Original subtitles

We were scared, we were nervous,

we were sweating.

But despite the freshman fear,

we came back the next day.

And the next day, and 718 more after that.

And now we are down to one last night together,

and it was a pleasure knowing each and every one of you.

Who are you?

So before we move that tassel

across our caps

and officially move on to our next adventure,

I just have one last word to say about tonight

for the class of 2018.

Party!

Thank you.

Bye...

Bye. Bye!

Have a great summer.

I think that Melinda girl

is totally gonna blossom in college.

Hey, can we take these gowns off?

You can. I can't.

'Cause I'm not wearing anything underneath.

Wow, Roni. These gowns are rented!

Okay, you guys. Get together.

Dude.

This is the last time all of us will ever be together again.

Why? 'Cause you're already planning on skipping reunions?

No. 'Cause at least one of us is gonna die.

Ladies and gentlemen, this has been

Cheerful Grad Thoughts with Fig Figueroa.

Reunions. I never thought about that.

Oh! Okay, 20-year reunion,

if we're both still single, we just call it a life,

get married, and open up a taxidermy shop in Reseda.

Deal.

Totally in.

Fig, Deanna, smile

or I'll do it for you in Facetune.

Okay, Mom, I know you're proud of us,

- but my teeth are hurting. - Okay, okay.

I feel bad for that girl.

Always alone. Beautiful, but alone.

- Like a painting. - Yeah, poor Stefania,

having to go clubbing downtown every weekend.

It must be such a drag for her.

Did that scholarship letter

that I wrote you end up helping you out?

Yes, thank you. I got a partial.

Will that be enough?

Yeah.

For my meal plan.

For my first semester.

If I don't eat breakfast.

A 45 minute ceremony,

and it takes people four hours to leave.

That's how you know we're depressed it's over.

It's not over. You two are gonna talk within an hour.

Probably every day for the rest of your lives.

I'm gonna Facetime you an obnoxious amount.

Yeah, besides, we have a 12 hour party

to look forward to...

locked up together with no phones, no distractions.

- It's like Juvie but lamer. - No.

No, I think tonight's gonna be quite the show.

Think about it. For every person out there,

tonight's their last chance to do something.

Their last night to run this place,

their last night to find love,

last night to get revenge,

cement their friendships,

to connect.

This grad party's gonna be...

everything.

Also, there's Jell-O wrestling.

Synced & corrected by reggielist www.addic7ed.com

Wow, Oz...

I really outdid myself. Ha.

Happy graduation.

Wow, you look...

adorable.

So...

come adore me.

Are these fake candles?

I don't wanna be in the throes of passion

and have my hair catch fire.

Come on. We just graduated.

We're starting our future together.

My parents are off at my sister's rap recital.

- Right. - I say we celebrate.

I love you.

I love you too.

Is everything okay?

Um,

it's, it's just, um,

it's just kinda weird doing it here.

It's sort of weird to have sex in my bedroom?

Your childhood bedroom.

There's stuff animals watching us.

I can get rid of them, I'll throw them away.

Yeah, it's already in my head.

You've been in my room like a thousand times.

I never thought about it until now.

Then let me distract you.

No more thinking.

Oh!

These stupid Amber alerts all the time!

We're nowhere near Fresno!

Amber alert. See, now I'm really in my head.

Hey, don't, don't worry about it, you know?

We're gonna have our whole life together.

Yeah. Totally.

What the eff? The rummy bears

are supposed to be for the party.

- We decided to opt out. - Opt out of the last time

we're all going to be together?

No, no, no, no. This could be the night of our lives.

What could be different about tonight?

Well, for one thing,

they're legally obligated to let us in.

Yeah, and tonight we leave our mark.

Starting tomorrow, everyone goes their separate ways.

Do you really want everybody remembering us

as the nerds who spent all their time

in Stymie's finished basement?

I'm not gonna pretend that doesn't sting.

No one's gonna have their phones.

No photos. We'll just tell them we were there.

I'll know. And I'll miss you guys.

Tonight I'm building my legacy,

and I want you there with me.

