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1
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:16,193
YOUR MOVE, MAX.
2
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:20,029
CHIEF, WHEN WAS THE LAST
TIME I BEAT YOU AT CHESS?
3
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,198
YOU'VE NEVER BEATEN
ME AT CHESS, MAX.
4
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:25,268
THAT LONG AGO, EH?
5
00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:28,004
WELL, THAT SITUATION IS
ABOUT TO BE REMEDIED.
6
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,374
YOU WALKED INTO A VERY
CLEVERLY LAID TRAP, CHIEF.
7
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:33,643
NOW WATCH CAREFULLY.
8
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:37,213
I'M ABOUT TO EXECUTE
A FANTASTIC MANEUVER.
9
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:40,517
AFTER THIS MOVE, THE
GAME WILL BE OVER.
10
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:44,187
- CHECKMATE.
- JUST AS I PREDICTED.
11
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,110
THE GAME IS OVER.
12
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,227
COFFEE AND ROLLS, GENTLEMEN?
13
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:54,451
OH, YES. THANK YOU, DEVONSHIRE.
14
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:55,899
[squirts]
15
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:58,334
ACTUALLY, THAT WASN'T
THE MOVE I HAD IN MIND.
16
00:00:58,358 --> 00:01:00,336
THIS TIME I'M GOING
TO CHOP YOU JUST...
17
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,771
DON'T DRINK THAT COFFEE.
18
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,774
WAITER. HEY, YOU!
COME BACK HERE.
19
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:08,144
[crowd mutters]
20
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:11,147
- HE GOT AWAY.
- WELL, WHAT HAPPENED,
DEVONSHIRE?
21
00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:14,050
I SAW THAT SCOUNDREL POUR
SOMETHING INTO YOUR COFFEE, CHIEF.
22
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,251
ARE YOU SURE?
23
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,487
DEVONSHIRE, I'M SURE
YOU'RE IMAGINING THINGS.
24
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,890
JUST IN CASE, CHIEF,
BETTER LET ME TASTE IT.
25
00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:23,393
NO, WAIT A MINUTE, MAX.
26
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:27,296
NOW THAT'S WHAT I
CALL STRONG COFFEE.
27
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,933
THAT WAS ACID.
28
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,768
DEVONSHIRE,
YOU'VE SAVED MY LIFE.
29
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,202
HOW CAN I THANK YOU?
30
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:36,706
BY ACCEPTING MY MOST
EMBARRASSED APOLOGIES, CHIEF.
31
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,709
TO THINK A THING LIKE THIS SHOULD
HAPPEN AT THE REGENCY CLUB.
32
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:42,211
WAITER...
33
00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:45,281
MAX, THAT LOOKS LIKE
THE WORK OF KAOS.
34
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:48,418
YOU'RE RIGHT, CHIEF. IT LOOKS
LIKE THEY'RE OUT TO KILL YOU.
35
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,420
BUT DON'T WORRY. FROM NOW ON,
36
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,923
I'LL BE WITH YOU EVERY
MINUTE, DAY AND NIGHT.
37
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:55,859
IN ORDER TO GET TO YOU, THEY'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO KILL ME FIRST.
38
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,861
AW, THANK YOU, MAX.
39
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,818
WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.
40
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,656
JUST AS I THOUGHT, IT'S TICKING.
41
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:09,194
THE OLD TIME-BOMB-
IN-THE-ROLL TRICK.
42
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,049
STRANGE. I COULD HAVE
SWORN I HEARD IT TICKING.
43
00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:22,574
YOU DID, MAX. MY WATCH.
44
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,481
THAT'S FUNNY. IT'S
NOT TICKING NOW.
45
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:37,256
[theme music playing]
46
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:33,423
I DON'T MIND TELLING YOU,
MAX, I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED
47
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,925
THAT A KAOS MAN WAS ABLE
TO GET INTO THE REGENCY CLUB.
48
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:38,628
ME TOO, CHIEF. IMAGINE,
A PRIVATE CLUB LIKE THAT.
49
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,663
THERE'S NO TELLING
WHERE THEY'LL BE ABLE
50
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:42,998
TO INFILTRATE NEXT,
MAYBE EVEN THE PENTAGON.
