All language subtitles for notbionicwoman_thesixmilliondollarman_xxx_2010

Are you fucking kidding me?

There's no money in the box.

You told me you'd pay me $50 ,000 if I
kill Steve Austin and Jamie Summers.

something came up. I was not able to get
money.

If you try and fuck me on this, I'll
make your life so miserable you wish you

were never born.

Is that right?

It will be if you don't get...

I'll make woman and six million dollar
man.

Oh, don't worry. I'll kill them.

You just do your job and I'll do mine.

I gotta go kick out the trash.

It's stinking up my trunk.

Alright, sweetheart.

Time to die.

Good night, Princess.

Steve Austin, astronaut.

Jamie Summers, teacher.

Both barely alive.

Gentlemen, we can rebuild them.

We have the technology.

We have the capability to make the first
bionic human.

We can make them better, stronger,
faster.

She will be the perfect bionic woman.

She will be the first $6 million man.

Oh, yeah, you're going to fuck me back?

Oh, yeah, fuck me back.

Uh -huh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, make me titties. Oh, fuck you.

Hello?

Hi, Jamie.

Hey, Oscar.

Listen.

Steve and I want to come over there
immediately and talk to you about what

just saw.

Can we come over? I can't wait about 45
minutes. I'm really busy right now.

Fine. See you in 45.

That was Oscar and Colonel Austin.
They're going to be coming over in about

minutes. We have to make this short.

No problem.

Okay, fuck me a little while longer,
though.

Go in that pussy.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. You're gonna fuck me
back.

Let me combine.

be here any minute.

Jamie, I can't find the bottle opener.
Could you?

Sure, Oscar. I'll open it for you.

Thank you.

Listen, Jamie, I know you've been
planning your vacation for months now,

with this murder and the death
threats...

The OSI really needs you.

Oscar, come on. Can't you find another
agent? I can't think of anybody that has

your looks and your bionic strength.

And besides, I think one of the new
female trainees just might be a spy.

A spy?

We've been infiltrated by the Russians.

The Russians?

We beat them at hockey, so we're going
to beat them at this. But we need you.

I know inside you're just transistors
and wires, but outside you are such a

beautiful girl.

So, you're just going to have to
postpone your vacation. That's all there

it.

Oh, look, here's Steve coming now.

I got here as quick as I could.

We already have one dead girl, so
hopefully you can convince Jamie that

the one person for this mission.

Hey, wait a minute. What about me?

I'm bionic, too.

Yes, of course you are.

And you cost the nation $6 million, when
$6 million sounded expensive.

Come on, guys. I'm serious.

Look, we're serious, too. That's why we
need you to go infiltrate this new group

of female agent trainees.

Why can't we just run a more extensive
background check?

We have done all the fact -checking we
can do, and we have uncovered absolutely

nothing.

That is why we need you to get up close
and personal with these beautiful girls

and find out which one's the spy.

We must stop their plan.

What exactly is their plan?

I have no idea.

But the last word out of that girl's
mouth before she died was something

the police, so we may have a bad cop
here.

Anybody hungry? I'm going to go over to
Arby's and get one of those really nice

roast beef sandwiches. It's three for
five dollars now.

I have a dinner date.

Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow at
headquarters.

Oh, by the way, we think the spy might
have some really advanced bionic

technology far ahead of where you
currently are.

Have a nice day.

Well, that's wonderful.

Thank you, Oscar, for leaving on such a
bummer note.

Now what are we going to do?

I have to change clothes and get ready
for my date. So don't peek.

Look, it's not like I haven't seen you
naked before. Don't forget we used to be

happily married.

Steve, this is not fair.

What if you planned a seven -day
carnival cruise and they dropped this

you?

I've had a lot worse dropped on me
before.

Back when I was in Nam, when I was shot
down over the Mekong Delta, I was

surrounded by Vietcong.

Were you scared?

Fuck yeah, I was scared.

Both my arms and legs were broke. I
thought I was gonna die.

What did you do?

Well... After I pissed my pants, I took
out two sticks of dynamite. Then I set

them right next to my parachute.

Then I tied an ignition fuse to them.
And then when those slimy -eyed bastards

got close, BAM! I detonated it.

And then you were safe?

Not exactly.

The fuse was wet and wouldn't light
because I just pissed my pants.

So what happened?

Well, my buddy and an F -4 Phantom flew
across the sky and dropped a shitload of

napalm on me.

