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1
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:07,739
RIGHT, SID. I'LL SEE
YOU IN A FEW MINUTES.
2
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,992
HELLO?
3
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,561
HELLO, 99. MAX.
4
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:18,862
OH, HELLO, MAX.
5
00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:20,663
LISTEN, 99, ARE
YOU FREE TONIGHT?
6
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,665
OH-HH. WELL, I'M
SITTING IN FOR LARRABEE,
7
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,268
BUT HE SHOULD BE BACK SOON.
WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
8
00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:27,404
OH, I DON'T KNOW. I
THOUGHT A FEW DRINKS,
9
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:30,607
A LITTLE DANCING,
MAYBE A LATE SUPPER.
10
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,810
I'D LOVE THAT. SHALL I
PICK YOU UP AS USUAL?
11
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,613
WELL, IT'S NOT
EXACTLY THAT WAY, 99.
12
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:38,915
YOU SEE, THERE'S A
BUDDY OF MINE IN TOWN
13
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,484
AND UH, WELL, HE ASKED
ME IF I COULD GET HIM A DATE.
14
00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:45,188
- I THOUGHT IF YOU WEREN'T
DOING ANYTHING TONIGHT...
- BUT, MAX...
15
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,123
OH, ONE MORE THING, 99...
16
00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:49,926
I WONDER IF YOU COULD GET A
GIRL FOR ME WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.
17
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:53,029
NOTHING SPECIAL... ABOUT
5'2", BLONDE HAIR, BLUE EYES...
18
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,986
99?
19
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,315
- WHO IS IT?
- GINA MATUSIK.
20
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,819
OPEN THE DOOR, PLEASE.
I MUST SPEAK TO YOU.
21
00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:27,763
- WHO?
- GINA MATUSIK.
22
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,499
I MUST SPEAK TO YOU, MR. SMART.
23
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,763
PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR.
24
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:38,074
GINA MATUSIK...
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.
25
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,076
I HAVEN'T SEEN
YOU IN A LONG TIME.
26
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,744
WE'VE NEVER MET, MR. SMART.
27
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,836
THAT LONG, EH? COME ON
OVER HERE AND SIT DOWN.
28
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,851
THERE. NOW,
29
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:50,853
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
30
00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:53,590
KAOS HAS ORDERS TO
FIND ME AND KILL ME,
31
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,491
BUT I THINK I'VE
LOST THEM FOR NOW.
32
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,727
WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD
ANYONE WANNA KILL YOU?
33
00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:01,030
I'VE BEEN WORKING FOR
KAOS, BUT I'VE GOT TO GET AWAY
34
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,233
AND I HAVEN'T ANY MONEY.
35
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,768
I HAVE SOME VERY IMPORTANT
INFORMATION FOR YOU...
36
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:09,439
- FOR $50,000.
- $50,000?!
37
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,274
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
38
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,976
OH LOOK, YOU'RE
SHAKING ALL OVER.
39
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,677
WHY DON'T YOU LET
ME GET YOU A DRINK?
40
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,813
VODKA, PLEASE.
41
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:20,750
OKAY, VODKA, EH?
42
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,442
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE DEFECTING?
43
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:47,143
- WHO IS IT?
- MAX, IT'S SID KRIMM.
44
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,278
OPEN UP. IT'S COLD OUT HERE.
45
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:53,638
UH, IN A MINUTE, SID.
UH... I-I'M NOT DRESSED.
46
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,012
MAX! PUSSYCAT!
47
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,848
SID, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
48
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,571
YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.
HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN NOW?
49
00:03:27,595 --> 00:03:28,150
15 YEARS.
50
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,419
- 15 YEARS.
- YOU FORGOT
SEOUL, KOREA, 1952.
51
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:33,122
DON'T YOU REMEMBER? WE SAID
IF WE BOTH LIVED THROUGH THIS,
52
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:36,025
WE'D GET TOGETHER AGAIN, HUH,
PAL? WE ALMOST DIDN'T MAKE IT.
53
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,761
- YEAH, THAT WAS
A TOUGH BAR, SID.
- REMEMBER THIS ONE...
54
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,464
CHOSIN RESERVOIR? REMEMBER
THAT... PORK CHOP HILL?
