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Previously
on White Famous...
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00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:08,342
Where were you last week?
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,635
Huge fan.
4
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:10,886
So, what,
you a musician or...
5
00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,012
I don't think your friend here
6
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,055
knows a damn thing about me.
7
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,306
You and Kali seem to be
8
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:15,974
getting along famously.
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00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,976
If you don't mind,
maybe don't go there.
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00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:20,479
♪ smooth music ♪
11
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:21,855
Bring in the love slaves!
12
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:25,025
Cut! Teddy, this is
fucking offensive.
13
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,194
- Floyd, tell her, please.
- Shit's fucked up, Teddy.
14
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,196
You fucking traitor.
I always have your back,
15
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,073
and you don't have mine?
You're dead to me.
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'Cause you're so fuckin'
blessed, man.
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00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,660
And you don't appreciate it.
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00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,373
Holy fucking shit.
19
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,043
Yep, welcome to my world.
20
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:47,172
♪ hip-hop music ♪
21
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,051
♪ You ain't ready
for the big leagues ♪
22
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,928
♪ Uh-uh ♪
23
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,179
♪ You ain't ready
for the big leagues... ♪
24
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:55,597
- Floyd Mooney!
- God.
25
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,682
How's Kali doing?
26
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:58,058
Why don't you ask her?
27
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,351
You guys
together now?
28
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,727
You in love?
29
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,271
When can we expect
the wedding?
30
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,772
Die young and suffer,
motherfucker.
31
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,190
Who's the fat mailman?
32
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:07,025
You think Trump will go
the full four?
33
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,569
Think Chris Christie
looks good topless?
34
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:12,489
Think Star Wars has too many
minorities in it now?
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00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,615
Where do you think
O.J. should live
36
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,367
when he gets
out of jail?
37
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:17,452
You think you could
beat up George Lopez?
38
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,037
Hey, how come Scientology
39
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,706
doesn't have
any black people in it?
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Thanks, Floyd.
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00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,209
♪ You ain't ready
for the big leagues ♪
42
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,086
♪ Uh-uh ♪
43
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,921
♪ You ain't ready
for the big leagues ♪
44
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,673
- ♪ No, sir ♪
- ♪ You ain't ready... ♪
45
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:32,968
♪ You ain't ready,
you ain't ready ♪
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Hey, Dad.
47
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,556
Hey, little man.
48
00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:39,057
How's it looking in there?
49
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Not good.
50
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,978
Okay.
51
00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:44,938
On a scale of one to ten,
what are we talking about?
52
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Well, here's what we're not
talking about...
53
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you coming in anytime soon.
54
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Oh, really?
55
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,278
Okay, that's good to know.
56
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,113
So I see you got
a new girlfriend.
57
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,407
I wouldn't say that exactly.
58
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- It's okay, Dad. I don't mind.
- You don't?
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00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,578
No, you deserve
to have fun too.
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00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,121
You can't just hang out
with Uncle Balls
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00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,539
- all the time.
- Yeah, that's true.
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00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,082
I'd be laying down
some serious carbs.
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00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,334
But I do miss you.
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00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:06,877
Doesn't seem like we spend
65
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,003
as much time together
these days.
66
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,338
Hey, if that's how you feel,
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00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,964
we're definitely gonna
change that.
68
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,341
- Can we go to the movies?
- Absolutely.
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00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:13,842
- Today?
- No, not today.
70
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,427
I got this work thing
I can't get out of.
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00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:16,678
I'm sorry.
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00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,263
That's okay, Dad.
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00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,432
Tomorrow, though, for sure.
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00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,100
Sure.
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Sounds good, Dad.
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00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:26,897
♪ slow hip-hop music ♪
77
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Nicely done, Floyd.
78
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,037
Got a lot of big laughs.
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It's what I do.
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00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,499
What's up with her?
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00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,250
She's not
particularly pleased
82
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,543
with me right now.
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00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,045
Yeah, well,
that's what happens
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00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:51,171
when you shit where you eat,
motherfucker.
85
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,048
Speaking of,
Sadie is not
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00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,300
particularly pleased with you
right now.
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00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,885
Oh, I know.
88
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,553
Well, I-I tried to get her
to see it your way.
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00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,222
Listen, hey, hey, hey.
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00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:01,765
I don't need you
fucking helping me, okay?
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00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,308
You mind your own
fucking business,
92
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,476
and you take care
of your own shit.
93
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:05,560
Is that clear?
94
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,020
That was excellent, Floyd.
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00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,397
- Well done.
- Thanks, thanks.
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00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:09,773
Well done to you too,
Robert.
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00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:10,899
- Thank you.
- Jolly good, well done.
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00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:11,858
Floyd, I'd like a word.
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00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:12,859
Come with me.
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00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,822
- Right...
- Don't say it.
101
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,365
- What?
- You were about to say it.
102
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,658
You've got no idea
what I'm going to say.
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00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,368
Yes, I do.
104
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,703
- Why don't we say it together?
- Happy to.
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00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,664
Moment
of complete honesty?
106
00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:28,834
Oh, my God, Floyd,
you are a magical Negro.
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00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,461
You have any idea how wrong
that is to say to a brother?
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00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,712
Oh, no, God, I'm sorry.
109
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:33,964
I--no, I did not mean that
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in an offensive way,
of course.
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00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,299
Oh, you didn't?
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00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,259
Great, all is forgiven.
113
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,385
Oh, okay, thank you.
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00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,011
Not really.