But, since you sucked at math, and
you've been drinking, it kind of hit me

So I had these tattoos to cover up the
burn scars.

Then you were rescued? Don't peek.

No, actually I was taken prisoner.

But three weeks later, I escaped, became
an astronaut, walked on the moon, then

had a big parade.

Speaking of the moon, I heard it's going
to be full tonight.

Well, that moon's looking pretty full
now.

God, I miss those full moons.

I miss those big, creamy, full moons.

And the sexy, deep craters.

And the hot cracks.

And the perky tits.

Steve, you cheated. I told you not to
look.

Look, I'm sorry. It's been a stressful
week, okay?

Besides, I could use some relief over
here.

Listen, after we got our divorce, I told
you that we were going to be seeing

other people.

It's just not a good idea if I give you
any pussy right now.

But what kind of host would I be if I
didn't at least jerk you off?

Oh, yeah, I do.

Mm -hmm.

God, I love it when you use your blanket
arm.

So,

what time's your day going to be here?

Like 30 minutes.

I better hurry up then.

You could have told me you had a bionic
cock.

Well, I had the doctor install that a
couple of weeks ago.

You might want to let a girl know the
next time.

Look, I'm sorry, but you really look
good tonight.

Seriously, Steve?

With cum on my face?

Especially with cum on your face.

Aw, you're not getting sweet on me
again, are you?

No, but would you mind showing me your
pussy again for old time's sake? You

know, before I leave.

You're going to get me in trouble,
mister.

that you just shot that big load all
over my face.

Oh, show it to me. Mm -hmm.

Yeah, put my panties on.

Oh, yeah, I'll spread my legs for you.

Oh, yeah, I'll rub my foot on your cock
like that while I play with my pussy.

Just think of all the things that could
go inside this pussy.

Mm -hmm.

All that cum.

Mm, shooting it deep inside there.

just like this.

Oh, who knows what gets inserted right
inside that pussy.

Mm, yeah, gripping my fingers around it.

Mm, wanting to milk it so bad.

Mm -hmm.

Mm, my pussy tastes so good.

Oh, I'd love to have a hot load of cum
in there and then put my fingers in

there. Oh, yeah, I feel...

Hello, Jamie.

Captain Jennings.

Well, isn't this awkward?

What the hell's going on here?

It's nothing. I'm just warming her up
for you, buddy.

Actually, the colonel was just leaving.

Colonel Austin is nothing but an old
relic.

What? Old relic?

I'll show you.

Steve, don't hurt him.

I'll have to show you guys another time.

Oh, my spine's not bionic.

Oh, Steve, we've been analyzing the
data.

I'm gonna need to have you seduce all
the new trainees.

That's a really rough job, huh?

Seduce the new trainees? Are you
serious?

The OSI happens to think that Steve can
use his considerable charm and charisma

to help you uncover those spies.

Besides, come on, look at him.

He is absolutely loaded with sex appeal.

Sex appeal?

He's insane. You should have seen him
last night.

Sure, he looks good now with all those
bionic makeovers and facelifts, but he's

like, what, 70 years old now?

Hey, wait a minute. You're no spring
chicken yourself.

In fact, what happened after Oscar left
last night? There was no complaints

about you playing with my bionic cock.

All right, you two, knock it off. That's
the mission.

Come on, Jamie.

Can't you see that Steve's still in love
with you?

Besides, he has advanced hypnotic
training. With those electronic diodes

eyes, he's going to be able to hypnotize
any girl.

I hypnotized you yesterday.

You did no such thing.

Plus, that cop from Avery is going to
cause us some problems.

The antiquated state laws here give him
full jurisdiction, and that is a really

big problem for OSI.

And if he's taking money from the
Russians, we have got our hands full.

Wait a minute, not Officer Kennedy.

Give me a break. He's about as dangerous
as Barney Fipe.

The sensory mechanism on her arm seems
to be working now, Doctor.

Oh, and Jamie, we're going to have to
have you pretend like you have the hots

for Colonel Austin here, just to make
the other girls a little envious of the

relationship, okay?

The hots?

We're a top government agency, and this
is the best plan we've come up with?

Uh, Steve, there's a cute little blonde
in the training room. Name's Candy.

Go in there and splash on your
considerable charm.

Fire that up. She's a Russian.

Your country depends on you.

Oh, and by the way, Jamie, Steve's in
charge. Do everything he says.

Well, maybe when you're done here, you
can come with me and help me put my

cologne on.

