Original subtitles

(speaking in foreign language)

(playful instrumental music)

(speaking in foreign language)

Cinderella.

(playful instrumental music)

I want in, someone.

Hurry, just get that milkman and jerk off that goat.

Get me some fresh milk.

Yesterday, milk was curdled.

If the lady of Avon comes, get me one of everything.

I you get another wash, you can have the water

to wash your hair.

You know there's a water shortage.

And then you'll take in more laundry from the neighbors.

We need the money.

Don't make you another wig of your sister's.

Keep working, work keep your mind off sex.

Oh look.

This baby is daydreaming again.

I wonder what about.

Probably about all kinds of dirty and degenerate dogs.

(laughing)

Dingling and dangling about her.

She mopes through her dreary day.

I think it's naughty.

I should say, if you didn't if you ask me,

which I know you're about to do. (laughing)

Shirking her little duties again.

Disgrace all.

Marbella, Marbella.

Give it a little two.

(sniffing)

(hoots)

Do you know, that a not so little birdie

told me that it was none other than little ass.

Rella over there that told mama we go out at night.

I never did any such thing.

I wouldn't, believe me.

I did no such thing.

I wouldn't, believe me.

I did no such thing.

I wouldn't, believe me.

(shushing)

Really, Cinderella, you are such a bore.

You always force us to behave so unpleasantly to you.

I think that even a tour most unpleasant,

we're not at all that unpleasant, actually.

Are we?

(clacking)

Are we Cinderella? (Laughing)

Well, I...

Talk.

You think like a snail.

Honestly, why don't you go old and die

before you would answer a perfectly simple question.

Or was the question, never mind, whatever she would answer

would be a bore.

Drucella, dear.

We mustn't forget about Cinderella's indiscretion tip.

Mama, it was unforgivably naughty.

She must be punished, mustn't she?

Of course.

How else will she ever learn?

Let's see.

She can wash our dresses.

And they must be perfectly pressed, do you hear?

Perfectly pressed.

(playful instrumental music)

♫ Cinderella, sweep the ashes from the fireplace

♫ Cinderella, wash and scrub up the entire place

♫ Cinderella, polish every little widget

♫ Sit up straight girl, don't you fuss and don't you fidget

♫ And I wonder if I have to face this scorn

♫ Yes, I wonder just why I was ever born

♫ Times when I want to cry, I spy a rainbow

♫ When life is gray, the flowers start to bloom

♫ Or when a chilling wind begins the rain flow

♫ I take a moment to remind me

♫ Someone will come along and find me

♫ Suddenly I can smile away the gloom

♫ Cinderella, braid my hair and just for kickers

♫ Cinderella, darn my hose and iron my knickers

♫ Cinderella, you're a good-for-nothing wretch, girl

♫ Where's my girdle

♫ Goodness sake's, go run and fetch girl

♫ And I wonder, is this all I'll ever be

♫ Yes, I wonder, is there nothing more to see

♫ When I am cold, the morning sun will warm me

♫ When I am sad, the birds begin my song

♫ And when, at times, my life begins to scorn me

♫ I take a moment to remind me

♫ Someday he'll come along and find me

♫ And the time goes by and I am strong

♫ Sometimes I think in a wink of an eye it'll happen

♫ Life rearranges and changes tomorrow's tune

♫ But just when I'm caught Ina thought, I remember tomorrow

♫ And just like today, it will be on its way too soon

♫ So I can't be down too long or stay too lonely

♫ For nothing can be as awful as it seems

♫ When things go wrong, I know that I have only

♫ To take a moment to remind me

♫ Someone will come along and find me

♫ And we'll be forever inside my dreams

(whirring)

[Stepsisters] Just a second, we're going.

(whirring)

[Stepsister] Faster Cinderella, faster.

[Stepsister] No, slower, Cinderella.

[Stepsister] Faster.

[Stepsister] Slower.

[Stepsister] Faster.

[Stepsister] Slow.

(screams)

(trumpets blaring)

(groans)

Oh boy, oh boy. (Laughing)

Chamberlain, Chamberlain.

Come here at once.

(laughing)

(thuds)

(groans)

Yes, my liege.

(laughing)

(moans)

It's a whopper.

I will summon the queen immediately.

No, you fool.

Fetch me my baggy pants.

I'm taking this one into town. (laughing)

[Chamberlain] Too late, my lord.

(whistles)

Good morning, your majesty.

Good morning.