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00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,763
I don't think you're right
for this part, Floyd.
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00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,056
Okay, time to start swinging.
117
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,266
No, no, no, no, no, no.
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00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:45,600
You're not following me, Floyd.
119
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,060
No, no, I'm not.
120
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,854
I don't think you're right
for this part,
121
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,481
but I do think you're right
for the lead opposite Gwen.
122
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,233
W-what about Robbie?
123
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,444
Did you hear the laughs
you were getting, Floyd?
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00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:58,572
Yes, Robbie is
a classically trained actor,
125
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,657
whatever that means, Jesus,
126
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,826
but you, my friend,
you are far more charming
127
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,536
and likable.
128
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,538
Plus, it doesn't hurt
you're dating Kali.
129
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,707
I mean, Jesus, you are
trending on Twitter right now.
130
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,417
Okay, look, man,
I don't want to get the part
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00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:11,960
just 'cause I'm on TMZ
all of a sudden, okay?
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00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,545
Oh, for goodness' sake,
grow a pair, Floyd.
133
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:15,088
Look, it doesn't matter
why you get something.
134
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,090
It's the getting it
that matters,
135
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,967
so I will call Malcolm,
and in the meantime,
136
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:22,387
looks like
a delightful day for a hike.
137
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,681
What do you say you and me
hike Runyon, yeah?
138
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,266
Work up a sweat together.
139
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,142
Yeah, fuck that.
140
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:28,143
No?
141
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,686
Oh, what a shame.
142
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,188
Well, I'll be
thinking of you, kid.
143
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:32,939
Congrats.
144
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:36,067
♪ funky music ♪
145
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,154
All right, here we are.
146
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,031
To my best
147
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:44,367
and my favorite client.
148
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,203
Come on, Malcolm,
give me a fucking break.
149
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,163
I'm your best and only client
at this point.
150
00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:50,916
Patently untrue, Floyd.
I'm circling Robbie again.
151
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,667
He's vulnerable, and I think
I can get him back.
152
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,085
Are you fucking
kidding me right now?
153
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,462
- What?
- You'd represent him
154
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,422
after everything
we've been through?
155
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,299
Floyd, an agent's biggest skill
is to forgive and forget
156
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,593
while simultaneously holding
decades-long grudges.
157
00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,053
That is the challenge,
but I am
158
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,846
to the manor born,
motherfucker.
159
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,182
I'm not talking about him.
I'm talking about me and you.
160
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,808
Oh, yeah, but we got
through that shit
161
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,310
and we're better off for it.
162
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,062
Malcolm, you're on
the spectrum somewhere.
163
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,189
Like, seriously,
y-you're fucking autistic.
164
00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:15,857
No, I'm pretty sure
I'm ADHD,
165
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,442
but anyway, thank you
for the compliment.
166
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,152
This is cheap-ass shit,
Malcolm.
167
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,654
Yo, where'd you get
this swill, man?
168
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,656
Balls, it's
a celebratory gesture.
169
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,116
We open, we sip,
we move on with our lives.
170
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:28,036
Everything does not have to be
top-shelf foodie porn.
171
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,455
Yeah, but you didn't have
to roll a hobo to get it.
172
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:31,581
Yeah, well, you don't need
the calories.
173
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:32,666
Hey, y'all stop
174
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,167
with the henpecking.
175
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,835
You were toasting to me,
remember?
176
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,420
- Yes, that's right.
- Okay.
177
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,673
- All right.
- To Floyd Mooney,
178
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,758
soon to be on the cover
179
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,469
of, uh, uh, TV Guide.
180
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,012
Come on, man.
181
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,514
You can't do better than that
for your boy?
182
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,765
All right, PM Dawn,
183
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,225
if you're such a great orator,
184
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,476
you say something.
185
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,603
All right, I will.
186
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:56,439
To my friend and countryman
187
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:57,649
Floyd Mooney.
188
00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,234
A funnier motherfucker
189
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,902
there never was.
190
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:03,655
A better friend
I'll never find.
191
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,407
May the road rise to meet you.
192
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,576
May the wind
always be at your back.
193
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:10,328
And may the sun shine warm
upon your face.
194
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:15,000
And may you give long,
enthusiastic face rides
195
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,711
to an endless series
of beautiful women.
196
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,797
That's a motherfucking toast
right there.
197
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,173
You know what I'm saying?
198
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,718
Cheers. Cheers, nigga!
Yeah!
199
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,429
All right, I was hooked
the entire time. Kudos.
200
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:30,849
- Ugh.
- Mm.
201
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,976
Okay, speaking of face riding,
202
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,020
I'm off to see
the beautiful Kali.
203
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,271
Adieu to you, bitches.
204
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:37,522
Nice popping bubbly with you.
205
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,524
I'm so envious.
206
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,526
Your life is going
really well right now.
207
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,236
Well, you know what?
You're right.
208
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,405
I'm trying to enjoy it
for once.
209
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,365
Trying not to bitch
about everything.
210
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,117
Yeah, let's see how long
that lasts.
211
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,869
Mm, mm.
212
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:53,872
♪ rock music ♪
213
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,386
Floyd.
214
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,263
Yeah. I'm looking for Kali?
215
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,389
Come on in.
216
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,891
Jimmy Duke.
217
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,684
I'm Kali's manager.
218
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:17,145
Cool, man. Yeah, yeah,
that's-that's whatever.
219
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,396
Okay, where she at?
220
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:20,065
Oh, she's not here.
221
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,566
She's not coming back.
