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Season 12 Episode 8
"The China Probrem"
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Welcome to the televised broadcast
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of the Olympic Opening
Ceremonies from Beijing.
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Thousands of Chinese performers
playing ancient Chinese drums.
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The precision of their movements
made even more impressive
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by their massive numbers.
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No! The Chinese...
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No! Somebody has to stop them!
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No! No!
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Eric? Sweetie, are you having
nightmares about the Chinese again?
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They're gonna... take over the world!
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Too many of them.
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No! Leave us alone!
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No...!
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No... No!
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Sweetiekins, are you all right?
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Mom, the Chinese are gonna get me.
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No, the Chinese aren't going to get you.
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They are so!
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There's two million of them
and their economy is getting better
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and with their advances in technology
they're gonna bring down America.
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All right. Guys, we need to talk.
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You know, we can all pretend that we
didn't see those opening ceremonies but,
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the Chinese... are very real.
We've gotta do something.
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Are we just gonna pretend
America is going to be okay?
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Are we just going to... wait
until they've taken over the world?
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I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this.
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I'm not doing this.
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Kyle, you're supposed to tell
Cartman he's being racist or something?
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Yeah he's an idiot
but I'm sorry, I just...
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I can't do this anymore, okay? I...
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I can't do this anymore!
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(Damn.)
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Kyle.
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Kyle, you can't keep doing this.
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You know what, at some point,
you've got to let this go.
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Yeah? Well... maybe
you can forget what happened,
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but I... can't.
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Look, what happened, happened.
We can't change it now.
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- We have to move on.
- Move on?
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Our friend was raped, Stan!
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He was raped, and we all
stood there and did nothing!
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There was nothing we could do, Kyle!
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There was nothing we could do.
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We had to get out of there.
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Did we?
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- Maybe we could have stopped them!
- How?
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I dream about it every night.
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Every time I close my eyes
I see us just running away,
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running while they rape him
over and over again.
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And because we did nothing...
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they got away.
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You can't keep torturing yourself
like this, Kyle. Let it... go.
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I'm... glad... that you guys
can just keep living.
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I don't think I can.
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God damnit.
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Lu lu lu, I've got some splish-splash.
Lu lu lu, splish-splashy more...
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- There you are, Butters!
- Eric.
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- Butters, I need your help.
- Not now, Eric, I'm indecent.
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The Chinese are gonna
take us over, Butters!
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And we are the only
people who seem to care!
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The Chinese?
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I handed out fliers, called
together meetings, but it's like...
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everyone's turning a blind eye.
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The Chinese are taking over
the world and nobody's doing anything!
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It's up to you and me, Butters.
We have to stop the Chinese now.
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I can't stop tonight, I'm supposed to
make a model car with my dad.
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You don't get it Butters!
Our lives are about to change!
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The Chinese outnumber
us a million to one.
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And when their army gets here,
they'll kill your parents!
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Why are they gonna kill my parents?
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Because the Chinese hate Americans!
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That's why I've started:
the American Liberation Front.
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A group dedicated to freeing
America from Chinese tyranny.
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Will you join me?
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I don't want my parents to die.
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So you'll join the
American Liberation Front?
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- Sure.
- You and me:
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we're going to be the brave
little boys who fought back, Butters.
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We are not letting
them take over our country.
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Fuck the Chinese.
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Yeah, fuck them.
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No... No! No...
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No, we... No, we have to stop them!
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They're raping him. Rape!
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- Let's get out of here!
- We can't just leave!
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- Come on!
- It's horrible!
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- Oh God!
- Somebody do something!
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Why are they doing this?
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They're just taking Indiana
Jones and they're... they're raping him!
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I can't watch!
Let's get out of here Kyle!
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Why would Spielberg and Lucas do this?
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Come on let's go!
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- Why are they doing this?
- Just run!
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Oh God, what have they done?
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Why aliens? Aliens don't
belong in an Indiana Jones movie?
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Come on, dude!
There's nothing we can do!
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Why? Why?
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- We can't help him now.
- I thought it was pretty good.
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Let's just go! Let's just go!
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No...!
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No. No.
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No...
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All right Butters, we're here.
Are you ready?
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I'm scared,
but I know my country needs me.
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This is it, Butters.
We have to be strong.
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We're taking down those
Goddamned Chinese right now.
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Things could get ugly in there.
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We've got to infiltrate,
and find out their invasion plans.
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But Eric, why would the Chinese
tell us their invasion plans?
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Because we're going to make
them think we're one of them.
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Here, put these teeth in!
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And just say "herro" and "prease" a lot.
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"Oh, herro prease."
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Herro... Prease.