51
00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:46,168
YOU'RE RIGHT, CHIEF. BUT EVEN IF
THEY DO GET A MAN INTO THE PENTAGON,
52
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:48,237
THAT'S NOT SAYING
HE'LL BE ABLE TO GET OUT.
53
00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:51,440
I REMEMBER ONE OF OUR OWN AGENTS
WAS LOST IN THERE FOR THREE DAYS.
54
00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:54,076
THREE DAYS? MAX, NO AGENT
COULD BE THAT CONFUSED.
55
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,946
WELL, LET'S SEE NOW. I
WENT IN ON A FRIDAY...
56
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,282
- I CAME OUT ON...
- NEVER MIND, MAX.
57
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:02,826
WATCH THE PHONE,
I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.
58
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:06,923
HELLO, CHIEF. MAX, I JUST HEARD
WHAT HAPPENED AT THE REGENCY CLUB.
59
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,725
- I'M WORRIED.
- ME TOO, 99.
60
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:12,195
THE CHIEF IS GOING TO HAVE
TO BE GUARDED DAY AND NIGHT.
61
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:14,697
WE CAN'T LET HIM OUT OF OUR
SIGHT FOR ONE SINGLE MINUTE.
62
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:17,967
BUT MAX, YOU KNOW HOW HE HATES TO
HAVE PEOPLE AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY.
63
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,303
I HAVE TO LEAVE THE
BUILDING. I'LL BE BACK SOON.
64
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:22,905
DOES HE AT LEAST HAVE A
GUN TO PROTECT HIMSELF?
65
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,975
I DON'T KNOW, 99. I'D
BETTER CHECK AND FIND OUT.
66
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:27,977
RIGHT.
67
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,547
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU
ON WITH YOUR COAT, CHIEF.
68
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,549
THANK YOU, MAX.
69
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,085
THERE YOU GO.
70
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,519
THANK YOU, GOODBYE.
71
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:38,588
BYE, CHIEF.
72
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,223
DOES HE HAVE A GUN?
73
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,624
- MM-HM.
- ARE YOU SURE?
74
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,726
POSITIVE, 99. HERE IT IS.
75
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:46,963
MAX, NOW HE HAS NO WAY
TO PROTECT HIMSELF AT ALL.
76
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,998
OH...
77
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:53,002
WELL, AT LEAST HE WON'T
SHOOT HIMSELF ACCIDENTALLY.
78
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,438
MAX, I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THE REGENCY CLUB.
79
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,873
DO YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD
IDEA FOR YOU AND THE CHIEF
80
00:04:57,897 --> 00:05:00,443
TO EXPOSE YOURSELF TO
DANGER BY PLAYING CHESS THERE?
81
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,078
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, 99.
82
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:05,515
THE REGENCY CLUB IS THE ONE PLACE
THE CHIEF AND I WILL BE ABSOLUTELY SAFE.
83
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:08,384
BESIDES, THERE'S A GOOD
MAN LOOKING OUT FOR US THERE.
84
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:12,322
- WHO'S THAT?
- GOOD OLD TRUSTWORTHY
CEDRIC DEVONSHIRE.
85
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,957
"YOU THOUGHT"?! KAOS
DOESN'T PAY YOU TO THINK.
86
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,826
YOU MEN WERE SENT HERE TO OBEY.
87
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,962
IT'S TAKEN ME YEARS TO GAIN MY
POSITION OF TRUST AT THE REGENCY CLUB.
88
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:23,566
AND IT HAS PROVEN A VERITABLE
STOCKPILE OF INFORMATION FOR KAOS.
89
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:26,268
IF THAT ASSASSINATION
ATTEMPT HAD BEEN SUCCESSFUL,
90
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:27,970
IT WOULD HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING.
91
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,873
IT WAS OUR UNDERSTANDING THAT
HEADQUARTERS ISSUED ORDERS
92
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,975
TO HAVE THE CHIEF OF
CONTROL LIQUIDATED.
93
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:36,412
GENTLEMEN, THERE
IS A PLAN IN THE WORKS
94
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,414
TO ERADICATE BOTH
THE CHIEF OF CONTROL
95
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:41,050
AND MAXWELL SMART
96
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,986
IN SUCH A WAY THAT THERE
WILL BE NO LINK TO KAOS.
