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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,224 --> 00:00:07,934 Season 13 Episode 6 "Pinewood Derby" 2 00:00:36,444 --> 00:00:38,734 All right. That's 2.8 centimeters. 3 00:00:38,984 --> 00:00:41,941 Should give us a drag of only 0.6 milliseconds. 4 00:00:42,066 --> 00:00:43,531 Hold the front here, Stan. 5 00:00:45,558 --> 00:00:48,187 - Guys, it's almost 2:00 A.M. - We know. 6 00:00:48,312 --> 00:00:49,757 It's way past time for bed. 7 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:52,802 Stan's Pinewood Derby race is tomorrow! 8 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,736 Do you have any idea how important this is to him? 9 00:00:55,861 --> 00:00:59,559 Stan is not gonna lose to the goddamn Hollises again! 10 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,796 It's just a block of wood and some wheels. 11 00:01:01,921 --> 00:01:03,521 There's not much more you can do. 12 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,281 That's 'cause you're a chick! Now just leave us alone! 13 00:01:06,807 --> 00:01:10,165 Don't worry, son. The Hollises are not beating us this year. 14 00:01:10,290 --> 00:01:13,907 I went and got something to put inside our car and make it go extra fast! 15 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:17,368 We can't add anything to the car that doesn't come in the approved kit. 16 00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:19,931 How do you think the Hollises beat us every year? 17 00:01:20,056 --> 00:01:23,998 They put lead in the wood or something. We're just leveling the playing field. 18 00:01:24,872 --> 00:01:26,419 - There. - What is it? 19 00:01:26,909 --> 00:01:28,474 It's... it's nothing really. 20 00:01:29,532 --> 00:01:30,917 Tom, I'm standing outside 21 00:01:31,042 --> 00:01:34,177 the Hadron Particle Super Collider in Switzerland, 22 00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:37,455 where authorities are shocked and baffled over the theft 23 00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:39,509 of a super conducting bending magnet 24 00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:42,310 created for use in tests with particle acceleration. 25 00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:44,103 Oh, no. He didn't. 26 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:47,495 The superconducting magnet was stolen sometime last week. 27 00:01:47,620 --> 00:01:50,646 Surveillance cameras were able to record the theft on tape 28 00:01:50,771 --> 00:01:52,617 and police are now looking for... 29 00:01:52,742 --> 00:01:55,249 Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan. 30 00:01:55,609 --> 00:01:57,992 Caught here in these photos, the troubled rebel princess 31 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,095 is seen taking the superconducting magnet 32 00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:03,164 and then appearing disorientated as she tries to find her way out. 33 00:02:04,089 --> 00:02:06,529 If you have any information of Princess Leia's whereabouts, 34 00:02:06,654 --> 00:02:08,753 please call your local police department. 35 00:02:09,124 --> 00:02:12,465 All right, scouts and dads. The racing continues. 36 00:02:12,918 --> 00:02:15,468 And it looks like our next heat is ready to go. 37 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,738 Three, two, one, race! 38 00:02:21,003 --> 00:02:23,266 2.1 seconds for Tommy Bretz! 39 00:02:23,391 --> 00:02:25,270 Looks like we have a new leader, folks. 40 00:02:25,568 --> 00:02:26,656 All right! 41 00:02:27,744 --> 00:02:31,651 All right. We're gonna need to check in and have our car inspected to qualify. 42 00:02:32,088 --> 00:02:33,133 Now, son. 43 00:02:33,258 --> 00:02:36,636 Daddy needs to teach you something very important about tales. 44 00:02:36,761 --> 00:02:37,761 Tales? 