Original subtitles

YOU THERE, WHICH WAY TO PEPPERINGE EYE ?

COULDN'T SAY, SIR.

IT SAID ON THE WIRELESS ...

TO PAINT OUT THE SIGNPOSTS IN CASE THE NAZIS DROP IN.

I'M NOT A NAZI. I'M A BRITISH OFFICER.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'D SAY IF YOU WAS A NAZI, ISN'T IT, SIR ?

DRIVE ON, CORPORAL.

( Dog Barking )

SORRY TO GIVE YOU SO MANY, BUT YOU HAVE SIX BEDROOMS.

NO TROUBLE. ANYTHING TO GET THE POOR THINGS ...

AWAY FROM THOSE BOMBINGS IN LONDON.

COME ALONG, NOW.

HEY, WHAT ABOUT US ?

OH, YES. WHAT IS YOUR NAME, PLEASE ?

( Rawlins ) RAWLINS, MUM.

RAWLINS ? OH, YES. HERE WE ARE.

CARRIE ...

... CHARLES ...

... PAUL.

YOU'RE FOR MISS PRICE. I'M EXPECTIN' HER.

( Men Fighting )

I WON'T BE A MOMENT. PLEASE, DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

BLASTED FELLOW, PUT DOWN THAT RIDICULOUS THING.

BIT OF RUST COMES FROM STANDING IN THE CELLAR.

HOW SHOULD I KNOW YOU IS A BRITISH OFFICER ?

NOW, WHAT'S ALL THIS ? THEY'VE SEEN FIFTH COLUMNS AROUND HERE.

CLAIMS HE'S LOST, ASKING SUSPICIOUS QUESTIONS.

MADAM, WILL YOU TELL THIS MAN THAT I'M CAPTAIN AINSLEY GREER,

ATTACHED TO ARMY HEADQUARTERS AT TIDBURY,

AND I'M NOT TO BE MENACED BY THAT GROTESQUE OBJECT.

PLEASE BE CALM, CAPTAIN.

I'M EXCEPTIONALLY CALM,

IF ONE CONSIDERS, AS WE STAND DITHERING HERE,

OUR COUNTRY IS IN THE GRIP OF CRISIS.

THERE'S THE IMMEDIATE PROSPECT OF INVASION, HOWEVER REMOTE.

OUR ENEMY MIGHT CHOOSE THIS ...

GODFORSAKEN PART OF THE COUNTRY.

CAPTAIN, WE MAY HAVE BEEN OUT OF THINGS FOR THE LAST FEW HUNDRED YEARS,

BUT WE PRIDE OURSELVES ON THE HISTORY OF THIS VILLAGE.

MAY I REMIND THE CAPTAIN, DURING THE EIGHTH AND NINTH CENTURIES,

THE MARAUDING DANES FREQUENTLY CAME ASHORE IN THIS PRECISE AREA.

FASCINATING. NOW, MAY I INQUIRE, WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE ?

I AM. POSTMISTRESS AND CHAIRMAN OF THE WAR ACTIVITIES COMMITTEE.

OH, YOU DON'T ALSO COMMAND THE HOME GUARD, DO YOU ?

I DO NOT. THAT IS GENERAL SIR BRIAN TEAGLER,

LATE OF HIS MAJESTY'S ROYAL NORTHUMBERLAND FUSILIERS.

♪ CALL OUT THE NAVY ♪

♪ CALL OUT THE RANKS ♪

♪ CALL OUT THE AIR FORCE ♪

♪ CALL OUT THE TANKS ♪

♪ FROM THE CLIFFS OF DOVER ♪

♪ CALL UP THE GAULS ♪

♪ AND DON'T FORGET THE LOYAL TERRITORIALS ♪

♪ WHO'S DIGGING IN HERE ♪

♪ WHO WILL DEFEND ♪

♪ EVERY INCH OF ENGLAND NO MATTER WHAT THEY SEND ♪

♪ WHO'S STANDING FIRM IN OUR OWN FRONT YARD ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪

♪ THAT'S WHO ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪

♪ FOR WE WROTE THE STORY ♪

♪ OF THE OLD BRIGADE ♪

♪ WE KNOW THE GLORY OF YESTERDAY'S PARADES ♪

♪ WHO'S STANDING FIRM IN OUR OWN FRONT YARD ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪

♪ THAT'S WHO ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪

PARADE HALT.

PERMISSION TO DISMISS THE PARADE, SIR.

CARRY ON, SERGEANT.

PARADE, DISMISSED.

CAPTAIN GREER, SIR, FROM HEADQUARTERS AT TIDBURY;

HERE TO CHECK MILITARY PREPARATIONS.

TELL THEM PEPPERINGE EYE HAS MATTERS WELL IN HAND.

NEVERTHELESS -- ( Loud Popping )

WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT ?

( Pop, Bang, Bang )

( Bang, Sizzle )

GOOD MORNING, GENERAL.

I RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE, MRS. HOBDAY.

I ASSUME MY PARCEL'S ARRIVED.

IT'S IN THE OFFICE.

LOVELY.

WHO IS THAT ?

MISS PRICE, SPLENDID WOMAN.

HER LATE FATHER SERVED WITH ME AT VIMY RIDGE.

WHAT'S SHE BURN IN THIS ?

IT SMELLS LIKE SULPHUR.

ONE CAN'T MAKE MOTOR FUEL OUT OF SULPHUR.

ANOTHER OBJECT FROM PROFESSOR EMELIUS BROWNE IN LONDON.

THANK YOU.

IS IT WHAT YOU EXPECTED ?

I IMAGINE SO.

PROFESSOR BROWNE SENT A CAT LAST TIME, DID HE NOT ?

YES.

PROFESSOR BROWNE IS WELL ?

I HAVEN'T THE FAINTEST IDEA.

ARE WE TO HAVE THE PLEASURE OF MEETING HIM ?

I DOUBT IT. I DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM.

WAS THERE SOMETHING ELSE ?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, THERE IS. COME THIS WAY.

I'M VERY ANXIOUS TO GET HOME.

( Mrs. Hobday ) COME ALONG, PLEASE.

( Kids ) GET DOWN, CHARLIE. I WANT TO RIDE.

STOP THIS INSTANT !

CHILDREN, THIS IS MISS PRICE.

CARRIE, CHARLES, AND PAUL RAWLINS;

ALL THE WAY FROM LONDON.

HOW DO YOU DO ? HOW ARE YOU, MISS ?

THE GOVERNMENT'S TRYING TO EVACUATE ...

AS MANY CHILDREN AS POSSIBLE INTO THE COUNTRY.

VERY SENSIBLE.

TODAY THEY SENT US 45.

I'VE HAD TO FIND HOMES FOR THEM ON SHORT NOTICE.

( Mrs. Hobday ) THESE ARE THE LAST THREE.

ALL RIGHT, CHILDREN, PICK UP YOUR THINGS.

YOU'RE NOT SUGGESTING I TAKE THEM INTO MY HOUSE ?

EXACTLY.

I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S QUITE OUT OF THE QUESTION.

CHILDREN AND I DON'T GET ON.

I BELIEVE YOU, MISS. COME ON, BACK TO LONDON.

BE QUIET.

I HAVE WORK TO DO, VERY IMPORTANT WORK.

MISS PRICE, YOU HAVE THAT ENTIRE HOUSE TO YOURSELF.

ACCORDING TO THE MINISTRY OF CIVIL DEFENSE,

YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.

I SEE.

VERY WELL, IF THAT IS THE CASE,

I'LL TAKE THEM INTO MY HOUSE WITH THE UNDERSTANDING ...

THAT YOU'LL FIND A MORE SUITABLE HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

FINE, COME ALONG.

GOOD MORNING, MISS PRICE.

THERE THEY ARE.

WHAT A CHARITABLE THING YOU ARE DOING,

TAKING IN THESE POOR UNFORTUNATES FROM THE CITY.

HOLD THIS CAREFULLY.

I WONDER IF I MAY DROP BY LATER THIS AFTERNOON.

WHY ?

WE HAVE THEIR SPIRITUAL NEEDS TO CONSIDER.

THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

THEY WON'T BE WITH ME FOR LONG.

OH !

( Bang, Bang, Pop, Pop )

UPON OCCASION, ONE DOES FEEL ALARMED FOR MISS PRICE.

ALONE, UNPROTECTED, LIVING IN THAT DESOLATE LANE.

ONE DOES ADMIRE HER SO TREMENDOUSLY.

ONE ALSO ADMIRES MISS PRICE'S STURDY HOUSE.

THE 4 ACRES OF DESIRABLE LAND

AND THE FINE PROSPECT OVERLOOKING THE SEA, DOES ONE NOT ?

( Laughing )

I SHALL BE FRANK.

ONE NEEDS AN ANCHOR OF DOMESTICITY.

A FEELING THAT ONE HAS A COZY PLACE TO RETURN TO,

AS ONE FARES FORTH TO DO HEAVEN'S WORK.

OH, HOW IS THE VICAR?

HIS WOUND IS BETTER. THANK YOU.

HOW MARVELOUS OF THE VICAR ...

TO BE STRUCK DOWN NOT IN HIS GATHERING OLD AGE ...

BUT ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE,

BRINGING IN THE WOUNDED AND THE HELPLESS.

WILL YOU BE TAKING HIS PLACE ?

IN THE ARMY, I MEAN ?

ALAS. ( Coughing )

IF I ONLY COULD.

MY QUINSY, YOU KNOW.

MY PARCEL, PLEASE.

BRING YOUR THINGS INSIDE.

A BIT MURKY, AIN'T IT ?

YEAH.

NOT ANOTHER HOUSE AROUND FOR MILES.

WIPE YOUR FEET.

BIG PLACE, THIS.

WHO ELSE LIVES HERE ?

I LIVE ALONE.

IT SUITS MY PURPOSE.

COME ALONG, EVERYBODY.

( Hiss ) A CAT !

( Cat ) GRRRRR !

SORRY, MISS. THE CAT STARTLED US.

NO NEED FOR ALARM. YOU JUST FRIGHTENED HIM.

MEOW. YES, SCARED TO DEATH.

YOU CAN SEE THAT.

WHAT DO YOU CALL YOUR CAT ?

I DON'T BELIEVE IN GIVING ANIMALS RIDICULOUS NAMES.

I CALL HIM COSMIC CREEPUS,

BECAUSE THAT'S THE NAME HE CAME WITH.

YOU WILL SLEEP IN HERE.

THIS WAS MY FATHER'S BEDROOM.

BE VERY CAREFUL OF EVERYTHING.

YOU BOYS TAKE THE BED, THERE.

ALL RIGHT, MISS.

WHAT WAS YOUR NAME ? IT'S CARRIE, MISS.

YOU SLEEP ON THE SOFA IN THERE.

THANK YOU, MISS.

IS THAT ALL YOU BROUGHT ?

WE AIN'T EXACTLY BURDENED DOWN WITH FRILLIES.

TRAVEL LIGHT, THAT'S US.

WELL, I DON'T THINK THIS ARRANGEMENT IS GOING TO WORK,

BUT IT SEEMS THAT I HAVE NO ALTERNATIVE.

WE'LL DO OUR BEST, REALLY WE WILL.

( Miss Price )THANK YOU, CARRIE.

THE BATHROOM IS ALONG THE LANDING.

SUPPER IS AT SIX. YOU WILL WASH --

WASH ? YOU WILL WASH,

OTHERWISE THERE WILL BE NO SUPPER.

IS THAT CLEAR ?

A HOUSE OF HORROR, THAT'S WHAT WE'VE COME TO.

( Whispering )

PLEASE DON'T BOTHER TO WHISPER.

I'M EXCEPTIONALLY KEEN OF HEARING.

YOU ARE PLANNING TO RUN BACK TO LONDON.

IF YOU'VE ANY PLOTTING TO DO, DO IT ELSEWHERE ...

WHERE I SHAN'T HAVE TO LISTEN.

I WANT YOU ALL TO SIT DOWN AFTER SUPPER AND WRITE TO YOUR PARENTS ...

AND TELL THEM THAT YOU ARE WELL.

WE HAVE NO PARENTS, MISS PRICE.

WHO DO YOU LIVE WITH, THEN ?

AUNT BETTY. SHE TOOK CARE OF US.

STILL, SHE WASN'T EVEN A REAL AUNT, WAS SHE ?

DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR OWN PARENTS ?

I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING. AUNT BETTY KNEW ONCE,

BUT SHE DON'T ANYMORE.

WHY IS THAT ?

THREE NIGHTS AGO, THE BOMBS WERE GETTING A BIT CLOSE ...

SO I TOOK CHARLIE AND PAUL DOWN TO THE UNDERGROUND TO SLEEP.

AUNT WAS WORKING LATE AND SHE GOT HOME THE SAME TIME AS ONE OF JERRY'S BOMBS.

I'M SURE YOUR AUNT WAS A VERY KIND WOMAN.

YES, MA'AM, SHE WAS.

I'M AFRAID I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT WHAT CHILDREN EAT.

YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE DO.

IS THERE ANYTHING PARTICULAR THAT YOU FANCY ?

SAUSAGE AND MASH, BUBBLE AND SQUEAK, TOAD IN THE HOLE.

FRIED FISH -- OH, ANYTHING AT ALL.

( Miss Price ) I'M AFRAID YOU WONT FIND ANY FRIED FOODS IN THIS HOUSE.

