Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:43,487
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?
2
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:46,177
YES, WELL, 99'S MOTHER
3
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:48,157
CALLED US JUST
BEFORE WE LEFT EARTH.
4
00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:50,226
WELL, THIS IS PROBABLY THE
LAST TIME WE'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE
5
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,028
THESE SECRET MEETINGS
ON THE MOON ANYWAY.
6
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,230
NOW THAT THE ASTRONAUTS
HAVE LANDED SUCCESSFULLY,
7
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:56,098
THERE WILL PROBABLY BE A
LOT MORE OF THEM COMING.
8
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:57,867
WELL, WE REALLY
SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN, CHIEF.
9
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,335
WE'VE HAD IT FOR FOUR YEARS.
10
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:00,804
WELL, LET'S GET
DOWN TO BUSINESS.
11
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,305
NOW HERE'S YOUR ASSIGNMENT:
12
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:05,130
KAOS HAS KIDNAPPED
PROFESSOR FINNEUS PHEASANT.
13
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,410
- WHO'S HE, CHIEF?
- PROBABLY THE MOST
IMPORTANT
14
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:09,367
NUCLEAR SCIENTIST
IN THE WORLD, 99.
15
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:12,181
NOW ACCORDING TO OUR INFORMATION,
THEY'RE HOLDING PHEASANT PRISONER
16
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:14,350
IN THE BASEMENT OF KAOS
HEADQUARTERS IN NEW JERSEY.
17
00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:16,508
- WHERE?
- NEW JERSEY.
18
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,337
I DIDN'T GET THAT, CHIEF.
19
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:28,086
- OH, NEW JERSEY.
- GO ON, CHIEF.
20
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:30,033
KAOS IS GOING TO PUT
PROFESSOR PHEASANT
21
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,601
THROUGH A SERIES
OF BRAINWASHINGS
22
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,959
SO THEY CAN FIND OUT
EVERYTHING THAT HE KNOWS.
23
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:36,005
NOW YOUR ASSIGNMENT IT
TO GET HIM OUT OF THERE
24
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,874
BEFORE HE CRACKS
AND STARTS TALKING.
25
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,276
DO YOU HAVE A LAYOUT
OF THE HOUSE, CHIEF?
26
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,677
YES, I'VE GOT ONE RIGHT HERE.
27
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,268
NOW THIS IS KAOS'S
SUMMER HEADQUARTERS.
28
00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:44,981
YOU'D BETTER START
BACK IMMEDIATELY,
29
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,582
IT'S GOING TO TAKE
YOU A GOOD SIX DAYS
30
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,318
TO GET BACK TO KAOS
HEADQUARTERS IN NEW JERSEY.
31
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,720
BUT, CHIEF, IT ONLY TAKES THREE
DAYS TO GET BACK TO EARTH.
32
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:53,378
I KNOW THAT, 99, BUT
ONCE YOU FIND THE CAR
33
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,691
AND GET IT OUT OF THE
PARKING LOT AT THE AIRPORT,
34
00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:58,494
AND WITH THE TRAFFIC INTO TOWN,
BELIEVE ME, IT'LL BE ANOTHER THREE DAYS.
35
00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,438
HE'S RIGHT, 99.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
36
00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:10,606
CHIEF, CAN WE GIVE YOU A LIFT?
37
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,550
NO, THANKS. I'M
NOT GONG THAT WAY.
38
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,218
MAX, LOOK! PROFESSOR PHEASANT.
39
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:35,886
WELL, WHAT'S HE DOING IN A
TELEPHONE BOOTH READING A BOOK?
40
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,923
THAT'S NOT A
TELEPHONE BOOTH, MAX,
41
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:39,624
THAT'S A GLASS CELL.
42
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:43,628
OF COURSE. THEY'VE GOT
PHEASANT UNDER GLASS.
43
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,398
COME ON, 99.
44
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:56,841
PROFESSOR, WE'VE COME
TO TAKE YOU OUT OF HERE.
45
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,643
I SAID,
46
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,778
WE'VE COME TO BREAK
YOU OUT OF HERE.
47
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,914
MAX, BE QUIET.