55
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,399
REMEMBER WHEN WE
HAD THESE? HA HA HA!
56
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:46,636
LOOK OUT, BABY, INCOMING MAIL!
57
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,894
BOOM!
58
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,375
WATCH IT, SID... HAND GRENADE!
59
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,432
I GOT IT! I GOT IT!
60
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:58,948
HOLY COW!
61
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,906
WHAT WAS THAT?
62
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,549
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WHAT GRENADE"?
63
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,452
- THE GRENADE I JUST
THREW OUT THE WINDOW.
- OH. OH, UH...
64
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,487
THAT GRENADE. YES,
WELL, YOU SEE, SID,
65
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,556
THE STATE DEPARTMENT IS
ONLY SIX BLOCKS FROM HERE
66
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,758
AND THEY KEEP GETTING
THIS BUILDING MIXED UP WITH IT.
67
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:18,194
THAT'S ALL PART OF THE
EXCITEMENT OF LIVING IN WASHINGTON.
68
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,229
COME OFF IT, MAX. YOU'RE
IN SOME KIND OF TROUBLE.
69
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,098
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
I'M NOT IN ANY TROUBLE.
70
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,933
AHA, AHA, I KNOW... GANG WARS.
71
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,169
- YOU'RE IN THE RACKETS.
- I'M NOT IN ANYTHING!
72
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:28,204
I'M A GREETING CARD SALESMAN.
73
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,806
OH, YEAH? GREETING
CARD SALESMAN?
74
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,242
- WITH HAND GRENADES?
- EH, YES, WELL, I...
75
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,144
I ALSO SELL HAND GRENADES.
76
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,680
I MEAN, GREETING CARDS AND
HAND GRENADES ARE COMPATIBLE.
77
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:40,083
GREETING CARDS AND HAND
GRENADES GO TOGETHER?
78
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:43,119
EH, YES. LET'S LOOK
AT IT LIKE THIS, SID...
79
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:45,655
YOU SEE... THERE'S
MOTHER'S DAY, RIGHT?
80
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,657
AND THEN THERE'S
CHRISTMAS AND...
81
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,293
IN BETWEEN MOTHER'S DAY
AND CHRISTMAS, THERE'S, UH...
82
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:52,962
UH, HUNTING WEEK.
83
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:56,166
WHERE ARE YOU STAYING
WHILE YOU'RE IN TOWN, SID?
84
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:58,902
RIGHT HERE, SWEETHEART!
RIGHT HERE IN YOUR PLACE!
85
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,637
YEAH! HEY, WHAT'S THIS,
THE BUTTON FOR THE MAID?
86
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,711
DON'T TELL ME, SWEETHEART...
87
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:10,513
YOU'RE ALSO IN THE BUSINESS
OF SELLING FISHING EQUIPMENT.
88
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,915
LOOK, SID, YOU CAN
GO UP IN MY BEDROOM
89
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,385
AND SLEEP IN MY BED. THE
SOFA IS A LITTLE TRICKY.
90
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,353
"THE SOFA IS A LITTLE TRICKY"?
91
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,322
WHAT'S IN THE BED, QUICKSAND?
92
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:22,192
LISTEN... MAX, TELL ME,
93
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:25,950
WHAT KIND OF A DISCHARGE DID YOU
GET WHEN YOU GOT OUT OF THE ARMY?
94
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,365
HONORABLE, OF COURSE. WHY?
95
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,167
OH, UH, EH, UM, NOTHING,
96
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,503
JUST-JUST A WILD HUNCH.
97
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:36,739
CAN WE GET OUT OF THE NET NOW?
98
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:39,475
OH, THE NET, RIGHT. RIGHT, SID.
99
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:42,334
- JUST PRESS
THE BUTTON AGAIN.
- HMM.
100
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:48,885
WELL, ENOUGH OF THIS STUFF.
101
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,300
LET'S GET TO THE ACTION.
WHERE'RE THE BROADS?
102
00:06:51,324 --> 00:06:51,787
BROADS?
103
00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:56,225
TRY TO READ MY LIPS,
DUMMY... BROADS, DAMES.