Tonight we're not just gonna be the guys

who sit at the table at the back of the cafeteria!

I wanna hang out with people I never even talked to,

because otherwise, I might not get to.

And I'm not gonna be scared to ask a girl to dance,

because you know what? She might say yes.

Tonight, we get to really show people how awesome we are.

Grad night is gonna be something special.

Bryce knows it, I know it,

and deep down, I know you know it too.

Pass.

- Come on, man! - All right, fine.

Stay here, and never unmask the woman of your dreams...

Cosplay_queen_7.

Oh. You're obsessed with her Tumbler.

Tonight is your last night

to find out who she is.

Jonas...

Our destiny awaits.

Whoo!

Tequila-filled water bras...

definitely one of your better ideas.

Is it OCD that I think I need matching tequila panties?

Didn't you end up with those on your birthday?

'Cause you drunk peed yourself?

I got it.

Are you sure you can't come to my graduation dinner

and talk me up? Christian won the biology prize

the Spanish prize, and the Student Leadership prize.

My mom told me my graduation gown

was less unflattering than expected.

I'm sorry, I can't.

Thanks to my parents' lawyers,

I have to have dinner with each of them separately.

And then I'm meeting Fig at the diner.

Perfect place to hang out with a friend

you're secretly in love with.

Or a friend you're very close with,

and that's a beautiful thing as-is?

Beautiful and painful.

Come on, make a move already!

Time to take a chance. It's too risky.

Remember when you told Amanda Daniels

you wanted to hold her soul?

I still can't walk past that Sunglass Hut.

Exactly. Fig is way too important to me.

I can't have him be my Sunglass Hut.

You're thinking about Amanda Daniels, aren't you?

Her eyes were like the sun.

12 hours. Sounds like nothing,

but when you've got 300 students

hopped up on nothing but off-brand soda and feelings,

it's an eternity.

Is all of... this

really necessary? I mean...

I thought we couldn't afford football helmets.

- Mr. Lewis. - Yeah.

I've been doing this for 15 years.

The entire point of the all-night lock-in

is to provide a safe environment with no drinking.

This year,

no one is sneaking in alcohol.

- Hi, Melinda. - Hi.

- New yearbooks? - Yes, ma'am.

Practically overflowing with memories.

I just ate two steaks,

two kale salads,

a double chocolate cake, and a baked Alaska.

I've never been more full in my entire life right now.

Good. I ordered us mozzarella sticks

and nacho fries. Guess I'm not that full.

I'll eat it.

Hey.

Thanks for playing interference earlier.

I saw you swoop in so my dad

- wouldn't see Harry was there. - It's no problem, okay?

Your mom's boyfriend and I are bros.

We're going waterskiing together.

Careful. That's literally how he got my mom.

Like, that was the date they went on.

Speaking of aquatics...

check this out.

Yes. How much does that thing hold?

Definitely not enough for the entire night,

but I think we've got a few hours per... cup.

Are you gonna put it on?

Right here?

- Right now? - Yeah.

Why not?

I will. Right now.

Why didn't you sign up to play Grad Night?

I don't think the Vista View Rec Center's

the place for my music.

The flyer said "frothy."

It's really best to leave the frothiness

for people like Roni Sweetzer.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I forgot I was speaking to the president

of the Roni fan club.

I respect her.

- As an artist. - See, I don't get that.

She's a hot girl who plays Chainsmokers covers

on a ukulele.

Not exactly Van Gogh.

I dunno. I think they're pretty good.

Ta-da! How do they look?

Wow! You are literally

the most talented person alive.

I know.

People, have your phones out.

You'll get them back in the morning.

Once you are in, you are in for the night.

All alcohol, drug,

and drug-related paraphernalia must be discarded,

or I will do it for you.

Happy Grad Night!

Next.

Just need to tag

- one more person... - I need your phone.

- Ha ha. Hold on. - Enjoy your screen-free

quality time with your classmates.

- Next. - Okay.

Ready to start a legacy?

My legacy is a sweet...

- Enjoy your night. - Sinister mistress

called revenge. Ever heard of it?

Is this about Coach Lewis docking your grade?

