Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,701 --> 00:00:05,301
It's daytime, people!
2
00:00:05,370 --> 00:00:06,736
Rise and shine.
3
00:00:09,741 --> 00:00:12,903
No, no, everybody, I got this.
4
00:00:13,144 --> 00:00:15,077
I have a few years left to live,
5
00:00:15,146 --> 00:00:17,947
and this is exactly how I want to spend it.
6
00:00:19,217 --> 00:00:21,918
What is this, Courtyard by Marriott?
7
00:00:23,121 --> 00:00:25,087
Housekeeping!
8
00:00:27,692 --> 00:00:29,816
Oh... I'm sorry.
9
00:00:30,246 --> 00:00:31,496
Were you sleeping?
10
00:00:31,981 --> 00:00:33,013
Uh, what's up?
11
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,915
You guys are slobs, and I'm sick of it.
12
00:00:35,565 --> 00:00:37,219
You know,
I don't know how you're so cheerful
13
00:00:37,220 --> 00:00:39,241
first thing in the morning.
I always need coffee.
14
00:00:40,256 --> 00:00:41,354
No, I'm serious.
15
00:00:41,423 --> 00:00:43,330
You got to make your kids pick up.
16
00:00:43,525 --> 00:00:45,391
I don't want to be the disciplinarian.
17
00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:46,959
I want to be the fun grandma
18
00:00:46,984 --> 00:00:48,371
who gives them too much sugar
19
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:50,818
and teaches them to gamble and stuff.
20
00:00:51,706 --> 00:00:53,348
Ma, it's not Mark, it's Harris.
21
00:00:53,373 --> 00:00:54,966
She's all over the place right now because
22
00:00:54,991 --> 00:00:56,398
she just started a business on Etsy.
23
00:00:56,476 --> 00:00:57,476
What's Etsy?
24
00:00:57,544 --> 00:00:59,377
It's like a yard sale except online
25
00:00:59,446 --> 00:01:01,339
because nobody can afford a yard anymore.
26
00:01:01,782 --> 00:01:02,847
She sells used clothes.
27
00:01:02,916 --> 00:01:04,916
Apparently, it's cool to look poor now.
28
00:01:06,186 --> 00:01:07,919
Yeah, it's all fun and games
29
00:01:07,988 --> 00:01:10,555
'til you're reusing your diabetes needles.
30
00:01:12,856 --> 00:01:13,918
Enjoy.
31
00:01:44,992 --> 00:01:47,892
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:53,171 --> 00:01:55,204
"Roseanne"
is taped in front of a live audience.
33
00:01:56,441 --> 00:01:57,694
There's my Uber gal.
34
00:01:58,710 --> 00:02:01,377
How was your day of picking up
perfect strangers for money?
35
00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:05,548
Fine, but every time I stepped
on the brake,
36
00:02:05,650 --> 00:02:07,010
it killed my knee.
37
00:02:07,452 --> 00:02:10,486
I had this one guy who
actually wanted me to stop
38
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,788
at every single stop sign.
39
00:02:15,037 --> 00:02:17,304
Hey! Have you seen my ice pack?
40
00:02:17,406 --> 00:02:20,841
No, but I've got something
way better to show you.
41
00:02:21,844 --> 00:02:24,945
Whoa, you're really phoning
in the foreplay these days.
42
00:02:26,115 --> 00:02:28,823
Come with me, and prepare to be overjoyed.
43
00:02:30,619 --> 00:02:32,853
Could it be I'm getting a spanking
44
00:02:32,955 --> 00:02:35,422
from Mr. Wayne Newton?
45
00:02:36,792 --> 00:02:39,459
Kiss that old ice pack goodbye
and say hello
46
00:02:39,562 --> 00:02:42,905
to the superior styling and
customized craftsmanship
47
00:02:43,165 --> 00:02:46,436
of the whisper-quiet EasyClimb 5000.
48
00:02:47,836 --> 00:02:48,936
No.
49
00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:50,671
I finally got it working.
50
00:02:50,773 --> 00:02:52,706
No, I already told you, I'm not using it.
51
00:02:52,731 --> 00:02:53,864
Those are for old people.
52
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,175
Yeah, for old husbands
53
00:02:55,277 --> 00:02:56,843
who are tired of running up and down stairs
54
00:02:56,868 --> 00:02:58,534
for their hot, young wives.
55
00:02:59,139 --> 00:03:01,592
Come on, just until your knee gets better.
56
00:03:01,617 --> 00:03:03,417
No. We can't afford that anyway.
57
00:03:03,485 --> 00:03:05,405
Take it where you got it
and get your money back.
58
00:03:05,454 --> 00:03:06,486
I can't.