48
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,560
HE CAN'T HEAR US, MAX.
49
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,897
WE'VE GOT TO THINK OF SOME
OTHER WAY TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIM.
50
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:11,023
WAIT A MINUTE, 99. I'LL
CALL HIM ON MY SHOE PHONE.
51
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:15,305
MAX, LOOK. KAOS HAS
TAKEN AWAY THE SHOES.
52
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:18,263
- THEY'VE THOUGHT
OF EVERYTHING.
- NOT QUITE, 99.
53
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:26,838
HOW CLEVER...
54
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,607
A SOCK PHONE!
55
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:31,643
- HELLO.
- HELLO, PROFESSOR.
56
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,979
THIS IS MAXWELL SMART,
AGENT 86 OF CONTROL.
57
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,259
- YES, MR. SMART.
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT,
PROFESSOR?
58
00:03:36,283 --> 00:03:39,985
NOT BAD, CONSIDERING THE BRAINWASHING
THEY PUT ME THROUGH EVERY DAY.
59
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,832
BUT I DIDN'T TELL THEM ANYTHING
ABOUT MY NEW SECRET FORMULA.
60
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,223
GOOD, PROFESSOR. WE'LL HAVE
YOU OUT OF HERE IN NO TIME.
61
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,003
I HOPE IT'S SOON, MR. SMART.
62
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,537
I THINK I'M GOING TO FAINT.
63
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,695
OH, YOU'RE WEAK FROM
ALL THAT BRAINWASHING.
64
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,342
NO, FROM THIS PHONE CALL.
65
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,399
I'VE HAD THESE SOCKS
ON FOR FIVE DAYS.
66
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:59,338
WELL, LOOK, PROFESSOR, WE'LL
HAVE YOU OUT OF HERE IN A JIFFY.
67
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,451
NOW HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU
TO DO: I WANT YOU TO GET DOWN
68
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:05,110
ON THE FLOOR OF THE CELL SO YOU
WON'T BE HIT BY ANY FLYING GLASS.
69
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:08,178
OH, YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO
BREAK THIS GLASS, MR. SMART.
70
00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:10,848
IT'S ABSOLUTELY INDESTRUCTIBLE.
71
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,518
NOT WITH WHAT I'VE
GOT IN THIS SATCHEL.
72
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:19,691
WELL, 99, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO TRY THE SILENT MACHINE GUN.
73
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,727
- OKAY, ARE YOU READY, 99?
- READY, MAX.
74
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:28,099
MAX, IT DIDN'T EVEN
CRACK THE GLASS.
75
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:31,736
99, I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO
HAVE TO USE THE LASER GUN.
76
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,105
RIGHT, MAX.
77
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,321
MAX, THAT DIDN'T WORK EITHER.
78
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:40,289
WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GET THE
PROFESSOR OUT OF THE BOOTH.
79
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:43,158
WAIT A MINUTE, 99. THERE'S
ONE THING WE HAVEN'T TRIED YET.
80
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:44,716
WHAT'S THAT?
81
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:48,252
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE
CONTROL LAB COMES UP WITH
82
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,400
IN NEW WEAPONS.
NOTHING CAN BEAT THIS.
83
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:53,024
THIS ALWAYS WORKS.
84
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,896
MAX, YOU BROKE THE
BASEMENT WINDOW.
85
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,609
I TOLD YOU IT ALWAYS WORKS, 99.
86
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,344
Man: CHECK ON THE BASEMENT.
87
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,301
COME ON, 99. THE WINDOW.
88
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,912
MAX, THE GATES ARE LOCKED.
89
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,747
COME ON, 99.
90
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,518
THE WALL. WE'VE GOT TO
CLIMB OVER THAT WALL, 99.
91
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,931
I'LL GET UP ON TOP AND THEN
I'LL HELP YOU UP. COME ON.
92
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,489
MAX, I DON'T THINK
I'M GOING TO DO THAT.
93
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,406
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THAT?
94
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,240
THERE ARE KAOS AGENTS
ALL OVER THE GROUNDS.
95
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,410
THEY'RE LIABLE TO FIND
US ANY MINUTE. COME ON.