I can't believe that Oscar actually told
you that I was still in love with you.

Well, are you?

No.

Don't be preposterous.

Okay, well, sit up straight, and we're
going to monitor your heart rate for

about five miles.

I'm also going to have to monitor your
hormonal secretions, so I'm going to

to insert a tube in your vagina.

Plus, I've got a protein suppository for
you. I'm going to have to insert it in

your rectum.

Please remove your shorts Please

turn around

What's a nice young girl like you doing
in a place like this?

Wow.

Colonel Austin, it's a pleasure to meet
you.

I'm Candy.

Who's she?

Oh, her. She's just another agent. I
think she has a thing for me.

It's quite sad. Follows me around just
like a little puppy dog.

Listen, I'd like to spend more time with
the training and getting to know you a

little bit better.

Electronic diodes in his eyes are going
to allow him... hypnotized any girl.

Candy.

Wow, Colonel Austin. I never noticed how
handsome and muscular you were.

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm sorry, Colonel. I don't know what
came over me.

Yeah, of course. Just don't ever let it
happen again.

No. Ever.

Now, where was I?

Oh, yes.

Could you cover your eyes this time?

Wow.

You really are attractive.

And I'd love spending more time with
you.

But...

Can you get rid of her?

Oh, Agent Summers, could you do me a
small favor? Can you run to Taco Bell

get us some lunch?

Candy? Would you like something to eat?

Sure.

I'll take two chimichangas, a Mexican
pizza, and two Diet Pepsis.

You're going to pay for this. You're
really going to pay.

Of course I'm going to pay for it. It's
on the 99 -cent menu.

So, tell me a little bit more about
yourself.

Wow. It's getting hot in here.

Well, I'm 22.

I was captain of the cheerleading squad.
I performed in school plays. I love

watching graphic hardcore pornography.

I get off to gay guys fucking doggy
style, and I'm incredibly attracted to

I'm going to do anything you told me to.

Anything? I can't believe this shit
really works. Oh, trust me, it works.

What are you guys talking about?

Nothing. Look, I want you to make love
to Dr. Favre here.

While I watch, of course. I would do you
myself, but I got jerked off last

night, and I can only come once every 24
hours.

Wow, that's sad.

We'll have to work on that one.

So, Doctor, what did you say your name
was?

Dr. Favre.

Brett Favre.

What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?

He's in town to play the dolphins, you
dumbass.

Don't you just love something about
Mary?

I love Cockmoor.

I can't believe that cop pulled me over
for speeding when I went to go get your

lunch. Well, he didn't write you a
ticket, so maybe he has a crush on you.

Steve, are you still jealous about my
day with Brandon Jennings?

Jealous? He's not even bionic.

He sure felt bionic in bed.

Steve, not here.

Ladies, as we move forward with the
training program, you'll have an

to work closely with Colonel Austin.

He is our top agent, an American hero,
and you're going to learn quite a bit

from him.

Why don't you tell us a little bit more
about yourselves?

Well, I'm Candy.

I'm 22.

I'm from Northern California, and I play
tennis.

I also have a master's degree in
advanced mathematics from MIT.

and I was named to the President's
Committee on Science and Math.

I'm also a 6th degree black belt in
karate, and I do Muay Thai fighting as a

hobby.

I thought you were a cheerleader.

I'm Amanda, and before joining the Navy,
I was Miss Texas.

I served three tours in Iraq as a
fighter pilot.

I was with the 6th Squadron on board the
USS Nimitz, based off the coast of

Saudi Arabia.

After 35 sorties in Afghanistan, I was
shot down.

I walked 100 miles through the mountains
and desert and killed 200 Taliban

fighters with my bare hands.

And then I rejoined my unit.

I'm proficient in five languages,
including Farsi, French, Ebonics, and

So you're a slacker.

Russian? How interesting.

Didn't you say you were Miss Texas?

Colonel Austin. I find it much more
interesting discussing her linguistic

capabilities.

Oh, yes.

So, tell us about your linguistic
capabilities.

Specifically Russian.

Well, I train with Russian fighter
pilots in the Gulf of Oman and speak

Russian.

Colonel Austin, why don't you take
trainee Amanda into the training room

show her some advanced survival skills.

Well, Oscar, after wiping out the entire
Taliban, I don't think she needs to

learn any more survival skills, but I'll
give it a whirl.

In the meantime, how about the rest of
us go on out to the firing range and

practice up some marksmanship and gun
safety?

Oops.

