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1
00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:07,465
Season 13 Episode 10
"W.T.F."
2
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:35,243
Say that again, Edge.
You think you're better than me?
3
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:40,165
Cena, your mouth has gotten you
into trouble for the last time.
4
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,791
I'm gonna shut it up for you!
5
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,588
- Mess him up, Edge!
- Kick his ass!
6
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,967
I've got something else
to tell you, Edge!
7
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:54,095
I slept with Vanessa last night!
8
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,809
Cena slept with Edge's girlfriend!
9
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:03,563
- {\*Oh }My God{\*, dude}. This is so awesome!
- I am having the best time!
10
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,733
You cheated
and took my belt from me.
11
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,776
And now
I can't hardly get work wrestling!
12
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,321
You took my girl
and you took my job!
13
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,575
He took his job!
14
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,493
He took his job!
15
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:24,625
Sweet!
16
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,677
- Dude, awesome!
- This is so awesome!
17
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:42,769
- Dude, that was so badass!
- Wrestling is awesome!
18
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:45,564
This is it{\*, you guys}.
We know what are calling in life is{\* now}.
19
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,774
Tomorrow we are signing up
for wrestling class!
20
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,568
- All right!
- Sweet!
21
00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,408
The fuck is this?
22
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,578
Why did they have us
put on long underwear?
23
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,497
{\*Well, }I guess {\*in wrestling}we're supposed
to make your own outfit
24
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:03,999
and then wear it over this.
25
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,834
{\*Yeah, }That makes sense.
26
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,793
{\*All right. So }Did everyone settle on their {\*wrestling }names?
27
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,713
I did.
I'm the Rad Russian.
28
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:12,215
I come from Russia
to crush your puny capitalist head!
29
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:13,341
All right{\*, boys}!
30
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,552
Glad to see some new recruits{\*I'm really glad to see we have some new recruits}
31
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:17,637
interested
in the fine sport of wrestling.
32
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,222
- Cool!
- Let's do this!
33
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:21,141
{\*Now, }The first things we're gonna learn{\* today}
34
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,643
are the fundamental wrestling holds.
35
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,437
Let's get some volunteers.
36
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,606
{\*Why don't you }Come over here, young man.
What's your name?
37
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,399
- The Rad Russian.
- What?
38
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,192
You capitalist swine!
I crush you!
39
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,279
Just {\*go ahead and }get on your hands and knees.
40
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:36,948
Just down on the floor.
41
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:39,826
Hands and knees.
42
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,455
{\*All right. }And now how about you?
Your name is?
43
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:46,166
Triceratops!
44
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,461
All right.
Come on over here.
45
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,588
I'm gonna position you into the official
wrestling starting position.
46
00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,634
Here we go...
47
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,344
The fuck is this?
48
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,471
Now just reach around him, here.
49
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,140
- Good.
- Dude! Dude!
50
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,642
The fuck are you doing?
51
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:06,561
Get back on the floor.
{\*I'm teaching you }It's the starting position of wrestling!
52
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,813
That's not wrestling{\*, dude}.
That's fucking gay!
53
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:10,398
Are you a child molester?{\*Yeah. What are you, a child molester?}
54
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,608
Where's {\*all }the cool costumes
and jumping off ropes{\* and stuff}?
55
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,111
Not this again!
56
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:19,198
Let me guess, you {\*just }went to that stupid
WWE show in Denver last night!
57
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,620
The WWE is not wrestling!
58
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,706
That's a bunch of fake bullcrap!
How stupid are you?
59
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:28,917
Real wrestling, boys, is this.
60
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,086
Well, this is fucking lame{\*, dude}.
61
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,379
Let's get {\*the hell }out of here{\*, guys}.
62
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:34,464
{\*Yeah, This guy }He probably wants
to take pictures of us naked.
63
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:38,385
I got half a mind to report...
Report you to the police, sir!
64
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,266
The Wrestling Takedown Federation
has several matches planned today.
65
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,560
{\*All right.}So here's how we'll do this{\*, guys}.
66
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:51,189
I'll come out to the ring first,
then Jimmy tells me he'll kick my ass.{\*I'll come out to the ring first and then Jimmy you come in and tell me you're gonna kick my ass.}
67
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:54,359
I'll say you slept with my girlfriend,
and I'll do you a headslap.{\*Then I'm gonna say you slept with my girlfriend, and I'll charge you and do a headslap.}
68
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,486
- Sounds good.