45 00:02:37,886 --> 00:02:40,496 When you tell them you only used the approved kit, 46 00:02:40,621 --> 00:02:44,205 don't look up and away, don't rub your neck and don't touch your ear. 47 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,486 Otherwise, they'll know you're lying to them. 48 00:02:46,611 --> 00:02:50,545 When you lie, just don't look away, rub your neck or touch your ear. 49 00:02:50,713 --> 00:02:53,214 Maybe we should just take out the thing you put in the car... 50 00:02:54,255 --> 00:02:57,681 You have to learn how to lie correctly some day. Might as well be today. 51 00:02:58,823 --> 00:03:00,123 I love you, son. 52 00:03:01,192 --> 00:03:03,769 Looks good. Thank you and good luck today. 53 00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:05,393 All right. Next, please. 54 00:03:05,987 --> 00:03:08,313 - Name? - It's... Marsh. 55 00:03:12,594 --> 00:03:15,149 All right. Car weighs in at 15 ounces. 56 00:03:15,274 --> 00:03:18,665 Do you hereby swear that you used parts in the official Pinewood Derby kit 57 00:03:18,790 --> 00:03:21,159 and only parts in the official Pinewood Derby kit? 58 00:03:22,342 --> 00:03:23,892 Yes, I do. Yes, I do. 59 00:03:24,533 --> 00:03:25,538 Yes, I do. 60 00:03:25,912 --> 00:03:27,823 All right, young man. Good luck today. 61 00:03:30,115 --> 00:03:33,146 Well. Look, son, it's the Marshes. 62 00:03:33,396 --> 00:03:35,749 Hey, Hollis. You guys race already? 63 00:03:35,999 --> 00:03:38,211 No, little Emmett hasn't gone yet. 64 00:03:38,336 --> 00:03:40,178 Think they're saving the best for last. 65 00:03:40,683 --> 00:03:43,708 Clocked her in at home at 1.5 seconds. 66 00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:46,234 It's the fastest car we've ever built. 67 00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:47,602 1.5? 68 00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:50,563 The time to beat is 1.9 seconds. 69 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,332 May we please have... 70 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,441 Brewster, Marsh, 71 00:03:54,691 --> 00:03:56,091 Jarvis and Hollis. 72 00:03:59,331 --> 00:04:03,335 Only fitting our boys should be going head-to-head for their match, hey? 73 00:04:03,796 --> 00:04:05,411 Come on, Stan. You can do this! 74 00:04:06,922 --> 00:04:08,710 All right, kids, are you ready? 75 00:04:08,835 --> 00:04:11,177 Here we go. Last race for the state championship in... 76 00:04:11,302 --> 00:04:14,379 three, two, one, go! 77 00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:19,433 You got it, Emmett! 78 00:04:38,791 --> 00:04:40,341 Suck on that, Hollis! 79 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,449 This is 9 news at 10:00. 80 00:04:43,807 --> 00:04:45,419 A Colorado boy and his father 81 00:04:45,544 --> 00:04:48,343 have set a new record at the Pinewood Derby. 82 00:04:48,468 --> 00:04:51,373 Stan and Randy Marsh not only broke a speed record, 83 00:04:51,498 --> 00:04:53,806 but actually appear to have bent time and space 84 00:04:53,931 --> 00:04:55,586 and discovered warp speed. 85 00:04:56,092 --> 00:04:58,464 A parade was held for the winners earlier today. 86 00:04:58,754 --> 00:05:00,430 And already offers for commercials 87 00:05:00,555 --> 00:05:03,678 and endorsement deals for the father and son appear to be pouring in. 88 00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,660 Dad, I just you to know I still love you. 89 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,293 He's OK! He's OK! 90 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,018 - Stan Marsh? - Yeah? 91 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:54,591 I'm agent Clark and this is agent Marx. 92 00:05:54,716 --> 00:05:57,565 We'd like to talk to you about your Pinewood Derby car. 93 00:05:58,013 --> 00:05:59,434 Crap. Dad! 94 00:06:02,046 --> 00:06:05,767 Young man, what we're about to tell you is a matter of national security. 95 00:06:05,892 --> 00:06:09,692 Yesterday, every government on earth was contacted by... 96 00:06:10,015 --> 00:06:12,674 - an alien life force. - Alien? 97 00:06:12,924 --> 00:06:15,966 Apparently the alien came across your Pinewood Derby car 98 00:06:16,091 --> 00:06:18,929 - and is now heading here to our planet. - What does it want? 99 00:06:19,203 --> 00:06:23,203 We believe they'll welcome us into the Galactic Federation of Planets. 