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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,548 --> 00:00:06,251 [dramatic music] 2 00:00:21,566 --> 00:00:24,136 [dramatic music] 3 00:00:35,713 --> 00:00:38,649 [mysterious music] 4 00:00:47,091 --> 00:00:49,427 [dramatic music] 5 00:00:53,498 --> 00:00:56,234 [energetic music] 6 00:01:06,211 --> 00:01:08,380 [dramatic music] 7 00:01:16,086 --> 00:01:18,123 [gentle music] 8 00:01:30,235 --> 00:01:32,937 [soft rumbling] 9 00:01:50,388 --> 00:01:52,723 [water bubbling] 10 00:02:00,165 --> 00:02:03,000 [water splashing] 11 00:02:56,221 --> 00:02:59,457 [Lidia VO] I thought about starting at the beginning. 12 00:03:01,559 --> 00:03:02,538 [gasp] 13 00:03:02,941 --> 00:03:04,895 But that's not how I remember it. 14 00:03:05,196 --> 00:03:06,197 [gasp] 15 00:03:12,936 --> 00:03:14,205 It's all a series of 16 00:03:14,239 --> 00:03:15,173 [gasp] 17 00:03:15,206 --> 00:03:16,207 fragments. 18 00:03:18,743 --> 00:03:20,345 Repetitions. 19 00:03:22,781 --> 00:03:25,082 Pattern formations. 20 00:03:26,751 --> 00:03:30,221 [soft orchestral music] 21 00:03:42,032 --> 00:03:43,967 [distant wailing] 22 00:03:47,071 --> 00:03:49,374 When there are no words for the pain... 23 00:03:54,446 --> 00:03:57,248 let your imagination change what you know. 24 00:03:59,484 --> 00:04:01,186 [whispers] Conglomerates. 25 00:04:01,219 --> 00:04:03,121 Movement of land in the freedom of water. 26 00:04:06,056 --> 00:04:07,991 A ring around a rock is luck. 27 00:04:09,194 --> 00:04:11,028 [whispers] Smoothed into a small thing. 28 00:04:12,831 --> 00:04:14,898 Sandstone is soothing and lucid. 29 00:04:14,932 --> 00:04:17,402 Shale, of course, is rational. 30 00:04:17,435 --> 00:04:18,902 Red rock is earth blood. 31 00:04:21,106 --> 00:04:23,006 You believe in blue. 32 00:04:28,078 --> 00:04:30,248 [distant wailing] 33 00:04:30,281 --> 00:04:32,283 [water running] 34 00:04:42,260 --> 00:04:43,894 [rock clatters] 35 00:04:47,432 --> 00:04:51,935 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 36 00:04:52,837 --> 00:04:54,272 [Lidia VO] Memories... 37 00:04:56,741 --> 00:04:58,075 are stories. 38 00:05:00,512 --> 00:05:03,214 So you better come up with one you can live with. 39 00:05:03,248 --> 00:05:04,215 [knock] 40 00:05:09,454 --> 00:05:10,455 [slap] 41 00:05:22,734 --> 00:05:24,102 [Claudia] Smiley face. 42 00:05:31,342 --> 00:05:32,477 Flower. 43 00:05:38,349 --> 00:05:39,350 [knocking] 44 00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:41,119 [knocking] 45 00:05:44,756 --> 00:05:46,089 Christmas tree. 46 00:05:53,997 --> 00:05:55,834 [banging] 47 00:05:55,867 --> 00:05:59,504 [Lidia crying] 48 00:05:59,537 --> 00:06:02,674 [tense screeching sound] 49 00:06:04,375 --> 00:06:06,211 [banging] 50 00:06:06,244 --> 00:06:07,245 [slap] 51 00:06:09,614 --> 00:06:10,615 Stop. 52 00:06:11,783 --> 00:06:13,618 [Mike] Claudia, go upstairs. 53 00:06:13,651 --> 00:06:14,652 Go! 54 00:06:17,655 --> 00:06:18,656 Move! 55 00:06:21,493 --> 00:06:22,460 [banging] 56 00:06:22,494 --> 00:06:23,495 [slap] 57 00:06:25,597 --> 00:06:27,499 You just let me know when you're finished. 58 00:06:28,199 --> 00:06:29,767 We can do this all night. 59 00:06:32,437 --> 00:06:35,406 [Lidia crying] 60 00:06:40,378 --> 00:06:41,713 [Mike] Fuck it! 61 00:06:48,786 --> 00:06:49,787 [slap] 62 00:07:22,387 --> 00:07:24,522 [Dorothy] I think it'll feel nice, Claudia. 63 00:07:24,556 --> 00:07:27,458 I really think it will. Fix you right up. 64 00:07:29,861 --> 00:07:31,429 Fix you right up. 65 00:07:41,673 --> 00:07:43,007 Sing with me, Belle. 66 00:07:43,041 --> 00:07:45,577 ♪ Oh, my darlin' ♪ 67 00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:47,378 ♪ Oh, my darlin' ♪ 68 00:07:47,412 --> 00:07:50,515 ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine ♪ 69 00:07:50,548 --> 00:07:52,817 Come on, Lidia Belle. Sing with me. 70 00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:54,686 You know all the lyrics. 71 00:07:54,719 --> 00:07:59,290 ♪ You're lost and gone forever ♪ 72 00:07:59,324 --> 00:08:01,526 ♪ Dreadful sorrow ♪ 73 00:08:01,559 --> 00:08:04,729 [Lidia VO] It was my voice that left. 74 00:08:05,296 --> 00:08:06,764 [pencil scribbling] 75 00:08:08,132 --> 00:08:10,501 Sometimes I think it arrived on paper. 76 00:08:11,436 --> 00:08:13,705 I wrote pictures and true things. 77 00:08:13,738 --> 00:08:15,740 Lies interchangeably. 78 00:08:16,641 --> 00:08:19,110 Made me feel like, like someone else. 79 00:08:19,143 --> 00:08:21,479 -[Mike] Oh, for Christ's sake! -[water splashing] 80 00:08:21,512 --> 00:08:23,147 [Lidia VO] I wrote words to belong to. 81 00:08:23,181 --> 00:08:24,649 [Mike] That is our daughter! 82 00:08:24,682 --> 00:08:26,284 [Lidia VO] Not daughter. 83 00:08:27,619 --> 00:08:28,786 To swimmer. 84 00:08:30,188 --> 00:08:31,756 To safety. 85 00:08:31,789 --> 00:08:33,157 To girls. 86 00:08:33,191 --> 00:08:34,759 [whispers] Make my skin hot. 87 00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:36,060 My head hurt. 88 00:08:36,094 --> 00:08:38,229 My mother. Her hair. 89 00:08:38,896 --> 00:08:40,531 Her scar. 90 00:08:40,565 --> 00:08:42,467 Her stories. 91 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:45,737 [Dorothy] I won a prize for that story, Belle. 92 00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,905 And your daddy 93 00:08:49,607 --> 00:08:53,311 won an art prize for this drawing. 94 00:08:54,512 --> 00:08:57,415 [Lidia VO] How gone she was. 95 00:08:57,949 --> 00:08:59,417 [pencil scribbling] 96 00:09:02,353 --> 00:09:04,889 And my sister. My adoration. 97 00:09:04,922 --> 00:09:07,425 My sister. My awe. 98 00:09:07,458 --> 00:09:10,762 You look like a bum in that dumpy sack shirt. 99 00:09:10,795 --> 00:09:12,330 It does nothing for you. 100 00:09:13,231 --> 00:09:14,432 Look at me. 101 00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:18,403 You trying to look like a man? 102 00:09:18,436 --> 00:09:21,406 [Lidia VO] My sister. Taking everything. 103 00:09:23,341 --> 00:09:25,343 [pencil scribbling] 104 00:09:27,112 --> 00:09:28,312 [snap] 105 00:09:28,346 --> 00:09:30,448 Before you were even born. 106 00:09:49,867 --> 00:09:51,602 [door closes] 107 00:09:53,604 --> 00:09:56,141 -[book slams] -[footsteps] 108 00:09:56,175 --> 00:09:58,143 [pencil scribbling] 109 00:09:58,177 --> 00:09:59,510 In the house. 110 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,715 Alone in my room. 111 00:10:04,716 --> 00:10:06,217 My arms ache. 112 00:10:06,984 --> 00:10:08,386 My sister is gone. 113 00:10:10,388 --> 00:10:12,690 My mother is... 114 00:10:12,724 --> 00:10:13,725 gone. 115 00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:18,496 My father designs houses in the room next to mine. 116 00:10:18,529 --> 00:10:19,864 [whispers] He's smoking. 117 00:10:19,897 --> 00:10:20,898 [pencil slams] 118 00:10:27,305 --> 00:10:28,873 [Mike sighs] 119 00:10:30,175 --> 00:10:31,375 [knocking] 120 00:10:32,177 --> 00:10:33,478 [door opens] 121 00:10:34,779 --> 00:10:35,780 [Mike] Hey, honey. 122 00:10:36,181 --> 00:10:37,482 [pencil snaps] 123 00:10:38,183 --> 00:10:39,417 [door shuts] 124 00:10:42,187 --> 00:10:43,421 [Mike grunts] 125 00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:47,358 Hey. 126 00:10:57,169 --> 00:10:59,003 [Lidia VO] I wait for five a.m. 127 00:10:59,036 --> 00:11:00,838 [pencil scribbling] 128 00:11:01,206 --> 00:11:02,673 I pray 129 00:11:02,707 --> 00:11:03,808 [pencil drops] 130 00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:05,710 to swim. 131 00:11:12,817 --> 00:11:16,287 [tense orchestral music] 132 00:11:20,992 --> 00:11:22,426 [Mike VO] My baby girl. 133 00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:27,431 Growing up so fast. 134 00:11:29,801 --> 00:11:30,802 [stomping] 135 00:11:33,704 --> 00:11:34,872 A teenager. 136 00:11:36,275 --> 00:11:37,242 [Lidia grunts] 137 00:11:37,276 --> 00:11:38,609 In high school. 138 00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:40,545 I can't believe it. 139 00:11:40,578 --> 00:11:42,346 [Coach] All right. Line up. 140 00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:45,082 Ladies, weigh in. You know the drill. 141 00:11:45,117 --> 00:11:47,318 One lick for every pound you're over. 142 00:11:47,819 --> 00:11:48,853 Torres. 143 00:11:49,587 --> 00:11:50,488 [slap] 144 00:11:50,521 --> 00:11:51,689 [Mike VO] Atta girl. 145 00:11:51,722 --> 00:11:53,457 [Mike pants] 146 00:11:55,260 --> 00:11:57,296 [Lidia screams in pillow] 147 00:11:57,328 --> 00:11:59,231 [pencil scratching on paper] 148 00:11:59,264 --> 00:12:00,331 [Lidia grunts] 149 00:12:00,364 --> 00:12:03,701 That's right, there you go. 150 00:12:03,734 --> 00:12:06,205 [Coach] Reimer. Three pounds. 151 00:12:06,238 --> 00:12:07,505 [slap] 152 00:12:07,905 --> 00:12:08,906 [slap] 153 00:12:09,607 --> 00:12:10,441 [slap] 154 00:12:10,474 --> 00:12:11,843 -[Mike VO] Faster. -[slap] 155 00:12:12,743 --> 00:12:14,011 [thread tearing] 156 00:12:14,745 --> 00:12:16,347 Come on, baby. 157 00:12:16,848 --> 00:12:18,449 -[slap] -Harder! 158 00:12:19,016 --> 00:12:20,017 [slap] 159 00:12:22,321 --> 00:12:23,521 [slap] 160 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,864 [Coach] Yuknavitch. One for you, freshman. 161 00:12:32,897 --> 00:12:34,632 So we'll make it count. 