Original subtitles

You're traveling through another dimension-

a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind.

A journey into a wondrous land

whose boundaries are that of imagination.

That's the signpost up ahead.

Your next stop, the twilight zone.

"Sometime during the morning,

"the rear door of the antique shop was jimmied open.

"The police surmised that the thief,

"obviously working with an accomplice,

"entered and began to remove items from the shelves.

"Mr. And mrs. Jensen j. Brown, the proprietors of the shop,

"listed the following collector's items

"as among the goods stolen:

Two vases of the ming dynasty..."

i don't know what dynasty they're from,

but they ain't mings.

There are from some rummage sale.

They're worth about a half a shuck apiece.

Chester!

Larceny! Plain, no-good larceny.

He's padding that list for his insurance.

How do you like a crook like that?

"An antique silver service for 12,

a louis xiv candelabra, a queen anne chest..."

aphony louis xiv candelabra,

a set of u.s. Navy surplus tableware,

a chest worth maybe $3.50 tops.

"Three oil paintings by picasso..."

three posters in frames.

The guy that painted these

thinks a picasso is a foreign sports car.

"Two teakwood, hand-carved

cigarette cases..."

aw, knock it off. Knock it off.

Hey, they forgot this- an antique camera, no less.

Big deal.

Well, fits with the rest of the haul.

Everything else is for nothing.

Figures we get a camera that's for nothing.

A hotel suite that, in this instance,

serves as a den of crime.

The aftermath of a rather minor event

to be noted in a police blotter,

an insurance claim, perhaps a three-inch box

on page 12 of the evening paper.

Small addenda to be added to a camera.

A most unimposing addition

to the flotsam and jetsam that it came with.

Hardly worth mentioning, really, because cameras are cameras:

Some expensive, some purchasable at five-and-dime stores.

But this camera... this one's unusual because,

in just a moment, we'll watch it inject itself

into the destinies of three people.

It happens to be a fact that the pictures that it takes

can only be developed in the twilight zone.

Big deal.

You know, 20 years ago, you could get one of these

in a drugstore for 39 cents.

I got to pick it up in a heist.

Look at the crummy thing.

No place to put the film in.

No place to even open it.

Huh! Some crazy foreign writing.

This must be the clicker.

Hey, baby, get over there by the window.

Come on, take a pose.

Aha...

say cheese.

Cheese.

Nothing.

Aw, big deal.

The whole haul is worth maybe $5.80.

A good fence will give us a buck.

You and your curio shops.

Mycurio shops?

Who cased the place?

Who fingered it?

Who did all the planning?

Listen to miss culture of 1960.

Patron of the arts.

"Never mind hock shops," she says.

"Let's get up in life," she says.

"Let's knock over a curio shop

"on account of curio shops are loaded

with objets d'art worth a fortune."

Two weeks of planning,

one whole night on the heist,

and what have we got for it?

400 pounds of junk.

I could have shot pool for a whole day and made more.

Look, baby, the next time

you get a hot idea on a heist...

well, how do i look?

Well, isn't that nice?

And so clear, chet. Can you imagine that?

No flashbulbs or anything.

And look how clear it is.

What's the matter with you?

What's the matter withme?

Get over there by the mirror. What?

Go on. Go look at yourself in the mirror.

Are you missing a couple of buttons?

You go ahead and look.

So, what's to see?

Now look at the picture.

So, there i am standing by the window

wearing a... fur coat?!

Chet, what am i doing wearing a fur coat?

I wasn't wearing a fur coat when you took that picture.

I don't even own a fur coat.

I get it.

Camera's strictly for laughs.

Strictly for laughs.

It's a gag camera.

What do you mean?

Look, look.

They've already got the pictures developed inside.

The negatives have got pictures on them.

All this does is take the faces. What?

You know, like in a carnival,

when you stand back of that crazy cardboard thing.

You know, fat lady, guy driving a car, sailor. You know.

Well, that's what this is.

Hey, that's not bad.

That's pretty clever.

We might as well clear up the rest of this junk.

Let's get at that chest.

Key come with this?