( Charlie ) NO FRIED FOOD ? NO.

HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR HEALTH ?

WHAT'S ALL THAT ?

CABBAGE BUDS, ROSE HIPS, GLYSSOP SEED, ELM BARK,

WHORTLE YEAST -- AND, AH ... STEWED NETTLES.

AND IN THE POT THERE, MANGO WUZZLE JAM.

MANGO WUZZLE ?

YES. VERY NOURISHING.

FOR WHAT WE ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE, LET US BE TRULY THANKFUL.

MEOW !

"DEAR MADAM, WITH THIS SHIPMENT,

"THE EMELIUS BROWNE CORRESPONDENCE COLLEGE OF WITCHCRAFT ...

"SENDS YOU ITS HEARTIEST CONGRATULATIONS ...

"ON QUALIFYING FOR THE FIRST DEGREE OF YOUR CALLING.

"YOU MAY NOW CALL YOURSELF APPRENTICE WITCH.

YOURS FAITHFULLY, EMELIUS BROWNE."

MY FIRST BROOM.

TIME TO GO. EVERYBODY UP.

WAKE UP, PAUL. WE'RE GOING BACK TO LONDON.

NOW, LET'S SEE HOW WE FLY THIS THING.

HERE WE ARE.

"CLASP THE BROOM WITH BOTH HANDS."

YES, OF COURSE.

"NO, NEVER ASTRIDE THE BROOM.

"TECHNICALLY, A WITCH IS ALWAYS A LADY ...

"EXCEPT WHEN CIRCUMSTANCES DICTATE OTHERWISE.

TAKE AN EASY, GRACEFUL, SIDEWAYS POSITION."

OF COURSE, THAT'S MUCH BETTER;

AN EASY, GRACEFUL, SIDEWAYS POSITION.

THERE WE ARE. HOW'S THAT ?

"TO START UP THE BROOM, YOUR BASIC FORMULA IS ...

LAKIPO...NIKRIF... SCRUMPET...LEETCH."

I WASN'T READY !

"LAKIPO...NIKRIF... SCRUMPET...LEETCH."

MEOW.

NOW, WATCH THIS.

HERE WE GO.

LAKIPO...NIKRIF... SCRUMPET...LEETCH.

OH !

IT'S GOING TO BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT THIS TIME.

MEOW.

I KNOW IT'S NOT LADYLIKE.

LAKIPO...NIKRIF... SCRUMPET...LEETCH.

MEOW.

COR ! WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

HOW DOES SHE DO THAT ? 'CAUSE SHE'S A WITCH.

THAT'S THE SORT OF THING WITCHES DO.

OH.

OH !

AHHH !

SHE DON'T FLY GOOD, DO SHE ?

OH !

SHE'S CRASHED !

COME ON, NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO HOP IT.

SUPPOSE SHE'S HURT ?

GO ON. YOU CAN'T HURT A WITCH.

LOOK OUT !

SHE'S PROPER CROSS, NOW. LET'S GET AWAY.

HANG ON. I'M HAVING A BIT OF A THINK.

"A WITCH SHE IS," SAYS YOU.

"THEN LET'S USE THE OLD LOAF," SAYS I.

LET'S GET BACK TO LONDON.

WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS AN OPPORTUNITY.

SHE DON'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW SHE'S A WITCH, DOES SHE ?

NOT RUDDY LIKELY.

THAT'S THE OPPORTUNITY.

I INTEND TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT. COME ON.

BRAN PORRIDGE.

THANK YOU, MISS.

VERY HEALTHFUL, I'M SURE.

HURT YOUR FOOT, MISS PRICE ?

JUST TWISTED MY ANKLE.

SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

THANK YOU.

IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS.

LOVELY WEATHER FOR FLYING LAST NIGHT.

WHY DID YOU SAY THAT ?

GAME'S UP, MISS PRICE.

WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

I SEE.

DON'T WORRY, MISS PRICE. NO ONE'S GOING TO PEACH ON YOU.

THANK YOU. I SHOULD BE MOST GRATEFUL IF YOU DIDN'T TELL ANYONE.

THERE'LL HAVE TO BE ONE OR TWO LITTLE CHANGES AROUND HERE.

I'D LIKE TO SEE AN OCCASIONAL SAUSAGE ON THE TABLE.

A BIT OF STRAWBERRY JAM --

( Carrie ) CHARLIE !

LET ME HANDLE THIS.

AND ANOTHER THING, THERE'LL BE NO MORE OF THIS ...

WASH, WASH, WASH, MORNIN' AND NIGHT.

ANYTHING ELSE ?

NOW YOU MENTION IT, I COULD DO WITH A BIT OF LOLLY.

LOLLY ?

CASH, COLD HARD CASH.

YOU MUST HAVE BUCKETS OF IT.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

THE MOST ACCOMPLISHED WITCHES CAN'T MAKE MONEY OF THIN AIR.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A RICH WITCH ?

BE AS IT MAY, YOU DON'T WANT US TO BLAB, DO YOU ?

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED WHAT DANGER YOU MIGHT BE IN ?

I AM A WITCH, YOU KNOW.

( Hiss )

WHAT WILL YOU DO ? TURN ME INTO A TOAD ?

LOVELY, A TOAD WITH PINK EYES.

I MIGHT JUST DO THAT.

GO ON, THEN. I DARE YOU.

VERY WELL, CHARLES.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT TO HER.

SHE DON'T FRIGHTEN ME.

SHE CAN'T EVEN RIDE A PROPER BROOM.

EXCUSE ME, CHARLES.

FILIGREE...APOGEE... PEDIGREE...PERIGEE.

OH, CHARLIE !

( Growl )

THAT'S BETTER THAN A TOAD. THAT'S A RABBIT.

BOTHER ! I NEVER SEEM TO BE ABLE TO MANAGE TOADS.

( Meow )

STOP ! LEAVE HIM ALONE !

( Meow ) DON'T LET CHARLIE GET HURT.

NOT TO WORRY. MY SPELLS DON'T LAST LONG.

I'M JUST AN APPRENTICE WITCH, YOU KNOW.

( Growl )

( Meow )

LOOK OUT, CHARLIE !

( Growl )

YOU FLAMIN' BRUTE !

( Screech )

I'LL TEACH YOU TO DO THAT TO ME !

LET COSMIC CREEPUS ALONE. WEREN'T HIS FAULT.

I'M AFRAID IT'S MY FAULT.

BAD ENOUGH NOT BEING ABLE TO MANAGE A BROOM,

I CAN'T PERFORM A SIMPLE, BASIC SPELL.

YOU DARED HER TO DO IT.

I DON'T SEE WHY WE CAN'T ALL BE FRIENDS.

MAYBE SHE'S NOT A WICKED WITCH.

OF COURSE I'M NOT.

SEE ! IF ONLY I COULD TRUST YOU.

YOU SEE, THE WORK I'M DOING IS SO IMPORTANT TO THE WAR EFFORT.

HOW DO YOU MEAN ?

I MEAN, EXCEPTIONALLY IMPORTANT.

MOST SECRET.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, CHARLIE. WE CAN KEEP A SECRET.

YEAH, IF SOMEONE MADE IT WORTH OUR WHILE.

I DON'T FOLLOW.

SIMPLE, YOU GIVE US SOMETHING VALUABLE TO SEAL THE PACT.

( Carrie ) OH, CHARLIE, DON'T TRY TO BE CLEVER AGAIN.

IT'S FOR HER OWN PROTECTION, AIN'T IT ?

IF WE BROKE THE PACT, WE'D HAVE TO GIVE BACK THE OBJECT.

I THINK IT'S AN EXCELLENT IDEA.

( Miss Price ) WHAT COULD I GIVE YOU ?

WOULD YOU SETTLE FOR ONE OF MY SPELLS ?

I BET THAT'S NOT WORTH MUCH.

COME WITH ME.

I LIKED YOU BETTER AS A RABBIT, CHARLIE.

SHUT UP, YOU.

WELL, I NEVER HAD A RABBIT.

THIS IS MY WORKROOM. NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN IT BEFORE.

COME ALONG.

CAREFUL WHAT YOU TOUCH IN HERE.

RUM SORT OF PLACE, AIN'T IT ?

WHEN I SIGNED FOR MY WITCHCRAFT COURSE,

THERE WAS A FREE BONUS; A MARVELOUS TRAVELING SPELL,

IF YOU PAID PROMPTLY IN ADVANCE.

I THINK I'LL GIVE YOU THAT ONE.

IS IT VALUABLE ?

CERTAINLY !

POISONED DRAGON'S LIVER !

POISONED DRAGON'S LIVER.

YOU MEAN YOU POISON THE DRAGON OR JUST THE LIVER ?

WELL, IT COMES PREPARED.

IT'S PART OF THE SCHOOL EQUIPMENT.

AH, HERE WE ARE.

"THE TRAVELING SPELL."

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY GATHER AROUND.

ALL RIGHT, NOW LET'S SEE.

DOES ANYONE HAVE A BRACELET OR A RING ...

OR SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN TWIST.

NO, MISS PRICE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU, PAUL ?

I ALWAYS CARRY A FEW THINGS WITH ME.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY MIGHT BE USEFUL.

A PIECE OF BLUE GLASS.

A LOVELY BIT OF STRING.

HORSESHOE NAIL.

WHAT'S THAT ?

A KNOB, COME FROM THE BED UPSTAIRS.

IT TWISTS, DON'T IT ?

YEAH, TWISTED RIGHT OFF.

YES, I THINK THAT WILL BE ALL RIGHT.

CARRIE, TURN THE LIGHT DOWN A LITTLE.

HELLEBORE...HENBANE...

ACONITE...

GLOWWORM FIRE... FIREFLY LIGHT.

THERE.

ISN'T THAT PRETTY !

IS THAT ALL WE GET ?

THIS KNOB WILL NOW WORK THE FAMOUS TRAVELING SPELL.

WHAT'S THE FAMOUS TRAVELING SPELL ?

HOW DOES IT WORK ?

YOU PUT THIS KNOB BACK ON THE BED UPSTAIRS.

THEN, TURN IT SMARTLY A QUARTER TURN TO THE LEFT.

THEN, IN A FIRM, CLEAR VOICE,

TELL IT WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, AND THE BED WILL TAKE YOU.

GO ON ! WILL IT REALLY ?

I SEE NO REASON TO THINK OTHERWISE.

OH, THANK YOU FOR THE LOVELY GIFT.

OH, I'M SORRY, BUT IT DOES BELONG TO PAUL.

HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN WORK THE SPELL.

ME ?

YES.

THAT'S RIGHT. MINE, NOW WASN'T IT.

THAT'S THE WAY THE SPELL WORKS.

NICE MESS HE'LL MAKE OF THINGS.

( Bell Jingles )

OH, BOTHER.

YOU CHILDREN RUN UPSTAIRS,

DON'T TRY ANYTHING WITH THE BEDKNOB 'TIL I GET BACK.

GOOD MORNING, MISS PRICE.

I WAS JUST ADMIRING THE SOUND WORKMANSHIP OF YOUR LOVELY HOUSE.

YES ? I WAS IN THE VILLAGE

AND AS I WAS TAKING MY MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL,

MRS. HOBDAY ASKED IF I MIGHT ...

DELIVER THIS LETTER TO YOU.

OH, AND I MUST SAY, I DID WELCOME ...

THE OPPORTUNITY OF HAVING ANOTHER CHAT WITH YOU.

I ALWAYS FIND THEM SO REFRESHING.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

"DEAR MADAM, IT GRIEVES ME TO INFORM YOU,

"THAT DUE TO THE WAR, WE HAVE BEEN FORCED ...

"TO CLOSE DOWN OUR COLLEGE OF WITCHCRAFT.

"THIS MEANS THAT WE SHALL NOT BE SENDING YOU ...

THE FINAL LESSON IN WHICH YOU EXPRESSED SO MUCH INTEREST."

WE WERE WONDERING WHAT WAS KEEPING YOU.

I'VE HAD SOME VERY BAD NEWS.

IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO ?

NO, NO, THANK YOU.

YES, YES, THERE IS SOMETHING THAT PAUL CAN DO.

ME ? PAUL, I NEED THE BEDKNOB BACK.

I MUST GET TO LONDON IMMEDIATELY.

NO, I WANT TO GO TO THE JUNGLE.

OH, I KNOW, BUT... WAIT A MO. I'LL HANDLE THIS.

CHARLIE, BE CAREFUL.

WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, MISS PRICE,

IS YOU NOW WISH TO TAKE THE OBJECT ...

WHICH YOU GAVE TO AN INNOCENT CHILD ...

AND GET HIM MIXED UP IN SOME KIND OF WITCH'S HANKY-PANKY.

WELL, YES, IN A WAY, BUT --

WELL, A FEW ODD SHILLINGS MIGHT FIX MATTERS UP,

AS YOU MIGHT SAY.

NO, CHARLES, MONEY HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

AND AS A MATTER OF FACT, NEITHER HAVE YOU.

COME WITH ME, PAUL.

PAUL, RIDICULOUS AS IT MAY SEEM ...

TO EXPLAIN THIS TO A SIX-YEAR-OLD CHILD,

BUT I DO NEED YOUR HELP.

GO AHEAD.

I WAS EXPECTING A VERY IMPORTANT SPELL IN THE MAIL ...

FROM MY TEACHER, PROFESSOR EMELIUS BROWNE,

AND IT HASN'T COME.

