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1
00:00:03,617 --> 00:00:04,883
Okay, here's the deal...
2
00:00:04,885 --> 00:00:06,651
if we plug these in and they light up,
3
00:00:06,653 --> 00:00:08,371
we got to spend the
afternoon untangling them.
4
00:00:08,396 --> 00:00:11,163
If they don't, we can chuck
'em and watch the game.
5
00:00:11,424 --> 00:00:13,458
Yeah. I know what I'm rooting for.
6
00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:15,293
Yeah.
7
00:00:16,429 --> 00:00:18,029
- Aw...
- Aw...
8
00:00:19,299 --> 00:00:21,065
- Hey...!
- Hey...!
9
00:00:21,067 --> 00:00:22,104
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
10
00:00:22,129 --> 00:00:24,002
- Aw...
- Aw...
11
00:00:27,875 --> 00:00:29,607
- Hey...!
- Hey...!
12
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:33,256
I think we celebrate that
with a Christmas beer.
13
00:00:33,281 --> 00:00:35,958
Hey, remember when we used to help
Dad untangle the Christmas lights?
14
00:00:35,983 --> 00:00:38,183
Yeah. That's where I
learned all my swear words.
15
00:00:38,358 --> 00:00:40,992
He'd start with a couple a couple
frickin' frackin's, and then he'd
16
00:00:40,994 --> 00:00:42,360
move on to the good stuff.
17
00:00:42,362 --> 00:00:43,595
Hey.
18
00:00:43,597 --> 00:00:45,396
Hey, honey.
19
00:00:45,398 --> 00:00:47,732
Oh, look at the lights.
20
00:00:47,734 --> 00:00:49,901
It's exciting!
21
00:00:49,903 --> 00:00:53,505
It's the time to deck the
halls and jingle some bells.
22
00:00:53,507 --> 00:00:55,540
- Don, you remember Christmas Andi.
- Yeah.
23
00:00:55,542 --> 00:00:57,442
She's just like regular
Andi, except if someone
24
00:00:57,444 --> 00:00:58,943
popped off her head and stuffed her
25
00:00:58,945 --> 00:01:01,212
full of snowflakes and speed.
26
00:01:01,214 --> 00:01:03,615
I can't help it... it's
my favorite time of year.
27
00:01:03,617 --> 00:01:06,251
Oh, which reminds me. For our
Christmas pictures this year,
28
00:01:06,253 --> 00:01:07,896
we're all gonna wear matching sweaters
29
00:01:07,921 --> 00:01:09,988
for maximum cuteness.
30
00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:12,590
I smell a trip to Sweater Barn.
31
00:01:12,592 --> 00:01:14,359
Oh, Sweater Barn!
32
00:01:14,361 --> 00:01:16,461
Great idea, Don. Thanks!
33
00:01:17,223 --> 00:01:20,057
Yeah, thanks, Don.
34
00:01:20,059 --> 00:01:22,312
- Well, at least it's not Candle House.
- Oh!
35
00:01:22,337 --> 00:01:24,938
Candle House! Thank
you for reminding me.
36
00:01:25,965 --> 00:01:27,932
- You did that one to yourself.
- Yeah.
37
00:01:27,934 --> 00:01:29,033
Okay, honey,
38
00:01:29,035 --> 00:01:30,868
you know I love Christmas Andi, okay,
39
00:01:30,870 --> 00:01:33,096
but I don't want you making
yourself crazy, all right?
40
00:01:33,121 --> 00:01:34,633
Christmas is still three weeks away,
41
00:01:34,658 --> 00:01:36,050
and you're already at level eight.
42
00:01:37,094 --> 00:01:39,610
That's okay, I can go
all the way to a hundred.
43
00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:42,256
Okay. Well, I'm off to the craft store.
44
00:01:42,281 --> 00:01:45,583
I can't believe I let our
glitter supply get this low.
45
00:01:45,585 --> 00:01:48,486
Look, hey, hey, hey, before you
go, just think about this, okay?
46
00:01:48,488 --> 00:01:50,934
You're back to work now, we
both have a lot on our plates...
47
00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:53,893
maybe we should just dial
it back a little this year.
48
00:01:53,993 --> 00:01:55,459
- Dial it back?
- Mm-hmm.
49
00:01:55,461 --> 00:01:57,027
Oh, no, we have to amp it up
50
00:01:57,029 --> 00:01:58,395
because I'm back at work.
51
00:01:58,925 --> 00:02:00,664
Look, I... I want the kids to know that
52
00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:04,602
I may have a job now, but
my heart is still at home,
53
00:02:04,604 --> 00:02:06,937
covered with tinsel.
