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1
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,687
SMART'S IN THERE ALL RIGHT.
2
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,924
THE MAESTRO WAS RIGHT. HE'S
GOING AFTER THAT LITTLE BLACK BOOK.
3
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:17,060
HMM. HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO
SETTLE FOR A LITTLE BLACK BOX.
4
00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:19,562
I NEED HIM TO MAKE
THIS WEEK'S QUOTA.
5
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:22,265
I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU, SID.
6
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,100
I'M A SECRET
AGENT, I HAVE TO GO,
7
00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:25,635
BUT WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE?
8
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,370
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WHAT'S MY ANGLE?
9
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:29,172
I WANT TO DEFEND MY COUNTRY TOO,
10
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,675
AND YOU HAPPEN TO BE
MY BUDDY. AND BESIDES,
11
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:34,833
I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT EVERY
SECRET AGENT GETS ALL THE BROADS.
12
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,015
YOU'RE NOT GOING.
THAT'S IT. FORGET IT.
13
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,151
THAT'S FINAL. YOU'RE NOT GOING.
14
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,927
IF YOU DON'T TAKE
ME ALONG, I'LL SPILL
15
00:00:42,951 --> 00:00:45,055
EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT
CONTROL HEADQUARTERS.
16
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:48,924
ALL RIGHT, YOU
CAN GO, BUT NO GUN.
17
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:50,760
HERE.
18
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,695
Max: You're liable
to get trigger-happy
19
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,231
and get your fool head shot off.
20
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,466
Sid's voice: Oh, great
thinking, Max, great.
21
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,450
Without a gun
I'm a sitting duck.
22
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,428
THAT'S ONE SITTING
DUCK AND ONE DEAD DUCK.
23
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,110
WELL? WELL? WELL?
24
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,445
WELL, HE MOVED,
THAT'S WHAT'S WELL.
25
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,515
BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE A GUN, SID.
26
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,650
YOU DON'T HAVE
A LICENSE TO KILL.
27
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,552
BUT, MAX, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
28
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,620
CAN'T YOU GET ME
A LEARNER'S PERMIT?
29
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,656
SID, WILL YOU FORGET ABOUT IT?
30
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,325
DO US BOTH A FAVOR... STAY HERE.
31
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:25,262
NOW LOOK, I KNOW YOU
WERE A VERY TOUGH GUY
32
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:28,165
WHEN WE WERE IN THE ARMY
TOGETHER, BUT THAT'S 15 YEARS AGO.
33
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:31,134
NOW WAIT A MINUTE, MAX. I GAVE
THAT LITTLE BLACK BOOK AWAY,
34
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,537
AND I THINK IT'S ONLY
FAIR I GET IT BACK FOR YOU.
35
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:36,206
BESIDES, I DON'T THINK KAOS IS
36
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,941
AS DANGEROUS AS THIS APARTMENT.
37
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,277
I GET THE FEELING I'M
GOING TO GET CREAMED
38
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,767
BY ONE OF YOUR
DIZZY BOOBY TRAPS.
39
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:48,218
WHAT DOES THIS DO,
RELEASE THE LIONS?
40
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:51,788
NO, THE LION BUTTON
IS DOWNSTAIRS.
41
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,523
THIS, EH...
42
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,025
WELL, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I FORGET WHAT THIS DOES,
43
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,462
BUT WHATEVER IT DOES,
IT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT WORKING.
44
00:01:58,486 --> 00:01:59,751
HM-MM.
45
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,601
THERE HE IS AND HERE HE GOES.
46
00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:12,776
BOY, PAL, THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.
47
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,212
YES, THANKS TO YOU, CONTROL'S
TOP AGENT HAS BEEN SAVED AGAIN.
48
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:18,848
- THANKS TO ME?
- YES, COME ON,
I'LL SHOW YOU.
49
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,450
I JUST REMEMBERED
WHAT THAT BUTTON DOES.
50
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,719
IT ACTIVATES THIS...
51
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:28,224
THE OLD MAXWELL-SMART-
SILHOUETTE-ON-THE WINDOW-SHADE TRICK.