96
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:36,702
WELL, MAX, I JUST DON'T THINK THAT'S
A VERY GOOD THING FOR ME TO DO.
97
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,418
99, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP
ARGUING WITH ME? COME ON.
98
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:44,276
MAX, I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS BEFORE,
99
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,644
BUT I WENT TO SEE
A DOCTOR TODAY.
100
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,793
99, YOU'RE NOT SICK, ARE YOU?
101
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,683
OH NO, MAX. IN FACT,
THE DOCTOR SAYS
102
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,696
I'VE NEVER BEEN IN BETTER
PHYSICAL CONDITION.
103
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,231
GOOD. LET'S GET OVER THAT WALL.
104
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,066
I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY, MAX.
105
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,923
A BABY?
106
00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:19,064
I THINK WE'VE LOST THEM, MAX.
107
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,345
- YOU CAN SLOW DOWN NOW.
- I'M GONNA TEACH THAT KID
108
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:24,420
HOW TO PLAY FOOTBALL AND BASEBALL
AND BASKETBALL AND MAYBE GOLF.
109
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,211
JUST DON'T TEACH HIM HOW TO
DRIVE, MAX. PLEASE SLOW DOWN.
110
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,848
WE'VE ONLY GOT ONE MINUTE
TO MAKE THAT PHONE BOOTH
111
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,929
- AT 4th AND FULTON.
- YOU'RE SO EXCITED ABOUT
BECOMING A FATHER, MAX.
112
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,754
MAYBE YOU'D BETTER LET ME DRIVE.
113
00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:37,942
TOO LATE, 99. THERE'S
THE PHONE BOOTH.
114
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:42,493
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, 99?
115
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:45,129
I'M FINE, MAX, BUT YOU'VE
KNOCKED OVER THE PHONE BOOTH.
116
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,632
NOW HOW ARE WE GONNA
GET THAT IMPORTANT CALL?
117
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:51,569
MAX, THE PHONE'S STILL WORKING!
118
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,349
HELLO. MAXWELL SMART HERE.
119
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,652
MAX, HERE ARE YOUR
FOLLOW-UP INSTRUCTIONS.
120
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,654
YOU'RE TO TAKE
PROFESSOR PHEASANT
121
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,267
AND PROCEED
IMMEDIATELY TO PIER 14
122
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:13,769
WHERE YOU'LL BOARD A
COAST GUARD CUTTER TO HAWAII.
123
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,927
YOU'RE TO REMAIN IN
HAWAII FOR FIVE DAYS
124
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,741
UNTIL YOU RECEIVE FURTHER
INSTRUCTIONS. HAVE YOU GOT THAT, MAX?
125
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,885
- NOT ALL OF IT, CHIEF.
- WHAT DIDN'T YOU GET?
126
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,813
- PROFESSOR PHEASANT.
- YOU DIDN'T GET
PROFESSOR PHEASANT?
127
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:27,271
- MAX, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS?
- I'M NOT GOING TO HAWAII?
128
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,445
HOLD ON A MINUTE, CHIEF.
129
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,048
- YES, WHAT IS IT?
- ARE YOU GONNA BE LONG?
130
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,917
- NO, I'LL BE THROUGH
IN A MINUTE.
- WELL, THEN I'LL WAIT.
131
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,095
WELL, CHIEF, NOW THAT I'VE
GIVEN YOU THE BAD NEWS,
132
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,635
ARE YOU READY FOR
SOME GOOD NEWS?
133
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,658
WELL, I COULD
CERTAINLY USE SOME.
134
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:49,727
99 IS GOING TO HAVE A BABY.
135
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:53,164
WHAT? MAX, YOU AND 99?
136
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:56,045
- WHY, THAT'S MARVELOUS.
- AND I'M GONNA HAVE
MY SON FOLLOW
137
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,469
RIGHT IN MY FOOTSTEPS.
JUST THINK, CHIEF,
138
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,698
IN A LITTLE WHILE YOU'LL HAVE ANOTHER
MAXWELL SMART ON YOUR HANDS.
139
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:06,155
- I COULDN'T HELP IT, CHIEF.
- AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE,
140
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:07,779
YOU GET YOURSELF
INVOLVED IN AN ACCIDENT.
141
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,059
YOU KNOCKED OVER THE TELEPHONE
BOOTH. YOU ATTRACTED A CROWD,
142
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,083
THE POLICE, THE REPORTERS,
THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
143
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,763
DON'T FORGET THE
PHONE COMPANY, CHIEF.
144
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,487
I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PHONE
COMPANY. THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
145
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,668
THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO GET
BACK TO THE PROBLEM AT HAND...
146
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:21,192
HOW TO GET PROFESSOR
PHEASANT OUT OF THAT GLASS CELL.
147
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:24,896
FORGET ABOUT THAT, CHIEF. I'M TELLING
YOU THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY
148
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,443
IN THIS WORLD THAT YOU
CAN BREAK THAT GLASS CELL.
149
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,636
I'M NOT SO SURE, MAX.
LARABEE, COME IN HERE.
150
00:09:29,660 --> 00:09:30,613
Larabee: YES, SIR.
151
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,649
CHIEF, I TOLD YOU... WE
TRIED MACHINE GUNS,
152
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:35,652
- WE TRIED HAND GREN...
- HAS THAT SAMPLE COME BACK
FROM THE CONTROL LAB YET?
153
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,820
- IT'S IN THERE
ON MY DESK, CHIEF.
- BRING IT IN.
154
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,889
I'LL NEED SOMEBODY TO HELP
ME. THAT DESK IS PRETTY HEAVY.
155
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,858
I'LL HELP YOU, LARABEE.
156
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:44,916
I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO BRING IN
THE DESK. JUST BRING IN THE SAMPLE.
157
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,796
OH, THEN I DON'T
NEED ANY HELP, CHIEF.
158
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,798
CHIEF, I TELL YOU, WE
USED THE LASER GUN.
159
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,800
WE EVEN USED A BRICK, CHIEF.
160
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:53,168
MAX, WILL YOU BE QUIET AND
JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR A MOMENT?
161
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:56,360
WE THINK THAT PROFESSOR PHEASANT'S
GLASS CELL HAS BEEN CONSTRUCTED
162
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,696
OF SOME NEW KIND
OF NUCLEARIZED GLASS.
163
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,611
NOW OUR SCIENTISTS HAVE BEEN
WORKING DAY AND NIGHT IN THE CONTROL LAB
164
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:04,602
TO TRY TO DUPLICATE IT. WE
THINK THEY'VE SUCCEEDED.
165
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:07,016
I WON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE,
LARABEE. YOU CAN GO NOW.
166
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,474
NOW, MAX, I WANT YOU TO WATCH
THAT CUBICLE VERY CLOSELY.
167
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,015
KEEP YOUR EYE ON
THE CUBICLE, MAX.
168
00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:27,725
- ANY QUESTIONS?
- YEAH, WHAT'S ON
THE FLIP SIDE?
169
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,927
NEVER MIND WHAT'S ON THE
FLIP SIDE. THE POINT IS THAT
170
00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:32,130
THAT VOICE SHATTERED
THE UNBREAKABLE GLASS.
171
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,999
- BUT HOW?
- BY HITTING A NOTE
SO HIGH AND SO POWERFUL
172
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,402
THAT IT BROKE DOWN THE
COMPONENTS OF THE NUCLEAR GLASS.
173
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,071
WHY, THAT'S FANTASTIC,
CHIEF. WHO IS THIS GUY?
174
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,040
IT'S NOT A GUY, MAX.
IT'S ROSA LA COSTA.
175
00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:45,142
- CONTROL'S SINGING AGENT?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
176
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:48,224
WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF. IF SHE'S
GONNA GO IN AND SING THAT NOTE
177
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,460
TO BREAK THAT GLASS, WE'VE GOTTA
GET HER INTO KAOS HEADQUARTERS.
178
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,451
THAT'S ALREADY BEEN
TAKEN CARE OF, MAX.
179
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,087
BELASCO, LIKE ALL KAOS
AGENTS, IS AN OPERA LOVER.