You still got in at Dartmouth. Let it go.

I will. Once I cause him

deep and profound

humiliation.

- How are you gonna do that? - Next.

Aren't you Mr. Lewis' wife?

I'm Bryce. Lovely night for an evening.

Enjoy your screen free quality time

with your classmates.

Thank you, ma'am.

What am I saying? Thank you... miss.

Ha. Next.

Tooth decay never rests.

Nine tubes of toothpaste?

Hey! Two of those are real.

Gentlemen, you remember the CPR class

I took down here? I snuck down to the basement

and stashed a few bottles of the crazy sauce.

- Seriously? - Bryce!

Wanna buy a yearbook?

Melinda. Or should I say...

Ma-Life Ruiner?

It's over. I made the speech and everything.

It's time to move on.

You were valedictorian by 100th of a decimal point,

a fraction that only exists

because Mr. Lewis docked me half a grade

for forgetting my sneakers.

Twice.

I took college chem!

Cosplay_queen_7.

Internet goddess, you have eluded us thus far.

Four years of cosplay perfection

and brilliant fan fiction.

Four years wherein you hid your face

behind your carefully crafted masks

and fantastical wigs.

Four years of longing.

And tonight... we will find you.

Exhibit A, posted November 3, 2016.

In addition to the outstanding craftsmanship

- on her neck piece... - The boots

- were exceptional, too. - Cosplay_queen_7

reveals our school insignia in the background

of her post. Exhibit B.

Cosplay_queen_7 has mentioned high school

- three times. - Thrice.

And the dates of these mentions

lead us to believe she's our year.

She'll be here tonight.

So it's on us to find...

the holy grail...

the distinct birthmark on her upper thigh/lower cheek.

We've gone on a lot of missions,

but this will be our greatest triumph.

Why couldn't the birth mark be on her shoulder?

Because all great warriors face obstacles.

And I have devised a plan.

- What? - Girls will be changing

in the locker room to go in the pool.

I'll crawl and shimmy my way into my lady's heart.

This is all kinds of creepy.

My future wife is somewhere in this rec center.

Mine too.

Who's suspect number one?

Boys, I think these oranges have gone bad.

I prefer them that way.

It actually adds more nutrition.

Go in.

- How much is the cover? - This is a school-sponsored

event, there isn't a cover.

- So anyone can get in? - Yes, provided they turn over

their cell phone, anyone who wants to get

in the party can drink as much fruit punch as they want.

May I have your phone, please?

Once you're in, you're in for the night.

You get that, right?

Good luck to you.

Fig doesn't even know Roni.

Fine, they carpooled together when they were, like, ten,

but he only likes her because she's pretty

and plays a children's instrument.

What he and I have is real.

It's a genuine connection built on trust and friendship.

- What he and I have is... - Is irrelevant.

'Cause he sees you as his sister.

What you need is for him to see you as his hot sister.

You know what I mean.

Oh, my God, Cass. There you are.

They have a cartoonist. We should totally do

like a super funny one of us as lab partners.

I'm gonna go pee,

and then I'll find ya after.

I do not understand this friendship.

She's fun. Back to you and Fig.

It's the last night of high school.

Your boobs look insane. Just go for it, already.

First of all, thank you.

Your boobs look great too.

- But... - You don't wanna lose him

as a friend. Deanna,

you're taking a gap year in Berlin.

Fig's going to college.

Things are gonna change, regardless.

Why not at least see if you can be something

before you explode with sexual and emotional frustration?

It's kinda your last shot.

- You're right. - Wait, seriously?

- Actually. - Yeah.

Yeah! Me and my boobs are gonna go tell Fig how I feel.

Thank you.

He called you adorable?

What a monster. He was trying to be sweet.

Of course. Oz is so sweet.

- I just meant... - She just meant

when was the last time you two smashed?

It's... been a minute.

Five weeks.

We've barely even made out!

I didn't notice at first. We were both so busy.

Then he started having all these excuses.

"We should spend our time after prom with our friends."

"We shouldn't hook up right after eating."

"We should play one more game of Risk!"