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH MY KNOB ?

I MUST GO TO LONDON IMMEDIATELY AND SEE PROFESSOR BROWNE.

WITH HIS HELP, WE MAY BE ABLE TO BRING THIS WAR TO AN END.

THAT IS WHY I NEED THE KNOB.

WHAT IS YOUR DECISION ?

THANK YOU, PAUL.

I BROUGHT THIS FOR YOUR HAIR, CARRIE. IT MAY BE WINDY.

THANK YOU. IT'S EVER SO NICE.

PAUL, HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE BATHROOM ?

TWICE.

CHARLES, YOU'D BETTER PUT ON SOMETHING WARMER.

THE BED MAY TRAVEL QUITE FAST.

I'M NOT GOING. I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.

BUT WHY ?

ALL THAT RUBBISH ABOUT A TRAVELING BED.

IT WON'T WORK,

THAT'S WHY.

CARRIE, HELP ME PULL THE BED OUT.

WE DON'T WANT TO SCRATCH THE WALL WHEN WE TAKE OFF.

HOW'S A RUDDY BIG BED, LIKE THAT,

GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS ROOM, WITH THOSE LITTLE WINDOWS ?

I DON'T KNOW, CHARLES.

THERE'S A GREAT MANY THINGS ABOUT MAGIC I DON'T KNOW.

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO FIND OUT.

LOVELY. JUST SO'S YOU LEAVE ME OUT OF IT.

I DON'T FANCY MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF.

WHAT'S COME OVER YOU LATELY, CHARLIE ?

YOU'RE NO FUN, ANYMORE.

HELP ME TIDY THE BED.

WE DON'T WANT TO GO TO LONDON WITH AN UNMADE BED.

HOW OLD IS CHARLES ?

ELEVEN, GOING ON TWELVE.

I SEE. THAT'S WHAT MY FATHER USED TO CALL ...

THE AGE OF "NOT BELIEVING."

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ?

♪ WHEN YOU RUSH AROUND IN HOPELESS CIRCLES ♪

♪ SEARCHING EVERYWHERE FOR SOMETHING TRUE ♪

♪ YOU'RE AT THE AGE OF NOT BELIEVING ♪

♪ WHEN ALL THE MAKE BELIEVE IS THROUGH ♪

THAT'S CHARLIE TO A "T."

♪ WHEN YOU SET ASIDE YOUR CHILDHOOD HEROES ♪

♪ AND YOUR DREAMS ARE LOST UPON A SHELF ♪

♪ YOU'RE AT THE AGE OF NOT BELIEVING ♪

♪ AND WORST OF ALL YOU DOUBT YOURSELF ♪

THROW THAT INTO THE WASTEBASKET.

♪ YOU'RE A CASTAWAY WHERE NO ONE HEARS YOU ♪

♪ ON A BARREN ISLE IN A LONELY SEA ♪

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ? POETRY ?

♪ WHERE DID ALL THE HAPPY ENDINGS GO ♪

♪ WHERE CAN ALL THE GOOD TIMES BE ♪

EVERYONE ON THE BED WHO'S GOING.

♪ YOU MUST FACE THE AGE OF NOT BELIEVING ♪

♪ DOUBTING EVERYTHING YOU EVER KNEW ♪

THE KNOB, PAUL.

♪ UNTIL AT LAST YOU START BELIEVING ♪

♪ THERE'S SOMETHING WONDERFUL IN YOU ♪

LOVELY SENTIMENT, I'M SURE.

ARE YOU READY, PAUL ? ( Paul ) YES, MISS PRICE.

WHEN I SAY "GO,"

TAP THE KNOB THREE TIMES AND TURN IT A QUARTER TURN TO THE LEFT.

LEFT ? THAT'S IT.

( Miss Price ) WE'D BETTER HOLD ON TIGHT.

THE BEHAVIOR OF THE BED IS SOMETHING I'M NOT SURE OF.

LET ME BREATHE A LITTLE.

ALL RIGHT, PAUL, READY ...

GO !

ONE... TWO... THREE.

( Growl )

NOTHING HAPPENED.

THAT'S VERY ODD.

I TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T WORK.

OF COURSE, HOW STUPID OF ME.

WE DIDN'T TELL THE OBJECT WHERE WE WANTED TO GO.

REPEAT AFTER ME.

TAKE US TO PROFESSOR EMELIUS BROWNE ...

TAKE US TO PROFESSOR ...

EMELIUS BROWNE.

VERY GOOD.

HEADMASTER CORRESPONDENCE COLLEGE OF WITCHCRAFT.

HEADMASTER ...

CORRESPONDENCE ...

COLLEGE ...

( Miss Price ) OF WITCHCRAFT, LONDON.

( Paul ) OF WITCHCRAFT, LONDON.

( Miss Price ) NOW GO !

ONE ... TWO ... THREE ...

( Meow )

IS THIS LONDON ?

COURSE IT IS. CAN'T YOU SMELL THAT LOVELY, SOOTY AIR ?

MARVELOUS, AIN'T IT?

WELL, CHARLES, ARE YOU CONVINCED NOW ?

NOT YET, I AIN'T.

I DON'T SEE NO PROFESSOR BROWNE.

NEITHER DO I, IN POINT OF FACT.

LOOK AFTER THE BED WHILE I MAKE INQUIRIES.

I TOLD YOU THIS FLAMIN' BED WOULDN'T WORK.

DON'T START THAT AGAIN.

IT DIDN'T WORK PROPER.

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE US TO PRO--

LOOK !

( Paul ) PROFESSOR BROWNE !

( Charlie ) COME ON !

OI, WAIT A MO. WE CAN'T LEAVE THE BED THERE.

PUSH.

WHICH WAY DID HE GO?

I DON'T KNOW. LET'S TRY THIS.

PUSH. HURRY UP.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN !

GATHER AROUND, PLEASE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN !

PLEASE NOTE THE NAME, "PROFESSOR EMELIUS BROWNE."

I AM HERE TO DIVERT, TO AMUSE ...

AND, YES, EVEN TO HELP YOU.

HOW CAN I ENRICH YOUR LIVES ?

MY HUMBLE TALENTS ARE AT YOUR COMMAND.

AH, MADAM, WHAT HAVE WE HERE ?

YOU SAID YOU WAS STONY BROKE.

I DON'T KEEP MONEY IN ME EAR HOLE.

IT'S A TRICK ! YES, MADAM, A TRICK.

OR TO USE A KINDER WORD, AN ILLUSION.

BUT WHAT ISN'T, IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES ?

WE LIVE IN A WORLD OF FAKERY AND FALSE IMAGES.

THERE HE IS !

( Mr. Browne ) IT IS NOT WHAT THINGS ARE.

IT IS WHAT THEY SEEM TO BE.

IS THAT NOT SO, MADAM ?

THAT AIN'T THE KIND OF PROFESSOR I EXPECTED.

I'M NOT SURE IT'S THE KIND MISS PRICE EXPECTED, EITHER.

YOU SEE, IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER

WHAT I DO, WHAT I DO,

AS LONG AS I DO IT...

... WITH A FLAIR.

WHAT EFFECT A LITTLE SMOKE IS ...

WITH A DASH OF HOCUS POCUS AND THE SCENT OF BURNING --

AND THE SCENT OF BURNING SULPHUR IN THE AIR.

♪ I'M A FRAUD, A HOKE, A CHARLATAN, A JOKE ♪

♪ BUT THEY LOVE ME EVERYWHERE ♪

Thank you. Thank you.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR MY NEXT TRICK,

MAY I DRAW YOUR ATTENTION ...

TO THIS SOLID PIECE OF ORDINARY WINDOW GLASS ...

FRAMED IN AN ORDINARY, UNPREPARED FRAME.

MAY I ALSO DRAW YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS ORDINARY STEEL NAIL.

I SHALL PLACE THE FRAMED GLASS IN THIS BROWN, UNPREPARED,

MARK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

UNPREPARED, BROWN, PAPER BAG.

I SHALL NOW ATTEMPT ...

TO DRIVE THE STEEL NAIL THROUGH THE GLASS ...

WITHOUT BREAKING THE GLASS !

"IMPOSSIBLE," I CAN HEAR YOU SAY.

WE SHALL SEE.

( Glass Breaking )

( Clinking Broken Glass )

HE AIN'T VERY GOOD, EVEN IF HE IS A PROFESSOR.

♪ AND IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I SAY, WHAT I SAY ♪

♪ AS LONG AS I SAY IT WITH A FLAIR ♪

♪ FIRST I RATTLE OFF A READY STOCK OF GIBBERISH AND POPPYCOCK ♪

♪ AND FIX YOU WITH MY BEST HYPNOTIC STARE ♪

♪ WITH MY MOANS AND GROANS AND SOPORIFIC TONES ♪

♪ THEY HAVE CHEERED ME EVERYWHERE ♪

♪ FOR IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I SAY, WHAT I SAY ♪

♪ I SAID IT WHEN I TELL IT WITH A "SEEMUS ALABEEM" ♪

♪ THE MAGICIANS NURSERY RHYME ♪

♪ ABRACADABRA ♪

♪ YOU SUCCUMB TO IT EVERY TIME ♪

♪ WAVE A STICK AND EACH TRICK ♪

♪ WILL MYSTIFY AND DISARM ♪

♪ IN FACT, TO COIN A FITTING PHRASE ♪

♪ IT WORKS ♪

( Object Falling )

( Grunts )

♪ LIKE A CHARM ♪

♪ SO IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I BREW, WHAT I BREW ♪

♪ AS LONG AS I BREW IT WITH A FLAIR ♪

♪ THOUGH I'VE NEVER CAST A MAGIC SPELL I MAKE THE MOTIONS VERY WELL ♪

♪ MY SHOWMANSHIP IS FAR BEYOND COMPARE ♪

♪ I'M A ROGUE, A RAKE, A MOUNTEBANK OF FAKE ♪

♪ BUT I DO WHATE'ER I DARE ♪

WHAT A WASTE OF FRESH EGGS.

THEY AIN'T FRESH. SMELL.

♪ FOR IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I DO, WHAT I DO ♪

♪ YOU BUY MY CHARMS AND POXES 'CAUSE THEY COME IN FANCY BOXES ♪

♪ TO IMPROVE YOUR UGLY DAUGHTER I'VE A VIAL OF COLORED WATER ♪

♪ AND MY MAGIC INCANTATIONS CAN BE FRAMED AS DECORATIONS ♪

♪ THOUGH THERE'S REALLY NOTHING TO IT AND OF COURSE YOU ALL SEE THROUGH IT ♪

♪ YOU LOVE ME 'CAUSE I DO IT ♪

♪ WITH A FLAIR ♪

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

I'M GOING TO OFFER YOU MY ENTIRE STOCK OF MAGIC.

NO, LADIES, PLEASE DON'T GO.

THE PRICES ARE SO LOW, YOU WILL NEVER CEASE TO MARVEL AT THEM.

DON'T LEAVE NOW ...

AND REGRET LOST OPPORTUNITIES LATER.

YOU, YOUNG SIR,

WOULD YOU CARE TO WARBLE LIKE THE STORIED NIGHTINGALE ?

WITH THIS INEXPENSIVE DEVICE,

YOU CAN CHARM THE BIRDS DOWN FROM THE TREES, LIKE SO.

( Chirping )

HOW MUCH ?

FOR YOU, SIR, ONE PENNY;

ONE COPPER COIN OF THE REALM.

( Spitting Sound )

CARRIE, I'M VERY SURPRISED YOU WANDERED OFF LIKE THIS.

WE FOUND HIM FOR YOU, MISS.

WE FOUND PROFESSOR BROWNE.

IT DON'T WORK. I'VE BEEN CHEATED !

IS THAT PROFESSOR BROWNE ?

IT IS INDEED, MY DEAR.

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN THE MATING CALL ...

OF THE BRAZILIAN MATOUACAN BIRD ?

KNOWN AS THE BIRD OF LOVE ?

( Chirping )

VERY USEFUL, EH ?

YOU ARE THE HEADMASTER OF THE EMELIUS BROWNE ...

CORRESPONDENCE COLLEGE OF WITCHCRAFT ?

THE LATE HEADMASTER.

THE COLLEGE, ALAS, IS NOW DEFUNCT.

PROFESSOR BROWNE, I AM ONE OF YOUR PUPILS.

MY DEAR LADY,

YOU ARE, INDEED, AN ORNAMENT TO THE COLLEGE.

SPLENDID ! NOT AT ALL.

I WAS SHOCKED AND DISMAYED WHEN YOU CLOSED DOWN THE COLLEGE ...

WITHOUT THAT MOST IMPORTANT LAST LESSON.

I'M SORRY, MY DEAR, NO REFUNDS.

LOOK AT YOUR CONTRACT.

BUT I MUST HAVE THE SPELL THAT COMES WITH THE LAST LESSON !

THE MATTER IS CLOSED.

I BID YOU GOOD DAY !

I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT AT MY CLUB FOR SQUASH RACKETS.

THE MATTER IS NOT CLOSED ! DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY.

RIGHT-O !

LEAVE GO OF ME !

WOULD YOU MIND !

AH, HERE WE ARE.

GET THIS CHILD OFF MY LEG !

GET THIS --

FILIGREE...APOGEE... PEDIGREE...PERIGEE.

COR !