180
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,456
HE ALSO HAPPENS TO BE
A FAN OF ROSA LA COSTA.
181
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:01,559
NOW WE'VE ARRANGED FOR
ROSA LA COSTA TO GIVE A CONCERT
182
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,894
AT KAOS'S SECRET
HEADQUARTERS TOMORROW NIGHT.
183
00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:07,243
- OH, THAT'S GREAT, CHIEF.
- AS SOON AS SHE HITS THE NOTE
THAT BREAKS THE GLASS,
184
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,944
- WE MOVE IN.
- YOU AND ME, HUH, CHIEF?
185
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,703
NO, ME AND LARABEE. YOU'RE GOING
TO BE ROSA LA COSTA'S ACCOMPANIST.
186
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,148
- I AM?
- YES.
187
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,150
SHE'S GOING TO
SING "CHOPSTICKS"?
188
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,108
NO, SHE'S NOT GOING
TO SING "CHOPSTICKS."
189
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,822
IF I'M GONNA BE HER ACCOMPANIST,
SHE'S GONNA SING "CHOPSTICKS,"
190
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,957
BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY
THING I KNOW HOW TO PLAY.
191
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:24,482
MAX, YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY
GOING TO BE PLAYING THE PIANO.
192
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:27,418
YOU'LL ONLY BE PRETENDING
TO PLAY THE PIANO.
193
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:30,688
CHIEF, YOU'VE GOT ME CONFUSED. I DON'T
EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
194
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:33,324
MAX, THESE CARTRIDGES CONTAIN
195
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,404
ROSA LA COSTA'S
ENTIRE REPERTOIRE.
196
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,161
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO WITH THEM?
197
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:40,042
YOU'LL BE USING CONTROL'S NEW
COMPUTER PIANO FOR THE RECITAL.
198
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:42,778
NOW ALL YOU DO IS SLIP THESE
CARTRIDGES INTO THE CHAMBER,
199
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:45,047
THEN PRETEND TO BE STRIKING
THE NOTES ON THE PIANO
200
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:48,539
- AS THEY'RE BEING PLAYED.
- WELL, THAT'LL TAKE
A LITTLE PRACTICE.
201
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:50,619
THAT'LL TAKE A LOT
OF PRACTICE, MAX.
202
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:13,531
MR. SMART, WE HAVE
BEEN PRACTICING
203
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:17,035
10 OR 12 HOURS, AND YOU
HAVE BEEN DROPPING THINGS
204
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,081
AND PICKING THEM UP
AND DROPPING THEM AGAIN.
205
00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:22,373
DURING ALL THAT TIME, I DON'T
THINK YOU HAVE SPENT 10 MINUTES
206
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,443
- AT THE KEYBOARD.
- WELL, I'VE BEEN BUSY.
207
00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:27,878
LET'S CONTINUE.
208
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:31,249
AFTER THIS ARIA THERE
WILL BE 30 TO 50 SECONDS
209
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,283
OF THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE,
210
00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:36,387
AFTER WHICH I WILL
SAY TO THE AUDIENCE,
211
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,924
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MAY I HAVE A SMALL
212
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,827
BUT WELL-DESERVED
ROUND OF APPLAUSE
213
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,029
FOR MY ACCOMPANIST?"
214
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,932
THAT'S WHEN YOU STAND
UP AND TAKE YOUR BOW.
215
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,401
OH, I'M GOOD AT THAT.
216
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,945
HI THERE.
217
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:04,315
- OH, HELLO, CHIEF.
- Chief: Well, Max, you've
really done it this time.
218
00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:06,762
I wanna see you down
here at the office immediately!
219
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,497
WHY, CHIEF? WHAT'S WRONG?
220
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,499
WHAT'S WRONG? I'LL
TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG.
221
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:13,124
LOOK AT THE MORNING PAPER.
222
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,759
OH, IT'S A PICTURE OF ME
223
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:17,228
NEXT TO THAT PHONE BOOTH
I KNOCKED DOWN YESTERDAY.
224
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,097
NOW READ THE CAPTION.
225
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,732
"SECRET AGENT NOT SO SECRET."