Chamberlain, leave us.

We have private business to discuss.

Clod.

What is it you want, your highness.

Your highness indeed, you horny little jack off.

But what do you want, my queen?

Next month, our son will reach his 21st birthday.

Well this calls for a double celebration, I would say.

[King] A double celebration?

21 years ago was the last time you had

a royal boner.

Really? (Laughing)

If you had been in here a few minutes ago,

you wouldn't be so quick to judge me. (Laughing)

But I'm not talking about pierced hard on.

Oh, oh, don't hurt me, don't hurt me.

Consider this pleasure.

(grunts)

Let's get down to business.

Now I don't mind preparing the ball

but one thing I will not do, and I don't know

how capable you are, and that is tell him

the facts of life.

The boy knows absolutely nothing about sex.

(trumpeting)

(laughing)

(gentle instrumental music)

♫ There was a time when my scepter would climb

♫ Whene's a sweet lass came my way

♫ If the damsel was built, the tilt of my kilt

♫ Was a bold invitation to play

♫ But now the thrill's faded, his highness is jaded

♫ I'm rather a sad, royal bloke

♫ Girls plead for the chance to fondle my lance

♫ And I just fall asleep in mid-stroke

♫ With many of them, I have tried S and M

♫ But I get no kick from the pain

♫ And though you may think I'm not one for a kink

♫ I once made it with a Great Dane

♫ I can't raise a bulge in my tunic

♫ Per chance I'm becoming a eunuch

♫ Or am I headed straight for the day

♫ When I'm blissfully happy and gay?

♫ I've known more delights than King Arthur has knights

♫ My sex life is legend to some

♫ But I've lost my touch and I dread it very much

♫ The day when my kingdom won't come

♫ Kingdom won't come

♫ My kingdom won't come

♫ Can't get my kingdom to come

(moaning)

I don't care if the prince can't come.

My pee-pee's getting very hard. (laughing)

(blowing)

[Woman] Hi majesty the kind and her highness the queen

proclaim a great ball.

(gasps)

In honor of the birthday of the prince

who will choose a bride.

A bride.

[Woman] From all the fair maidens of the land.

(shrieks)

We gotta get ready for the ball.

Forget it, you're pregnant.

(minstrel music)

(moaning)

Is your father about?

My business is with him.

He's out setting beaver traps, my lord.

Beaver traps?

There's no beaver in this part of the country.

What do you call this then, my lord?

The fern.

A bush?

[Chamberlain] A bush?

A beaver, my lord.

Beaver?

Fern, bush, beaver?

Bush, beaver, fern.

Then put your beaver next to her bush.

Yes, my lord.

Now that's a fern.

Ere here, ere here, my lord.

What are you doing?

With me two lovely birds.

Birds, birds, birds. (Stuttering)

It was a hot and long journey, I thirst,

I stop for a pot of water.

(splashing)

For you, sir.

Invitations from his royal highness the prince,

inviting your daughters to the great ball

in honor of his birthday.

(playful instrumental music)

The prince is born.

The prince is born, my little birds.

(screaming)

Oh, we broke the balls, eh, now.

(groans)

[Drucella] (moans) You're so gorgeous,

you drive me insane.

And you, my lovely, I could eat you up, you're so scrummy.

I must come closer.

Closer, yes.

Closer.

[Stepsisters] Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Ooh.

Yes.

It's true.

(growls)

Could I do it to you.

♫ Sweet, sexy and seductive are we

♫ Hot honeys of the highest degree

♫ Live, luscious ladies lying in wait

♫ We're so fine that it must have been fate!

♫ Do it, do it, do it to me

♫ Do it, do it, do it now

♫ Do it, do it, do it to me

♫ Do it, do it, do it now

♫ Where could you find two sensuous sisters

♫ It's evident no man could resist us

♫ Right from the very moment he kissed us

♫ That the fool is a prisoner of love

♫ Do it, do it, do it to me

♫ Do it, do it, do it now

♫ Do it, do it, do it to me

♫ Do it, do it, do it now

♫ When we're done with him, that man's not the same

♫ But each one of them is glad that he came

♫ Yeah, even though we talk a good game

♫ It's been years since we had us a man

♫ Do it, do it, do it to me

♫ Do it, do it, do it now

♫ Do it, do it, do it to me

♫ Do it, do it, do it now

♫ Do it, do it, do it to me

♫ Do it, do it, do it now

♫ Do it, do it, do it to me

♫ Do it, do it, do it now

(whirring)

(playful instrumental music)

(gasps) The Lord Chamberlain.