162 00:12:35,167 --> 00:12:36,567 [slap echoes] 163 00:12:36,601 --> 00:12:39,503 [crowd clapping and cheering] 164 00:12:52,284 --> 00:12:53,318 [Lidia gasps] 165 00:12:53,352 --> 00:12:54,919 [silence] 166 00:12:54,952 --> 00:12:56,387 [Coach] Go! 167 00:12:56,988 --> 00:12:58,789 [underwater rumbling] 168 00:13:02,327 --> 00:13:03,527 [water splashing] 169 00:13:07,565 --> 00:13:09,800 [Lidia VO] How many miles does it take 170 00:13:10,835 --> 00:13:12,536 [low rumbling] 171 00:13:13,871 --> 00:13:14,939 to swim 172 00:13:16,841 --> 00:13:18,709 [low rumbling] 173 00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:20,811 to a self? 174 00:13:21,246 --> 00:13:23,547 [rumbling] 175 00:13:24,383 --> 00:13:25,583 How 176 00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:27,418 many 177 00:13:27,985 --> 00:13:29,487 fucking 178 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,323 -[rumbling crescendos] -miles? 179 00:13:31,356 --> 00:13:32,590 [slap] 180 00:13:32,623 --> 00:13:35,092 [crowd cheering, whooping] 181 00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:38,297 [Swimmer] We set a record! 182 00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:40,731 -[Lidia squeals] -We set a fucking record! 183 00:13:40,765 --> 00:13:42,200 [Announcer] We are proud to announce 184 00:13:42,234 --> 00:13:44,468 that our 200-yard medley relay gold-medal winners 185 00:13:44,502 --> 00:13:46,138 from the Florida Aquatic Swim Team 186 00:13:46,171 --> 00:13:48,572 have achieved the best time in the entire nation. 187 00:13:48,606 --> 00:13:50,074 Congratulations. 188 00:13:50,108 --> 00:13:51,742 Scouts are watching, seniors. 189 00:13:51,776 --> 00:13:53,844 ♪ "The National Anthem" plays ♪ 190 00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,084 [music fades] 191 00:14:00,118 --> 00:14:01,585 [low rumble] 192 00:14:07,491 --> 00:14:08,726 [tapping] 193 00:14:12,096 --> 00:14:13,097 [teacup clinks] 194 00:14:15,267 --> 00:14:17,135 [Mike gulps, exhales] 195 00:14:17,969 --> 00:14:19,870 [Mike] So you really want this, huh? 196 00:14:25,977 --> 00:14:27,044 Okay. 197 00:14:27,078 --> 00:14:28,113 [paper tearing] 198 00:14:28,146 --> 00:14:29,513 [paper rustles] 199 00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:39,490 [paper rustles] 200 00:14:44,595 --> 00:14:46,530 [Mike sighs] 201 00:14:46,564 --> 00:14:48,766 You only got a three-quarter ride. 202 00:14:50,302 --> 00:14:51,502 [Mike sighs] 203 00:14:53,405 --> 00:14:54,839 Hey, if they wanted you, 204 00:14:54,872 --> 00:14:58,176 they would have offered the whole nine yards, huh? 205 00:14:59,010 --> 00:15:00,178 [paper rustles] 206 00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:13,057 [Mike sighs] 207 00:15:14,159 --> 00:15:17,561 "We are delighted to offer a partial scholarship." 208 00:15:19,063 --> 00:15:20,432 Half. 209 00:15:20,465 --> 00:15:22,167 You're better than that. 210 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,567 [paper slams on table] 211 00:15:25,404 --> 00:15:26,837 -Last one. -[paper rips] 212 00:15:41,153 --> 00:15:43,188 [Lidia VO] In my head, I swam laps. 213 00:15:43,221 --> 00:15:44,156 [paper rustles] 214 00:15:45,022 --> 00:15:46,957 [Mike] Didn't even get one full ride. 215 00:15:48,260 --> 00:15:49,361 [low rumble] 216 00:15:49,394 --> 00:15:50,594 [paper rustles] 217 00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:53,564 Hey. Don't blame me. 218 00:15:54,765 --> 00:15:56,767 If they don't want you, then you don't belong there. 219 00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:58,702 [Lidia VO] I could taste blood. 220 00:15:58,736 --> 00:16:01,139 -[Mike] The answer is no. -[slams paper] 221 00:16:02,107 --> 00:16:03,108 [Lidia VO] Why? 222 00:16:03,607 --> 00:16:06,278 [clock ticks] 223 00:16:09,114 --> 00:16:10,182 [Lidia pants] 224 00:16:10,215 --> 00:16:11,183 [lighter flicks] 225 00:16:11,216 --> 00:16:12,217 Because he could. 226 00:16:15,387 --> 00:16:16,587 What? 227 00:16:17,222 --> 00:16:18,722 [Lidia VO] And I was his. 228 00:16:19,124 --> 00:16:21,126 [dramatic music] 229 00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:33,371 [Mike] Hey. Look at me. 230 00:16:45,517 --> 00:16:47,051 Look at me. 231 00:16:56,528 --> 00:16:58,296 I only want the best for you. 232 00:17:00,298 --> 00:17:01,333 You know that. 233 00:17:04,569 --> 00:17:06,770 [Lidia VO] I knew he could feel it. 234 00:17:07,738 --> 00:17:09,274 That pink muscle. 235 00:17:10,175 --> 00:17:11,176 Pushing 236 00:17:13,278 --> 00:17:14,412 and pushing. 237 00:17:14,446 --> 00:17:15,913 -[slap] -[locker slams] 238 00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:17,149 [Coach] You should all be out there warming up. 239 00:17:17,182 --> 00:17:18,816 [Lidia VO] For all that it's worth. 240 00:17:18,849 --> 00:17:20,218 -[underwater rumble] -[splash] 241 00:17:21,286 --> 00:17:22,320 [Lidia panting] 242 00:17:23,555 --> 00:17:25,357 [Texas Tech Coach] Hey, Lidia. 243 00:17:27,392 --> 00:17:29,227 Do you need a hand? 244 00:17:29,261 --> 00:17:31,028 I'm a coach from Texas Tech. 245 00:17:32,164 --> 00:17:33,697 I'm excited to meet you. 246 00:17:34,064 --> 00:17:35,065 Let's talk. 247 00:17:35,733 --> 00:17:37,668 Like to have you on our team. 248 00:17:38,570 --> 00:17:39,538 [clock ticking] 249 00:17:39,571 --> 00:17:40,771 [gulping] 250 00:17:46,211 --> 00:17:47,711 [ice clinks] 251 00:17:56,655 --> 00:17:57,855 Yes. 252 00:18:04,094 --> 00:18:06,096 [Lidia VO] I almost loved her. 253 00:18:12,637 --> 00:18:14,372 [Dorothy] Let's go, Belle. 254 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,374 [briefcase thuds] 255 00:18:18,776 --> 00:18:20,711 [water runs] 256 00:18:30,721 --> 00:18:32,856 -[tense music rises] -[footsteps] 257 00:18:39,830 --> 00:18:42,733 [Mike] 'Cause I know you, Lidia. I know what you do. 258 00:18:42,766 --> 00:18:45,637 And it is disgusting. Disgusting! You hear me? 259 00:18:45,670 --> 00:18:47,706 It's fucking disgusting, Lidia. 260 00:18:47,738 --> 00:18:50,275 You should be ashamed of your-- 261 00:18:52,544 --> 00:18:53,645 [footsteps] 262 00:18:53,678 --> 00:18:54,979 Lidia! 263 00:18:56,514 --> 00:18:57,781 [stomping] 264 00:18:58,683 --> 00:19:00,017 This is control. 265 00:19:00,884 --> 00:19:03,455 I am controlling myself. 266 00:19:04,456 --> 00:19:05,457 [door slams] 267 00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:08,759 You don't know how far I can go. 268 00:19:09,427 --> 00:19:12,430 [tense music continues] 269 00:19:19,337 --> 00:19:21,071 [door opens] 270 00:19:22,674 --> 00:19:23,907 [crash] 271 00:19:26,977 --> 00:19:30,781 [Lidia VO] My bedroom holds the wet and the dark of my body. 272 00:19:34,452 --> 00:19:36,053 It smells like my sweat... 273 00:19:37,622 --> 00:19:38,822 and chlorine. 274 00:19:51,736 --> 00:19:52,836 Hey. 275 00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:54,239 Can't sleep, huh? 276 00:19:55,005 --> 00:19:56,608 Yeah. Me neither. 277 00:19:56,641 --> 00:19:58,042 [Mike clears throat] 278 00:20:04,349 --> 00:20:05,350 [Mike chuckles] 279 00:20:07,185 --> 00:20:08,486 Come here. 280 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:09,521 I want to talk to you. 281 00:20:15,059 --> 00:20:18,129 Listen. I'm sorry I've been so hard on you lately. 282 00:20:20,231 --> 00:20:21,232 I guess I just 283 00:20:23,033 --> 00:20:25,136 really worry about you out there. 284 00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:30,141 Things are gonna be different when you go to college. 285 00:20:31,041 --> 00:20:33,144 I want you to listen to me. 286 00:20:33,178 --> 00:20:36,247 [Lidia VO] He narrated what boys would do to me. 287 00:20:37,415 --> 00:20:39,150 How they would put their dirty hands 288 00:20:39,184 --> 00:20:41,852 up my skirt and finger-fuck me. 289 00:20:42,754 --> 00:20:43,954 Fondle my tits. 290 00:20:45,923 --> 00:20:47,659 [pants unzipping] 291 00:20:47,692 --> 00:20:48,892 Suck them. 292 00:20:50,894 --> 00:20:53,365 How disgusting boys would be. 293 00:20:55,266 --> 00:20:56,900 Their hands, 294 00:20:56,934 --> 00:20:59,104 their hips wanting in and up. 295 00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:01,106 And their dicks. 296 00:21:02,273 --> 00:21:03,375 And his. 297 00:21:04,074 --> 00:21:05,876 Me sitting next to him, 298 00:21:07,077 --> 00:21:08,879 feeling the heat of him 299 00:21:10,047 --> 00:21:11,483 without even looking. 300 00:21:11,516 --> 00:21:13,284 [rhythmic rustling] 301 00:21:14,786 --> 00:21:16,388 [Lidia breathes heavily] 302 00:21:20,425 --> 00:21:22,893 [rain pattering] 303 00:21:31,969 --> 00:21:34,539 [soft music] 304 00:21:37,242 --> 00:21:39,042 [Lidia breathes in deeply] 305 00:21:45,450 --> 00:21:46,618 [soft footsteps] 306 00:21:47,951 --> 00:21:49,154 [door creaks] 307 00:21:52,424 --> 00:21:53,458 [doorknob squeaks] 308 00:22:03,735 --> 00:22:05,670 [music intensifies] 309 00:22:05,703 --> 00:22:06,970 [lighter flicks] 310 00:22:11,109 --> 00:22:12,644 What you doing out here? 311 00:22:19,784 --> 00:22:21,719 What's the matter with you, huh? 312 00:22:26,224 --> 00:22:28,091 I want you to know that, um, 313 00:22:32,497 --> 00:22:33,498 I love you. 314 00:22:38,503 --> 00:22:39,504 [Lidia exhales] 315 00:22:41,473 --> 00:22:42,474 Huh. 316 00:22:50,915 --> 00:22:52,417 You're a fucking whore. 317 00:22:56,019 --> 00:22:58,490 [music intensifies] 318 00:23:00,859 --> 00:23:02,993 You have something to say to me? 319 00:23:03,561 --> 00:23:04,562 Huh? 320 00:23:11,436 --> 00:23:13,905 [quietly] Fuck you, motherfucker. 321 00:23:13,938 --> 00:23:15,038 [Mike] What did you-- 322 00:23:15,072 --> 00:23:16,641 what did you just say? 323 00:23:19,544 --> 00:23:20,578 Fuck you, 324 00:23:21,679 --> 00:23:23,114 motherfucker. 325 00:23:24,949 --> 00:23:26,951 Get the fuck 326 00:23:26,985 --> 00:23:29,187 [yelling] out of my way! 327 00:23:47,372 --> 00:23:49,307 [Lidia breathes in deeply] 328 00:23:54,612 --> 00:23:55,713 [Lidia exhales] 329 00:24:02,820 --> 00:24:03,821 [crash] 330 00:24:05,490 --> 00:24:06,558 [gasps] 331 00:24:06,591 --> 00:24:07,725 [Lidia VO] All I thought 332 00:24:11,829 --> 00:24:12,830 [gasps] 333 00:24:13,765 --> 00:24:16,334 was my own wide-open cunt 334 00:24:18,603 --> 00:24:19,604 [gasps] 335 00:24:20,305 --> 00:24:21,239 [gasps] 336 00:24:21,272 --> 00:24:22,607 as open as a mouth 337 00:24:24,042 --> 00:24:24,976 screaming 338 00:24:25,009 --> 00:24:26,110 Mother. Mother! 