52
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:31,648
THAT'S THE SECOND TIME KAOS
HAS FALLEN FOR IT THIS MONTH.
53
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,365
FOOL. YOU MISSED HIM.
54
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,066
THE MAESTRO WILL BE FURIOUS.
55
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,469
- YOU SHOT A SHADE.
- A SHADE ISN'T
GOING TO TALK.
56
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,305
BESIDES, THEY GO OUT THE
BACK WAY, MY BOYS WILL GET 'EM.
57
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,707
EITHER WAY, I MAKE MY QUOTA.
58
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,343
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL US.
59
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,935
HMM, YOU MAY BE RIGHT.
HERE, TAKE THIS, SID.
60
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,304
COME ON.
61
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,790
- WAIT A MINUTE.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAX?
62
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:03,125
DON'T YOU KNOW YOUR WAY
OUT OF YOUR OWN BUILDING?
63
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,328
THEY'RE EXPECTING US
TO COME OUT THE FRONT.
64
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:08,854
WE'LL FOOL THEM
AND GO OUT THE BACK.
65
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,162
COME ON, SID, THE
COAST IS CLEAR.
66
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,635
EXCEPT FOR THESE THREE
COLD-BLOODED KILLERS.
67
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,820
MAX, HOW DID YOU GET ALL THREE?
68
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:42,192
Together: THE OLD
THREE-WAY-GUN TRICK.
69
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,628
MAX, THE COPS.
70
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,697
COPS! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
71
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:56,372
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
72
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,541
I'D BETTER MAKE IT
LOOK LIKE SUICIDE.
73
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,665
- OH.
- COME ON.
74
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,421
IT'S OKAY, MAX.
THE COPS ARE HERE.
75
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:14,490
YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT
THE SECRET AGENT BUSINESS, SID.
76
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,426
THAT'S THE OLDEST
TRICK IN THE WORLD.
77
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,729
OH, THE OLD
KAOS-KILLERS-DRESSED-UP-LIKE-COPS-
78
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,932
IN-ORDER-TO-FOOL-
CONTROL-AGENT-AND-OLD-ARMY-BUDDY TRICK.
79
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,079
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
NOW LOOK, REMEMBER THAT
80
00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:27,103
NIGHT IN PUSAN WHEN
WE PLAYED PATTY CAKE?
81
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,494
- YEAH, WHEN WE BELTED THEM.
- RIGHT.
82
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:37,614
Both: PATTY-CAKE,
PATTY-CAKE, BAKER'S MAN.
83
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:40,138
BAKE ME A CAKE AS FAST...
84
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,624
THE OLD PUSAN-PATTY-CAKE
TRICK, HUH?
85
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:51,661
SERGEANT, THIS OFFICER IS
MAKING A VERY BIG MISTAKE.
86
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,597
BUT I'M WILLING TO LET
BYGONES BE BYGONES IF HE IS.
87
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,966
OKAY, CLARENCE DARROW, CAN IT.
88
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,968
NOW THEN, NAME AND OCCUPATION?
89
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:02,660
UH, MAXWELL SMART. I'M IN
THE GREETING CARD BUSINESS.
90
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,742
SID KRIMM, SIR. I
SELL WEDDING GOWNS
91
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:09,345
AND I'M A PART-TIME SPY.
92
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,981
WEDDING GOWNS AND PART-TIME...
93
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,983
SPY?
94
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:17,420
THAT'S RIGHT, SIR.
HE'S A FULL-TIME SPY
95
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:20,756
AND HE SELLS GREETING
CARDS AS HIS COVER.
96
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:22,825
UH, SERGEANT...
97
00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:25,828
WE WERE IN THE WAR TOGETHER
AND HE HAD A PRETTY TOUGH TIME.
98
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,831
HE'S A LITTLE SHELL-SHOCKED.
99
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,833
HE THINKS HE'S A SPY.
100
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:33,402
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
101
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:36,172
SID, THIS SITUATION
CALLS FOR THE TRUTH.
