
492
00:39:13,851 --> 00:39:16,070
Who's Mummy's angel?
Who's Mummy's angel?
493
00:39:16,271 --> 00:39:18,489
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
494
00:39:18,690 --> 00:39:20,407
- Get out of the car!
- No!
495
00:39:20,608 --> 00:39:23,532
- You tell Simms that $300 won't cut it.
- Mrs. Dobkins!
496
00:39:23,735 --> 00:39:25,409
Mrs. Dobkins, don't do it!
497
00:39:25,612 --> 00:39:27,536
God, Steve. Don't even give me that.
498
00:39:27,739 --> 00:39:29,867
I know what's going on
in the school 24/7.
499
00:39:30,076 --> 00:39:31,293
Come on, Racer. Let's go.
500
00:39:32,954 --> 00:39:35,034
You wanna go to soccer practise
or not, honey puckle?
501
00:39:35,623 --> 00:39:39,378
I'm not gonna be the one holding the
book at the book ride again this year.
502
00:39:39,585 --> 00:39:41,463
No. You...
503
00:39:43,005 --> 00:39:46,476
Racer, what the hell are you doing
to your brother back there now?
504
00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:55,728
- They go right for the face.
- I told you.
505
00:39:55,934 --> 00:39:58,778
We have to warn the others.
They'll be here any second.
506
00:39:58,980 --> 00:40:00,527
They'll massacre the other parents.
507
00:40:01,983 --> 00:40:03,030
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
508
00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:04,614
- Oh, my God!
- Help me.
509
00:40:04,818 --> 00:40:07,038
- She's not one of them.
- How do you know?
510
00:40:07,237 --> 00:40:09,990
Look at her face.
It's not covered in pox.
511
00:40:10,867 --> 00:40:12,914
- Help her.
- Oh, God. They're coming.
512
00:40:13,119 --> 00:40:14,541
They're coming.
513
00:40:15,246 --> 00:40:16,418
They're coming.
514
00:40:16,623 --> 00:40:19,672
They're getting up on the roof.
They're in the tree.
515
00:40:20,876 --> 00:40:22,719
Move!
516
00:40:23,211 --> 00:40:25,260
- Come on!
- Go, go, go!
517
00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,637
- Where do we go?
- Go, go, go.
518
00:40:27,842 --> 00:40:29,639
To the auditorium.
519
00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:32,722
Don't give up. Let's go.
520
00:40:36,309 --> 00:40:38,356
Move, move, move.
521
00:40:42,523 --> 00:40:45,527
Help! Get it off me! Get it off!
522
00:41:31,364 --> 00:41:33,331
Wade, I...
523
00:41:43,918 --> 00:41:46,797
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
524
00:41:47,255 --> 00:41:51,135
Tammy, why don't you and Calvin
come on over here with me?
525
00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:54,436
- That guy always cheated off me.
- Calvin.
526
00:41:54,637 --> 00:41:57,311
I'll make sure
all the doors are secure.
527
00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:08,780
Why...? Why is his blood black?
528
00:42:09,735 --> 00:42:11,659
I don't know.
529
00:42:12,405 --> 00:42:13,998
That's what I wanna find out.
530
00:42:14,990 --> 00:42:16,789
I think I'm gonna dissect him.
531
00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:21,963
Hey, look at us.
We're fine. We're fine.
532
00:42:22,164 --> 00:42:25,795
You know, we're still us, because...
You know why?
533
00:42:26,001 --> 00:42:29,722
Because none of us got bitten
or scratched.
534
00:42:30,338 --> 00:42:32,262
I did.
535
00:42:34,469 --> 00:42:35,641
Oh.
536
00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:42,313
It's fine. We'll go to the washroom
and wash it out with soap
537
00:42:42,518 --> 00:42:45,271
so it won't get infected, OK?
What do you say?
538
00:42:53,487 --> 00:42:55,661
Oh, God.
I can't believe you're doing this.
539
00:42:55,864 --> 00:42:59,289
I can't believe boys pee in those.
I mean, that's disgusting.
540
00:42:59,494 --> 00:43:00,791
That's disgusting?
541
00:43:00,994 --> 00:43:04,715
It's not disgusting to have boys
staring at each other's penises?
542
00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:08,762
What's wrong with that?
OK, we got bigger things to worry about.
543
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,713
Well, this is interesting.
544
00:43:10,922 --> 00:43:12,923
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, God.
545
00:43:13,132 --> 00:43:15,510
- Oh, God.
- I'm gonna extract the brain.
546
00:43:15,717 --> 00:43:18,641
- Oh, that's just rude.
- Damn it.
547
00:43:20,847 --> 00:43:23,646
The preliminary
reports have been confirmed.
548
00:43:23,851 --> 00:43:27,195
Children are for some reason
violently attacking their parents
549
00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:29,398
in front of Fort Chicken Elementary.
550
00:43:29,606 --> 00:43:31,780
We have reports of victims
around the city.
551
00:43:31,983 --> 00:43:34,112
Authorities have no idea
what is going on.
552
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,199
Stay inside, stay in your cars,
do not go out...
553
00:43:40,827 --> 00:43:44,422
Dude, this is totally tripping me out.
554
00:43:48,793 --> 00:43:51,215
Are you on shrooms too?
555
00:43:56,134 --> 00:43:57,806
Hey.
556
00:44:02,097 --> 00:44:06,023
- Can I get you anything?
- I'd really rather be left alone, Lucy.
557
00:44:07,978 --> 00:44:10,322
Wade, can we please talk?
558
00:44:10,523 --> 00:44:12,400
I don't wanna talk.
559
00:44:12,608 --> 00:44:14,451
I know you don't, but I do.
