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00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:03,280
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:04,180 --> 00:00:07,652
Margarita on the house
for the old married couple!
3
00:00:07,886 --> 00:00:09,284
Happy anniversary.
4
00:00:09,318 --> 00:00:10,619
I thank you.
5
00:00:10,903 --> 00:00:12,294
There. Excuse me.
6
00:00:13,351 --> 00:00:17,298
This is our 45th anniversary,
and, uh, I get to talk.
7
00:00:17,745 --> 00:00:20,234
She's finally coming out of
her shell. Quiet, everybody.
8
00:00:20,796 --> 00:00:21,876
Shh.
9
00:00:22,118 --> 00:00:23,265
Now, we're not gonna sit here
10
00:00:23,299 --> 00:00:25,173
and tell you guys how great we are.
11
00:00:25,174 --> 00:00:26,380
You're gonna do it!
12
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:28,712
I want somebody to make a toast.
13
00:00:28,713 --> 00:00:29,679
I'll do it.
14
00:00:29,715 --> 00:00:32,071
Oh, pipe down, everyone.
Forrest Gump's talking.
15
00:00:33,694 --> 00:00:35,386
I just wanna say how amazing it is
16
00:00:35,420 --> 00:00:37,488
to see a marriage that lasts 45 years.
17
00:00:37,740 --> 00:00:40,213
And, Mom and Dad, you set a
great example for all of us,
18
00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:42,048
and it's a pretty high bar.
19
00:00:42,082 --> 00:00:44,017
I mean, Darlene couldn't get over it,
20
00:00:44,051 --> 00:00:45,421
and Becky's stuck under it,
21
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:48,154
and my marriage is...
It's not really a picnic.
22
00:00:48,189 --> 00:00:49,213
I mean, my w...
23
00:00:50,966 --> 00:00:52,154
Thank you!
24
00:00:52,904 --> 00:00:55,099
Anyway, Mom and Dad, happy 45th.
25
00:00:56,166 --> 00:00:58,631
Oh, Becky, since you're our
waitress for this evening,
26
00:00:58,666 --> 00:01:01,201
do you guys have any special
anniversary song here?
27
00:01:01,614 --> 00:01:03,782
Nice try. We only do birthdays.
28
00:01:03,935 --> 00:01:06,456
- What a coincidence.
- Don't do it.
29
00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:08,553
It's my birthday today!
30
00:01:08,588 --> 00:01:10,088
Yay!
31
00:01:10,122 --> 00:01:12,724
Hey, everybody! It's Darlene's birthday!
32
00:01:12,758 --> 00:01:14,332
She's 60!
33
00:01:16,262 --> 00:01:19,764
♪ Feliz cumpleaños a ti ♪
34
00:01:19,799 --> 00:01:23,016
♪ Feliz cumpleaños a ti ♪
35
00:01:23,669 --> 00:01:25,203
♪ Feliz cumpleaños ♪
36
00:01:25,237 --> 00:01:27,072
♪ A Darlene ♪
37
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,239
♪ IFeliz cumpleaños a ti! ♪
38
00:01:31,944 --> 00:01:34,736
Ay-yi-yi-yi-
yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.
39
00:01:34,737 --> 00:01:35,843
Thank you!
40
00:01:36,026 --> 00:01:37,068
Ah.
41
00:01:37,089 --> 00:01:39,749
So, are you guys doing anything
special for your anniversary?
42
00:01:39,774 --> 00:01:40,874
You got to do something.
43
00:01:40,908 --> 00:01:43,443
45 years... I mean, people
get less than that for murder.
44
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,176
Oh, got it!
45
00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:55,355
Wait, do you guys get
points on your credit card?
46
00:01:55,389 --> 00:01:57,518
We get threats. Is that the same thing?
47
00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:00,660
No, you get points
for every dollar that you spend.
48
00:02:00,695 --> 00:02:01,728
It's like a reward.
49
00:02:01,762 --> 00:02:04,531
You can use 'em for, like,
travel or to buy things.
50
00:02:04,565 --> 00:02:06,766
Yeah, you can stay
- at some nice hotel in the city
51
00:02:06,801 --> 00:02:07,906
for your anniversary.
52
00:02:08,575 --> 00:02:09,951
Put in your password, Dad.
53
00:02:10,135 --> 00:02:12,183
Let's see how many points we have.