100 00:06:23,328 --> 00:06:26,844 They'll want to meet the people who discovered warp speed for our species. 101 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:30,014 Stan, did you use all the damn toilet paper again? Crap! 102 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:33,575 What? What do you guys want? We only used what was in the kit! 103 00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:37,266 You got nothing on us! You got nothing on us! 104 00:06:37,391 --> 00:06:38,893 Dad, they aren't here for that! 105 00:06:39,836 --> 00:06:41,038 Hi, I'm Randy Marsh. 106 00:06:41,163 --> 00:06:43,761 Mr. Marsh, we were just telling your son that thanks to you, 107 00:06:43,886 --> 00:06:46,135 we have made first contact with alien life. 108 00:06:46,590 --> 00:06:47,590 What? 109 00:06:47,931 --> 00:06:49,440 Hey, Sharon! 110 00:06:49,565 --> 00:06:51,501 NASA has confirmed that an alien ship 111 00:06:51,626 --> 00:06:54,292 has entered our solar system and is headed here. 112 00:06:54,417 --> 00:06:55,628 So guess what? 113 00:06:55,878 --> 00:06:58,760 Our Pinewood Derby car found alien life in space. 114 00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,269 What? Oh, my God! 115 00:07:00,394 --> 00:07:03,422 Yeah. But I guess it's just a dumb race like you said, huh, Sharon? 116 00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:18,706 The world holds its breath as an alien ship prepares to land. 117 00:07:18,956 --> 00:07:21,184 Now that our planet has achieved warp speed, 118 00:07:21,309 --> 00:07:24,235 we are about to be welcomed into the universal society. 119 00:07:24,673 --> 00:07:27,870 All thanks to a father and son who broke the warp barrier, 120 00:07:27,995 --> 00:07:31,409 using only the parts in this Pinewood Derby car kit. 121 00:07:31,892 --> 00:07:34,953 Mr. Marsh, you are on with all the world leaders. 122 00:07:36,012 --> 00:07:38,804 - Hello? - Godspeed, Mr. Marsh. 123 00:07:38,929 --> 00:07:40,585 The nation of France is with you! 124 00:07:40,753 --> 00:07:42,987 Good luck with alien, Mr. Marsh! 125 00:07:43,237 --> 00:07:45,131 Please say hello from China! 126 00:07:45,561 --> 00:07:49,300 OK. Stand by. I think it's... I think it's landing. 127 00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:06,193 Our first encounter with alien life is about to happen. 128 00:08:06,448 --> 00:08:08,529 Will it be like in Star Trek: First Contact? 129 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:11,616 Or will it be more like Contact with Jodie Foster? 130 00:08:26,453 --> 00:08:29,869 I seek the life forms that made this. 131 00:08:31,115 --> 00:08:32,765 That's ours, Mr. Alien. 132 00:08:33,432 --> 00:08:35,640 We are the Marshes, Randy and Stan. 133 00:08:36,091 --> 00:08:37,091 Oh, yeah? 134 00:08:37,735 --> 00:08:40,235 You're gonna build me another one, see? 135 00:08:41,612 --> 00:08:42,855 He's got a gun! 136 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,171 Everyone down on the ground! 137 00:08:45,296 --> 00:08:48,027 Get those hands up! Let me see those hands, do it now! 138 00:08:48,555 --> 00:08:50,331 I mean it. Show me those hands! 139 00:08:50,766 --> 00:08:52,694 I'm Baby Fark McGee-zax! 140 00:08:52,819 --> 00:08:55,868 The greatest gangster this universe has ever seen, right? 141 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,536 You can't threaten us! 142 00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:00,206 Who wants it next? 143 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,377 Anyone else on this planet wanna be a hero? 144 00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:10,231 - What do you want? - I'm on the lam! 145 00:09:10,356 --> 00:09:12,482 I got the entire Federation of Planets after me, 146 00:09:12,607 --> 00:09:14,454 but they ain't gonna catch me, you got that? 147 00:09:14,579 --> 00:09:18,275 They might have busted my warp drive, but you know how to make 'em! 148 00:09:20,285 --> 00:09:22,895 Screw this guy! He can't take out all of us! 149 00:09:25,208 --> 00:09:28,285 I can kill any mug on this two bit planet I want! 150 00:09:30,815 --> 00:09:33,990 You build me a new warp drive or you'll all gonna get it, see? 151 00:09:34,496 --> 00:09:36,757 Fine! He can build you what you want. 152 00:09:36,882 --> 00:09:39,870 All he needs is the official Pinewood Derby kit. Right, Marsh? 