- Butters comes in as the ref{\*Then Butters you come in as the ref}
69
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,196
{\*all }like, "{\*No, }The fight hasn't started{\* yet}!"
70
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:01,324
That's when Jimmy sneaks up
and hits me with the foldaway chair.{\*And that's when Jimmy sneaks up from behind and hits me over the head with the foldaway chair.}
71
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:02,284
Okie-doke!
72
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,869
So is that when I tell you
your girlfriend is a whore?
73
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:09,124
Let's save it for after Stan headbutts
Butters for stopping the fight.{\*Let's save the girlfriend is a whore line until after Stan headbutts Butters for trying to stop the fight again.}
74
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:12,335
- Boy, wrestling sure is fun!
- All right. We ready to try this{\*, guys}?
75
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,587
{\*All right. }Let's start wrestling.
76
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:18,299
- I'm gonna kick your ass!
- You slept with my girl{\*friend}, Hammerclaw!
77
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,055
No, the fight hasn't started yet.
No! Bad!
78
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,224
He slept with my girl{\*friend}, referee!
79
00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:28,560
In my country
we don't wait for a bell, mister...
80
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,105
Your girl{\*friend} is a whore.
81
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,482
- {\*Wait for it, }Wait for the whore line.
- {\*Oh, }Right. Sorry.
82
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,275
You're gonna get it{\* now}, Hammerclaw!
83
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,612
- We'll see about that!
- Now hold on!
84
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,238
I am stopping the fight!
85
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:45,577
What's going on?
86
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,162
Apparently that crippled kid
87
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,914
slept with
that Russian kid's girlfriend.
88
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,000
Geez.
They're so young!
89
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:56,880
I'll kill you, Triceratops.
You made fun of my crippled mother!
90
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,174
That's because your mother
betrayed my mother, Juggernaut!
91
00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,678
You don't come to this country
and make fun of it!
92
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,932
And just what do you care
about your pitiful country?
93
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:10,017
I served my country.
I fought for two years in Vietnam!
94
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:14,439
That kid was in Nam?
Man, that's incredible.
95
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:17,066
Good for you
for serving your country!
96
00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:19,611
Guys, check this out!
97
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:23,323
There's this little kid from the Congo
who was raised by panthers!
98
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:24,699
Are you serious?
99
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:29,162
Just admit it, Congo.
Admit {\*that }you lied about me to Irene!
100
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,831
I admit nothing.
Maybe Irene lied to you!
101
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:35,502
That kid in the hat
is having sex with two different girls?
102
00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:37,545
No, that little kid from the Congo
103
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:41,466
lied about one of them to {\*try and }get the kid
in the hat in trouble with his wife.
104
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,092
They're married?
105
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,553
You will have to forfeit the fight,
Rad Russian!
106
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:47,805
You can't fight
until your test results come back!
107
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,517
I {\*might }have to wait for my hepatitis test,
but in the meantime,
108
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:53,144
I have brought my comrade
from Mexico to wrestle against you!
109
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,563
That Russian kid's got hepatitis?
110
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:56,856
Here he comes now!
111
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:59,192
The cold blooded wrestler
from Mexico.
112
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,985
El Pollo Loco!
113
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,325
What are you doing here,
El Pollo Loco?
114
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:15,375
Your girlfriend doesn't even like you,
Stan the Man.
115
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,667
She likes me!
116
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,795
You {\*have no idea}don't know
what you're saying, Juggernaut!
117
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,214
Irene loves me
and I'm gonna marry her!
118
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:22,465
If she wants {\*to be with }you,
119
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,384
how about
she tells all these people here?{\*how about you have her tell all these people here?}
120
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,720
Here some comes now.
It's Bad Irene!
121
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,645
Let me tell you something.
122
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:38,064
It's true I love Stan the Man
with all my heart.
123
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:41,192
- But I want to be with Juggernaut now.
- What?
124
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:42,986
No way!
125
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,738
What are you doing?
Stan the Man loves you!
126
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,156
Don't break his heart!
127
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,034
If you love Juggernaut, Irene,
128
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:52,412
then tell what you did two years ago.
How you killed his child!