54
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,174
Well, this is the credit card we used
55
00:02:14,208 --> 00:02:15,976
to pay off - all the other credit cards,
56
00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,549
so we probably got a bunch.
57
00:02:18,446 --> 00:02:20,824
We got enough for one night
58
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,731
at the Radford Suites,
59
00:02:22,732 --> 00:02:24,733
with points left over for...
60
00:02:25,701 --> 00:02:28,236
H-Hold me, Mama, 'cause I'm fit to bust...
61
00:02:28,270 --> 00:02:29,942
A Honey Baked ham!
62
00:02:31,375 --> 00:02:33,308
Did I mention the hotel has a pool?
63
00:02:33,648 --> 00:02:35,210
Like if you had a ham and a room,
64
00:02:35,244 --> 00:02:37,301
you'd ever come out of there to swim.
65
00:02:40,216 --> 00:02:42,183
All right. I'm booking it.
66
00:02:42,218 --> 00:02:44,352
And, as my anniversary present to you guys,
67
00:02:44,387 --> 00:02:45,473
I'll babysit the kids.
68
00:02:45,727 --> 00:02:48,273
It's not babysitting when they're yours!
69
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:56,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
70
00:03:27,377 --> 00:03:30,942
"Roseanne" is recorded live
in front of a studio audience.
71
00:03:31,013 --> 00:03:32,705
Right, we'll be there at 3:00.
72
00:03:32,975 --> 00:03:34,509
And it's our anniversary,
73
00:03:34,543 --> 00:03:37,185
so I really want this to be special.
74
00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:41,132
I want to reserve the
biggest, nicest one you got.
75
00:03:41,829 --> 00:03:43,530
Just like we had on our wedding night.
76
00:03:43,564 --> 00:03:44,864
Is that the hotel?
77
00:03:44,899 --> 00:03:46,465
No, it's the ham people.
78
00:03:46,637 --> 00:03:47,695
Oh.
79
00:03:48,254 --> 00:03:49,935
We're picking one up on the way.
80
00:03:50,593 --> 00:03:52,173
Thank you. Thank...
81
00:03:52,987 --> 00:03:55,026
You have a Honey Baked day, too.
82
00:03:57,285 --> 00:03:59,107
Hey, we got a problem.
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00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:01,543
Two, if you don't think
leftover Chinese food
84
00:04:01,577 --> 00:04:02,775
belongs in an omelette.
85
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,368
My knee is killing me,
86
00:04:05,393 --> 00:04:07,483
and a bunch of my pain pills are missing.
87
00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:09,747
This thing was, like, half full.
88
00:04:10,271 --> 00:04:11,538
How many did you take?
89
00:04:11,572 --> 00:04:13,081
Just a couple for my back.
90
00:04:13,534 --> 00:04:15,475
Are you sure you didn't
take more than you thought?
91
00:04:15,509 --> 00:04:17,611
If I was taking handsful of these pills,
92
00:04:17,645 --> 00:04:19,233
I'd be in a way better mood.
93
00:04:20,875 --> 00:04:24,011
Have you noticed me in
a way better mood, Dan?
94
00:04:25,011 --> 00:04:26,152
The only thing I've noticed
95
00:04:26,187 --> 00:04:28,053
is that I love you more every day.
96
00:04:29,692 --> 00:04:30,779
Sir.
97
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,060
Well, somebody must have taken 'em,
98
00:04:34,095 --> 00:04:35,629
so we have to find out who it was.
99
00:04:35,663 --> 00:04:38,565
We have a serious opioid
problem in this country.
100
00:04:38,599 --> 00:04:41,161
Let's examine who else had access
101
00:04:41,310 --> 00:04:42,923
to the narcotics!
102
00:04:44,605 --> 00:04:46,315
Everybody in this house.
103
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:49,643
You know, back in the day,
I busted up a hashish ring
104
00:04:49,677 --> 00:04:52,331
in the... in the Model U.N.
105
00:04:52,644 --> 00:04:54,014
down at the junior high.
106
00:04:55,307 --> 00:04:56,513
It was Luxembourg.
107
00:04:57,316 --> 00:04:59,817
It's always Luxembourg.
108
00:05:01,517 --> 00:05:02,747
Darlene!
109
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:04,656
Good morning.
110
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,974
What brings you to the kitchen?