54
00:02:08,074 --> 00:02:10,541
So that's a no on dialing it back?
55
00:02:10,543 --> 00:02:12,376
Look, I know it's a lot,
56
00:02:12,378 --> 00:02:14,211
but... look, on Christmas morning
57
00:02:14,213 --> 00:02:16,347
when those kids come
running down those stairs
58
00:02:16,349 --> 00:02:19,079
to open their presents,
it's-it's magical.
59
00:02:19,104 --> 00:02:20,317
It's my magical moment,
60
00:02:20,319 --> 00:02:22,918
and it makes all the hard work worth it.
61
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,456
Hey, if you really want
to amp up Christmas,
62
00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:27,858
I suggest a trip to Decoration Station.
63
00:02:27,860 --> 00:02:30,127
Oh, I love that place!
64
00:02:30,663 --> 00:02:32,783
5,000 square feet
65
00:02:32,808 --> 00:02:35,132
of things to hang on a tree.
66
00:02:35,134 --> 00:02:38,002
The choices will bring
Adam to his knees.
67
00:02:43,494 --> 00:02:44,808
What are you doing?
68
00:02:46,003 --> 00:02:48,325
I'm trying to send you to
some more boring stores,
69
00:02:48,350 --> 00:02:50,517
'cause I think it's funny.
70
00:02:51,717 --> 00:02:54,118
- Aw...
- Aw...
71
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,820
You guys better untangle those.
72
00:02:57,572 --> 00:02:58,440
Andi's on
73
00:02:58,465 --> 00:02:59,723
a holiday roll, man.
74
00:02:59,725 --> 00:03:01,358
You got some tough weeks ahead of you.
75
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,027
Yeah, but she loves it.
76
00:03:03,029 --> 00:03:04,995
Happy wife, happy life.
77
00:03:05,865 --> 00:03:07,631
Happy husband...
78
00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:10,834
It's so unimportant nobody
even tried to rhyme it.
79
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:13,070
You know,
80
00:03:13,072 --> 00:03:16,641
there is a way out of this...
outsource it. Fix it so that
81
00:03:16,666 --> 00:03:18,869
you guys spend Christmas
with one of the grandparents.
82
00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:20,377
Let them do all the work.
83
00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:22,534
Well, we can't go to our folks.
84
00:03:22,559 --> 00:03:24,281
Things are weird between Mom and Andi
85
00:03:24,283 --> 00:03:27,251
since she caught Andi
staring at her chin whisker.
86
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,669
You could strum a
guitar with that thing.
87
00:03:30,923 --> 00:03:32,221
But you know what?
88
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:34,785
Andi's parents could work. Yeah, I mean,
89
00:03:34,810 --> 00:03:37,494
they're both active,
they're both clean-shaven...
90
00:03:38,354 --> 00:03:38,993
and they're both
91
00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:41,059
as crazy about Christmas as she is.
92
00:03:41,168 --> 00:03:42,489
You know, they'd do all the prep.
93
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,201
It'd take a lot of pressure off Andi.
94
00:03:44,203 --> 00:03:45,536
And less work for you.
95
00:03:45,538 --> 00:03:47,237
Yeah, don't think I didn't notice that.
96
00:03:47,989 --> 00:03:49,707
Mm, I don't know, though, you know.
97
00:03:49,709 --> 00:03:52,276
If I suggest it, she's
gonna know I have an angle.
98
00:03:52,278 --> 00:03:55,479
She's smart, Don... it's
her only bad quality.
99
00:03:55,481 --> 00:03:57,314
You don't suggest it to Andi.
100
00:03:57,316 --> 00:04:00,117
Call her parents, say
the grandkids miss them,
101
00:04:00,119 --> 00:04:02,086
sit back, let it happen.
102
00:04:02,903 --> 00:04:04,027
It's like taking candy
103
00:04:04,052 --> 00:04:06,423
from... a really old baby.
104
00:04:07,027 --> 00:04:08,527
I love this idea.
105
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:09,893
I'm gonna call them right now.
106
00:04:09,895 --> 00:04:12,329
I'm right here if anything goes wrong.
107
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,765
You haven't moved all day.
108
00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:16,266
True.
109
00:04:17,498 --> 00:04:19,403
Frank. It's Adam.
110
00:04:19,405 --> 00:04:20,726
How's things in Virginia Beach?
111
00:04:20,751 --> 00:04:22,139
You guys getting ready for Christmas?
112
00:04:23,008 --> 00:04:25,976
Yeah, the kids sure would
love to see you this year.
113
00:04:26,746 --> 00:04:30,280
Huh? Spend Christmas at your place?