59
00:03:06,555 --> 00:03:08,188
I got it for the very reasonable price
60
00:03:08,257 --> 00:03:10,824
of "our neighbor died,
and they're tearing down his house."
61
00:03:13,629 --> 00:03:16,163
So, you just went over to his house
and stole it?
62
00:03:16,232 --> 00:03:17,765
No!
63
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,374
I went over to his house to
steal his copper plumbing.
64
00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:21,976
This bad boy was a bonus.
65
00:03:24,013 --> 00:03:25,479
I'm going out. See you later.
66
00:03:25,548 --> 00:03:26,781
Oh, and, Granny Rose,
67
00:03:26,883 --> 00:03:28,582
your ice pack is in my room somewhere.
68
00:03:28,651 --> 00:03:29,917
I used it to keep my smoothie cold.
69
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:32,196
Sorry, it's a little sticky. Bye!
70
00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:37,074
What a delightful
and thoughtful young lady.
71
00:03:37,683 --> 00:03:39,516
We're so lucky she lets us live here.
72
00:03:40,774 --> 00:03:42,707
How the hell am I supposed
to get up the stairs
73
00:03:42,809 --> 00:03:45,343
to find my ice pack without my ice pack?
74
00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:50,517
No, I don't need it.
75
00:03:50,619 --> 00:03:52,723
I'm young and vibrant.
76
00:03:53,325 --> 00:03:55,102
And they're off!
77
00:03:55,127 --> 00:03:58,419
And it's EasyClimb versus
Stubborn Housewife.
78
00:03:58,497 --> 00:03:59,963
Stubborn housewi looking good,
79
00:04:00,065 --> 00:04:03,600
but here comes EasyClimb up on the rail!
80
00:04:06,794 --> 00:04:08,326
Shut up, Dan!
81
00:04:08,395 --> 00:04:10,629
And it's Stubborn Wife looking
back at Awesome Husband
82
00:04:10,731 --> 00:04:11,830
with hatred in her eyes.
83
00:04:11,899 --> 00:04:13,832
You know, folks, if she loses this race,
84
00:04:13,901 --> 00:04:16,234
they may have to put the old nag down.
85
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:20,301
Hey, Granny Rose,
can you drop this off in my room?
86
00:04:20,404 --> 00:04:22,137
Oh, wow. The chair's going up anyway.
87
00:04:22,239 --> 00:04:23,772
You should really sit in it.
88
00:04:25,542 --> 00:04:27,976
And it's Death Wish comin' out of nowhere
89
00:04:28,078 --> 00:04:29,611
to take it by a nose!
90
00:04:31,708 --> 00:04:33,729
Emergency!
91
00:04:34,285 --> 00:04:36,252
I can't use the laundry room in my building
92
00:04:36,353 --> 00:04:38,119
because someone's living there now.
93
00:04:39,556 --> 00:04:41,340
Unh-unh, I'm first.
94
00:04:41,593 --> 00:04:43,626
Harris has been hogging
that washing machine,
95
00:04:43,695 --> 00:04:45,995
and I'm totally out of clean underwear.
96
00:04:47,265 --> 00:04:50,133
I'm wearing a coffee filter
and a scrunchie.
97
00:04:51,932 --> 00:04:53,865
But I have to be at the
restaurant in two hours,
98
00:04:53,898 --> 00:04:56,565
and my uniform has blood
all over the sleeve.
99
00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:58,434
Oh, my God. What happened?
100
00:04:58,502 --> 00:05:00,803
Bottomless margaritas
and a dart tournament.
101
00:05:01,981 --> 00:05:03,047
Oh.
102
00:05:03,072 --> 00:05:05,272
Well, we can throw our stuff in together.
103
00:05:07,772 --> 00:05:08,938
The machines are both full.
104
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,240
Oh, my God. It's full of Harris' stuff.
105
00:05:11,342 --> 00:05:12,408
Damn it!
106
00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:13,543
Is there a problem?
107
00:05:13,611 --> 00:05:15,678
Yeah, I need to talk to you about your kid.
108
00:05:16,915 --> 00:05:19,248
Why are Harris'
clothes in the washing machine?
109
00:05:19,317 --> 00:05:22,084
Because that's where it gets all
wet and detergent goes on it.
110
00:05:23,074 --> 00:05:25,331
She's been hogging that
machine for three days,
111
00:05:25,332 --> 00:05:27,099
and we got a lot of people in this house.
112
00:05:27,168 --> 00:05:28,500
Okay, I get it. I'll talk to her
113
00:05:28,525 --> 00:05:29,712
as soon as she gets out of the shower.
114
00:05:29,737 --> 00:05:31,581
You're gonna wait for your kid?