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Welcome to P.F. Chang's.
I'll be right with you.
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Eric, these people aren't Chinese.
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Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
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- What?
- It's already started.
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White people working for the Chinese.
They're selling out their own country!
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Uh, can I help you?
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Ah yes, herro prease.
We are Chinese people.
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Herro prease.
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Uh yeah, why don't I seat you over here?
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Your waitress will be right with you.
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What the hell is going on here? We've
gotta sneak our back into the back-
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There they are! Chinese people!
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There are Chinese
people right over there!
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- You see them?
- Yeah.
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Oh my God the Chinese are here.
Okay, okay I'm freaked out.
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- I'm freaking out.
- Stay calm.
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They're right there, they're gonna start
screaming and banging on those drums-
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Thank you, Butters.
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All right, we need to find out
what we can from those Commie rats.
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- Oh, herro, prease, herro.
- Herro, prease.
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So nice to see other
Chinese people here.
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As you can see,
we are Chinese people ourselves.
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{\What are they doing?}
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{\I don't know.}
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Yeah!
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So...
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What are the plans to take
over America again? I forgot!
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Jimmy?
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I don't know what to do about Kyle.
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You know, I... I don't think
he's ever going to be the same.
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And what about you, Stan?
We were all in the theater that day.
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We all... saw it happen.
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Yeah well I just try
not to think about it.
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I thought I could go on like before.
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But after seeing Indiana get raped...
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After seeing Indiana get raped
I know I'll never be the sa-same.
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Do you remember that scene
with Indiana in the refrigerator?
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It didn't make any sense, Stan.
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I don't need this now. I just
want things to be the way they were!
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You can't run away
from it forever, Stan!
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Sooner or later,
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we all have to face what we sa-saw.
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Indiana Jones! All right!
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Hey there, Stan.
All set to see my new adventure?
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You bet, Indiana!
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No! Look out Indy, it's...
Steven Spielberg and George Lucas!
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Well well hello there Indiana.
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You're looking cute.
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No! Wat are you gonna do to him?
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Oh yeah!
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- No!
- Indy!
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Yeah! Get his pants down!
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Hold him, Lucas! Come on!
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- He ain't going nowhere!
- Yeah!
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No, stop! Rape!
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All right, Butters, I think we've
almost got the Chinese to trust us!
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As soon as they tell us their invasion
plans, make a run for that door, okay?
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Okay, okay.
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Ho ho, that's a good one, Ping Ling.
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So where were we?
Oh yes, the invasion plans.
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Invasion plans.
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What day is American
invasion again? I forget!
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- Excuse me, miss?
- Yes sir?
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These people won't leave us alone.
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No no, it's okay. We are Chinese people.
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You aren't Chinese.
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Oh my God.
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We're busted! What do we do?
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- Okay, why don't we go...
- Stay back!
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Nobody moves, you got that?
Don't... touch us!
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00:10:48,903 --> 00:10:50,615
We know what the Chinese are up to!
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00:10:50,735 --> 00:10:53,814
We saw the Olympic Opening
Ceremonies! The gig is up!
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Everyone just step over to that wall!
I mean it!
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- Butters, hold this gun on them.
- A gun?
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- Hold the gun on them Butters!
- I don't want a gun, Eric!
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They're taking over our country!
This is life or death now!
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- Help! Me!
- Oh jeez...
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00:11:06,447 --> 00:11:09,697
Everyone get up and go
over to that wall! Do it! Move!
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We, are the American Liberation Front!
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00:11:15,131 --> 00:11:19,298
And you are all going to pay for
betraying your country to the Chinese!
196
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,094
This is stupid. I'm leaving!
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00:11:23,354 --> 00:11:24,971
Nobody's going anywhere{\ until the police arrive}!
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00:11:25,231 --> 00:11:26,264
Screw you!
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00:11:26,524 --> 00:11:28,173
- Shoot him, Butters!
- No!
200
00:11:28,293 --> 00:11:31,393
You have to! He'll warn the Chinese
and they'll kill your parents!
201
00:11:31,513 --> 00:11:32,663
Do it! Do it!
202
00:11:39,010 --> 00:11:41,310
Aw dude, you shot him in the dick.
203
00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:45,159
That's not cool, Butters.
You don't shoot a guy in the dick.
204
00:11:45,279 --> 00:11:47,239
But I was just trying to stop him,
and you said-
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00:11:47,359 --> 00:11:50,827
It doesn't matter, Butters!
You never shoot a guy in the dick.
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00:11:50,947 --> 00:11:54,054
Everyone knows that!
Shooting a guy in the dick?
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00:11:54,174 --> 00:11:55,906
That's just, that's just weak.
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00:11:56,026 --> 00:11:57,976
I can't believe you, Butters.
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00:11:58,722 --> 00:12:00,381
{\DISTRICT ATTORNEY}
210
00:12:00,641 --> 00:12:02,245
My name is Kyle Broflovski.
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00:12:02,365 --> 00:12:04,885
My friend was raped
last Memorial Day weekend.
212
00:12:05,410 --> 00:12:08,973
And... I wanna help
prosecute the men responsible.
213
00:12:10,011 --> 00:12:13,392
You want to bring Steven
Spielberg and George Lucas to trial
214
00:12:13,512 --> 00:12:15,479
for raping Indiana Jones.
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00:12:15,890 --> 00:12:17,823
I know that I'll have to testify,
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00:12:17,943 --> 00:12:21,143
that I'll have to...
relive what I saw that day.
217
00:12:21,787 --> 00:12:24,092
But I can't let Spielberg
and Lucas get away with it.
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00:12:24,212 --> 00:12:25,371
Not this time.
219
00:12:25,491 --> 00:12:27,691
Even if I have to do it alone.
220
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:29,363
You aren't alone.
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00:12:30,609 --> 00:12:32,682
- Stan?
- We'll all testify.
222
00:12:32,914 --> 00:12:35,264
We can't let them ever do this again.
223
00:12:40,129 --> 00:12:42,529
- I love you.
- I love you too, Stan.
224
00:12:45,256 --> 00:12:48,679
Uh kids, kids,
I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous.
225
00:12:49,753 --> 00:12:52,387
- Why?
- You don't have a case here.
226
00:12:52,507 --> 00:12:54,747
You can't really say
that Spielberg and Lucas
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00:12:54,867 --> 00:12:56,854
raped Indiana Jones in the new film.
228
00:12:57,114 --> 00:13:00,191
Did you see it?
Yes I saw it, but I-
229
00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:04,387
But I just try not to think about it.
230
00:13:04,788 --> 00:13:07,125
Then you saw what Lucas
and Spielberg did to him!
231
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,132
I don't know what I saw!
232
00:13:09,252 --> 00:13:12,703
All right? I mean,
it was dark in the theater... I mean...
233
00:13:12,963 --> 00:13:16,454
Things got a little out of hand with
the plot... the third act took too long-
234
00:13:16,574 --> 00:13:19,180
- Indy deserved more than that!
- Get out!
235
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:20,920
Just get the hell out of here!
236
00:13:28,358 --> 00:13:29,645
No, no...
237
00:13:34,364 --> 00:13:36,476
Well well, Indiana Jones.
238
00:13:36,705 --> 00:13:38,270
You're looking nice.
239
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:46,590
There you go, Lucas! Dick him!
240
00:13:48,707 --> 00:13:50,689
He's gonna do it right there!
241
00:13:50,809 --> 00:13:52,598
All right! All right Georgie!
242
00:13:52,718 --> 00:13:54,218
Grab his hands.
243
00:13:57,591 --> 00:13:58,833
Hey leave him alone!
244
00:13:59,093 --> 00:14:00,443
Come on big guy!
245
00:14:09,859 --> 00:14:11,954
No! No...
246
00:14:14,297 --> 00:14:15,297
Wait!
247
00:14:16,069 --> 00:14:17,319
Wait I...
248
00:14:17,570 --> 00:14:19,144
I want to help!
249
00:14:30,026 --> 00:14:32,084
Look, we don't know
what you're talking about.
250
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,660
There's no Chinese
plan to take over America.
251
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:35,920
Shut up!
252
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:40,140
These American traitors might have
bought your propaganda, but not us!
253
00:14:40,699 --> 00:14:42,960
Oh, thank God, the police are here!
We're safe!
254
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:48,674
You with the gun,
step out or we will fire upon you.
255
00:14:49,673 --> 00:14:52,928
No no, you got it wrong. We aren't
the Chinese, we're the good gu-
256
00:14:59,111 --> 00:15:00,557
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
257
00:15:00,677 --> 00:15:03,296
- What?
- One of the cops is Chinese!
258
00:15:03,416 --> 00:15:05,431
Sonofabitch,
how high up does this thing go?
259
00:15:05,551 --> 00:15:07,359
We can't trust anybody here, Butters!
260
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:09,928
Don't come any closer!
261
00:15:10,048 --> 00:15:13,949
We have information that we will
only trust with the President of the US!
262
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:16,199
The President?
263
00:15:16,319 --> 00:15:17,953
All right, come on. We're going in.
264
00:15:18,213 --> 00:15:19,914
No! Goddamnit we're serious!