129
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,998
It's true. I was pregnant
with your child and I aborted it.
130
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,253
Irene, no!
Why?
131
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,381
Do you know what it's like
to have an abortion at seven{\* years old}?
132
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,507
Do you?
133
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,886
I've had so many abortions.
I {\*just }got addicted to them.
134
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,055
Did you hear that?
135
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:12,807
Irene, you said you loved me!
136
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,852
I don't love you.
I love abortions, don't you understand?{\*I'm not in love with you. I'm in love with abortions, don't you understand?}
137
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,779
I'm telling you guys,
you got to see this.
138
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,199
These kids ain't more
than eight or nine years old
139
00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:31,701
and they got more problems
than you can imagine.
140
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:34,996
There's this one kid,
he saw his father get murdered.
141
00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:37,165
And yesterday he finds the killer
142
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,417
and it's this other kid
who's an ex-cop.
143
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,961
Needless to say,
he whooped his ass good.
144
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,796
And there's this little girl.
145
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:46,925
She's actually addicted
to getting abortions.
146
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,135
Got pregnant
by nearly every boy there.
147
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:50,595
You're shitting me.
148
00:07:50,763 --> 00:07:53,264
No, we're telling you
these kids are fucking crazy.
149
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,933
You gotta check it out.
150
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,520
You can watch them
almost every afternoon.
151
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,897
It's some of the greatest wrestling
we ever seen.
152
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,065
It isn't real!
153
00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:04,776
Don't you people understand?
That stuff isn't real.
154
00:08:05,390 --> 00:08:07,403
None of it!
How stupid are you?
155
00:08:09,249 --> 00:08:11,377
What do you mean it ain't real?
156
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,803
It's all made up.
Fiction.
157
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:18,146
Real wrestling is a serious
and respectable sport.
158
00:08:18,685 --> 00:08:21,542
Why can't you {\*people }understand
that kind of wrestling isn't real?
159
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:23,636
Mister,
160
00:08:23,761 --> 00:08:26,589
there's a little girl out there
who's had fourteen abortions
161
00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:28,562
and she ain't even ten yet.
162
00:08:28,687 --> 00:08:31,594
But I guess
that's just not real to you.
163
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,708
Son a bitch.
164
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:38,226
Look!
This is wrestling!
165
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:46,337
Mister, you better take your gay porn
and walk right outta this bar.
166
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,822
Holy crap{\*, dude}.
There's a huge turnout tonight!
167
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,208
Good thing we made
those changes to the seating.
168
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,742
{\*All right. }You guys, let's bring it in.
169
00:08:55,066 --> 00:08:57,537
{\*I think }We've{\* really} done a great job.
Let's just keep the energy up,
170
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,163
have a good flow and have fun{\* out there}.
171
00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:02,429
Let's do this!
One, two...
172
00:09:02,554 --> 00:09:04,004
Backyard wrestling!
173
00:09:12,974 --> 00:09:14,727
What a perfect night for fighting!
174
00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:17,443
Low, the moon sets
upon the tips of the trees and I,
175
00:09:17,568 --> 00:09:19,426
the man known as the Rad Russian,
176
00:09:19,551 --> 00:09:21,842
start to stir
with the excitement of violence.
177
00:09:21,967 --> 00:09:25,356
Only a country like yours
can breed men of such discontent{\*, Rad Russian}!
178
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:29,136
But you don't know what real pain is.
Pain, like I've known.
179
00:09:29,261 --> 00:09:31,487
Abandoned when I was
four years old by my parents.
180
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,948
Left to die in a cold
and dark sewage tunnel.
181
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:37,355
Geez, I didn't know
his parents did that.
182
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,470
{\pub}I'm very sorry,
but I'm afraid we have to terminate
183
00:09:43,595 --> 00:09:46,180
your employment here
at South Park Elementary.
184
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:49,213
You're firing me?
Why?
185
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:52,924
The school board has decided
to discontinue the wrestling program.
186
00:09:53,049 --> 00:09:56,187
Wrestling simply involves
too much adult subject matter.
187
00:09:56,312 --> 00:09:58,264
Like murder and abortion.
188
00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:00,516
No!
This isn't wrestling!
189
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,727
This isn't wrestling!
190
00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:05,731
Principal Victoria,
{\*just }let me stay on and I can teach kids
191
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,383
what real wrestling is!