104
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:59,128
DOES THE WORD "GIRL"
MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
105
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,664
YES. WELL, I REALLY
HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE
106
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,533
TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE GIRLS,
107
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:06,902
BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT... I'LL GO
UPSTAIRS AND I'LL GET INTO MY CLASS As
108
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:10,306
AND THEN I'LL TRY TO ARRANGE
SOMETHING. IN THE MEANTIME, HAVE A DRINK.
109
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,443
AHA, NOW YOU'RE TALKING,
SWEETHEART. NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
110
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,078
TWO PUSAN PAINKILLERS
COMING RIGHT UP!
111
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,381
EH, MAKE MINE A
SCOTCH AND SODA, SID.
112
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:22,017
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ONE PUSAN
PAINKILLER FOR THE SERGEANT,
113
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:25,555
AND A SCOTCH AND
SODA FOR THE WAC.
114
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,894
NO, CHIEF. SHE'S WOUNDED.
115
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,563
YOU'D BETTER CALL AN AMBULANCE.
116
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,431
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
INFORMATION SHE HAD.
117
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,166
SHE WAS SHOT BEFORE
I COULD FIND OUT.
118
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,502
KAOS THINKS YOU'VE GOT
THE INFORMATION, MAX,
119
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,638
OR THEY WOULDN'T HAVE
THROWN THE GRENADE.
120
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:44,173
GO OVER THE WHOLE STORY
AGAIN. THERE HAS TO BE SOME CLUE.
121
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:47,543
I MIGHT WANT MORE.
122
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,647
HEY, CORPORAL,
WHERE'RE THE BROADS?
123
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:54,150
UH, I'M A LITTLE BUSY, SID.
WHY DON'T YOU CALL THEM?
124
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:57,353
- LOOK IN MY ADDRESS BOOK.
- ADDRESS BOOK.
125
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,221
- WHERE IS IT?
- I DON'T KNOW,
126
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:00,890
IT'S DOWN THERE SOMEWHERE. LOOK.
127
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,848
ALL RIGHT.
128
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:12,234
AHH...
129
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:14,837
HA-HA...
130
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,239
AHH, LET'S SEE NOW...
131
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:19,341
SHELLY, MARY,
132
00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:21,878
FRANCINE, SOPHIE, BARBARA,
133
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,546
DOROTHY...
134
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:26,616
UH, ZELDA... NAN...
NANCY, THAT'S THE ONE!
135
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,040
BINGO!
136
00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:34,412
HEY, CORPORAL, YOU
HAVEN'T LOST YOUR TOUCH.
137
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,460
GUESS THAT'S THE LAST
PART OF THE MIND THAT GOES.
138
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,367
HELLO, NANCY WITH
THE LAUGHING FACE?
139
00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,770
WHO'S CALLING, PLEASE?
140
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:50,272
MAXWELL SMART HERE.
141
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:53,076
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT,
BABY? AND LET'S DO IT TOGETHER.
142
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,279
ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
143
00:08:56,303 --> 00:09:00,916
MAESTRO, MAXWELL SMART'S
CALLING FOR YOUR CODENAME NANCY.
144
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,718
HE WANTS A DATE.
145
00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:05,754
SO SMART DOES
HAVE MATUSIK'S BOOK,
146
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:09,058
- BUT HE DOESN'T
KNOW WHAT IT IS.
- WHAT SHOULD I DO?
147
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,060
LET HIM THINK YOU'RE NANCY.
148
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:15,932
THIS IS NANCY. WHAT'S
ON YOUR MIND, MAX?
149
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:19,936
LISTEN, HONEY, I HAPPEN TO
HAVE A FRIEND OF MINE IN TOWN,
150
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,771
A GOOD-LOOKING GUY... SID KRIMM.
151
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:25,107
AND I THOUGHT IF YOU AND YOUR
GIRLFRIEND COULD COME OVER TO OUR PLACE,
152
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,051
WE COULD HAVE A
WONDERFUL EVENING.
153
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:33,249
ON SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE
WE COULD GO OUT SOMEWHERE.
154
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:37,253
HE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH ME AND
HE NEEDS A DATE FOR HIS FRIEND.
155
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:40,723
SPLENDID. TAKE
ZELDA ALONG WITH YOU.