115
00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:33,872
Mom used to yell at us in the shower.
116
00:05:34,809 --> 00:05:36,809
It was like that scene in "Psycho".
117
00:05:38,245 --> 00:05:40,279
Take out the trash!
118
00:05:40,347 --> 00:05:42,014
Ree! Ree! Ree!
119
00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:46,018
Well,
at least Norman Bates respected his mother.
120
00:05:46,087 --> 00:05:47,186
Ree!
121
00:05:50,490 --> 00:05:51,756
Hey, when you do get around
122
00:05:51,825 --> 00:05:54,525
to speaking to the Princess of Tide...
123
00:05:55,670 --> 00:05:57,403
she needs to respect her elders,
124
00:05:57,505 --> 00:05:59,906
or I'll make sure she never becomes one.
125
00:06:01,108 --> 00:06:02,441
This is crazy.
126
00:06:02,543 --> 00:06:05,144
- I'll move the clothes into the dryer.
- Bad idea.
127
00:06:05,213 --> 00:06:07,980
Yeah, remember the last time we
told you to put stuff in the dryer
128
00:06:08,005 --> 00:06:10,008
and you threw a pen in there with it?
129
00:06:11,146 --> 00:06:12,685
I had one white shirt.
130
00:06:13,854 --> 00:06:15,955
And then you had one pinstripe shirt.
131
00:06:16,701 --> 00:06:18,691
You shouldn't be doing your kid's chores.
132
00:06:18,692 --> 00:06:21,536
And when did you turn into such a pushover?
133
00:06:21,794 --> 00:06:24,028
You're not being the Darlene
that we knew and loved
134
00:06:24,097 --> 00:06:26,764
and, quite frankly, feared a little bit.
135
00:06:28,204 --> 00:06:30,063
You know what?
You guys already raised your kids.
136
00:06:30,119 --> 00:06:31,585
You're free. Run.
137
00:06:31,610 --> 00:06:34,277
Now would be a great time to finally
learn how to use your phones.
138
00:06:35,948 --> 00:06:38,682
There's the old, nasty Darlene!
139
00:06:39,752 --> 00:06:41,785
Now, quick, before you lose it,
140
00:06:41,887 --> 00:06:44,087
go up there and aim it at your kid.
141
00:06:45,390 --> 00:06:47,257
You want me to yell at
her for doing laundry?
142
00:06:47,359 --> 00:06:49,493
Are you worried she's
gonna do the windows next?
143
00:06:49,595 --> 00:06:51,428
Cut her some slack, okay?
144
00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:54,364
Kids don't need slack,
they need boundaries.
145
00:06:54,466 --> 00:06:57,000
The happiest kids are raised in cages.
146
00:06:59,358 --> 00:07:01,821
And it keeps the meat tender.
147
00:07:10,545 --> 00:07:12,378
- What's that thing?
- This?
148
00:07:12,481 --> 00:07:13,677
It's a vegetable brush.
149
00:07:13,702 --> 00:07:15,302
It's for getting the dirt
off of vegetables.
150
00:07:16,622 --> 00:07:19,361
Oh, so it's kind of like a hand?
151
00:07:21,182 --> 00:07:23,282
Don't set a place for me.
I'm not staying.
152
00:07:24,118 --> 00:07:27,419
Why not? We're having clean vegetables.
153
00:07:27,799 --> 00:07:30,215
Can you clean it hard enough
to make it a French fry?
154
00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:32,360
I'm meeting some people at the mall.
155
00:07:32,361 --> 00:07:33,659
We'll grab something there.
156
00:07:33,727 --> 00:07:35,060
Who are these people?
157
00:07:35,128 --> 00:07:36,828
You wouldn't know them.
I barely know them.
158
00:07:36,897 --> 00:07:39,030
Why you hanging out
with people you don't know?
159
00:07:39,099 --> 00:07:40,899
Because I've only been here a month,
160
00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:42,901
and I didn't inherit your
charming personality.
161
00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,410
A little trust here, Darlene.
162
00:07:44,771 --> 00:07:46,838
Did she just call you "Darlene"?
163
00:07:48,075 --> 00:07:49,541
Yeah. I have no problem with it.
164
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:51,710
It's very modern.
165
00:07:53,118 --> 00:07:54,951
It allows the parent and the child
166
00:07:55,053 --> 00:07:57,027
to address each other as equals.
167
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:58,608
Thanks, Jackie.
168
00:07:58,633 --> 00:07:59,933
Please call me "Aunt Jackie."
169
00:07:59,958 --> 00:08:02,340
It's the only title that I have.