192
00:10:07,508 --> 00:10:09,234
{\*I'm sorry. }The board has made up their minds.
193
00:10:09,552 --> 00:10:11,736
You can't fire me
for what these kids do!
194
00:10:11,904 --> 00:10:13,905
That isn't the only reason{\* you're being let go}.
195
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,448
What{\* do you mean}?
196
00:10:16,363 --> 00:10:19,911
We found all the gay porn
on your iPhone, Mr. Conners.
197
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,265
So {\*I'm thinking }we do the part
about Jimmy's relationship
198
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:26,093
with his alcoholic father
after you smash Butters onto the table.
199
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,025
- Sure, that works.
- You guys!
200
00:10:28,150 --> 00:10:29,893
Listen to this.
It's amazing!
201
00:10:30,018 --> 00:10:33,307
- What, dude?
- We {\*just }received a letter from the WWE.
202
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:36,392
- From the {\*professional }wrestlers we saw in Denver?
- No way!
203
00:10:36,740 --> 00:10:39,365
"Gentlemen, we have heard
of your wrestling organization
204
00:10:39,490 --> 00:10:41,579
"and are quite interested
in its popularity.
205
00:10:41,704 --> 00:10:43,890
"The WWE is delighted to inform you
206
00:10:44,015 --> 00:10:47,397
"that it will be sending a talent scout,
president Vince McMahon,
207
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,400
"to view your wrestling event
this Saturday, the 24th."
208
00:10:50,568 --> 00:10:52,366
Vince McMahon is coming to see us?
209
00:10:52,491 --> 00:10:54,957
This is our shot
at making it into the WWE,
210
00:10:55,082 --> 00:10:56,281
to be real wrestlers!
211
00:10:56,897 --> 00:10:58,697
- My God!
- My God!
212
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:06,708
Guys, listen!
213
00:11:06,876 --> 00:11:08,710
We seriously have to focus here.
214
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,407
We've exactly three days
before the scout{\* is here to} see us wrestle.
215
00:11:11,532 --> 00:11:13,911
We've got to step it up
and work it like never before!
216
00:11:14,036 --> 00:11:16,240
{\*It's }Time for{\*to start} the second act.
Let's bring the crowd back
217
00:11:16,365 --> 00:11:18,678
from intermission
and then improvise some stuff{\* for Saturday}!
218
00:11:20,570 --> 00:11:23,094
No, I think Congo
is a great wrestler.
219
00:11:23,219 --> 00:11:25,415
I just think Rad Russian
has his number.
220
00:11:26,145 --> 00:11:29,105
But Rad Russian
has a lot of abandonment issues.
221
00:11:30,939 --> 00:11:33,807
Looks like intermission is over.
We better head back.
222
00:11:39,204 --> 00:11:40,617
I left my wife today.
223
00:11:41,565 --> 00:11:44,170
Walked out of the apartment
without saying a word.
224
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,602
I ran away from my responsibilities,
225
00:11:46,727 --> 00:11:47,999
just I like always do.
226
00:11:49,785 --> 00:11:51,572
And I, again,
227
00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:53,046
am alone.
228
00:11:53,748 --> 00:11:55,957
Here he is.
Hiding in the forest as I told you!
229
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:59,170
Juggernaut, there's to be
an ultimate Smackdown this Saturday.
230
00:11:59,295 --> 00:12:01,488
Are you going
to run from that as well?
231
00:12:01,613 --> 00:12:03,181
I'll fight anytime, anywhere!
232
00:12:03,528 --> 00:12:06,351
He don't run from fights,
just from responsibilities.
233
00:12:13,303 --> 00:12:16,192
What do I do?
Juggernaut is my long lost brother,
234
00:12:16,317 --> 00:12:18,344
and yet Congo saved my life in Nam!
235
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,555
It's El Pollo Loco!
236
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,083
Thanks for coming{\*, guys}.
237
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,627
I'm sure you're wondering
why I've called you to Sizzler.
238
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,547
What's this about?
We should be writing our monologues.{\*We should be writing our monologues for Smackdown.}
239
00:12:35,994 --> 00:12:37,744
{\*Well guys,}Kenny and I have been talking.
240
00:12:38,878 --> 00:12:42,882
{\*And I mean, }Smackdown might be our one shot
at making it into the WWE, right?