97
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:47,890
I HAVE JUST COMPLETED
MY FINAL EXPERIMENT
98
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:51,027
AND IT IS AN
UNQUALIFIED SUCCESS.
99
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,029
WHAT IS "IT"?
100
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:56,432
ALL IN DUE TIME, GENTLEMEN.
101
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:59,936
TOMORROW MORNING, I WANT
MAXWELL SMART ABDUCTED
102
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,771
AND BROUGHT TO ME
103
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,494
ALIVE.
104
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,415
[gunfire]
105
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,550
DON'T KILL HIM. WE'VE
GOT TO TAKE HIM ALIVE.
106
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:17,008
MAKE HIM USE UP HIS AMMUNITION.
107
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,415
[gunfire continues]
108
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,396
HELLO, CONTROL?
109
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:29,332
Operator: What
number are you calling?
110
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,523
I'M CALLING CONTROL, OPERATOR.
111
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,338
I cannot hear you clearly, sir.
112
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:38,374
SORRY ABOUT THAT, OPERATOR.
YOU SEE, I'M IN A RUNNING GUN BATTLE.
113
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,199
WAIT A MINUTE, I'LL
PUT MY SILENCER ON.
114
00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:47,217
IS THAT BETTER OPERATOR?
115
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,818
Yes, much better, sir.
116
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,786
Now, whom do you want?
117
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,989
I'M CALLING CONTROL, OPERATOR.
118
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,858
Control?
119
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:57,793
YES, A MASTER SPY ORGANIZATION
HERE IN WASHINGTON,
120
00:06:57,817 --> 00:07:00,296
OPERATED BY THE FORCES
OF GOOD IN THE FREE WORLD
121
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,832
TO COMBAT THE FORCES
OF EVIL AND TOTALITARIANISM.
122
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,401
Would you please
spell that, sir?
123
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,570
CONTROL: C-O-N...
124
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,373
No, "totalitarianism."
125
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:13,676
OPERATOR, WOULD YOU PLEASE
HURRY? I'M IN GREAT DANGER.
126
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,145
One moment, please.
127
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,281
That number has been changed.
128
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:19,915
Have you a pencil?
129
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:23,107
OPERATOR, I'VE GOT A FANTASTIC
MEMORY. JUST GIVE ME THE NUMBER.
130
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,990
I'd prefer you to make
a note of the numbers
131
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,260
to avoid dialing incorrectly.
132
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:32,228
JUST A MINUTE.
133
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:35,030
I'VE GOT A PEN. GO
AHEAD, GIVE IT TO ME.
134
00:07:35,054 --> 00:07:39,569
The number is 5-5-5-6-2-1-3.
135
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:42,927
5-5-5-6-2-1-3.
136
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,951
What number are you dialing?
137
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,409
OPERATOR, I'M CALLING CONTROL.
138
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:01,791
You have dialed incorrectly.
139
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,261
Give me your name and address,
and your dime will be refunded.
140
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:08,831
OPERATOR, I'M
CALLING FROM MY SHOE.
141
00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:11,301
What is the number
of your shoe, sir?
142
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,269
IT'S AN UNLISTED SHOE, OPERATOR.
143
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:16,472
NEVER MIND.
144
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,541
[gun clicks]
145
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:21,566
- THAT'S IT.
- LET'S TAKE HIM.
146
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:43,766
[phone ringing]
147
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:47,036
Receptionist: CONTROL
headquarters... CONTROL headquarters.
148
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,327
SORRY, WRONG NUMBER.
149
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,744
GENTLEMEN...
150
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,268
I AM ABOUT TO ADMINISTER "IT."
151
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,784
THAT'S IT?
152
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,086
IT'S A BRAINWASHING PILL,
153
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:08,424
THE END RESULT OF 15
YEARS OF PRIVATE RESEARCH.
154
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:11,260
KAOS spy: IT'S WORKING ALREADY.
155
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:15,197
MAXWELL SMART,
AGENT 86 OF CONTROL,
156
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,900
- DO YOU HEAR ME?
- [robotically] I HEAR YOU.
157
00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:19,836
I'M ABOUT TO GIVE YOU
CERTAIN COMMANDS
158
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,405
WHICH YOU WILL CARRY OUT WITH
BLIND OBEDIENCE WHEN YOU AWAKEN,
159
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,107
THOUGH YOU WILL REMEMBER
NOTHING OF THIS CONVERSATION.