170
00:08:03,990 --> 00:08:05,223
You know what, Harris,
171
00:08:05,291 --> 00:08:06,523
this isn't really about trust,
172
00:08:06,592 --> 00:08:07,925
but it's kind of my job
173
00:08:07,993 --> 00:08:09,136
to know who you're hanging out with,
174
00:08:09,137 --> 00:08:10,303
so I would really like to meet them.
175
00:08:10,405 --> 00:08:11,737
Oh, my God!
176
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,006
You dragged me away from
my friends in Chicago,
177
00:08:14,075 --> 00:08:16,676
and now you're gonna scare off
everybody I meet in this hick town?
178
00:08:16,708 --> 00:08:18,542
Who's gonna shoot beer cans with me
179
00:08:18,567 --> 00:08:19,933
behind the Dairy Queen?
180
00:08:21,208 --> 00:08:22,208
Alright, fine.
181
00:08:22,276 --> 00:08:23,775
Just be home by 10:00,
182
00:08:23,877 --> 00:08:25,308
and, uh...
183
00:08:25,579 --> 00:08:26,712
here's five bucks.
184
00:08:26,814 --> 00:08:27,879
Thanks.
185
00:08:29,346 --> 00:08:31,680
Oh, so she pushed you around a little,
186
00:08:31,782 --> 00:08:33,048
but you gave her five bucks.
187
00:08:33,150 --> 00:08:34,349
That'll show her.
188
00:08:35,386 --> 00:08:36,652
You had the perfect chance
189
00:08:36,754 --> 00:08:38,487
to check out your daughter's friends,
190
00:08:38,556 --> 00:08:40,043
and you let her play you like a chump.
191
00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:41,167
You know what?
192
00:08:41,192 --> 00:08:42,658
This is gonna come as a shock
to you people,
193
00:08:42,727 --> 00:08:44,188
but I actually trust my kids.
194
00:08:44,213 --> 00:08:47,061
Ha! Here's why you can't trust your kids...
195
00:08:47,572 --> 00:08:49,695
'cause they're stupid.
196
00:08:51,109 --> 00:08:54,203
That's why we don't give 'em cars or booze.
197
00:08:54,613 --> 00:08:57,147
Well, people parent differently
than they did in your day.
198
00:08:57,215 --> 00:08:58,882
Turns out,
a lot of what you did did not work,
199
00:08:58,984 --> 00:09:00,583
and some of it was against the law.
200
00:09:02,398 --> 00:09:03,964
Yeah, it's against the law
201
00:09:04,033 --> 00:09:07,568
because your generation
made everything so PC.
202
00:09:08,092 --> 00:09:09,473
Instead of spanking 'em,
203
00:09:09,474 --> 00:09:12,407
you tell 'em to go over there and
think about what they did wrong.
204
00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:14,749
You know what they're thinking?
205
00:09:14,777 --> 00:09:17,277
"I can't believe this
loser isn't spanking me."
206
00:09:18,638 --> 00:09:19,891
Let me tell you something.
207
00:09:20,384 --> 00:09:21,915
I wrote a poem for my dad,
208
00:09:22,293 --> 00:09:24,120
and he hit me with a broom...
209
00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:25,879
and then he said,
210
00:09:25,904 --> 00:09:28,537
"This broom will do more
for you than any poem."
211
00:09:30,131 --> 00:09:31,985
And that was the Greatest Generation.
212
00:09:33,481 --> 00:09:36,105
Yeah, he also checked under his bed
every night for Japanese soldiers,
213
00:09:36,207 --> 00:09:37,580
so there you go.
214
00:09:38,504 --> 00:09:40,422
Ah, the Dairy Queen.
215
00:09:42,311 --> 00:09:43,643
I dated a boy who worked there.
216
00:09:43,668 --> 00:09:45,298
He gave me free Dilly Bars.
217
00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:48,063
Well, I guess they weren't...
218
00:09:48,784 --> 00:09:49,916
totally free.
219
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:02,257
Dan, you're snoring! Wake up.
220
00:10:03,072 --> 00:10:04,258
What time is it?
221
00:10:04,361 --> 00:10:05,661
Did I miss dinner?
222
00:10:06,964 --> 00:10:08,263
It's 11:00.
223
00:10:08,576 --> 00:10:10,998
We slept from "Wheel" to "Kimmel".
224
00:10:11,969 --> 00:10:14,954
We missed all the shows about
black and Asian families.
225
00:10:15,670 --> 00:10:17,761
Mm, they're just like us.
226
00:10:18,063 --> 00:10:19,562
There, now you're all caught up.
227
00:10:20,875 --> 00:10:22,842
Help me put clothes in the dryer,
would you?
228
00:10:22,944 --> 00:10:24,043
Now?
