All language subtitles for aaf-tz.s02e11.720p

You're traveling
through another dimension-

a dimension not only of sight
and sound, but of mind.

A journey into a wondrous land

whose boundaries
are that of imagination.

That's the signpost up ahead.

Your next stop,
the twilight zone.

I told you that santa claus
should be back by 6:00.

Come on,
mom, let's go.

Hey, you told me
to tell you when it was 6:30.

It's 6:30.

That's right.

It's exactly 6:30.

So...

so what happens now?

You turn into a reindeer?

Would that i could.

I'll have
another one.

You owe me for six
drinks and a sandwich.

That's $3.80.

Why do you suppose there
isn't really a santa claus?

How's that?

Why isn't there a real santa
claus... for kids like that?

What am i supposed to be-
some kind of philosopher?

You know
what your trouble is?

You let that dopey
red suit go to your head.

Are you some kind of a nut?

Here's your change.

I'll flip you-
double or nothing.

What do you think this is,
monte carlo?

Finish and get out.

I've had enough...
to eat.

Hello, jack's place.

No, jack's not here.

This is bruce.

Wait a minute.

Santa claus, i catch
you trying that

one more time

i'm going to break
both your arms

up to the
shoulder blades.

Now, go on,
get out of here.

What's that?

No, it's just santa claus
trying to heist the joint.

Thanks a lot, bruce.

Please, santa

i want a carriage
and a dolly...

please,
i want a gun...

and a playhouse...

and a set
of soldiers

and a fort...

and oh, please,
santa claus

a job
for my daddy.

Please,
a big turkey

for our christmas dinner.

This is mr. Henry corwin,
normally unemployed

who once a year takes
the lead role

in the uniquely popular
american institution

that of
a department store santa claus

in a road company version of
the night before christmas

but in just a moment, mr. Henry
corwin, ersatz santa claus

will enter a strange kind
of north pole

which is one part
the wondrous spirit of christmas

and one part the magic
that can only be found

in the twilight zone.

You should see me
with erector sets.

Corwin, you're an hour late!

I am?

Now, you get up
on your throne

and see if you can keep from
disillusioning a lot of kids

that not only isn't
there a santa claus

but the one in this store
happens to be a wino

who'd be more at home playing
rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

Now, get with it,
santa claus!

You go ahead.

You climb up
on his lap.

Go ahead, he
won't hurt you

will you,
santa claus?

You won't hurt
my little boy.

Go on, tell him!

What's
your name?

Percival smithers.

And what do you want
for christmas, percival?

A new front name.

Percy!

I think
we have...

look, mom!

Santa claus
is loaded.

You've got
some nerve!

You ought
to be ashamed.

Madam...
i am ashamed.

Come on,
percival.

I hope this
won't be

a traumatic
experience for you.

Sot!

Is there some
trouble here?

Yes, there's
some trouble.

I shall never trade
in this store again.

It seems you hire
your santa clauses

out of a gutter.

All right,
back to work.

Back to your
positions, please.

And now, mr. Kris kringle
of the lower depths

since it is only a few hours
to closing time

it is my distinct
pleasure to tell you

that there is no more
need for your services.

You have had it!

Now, get out here!

I'd be very glad to.

And get that crummy
red suit back

to wherever you
rented it from

before you really tie
one on and destroy it.

You drunk!

Thank you very much,
mr. Dundee.

As to my drinking,
this is indefensible

and you have
my abject apologies.

I find of late that i
have very little choice

in the matter of
expressing emotions.

I can either drink
or i can weep

and drinking is
so much more subtle.

Will you please leave?

As for my
insubordination

i was not rude

to that woman.

Someone should remind her
that christmas

is more than barging up
and down department store aisles

and pushing people
out of the way.

Now, corwin...

someone has
to tell her

that christmas is another thing,
finer than that...

richer, finer, truer

and it should come with patience
and love, charity, compassion.

That's what
i would have told her

if you'd given me the chance.

Well, how
philosophical

mr. Corwin.

Now, perhaps
as your parting word

you can tell us
how we can go about

living up to these
wondrous yule standards

which you have
so graciously

laid down for us.

I don't know

how to tell you, mr. Dundee.

I don't know at all.