160
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:26,842
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
161
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,678
I UNDERSTAND.
162
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,780
YOU WILL PLAY CHESS
THIS EVENING AS USUAL
163
00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:33,949
WITH THE CHIEF OF CONTROL
AT THE REGENCY CLUB.
164
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:37,787
I WILL PLAY CHESS
THIS EVENING AS USUAL
165
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,657
WITH THE CHIEF OF CONTROL
AT THE REGENCY CLUB.
166
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:43,092
THE CHIEF WILL WIN, AS USUAL,
167
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:46,295
WHEN HE WINS, HE WILL
UTTER THE WORD "CHECKMATE."
168
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,798
"CHECKMATE" IS
YOUR COMMAND WORD.
169
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,367
"CHECKMATE" IS MY COMMAND WORD.
170
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,202
WHEN YOU HEAR THE
WORD "CHECKMATE,"
171
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:55,004
YOU WILL DRAW YOUR REVOLVER,
172
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:58,040
TAKE CAREFUL AIM
AND SHOOT TO KILL.
173
00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:00,342
WHEN I HEAR THE
WORD "CHECKMATE,"
174
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,712
I WILL DRAW MY REVOLVER,
175
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,380
TAKE CAREFUL AIM
176
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:07,082
- AND SHOOT TO KILL.
- GENTLEMEN,
177
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,452
IT IS NOW HIGH NOON.
178
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,220
THE EFFECTIVENESS
OF THAT PILL WILL LAST
179
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:14,123
FOR EXACTLY 12
HOURS, UNTIL MIDNIGHT.
180
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:17,026
SINCE SMART AND THE CHIEF
BEGIN THEIR CHESS GAME
181
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,028
BETWEEN 7:00 AND 8:00 TONIGHT,
182
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,363
IT WILL GIVE US MORE
THAN ENOUGH TIME.
183
00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:24,867
BUT DEVONSHIRE, WHAT IF
SMART WINS THE CHESS GAME?
184
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:29,371
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
MAXWELL SMART PLAY CHESS?
185
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:33,242
[laughing]
186
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,434
[also laughing]
187
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:45,854
HE SHOULD BE COMING
ROUND AT ANY MOMENT NOW.
188
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:48,824
IMAGINE THE SCANDAL WHEN
THE TOP AGENT OF CONTROL
189
00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:51,227
KILLS HIS OWN CHIEF
RIGHT UNDER THE NOSES
190
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:54,664
OF THE MOST IMPORTANT GOVERNMENT
OFFICIALS AT THEIR VERY OWN CLUB.
191
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:57,667
IT WILL MEAN THE END OF CONTROL
AS AN EFFECTIVE ORGANIZATION.
192
00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:00,969
AND IT WILL MEAN THE END
OF MAXWELL SMART HIMSELF,
193
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,806
AS HE WILL BE TRIED AND
EXECUTED FOR MURDER,
194
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:07,142
AND ALL BECAUSE OF A LITTLE
WHITE BRAINWASHING PILL.
195
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:09,200
- [Max grunting]
- HE'S COMING TO.
196
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,849
YOU FOOL!
197
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:15,784
WE WANTED HIM TO USE THAT PHONE
198
00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:18,321
TO CALL CONTROL SO
THEY CAN HELP HIM ESCAPE.
199
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,423
IT HAS TO LOOK AS THOUGH
HE GOT AWAY ON HIS OWN
200
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,625
- OR THE PLAN WON'T WORK.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
201
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:25,761
IF WE LET SMART GO,
CONTROL WILL BE SUSPICIOUS
202
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:28,931
AS TO WHY WE CAPTURED HIM
AND THEN LET HIM WALK OUT FREE.
203
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,466
HE'S WAKING UP.
204
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,930
COME ON. WE'VE
GOT TO GET OUT HERE.
205
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,862
[sighs]
206
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:53,188
"SOUVENIR, KAOS CONVENTION,
207
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:56,881
ATLANTIC CITY, 1923."
208
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:01,486
THIS MUST BE KAOS HEADQUARTERS.
209
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,790
THEY BROKE MY SHOE PHONE.