229
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,846
Yeah,
Harris has had the machine going all day
230
00:10:27,188 --> 00:10:29,282
washing them hobo clothes...
231
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,300
that she wants to sell on, uh,
232
00:10:32,368 --> 00:10:33,634
the Betsy.
233
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,085
You know what I think it is?
234
00:10:37,153 --> 00:10:39,312
Darlene doesn't want to be the bad guy.
235
00:10:39,623 --> 00:10:40,822
There was two of us,
236
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,775
so we could be good cop, bad cop.
237
00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:44,736
She's just good cop.
238
00:10:45,416 --> 00:10:48,113
And you know the movie nobody ever,
ever wants to see?
239
00:10:48,138 --> 00:10:49,063
Mnh-mnh.
240
00:10:49,064 --> 00:10:51,703
"Clint Eastwood is 'Supportive Harry'."
241
00:10:54,478 --> 00:10:56,009
Now, come on. Help me up.
242
00:10:56,217 --> 00:10:58,217
We got to go
put clothes in the dryer.
243
00:10:58,319 --> 00:10:59,819
Ow!
244
00:10:59,921 --> 00:11:01,398
Do I have to?
245
00:11:01,524 --> 00:11:04,573
Yes. Keep me company.
246
00:11:04,963 --> 00:11:06,463
I'll make it fun.
247
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,900
I'll do my "seven veils" dance
248
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:10,685
with the dryer sheets again.
249
00:11:12,489 --> 00:11:13,658
Tempting.
250
00:11:14,057 --> 00:11:15,323
And that's what I'll be dreaming of
251
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,592
when I'm lying on this here couch.
252
00:11:18,862 --> 00:11:20,932
Fine, I'll do it myself.
253
00:11:21,455 --> 00:11:23,418
Where'd all the real men go?
254
00:11:23,567 --> 00:11:25,774
They're hiding from all the real women.
255
00:11:29,639 --> 00:11:30,639
Damn!
256
00:11:30,674 --> 00:11:32,465
She's hogging the dryer!
257
00:11:32,748 --> 00:11:34,682
Leaving all my wet stuff again.
258
00:11:34,784 --> 00:11:35,784
This is it!
259
00:11:35,885 --> 00:11:37,718
Harris, it's on!
260
00:11:38,694 --> 00:11:40,297
I'm coming up there!
261
00:11:44,794 --> 00:11:45,826
Fine!
262
00:11:52,268 --> 00:11:53,882
I'm on my way!
263
00:11:59,008 --> 00:12:01,138
And I mean business!
264
00:12:04,119 --> 00:12:05,636
Wow!
265
00:12:06,288 --> 00:12:08,422
I didn't think that thing
would hold together.
266
00:12:08,490 --> 00:12:11,425
I just tested it with a bag of rock salt.
267
00:12:11,821 --> 00:12:13,187
Look at her go.
268
00:12:14,157 --> 00:12:16,257
Quit looking at me, Dan!
269
00:12:18,294 --> 00:12:20,575
I'm not looking at you.
270
00:12:21,083 --> 00:12:23,325
I'm just checking
to see if I had any calls.
271
00:12:24,247 --> 00:12:25,299
Got it.
272
00:12:25,765 --> 00:12:26,869
Hey, Granny Rose.
273
00:12:26,936 --> 00:12:29,637
I need some coffee when you come down!
Can you make me some?
274
00:12:30,143 --> 00:12:31,313
Damn it!
275
00:12:36,414 --> 00:12:38,147
You better stay right where you are,
276
00:12:38,249 --> 00:12:40,249
if you know what's good for you, Harris!
277
00:12:41,996 --> 00:12:44,720
I'll be over there
in three or four minutes!
278
00:12:46,653 --> 00:12:47,685
Harris!
279
00:12:51,508 --> 00:12:54,820
Why did you put my clean clothes
280
00:12:54,856 --> 00:12:57,515
on top of the filthy washing machine?
281
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,943
Now I've got to wash them all over again.
282
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:01,211
I needed the machine.
283
00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:02,880
I just got a bunch of stuff
from the thrift store.
284
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,248
Well, here's an idea...
285
00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:07,551
Why not put my stuff in the dryer first?
286
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,353
Why? It's your stuff.
287
00:13:12,221 --> 00:13:14,755
Get your stuff out of the dryer now.
288
00:13:15,005 --> 00:13:16,037
I'm having a muffin.
289
00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:17,325
I'll do it in a minute.
290
00:13:19,810 --> 00:13:21,600
Those are for breakfast.
291
00:13:21,812 --> 00:13:23,287
But I'm hungry now.
292
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:24,980
Well, you're a woman in America.
