All language subtitles for cd-1-ns_bigbangtheory_a_xxxparody_2010

Bloody Leia.

Bloody Leia.

Bloody Leia.

Leonard, I'm all yours.

Oh yeah, I'd like a dinner now.

Oh God, you're so hot.

She's already been in the web for you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. Oh,

yeah. Oh,

yeah. I like my pussy just like that.

No.

No. No.

Leonard, if you don't stop dreaming
again, your December issue of Modern

Mathematician magazine is going to be
too sticky to read the article in the

Algebraic Hotty of the Month.

Leonard, hold on to your pettifatta.

The Latin word for hat?

No wonder the language is dead.

I'm proud to commit suicide sensing your
lack of linguistic diversity.

I know you are, but what am I?

Very funny.

I just figured out how we will be
spending the remainder of our Saturday

evening. Oh, yeah? How's that?

A 12 -hour Battlestar Galactica
marathon.

Battlestar Galactica again?

We just watched it.

No. What we watched was a Battlestar
Galactica 2003 miniseries.

Fun tonight.

is the continuing saga of the Battlestar
Galactica weekly episodes airing from

2004 to 2009.

Isn't there anything else on it?

Well, there seems to be a G4 TV preview
of Comic -Con.

Now that's what I'm talking about. I can
see that. Comic -Con.

The comic books.

The action figures.

The vinyl toys.

All the girls dressed up like bloody
Princess Leia's.

I can't wait to go this year.

Well, seeing the show has been sold out
for over a month, and we have yet to

secure tickets, unless you can
metamorphosize ourselves into invisible

and sneak us into the show, the
probability of us getting in are slim

And slim is in a galaxy far, far away.

So tell me this.

Do you possess these magical
metamorphosis potions?

Nope, but I do possess the as -yet -to
-be -released new version of Photoshop,

which has masterfully helped me create
four authentic -looking passes to the

mecca of geekdom known as Comic -Con.

That is unethical, fraudulent,
felonious,

and just about the best damn idea you've
ever had.

Wait a second.

There's only one surefire way to make
sure those passes look legitimate.

We must show them off to the other like
-minded geniuses for inspection. We must

find a place where the other brilliant
minds congregate and share the most

intelligent thoughts.

The comic book store.

Hey.

Oh.

Oh. Hey, guys.

Where are you two headed?

Hi, Penny. Uh, we're just gonna head
downstairs to the comic store.

Oh, yeah.

Sounds like fun.

Dracula must be doing a signing or
something.

Dracula is nocturnal. Therefore, he
would not be able to attend any public

events before dusk.

Yeah, there's that, and then the whole
not being real thing.

Damn it!

Darkasm? Leonard, I could really use
some strong men to go get the groceries

of my car.

Oh, us.

Celeste and strong men.

Darkasm 2, Sheldon 0.

Well, unfortunately, we have to go to
the comic store, but the Trouter Comic

-Con passes.

What's a Comic -Con?

Oh, it's how, like, a guy goes to jail
for stealing comic books or something.

Oh, my God!

Did she just guess what Comic -Con was?

Did she just guess what Comic -Con was?
I can't believe she just... Thank you.

Disbelief overload.

Never mind, Sheldon. All right, let's
just go get Penny's groceries.

Ow, ow, ow! My external aura's working
out!

Those two crack me up.

Those never work.

You're kidding me, right?

No. Actually, I think the short one's
kind of cute in, like, a Harry Potter

of way.

But the other guy, you know the other
day I overheard him talking in Vulcan?

Yeah, that's kind of a thing.

Yeah, but he was talking to people now.

Yeah, that's kind of weird.

But they're not bad guys.

Anyway, speaking of bad guys, whatever
happened to your boyfriend, Hank?

Well, we broke up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You know, I always see cute guys over
here, but I never see any cute girls.

What's up with that?

I don't know. They just never ask to
come in.

I'd like to come in.

Oh, yeah?

What do you want to do in there?

Well, I was thinking maybe we could go
online and look up the Vulcan word for

girl -on -girl action.

Great, thanks.

So, I'll catch you guys later.

Yeah, um, right now I'm gonna go lick
Long and, uh, pass her a salad.

And then after that, I think I'm gonna
move on back to her indoor.

Hey, Penny. Can I come in?

Sure.

Oh, when it rains, it pours.

See you guys later.

Can you believe that?

No, I can't.

Who mixes a Star Trek and a Star Wars
metaphor?

Really?

Really.

So they were going to do it.

The hot brunette, the chick with the big
bassoons, and Penny?

Yes.

The girl that you're in love with,
Penny?

I'm not in love with her, all right?

Don't make me laugh, okay?

Yes, but still... Look, I know that...
Okay,

I... Enough with the ha ha ha. We get
it. You're not in love with Penny, the

blonde with the curvaceous body.

Ah, and the beautiful looks and the way
she giggles at my jokes about the

similarities between microbiology and
macrobiology.

Well, I mean, mostly it's me giggling
and her asking me what the hell I'm

talking about.

Oh, she smells so good, too.