210
00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:31,026
ASK HIM SOME QUESTIONS
ABOUT HIS CHIEF.
211
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:34,163
THAT WILL MAKE HIM THINK WE
KIDNAPPED HIM JUST TO GET INFORMATION.
212
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:37,500
THEN FIND SOME WAY TO GIVE HIM
THESE KEYS AND LET HIM ESCAPE.
213
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,635
BUT WON'T THAT
MAKE HIM SUSPICIOUS?
214
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,304
NOT IF YOU PLAY
YOUR CARDS RIGHT.
215
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:46,275
FORTUNATELY, MAXWELL SMART
CONSIDERS HIMSELF QUITE THE LADIES' MAN.
216
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,065
[both giggling]
217
00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:55,518
WELL...
218
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,319
HELLO THERE.
219
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:59,143
HELLO THERE.
220
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,931
UH, YOU MAY CALL ME
SHIRLEY, MR. SMART.
221
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:11,233
I SEE YOU KNOW MY NAME.
222
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:14,369
ALL KAOS AGENTS KNOW THE NAME
OF THE FAMOUS MAXWELL SMART.
223
00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:16,572
TELL ME, MR. SMART...
224
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,607
YOU CAN CALL ME MAX.
225
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,243
[laughs] TELL ME, MAX...
226
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:23,478
WHERE DOES YOUR CHIEF
GO ON WEDNESDAY NIGHTS?
227
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:27,115
I'M AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE TO BE A LITTLE
MORE SPECIFIC THAN THAT, SHIRLEY.
228
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:30,118
- WHAT WEDNESDAY NIGHT?
- HOW ABOUT NEXT
WEDNESDAY NIGHT?
229
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,120
YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME.
230
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,156
THAT'S CLASSIFIED INFORMATION.
231
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:37,560
THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING
NEXT WEDNESDAY NIGHT, MAXIE?
232
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,562
MAYBE WE COULD DO IT TOGETHER.
233
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,597
I'M AFRAID NOT. YOU
SEE I'M GUARDING
234
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:44,399
THE CHIEF AT A CONCERT
NEXT WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
235
00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:47,036
HOW ABOUT ANOTHER
NIGHT THEN, MAXIE,
236
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,471
AT YOUR PLACE?
237
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:53,397
I'M SORRY, BUT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO
HAVE ANY KAOS AGENTS AT MY PLACE.
238
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:06,589
HOW ABOUT YOUR PLACE?
239
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:09,124
HERE'S MY PHONE NUMBER.
240
00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:12,683
AND HERE ARE THE
KEYS TO THE CELL.
241
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,966
CALL ME WHEN YOU ESCAPE.
242
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,657
GOODBYE, MAXIE.
243
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:27,564
IT GETS EASIER ALL THE TIME.
244
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,126
HE THREW THOSE
KEYS OUT THE WINDOW.
245
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,995
GET DOWNSTAIRS
AND RETRIEVE THEM.
246
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,986
SHIRLEY, GET BACK IN THERE.
247
00:14:51,323 --> 00:14:53,335
NOW WHY DID YOU
THROW THOSE KEYS AWAY?
248
00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:54,770
ARE YOU KIDDING?
249
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,672
YOU DIDN'T REALLY
EXPECT ME TO FALL
250
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,575
- FOR THE OLDEST TRICK
IN THE WORLD, DID YOU?
- WHAT TRICK?
251
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,844
I PUT THE KEY IN THE LOCK
252
00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:04,247
AND PFFFT, 5,000 VOLTS.
253
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,803
[groans]
254
00:15:13,512 --> 00:15:16,058
TAKE THAT TRAY OF FOOD IN
TO HIM, THEN TURN YOUR BACK.
255
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,194
LET HIM OVERPOWER
YOU SO HE CAN ESCAPE.
256
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,262
IT'S MY LUNCH.
257
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:24,288
PERHAPS YOU WOULD RATHER
DO WITHOUT LUNCH PERMANENTLY?
258
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,259
[clears throat]
259
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,609
YOUR LUNCH, MR. SMART.
260
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:43,775
MMM. THAT SMELLS DELICIOUS.
261
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:48,824
I WONDER IF YOU'D MIND
TASTING THAT FOR ME?
262
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,682
NOT AT ALL.