111
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,269
I was following a rainbow.
112
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,514
Uh, I just came down for coffee.
113
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,537
Mm. Interesting. Because you're groggy?
114
00:05:17,058 --> 00:05:19,037
Unable to deal with the real world?
115
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:22,068
Oh, my God. Are you selling vitamins again?
116
00:05:24,175 --> 00:05:26,206
Some of your mom's pain pills are missing.
117
00:05:26,256 --> 00:05:27,960
Oh, well, I don't take pills of any kind.
118
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,295
I don't like to feel out of control,
119
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,524
or I can't manage my multinational empire.
120
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:35,134
How come there's sweet-and-sour
shrimp in the eggs?
121
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:37,570
You know, I don't think
I've noticed before...
122
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:40,052
Are you wearing eyelash extensions?
123
00:05:40,053 --> 00:05:42,130
I literally can't even afford ChapStick.
124
00:05:42,155 --> 00:05:43,155
Oh.
125
00:05:43,189 --> 00:05:46,125
Because your natural lashes are fantastic.
126
00:05:46,159 --> 00:05:47,660
Open up your eyes real wide.
127
00:05:49,529 --> 00:05:52,331
Hmm. No slurred speech or pinpoint pupils.
128
00:05:52,365 --> 00:05:53,465
Mom, what is this?
129
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:54,729
She's clean!
130
00:05:56,783 --> 00:05:59,271
We're never gonna find out
anything like this, Rose.
131
00:05:59,305 --> 00:06:01,707
There's been a ton of
people through this house.
132
00:06:02,025 --> 00:06:04,484
Let's just hide the pills in a safer place.
133
00:06:04,554 --> 00:06:06,486
Well, that doesn't solve my problem.
134
00:06:06,708 --> 00:06:09,811
I can't get a damn
refill for two more weeks,
135
00:06:09,845 --> 00:06:12,617
and my knee is holding a gun to my head.
136
00:06:12,618 --> 00:06:14,248
Well, I could go to my doctor
137
00:06:14,283 --> 00:06:16,035
and tell him my back's flared up again.
138
00:06:16,036 --> 00:06:17,968
That's so sweet.
139
00:06:19,038 --> 00:06:22,618
Tonight I'm gonna give your
back a reason to flare up.
140
00:06:25,544 --> 00:06:27,156
Zut alors!
141
00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:33,521
Hey, Crystal.
142
00:06:33,522 --> 00:06:34,822
Hey!
143
00:06:39,318 --> 00:06:41,041
Hey, everybody.
144
00:06:41,042 --> 00:06:42,876
Guess what today is.
145
00:06:43,027 --> 00:06:44,695
A fundraiser for your dignity?
146
00:06:45,441 --> 00:06:47,531
No, no, no. You're such a stitch.
147
00:06:47,709 --> 00:06:50,778
It's my last day before I retire!
148
00:06:50,812 --> 00:06:52,813
All right!
149
00:06:52,848 --> 00:06:54,485
It's about time.
150
00:06:54,683 --> 00:06:58,352
You've been working that
saloon since when, 1865?
151
00:06:59,154 --> 00:07:00,621
Give her a break, Roseanne.
152
00:07:00,817 --> 00:07:02,852
There's a cattle drive
a-comin' through town,
153
00:07:02,886 --> 00:07:04,854
and Miss Kitty wants her
to be real friendly-like
154
00:07:04,888 --> 00:07:06,298
to all the cowpokes.
155
00:07:06,757 --> 00:07:09,325
Laugh all you want, but
I'm about to start living
156
00:07:09,359 --> 00:07:10,531
the best years of my life.
157
00:07:10,532 --> 00:07:13,668
I'm retiring from the
casino with full benefits!
158
00:07:13,820 --> 00:07:16,641
- Full benefits?
- That's amazing, Crystal.
159
00:07:16,666 --> 00:07:18,390
No one has that nowadays.
160
00:07:19,368 --> 00:07:22,327
I brought you champagne for tonight.
161
00:07:22,362 --> 00:07:23,695
Hey, Crystal.
162
00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:26,665
Uh, I didn't know exactly when
the women's movement would end,
163
00:07:26,699 --> 00:07:28,840
but now seems like a
pretty good time to call it.
164
00:07:30,612 --> 00:07:32,947
Hey, Darlene, you still looking for work?