293
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,014
Get used to it.
294
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:27,757
What is your problem?
295
00:13:29,887 --> 00:13:32,621
My problem is you're acting
like you own the place,
296
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,546
and we don't even own the place.
297
00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:37,325
- Hey.
- What?
298
00:13:37,755 --> 00:13:40,622
You think you're better than everybody
else in this house, don't you?
299
00:13:40,691 --> 00:13:42,491
Do you really want me to answer that?
300
00:13:42,593 --> 00:13:44,426
No, I'll answer it for you...
301
00:13:44,635 --> 00:13:45,928
You're not!
302
00:13:46,942 --> 00:13:48,175
You're smart for a kid,
303
00:13:48,243 --> 00:13:50,523
but you're still dumb for a person.
304
00:13:52,648 --> 00:13:54,214
And you got it real good here.
305
00:13:54,552 --> 00:13:57,587
We got shampoo and conditioner
in separate bottles...
306
00:13:59,057 --> 00:14:00,523
and we got three fridges
307
00:14:00,592 --> 00:14:02,502
if you count the one in the driveway.
308
00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:06,323
So you better start showing some gratitude
309
00:14:06,392 --> 00:14:09,841
instead of acting like an entitled,
little bitch.
310
00:14:12,341 --> 00:14:13,592
You know what?
311
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,075
I don't need to get yelled at
312
00:14:15,110 --> 00:14:17,143
by some stupid, old hillbilly.
313
00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:19,377
- Hey!
- What?!
314
00:14:21,663 --> 00:14:24,831
I want you to rinse off
this plate in the sink.
315
00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:26,032
Whatever.
316
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:34,941
Welcome to the hillbilly day spa!
317
00:14:40,519 --> 00:14:42,419
Mom! Stop! What are you doing?
318
00:14:43,646 --> 00:14:45,575
Your hellspawn...
319
00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:50,756
threw all my clean clothes on
top of the dirty washing machine,
320
00:14:50,791 --> 00:14:53,291
and then she called me a stupid hillbilly!
321
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,593
I was being nice!
322
00:14:54,996 --> 00:14:57,145
She's a crazy, stupid hillbilly!
323
00:14:57,957 --> 00:15:00,257
You apologize to your grandmother.
324
00:15:00,391 --> 00:15:01,580
And old!
325
00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:03,960
She... said... "old"!
326
00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:07,239
Say it!
327
00:15:07,599 --> 00:15:08,731
I'm sorry!
328
00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:09,899
God!
329
00:15:09,968 --> 00:15:10,968
Great.
330
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,535
Now you tell your kid
331
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,080
to get her stuff out of the dryer
332
00:15:14,105 --> 00:15:16,305
so I can finish my laundry and go to sleep.
333
00:15:16,777 --> 00:15:18,577
Fun grandma loses her cool
334
00:15:18,646 --> 00:15:20,445
if she gets less than eight hours.
335
00:15:20,746 --> 00:15:21,912
Fine!
336
00:15:25,386 --> 00:15:27,986
Listen, she was wrong,
but you are not her parent.
337
00:15:28,241 --> 00:15:29,681
How could you do something like that?
338
00:15:30,047 --> 00:15:31,146
It wasn't that hard.
339
00:15:31,215 --> 00:15:33,565
You just get her by the
neck and lean into it,
340
00:15:33,917 --> 00:15:34,980
you know...
341
00:15:35,005 --> 00:15:37,906
and then you keep
the sprayer going like so.
342
00:15:39,089 --> 00:15:41,323
The dryer is empty now. Happy?
343
00:15:41,391 --> 00:15:43,360
I will talk to you upstairs.
344
00:15:44,613 --> 00:15:45,645
Hold up.
345
00:15:47,370 --> 00:15:48,893
Hey! That's mine! Give me that!
346
00:15:48,918 --> 00:15:50,040
Not so fast.
347
00:15:52,723 --> 00:15:55,458
So, they left a security tag on
348
00:15:55,559 --> 00:15:57,304
from the thrift store?
349
00:15:57,694 --> 00:15:59,828
They left one on. Big deal.
350
00:15:59,896 --> 00:16:01,930
This is not from a thrift store, Harris.
351
00:16:02,032 --> 00:16:03,798
They don't put security tags on clothes
352
00:16:03,867 --> 00:16:05,696
that cost less than security tags.
353
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,628
Did you steal this?
354
00:16:09,629 --> 00:16:11,895
No, I got it from some kids at school.
355
00:16:11,964 --> 00:16:13,363
So they stole it?
356
00:16:13,636 --> 00:16:15,102
Whatever. Who cares?
357
00:16:15,171 --> 00:16:17,409
I just am selling it on my store.