339 00:24:26,144 --> 00:24:27,445 Motherfucker. 340 00:24:28,580 --> 00:24:29,581 [groans] 341 00:24:29,847 --> 00:24:30,815 [gasp] 342 00:24:30,848 --> 00:24:32,784 [Lidia VO] Motherfucker. 343 00:24:33,484 --> 00:24:34,686 [gasp] 344 00:24:34,719 --> 00:24:36,321 [Lidia breathes heavily] 345 00:24:43,161 --> 00:24:45,630 [dramatic music] 346 00:24:51,703 --> 00:24:54,238 I didn't know a girl body could do that. 347 00:24:54,272 --> 00:24:57,108 ♪ "Mine" by Paris Hurley ♪ 348 00:24:57,542 --> 00:24:59,243 Shoot cum. 349 00:25:14,692 --> 00:25:17,362 [music continues] 350 00:25:21,165 --> 00:25:23,534 [music continues] 351 00:25:28,107 --> 00:25:29,540 [Swimmer laughs] 352 00:25:30,675 --> 00:25:32,176 My own thoughts. Mine. 353 00:25:32,210 --> 00:25:33,311 My own space. 354 00:25:33,344 --> 00:25:34,512 My own booze. My own tits. 355 00:25:34,545 --> 00:25:36,781 My own days. My own nights. Mine. 356 00:25:36,814 --> 00:25:38,583 My own sex. My own booze. 357 00:25:38,616 --> 00:25:41,085 My own food. My own thoughts. My own friends. My own space. 358 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:42,320 Mine. 359 00:25:44,522 --> 00:25:45,790 Mine. 360 00:25:45,823 --> 00:25:47,592 [music continues] 361 00:25:48,793 --> 00:25:49,794 Mine. 362 00:25:51,095 --> 00:25:54,165 Mine, mine, mine, mine. My own freedom. 363 00:25:54,198 --> 00:25:56,701 [music continues] 364 00:25:57,235 --> 00:26:00,571 [singer vocalizing] 365 00:26:10,581 --> 00:26:11,582 Mine. 366 00:26:12,151 --> 00:26:13,351 Mine, mine, mine. 367 00:26:18,656 --> 00:26:20,825 Like something pressed so far down 368 00:26:20,858 --> 00:26:21,859 in a body, 369 00:26:23,828 --> 00:26:24,962 it had to explode. 370 00:26:29,867 --> 00:26:31,436 [Texas Tech Coach] Yuk! 371 00:26:35,773 --> 00:26:38,476 [Mike VO] Where do you think you're going? 372 00:26:39,277 --> 00:26:40,478 I know you. 373 00:26:43,981 --> 00:26:45,349 You're going nowhere. 374 00:27:02,967 --> 00:27:04,869 [acoustic guitar playing] 375 00:27:04,902 --> 00:27:08,873 [Phillip] ♪ A miner, 49-er, and his daughter, ♪ 376 00:27:08,906 --> 00:27:10,675 ♪ Clementine ♪ 377 00:27:15,180 --> 00:27:18,649 ♪ Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin' ♪ 378 00:27:18,683 --> 00:27:22,320 [Dorothy VO] ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine ♪ 379 00:27:22,353 --> 00:27:24,956 ♪ You were lost ♪ 380 00:27:24,989 --> 00:27:27,258 [Phillip] ♪ And gone forever ♪ 381 00:27:27,291 --> 00:27:29,260 ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine ♪ 382 00:27:36,067 --> 00:27:38,170 [Lidia VO] So far from my father. 383 00:27:38,203 --> 00:27:40,772 So far from my father. 384 00:27:40,805 --> 00:27:43,040 So far from my father. 385 00:27:43,074 --> 00:27:44,542 So far from my father. 386 00:27:45,743 --> 00:27:48,012 [Lidia and Phillip panting heavily] 387 00:27:48,045 --> 00:27:50,681 [rock music playing in background] 388 00:27:56,087 --> 00:27:57,421 [Lidia] I just want. 389 00:28:06,864 --> 00:28:07,965 I love your hands. 390 00:28:10,101 --> 00:28:11,469 I love your voice. 391 00:28:13,905 --> 00:28:17,441 It's my father and my brother who have the real voices. 392 00:28:18,976 --> 00:28:21,345 I always hear them in my head. 393 00:28:22,281 --> 00:28:23,481 Really? 394 00:28:25,250 --> 00:28:26,684 What are they saying? 395 00:28:30,721 --> 00:28:32,757 They're singin' "Amazing Grace." 396 00:28:37,162 --> 00:28:38,729 Voices of God. 397 00:28:39,997 --> 00:28:40,998 [Lidia] Fuck me. 398 00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:43,701 [Phillip] Yeah. 399 00:28:45,736 --> 00:28:47,572 No. Really. 400 00:28:48,906 --> 00:28:49,907 Fuck me. 401 00:28:52,577 --> 00:28:55,446 [scratchy music with singer vocalizing] 402 00:29:00,585 --> 00:29:02,120 [Lidia VO] Poor Phillip. 403 00:29:02,954 --> 00:29:03,921 [Lidia moans] 404 00:29:05,022 --> 00:29:07,259 I wish I could go back and apologize. 405 00:29:07,292 --> 00:29:08,492 [Lidia cries out] 406 00:29:17,435 --> 00:29:19,370 [Phillip playing his guitar] 407 00:29:21,306 --> 00:29:24,508 [Phillip] ♪ The way it's been going ♪ 408 00:29:27,979 --> 00:29:30,481 ♪ And I know that peace will come ♪ 409 00:29:32,016 --> 00:29:34,886 Fuck all y'all! 410 00:29:34,919 --> 00:29:36,554 Eat me! 411 00:29:36,587 --> 00:29:38,789 [Phillip] ♪ I've been a-searchin' ♪ 412 00:29:40,192 --> 00:29:42,560 ♪ For the dolphins ♪ 413 00:29:42,593 --> 00:29:45,830 Just a regular James Taylor, 414 00:29:45,863 --> 00:29:49,500 singin' his heart out here in Texas! 415 00:29:50,868 --> 00:29:53,938 [Phillip] ♪ And sometimes I wonder ♪ 416 00:29:54,872 --> 00:29:59,577 ♪ Do you ever think of me? ♪ 417 00:30:03,581 --> 00:30:06,550 ♪ This world may never change ♪ 418 00:30:09,887 --> 00:30:13,691 ♪ The way it's been going ♪ 419 00:30:16,694 --> 00:30:19,096 ♪ And I know that peace will come ♪ 420 00:30:21,366 --> 00:30:23,434 [Lidia laughing] 421 00:30:25,536 --> 00:30:28,140 [Philip] Lidia. Why do you always do that? 422 00:30:28,173 --> 00:30:30,574 [Lidia cackles] 423 00:30:31,475 --> 00:30:33,844 [Lidia snorts with laughter] 424 00:30:34,779 --> 00:30:37,115 [Lidia laughing] It's funny. Come on. It's... 425 00:30:37,149 --> 00:30:38,716 Funny! You know it. 426 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,755 Such a pussy! 427 00:30:45,424 --> 00:30:47,525 Come on. Learn how to take a-- 428 00:30:47,558 --> 00:30:50,594 Joke. You're so fucking sensitive. 429 00:30:54,399 --> 00:30:55,900 This is probably 430 00:30:55,933 --> 00:30:57,868 one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen. 431 00:31:01,605 --> 00:31:02,873 This is what I'm-- 432 00:31:03,808 --> 00:31:05,643 This is what I'm talking about. 433 00:31:05,676 --> 00:31:09,780 It's like-- It's like talking to a fucking doorknob. 434 00:31:09,814 --> 00:31:12,483 Why don't you say something? 435 00:31:13,218 --> 00:31:14,585 Please say anything. 436 00:31:14,618 --> 00:31:16,520 I'm being a fucking bitch, 437 00:31:16,554 --> 00:31:18,923 so why don't you do something about it? 438 00:31:22,593 --> 00:31:24,595 [Phillip] You're not a bitch. 439 00:31:27,299 --> 00:31:28,666 Fuck you, Phillip! 440 00:31:30,868 --> 00:31:33,537 You don't even fucking know me, Phillip. 441 00:31:58,263 --> 00:31:59,563 [Lidia VO] "Phillip" 442 00:32:00,698 --> 00:32:02,700 means "lover of horses." 443 00:32:05,337 --> 00:32:06,537 God damn. 444 00:32:07,339 --> 00:32:09,040 [Lidia VO] Or "brotherhood." 445 00:32:13,077 --> 00:32:16,214 [soft dramatic music] 446 00:32:20,485 --> 00:32:22,720 Wake up, motherfucker! 447 00:32:22,753 --> 00:32:25,323 [Lidia whispering indistinctly] 448 00:32:27,091 --> 00:32:28,092 [Lidia sniffs] 449 00:32:29,093 --> 00:32:29,927 [car door slams] 450 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:34,266 [Lidia whispering indistinctly] 451 00:32:39,538 --> 00:32:42,474 [Amy] Hey, Lids. Want to get out of here? 452 00:32:42,507 --> 00:32:45,143 [Monty] She's good, man. I'll take her back. 453 00:32:50,515 --> 00:32:53,118 Hey, man. Shut that door. 454 00:32:53,151 --> 00:32:55,353 [Mike] Just shut the goddamn door! 455 00:32:57,522 --> 00:32:59,357 Haven't seen you at practice. 456 00:33:00,425 --> 00:33:01,892 Yeah. I flunked out. 457 00:33:04,429 --> 00:33:05,729 That's cool. 458 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:16,241 [Lidia groans] 459 00:33:18,510 --> 00:33:21,379 [Lidia VO] I can still feel my face. 460 00:33:21,413 --> 00:33:23,080 [groaning] 461 00:33:23,115 --> 00:33:24,715 [silence] 462 00:33:32,524 --> 00:33:34,292 Addiction is in me for sure. 463 00:33:36,694 --> 00:33:39,397 But I want to describe something else to you. 464 00:33:40,432 --> 00:33:41,665 Something smaller. 465 00:33:43,801 --> 00:33:45,137 It's a smaller word. 466 00:33:47,405 --> 00:33:48,406 Mama? 467 00:33:51,143 --> 00:33:53,911 So small, it could travel a bloodstream. 468 00:33:59,317 --> 00:34:01,051 [Dorothy VO] Go away, Belle. 469 00:34:12,096 --> 00:34:13,331 [Lidia groans] 470 00:34:13,731 --> 00:34:15,333 [footsteps] 471 00:34:16,568 --> 00:34:18,203 [Dorothy] Go away, Belle. 472 00:34:23,741 --> 00:34:25,042 [Lidia] Nice. 473 00:34:28,613 --> 00:34:30,047 [Dorothy] Stay away. 474 00:34:31,550 --> 00:34:33,318 This isn't anything for you. 475 00:34:35,620 --> 00:34:37,721 I'm not talking about anything. 476 00:34:39,823 --> 00:34:41,926 I'm not talking about anything. 477 00:34:44,962 --> 00:34:47,932 [urgent violin music] 478 00:34:51,503 --> 00:34:53,471 I'm not talking about anything. 479 00:34:56,006 --> 00:34:57,875 -[violin music intensifies] -[Dorothy groans] 480 00:34:57,908 --> 00:34:59,477 [urgent footsteps] 481 00:34:59,511 --> 00:35:00,878 [door shuts] 482 00:35:00,911 --> 00:35:02,314 [Paramedic] Dorothy? 483 00:35:02,347 --> 00:35:03,348 [Dorothy groans] 484 00:35:04,649 --> 00:35:06,384 [Paramedic] Get up. Get up. 485 00:35:22,300 --> 00:35:24,135 [Lidia gasps] 486 00:35:30,675 --> 00:35:31,875 [coughing] 487 00:35:34,044 --> 00:35:35,045 I'm sorry! 488 00:35:41,785 --> 00:35:43,221 I'm sorry. 489 00:35:43,255 --> 00:35:44,289 [Lidia gasps] 490 00:35:44,855 --> 00:35:46,023 [Pastor] Yeah. 491 00:35:47,024 --> 00:35:48,025 Lidia, 492 00:35:49,461 --> 00:35:50,894 you can talk to us. 493 00:35:52,062 --> 00:35:53,063 It helps. 494 00:35:54,299 --> 00:35:55,300 Trust me. 495 00:36:10,848 --> 00:36:12,950 I'm not talking about anything. 