NOW, I TRUST YOU'LL BEHAVE MORE LIKE A GENTLEMAN.

LOOK OUT !

WELL, THERE GOES ANOTHER RABBIT.

WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT ?

I CHANGED YOU INTO A RABBIT WITH ONE OF YOUR OWN SPELLS.

MY SPELL ? FROM MY SCHOOL ?

NOT ONE OF YOUR BEST SPELLS, IN POINT OF FACT.

IT DOESN'T LAST VERY LONG.

SOME OF YOUR OTHERS ARE MUCH BETTER.

BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

MY SPELL ?

THEY WERE JUST NONSENSE WORDS FROM AN OLD BOOK.

THEY WORKED PERFECTLY WELL FOR ME.

THEY WORKED FOR YOU ?

GOOD WOMAN,

SOME KIND OF DESTINY HAS BROUGHT US TOGETHER.

YOU GOT THE WORDS FOR THESE SPELLS FROM SOME OLD BOOK ?

MORE OR LESS. I CHANGED THEM 'ROUND A BIT.

I GAVE THEM A BIT OF MY OWN STYLE.

THE OLD SORCERERS HAD A BIT OF A TENDENCY ...

TO WAFFLE ON, BUT DEAR LADY,

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D MEET SOMEBODY LIKE YOU.

WHAT A TREASURE.

MR. BROWNE, WILL YOU PLEASE STICK TO THE POINT !

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THIS BOOK, IMMEDIATELY !

CERTAINLY.

IT'S AT MY NEW TOWN HOUSE.

WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME FOR LUNCHEON ?

WE CAN DISCUSS MY IDEAS AT THE SAME TIME.

THANK YOU. WE'D BE DELIGHTED.

WE?

DO THESE THREE JACKALS BELONG TO YOU?

( Miss Price ) WELL, NOT EXACTLY.

WE SHALL ALL GO TOGETHER.

ON THE BED ? ON THE BED.

YOU GO 'ROUND THE OTHER SIDE. I ALWAYS TRAVEL ON THE LEFT.

WILL YOU GIVE THE ADDRESS TO PAUL, PLEASE.

HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET THERE ON THIS BED ? FLY ?

MY DEAR PROFESSOR BROWNE, WITH YOUR OWN TRAVELING SPELL;

THE ONE YOU GAVE WITH THE COURSE AS A BONUS.

MY TRAVELING SPELL ?

THAT WORKS, AS WELL ?

JUST GIVE THE ADDRESS, PLEASE.

EIGHT WYNCHFIELD ROAD.

BED, TAKE US TO EIGHT WYNCHFIELD ROAD.

MADAM ...

IS THIS VEHICLE SAFE ?

OH, PERFECTLY SAFE.

A BIT THEATRICAL, PERHAPS,

BUT THEN, MOST GOOD SPELLS ARE.

WELL, WE'RE HERE.

I WOULD NEVER HAVE BELIEVED IT.

YOU MUST HAVE GIVEN US THE WRONG ADDRESS.

YOU DON'T LIVE HERE, DO YOU ?

IN POINT OF FACT, TEMPORARILY, AT ANY RATE.

I FOUND THE FRONT DOOR OPEN. THE HOUSE WAS DESERTED.

EVERYONE HAS LEFT THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

NOW, WHY SHOULD THEY DO THAT ?

THIS PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.

( Miss Price ) MERCIFUL HEAVENS !

I'D THINK YOU'D BE TERRIFIED AT THE VERY IDEA OF LIVING HERE.

YOU'D HAVE THOUGHT SO, WOULDN'T YOU.

I AM BY NATURE ... A LITTLE BIT OF A COWARD.

THEN I PONDERED, AS I OFTEN DO.

IN THE PERVERSE NATURE OF THINGS,

THIS DIABOLICAL OBJECT IS PROBABLY ...

THE BEST FRIEND I'VE EVER HAD.

IT ENABLES ME, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE,

TO LIVE LIKE A KING.

SHALL WE GO IN ?

ROTHSCHILD '26.

NOBLE, WORLDLY-WISE,

BUT WITH A CHARMING TOUCH OF INNOCENCE. WOULDN'T YOU SAY ?

THE BOOK. WHERE IS IT ?

DEAR LADY, YOU ARE RELENTLESS.

THE BOOK IS IN THE LIBRARY.

WE SHALL PROCEED THERE AFTER OUR CHEESE AND WINE.

WHY D'YOU KEEP THE CURTAINS CLOSED ?

SO THAT WE MAY ENJOY THE GLOW OF CANDLELIGHT.

MORE'N LIKELY, SO'S THE COPPERS DON'T PEEK IN ...

AND CATCH YOU HIDIN' OUT HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU YOUNG THINGS LOOK AROUND ?

I WANT TO HAVE A CHAT WITH MISS PRICE.

MAY WE ? YES, RUN ALONG,

BUT DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

THIS HOUSE DOESN'T BELONG TO MR. BROWNE.

MR. BROWNE, WHERE IS THAT BOOK ?

I MUST HAVE THAT SPELL ON SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION.

( Paul ) WHAT IS IT ? A TOY SHOP ?

( Carrie ) NO, A NURSERY.

AIN'T YOU EVER SEEN A NURSERY ?

NO, AND NEITHER HAVE YOU.

AND WHAT IS SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION ?

SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION IS THE ANCIENT AND MYSTIC ART ...

OF CAUSING OBJECTS TO TAKE ON A LIFE FORCE OF THEIR OWN.

WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN THAT?

BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IT CAN ONLY HELP THE WAR EFFORT.

I MUST SEE THE NATURE OF THE SPELL.

PRECISELY, MY GOOD WOMAN.

BUT NOW YOU MUST HEAR MY IDEAS.

WHAT ARE YOU READING ?

"ISLE OF NABOOMBU."

CAN'T BE NO SUCH PLACE.

THERE IS TOO SUCH A PLACE.

THESE PICTURES PROVES IT, DON'T IT ?

( Charlie ) A BIT WEIRD, AIN'T IT ?

ANIMALS WEARING HATS AND THINGS ?

I LIKE IT.

WOULD YOU HOLD THIS, PLEASE ?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT ?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK.

JUST THINK HOW SUCCESSFUL I COULD BE ...

WITH AN ASSISTANT WHO CAN REALLY DO MAGIC !

OH ?

HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED ENTERING "SHOW BUSINESS" ?

THE WHAT BUSINESS ?

THE THEATRE, PANTOMIMES,

VILLAGE FAIRS, THE SEASIDE, BRIGHTON,

BLACKPOOL, FOLLIES ON THE PROM--

I HAVE VERY IMPORTANT WORK TO DO.

LISTEN TO ME. WE COULD MAKE A PACKET.

♪ LET US STRIKE A BARGAIN ♪

♪ YOU POSSESS A GIFT ♪

♪ BUT I CAN SPEAK THE JARGON ♪

♪ THAT WILL GIVE YOUR GIFT THE NEEDED LIFT ♪

OH ? ♪ YOU POSSESS THE KNOW HOW ♪

♪ AND I COMMAND THE SHOW HOW ♪

♪ OH, HOW SUCCESSFUL YOU COULD BE ♪

♪ WITH ME ♪

I'M AFRAID WE'RE WASTING VALUABLE TIME.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME ? MISS PRICE.

NO, YOUR FIRST NAME, MY DEAR.

EGLANTINE.

EGLANTINE ?

♪ EGLANTINE ♪

♪ EGLANTINE ♪

♪ OH, HOW YOU'LL SHINE ♪

♪ YOUR LOT AND MY LOT ♪

♪ HAVE GOT TO COMBINE ♪

♪ EGLANTINE, EGLANTINE ♪

♪ HARK TO THE STARS ♪

♪ DESTINY CALLS US ♪

♪ THE FUTURE IS OURS ♪

♪ AS THE SHINE SELLS THE BOOT ♪

♪ AND THE BLOSSOMS THE FRUIT ♪

♪ ALL YOU NEED TO SUCCEED IN YOUR PLAN ♪

♪ IS THE PROPER ALLY ♪

♪ UPON WHOM TO RELY ♪

♪ AND I'M YOUR MAN ♪

♪ FOR I HAVE AN ACUMEN ♪

♪ THAT'S NIGH SUPERHUMAN ♪

♪ I SELL THINGS THAT NOBODY CAN ♪

♪ SO I HUMBLY SUGGEST YOU ACCEPT MY BEHEST ♪

♪ I'M YOUR MAN ♪

♪ EGLANTINE, EGLANTINE ♪

♪ OH, HOW YOU SHINE ♪

♪ YOUR LOT AND MY LOT ♪

♪ HAVE GOT TO COMBINE ♪

♪ EGLANTINE, EGLANTINE ♪

♪ HARK TO THE STARS ♪

♪ DESTINY CALLS US ♪

♪ THE FUTURE IS OURS ♪

♪ WITH MY EXPERT PANTOMIMING THE PROPER TASTE AND TIMING ♪

♪ I'LL INTRODUCE YOU IN THE MANNER GRAND ♪

♪ I'LL WHET THEIR APPETITE FOR YOU ♪

♪ I'LL SET THE SCENE SO RIGHT FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'LL HAVE THE BEGGARS EATING OUT OF YOUR HAND ♪

♪ AS THE WORDS SELL THE TUNE ♪

♪ AND THE MOONBEAMS, THE MOON ♪

♪ ALL YOU NEED TO SUCCEED IN YOUR PLAN ♪

♪ IS A CHAMPION RARE WITH A FLOURISH ♪

♪ AND A FLAIR ♪

♪ AND I'M YOUR MAN ♪

DO STOP PRANCING ABOUT. THERE'S SERIOUS WORK TO BE DONE.

♪ I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A BIT OF A KNACK FOR WITCHCRAFT ♪

♪ COMMON SPELLS AND SIMPLE CHARMS CAME NATURALLY ♪

♪ SO WHEN THE WAR BEGAN I CONJURED UP A PLAN ♪

♪ TO DO MY BIT IN THE NATIONAL EMERGENCY ♪

♪ I ENROLLED IN YOUR CORRESPONDENCE COLLEGE OF WITCHCRAFT ♪

♪ AND I SLAVED AT EVERY LESSON AS IT CAME ♪

♪ BUT THE SPELL I COUNTED ON IS THE LESSON THAT IS GONE ♪

♪ IT'S DISAPPEARED AND YOU'RE THE ONE TO BLAME ♪

♪ YOUR SUGGESTIONS ARE RASH AND YOUR MANNER IS BRASH ♪

♪ AND I'VE NO TIME TO WASTE, MR. BROWNE ♪

♪ IF I AM TO PROCEED, IT'S THAT BOOK THAT I NEED ♪

♪ DON'T LET ME DOWN ♪

♪ BUT IF YOU'LL SEE ME THROUGH, I'LL DISCUSS IT WITH YOU ♪

♪ THOUGH I'VE NO TASTE FOR PLAYING THE CLOWN ♪

♪ IF I MEET WITH SUCCESS THEN I MIGHT ACQUIESCE ♪

♪ I WON'T LET YOU DOWN ♪

♪ EGLANTINE, EGLANTINE OH, HOW YOU'LL SHINE ♪

♪ YOUR LOT AND MY LOT HAVE GOT TO COMBINE ♪

♪ EGLANTINE, EGLANTINE HARK TO THE STARS ♪

♪ DESTINY CALLS US THE FUTURE -- ♪

MR. BROWNE, IM WARNING YOU!

I WARNED YOU, MR. BROWNE.

NOW, WHERE IS THE BOOK ?

WELL ? WHERE IS IT ?

AT LAST, MR. BROWNE !

"THE SPELLS OF ASTOROTH."

OF COURSE.

HERE'S THE TRAVELING SPELL. THIS IS WHERE YOU GOT IT.

DOES ONE'S NOSE HAVE TO TWITCH LIKE THIS ?

YOU'RE BACK, MR. BROWNE.

MISS PRICE, A WORD ABOUT YOUR TACTICS.

I DON'T MIND BEING CHANGED INTO A HAWK OR A TIGER,

OR SOMETHING WITH A BIT OF DASH,

BUT ALWAYS A FLUFFY, WHITE RABBIT ?

IT'S INTOLERABLE !

HERE WE ARE.

"SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION."

"THE ANCIENT ART OF --"

" ... THE SPELL WHICH CREATES THIS FORCE IS FIVE MYSTIC WORDS.

THESE WORDS ARE --"

BUT THE REST OF THE BOOK IS MISSING !

NOW YOU SEE WHY I CLOSED DOWN THE COLLEGE.

BUT WHERE ARE THE OTHER PAGES ?

I HAVEN'T THE FOGGIEST.

LISTEN TO ME.

I'M ALL EARS.

YOU WILL BE IF YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION.

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS BOOK ?

I BOUGHT IT IN THE STREET MARKET.

THERE WAS A BIT OF UNPLEASANTNESS.

HE CLAIMED THAT I'D GIVEN HIM A DUD COIN.

THERE WAS A SORT OF SCUFFLE.

THE BOOK TORE.

HE GOT ONE HALF AND I GOT THE OTHER.

BUT WHERE'S THE OTHER HALF NOW ?

IT'S PROBABLY BEEN THROWN AWAY.

IF IT STILL EXISTS, THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE TO FIND IT.

WHERE IS THAT ?