114
00:04:32,294 --> 00:04:34,084
I'm in. But run it by Andi.
115
00:04:34,086 --> 00:04:37,287
Yeah, but say it came from you;
don't tell her it was my idea.
116
00:04:37,289 --> 00:04:39,167
Why? U-Uh...
117
00:04:39,192 --> 00:04:40,384
Hold on a sec.
118
00:04:40,409 --> 00:04:41,875
Why?
119
00:04:42,812 --> 00:04:44,194
Just hang up.
120
00:04:48,701 --> 00:04:52,169
Uh, because I want you guys to
get credit for this great idea.
121
00:04:52,171 --> 00:04:53,604
Yeah.
122
00:04:53,606 --> 00:04:55,439
Okay. Oh.
123
00:04:55,441 --> 00:04:57,508
Ho-ho-ho to you, too.
124
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:05,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
125
00:05:08,466 --> 00:05:10,453
Hey, um, my folks just called.
126
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,845
They want us to go to
Virginia Beach for Christmas.
127
00:05:12,847 --> 00:05:14,346
What?
128
00:05:17,118 --> 00:05:19,652
That's out of the blue.
129
00:05:19,654 --> 00:05:21,536
Yeah, but we should
just stay here, right?
130
00:05:21,561 --> 00:05:23,689
Definitely, yeah.
131
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:26,759
On the other hand...
132
00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:29,095
you know, now that I'm thinking
about it for the first time...
133
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,897
it might make your life easier.
134
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:34,100
You know, you said you
wanted an amped-up Christmas
135
00:05:34,102 --> 00:05:36,884
and you know your parents
go Christmas crazy.
136
00:05:36,909 --> 00:05:38,441
It's genetic.
137
00:05:40,517 --> 00:05:43,342
Yeah, I mean, they did
sound pretty excited.
138
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:46,579
And I guess it would
be less work for us.
139
00:05:46,706 --> 00:05:48,305
Would it be?
140
00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:51,365
I don't know, let's just do it and see.
141
00:05:52,737 --> 00:05:54,520
Yeah, I mean, I suppose we could do
142
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,356
all our Christmas Eve
traditions down there, right?
143
00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,525
I mean, like, buying the tree,
144
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,293
and wrapping the presents,
145
00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:03,529
and bandaging your paper cuts
146
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,131
from wrapping the presents.
147
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:06,796
Three generations,
148
00:06:06,821 --> 00:06:08,954
celebrating the holiday together.
149
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:12,505
You know, now that I'm
over the surprise of it,
150
00:06:12,507 --> 00:06:14,874
I got to say, that sounds pretty good.
151
00:06:14,876 --> 00:06:18,811
I'll call it "Christmas
Through the Generations."
152
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:19,912
You know, we've never
153
00:06:19,914 --> 00:06:21,408
taken a picture with my parents
154
00:06:21,433 --> 00:06:22,865
all in the same sweater.
155
00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:27,086
You are knocking me out, lady.
156
00:06:27,088 --> 00:06:29,822
And I'll still get my magic
moment Christmas morning.
157
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:31,346
I love it.
158
00:06:31,371 --> 00:06:33,437
I'm gonna go check flights to Virginia.
159
00:06:33,462 --> 00:06:35,929
That's a great idea. Yeah.
160
00:06:35,954 --> 00:06:37,721
You know, I got to say,
I feel a little silly
161
00:06:37,746 --> 00:06:39,879
that I didn't think of this one myself.
162
00:06:42,997 --> 00:06:43,836
Well, you got to admit,
163
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:44,680
all this free time
164
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,435
has been pretty relaxing, right?
165
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:47,529
Yeah.
166
00:06:47,554 --> 00:06:49,621
Weird, but relaxing.
167
00:06:50,081 --> 00:06:51,402
Oh, I talked to my parents
168
00:06:51,427 --> 00:06:53,122
and they are taking care of everything.
169
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:54,612
They even had our traditional
170
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,647
pre-Christmas fight for us.
171
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:59,684
Oh, and we're all set
on the kids' gifts.
172
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:00,918
I ordered everything online,
173
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,518
I had it sent directly to Virginia.
174
00:07:02,543 --> 00:07:03,554
It was amazing.
175
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:04,488
I'd pick one thing
176
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,489
and the Internet would say,
177
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:06,524
"If you like this,
178
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:07,558
you might also like this."
179
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,660
And I did, every time.
180
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:11,195
Mommy, I finished
181
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,363
my letter to Santa.
182
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,865
Oh, good job, sweetie.
183
00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:17,101
Just in case he didn't
get your first 17.
184
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,770
I'm not taking any chances.