496 00:36:14,818 --> 00:36:17,555 [Pastor VO] You know, I always like to say, uh... 497 00:36:19,691 --> 00:36:22,560 find meaning in life's traffic 498 00:36:23,861 --> 00:36:27,198 through clearing spiritual barriers. 499 00:36:27,865 --> 00:36:29,066 [door slams shut] 500 00:36:43,448 --> 00:36:44,449 [Lidia sighs] 501 00:36:48,453 --> 00:36:49,454 [Phillip] Uh, 502 00:36:52,357 --> 00:36:53,824 I'm proud of you. 503 00:36:56,328 --> 00:36:57,329 You know? 504 00:37:01,098 --> 00:37:02,099 Yeah. 505 00:37:03,635 --> 00:37:04,835 [Philip] Yeah. 506 00:37:15,213 --> 00:37:16,214 Hey. 507 00:37:19,784 --> 00:37:21,085 Would you marry me? 508 00:37:21,786 --> 00:37:23,488 [Phillip laughs nervously] 509 00:37:38,503 --> 00:37:39,870 [acoustic guitar strums] 510 00:37:39,903 --> 00:37:41,773 -[stops playing] -[Phillip] Mm. 511 00:37:41,806 --> 00:37:42,940 [Phillip strums again] 512 00:37:42,973 --> 00:37:44,376 [Lidia laughs] 513 00:37:48,413 --> 00:37:49,414 [Phillip] Okay. 514 00:37:52,817 --> 00:37:56,554 ♪ And children have their dreams ♪ 515 00:37:56,588 --> 00:37:59,324 ♪ To hold on to ♪ 516 00:38:02,025 --> 00:38:04,562 ♪ And how they fly ♪ 517 00:38:04,596 --> 00:38:07,198 ♪ Take us to the moon ♪ 518 00:38:09,099 --> 00:38:12,903 ♪ Yes, they flow from you ♪ 519 00:38:14,539 --> 00:38:17,475 ♪ They flow from you ♪ 520 00:38:19,110 --> 00:38:23,013 ♪ And they flow from you ♪ 521 00:38:25,383 --> 00:38:28,853 ♪ And women have themselves ♪ 522 00:38:28,887 --> 00:38:31,088 ♪ To hold on to ♪ 523 00:38:34,159 --> 00:38:36,694 ♪ And how they fly ♪ 524 00:38:36,728 --> 00:38:39,464 ♪ Take me by surprise ♪ 525 00:38:41,266 --> 00:38:45,570 ♪ They float from me ♪ 526 00:38:45,603 --> 00:38:49,474 ♪ They float from me ♪ 527 00:38:50,974 --> 00:38:55,078 ♪ And they float from me ♪ 528 00:38:56,381 --> 00:38:59,049 [Lidia laughs] 529 00:39:00,618 --> 00:39:01,985 Aah! 530 00:39:06,891 --> 00:39:08,226 [Dorothy] Aw! 531 00:39:10,495 --> 00:39:11,962 [clapping] 532 00:39:14,265 --> 00:39:15,966 Oh! 533 00:39:16,367 --> 00:39:17,368 [Lidia gasps] 534 00:39:22,373 --> 00:39:23,374 Oh! 535 00:39:25,810 --> 00:39:26,977 [Dorothy laughs] 536 00:39:27,010 --> 00:39:28,680 Sweetheart. 537 00:39:28,713 --> 00:39:29,980 You did so good. 538 00:39:30,013 --> 00:39:32,116 You did so good! 539 00:39:32,150 --> 00:39:34,719 [Lidia retches, groans] 540 00:39:34,752 --> 00:39:36,754 [low, ominous sounds] 541 00:39:36,788 --> 00:39:38,223 [Lidia coughing] 542 00:39:40,023 --> 00:39:42,227 [Lidia retching, coughing] 543 00:39:48,065 --> 00:39:49,634 [Lidia panting] 544 00:39:56,073 --> 00:39:57,642 [Lidia breathes shakily] 545 00:39:58,810 --> 00:40:00,578 [Phillip] I made you some tea. 546 00:40:00,612 --> 00:40:03,581 I don't want any tea. What are we gonna do? 547 00:40:03,615 --> 00:40:05,149 [Lidia breathes heavily] 548 00:40:07,017 --> 00:40:08,419 [Phillip VO] Lidia, 549 00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:10,288 I love you. 550 00:40:11,956 --> 00:40:15,193 And whatever you want to do, I'll support it. 551 00:40:16,661 --> 00:40:19,464 [tense violin music] 552 00:40:20,063 --> 00:40:21,299 That's it? 553 00:40:26,237 --> 00:40:28,740 I need more than nothing 554 00:40:28,773 --> 00:40:31,910 from the most passive man on the fucking planet! 555 00:40:31,943 --> 00:40:34,712 [tense violin music continues] 556 00:40:44,589 --> 00:40:45,757 [Lidia pants] 557 00:40:47,859 --> 00:40:49,727 Sorry. I've been kind of sick. 558 00:40:52,297 --> 00:40:53,498 [approaching footsteps] 559 00:40:54,832 --> 00:40:56,501 You don't want anything. 560 00:40:56,534 --> 00:41:00,605 And you are killing me with your not wanting anything! 561 00:41:00,638 --> 00:41:03,374 -What were you thinking? -[Lidia] I don't know. 562 00:41:03,408 --> 00:41:07,312 I don't know. I don't know. It's fucking impossible! 563 00:41:07,345 --> 00:41:10,080 I can't stand how nice he-- 564 00:41:10,114 --> 00:41:12,216 I can't stand how nice he is! 565 00:41:12,250 --> 00:41:15,853 But...I couldn't have killed it either. 566 00:41:18,222 --> 00:41:19,490 I was thinking of-- 567 00:41:21,459 --> 00:41:23,728 maybe there's a world in which I-- 568 00:41:25,496 --> 00:41:26,598 I come and 569 00:41:27,765 --> 00:41:28,733 live with you 570 00:41:28,766 --> 00:41:29,867 in Eugene 571 00:41:29,901 --> 00:41:31,002 and take some classes 572 00:41:31,035 --> 00:41:32,804 where you're teaching and... 573 00:41:32,837 --> 00:41:36,374 I don't know. Maybe we could start, like, a little 574 00:41:38,943 --> 00:41:40,378 family. 575 00:41:45,416 --> 00:41:48,152 -Yes. -'Cause I think my life with him 576 00:41:48,186 --> 00:41:51,689 is gonna be like some sad, sad fucking country song. 577 00:41:51,723 --> 00:41:54,659 - And this is the only thing -Lidia, Lidia, I-- 578 00:41:54,692 --> 00:41:55,693 I said yes. 579 00:41:56,928 --> 00:41:58,363 [Claudia] Come home. 580 00:42:03,401 --> 00:42:04,402 Okay. 581 00:42:07,538 --> 00:42:08,539 Cool. 582 00:42:10,742 --> 00:42:13,177 [Lidia VO] Because she left me once 583 00:42:14,113 --> 00:42:15,546 to save her own life. 584 00:42:24,455 --> 00:42:26,157 [Mike] What are you two doing back there, huh? 585 00:42:26,190 --> 00:42:27,825 Playing with yourselves? 586 00:42:29,694 --> 00:42:30,695 What? 587 00:42:31,829 --> 00:42:33,231 I bring them to the most beautiful scenery in the world, 588 00:42:33,264 --> 00:42:34,666 and--and they just 589 00:42:34,699 --> 00:42:35,800 playing grab-ass? 590 00:42:38,336 --> 00:42:40,705 [yelling] Look out the goddamn window! 591 00:42:53,584 --> 00:42:54,852 [car turns off] 592 00:42:58,823 --> 00:42:59,824 Claudia, 593 00:43:00,892 --> 00:43:03,928 grab the hacksaw from under your mother's seat. 594 00:43:03,961 --> 00:43:05,630 Come on! Let's go. 595 00:43:08,266 --> 00:43:09,500 [door slams] 596 00:43:30,655 --> 00:43:32,857 [Dorothy] Here you go, sweetheart. 597 00:43:32,890 --> 00:43:33,891 For sustenance. 598 00:43:35,359 --> 00:43:36,761 For sustenance. 599 00:43:38,963 --> 00:43:40,231 You don't want it? 600 00:43:46,738 --> 00:43:47,739 [seat creaks] 601 00:43:48,639 --> 00:43:49,741 Come on, honey. Just have a little sip. 602 00:43:49,774 --> 00:43:52,376 -[liquid pouring] -It'll warm you up. Mmm! 603 00:43:59,417 --> 00:44:01,953 [Dorothy hums "Oh! My Darling Clementine"] 604 00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:04,355 [Claudia cries] 605 00:44:05,490 --> 00:44:08,326 -[Dorothy hums] -[Claudia cries] 606 00:44:08,359 --> 00:44:11,562 [Dorothy] ♪ Blowin' bubbles soft and fine... ♪ 607 00:44:13,198 --> 00:44:15,533 [silence] 608 00:44:19,771 --> 00:44:22,640 [door opens] 609 00:44:22,673 --> 00:44:24,709 -[Dorothy] Well, thank God. -[Mike sighs] 610 00:44:26,077 --> 00:44:28,213 -[door closes] -[Mike exhales heavily] 611 00:44:28,247 --> 00:44:30,047 -[Mike pants] -[hands rubbing] 612 00:44:32,151 --> 00:44:33,584 Where's the tree? 613 00:44:34,318 --> 00:44:35,553 [door creaks open] 614 00:44:36,654 --> 00:44:37,655 [Mike] Just-- 615 00:44:38,723 --> 00:44:39,824 [engine starts] 616 00:44:42,059 --> 00:44:43,060 [Lidia VO] Mm. 617 00:44:45,663 --> 00:44:46,664 There. 618 00:44:47,498 --> 00:44:48,966 That's the picture. 619 00:44:49,834 --> 00:44:52,403 [soft music] 620 00:44:54,705 --> 00:44:56,340 [door opens] 621 00:44:58,976 --> 00:45:00,778 -Welcome home. -[Lidia laughs] 622 00:45:00,812 --> 00:45:01,813 Oh! 623 00:45:06,151 --> 00:45:07,351 Come on in. 624 00:45:07,885 --> 00:45:09,053 I'll get that. 625 00:45:09,086 --> 00:45:10,688 [Lidia] Why? 'Cause I'm pregnant? 626 00:45:10,721 --> 00:45:11,722 Yeah. 627 00:45:16,861 --> 00:45:17,862 [Lidia] Oh. 628 00:45:22,433 --> 00:45:23,634 [Lidia sighs] 629 00:45:26,138 --> 00:45:27,705 [Lidia exhales deeply] 630 00:45:29,874 --> 00:45:32,610 [soft music continues] 631 00:45:37,348 --> 00:45:38,516 [Claudia] Here. 632 00:45:38,983 --> 00:45:40,351 Thanks. 633 00:45:41,986 --> 00:45:42,987 Mmm. 634 00:45:44,622 --> 00:45:45,756 Fuck. 635 00:45:49,294 --> 00:45:51,028 [Lidia makes baby crying noises] 636 00:45:51,062 --> 00:45:52,496 [Claudia laughs] 637 00:45:53,431 --> 00:45:54,799 Thank you, Claudia. 638 00:45:59,770 --> 00:46:00,771 Oof. 639 00:46:03,941 --> 00:46:07,078 Do you remember when you used to make me do things? 640 00:46:09,614 --> 00:46:11,382 Like... 641 00:46:11,415 --> 00:46:14,253 -"Here. Bite this apple." -[Lidia laughs] 642 00:46:14,286 --> 00:46:16,321 Sock it in my mouth. 643 00:46:16,355 --> 00:46:17,822 [both giggle] 644 00:46:18,723 --> 00:46:20,958 "Here. Smell this ashtray." 645 00:46:20,992 --> 00:46:23,461 "Just blow it. One, two..." 646 00:46:23,494 --> 00:46:26,063 Ashes all over my fucking face. 647 00:46:30,468 --> 00:46:32,170 I would have done anything. 648 00:46:37,074 --> 00:46:38,542 You were mythic to me. 649 00:46:42,580 --> 00:46:43,848 I remember when I went downstairs 650 00:46:43,881 --> 00:46:45,650 after you moved into the basement. 651 00:46:46,584 --> 00:46:51,822 And, um, realize how smart that was then but 652 00:46:54,226 --> 00:46:56,194 I used to look at all of your stuff 653 00:46:56,228 --> 00:46:58,130 and used to touch it. 654 00:46:59,231 --> 00:47:00,731 -[Claudia sighs] -One time I found 655 00:47:00,765 --> 00:47:02,466 a razor blade in your purse. 656 00:47:02,500 --> 00:47:05,237 -Cut myself on it. -[Young Lidia gasps] 657 00:47:05,270 --> 00:47:07,605 Made the fact that I had to pee hurt. 658 00:47:21,219 --> 00:47:22,586 I, um, 659 00:47:25,290 --> 00:47:26,490 I know that 660 00:47:26,524 --> 00:47:27,725 this is a... 661 00:47:28,526 --> 00:47:30,094 sacrifice. 