( Mr. Browne ) ♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ STREET WHERE THE RICHES OF AGES ARE STOWED ♪

♪ ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING A CHAP CAN UNLOAD ♪

♪ IS SOLD OFF THE BARROW IN PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ YOU'LL FIND WHAT YOU WANT ♪

♪ IN THE PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ RARE ALABASTER ♪

♪ GENUINE PLASTER ♪

♪ A FILIGREED SAMOVAR OWNED BY THE CZARS ♪

♪ A PEN USED BY SHELLEY ♪

♪ A NEW BOTTICELLI ♪

♪ THE SNIPPERS THAT CLIPPED OLD KING EDWARD'S CIGARS ♪

MADE IN HONG KONG ?

TWO BOB A DOZEN, WOULD YOU SAY ?

♪ WATERFORD CRYSTAL ♪

♪ NAPOLEON'S PISTOLS ♪

♪ SOCIETY HEIRLOOMS WITH GENUINE GEMS ♪

♪ REMBRANDTS, EL GRECOS, TOULOUSE-LAUTRECOS ♪

♪ PAINTED LAST WEEK ON THE BANKS OF THE THAMES ♪

VERY INTERESTING, BUT WHERE DO THEY SELL BOOKS ?

THERE'S A LITTLE PLACE AROUND THE CORNER.

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ STREET WHERE THE RICHES OF AGES ARE STOWED ♪

♪ ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING A CHAP CAN UNLOAD ♪

♪ IS SOLD OFF THE BARROW IN PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ YOU'LL MEET ALL YOUR CHUMS ♪

♪ IN THE PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

LOVELY TO SEE YOU, GOODBYE.

WHAT I WANT IS THE OTHER HALF OF THIS BOOK.

ALL IN GOOD TIME, MY DEAR.

♪ THERE'S PURE INSPIRATION IN EVERY CREATION ♪

♪ NO CHEAP IMITATION NOT HERE IN ME STORE ♪

♪ WITH GARMENTS AS SUCH AS WAS WORN BY A DUCHESS ♪

♪ JUST ONCE AT SOME ROYAL OCCASION OF YORE ♪

YOU LOOK CHARMING, MY DEAR.

♪ IN PORTOBELLO ROAD, PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ THE FANCIES AND FINERIES OF AGES ARE SHOWED ♪

♪ A LADY WILL ALWAYS FEEL DRESSED A LA MODE ♪

♪ IN FRILLIES SHE FINDS IN THE PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ BURKE'S PEERAGE THE BRIDE BOOK ♪

♪ THE FISHMONGER'S GUIDE BOOK ♪

I'M LOOKING FOR THE OTHER PART OF THIS.

♪ A VICTORIAN NOVEL, THE UNWANTED SON ♪

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND --

♪ THE HISTORY OF POTTING ♪

♪ THE YEARBOOK OF YACHTING ♪

♪ THE LEATHER-BOUND LIFE OF ATTILA, THE HUN ♪

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ STREET WHERE THE RICHES OF AGES ARE STOWED ♪

♪ ARTIFACTS TO GLORIFY A REGAL ABODE ♪

♪ ARE HID MID THE FLOTSAM IN PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ?

♪ TOKENS AND TREASURES YESTERDAY'S PLEASURES ♪

♪ CHEAP IMITATIONS AND HEIRLOOMS OF OLD ♪

♪ DENTED AND TARNISHED, SCARRED AND UNVARNISHED ♪

♪ IN OLD PORTOBELLO THEY'RE BOUGHT AND THEY'RE SOLD ♪

( Singing )

THIS GOOD LADY IS LOOKING FOR THE OTHER HALF OF THIS BOOK.

IT'S CALLED, "THE SPELLS OF ASTOROTH."

I DON'T KEEP NO TORN OR DAMAGED BOOKS HERE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM ? A RUDDY WASTEPAPER MERCHANT ?

♪ YOU CAN EAT LIKE A KING IN THE PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

I THINK THERE'S ANOTHER BOOK STORE ALONG HERE, SOMEWHERE.

GRANDPA, YOU DON'T EXPECT TO SELL A PIANO LIKE THAT DO YOU ?

LET ME HAVE A GO, MY DEAR FELLOW.

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ HAPPY THINGS ARE HAPPENING ♪

♪ IN PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ YOU FEEL LIKE A BALLERINA ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE HOPPING LIKE A TOAD ♪

♪ WHEN YOU KICK YOUR HEELS UP ♪

♪ DOWN IN PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪

( Laughter )

♪

♪

♪

MISSED ME.

♪

COME ON, DUCKS.

COME ON, GIRLS.

LOVERLY.

( Bell )

CLOSING TIME.

BYE. BYE.

BYE.

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ PORTOBELLO ROAD ♪

♪ STREET WHERE THE RICHES OF AGES ARE STOWED ♪

♪ ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING A CHAP CAN UNLOAD ♪

HEY, GUVNER,

SOMETHIN' FOR THE LADY FRIEND ? NYLONS ?

NO, THANK YOU.

PETROL COUPONS ?

CHOCS FOR THE LITTLE ONES ? NOPE.

HOW ABOUT ONE OF THESE ? FELL OFF A LORRY.

DO BE A GOOD CHAP AND RUN AWAY.

WOULD YOU FANCY THIS, THEN ?

NOW YOU HAVE MY UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, FRIEND ?

YOU'RE TO GET OVER TO THE BOOKMAN, STRAIGHTAWAY.

HE WANTS TO SEE YOU.

YOU, TOO !

WHO IS THE BOOKMAN ?

AND WHAT RIGHT HAS HE TO ORDER ME ABOUT ?

UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES WE'D BETTER ASK QUESTIONS LATER.

EXCUSE ME.

WHY AM I PUSHING THIS HERE FLAMING BED ?

BECAUSE, MY FRIEND, THIS MAGNIFICENT BED ...

ONCE BELONGED TO THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON.

YOU SEE ?

I AIN'T SURE I DO.

IT IS EXTREMELY VALUABLE,

AND I WISH TO GIVE IT TO THE BOOKMAN AS A PRESENT.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I'LL PUSH THE BLASTED THING.

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD.

( Bookman ) WHO IS IT ? I BROUGHT THE WOMAN. AND HIM AS WELL.

( Bookman ) WELL, SEND THEM IN.

IN YOU COME.

RIGHT. IN WE COME.

( Crash, Bang, Bang )

SORRY, GUV, NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE STAIRS.

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST BRING SCOTLAND YARD, SWINBURNE,

AND HALF THE HOUSEHOLD CALVARY, AS WELL ?

WHAT'S THE BED FOR ?

IT'S A PRESENT FOR YOU.

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

NOTHING OF THE SORT. IT BELONGS TO ME.

EXCEPT FOR THIS KNOB, WHICH IS MINE.

BOOKMAN, THERE'S BEEN BAD BLOOD BETWEEN US LONG ENOUGH.

LET THIS GLITTERING GIFT BEGIN FRIENDSHIP ANEW.

LOCK THE DOOR.

YOU'LL BE SNUG AS A BUG.

ISN'T THAT THE SECTION OF THE MANUSCRIPT ...

THAT WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR ?

WHO IS THIS ?

A MISS EGLANTINE PRICE,

A CHARMING YOUNG WOMAN OF MY ACQUAINTANCE.

MISS PRICE, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS OTHER BIT A LONG TIME.

MR. SWINBURNE TOLD ME YOU WERE MAKING INQUIRIES.

AND HERE WE ARE.

I DON'T MIND SAYING, TO SEE IT ALL TOGETHER AT LAST,

THERE ISN'T MUCH I WOULDN'T DO.

OR HAVEN'T DONE, FOR THAT MATTER.

RIGHT, GUV. ( Laughs )

CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, SWINBURNE !

IS THAT CLEAR ?

IT'S ALL RATHER LIKE A JOLLY DETECTIVE STORY,

OR JIGSAW PUZZLE, ISN'T IT ?

WE'RE BOTH AFTER THE SAME SPELL.

YOU HAVE ONE CLUE. I HAVE THE OTHER.

IN THAT CASE, THE SENSIBLE THING SEEMS TO BE ...

FOR US TO COOPERATE.

I'D RATHER COOPERATE WITH A COBRA.

WOULD YOU PREFER THAT I ASK ...

SWINBURNE TO TAKE THE BOOK FROM HER ?

HERE, YOU. NONE OF THAT.

BOOKMAN. YES.

I ASSUME YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE SAME THING I AM.

MAY I ?

THIS IS QUITE A MOMENT FOR BOTH OF US.

"SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION, THE LOST MIRACLE OF THE ANCIENTS,"

AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.

AH, HERE WE ARE.

"THE SPELL WHICH CREATES THIS FORCE IS 5 MYSTIC WORDS.

THESE WORDS ARE ..."

"ENGRAVED ON THE STAR THAT WAS ALWAYS WORN ...

BY THE SORCERER, ASTOROTH."

( Bookman ) BUT WHERE ARE THE WORDS OF THE SPELL ?

I ASSUMED THEY'D BE IN YOUR HALF.

BUT I THOUGHT THEY'D BE IN YOURS.

ONCE AGAIN, A DEAD END.

I SHALL NEVER KNOW THE SECRET.

ISN'T THAT OLD ASTOROTH ?

AND THERE'S HIS STAR.

IT'S A PITY IT'S SO SMALL YOU CAN'T READ THE WRITING.

BUT WHY THE ANIMALS ?

TOWARDS THE END OF HIS LIFE,

ASTOROTH KEPT ANIMALS IN CAGES ...

AND SEARCHED FOR THE SPELLS ...

THAT WOULD MAKE THEM MORE LIKE HUMANS.

THE LEGEND IS THAT THE ANIMALS REBELLED AT THE EXPERIMENT,

KILLED ASTOROTH, AND STOLE MANY OF HIS POWERS.

INCLUDING THE STAR WITH THE SPELL ON IT.

( Bookman ) POSSIBLY. THEY FOUND A SHIP, SAILED AWAY,

AND WERE NEVER HEARD OF AGAIN.

HOWEVER, THERE'S A FINAL NOTATION IN MY HALF OF THE BOOK,

SAYING THAT IN THE 17TH CENTURY,

A SHIPWRECKED LASCAR WAS TAKEN FROM THE SEA ...

HALF-MAD WITH THIRST AND EXPOSURE TO THE SUN.

BEFORE HE DIED, HE SWORE HE'D SEEN AN ISLAND RULED BY ANIMALS.

WHERE ?

THERE IS, I REGRET TO SAY, NO SUCH ISLAND.

I LOOKED FOR IT IN EVERY CHART.

THE ISLE OF NABOOMBU DOES NOT EXIST.

IT DOES, TOO !

GOT ME OWN -- ( Muffled )

WHAT IS HE TRYING TO SAY ?

NOTHIN'. WHEN HE DON'T SAY NOTHIN' HE BURBLES.

I WISH THE CHILD TO SPEAK !

NOW YOU'VE DONE IT.

THERE IS, TOO, SUCH A PLACE.

GOT ME OWN BOOK. REAL PRETTY LETTERS, AIN'T IT ?

LET ME SEE IT.

YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED. IT'S A SIMPLE CHILDREN'S BOOK.

I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.

GIVE IT TO ME. NO !

PLEASE DON'T ANNOY ME.

GIVE ME THE BOOK !

NOT LIKELY.

BIT OF A STALEMATE, ISN'T IT ?

IF IT'S ALL THE SAME TO YOU, I'D RATHER USE ME OWN.

SENTIMENT, YOU KNOW.

COME ALONG, PAUL, IT'S TIME TO GO.

GO ? HOW, MY DEAR ? THE DOOR IS LOCKED.

OBSERVE THE FUNDAMENTAL WEAKNESS OF THE CRIMINAL MIND.

YOU'LL BELIEVE IN NO ONE, OR IN ANYTHING.

I UNDERSTAND. THE KNOB, PAUL.

RIGHT.

DO YOU REALIZE WE CAN TELL THEM THE COMPLETE TRUTH ?

THEY WILL BELIEVE NOTHING !

HE'S UP TO SOMETHING, YOU KNOW.

BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES, I SHALL CAUSE THIS BED ...

AND ALL THE OCCUPANTS UPON IT, TO DISAPPEAR.

DISAPPEAR ?

I'D LIKE TO SEE A CHEAPJACK, TENTH-RATE ENTERTAINER ...

DO A TRICK LIKE THAT.

CHEAPJACK ENTERTAINER ! NOW, THAT WAS NAUGHTY.

ALL RIGHT, PAUL.

WHERE TO ?

TO THE ISLAND OF NABOOMBU.

I'M VERY CURIOUS ABOUT THAT PLACE.

BED, TAKE US TO THE ISLAND OF NABOOMBU.

ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE. GET THE BOOK.

( Splashes )

BEASTLY CLIMATE ! I NEVER DID FANCY THE SEA.

WHERE ARE WE ?

NABOOMBU, OF COURSE.

I AIN'T NEVER SEEN NO ISLAND LIKE THIS BEFORE.

I'M AFRAID WE MAY HAVE FALLEN INTO THE LAGOON.

THAT'S RIGHT !

HERE WE ARE, ON PAGE 3.

AHOY, MR. CODFISH.

HELLO, YOUNG FELLOW.

WELCOME TO NABOOMBU LAGOON.

NOW I'M HEARING THINGS.

FISH DON'T TALK.

NOT TOO BRIGHT, IS HE ?