222
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,276
What you mean, man?
Why not?
223
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,154
Well, here.
224
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,990
As you may or may not know,
225
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,867
there's a tape out there.
226
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,744
We're doing everything
that we can to get rid of it,
227
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,829
but these things have
228
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:37,248
a funny way
of coming out anyway.
229
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,959
Tape?
What kind of tape?
230
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,753
A sex tape,
231
00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,838
starring Kali
232
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:47,592
and featuring
Floyd Mooney
233
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,177
in his breakthrough role.
234
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,345
A sex tape?
235
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,097
That's impossible.
236
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,431
Is it?
237
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,016
Did you have sex with Kali?
238
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,810
That's none
of your damn business, man.
239
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,812
See, that's what I'm--
240
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,522
You're doing impressions.
241
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,607
Good impressions,
funny fucking impressions.
242
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,651
I mean, you're
a talented kid.
243
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,237
Then it kind of goes
into you two doing
244
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,656
a whole lot of other stuff.
245
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,075
Oh, shit, that's right.
246
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,785
She was recording me.
247
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,120
Yep.
248
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,287
She sure was.
249
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:17,414
And then she lost the phone.
250
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,749
So, what, somebody found it?
251
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,501
That, or somebody
hacked into the cloud.
252
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,961
That's happened to us before.
253
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,880
Or maybe...
you have her phone.
254
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,799
- Me?
- Why not?
255
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,259
You're suddenly gonna become
256
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:30,927
a whole lot
more famous, Floyd.
257
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,303
It would be
very understandable.
258
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:33,513
It would be very human.
259
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,723
Yeah, but that's not
the type
260
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,057
of attention
I'm looking for.
261
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,475
I got a kid.
262
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,810
I don't want him
playing with his iPad
263
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,061
and finding
some fucking sex tape
264
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,688
starring his father.
265
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,523
Who knows?
Maybe you sent it to a friend?
266
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,483
I mean, that would be
pretty tempting, right?
267
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,444
What guy wouldn't want
to be with Kali
268
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,945
and then be able
to show and tell?
269
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,739
Look, I ain't gotta
prove shit to no one,
270
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,866
motherfucker, all right?
271
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,075
Shit.
272
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,703
Look, we're willing to pay
273
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:57,954
to make this go away.
274
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,748
I can write you a big check.
275
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,207
For what?
276
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,042
I just told you
I ain't had shit to do--
277
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,169
How do I contact her?
278
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,670
You can't.
279
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,005
So, what, that's it?
280
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,423
So I never see her again?
281
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,009
What the fuck's so funny, man?
282
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,594
I'm sorry, did you think
that you guys
283
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,137
were gonna go out
on a bunch of dates
284
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,181
and then live
happily ever after?
285
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:18,683
That's a rookie move, man.
286
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,727
She's a fucking superstar.
287
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:23,897
Look, Floyd,
288
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,565
it was very nice
meeting you.
289
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,025
I wish it were under
better circumstances.
290
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,486
You're a funny kid.
291
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:30,945
Good luck out there.
292
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,700
Shit's about to get
very real.
293
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,703
♪ hip-hop music ♪
294
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,833
Anything?
295
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,293
- Nothing.
- Not yet, big boy.
296
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,461
Why are you so excited?
297
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:47,921
Well, not to sound crass,
298
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,131
but a sex tape never hurt
nobody, never.
299
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:52,383
Comedians shouldn't have
fucking sex tapes, Malcolm.
300
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:54,344
Hey, you're doing
impressions, aren't you?
301
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,179
That's like a viral demo reel
right there, motherfucker.
302
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,889
But what about comedians
with kids?
303
00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,016
Okay, so you don't show
that part to Trevor.
304
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,559
Just show him
the impressions, right?
305
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,353
You know what?
I'm either gonna fire your ass
306
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:05,939
or beat your ass--haven't
decided yet, but keep talking.
307
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,524
Come on, man,
you can't fire my ass,
308
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:08,858
because as soon
as this thing breaks,
309
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,151
you're gonna need
representation.
310
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,486
You know what, man?
Fuck this.
311
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:12,946
I-I'm taking Trevor
to the movies.
312
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,155
Y'all let me know
if y'all see anything.
313
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,325
Oh, shit.
Hey, come back, man.
314
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,911
- Yes!
- Yo, you ready?
315
00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:21,037
Yeah.
316
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,540
Liberty is moving
317
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,875
up-up-up-up,
up your thighs
318
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,877
to the Oval Orifice,
319
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,963
where little first lady
is waiting in a boat.
320
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,715
Floyd!
Yo, he's so good, right?
321
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,967
It's funny, man.
322
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,718
I close my eyes,
I hear Barack.
323
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:38,763
Barack is definitely up
in Michelle's guts right now.
324
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,181
It's true.
You should be proud.
325
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:44,018
Oh! Yo, real talk, Floyd?
326
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:44,853
Good dick.
327
00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:45,728
What?
328
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:47,188
I'm just saying.
329
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,274
Oh, God, okay.
Um...
330
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:51,442
Yeah.
Oh, wow, look at that.
331
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,611
She look like she's cut
from milk chocolate.
332
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:54,988
- Okay, all right. Okay.
- Is that ass real?
333
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,031
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
334
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,325
Let's look at this
scientifically.
335
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,411
Devoid of emotion, okay?
336
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,954
So the world now knows
337
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,372
that you fucked
the hottest pop star
338
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:05,540
in the universe.
339
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,375
That's pretty cool, right?