662 00:47:31,129 --> 00:47:32,063 [Claudia sighs] 663 00:47:32,096 --> 00:47:33,464 No, uh, 664 00:47:35,233 --> 00:47:36,600 It's just, you-- 665 00:47:39,003 --> 00:47:40,638 you were so little. Uh, 666 00:47:42,441 --> 00:47:43,641 uh-- 667 00:47:48,447 --> 00:47:49,647 yeah. 668 00:47:54,152 --> 00:47:55,153 Well, 669 00:47:57,688 --> 00:48:00,858 this is one way to Frankenstein your life. 670 00:48:00,891 --> 00:48:02,260 [Claudia laughs] 671 00:48:09,900 --> 00:48:11,269 Maybe... 672 00:48:11,303 --> 00:48:13,671 I've been waiting for this. 673 00:48:16,241 --> 00:48:19,211 -[machines beeping] -[Lidia breathing heavily] 674 00:48:20,644 --> 00:48:21,812 [Lidia exhales] 675 00:48:24,216 --> 00:48:25,516 Mmm. 676 00:48:28,420 --> 00:48:29,687 [labored breathing] 677 00:48:34,759 --> 00:48:38,397 -[machines beeping] -[Lidia grunting] 678 00:48:38,430 --> 00:48:40,798 Yes. Breathe. 679 00:48:42,434 --> 00:48:44,202 -[Lidia grunting] -I know. 680 00:48:47,105 --> 00:48:48,706 Come on. Come on. 681 00:48:48,739 --> 00:48:49,940 [Lidia cries out] 682 00:48:50,808 --> 00:48:51,909 You... 683 00:48:51,942 --> 00:48:52,943 can... 684 00:48:53,245 --> 00:48:54,545 do it. 685 00:48:55,079 --> 00:48:56,181 [Lidia gasps] 686 00:48:58,183 --> 00:48:59,550 [Lidia cries out] 687 00:49:01,752 --> 00:49:03,554 [wet, visceral sounds] 688 00:49:03,587 --> 00:49:04,822 [Lidia cries out] 689 00:49:06,957 --> 00:49:08,826 [Lidia gasps] 690 00:49:12,364 --> 00:49:14,565 [curtain sliding] 691 00:49:20,771 --> 00:49:23,074 [Lidia whimpers, pants] 692 00:49:36,620 --> 00:49:37,822 Where is she? 693 00:49:40,392 --> 00:49:41,592 Can I hold her? 694 00:49:43,128 --> 00:49:44,129 Uh, yeah. 695 00:49:48,366 --> 00:49:52,170 [Nurse, softly] Just one second. We're just cleaning her up. 696 00:50:10,188 --> 00:50:11,189 [Lidia sighs] 697 00:50:15,527 --> 00:50:16,794 Her lips are pink. 698 00:50:20,030 --> 00:50:21,031 They're pink. 699 00:50:45,357 --> 00:50:48,092 [somber music] 700 00:50:57,235 --> 00:50:59,337 -[shower running] -[distant wailing] 701 00:51:03,175 --> 00:51:04,675 [wind blows] 702 00:51:37,342 --> 00:51:38,276 Just th-- 703 00:51:40,345 --> 00:51:42,012 throw it as far as you can. 704 00:51:52,257 --> 00:51:53,258 [Phillip grunts] 705 00:52:04,768 --> 00:52:07,138 [Phillip whimpers] 706 00:52:07,172 --> 00:52:09,374 -[Lidia chuckles] -It's not funny. 707 00:52:13,043 --> 00:52:14,044 Get it. 708 00:52:20,118 --> 00:52:21,119 [Phillip sighs] 709 00:52:33,665 --> 00:52:34,865 God! 710 00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:03,461 [Lidia gasps] 711 00:53:07,465 --> 00:53:08,566 Sorry. 712 00:53:15,740 --> 00:53:17,208 [water splashes] 713 00:53:21,746 --> 00:53:24,582 [somber music] 714 00:53:37,262 --> 00:53:38,263 [Phillip cries] 715 00:53:42,534 --> 00:53:44,068 [Phillip cries, laughs] 716 00:53:47,472 --> 00:53:50,108 Look. She's all over you. 717 00:53:52,377 --> 00:53:54,479 You're fucking laughing. 718 00:53:55,613 --> 00:53:58,116 [Lidia laughing] 719 00:54:06,658 --> 00:54:08,159 [Phillip cries] 720 00:54:20,805 --> 00:54:22,374 [Lidia and Phillip laugh] 721 00:54:27,812 --> 00:54:30,148 [Lidia VO] What lived and died between us 722 00:54:32,517 --> 00:54:33,518 haunts me 723 00:54:34,853 --> 00:54:36,053 still. 724 00:54:36,454 --> 00:54:37,888 [water splashes] 725 00:54:38,456 --> 00:54:39,657 [Lidia gasps] 726 00:54:39,691 --> 00:54:41,326 [Kesey] God damn, girl. 727 00:54:41,359 --> 00:54:43,561 What are you, some kind of mermaid? 728 00:54:45,296 --> 00:54:46,297 [Lidia] Yep. 729 00:54:51,503 --> 00:54:53,204 [Kesey VO] You got something to say? 730 00:54:54,339 --> 00:54:55,273 [splash] 731 00:54:55,306 --> 00:54:56,307 No way. 732 00:54:58,576 --> 00:54:59,611 [Claire] Come on. 733 00:55:01,212 --> 00:55:05,082 You deserve this. You don't want to come with me? 734 00:55:05,116 --> 00:55:07,918 This is crazy. I'm not even a grad student. 735 00:55:07,951 --> 00:55:09,287 I'm basically just trolling the English department. 736 00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,389 You think Kesey gives a rat's ass 737 00:55:11,423 --> 00:55:12,791 about U of O rules? 738 00:55:12,824 --> 00:55:14,793 You will regret not doing this. 739 00:55:14,826 --> 00:55:16,861 They won't even let me enroll. 740 00:55:16,895 --> 00:55:19,364 Bullshit. I already told him about you. 741 00:55:19,864 --> 00:55:21,064 The-- 742 00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:23,201 These-- 743 00:55:25,303 --> 00:55:26,069 [sighs] 744 00:55:26,104 --> 00:55:27,839 He's gonna love you. 745 00:55:27,872 --> 00:55:30,475 [upbeat music in background] 746 00:55:32,510 --> 00:55:35,480 You don't want to write a novel with Ken Kesey? 747 00:55:44,322 --> 00:55:46,224 [Lidia gulps] 748 00:55:56,367 --> 00:55:57,735 Hey, everyone. 749 00:55:57,769 --> 00:55:59,704 Um, hey, everybody. Hey. 750 00:55:59,737 --> 00:56:02,407 [papers rustling] 751 00:56:03,675 --> 00:56:05,176 You're an idiot. 752 00:56:05,210 --> 00:56:07,512 Hi. Um, this is Lidia. 753 00:56:09,814 --> 00:56:11,282 -Say hi. -Hi. 754 00:56:14,486 --> 00:56:15,620 [Kesey] Well, hello. 755 00:56:16,254 --> 00:56:17,856 What do we have here? 756 00:56:17,889 --> 00:56:20,023 -[chair scrapes] -A triple-A tootsie? 757 00:56:20,057 --> 00:56:21,292 [class chuckles] 758 00:56:23,328 --> 00:56:25,296 I know what happened to you. 759 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:30,401 Death is a motherfucker. 760 00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:37,542 [rustling] 761 00:56:39,978 --> 00:56:41,179 Ah! 762 00:56:42,814 --> 00:56:44,616 Shit. 763 00:56:44,649 --> 00:56:45,483 -[Kesey] Jeff? -[Jeff] Yes. 764 00:56:45,517 --> 00:56:47,050 [Kesey] You think you can roll one? 765 00:56:47,084 --> 00:56:49,821 I always hate sitting in a room full of writers. 766 00:56:49,854 --> 00:56:51,122 [Jeff] Sure. 767 00:56:55,460 --> 00:56:56,461 [Kesey coughs] 768 00:56:57,829 --> 00:56:59,531 [chair scoots] 769 00:56:59,564 --> 00:57:00,331 [Lidia laughs] 770 00:57:00,365 --> 00:57:02,032 [Kesey] The chair will be fine. 771 00:57:03,434 --> 00:57:05,270 I want you all 772 00:57:10,975 --> 00:57:13,043 I want you all to be winners. 773 00:57:13,711 --> 00:57:15,246 I want 774 00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:17,148 you to be warriors. 775 00:57:18,449 --> 00:57:19,450 Warriors. 776 00:57:20,118 --> 00:57:22,186 I'll give you the warrior test. 777 00:57:22,587 --> 00:57:23,821 Shit floats. 778 00:57:24,656 --> 00:57:25,990 Cream rises. 779 00:57:26,024 --> 00:57:29,059 Shit floats. Jerry Rubin. 780 00:57:31,094 --> 00:57:32,497 Cream rises. 781 00:57:40,438 --> 00:57:41,439 Ferlinghetti. 782 00:57:42,607 --> 00:57:44,409 [class laughs] 783 00:57:44,442 --> 00:57:45,443 Lord Buckley. 784 00:57:46,477 --> 00:57:47,745 Lenny Bruce. 785 00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:50,114 The greats. 786 00:57:52,016 --> 00:57:53,585 I want you to be great. 787 00:57:56,054 --> 00:57:57,488 Shit, somebody 788 00:57:58,623 --> 00:58:01,759 has got to create our culture for the next 50 years. 789 00:58:01,793 --> 00:58:03,194 And I want it to be you. 790 00:58:03,227 --> 00:58:04,929 [Kesey] All right. There are only two rules. 791 00:58:04,963 --> 00:58:06,331 -One, -[jazzy drums beating] 792 00:58:06,364 --> 00:58:08,333 do not talk the plot of our novel 793 00:58:08,366 --> 00:58:10,868 to anyone outside this class. 794 00:58:11,869 --> 00:58:15,406 Two, I comprise 50% of the class 795 00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:18,242 so we only write together 796 00:58:19,177 --> 00:58:21,145 because we will publish 797 00:58:21,179 --> 00:58:22,880 or perish together. 798 00:58:24,849 --> 00:58:25,883 [chair creeks] 799 00:58:25,917 --> 00:58:27,518 [crash] 800 00:58:29,887 --> 00:58:31,489 Nelson Algren said 801 00:58:33,057 --> 00:58:34,659 "The job of the writer 802 00:58:35,627 --> 00:58:38,529 is to pull the judge down onto the dock, 803 00:58:40,064 --> 00:58:41,366 to make 804 00:58:42,433 --> 00:58:45,536 the Almighty feel what it's like to be down low." 805 00:58:46,738 --> 00:58:47,805 He'll be all right. 806 00:58:49,874 --> 00:58:51,542 Grass never killed anybody. 807 00:58:52,844 --> 00:58:54,679 So, go. 808 00:58:56,180 --> 00:58:57,515 Right now. 809 00:58:58,316 --> 00:59:00,151 Write some bizarre sentences. 810 00:59:00,184 --> 00:59:03,187 Hey! Where are you? 811 00:59:03,221 --> 00:59:06,924 You can't take Quaaludes before the class. 812 00:59:06,958 --> 00:59:09,060 Now disappear into your imagination. 813 00:59:09,093 --> 00:59:10,461 Come on! 814 00:59:10,495 --> 00:59:12,196 Disappear into your imagination. 815 00:59:12,230 --> 00:59:14,432 Nobody's in the room but you and that pen. 816 00:59:15,700 --> 00:59:17,435 [harmonica playing] 817 00:59:19,570 --> 00:59:20,705 [Kesey] Better. 818 00:59:23,108 --> 00:59:24,575 Here you are. 819 00:59:24,609 --> 00:59:26,177 This is the shit. 820 00:59:30,848 --> 00:59:32,583 I wrote "Demon Box" in here. 821 00:59:33,651 --> 00:59:36,087 This room here is a creative room here. 822 00:59:36,121 --> 00:59:37,588 It's a creative space. 823 00:59:37,622 --> 00:59:38,623 Hey, Bennett. 824 00:59:39,590 --> 00:59:41,225 You didn't bring any ludes with you, did you? 825 00:59:41,259 --> 00:59:44,395 You know, those kind of drugs put you into your body, 826 00:59:44,429 --> 00:59:45,730 not into your mind. 827 00:59:46,731 --> 00:59:50,802 Stick with the acid, psilocybin, San Pedro -- 828 00:59:50,835 --> 00:59:53,504 something that'll disintegrate your ego 829 00:59:53,538 --> 00:59:55,740 so you can hear your inner voice. 830 00:59:56,974 --> 00:59:58,876 And you write from that voice. 831 01:00:01,379 --> 01:00:03,614 You want your voice to come through. 832 01:00:08,286 --> 01:00:09,921 Oh, Jesus. 833 01:00:09,954 --> 01:00:11,322 [Kesey grunts] 834 01:00:12,590 --> 01:00:14,726 That's not supposed to happen. 