358
00:16:18,674 --> 00:16:19,874
Do you know you can go to jail
359
00:16:19,942 --> 00:16:22,848
for selling things that are stolen online?
360
00:16:22,873 --> 00:16:23,781
Are you stupid?
361
00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:24,877
Yes!
362
00:16:26,765 --> 00:16:29,132
They told me I couldn't get in any trouble!
363
00:16:29,201 --> 00:16:31,468
I just wanted to make some
money because my life sucks.
364
00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:33,603
Hey, all our lives suck.
365
00:16:33,987 --> 00:16:36,596
That's why we put marshmallows on yams.
366
00:16:38,324 --> 00:16:39,390
You know what?
367
00:16:40,727 --> 00:16:42,526
You are not helping.
368
00:16:42,595 --> 00:16:44,729
Please just let me talk to
Harris alone for a second.
369
00:16:44,831 --> 00:16:45,896
Sure.
370
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,399
I'm just gonna check around this house
371
00:16:48,468 --> 00:16:51,162
to see if any of my stuff is missing.
372
00:16:51,835 --> 00:16:54,172
A lot of my clothes turned vintage.
373
00:16:58,857 --> 00:16:59,923
Sit.
374
00:17:04,852 --> 00:17:05,974
God!
375
00:17:06,607 --> 00:17:07,985
I trusted you!
376
00:17:08,376 --> 00:17:10,970
You know?
I mean, you completely betrayed that!
377
00:17:11,512 --> 00:17:12,878
I was going easy on you
378
00:17:12,947 --> 00:17:15,242
because I felt guilty
about bringing you here!
379
00:17:15,274 --> 00:17:17,616
Well, you shouldn't have brought
me here because I hate it!
380
00:17:17,876 --> 00:17:19,210
I have no friends.
381
00:17:19,511 --> 00:17:20,877
The kids here are idiots.
382
00:17:20,946 --> 00:17:23,513
Who leaves security tags on stolen clothes?
383
00:17:25,038 --> 00:17:27,716
God, I'm sorry your henchmen are stupid,
Riddler.
384
00:17:30,681 --> 00:17:32,915
I mean, what... What is so important to you
385
00:17:32,983 --> 00:17:34,883
that you would go on this crime spree?
386
00:17:36,583 --> 00:17:38,449
I needed money to go
back and live in Chicago.
387
00:17:38,552 --> 00:17:39,851
I already bought my bus ticket,
388
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,987
and Anna's sister said I can
live with her in her apartment
389
00:17:42,089 --> 00:17:43,522
if I chip in for rent.
390
00:17:43,624 --> 00:17:45,220
I was planning on leaving
at the end of the month.
391
00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:47,295
Wow.
392
00:17:47,932 --> 00:17:50,833
Part of me wants to ask how big
Anna's sister's apartment is, but...
393
00:17:52,122 --> 00:17:54,022
let's go to a healthier place here.
394
00:17:58,612 --> 00:18:00,546
Are you really that miserable?
395
00:18:00,614 --> 00:18:03,048
I... Yes, I miss my friends.
396
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,566
I don't belong here.
397
00:18:05,229 --> 00:18:06,625
If you make me stay...
398
00:18:07,362 --> 00:18:08,561
I'm gonna hate you.
399
00:18:08,631 --> 00:18:10,823
Well, then, that's how it's gonna be.
400
00:18:12,326 --> 00:18:14,617
You know, I'm not a huge fan
of yours right now, either.
401
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,916
But we are in this together, okay?
402
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:21,004
We came here because our
family needed support.
403
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:22,420
And you know what?
404
00:18:22,445 --> 00:18:23,445
No matter what you think
405
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,503
of those crazy, old, stupid hillbillies,
406
00:18:25,878 --> 00:18:27,344
they will get in the pickup truck,
407
00:18:27,446 --> 00:18:30,547
and they will pull you out of
any well that you fall into.
408
00:18:32,584 --> 00:18:33,850
I didn't fall into a well.
409
00:18:33,952 --> 00:18:35,897
Grandma sprayed me with a hose.
410
00:18:36,603 --> 00:18:39,179
Alright, well, now you see why
you need her on your side, right?
411
00:18:41,968 --> 00:18:43,271
I'm gonna make you a deal.
412
00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:47,387
If you're still miserable in three years,
413
00:18:47,490 --> 00:18:48,989
you can move back to Chicago.
414
00:18:49,091 --> 00:18:50,190
Really?
415
00:18:50,293 --> 00:18:52,328
Oh, thank you so much, Mom.
416
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:53,454
You're welcome.