156
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,225
IT'LL GIVE ME A CHANCE TO
SEARCH SMART'S APARTMENT
157
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,894
FOR THE BOOK.
158
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,030
AHEM, OKAY, MAX,
159
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:50,033
AND I'VE GOT A CUTE
FRIEND NAMED ZELDA.
160
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,834
WE'LL MEET YOU IN AN HOUR AT...
161
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:55,304
- THE PEN AND QUILL.
- THE PEN AND QUILL.
162
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,673
OKAY, MEET YOU AT
THE PEN AND QUILL.
163
00:09:57,697 --> 00:10:00,309
RIGHT.
164
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:05,837
ACTION CITY! OH, THIS
IS GONNA BE GREAT.
165
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,777
RIGHT, CHIEF.
166
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,469
- GOT YOU, CHIEF.
- Sid: COME ON, MAX. LET'S GO.
167
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:48,424
I'LL BE WITH YOU
IN A MINUTE, CHIEF.
168
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:52,194
CHIEF? CHIEF...
THAT'S REAL CUTE, MAX.
169
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,830
WHAT DO YOU CALL YOUR
OTHER SHOE... "MINIHAHA"?
170
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,900
LOOK, SID, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'M TALKING TO SOMEBODY.
171
00:10:57,924 --> 00:11:02,338
TELL HIM HE JUST MISSED CUSTER'S
LAST STAND ON THE STAIRWAY.
172
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,107
OH, THAT? I CAN
EXPLAIN THAT, SID.
173
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,910
EXPLAIN? WHAT FOR?
174
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,213
I WAS ALMOST BLOWN
UP BY A HAND GRENADE,
175
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,415
I WAS NETTED LIKE A TROUT,
176
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:15,218
I WAS ALMOST
SHISH-KEBABBED WITH THIS,
177
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,387
AND I COME IN HERE
NOW AND I FIND YOU
178
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,722
HAVING A POWWOW WITH YOUR SHOE.
179
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,102
I CAN EXPLAIN THAT, SID.
180
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,471
I'M TELLING YOU I
CAN EXPLAIN THAT.
181
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,107
THERE'S NOTHING TO EXPLAIN.
182
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,809
YOU ARE A DING-A-LING.
183
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,744
I'M CALLING A DOCTOR!
184
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:43,780
SID, YOU GOTTA GIVE ME A CHANCE.
185
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:46,037
I'M TELLING YOU, SID,
I CAN EXPLAIN THIS.
186
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,453
SID, WAIT, I CAN EXPLAIN.
187
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:54,090
THERE'S NO EXPLAINING.
I'M CALLING THE WAGON.
188
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:55,412
SID, WAIT!
189
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,971
WELL, THAT'S ALL I
CAN TELL YOU, SID.
190
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:11,174
I WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT,
191
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:14,076
AND I'M ON A SECRET MISSION.
192
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,645
YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU?
193
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:19,548
I BELIEVE YOU.
194
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,517
YOU READ A LOT OF
THESE SPY BOOKS,
195
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,252
CLOAK-AND-DAGGER STUFF.
196
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,254
NO MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE
197
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,946
WHO WORKS FOR THE
GOVERNMENT ON SECRET MISSIONS.
198
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:31,194
YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.
199
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,684
I BELIEVE YOU.
200
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:38,267
LISTEN, MAX, DO ME A FAVOR, HUH?
201
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:41,170
WHEN WE'RE OUT WITH
THE GIRLS TONIGHT,
202
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,272
DON'T TALK INTO THE SHOE.
203
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,407
I UNDERSTAND,
204
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:48,678
BUT THEY'RE LIABLE TO THINK
YOU'RE A LITTLE ECCENTRIC.
205
00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,662
I JUST GOT THE WORD
FROM THE MAESTRO.
206
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,631
HE'S SURE THAT SMART HAS
THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK ON HIM.
207
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:12,534
HE WANTS US TO GET
HIM INTO THE BACK ROOM.
208
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,336
OH.
209
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,672
THE BOYS WILL TAKE
CARE OF HIM IN THERE.
210
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:19,875
OH, I HOPE THEY DON'T HURT HIM.
211
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:22,444
I HATE TO SEE PEOPLE GET HURT.
212
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,936
ESPECIALLY MEN.
