All language subtitles for man.with.a.plan.s01e03.hdtv-lol

Um, it's 2:00 A.M. What's
with all the balloons?

You having some clowns over?

No, it's for another dumb school thing

in Emme's kindergarten class.

Mrs. Rodriguez wants a
hundred balloons blown up.

I've already blacked out three times.

Well, um...

why don't you just use the balloon pump?

Because I didn't know what that was.

I thought it was a...

lady thing.

Right. 'Cause I keep all my lady things

in the kids' cubbies.

What function did you think
this would perform exactly?

Yeah, I don't think you
want me to answer that.

Yeah. You're probably right.

You know,

when Rodriguez roped me
into being room parent,

she never told me how
much work it would be.

They celebrate everything.

Well, Adam,

- m-most people like parties.
- Yeah.

But it's never-ending.

I've organized '80s Day,

'90s Day, and you remember Future Day.

I had to wear a tinfoil suit.

I'm sorry, honey, but
look on the bright side.

Now that I'm working, I
don't have to do it anymore.

I lost my sense of
humor 30 balloons ago.

Look, honey. I-I know it's a lot, but...

you know, I would be freaking
out at work all the time

if you weren't doing such a good job

as captain of the parenting ship.

I'm the captain?

Yes. You're the captain.
From 7:45 to 5:15,

- and then, when I get home...
- We're co-captains.

Okay, sure.

Okay, Emme.

You did such a good job helping,

I'm gonna sneak a couple
extra cookies in your cubby.

- Thanks, Daddy.
- Aww.

Hey, it pays to know the right guy, huh?

Hmm. Hi, sweetheart.

You can catch up with the
other kids on the playground.

Oh. Not bad. Look who
finally got it together.

That's the kind of praise
that makes it all worthwhile.

Okay, I'm out of here.

Oh, Mr. Burns, one more thing.

Teacher Appreciation Day is coming up,

so there's gonna be a party.

Of course there is.

So, we're gonna need food,
decorations and games.

This isn't a school,
it's a Chuck E. Cheese.

Oh, but the most important thing

is the Teacher Appreciation gift,

which each room parent
organizes. This year,

I'd like you to make me puppets.

Kids like puppets.

No, they don't.

They haven't liked puppets since...

anything else was invented.

Mr. Burns, why do you
have to be so difficult?

No other room parent has ever
caused me this much trouble.

Well... it just seems like
you're crossing a line.

You know, you're taking
advantage of me because

my daughter's in your
class, and you know...

I like her.

I'm only being hard
on you because I know

you're capable of better work.

So, dig deep,

and make me puppets.

You know what? No.

But they're for Teacher
Appreciation Day.

I got to be honest. I
don't appreciate you.

When Teacher Resentment Day comes along,

I'm your man.

Plus, I don't have time to make puppets.

Mr. Burns, being a room
parent is a full-time job.

No. No, my full-time
job is my full-time job.

I have three construction
projects going on right now.

Okay. Why don't you take
all this negative energy,

and put it into making puppets.

I got a better idea. I quit.

Uh... no. You can't quit. As
long as Emme's in my class,

you're the room parent.
And if you don't like it,

you can transfer her to the other class.

Hold on a second.

That's an option?

- Well, technically, yes.
- I could just...

put her in the other class?

They already have a room parent.

Okay.

- Trust me, you don't want to do that.
- Oh, I think I do.

- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

- No, you don't.
- See, this is

one of the issues.

No, it's not.

All right, I've had enough.

I'm transferring Emme out of this class.

Fine.

Here's the transfer form.

- Now, we have a reason to party.
- Hmm.

No, we don't.

Yes, we do.

AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

So long, suckers. I'm transferring Emme

out of Mrs. Rodriguez's class.

So, who's gonna be our room parent?

I can't do it. I got to
go home and sit around.

But you can't just leave
me. You're my mentor.

People our age don't
have mentors, Lowell,

they've already... mented.

Not me. After years of being a
stay-at-home dad to two girls,

you're showing me how to be a man again.