153 00:09:41,601 --> 00:09:44,542 That's all we need, huh Stan? Oh, boy. 154 00:09:49,034 --> 00:09:51,623 OK, let's put the wheels on now, son. 155 00:09:51,985 --> 00:09:54,176 What's taking so long? You're stalling! 156 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:57,229 Come on, build him the warp drive and he'll leave us alone! 157 00:09:57,354 --> 00:09:58,521 We're working on it! 158 00:09:59,901 --> 00:10:02,599 Dad, you know we can't make the car go as fast as before 159 00:10:02,724 --> 00:10:04,674 with only the approved Pinewood Derby kit. 160 00:10:04,799 --> 00:10:06,251 Thanks, Stan. I know that! 161 00:10:06,376 --> 00:10:08,657 We have to tell him we used something outside the kit! 162 00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:11,033 Do you have any idea how stupid that will make us look? 163 00:10:11,616 --> 00:10:13,007 All right. That does it! 164 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:19,070 - Hello? - He blew up our government building! 165 00:10:19,195 --> 00:10:20,536 You've got to hurry! 166 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,497 Mr. Marsh, why won't you finish the Pinewood Derby car? 167 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,972 Will you just give us a minute, gal! 168 00:10:26,473 --> 00:10:28,235 Come on, dad. We gotta come clean! 169 00:10:34,813 --> 00:10:37,845 - Zats! It's the intergalactic police! - What? 170 00:10:41,589 --> 00:10:44,601 You better get rid of 'em or your whole planet is gonna get it. 171 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,987 You tell 'em you ain't seen nothing. You got that? 172 00:10:47,112 --> 00:10:48,980 I ain't going to space jail! 173 00:10:56,513 --> 00:10:57,927 Excuse us, earthlings, 174 00:10:58,052 --> 00:11:01,702 but we've been in pursuit of a criminal from the Xenon Galaxy. 175 00:11:02,144 --> 00:11:04,789 Fella by the name of Baby Fark McGee-zax. 176 00:11:07,693 --> 00:11:09,167 We haven't seen anything. 177 00:11:09,498 --> 00:11:12,253 You think anyone else on your planet might have seen him? 178 00:11:12,861 --> 00:11:16,508 Actually, I happen to be on the phone with all the world leaders. I can ask. 179 00:11:16,854 --> 00:11:19,651 Yeah, listen, these police aliens are here, 180 00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:22,402 and they're wondering if anyone has seen an alien named 181 00:11:22,527 --> 00:11:23,932 Baby Fark McGee-zax. 182 00:11:24,963 --> 00:11:26,957 No, we haven't seen aliens. 183 00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:29,604 We've seen nothing here in France. 184 00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:32,552 Sorry, nobody in the world has seen anything. 185 00:11:33,837 --> 00:11:36,402 What did this criminal alien do, exactly? 186 00:11:36,723 --> 00:11:40,716 He stole over 600 parsons of space cash from the universal bank. 187 00:11:41,310 --> 00:11:44,035 You're absolutely sure you didn't see an alien land here? 188 00:11:44,528 --> 00:11:46,426 - We're sure. - So then... 189 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,290 We're the first aliens you've ever seen? 190 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,925 Right. You're the first ones. 191 00:11:51,288 --> 00:11:55,046 You don't seem that excited about your first contact with alien life. 192 00:11:56,843 --> 00:11:58,593 That's right! Oh, my God! 193 00:11:59,179 --> 00:12:01,469 Everybody, we just made first contact! 194 00:12:01,905 --> 00:12:05,502 If you do see any sign of the other alien or the space cash... 195 00:12:05,627 --> 00:12:09,170 - We will give you a call! - Mathematical semitonal is fine. 196 00:12:19,136 --> 00:12:21,406 - Something wrong, sir? - I don't know, Daverd. 197 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,883 Just something about that planet didn't feel right. 