All language subtitles for NS TheBreakfastClub A XXXParody 2010

I can't forget.

Still haven't finished yet. But you make
it hard when you're soaking

wet.

Welcome to Detention. I'm Dean Verna.

And you are losers spending your
Saturday in detention.

Well, except me. I'm no loser.

Maybe you are.

But you are sitting next to a calculator
watch here.

And he most definitely is.

And in this school, we teach guilt by
association.

So, just maybe you are.

But especially him.

Have a seat, young man.

You're tardy.

Oh, that's funny.

I don't feel tardy.

Okay, kids.

You're going to spend the next eight
hours writing a two -page essay on just

the hell you think you are and why
you're in detention.

Question? Yeah, I think as we're all
legally adults.

And this is college.

Why is there detention at all?

Other questions?

Uh, yeah.

You know the hooker out back by the
dumpster? The one who gives everyone

gonorrhea on smoke breaks?

Uh, does she know that you've been
raiding her wardrobe?

That's detention.

Oh. And her name is Melinda.

Yeah, turn it up.

Yeah, to 11.

Teen angst.

Uh -oh.

Hear that, princess?

You know what that means?

That means time to get it on.

You know what?

Why don't you watch your mouth around
the lady, cunt?

Thank you.

You're fucking welcome.

Come on, baby, let's just get it on.

Gag. I can make that happen.

Double gag.

For that, I'll need help.

What do you say, champ?

I know you're a team player, but are you
a double team player?

You know what? As far as both of us are
concerned, you don't even exist.

Well, I guess it's a good old menage a
moi then.

Right, old buddy?

Keep it down in there!

Hey, Princess.

Who would you rather do?

Me, or the virgin Barry here?

Who, me?

I'm no virgin.

Oh, sorry.

Clearly a stud like you has done more
defiling than Agent Warren.

No, it's not what I'm saying.

I've been with plenty of girls. I
mean...

Women. Shit, you picked enough serious
to be an honorary member of United Farm

Workers. No, it's just... I don't really
want to discuss it right now.

What, are you afraid of shocking her?

No, it's just... This song's totally
fake.

But when the barrel was recovered, the
only thing left was his right arm and a

Hans Obama mustache.

Wow.

Geez, are all residents of honeymoon,
waterfall border towns?

knowledgeable as you are?

No, not all, but most.

But I think I've told you everything I
know about the waterfall part.

And I mean, clearly, you're an awesome
dude with a cool toot and not a dweeb.

And this memory is totally not fake.

Maybe I need to educate you about the
honeymoon part.

Well, this is supposed to be an
educational trip, so educate away, baby.

We must have gotten you quite excited
then.

That's the way you tell it.

Ooh.

Get out of here.

Get out of here.

Get all

nice and fucking wet.

That feels tight at once.

That tastes good.

How about you get that cock in me then?

Come on then, get inside.

That's so fucking tight.

Do you think I tell a good story then?

I think so.

It was true, you know.

This is a better one.

I'm going to be able to tell this story.

I don't want to get the sack, you know.

Don't go mentioning names.

heart.

on your card.

It's nice and deep right inside me tight
little cunt.

I always say this is a position where
you can just feel it going straight up

your cunt.

Like so fucking far up.

I love Niagara Falls.

That was certainly Niagara Falls.

Bullshit! What?

That's how it happened.

Bullshit! God damn it.

This is detention, not a haunted hayride
ice cream social.

No talking.

And why was that door closed?

Answer me.

No more Hitch Taps.

Get on your asses.

Evening waste, Lloyd.

Blow me.

What was that?

Blow me. You like Saturdays here?

Because you just got another in
detention.

Great. I'll pencil it in.

That all?

You free a month from now. Say,
Saturday.

Because that Saturday and the one after
that, your ass, is mine.

But I'm saving my ass for marriage.
Well, bend over, boyfriend, because now

five. Had enough, bub?

Let's just make it a nice round number.

I like things round.