102
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,741
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
103
00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:41,410
DID WE OR DID WE NOT HAVE A
HAND GRENADE THROWN AT US?
104
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:45,147
DID WE OR DID WE NOT FALL THROUGH THE
PHONE BOOTH INTO CONTROL HEADQUARTERS?
105
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:48,250
AND DID I OR DID I NOT TALK TO
THE PRESIDENT ON THE STEER HORN?
106
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:50,786
- WELL?
- I SUPPOSE YOU'RE
GOING TO TELL ME NOW
107
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:53,656
YOU WANT TO TALK TO THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES AGAIN?
108
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,491
YOU'RE DARN RIGHT I DO.
109
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:58,628
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN, SERGEANT?
HE'S REALLY PRETTY FAR GONE.
110
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:02,231
THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD IT.
I'M NOT OUT OF MY MIND,
111
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,700
AND YOU GUYS AREN'T
GOING TO RAILROAD ME.
112
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:07,369
I WANT A LAWYER. I WANT
A TRIAL. I KNOW MY RIGHTS.
113
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:10,239
I WANT A PSYCHIATRIST.
YOU GUYS THINK I'M CRAZY?
114
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,463
I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU GUYS.
115
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:19,248
ALL RIGHT, SID, WE SPENT THE NIGHT
IN JAIL, WE SPENT THE DAY IN COURT,
116
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,883
NOW YOU'VE GOT THE PSYCHIATRIST,
117
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:23,986
IF YOU'LL JUST DO AS I SAY AND
PRETEND YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND,
118
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:26,589
THEY'LL PUT YOU IN MY CUSTODY
AND WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE.
119
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:30,248
MAX, I CAN'T GO THROUGH LIFE WITH
THE REPUTATION THAT I'M BANANAS.
120
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,163
MY CHAIR.
121
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,966
OH, YES, SORRY
ABOUT THAT, DOCTOR.
122
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,402
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
123
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,504
ALL RIGHT.
124
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,507
MR. KRIMM, DO YOU STILL INSIST
THAT YOU'RE ON A SECRET MISSION?
125
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,276
TELL ME, WHEN DID
YOU FIRST DECIDE
126
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,778
THAT YOU NEEDED MORE...
EXCITEMENT IN YOUR LIFE?
127
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,781
WHAT EXCITEMENT?
WHO NEEDED EXCITEMENT?
128
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,783
ALL I EVER WANTED
WAS A HOME IN A SUBURB,
129
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,118
AND A COUPLE OF WIVES AND A KID
130
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,054
AND A DOG. THAT'S ALL, DOC.
131
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:01,423
YOU SEE? YOU SEE WHAT I
WAS TALKING ABOUT, DOC?
132
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:05,061
THAT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL. I'VE
BEEN MARRIED THREE TIMES MYSELF.
133
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,963
DON'T INTERRUPT
ANYMORE, MR. SMART.
134
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,666
HMM? UH, MR. KRIMM,
135
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,367
LET'S GO BACK TO YOUR CHILDHOOD.
136
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:14,070
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FATHER?
HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM?
137
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,151
DID YOU HATE HIM?
138
00:08:15,175 --> 00:08:17,907
I WAS VERY FOND OF MY
DAD. HE WAS A GREAT GUY.
139
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:21,611
WE HAD A LOT IN COMMON...
FOOTBALL, BASEBALL,
140
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,969
AND WHEN I GREW UP, BROADS.
141
00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:28,684
YOUR FATHER TOOK YOU TO
BASEBALL AND FOOTBALL GAMES?
142
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:33,055
NO, HE GOT ME THE BROADS.
143
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:36,626
OH. GEE, MY FATHER
NEVER GOT ME ANYTHING.
144
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,194
HE WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME.
145
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:41,563
OH, I'M SORRY, MAX.
146
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:44,167
I NEVER KNEW.
147
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,135
YOU NEVER ASKED.
148
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:49,705
WOULD YOU PLEASE NOT INTERRUPT
ME, MR. SMART? WILL YOU? HMM? HMM?