198 00:12:27,506 --> 00:12:31,273 All right, son. Now you just paint that racing stripe like you did before. 199 00:12:31,398 --> 00:12:34,359 I don't need it painted. I just need it functional, right? 200 00:12:34,484 --> 00:12:36,078 The right paint job is a big part 201 00:12:36,203 --> 00:12:38,097 of what makes a Pinewood Derby car go fast. 202 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:39,632 That's true. 203 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,995 I swear if you don't have that thing working in 3 minutes 204 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,720 this whole planet is done for! 205 00:12:44,516 --> 00:12:47,361 Dad, it's over. We have to tell everyone we cheated. 206 00:12:47,486 --> 00:12:51,286 No, I've got it all figured out, son. You have to kill the alien. 207 00:12:51,701 --> 00:12:52,951 Kill the alien? 208 00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:55,872 I've been filing down this piece of metal into a shank. 209 00:12:55,997 --> 00:12:57,900 I'm gonna call him over here to look at the car. 210 00:12:58,025 --> 00:13:00,401 - When I do, you shove that in his neck. - No, dad! 211 00:13:00,526 --> 00:13:03,297 - We don't even know what will happen! - What are you whispering about? 212 00:13:03,422 --> 00:13:06,817 No. That's it. We're done! Here, come take a look. 213 00:13:06,942 --> 00:13:08,555 - Dad! - Here, see? 214 00:13:09,114 --> 00:13:11,314 Look real close at the axles here. 215 00:13:25,042 --> 00:13:26,763 All right, you got him, son! 216 00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,768 All right. Check the ship! 217 00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:38,490 See, Stan? What did daddy tell you? Everything worked out. 218 00:13:38,615 --> 00:13:41,401 I guess so. It just still doesn't feel right. 219 00:13:41,526 --> 00:13:44,697 But, Stan, it's over now. We'll never have to lie again. 220 00:13:45,037 --> 00:13:46,487 Marsh, get in here! 221 00:13:50,019 --> 00:13:52,288 - Can you believe it? - Oh, my God. 222 00:13:53,602 --> 00:13:55,198 Space cash. 223 00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:58,117 Looks like those alien cops were right. 224 00:13:58,242 --> 00:14:00,524 - Guess you should call them back now. - Right. 225 00:14:02,061 --> 00:14:04,311 Or what if we didn't call the cops? 226 00:14:05,074 --> 00:14:07,831 I mean, this is a lot of space cash, guys. 227 00:14:08,157 --> 00:14:10,034 - Think what we could do with it. - No, dad. 228 00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:12,888 He's right. We don't have to call the police back. 229 00:14:14,181 --> 00:14:16,537 All right. Let's get the cash, put it into boxes. 230 00:14:18,795 --> 00:14:21,188 - Dad, what are you doing? - Will you relax, Stan? 231 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:26,281 Don't sink that you get to keep all the space cash for yourselves. 232 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:27,456 That's right. 233 00:14:27,581 --> 00:14:30,535 This is all of our planet, the space cash belongs to all of us! 234 00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:33,876 Either America shares that space cash with the rest of the world 235 00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:35,748 or we will tell the space cops! 236 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:38,751 All right, fine. Look, there's plenty of space cash to go around. 237 00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:42,253 Thanks to us, our planet is rich, son! 238 00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:53,359 No, China. We get to keep the ship. 239 00:14:53,747 --> 00:14:56,247 Because we killed the alien, you boner. 240 00:14:56,586 --> 00:14:57,716 Come on, England. 241 00:14:57,841 --> 00:15:00,457 You got just as much of the space cash as everyone else! 242 00:15:04,015 --> 00:15:05,987 Crap! It's the cops. Hang on. 243 00:15:14,379 --> 00:15:15,913 Hey, space officers. 244 00:15:16,361 --> 00:15:19,250 Looks like the alien criminal did land here after all. 245 00:15:19,595 --> 00:15:21,941 Oh, that? You were talking about that alien? 