You're all mine for six Saturdays.
You're done making things hard for

Maybe you can make it hard for me
instead.

Well, your new friends are certainly
impressed.

Ooh, he's such a bad boy.

If only someone...

So the thesis of this particular
ethnographic film was that they liked

wild. As a sorority girl, do you often
find yourself going wild?

I'm not going to get in trouble just
because you want to flirt.

Shut up.

Come on, how many beads for a peek?

Shut up!

Show us your tits.

Show us your tits.

Show us your tits. Show us your tits.
Shut your mouth, sheep. We're off the

wire. Shut.

Look, I think we can all agree that some
girls go wild.

And while a small subsection of those
girls are in sororities, not all

girls are... Shut up!

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Okay, if I show them, will you just drop
it?

Show us your bush.

You are a pig.

Show us your bush. Show us your bush.

Show us your bush.

Show us your bush. Show us your bush.

I'm certainly going to pound your ass.

That sounds real tempting, Mitch
Gaylord.

You're going to have to get in line
behind the dean before you get behind

Show us your bush.

If you get me mad, you're seriously
dead.

Seriously dead?

Really?

Couldn't I have a better nickname?

Introducing myself as seriously dead
sounds like a character out of a Harry

Potter book.

Alright, I got one for you. How about
two clocks?

And I'll show you how you got it. One by
me clocking you, and the other you

clocking out.

Okay, two clocks.

It's a little more Dances with Wolves,
but I like it.

Tick -tock.

Quit it!

Okay, I'll back off.

Count Jocula here does.

Look, you just stop it. Shut up, Ginger.

This is between the two of us.

Look, you want to get between the two of
us?

Come on.

I'm a dirty rubber slut.

Know if you want to put it in me?

You didn't say anything about using a
rubber.

Oh, come on, baby. I was trying to make
you feel good. That's what you're paying

me for.

How much am I paying you again?

What, are you a cop or something?

Nah, baby. I just want to know what I'm
paying for.

Well, $50 if you want a blowjob.

$75 if you want me to deep throat it.

150 if you want a little piggy bank, 250
for around the world.

Stop right there, baby. You had me at
deep road.

Okay, baby. Go ahead. Put it in. Don't
come in my eye.

Okay, baby. Here it comes. You ready?

You have exactly half an hour to eat
your lunch right where you're seated.

This isn't catered.

Excuse me, Dean Brenna.

What about beverage service?

Or am I just supposed to drink this
whiskey neat?

Alcohol? On a college campus?

Now that's the last straw. Come on.

Hey, isn't that the flask that Dean
Verna took?

So what's your poison?

I fucked poison.

Well, Brett and Ricky only.

Unskinny bop is about me.

You're full of shit.

You weren't even born when that song
came out.

Pam and Tommy watched.

So that's why you're here?

Because you lie?

Badly?

Why are you here?

I'm here today because, uh, my old
man... That is fascinating, but

I heard that you were banging the pep
squad.

It's complicated.

Is it?

Or... Are you just complicated?

I mean, you're put into this box where
everybody's supposed to see you like

you're some big dumb jock, but really
you're just a super compassionate guy

trying to break through everyone's
preconceived notions.

It's a box.

You think you can chain me up like some
kind of awesome, sexy tiger? I got news

for you. You can't.

As dean of the Department of Disobedient
but Legally Consenting Adults, I've

crushed my share of students.

You're not my first, and, well, ethics
panel decision pending, probably

not my last.

All you punks need is a little
discipline.

So you think you're a tough guy, huh?

I want to see how tough you really are.

Just like I thought.

Finally.

That's why I'm in charge here.

Oh.

Yeah.

Come on.

Come on.

Oh, man.

Where were you?

If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

Do you want some edamame?

No, thanks.

I just ate some, mommy.

Want a smell?

No. Ugh, that's so mature.

And to think, I used to consider you
uncool, but then you go on without your

stink fingers.

What was I thinking?