340
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,377
No real downside there.
341
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,838
However, the world also knows
what your O face looks like,
342
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,507
and I wish we'd had a little bit
more mystery in that space,
343
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,593
not to mention the whole
Sadie and Trevor of it all
344
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:19,095
being a total shit show,
but it'll blow over, okay?
345
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,514
Just--it's gonna take
a long, cold winter.
346
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,266
But that's all I care about.
347
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,934
I don't give a fuck
about nothing else.
348
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,060
Fuck White Famous.
349
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,770
But here's the other thing--
350
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:30,023
Which is what, O wise,
meddling diabetic one?
351
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,858
You gonna get roasted
by black folks
352
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,027
for making fun
of beloved black folks, man.
353
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,987
But I'm a comedian.
It's what I do.
354
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,989
Yeah, but it's Obama
and Michelle, man.
355
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:39,741
People got tender feelings
about that shit right now.
356
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,577
Yup. See, here we go.
357
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:45,663
Cornel West just called you
a punk on Twitter, man.
358
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,165
Motherfucker.
359
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:50,168
♪ smooth hip-hop music ♪
360
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,760
You ready?
361
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,094
Mom says I can't go
to the movies with you.
362
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,138
Yeah, figured as much.
363
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,681
Can I talk to her?
364
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:04,891
Well, she's not taking
any visitors.
365
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,851
Well, just you, really.
366
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,062
Makes sense.
367
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,774
You wanna sit down with me
for a minute?
368
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:13,900
Sure.
369
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:14,984
All right.
370
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,409
All right, man.
371
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,495
You're gonna hear some weird
stuff about me, little dude.
372
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,038
I already have.
373
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,247
Okay.
374
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:29,749
What have you heard?
375
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,501
Well, I heard Mom
on the phone.
376
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,544
She was whispering,
but I heard her
377
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:34,879
say something
about a sex tape,
378
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,714
so then
I got on my iPad
379
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,132
and Googled "sex tape."
380
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,550
Yeah, y-you're not
gonna wanna do that.
381
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,094
Dad, I know
what a sex tape is.
382
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,220
I've seen people do it.
383
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:43,805
You have?
When?
384
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,264
Where?
385
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,766
Braden showed me a video
on his computer.
386
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,810
It was weird and gross.
387
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,186
He called it "dog-style."
388
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,064
Is that how white people do it?
389
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:54,607
Yeah.
390
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,442
Yeah, white people
are pretty weird.
391
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,860
- But anyway...
- Yeah, anyway,
392
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,570
a whole bunch of stuff came up.
393
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,280
When me and your mama
stop fighting,
394
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,032
we have got to get
a passcode on that thing.
395
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,242
Oh, yeah, and I saw
that you and Kali had one,
396
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:05,368
so I clicked on it.
397
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,370
No! Say it ain't so!
398
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,497
Man, you're not supposed
to watch stuff like that.
399
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,999
You'll go blind.
400
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,291
I only watched you
doing your impressions.
401
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,459
They're funny.
402
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:14,919
Your Obama's crackin'.
403
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,921
Serious next-level stuff.
404
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,841
But it got kind of weird
after that.
405
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,092
Yeah, I bet.
406
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,302
Sorry about that, little dude.
407
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,512
Why?
408
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,431
'Cause it's embarrassing,
409
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:27,932
and I don't you to have
to deal with stuff like that.
410
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,726
Then why'd you do it?
411
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,853
I don't know. I just...
'Cause I thought it was private.
412
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:34,814
I didn't think it was gonna
get out there in the world.
413
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,525
Dad, be careful with phones.
414
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,652
That's, like, the number one
rule of the jungle.
415
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,781
You're a pretty smart
little dude, you know that?
416
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:46,534
Oh, and some guy named
Tavis Smiley on Twitter
417
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,286
said you should be ashamed
of yourself.
418
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:49,787
That sounds about right.
419
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,330
But Ice Cube
said it was dope.
420
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:52,832
All right.
421
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,084
I can hang with that.
422
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,502
Love you, Dad.
423
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,337
Stay strong.
424
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,797
I love you too.
425
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,181
Yo.
426
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,766
Hey, so, uh, whatever you do,
427
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,059
don't come back here,
428
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,394
because it's
a fucking madhouse.
429
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,979
Where the fuck
am I supposed to go?
430
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,230
I don't fucking know.
431
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,815
Oh, hey, I got some bad news.
432
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,859
Peter King called.
Yep, sitcom blew up.
433
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,487
Not the kind of attention
they need right now.
434
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:24,072
"Maybe when the smokes clears,"
he said.
435
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,907
Oh, and he said
he loves your Obama.
436
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:28,659
Shit, he thinks Obama
would love your Obama.
437
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,787
So what fuck now, Malcolm?
438
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,414
Well, I think we work
on your apology strategy.
439
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,083
What am I apologizing for?
440
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,001
For making fun
of iconic African-Americans
441
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,462
within the context
of a low-down, dirty sex tape.
442
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,546
Come on, man.
443
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:41,798
Look, it's fine.
444
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,007
No biggie, it's all good.
445
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,509
You fuck up.
446
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,094
You say you're sorry.
You move on.
447
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,220
That's the price you pay
for playing with them
448
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,013
big-ass famous titties.
449
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,264
I'm not even sure
if I did anything wrong, man.
450
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,682
I'm a fucking comedian.
451
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,476
Ooh, got some good news.