My lord.

Fetch your father.

My business is with him.

He's out chopping wood.

For the hearth, my lord.

Hearth.

Hearth, my lord.

Very well.

(screaming)

(thuds)

(laughing)

(gasps)

(solemn instrumental music)

(thuds)

Some wine, my lord?

Yes.

And fetch me an apple.

(groans)

Anything wrong, my lord?

No.

Have you binding?

(crying)

Isn't he paying taxes, is that it?

Oh please, please don't harm my father.

He's a good man.

And our mother died, he's all we've got.

At least kill us when our father is done.

(crying)

Please, oh please, please my lord, I'll,

I'll do anything, spare my father.

We'll do anything.

(crying)

For our father.

(acoustic music)

(moaning)

I shan't wait for your father any longer.

When he returns, give him these.

What are they?

Read them.

(thuds)

His royal highness the prince has the honor to invite

your daughter to the great ball he is giving

on the 13th day before.

Why that pompous.

Poop.

(playful instrumental music)

Whoa, Glump, whoa.

(neighing)

Hey, Glump, you're the best trained horse

in the kingdom.

(knocks)

Oh, Lord Chamberlain.

What a pleasant surprise.

(bangs)

(laughing)

(groans)

(laughing)

(groans)

I think not, madame.

Oh, do, do, do come in. (laughing)

Do, do come in.

(laughing)

My god, three flew over the cuckoos nest.

With your kind permission, madame, may I present

these invitations to your daughters.

And pretty girl, what might your name be?

My name is Cinderella.

She deaf. (Moans)

We cannot wait, my Lord, we cannot thank you enough.

This would be the biggest ball of them all. (Laughing)

You have no idea.

(laughing) Do, do, do.

(cracking)

Tell us.

(trumpeting)

♫ His majesty, the king

♫ Is going to do his thing

♫ He's going to have a royal ball

♫ His highness sincerely begs us to

♫ Invite the social register

♫ Only if they'll come one, come all

♫ Her majesty, the queen

♫ Will really dig this scene

♫ She's anxious for a royal ball

♫ It's been so many months, you see

♫ It happened only once, you see

♫ She wants it to be large, not small

♫ The kingdom will be festive

♫ With wine flowing everywhere

♫ And feasting all around

♫ There'll be many a buxom maiden

♫ And many a handsome lad

♫ And frolicking will abound

♫ His majesty, the prince

♫ This part of it makes me wince

♫ Will announce in front of one and all

♫ He's looking for someone great to be

♫ His future mate, you see

♫ In simpler words, the royal ball

(clacking)

(gasps) I'm gonna wear my gigantic steeple hat

with the big wings.

And I'm gonna wear my ruby breast flattering. (Laughing)

I'm gonna wear my blue and gold.

Glump.

What should I wear?

(playful instrumental music)

Yes, Cinderella does need something to wear

to the ball.

But first, of course, she must be washed.

Glump.

Oh look.

Here's some soap.

[Marbella] That's not soap, that's.

Yes.

Lovely fragrant bath powder.

Berry juice for her lips.

Ooh, coming along nicely.

[Drucella] Now jewels for tiara.

Oh shit.

Cinderella, it's gorgeous.

Stunning.

It's you.

It's really you.

Cinderella, will you stop wasting your sisters' time.

They must get ready for the ball.

You should be helping them, not distracting them.

Ungrateful child.

Glump.

Bitch leg, I promise you I won't sing anymore.

Give me that.

It's getting cold in here.

[Drucella] We should have been Charlie's Angels.

[Stepmother] Cinderella, we're off to the ball.

But please do wait for us. (laughing)

(gentle instrumental music)

(swooshing)

(suspenseful music)

(popping)

[Man] Thief, he robbed the old (mumbling).

[Man] Thief, thief, thief.

He robbed my sister, thief, thief.

(screaming)

Thief, over there, over there.

Stop, get him.

Thief.

[Man] Thief, thief, thief.

[Man] He robbed my grandmother.

Thief.

Police, police, thief.

[Cinderella] Who are you?

Who am I?

Who are you?

Well, I'm Cinderella.

Oh, if you're Cinderella, I'm your fairy godmother.

You're my fairy godmother?

[Godmother] Sure am.

But where's your wings?

Wings?