Thanks to you, I started
watching the sports report.

“Boom,” says that one guy.

Great job. I'm proud of you.

Now all we got to do is get that
jazzercise sticker off your car.

Over my dead body.

Hold on. So, you just transferred Emme

into another class, without asking Andi?

I don't need to ask her permission.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Little brother. Do
you know what you are?

Adorable.

Let me tell you a little something

about how things work in my house, okay?

I steer the parenting boat.

You know what Andi told me last night?

I'm the captain.

Oh, you are, huh?

- That's right.
- Uh-huh.

You know how you give a little kid

a fake steering wheel in the backseat

so they can pretend they're driving?

Might even have a little horn.

That's the kind of captain you are.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh. Okay, how about this? Call
Andi. Let's see if I'm right.

Loser has to...

- eat a ghost pepper.
- Ooh.

That's right. The
world's hottest pepper.

- Put your mouth where your mouth is.
- Fine.

But you're gonna be eating that pepper,

and if I know you,

you'll forget and rub your eye.

And if I know me,

I'll be laughing at you.

Hey, honey. What's up?

Hey.

I got a great idea.

You know how Rodriguez has been on me?

Well, I'm thinking
I'm gonna transfer Emme

to the other class. How about that?

Andi?

Do I hear you smiling?

No, I'm not smiling.

That's a terrible idea!

Look, there's only

one good teacher in every grade.

Okay? Y-You have no idea

how much I had to kiss
Mrs. Rodriguez's butt

to get Emme in that class.

So, for you to even think

about transferring her because
you have to work too hard,

makes me so mad, that I'm yelling.

I'm yelling now, and
everybody here's looking at me.

What? This isn't a show, Markowitz.

Good.

Yeah. Take it out on
Markowitz. Bye, honey. Love you.

Hello, ghost pepper store?

I'd like to place an order.

Look, Mrs. Rodriguez,

I would really appreciate it

if you would let Emme
back in your class.

Why would I do that?

Well... what better way to celebrate

the birthday of this fine school

than with the gift of forgetting
what I said this morning?

Or you could apologize

for everything you said this morning.

Okay.

Uh... apparently, you think that I...

No.

If I said something...

No.

If you weren't so...

No!

Fine.

I'm sorry.

Now we're making progress.

Emme can come back to my class.

Oh! Great. Thank you.

Big win for the captain.

Oh, this is gonna mean a lot to Andi.

She's always saying how
you're the best teacher

in the whole school.

- Really?
- Yeah, yeah. She told me

that to get Emme in this
class, she spent years

kissing your butt.

What was that?

Uh...

that... was a compliment.

- No, it wasn't.
- Oh, sure. Sure it was.

Yeah, you know how people are always

joking around and saying crazy stuff?

Like, “Hey, Bob.”
“Kiss my butt, Jim.”

And then they're laughing,
'cause they're buddies.

You know, j-just like us.

- Oh, so we're buddies now?
- Definitely.

- Really?
- Yeah.

What's my first name?

Uh...

That's what I thought. I
think Emme would be better off

staying in the other class.

What? Oh, come on!

It's not like you know my first name.

Adam.

Oh. Well, yeah. Anyone could guess that.

It's like the first name ever.

What's with the flowers?

Is it the day after
Mom's birthday again?

No.

Wait...

No. No.

Don't scare me like that!

Oh! I think I hear Mom's car.

Okay, guys, go play outside,
and enjoy your childhood,

'cause it only gets more complicated.

Hey. There's my beautiful wife.

Flowers? What for?

Do I need a reason to buy you flowers?

Historically, yes.

Okay, fine. I know this is
gonna make you mad, but...

I transferred Emme out
of Mrs. Rodriguez's class

but look at the pretty flowers!

What?

I can't believe you did that,

after we talked this morning!

Well, not sure this is
gonna help me, but...

I did it before we talked.

Ooh!

Ah!

Oh...

Huh?

All right, look.

Mrs. Rodriguez is impossible!

It's too much work!

Oh, so you did this for
your own selfish reasons.