185
00:07:21,488 --> 00:07:22,673
So, how'd you do?
186
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:23,908
I got everything,
187
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:26,844
except the baby sister.
188
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:31,878
Mom,
189
00:07:31,903 --> 00:07:33,784
did you tell Dad about
who stopped by earlier?
190
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:36,187
Oh, yeah, Carol
Robertson from next door.
191
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,321
Yeah, she dropped off
192
00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:38,389
her keys so we could
193
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,724
watch their place while they're away,
194
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:40,725
but really,
195
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,193
it was really just an excuse to brag
196
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,562
about their two-week
vacation to Hawaii.
197
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,597
Well, did you tell her
that we'd be spending
198
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:49,098
the next three days in Virginia Beach,
199
00:07:49,278 --> 00:07:52,447
the Hawaii of Virginia?
200
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,985
Yeah, she said we had
the shortest vacation
201
00:07:55,010 --> 00:07:56,242
of anyone she knew.
202
00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:58,134
And then she flipped her hair so hard
203
00:07:58,159 --> 00:07:59,677
she almost fell off the porch.
204
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:02,591
Yeah,
205
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,782
Sasha Robertson is the
meanest girl in our class.
206
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:06,884
She started a rumor that I wear a wig.
207
00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:09,520
And I know she got a nose job.
208
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:10,654
I mean, sure, you get hit in the face
209
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:13,591
with a volleyball and
your nose gets cuter?
210
00:08:14,418 --> 00:08:16,627
Why can't you just tell
people you don't wear a wig?
211
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:18,215
In middle school,
212
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,206
the more you deny something,
213
00:08:19,231 --> 00:08:21,198
the more people believe it.
214
00:08:22,606 --> 00:08:23,768
Ow!
215
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,035
Give it a yank, Dad.
216
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:26,613
Something's going on there.
217
00:08:28,039 --> 00:08:30,129
Okay, I'm gonna walk away.
You do what you need to do.
218
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,583
Merry Christmas Eve morning, babe. Huh?
219
00:08:39,975 --> 00:08:41,218
Honey, that blizzard
220
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,020
that was supposed to
hit New York last night?
221
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,022
- It hit us instead.
- Ooh.
222
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,758
They say it's bigger
than the blizzard of '75.
223
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,361
Ha! Take that, '75.
224
00:08:52,141 --> 00:08:53,958
No, the airports are closed.
225
00:08:53,983 --> 00:08:55,716
How are we gonna get to my parents'?
226
00:08:55,741 --> 00:08:57,601
I mean, I have a suitcase
full of matching sweaters
227
00:08:57,603 --> 00:08:59,136
and I need some old people to wear them.
228
00:08:59,774 --> 00:09:01,505
Okay, plan B:
229
00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:03,641
we are driving to Virginia.
230
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:05,776
Yeah, who doesn't like
a road trip, right?
231
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:09,013
And the lack of visibility
will make it exciting.
232
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:11,382
Like a video game.
233
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,983
Turn up the heat, it's cold.
234
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:15,019
I hope your wig doesn't freeze.
235
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,121
I'm going to choke you
while you're sleeping.
236
00:09:17,786 --> 00:09:18,789
All right, all right.
237
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:21,759
No choking until after Christmas.
238
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,060
Look,
239
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,195
the Robertsons keep posting
240
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,796
bikini selfies from Hawaii.
241
00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:27,226
Give me that.
242
00:09:28,574 --> 00:09:30,307
Hey, give me that.
243
00:09:31,666 --> 00:09:33,332
Give me that!
244
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:36,417
All right, let's hit the road.
245
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:38,342
Virginia, here we come.
246
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,583
I don't think we're moving.
247
00:09:46,282 --> 00:09:47,618
Guys, I don't think we're making it
248
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,720
to Virginia for Christmas.
249
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:51,388
Then I'm going back inside.
250
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:52,356
It's windy out there.
251
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:53,524
Hold on to your wig.
252
00:09:54,448 --> 00:09:55,863
Don't fall asleep, Teddy.
253
00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:58,229
Don't ever fall asleep.
254
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:04,668
Well, I could try and dig us out.
255
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:05,903
Oh, no.
256
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:08,038
They just closed all the roads.
257
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,554
Okay, okay, all right,
258
00:10:09,579 --> 00:10:10,841
so we'll have just
have Christmas at home.
259
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:11,909
Like we always do.
260
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,344
But it won't be the same.
261
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,145
I mean, we don't have anything ready.
262
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:16,380
We don't even have a tree.
263
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,119
Or do we?
264
00:10:23,996 --> 00:10:26,624
Okay, I think you know
where you can put that.