Oh, my wings were clipped a long time ago.

Oh.

But isn't a fairy godmother supposed to be a woman?

Child that didn't even know what fairy means.

Well a fairy can go both ways, mama.

Oh, well I'm glad to see you, of course,

but you're not at all like they described you to me.

When I was little, I mean.

I was told that my fairy godmother was, well,

fair skinned.

Well, you know my sweet, of fairies,

we follow the seasons.

I just came from a long vacation in an island

and in the sun all day long.

That's why I'm a little on the dark side.

You know what I mean?

But let's talk about you.

How's my little godchild doing?

Not very well, fairy godmother.

You've been crying.

What's the matter, huh?

My stepmother and stepsisters have been very

mean to me lately.

Tonight's the great ball at the palace and...

I know.

The Lord Chamberlain invited me himself,

but my stepmother threw it in the fire and it burned.

That's stepmother of yours, she's a real mother.

No, she's my stepmother.

You see, my father remarried before he died...

No no no no no no, cool it mama. (laughing)

Lay your story on me.

Why won't they let you go to the ball, huh?

I am too dirty and ugly.

Well, why, I meant you do have a little crud on you.

Yes sir.

But I know, that's enough bad.

Well, here.

Oh, thank you.

Besides, I couldn't go in these rags, anyway.

(laughing)

Never mind the rags, mama.

And about that ugly face, you got something

nobody at the ball has got.

You got tits and ass. (Laughing)

Yeah, you can go to the ball naked,

and make them all look like frogs. (laughing)

Anyway, loosen up now.

We got to do something about that.

Yeah, mama, and you're still going to the ball.

I'll handle that.

(laughing)

(mumbling)

(laughing) Do you have a little something to drink, huh,

do you?

[Cinderella] We have some goat's milk.

Goat's milk.

Are you a fool?

It means that mother got a little something

in the medicine cabinet, huh.

Which is?

I never heard of that...

How about some smoke, dear?

(mumbling)

The yard's full in back.

No, honey, I mean, Flugel weed.

You sure do talk funny.

What weed?

Are you going on up?

Take a bath and leave the rest to your fairy godmother.

(babbling)

(upbeat instrumental music)

♫ I have looted half the kingdom

♫ And I've stolen everything from art to zebras

♫ They were very little zebras

♫ Proving I'm not prejudiced

♫ I've ripped off Saggitarians and Libras

♫ The Libras owned the zebras

♫ If you can't keep up with the prices

♫ I'll tell you what this fairy's advice is

♫ You got to grab it

♫ And fence it while you can

♫ It's a livin'

♫ So stick it to the man

♫ Gotta grab it

♫ If bread is what you lack

♫ It's called a livin'

♫ So slip it in your pack

♫ Won't my family be surprised

♫ When I make my debut

♫ They just won't believe their eyes

♫ And I'm sure they'll say too

♫ Shove it in your Gucci sack

♫ And load it on the back of both your zebras

♫ I couldn't fence the zebras

♫ My stash of ladies underwear

♫ Has even got a pair of double D bras

♫ I put them on the zebras

♫ At every other trade, I'm inept, so

♫ I guess I'll spend my days as a klepto

♫ I'm gonna grab it

♫ And fence it while I can, because it's a living

♫ You got to stick it to the man

♫ So better grab it

♫ If bread is what you lack

♫ It's called a livin'

♫ So I slip it in my pack

♫ With a fairy for a friend

♫ I've no worries since he'll

♫ See that there's a happy end

♫ And I know the prince will

♫ Grab it and put it in your sack

♫ Livin'

♫ Uh-huh

♫ Grab it and put it in your sack

♫ Livin'

♫ Uh-huh

♫ Grab it and put it in your sack

♫ Livin'

♫ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

♫ Grab it and put it in the sack

♫ Livin'

♫ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh

♫ Grab it Oh my, look.

Remember I said tits and ass. (laughing)

You got a face to with it, yeah.

But now, what?

Now what?

Ah, I'll tell you what. (Laughing)

What good will a fairy godmother be if he

couldn't help his godchild. (laughing)

Let him go on and see what's in his bag.

We're gonna do something about you.

(sniffs)

(grunts)

Yeah, I'll save this for later.

I don't know what the hell it is,

I'll save it for my next garage sale.

Those people will buy anything.

Oh is that your magic wand?

My what?

Oh, oh, of course.

That's what it is.

Let's see now.

Which wand is this?