226
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,087
MAX, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
227
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:34,123
THAT A PHOTOGRAPHER
TOOK YOUR PICTURE.
228
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,080
YES, WELL, YOU SEE, CHIEF.
229
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,449
I WAS SO EXCITED THAT
I GUESS I DIDN'T REALIZE
230
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:40,017
HE WAS TAKING MY PICTURE.
231
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,431
YOU WERE SO EXCITED THAT
WHEN HE ASKED YOU WHO YOU WERE,
232
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:45,290
YOU TOLD HIM YOU WERE
A SECRET CONTROL AGENT.
233
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,292
WELL, YOU KNOW, CHIEF,
I'M GONNA BECOME A FATHER,
234
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,160
AND I GUESS I GOT A LITTLE
CONFUSED AND UPSET.
235
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,595
YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
236
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:54,199
I CAN UNDERSTAND IT,
MAX, BUT I CAN'T ACCEPT IT.
237
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,345
YOU'VE BLOWN YOUR
COVER AS A SECRET AGENT.
238
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,803
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA DO, MAX.
239
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:00,805
- LARABEE.
- Larabee: Yes, Chief.
240
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:02,807
COME IN HERE AND BRING THE FILES
241
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:04,995
ON ALL CONTROL AGENTS
WHO ARE ALSO MUSICIANS.
242
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,884
WELL, AT LEAST LET ME
COMPLETE THE PHEASANT CASE.
243
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,717
- HERE YOU ARE, CHIEF.
- THANK YOU, LARABEE.
244
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:15,831
THAT WAS A TERRIFIC PICTURE OF
YOU IN THIS MORNING'S NEWSPAPER, MAX.
245
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,389
OH, THANK YOU, LARABEE.
246
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,970
THIS FILE IS EMPTY. WHAT ABOUT
HOLLOWAY, MARCO, CURTIS?
247
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:23,639
- THEY'RE ALL MUSICIANS. WHERE ARE THEY?
- THEY'RE IN VEGAS.
248
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:25,274
THEN THEY OPEN IN
CHICAGO FOR TWO WEEKS,
249
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,143
AND THEN THEY PLAY
DETROIT, PITTSBURGH.
250
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,845
- ARE THEY ON AN ASSIGNMENT?
- YOU CAN CALL IT
AN ASSIGNMENT.
251
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,937
- THEY CALL IT A GIG.
- THANKS ANYWAY, LARABEE.
252
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,984
MAX, YOU PUT ME IN
A TERRIBLE POSITION
253
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,986
GETTING YOUR
PICTURE IN THE PAPER.
254
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,354
THERE'S NOBODY
TO TAKE YOUR PLACE.
255
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,914
WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF. IF
MY FACE IS SO WELL-KNOWN,
256
00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:45,850
SUPPOSING I HAD IT CHANGED.
257
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,897
MAX, THE RECITAL
IS TOMORROW NIGHT.
258
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,899
YOU KNOW HOW LONG
PLASTIC SURGERY TAKES.
259
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,989
- NOT IF I GO TO PROCTOR.
- WHO'S PROCTOR?
260
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,625
- HECTOR PROCTOR.
- WHO'S HECTOR PROCTOR?
261
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:57,195
A DOCTOR. DR. HECTOR PROCTOR.
262
00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,230
AMAZING.
263
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,900
ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
264
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:06,403
- WHAT IS?
- THE FACT YOU WAITED
THIS LONG TO CHANGE IT.
265
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:09,073
THIS MAY BE A WORK
OF ART, MR. SMART.
266
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,843
IT MAY VERY WELL
BE MY "MONA LISA."
267
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,613
IF YOU DON'T MIND, DOCTOR, I PREFER
SOMEONE A LITTLE MORE MASCULINE.
268
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:18,249
CLOSE YOUR EYES, MR. SMART.
269
00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:29,127
NOW LET'S TAKE A
LOOK AT YOUR NEW FACE.
270
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:32,130
IT'S AN AMAZING TECHNIQUE,
MAX, BUT THE FACE IS ALL WRONG.
271
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,307
BUT, CHIEF, DR. PROCTOR
HIMSELF SAID
272
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,280
THIS A PERFECT FACE
FOR A SECRET AGENT.