213
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:34,445
THAT MUST BE THEM.
214
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,527
YEAH YEAH. THERE THEY ARE.
215
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:42,031
- WAIT A MINUTE, SID,
THOSE GIRLS LOOK LIKE KAOS.
- YEAH YEAH YEAH, CHAOS.
216
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,834
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THEY LOOK LIKE SPIES.
217
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,568
SURE SURE, THEY'RE SPIES.
218
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:48,738
MAYBE ONE OF THEM WILL
TRY TO KISS ME TO DEATH
219
00:13:48,762 --> 00:13:50,640
AND I'LL HAVE TO SIGH FOR HELP.
220
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,374
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, SPIES?
221
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,243
I FOUND THEM IN YOUR
LITTLE BLACK BOOK.
222
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,478
LITTLE BLACK BOOK? I DON'T
HAVE A LITTLE BLACK BOOK.
223
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,314
- I'VE GOT A LITTLE RED BOOK.
- IT WAS BLACK WHEN I FOUND IT
ON THE FLOOR.
224
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,750
IT'S BLACK NOW.
225
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:02,985
SO THAT'S WHAT SHE
WAS TRYING TO SELL ME.
226
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,855
REMEMBER, SMART HAS THE BOOK.
227
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,257
NOW WORK ON HIM AND
FORGET ABOUT KRIMM.
228
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,459
WHICH IS WHICH?
229
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:13,883
THE DOPEY ONE WITH THE
BEADY EYES MUST BE KRIMM.
230
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,799
- Zelda: HI.
- HI, NANCY, ZELDA.
231
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:19,868
ENOUGH OF THE SMALL
TALK. WHAT DO YOU SAY
232
00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:22,304
WE GO TO YOUR PLACE AND
HAVE A LITTLE NIGHTCAP, EH?
233
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:24,573
RELAX, HONEY,
WE'VE GOT ALL NIGHT.
234
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,677
NOW TELL ME, WHERE DID
YOU GET MY NUMBER, MAX?
235
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,478
I'M MAX, HE'S SID.
236
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:32,214
WHERE DID YOU GET
OUR NUMBER, MAX?
237
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:34,584
I DIDN'T CALL YOU, SID DID.
238
00:14:34,608 --> 00:14:36,719
WHERE DID YOU GET
OUR NUMBER, SID?
239
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,255
OUT OF THE LITTLE BLACK
BOOK, THE ONE HE THINKS IS RED.
240
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,157
ALL RIGHT, ZELDA, NANCY,
241
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:44,593
ABOUT THIS LITTLE BLACK BOOK...
WHAT IS IT? THE KAOS CODE?
242
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:48,119
DON'T ASK ME, I'M
NEW AROUND HERE.
243
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,667
DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME, SISTER.
244
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,469
I HAPPEN TO BE
AN EXPERT AT THAT.
245
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:58,607
OKAY OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT YOU WANNA HEAR,
246
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,375
BUT IN PRIVATE.
247
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,412
- COME ON
INTO THE BACK ROOM.
- YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
248
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,247
THE TWO OF YOU GO
IN THE BACK ROOM,
249
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:09,585
BECAUSE ZELDA AND I GOT A LOT
OF TALKING TO DO, HUH, HONEY?
250
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,979
Sid: UH, BYE-BYE.
251
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:19,394
YOU GOTTA HUMOR MAX.
252
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,997
POOR BOY, HE THINKS HE'S A SPY.
253
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:25,935
- HE IS.
- AND HE THINKS YOU TWO
GIRLS ARE SPIES TOO.
254
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,603
WE ARE.
255
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,505
UH-HUH, UH-HUH, I'M A SPY TOO.
256
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:33,175
REALLY? YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE ONE.
257
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:36,612
NANCY, STOP STALLING. WHAT'S SO
IMPORTANT ABOUT THIS BLACK BOOK?
258
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,803
BORIS!
259
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,556
ATTABOY, MAX. DON'T
TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
260
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,681
COME ON, BABY, LOOSEN UP.
261
00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:13,248
SEE? NANCY AND
MAX ARE HAVING FUN.
262
00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:16,052
HEY, WHY DO YOU GET THE WILD
BROADS AND I GET THE CLAMS?