263
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,297
TASTES ALL RIGHT TO ME.
264
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,432
OH, GO AHEAD, HAVE ANOTHER BITE.
265
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,456
SURE, THANKS.
266
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,913
- [plate breaks]
- WHAT DID YOU DO
THAT FOR?
267
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:13,515
BECAUSE THAT'S THE SECOND
OLDEST TRICK IN THE WORLD.
268
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,885
- WHAT IS?
- WELL, YOU TASTE
THE FOOD,
269
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:17,653
GO NEXT DOOR AND
TAKE AN ANTIDOTE
270
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,155
FOR THE POISON
YOU JUST SWALLOWED
271
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,790
AND I'M LEFT HERE
TO DIE LIKE A DOG.
272
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:23,547
NO, THANK YOU.
273
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,600
YOU GET IN THERE
AND HELP HIM ESCAPE.
274
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:32,802
- HOW?
- HOW?
275
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,804
I DON'T KNOW HOW.
USE YOUR INGENUITY.
276
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:37,973
MAYBE IF WE ALL JUST WENT
IN THERE AND SURRENDERED.
277
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,264
GET IN THERE.
278
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,753
- ALL RIGHT, MISTER...
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT...
279
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,155
OKAY, MR. SMART.
YOU GOT ME COVERED.
280
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,958
THIS? BUT THIS IS ONLY A FINGER.
281
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:58,060
YOU CAN'T FOOL ME, MR. SMART.
282
00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:01,330
THAT'S A FINGER GUN, A GUN
THAT LOOKS LIKE A FINGER.
283
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,654
NO, IT ISN'T. LOOK,
IT'S ONLY A FINGER.
284
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:09,861
YOU'RE RIGHT, MR. SMART.
IT'S ONLY A FINGER.
285
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:17,646
COME ON, SMART. USE THAT
FABULOUS BRAIN OF YOURS.
286
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:20,537
THERE MUST BE A WAY OUT OF HERE.
287
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:33,195
HE'S TRYING TO DIG HIS WAY OUT
288
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,330
THROUGH THE
CONCRETE WITH A SPOON.
289
00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:37,800
THAT WILL TAKE HIM
SEVEN YEARS TO ESCAPE.
290
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:39,601
GET IN THERE AND HELP HIM.
291
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:42,404
- HOW?
- HOW? I DON'T KNOW HOW.
292
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:44,774
TAKE HIM FOR A RIDE AND
LET HIM ESCAPE, ANYTHING.
293
00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:46,730
BUT GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
294
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,480
HMM. I'M WORRIED ABOUT 86.
295
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:54,583
I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM HOURS
AGO AND I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ALL DAY.
296
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:57,086
99: MAX, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
297
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,922
- JUST BARELY.
- Chief: WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN, MAX?
298
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:02,524
CHIEF, YOU WON'T BELIEVE
IT. YOU JUST WON'T BELIEVE IT.
299
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:04,693
THE MOST INCREDIBLE
THING HAPPENED TO ME.
300
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,495
I WAS JUMPED BY TWO KAOS AGENTS
301
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,230
IN BROAD DAYLIGHT IN AN ALLEY,
302
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:11,133
RENDERED UNCONSCIOUS,
TAKEN TO KAOS HEADQUARTERS,
303
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:13,702
INTERROGATED UNMERCIFULLY
ABOUT YOUR ACTIVITIES...
304
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,537
WITHOUT REVEALING
A THING, CHIEF...
305
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:17,706
THEN I MADE THE MOST
FANTASTIC ESCAPE
306
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,876
WITH THE USE OF KARATE AND
JUMPING FROM A MOVING CAR.
307
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,945
MAX, THAT SOUNDS
ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE.
308
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:26,882
OH? WHICH PART, CHIEF?
MAYBE I COULD CHANGE IT.
309
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:29,051
MAX, IF YOU WERE IN
KAOS HEADQUARTERS,
310
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:31,654
THEN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE
TO TELL US WHERE IT'S LOCATED.
311
00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:34,156
EH... YES.
312
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:37,025
WELL, AS A MATTER
OF FACT, 99, I...
313
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,560
AS A MATTER OF FACT WHAT?