And where were we, buddy?

Oh yeah, I remember.

Psst. Wrestling has homoerotic
undertones.

Lucky for you, I just ate.

I can't fight for at least a half an
hour or I'll get cramped. Why don't you

bother someone else?

Boring.

You know what we need, kids?

Future!

Hey.

Go like this.

Now go like this.

The double shocker.

Breaking the law.

Where are we going?

His locker.

Why? It's where I keep my stash. My
funky stuff.

Let's go.

for sissies.

And here is the funky stuff.

A record?

I thought for sure you'd have weed.

Can you see me in the shadows?

Can you see me in the shadows?

Can you see me in the shadows?

Just me.

Dean Bernal will eat you alive.

She can punish me as hard as she likes,
but you're too pretty for detention.

Get out of here.

I've got it bad!

I've got it bad!

I'm hungry, teacher!

I'm glad to see that some people can
behave.

I'm afraid you're changing
accommodations.

Upgrading to first class?

But I don't have enough frequent flyer
miles.

You really didn't learn your lesson,
huh?

What am I going to have to do to put
some discipline in you this time?

How about a handy?

No.

You know what you want.

And the only way to punish you is to
take it away.

So, enjoy the broom closet, loser.

Hey, that hurts.

Custodial art storage space, please.

So a family walks into a talent agency.

The agent says, sorry, we don't
represent Family Act.

The mother says, if you'd only see our
act.

Did you just hear something?

No.

A backwards clown suit with a blue
ribbon zucchini in one hand and a Neo

Zoom dildo in the other.

I definitely heard something.

The aristocrat.

What in the hell is going on in here?

I was in my office, and I heard a
hubbub. A hubbub? Yeah, a hubbub.

What are you giggling about?

Nothing.

Nothing. I was just commenting on your
awesomeness.

Say, buddy.

Could I borrow a copy of generic funky
music for dance montages?

You know, someone might start getting
some nicer answers if you started using

pleases and thank yous.

Keys to the AV.

Um... Now.

Pretty please?

You know, the audiovisual club is not a
right, it's a responsibility.

Teen eggs.

I'm here because I ate the class banana.

Teacher thought I was trying to be
funny.

Sexuality 101.

Turns out it was the banana they use to
practice rolling on condoms.

Explains why it was so chewy.

I still taste sperm inside every time I
swallow.

I'm here for tapping some ass.

Lisa Lester and her friends Lori and
Leslie.

Their asses were all tapped. The whole
ass tapping incident.

That was you?

It was after the game.

And I was the only one left in the
locker room.

That's when Lisa, Lori, and Leslie
stopped by to congratulate me.

That was an awesome game.

Even though we totally lost.

We still wanted to thank you.

Is there any way that we can... Well,
actually, your support's a thank you,

though. Is there any way we can thank
you other than jock support?

Nah, I gotta go do a few cool -down
laps, but thanks anyways.

Aww.

And then I thought of what my old man
would say.

So I'm being cheerleaders whenever you
get the chance.

Actually, wait.

Thank you.

Oh.

You can open your mouth.

Oh.

Hmm.

Sit right on that fat cock. Oh yeah.

Attention!

My old man flipped when he found out.

Yelled at me.

Spanked me in front of the whole team.

Even the mascot.

Skipping.

Fighting cock.

Sounds like your old man and my old man
should go in on group therapy rates

together.

Teen angst.

What would you do for a million dollars?

Who would you do for a million dollars?

Who would I do for a million bucks?

I'd do one of those pro volleyball
girls.

If they're calling tan, they could spike
my balls any day of the week.

You're missing the point, though. What
do you mean?

That'd be awesome.

I'd fuck a hot chick.

And I get a million bucks.

The point is, who would be so awful that
they'd have to pay you a million

dollars to fuck up?

Oh, okay.

I'd fuck one of those female
bodybuilders.

Yeah, those dudes are awful.

What? What do you mean? They're super
hot.