560
00:44:15,402 --> 00:44:18,202
Why don't you talk
to your boyfriend about it?
561
00:44:19,197 --> 00:44:21,916
Clint and I went to school together.
562
00:44:22,117 --> 00:44:24,416
I haven't seen him in 15 years.
563
00:44:24,619 --> 00:44:25,996
I walked in this morning,
564
00:44:26,204 --> 00:44:29,505
the guy was fucking hitting on you
and you were eating it up.
565
00:44:29,708 --> 00:44:31,757
- Are you kidding me?
- No, I'm not.
566
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,634
You can't even deny it. Deny it.
567
00:44:34,588 --> 00:44:36,967
Clint and I were just talking.
568
00:44:37,382 --> 00:44:40,306
And I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
I didn't mean to.
569
00:44:40,510 --> 00:44:43,481
- Oh.
- Look, I'm sorry.
570
00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:47,025
I know neither of us thought
this was how the day was gonna go
571
00:44:47,226 --> 00:44:49,728
- when we woke up this morning.
- No, we didn't.
572
00:44:49,936 --> 00:44:52,655
I thought today was gonna go
way different than this.
573
00:44:52,856 --> 00:44:56,360
You have no idea.
I bought you a ring yesterday, Lucy.
574
00:44:58,653 --> 00:45:04,331
Then I walk in and I see you laughing
and smiling at that little asshole.
575
00:45:05,119 --> 00:45:07,121
And you know what I thought?
576
00:45:08,079 --> 00:45:12,710
I thought, "Wow,
she looks so pretty when she smiles.
577
00:45:14,336 --> 00:45:17,715
"How come she never smiles at me
like that?"
578
00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:23,262
I'll talk to you later, Lucy.
579
00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:30,190
And go fuck yourself.
580
00:45:37,693 --> 00:45:39,661
Prognosis is not good.
581
00:45:42,197 --> 00:45:46,748
As you can see, most of the grey
and white matter has been...
582
00:45:46,994 --> 00:45:48,461
Rebekka, quiet please.
583
00:45:50,289 --> 00:45:53,588
Most of the grey and white matter
has been severely infected.
584
00:45:53,793 --> 00:45:57,092
It's showing the beginning stages
of necrosis and decomposition.
585
00:45:57,295 --> 00:45:59,844
All these black areas
are basically dead.
586
00:46:00,048 --> 00:46:03,474
I mean, they can run, jump, eat,
but they're not human anymore.
587
00:46:03,677 --> 00:46:07,398
- Not really.
- Once again, how do you know all this?
588
00:46:07,597 --> 00:46:12,023
I learned all about the brain when I had
a 6" spike lodged in my skull as a child.
589
00:46:12,228 --> 00:46:14,572
Which is the reason why,
you may have noticed,
590
00:46:14,771 --> 00:46:16,445
sometimes I use the wrong rowboat.
591
00:46:16,648 --> 00:46:19,447
- Word.
- Word.
592
00:46:19,985 --> 00:46:23,581
Now, bacteria can't cross
the blood brain barrier.
593
00:46:23,989 --> 00:46:27,585
So I'm thinking
this is more likely a virus.
594
00:46:28,827 --> 00:46:30,829
What kind of virus would do that?
595
00:46:31,454 --> 00:46:32,751
A pretty nasty one.
596
00:46:32,956 --> 00:46:35,550
Calvin said Shelly Lanker
was the first to bite.
597
00:46:35,751 --> 00:46:37,047
- Right?
- Yeah.
598
00:46:37,253 --> 00:46:40,132
What about Clint and Tamra?
All it did was make them sick.
599
00:46:40,338 --> 00:46:42,137
I have a theory about this.
600
00:46:42,340 --> 00:46:44,514
Hold on a moment.
601
00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:48,684
- Tamra?
- Yeah?
602
00:46:48,889 --> 00:46:51,358
- Have you achieved menses?
- What?
603
00:46:51,976 --> 00:46:53,273
No, he's...
604
00:46:53,476 --> 00:46:55,900
...asking you
if you've had your period yet.
605
00:46:56,646 --> 00:46:59,320
- Um, I really don't wanna say.
- You wear a bra, right?
606
00:46:59,525 --> 00:47:02,369
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
607
00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:06,036
I gave you an A in sex ed, Tamra.
608
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:08,867
Little disappointed
you don't know what menses are.
609
00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:10,543
Why is sex ed always taught
610
00:47:10,744 --> 00:47:13,373
- by the creepiest teacher?
- Clint, quiet please.
611
00:47:13,581 --> 00:47:16,130
It seems the virus is susceptible
to androgens.
612
00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:19,213
The pre-pubescent body
has testosterone and oestrogen,
613
00:47:19,420 --> 00:47:22,639
but at puberty the body's glands
create a feedback cycle
614
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:26,184
- that increases gonadotropins...
- What are you trying to say?
615
00:47:26,385 --> 00:47:29,639
Talk like a person. Please?
616
00:47:30,597 --> 00:47:35,023
The virus is only dangerous
if you haven't gone through puberty.
617
00:47:45,195 --> 00:47:48,166
- What's going on? How'd they do that?
- Everyone stay calm.
618
00:47:48,365 --> 00:47:51,369
Calvin. Oh, shit. Calvin.
619
00:47:51,577 --> 00:47:54,126
- Calvin.
- Over here, guys.
620
00:47:54,329 --> 00:47:56,081
Calvin? Wake up. Wake up.
621
00:47:56,289 --> 00:47:57,791
- Calvin.
- Quit slapping me.
622
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,047
He's diabetic. He needs to eat.
623
00:48:00,251 --> 00:48:02,346
We need to get him a candy bar
or a soda.