I have several, you know.

Could you, could you read this?

My eyes are a little bad in the dark.

This wand can perform miracles for good causes only.

Caution, all miracles null and void at midnight.

Keep out of reach of children.

Does it really work?

That's what it says.

Could we try it on my hair?

It's all wet and stringy.

I'll give it a shot.

Stand back, mama.

This is some heavy shit.

(horn blowing)

(tinkling)

(babbling) Chili, sweet potato pie.

(laughing) Change that girly bitch in my eye.

(exploding)

(harp plucking)

(gentle instrumental music)

Damn, it works.

This thing ain't going in no garage sale.

Fairy godmother, you've done it.

Sure, I did. (Laughing)

Come here, baby.

Come on to your sweet daddy.

Wait, oh no, I can't get into the palace

without my invitation.

You ain't gonna give up that easy.

(horn blowing)

Pasta. (Laughing)

Lasagna.

(chanting)

Bring the invitation out the fire.

(harp plucking)

[Cinderella] Fairy godmother, you've done it again.

Hey mama, don't you have any pumpkins?

No, we've got some watermelons.

(laughing)

Watermelons? (Laughing)

Yeah. (Laughing)

Sure, I hate to waste one. (laughing)

All we gotta do is find some horses.

Any rests around here?

No.

(mumbling)

I haven't seen any all year.

But we've got lots of snails.

Snails? (Laughing)

Yeah, but that sure gonna be a drag. (Laughing)

Get it?

Okay, little snails, soon you'll be eating oats and hay.

Step back, mama.

Go on.

(horn blowing)

Ride them high.

Ride them low.

However you ride them, ride them with so.

(exploding)

It's beautiful.

Oh, fairy godmother, it's beautiful.

(neighing)

White sails, black horses.

Ride on wild.

All we need now is a coachman.

You're looking at him, honey.

Oh, fairy godmother, you're wonderful.

(laughing)

I guess we're all ready.

Now quite, child.

Step inside this coach here.

(gasps)

Pull up that dress of yours child.

What for?

Did I ever tell you?

Pull up that dress.

And split those legs. (Laughing)

(horn blowing)

(chanting) The better be tight.

(squeaking)

(popping)

(groans)

(popping)

(hooting)

What was that for?

They have tits and ass, and a pretty face. (Laughing)

But then I gave you as napping pussy. (Laughing)

[Cinderella] What for?

You'll find out soon enough.

And when you do. (Laughing)

You'll thank me for it. (Laughing)

I could use a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne.

(horn blowing)

What?

Do your stuff.

(harp plucking)

(swooshing)

(gentle instrumental music)

(mumbling) Shit.

Does wine only work for honkies?

Goddamn, get on up there.

(laughing)

Just a moment, my darling.

Yes, my sweetheart.

You must promise me one thing, my darling.

What is that, my sweetheart?

You must control your insatiable appetite tonight.

Oh, I promise not to eat any starters whatsoever,

my sweetheart.

I don't mean food, my darling.

I mean. (Sniffs)

(sneezes)

Sex, sex, sex.

(gasps) Oh, dear.

(laughing)

This is a very important occasion.

And we cannot afford do jeopardize it.

But how could we possibly jeopardize

the prince's birthday?

I refer to the loan our country's trying to obtain

from the king.

We must be on our best behavior tonight.

Well then, you stick very close to me, darling,

and you protect me.

You know how the slightest.

(bouncing)

Little thing can just set me right off.

I will, my darling.

Now, well, get in.

(laughing)

Get in.

(laughing) Yes, yes, yes.

Open the door, you fool.

(laughing)

Swine.

Get off, coachman, get off.

(playful instrumental music)

(moaning)

(grunt)

Hit those rocks.

Darling, control yourself.

(laughing) I can't.

(moaning)

Oh here, hold my hands.

Now hold my breasts.

Sit still.

(moans)

Take your hands off me.

(moans)

Halt.

(moans)

Don't.

Stop.

Don't.

Stop.

Don't.

(screaming)

Stop, stop.

(screaming)

(roaring)

Oh, oh, oh yes, ride me hard, yes.

(moaning)

I've got something of a tummy.

(babbling)

Oh yes, oh yes.

Wait a little for me wait.

(moaning)

(laughing)

(screaming)

Oh yeah, yeah.

Wait, wait.

(screaming)

(rumbling)

[Man] Damn prince's skateboard.

How quaint.