Who am I kidding? I mean, I'm in love
with Penny.

What are you two giggling about?

Should we tell them?

Well, I don't see why we shouldn't share
such a fortuitous deed.

Um, tell us what.

Well, remember how I fixed Penny's
laptop?

While I was deleting the corrupt files,
I thought it would be a pretty good time

to plant a hidden camera.

You didn't.

I did.

You, Howard, are a geek Richard Nick.

I prefer to think of myself as a Jewish
James Bond.

Like I am.

Well, all I have to do is click here.

And voila.

Hot neighbor lesbian action.

I can't watch this. Why not?

Yes, why not? Because, I mean, I'd be
breaking any chance at an honest

relationship with Penny if I have to
choose to see her naked now or have a...

a stable foundation for a relationship,
I'll choose number two.

Okay? Alright?

Well, honesty is an overrated
characteristic anyways.

Soft big titties.

There she goes. There she goes. There
she goes. I want to see it. I want to

fucking see it. Come on. I want to see
it. Fucking come on.

Fucking come on.

Thank you so much.

You're so fucking -

Fucking bitch. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Oh, look at that. Look at that.

Second prayer.

Bye.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

fuck.

What I wouldn't give to screw your hot
lesbian neighbor that you... What dreams

you was next wannabe?

What do you know about women, Howard?

Uh, excuse me, I know plenty about
women.

Uh, for instance, that girl, Heidi, who
works at the science lab in the

university. Poor Jizzle, I know her.

Yeah, I could fuck her if I wanted to.

Then why don't you? Uh, she's not my
type.

What type is that?

Easy.

Your endless attempt to try and achieve
an orgasm with a woman are nothing more

than fruitless endeavors destined to be
the only plausible solution.

You sitting at home with your penis in
one hand and playing Warcraft with the

other.

This is true.

I don't know how much longer I can take
this.

My balls are so swollen and blue that it
looks like I have two -thirds of the

blooming group in my shorts.

Look, guys, all right? We are very...
intelligent men here, okay? We have

doctorate degrees, master's degrees,
clinical experience.

Do you mean to tell me that the four of
us can't put our heads together and try

to figure out the secret of convincing
women to want to have sex with us?

Just like Einstein said when he
explained the release of electrons from

when light hits it. Let me explain it
with packets of energy?

No.

Let's figure this out and then go get
laid.

What's up there, Raj?

What's the matter, cat's got your
tongue?

If that were the case, it'd be the first
time he's ever had a pussy in his

mouth.

He just has a little bit of trouble
talking to women.

Unlike me, hot stuff.

Maybe you should let me show you how to
put that muffie where my mouth is.

And I suppose you know a lot about
eating pussy.

Well, let's just say we don't just eat
kosher at my house.

If you know what I mean, my little goy
toy.

Don't you live with your mother?

Uh, no, I mean, I don't, I don't eat
her.

Uh, yeah.

Um, so, Penny, I was, I was wondering,
well, well, I was just thinking, uh, if

you would like to come to Comic -Con
with us, maybe.

Well, actually, Leonard, I looked it up
on the internet, and no offense, but

hanging out with a bunch of fat grown
men in their Superman costumes with skid

marks in their underwears, it really
isn't my idea of a good time. I mean,

kind of nerds really dress up for this
anyways?

Well, you know, it's not just about
comic books and guys in

eclectic outfits or anything like that.

As a matter of fact, there's going to be
a lot of movie stars there.

That's right. And I even heard that Brad
Pitt's going to be there talking about

his new movie, Good Looking Hitman.

Oh, my God. You mean the Brad Pitt?

Well, in that case, show me to my
underoos.

But I guess you only have tickets for
the guys.

I'm sure I could get another ticket.

And that's when I learned to never take
a girl on a date to a Bollywood movie.

Because they keep dancing away before
you can receive fellatio?

That is correct.

How am I supposed to concentrate?

I'm getting on that new open grid
computer.

It's you spewing off about your
inability to ejaculate on the opposite

Good luck getting on that dumb machine.

That bitch Leslie has all of the time
booked for herself and her research. I

would hardly call a study a molecular
structure of craters if they get close

the sun research.

More like star search.

Maybe she'd get Edmond. Man, that's her
lab assistant.

What? Too soon?

What? If you convert our formula for
getting set to getting computer time.

That's a solid idea, Raj.

I can use my words to seduce Leslie to
get on the computer.

Well, if it isn't the Lonely Ranger and
his sidekick, Tonto.

I'm a customer service Indian, not a
casino Indian.

Are you talking?

Hello, Leslie.

You look... beautiful.

What did you say, dumbass?

I said you look beautiful today.

What? Oh, come on, don't let me say it
again.

Why would you say that to me?

Because I think that's true. And that
was not a lie.

I mean, why would I lie about something
like that?

Me? Lying?

To get something I want? That's
ridiculous.

Ha!

Well, I didn't know you felt that way
about me.

nasty and then we'll share the computer.

Okay.

But after, you have to stop calling me
dumbass.

Don't push me.

Very well.

Carry on.

um

um um

oh yeah

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

You got it on.