All i know is

that i'm an aging,
purposeless relic

of another time

and i live in a
dirty rooming house

on a street

filled with hungry
kids and shabby people

where the only thing

that comes
down the chimney

on christmas eve

is more poverty.

Will you keep your voice down?

Do you know
another reason

why i drink,
mr. Dundee?

So that when i walk
down the tenements

i can really think
it's the north pole

and the children are elves
and that i'm really santa claus

bringing them
a bag of wondrous gifts

for all of them.

I just wish, mr. Dundee,
on one christmas-

only one...

that i could see
some of the hopeless ones...

and the dreamless ones...

just on one christmas

i'd like to see the meek

inherit the earth.

And that's why i drink,
mr. Dundee...

and that's why i weep.

George, you want
another drink?

Hey, look.
It's santa claus!

Look, there's
santa claus.

Come on in.

Nah, nah.
Go on, get lost.

Get out of here.

Merry christmas.

Santa's a lush.

Hey, everybody!

Hey, kids!

Merry christmas, everybody!

Hey, kids! Everybody!

Merry christmas!

Merry christmas, everybody!

Merry christmas!

? joy to the world?

? the lord is come?

? let earth receive her king?

? let every heart
prepare him room?

? and heaven and nature sing?

? and heaven and nature sing?

? and heaven...?

What is going on here?

What's the idea of coming
in here and disrupting

the christmas
eve service?

Sister florence, i
ain't touched a drop

since last thursday and
that's the gospel truth.

And i swear to you

on account of i've seen
it with my own eyes-

santa claus is coming down
the street heading this way

and bringing everybody
his heart's desire.

There's a real,
honest-to-goodness santa...

merry christmas,
gentlemen.

Now, what'll be
your pleasure

for christmas,
gentlemen?

How about you, burt?

I fancy a new pipe.

Let's see what
i can do for you.

Here's your
new pipe.

How about you?

I want a sweater.

A sweater-
what size?

Who cares
what size?

Oh, thank you.

Could i have
a smoking jacket?

A smoking jacket
to go with the pipe.

I'll see
what i can get.

There's your
smoking jacket.

Where did you get
all these gifts?

Sister florence

don't ask me to explain.

I'm just as much in the dark
as anybody else.

All i know is i've got
a santa claus bag here

that gives everybody

exactly what they
want for christmas

and as long
as it's putting out

i'm putting in.

Sister florence,
how about a new dress?

Give that to
sister florence

when she
comes back.

Thank you.

A bottle of wine.

Merry christmas, officer,
merry christmas.

What's your name?

Henry corwin...
or is it?

Maybe it's santa claus or
kris kringle- i don't know.

You're drunk, corwin.
Is that it?

Of course
i'm drunk.

I'm intoxicated
with the spirit of the yule.

Drunk with the spirit
of the yule.

Intoxicated with the magic and
wonder that is christmas eve.

I'm inebriated
with joy and delight.

Yes, officer, i'm drunk.

We'll settle this
in a hurry.

Have you got a receipt
for this stuff?

Receipt?

Of course you've
got a receipt.

No.

Sister florence

would you please collect
all the stolen goods

and put them
in a pile over there?

I'll send for them

when i check on
who owns them.

Come on, santa.

Be right with you,
officer.

Don't worry about
a thing, gentlemen.

There's more
where this came from.

Officer, let me tell you
how this whole thing started.

I was having a glass
down at jack's place.

It was just about 4:30 in the
afternoon when i got there.

Like i said,
officer

i arrived at jack's
place about 4:30-

between 4:30 and 5:00,
the cocktail hour.

Jack wasn't there
but bruce was.

I know bruce, yes.

Right here.

After you.

I had a sandwich

that i couldn't
finish

and i got
to talking...

uh-huh, here he is and
here we are and there that is.

And here
you are.

How nice to see you
again, mr. Dundee.

And how nice it will be

to see my wistful saint nicholas
going up the river.

Do you suppose he can get
as much ten years?

Ten years?

Well, it don't
look good, corwin.

Of course, they could
lop off a few months

if you was to tell them
where the rest of the loot was.

He's been giving out the stuff
for two and half hours.

He must have
a warehouse full of it.

I'm glad you
brought that up.

There seems
to be

a slight
discrepancy here.