I mean, of course you'd want the million
bucks up front, you know, just in case

she broke your spine while she was
fucking you.

I will never understand jocks.

I'd screw the dweeb over here.

Ugh, yuck.

Hey, I'm right here.

Do you have any idea how gross that is?

Hey, that hurt.

First, I'd handcuff him.

Then, I'd fuck him in the ass with a
strap on.

And when I made him cum, and I know I
could make him cum, I'd force him to eat

my sticky pussy meat.

Stained panties.

Tempting, but no thank you. I'm a vegan.

That is fucked up.

Who would you do?

I don't really want to play anymore.

You started it. You have to play.

Would you fuck the janitor?

No way.

What about Dean Burnham? Would you fuck
her?

Ew, her?

Who the fuck would you fuck then?

God, why am I even answering this? I
mean, I don't have to divulge my

to just a group of strangers.

Strangers?

Strangers? We're detention, buddy.

Are you made of stone?

Did our montage shenanigans mean nothing
to you?

Yeah, come on, just tell her. I mean,
just open up.

Princess.

I guess I do just about anybody because
I'm a big old slut.

You and every other girl at this
college, this is the place to experiment

sexually, whatever.

You asshole. You're a shit.

It's a trap.

If you don't like sex, you're a prude.

If you hang out in alleys and...

Fuck homeless guys in exchange for cheap
whiskey and shopping carts.

You're a whore.

That's so true.

I don't have time for another montage,
so I'm going to get back to the closet

before the dean finds out that the
brooms are hanging out alone.

See you later.

Later, man.

Rock, paper, scissors.

All right.

All right. Ready?

One, two, three.

What the hell is that?

What's that?

A dildo.

There's no dildos in rock, paper,
scissors.

Huh. Well, I guess I'm disqualified
then.

Yeah. But it's interesting. You picked
paper. That must be a sign.

Let me know if you need any help with
that.

I knew I should have went with live long
and prosper.

Well, that's my cue.

There's a broom closet with my name on
it

Hi

that hard fucking cock.

You big fucking jock.

I bet you always wanted this to end. You
never admit it, though.

Please slide that cock in my mouth. Eat
me the dick.

Thank you.

We can talk a little bit.

Lick my fucking dirty little poop chute,
come on.

Oh, yeah.

You like to lick the dirty hole, don't
you?

Fucking spit on my cunt.

Oh yeah, shove that dick back inside.

Fucking cum on my mouth.

Fuck yeah, I want you to fucking cum all
over me. I want that fucking jizz all

over my fucking ass. Come on.

Show me how much you really like me.

Fucking cum all over me, please.

I just want to feel that fucking hot cum
on me.

Come on.

Come on, my little cute goth ass. Come
on, fucking like that shit.

You're such a bad boy. Get all that
fucking cum all over me.

Come on, you fucking whore.

Oh, yeah.

Give me that fucking jizz, please.

Don't you forget about me.

So.

Are you really a badass?

Or are you just pretending to be tough
until the right girl comes along and

shows you that she can love you no
matter who you really are?

You want the truth?

The truth.

I'm really a very well guy.

Good.

Stay right here.

I don't even dare.

There's something I want to show you.

What are you doing?

You know what I want to tell you?

usually do this with God.

Sure.

Tight belt.

I need to go thrift

shopping with me soon.

Gotta get over this shit.

I'm gonna hide for a minute.

Fucking good.

Thanks for next week.

Yeah, but you're a bad girl now.

I think bad girls do it too.

Brain,

if I could kiss you, I would.

Go on.

Get.

Wow.

See you next weekend.

Do pearl earring?

I can't.

Sure you can. I think it's a fair
exchange for the necklace that you gave

earlier.

Dear Dean Verna, we still think it's
nuts to have detention in college.

And we thought you were crazy to think
that we'd get anything out of it.

But we did.

We learned that there was one thing that
could bring us all together.

That.

Sincerely yours, The Fuckfest Club.

But you may...