No. You'll have to open it

in your own inimitable style.

Anybody ever tell you

you got a nasty disposition?

If i have a nasty disposition,

it's because i'm married to a nickel-and-dime heister

who can't tell a real diamond from a baseball.

Look, baby doll,

this suite is 28 bucks a day

delivered and paid for

by mrs. Diedrich's son, chester,

on profits collected over a potful of years

when you weren't even in the picture.

Matter of fact, i need you

like i need a three- time conviction.

Hey!

Oh, look.

Oh!

Well, how do you like this?

And don't start giving me

any of that cheap pizzazz

about taking this to any fence.

This belongs to little old paula.

And don't try to argue with me either.

Well, how do i look?

All right, cue me.

What's the matter?

What are you doing?

Come on back to bed.

Still with that?

Shut up.

So what do you care?

Want me to let it go by, huh?

So what do you care? So it's a crazy camera.

So it takes dopey pictures that really aren't there.

Yeah, it takes dopey pictures.

Dopey pictures like things that haven't happened yet,

but they do happen.

So what's to do, chet?

One lousy, kooky picture

and you get insomnia.

So it's a camera, that's all.

Here, i'll show you.

There. See?

Any lightning?

Drop it, why don't you?

Let it go. Forget it.

How can i forget it?

This thing could come from witches or... sorcerers.

It could be loaded with black magic.

And what are you loaded with?

Do you see anything?

Where's the man with the horns

who comes in

with a bargain for the soul?

It's a kooky camera, that's all.

Well?

It's my brother woodward...

standing by the door.

Yeah.

That's who it is.

That cheap, no-good brother of yours.

It can't be.

He's in jail.

Seven years for breaking and entering,

and that was only a year ago.

Oh, no. No, chet.

It's throwing us a curve.

Maybe it's somebody

who just looks like woodward.

Nobody looks like woodward.

Look.

Chester, i'm scared.

I'm palpitating.

You and your phony palpitations, you...

a little palpitating never hurt anybody.

What's there to be scared about?

The thing has obviously gone tilt or something.

Look. Now, look.

Woodward isn't here.

Woodward couldn't possibly be here.

Woodward's not going to be here.

He's serving time.

He's 900 miles away in a cell block.

I don't care what that crazy camera says.

Whoever is in this picture,

it is not woodward.

Woodward.

Hi, paula. Hi, chet.

I didn't want to wake you, so i jimmied the door open.

I broke out- me and another guy-

in a laundry truck.

That's nice, huh?

I didn't think you'd mind if i stay with you for a few days.

Well, you don't, do you?

I was thinking, if i was around,

you two wouldn't fight so much.

You still all the time fighting?

What's this, chet?

How do you like that?

There i am, standing by this door,

wearing the clothes i got on.

How about that?

I tell you, science is wonderful.

To be able to take a picture of a...

wait a minute.

Wait a minute!

Like, uh... how come?

I still don't know how we can use it.

Strictly for laughs.

Imagine trying to sell an item like that.

They'd throw you out.

They'd say you're off your rocker.

They'd burn you at the stake.

One thing or the other.

Hey, maybe we could sell tickets.

Take pictures like at a carny,

and then...

well, maybe we could, uh...

well, you know, like that.

Well, i'm going to lay it on the line.

What are we?

I asked you a question. What are we?

What are we, chet? We're people.

Yeah, but what kind of people?

We're three small-time heisters.

Well, now we've finally got something

that might do something good for somebody else.

Science could use something like this.

Who?

Science.

We got something here for humanity.

Who?

Humanity.

You got a leak in your attic?

What's humanity ever done for us?

Sure, paula, sure.

That's what i meant.

Just what you said.

That's the way we are.

Everything for us.

Nothing for anybody else.

I've risen above all that now.

I say, let's give this to the world.

Here, world.

A gift from chester diedrich and his wife.

And me, too, chet. Don't forget woodward.

Yeah. And you, too, woodward.

Here, world.

A gift for humanity.

A gesture.

A gesture to show the size of the heart

of chester diedrich and wife.

And

woodward.

Yeah, that's better.