624
00:48:02,545 --> 00:48:04,923
Wade, do you have any snack bars
or something?
625
00:48:05,132 --> 00:48:08,101
- I got creatine powder.
- He needs something with sugar.
626
00:48:08,302 --> 00:48:09,599
This body is a no-carb zone.
627
00:48:11,054 --> 00:48:12,226
What was that?
628
00:48:12,431 --> 00:48:16,481
Probably one of the demented children
that's been trying to murder us all day.
629
00:48:16,684 --> 00:48:18,106
It's coming from over there.
630
00:48:20,731 --> 00:48:23,074
- They're in the boiler room.
- They can't be.
631
00:48:23,275 --> 00:48:25,619
I've checked all these doors.
They're locked.
632
00:48:37,248 --> 00:48:38,795
Oh, my God. They have keys?
633
00:48:38,998 --> 00:48:40,876
You said they couldn't do stuff
like that.
634
00:48:41,085 --> 00:48:43,463
They're gonna get in.
We're all going to die.
635
00:48:43,670 --> 00:48:45,764
This can't be the end.
I'm not published.
636
00:48:45,965 --> 00:48:48,434
Wade, I thought about it
and I can't marry you.
637
00:48:52,721 --> 00:48:55,099
- Jesus, it's the fucking janitor.
- Hitachi?
638
00:48:55,306 --> 00:48:57,934
- What are you doing here?
- The lights are out.
639
00:49:00,396 --> 00:49:01,693
- We gotta move.
- Go.
640
00:49:01,896 --> 00:49:03,570
Come on!
641
00:49:10,530 --> 00:49:11,952
Move it, move it.
642
00:49:12,282 --> 00:49:14,251
Watch your step.
643
00:49:15,244 --> 00:49:17,291
What the hell?
644
00:49:17,954 --> 00:49:20,253
- You live down here?
- Yes.
645
00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:23,010
- Where are we?
- Oh, my God.
646
00:49:23,210 --> 00:49:27,590
We have a kid who needs help.
He's diabetic. Do you have any food?
647
00:49:32,177 --> 00:49:33,804
Seaweed.
648
00:49:34,137 --> 00:49:36,516
I'm afraid that won't work. No.
649
00:49:37,974 --> 00:49:39,476
The microwave.
650
00:49:39,684 --> 00:49:42,905
This is
the emergency broadcast system
651
00:49:43,105 --> 00:49:45,699
for the township of Fort Chicken,
Illinois.
652
00:49:45,900 --> 00:49:47,402
Effective immediately,
653
00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:51,079
the mayor of Fort Chicken has
announced mandatory evacuations
654
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,532
of neighbourhoods
east of Winslow Avenue.
655
00:49:53,740 --> 00:49:58,041
Authorities are reporting the spread
of a highly contagious virus.
656
00:49:58,244 --> 00:49:59,621
Reports say...
657
00:50:02,541 --> 00:50:04,134
We're alone.
658
00:50:05,001 --> 00:50:07,925
We're all gonna die, aren't we?
659
00:50:26,231 --> 00:50:30,737
No. No, we're not. There's a snack
machine in the teacher's lounge, right?
660
00:50:30,945 --> 00:50:33,414
- Yeah.
- How many people can fit in your truck?
661
00:50:33,614 --> 00:50:38,744
Told you, it's a dual real wheel.
Dual real... It's a dual real whe...
662
00:50:38,952 --> 00:50:40,920
- Probably eight.
- Where are the keys?
663
00:50:41,121 --> 00:50:42,873
- With my jacket.
- Which is where?
664
00:50:43,081 --> 00:50:47,132
Back in the teachers' lounge
which is impossible to get to.
665
00:50:55,177 --> 00:50:56,599
Where does that lead?
666
00:50:57,972 --> 00:50:59,565
Conditioning of air.
667
00:50:59,764 --> 00:51:02,608
So this duct takes us
to the teacher's lounge?
668
00:51:02,809 --> 00:51:04,527
We take the duct to the lounge.
669
00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:07,981
We get something from the vending
machine and grab Wade's keys.
670
00:51:08,190 --> 00:51:11,820
We get back here, fix Calvin up
and take the duct to the parking lot.
671
00:51:12,027 --> 00:51:14,826
If we're near the office
we should grab our phones too.
672
00:51:15,030 --> 00:51:19,159
But who's going up into that thing?
Who's teensy, weensy enough to fit...?
673
00:51:22,829 --> 00:51:24,958
Me? No, no, no.
674
00:51:25,164 --> 00:51:27,963
No, I... No, I definitely don't
do brave stuff.
675
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:30,717
I've never even been camping.
I have a blog.
676
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:35,677
I get excited about Apple products.
That's what I'm comfortable with.
677
00:51:38,971 --> 00:51:40,472
Here we go.
678
00:51:47,146 --> 00:51:51,572
By letting you guard this,
I'm trusting you with my entire life.
679
00:51:55,320 --> 00:52:00,827
Circle, circle, dot, dot,
now you have a cootie shot.
680
00:52:03,202 --> 00:52:06,672
- It'll protect you.
- Thanks, Tamra.
681
00:52:32,565 --> 00:52:37,572
Remember,
Clint. If you fail, we're all gonna die.
682
00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:41,913
I appreciate the update.
683
00:52:43,661 --> 00:52:48,041
- You're doing great. Just trust yourself.
- Yeah, and your cock is girthy too.
684
00:52:48,248 --> 00:52:49,875
- Fuck off, Wade.
- You fuck off.
685
00:52:50,083 --> 00:52:51,677
Both of you out it out.
686
00:52:51,876 --> 00:52:54,925
You know who you sound like?