263
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,854
NOT NOW, SID. I'M BUSY.
264
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,598
MAX! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING WITH A GUN?
265
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,634
THEY'RE ALL SPIES, SID, AND I'LL
SHOOT THE FIRST ONE THAT MOVES.
266
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,337
I KNOW THEY'RE ALL SPIES, MAX,
267
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:37,806
BUT I'M NOT A SPY.
268
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,242
I'M YOUR OLD SERGEANT SID.
269
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,711
YOU WOULDN'T SHOOT ME,
WOULD YOU, CORPORAL?
270
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,369
- OF COURSE NOT,
SERGEANT.
- GOOD.
271
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:52,388
SORRY, OLD BUDDY, BUT I HAD
TO SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELF.
272
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,056
WHAT STARTED ALL THIS?
273
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,658
THAT BOOK IS OURS.
274
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,592
OH?
275
00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,376
HE'S GOT A RED ONE, ANYWAY.
276
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,664
NO HARD FEELINGS, OKAY?
277
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,788
OKAY, NO HARD FEELINGS.
278
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,324
SID, WHAT HAPPENED?
279
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:31,560
BOY, YOU STARTED SOME FIGHT
BACK THERE. I GOT YOU OUT OF A JAM.
280
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,363
BOY, YOU CAN GET IN TROUBLE
CARRYING A GUN, OLD BUDDY.
281
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,565
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I'M A CONTROL AGENT!
282
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,501
YOU CERTAINLY LOST
CONTROL BACK THERE.
283
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:42,704
THE BOOK! THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK...
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BOOK, SID?
284
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,107
MAX, ADDRESS BOOKS
ARE A DIME A DOZEN.
285
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:48,010
- DON'T TELL ME
YOU GAVE THEM THE BOOK?
- I GAVE THEM THE BOOK.
286
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:49,945
I ASKED YOU NOT TO TELL ME THAT.
287
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,613
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE, SID.
288
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:54,116
YOU NEVER FORGET A NUMBER.
DO YOU REMEMBER NANCY'S?
289
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:55,985
- I'VE GOT IT
RIGHT UP HERE?
- GOOD.
290
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:58,387
WITH THAT NUMBER, I'LL
BE ABLE TO TRACE THE GIRLS
291
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,422
AND WHEN I FIND THE
GIRLS, I'LL FIND KAOS.
292
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:03,425
AND WHEN I FIND KAOS, I'LL FIND
THAT LITTLE BLACK BOOK. RIGHT?
293
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,494
- WRONG.
- WRONG? WHAT DO YOU
MEAN "WRONG"?
294
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:08,998
I'M NOT GONNA GIVE YOU THAT NUMBER.
YOU CAUSED THOSE GIRLS ENOUGH TROUBLE.
295
00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:11,367
SID, YOU HAVE GOT TO
GIVE ME THAT NUMBER.
296
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:14,270
OUR WHOLE NATIONAL
SECURITY DEPENDS UPON IT.
297
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,272
IF I HAVE THAT
NUMBER, I MAY BE ABLE
298
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,908
- TO SAVE AMERICA FROM
A TERRIBLE CATASTROPHE.
- GOOD.
299
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:21,310
YOU SAVE AMERICA. I'VE
GOTTA GET ME A BROAD.
300
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:24,179
I'M SO LONELY.
301
00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,748
ALL RIGHT, SID. I
DIDN'T WANNA DO THIS.
302
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,640
I DIDN'T WANNA DO IT, BUT
YOU'RE FORCING ME INTO IT.
303
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,581
I'M GONNA PROVE TO YOU
THAT THIS IS IMPORTANT.
304
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:44,855
HELLO, CHIEF? UH, I'M SORRY
TO WAKE YOU AT THIS HOUR.
305
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,870
WELL, YOU SEE, A FRIEND
OF MINE THINKS I'M CRAZY.
306
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:13,695
BOY, THAT'S SOME
RIDE FOR A DIME.
307
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:16,031
TELEPHONE COMPANY
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
308
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,200
OH, HI, MAX.
309
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:20,202
HI, 99.
310
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:23,972
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET A
FRIEND OF MINE. SID, THIS IS 99.