241
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,764
{\*A shot like this}And it might never come again.
242
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:48,476
The way we see it,
we have three primary obstacles
243
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,353
in making Smackdown a great show.
244
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,566
What{\* are you talking about}?
245
00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:56,943
{\*Guys, }Let's face it.
They can't wrestle for crap.
246
00:12:57,252 --> 00:13:00,405
Every time,{\* I wrestle with one of them} they flub a line
or blow their monologue.
247
00:13:00,573 --> 00:13:02,883
And Token,
he has no emotion, no timing.
248
00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:04,868
He's the worst wrestler
I've ever seen.
249
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,058
- He's right.
- What?
250
00:13:08,183 --> 00:13:10,456
It's {\*really }hard to do your best wrestling
{\*when you're up }against Token.
251
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,398
- Right?
- Butters and Jimmy,
252
00:13:12,523 --> 00:13:15,170
{\*They're okay, but }they're never gonna make it
as professional wrestlers.
253
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,839
So then WWE will recruit us
and not them.
254
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,728
{\*No dude, }They're gonna hurt our chances!
255
00:13:20,807 --> 00:13:22,368
Because {\* we all know that}the new material
256
00:13:22,493 --> 00:13:25,221
I've written is stuff{\* those guys} they can't handle,
{\*and }we'll suffer from it.
257
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:26,348
So what{\* do we do}?
258
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:32,331
We gotta bring somebody else on
who can handle the more difficult roles{\* that we wrestle against instead of those guys}.
259
00:13:32,959 --> 00:13:35,875
Somebody who can do the harder stuff{\* we've written}
so that Token, Butters and Jimmy
260
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,943
- can have smaller parts.
- How do we find this person{\* somebody wrestle that well}?
261
00:13:39,378 --> 00:13:41,529
It's simple.
We just gotta hold tryouts.
262
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:49,700
Number 17, step forward please.
263
00:13:52,063 --> 00:13:54,992
You're wrestling a Muslim immigrant.
You suspect he could be a terrorist
264
00:13:55,117 --> 00:13:57,420
and your parents died
in the 9/11 attacks. Go.
265
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,465
You dirty, Muslim bastard!
266
00:14:00,779 --> 00:14:02,908
I don't trust you.
And I never will!
267
00:14:03,033 --> 00:14:04,945
Do you know how it feels
to lose your parents.
268
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:08,651
No, you wouldn't, you smelly brown
middle eastern piece of...
269
00:14:08,776 --> 00:14:10,425
Thank you.
Number 24.
270
00:14:12,270 --> 00:14:14,648
You're wrestling for the right
to marry Mackenzie Phillips
271
00:14:14,773 --> 00:14:17,107
but just learned that she had sex
with her father. Go.
272
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,430
Your father?
273
00:14:19,749 --> 00:14:21,049
Your own father?
274
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,156
I don't care if you were on drugs,
you sick whore!
275
00:14:25,415 --> 00:14:26,415
Thank you.
276
00:14:27,827 --> 00:14:30,188
- That guy's a pretty good wrestler.
- Yeah, not bad.
277
00:14:30,313 --> 00:14:32,455
{\*Let's see.}Can we get number 37
to step forward again?
278
00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:35,500
{\*Just }Want to get to know you {\*all a little }better.
What can you tell us about you{\*rself}?
279
00:14:36,087 --> 00:14:39,249
Not a whole lot to tell, really.
Was born in Fort Collins.
280
00:14:39,374 --> 00:14:41,715
Started watching wrestling
when I was four years old.
281
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,237
My father, he liked it too...
282
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:45,802
until he died.
283
00:14:46,415 --> 00:14:48,805
Sometimes I think it's because of him
I follow this dream.
284
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:53,957
All my life,
all I ever wanted was to be a wrestler.
285
00:14:54,421 --> 00:14:56,729
Fighting in the ring,
286
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,899
winning that belt.
287
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,483
And so I dreamed every night
288
00:15:00,651 --> 00:15:03,319
that I was the undertaker,
289
00:15:03,902 --> 00:15:06,013
smashing skulls in,
290
00:15:06,484 --> 00:15:08,562
breaking arms.
291
00:15:08,891 --> 00:15:12,157
- Damn{\*, dude}, that is some badass wrestling.