314
00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:41,062
WELL, CHIEF, YOU DON'T
EXPECT ME TO TALK ABOUT IT
315
00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:42,964
RIGHT OUT HERE IN
THE OPEN LIKE THIS?
316
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:44,666
AFTER ALL, IT IS TOP SECRET.
317
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,668
I DEMAND THE CONE OF SILENCE.
318
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:49,337
- MAX, DO WE HAVE TO?
- OF COURSE,
319
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:52,007
WITH CLASSIFIED
INFORMATION LIKE THIS.
320
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:55,098
ALL RIGHT, THE CONE OF SILENCE.
321
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,184
[echoing] WELL, MAX?
322
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,520
[echoing] WHAT, CHIEF?
323
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,555
WHERE IS IT?
324
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,891
WHAT?
325
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,326
HEADQUARTERS.
326
00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:13,161
HEADQUARTERS?
327
00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:15,130
KAOS.
328
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,666
OH, KAOS.
329
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,668
I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
330
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,469
WHAT'S THE MATTER, CHIEF?
331
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,605
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
DIDN'T YOU HEAR THAT ECHO?
332
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,040
DIDN'T I HEAR WHAT?
333
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:26,909
ECHO ECHO ECHO!
334
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:29,567
OH YES. I HEARD IT THAT TIME.
335
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:39,121
LET'S HOPE THE CHIEF SAYS THE
FATAL WORD "CHECKMATE" QUICKLY.
336
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:42,557
THAT PILL IS DUE TO LOSE
IT'S EFFECTIVENESS AT 12:00.
337
00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:45,027
OKAY. WE'LL WAIT OUTSIDE.
338
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:46,762
IF WE DON'T HEAR
A SHOT BY 12:00,
339
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,663
WE'LL KNOW SOMETHING'S
GONE WRONG.
340
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,866
WE'LL COME BACK IN AND
TAKE CARE OF IT OUR WAY.
341
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,202
NOTHING CAN GO WRONG.
342
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:54,970
IT BETTER NOT.
343
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:58,114
NOW YOU TWO GET OUT OF
HERE BEFORE SMART SEES YOU.
344
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,949
- GOOD EVENING, CHIEF.
- EVENING.
345
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:09,218
SMART. YOUR TABLE IS ALL READY.
346
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:11,408
GOOD. THANK YOU.
347
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,859
HAVE AN ENJOYABLE
GAME, GENTLEMEN.
348
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,727
THANK YOU, DEVONSHIRE.
349
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,763
- YOU READY, MAX?
- NOT QUITE, CHIEF.
350
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:23,265
OH, I'VE BEEN WONDERING
WHAT YOU HAD IN THAT PACKAGE.
351
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:25,300
AFTER THE LAST TIME YOU BEAT ME,
352
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,302
I DECIDED TO TAKE
POSITIVE ACTION.
353
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,972
"HOW TO PLAY CHESS
354
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,841
IN SIX EASY LESSONS"?
355
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,344
YES, WRITTEN BY AN
EIGHT-YEAR-OLD CHAMPION,
356
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:38,414
AND SO SIMPLE EVEN A
CHILD CAN UNDERSTAND IT.
357
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,182
YOUR MOVE, MAX.
358
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:42,684
DON'T RUSH ME, CHIEF.
359
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:45,287
[clears throat]
360
00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:47,956
"CHESS IS A VERY
EASY GAME TO LEARN.
361
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,458
IN THIS BOOK YOU WILL
FIND ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW
362
00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:52,460
TO PLAY, TO ENJOY THE GAME
363
00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:56,020
AND TO HOLD YOUR OWN AGAINST
OTHER FRIENDS WHO PLAY CHESS."
364
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,127
STILL YOUR MOVE, MAX.
365
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:15,717
CONGRATULATIONS. IT'S
ONLY BEEN 45 MINUTES
366
00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:18,821
AND ALREADY YOU'VE
MADE YOUR FIRST MOVE.
367
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:21,256
I WAS NOT AWARE,
SIR, THAT SPEEDY PLAY
368
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,159
WAS INSTRUMENTAL IN THE FINAL
DECISION OF A GAME OF CHESS.
369
00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:26,695
IT ISN'T, 86. THE ONLY
THING THAT CONCERNS ME
370
00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:28,263
IS THAT I'M NOT A YOUNG MAN.
371
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,520
YOUR MOVE.