311
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,974
HER NAME IS 99?
312
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,438
I'M VERY HAPPY TO MEET YOU, SID.
313
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,182
I GET IT, YOU OLD FOX.
314
00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:35,984
- WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- HEY, I DON'T BLAME YOU.
315
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,020
IF I HAD SOMETHING
THAT LOOKED LIKE THAT,
316
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:41,190
I'D KEEP HER UNDER LOCK AND KEY.
317
00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,654
HAS SHE GOT A SISTER?
318
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,864
UH-OH, NOW WE'RE IN FOR
IT... HERE COMES HER OLD MAN.
319
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,733
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
THAT'S THE CHIEF.
320
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,935
- HI, CHIEF.
- THIS BETTER BE
IMPORTANT, MAX,
321
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:56,227
GETTING ME DOWN HERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
322
00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:00,409
YOU SEE, CHIEF,
IT'S LIKE THIS...
323
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,878
MY BUDDY SID HERE CAME
FROM OUT OF TOWN TO VISIT ME.
324
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:05,948
AND HE FOUND THE INFORMATION
THAT MATUSIK LEFT IN MY APARTMENT...
325
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,116
IT WAS A LITTLE BLACK
PHONE BOOK. SO HE GAVE IT
326
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,785
TO A COUPLE OF KAOS
AGENTS BECAUSE...
327
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,087
HE THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A
LITTLE BLACK PHONE BOOK.
328
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,823
NOW HE WON'T GIVE ME NANCY'S
NUMBER BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BELIEVE
329
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,692
I'M A CONTROL AGENT.
HE THINKS I'M CRAZY.
330
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,393
SO I HAD TO BRING HIM DOWN HERE
331
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:21,830
SO YOU COULD TELL HIM THAT I'M A
CONTROL AGENT AND I'M NOT CRAZY.
332
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:25,494
CHIEF, TELL HIM I'M A CONTROL
AGENT AND I'M NOT CRAZY.
333
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:28,136
WOULD YOU TELL HIM
I'M A CONTROL AGENT?
334
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,805
- HE'S A CONTROL AGENT.
- Max: THERE YOU ARE, SID.
335
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:33,575
YOU SEE, I'M A CONTROL
AGENT AND SO IS THE CHIEF
336
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:36,378
AND SO IS 99. NOW,
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
337
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:39,114
I UNDERSTAND.
YOU'RE ALL BANANAS.
338
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,483
I DON'T THINK WE CAN
CONVINCE HIM, CHIEF.
339
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:44,420
- WHY DON'T
YOU TRY THE HOTLINE?
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, CHIEF.
340
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,087
TRY THE HOTLINE
TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
341
00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:47,823
NOT AT THIS TIME OF THE MORNING.
342
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:51,126
ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. I'VE ONLY
GOT THREE YEARS TO RETIREMENT.
343
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,161
BUT, CHIEF, THIS
IS AN EMERGENCY.
344
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:56,187
- IF YOU DON'T CALL, I WILL.
- I'LL CALL.
345
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:05,474
GOOD MORNING, SIR.
346
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:08,110
IT IS IMPORTANT, SIR.
347
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:11,179
YES, SIR, I KNOW I HAVE ONLY
THREE YEARS TO RETIREMENT,
348
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:14,849
BUT WELL, SIR, THIS
FRIEND OF AGENT SMART'S...
349
00:21:14,873 --> 00:21:17,653
SORRY, SIR.
350
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:20,222
ANYWAY, HIS FRIEND
HAS A PHONE NUMBER
351
00:21:20,246 --> 00:21:22,658
THAT COULD HELP US
CRACK KAOS WIDE OPEN,
352
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,761
BUT HE WON'T GIVE US THE NUMBER
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BELIEVE WHO WE ARE.
353
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,696
YES, SIR, YOU CAN TALK TO HIM.
354
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,440
HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
355
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:34,758
WHAT IS THIS, DIAL-A-COW?
356
00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:38,406
I'LL MAKE YOU FEEL AT HOME.
357
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:46,749
HELLO? YEAH.
358
00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:48,483
OH, SURE. OH, SURE YOU ARE.
359
00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:50,775
YEAH, WONDERFUL.