246 00:15:22,066 --> 00:15:25,840 Yeah, that one. He was here. He landed here, but... we killed him. 247 00:15:26,397 --> 00:15:28,926 And so did you find the missing space cash? 248 00:15:30,564 --> 00:15:33,389 Space cash? No, there wasn't any space cash. 249 00:15:34,346 --> 00:15:37,185 Maybe someone else on your planet knows where it is. 250 00:15:37,572 --> 00:15:40,422 Any of you other countries see any space cash? 251 00:15:41,362 --> 00:15:42,857 - No space cash. - Not at all. 252 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,942 - No. - No space cash. 253 00:15:45,380 --> 00:15:47,528 Doesn't look like the space cash was ever here. 254 00:15:49,191 --> 00:15:51,741 Guess he must have dropped it off at some other planet. 255 00:15:52,138 --> 00:15:53,534 Probably! 256 00:15:53,905 --> 00:15:55,755 You folk all take care now. 257 00:15:57,886 --> 00:16:00,286 Just one more thing, earthlings. 258 00:16:01,006 --> 00:16:03,253 We had some images done of your planet and it appears 259 00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:06,216 that one of your poorer countries, Mexico, 260 00:16:06,686 --> 00:16:08,359 has built 32 new hospitals 261 00:16:08,484 --> 00:16:11,219 and seven water parks in the last four days. 262 00:16:13,961 --> 00:16:15,902 Yeah, Mexico, you know... 263 00:16:16,027 --> 00:16:18,289 All us other countries chipped in and... 264 00:16:18,414 --> 00:16:20,547 gave Mexico some aid. They really needed... 265 00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:22,279 new water parks. 266 00:16:24,703 --> 00:16:26,003 Have a good day. 267 00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:35,869 Mexico, we said no spending the space cash yet! 268 00:16:36,806 --> 00:16:37,913 What are you doing? 269 00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:41,166 Will some country that speaks Spanish yell at them? They'll ruin everything! 270 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:21,045 No, Japan! Will you listen to me for five seconds? 271 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:24,543 If you keep building giant robots, the cops are gonna ask questions! 272 00:17:24,858 --> 00:17:27,880 Then why can England build a nuclear power plant? 273 00:17:28,143 --> 00:17:29,882 Nobody can build anything! 274 00:17:30,176 --> 00:17:31,853 It's not even gonna matter, 275 00:17:31,978 --> 00:17:34,720 because Finland is thinking about telling the space cops the truth! 276 00:17:35,236 --> 00:17:36,555 What? Finland! 277 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:40,183 We believe the aliens are going to find out sooner or later what we did. 278 00:17:40,308 --> 00:17:41,810 It's best we come clean now. 279 00:17:42,141 --> 00:17:45,564 Will you just relax, Finland? Nobody's gonna find out anything. 280 00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:49,693 I'm sorry, but our nation is resolved. We cannot live with the guilt anymore. 281 00:17:50,797 --> 00:17:52,877 You're right, Finland, OK? You're right. 282 00:17:53,002 --> 00:17:55,824 Can you just let us other countries talk in private for a moment? 283 00:17:56,270 --> 00:17:57,383 Very well. 284 00:17:58,129 --> 00:17:59,536 We gotta get rid of Finland. 285 00:17:59,976 --> 00:18:02,372 We gotta take out Finland. They gonna squeal. 286 00:18:02,725 --> 00:18:04,249 I think we all agree, guys. 287 00:18:22,015 --> 00:18:23,015 Dammit! 288 00:18:28,117 --> 00:18:30,359 Hey, space officers. How can we help you? 289 00:18:30,657 --> 00:18:32,672 Well, we're a little puzzled. 290 00:18:32,797 --> 00:18:35,540 Over one of your countries... Finland? 291 00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:37,616 What about it? 292 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:41,036 It appears to have been... destroyed. 293 00:18:41,379 --> 00:18:44,141 What? Oh, my God! Not Finland! 294 00:18:44,266 --> 00:18:46,571 - Oh, no! - Not Finland! 295 00:18:46,696 --> 00:18:48,293 Hey, guys, Finland's dead. 296 00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:52,756 No! Not Finland! 