265
00:15:20,174 --> 00:15:22,041
We'll only talk to the President! Stop!
266
00:15:22,301 --> 00:15:24,585
Fire a warning shot, Butters!
267
00:15:29,175 --> 00:15:31,679
Dude! What the fuck are you doing?
268
00:15:31,799 --> 00:15:33,223
What? What happened?
269
00:15:33,343 --> 00:15:36,551
God damnit Butters, what did
I say about shooting guys in the dick?
270
00:15:36,671 --> 00:15:38,113
Aw, I did it again?
271
00:15:38,233 --> 00:15:41,700
What the hell is wrong with you?
That is not cool, Butters!
272
00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:43,170
That is not cool!
273
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,178
You don't fucking do that!
274
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:51,830
- You don't shoot a guy in the dick!
- Okay, I'm sorry!
275
00:15:52,729 --> 00:15:53,734
It's not okay!
276
00:15:53,854 --> 00:15:55,556
Defeating the Chinese
won't mean anything
277
00:15:55,676 --> 00:15:58,559
if we do it by going around
shooting people in the dick!
278
00:15:58,679 --> 00:16:00,253
God damnit!
279
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,877
It's all right there
in front of you, Detective.
280
00:16:07,137 --> 00:16:10,273
Five sworn statements
from these... brave boys.
281
00:16:10,393 --> 00:16:11,549
It's now up to you.
282
00:16:11,809 --> 00:16:13,270
Are you nuts?
283
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:17,137
I'm not going out and arresting
Steven Spielberg and George Lucas.
284
00:16:17,397 --> 00:16:18,996
But they raped Indiana Jones!
285
00:16:19,116 --> 00:16:21,620
I know it's hard to think about,
but you have to be strong.
286
00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:23,727
Remember how that movie
made you feel.
287
00:16:23,987 --> 00:16:25,604
I didn't see it.
288
00:16:27,309 --> 00:16:29,149
You didn't see the
new Indiana Jones movie?
289
00:16:29,409 --> 00:16:33,445
No! I don't think anybody
here saw it. Did you, Mitch?
290
00:16:35,249 --> 00:16:36,278
Mitch?
291
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:38,261
Mitch?
292
00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,956
Well well, Indiana Jones.
293
00:16:44,216 --> 00:16:46,667
What you doing in
our neck of the woods?
294
00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:49,336
Now let's see you just drop them pants!
295
00:16:50,214 --> 00:16:52,298
- Drop?
- Just take them right off.
296
00:16:52,868 --> 00:16:54,298
What do you guys want?
297
00:16:54,418 --> 00:16:56,927
Don't say anything, just do it.
298
00:17:00,833 --> 00:17:02,658
And pull off that little ol'biddy.
299
00:17:02,778 --> 00:17:04,328
The shirt there, too.
300
00:17:07,112 --> 00:17:09,398
Them panties. Take them off.
301
00:17:18,785 --> 00:17:20,185
There, boy!
302
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,415
I bet you can squeal!
303
00:17:22,535 --> 00:17:24,606
I bet you can squeal like a pig!
304
00:17:24,726 --> 00:17:26,690
Come on, squeal. Squeal now.
305
00:17:26,810 --> 00:17:27,810
Squeal!
306
00:17:28,874 --> 00:17:29,874
Squeal.
307
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:31,573
Squeal louder.
308
00:17:31,799 --> 00:17:33,399
Louder louder!
309
00:17:33,605 --> 00:17:35,341
Louder! Get down there boy!
310
00:17:37,462 --> 00:17:39,595
Get them britches down. Yes sir!
311
00:17:39,855 --> 00:17:41,155
Come on, squeal!
312
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,005
It's okay.
313
00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,771
You don't have to feel alone anymore.
314
00:18:04,033 --> 00:18:05,722
No no! You listen to me!
315
00:18:05,842 --> 00:18:08,421
I have Chinese attackers here!
And Chinese supporters!
316
00:18:08,541 --> 00:18:11,472
If I go outside, there are
more Chinese ready to take me down!
317
00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:14,043
Defending America is all that matters,
Mr. President!
318
00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:17,463
And I will stop at nothing!
You understand that I-
319
00:18:20,668 --> 00:18:21,668
What happened?
320
00:18:21,788 --> 00:18:23,558
They tried to come in through the roof!
321
00:18:23,678 --> 00:18:26,958
- They were gonna take the gun.
- Good! Did you kill him?
322
00:18:27,078 --> 00:18:28,428
Not exactly.
323
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,310
It stings.
324
00:18:36,426 --> 00:18:38,576
It's not where I aimed, honest.
325
00:18:38,794 --> 00:18:39,794
Dude...
326
00:18:39,914 --> 00:18:41,613
I seriously didn't mean it.
327
00:18:41,733 --> 00:18:42,733
Dude!
328
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:45,763
You know what, Butters?
You know what?
329
00:18:45,883 --> 00:18:47,133
Forget it.
330
00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:48,872
Where are you going, Eric?
331
00:18:49,132 --> 00:18:52,981
You can deal with the Chinese yourself
if that's how you're gonna do it!
332
00:18:53,101 --> 00:18:54,359
I'm out, man.
333
00:18:54,479 --> 00:18:56,088
By myself?
334
00:18:56,348 --> 00:18:57,864
I didn't sign up for this!
335
00:18:57,984 --> 00:19:02,034
You take your American Liberation
Front and you shove it up your ass.
336
00:19:02,854 --> 00:19:05,256
That's it. Kill me. Do whatever.
337
00:19:05,376 --> 00:19:08,308
I can no longer conscionably be
a part of the American Liberation Front.
338
00:19:08,568 --> 00:19:10,218
Go inside! Move!
339
00:19:19,968 --> 00:19:23,968
George Lucas and Steven Spielberg!
We have a warrant for your arrest!
340
00:19:24,833 --> 00:19:26,283
Break it in!
341
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:33,375
My God.
342
00:19:34,462 --> 00:19:37,212
Hey, what the hell are you doing here?
343
00:19:38,627 --> 00:19:42,359
You've got nothing on us!
Seven hundred million box office!
344
00:19:42,479 --> 00:19:44,119
This is bullshit!
345
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:50,434
- Boys, we got them.
- What?
346
00:19:50,694 --> 00:19:51,871
Spielberg and Lucas,
347
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:54,845
they were... raping a Stormtrooper
when the police broke in.
348
00:19:54,965 --> 00:19:59,063
And they found the dead raped bodies
of Yoda and Short Round in their closet.
349
00:19:59,183 --> 00:20:00,944
They'll never be free to do this again.
350
00:20:02,198 --> 00:20:03,415
So, what now?
351
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:06,655
Do you think things can ever
go back to no-normal after this?
352
00:20:06,775 --> 00:20:07,959
What do we do?
353
00:20:08,079 --> 00:20:10,829
We live. That's what
Indy would have wanted.
354
00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:12,930
We just try... to live.
355
00:20:15,552 --> 00:20:18,921
Everyone just stay where you
are until we can sort this all out.
356
00:20:19,181 --> 00:20:22,800
There's nothing to sort out!
These kids need to be put in jail!
357
00:20:23,060 --> 00:20:25,639
We're going to search everyone
and get statements! And then-
358
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:28,639
- Sir! Sir, it's over. They got them.
- Got who?
359
00:20:28,899 --> 00:20:30,497
Spielberg and Lucas, they...
360
00:20:30,617 --> 00:20:33,268
finally got them for what
they did to Indiana Jones, sir.
361
00:20:39,108 --> 00:20:40,108
They got them.
362
00:20:40,368 --> 00:20:43,278
- They got them. It's over.
- It's over.
363
00:20:43,780 --> 00:20:47,146
That means...
they'll never be free to rape again.
364
00:20:47,266 --> 00:20:50,494
- It's over, it's over.
- Justice.
365
00:20:51,311 --> 00:20:53,561
- They got them!
- It's over!
366
00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:56,458
- I love you.
- I love you too.
367
00:21:04,499 --> 00:21:06,049
So wait. That's it?
368
00:21:06,169 --> 00:21:08,019
What about the Chinese invasion?
369
00:21:08,139 --> 00:21:10,050
I really don't care anymore, Butters.
370
00:21:10,170 --> 00:21:12,003
You see, I've learned something today.
371
00:21:12,123 --> 00:21:14,689
As Americans our fear of seeing
another country become powerful
372
00:21:14,809 --> 00:21:16,600
can turn us into monsters.
373
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,329
Watching how crazy you went.
374
00:21:18,449 --> 00:21:21,273
Watching you just...
shoot people in the dick like that.
375
00:21:21,393 --> 00:21:24,200
It made me realize that
I want America to be safe,
376
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,488
but not at the cost
of losing its dignity.
377
00:21:26,748 --> 00:21:28,735
I'd rather us be... Chinese...
378
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:31,720
than a nation of unethical dickshooters.
379
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,290
You think about it.
380
00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:41,753
Can't believe they put them in jail.
I thought that movie was pretty good.
381
00:21:42,013 --> 00:21:45,028
SouthParkNews.net / SouthPark-TV.com
Transcript: SPScriptorium.com
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