AND I'M SIDNEY BIRD.
360
00:21:52,712 --> 00:21:54,956
OH OH OH, ALL RIGHT, SURE...
361
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,914
YOU'RE WHO?
362
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:09,860
BLESS NIGHT... UH,
GOOD... GOOD NIGHT.
363
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:15,232
DO YOU BELIEVE US NOW, SID?
364
00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:19,548
WHAT ARE YOU
STANDING AROUND FOR?
365
00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:22,484
LET'S GET THE
BARBECUE ON THE ROLL.
366
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:25,353
YOU, OLD MAN, FOUR
COFFEE AND DANISH.
367
00:22:25,377 --> 00:22:28,357
AND YOU, MATA HARI... A
MAP AND A PHONE BOOK.
368
00:22:28,381 --> 00:22:30,859
AND YOU, DUMMY, A
PENCIL AND A PAPER.
369
00:22:30,883 --> 00:22:34,429
COME ON, HURRY UP.
LET'S MOVE IT! MOVE IT!
370
00:22:34,453 --> 00:22:37,599
LISTEN, I GOTTA TELL
YOU GUYS SOMETHING...
371
00:22:37,623 --> 00:22:41,692
I'VE NEVER MET HIM, BUT
I USE HIS BABY POWDER.
372
00:22:48,634 --> 00:22:50,145
RELAX, SID. SIT DOWN,
373
00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:52,714
MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.
374
00:22:52,738 --> 00:22:54,382
I'LL BE BACK IN A COUPLE HOURS.
375
00:22:54,406 --> 00:22:56,774
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I'M GOING ALONG.
376
00:22:59,244 --> 00:23:02,891
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
377
00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:04,893
THIS KIND OF A JOB
CALLS FOR A MAN
378
00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:07,529
WITH A COOL HEAD, STEEL NERVES
379
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:10,833
AND FANTASTIC REFLEXES.
380
00:23:10,857 --> 00:23:13,891
LISTEN, MAX, I THINK YOU'D
BETTER LET ME GO ALONG.
381
00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:23,278
SMART'S IN THERE, ALL RIGHT.
382
00:23:23,302 --> 00:23:24,946
YES, THE MAESTRO WAS RIGHT...
383
00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:27,215
- HE'S GOING AFTER THAT
LITTLE BLACK BOOK.
- HMM.
384
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:30,185
HE'S GONNA HAVE TO SETTLE
FOR A LITTLE BLACK BOX.
385
00:23:30,209 --> 00:23:32,721
I NEED HIM TO MAKE
THIS WEEK'S QUOTA.
386
00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:35,858
I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU,
SID. I'M A SECRET AGENT,
387
00:23:35,882 --> 00:23:38,160
I HAVE TO GO. BUT
WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE?
388
00:23:38,184 --> 00:23:40,295
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
WHAT'S MY ANGLE?
389
00:23:40,319 --> 00:23:42,064
I WANNA DEFEND MY COUNTRY TOO.
390
00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:44,566
AND YOU HAPPEN TO BE
MY BUDDY. AND, BESIDES,
391
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:47,825
I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT EVERY
SECRET AGENT GETS ALL THE BROADS.
392
00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:51,673
YOU'RE NOT GOING.
THAT'S IT, FORGET IT!
393
00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,341
THAT'S FINAL! YOU'RE NOT GOING!
394
00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:55,978
IF YOU DON'T TAKE ME ALONG,
I'M GONNA SPILL EVERYTHING
395
00:23:56,002 --> 00:23:57,712
I KNOW ABOUT CONTROL
HEADQUARTERS.
396
00:23:57,736 --> 00:23:59,815
ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN GO,
397
00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:03,451
BUT NO GUN. HERE.
398
00:24:03,475 --> 00:24:07,055
You're liable to get trigger-happy
and get your fool head shot off.
399
00:24:07,079 --> 00:24:09,458
Sid: Oh, great
thinking, Max. Great.
400
00:24:09,482 --> 00:24:11,748
Without a gun,
I'm a sitting duck.
401
00:24:13,319 --> 00:24:15,264
THAT MAKES ONE SITTING DUCK
402
00:24:15,288 --> 00:24:17,187
AND ONE DEAD DUCK.
30925
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