273
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:39,737
WELL, THAT'S JUST THE POINT.
274
00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:42,084
- HIS FACE IS EVEN MORE
WELL-KNOWN THAT YOURS.
- WHOSE?
275
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,108
- MARTIN LANDAU.
- NEVER HEARD OF HIM.
276
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,177
I USUALLY WAIT 48 HOURS
277
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,646
FOR THE OLD FACE TO RETURN
BEFORE SPRAYING ON A NEW ONE.
278
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,949
I'VE NEVER SPRAYED A NEW
FACE ON A NEW FACE BEFORE,
279
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:53,985
SO THERE'S NO TELLING
WHAT WE MAY GET.
280
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,588
YES, LARABEE.
281
00:15:57,656 --> 00:16:01,158
Larabee: There's someone out
here who claims to be Maxwell Smart.
282
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,260
WELL, IS IT OR ISN'T IT?
283
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:05,696
It sounds like him, but it
sure doesn't look like him.
284
00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:07,698
GOOD. SEND HIM IN.
285
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,138
WELL?
286
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:17,786
MAX, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT ROSA
LA COSTA'S ACCOMPANIST IS A MAN.
287
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:21,130
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A
WOMAN... THE DRESS, THE HAIR.
288
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,480
HOW ABOUT THE FACE?
289
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:25,349
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE
WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE NOW.
290
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:34,758
SPLENDID. HERE,
SEE FOR YOURSELF.
291
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,862
HEY, THAT'S TERRIFIC, DOCTOR.
292
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,909
I DON'T LOOK LIKE ANYBODY
I'VE EVER SEEN BEFORE,
293
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:43,379
INCLUDING MYSELF. THE
EYES ARE A LITTLE DIFFERENT
294
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:45,147
- AND THE NOSE IS DIFF...
- BE CAREFUL, MR. SMART.
295
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,905
THOSE FEATURES WON'T BE FULLY
DRY FOR ANOTHER 15 MINUTES.
296
00:16:47,973 --> 00:16:50,052
OH, AND THEN THEY'LL STAY
THAT WAY FOR 48 HOURS?
297
00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:53,310
YES, PROVIDED YOU AVOID
EXPOSURE TO EXTREME HEAT.
298
00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:55,590
WELL, WHAT'LL
HAPPEN IF I DO THAT?
299
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:59,050
NOTHING DANGEROUS.
YOUR FACE WILL FALL OFF.
300
00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:01,052
I CAN JUST SEE MYSELF
301
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,721
AT THAT RECITAL TOMORROW NIGHT.
302
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,693
YOU MAY BEGIN THE
CONCERT, MR. BELASCO,
303
00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:11,895
AS SOON AS MY
ACCOMPANIST IS HERE.
304
00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:16,633
HE'S HERE.
305
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,891
ANY LUCK WITH THE PROFESSOR?
306
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:32,016
ONE MORE BRAINWASHING SESSION AND
HE'LL BE READY TO REVEAL THE FORMULA.
307
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:35,452
EXCELLENT. WE'LL DO IT TONIGHT
AFTER EVERYONE HAS LEFT.
308
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:37,788
HORS D'OEUVRES?
309
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,924
OH, HI, 99. HOW DO YOU FEEL?
310
00:17:39,993 --> 00:17:42,505
I'M ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED, MAX.
311
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:44,507
DO YOU KNOW THIS IS THE
FOURTH TRAY OF HORS D'OEUVRES
312
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:47,431
- I BROUGHT OUT OF THE KITCHEN?
- THE GUESTS ARE EATING
THAT MUCH?
313
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,433
NO, I AM.
314
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,904
I'M ABSOLUTELY
FAMISHED ALL THE TIME.
315
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:54,906
HAVE YOU CHECKED EVERYTHING OUT?
316
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:58,308
RIGHT, MAX. THE PROFESSOR'S
STILL IN HIS CELL IN THE BASEMENT
317
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:01,524
AND THE COMPUTER PIANO WAS
DELIVERED A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO.