149
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,408
MY FATHER... MY FATHER
NEVER GOT ME ANYTHING.
150
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,410
THE ONLY THING HE
EVER GOT ME WAS
151
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,312
A PAIR OF LONG PANTS
SO I COULD GO TO WORK.
152
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,947
MR. SMART...
153
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,349
MR. KRIMM.
154
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,886
WOULD YOU MIND LOOKING... AND
WOULD YOU JUST NOT INTERRUPT ANYMORE,
155
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,088
MR. SMART? APPRECIATE THAT.
156
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:09,792
MR. KRIMM, LOOK AT THESE INKBLOTS AND
TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND.
157
00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:13,496
- THE FIRST THING THAT
COMES INTO YOUR MIND.
- YOU NEED A NEW PEN.
158
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,598
VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
159
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:17,366
NO NO NO, I MEAN
JUST LOOK AT THEM
160
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,470
AND THE FIRST THING THAT COMES IN
YOUR MIND, TALK ABOUT THEM, ALL RIGHT?
161
00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:22,672
BOY...
162
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,507
THAT'S A PRETTY GIRL.
163
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,375
A PRETTY GIRL?
164
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,344
THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.
165
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:34,572
THAT'S A BOY AND A
PRETTY GIRL HUGGING.
166
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:40,222
A BOY AND A PRETTY GIRL HUGGING?
167
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,392
AND THAT'S TWO GIRLS AND A BOY.
168
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,060
UH-HUH, UH-HUH...
169
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:48,765
T-TWO-TWO GIRLS AND A BOY.
170
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,136
DON'T SKIP ANYTHING.
171
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,504
- CAN I BUY
A SET OF THESE?
- CAN HE?
172
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,041
- WHAT?
- WELL, YOU SEE, DOC,
173
00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,143
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
I WAS TALKING ABOUT...
174
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,810
EXACTLY WHAT I
WAS TALKING ABOUT.
175
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,846
HE THINKS ALL THESE
THINGS ARE ABOUT WOMEN.
176
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:06,282
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
THOSE PICTURES ARE ABOUT.
177
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,240
THEY'RE ABOUT WOMEN. HMM.
178
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,523
MR. KRIMM, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
179
00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:15,980
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
180
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,264
MAY I ASK YOU A
QUESTION, MR. SMART?
181
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,433
CERTAINLY, DOCTOR,
182
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,902
ASK ME ANYTHING YOU WANT.
183
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,305
UH, DID YOU EVER GET THE FEELING
184
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,340
THAT YOU'RE BEING
FOLLOWED AND HOUNDED?
185
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,477
WELL, YES, I USED TO,
186
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,779
BUT NOW I PAY FOR
EVERYTHING IN CASH.
187
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,881
THAT'S IT, I'VE GOT TO GO.
188
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,550
OH NO, JUST A MINUTE.
189
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:43,219
I HAVE TO DETAIN YOU. YOU NEED
MORE PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT.
190
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,888
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO DETAIN ANYBODY.
191
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,557
I'M NOT CRAZY, FELLA.
192
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:50,359
AND BESIDES THAT, I KNOW
MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS.
193
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,328
I'M ENTITLED TO ONE PHONE CALL.
194
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:55,153
- IF YOU WISH.
- I WISH.
195
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,315
HELLO, CHIEF? IT'S ME AGAIN.
196
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,717
I WANT A LAWYER!
197
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,552
DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING, SID.
198
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,421
I'LL HAVE YOU OUT OF
HERE IN A FEW MINUTES.
199
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:21,324
- 86?
- YES, ARE YOU
THE CONTROL LAWYER?
200
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,493
YES, HERE'S MY CARD.
201
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,129
"18, 26, 35, 44,
202
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:30,933
51, 33 AND SONS."
203
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:33,669
I THOUGHT 21 WAS GOING
TO HANDLE THIS CASE.
204
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,438
21 HANDLES DIVORCES. YOU TWO
GUYS WANT TO GET SEPARATED?
205
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:38,207
YEAH, I WANT TO GET SEPARATED.