You sound like your students.
687
00:52:55,130 --> 00:52:57,974
I don't have students.
I'm not a teacher. I'm a writer.
688
00:52:58,175 --> 00:53:01,018
Yeah, self-published, writer.
I'm self-published too.
689
00:53:01,219 --> 00:53:03,097
Doug, you wanna buy my book?
690
00:53:05,056 --> 00:53:06,650
There are no words on this.
691
00:53:06,849 --> 00:53:10,353
- You know what? I'm going to...
- Lucy, what are you doing?
692
00:53:11,146 --> 00:53:14,820
- No. No, you are not...
- You can't do anything to stop me!
693
00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:18,528
If I wanna go in the fucking
air-conditioning duct, I'll go.
694
00:53:18,737 --> 00:53:21,911
I'm just gonna die anyway
just like the rest of you assholes.
695
00:53:22,115 --> 00:53:24,585
So maybe I'm gonna try
and do something brave.
696
00:53:24,784 --> 00:53:30,007
A final pointless gesture of kindness
in this cruel shitty world
697
00:53:30,206 --> 00:53:35,429
that likes taking gestures of kindness
and shitting and peeing on them.
698
00:53:35,628 --> 00:53:39,007
You know what else? Since you're
all gonna be dead soon anyway,
699
00:53:39,215 --> 00:53:40,559
I should tell you
700
00:53:41,385 --> 00:53:44,228
I hate every single one of you.
701
00:53:59,485 --> 00:54:03,581
It's me. It's me! I'm coming with you
whether you like it or not, so shut up.
702
00:54:03,782 --> 00:54:05,125
OK.
703
00:54:05,659 --> 00:54:07,956
This makes me so nervous.
704
00:54:08,871 --> 00:54:11,965
He paces like this late at night
when he's on the phone too.
705
00:54:12,166 --> 00:54:13,668
It's just ridiculous.
706
00:54:13,876 --> 00:54:15,297
How do you know that?
707
00:54:17,211 --> 00:54:19,465
You'd better not let anything
happen to her.
708
00:54:19,672 --> 00:54:23,518
That's funny. I was thinking of letting
really bad things happen to her.
709
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:26,313
I will squeeze up in there
and slap your dick off.
710
00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:32,568
- Thanks for coming to help me.
- No problem.
711
00:56:11,827 --> 00:56:13,920
I think this is it.
712
00:56:31,137 --> 00:56:32,684
Careful.
713
00:56:46,110 --> 00:56:50,365
- Oh. Um, do you have a dollar?
- Yeah.
714
00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:58,380
There's Wade's keys.
715
00:57:00,833 --> 00:57:03,177
I'm gonna go check and see
if there's a phone.
716
00:57:03,378 --> 00:57:05,630
- No, wait for me.
- No, we don't have time.
717
00:57:05,838 --> 00:57:08,182
You get the candy bar.
I'm gonna get a phone.
718
00:57:08,382 --> 00:57:09,885
OK, be careful.
719
00:57:14,431 --> 00:57:15,807
Come on.
720
00:57:20,061 --> 00:57:22,110
Come on.
721
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:09,074
Shit.
722
00:58:45,438 --> 00:58:48,693
- Clint, get in! Get in!
- I'm working on it. Come on.
723
00:58:48,900 --> 00:58:50,697
Hurry up!
724
00:59:07,085 --> 00:59:10,088
We're not gonna make it.
Go left.
725
00:59:11,005 --> 00:59:12,349
Guys, head's up.
726
00:59:14,842 --> 00:59:16,219
They did it.
727
00:59:16,427 --> 00:59:18,556
Hey, look what we got for you.
728
00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:29,574
Put it back, put it back.
729
00:59:31,985 --> 00:59:33,532
The desk! The desk!
730
00:59:34,612 --> 00:59:37,365
I don't know how much longer
I can hold this.
731
00:59:48,376 --> 00:59:49,672
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
732
00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:52,630
- Miss Stanford.
- Jesus.
733
00:59:54,257 --> 00:59:56,054
After the fifth half-eaten corpse
you see,
734
00:59:56,259 --> 00:59:59,684
it's still horrifying,
but somehow slightly less horrifying.
735
01:00:04,266 --> 01:00:05,610
Shit.
736
01:00:07,394 --> 01:00:10,443
Look out. They're in the vents.
They're heading your way.
737
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:14,827
- I'll get the locks.
- OK.
738
01:00:15,027 --> 01:00:17,121
- More stuff. Come on.
- Here.
739
01:00:17,322 --> 01:00:18,994
- Here.
- Let's go. Come on.
740
01:00:19,782 --> 01:00:22,001
- Keep it coming.
- Here.
741
01:00:24,579 --> 01:00:26,626
Straps.
742
01:00:33,420 --> 01:00:34,889
Come on.
743
01:00:35,090 --> 01:00:36,592
Got it.
744
01:00:41,762 --> 01:00:44,606
Why do they pound?
What does the pounding accomplish?
745
01:00:44,807 --> 01:00:46,902
Are you guys OK?
746
01:00:47,101 --> 01:00:49,445
Yeah, we're all good.
Thanks for the heads-up.
747
01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:52,489
We're not all good.
We are trapped in here.
748
01:00:52,690 --> 01:00:54,864
Oh, God, those kids
are gonna come in here.
749
01:00:55,068 --> 01:00:57,445
- They're gonna rip us to shreds.
- We get it.
750
01:00:57,653 --> 01:01:00,748
You've got to calm down right now.
751
01:01:01,782 --> 01:01:03,956
- I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Calm.
752
01:01:04,452 --> 01:01:05,543
I'm fine.