835 01:00:15,426 --> 01:00:17,462 I got wrestler's knees. 836 01:00:19,630 --> 01:00:21,133 All right. 837 01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:23,501 Let's get outside before the sun sets. 838 01:00:24,169 --> 01:00:25,369 I want you 839 01:00:26,904 --> 01:00:28,740 to meet someone. 840 01:00:30,142 --> 01:00:31,342 [Kesey groans] 841 01:00:32,144 --> 01:00:33,244 Come on! 842 01:00:33,644 --> 01:00:34,645 Fuck you, God! 843 01:00:36,414 --> 01:00:38,217 God got the commandments wrong. 844 01:00:38,249 --> 01:00:39,650 I think there's 11 commandments. 845 01:00:39,684 --> 01:00:42,386 And it should be the first commandment, have mercy. 846 01:00:42,420 --> 01:00:45,490 -[Claire] Hey. -[Kesey] Lord, have mercy! 847 01:00:45,523 --> 01:00:47,992 Just think if everybody had mercy for each other, 848 01:00:48,025 --> 01:00:49,393 where we'd be today. 849 01:00:49,427 --> 01:00:51,629 You see a man in the street who needs a few dollars. 850 01:00:51,662 --> 01:00:55,700 Give it to him. Give it to him. Have mercy. He needs it. 851 01:00:55,733 --> 01:00:57,802 He wouldn't ask for it if he didn't need it. 852 01:01:00,071 --> 01:01:01,272 Mercy. 853 01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:04,375 Hire me to rewrite the... 854 01:01:05,543 --> 01:01:06,544 Bible. 855 01:01:11,183 --> 01:01:13,050 [owl hoots] 856 01:01:17,321 --> 01:01:18,956 [rocks clank] 857 01:01:28,466 --> 01:01:30,701 What are you, some kind of mermaid? 858 01:01:39,977 --> 01:01:40,978 Yep. 859 01:01:44,249 --> 01:01:46,417 [Kesey coughs] 860 01:01:50,222 --> 01:01:51,422 [Kesey spits] 861 01:01:53,457 --> 01:01:55,893 [Kesey] You know, when Jed died, my boy, 862 01:01:56,994 --> 01:01:59,030 I wanted to cease to exist. 863 01:02:07,206 --> 01:02:11,475 And everybody that talked to me said something asinine. 864 01:02:15,012 --> 01:02:16,747 Or didn't say anything at all. 865 01:02:28,759 --> 01:02:29,760 [Kesey sighs] 866 01:02:31,196 --> 01:02:33,464 Nobody understands death anymore. 867 01:02:38,237 --> 01:02:39,537 [Kesey] It used to be sacred. 868 01:02:40,172 --> 01:02:41,372 So sacred. 869 01:02:42,207 --> 01:02:44,809 [gentle music] 870 01:02:46,345 --> 01:02:47,545 Shit. 871 01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:52,516 No one's big enough to hold what happens to us. 872 01:02:56,188 --> 01:02:57,622 No one is big enough 873 01:02:59,191 --> 01:03:00,825 to hold what happens to us. 874 01:03:07,199 --> 01:03:08,799 You got something to say? 875 01:03:17,475 --> 01:03:18,809 It's in your hands. 876 01:03:20,212 --> 01:03:22,813 -[fire crackles] -[gentle music] 877 01:03:30,355 --> 01:03:31,656 [Kesey groans] 878 01:03:35,459 --> 01:03:36,861 [scribbling on paper] 879 01:03:39,964 --> 01:03:42,867 [gentle music continues] 880 01:03:42,900 --> 01:03:46,437 [Lidia VO] Everything about my father was in his hands. 881 01:03:51,376 --> 01:03:53,711 [Mike VO] It's all about coordination. 882 01:03:56,248 --> 01:03:59,318 A perfectly balanced dance of 883 01:03:59,351 --> 01:04:00,718 shadow and light. 884 01:04:02,019 --> 01:04:04,822 [Lidia VO] Before my father was my father, 885 01:04:05,623 --> 01:04:07,192 he was an artist. 886 01:04:07,225 --> 01:04:10,661 [Dorothy VO] Your daddy won a prize 887 01:04:10,695 --> 01:04:12,096 for this drawing. 888 01:04:14,799 --> 01:04:17,601 [Lidia VO] Before my father was an artist, 889 01:04:18,236 --> 01:04:19,503 he was an athlete. 890 01:04:19,537 --> 01:04:21,505 [pencil scribbling] 891 01:04:21,539 --> 01:04:23,607 Before my father was my father, 892 01:04:27,011 --> 01:04:28,012 he was beautiful. 893 01:04:29,147 --> 01:04:30,148 And she was. 894 01:04:31,283 --> 01:04:32,984 Before my father was my father, 895 01:04:34,419 --> 01:04:35,619 he was a boy. 896 01:04:36,188 --> 01:04:37,488 Just a boy 897 01:04:38,190 --> 01:04:39,590 whose own mother 898 01:04:40,158 --> 01:04:41,993 cut his tongue. 899 01:04:48,166 --> 01:04:49,867 Before I hated him, 900 01:04:51,902 --> 01:04:52,903 I loved him. 901 01:04:59,043 --> 01:05:00,145 [Mike] Look up. 902 01:05:00,178 --> 01:05:01,512 Now, if you don't look where you're going, 903 01:05:01,545 --> 01:05:02,847 you're gonna crash, you hear me? 904 01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:03,914 When you get to the bottom of the hill, 905 01:05:03,948 --> 01:05:06,151 you just brake enough to make a turn. 906 01:05:06,184 --> 01:05:07,185 Okay? 907 01:05:09,488 --> 01:05:10,855 [low rumble] 908 01:05:11,088 --> 01:05:12,556 Go. 909 01:05:12,590 --> 01:05:14,159 -Keep your eyes on the road! -[Bike pedaling] 910 01:05:14,192 --> 01:05:15,526 Keep going. 911 01:05:16,027 --> 01:05:17,262 Keep your head up! 912 01:05:17,295 --> 01:05:18,829 [distant pedaling] 913 01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:23,502 Keep those eyes on the road. 914 01:05:23,534 --> 01:05:25,102 -You gotta brake! -[crash] 915 01:05:25,137 --> 01:05:27,805 -[pencil scribbling] -[breathing heavily] 916 01:05:29,774 --> 01:05:30,941 [Dorothy VO] Mike? 917 01:05:31,209 --> 01:05:32,210 Mike. 918 01:05:32,943 --> 01:05:34,179 Mike! 919 01:05:34,212 --> 01:05:35,980 -Get a flashlight. -What for? 920 01:05:36,013 --> 01:05:37,449 [Mike] I think she's hurt down there. 921 01:05:37,482 --> 01:05:40,252 -[Dorothy] What?! What happened?! 922 01:05:40,285 --> 01:05:41,420 [Mike] Just shut the goddamn door. 923 01:05:41,453 --> 01:05:42,354 [door slams] 924 01:05:42,387 --> 01:05:43,422 [Lidia] Mm, yeah. 925 01:05:43,455 --> 01:05:45,424 [Bocnher] You done with that chapter? 926 01:05:45,457 --> 01:05:47,925 [soft music playing in background] 927 01:05:49,361 --> 01:05:50,561 [books rustling] 928 01:05:51,129 --> 01:05:52,130 Yep. 929 01:06:10,848 --> 01:06:11,849 Hey. 930 01:06:12,983 --> 01:06:15,320 Hi. Hello. 931 01:06:15,353 --> 01:06:17,289 [Lidia laughs] 932 01:06:20,525 --> 01:06:23,228 I'm a writer [laughs]. 933 01:06:23,261 --> 01:06:26,997 [applause] 934 01:06:37,242 --> 01:06:38,510 [Kesey] Thank you. 935 01:06:38,543 --> 01:06:39,478 [Kesey coughs] 936 01:06:39,511 --> 01:06:40,878 Thank you. 937 01:06:40,911 --> 01:06:44,882 We are gathered because, uh, we want to see the results. 938 01:06:44,915 --> 01:06:49,920 We want to witness the results of this experiment, 939 01:06:49,954 --> 01:06:54,359 a collaborative novel written by us. 940 01:06:54,392 --> 01:06:55,393 [audience laughter] 941 01:06:55,427 --> 01:06:57,462 Please, let's welcome 942 01:06:57,496 --> 01:07:00,332 the first of the not-so-merry pranksters 943 01:07:00,365 --> 01:07:03,033 to the stage to present 944 01:07:04,302 --> 01:07:05,303 "Caverns." 945 01:07:06,304 --> 01:07:08,306 Lidia, come on up. 946 01:07:08,340 --> 01:07:10,275 [applause] 947 01:07:11,576 --> 01:07:13,077 You're gonna kill it. 948 01:07:31,229 --> 01:07:32,430 [Kesey] Whoo! 949 01:07:34,064 --> 01:07:35,300 Hello. 950 01:07:35,333 --> 01:07:37,402 My thigh, behind my knee. 951 01:07:37,435 --> 01:07:38,769 -[Kesey] There you go. -You, too? 952 01:07:38,802 --> 01:07:40,238 -[Kesey] Thank you for coming. -[Claire] My ass crack. 953 01:07:40,272 --> 01:07:42,307 Back of my knees, and they're just like... 954 01:07:42,340 --> 01:07:43,674 [Mike] Lidia's father. 955 01:07:44,742 --> 01:07:47,711 What can I say? I'm a great admirer of yours. 956 01:07:47,745 --> 01:07:49,381 [Kesey] Mike. Is that right? 957 01:07:50,215 --> 01:07:51,849 [Mike] That's right. 958 01:07:51,882 --> 01:07:54,685 [Kesey] Glad you could make it. 959 01:07:54,718 --> 01:07:57,489 [Mike] Lidia and I, we saw "Cuckoo's Nest" and, uh, 960 01:07:57,522 --> 01:08:00,458 "Sometimes a Great Notion" together, and it's just great. 961 01:08:00,492 --> 01:08:02,360 I mean, great books. 962 01:08:05,197 --> 01:08:06,464 You know, Mike 963 01:08:08,065 --> 01:08:09,099 Lidia here 964 01:08:10,768 --> 01:08:13,205 she can knock it out of the park. 965 01:08:17,375 --> 01:08:19,110 Do you want me to sign that? 966 01:08:23,582 --> 01:08:25,082 Thanks for coming, Dad. 967 01:08:30,655 --> 01:08:31,855 Okay. 968 01:08:32,424 --> 01:08:33,425 To... 969 01:08:34,159 --> 01:08:35,160 Mike? 970 01:08:36,161 --> 01:08:37,162 [Mike] Please. 971 01:08:39,029 --> 01:08:40,030 "To Mike. 972 01:08:41,031 --> 01:08:42,032 Be 973 01:08:44,269 --> 01:08:45,270 brave." 974 01:08:54,979 --> 01:08:56,281 There you go, Mike. 975 01:09:00,918 --> 01:09:02,187 There you go, baby. 976 01:09:03,121 --> 01:09:04,054 Yep. 977 01:09:04,088 --> 01:09:06,757 [Kesey and Lidia laughing] 978 01:09:15,567 --> 01:09:17,469 [Kesey clears his throat, groans] 979 01:09:24,743 --> 01:09:27,178 I've seen a lot of writers come and go. 980 01:09:31,283 --> 01:09:32,417 You got the stuff. 981 01:09:36,488 --> 01:09:38,223 [hand thumps] 982 01:09:38,989 --> 01:09:40,458 Got something for you. 983 01:09:41,058 --> 01:09:42,059 Here. 984 01:09:44,195 --> 01:09:45,196 Here. 985 01:09:47,965 --> 01:09:51,202 It comes from the most spiritual beach on Earth. 986 01:09:53,204 --> 01:09:54,205 Hold that. 987 01:09:56,341 --> 01:09:57,509 You can hold it all. 988 01:10:00,878 --> 01:10:02,946 You're gonna hold it all, girl. 989 01:10:05,350 --> 01:10:06,351 [Kesey slurps] 990 01:10:09,621 --> 01:10:10,821 So, 991 01:10:12,290 --> 01:10:13,391 so, what's next? 992 01:10:16,661 --> 01:10:19,830 -Next? -Next. What is next? Next. 993 01:10:25,637 --> 01:10:26,837 [Lidia sighs] 994 01:10:28,206 --> 01:10:30,941 I want to write "The Sound and the Fury." 995 01:10:31,543 --> 01:10:33,877 [Kesey laughs] 996 01:10:34,245 --> 01:10:35,246 [cup clinks] 997 01:10:38,483 --> 01:10:40,118 [Kesey coughs] 998 01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:43,854 Of course you do, honey. 