318
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,548
ALL RIGHT, NOW HERE'S
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
319
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:07,018
OVER YOUR LEFT
SHOULDER... DON'T LOOK...
320
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,020
THERE'S A DOOR
LEADING TO THE CELLAR.
321
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,288
NOW WHEN MADAME LA
COSTA HITS THAT HIGH NOTE,
322
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:13,468
I WANT YOU TO MAKE FOR THAT
DOOR, GET DOWN THOSE STAIRS.
323
00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:16,727
- I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- RIGHT, MAX. OH, WAIT A MINUTE, PLEASE.
324
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,866
- THANK YOU. THAT'LL BE ENOUGH.
- OH, NO, WAIT.
325
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,941
I THINK YOU'D BETTER
GET OVER BY THE DOOR, 99.
326
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:36,447
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
327
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:39,116
IF I MAY HAVE YOUR
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION,
328
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:41,118
WE WILL START THE RECITAL.
329
00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:44,521
AS YOU ALL KNOW, WE ARE
TO BE HONORED THIS EVENING...
330
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:03,607
AS I WAS SAYING, TONIGHT
WE WILL BE HONORED
331
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:07,144
BY THE PRESENCE OF THE
MUSIC WORLD'S GREATEST
332
00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:10,080
AND MOST CELEBRATED TALENTS...
333
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:21,224
HAVE YOU QUITE FINISHED?
334
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,300
AND NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO
335
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:32,436
I AM PRIVILEGED TO INTRODUCE
336
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,504
OUR DISTINGUISHED GUEST
337
00:19:34,573 --> 00:19:36,006
MADAME ROSA LA COSTA!
338
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:24,414
Dr. Proctor's: CAREFUL, MR. SMART.
AVOID EXPOSURE TO EXTREME HEAT.
339
00:21:24,483 --> 00:21:27,084
- Max: AND WHAT IF I DON'T?
- YOUR FACE WILL FALL OFF.
340
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:36,359
THE PIANO PLAYER. THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIS FACE.
341
00:21:45,504 --> 00:21:47,938
THAT'S THE WORST
NOSE JOB I'VE EVER SEEN.
342
00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:56,714
THERE'S SOMETHING STRANGE
GOING ON AROUND HERE.
343
00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:27,644
- THAT'S MAXWELL SMART!
- HURRY!
344
00:22:27,713 --> 00:22:28,713
COME ALONG!
345
00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:33,650
- 99, LOOK.
- THE GLASS DIDN'T BREAK!
346
00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:35,652
Man: IT'S LOCKED.
347
00:22:35,721 --> 00:22:37,754
MAX, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
348
00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:41,058
I PROMISED CONTROL I
WOULD BREAK THAT GLASS.
349
00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:43,305
AND I'M GOING TO BREAK IT,
350
00:22:43,329 --> 00:22:45,429
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.
351
00:22:45,497 --> 00:22:47,497
STEP ASIDE.
352
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:58,075
GOOD WORK, MADAME LA COSTA!
353
00:22:58,144 --> 00:23:00,289
COME ON, 99, WE'VE GOTTA GET
THE PROFESSOR OUT OF HERE.
354
00:23:00,313 --> 00:23:02,046
- HOW, MAX?
- THROUGH THE WINDOW.
355
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:05,582
THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY. WE'VE TAKEN
KADINSKY AND BELASCO INTO CUSTODY.
356
00:23:05,651 --> 00:23:07,751
OH, GOOD WORK, CHIEF.
357
00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:09,998
MAX, HOW MUCH DID
YOU PAY FOR MY RING?
358
00:23:10,022 --> 00:23:12,034
I DON'T KNOW, 99. WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
359
00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:14,336
WHY DO YOU ASK ME A QUESTION
LIKE THAT AT A TIME LIKE THIS?
360
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:17,172
BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED
WHEN MADAME LA COSTA HIT THE HIGH NOTE
361
00:23:17,196 --> 00:23:19,641
- AND ALL THE GLASS
WAS BREAKING.
- WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO
362
00:23:19,665 --> 00:23:22,366
- WITH YOUR DIAMOND RING?
- DIAMOND, MAX?
29829
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof