All language subtitles for D1 A&E AdventuresWithTheBaumgartners 2017

Mom! It's my wife!

I'm 18 now.

Remember? Yes, I know. I'm just saying,
give it a little more time. You know

this guy for what? Two months? Two and a
half.

Oh, hi.

Hi, Paige.

Would you like some coffee or some eggs?

Nothing.

I don't have time.

Tyler's coming to pick me up.

Okay.

I need some coffee.

Here you go.

Thank you.

So, what are you and Tyler doing today?

Just hanging out.

At his apartment.

Maybe. I don't understand what the
problem is.

You said he's a great guy.

You heard her say that, didn't you, Miss
B? Don't drag her into this. The

problem is, you want to live in with
this guy after knowing him for only two

months. I still don't understand what
the problem is. Look, just wait till

father gets back in town, and then we'll
make a decision.

It's not your decision, Mom.

Hey, guys. Sorry I'm a little late.

the kitchen, Gretchen.

Hi. Hi.

Are the kids ready?

Yes. They're very excited.

Me too. The polar bears are my favorite.

I hear the butterfly house is awesome.

It is.

Do you want to come?

I can.

My boyfriend's come to pick me up.

Well, he can come too.

Why can't you all go? Sounds like fun.
Yeah. I mean, I can ask Kai, but I don't

know if we have any plans today.

Um, Just give me a second. Let me see.

Oh, it's Ronnie.

Oh.

How is she? Is she still looking for a
summer job?

Yeah.

I'm glad I can have a good meeting.

I'd like to talk about him.

He's had a deceptionist forever, and I'm
sorry he just doesn't have any room for

anybody else right now.

Okay, I'm sure she'll find something.

Well, has she looked into fast food?

Last resort.

I don't blame her.

I remember I tried fast food one summer.

Never again.

Well, she may have to.

Either that or we're going to have to
find a roommate to make rent.

She's had a lot of interviews, but no
one really seems to be hiring for the

summer anyway.

And she has another year of school.

Sounds like a really difficult solution,
then.

Yeah, I just wish I knew someone.

I don't like doing ads and interviews.
There's a lot of weirdos out there.

Hmm. I have an idea.

What if he each moves in with you guys?
Huh?

That's perfect.

You'd be much better off being one of
the two girls in need, and then when

father manages to close down his medical
practice in New York, we can discuss

other options. Mom!

It's a perfect idea.

Living with Gretchen and Ronnie, you can
learn how to live life a little bit.

What about Ren? How am I supposed to
cover that?

Honey, I'm sure your father will be
happy to help, given you stick to the

and go to the university in the fall.

I'm up for it.

I'm sure Ronnie will be, too.

Well?

I mean, I'll think about it.

That must be Tyler.

I've got to go.

Well, hey, at least think about it.
We're going with girls. This could be a

of fun. Yeah, I'll think about it.

Is this a burden?

Maybe. I hope so, anyway.

Wow.

If you hold on too tight, things seem to
get more difficult.

If you just let her go, let her have her
freedom, it won't be so hard.

I only adopted Paige when she was 10,
and the last eight years have just flown

by, and I just worry we haven't given
her what she needs to make responsible

decisions.

And honestly, I don't feel a lot easier
explaining to Ari how we were doing with

you, Gretchen, than with Tyler.

He's overprotective.

Understandable. Yeah, I have to admit,
though,

Having the house owner adult again is
very appealing.

I don't think it's selfish at all.

I do believe that Paige is right,
though.

I mean, she is an adult, and she still
needs her mother's guidance, but it is

time that she spreads her wings and
flies.

Well, if I'm with her flying, it's one
that's not too far from the boy.

Well, if she's anything like her mother.

She can get in trouble with girls, too.

Thank you.

Oh,

you have to wake up all day?

Yes.

Amazing.

And I have to go, too.

You think I planned it that way?

I'm gonna have to shave you. Oh.

Doc likes it bare.

Are you ready to share me with him?

Of course I am.

You know Doc.

He looks like he cares for me ever since
he's been dead.

Just waiting.

But I meant, are you ready to share with
me?

I'm interested in me. It is.

Are you saying you don't want to be with
me?

Are you kidding?

I'm ready if you are.

Make sure to leave a little on top,
though.

Mix the carpet to match the joists.

I haven't done this in so long.

Look at this thing.

It's going to be so much fun.

Don't I know it?

Surprise me.

You're so

fab. We stuck you right now.

We're finally coming through now.

It's beautiful to see her.

It's almost the same. Do you think at
all?

I'll go back real quick.

Don't worry about that.

Amazing, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Thank you.

I can feel everything.

Let me admire my work.

Oh my gosh.

Ha ha ha.

Baby smooth.

Thank you.

God,

you're gonna get me so wet.

Such a tease.

Yes.

Fucking beautiful down there.

Oh, fuck. That's so beautiful.

Oh,

my

God. Oh, fuck.

You know, it's coming just right.

That's where Gretchen gets back from the
civil.

Oh, I almost

forgot.

I had an appointment to see two houses
today.

You did?

Yeah. Oh.

And I think Ari's going to love the
first house.

I just wish she was here to see it with
us.

You can send the links to it if you like
what you see.

We have to find you a house.

Not that we wouldn't have happily stay
with us here.

I thought Doc didn't like seeing you
with other guys.

He might make an exception.

Mm -hmm.

He already did once.

Right.

What a night that was.

I mean, I never imagined that Ari and I
would become a couple and fall in love

after a wild time.

Goodness. Yeah.

I believe it.

I'm a romantic at heart.

I like three thumbs. And two thumbs.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm
-hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm
-hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm
-hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm
-hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Who is that, your mom again?

My trainer.

Oh.

I swear I changed my appointment to 9 a
.m.

He thought it was for 7.

It's 7?

Too early.

That's what I told him.

Is he how?

Offense?

Uh, I mean, I guess you could say I
wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating

crackers.

Is that another one of your mom's
phrases?

Hey, you kicked me out of the bed for
eating crackers.

It's just an expression.

So you like him?

What is this, 20 questions?

Just two so far.

I mean, sure, I like him.

He's sweet.

He's funny.

And hot.

I mean, yeah, of course he's hot.

He's a trainer.

That's what I thought.

Are you jealous?

No.

I had a dream.

Oh, did you?

Was it yummy?

Delicious.

Okay, you have to tell me about it.

Well, I don't remember all of it.

I just was watching you kiss some guy.

And that turned you on?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, my God. You are the most bi girl I
have ever known.

Besides Mrs. B.

Mrs. B loves everyone, okay?

Well, not everybody.

She loves you.

Not like she loves you.

You want to get in their bed, don't you?

Well,

I wouldn't be eating crackers in it.

I don't know. I just feel like it's a
waste of a good nanny.

Like, you were their babysitter, and
look at the fun that they had with you.

You're so insatiable.

I love it.

I do.

Oh my God.

Yes.

Amen.

You love him so much.

Fuck.

I'm taking up for real.

I just want to stay in bed now.

Well, you can't.

But I need to go to work.

need to get a job.

I have another interview tomorrow.

Too bad the Baumgarners don't need two
nannies.

Yeah, like one for each kid?

Yeah, like one for Doc, one for Carrie,
and then they can just quit.

You know, my mom's not going to pay my
half of the rent forever.

What do you think about getting a
roommate?

My only problem with that...

Maybe a lack of privacy.

Yeah, you do like to make loud noises.

I love your loud noises.

Well, anyway, Vince City might be able
to get me a job at the gym.

Apparently they're hiring for Inception.

I mean, do you really want to spend more
time at the gym?

You don't need it, though.

Come on, I can look at a cookie and gain
10 pounds.

I think you just like getting all hot
and sweaty with Vince.

I have to get my exercise somehow.

Well, I like to get my exercise in other
ways.

Looked in the shower

My favorite.

Yeah, me too.

Hey, y 'all intact?

Hardly. Made my bed.

Love the fresh, clean sheets, but I
don't know how long they'll stay clean.

So, do you mind if Tyler comes over
tonight?

Um, we don't mind, just as long as we
keep the noise level down, especially

I have to study.

Yeah, just be considerate.

I'll bite my pillow.

Wow, did you pick this at the zoo?

Girl, you should be professional.

Forget about being a nanny.

I keep telling her.

Hey, I'm hungry.

Do y 'all want to order takeout?

My treat.

No, we can pay her half.

No, I really want to. My mom gave me
loads of cash.

She's creaming in her jeans, basically,
because I'm moving in with y 'all

instead of Ty.

It's not like he isn't going to be here
all the time.

Well, I hope he doesn't get jealous of
the hot pizza guy who delivers here.

No, Ty won't mind. We've already
experimented with another guy.

Oh, really?

Yeah, with his roommate Aiden.

Ty and I have an open relationship.

Oh, yeah.

Most people don't.

Well, we do.

That's one of the reasons why Ty and I
fell in love so fast.

How many guys would be willing to share,
you know?