Isn't there something you want to watch on tv?

Oh, yeah.

You know, paula, this could be

a very important scientific discovery.

There's no telling what medical science may do with this.

How can you know...?

A half-length, a full-length,

and hot foot takes it by a length and a half.

Jerry slash second by two,

easter baby third.

The rest of the field is strung out.

$24.90 to win, $15.80 and $6.70.

In just a few minutes, the second race of the day,

the los tendres handicap.

Shut that thing off.

Huh? Oh, yeah.

I got it.

I've got it, i've got it.

What is it, chester?

This thing takes pictures of things that happen

five minutes before they happen,

but they happen!

I'll tell you what we're going to do.

We're going to take a picture of the winning board

at the racetrack... before the race.

The winning board before the race, get it?

No, i don't get it.

Wait a minute.

We take a picture of the winning board,

and then we look at it.

Oh, chester!

We getting through to you, woodward?

Look, we take a picture of the winning board.

There's nothing on it

because the race hasn't been run yet,

but we got a little camera here

that takes pictures

five minutes before they happen.

So the picture has the winning numbers on the board.

We know what horse won.

We know how much he paid.

Now do you get it?

Yeah! Now i get it.

Okay, everybody, get your coats.

Grab one of mine, and be sure to put on a tie.

Okay, chet?

Let's see now.

That was the first race...

we can still catch the last six.

Hey, wait a minute.

How much money have we got?

I got a ten and a 20.

That's $30.

I know it's $30.

I got... $180.

Woodward, you got money?

Yeah, i got ten.

That gives us 220 bucks.

Is that enough?

We're bound to hit

one long shot, maybe two.

We'll parlay this into a million bucks.

We can't lose, paula! We can't lose! Come on!

Hey, wait a minute, chet!

Wait a minute.

What about humanity?

What did humanity ever do for us?

Come on!

We got us an idea.

Oh, boy, chester! Oh, boy!

Look, my ribs aren't hurting your elbow any, are they?

Keep it quiet.

Let me get the shot.

Okay.

Ah-ah-ah.

Well?

There's numbers on it.

6, 3, 11.

Look what number six pays.

$47.60 to win.

Oh, boy, chester!

Let me see.

Number six, number six...

tidy too.

Okay, boys and girls,

our money goes on tidy too.

Here. You take care of baby.

Going wide, can't hold the rail.

And tidy too moves into the hole on the rail and moves fast.

Tidy too. Tidy too.

Come on, number six.

And sir rinos falls back.

Come on, come on, tidy too.

Come on, tidy too.

Come on, horsey!

Tidy too.

Come on, come on.

Come on, tidy too.

We won.

9,500 bucks... oh!

Here we go.

Chet, go get the money.

Yeah. Be right back.

Watch the camera.

Thank you.

Open the bag, honey. I've run out of pockets.

Look at the loot.

95 times to win, number four.

90...

91...

92...

93...

94...

95.

How soon can you make delivery

on something like that?

No, no, no. Not black.

It's got to be yellow with black upholstery.

Yeah. Wire wheels, dual exhausts,

continental kit- the works.

Right. And how much was it?

$11,000.

11 grand.

No, i'm not backing out.

I'm thinking about whether i want to get two or not.

Okay, you bring the papers around in the morning.

We'll settle the whole deal.

Right, no, no, no. I'll pay cash. Yeah.

That must be the waiter.

Are you finished with your snack, woodward, dear?

Yeah. That'll hold me till dinner.

Come in.

I came for the dishes, madam.

Right here.

Could you possibly bring us back

a couple bottles of champagne?

Yes, ma'am, i can.

Hey, put that down.

Oh, let him look at it.

Bet you never saw anything like that.

Mais non.

Most unusual, sir.

Isn't it, though?

You don't knowhowunusual.

But what do you do after your ten pictures?

Is there any other way to get more film?

We've only had it a little while.

What did you say?

What about ten pictures?

Well, the inscription reads, "dix a la proprietaire."

That means, "ten to an owner."

Well, i presume that means

you may only take ten.

So odd.

Yes, you see, the lettering...

yeah, okay, pierre.