(laughing)

You shall pay for your clumsiness.

(slaps)

Both of you.

(classical music)

(laughing)

We're going to the ball. (laughing)

Or you think I'm going to the ball.

(laughing)

(thuds)

Let the dancing begin.

(applause)

(classical music)

(upbeat disco music)

(classical music)

(applause)

Oh no.

Ha.

Look at him.

He's gorgeous.

What do you think?

10 inches?

Quite cute.

Eight inches, no more.

10.

Eight.

10.

Eight.

Nine and a half at least.

(classical music)

(thuds)

(screaming)

The prince will now choose a partner for the next dance.

Shmuck.

(classical music)

(applause)

I've met all the beautiful maidens of the kingdom.

But never have I seen you before.

I know.

You're a visitor from another kingdom.

No, my prince.

What is your name?

My name is Cinde... Never mind.

The night is young.

You will tell me later.

I love the mystery about you.

Tonight, I dance with no one else.

(clicks)

(classical music)

If I can't play in the palace,

I'm gonna rob it.

(sniffs)

(mumbling)

If I can't be a king, I'm sure I don't smell like one.

(laughing)

[Woman] I bet he likes dogs.

Right.

That's why...

[Woman] Why are we doing here?

This dog show here today.

Creep.

And now, fair ladies, the game you've been

waiting for all evening.

Backgammon.

Here are the rules.

When the pointer spins and points at a maiden,

she will come behind the screen to my bed

and them bow to my wishes.

I will now put my blindfold on.

Any of you who do not wish to play the game,

may leave.

And forever hold your piece. (laughing)

(gasps)

(screaming)

(laughing)

(gentle instrumental music)

(moaning)

(classical music)

(whispering)

(moans)

(speaking in foreign language)

(grunts)

(speaking in foreign language)

(laughing)

(growls)

(coughs)

(mumbling)

You play it down on my gal, I'll pull your ass

all over your head and make your dumb ass.

(growls)

You (speaking in foreign language).

Now get out.

(shrieking)

(kissing)

(playful instrumental music)

(gentle instrumental music)

(moaning)

(playful instrumental music)

(classical music)

(playful instrumental music)

(moaning)

Hello. (Whispering)

Don't smear my lipstick.

(screaming)

Oh not me.

(whispering)

(groaning)

(moaning)

(gentle instrumental music)

(moaning)

(popping)

(gasping)

The sensation.

It snaps.

(screaming)

Fairy, fairy godmother.

Yes, he gave me snapping pussy.

A snapping pussy.

The kingdom has a snapper. (laughing)

A snapper, the kingdom has a snapper.

Chamberlain.

(moaning)

A snapper.

Do you know what I'm smelling.

I smell a snapping pussy.

Why you don't got no snapping pussy.

(speaking in foreign language)

(bell tolling)

Snapper.

(moaning)

(screaming)

A snapping pussy. (Laughing)

Chamberlain.

A snapping.

(screaming)

It's time.

(bells tolling)

It's time.

Time up, mama.

Time, time, time.

(screaming)

Time, time, time.

It's time.

Snapper.

A snapper.

The snapper.

Let go, man.

(screaming)

Let go snapper.

Mine.

(laughing)

(playful instrumental music)

♫ In all my years as king of this land

♫ I've led an unusual life

♫ I've run into many a beast in which

♫ Not the least of which is my wife

♫ But now a young maiden has come along

♫ And she's made my spirit rise

♫ With a rare and wondrous talent

♫ That lies betwixt her thighs

♫ Ooh, a snapper

♫ Want to trap her

♫ Although I'm rather envious

♫ I also brim with pride

♫ That lucky son-of-a-bitch

♫ Has found a snapper for his bride

♫ It's always a rare occasion when the king takes me to bed

♫ Once we're there, I find he's soft, not only in the head

♫ But now he swells about what dwells

♫ Within this maiden's lap

♫ The only thing he'll get from her

♫ Is a common case of clap

♫ Oh, that snapper

♫ Want to slap her

♫ If I should catch her with the king

♫ I'll tear her limb from limb

♫ And if the prince is fortunate, I'll save a piece for him

♫ The royal family's in a state

♫ That's best described as shock

♫ The prince is running through the halls

♫ Behaving like a schmuck

♫ The king is fleeing from the queen

♫ Not anxious to be crowned

♫ The mystery wench departed and she's nowhere to be found

♫ Oh, that snapper

♫ We'll kidnap her

♫ The prince must now conduct a search through hovels

♫ Homes and huts

♫ In order to retrieve the lass who sheathed his royal putz

♫ Oh, that snapper

♫ We'll kidnap her

♫ The prince will now conduct a search

♫ Through hovels, homes and huts

♫ In order to retrieve the lass who sheathed his royal putz

(trumpeting)

(upbeat instrumental music)

Good news travels fast.