A lot of them.

Okay, not all of them.

Some guys might want to just keep you
out of themselves.

Selfish if you ask me.

Besides, do you know how hot it is to
share your lover with someone else?

I bet.

But I know some people aren't into it.

Ty's roommate got in trouble.

Oh, how?

His girlfriend found out.

She was totally possessive and jealous.

Now she's given Aiden an ultimatum to
move out of Ty's place and in with her.

Which, frankly, I wouldn't mind because
then when he moves out, we'd have the

place to ourselves.

Interesting.

I do want to know something.

Hmm.

How did you know that Ty's the one, that
Ty's the guy that you want to, you

know, just live together?

Real adult.

You know, it's just one of those things
when you're with the right guy, you're

like, oh, this is how it's supposed to
feel.

Um, girl.

Girl or a guy.

Yeah. So you're bi then.

I mean, as well as open.

I mean, I'm an equal opportunity kind of
girl.

By the way, is it okay if I invite over
Tyler for movies and pizza?

Sure. Um, what movie?

Knowing Him.

Probably something with a lot of action.

What the fuck?

I don't know.

Come on. Oh, my God. Talk about fucking
horny.

Yeah, I felt like they were going to do
it right here. I know.

Wait. Oh my God, do you hear?

You need to thank Ronnie for getting
Bill to the gym.

Uh, well, actually, it was Vince that
hooked you guys up.

Oh, hey.

Anything for Ronnie.

What's up, Vince?

Hi.

Hi there.

Hi there. Yeah, hi there.

So, I think, uh, is Gretchen in here?

No, she's working a full day.

But, anyway, since I'm still unemployed,
going to the gym is a luxury that I can

no longer...

Well, what kind of job are you looking
for?

Anything at this point.

I mean, I've got lots of experience with
kids and secretarial skills from

working summers at my dad's office.

Well, there might be an opening at work.
There's a lady going on maternity

leave. She's going to be gone.

Pretty soon. I don't know how long.

So it'd just be a part -time thing?
That'd be perfect, because I go back to

school in the fall.

I'll get the info for you.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Okay, guys, I thought I heard voices.

Hey.

Are you okay?

I thought you were working full day.

Well, I was, but then my car died and
Doc tried to fix it and tried to take me

to the shop, but obviously I could not
afford that.

I bet the bong earners will try to pay
for it.

I guess.

Hey, why don't you sit down? This is
Vince, my personal trainer.

Hi. Hi.

So this is the hot trainer you always
tell me about.

You must be Gretchen, then, yeah? Cool,
yeah. It's good to finally meet you. She

talks about you a lot. Good to finally
put a face to the name.

Yeah. So, anyway, Tyler says that there
might be an opening in the office that

he's working at.

So, hopefully I'll have a job soon.

Cool. Yeah.

Okay.

Well, I'm going to go change my clothes
now.

My mom was on maternity leave once.

All right.

Yep. That's Gretch.

Gretch.

Hey, how about we order some food? I'm
cool with not watching any more fashion

movies as long as it's not a chick
flick.

Hey, I'm with you there, man.

And can we just order it fast?

Because I'm starving here.

Well, I have a pizza menu.

No. What about Chinese?

They have vegetables on the menu.

I want chicken.

Yeah, there's... Yeah.

It's like a big rotisserie chicken.

A rotisserie chicken?

I like pizza. Dude, after our gym days
and stuff, we need gains of protein.

Yeah. I don't think either of those will
be good. Pizza stands for protein.

Does it?

Is pizza Italian for protein?

No, I is for iron.

Z is for zinc.

Oh, what's the other Z for? There's a
lot of zinc. There's a shit ton of zinc.

And the A.

Zebra meat.

And the egg is higher.

Yes, yes, I've heard that. I've heard
that.

Okay. How are we going to get a Chinese
pizza?

They do have a great Chinese pizza place
down the street. It's really good. What

are you guys even talking about? I have
no idea.

I got green beans to make a pizza.

Is it true?

Hook that shit up. I'll get some crap.

Yo, some of this shit is spicy. I don't
eat spicy food.

Hold on, you can go home.

You can stop dropping food on my top.

Whoa. Wait, what did you just say?

I said you can stop dropping food on my
top.

It's not like I didn't have enough
fucking pussy already.

Your hat's in a good place. Your hat is
in a good place.

There you go, baby.

There you go.

There's something in me that I just feel
like if somebody else does it, I'd

regret it. Like, there'd be a part of me
that would hate it, but I would just be

like, uh.

Yeah.