Everything used to be so amazing.

- Did I do something wrong? - No!

You're like a Disney princess.

Your hair's fantastic and...

you're braver than Mulan.

Look... you two have been together for a while now.

Sometimes even with two very attractive people,

you tend to get into a little dry spell.

I mean, I've heard.

I've never actually experienced it myself.

This is supposed to be the beginning of our life together.

But... what if it's the beginning of us drifting apart?

You and Oz are perfect together.

Just... stop trying to choreograph everything

with the fake candles and the lingerie.

It's just too much pressure.

Let things happen naturally. Spontaneously.

And then you'll get back into your groove.

You're right.

I'm going to end the dry spell with Oz tonight.

Here. Spontaneously.

Hey, locker buddy.

Your locker's next to mine, right?

No, it definitely is. Hey.

You know that smell that was there in March?

That wasn't from my locker. You know the one

that smelled like manure but almost kinda saltier?

Not me. Just in case you were thinking it was, it wasn't.

FYI.

Good to know.

It's nice to see you.

I wouldn't have thought this was your scene.

You know what'd make it more my scene?

- A drink. - Yeah?

Well, I can get you a drink or ten.

I've got a stash in the basement.

Seriously? That would be amazing!

The door to the basement's behind those speakers.

I'll sneak down and get it as soon as the heat clears.

You're the man, Cory!

It's Cody.

Cody with an O-dy.

Oh.

To the end of an era.

To new beginnings.

Force suspect number one to retreat.

She'll be in the locker room in T-minus five minutes.

You know what I was thinking about earlier?

- What? - That party at Sully's house

- in eighth grade. - Oh, yeah!

Yeah, the one where you, where you cried

'cause Cassie got her period, and you hadn't had yours yet?

That was, that was really funny.

No. No, not that party, the other one.

- Where we kissed. - Oh, yeah.

Man... that was awkward.

Yeah. Maybe a little.

Didn't you... try to lick my eyeball?

I read about it in a magazine.

You were the one who tried to feel me up

before even kissing me.

It was my first time drinking.

Felt like your first time kissing.

You banged your teeth into mine.

You tried to swallow my tonsils.

All right. I am a very skilled kisser.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

- Prove it. - What?

Wha, seriously?

- Yeah. - All right.

Okay. I, right.

Just, uh... you asked for it.

Uh...

Wow. This is so hot, I'm all aquiver.

Just close your eyes.

- Okay. - All right.

What the hell?

Oh, no, alas, my beverage!

Man... that sucks.

- Yeah. It's totally ruined. - Yeah.

And you'll continue to live

under the tragic misconception

that I'm a bad kisser.

Anyway, you wanna get some food?

I have to deal with this.

Oh. Here.

Take my shirt.

And, dude, guard that with your life,

or I swear I'll never talk to you again.

Obviously.

Obviously. I'm gonna go change.

All right.

Cosplay_queen_7 suspect number one

has been doused.

She's headed for Themyscira.

- What is Themyscira again? - Where Wonder Woman

was born, the land of only women!

Ah ha, got it. We're so clever.

♪ I don't wanna know your name ♪

♪ I don't wanna know your name ♪

♪ I don't wanna know your name ♪

♪ I don't wanna know your name ♪

♪ Technicolored eyes ♪

♪ That are not the same... ♪

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit!

Hey.

- What's up? - You look like

you could use a good, stiff yearbook.

- 'Scuse me? - I meant it as a play

off of good, stiff drink. Not like an erection.

I don't think you need help with that.

I mean, I, I have a yearbook.

- Thanks, though. - Um, but maybe you just

want to window shop it?

- How much? - 100 bucks.

You know, a wise woman

did once tell me

that I should seize all opportunities coming my way.

You were actually listening to my graduation speech?

Course I was. It was great.

Move it, you need to jiggle it!

I'm jiggling! There aren't a ton of ways to jiggle.

Let's just try calling someone.

- They have our phones. - Not what I meant.

Help. Help!

Help!

♪ I don't wanna know your name ♪

♪ I don't wanna know your name ♪

♪ I don't wanna know your name... ♪