HE'S ME BROTHER.

OH ? SORRY.

MR. CODFISH, WHERE IS THE ISLAND OF NABOOMBU ?

YOU MEAN THE LAND PART ?

OH, THAT.

STRAIGHT UP. YOU CAN'T MISS IT.

NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT I SHOULDN'T GO THERE ...

IF I WERE YOU. HAVING TROUBLES, THEY ARE.

TROUBLES ?

HE'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW,

A LOT OF TROUBLE.

TROUBLE OR NOT,

WE SHOULD BE GETTING ALONG.

I WISH TO SEE WHO IS IN CHARGE.

WHAT'S THE RUSH ? IT'S RATHER SPLENDID DOWN HERE.

FOR YOU, MY DEAR.

OH, THANK YOU.

( Sniffs )

( Whinny )

( Laughs )

HOW PLEASANT !

♪ BOBBING ALONG ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG ON THE BOTTOM ♪

♪ OF THE BEAUTIFUL BRINY SEA ♪

♪ WHAT A CHANCE TO GET A BETTER PEEP ♪

♪AT THE PLANTS ♪

♪ AND CREATURES OF THE DEEP ♪

♪ WE GLIDE ♪

♪ FAR BELOW THE ROLLING TIDE ♪

♪ SERENE ♪

♪ THROUGH THE BUBBLY BLUE AND GREEN ♪

♪ IT'S LOVELY BOBBING ALONG ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG ON THE BOTTOM ♪

♪ OF THE BEAUTIFUL BRINY SEA ♪

♪ WHAT IF THE OCTOPUS, THE FLOUNDER AND THE COD ♪

♪ THINK WE'RE RATHER ODD ♪

♪ IT'S FUN TO PROMENADE ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG SINGING A SONG ♪

♪ ON THE BOTTOM OF THE BEAUTIFUL BRINY SEA ♪

LOOK.

♪

♪

( Laughter )

♪

♪

♪

♪ IT'S LOVELY ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG ON THE BOTTOM ♪

♪ OF THE BEAUTIFUL BRINY SEA ♪

♪ WHAT A CHANCE TO GET A BETTER PEEP ♪

♪ AT THE PLANTS AND CREATURES OF THE DEEP ♪

♪ IT'S GRAND ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE DANCING ON THE SAND ♪

♪ EACH GLANCE ♪

♪ BUBBLES OVER WITH ROMANCE ♪

♪ IT'S LOVELY ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG THROUGH THE WATER ♪

♪ WHERE WE GET ALONG ♪

♪ SWIMMINGLY ♪

♪ FAR FROM THE FRENZY OF THE FRANTIC WORLD ABOVE ♪

♪ TWO BENEATH THE BLUE ♪

♪ COULD EVEN FALL IN LOVE ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG SINGING A SONG ♪

♪ ON THE BOTTOM OF THE BEAUTIFUL BRINY SEA ♪

♪ BOBBING ALONG SINGING A SONG ♪

♪ ON THE BOTTOM OF THE BEAUTIFUL BRINY ♪

♪ SHIMMERY SHINY ♪

♪ BEAUTIFUL BRINY SEA ♪

( Applause )

BRAVO. BRAVO. MOST EXCITING.

MOST EXCITING.

YOU'VE WON THE RUDDY CUP.

HELP ! HELP !

OH, OH, OH.

THIS TIME ...

I REALLY GOT A WHOPPER !

( Groan )

WHEW !

( Crash )

( Bear ) PEOPLE !

PEOPLE !

OH, NO !

WHAT SCURVY LUCK !

MY GOODNESS ! I'LL DEAL WITH THIS, MY DEAR.

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT, UH -- ( Stutters )

GOOD DAY, CAPTAIN.

I USED TO BE A BIT OF A SEAFARING MAN, MYSELF.

MANY'S THE TIME I'VE SHIPPED OUT OF PORTSMOUTH.

DELIGHTED TO MEET A FELLOW MARINER.

OH ?

NOW, STOW IT, MATE.

OH, REALLY !

CAN'T YOU READ READIN' ? HUH ?

HEY, IT SAYS, UH --

"NO PEOPLING ...

ALLOWED."

"NO PEOPLING ALLOWED." RIDICULOUS.

DON'T ANTAGONIZE HIM, MR. BROWNE.

THAT MEANS I GOT TO ...

T-T-THROW YOU ALL BACK.

THAT'S WHAT IT DO.

( Paul ) WAIT A MINUTE.

IT SAYS HERE THAT ANYBODY ...

CAN SEE THE KING, AND THAT'S THE LAW.

WHERE DO IT SAY THAT ?

HERE, IN ME BOOK.

UH-HUH.

SO IT DO.

WHA-- !

UH, UH, UH --

BUT IF YOU PEOPLE KNEW WHAT WAS GOOD FOR YA,

YOU'D GET YOURSELVES ALL ...

T-T-THROWED BACK !

THE KING DON'T LIKE PEOPLE !

NONETHELESS, WE MUST SEE THE KING ...

ON AN URGENT, PERSONAL MATTER.

PLEASE LEAD THE WAY.

UH-HUH,

BUT JUST DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YA, SEE ?

UH, FOLLOW ME.

( Bear Singing )

♪ I'M A PEACEABLE SAILOR AND THAT SURE AIN'T ALL ♪

♪ BLOW, BLOW BLOW THE MAN DOWN ♪

( Roar )

( Growl )

GET OUT OF HERE !

AHEM !

YES, YES,

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU ?

I CAUGHT SOME PEOPLE DOWN AT THE SEA LAGOON.

THEY WANT TO SEE THE KING.

REALLY ?

WELL, WE CAN'T BE BOTHERED WITH THAT SORT OF THING,

CAN WE ?

( Roar )

I DON'T KNOW THAT I FANCY THIS.

HIS MAJESTY IS IN A FRIGHTFUL RAGE.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

AS AN ALL-AROUND ENTERTAINER OF SORTS,

I AM CONSIDERED NOT WITHOUT TALENT.

PERHAPS I CAN CHEER HIM UP ?

NO, NO, NO-NO-NO.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

AS EVERYONE KNOWS,

( Growl ) HIS MAJESTY IS THE WORLD'S GREATEST SOCCER PLAYER.

( Roar )

( Roar )

BUT, DUE TO A TECHNICAL PROBLEM,

THE ROYAL CUP MATCH CANNOT TAKE PLACE TODAY,

AND HIS MAJESTY HAD SO SET HIS HEART ON IT.

THROW THESE ...

CREATURES BACK INTO THE SEA.

AYE, AYE, SIR.

JUST A MOMENT.

I CAN HELP.

DO YOU REALLY THINK SO ?

I'D BE MOST GRATEFUL.

DO YOU KNOW ...

SOCCER ?

DO I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SOCCER ?

WHY, I WAS CAPTAIN OF TOTTENHAM HOTSPURS FOR 2 YEARS,

3 SEASONS WITH MANCHESTER UNITED, ( Bird ) YES, YES, YES,

BEFORE THAT I -- YOU'LL DO.

COME THIS WAY, PLEASE.

MR. BROWNE, ARE YOU CERTAIN YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT ?

( Roar )

NOW WHAT ?

NOT AN IDEAL PERSON IN MANY RESPECTS,

BUT MR. BROWNE IS A VERY BRAVE MAN.

( Quieter Roar )

DO YOU THINK HE'S DONE FOR ?

( Chuckling Roar )

( King ) HA-HA-HA !

DO YOU THINK SO ?

HA-HA-HA !

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW I APPRECIATE THIS.

FOR SOME REASON,

WE HAVE GREAT DIFFICULTY ...

FINDING REFEREES ...

'ROUND HERE.

IF THERE BE ONE THING WE LIKE ...

IT'S VOLUNTEERS.

EH, BIRDY ?

( Laughs Loudly )

HE'S A PROPER KING. LOOK AT HIS CROWN.

WHAT'S 'ROUND HIS NECK ?

WHAT A MAGNIFICENT ...

ORNAMENT, SIRE.

AH, YES.

WOULDN'T BE WITHOUT IT.

BEEN IN THE FAMILY FOR YEARS.

THE STAR OF ASTOROTH.

YOU'RE TO SIT IN HIS MAJESTY'S ROYAL BOX.

NO LITTERING, NO CHEWING, NO FRUIT ...

OR WRAPPERS FROM BOILED SWEETS, PLEASE.

♪ ( Bugle )

( Crowd Boos )

RISE,

PLEASE.

LOYAL FANS,

THIS IS OFFICIAL.

WE HAVE A VOLUNTEER ...

REFEREE.

( Cheers And Applause )

LET ...

THE MATCH ...

BEGIN !

HE'S STILL WEARING IT.

RIGHT, DIRTY YELLOWS, LET'S HAVE A NICE, CLEAN GAME.

( Growls, Barks, Grunts )

RIGHT, TRUE BLUES, BEST FOOT FORWARD.

( Knees Shaking )

( Growls )

( Whistle )

( Roar )

YEOW !

WEIRD SORT OF GAME THEY PLAY HERE.

( Crowd Boos )

( Boos )

( Crowd Cheers )

( Cheers )

HURRY UP.

GET RID OF IT.

( Barks )

( Growls )

( Barks And Growls )

( Whistle )

( Cheers And Applause )

GRACIOUS.

YOU'RE DOING FINE,

MATEY.

( Boos )

( King ) MOVE IT AROUND.

MOVE IT AROUND, HA-HA-HA.

GET ON WITH THE MATCH !

( Laughing )

HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO.

( Laughing )

( Whistles )

FOUL ! FOUL ! THEY'RE ONLY ANIMALS.

THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR DIRTY FOOTBALL.

OW !

OOOH.

UH ?

( Whistle )

( Grunts And Groans )

REF, ARE YOU BLIND ?

BE QUIET, CHARLES.

DON'T FORGET WHO THE REFEREE IS.

( Laughing )

( Crying )

( Crowd Boos )

DON'T THEY HAVE NO RULES ? 'COURSE THEY DO.

THE KING MAKES THEM UP AS HE GOES ALONG.

( Crowd Cheers )

OUCH ! ( Gulp )

OOPH !

( Crowd Cheers )

POOR MR. BROWNE.

DO YOU THINK HE'S ALL RIGHT ?

WELL, HE'S MOVING.

STEADY, MATEY.

MOVE IT AROUND.

( Crowd Boos )

( Crowd Cheers )

OH, HE ALMOST HAD IT THEN.

( Snorts )

YEOW !

( Crowd Cheers )

LOOKS LIKE HE'S DONE FOR, THIS TIME.

( Gasp )

DON'T JUST STAND THERE !

HEAD IT IN !

STOP ...

THAT ...

BALL ! ( Roar )

( Wind Whooshes )

( Elephant Trumpets )

( Roar )

( Pssst )

( Poof )

( Cheers And Applause )

GOAL. HA-HA-HA !

GAME'S OVER.

I WIN.

( Crowd Cheers )

( Whistle )

LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND, MATEY.

THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, YOUR MAJESTY.

THANK YOU, SO MUCH.

PLEASE,

LET ME HELP YOU ON WITH YOUR ROBE.

WHY, YES. THANK YOU.

( Mr. Browne ) CAN'T HAVE YOU ...

COLD, SIRE. CAN WE ? WHY, NO, NO.

EVER HEARD OF SOMETHING CALLED "THE GYPSY SWITCH" ?

NO.

CAN'T SAY THAT I HAVE.

REMIND ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT SOMETIME.

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHEN WE'VE HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME.

WE'LL CARRY THE MEMORY OF YOUR MAJESTY IN OUR HEARTS ...

FOR A LONG WHILE.

I THINK IT'S TIME TO LEAVE.

AYE.

MUST YOU GO ?

WE MUST BE DASHING. MARVELOUS GAME.

LOVELY TO SEE YOU. GOODBYE.

GOODBYE. GOODBYE.

COME, CHILDREN. GOODBYE.

FRIENDLY LOT. ( Chuckles )

DON'T MIND THEM VISITING.

WOULDN'T WANT THEM LIVING HERE !

( King Laughs )

( Miss Price ) COME ALONG, CHILDREN.

( Mr. Browne ) COME ON, CHILDREN. HURRY UP.

( Stutters )

STOP GIBBERING.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU ?

YOUR ROYAL STAR --

THEY'VE STOLEN YOUR ROYAL STAR.

( Laughs )

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS ?

( Whistle )

( Roar ) WHY DIDN'T YOU ...

SAY ...

SO ?

ALL RIGHT, PAUL,

PUT THE KNOB ON THE BED.

AT LAST, THE MAGIC WORDS:

TREGUNA...MEKOIDES... TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

I'LL KEEP IT. WOMEN ALWAYS LOSE THINGS.

( Roar )

( Roar )

HURRY, PAUL, THE KNOB.

IT'S STUCK !

( Roar )

I SUPPOSE I SHOULD DO SOMETHING.

PLEASE DO. QUICK !

( Roar )

GOT IT.

( King Roars )

FILIGREE ...APOGEE ... PEDIGREE --

( Roar )

OH, BOTHER !

I DO HATE SHODDY WORK.

( Meow )

( Meow )

( Yowling )

I DON'T SUPPOSE I SHALL EVER GET USED TO THIS THING.

CHILDREN, PUSH THE BED ...

BACK INTO PLACE, PLEASE.

I THINK WE COULD ALL DO WITH A NICE CUP OF TEA.