- Yeah, this guy crushes.
292
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:22,558
It isn't fair.
293
00:15:23,424 --> 00:15:24,424
All my hard work.
294
00:15:24,592 --> 00:15:27,343
{/$WRESTLING SMACKDOWN
BRINGS WWE PRESIDENT}
295
00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:29,507
I'm not going to take it anymore.
296
00:15:33,118 --> 00:15:35,998
That wrestling show is in
for a big surprise.
297
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,573
I'm putting an end to this
once and for all.
298
00:15:43,319 --> 00:15:46,613
{\pub}{/$ULTIMATE SMACKDOWN TONIGHT}
299
00:15:50,368 --> 00:15:51,452
He's here!
300
00:15:51,986 --> 00:15:53,453
Vince McMahon is here!
301
00:15:54,931 --> 00:15:56,086
It's really him!
302
00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:58,594
He's here.
My God!
303
00:16:00,419 --> 00:16:01,753
All right.
Places everyone!
304
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:08,831
Welcome to this performance
of Wrestling Takedown Federation:
305
00:16:08,956 --> 00:16:10,053
Smackdown.
306
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:19,532
- What's going on?
- You know what's going on.
307
00:16:19,657 --> 00:16:22,774
It's Smackdown tonight.
{\*Which means}We might have to fight each other.
308
00:16:23,365 --> 00:16:26,386
You shouldn't be fighting anybody.
What about your cancer?
309
00:16:26,696 --> 00:16:28,477
Wait a minute.
Who is that?
310
00:16:28,602 --> 00:16:30,760
It's Triceratops,
and he's with Irene!
311
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,248
You aren't welcome here,
Triceratops!
312
00:16:33,971 --> 00:16:36,581
Stay calm.
You know what you have to do
313
00:16:36,706 --> 00:16:38,790
for the good of real wrestling.
314
00:16:41,085 --> 00:16:43,461
No, Irene please, just this once,
315
00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:45,163
do not abort this baby.
316
00:16:45,288 --> 00:16:46,840
My body, my right.
317
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:49,530
In fact, I'm junking
for the rush so badly,{\**}
318
00:16:49,655 --> 00:16:53,138
- I won't make to it the clinic.
- {\*No, }You can't possibly mean that...
319
00:16:53,921 --> 00:16:56,806
{\*I think }Maybe I'll have another abortion
right here, right now.
320
00:16:59,020 --> 00:17:01,062
There's someone here
to wrestle you, Irene.
321
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,835
A baby you aborted
many years ago survived.
322
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,400
And he's here now.
323
00:17:05,568 --> 00:17:09,112
Mother!
Why did you abort me? Why?
324
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:10,488
He is alive!
325
00:17:10,782 --> 00:17:13,575
You, get back in the trash condition
where you belong.
326
00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:15,910
What do you think?
327
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,746
They are decent wrestlers.
328
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:21,124
We'll see how they develop
their through line in the second act.
329
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,260
I thought I would find you here,
Triceratops!
330
00:17:24,385 --> 00:17:26,911
Stay out of my business,
Sgt. Hammerclaw!
331
00:17:27,770 --> 00:17:28,770
Excuse me.
332
00:17:29,154 --> 00:17:31,206
I'm sorry,
I'm afraid this area is off limits.
333
00:17:31,664 --> 00:17:34,179
Don't mind me.
I was just about to...
334
00:17:39,690 --> 00:17:41,152
What the fuck is this?
335
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:48,656
How I long
for the spring meadows of Russia.
336
00:17:49,009 --> 00:17:50,628
The soft Russian sky.
337
00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:54,524
When are you going
to face reality, Congo?
338
00:17:54,649 --> 00:17:57,496
Just because you were raised
by panthers doesn't mean you are one!
339
00:17:57,621 --> 00:18:00,125
He's closer to a panther
than you'll ever be!
340
00:18:00,410 --> 00:18:02,332
Lies!
These are all a bunch of lies!
341
00:18:02,656 --> 00:18:04,915
Now, you listen here, El Pollo Loco.
342
00:18:05,211 --> 00:18:08,505
Your wife was killed,
but you can't keep Irene's aborted baby.{\*It doesn't matter if you wife was killed. You cannot keep Irene's aborted baby.}
343
00:18:10,516 --> 00:18:13,290
Just let him crawl back Mexico,
Sgt. Hammerclaw.