165
00:07:33,049 --> 00:07:36,141
'Cause if I recommend you for
my job, you're as good as in.
166
00:07:36,176 --> 00:07:37,843
Aw, that's really sweet, Crystal.
167
00:07:37,877 --> 00:07:41,413
Did I mention the benefits
package includes mental health?
168
00:07:41,447 --> 00:07:43,419
I just found out I hate my mother.
169
00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:46,354
Which is really weird
because I love my mother.
170
00:07:48,348 --> 00:07:50,426
Wait, you have full benefits?
171
00:07:50,987 --> 00:07:52,861
If you don't want it,
Darlene, I'll take it.
172
00:07:53,946 --> 00:07:55,546
Um, you know what?
173
00:07:55,582 --> 00:07:58,918
I-I appreciate the offer,
but it's not really my thing,
174
00:07:58,952 --> 00:08:00,185
so go for it, Beck.
175
00:08:00,418 --> 00:08:02,721
If you don't feel like you're
betraying your Mexican heritage.
176
00:08:07,067 --> 00:08:09,596
Are you sure you want
to turn that job down?
177
00:08:09,621 --> 00:08:11,890
For full dental and medical,
I'd wear that dress.
178
00:08:13,222 --> 00:08:14,812
Oh, well, you got to that pretty quick.
179
00:08:14,813 --> 00:08:16,198
Anything you want to tell me, Dad?
180
00:08:16,885 --> 00:08:18,448
I gotta be honest, Darlene,
181
00:08:18,483 --> 00:08:21,368
I don't know how you can pass
on a job with full benefits.
182
00:08:21,886 --> 00:08:23,787
Uh, I have some pretty good reasons.
183
00:08:23,821 --> 00:08:26,052
Shall we start with the
riverboat-whore vibe?
184
00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:30,436
Hey, you know who wasn'ttoo good to wear that dress?
185
00:08:30,893 --> 00:08:32,786
One Mr. Bugs Bunny.
186
00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:36,707
Dad, I still want to be a writer.
187
00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:39,566
I mean, I've gone from
novels to textbooks to menus.
188
00:08:39,567 --> 00:08:42,469
If I take this waitress job,
I'm just giving up completely.
189
00:08:42,636 --> 00:08:44,953
What are you gonna do if your
kids get sick, write about it?
190
00:08:44,978 --> 00:08:46,821
Well, we managed so far.
191
00:08:46,846 --> 00:08:49,981
You've been lucky. One
emergency can wipe you out.
192
00:08:50,015 --> 00:08:52,150
You know what I'd give right
now to have full coverage
193
00:08:52,184 --> 00:08:53,476
for your mother's knee?
194
00:08:54,018 --> 00:08:55,854
Sometimes you just gotta suck it up
195
00:08:55,888 --> 00:08:57,322
and put your family first.
196
00:08:58,557 --> 00:09:00,606
Okay. You made your point.
197
00:09:01,576 --> 00:09:02,592
Good.
198
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:06,030
I know a little bit about
how this world works.
199
00:09:07,219 --> 00:09:08,552
Now, if you'll excuse me,
200
00:09:08,587 --> 00:09:10,354
I got to go jam a sleep-apnea mask
201
00:09:10,389 --> 00:09:12,562
and a seven-pound ham
into an overnight bag.
202
00:09:18,872 --> 00:09:20,081
Good evening.
203
00:09:20,725 --> 00:09:21,908
Checking in.
204
00:09:21,942 --> 00:09:22,942
Points?
205
00:09:25,846 --> 00:09:26,813
Last name?
206
00:09:26,847 --> 00:09:27,868
Hilton.
207
00:09:28,782 --> 00:09:30,316
Staying under the name Conner.
208
00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:33,377
Perfect. I have you right here.
209
00:09:34,121 --> 00:09:36,768
We have a superior deluxe room with a view.
210
00:09:36,769 --> 00:09:38,670
Ooh! Were we upgraded?
211
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:39,805
Oh, no, sir.
212
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:42,584
"Superior deluxe" is our lowest level room.
213
00:09:43,413 --> 00:09:44,776
You have a mini-bar,
214
00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:48,380
and you also have 24-hour
access to our business center.
215
00:09:48,414 --> 00:09:50,849
Oh, great. I can't wait
'til we're checked in, Dan,
216
00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:53,916
so we can get down there
to the business center.