I know.

Why don't you put inside where it's a little stabler.

Then you know what we seek?

If this glass slipper should fit one

of your lovely daughters, then they will the bride

of the prince.

That is, if they can pass the final test.

A final test?

My good man, why don't we leave the prince

and your lovely daughters alone.

I'm sure they'd be more at ease that way.

Oh of course, my lord. (Laughing)

Is it nice there in the palace?

Will I like living there?

It fits both of you.

Tell the truth, girls.

Were one of you one of the ones

who left me behind that screen during

our little game last night?

Yes we were, my prince.

When she held me with you know, it was like a vice.

Her charms did indeed snap at me.

Well mine snaps and crackles.

And mine pops.

We shall see.

We shall see.

What exactly is it that you do?

Not even pop?

How many people would have to die

before I became king?

(screaming)

Do you feel it snap?

No.

(groans)

Crackle?

No.

(moans)

(classical music)

No, no more.

I've been searching for days now.

Not only can't I find my snapper,

I can't find my pee-pee.

(laughing)

His majesty, the prince.

Oh, the prince do.

Come in, do. (Laughing)

Yes, yes, the prince.

Your highness. (Laughing)

(hooting)

Prince-y, not quite king sized.

(laughing)

You remember my daughters at the ball that night.

Could I ever forget them.

(laughing)

Oh we're so happy, my prince.

Yes, we waited so long.

Never mind all this.

Ladies, please.

Try the slippers, yes.

Give me that.

(grunting)

(laughing)

[Stepmother] Oh, playful lot, eh? (laughing)

Looks right. (Laughing)

(snorting)

I guess my feet swelled up from dancing last night.

I'm sure if we try tomorrow.

Never mind tomorrow, give me that.

(laughing)

Phew.

(coughs)

(laughing) Oh, they say that glass shrinks at night

or the daylight sometimes.

Let us be off, Chamberlain.

Not yet, my prince.

Not yet?

But there's nothing left of me.

There's one maiden left.

Oh, don't worry about her.

My lord, she's never had on shoes,

let alone glass slippers.

Anyway, she never went to the ball.

I should say not.

But I remember giving her an invitation myself.

Come here, girl.

Let her sit.

(groans)

I know the slipper fits, my dear.

What did you say your name was?

My name is Cinde...

Never mind, girl.

It's no use, it's no use.

You couldn't possibly be the one.

What I mean is, you could hardly be the one who,

who possesses, possesses the.

(gentle instrumental music)

Oh no.

Oh no, no.

You can't be the one.

No, no, no.

No, you, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

She's the one.

She's my snapper.

(moans)

Why didn't you bother to tell me,

she was the one with the snapping pussy. (Laughing)

She was always my favorite. (laughing)

She's my favorite.

Hop on my children, hop on, hop on.

Do it, do it.

(moans)

(drum beating)

Oh, look at all the commotion.

It must be the pleasure fair. (laughing)

[Godmother] Oh looks like it is the end of my roots.

(drum beating)

(yelling)

(laughing)

Off with it.

(laughing)

(drum beating)

It's my fairy godmother.

We've got to save him.

Your what?

I'll explain later.

Halt.

What has this man done?

Last night at the great ball in your honor, my prince,

he cleaned out the palace.

Furs, shawls, all matter of perfumes,

and above all, the royal jewels.

Oh yes, two corn cobs.

But my dear, this is a serious offense.

My prince, I beseech thee, it wasn't for him

we'd never have met.

What are you saying?

He gave the one who gave me the snapper.

He what?

You release him, or no more snapper.

Release that man.

He's in my protection now.

Goodbye, fairy friend.

Which of you honkies got my bag?

Here it is.

Thank you one and all.

(playful instrumental music)

Wait for me, mama.

I'm going with you.

Just one time, I don't mind riding at the back

of the coach.

(playful instrumental music)

(screaming)

Snap on now.

Snap on.

And Cinderella lived happily ever after,

thanks to my snap judgment. (laughing)

(upbeat song)