Don't forget the champagne.

You're going to have to get it for her.

If we want anything else, we'll call you.

Okay, boy. Bye.

How many pictures did we take?

There was one of you.

One of woodward.

How many we take at the track?

Six... six races.

We've taken eight pictures.

There's only two left.

Ten.

How do we know that's what it means?

Some smart-aleck french waiter

tells us it means ten,

so we figure we've only got two left.

How does he know?

I bet we can take as many as we want.

We can't take any chances.

Yeah, she's right. You know what i think?

I think we ought to sell it.

Who's rattling your cage, ape?

It doesn't belong to you.

You're here on charity.

We're going out to the track tomorrow

and bet two more races.

Are you both crazy?

We got to hang on to it and save it.

No, we don't, we got to sell it.

You made me waste a picture.

Ooh, palpitations!

Palpitations.

Phony palpitations and a stupid brother!

I don't have to take that guff.

All right, all right.

Here, woodward, take a drink.

That's better.

She's screaming.

Why do you think she's screaming, woodward?

I'll tell you why she's screaming.

Because somebody's trying to do something to her husband.

Some stupid, no-good ex-con

who wants to get that camera and doesn't care how.

Don't!

Don't do it, chet.

Put that knife away.

Chester!

If she's screaming in that picture,

she's because somebody's trying to hurt her loving brother.

Boys! Woodward!

No, please.

Put it away or i'll take off your skin.

Please, don't.

Oh, chester.

Oh, my.

My husband... woodward.

I'll die.

There's nothing left for me.

Nothing.

However, we must muddle through these things.

We must live with tragedy.

Poor woodward. Poor chester.

One more picture left.

Ha!

For posterity, boys.

Simply for posterity.

May you both rest in peace.

What do you want?

Pardonnez-moi.

Madame, i understand

there is something in the way of laundry

that i should take.

You've got the wrong room.

There's no laundry here, jack.

In fact, i'm checking out.

So i understand, madame.

Your two friends, they already checked out.

What are you doing?!

I told you i was here to take the laundry.

I'm- how do you say? - cleaning you out.

Cleaning me out?

What do you think i'll be doing

while you do that?

Well, i'll cue you.

I'm going to be calling the cops.

The cops?

Oh, you mean the police?

Madame will forgive me

but, if you call the police,

madame will get herself into- how you say? -

one fantastic bind.

Now this here, this is- how you say? -

up for grabs.

Dear lady, i know all about you now.

I have done some checking.

Your husband, your brother and you,

you are wanted.

Now, as for the police,

i would advise you to get out while you can.

When they discover

what is down in the courtyard there,

they will be up here sans invitation.

Without invitation.

Uninvited.

You- how you say? - You dig?

Now, as to the laundry, this may be back by thursday

or maybe friday...

or maybe never.

But i'm not a hog.

This one, i will leave with you.

Sacre nom.

There is a picture of the courtyard down below,

but there are more than two bodies.

More than two bodies?

Yes, there are more than two bodies down there.

Just like the picture shows-

one, two, three...

four!

Object known as a camera-

vintage uncertain, origin unknown.

But, for the greedy, the avaricious, the fleet of foot

who can run a four-minute mile

so long as they're chasing a fast buck,

it makes believe that it's an ally, but it isn't at all.

It's a beckoning come-on

for a quick walk around the block in the twilight zone.

Rod serling, creator ofthe twilight zone,

will tell you about next week's story

after this word from our alternate sponsor.

And now, mr. Serling.

This may look to you

like any dismal, dark and dingy alley

that lies skulking off a million myriad shadow-places

off the main drags.

Actually, it's the private domain of leprechauns and elves,

and supplies the locale of next week'stwilight zone.

With us for a very special occasion is mr. Art carney,

who plays the role of a department store santa claus,

and he plays it with the heart, the warmth and the vast talent

that is uniquely carney.

Onthe twilight zonenext week, "the night of the meek."

Captioned by media access group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org

be sure and see the colgate-palmolive company's

new comedy show my sister eileen

wednesday night on many of these same stations.