265
00:10:27,229 --> 00:10:28,861
Oh, I know it's awful.
266
00:10:28,886 --> 00:10:31,083
But we can't control the weather, Dad.
267
00:10:32,028 --> 00:10:33,274
What?
268
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,065
Why would Adam be disappointed?
269
00:10:36,748 --> 00:10:37,968
Oh.
270
00:10:38,259 --> 00:10:41,027
Coming to see you was his idea.
271
00:10:42,177 --> 00:10:43,776
Just hang up.
272
00:10:50,602 --> 00:10:53,355
So this whole trip to
Virginia was a scam.
273
00:10:53,545 --> 00:10:55,022
You went behind my back,
274
00:10:55,047 --> 00:10:57,075
you manipulated my parents,
275
00:10:57,077 --> 00:10:59,277
and you set into
motion a chain of events
276
00:10:59,279 --> 00:11:02,514
that effectively ruined
Christmas for everyone.
277
00:11:04,785 --> 00:11:06,931
To be fair... okay?
278
00:11:06,956 --> 00:11:09,921
If it hadn't snowed and
you hadn't found out,
279
00:11:09,923 --> 00:11:11,289
you wouldn't be mad right now.
280
00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:12,559
Okay, so,
281
00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:14,688
I think we're both victims
282
00:11:14,713 --> 00:11:16,980
of bad luck.
283
00:11:17,658 --> 00:11:20,950
Just... walk me through
your thought process.
284
00:11:20,952 --> 00:11:22,499
Well, I was talking to Don...
285
00:11:22,524 --> 00:11:23,945
Ah.
286
00:11:26,198 --> 00:11:28,398
So there was no thought process.
287
00:11:28,423 --> 00:11:30,060
Okay, I'm sorry, all right?
288
00:11:30,085 --> 00:11:31,010
But I was thinking of you.
289
00:11:31,035 --> 00:11:33,169
I felt like you were taking on too much.
290
00:11:33,171 --> 00:11:34,771
And you got to admit,
these last three weeks
291
00:11:34,773 --> 00:11:36,806
have been very relaxing.
292
00:11:36,808 --> 00:11:39,675
Do I look relaxed now?
293
00:11:39,677 --> 00:11:41,547
Well, I think you look
beautiful, baby. Come on.
294
00:11:41,572 --> 00:11:44,173
No, no, no, no, no, no.
295
00:11:44,198 --> 00:11:46,904
I think you were just trying to
get out of all the holiday work.
296
00:11:47,420 --> 00:11:49,519
Well, sure, there was
a little bit of that.
297
00:11:49,521 --> 00:11:52,026
But you got to look at it
from my perspective, okay?
298
00:11:52,051 --> 00:11:55,052
Every year, I take friendly
fire from Christmas Andi.
299
00:11:55,193 --> 00:11:56,463
You know? You remember the time
300
00:11:56,488 --> 00:11:57,289
you made me put
301
00:11:57,314 --> 00:11:58,865
the inflatable Santa up on the roof
302
00:11:58,890 --> 00:12:00,187
and the wind picked up?
303
00:12:00,212 --> 00:12:03,947
Me and Kris Kringle parasailed
into the church parking lot.
304
00:12:05,389 --> 00:12:07,203
Okay, that was scary.
305
00:12:07,205 --> 00:12:10,773
And a little funny, but...
306
00:12:11,213 --> 00:12:14,243
I guess I can go a little
bit overboard at Christmas.
307
00:12:14,245 --> 00:12:16,237
All right, look, honey,
308
00:12:16,262 --> 00:12:19,282
I love that you want
Christmases to be great.
309
00:12:19,409 --> 00:12:20,360
You're adorable.
310
00:12:20,385 --> 00:12:22,591
It's like being married to a...
311
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,048
sexy elf.
312
00:12:25,272 --> 00:12:27,581
And I'm sorry this
isn't what we expected,
313
00:12:27,606 --> 00:12:29,081
but you know what?
314
00:12:29,106 --> 00:12:31,037
I think we have the makings
315
00:12:31,062 --> 00:12:33,068
of a classic Christmas here.
316
00:12:33,093 --> 00:12:35,264
We got snow, family.
317
00:12:35,266 --> 00:12:37,867
Forgiveness.
318
00:12:40,338 --> 00:12:42,305
Huh?
319
00:12:43,143 --> 00:12:43,845
Fine.
320
00:12:43,870 --> 00:12:45,010
But I just want you
to know that, normally,
321
00:12:45,035 --> 00:12:47,135
I would stay mad longer,
but Christmas Andi's
322
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:48,660
just too freaking jolly.
323
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,047
You know what we'll do? We'll have a...