I love guns.

Duh.

Duh.

So what did you find out?

They suspect one of the trainees is a
spy.

Well, did you get his secret code?

No, I didn't get codes and I couldn't
deliver money to Officer Kennedy.

Don't worry. If you can't do it, I will.

Before I'm done, six million dollar man
will be hunk of junk.

What about bionic woman?

I will take care of her too.

With name like Khrushchev, I cannot
believe they not suspect you for spy.

Yes, but in America, it's illegal to
profile based on name, ethnic

religion, or circumstance.

You're so American, Kelly.

I need you. Come to me, Kelly. Are you
crazy?

We could get caught.

No, they want to back her out. They're
not shooting range.

I need you. I love you like back in
homeland.

Suck my sikorsky, Kelly.

Fuck, Bruce Jeff.

I forget you suck cock like champion.

I like that so fucking much.

You're beautiful.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, shit.

I have to go.

But you're not come yet.

Don't worry.

I fuck flashlight.

Flashlight? What's a flashlight?

Oh, it's genius. It's like pocket pussy,
but better than real thing.

Put the cap on and fuck you.

Better than my pussy?

I got to go.

All right, all right.

Now, I'm assuming you already know the
basics.

You know, what to do in case you're
attacked.

Colonel Austin, I could break your bones
in 17 different places before you even

knew I violated you.

You're right.

Violate me?

Oh, shit, I think I'm getting a boner.

Oh, Austin, you do have a big cock.

Well, it is bionic.

I'm ready for my training session.

Excellent, excellent.

Commander Wilson, can I ask you a
question?

Anything you want.

Um, I saw Khrushchev giving you a
blowjob.

Well, that's impossible. Khrushchev has
been dead for years.

No, I saw Kelly Khrushchev, and she was
sucking your dick and licking your balls

and jerking your shirt.

I have to admit, I got pretty turned on
by it.

I think you have me confused with
somebody else.

Listen, I don't want to get any further
behind the other trainees.

Obviously, they're doing what they have
to do.

So if I need to lick your balls to get
ahead, then...

Please don't stop me.

Your ambition is overwhelming. I would
never stand in your way of getting

How about dinner tonight?

Jamie's having some people over, and I'd
love it if you were there.

Okay.

On second thought, there really is no
reason for me to hinder your progress in

any way, so if you think that'll help
you get ahead, I'll let you suck my

Thank you.

Oh, it's gonna get dirty.

Oh, shit.

Oh,

you

are getting ahead fast.

What a treat.

That's good.

Oh, shit.

Oh, that's fucking nice.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, a little faster, Trini Jones.

Like that?

Yeah. Like that, Commander Wilson? Oh,
that's right. Oh, shit.

Oh, don't stop and tease.

Oh, fuck, that's good.

Is that what the commander likes?

That is exactly what the commander
likes.

Oh, fuck.

Jerk it right across your tongue

Oh.

Jamie, dinner was fabulous, and the
chicken Kiev, stunning.

Why, thank you, Oscar.

I've never heard of chicken Kiev before,
but it was delicious.

I guess we know she's not the Russian
spy, huh?

So, who wants to go outside and play
croquet?

That sounds like tons of fun.

Do you mind if I stay and talk to Trani
Jones for a few minutes?

Yeah.

Last one out to Rotten Egg.

Watch how the girls hold their croquet
mallets. In Russia, they hold them

different than they do in the good old U
.S. of A.

Trini Jones, if you want to keep up with
the rest of the cadets, you're going to

have to take your pants off.

Whatever you say.

Oh, fucking right.

Much, much better.

Oh, fuck.

Oh,

that's nice.

Oh, I like that little hand thing.

Mm -hmm.

Mm

-hmm.

Do you want me now?

Well, first we should probably get this
off you.

Yeah.

And now, if I'd be so bold as to turn
you this way and bend you over that way,

then I could do right out that.

Yeah.

Oh, baby.

Oh.

It's a little sensitive at the moment.
What happened? It's sensitive.

Oh, my word.

Oh, shit.

Commander Wilson is done.

You're out, Commander.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, maybe not.

I feel life coming back into me.

Oh, my gosh. Did you guys notice the way
Amanda held her croquet mallet? Yep.

Just like a Russian.

So she's the spy.

Wait, not so fast. We have to be 100 %
certain.

Jamie's right.

Wait a minute. You know what?

I'm almost embarrassed to admit this.

You know what we just did?