Well, a lot of great stuff
was done for selfish reasons.

The guy who invented fire.

Probably freezing his ass off.

Oh, my God.

Well, and, and...

it's good for Emme, too.

Her best friend is in the other class.

Yeah, and you know why
the school separated them?

Because they talk too much.

No fair, that is new information.

Well, everything's new information

when you don't know anything.

You know, maybe instead
of just criticizing me,

you could try seeing my side of it.

Yeah, but your side
of it is so... wrong.

You know what?

I'll go down there, I'll talk to her.

She likes me.

Yeah, about that.

Oh, good, it gets worse.

Well, just a little, and
then we're all caught up.

So,

when I went back to apologize,

like I knew you would've wanted me to,

I complimented her, and she got all mad.

How did you compliment her?

Is that really important?

I told her that you kissed her butt

to get Emme into her class,

and, for some reason, she took offense.

Oh. Pfft.

Yeah, so what happened next?

Did you punch her in the throat?

I just...

how could you say that to Alicia?

Alicia!

That's her name.

Look, you know, anyway,

I should be allowed to make
these kind of decisions.

After all, I am the captain.

Yeah, I only told you
that so you'd finish

blowing up the balloons.

Hold on a second.

Are you saying that I'm not the captain?

Well, you're the captain of balloons.

Look, here's what's gonna happen.

I'm gonna go down
there tomorrow with you

and a box of chocolates,
and I'm gonna...

kiss her butt some more,

and I'm gonna fix this.

I don't need you

cleaning up my messes, okay?

I can handle this.

Adam, listen to me,

I am the captain now.

Okay, I don't know if this
is what you were going for,

but I am really turned on right now.

Look, you know what Adam's like.

He-he just says stuff,
he doesn't think.

I really don't.

But to imply that currying
favor has any impact

on how I run my classroom is insulting.

Look, I'm well aware that
parents give me presents

just because they
want something from me.

Ugh. Yeah, those parents are the worst.

- Although the presents are nice.
- Oh, yeah, I mean,

who doesn't like a little
treat now and again?

- But it doesn't change anything.
- No, of course not,

you're above all that.

Just give me the chocolates.

There's a little chart in there

so you don't get surprised by anything.

You wouldn't want to bite into
one of those cherry squirty ones

when you're wearing a white blouse.

Look, we didn't mean to insult you.

You know, it's just how
we show appreciation.

I mean, we kiss butt because we love.

Yeah.

Let's be honest,

butt kissing makes the world go round.

Everybody does it. I
kiss my clients' butts.

My crew kisses my butt.

Yeah, I mean, “World's
Greatest Teacher”"

You didn't buy that for yourself, right?

Good point, honey.

See, I just kissed my
wife's butt, she's not mad.

No, I rather enjoyed it, yeah.

Now, he's a very good butt kisser.

Aw.

Uh, no, he's not, he's terrible.

He quit because of
Teacher Appreciation Day.

That's the Super Bowl of butt kissing.

Look, there are plenty of ways

to get on my good side,
if you cared enough to try.

Oh, whoa, hold on, that's unfair.

No, I think I'm being perfectly fair.

He's been working like a dog for you.

Stay on track.

I mean, he's up in the
middle of the night,

he's here every day...

He complains all the time

about every little
thing I ask him to do.

Okay, all right, why is
everybody standing up?

Yeah, well, I'm not gonna let you

talk about my husband that way.

- If anything, I'm being easy on him.
- No, you're not.

You're asking him to do too much.

Well, maybe it seems like a
lot because I have to ask him

to do everything three times.

- Which is fine.
- It's not fine.

He does the bare minimum at best.

I ask him to make puppets,
all I got was attitude.

I don't see any commitment.

You know what? I don't think anybody

could live up to your standards.

- 'Cause you know what? You're...
- Easy.

- You're...
- Careful.

You're high maintenance.

Better than I thought it would be.

How's it going? Are they
getting Emme back in the class?

I don't know, you keep talking.

Uh-oh, angry footsteps.

Angry footsteps.

So, Adam, you back? What happened?