324
00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:54,150
simple, old-fashioned Christmas.
325
00:12:54,152 --> 00:12:55,551
- Yeah.
- We can
326
00:12:55,553 --> 00:12:57,186
make our own decorations,
327
00:12:57,188 --> 00:12:59,522
sing songs by the fire.
328
00:12:59,524 --> 00:13:01,787
You know what? I'm actually
getting excited about this.
329
00:13:01,812 --> 00:13:02,969
You know, there's no reason
330
00:13:02,994 --> 00:13:05,839
that this can't be one of
our best Christmases ever.
331
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,491
Hey, if we don't have a tree,
332
00:13:08,516 --> 00:13:11,067
where is Santa gonna
put all our presents?
333
00:13:13,173 --> 00:13:13,937
What?
334
00:13:16,925 --> 00:13:17,784
Presents.
335
00:13:18,109 --> 00:13:19,408
She said "presents."
336
00:13:19,410 --> 00:13:21,310
Yes, I-I heard her.
337
00:13:22,185 --> 00:13:24,488
Uh, okay, uh... here's
the thing, sweetie,
338
00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:26,947
um, Santa thinks we're in Virginia.
339
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,238
Yes, yes.
340
00:13:28,263 --> 00:13:29,905
That's a good point. Yeah.
341
00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:32,288
Listen, honey, honey, you know,
342
00:13:32,357 --> 00:13:35,825
Santa is gonna deliver all
the presents to Virginia
343
00:13:35,827 --> 00:13:38,363
because he doesn't
know we're stuck here.
344
00:13:38,388 --> 00:13:42,424
Daddy, he sees you when you're sleeping.
345
00:13:43,101 --> 00:13:45,268
He knows when you're awake.
346
00:13:46,677 --> 00:13:49,978
He knows we're in Pittsburgh.
347
00:13:53,044 --> 00:13:54,289
Okay.
348
00:13:55,914 --> 00:13:58,080
That's really an
ironclad argument there.
349
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:04,153
Well?
350
00:14:04,155 --> 00:14:05,683
Why aren't I one of those moms
351
00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:07,876
that buys extra toys
in case of emergencies?
352
00:14:07,908 --> 00:14:10,575
Because there's no such
thing as a toy emergency.
353
00:14:10,577 --> 00:14:12,177
Oh, really? 'Cause I think we
might be in the middle of one
354
00:14:12,179 --> 00:14:13,611
right now.
355
00:14:13,613 --> 00:14:16,559
- You haven't found anything?
- No. Just...
356
00:14:16,584 --> 00:14:19,017
an unopened box of birth control pills.
357
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:24,989
Well, that's troubling.
358
00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:27,418
Look, we've got to find something.
359
00:14:27,443 --> 00:14:28,539
- I mean...
- Okay, okay.
360
00:14:28,564 --> 00:14:30,267
Okay, I want you to
see those happy faces
361
00:14:30,292 --> 00:14:31,628
on Christmas morning, all right?
362
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:33,736
All right, um... you
and the kids get started
363
00:14:33,761 --> 00:14:35,288
on the decorations,
and I'm gonna head out
364
00:14:35,313 --> 00:14:36,434
and find us some presents.
365
00:14:36,436 --> 00:14:38,303
Wha... but the whole
town is closed down.
366
00:14:38,305 --> 00:14:41,105
This is America, somebody's
always selling something.
367
00:14:42,902 --> 00:14:44,535
I like Crafty Christmas, Mom.
368
00:14:44,537 --> 00:14:47,171
- I think our tree's cute.
- It is, isn't it?
369
00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:50,109
Who needs a fresh-cut tree
when you've got Christmas spirit
370
00:14:50,134 --> 00:14:52,602
and Mommy's drying rack?
371
00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:56,514
You have a nice rack, Mommy.
372
00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,918
It's a... drying rack, sweetie.
373
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,354
You got to say "drying"
if you're gonna say "rack."
374
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:06,473
Hey, there's my Christmas elves.
375
00:15:06,498 --> 00:15:08,829
Wow, look at that tree.
376
00:15:08,854 --> 00:15:09,794
Yeah.
377
00:15:09,796 --> 00:15:11,713
All our real decorations
are in the garage,
378
00:15:11,738 --> 00:15:13,097
which is frozen shut, but you know what?
379
00:15:13,099 --> 00:15:15,845
I think I handled that
setback like a champ
380
00:15:15,870 --> 00:15:17,336
thanks to my new friend,
381
00:15:17,361 --> 00:15:18,827
peppermint schnapps.
382
00:15:21,176 --> 00:15:22,006
Look.