NO TIME. I'VE FINALLY FOUND THIS SPELL.

I'M GOING TO TRY IT IMMEDIATELY.

MR. BROWNE, KINDLY LET ME HAVE YOUR SHOES, PLEASE.

MY SHOES ?

OH, FINE.

WHAT'S THE SHOES FOR ?

REALLY, CHARLES,

IF YOU HAD PAID ATTENTION, YOU'D BE AWARE ...

THAT SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION ...

IS THE ART OF CAUSING INANIMATE OBJECTS ...

TO TAKE ON A LIFE FORCE OF THEIR OWN.

OBVIOUSLY,

I MUST HAVE INANIMATE OBJECTS TO EXPERIMENT WITH.

MAKES SENSE, DON'T IT ?

STAND BACK, EVERYONE.

I NEED PLENTY OF ROOM.

I WANT YOU ALL TO BE ABSOLUTELY QUIET.

MR. BROWNE,

YOU HAVE THE STAR OF ASTOROTH, I BELIEVE. OH, YES.

IT'S IN MY NICE, CLEAN HANKY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, MR. BROWNE.

I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT IT WOULD BE QUITE IMPOSSIBLE ...

TO TAKE AN OBJECT FROM ONE WORLD INTO ANOTHER.

( Sighs )

IF ONLY I WOULD HAVE HAD THE SENSE ...

TO REMEMBER THE WORDS ON THAT STAR.

I KNOW THE WORDS.

DON'T BOTHER MISS PRICE. SHE'S THINKING.

CHARLIE, WHY DON'T WE NIP DOWN TO THE VILLAGE AND GET SUPPER.

AND I MIGHT CALL INTO THE PUB FOR A PINT ...

TO STEADY MY NERVES.

TREBONNA ?

I DO KNOW THE WORDS.

COME ALONG. F-F-FREBUNNA ?

HOW CAN YOU KNOW THE WORDS ?

YOU WISH TO PUT THIS ON MISS PRICE'S BILL ?

THAT IS CORRECT.

I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET.

OH, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I AM MISS PRICE'S TEACHER, EMELIUS BROWNE,

FROM LONDON.

PROFESSOR BROWNE. OF COURSE.

OH, HOW MANY TIMES I'VE SEEN YOUR NAME ON YOUR PACKAGES ...

TO MISS PRICE. OH, EXTREMELY MASCULINE HANDWRITING.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. PROFESSOR EMELIUS BROWNE.

THE VERY SAME.

I'LL CONFESS SOMETHING.

SUCH WAS THE NATURE ...

AND FREQUENCY OF YOUR CORRESPONDENCE WITH MISS PRICE,

I VENTURED THE HOPE THERE WAS SOMETHING ...

OF A PERSONAL INTEREST BETWEEN YOU.

AH. IF THERE ONLY WERE.

MISS PRICE IS A FINE WOMAN.

I MUST HEARTILY AGREE.

WE'RE VERY FOND OF HER HERE.

I'M SURE. IN POINT OF FACT,

HOW MANY TIMES I'VE SAID TO MYSELF,

"OH, FORTUNATE IS A MAN WHO CAN SECURE MISS PRICE FOR A WIFE."

ONE COULD SAY THAT, YES.

YOU YOURSELF ARE NOT MARRIED.

ALAS, NO. THESE ARE STRANGE AND FEARFUL TIMES ...

IN WHICH WE LIVE, MY GOOD WOMAN.

WHO COULD ASK SOMEONE YOU CHERISH ...

TO SHARE SUCH AN UNCERTAIN FUTURE ?

VERY WELL.

DON T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU, PROFESSOR BROWNE.

ONE OF THESE DAYS, YOU MARK MY WORDS,

SOMEONE WILL COME RIDING OUT OF NOWHERE ...

TO SEIZE AND CARRY OFF MISS PRICE BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.

I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED. CHARLES.

GOOD MORNING.

AND WHO WAS THAT, MAY I ASK ?

PROFESSOR EMELIUS BROWNE FROM LONDON.

HE'S COME TO SEE MISS PRICE.

A VERY GOOD FRIEND, I UNDERSTAND.

AH !

INDEED.

THAT MRS. HOBDAY SEEMED TO FANCY YOU. SHH !

I CONSIDER HER A VERY DANGEROUS PERSON.

WHAT, HER ?

MRS. HOBDAY IS THAT MOST DANGEROUS OF SPECIES,

A MATCHMAKER.

( Man On Radio ) ... TROOP MOVEMENTS,

AND MASSING OF BARGES IN FRENCH & DUTCH PORTS.

THE PRIME MINISTER HAS TOLD THE NATION TO BE ON THE ALERT ...

FOR SIGNS OF A POSSIBLE INVASION.

THAT WAS THE NEWS --

TO THINK I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO SOMETHING.

IT'S OUT OF YOUR HANDS, MY DEAR.

IF ONLY I COULD HAVE REMEMBERED THOSE WORDS.

IT'S MADDENING !

WHY DON'T SOMEONE ASK ME ?

COME OFF IT, PAUL.

YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THOSE KIND OF WORDS.

YOU MEAN LIKE ...

TREGUNA. MEKOIDES.

TRECORUM SATIS DEE ?

TREGUNA. MEKOIDES. TRECORUM SATIS DEE ?

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT ?

EASY.

SAYS RIGHT HERE IN ME BOOK.

YOU MEAN,

IT WAS THERE IN YOUR BOOK ALL THE TIME ? YES !

BUT NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO ME.

( Miss Price ) TREGUNA...MEKOIDES...

TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

NOTHING HAPPENED !

AM I DOING SOMETHING WRONG ?

TRUTHFULLY,

IT DOES SEEM A BIT OLD FASHIONED.

WE ARE IN THE 20th CENTURY.

WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST ?

IT NEEDS RHYTHM,

TEMPO, MUSIC.

AS I SAY,

"DO IT WITH A FLAIR." MIND IF I HAVE A GO ?

OF COURSE NOT.

COME ALONG, YOU LOT.

WE NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET.

( Together ) TREGUNA...MEKOIDES... TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

TREGUNA...

MEKOIDES...

TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

♪ SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION ♪

♪ MYSTIC POWER THAT'S FAR BEYOND THE WILDEST NOTION ♪

♪ IT'S SO WEIRD SO FEARED ♪

♪ AND YET WONDERFUL TO SEE ♪

♪ SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION COME TO ME ♪

SHHH.

NOW.

TREGUNA ...

MEKOIDES ...

TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

COR !

( Meow )

TREGUNA... MEKOIDES AND ...

TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

♪ I DON'T WANT LOCOMOTIARY SUBSTITUTION ♪

♪ OR REMOTE INTRANSITORY CONVOLUTION ♪

♪ ONLY ONE PRECISE ♪

♪ SOLUTION IS THE KEY ♪

♪ SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION IT MUST BE ♪

♪ TREGUNA...MEKOIDES... AND TRECORUM SATIS DEE ♪

♪

OH.

( Laughs )

♪ SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION ♪

♪ LOVELY SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION ♪

♪ YOU'VE MADE SUBSTITUTIARY HISTORY ♪

♪ WITH TREGUNA, MEKOIDES AND A LITTLE HELP FROM ME ♪

♪ WITH TREGUNA... MEKOIDES AND -- ♪

( Knocking )

♪ ( Trumpets )

LUMMY !

♪

MR. BROWNE, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE ?

I HAVEN'T THE FOGGIEST.

HOW DO YOU DO ?

OH, SHALL WE ?

THAT'S MY NIGHTGOWN !

IS IT REALLY, MY DEAR ?

AND I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ITS BEHAVIOR.

( Mr. Browne ) OBVIOUSLY NOT.

PAUL, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING ?

HAVING A JOLLY GOOD TIME, THAT'S WHAT !

HOW CAN WE STOP ALL THIS ?

IT'S REALLY MOST AGREEABLE.

YES, BUT WE MUST DO SOMETHING !

DIDN'T I GIVE YOU MY ALL-PURPOSE, CUT-OFF SPELL ?

LESSON NUMBER 8. NUMBER 8.

YES, NUMBER 8.

ME SUNDAY TROUSERS !

BUZZ OFF, OLD CHAP. FIND YOUR OWN DANCING PARTNER.

OOPH !

OW !

OOPH ! OOO-O-OH !

( Groans )

SLOW DOWN, CARRIE.

CHARLES !

MR. BROWNE, WILL YOU PLEASE CONTROL YOUR SHOES ?

DEAR LADY, I VERY MUCH FEAR ...

THAT WE HAVE NOTHING UNDER CONTROL.

OW !

OW, OOO-O-OH !

( Meow )

AH !

( Screams )

( Clanging, Banging )

DO YOU MIND ?

( Clanging, Banging )

WHO WOULD LIKE MORE OF MY LOVELY SAUSAGES AND MASH ?

NO MORE FOR ME, THANK YOU.

CARRIE ?

IT'S GOOD, BUT I'VE HAD 2 HELPINGS.

I'M FULL.

ME, TOO.

( Meow )

WELL, SOMEBODY WANTS SOME.

CHEER UP, MY DEAR.

THIS SHOULD BE SOMETHING OF A CELEBRATION.

I'M SORRY.

THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE MUCH TO CELEBRATE.

I STILL HAVEN'T MASTERED THAT SPELL.

OF COURSE YOU HAVE ! YOU NEED MORE PRACTICE,

THAT'S ALL.

DO YOU REALLY THINK SO ?

NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. MEANTIME,

THERE'S NOTHING TO LIVEN THE SPIRITS ...

LIKE A LITTLE JUGGLING. RIGHT, CHARLIE ?

GO ON, THEN, GUV. GIVE US SOME JUGGLING.

( Humming )

VERY FEW BETTER THAN ME AT THIS.

ALL YOU NEED IS 20 YEARS PRACTICE,

AND A TOUCH OF GENIUS.

( Continues Humming )

( Screech )

( Children Giggle )

NEVER HAPPENED TO ME, BEFORE.

I DON'T USUALLY JUGGLE ...

WITH CATS UNDER MY FEET.

( Laughter )

LOOK, SHE'S LAUGHING.

( Laughs )

( Doorbell )

OH.

MRS. HOBDAY, DO COME IN.

CAN'T STOP. I JUST COME BY TO BRING YOU THE GOOD NEWS.

GOOD NEWS ? YES, YES. MR. BISSELTHWAITE ...

WHO BRINGS THE MILK, YOU KNOW ?

HE'S PROMISED TO TAKE THE CHILDREN.

HE AND HIS WIFE HAVE A FARM;

JUST THE PLACE FOR GROWING CHILDREN.

PUT A BIT OF COLOR BACK IN THEIR CHEEKS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE PLEASED.

YOU TOLD ME ...

YOU WERE MUCH TOO BUSY TO TAKE CARE OF CHILDREN.

CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE CHANGED, SOMEWHAT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WE GOT A DAD, MR. BROWNE.

( Miss Price ) PAUL.

MISS PRICE, IS THIS TRUE ? ( Carrie ) OF COURSE.

YOU DO WANT HIM TO STAY WITH US,

DON'T YOU, MISS PRICE ?

I SUPPOSE I HADN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT IT, MR. BROWNE ?

IT'S ALL RATHER SUDDEN.

I DON'T QUITE KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

( Chuckle ) THEN I'LL LEAVE YOU 2 TO TALK IT OVER.

I'LL COME BACK IN THE MORNING.

YES. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

( Paul ) IT IS TRUE, MR. BROWNE,

YOU ARE GOING TO BE OUR FATHER, AREN'T YOU ?

WELL, WE --

WE ARE RATHER RUSHING THINGS, AREN'T WE ?

PERHAPS MR. BROWNE HAS OTHER THINGS ...

BESIDES YOU CHILDREN, TO THINK ABOUT ?

YES, WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I SHOULD HAVE LEFT AGES AGO.

I MUST GET A TRAIN BACK TO LONDON TONIGHT.

IT'S RATHER AN IMPORTANT MATTER, AS A MATTER OF FACT.

I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT,

BUT IT'S A LITTLE BIT HUSH-HUSH, YOU KNOW.

SORT OF A SECRET.

( Chuckles )

WELL, IF ...

I'VE BEEN ANY SORT OF HELP TO YOU,

I'M PLEASED.

YOU'VE BEEN IMMENSELY KIND. THANK YOU.

I'VE ENJOYED BEING WITH YOU.

PERHAPS IT'S BEEN GOOD FOR ALL OF US.

WILL YOU BE COMING BACK ?

SOMEDAY, MY DEAR.

I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT WE SHALL MEET AGAIN.

SOMEDAY,

WHEN ALL THIS WAR BUSINESS IS OVER.

I SEE.

THEN, PERHAPS,

I SHALL REALIZE MY FONDEST DREAM,

"EGLANTINE AND EMELIUS, ILLUSIONISTS EXTRAORDINARY."

JUST THINK HOW THAT WILL LOOK.

THE CHILDREN ARE GOING TO MISS YOU.

( Mr. Browne ) DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY WILL ?

( Miss Price ) YES.

WELL, I SHALL MISS YOU,

ALL OF YOU.

IF I DON'T GO NOW,

YOU MIGHT NEVER GET RID OF ME.

GOODBYE, CARRIE.

MUST YOU REALLY GO ?

I THINK IT'S BEST.