Like, all right. I'm going to do it.

Do you guys want more cookies?

Hey, I was going to give you one.

Oh, God.

Okay, mine says, every exit is an
entrance to a new experience.

What does yours say?

Love is on the horizon.

He will be tall, dark, and handsome.

What?

That's what it says?

Two out of three ain't bad.

What does yours say, then?

Do what you wish,

as long as you don't harm others.

Okay. Oh,

you smashed my cookie from me.

Oh. Oh. Oh, shit.

I'll give it back.

Mine says, a pleasant surprise in store
for you soon.

Didn't mean all day.

Oh, succumbed to my evil plan.

I did.

The message was fucking hot.

You know, we don't have to waste this
much time doing this.

You know, you could just move in with me
now.

I'm sick of just, like, sneaking around
your roommate's back.

It's like, this is so much extra effort
when we could just be together and not

have to hide it anymore, you know?

I know, I know.

And I hate hating, too.

I told Christian everything this
morning, anyway.

I loved everything.

Really? And so she's okay with you
moving out?

Um, I don't know how she feels about
anything. She's really good at hating

she really feels.

I wish I could stay, but I got that
presentation in the morning and all my

stuff's gone. I know.

Has Aiden thought about moving out yet?

Like a date?

No, but hopefully soon.

Hopefully soon, okay?

Okay.

I love you, baby.

Hey.

So, uh, you and Vince?

Yeah.

So much.

Yeah.

What about Gretchen?

Do you think she knows?

Well, it sort of just happened.

You mean the first time that y 'all
kissed?

Yeah.

Wow.

I know.

Please don't say anything to Gretchen.

I'll tell her myself when the time is
right.

You know, I think she kind of already
knows.

Really? Is it that obvious?

Yeah. You were more obvious than a boner
in a sweatpants.

Okay. Don't worry about Gretchen.

Gretchen would not mind sharing.

Yeah.

Maybe she wouldn't mind.

Don't look so bummed. It's only one
night without Tyler.

Yeah. Let's just have a girls' night and
watch a bunch of chick flicks. That

sounds awesome!

Sorry, guys. I'm just super excited. I
have work next week.

How come?

Well, the Baumgartner kids, they have
summer camp all week long.

Are the Baumgartners going anywhere?

No.

The Baumgartners don't have to go
anywhere to have fun.

True that.

So, what are we in the mood for tonight?

Laughing?

Crying, being terrified.

Did y 'all know my parents are in an
open relationship?

Thanks a lot.

Yeah. Meaning?

No, just you being open.

I didn't know until recently that the
Baumgartners helped my parents adopt me,

and now I look at them differently.

I have heard my parents talking about
this night that the four of them had,

and... It's apparent that Carrie and
them still have chemistry.

Wow.

Have you ever been with the
Baumgartners?

Well, not me.

Not yet, anyway.

What?

One week in QF.

You're so lucky.

Dog gets so hot.

And Carrie.

I mean, who wouldn't want to be with
them?

I wouldn't want to.

Not after knowing about all of that.

Yeah, I mean, it was a great week, but I
couldn't live my life that way.

I could.

I could, too.

I'm doing it with Ty.

And you really don't feel any jealousy?

No.

I know Tyler loved me.

I mean, look at the Baumgartners and my
parents.

They've been together for a long, long
time.

Monogamous couples get divorced because
someone ends up cheating, but if you are

open, it's not considered cheating,
right? But agreed to.

And you don't mind sharing him?

Well, I actually haven't shared him.

I've only been with Aiden, so
technically, he's sharing me.

Well, I'm sure you'd get jealous if you
saw him with another girl.

I don't think so. I mean, have you seen
him?

He's so fine.

I think watching him with another girl
would be incredibly sexy.

Actually, I have seen him.

You left the door open the other night.

Did you like what you saw?

Hell yeah.

That boy is built.

If you really want to try to be in an
open relationship, maybe you should test

your theory.

I mean, that makes sense.

What are you proposing?

Well, of course I would volunteer to be
the test subject, but maybe we both

could do it.

Oh, yeah?

Do you think Tyler would be into that?

Tyler would love to see me and two other
girls together.

Wait, but first, I think we should make
sure all three of us are

compatible.

You gotta see what you're looking at.

I'm here.

Oh.

Mmm!

It's fucking good.

Don't.

Ooh.

I hope so.

Love is on the horizon.

He will be tall, dark, and handsome.

What?

That's what it said?

Oh, do we have ones that we're supposed
to say?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I thought we were
actually going to say it.

No, no, no.