383
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,768
I made a nativity scene
384
00:15:23,793 --> 00:15:25,276
out of my Transformers.
385
00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:27,745
Baby Jesus transforms into a car,
386
00:15:27,747 --> 00:15:29,514
'cause I think he could.
387
00:15:30,808 --> 00:15:32,884
Well, sure he could, honey.
388
00:15:32,886 --> 00:15:34,805
We really got to get him
back in Sunday School.
389
00:15:34,830 --> 00:15:35,787
Yeah.
390
00:15:36,781 --> 00:15:38,720
So, uh, you guys, uh, keep decorating.
391
00:15:38,745 --> 00:15:40,010
I just... I got to talk
to Daddy in the kitchen
392
00:15:40,035 --> 00:15:41,200
for a minute, okay?
393
00:15:42,319 --> 00:15:43,394
So...
394
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,158
how'd it go with the kids' presents?
395
00:15:45,423 --> 00:15:46,664
Before I tell you,
396
00:15:47,022 --> 00:15:48,499
they won't look good unless you know
397
00:15:48,501 --> 00:15:51,702
that the only place open that I
could walk to was a gas station.
398
00:15:54,885 --> 00:15:55,696
That being said,
399
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,987
- I tried to be very thoughtful, okay?
- Okay.
400
00:15:58,012 --> 00:16:00,125
Okay, Katie's taking Spanish, right?
401
00:16:00,150 --> 00:16:01,512
So I got her...
402
00:16:02,187 --> 00:16:03,815
taquitos.
403
00:16:06,773 --> 00:16:08,592
I got a pool toy for Emme.
404
00:16:08,617 --> 00:16:10,123
But we might have to
change the packaging
405
00:16:10,148 --> 00:16:12,515
'cause it says, "Trucker's
Hemorrhoid Ring."
406
00:16:16,229 --> 00:16:18,162
And I got Teddy this really cool funnel.
407
00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:20,031
You know, in case he wants
to pour a lot of liquid
408
00:16:20,033 --> 00:16:22,233
into a really small opening.
409
00:16:24,504 --> 00:16:26,387
- We can't give them these.
- What?
410
00:16:26,412 --> 00:16:29,379
I mean, sure, Teddy's gonna
love that funnel, but...
411
00:16:29,742 --> 00:16:31,714
the rest of this stuff is no good.
412
00:16:31,739 --> 00:16:34,353
You know what I love best
about our tree, Mommy?
413
00:16:34,462 --> 00:16:35,813
Oh, what's that, sweetie?
414
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,385
That's where all our
presents are gonna go.
415
00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:40,496
Oh, that's right, sweet pea.
You're not even gonna be able to
416
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:43,688
see the tree because all the presents.
417
00:16:43,965 --> 00:16:45,723
Yay!
418
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,893
Why?
419
00:16:49,167 --> 00:16:50,944
I didn't want to disappoint her today,
420
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:53,497
because tomorrow is gonna be brutal.
421
00:16:53,499 --> 00:16:55,687
Yeah, because we don't have
any presents to put under
422
00:16:55,712 --> 00:16:57,292
our drying-rack tree,
423
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,670
which is decorated with
spoons and chip clips.
424
00:17:00,397 --> 00:17:02,340
I mean, those kids are
gonna be devastated tomorrow
425
00:17:02,342 --> 00:17:03,692
and it's all thanks to you.
426
00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:05,076
Wha... hey.
427
00:17:05,078 --> 00:17:06,423
Hey, hey!
428
00:17:08,017 --> 00:17:09,449
What happened? I thought we made up.
429
00:17:09,474 --> 00:17:11,082
I forgave you too quickly.
430
00:17:11,084 --> 00:17:13,355
Christmas Andi's just
a soft-hearted fool.
431
00:17:16,956 --> 00:17:19,390
- That's the pantry!
- Yeah.
432
00:17:23,496 --> 00:17:25,396
Hey, Butterbean,
433
00:17:25,398 --> 00:17:26,864
why are you still awake?
434
00:17:27,099 --> 00:17:29,377
We forgot to put out cookies for Santa.
435
00:17:29,402 --> 00:17:31,969
Ah.
436
00:17:31,971 --> 00:17:33,581
Uh, listen, Emme,
437
00:17:33,908 --> 00:17:35,306
you know, I'm still a little worried
438
00:17:35,331 --> 00:17:37,199
that Santa might not
have gotten the message
439
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,876
that we're stuck in Pittsburgh.
440
00:17:39,143 --> 00:17:40,976
You worry too much.
441
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,750
Well, I just don't want
you to be disappointed
442
00:17:43,775 --> 00:17:45,082
if he doesn't come tonight.