217
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,507
Capital idea.
218
00:09:56,042 --> 00:09:59,874
I need to fax a copy of my ass
to our associates in Singapore.
219
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:06,131
If I could just get
- a credit card for incidentals?
220
00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:07,548
For who?
221
00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:11,202
The points cover the room,
but the card is in case
222
00:10:11,227 --> 00:10:15,006
you want to order room
service or purchase a movie.
223
00:10:15,007 --> 00:10:18,654
Oh, sure. I-I guess...
I'll just use this one.
224
00:10:19,905 --> 00:10:21,804
Our platinum card's in the shop.
225
00:10:22,448 --> 00:10:23,515
Okay.
226
00:10:25,618 --> 00:10:27,383
Do I smell ham?
227
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:31,829
Hm.
228
00:10:32,258 --> 00:10:34,954
I'm sorry, sir. This card was declined.
229
00:10:34,979 --> 00:10:36,453
Would you like to try another one?
230
00:10:36,695 --> 00:10:37,929
Uh, listen here, my good man,
231
00:10:37,963 --> 00:10:39,697
we won't be getting any incidents,
232
00:10:39,732 --> 00:10:42,116
so you can just skip that part.
233
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:43,501
Oh, I'm sorry.
234
00:10:43,536 --> 00:10:46,623
I-I can't check you in
without a credit card.
235
00:10:46,929 --> 00:10:49,607
It's just the policy of the hotel.
236
00:10:49,642 --> 00:10:51,706
And every hotel in the world.
237
00:10:53,234 --> 00:10:54,913
What the hell's this country coming to
238
00:10:54,947 --> 00:10:57,199
when you need money to get free stuff?
239
00:10:58,300 --> 00:10:59,495
Let me tell ya something,
240
00:10:59,496 --> 00:11:01,379
I don't even want to stay here now.
241
00:11:01,784 --> 00:11:03,259
I just want to go home.
242
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:05,363
And if you saw where we live,
243
00:11:05,388 --> 00:11:07,890
you would know what an
insult that is.
244
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,665
Look at this.
245
00:11:12,642 --> 00:11:14,357
This is not who I am.
246
00:11:18,254 --> 00:11:20,070
It's what you've made me!
247
00:11:24,783 --> 00:11:26,552
You know, screw that hotel.
248
00:11:27,023 --> 00:11:29,658
The two most important
things about our anniversary
249
00:11:29,692 --> 00:11:30,762
are right here.
250
00:11:30,903 --> 00:11:32,567
What, me and ham?
251
00:11:34,441 --> 00:11:35,740
I was gonna say "liquor and ham,"
252
00:11:35,774 --> 00:11:37,207
but I'm glad you joined us.
253
00:11:38,855 --> 00:11:40,178
And now...
254
00:11:43,215 --> 00:11:44,637
Mexican champagne.
255
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:46,539
Ooh!
256
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:49,612
It's pink. I guess that's the salsa.
257
00:11:52,472 --> 00:11:53,843
Does Madame approve?
258
00:11:53,868 --> 00:11:56,074
Hells, yeah, Madame does!
259
00:11:58,114 --> 00:12:01,183
To the woman who makes it a pleasure
260
00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:02,876
to wake up every morning.
261
00:12:04,216 --> 00:12:06,059
Here's to you, Little Debbie.
262
00:12:09,168 --> 00:12:10,860
- Yes!
- Who wants whipped cream?
263
00:12:10,861 --> 00:12:11,887
Me.
264
00:12:11,995 --> 00:12:14,009
Where are my baby birds?
265
00:12:23,152 --> 00:12:24,653
Just for the kids.
266
00:12:28,345 --> 00:12:29,812
Hey, look.
267
00:12:29,846 --> 00:12:32,283
When you connect the dots,
it makes a giant bean.
268
00:12:32,449 --> 00:12:34,715
You couldn't tell that
without connecting the dots?
269
00:12:38,547 --> 00:12:40,923
- Hey, chica.
- Hey, gringa.
270
00:12:41,992 --> 00:12:45,389
So, while I have you
alone for a minute, um...
271
00:12:45,996 --> 00:12:47,742
I've really been thinking about it,
272
00:12:47,743 --> 00:12:50,544
and I'd be pretty irresponsible
not to go after that job.