753
01:01:06,996 --> 01:01:10,126
- I'm calm.
- OK. Thank you.
754
01:01:10,791 --> 01:01:12,543
Calm down.
755
01:01:12,918 --> 01:01:14,465
I'm calm!
756
01:01:14,670 --> 01:01:16,719
I already said I was calm!
757
01:01:18,340 --> 01:01:22,596
This is like the worst Monday ever.
758
01:01:51,081 --> 01:01:53,925
This probably isn't
the greatest timing,
759
01:01:54,126 --> 01:01:56,721
but I have a confession to make.
760
01:01:57,838 --> 01:02:02,469
When I saw you this morning,
I was only pretending to be surprised.
761
01:02:02,677 --> 01:02:04,679
I knew you taught here.
762
01:02:08,349 --> 01:02:09,693
Really?
763
01:02:11,268 --> 01:02:16,240
Yeah, I've been pretty depressed lately
and I just wanted to see you.
764
01:02:17,483 --> 01:02:20,987
It's stupid. We haven't had
a conversation in like 15 years.
765
01:02:21,195 --> 01:02:24,416
I guess I kind of missed you somehow.
766
01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:29,918
- Sorry, that's so creepy.
- No, it's not creepy.
767
01:02:30,121 --> 01:02:31,748
I'm just surprised.
768
01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:36,463
I heard you were in New York
following your dream being a writer.
769
01:02:39,797 --> 01:02:43,472
I have another confession to make.
770
01:02:44,219 --> 01:02:48,224
Remember when I said
I wasn't a teacher?
771
01:02:49,139 --> 01:02:50,891
That was a lie too.
772
01:02:51,101 --> 01:02:52,541
That's what I was doing in New York.
773
01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:56,860
Really?
774
01:02:57,606 --> 01:03:03,239
Yeah. Yeah, I've been teaching
first grade for two years.
775
01:03:06,282 --> 01:03:11,130
I mean, I thought I would have free time
to write, um, on my free time,
776
01:03:11,329 --> 01:03:14,298
but as it turns out
there is no free time.
777
01:03:14,498 --> 01:03:16,842
Teaching is the hardest job
in the world.
778
01:03:17,335 --> 01:03:18,836
And I would...
779
01:03:19,753 --> 01:03:21,722
...look out at the kids in my class
780
01:03:21,922 --> 01:03:25,472
and I found myself
getting jealous of them.
781
01:03:26,344 --> 01:03:29,813
They have the whole world
ahead of them.
782
01:03:30,014 --> 01:03:31,641
Their whole lives ahead of them.
783
01:03:31,849 --> 01:03:35,353
They have all these opportunities
that have already passed me by.
784
01:03:38,523 --> 01:03:39,945
What?
785
01:03:41,275 --> 01:03:45,246
Nothing. I was gonna tell you, you were
wrong, but you sort of have a point.
786
01:03:45,447 --> 01:03:48,621
Oh, that's super comforting. Thanks.
787
01:04:05,842 --> 01:04:07,094
Oh.
788
01:04:10,929 --> 01:04:13,809
- I probably shouldn't have done that.
- I know. I know.
789
01:04:14,016 --> 01:04:16,315
I can't just barge into your life
like that.
790
01:04:16,518 --> 01:04:18,362
Even if I do kind of
hate your boyfriend.
791
01:04:21,358 --> 01:04:23,030
Just need a bottle of wine.
792
01:04:23,233 --> 01:04:26,237
Right? One of those backpacks
must have some beer in it.
793
01:04:26,445 --> 01:04:29,416
Definitely Ritalin.
Probably Adderall too.
794
01:04:33,036 --> 01:04:34,753
Wait.
795
01:04:38,916 --> 01:04:40,840
There's still so much I haven't done.
796
01:04:41,043 --> 01:04:46,847
Like... Like I've also wanted
to fire an Uzi. I don't know.
797
01:04:48,009 --> 01:04:50,103
I wanted a bunny.
798
01:04:50,302 --> 01:04:53,773
I always wanted a bunny growing up
and never got one.
799
01:04:53,972 --> 01:04:55,974
You know what I want?
800
01:04:57,309 --> 01:05:00,438
I wanna know why my brother-in-law
makes ten times what I do.
801
01:05:00,646 --> 01:05:02,775
You know what he does for a living?
802
01:05:02,981 --> 01:05:06,110
He makes giant foam fingers
for football games.
803
01:05:06,945 --> 01:05:10,074
You tell people you're a teacher
and they look at you like
804
01:05:10,280 --> 01:05:12,500
you must've wanted
to do something else.
805
01:05:12,699 --> 01:05:16,670
It's like, "Fuck you, man.
I'm raising your kids."
806
01:05:17,121 --> 01:05:18,795
I love my job.
807
01:05:19,289 --> 01:05:21,918
- And teachers deserve respect.
- Yeah.
808
01:05:22,751 --> 01:05:26,927
I'm sorry that it took me until today
to realise this,
809
01:05:29,259 --> 01:05:31,353
but I really actually like you guys.
810
01:05:36,474 --> 01:05:39,978
I always wanted to have sex
with a prostitute who was non-white.
811
01:05:43,356 --> 01:05:44,777
Is anybody there?
812
01:05:45,608 --> 01:05:47,076
Wade?
813
01:05:47,443 --> 01:05:50,789
- Hey. You OK?
- Yeah.
814
01:05:51,697 --> 01:05:54,541
Hey. Listen, Lucy, about today...
815
01:05:54,742 --> 01:05:56,869
Wade, we can talk about this
another time.
816
01:05:57,077 --> 01:06:00,503
- Let's not talk about this now.
- No, I wanna talk about it.