443
00:17:45,319 --> 00:17:48,185
The only reason Santa wouldn't come
444
00:17:48,187 --> 00:17:50,012
is if I wasn't good this year.
445
00:17:50,037 --> 00:17:52,264
Oh, honey, you're the best kid
446
00:17:52,289 --> 00:17:53,391
there ever was.
447
00:17:53,393 --> 00:17:54,400
Daddy,
448
00:17:54,425 --> 00:17:56,327
can you tell me a bedtime story?
449
00:17:56,329 --> 00:17:57,361
Oh, okay.
450
00:17:57,639 --> 00:17:58,874
Here, come here.
451
00:18:02,101 --> 00:18:03,664
Uh...
452
00:18:03,689 --> 00:18:06,470
'Twas the night before Christmas.
453
00:18:06,472 --> 00:18:10,604
And a handsome prince
had angered his princess
454
00:18:10,629 --> 00:18:12,910
because he foolishly listened
455
00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:16,080
to an idiot giant named Don.
456
00:18:16,657 --> 00:18:18,192
That's like Uncle Don.
457
00:18:18,217 --> 00:18:21,552
Exactly like Uncle Don.
458
00:18:27,427 --> 00:18:29,812
- Oh, right in the jingle bells.
- Come on!
459
00:18:29,837 --> 00:18:31,644
- Let's go open our presents!
- Come on!
460
00:18:31,669 --> 00:18:33,164
No, no, no, you guys, hold on, wait.
461
00:18:33,166 --> 00:18:34,265
Let's go, let's go, let's
go, let's go, let's go!
462
00:18:34,603 --> 00:18:36,503
Oh...
463
00:18:36,595 --> 00:18:38,535
This is gonna be so tough.
464
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,726
Okay, you ready for this?
465
00:18:41,363 --> 00:18:42,440
Yeah.
466
00:18:42,442 --> 00:18:45,009
I'll just put some
schnapps in my coffee.
467
00:18:53,786 --> 00:18:54,719
Oh...
468
00:18:54,721 --> 00:18:57,855
my God.
469
00:18:57,857 --> 00:19:01,993
Merry Christmas.
470
00:19:01,995 --> 00:19:04,917
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
471
00:19:04,942 --> 00:19:07,248
See, I told you Santa would come.
472
00:19:07,942 --> 00:19:09,351
A doll house!
473
00:19:10,911 --> 00:19:12,620
Oh, cool, an Xbox.
474
00:19:12,645 --> 00:19:15,079
And a funnel!
475
00:19:19,497 --> 00:19:20,863
What is happening?
476
00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,980
Where did all this stuff come from?
477
00:19:22,982 --> 00:19:25,429
Well, last night, I
was feeling really bad
478
00:19:25,454 --> 00:19:26,917
so I went out in the backyard
479
00:19:26,919 --> 00:19:28,185
and I looked up at the stars,
480
00:19:28,187 --> 00:19:30,405
and I wished with all my might
481
00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,623
for a Christmas miracle.
482
00:19:33,657 --> 00:19:35,026
And that worked?
483
00:19:35,028 --> 00:19:36,160
No!
484
00:19:37,049 --> 00:19:39,037
No, then I remembered we
had a key to the Robertson's,
485
00:19:39,062 --> 00:19:40,862
so I just went over there
and stole everything.
486
00:19:45,104 --> 00:19:46,370
Aw.
487
00:19:46,372 --> 00:19:48,343
You stole me my magic moment.
488
00:19:49,373 --> 00:19:51,044
This is the best Christmas ever.
489
00:19:51,046 --> 00:19:53,120
Aw.
490
00:19:53,145 --> 00:19:54,912
And don't worry, I'll
put everything back.
491
00:19:54,914 --> 00:19:56,213
When the Robertsons get home,
492
00:19:56,215 --> 00:19:57,915
everything will be
just like they left it.
493
00:19:57,917 --> 00:19:59,683
Except it's gonna stink,
494
00:19:59,685 --> 00:20:02,319
'cause I stashed a
taquito in their air vent.
495
00:20:07,975 --> 00:20:09,675
That's weird.
496
00:20:09,677 --> 00:20:11,009
All I got was this old notebook.
497
00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:12,886
Oh, did you open it?
498
00:20:18,491 --> 00:20:19,685
Oh, my God!
499
00:20:20,222 --> 00:20:21,987
It's Sasha Robertson's diary!
500
00:20:27,211 --> 00:20:29,745
And she did have a nose job!
501
00:20:31,974 --> 00:20:33,632
It's a Christmas miracle.
502
00:20:34,828 --> 00:20:39,828
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
503
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:46,301
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