372
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,912
IT'S YOUR MOVE, MAX.
373
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:46,548
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
CHIEF? WORRIED?
374
00:21:46,572 --> 00:21:48,450
AFRAID I'M GOING TO
WIN MY FIRST GAME?
375
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,876
NO, I'M AFRAID THIS IS
GOING TO BE MY LAST GAME.
376
00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:02,030
MOVE, YOU FOOL.
377
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:04,032
MAKE A MOVE.
378
00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:06,735
I COULD MOVE MY KNIGHT HERE
379
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:09,605
OR MY QUEEN THERE.
380
00:22:09,629 --> 00:22:11,740
NO.
381
00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:15,432
AREN'T YOUR EYES GETTING
TIRED FROM SO MUCH READING, MAX?
382
00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:19,515
OH, HERE'S AN INTERESTING
CHAPTER, CHIEF.
383
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:21,419
"HOW TO WEAR DOWN
YOUR OPPONENT."
384
00:22:34,453 --> 00:22:36,386
[ticking]
385
00:22:42,127 --> 00:22:43,972
WE COULD FINISH
THE GAME BY MAIL.
386
00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:46,975
DO YOU MIND, CHIEF?
387
00:22:46,999 --> 00:22:49,344
[whispering]
388
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,346
PLEASE DEVONSHIRE,
THIS IS ONE GAME
389
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:54,115
I'D LIKE TO WIN
WITHOUT ANY HELP.
390
00:22:54,139 --> 00:22:55,717
THAT'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT, MAX.
391
00:22:55,741 --> 00:22:58,008
GET ALL THE HELP YOU CAN.
392
00:23:00,279 --> 00:23:01,656
AHA.
393
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,458
JUST AS I THOUGHT.
394
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:06,294
AFTER THIS MOVE,
YOU'LL BE IN A TRAP
395
00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:08,864
FROM WHICH YOU WILL BE
UNABLE TO EXTRICATE YOURSELF.
396
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,198
GOOD, WHEN YOU SAY THAT,
397
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,462
I ALWAYS KNOW I'M ABOUT TO WIN.
398
00:23:13,692 --> 00:23:15,759
- THANK YOU, MAX, THAT'S...
- CHECKMATE!
399
00:23:16,862 --> 00:23:18,840
[groans]
400
00:23:18,864 --> 00:23:21,343
YOU JUST SHOT
DEVONSHIRE! WHAT FOR?
401
00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:24,112
I DON'T KNOW, CHIEF.
402
00:23:24,136 --> 00:23:27,404
BUT BELIEVE ME, I'D BETTER
HAVE A DARNED GOOD REASON.
403
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,692
IN OTHER WORDS, CHIEF, USING
THEIR DIABOLICAL BRAINWASHING PILL,
404
00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:39,694
KAOS PROGRAMMED ME TO SHOOT YOU
405
00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:42,330
- THE MINUTE YOU
SAID THE FATAL WORD.
- PRECISELY.
406
00:23:42,354 --> 00:23:45,099
WHEN DEVONSHIRE FORGOT
HIMSELF AND SAID THE WORD FIRST,
407
00:23:45,123 --> 00:23:47,969
YOU WERE MERELY REACTING TO
THE COMMAND GIVEN YOU EARLIER.
408
00:23:47,993 --> 00:23:51,506
MAX, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW SORRY
I AM ABOUT DOUBTING YOUR STORY.
409
00:23:51,530 --> 00:23:54,876
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
CHIEF, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.
410
00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:56,645
SAY, CHIEF, I GOT A GOOD IDEA.
411
00:23:56,669 --> 00:23:59,815
WHY DON'T WE PLAY A LITTLE GAME OF
CHINESE CHECKERS JUST TO UNWIND?
412
00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:01,349
FINE. ANY GAME AT ALL,
413
00:24:01,373 --> 00:24:04,693
SO LONG AS IT DOESN'T END
WITH THE WORD "CHECKMATE."
414
00:24:06,178 --> 00:24:07,210
MAX!
415
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:16,665
UH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, CHIEF.
416
00:24:16,689 --> 00:24:19,190
THERE'S NOTHING HARDER
TO SHAKE THAN A BAD HABIT.
417
00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:25,562
[theme music playing]
31359
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