817
01:06:00,706 --> 01:06:05,304
Lucy, I love you and I'm so sorry
that I was an asshole today.
818
01:06:06,378 --> 01:06:08,757
Clint's not listening, is he?
819
01:06:10,842 --> 01:06:12,719
- No, it's just me.
- Good.
820
01:06:12,927 --> 01:06:16,851
Because... Look, I know you're
not crazy about your hometown.
821
01:06:17,056 --> 01:06:19,730
And this is not what you pictured
growing up
822
01:06:19,934 --> 01:06:21,981
that you'd be dating
some PE teacher.
823
01:06:23,188 --> 01:06:26,737
I guess I just got jealous that
some fancy-pants New York writer
824
01:06:26,940 --> 01:06:29,409
- was gonna swoop in...
- No, wait.
825
01:06:29,610 --> 01:06:31,739
I know you've always wanted
to live there.
826
01:06:31,945 --> 01:06:34,994
- I don't know that that's something...
- Wade, it's Clint.
827
01:06:35,199 --> 01:06:38,704
- Damn it, put Lucy back on.
- I'm not a fancy writer from New York.
828
01:06:38,911 --> 01:06:41,710
I'm a bad writer from Fort Chicken.
I live with my mum.
829
01:06:41,914 --> 01:06:43,666
I sleep in a bed I used to pee in.
830
01:06:43,875 --> 01:06:45,842
You're a handsome guy
who Lucy likes,
831
01:06:46,043 --> 01:06:49,547
and if you guys are meant
to be together I'm all for it.
832
01:06:49,755 --> 01:06:51,804
I'm sorry I got in the way.
833
01:06:57,597 --> 01:06:59,519
You really think I'm a handsome guy?
834
01:07:01,809 --> 01:07:03,856
Listen. Thanks, Clint.
835
01:07:04,061 --> 01:07:05,405
Just...
836
01:07:06,438 --> 01:07:09,237
Can you put Lucy back on, please?
837
01:07:11,527 --> 01:07:13,530
Wade, I love you, but I...
838
01:07:13,737 --> 01:07:15,489
- Wade, it's me again.
- Goddamnit!
839
01:07:15,697 --> 01:07:17,199
I have an idea. Listen up.
840
01:07:24,873 --> 01:07:27,126
Oh, dear lord.
841
01:07:27,335 --> 01:07:29,257
Is the coast clear?
842
01:07:30,295 --> 01:07:32,969
If by clear you mean
full of terrifying imagery
843
01:07:33,173 --> 01:07:35,927
that will take me years of therapy
to unsee.
844
01:07:36,135 --> 01:07:37,478
Hey.
845
01:07:37,679 --> 01:07:39,646
Hey, sweetie.
846
01:07:42,057 --> 01:07:43,731
OK, go for it.
847
01:07:44,686 --> 01:07:48,907
Look, drugs. You hungry for drugs?
Want some Ritalin? Some Adderall?
848
01:07:52,235 --> 01:07:54,532
Do you remember how
in that movie Commando,
849
01:07:54,737 --> 01:08:00,039
and every other eighties action film
there was that suiting-up montage?
850
01:08:00,242 --> 01:08:02,666
- Well, this is that scene.
- Yeah.
851
01:08:02,869 --> 01:08:07,215
Now, they've got us outnumbered,
outgunned and out...
852
01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:11,755
...numbered, but there's one thing
we have that they don't.
853
01:08:11,963 --> 01:08:14,135
The drive to win.
854
01:08:15,257 --> 01:08:17,430
They seem very driven to me.
855
01:08:17,635 --> 01:08:20,479
We need to turn this room inside out.
856
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:23,649
Look under every shelf,
inside every box,
857
01:08:24,141 --> 01:08:26,940
gather anything you
or someone else could use.
858
01:08:27,145 --> 01:08:31,194
We've got to collect everything.
We've gotta have bats and tools
859
01:08:31,399 --> 01:08:33,025
and ropes and pointy things.
860
01:08:33,234 --> 01:08:37,113
Anything that has a spike on it,
anything that's serrated.
861
01:08:37,322 --> 01:08:40,826
We're not playing defence anymore.
Darn fourth graders.
862
01:08:41,033 --> 01:08:43,127
You can forget about them.
They're gone.
863
01:08:43,328 --> 01:08:46,547
Forget who you think
you're fighting. We're going to war.
864
01:08:46,747 --> 01:08:49,251
I used to be a champion.
865
01:08:49,458 --> 01:08:53,213
I'm a little fatter now,
I'm a little balder too,
866
01:08:53,421 --> 01:08:55,673
but I've still got that spirit.
867
01:08:56,131 --> 01:08:59,011
And they are not taking
that away from me.
868
01:08:59,217 --> 01:09:00,595
Ever.
869
01:09:01,887 --> 01:09:05,266
I've played dodgeball a million times
with these little shits.
870
01:09:05,475 --> 01:09:08,354
Go for the face. It's their weak spot.
871
01:09:10,896 --> 01:09:14,275
Huh. I guess they really can
overdose on that stuff.
872
01:09:15,609 --> 01:09:17,930
OK,
looks like the Adderall did the job.
873
01:09:17,987 --> 01:09:19,909
They should be knocked out
for a while.
874
01:09:20,113 --> 01:09:22,332
When we say go,
rendezvous in the main hall,
875
01:09:22,533 --> 01:09:27,333
head straight for the back door, then
haul ass to Wade's truck. Ready?
876
01:09:27,537 --> 01:09:29,791
We are good to go. We can do this.
877
01:09:29,998 --> 01:09:34,720
Between us we've got
18 regional-championship trophies,
878
01:09:34,921 --> 01:09:39,051
three MVPs,
and one state-championship ring.