452
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,520
I just got you an offer
to be on the new season
453
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,396
of Celebrity Sex Addict.
454
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,565
And, oh, my God,
they got Tiger.
455
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,400
Shit, bro, they got Double-D.
456
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,819
They got fucking Charlie Sheen,
457
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,570
all in the same house?
458
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,364
I'm not a fucking sex addict,
Malcolm!
459
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,740
I know that,
but the world
460
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,242
doesn't have to know that.
461
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,119
Holy shit, Malcolm.
You know what?
462
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,870
You're out of your
cotton-picking mind.
463
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,706
Whoa, Floyd, okay,
that's fucking racist.
464
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,250
You better be careful
with that shit.
465
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,876
Also, to be culturally accurate,
466
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,545
my people spin silk.
467
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:21,587
It's a much finer--
468
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,968
♪ funky hip-hop music ♪
469
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,066
All right.
470
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:45,111
There he is,
the man of the hour.
471
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,905
- This is your house?
- Yeah, what's wrong with it?
472
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:50,366
Nothing. It's nice.
I just wasn't expecting nice.
473
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,285
Well, what did you expect,
the Amityville Horror house
474
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,120
- or some shit?
- Yeah, pretty much.
475
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,955
Well, you can't raise a family
in that kind of environment.
476
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,915
Wait, wait, wait.
You got a family?
477
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,042
Floyd, what,
you think I'm an animal,
478
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,628
I'm incapable of breeding
or something like that?
479
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:03,796
Come on and meet everyone.
480
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,047
Thought I was dead to you.
481
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,632
You were dead to me,
482
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,259
but I heard about
what happened, and I, uh...
483
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,635
you know,
I wanted to reach out.
484
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,429
I felt like you could use
a friend.
485
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,805
Thanks, man.
486
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,515
What, you gonna start
crying, Floyd?
487
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:17,268
Come on, don't get your panties
in a bunch, come on.
488
00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,145
You look good.
How you been?
489
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,980
- Uh, I'm all right.
- All right, this is the house.
490
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,690
Jesus fuck, Teddy,
how fucking hard is it
491
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,567
to pick up the fucking towels
off the floor?
492
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,319
Well, that's what the
cleaning lady's for, Demanda.
493
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,778
- Give me a break.
- Oh, God, you're such
494
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:29,780
a fucking pig.
And you know what?
495
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,532
Don't fucking call me Demanda
unless you wanna go a month
496
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,950
without getting
your dick sucked.
497
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,244
How's that sound, tough guy?
498
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:37,955
Hi, you must be Floyd.
499
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,790
Aw, you had a tough day,
didn't you, kid?
500
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:40,875
Need a hug?
501
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,294
Kids, come in here.
502
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,879
This is my wife, Amanda.
503
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,256
Hey, say hello
to my friend Floyd.
504
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,300
You do a great Obama.
505
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,552
Seriously, I can't believe
you railed Kali.
506
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,179
You really
gave it to her good, man.
507
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,972
Hey, that's not
appropriate, okay?
508
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,390
These are real people
we're talking about.
509
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,142
This isn't characters
510
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,810
that you-you stare at
on one of your screens.
511
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,520
- Sorry, Floyd.
- It's all good.
512
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,647
Say sorry!
513
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,023
Sorry, Floyd.
514
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,441
Thank you,
Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
515
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,734
I probably
would've said the same thing
516
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,236
your age,
so it's all good.
517
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:09,362
All right,
go read a book, okay?
518
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,197
Finish The Outsiders.
519
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,490
It's a great book.
What's taking you guys so long?
520
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,991
- Sorry, Floyd.
- Hey.
521
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,451
Do the crime, do the time.
You feel me?
522
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,953
Yeah.
523
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,871
You really did
do it good, though.
524
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,748
- Didn't he do it good?
- Oh, God, he did it so good.
525
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,500
- You did it so good.
- Fantastic. Very impressive.
526
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,543
Thank you.
527
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,337
Say blue.
528
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:27,505
Blue!
529
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,341
I'm gonna kill you.
530
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:31,926
I'll kill you.
531
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,265
Oh, my God, thank you.
532
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:38,766
It is sweltering out here.
533
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,268
You're welcome, Floyd.
534
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,229
I gotta say,
535
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,106
this is not
what I expected.
536
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,732
Oh, yeah,
he talks a crazy game,
537
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,359
but he's just
a big fucking pussycat.
538
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,236
Talks a crazy fucking game,
all right.
539
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,821
Let me guess, he rants
540
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:53,072
about killing people
and getting
541
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,282
his dick sucked all the time?
542
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:55,700
Among other things.
543
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,785
Hmm, well,
then he comes home
544
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:58,995
and he takes out
the garbage
545
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:00,079
and he plays with his kids.
546
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,082
He just needs a lot
of off-gassing.
547
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,167
Don't get me wrong--
he has his fucking problems,
548
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,794
but we're working on 'em.
549
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:09,588
Slowly but surely.
You know, we're chipping away.
550
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,757
He's either gonna go out
in a blaze of glory,
551
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,218
or he's gonna lead
a long, boring life.
552
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,387
I don't know.
The jury's still out.
553
00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:19,640
Well, here's to
a long, boring life,
554
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,476
which sounds very appealing
right about now.
555
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,232
You know, he thinks you're
incredibly talented, Floyd.
556
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,775
You remind him of an old friend.
557
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,027
Oh, yeah?
558
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,029
Mm-hmm, this guy Luke.
559
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,405
He was a young stand-up.