206
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,209
I WANT TO GET SEPARATED
FROM THIS POLICE STATION.
207
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,545
NOW AS I UNDERSTAND THIS
CASE, YOU HIT THIS POLICEMAN.
208
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:46,282
WHAT WE DO IS PLEAD
GUILTY AND THE FINE IS $50.
209
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,484
- I SEE NO REASON WHY...
- WE DIDN'T HIT THE POLICEMAN,
HE HIT US.
210
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:52,521
OH, WILLFULLY STANDING IN
THE WAY OF A POLICE ATTACK?
211
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:56,391
THAT'S $100 FINE AND WE'LL HAVE
TO COME BACK IN 60 DAYS FOR A TRIAL.
212
00:11:56,415 --> 00:11:58,460
I'LL ARRANGE FOR YOUR BAIL, 86.
213
00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:01,130
WHAT ABOUT ME? WHO'S
GOING TO TAKE CARE OF ME?
214
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,898
WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER?
215
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,134
WHAT NUMBER? I
DON'T HAVE A NUMBER.
216
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,836
I'M MAX'S PAL. YOU'VE GOT
TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.
217
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,505
I'M SORRY, I CAN'T DO THAT.
218
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,574
I'M NOT ALLOWED TO
HANDLE OUTSIDE CASES.
219
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,509
I WORK EXCLUSIVELY
FOR THE GOVERNMENT.
220
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,411
AND IT WOULD BE A
CONFLICT OF INTEREST.
221
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,246
I'VE GOT TO GO ALONG
WITH HIM ON THAT, SID.
222
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,914
WHEN THE MAN IS
RIGHT, HE'S RIGHT.
223
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:22,518
HOWEVER, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO
RECOMMEND ANOTHER LAWYER,
224
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:24,686
AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE... 28.
225
00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:26,922
28? IS HE IN THE PHONE BOOK?
226
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:29,058
NO, HE HAS AN UNLISTED NUMBER,
227
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,161
AND I HAVE HIS CARD RIGHT HERE.
228
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,697
I DON'T WANT ANOTHER ATTORNEY.
I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
229
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,466
JUST CALL 28 AND TELL
HIM 17 RECOMMENDED YOU.
230
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,636
TELL HIM THAT YOU
WERE BOOKED ON A 437.
231
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,706
IF YOU PLEAD A 507, YOU
WILL GET OFF ONE-TWO-THREE.
232
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:47,210
BINGO. WHAT IS THIS, A
POLICE STATION OR A CHURCH?
233
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:50,112
SID, YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND. IN OUR BUSINESS
234
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:52,949
WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO
USE NAMES, ONLY NUMBERS.
235
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:56,085
LOOK, WE'RE ON A VERY IMPORTANT
CASE. JUST GET US OUT OF HERE.
236
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,953
I'LL HAVE YOU OUT
IN FIVE MINUTES.
237
00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,622
WHAT ABOUT ME? WHO'S
GOING TO TAKE CARE OF ME?
238
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:03,593
WILL YOU STOP WHINING?
239
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:06,696
CAN'T YOU JUST BEND THE RULES
A LITTLE BIT AND HELP MY FRIEND?
240
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,897
WE MIGHT BE ABLE
TO DEPUTIZE HIM.
241
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,633
OH.
242
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,577
WELL, I DIDN'T WANT
TO GO THAT FAR.
243
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:18,708
LISTEN, COULDN'T WE DEPUTIZE
HIM ON A TEMPORARY BASIS?
244
00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:21,243
YES, I GUESS I
COULD SWEAR HIM IN.
245
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:24,346
FILL OUT THIS CARD
LATER, IF YOU WILL.
246
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,115
STAND UP, PLEASE. STAND UP.
247
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:30,986
I WANT YOU TO RAISE YOUR
RIGHT FOOT AND REPEAT AFTER ME.
248
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:34,156
WHY DO I HAVE TO
RAISE MY RIGHT FOOT?
249
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,558
BECAUSE IT'S AN
UNDERGROUND ORGANIZATION.
250
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:38,527
- OH.