879
01:09:39,257 --> 01:09:40,885
Wade, those are all your awards.
880
01:09:41,094 --> 01:09:43,221
Exactly, and I'm a part of this team.
881
01:09:43,429 --> 01:09:46,056
That makes us all champions.
882
01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:47,811
Now, are we ready?
883
01:09:48,016 --> 01:09:49,314
- Ready.
- Ready.
884
01:09:49,519 --> 01:09:51,237
- I'm gay.
- I fucking knew it.
885
01:09:51,436 --> 01:09:53,109
Hitachi, you ready?
886
01:09:55,108 --> 01:09:56,859
Yes, Hitachi ready to die.
887
01:09:57,068 --> 01:10:00,948
My father told me story once.
Story of frog and caterpillar.
888
01:10:01,154 --> 01:10:06,207
Story goes, it was winter and frog
is sitting on snow-covered branch.
889
01:10:06,411 --> 01:10:08,538
The frog saw the caterpillar
and asked...
890
01:10:08,746 --> 01:10:11,795
OK, this story is taking way too long.
Let's play some dodgeball.
891
01:10:21,216 --> 01:10:23,060
Hey, guys.
892
01:10:45,867 --> 01:10:48,666
OK, I got this.
893
01:10:51,456 --> 01:10:53,207
Come on.
894
01:11:38,293 --> 01:11:39,761
Fuck, yeah. Let's go.
895
01:11:40,755 --> 01:11:42,927
Go, go. Move it.
896
01:11:43,131 --> 01:11:45,225
- Let's go.
- OK. Go, go, go.
897
01:11:48,261 --> 01:11:50,640
Damn it, I'm out of balls.
898
01:11:57,896 --> 01:12:00,240
Oh, shit.
899
01:12:21,253 --> 01:12:22,506
Fuck.
900
01:12:26,884 --> 01:12:28,511
Rock 'n' roll!
901
01:12:41,439 --> 01:12:42,783
Get back.
902
01:12:43,734 --> 01:12:46,157
- Lucy? Where's Lucy?
- I don't know.
903
01:12:55,203 --> 01:12:56,546
Come on. Come on.
904
01:13:14,599 --> 01:13:16,771
You motherfuckers!
905
01:13:27,444 --> 01:13:29,743
- Thanks.
- Take me to Subway some time.
906
01:13:30,823 --> 01:13:32,416
- Lucy.
- OK. OK.
907
01:13:32,617 --> 01:13:34,869
Get behind me. Get back.
908
01:13:36,037 --> 01:13:37,583
Get back. Get back.
909
01:13:40,917 --> 01:13:42,385
Give me the keys.
910
01:13:46,838 --> 01:13:49,887
- Get those kids to the truck.
- Go, go, go.
911
01:13:51,551 --> 01:13:53,475
Get off him!
912
01:13:54,805 --> 01:13:56,773
Come on, let's go.
913
01:14:00,645 --> 01:14:02,146
He's behind us.
914
01:14:05,483 --> 01:14:07,405
Get in. Get in.
915
01:14:12,030 --> 01:14:13,408
Hey, Danielle Steel.
916
01:14:17,703 --> 01:14:19,046
Take care of her.
917
01:14:20,789 --> 01:14:22,167
No!
918
01:14:24,417 --> 01:14:26,386
- No, no, no, Lucy. No.
- No. Wade.
919
01:14:36,180 --> 01:14:39,684
- No, no, no. Hang on, Lucy. Lucy, no.
- Wade! No! No!
920
01:14:46,064 --> 01:14:47,408
No!
921
01:14:55,073 --> 01:14:57,417
No, we gotta go. We gotta go. Go.
922
01:14:57,618 --> 01:14:59,916
- Get in.
- Oh, my God.
923
01:15:00,121 --> 01:15:01,497
Oh, God.
924
01:15:02,163 --> 01:15:03,881
Wade?
925
01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:09,304
No!
926
01:15:27,689 --> 01:15:30,363
Lucy, I'm sorry.
927
01:15:38,951 --> 01:15:40,748
What about these kids' parents?
928
01:15:46,751 --> 01:15:48,252
What about our parents?
929
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:02,936
Shit.
930
01:16:03,141 --> 01:16:04,814
- What?
- What?
931
01:16:05,310 --> 01:16:06,608
We're almost empty.
932
01:16:12,068 --> 01:16:13,614
Everybody hold on!
933
01:16:24,246 --> 01:16:26,873
Must have been in the back
the whole time.
934
01:16:27,166 --> 01:16:28,605
- Are you OK?
- Yes.
935
01:16:30,461 --> 01:16:33,135
Oh, my God. What is he doing?
936
01:16:35,591 --> 01:16:37,467
Ram him!
937
01:16:42,806 --> 01:16:44,729
Eat a cock.
938
01:16:56,112 --> 01:16:57,579
Well, that ought to do it.
939
01:17:08,916 --> 01:17:11,465
Guys, up ahead. It's Danville.
940
01:17:11,668 --> 01:17:14,547
At least it's not Fort Chicken.
941
01:17:28,853 --> 01:17:30,525
Oh, no.
942
01:17:35,693 --> 01:17:37,444
Jesus.
943
01:17:39,154 --> 01:17:40,497
They got out.
944
01:17:41,657 --> 01:17:43,375
Well, I'd feel worse
945
01:17:43,576 --> 01:17:47,421
if all these dead people
weren't from fucking Danville.
946
01:17:53,543 --> 01:17:57,798
Well, now we're really out of gas.
947
01:18:04,762 --> 01:18:06,105
Everybody stay close.