560
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:35,740
Met outside the Comedy Store
561
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,450
and become best friends.
562
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,453
We always thought he would
make it, but he never did.
563
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,038
He died young,
564
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:44,165
just like the guy
in Angry Black.
565
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,336
Teddy, he's here.
566
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:51,047
Floyd, someone's here
to see you.
567
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,131
Man, is this some weird
568
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,758
method-acting game, Teddy?
569
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,509
'Cause I'm not in the mood
for it, all right?
570
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,262
Just answer the fucking door,
please.
571
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,097
It's fine.
572
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,807
Go get the door.
573
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,358
Wh...
574
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,152
Hello.
575
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,445
You're Nelson Youngblood.
576
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,864
I am,
and you are Floyd Mooney.
577
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,199
You know my name?
578
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,700
Yeah, well, you know,
579
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,577
you've suddenly become
very famous, Floyd.
580
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,955
Yeah, I've known Nelson
for years.
581
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:27,458
He's been one
of my biggest champions.
582
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,627
He's been one of my, uh,
harshest critics.
583
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:32,463
Sometimes he makes me so mad,
I wanna rip his throat out
584
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:35,674
and piss toxic yellow
down his open, bloody gullet.
585
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,051
Wow.
586
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,719
But he's smart as shit,
587
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,388
he knows what the fuck
he's talking about,
588
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:42,973
and he's very influential
in the black community.
589
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,975
- Oh, don't I know it.
- So I thought talking to him
590
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,727
could help you
with, uh, damage control.
591
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,938
All right, well,
let's see it, shall we?
592
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,565
What...what, now?
593
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,442
Now,
if I was alive, you know,
594
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,611
I would do a thing
called the spiritual dick.
595
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,279
You know what that mean?
596
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,697
That mean I fuck your ass
so hard
597
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:00,324
that you die.
How 'bout that?
598
00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:02,034
All right,
do someone else.
599
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,119
Sasha and Malia
600
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,912
have gone to bed,
601
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,789
so it's time to slip down
the dad jeans
602
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:08,666
and get to the task at hand.
603
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:12,712
Liberty is moving up-up-up-up,
up your thighs
604
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,463
to the Oval Orifice,
605
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:18,676
where little first lady
is waiting in a boat.
606
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,761
- Come here.
- Mm.
607
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,221
You come here.
608
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,434
Yeah, girl.
609
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,357
Mm.
610
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:34,859
Oh, okay,
that's-that's enough.
611
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,902
That's enough of that.
612
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,821
All right, so you get
the picture, man.
613
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:40,156
What do you think?
614
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:41,282
Interesting.
615
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,700
You're very talented.
616
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,285
Thank you, man.
617
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,703
That-that means a lot
coming from you.
618
00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,538
Very funny.
619
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,123
Again, that means a lot
620
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:51,083
coming from you,
but I noticed
621
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,626
that you weren't
laughing much.
622
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,587
No, no, I was-I was laughing,
623
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,173
very much, on the inside.
624
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,383
Oh, right on.
625
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,761
She's a very, uh...
very beautiful woman.
626
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,597
- Yeah, that she is.
- Mm.
627
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,849
You seem to have been giving her
a great deal of pleasure.
628
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,517
Yeah, he's giving it
to her good, huh?
629
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:11,395
Usually I don't like
black-on-black porn
630
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:14,565
'cause I like to picture myself
somewhere in there, but this--
631
00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:16,734
yeah, this I dug.
632
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:19,153
How many positions
did you employ?
633
00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:20,613
I...
634
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,156
I-I-I don't--
635
00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:23,949
I don't know exactly, man.
636
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,618
What the fuck exactly
are we talking about here?
637
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,620
You know, Nelson is
a very important member
638
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,913
of the black community,
639
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,456
and I figured it would be great
640
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:32,082
to help you get ahead
of this thing.
641
00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:35,336
Look, I would be happy
to, uh, voice my support,
642
00:21:35,336 --> 00:21:38,506
but you need to pay
reparations, brother.
643
00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:40,299
Okay, but that's the thing
that I don't get.
644
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,967
What am I apologizing for?
645
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,511
I'm a comedian.
646
00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:45,221
I do impressions.
That's what I do.
647
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:48,349
Yeah, but you did an impression
of a U.S. president
648
00:21:48,349 --> 00:21:50,518
who just happens to be
one of the most
649
00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:53,062
beloved African-Americans
in history.
650
00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:54,563
- Mm.
- And you put him
651
00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:57,316
in a sexual situation
with the first lady,
652
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,360
who also is one of the most
653
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:01,529
fiercely respected and iconic
654
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:03,781
African-American women
of all time.
655
00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:05,616
From that angle alone,
656
00:22:05,616 --> 00:22:06,951
it's incredibly disrespectful.
657
00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:08,244
Yes.
658
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,079
And you impersonated
Bernie Mac,
659
00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:11,830
who's not even here
to defend himself.
660
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:13,666
- Terrible.
- But what's to defend?
661
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,292
I love Bernie Mac.
662
00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:17,044
It w...that impression
was out of love.
663
00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:21,298
Okay, point taken, Floyd,
but we are in strange times.
664
00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:23,300
The-the best thing
he could do right now
665
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:26,303
is to humble himself
and apologize.
666
00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:28,472
Mm, gotta humble yourself.
667
00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:30,057
Listen, I understand,
you know.
668
00:22:30,057 --> 00:22:33,394
A long time ago,
I got pulled over, uh,
669
00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:35,646
by a chick
police officer.