Listen, you moth-eaten
robin hood

the wholesale theft of thousands
of dollars worth of goods

is not a
slight discrepancy.

Though i can tell you
right now, corwin

this whole affair comes
as no surprise to me.

I'd perceived that criminal
glint in your eyes

the first minute
i'd laid eyes on you.

It seems to me

that you've
put your finger

on the problem,
mr. Dundee.

This bag
doesn't know

whether to give out
gifts or garbage.

It was giving out gifts
when i seen it.

Whatever they was wanting
corwin was supplying.

All kinds of stuff-
toys, gifts, expensive stuff.

Admit it, corwin.

Oh, i admit it, i admit it.

But it seems to me
the essence of our problem is

that we're dealing
with a most unusual bag.

My advice to you is to clean up
this mess and get out here.

Officer flaherty, you
call yourself a policeman.

Well, i suppose it
is a demanding task-

to distinguish between
a bag full of garbage

and an inventory of
expensive stolen gifts.

Mr. Dundee, believe me.

It's like corwin says:

We're dealing with
the supernatural here.

In other words

all we have to do
is to ask mr. Corwin

to make a little
abracadabra for us

and no sooner
said, done.

Well, go ahead,
corwin.

I fancy a bottle
of cherry brandy

vintage 1903.

Oh, that's a good year.

And as for you,
officer flaherty

how dare you
drag me down here

at the busiest time
of the year

to look at a bag
full of garbage?

Mr. Dundee...

pardon me,
gentlemen.

Merry christmas
to both of you!

"To mr. Dundee,
from santa."

Here, mr, dundee.

You need one.

Here's beautiful
yellow sweater for you.

I want a toy.

I've got a beautiful
toy for you.

I want an electric
train engine.

Electric train engine?
Diesel or steam?

I don't care.

There it is.

I want
a dolly.

You want a dolly.

A blonde, brunette...

blonde!

Here she is.

I want a
toy, please.

Oh, i've got one
here for you.

Right there, sweetheart.

I've got a
baseball bat for you

and a toy dog for you.

Thanks.

And a baseball mitt.

Merry christmas to all!

Nothing for you
this christmas?

I think i've had
the nicest christmas

since the beginning
of time.

Nothing for you.

Nothing for yourself,
not a thing.

You know, i... i can't think
of anything i want.

I guess what
i've really wanted is...

to be the biggest gift giver
of all times

and in a way

i think i had that tonight.

Although, if i had my choice
of any gift- any gift at all-

i think i'd wish
i could do this every year.

That'd be
some gift

wouldn't it,
burt?

Oh, it sure would.

God bless
you, burt

and merry christmas
to you.

Merry christmas
to you, too, santa

and thanks for the smoking
jacket and the pipe.

Don't mention it.

We've been waiting
quite a while

for you, santa claus.

Oh, no.

Did you hear
what i said?

I said we've been
waiting quite a while

for you, santa claus.

We've got a year of
hard work ahead of us

to get ready
for next christmas.

Come on.

Are you ready?

Oh, yeah.

Going home,
officer flaherty?

Going home, mr.
Dundee, and you?

Going home,
officer flaherty.

This is the most
remarkable christmas eve

i've ever had.

Flaherty...

i could have
sworn that i...

did you see it?

I thought i did.

What did you see?

I don't think
i ought to tell you.

You might report me
for drinking on duty.

Go ahead,
what did you see?

It was corwin,
mr. Dundee

big as life in a
sleigh with reindeer

sitting next to an elf

and riding up
toward the sky.

That's about
the size of it

ain't it,
mr. Dundee?

Flaherty, you better
come home with me

and we'll pour out
some hot coffee

and we'll pour
some brandy in it

and we'll...

and we'll thank god
for miracles, flaherty.

A word to the wise, to all
the children of the 20th century

whether their concern be
pediatrics or geriatrics

whether they crawl on hands
and knees and wear diapers

or walk with a cane
and comb their beards.

There's a wondrous magic
to christmas

and there's a special power
reserved for little people.

In short, there's
nothing mightier than the meek.

Captioned by media access
group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org

this is james arness.

You know, it's only a short hop
fromthe twilight zone

to dodge city andgunsmoke.

Saturday nights,
over most of these stations.