417
00:18:53,696 --> 00:18:56,163
Wait... in three years, I'll be 18,
418
00:18:56,232 --> 00:18:58,629
and I can do whatever I want anyways.
419
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:00,864
Well, I'm trying to work with you here.
420
00:19:02,693 --> 00:19:05,027
But you know I still have to punish you,
right?
421
00:19:05,229 --> 00:19:07,329
So you're not leaving this
house for three weeks,
422
00:19:07,398 --> 00:19:09,429
you are closing down the Etsy store,
423
00:19:09,868 --> 00:19:12,836
and you're giving me all your
passwords to all your accounts
424
00:19:12,939 --> 00:19:14,205
for everything.
425
00:19:14,307 --> 00:19:16,607
How about none of that happens,
426
00:19:16,709 --> 00:19:18,309
but I just lose your trust?
427
00:19:19,396 --> 00:19:20,478
Passwords.
428
00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:22,929
Okay.
429
00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:25,199
But just know that there are some things
430
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,479
on my private Instagram account
431
00:19:26,548 --> 00:19:28,084
that are less than flattering about you.
432
00:19:29,083 --> 00:19:30,149
Ditto.
433
00:19:34,155 --> 00:19:35,755
Housekeeping.
434
00:19:37,058 --> 00:19:38,291
Look, before you say anything,
435
00:19:38,393 --> 00:19:40,197
I let my guard down, and I shouldn't have.
436
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:41,722
So lesson learned.
437
00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:44,130
Well, don't be too hard on yourself.
438
00:19:44,504 --> 00:19:46,233
You stepped up when you needed to.
439
00:19:46,334 --> 00:19:47,800
You know, we all want to believe
440
00:19:47,825 --> 00:19:49,466
the best in people, but...
441
00:19:49,995 --> 00:19:52,764
the truth is, kids lie, people cheat...
442
00:19:53,521 --> 00:19:56,122
and you don't want to be the
one that gets eaten by the bear.
443
00:19:58,554 --> 00:20:00,233
Wow. Was that one of your poems?
444
00:20:00,990 --> 00:20:03,757
'Cause I'm starting to get why
your dad hit you with a broom.
445
00:20:04,555 --> 00:20:06,682
Your father's just trying to say that,
446
00:20:06,763 --> 00:20:09,798
you know, it's not easy,
and you did a good job.
447
00:20:10,227 --> 00:20:12,986
The whole parenting thing
is kind of learn-as-you-go.
448
00:20:13,522 --> 00:20:16,390
And there's no books on how to raise kids.
449
00:20:18,494 --> 00:20:20,694
Yes, there are.
There are literally thousands.
450
00:20:23,365 --> 00:20:25,999
Yeah, but it's not like they're
just laying around for free
451
00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:28,568
where anybody can pick
them up and read them.
452
00:20:29,772 --> 00:20:30,837
Yes, you can.
453
00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:32,364
There's a library two blocks from here.
454
00:20:33,475 --> 00:20:34,684
That's a "liberry"?
455
00:20:36,044 --> 00:20:37,377
Okay, you guys are hilarious,
456
00:20:37,479 --> 00:20:40,280
but you will be happy to hear
that I got all of her passwords.
457
00:20:40,382 --> 00:20:42,179
Now you're talkin'.
458
00:20:42,718 --> 00:20:44,551
Let's fire up this mo-chine
459
00:20:44,653 --> 00:20:47,114
and see what we're dealing with here.
460
00:20:47,589 --> 00:20:50,524
Rose,
it's okay for her mom to check up on her,
461
00:20:50,592 --> 00:20:52,025
but we're just snooping.
462
00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,887
Move over, girls!
463
00:20:59,206 --> 00:21:01,264
Hey, you almost done in there?
464
00:21:01,835 --> 00:21:03,601
I put all my dirty clothes in the hamper,
465
00:21:03,702 --> 00:21:05,903
I washed my breakfast dishes and Mark's,
466
00:21:05,928 --> 00:21:07,794
and I closed my Etsy account.
467
00:21:07,973 --> 00:21:09,473
Yeah, but you almost done in there?
468
00:21:09,575 --> 00:21:11,161
You got people waitin'.
469
00:21:11,477 --> 00:21:14,788
I think I deserve a nice,
long shower after all that.
470
00:21:15,447 --> 00:21:16,813
Wrong answer.
471
00:21:16,838 --> 00:21:18,892
Hand me the soap, would you?
472
00:21:19,852 --> 00:21:20,918
Oh, my God!
473
00:21:21,020 --> 00:21:22,085
Ha ha!
474
00:21:22,187 --> 00:21:23,287
Oh, what?
475
00:21:23,389 --> 00:21:25,455
You're too good to shower
with your grandma?
33960
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