- NOW REPEAT AFTER ME.
251
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:45,067
HOW CAN I REPEAT AFTER
YOU? I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
252
00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:47,502
IT'S A SECRET OATH.
253
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,304
OH.
254
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,807
FIRST THING YOU KNOW, YOU'LL
HAVE ME PATTING MY HEAD
255
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,351
AND RUBBING MY STOMACH
TO QUALIFY FOR THE JOB.
256
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,869
YOU'VE BEEN LETTING OUT SECRETS.
257
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,984
DON'T EVER DO THAT.
258
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:39,043
COME ON, DUMMY.
259
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:44,660
Man: I COULDN'T HELP IT.
260
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,828
Man #2: YOU'D BETTER
HAVE A GOOD REASON.
261
00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:49,131
THEY'RE NOT GOING
TO LIKE THAT UPSTAIRS.
262
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:53,269
Man #1: PLEASE LET ME TRY
AGAIN. I WON'T MISS NEXT TIME.
263
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,338
Man #2: THERE AIN'T
GOING TO BE NO NEXT TIME.
264
00:14:56,362 --> 00:15:00,409
THE ORGANIZATION GIVES
NO SECOND CHANCES.
265
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,179
AND YOU KNOW WHAT
HAPPENS WHEN YOU MISS.
266
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,946
Man #1: NO NO, DON'T.
267
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:08,784
Man #2: I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS
CONTRACT MYSELF, AND YOU.
268
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:12,743
Throw him in the river, boys.
269
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,109
I'M TELLING YOU, MAE.
270
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:37,401
WE'VE GOT TO MOVE OUT
OF THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
271
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,297
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
THIS HAS TO BE THE PLACE.
272
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,099
THE COMPUTER IS NEVER WRONG...
273
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,590
111 "M" STREET.
274
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:09,133
OH, WEST 111th STREET.
275
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,791
WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE, SID?
276
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,326
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. I
NEVER GET MIXED UP LIKE THAT.
277
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,128
I CAN UNDERSTAND
IT. YOU'RE A DOPE.
278
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:29,198
REMEMBER IN THE ARMY, YOU
COULDN'T EVEN SPELL PUSSYCAT? UH-OH.
279
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:32,001
MAX, THEY'RE AFTER US, HOW
ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE?
280
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:34,267
WE CAN'T GO THAT WAY.
IT'S A DEAD-END ALLEY.
281
00:16:34,291 --> 00:16:35,326
I KNOW THAT, DUMMY.
282
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:44,479
MAX, IT PASSED RIGHT OVER US.
283
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,481
WELL, NATURALLY, SID.
284
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,550
WHEN I SAW THAT CAR
BEARING DOWN ON US,
285
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,653
I HAPPENED TO NOTICE
THAT IT WAS A 1967 SEDAN.
286
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:55,958
NOW A 1967 SEDAN HAS A
CLEARANCE OF 15 AND 1/2 INCHES.
287
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:59,728
WHEN WE'RE LYING FLAT, WE HAVE
HAVE A CLEARANCE OF 15 AND 1/4 INCHES.
288
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,097
IT WAS A '68.
289
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,956
I DON'T WISH TO
DISCUSS IT ANY MORE.
290
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,770
MAX, THERE'S NO NEED
TO GET STEAMED ABOUT IT.
291
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,899
FORGET ABOUT IT. LET'S
GO GET THE MAESTRO.
292
00:17:10,923 --> 00:17:11,923
OH...
293
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:32,761
LISTEN, THAT MUSIC...
294
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:36,053
WHEN I SPOKE TO NANCY, I
HEARD IT OVER THE TELEPHONE.
295
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,050
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, STAY
RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.
296
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,686
GENTLEMEN, YOU ARE COVERED.
297
00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:01,070
OH REALLY? DON'T YOU NEED
A GUN FOR THAT, MAESTRO?
298
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:08,330
THE OLD GUN-IN-
THE-MAESTRO'S-BATON TRICK.
299
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:11,233
THAT'S THE SECOND TIME I
FELL FOR THAT THIS MONTH.