273
00:12:51,593 --> 00:12:53,038
It doesn't work like that.
274
00:12:53,483 --> 00:12:55,617
You can't say
- you don't want a job one day
275
00:12:55,652 --> 00:12:57,753
and then turn around and say you want it.
276
00:12:57,895 --> 00:12:59,879
Well, I see you're
well-versed in labor law.
277
00:13:00,588 --> 00:13:02,453
I don't have any other options.
278
00:13:04,232 --> 00:13:06,787
You don't need this job.
You have a college degree.
279
00:13:07,183 --> 00:13:09,885
Well, unfortunately,
Walmart has no more openings
280
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,854
in their English Lit department.
281
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:15,830
You still have a better chance of
finding something than I do.
282
00:13:15,831 --> 00:13:18,160
I don't know what to say,
Becky. I'm not doing this for me.
283
00:13:18,194 --> 00:13:19,661
My kids need medical and dental.
284
00:13:19,696 --> 00:13:20,929
Don't you want them to have that?
285
00:13:20,964 --> 00:13:22,264
So because you have kids,
286
00:13:22,298 --> 00:13:24,673
my problems will never
be as important as yours?
287
00:13:24,674 --> 00:13:25,734
Oh, you're right.
288
00:13:25,768 --> 00:13:27,827
Us single moms have had
it too easy for too long.
289
00:13:27,882 --> 00:13:29,716
Uh, you might want to get back there.
290
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:32,218
Harris found some dirty
phrases in the word search,
291
00:13:32,253 --> 00:13:34,714
and now the little ones
are asking questions.
292
00:13:48,785 --> 00:13:51,423
Hey, my turn to spin the bottle now.
293
00:13:51,906 --> 00:13:52,881
Okay.
294
00:13:54,141 --> 00:13:55,175
Ohh!
295
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:56,676
Oh!
296
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,745
You got to kiss the ham.
297
00:14:00,948 --> 00:14:02,382
I've kissed worse.
298
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:08,487
Mmm! Oohmm!
299
00:14:14,578 --> 00:14:16,186
What's so funny?
300
00:14:18,499 --> 00:14:20,367
Oh!
301
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:24,186
"Ham" is spelled the same
way frontward and backward.
302
00:14:25,506 --> 00:14:27,207
Wow.
303
00:14:27,331 --> 00:14:30,110
Methinks the lady hath been overserved.
304
00:14:34,849 --> 00:14:35,929
Arf!
305
00:14:39,353 --> 00:14:41,398
Are you growling at me?
306
00:14:41,598 --> 00:14:42,722
Ruff!
307
00:14:42,879 --> 00:14:43,987
I see how this is.
308
00:14:44,012 --> 00:14:46,197
It's time to take this
party to the bedroom.
309
00:14:47,986 --> 00:14:49,070
Arf!
310
00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:51,356
Down, girl.
311
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:52,791
Ham!
312
00:14:54,148 --> 00:14:55,156
Oh!
313
00:14:56,492 --> 00:14:57,625
I gotta tell you,
314
00:14:57,660 --> 00:14:59,987
I don't even recognize what
it is we're doing anymore.
315
00:15:01,637 --> 00:15:02,991
What the hell, Rose?
316
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:05,637
You only had a couple of drinks.
317
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,452
Well, it's not my fault.
318
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,310
The champagne on the Vicodin should say
319
00:15:12,524 --> 00:15:14,212
"Do not take with label."
320
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:19,457
But the good news is my knees are gone!
321
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:23,888
How could you possibly
have taken more Vicodin?
322
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,857
I didn't even get the prescription yet.
323
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:27,334
Well, you better get on it,
324
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:31,145
because my secret bottles are running low.
325
00:15:34,461 --> 00:15:36,532
Hey, you look like my husband.
326
00:15:43,726 --> 00:15:44,757
Hi.
327
00:15:44,758 --> 00:15:46,692
Busy. Can't talk now.
328
00:15:46,726 --> 00:15:49,244
I got an 8% tip riding on this.
329
00:15:50,564 --> 00:15:51,565
Wait.
330
00:15:51,824 --> 00:15:53,241
Crystal called me.
331
00:15:54,056 --> 00:15:56,157
Thank you so much for
not going after that job.
332
00:15:56,192 --> 00:15:57,687
You don't have to thank me.