670
00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:37,815
She was gorgeous.
She had nice tits, nice ass.
671
00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:39,608
She looked like fucking J.Lo,
672
00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:40,901
In Living Color J.Lo.
673
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:42,069
Ah. Mm.
674
00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:43,487
And I said to her, I said,
675
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:45,239
"Listen, I want you
to blow me
676
00:22:45,239 --> 00:22:47,491
and I want you to point
your gun at my balls."
677
00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:49,493
I was all fucked up, you know?
678
00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:51,078
But I thought it was funny
679
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:52,621
and-and a little hot.
680
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:53,998
You know, she-she didn't.
681
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:55,165
No one-no one thought
it was funny.
682
00:22:55,165 --> 00:22:57,543
So I...I humbled myself,
683
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,086
and I apologized.
684
00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:01,672
And it worked like a charm,
luckily.
685
00:23:01,672 --> 00:23:02,840
Wow, that is hot.
686
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,383
Yeah, it was nice.
687
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,302
Fuck, when I first
came to Hollywood,
688
00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:07,720
I thought all
the white people
689
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,346
were just whacked
out of their skulls.
690
00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:11,223
Turned out they got you too,
motherfucker.
691
00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:17,896
Once you apologize,
you gotta get serious, brother.
692
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:19,898
I mean, here you are--
you have a wonderful opportunity
693
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,734
to influence and inspire,
694
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,028
but you look like you're just
fucking around in a sandbox
695
00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:27,906
like a small developmentally
challenged child.
696
00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:28,907
Mm.
697
00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:30,451
Is that what you want?
698
00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:32,286
You wanna continue
just throwing noise
699
00:23:32,286 --> 00:23:34,121
at our culture?
700
00:23:34,121 --> 00:23:36,457
Do you wanna be a headline
701
00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:38,083
or an icon?
702
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:39,585
Mm.
703
00:23:39,585 --> 00:23:41,253
Icon sounds way better.
704
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:42,921
Well, then you-you gotta
get serious.
705
00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:44,923
He gotta get serious.
You gotta get serious, son.
706
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:45,758
Get your mind right.
707
00:23:47,301 --> 00:23:50,262
You guys mind if I watch
this tape again?
708
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,806
- Uh...
- Sure.
709
00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:54,600
Alone?
710
00:23:57,436 --> 00:24:00,105
Absolutely, uh,
have-have at it.
711
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:02,274
Thank you.
Uh, you guys, uh,
712
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:04,234
close the door too,
please.
713
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:07,404
Well, he said-he said
he wanted to watch it alone.
714
00:24:07,404 --> 00:24:10,199
You're welcome anytime here,
Floyd, all right?
715
00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:11,825
You're family,
you understand?
716
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:13,452
- Thank you.
- All right.
717
00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:17,915
She's amazing.
718
00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:19,416
Yeah, she's the best.
719
00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:21,085
That's my ride or die.
720
00:24:21,085 --> 00:24:22,753
Everybody needs one.
721
00:24:22,753 --> 00:24:24,713
You gonna be okay?
722
00:24:24,713 --> 00:24:26,507
Yeah, I think so.
723
00:24:26,507 --> 00:24:27,925
Yeah, I've been through
variations of this shit
724
00:24:27,925 --> 00:24:29,802
in my life, Floyd,
and I'm telling you,
725
00:24:29,802 --> 00:24:32,388
it sucks, it sucks hard,
726
00:24:32,388 --> 00:24:34,348
but you're gonna
make it through it.
727
00:24:34,348 --> 00:24:36,392
You know what's funny, man?
728
00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:38,310
I spent this whole fucking time
trying to get away from you,
729
00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:41,605
but...you turned out to be
a real good friend to me.
730
00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:43,482
Are you crying again, Floyd.
731
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,067
I'm just kidding, my friend.
732
00:24:47,027 --> 00:24:49,196
- Thank you for today.
- My pleasure.
733
00:24:49,196 --> 00:24:50,698
I still think
you're crazy as shit,
734
00:24:50,698 --> 00:24:52,741
but, uh, I dig your family.
735
00:24:52,741 --> 00:24:54,159
Thanks for coming.
736
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:55,828
- No problem.
- Hey, Floyd, don't take
737
00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:57,705
any shit from these
Hollywood cupcakes, all right?
738
00:24:57,705 --> 00:24:58,872
Fuck 'em where they live.
739
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,207
Definitely.
740
00:25:01,291 --> 00:25:04,211
Hello?
741
00:25:04,211 --> 00:25:05,754
Word?
742
00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:06,839
Yeah, I can be there.
743
00:25:08,674 --> 00:25:11,677
♪ Meek Mill's "Blue Notes"
playing ♪
744
00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:27,359
Hey.
745
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:28,736
Um, I hope you know
746
00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:29,820
I didn't have
anything to do
747
00:25:29,820 --> 00:25:30,779
with this shit.
748
00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:31,905
No, I know, I know.
749
00:25:31,905 --> 00:25:35,325
It just...it gets confusing.
750
00:25:35,325 --> 00:25:37,202
I've been a lot of wrong
751
00:25:37,202 --> 00:25:40,247
about a lot of guys.
752
00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:42,040
So where you headed?
753
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,960
Um, airport.
754
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,503
Next leg of my tour.
755
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:48,172
Fuck, I was really
756
00:25:48,172 --> 00:25:49,923
looking forward
to spending time together.
757
00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:53,218
What's so funny?