300
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,403
UNFORTUNATELY, YOUR
BATON IS EMPTY, MAESTRO.
301
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,438
COVER HIM, SID.
302
00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:18,396
DROP THE GUN AND STAY
RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.
303
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:23,412
WHO'S THE DING-A-LING?
304
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,749
- HE'S THE MAESTRO.
- HE'S THE TOP KAOS ASSASSIN.
305
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,750
HE MUST BE THE ONE
WHO SHOT MATUSIK.
306
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:33,588
AND MIKLIS, WOLFBERG,
CASTEN AND FRANK.
307
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,859
WELL, HE CERTAINLY
HAS HAD A BUSY WEEK.
308
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,027
A BUSY DAY.
309
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,897
THE MAESTRO THANKS
YOU FOR THE INTRODUCTION.
310
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,599
Nancy: I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE
GOTTEN RID OF THEM AT THE CLUB.
311
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,368
I LIKE THEM.
312
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:49,004
NO HARM DONE. WE HAVE THEM NOW.
313
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:53,108
I THINK WE SHALL FIND AN
AMUSING WAY TO ASSIST THEM
314
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,578
IN THEIR DEPARTURE
FROM THIS VALE OF TEARS.
315
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,280
WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?
316
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,683
HE'S GOING TO KILL US.
317
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:03,819
OH. KILL US? FOR REAL?
318
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,088
I'M AFRAID SO, SID.
319
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:09,191
OKAY, THAT'S IT. I QUIT.
320
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,827
LISTEN, PUSSYCAT,
I'M NOT A REAL SPY.
321
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,329
I SELL BRIDAL GOWNS.
IF YOU'RE EVER IN OMAHA,
322
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:16,298
STOP BY AND I'LL GIVE
YOU A FREE FITTING.
323
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,533
SHUT UP, DUMMY.
324
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:20,903
DUMMY?
325
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:24,206
YES, WELL, WHEN THE
MAN IS RIGHT, HE'S RIGHT.
326
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:27,342
ENOUGH OF THIS. WE SHALL RETIRE
327
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:30,434
TO MY MUSIC ROOM DOWNSTAIRS.
328
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:35,084
SO THIS IS WHAT
IT'S LIKE BEING A SPY.
329
00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:36,552
WHY DID I COME ALONG?
330
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,320
MY ARMPITS ARE
STARTING TO HURT ME.
331
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:42,624
STOP WHINING. IT'S NOT
ALL GRAVY, YOU KNOW?
332
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:45,928
MY MAGNUM OPUS AND YOUR FINALE.
333
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,831
IN A MOMENT, I SHALL
START THE MUSIC.
334
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,833
YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH
"THE 1812 OVERTURE"
335
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,435
BY PYOTR ILYICH TCHAIKOVSKY?
336
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:57,305
WHEN THEY RECORDED THIS,
THEY USED REAL CANNONS.
337
00:19:57,329 --> 00:20:00,376
NOW THE FINAL CRESCENDO
OF THESE CANNONS
338
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,577
WILL TRIGGER THIS CANNON.
339
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:05,314
IT WILL BE THE LAST
THING YOU WILL HEAR.
340
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:08,450
ARE YOU KIDDING? WHEN
THAT THING GOES OFF,
341
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:11,387
THE POLICE FORCE, THE ARMY,
THE NAVY AND THE MARINE CORPS
342
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,622
WILL COME ROLLING
IN HERE LIKE ORANGES.
343
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,961
NOT WITH THIS
SILENCER, THEY WON'T.
344
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:22,197
THAT'S THE SECOND
BIGGEST SILENCER I EVER SAW.
345
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:26,635
YOU HAVE EXACTLY
FOUR MINUTES TO LIVE.
346
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:30,539
I SHOULDN'T BOTHER
TO SCREAM FOR HELP.
347
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,474
THESE WALLS ARE
COMPLETELY SOUNDPROOF.
348
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:34,710
ENJOY YOURSELVES, GENTLEMEN.