333
00:15:58,027 --> 00:15:59,661
I didn't want to leave here anyway.
334
00:16:00,062 --> 00:16:02,155
We just got cream-filled churros.
335
00:16:04,238 --> 00:16:05,942
It's an exciting time.
336
00:16:08,996 --> 00:16:11,898
Okay. Um... I won't thank you.
337
00:16:11,932 --> 00:16:13,800
But I will give you a gift.
338
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:16,338
Brochures? Thanks!
339
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:18,004
I've seen these at the bank,
340
00:16:18,038 --> 00:16:19,973
but I never dreamed of owning one.
341
00:16:20,468 --> 00:16:22,081
Just read it, dork.
342
00:16:22,350 --> 00:16:24,932
There's a program in hotel
and restaurant management
343
00:16:24,933 --> 00:16:26,901
at U of I, St. Charles,
and I checked into it.
344
00:16:27,149 --> 00:16:28,816
You qualify for a state grant
345
00:16:28,851 --> 00:16:30,351
because, luckily, you're poor and old.
346
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,655
I work full time. I don't
have time to go to school.
347
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,838
But they have night classes,
or you can do it online.
348
00:16:37,426 --> 00:16:40,624
Come on, Becky. You were
always so great in school.
349
00:16:40,996 --> 00:16:42,640
I'm 43 years old.
350
00:16:42,892 --> 00:16:44,927
Okay, so in two years,
351
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,795
you can be a 45-year-old
waitress hustling for tips
352
00:16:48,035 --> 00:16:50,236
or you can be a
45-year-old with a degree
353
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,238
pulling down almost six figures a year.
354
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,974
And look, between classes,
you can sit under a tree
355
00:16:55,008 --> 00:16:56,944
and play guitar with one
friend of every color.
356
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:01,177
I gotta get back to work.
357
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:02,872
I'll think about it.
358
00:17:02,908 --> 00:17:03,874
Okay.
359
00:17:03,909 --> 00:17:04,959
Okay.
360
00:17:09,545 --> 00:17:10,645
Thank you.
361
00:17:12,227 --> 00:17:14,906
All right, I think I have
one more thing to show you.
362
00:17:15,926 --> 00:17:18,821
I know you gave up a lot for me, so...
363
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,427
I feel I owe you this.
364
00:17:31,870 --> 00:17:33,080
Good morning.
365
00:17:33,405 --> 00:17:34,906
Afternoon, actually.
366
00:17:36,108 --> 00:17:37,209
You okay?
367
00:17:37,609 --> 00:17:39,176
My mouth hurts.
368
00:17:39,487 --> 00:17:41,767
That's because the
tug-of-war over the ham bone
369
00:17:41,768 --> 00:17:42,947
took 20 minutes.
370
00:17:43,906 --> 00:17:45,102
When did that happen?
371
00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:47,037
Right after you tried to eat my pants.
372
00:17:49,207 --> 00:17:50,454
Let's talk.
373
00:17:50,579 --> 00:17:53,316
Not until I get a pill. I'm hurtin'.
374
00:17:53,341 --> 00:17:54,472
You want pills?
375
00:17:56,293 --> 00:17:57,493
I got pills.
376
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:00,963
Wow.
377
00:18:00,998 --> 00:18:02,747
That's a lot of pills, Dan.
378
00:18:03,439 --> 00:18:05,120
I think you might have a problem.
379
00:18:06,371 --> 00:18:07,803
I do have a problem.
380
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:09,872
I found these pills
hidden all over the house.
381
00:18:09,907 --> 00:18:12,108
Why don't you tell me how
big of a problem I have?
382
00:18:12,142 --> 00:18:15,378
Well, you already admitted
you have a problem,
383
00:18:15,412 --> 00:18:17,146
so that's your first step.
384
00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:18,981
So now you should go find a meeting.
385
00:18:19,261 --> 00:18:20,279
Roseanne.
386
00:18:20,455 --> 00:18:22,785
Okay, I'm in pain,
387
00:18:22,819 --> 00:18:24,820
so I take a few extra pills.
388
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:26,781
It's not like I'm a drug addict.
389
00:18:26,782 --> 00:18:27,785
Really?
390
00:18:28,135 --> 00:18:29,765
Who's Billy Kreski?