297 00:18:53,137 --> 00:18:54,383 All of Finland gone! 298 00:18:54,688 --> 00:18:57,761 Somebody better break the news to Norway. They were really close. 299 00:18:59,185 --> 00:19:01,890 None of you knew anything about the Finland destruction? 300 00:19:02,149 --> 00:19:03,351 No. I mean... 301 00:19:03,691 --> 00:19:06,270 Odds are they nuked themselves. You know, suicide. 302 00:19:06,721 --> 00:19:08,814 We didn't say anything about nukes. 303 00:19:09,224 --> 00:19:11,608 Or... whatever they did, I'm saying. 304 00:19:12,916 --> 00:19:14,859 Excuse me! Excuse me! 305 00:19:15,496 --> 00:19:17,908 Everyone, I have an announcement to make. 306 00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:20,420 I am giving back my Pinewood Derby trophy. 307 00:19:20,545 --> 00:19:22,110 - What? - Stan! 308 00:19:22,466 --> 00:19:25,466 The truth is... I don't deserve this trophy, 309 00:19:26,130 --> 00:19:28,092 'cause I cheated on my Pinewood Derby car. 310 00:19:28,217 --> 00:19:30,168 I used something not in the approved kit. 311 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,337 - What? - Outside the kit? 312 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,298 Not in the approved kit? 313 00:19:34,691 --> 00:19:36,633 He cheated on the Pinewood Derby? 314 00:19:37,023 --> 00:19:38,673 This trophy isn't mine. 315 00:19:38,962 --> 00:19:40,576 And so I have to give it back. 316 00:19:41,095 --> 00:19:42,818 Because if I'm not honest now, 317 00:19:42,943 --> 00:19:45,014 I'll have to keep this lie going forever. 318 00:19:45,139 --> 00:19:46,810 And it will just grow and grow. 319 00:19:51,792 --> 00:19:54,333 Stan, we're proud of you for coming clean. 320 00:19:54,458 --> 00:19:57,321 But it doesn't change the fact that you cheated. Go to your room, son. 321 00:19:57,727 --> 00:20:01,095 Your son seems to have some pretty inspirational words. 322 00:20:01,220 --> 00:20:04,328 You sure you earthlings have nothing else to tell us? 323 00:20:06,463 --> 00:20:08,790 Do we have anything else to tell the space cops? 324 00:20:11,273 --> 00:20:14,568 - No changes. - Tell 'em no. 325 00:20:15,125 --> 00:20:17,341 Yeah, no. We've told you everything, space officers. 326 00:20:17,732 --> 00:20:19,582 All right. That's it, then. 327 00:20:19,863 --> 00:20:21,970 Come on out, sir. It appears to be over. 328 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,979 Shit! It's Baby Fark McGee-zax! 329 00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:34,998 My real name is Kevirn Xaxor. 330 00:20:35,431 --> 00:20:37,903 I am the ambassador to new planet testing. 331 00:20:39,881 --> 00:20:43,200 - What the hell are they talking about? - These are not space cops. 332 00:20:43,864 --> 00:20:45,285 There is no space jail, 333 00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:49,354 and space cash is only worth what you as a planet decided it was worth. 334 00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:54,750 I mean, how stupid is your species? Space jail? 335 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,047 Baby Fark McGee-zax? 336 00:20:57,574 --> 00:20:59,257 It was just a trick? 337 00:20:59,535 --> 00:21:02,174 Whenever a civilization discovers warp speed, 338 00:21:02,299 --> 00:21:04,908 we want to bring them into the Federation of Planets. 339 00:21:05,033 --> 00:21:07,222 But first we do the space cash test, 340 00:21:07,347 --> 00:21:09,991 to see if that species is worthy of joining. 341 00:21:10,116 --> 00:21:11,895 Needless to say, you all failed. 342 00:21:14,776 --> 00:21:17,859 People of Earth, since you did not return the space cash, 343 00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:21,020 your species and your planet is hereby forever blocked off 344 00:21:21,145 --> 00:21:24,195 and barred from the rest of the universe. Goodbye. 345 00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:28,787 No! Hey, wait! No! 346 00:21:40,127 --> 00:21:41,687 Well, that sucks. 347 00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:46,112 SouthParkNews.net Sub-way.fr 26543

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