It's called profiling. And that, my
friends, is against the law.

Steve is right.

We made her a suspect just because of
the way she held a croquet mallet.

Yeah, but if it gets us closer to
catching the spy, then that's a good

right? Just like Arizona, where it's
against the law to suspect a Mexican

immigrant of being an illegal alien just
because they don't have a driver's

license or a passport or a job or they
don't speak any English. We can't use

that as evidence.

Are you guys crazy? Fuck this
politically correct bullshit.

Okay, now, I didn't want to bring this
up, but back when I was in college, I

a roommate that was Russian. And when
they have sex, they make crazy noises.

Oh, come on, Jamie.

That's crazy.

No, it's true.

When they're about to come, they make a
sound like... That

was quite the turnoff.

Steve? Huh?

Jamie's right.

We are going to have to profile...

For the good of the country.

Fuck the Constitution.

You're going to have to have intercourse
with all of the new trainees.

All of them?

That's right. You heard Oscar.

All of them.

Listen, you guys. I can't believe I'm
saying this, but forget all the other

girls. Why not just fuck the girl that
held the croquet mallet like a Ruski?

Yeah, except little Kelly Khrushchev
held the croquet mallet like a Russian,

too.

I'll start with the blonde and work my
way up to crew chef.

Officer Kennedy's pulling up.

I wonder what he wants.

There's growing evidence that Kennedy's
involved in this spy scandal.

OSI intercepted some phone
conversations. We can't really tell if

or not.

Here is the down payment.

The rest of the money will be delivered
next week.

It looks like cruise ship is talking to
Kennedy.

If you think I'm waiting another week
for money that was due to me days ago,

you're out of your crazy fucking Russian
mind.

But you have no other choice.

The hell I don't. I could run all of you
Russians in and become a big American

hero.

But I won't if you're willing to play
along.

What's his play along?

You're going to have sex with me.

Why would I want to have sex with you?

Because if you don't, you'll be arrested
so fast your head will spin.

Okay, okay.

I'll have sex with you. Kennedy, you
don't need to do this.

Meet me at the 7 Mile Market by the
Briggs Farm.

20 minutes.

This isn't necessary, Kennedy.

You'll get your fucking money.

Once you killed Jamie Summers and Steve
Austin, that wasn't the deal. Was

fucking Khrushchev part of the deal?

Have a nice day.

Well,

now we know that cruise ship is a spy
and that Kennedy and Commander Wilson

in on this.

Well, I think I should still have sex
with Amanda, though.

What for?

Steve's right. We should just let him do
his thing with Blondie just to make

sure she's not a spy, too.

In fact, could you ask Amanda to come up
here, please?

You're such a whore.

I'm going to go up to Briggs Farm and
see what they're up to.

Be careful. It could be dangerous.

You know, Colonel Austin, even though
you are an American hero...

I could still kill you with my bare
hands, but I'd still like to fuck you.

Oh, really?

Well, it seems you really do know how to
put a man in a good mood.

Want to taste it?

Yeah, I want to taste it.

You look that pussy so good.

to feel good.

So next time, sweetheart, I'll give you
the bionic blast.

Ooh.

Hey, do you mind seeing yourself out?
Because I have to go catch Kennedy and

Khrushchev. Is that on PBS again?

Yeah.

Hmm.

Mmm.

Where do you want that?

Move the bumper, Jamie! Hang on!

Don't worry, he's not getting away.

This chap is getting away.

Oh, shit!

I guess she's the bionic one.

There's still one person we're not
really 100 % certain of.

Who else do you suspect?

I'm afraid to say that it might be
Captain Jennings.

Jamie's dating a spy?

Oh, come on, Steve. There's no way that
Brandon is a spy.

We have video footage of him in a
transaction with the Russians. And where

is, he's got a tattoo of a Russian flag
on his cock.

The only way we can find out for sure is
you're going to have to have sex with

him, Jamie.

Okay, Oscar, I will accept the
challenge.

No, no, wait, hold on a minute.

Why does she have to have sex with him?

Don't be jealous, Steve.

He doesn't have a bionic cock like you
do.

Well, thank God for small wonders.

All righty, Jamie.

Go ahead and have sex with him. You can
do it right here in my office.

Once you've seen his cock and whether it
has a tattoo or not, you can stop.

Oh, and Jamie, can you do me a small
favor?

At least make an attempt to not suck his
cock.

Jealous!

I had fingers in there.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

about being here in this office with my
legs spread wide open.