344
00:18:13,886 --> 00:18:15,013
Only one shot.
345
00:18:15,571 --> 00:18:16,786
Maximum damage.
346
00:18:17,093 --> 00:18:19,999
This is all your fault,
you WWE president asshole.
347
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:23,433
Your fault we all die here
right now.
348
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,931
For wrestling!
349
00:18:54,496 --> 00:18:55,496
Shut up!
350
00:18:56,658 --> 00:18:58,430
You idiots want wrestling?
351
00:18:58,598 --> 00:19:00,187
This is wrestling.
352
00:19:05,188 --> 00:19:07,063
We want some real wrestlers.
353
00:19:07,231 --> 00:19:09,185
This is just a bunch of garbage.
354
00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:11,860
And you're all ruining
the good name of wrestling.
355
00:19:13,780 --> 00:19:15,647
Wrestling is from ancient Greece.
356
00:19:15,772 --> 00:19:17,115
It's in the Olympics.
357
00:19:17,283 --> 00:19:20,265
What the hell do you care?
Get off the wrestling mat.
358
00:19:21,454 --> 00:19:22,604
Why do I care?
359
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,879
These kids made it so real,
wrestling is gone from schools.
360
00:19:26,004 --> 00:19:27,943
It's practically gone
from the culture.
361
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:29,628
Damn it.
They took my job!
362
00:19:31,141 --> 00:19:32,141
What?
363
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:35,181
- They took his job.
- I know.
364
00:19:36,716 --> 00:19:38,525
You want to know pain?
365
00:19:38,650 --> 00:19:42,074
Pain is dedicating
your entire life to a sport,
366
00:19:42,338 --> 00:19:43,594
to a career,
367
00:19:43,719 --> 00:19:45,645
and then having it all
ripped away from you
368
00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:47,739
like a baby from its mother.
369
00:19:49,305 --> 00:19:52,692
- Man, they took his job.
- They took his job.
370
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:54,189
Lost everything.
371
00:19:54,314 --> 00:19:57,739
Couldn't even afford to pay
for my little retriever Rex anymore.
372
00:19:58,368 --> 00:20:00,534
Animal control came and got him.
373
00:20:01,756 --> 00:20:03,870
They took his dog!
374
00:20:08,835 --> 00:20:10,966
I ended up on the streets stealing.
375
00:20:11,262 --> 00:20:14,339
Got busted by the police
and had to spend the night in jail.
376
00:20:14,507 --> 00:20:18,343
The other inmates, they beat me up
and fractured my jaw so I couldn't eat.
377
00:20:18,511 --> 00:20:20,199
They broke his jaw!
378
00:20:20,324 --> 00:20:22,764
They broke his jaw!
379
00:20:27,702 --> 00:20:29,563
So you see, I have nothing left.
380
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:30,688
Nothing!
381
00:20:30,999 --> 00:20:32,711
Not even the will to live.
382
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,687
Sir, that was one
of the finest wrestling performances
383
00:20:52,812 --> 00:20:54,896
- I have ever seen.
- What?
384
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:57,566
Will you not join
our wrestling organization?
385
00:20:57,691 --> 00:21:00,030
I promise to make you
our leading act.
386
00:21:00,155 --> 00:21:01,862
- You mean it?
- Come.
387
00:21:01,987 --> 00:21:04,097
I want to get you in rehearsals
right away.
388
00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:05,640
What?
389
00:21:06,715 --> 00:21:08,262
What about us?
Our show?
390
00:21:08,627 --> 00:21:11,063
Sorry, boys.
You are decent wrestlers,
391
00:21:11,188 --> 00:21:14,150
but lack the raw wrestling talent
this man has.
392
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,361
This is your fault, Kyle.
You screwed up the second act.
393
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,530
Me?
It was your stupid ass writing.
394
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:22,990
Face it, Stan's crappy singing
is what who sunk us.
395
00:21:30,817 --> 00:21:32,083
What the hell is this?
396
00:21:34,379 --> 00:21:35,837
This is garbage fight.
397
00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:37,985
Screw this.
This is just stupid.
398
00:21:39,545 --> 00:21:40,545
Fake!
399
00:21:41,636 --> 00:21:45,514
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