Lady fight, big step backwards.

And that's why you never do
stuff without asking your wife.

I once made a decision
without consulting my wife.

But then we got married anyway.

- Hi, Andi.
- Hey, Don.

Hey, honey.

How was the rest of your
day? You feeling better?

No, I mean, because I lost my temper,

Emme's stuck in the
crummy kindergarten class.

I really don't think
it's that big of a deal.

Or it could be the
difference between her being

a Supreme Court justice, or a...

cocktail waitress at an Indian casino.

Hey, either way, she's
wearing a silly outfit.

Well, I guess the good news is

that you're not room
parent anymore, so...

that's a win.

Hey, you won.

Savor this.

I didn't win.

Didn't you hear her tone?

It's not how you say
it, it's what you say.

Like, “Shania Twain wants
to take a bath with you.”

Sing it, scream it, cry it, either way

I'm clean and happy.

Why the bath?

You know what? I don't care.

I started this whole thing.

I got to find a way
to win Rodriguez over.

What would a captain do?

Which reminds me...

I got you something
that I think might help.

Here you go, Captain.

Yeah, yeah, I deserve that.

Happy sailing!

And just remember... even if you get

through the Straits of
Forgiveness, some day,

there's a torpedo heading your
way from the S.S. Menopause.

I'm gonna need a bigger boat.

I think if you just
give Adam another chance,

he won't disappoint you.

He's already done a
lot personally for me.

He's like... he's like my Phil Jackson.

Sports reference. What's up?

And I think the whole
class will miss him.

Well, my decision hasn't changed

since you asked me
through the bathroom door.

What are you doing here?

I bet I know exactly
what he's doing here.

A puppet theater.

Oh, I was way off.

Oh, my God, it's beautiful.

No other room parent has
ever done anything like this.

Did you build this?

Yup. Happy Teacher Appreciation Day.

I hope you'll consider letting
Emme back into your class, and,

as you're making your decision,

I'll ask you to press the
button on that little remote.

Not just the bare minimum, right?

Oh, wait a minute.

Is this just a sophisticated
way of kissing my butt?

- Well, I wouldn't call it that.
- 'Cause it's working.

Oh. So, can Emme come
back to your class?

Well, of course she can.

And I haven't been able
to find a replacement

so, maybe you could, you know...

Just...

Come back as room parent.

It's happening.

Okay, okay.

- But I have a few conditions.
- No.

- Well, just hear me out.
- No.

- If we could just...
- No!

- Okay. Deal.
- Good!

Are we just gonna stand
here, or are we gonna hug?

- We're just gonna stand here.
- We're just gonna stand here.

Yeah.

Nice job on the puppet theater, babe.

I bet you knocked her socks off.

Yeah. I just feel bad for the kids.

They have to sit through
a puppet show now.

I mean, you crashed our
ship into an iceberg,

and then I panicked and start
throwing passengers overboard,

but you just hopped
into your little tugboat

and you got us back
on course. Toot, toot!

You don't have to talk
to me like I'm a child.

- I did do that, though.
- Yeah, you did.

You know, it doesn't surprise
me, the fires you start,

but it always surprises
me how you put 'em out.

Hey, it's my job to do the
best I can for our family.

Huh? That way, if the kids turn out bad,

they can't blame it on us.

I know this isn't what you're going for,

but... I am really turned on right now.

Baby, that's always what I'm going for.

The time has come. Bon app�tit, se�or.

You know, I wasn't gonna make you

really eat the ghost pepper if you lost.

- Yes, you were.
- I know.

Uh-huh.

- How hot is this thing?
- It's pretty hot.

They made me sign some
papers and watch a video

before they let me take it.

Okay, would you be willing
to exchange it for a spider?

I'll munch a spider right now.

I've already seen that.

Okay, fine.

Oh, you got a little
something on your eye there.

- What?
- Yeah, right... yeah, right there, yeah.

Aah! Okay. I knew you
were gonna do that!

But then I forgot.

Oh, God. Aah.

Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -

Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/42rng
Help other users to choose the best subtitles