999 01:10:45,523 --> 01:10:46,857 Oh, boy. 1000 01:10:47,692 --> 01:10:49,461 -[rock clatters] -[Kesey gasps] 1001 01:10:49,494 --> 01:10:50,562 [cup clatters] 1002 01:10:51,995 --> 01:10:54,332 Here. Throw it and see if I can catch it. 1003 01:10:54,366 --> 01:10:55,367 -Ready? -Yeah. 1004 01:10:56,568 --> 01:10:58,102 -Ah! -Shit! 1005 01:11:00,105 --> 01:11:01,106 Ah. 1006 01:11:02,107 --> 01:11:05,008 -[Kesey sighs] -A lot riding on that going in. 1007 01:11:08,213 --> 01:11:10,281 [Kesey] It has no metaphor. 1008 01:11:11,182 --> 01:11:13,518 -Okay. -[Kesey] Fuck metaphors. 1009 01:11:14,152 --> 01:11:14,985 Okay. 1010 01:11:15,018 --> 01:11:17,020 [Kesey] It's just a rock that fell. 1011 01:11:22,694 --> 01:11:24,429 [Kesey mumbles] 1012 01:11:25,963 --> 01:11:28,400 I'm gonna get the rock and I'm gonna go pee. 1013 01:11:28,433 --> 01:11:30,100 -All right. -Ugh! 1014 01:11:30,135 --> 01:11:32,337 Oh, yeah. There we go. You got it. 1015 01:11:34,572 --> 01:11:35,573 [cup clatters] 1016 01:11:36,907 --> 01:11:39,210 [Lidia VO] That was the last time I saw him. 1017 01:11:39,244 --> 01:11:41,212 [Kesey] You can write, girl! 1018 01:11:41,246 --> 01:11:43,681 [Lidia VO] I'm of the opinion, that he drowned. 1019 01:11:43,715 --> 01:11:48,319 [ocean sounds] 1020 01:11:51,156 --> 01:11:53,758 Caddy wants to fuck. 1021 01:11:53,792 --> 01:11:55,527 She's insatiable. 1022 01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:59,264 And because her neighbor boy man has a giant pants bulge 1023 01:11:59,297 --> 01:12:01,433 and a sound that comes out of him 1024 01:12:01,466 --> 01:12:02,567 instead of language, 1025 01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:04,101 she goes over to his house 1026 01:12:04,135 --> 01:12:05,969 and she removes all of her clothes, 1027 01:12:06,003 --> 01:12:07,971 so he finally fucks her 1028 01:12:08,873 --> 01:12:10,475 and crushes her. 1029 01:12:12,610 --> 01:12:14,846 He fucks her to death, 1030 01:12:14,879 --> 01:12:17,348 and she loves it! 1031 01:12:17,382 --> 01:12:20,785 And she laughs until she cries, and an ambulance has to come. 1032 01:12:20,819 --> 01:12:22,085 But it's too late. 1033 01:12:23,388 --> 01:12:25,490 That is "The Sound and the Fury." 1034 01:12:26,925 --> 01:12:28,126 [Chad] Trite. 1035 01:12:29,427 --> 01:12:32,363 Look, I've already read "The Sound and the Fury." 1036 01:12:32,397 --> 01:12:35,098 Reworking Faulkner is some college shit. 1037 01:12:36,768 --> 01:12:37,968 [Lidia sighs] 1038 01:12:40,037 --> 01:12:42,340 Maybe try something original. 1039 01:12:42,373 --> 01:12:43,475 [Lidia exhales] 1040 01:12:44,776 --> 01:12:45,976 God, 1041 01:12:46,377 --> 01:12:47,378 I hate them. 1042 01:12:47,912 --> 01:12:49,647 Hey. 1043 01:12:49,681 --> 01:12:51,349 What the hell does he know? 1044 01:12:51,883 --> 01:12:53,485 It is original. 1045 01:12:53,518 --> 01:12:55,286 It's a fucking pastiche. 1046 01:12:56,321 --> 01:12:58,456 -[Claire] Hey! -[Hannah] Ha! Hey. 1047 01:12:58,490 --> 01:13:01,392 You want to go to the coast? I got us a room. 1048 01:13:01,793 --> 01:13:03,161 Hi, Hannah. 1049 01:13:03,194 --> 01:13:04,896 We're actually gonna work on these this weekend. 1050 01:13:04,929 --> 01:13:05,996 -[Lidia] Right. -[Hannah] Come on. 1051 01:13:06,029 --> 01:13:07,398 Is your fly undone? 1052 01:13:08,399 --> 01:13:09,367 Lids. 1053 01:13:09,400 --> 01:13:10,902 [smack] 1054 01:13:10,935 --> 01:13:13,103 -[Hannah] What is that? -Oh! 1055 01:13:16,641 --> 01:13:18,008 I fucking dare you. 1056 01:13:18,041 --> 01:13:20,043 [Lidia whispering] 1057 01:13:20,678 --> 01:13:21,679 Come on. 1058 01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:23,848 [Lidia VO] Anything. 1059 01:13:23,882 --> 01:13:24,883 [Lidia screams] 1060 01:13:24,916 --> 01:13:26,251 Anytime. 1061 01:13:26,284 --> 01:13:27,485 Whoa! 1062 01:13:27,519 --> 01:13:29,120 [Lidia VO] Anywhere. Anything. Anytime. Anywhere. 1063 01:13:29,153 --> 01:13:30,355 Please be careful! 1064 01:13:30,388 --> 01:13:32,190 -[Lidia VO] To feel absolutely -[loud thud] 1065 01:13:32,223 --> 01:13:34,024 -[Lidia cries out] -nothing. 1066 01:13:37,228 --> 01:13:39,364 [Hannah] I'm gonna go grab some firewood. 1067 01:13:39,397 --> 01:13:41,566 Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 1068 01:13:42,967 --> 01:13:44,168 [door shuts] 1069 01:14:04,122 --> 01:14:05,557 Is this like a-- 1070 01:14:07,525 --> 01:14:08,593 a fuck trip? 1071 01:14:10,728 --> 01:14:11,729 [Lidia laughs] 1072 01:14:13,865 --> 01:14:15,065 [Hannah] What? 1073 01:14:17,335 --> 01:14:19,704 I've never -- I've never licked pussy. 1074 01:14:20,738 --> 01:14:22,440 -[Lidia] Oh! -[laughing] 1075 01:14:23,474 --> 01:14:26,210 [dramatic music] 1076 01:14:46,331 --> 01:14:49,767 [dramatic music continues] 1077 01:15:04,349 --> 01:15:06,517 [seabirds squawking] 1078 01:15:29,073 --> 01:15:31,409 [Lidia VO] I wanted to stay like that. 1079 01:15:40,351 --> 01:15:42,420 Outside of any word. 1080 01:15:48,259 --> 01:15:50,395 [whispering] Inside the unnamed wet. 1081 01:15:50,962 --> 01:15:52,163 [Lidia gasps] 1082 01:15:58,803 --> 01:15:59,804 [gasps] 1083 01:16:01,239 --> 01:16:03,708 [panting] 1084 01:16:04,742 --> 01:16:07,211 [dramatic music continues] 1085 01:16:18,756 --> 01:16:19,957 [Claire ] You okay? 1086 01:16:23,027 --> 01:16:24,228 [Lidia groans] 1087 01:16:29,901 --> 01:16:31,235 [Lidia squeals] 1088 01:16:31,869 --> 01:16:33,638 [laughter] 1089 01:16:39,911 --> 01:16:41,212 [gasps] 1090 01:16:42,013 --> 01:16:44,515 [dramatic music continues] 1091 01:16:49,787 --> 01:16:52,590 [Lidia laughing] 1092 01:17:06,571 --> 01:17:08,372 [Claire] I love you, Lids. 1093 01:17:11,442 --> 01:17:13,911 [music grows darker] 1094 01:17:19,151 --> 01:17:20,485 I really love you. 1095 01:17:24,055 --> 01:17:25,523 [distant shriek] 1096 01:17:41,773 --> 01:17:42,774 Yeah. 1097 01:17:43,808 --> 01:17:44,942 I'll see you later. 1098 01:17:53,451 --> 01:17:55,520 -[water flowing] -[birds calling] 1099 01:17:59,323 --> 01:18:00,691 [Lidia VO] In water, 1100 01:18:01,959 --> 01:18:02,960 like in books 1101 01:18:06,265 --> 01:18:07,832 you can leave your life. 1102 01:18:07,865 --> 01:18:08,866 [water splashes] 1103 01:18:23,848 --> 01:18:25,583 [pencil scribbling] 1104 01:18:27,252 --> 01:18:28,452 [splash] 1105 01:18:28,486 --> 01:18:30,955 -[splash] -[jazzy drums beating] 1106 01:18:30,988 --> 01:18:32,056 -[Claudia] I got it. 1107 01:18:32,089 --> 01:18:33,357 -[Lidia] No! -[Claudia] I got it! 1108 01:18:33,391 --> 01:18:35,227 [Lidia VO] I remember a happy childhood. 1109 01:18:35,260 --> 01:18:36,961 -[Claudia squeals] -[Lidia] Come on, come on. 1110 01:18:36,994 --> 01:18:39,231 [Lidia VO] We dive, we swim, we race. 1111 01:18:39,264 --> 01:18:40,965 Lidia went fast that time. 1112 01:18:40,998 --> 01:18:44,101 [Lidia VO] We laugh like other people's children. 1113 01:18:49,507 --> 01:18:50,908 [hair dryers whirring] 1114 01:18:53,044 --> 01:18:56,981 I remember first and last names like Evie Kosenkranius 1115 01:18:57,014 --> 01:18:58,482 and Lynn Collella Belle. 1116 01:18:58,516 --> 01:19:01,886 Lynn Collella Belle. Lynn Collella Belle. 1117 01:19:01,919 --> 01:19:02,987 Lynn Collella Belle. 1118 01:19:05,523 --> 01:19:07,491 Making song loops in my skull. 1119 01:19:07,525 --> 01:19:09,093 ♪ Lynn Collella ♪ 1120 01:19:09,127 --> 01:19:10,862 ♪ Lynn Collella Belle ♪ 1121 01:19:10,895 --> 01:19:11,863 Belle. 1122 01:19:11,896 --> 01:19:12,864 [smack] 1123 01:19:12,897 --> 01:19:14,266 [smack] 1124 01:19:14,299 --> 01:19:15,433 [hairbrush clatters] 1125 01:19:15,466 --> 01:19:17,001 [cymbals clang] 1126 01:19:17,435 --> 01:19:18,502 [locker slams] 1127 01:19:18,536 --> 01:19:20,938 -[cymbals clang] -[girls laughing] 1128 01:19:20,972 --> 01:19:23,108 -Lynn Collella Belle. -[hands slapping] 1129 01:19:23,141 --> 01:19:25,509 [Lidia whispering] 1130 01:19:31,582 --> 01:19:32,984 [Dorothy humming] 1131 01:19:33,017 --> 01:19:34,018 [Mike] Mono? 1132 01:19:35,354 --> 01:19:37,388 Isn't that the kissing disease? 1133 01:19:40,925 --> 01:19:42,827 No. Don't be silly. 1134 01:19:46,131 --> 01:19:47,765 Everything's gonna be okay, Belle. 1135 01:19:47,798 --> 01:19:48,666 You'll see. 1136 01:19:48,699 --> 01:19:49,934 You're gonna feel better. 1137 01:19:53,604 --> 01:19:56,774 And your daddy's gonna take real good care of you. 1138 01:19:58,277 --> 01:19:59,844 -Aren't you? -[Mike] We'll be all right. 1139 01:19:59,877 --> 01:20:02,947 [Dorothy] Okay. Mama's gonna go sell some houses. 1140 01:20:04,582 --> 01:20:06,417 [Mike] Hey, honey. 1141 01:20:07,051 --> 01:20:08,519 [sighs] 1142 01:20:12,324 --> 01:20:13,424 My baby girl. 1143 01:20:13,457 --> 01:20:14,725 [car engine cranks] 1144 01:20:14,759 --> 01:20:16,961 You just give it a couple of days. 1145 01:20:20,798 --> 01:20:22,433 Shh. 1146 01:20:23,467 --> 01:20:25,503 [Lidia VO] It is language letting me say... 1147 01:20:25,536 --> 01:20:26,904 [Mike] There you go. 1148 01:20:26,938 --> 01:20:28,973 [Lidia VO] ...how four weeks can be years. 1149 01:20:29,006 --> 01:20:30,708 [pencil scribbling] 1150 01:20:31,776 --> 01:20:34,146 It is the yielding expanse 1151 01:20:34,512 --> 01:20:35,713 of a white 1152 01:20:36,148 --> 01:20:37,349 page. 1153 01:20:37,382 --> 01:20:40,084 [tense music] 1154 01:20:45,957 --> 01:20:47,692 [tense music rising] 1155 01:20:47,725 --> 01:20:49,161 [crash] 1156 01:21:15,586 --> 01:21:18,589 [Photographer] Have you shown these to anyone? 1157 01:21:20,292 --> 01:21:21,492 No. 1158 01:21:25,130 --> 01:21:27,366 [ambient music rising] 1159 01:21:27,399 --> 01:21:29,134 Like, body, 1160 01:21:29,468 --> 01:21:30,668 skin 1161 01:21:31,002 --> 01:21:32,003 scars. 1162 01:21:34,572 --> 01:21:37,142 People always ask me why 1163 01:21:37,175 --> 01:21:39,043 my work is so dark. 1164 01:21:41,446 --> 01:21:44,282 What do you know about pain, Lidia? 