948
01:18:17,525 --> 01:18:20,324
- Wait. Where's Doug?
- There he is.
949
01:18:21,363 --> 01:18:25,368
- Doug, come on.
- No, you come here.
950
01:18:32,791 --> 01:18:34,087
They're everywhere.
951
01:18:40,506 --> 01:18:42,100
That's Indiana.
952
01:18:42,635 --> 01:18:44,932
That's Ohio.
953
01:18:45,136 --> 01:18:46,854
It's an epidemic.
954
01:18:47,055 --> 01:18:49,024
Actually the correct term
is pandemic.
955
01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:51,694
A pandemic covers
a much wider geographical...
956
01:18:51,894 --> 01:18:53,817
That's the Fort Chicken factory.
957
01:18:57,315 --> 01:19:00,990
Is there anything from that factory
served in the school cafeteria?
958
01:19:01,194 --> 01:19:02,572
Chicken nuggets.
959
01:19:02,779 --> 01:19:04,578
Of course. A food-borne virus.
960
01:19:04,782 --> 01:19:08,912
If I could get homing endonucleases,
each one targeting a different specific...
961
01:19:09,118 --> 01:19:11,417
You're doing it again.
You're doing it again.
962
01:19:11,622 --> 01:19:13,545
Rebekka, quiet please.
963
01:19:13,748 --> 01:19:16,127
OK, see, that time
I was actually talking.
964
01:19:16,335 --> 01:19:20,010
If we could isolate the virus
and kill it while preserving the capsid...
965
01:19:20,213 --> 01:19:23,809
- Please dumb it down.
- If I could find one of the nuggets,
966
01:19:24,009 --> 01:19:26,431
maybe I could make a vaccine
for the virus.
967
01:19:35,436 --> 01:19:37,564
Everybody look for an open door.
968
01:19:40,149 --> 01:19:43,198
- Guys, hurry up. Get in here.
- Go, go, go.
969
01:19:50,661 --> 01:19:52,662
Everyone OK?
970
01:19:53,956 --> 01:19:55,832
OK, we're here. We made it.
971
01:19:56,041 --> 01:19:58,213
Oh, I fucking hate Danville so much.
972
01:19:58,418 --> 01:19:59,921
Everyone stick together.
973
01:20:03,631 --> 01:20:07,011
I can't... I can't see anything.
974
01:20:07,886 --> 01:20:09,387
Someone find a li...
975
01:20:11,974 --> 01:20:13,270
- It's me.
- Jesus.
976
01:20:13,475 --> 01:20:15,944
These things are great.
977
01:20:16,353 --> 01:20:18,525
Let's go this way.
978
01:20:21,899 --> 01:20:24,823
Oh, my God.
Those are the nuggets.
979
01:20:27,030 --> 01:20:28,783
You'll come in handy, little one.
980
01:20:30,617 --> 01:20:35,247
Nugget out of here.
Nugget out... Nugget out of here.
981
01:20:36,914 --> 01:20:39,463
OK. Come on.
982
01:21:01,899 --> 01:21:03,320
Come on.
983
01:21:10,032 --> 01:21:11,875
Where are we?
984
01:21:35,431 --> 01:21:37,309
- I hate to say it, guys.
- Oh, shit.
985
01:21:37,518 --> 01:21:38,860
Oh, shit.
986
01:22:06,087 --> 01:22:07,886
Somebody order a bad-ass?
987
01:22:08,090 --> 01:22:10,057
Wade!
988
01:22:12,427 --> 01:22:13,554
Now, Hitachi.
989
01:22:13,761 --> 01:22:16,355
Now the time for the frog
to fuck the caterpillar?
990
01:22:16,556 --> 01:22:17,809
Whatever, Hitachi.
991
01:22:21,854 --> 01:22:24,573
- They're coming.
- Let's go!
992
01:22:24,773 --> 01:22:28,243
Get in the van!
Let's go. Move, move, move!
993
01:22:28,777 --> 01:22:30,619
I thought you were dead.
994
01:22:30,820 --> 01:22:33,539
It was just half time, baby.
995
01:22:34,032 --> 01:22:37,582
Go to the van! Run! Run! Run!
996
01:22:58,931 --> 01:23:01,650
Hurry! Let's go. We can make it.
997
01:23:02,853 --> 01:23:04,729
Help me wedge this in here.
998
01:23:07,190 --> 01:23:09,033
Clint, go. Get out of here.
999
01:23:12,988 --> 01:23:16,162
- Kids, kids, go, go, go.
- Oh, my God.
1000
01:23:19,036 --> 01:23:21,960
Is this one of those
really intense drug interventions?
1001
01:23:23,372 --> 01:23:26,546
I'm giving you kids an F for fuck you!
1002
01:23:36,552 --> 01:23:38,270
Go, go, go!
1003
01:23:39,180 --> 01:23:42,024
What are you doing?
Water won't hold them off.
1004
01:23:42,225 --> 01:23:43,728
It ain't water.
1005
01:23:54,029 --> 01:23:56,703
Nap time, motherfuckers.
1006
01:24:09,586 --> 01:24:11,462
Let's roll.
1007
01:24:15,801 --> 01:24:19,771
- Where are we going?
- Place kids don't wanna go.
1008
01:24:19,971 --> 01:24:21,814
Wade, how did you find us?
1009
01:24:22,015 --> 01:24:25,189
I always know where to find
my dual re... Real...
1010
01:24:25,394 --> 01:24:29,944
My dual re... Dual real...
My dual real whe...
1011
01:24:34,444 --> 01:24:37,448
Ripped by GoldenBeard
1012
01:28:18,210 --> 01:28:22,761
And the frog fucked the caterpillar. Ha.
79312
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