GOODBYE, PAUL.

I STILL THINK YOU SHOULD BE OUR FATHER.

GOODBYE, CHARLIE.

DO YOU WANT ME TO COME DOWN TO THE STATION WITH YOU ? NO.

YOU STAY HERE ...

AND LOOK AFTER EVERYBODY.

GOODBYE, MISS PRICE.

GOODBYE, MR. BROWNE.

♪ NO ONE TO MISS IF HE'S GONE TOO LONG ♪

♪ NO ONE TO COMFORT IF THINGS GO WRONG ♪

♪ THAT'S HOW I WANT IT TO BE ♪

♪ NOBODY'S PROBLEMS FOR ME ♪

♪ NO ONE WHO NEEDS ME TO EASE HIS PAIN ♪

♪ NO ONE TO CALL ME HIS BALL AND CHAIN ♪

♪ NOBODY'S PROBLEM FOR ME ♪

♪ AND THAT'S HOW I CHOOSE IT TO BE ♪

♪ NO TROUBLES AND STRIFE IN THIS LIFE THAT I LEAD ♪

♪ NO TEMPERS TO HUMOR ♪

♪ NO HUNGERS TO FEED ♪

♪ NO ONE TO WARM WHEN THE WINTER'S COLD ♪

♪ NO ONE TO PAMPER NO HAND TO HOLD ♪

♪ AND THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS WILL BE ♪

♪ NO, NOBODY'S PROBLEMS FOR ME ♪

( Sea Gull Cries )

WHEN IS THE NEXT TRAIN TO LONDON, PLEASE ?

LOR' BLESS YOU, SIR. THERE AIN'T NO TRAIN.

NOTHING 'TIL MILK JOB, 4 A.M. TOMORROW MORNING.

DO YOU MIND IF I WAIT IN HERE ?

YOU SUIT YOURSELF. GOOD NIGHT, SIR.

GOOD NIGHT.

OUT YOU GO, COSMIC.

HELLO ? HELLO ?

HELLO !

HELLO ?

HELLO ?

( Dreaming ) EMELIUS BROWNE,

DO YOU KNOW YOU COULD BE WARM AND COZY ...

IN THAT HOUSE AT THIS VERY MOMENT ?

FOR ONCE IN YOUR USELESS LIFE ...

YOU REALLY SEEM TO HAVE BEEN NEEDED.

YOU'RE A FAILURE, EMELIUS BROWNE.

AND A COWARD.

( German Soldier ) NO, FRAULEIN, THIS IS NOT THE INVASION,

JUST A LITTLE EXERCISE; A MINOR RAID TO INDUCE PANIC,

AND TO SPREAD A LITTLE MISCHIEF.

WHEN YOU ENGLISH ...

GET IT THROUGH YOU HEAD, THAT THE GERMAN FORCES ...

CAN LAND AT WILL WHEREVER AND WHENEVER WE PLEASE,

PERHAPS YOU WILL CONSIDER A REASONABLE PEACE.

NOT BLOODY LIKELY !

GO ON, MISS PRICE. DO IT TO HIM.

I MUST SAY, IT'S VERY TEMPTING.

COLONEL, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING TURNED ...

INTO A NICE, WHITE RABBIT ?

( Speaking In German )

I SAID, "HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING TURNED ...

INTO A NICE, WHITE RABBIT ?"

BE QUIET, PLEASE !

FILIGREE...APOGEE... EPIGEE... --

NOT AGAIN ?

YOUR MEMORY, MISS PRICE.

CHARLES, WOULD YOU KINDLY ...

FETCH MY NOTEBOOK FROM THE WORKROOM, PLEASE.

RIGHT-O.

( Speaking In German )

LET HIM GO !

SILENCE !

FRAULEIN, WE HAVE WORK TO DO.

I AM SORRY, BUT WE MUST SEND ALL OF YOU SOMEPLACE ...

WHERE YOU WILL NO LONGER BE A NUISANCE.

( Speaking German )

( Miss Price ) ♪ AS THE WORDS TELL THE TUNE ♪

♪ AND THE MOONBEAMS THE MOON ♪

♪ ALL I NEED TO SUCCEED IN MY PLAN ♪

♪ IS A CHAMPION RARE ♪

♪ WITH A FLOURISH AND A FLAIR ♪

( German Voices )

( Mr. Browne ) EGLANTINE.

( Speaking German )

( Meow )

SHHH !

( Meow ) ( Crash )

( Meow, Meow )

( Meow )

( Meow ) ( In German ) WHAT IS THAT ?

( In German ) COME !

( Quiet Growl )

( Speaking German )

( Clank )

( Clunk, Clank )

( Thud )

WHERE IS THE SPELL FOR RABBITS ?

"EASIEST OF ALL," SHE SAYS.

CONFOUND IT ! CAN'T WOMEN EVER LEARN TO FILE THINGS PROPERLY ?

( Speaking German )

THERE IT IS.

FILIGREE...APOGEE... PEDIGREE...PERIGEE.

THAT'S IT !

( Speaking German )

FILIGREE... UH --

APOGEE... PEDIGREE...PERIGEE.

( Thud, Thud )

NOW, COME ALONG, MY BOY.

FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE IN SOMETHING.

THAT'S IT.

GOOD LAD.

FILIGREE...APOGEE... PEDIGREE...PERIGEE.

( Speaking German )

WHAT'S THE USE OF PUTTING THE CHILDREN AND ME ...

IN THAT DRAFTY CASTLE ?

IT'S QUITE CHILLY.

BECAUSE, FRAULEIN, THE COLONEL BELIEVES ...

WHEN THE BRITISH FEMALE DECIDES TO BECOME A NUISANCE,

SHE CAN BECOME THE GREATEST NUISANCE IN THE WORLD.

AND I'M INCLINED TO AGREE.

( Miss Price ) YOU NEED A LESSON IN MANNERS, SERGEANT.

IF I ONLY HAD MY NOTEBOOK, I'D MAKE CERTAIN ...

YOU'D LEARN A FEW.

JUMPING JEHOSHAPHAT, MORE JERRIES.

( Speaking German )

TAKE IT EASY, CAN'T YOU ?

TRY HOLDING YOUR BREATH.

I AM HOLDING IT.

WE COULD STRIP HIM DOWN AND GREASE HIM WITH SOAP.

NO, IT'S NO GOOD.

HE CAN'T DO IT.

I COULD'VE TOLD YOU THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

( Miss Price ) IF WE CAN'T GET PAUL OUT TO GIVE THE ALARM,

WE'LL HAVE TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE.

WHAT ABOUT THAT SPELL THAT MOVES THINGS ABOUT.

( Miss Price ) BUT I NEED WEAPONS.

HOW ABOUT ALL THESE THINGS ?

I'M AFRAID THEY'RE A BIT ANCIENT.

WHERE DID THIS COME FROM ?

IT'S MR. BROWNE. THAT'S WHO IT IS.

HE'S ON HIS WAY TO LONDON.

MR. BROWNE ?

IF YOU ARE MR. BROWNE,

WOULD YOU BE KIND ENOUGH TO GET DOWN OFF MY LAP ?

IT IS MR. BROWNE !

( Miss Price ) IT IS YOU !

YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT I COULD DO THAT SPELL, DID YOU ?

OH, I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU !

WHAT ABOUT ALL THESE GERMANS ?

AS CHARLIE SAYS, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ...

THE SUBSTITUTIARY LOCOMOTION SPELL ? "

THAT OUGHT TO BE USEFUL.

IT ISN'T READY, YET.

YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED THIS AFTERNOON.

WE HAVE TO CHANCE IT.

WE CAN'T LET THESE SO-AND-SOS GET AWAY WITH THEIR NASTY RAID.

MR. BROWNE, WON'T YOU GET UP OFF THE FLOOR,

AND WE'LL GO TO WORK.

Herr Oberst !

( Speaking German )

( Speaking German )

JOLLY GOOD LUCK, MY DEAR. THANK YOU, EMELIUS.

LET'S HOPE YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THE SPELL.

NOT THIS TIME, CHARLIE.

FOUND THIS. PROBABLY NOT A MAGIC BROOM,

BUT IT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL MORE AT HOME.

THANK YOU, CARRIE. THAT WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL.

COME NOW, CHILDREN. LET'S GET OUT OF THE WAY.

TREGUNA...

MEKOIDES...

TRECORUM...

SATIS DEE.

LOOK.

♪ ( Drum Cadence )

♪ ( Trumpet Fanfare )

♪

♪

♪

AHH!

♪ ( Trumpets )

♪ ( Bagpipes )

SOUND THE ADVANCE !

♪ ( Trumpet Fanfare )

JUST IN TIME FOR THE KICKOFF.

( Clanking Armor )

( Speaking German )

STEADY ON THE LEFT.

VICTORY FOR ENGLAND ...

AND ST. GEORGE !

LIKE THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW.

PIKEMEN, HOLD YOUR DISTANCE.

( Voices ) TREGUNA...MEKOIDES AND ...

TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

TREGUNA...

MEKOIDES... AND ...

TRECORUM...

SATIS DEE.

TREGUNA...MEKOIDES... AND TRECORUM SATIS DEE.

( Speaking German )

FIRE !

FIRE !

BLIMEY !

( Speaking German )

WHERE'S IT COMING FROM, SERGEANT ?

SOUNDS LIKE THE SEA ROAD, SIR.

COME ON, LADS. AFTER ME !

♪ ( Trumpets )

AHH !

GOOD SHOOTING, BOWMEN !

WELL CAUGHT, SIR ! VERY GOOD.

( Gag )

KNOCK HIS BLOCK OFF ! THAT'S IT !

MR. BROWNE, MAKE THOSE CHILDREN TAKE COVER ...

THIS INSTANT !

( Gasp )

( Speaking German )

( Speaking German )

( Speaking German )

( Speaking German )

( Speaking German )

ARE YOU STILL THERE, COLONEL ?

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE ON YOUR WAY BY NOW.

YOU SEE ? THINGS MIGHT NOT BE SO EASY FOR YOU, AFTER ALL.

( Speaking German )

GOODBYE, COLONEL.

( Boom )

OOO-O-OH.

EGLANTINE, OH, EGLANTINE.

DEAR, MR. BROWNE.

MISS PRICE, WE THOUGHT THEY'D DAMAGED YOU.

SEE ? NO ONE CAN HURT MISS PRICE.

THERE THEY ARE, LADS. I SENSED SOMETHING WAS AFOOT.

ALL RIGHT. DRIVE THEM INTO THE SEA.

FIRING POSITIONS, YOU FELLAS. BOTH SIDES.

( Gunshots )

ALL RIGHT, MEN,

HOLD YOUR FIRE.

I THINK WE'VE TAUGHT THE HUN A LESSON.

HE'LL THINK TWICE BEFORE COMING BACK HERE AGAIN.

IT'S TRAGIC;

ALL YOUR SPELLS, YOUR EQUIPMENT, ALL GONE.

STILL, I WAS ABLE TO PERFORM SOME SMALL SERVICE, FIRST.

THAT MEAN YOU AIN'T GOING TO BE A WITCH NO MORE ?

NEVER ? ( Miss Price ) NO, PAUL.

I REALIZED SOMETIME AGO ...

THAT I COULD NEVER BE A PROPER WITCH.

WHEN WAS THAT ?

WAS IT THAT FIRST MAGIC MOMENT WHEN YOU LAID EYES ON ME ?

NO, IT WAS THE DAY ...

MY POISONED DRAGON'S LIVER ARRIVED.

I KNEW THEN THAT ANYONE ...

WHO FELT LIKE I DID ABOUT POISONED DRAGON'S LIVER,

HAD NO BUSINESS BEING A WITCH.

YOU'RE CERTAIN YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING ?

I THINK SO. THE WAY THINGS ARE ...

IT'S TOO DANGEROUS BEING A CIVILIAN.

TAKE CARE, GUV. I'LL DO THAT.

AND I'LL BE BACK BEFORE YOU'VE GROWN AN INCH.

WE'LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN.

SOUNDS LIKE YOU AN ESCORT TO THE STATION.

PARADE HALT !

WELL, HERE WE GO.

( Meow )

PERMISSION TO MOVE OFF, SIR !

CARRY ON, SERGEANT.

PARADE, BY THE RIGHT,

QUICK !

MARCH ! LEFT.

LEFT.

LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT.

S'POSE THAT'S IT.

WE AIN'T GOING TO HAVE NO FUN NO MORE.

WELL,

STILL GOT THIS, AIN'T I ?

♪ CALL OUT THE NAVY CALL OUT THE RANKS ♪

♪ CALL OUT THE AIR FORCE CALL OUT THE TANKS ♪

♪ FROM THE CLIFFS OF DOVER ♪

♪ CALL UP THE GAULS ♪

♪ AND DON'T FORGET THE LOYAL TERRITORIALS ♪

♪ WHO'S DIGGING IN HERE ♪

♪ WHO WILL DEFEND ♪

♪ EVERY INCH OF ENGLAND NO MATTER WHAT THEY SEND ♪

♪ WHO'S STANDING FIRM IN OUR OWN FRONT YARD ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪

♪ THAT'S WHO ♪

♪ THE SOLDIERS OF THE OLD HOME GUARD ♪

I DON'T MIND SAYING, TO SEE IT ALL TOGETHER AT LAST,

THERE ISN'T MUCH I WOULDN'T DO.