758
00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:55,512
No, it's just, uh,
the thought
759
00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:57,681
of us spending time together.
760
00:25:57,681 --> 00:26:00,184
I mean,
where are we gonna go?
761
00:26:00,184 --> 00:26:03,145
There's cameras
fucking everywhere.
762
00:26:03,145 --> 00:26:05,773
We really fucked this up,
didn't we?
763
00:26:05,773 --> 00:26:08,984
I mean, this shit will
eventually blow over, right?
764
00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:13,614
Sure. Then what?
765
00:26:13,614 --> 00:26:15,157
So that's it?
766
00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:18,744
We just never see
each other again?
767
00:26:22,331 --> 00:26:24,416
It's amazing, isn't it?
768
00:26:26,835 --> 00:26:30,589
A guy brought me here once.
769
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:32,299
- I was new to the city...
- Hmm.
770
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:35,052
...full of hopes and dreams.
771
00:26:35,052 --> 00:26:37,679
I come back
every once in a while.
772
00:26:37,679 --> 00:26:39,848
Try to recapture the feeling.
773
00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:43,811
It gets harder and harder.
774
00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:49,066
I gotta go.
775
00:26:49,066 --> 00:26:50,526
- Fuck.
- I know.
776
00:26:50,526 --> 00:26:53,278
I'm so...I'm so sorry.
777
00:26:53,278 --> 00:26:54,947
I know this fucks
with your life,
778
00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:56,406
and it's my mistake.
779
00:26:56,406 --> 00:26:59,785
Nah, no, no, no,
I don't regret anything.
780
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:03,997
Me neither.
781
00:27:27,813 --> 00:27:29,731
I'll see you.
782
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:31,316
Yeah.
783
00:27:36,321 --> 00:27:38,282
♪ This is my blues ♪
784
00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:45,205
♪ 'Cause I'm back down
on my own again ♪
785
00:27:52,337 --> 00:27:54,631
♪ This is the blues
I'm playing ♪
786
00:27:57,467 --> 00:28:00,137
♪ Yes, it's a fine old thing ♪
787
00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:06,059
♪ When the night
is cold and lonely ♪
788
00:28:10,230 --> 00:28:12,608
This is a Dolla Bill beat.
789
00:28:12,608 --> 00:28:14,443
♪ Was it the money
that made me a savage? ♪
790
00:28:14,443 --> 00:28:16,528
♪ Popping them Percs,
and I made it a habit ♪
791
00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:18,655
♪ Totin' them pistols
and severing them addicts ♪
792
00:28:18,655 --> 00:28:20,741
♪ That was exciting to me,
was so excited to be ♪
793
00:28:20,741 --> 00:28:22,826
♪ Started with nothing,
we had to inspire to be ♪
794
00:28:22,826 --> 00:28:24,661
♪ Niggas ain't flyer than me,
I'm getting to it ♪
795
00:28:24,661 --> 00:28:26,705
♪ Feel like the man,
I got a plan ♪
796
00:28:26,705 --> 00:28:28,582
♪ I call the shooters,
they hop out the van ♪
797
00:28:28,582 --> 00:28:30,417
♪ Play with the squad,
get popped like a Xan ♪
798
00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:32,544
♪ Popped like a Perc,
I'm going HAM ♪
799
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:33,921
♪ I'm going crazy on niggas,
too wavy for niggas ♪
800
00:28:33,921 --> 00:28:35,923
♪ Do magic like alakazam ♪
801
00:28:35,923 --> 00:28:37,925
♪ I'm in the kitchen,
compressin' a birdie ♪
802
00:28:37,925 --> 00:28:39,801
♪ Take it to Atlanta
and I sell it for 30 ♪
803
00:28:39,801 --> 00:28:41,720
♪ Then straight to the jeweler,
I'm bustin' a Rollie ♪
804
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,555
♪ To light up the city
like Meechie 03 ♪
805
00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:45,682
♪ I got the plug,
he send him up T ♪
806
00:28:45,682 --> 00:28:47,517
♪ Don't know these niggas,
these niggas know me ♪
807
00:28:47,517 --> 00:28:49,311
♪ Even old niggas,
they call me OG ♪
808
00:28:49,311 --> 00:28:51,021
♪ Young nigga,
but I put it down ♪
809
00:28:51,021 --> 00:28:52,856
♪ We was on it
when it wasn't around ♪
810
00:28:52,856 --> 00:28:54,650
♪ All of a sudden niggas
wanna come around ♪
811
00:28:54,650 --> 00:28:57,027
♪ Stay over there, my G,
do me one favor ♪
812
00:28:57,027 --> 00:28:58,946
♪ Take a few steps back ♪
813
00:28:58,946 --> 00:29:00,614
♪ 'Cause I'm back down
on my own again ♪
814
00:29:00,614 --> 00:29:02,449
♪ And look at yourself ♪
815
00:29:02,449 --> 00:29:04,618
♪ Matter of fact, take yourself
outside your body ♪
816
00:29:04,618 --> 00:29:06,578
♪ And then look at yourself ♪
817
00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:08,330
♪ And see how you playin'
yourself, nigga ♪
818
00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:09,581
♪ This is the blues
I'm playing ♪
819
00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:11,583
♪ Congratulations ♪
820
00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:13,210
♪ It's the motherfuckin'
Chasers ♪
821
00:29:13,210 --> 00:29:14,419
♪ Yes, it's a fine old thing ♪
822
00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:17,381
♪ You feel me? ♪
57964
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