349
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,502
I SHALL BE WAITING
UPSTAIRS WITH THE LADIES.
350
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:44,419
- ALL RIGHT NOW, SID,
HERE'S MY PLAN...
- STOP WITH YOUR CRAZY PLANS.
351
00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:46,755
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M
TRYING TO FAINT?
352
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,346
ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT MYSELF.
353
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:56,787
OH, THE OLD FALSE-HANDS-
IN-THE-CHAIN TRICK.
354
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:07,631
OH, THE OLD HACKSAW-IN-
THE-BELT-BUCKLE TRICK.
355
00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:11,869
WILL YOU SHUT UP?
356
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:26,449
MAX, THE RECORD.
357
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:05,900
HOLD TIGHT, SID, I'LL HAVE
YOU LOOSE IN A MINUTE.
358
00:22:05,924 --> 00:22:08,736
SO WHAT? THAT
MANIAC IS STILL OUTSIDE.
359
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,905
IF HE FINDS OUT WE'RE
ALIVE, HE'LL REALLY KILL US.
360
00:22:10,929 --> 00:22:13,308
MAX, DO SOMETHING.
GET US OUT OF HERE.
361
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,076
DON'T WORRY, SID.
I'VE GOT A GREAT PLAN.
362
00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:16,812
GOOD GOOD GOOD. WHAT IS IT?
363
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:19,882
WHAT IS IT? YES, UH, WELL,
HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO:
364
00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:22,651
YOU'LL RUN AROUND THE ROOM
YELLING AND SCREAMING A LOT,
365
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,854
AND I'LL HIDE OVER IN THE CORNER.
THEN WHEN THE MAESTRO COMES DOWN,
366
00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:29,124
HE'LL PROBABLY HAVE A GUN AND HE'LL
COME OVER AND YOU JUMP ON TOP OF HIM.
367
00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:30,893
I DON'T THINK I LIKE THAT PLAN.
368
00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:34,195
NOT TOO CRAZY ABOUT THAT
PLAN. OKAY, I GOT ANOTHER PLAN.
369
00:22:34,219 --> 00:22:37,632
HERE'S WHAT WE'LL... I'LL TAKE OFF MY
SHOELACE, AND I'LL TIE IT TO THIS TABLE,
370
00:22:37,656 --> 00:22:40,602
AND THEN I'LL HIDE UNDER THE CANNON.
WHEN THE MAESTRO COMES DOWN,
371
00:22:40,626 --> 00:22:42,938
HE'LL SEE THAT I'M GONE,
AND HE'LL RUSH OVER TO YOU.
372
00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:45,440
GOOD GOOD, GREAT
IDEA. THAT'S GREAT, GOOD.
373
00:22:45,464 --> 00:22:49,044
YOU'LL PULL THE STRING ON THE RECORD
PLAYER AND THEN THE MUSIC WILL STOP.
374
00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:52,202
AND THEN THE CANON WILL GO OFF.
GOOD, MARVELOUS, THAT'S GREAT.
375
00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:56,539
MAX, GET ME OUT OF HERE.
376
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:05,215
FOUR MINUTES, IT
IS ALL OVER NOW.
377
00:23:28,474 --> 00:23:31,786
YOU KNOW, SID, IN A
WAY IT'S KIND OF A SHAME.
378
00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:34,956
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
379
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:37,492
IF HE'D HAD ONLY USED HIS BATON
380
00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:41,084
FOR GOODNESS INSTEAD OF EVIL.
381
00:23:49,294 --> 00:23:53,441
OH, MAX, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY
ABOUT FINDING THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK.
382
00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:57,245
AND I'M CERTAINLY HAPPY
ABOUT MEETING SID HERE.
383
00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:59,748
I AM SORRY I HUNG UP ON
YOU ON THE PHONE, MAX,
384
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:01,783
BUT I DID TRY TO
FIND YOU A NICE DATE.
385
00:24:01,807 --> 00:24:05,220
LET'S GET OUT OF
HERE, HUH, HONEY?
386
00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:07,604
I THINK THEY WANT TO BE ALONE.
30250
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