391
00:18:31,473 --> 00:18:33,272
His mom gave those to me.
392
00:18:33,443 --> 00:18:35,736
He got 'em when he got
his wisdom teeth out.
393
00:18:35,761 --> 00:18:36,899
If it wasn't for me,
394
00:18:36,924 --> 00:18:38,990
the kid might've got hooked on pain pills.
395
00:18:40,127 --> 00:18:41,759
You're hoarding pills,
396
00:18:41,898 --> 00:18:43,624
you sent me out for more,
397
00:18:43,829 --> 00:18:45,763
you blamed the kids... All lies.
398
00:18:45,797 --> 00:18:47,392
45 years of marriage,
399
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,259
you've never lied to me like this before.
400
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:50,260
Or have you?
401
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:51,263
No.
402
00:18:53,161 --> 00:18:54,598
I just didn't say anything
403
00:18:54,632 --> 00:18:56,366
because we can't afford the surgery.
404
00:18:56,391 --> 00:18:57,601
And I got these pills
405
00:18:57,635 --> 00:19:00,186
'cause I'm gonna be dealing
with this for a long time.
406
00:19:00,841 --> 00:19:03,142
You don't have any idea how bad it hurts.
407
00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:04,977
Yeah, I do. I got a bad back.
408
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:06,317
And when your back goes out,
409
00:19:06,342 --> 00:19:07,936
you lay on the couch for two weeks,
410
00:19:07,948 --> 00:19:09,428
and I wait on you hand and foot.
411
00:19:09,429 --> 00:19:11,384
You know what happens when my knee hurts?
412
00:19:11,419 --> 00:19:14,387
I do the cleaning,
- the shopping, the cooking...
413
00:19:14,422 --> 00:19:15,780
Fine! I'll do all that.
414
00:19:15,781 --> 00:19:17,424
Just show me where the water bucket is
415
00:19:17,458 --> 00:19:19,085
and the sponge on the stick thingy.
416
00:19:20,554 --> 00:19:21,845
I'll cut back.
417
00:19:21,846 --> 00:19:22,952
No, you won't.
418
00:19:23,464 --> 00:19:25,465
You're taking these for more than pain.
419
00:19:27,685 --> 00:19:28,918
Book the surgery.
420
00:19:30,313 --> 00:19:33,757
Where are we gonna get
$3,000 for the deductible?
421
00:19:33,791 --> 00:19:35,393
Look, if it's between you OD-ing
422
00:19:35,418 --> 00:19:37,914
and me coming up with the
money, I'll figure out something.
423
00:19:38,111 --> 00:19:41,266
In the meantime, I'll give you one pill
424
00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:45,851
"every six to eight hours
for post-operative pain."
425
00:19:46,410 --> 00:19:49,772
What the hell? Are You sure Marcy
Bellinger doesn't need these?
426
00:19:51,338 --> 00:19:54,408
When you get new boobs,
compliments should be enough.
427
00:19:56,752 --> 00:19:58,268
I got to take a walk.
428
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,666
I know you can do this.
429
00:20:15,893 --> 00:20:17,049
Ohh.
430
00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:21,952
Oh, boy.
431
00:20:47,698 --> 00:20:49,348
Here's your Crown and diet, ma'am.
432
00:20:52,762 --> 00:20:54,663
Thanks, drank skank.
433
00:20:55,601 --> 00:20:57,904
Ooh, you forgot my lemon.
434
00:20:58,097 --> 00:20:59,631
Would you be a dear?
435
00:20:59,656 --> 00:21:01,054
When I get back with a lemon,
436
00:21:01,088 --> 00:21:02,589
are you gonna ask me to bring you a lime?
437
00:21:02,623 --> 00:21:04,206
I wouldn't want to have to tell the manager
438
00:21:04,207 --> 00:21:07,240
you mistreated me on my... birthday.
439
00:21:08,751 --> 00:21:09,985
I'll be right back.
440
00:21:14,667 --> 00:21:15,971
Excuse me, sir.
441
00:21:16,819 --> 00:21:19,621
That blonde over there asked
me to give you her number,
442
00:21:19,656 --> 00:21:22,012
and she loves when guys send pics.
443
00:21:22,916 --> 00:21:24,817
There you go. Good luck.
444
00:21:27,390 --> 00:21:29,812
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
444
00:21:30,305 --> 00:21:36,438
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