1165 01:21:45,549 --> 01:21:46,751 [Lidia] Um, 1166 01:21:49,920 --> 01:21:50,921 I know that 1167 01:21:53,325 --> 01:21:54,959 it matters to me. 1168 01:21:57,661 --> 01:21:59,830 [Photographer] I'm gonna take care of you. 1169 01:22:03,734 --> 01:22:05,036 Do you understand? 1170 01:22:07,905 --> 01:22:08,906 [Lidia cries] 1171 01:22:10,841 --> 01:22:12,810 Now ask me for what you want. 1172 01:22:17,482 --> 01:22:18,682 [Lidia] Um. 1173 01:22:20,718 --> 01:22:23,155 [Photographer] That's not right, angel. 1174 01:22:23,188 --> 01:22:24,189 [Lidia] Um, 1175 01:22:25,490 --> 01:22:26,690 um, 1176 01:22:28,092 --> 01:22:29,093 I 1177 01:22:30,328 --> 01:22:31,296 want 1178 01:22:31,530 --> 01:22:32,464 you 1179 01:22:32,497 --> 01:22:33,697 to 1180 01:22:34,765 --> 01:22:36,100 [Photographer] Mm? 1181 01:22:37,502 --> 01:22:39,271 [Lidia VO] Knock it out of me. 1182 01:22:41,106 --> 01:22:42,107 [Lidia gasps] 1183 01:22:45,510 --> 01:22:46,877 [Lidia] To whip me. 1184 01:22:48,280 --> 01:22:50,714 [Photographer] Where would you like to be whipped, 1185 01:22:51,516 --> 01:22:52,716 angel? 1186 01:22:56,687 --> 01:22:57,988 -Everywhere. -[slap] 1187 01:22:58,022 --> 01:22:59,124 [slap] 1188 01:23:03,661 --> 01:23:05,729 [Photographer] Take it somewhere. 1189 01:23:06,398 --> 01:23:07,399 [slap] 1190 01:23:07,432 --> 01:23:08,632 -[slap] -[gasp] 1191 01:23:08,666 --> 01:23:10,502 Take the pain somewhere. 1192 01:23:10,535 --> 01:23:12,736 [gentle music] 1193 01:23:13,238 --> 01:23:14,239 [slap] 1194 01:23:17,242 --> 01:23:18,609 -[slap] -[Lidia VO] Mama. 1195 01:23:20,878 --> 01:23:21,779 [slap] 1196 01:23:21,812 --> 01:23:23,281 -[slap] -[Lidia gasps] 1197 01:23:23,315 --> 01:23:24,316 [slap] 1198 01:23:27,119 --> 01:23:28,120 [slap] 1199 01:23:28,819 --> 01:23:30,322 I am proud of you. 1200 01:23:31,423 --> 01:23:32,623 [slap] 1201 01:23:33,991 --> 01:23:34,992 [slap] 1202 01:23:36,428 --> 01:23:37,395 [slap] 1203 01:23:37,429 --> 01:23:38,896 [Lidia exhales] 1204 01:23:42,099 --> 01:23:45,035 [Lidia VO] I'm not trying to creep you out. 1205 01:23:52,611 --> 01:23:54,279 I am trying to be precise. 1206 01:24:03,954 --> 01:24:05,423 [Lidia] "At the moment my mother was whining, 1207 01:24:05,457 --> 01:24:06,891 Daddy was smelling my cunt. 1208 01:24:06,924 --> 01:24:08,826 I've reached my best moment now, he explained. 1209 01:24:08,859 --> 01:24:10,761 Now I was sure what he was referring to. 1210 01:24:10,794 --> 01:24:12,230 This is the moment of truth. 1211 01:24:12,264 --> 01:24:14,332 I'm going off, off, off, jacking it off. 1212 01:24:14,366 --> 01:24:16,401 My hands are gonna be broken from this one. 1213 01:24:16,434 --> 01:24:17,835 I don't even recognize my own body. 1214 01:24:17,868 --> 01:24:19,437 It doesn't matter. I know you're mine. 1215 01:24:19,471 --> 01:24:20,938 I made you, I'm making you. 1216 01:24:20,971 --> 01:24:22,440 I swore I'd live for pleasure. 1217 01:24:22,474 --> 01:24:23,974 My tongue is fucking enormous. 1218 01:24:24,008 --> 01:24:25,410 Feel it. It's reaching down to my waist. 1219 01:24:25,443 --> 01:24:28,446 You're seeing your actual father in his moment of truth. 1220 01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:29,914 God Almighty, nothing matters. 1221 01:24:29,947 --> 01:24:32,284 You're my God, my daughter, I worship you. 1222 01:24:32,317 --> 01:24:34,252 I beg you to do it show I can please you. 1223 01:24:34,286 --> 01:24:36,820 Now look at it. It's big in my corkscrewing hand. 1224 01:24:36,854 --> 01:24:38,856 Kiss it. My father explained again, 1225 01:24:38,889 --> 01:24:41,759 I am fucking God and I made God. Holy shit. 1226 01:24:41,792 --> 01:24:43,128 All I have to do is look at God, 1227 01:24:43,161 --> 01:24:44,995 and God is happy 'cause I've made God cum. 1228 01:24:45,029 --> 01:24:47,064 God is in heaven. I'm in heaven and I've died. 1229 01:24:47,097 --> 01:24:49,733 The whole world in heaven. I'm cumming all over your face. 1230 01:24:49,767 --> 01:24:50,968 I licked up his sperm." 1231 01:24:51,001 --> 01:24:52,370 [Student] This is making me sick. 1232 01:25:00,512 --> 01:25:03,381 [typing] 1233 01:25:11,989 --> 01:25:14,992 [Mike VO] Who in the hell do you think you are? 1234 01:25:16,461 --> 01:25:18,028 My father's daughter. 1235 01:25:21,132 --> 01:25:22,300 [chair creaks] 1236 01:25:29,441 --> 01:25:30,442 [bottle opens] 1237 01:25:40,851 --> 01:25:42,153 [can cracks open] 1238 01:26:00,004 --> 01:26:01,038 Goddamn. 1239 01:26:02,274 --> 01:26:03,541 [Lidia VO] Year one. 1240 01:26:03,575 --> 01:26:05,909 -[Lidia] Vodka! -[intense bass booming] 1241 01:26:07,112 --> 01:26:10,080 [Lidia VO] I drink vodka, mostly all the time. 1242 01:26:10,115 --> 01:26:12,684 [Devin] One shot in the eye, shot in the eye. 1243 01:26:12,717 --> 01:26:14,452 [Lidia VO] And felt nothing about myself. 1244 01:26:14,486 --> 01:26:16,288 -[laughing] -[moaning] 1245 01:26:17,988 --> 01:26:20,057 We drink, we laugh, we fuck. 1246 01:26:20,958 --> 01:26:23,060 We make fuck-body paint shadows. 1247 01:26:24,496 --> 01:26:27,332 We make performance art. We perform ourselves. 1248 01:26:27,365 --> 01:26:29,800 [Devin] Fuck you, God! 1249 01:26:37,007 --> 01:26:40,312 -[banging] -[Devin] Open the door! 1250 01:26:40,345 --> 01:26:42,714 [Lidia VO] We carved each other's names into our arms. 1251 01:26:42,747 --> 01:26:44,649 [Lidia] I did it for you! 1252 01:26:44,683 --> 01:26:46,351 [crashing] 1253 01:26:47,252 --> 01:26:48,253 [Devin] Fuck! 1254 01:26:50,888 --> 01:26:52,357 -[moaning] -[grunting] 1255 01:26:53,023 --> 01:26:54,259 [Lidia VO] We fuck septic. 1256 01:26:54,292 --> 01:26:55,694 It was right in front of me, Devin. 1257 01:26:55,727 --> 01:26:57,395 I could see exactly what was happening. 1258 01:26:57,429 --> 01:26:59,497 -You don't even realize. -I don't even realize what?! 1259 01:26:59,531 --> 01:27:01,733 You don't even realize I'm gonna fucking marry you. 1260 01:27:01,766 --> 01:27:04,135 -Whoa! Oh! -[Lidia laughs] 1261 01:27:06,036 --> 01:27:07,871 [Devin] To Mike and Dorothy. 1262 01:27:07,905 --> 01:27:10,108 I'm so happy they fucked. 1263 01:27:13,778 --> 01:27:16,614 -[Lidia VO] To skip to year six, -[Devin] Hey! 1264 01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:17,848 [Lidia VO] when underwater stories 1265 01:27:17,881 --> 01:27:19,384 -start itching -[Devin] Come on! 1266 01:27:19,417 --> 01:27:20,851 [Lidia VO] and yelling begins a rhythm 1267 01:27:20,884 --> 01:27:22,320 where drinking gets louder and him-- 1268 01:27:22,354 --> 01:27:25,089 Go back to kissing women I know and kissing women I don't know! 1269 01:27:25,123 --> 01:27:27,659 [Lidia VO] And what is a couple over time but a line? 1270 01:27:27,692 --> 01:27:28,892 [Devin] I'll show you a fucking line. 1271 01:27:28,926 --> 01:27:31,463 Your fucking bullshit is taking over the house! 1272 01:27:31,496 --> 01:27:34,098 [Lidia VO] It was taking over the house. 1273 01:27:39,404 --> 01:27:40,405 Oh, no. 1274 01:27:41,773 --> 01:27:42,973 Oh, no. 1275 01:27:44,576 --> 01:27:45,577 Oh, no. 1276 01:27:54,586 --> 01:27:55,886 Fuck. 1277 01:28:01,393 --> 01:28:02,527 I don't wanna fuck. 1278 01:28:04,763 --> 01:28:06,197 I want to read. 1279 01:28:08,466 --> 01:28:09,467 Fuck you. 1280 01:28:15,106 --> 01:28:17,308 [Lidia VO] I didn't want to drink. 1281 01:28:19,544 --> 01:28:20,612 I wanted to write. 1282 01:28:25,082 --> 01:28:27,918 [indiscernible whispers] 1283 01:28:29,920 --> 01:28:32,123 What is a couple over time but a line? 1284 01:28:32,157 --> 01:28:34,057 [crickets chirping] 1285 01:28:36,628 --> 01:28:38,929 [Lidia VO] Year seven, I finish my dissertation. 1286 01:28:43,368 --> 01:28:44,369 [bang] 1287 01:28:45,737 --> 01:28:47,305 Year eight, I get a PhD. 1288 01:28:47,872 --> 01:28:49,340 [trickling on the floor] 1289 01:28:53,010 --> 01:28:55,346 [train passing] 1290 01:29:04,021 --> 01:29:05,223 Year ten. 1291 01:29:06,458 --> 01:29:07,459 We pretend. 1292 01:29:11,061 --> 01:29:12,464 [birds chirping] 1293 01:29:12,497 --> 01:29:13,631 [Lidia] You said then 1294 01:29:15,900 --> 01:29:18,670 -[Devin snores] -you would love me until I die. 1295 01:29:23,441 --> 01:29:26,344 You said we would die together in love. 1296 01:29:30,915 --> 01:29:32,217 [Lidia laughs] 1297 01:29:40,124 --> 01:29:42,126 [whispers] You said it to me. 1298 01:29:46,197 --> 01:29:47,998 [Lidia VO] Where are you? 1299 01:29:49,501 --> 01:29:50,502 [Devin snores] 1300 01:29:54,672 --> 01:29:56,006 Where is the man? 1301 01:29:56,407 --> 01:29:57,408 [Devin snores] 1302 01:30:03,515 --> 01:30:06,417 [dramatic music] 1303 01:30:12,257 --> 01:30:14,425 Who would love a woman like me? 1304 01:30:19,130 --> 01:30:21,466 [train rumbles] 1305 01:30:29,974 --> 01:30:32,443 [heavy typing] 1306 01:30:39,551 --> 01:30:40,552 [slap] 1307 01:30:58,136 --> 01:30:59,737 [Mike VO] Don't you dare. 1308 01:31:00,305 --> 01:31:01,306 [crying] 1309 01:31:10,748 --> 01:31:12,850 [low rumble] 1310 01:31:15,920 --> 01:31:17,121 [heavy keystroke] 1311 01:31:34,906 --> 01:31:36,107 [Lidia exhales] 1312 01:31:37,642 --> 01:31:38,643 Ha. 1313 01:31:41,179 --> 01:31:42,380 [chair creaks] 1314 01:31:45,783 --> 01:31:48,119 [printer humming] 1315 01:31:59,330 --> 01:32:02,367 [soft music playing in background] 1316 01:32:18,117 --> 01:32:19,684 [papers shifting] 1317 01:32:24,123 --> 01:32:25,690 [sighs, clears her throat] 1318 01:32:52,083 --> 01:32:53,751 [Lidia laughs] 1319 01:33:01,359 --> 01:33:03,461 "The date of your reading." 1320 01:33:06,264 --> 01:33:07,465 [Lidia laughs] 1321 01:33:08,167 --> 01:33:09,367 [envelope tears] 1322 01:33:13,337 --> 01:33:14,505 [paper rustling] 1323 01:33:15,640 --> 01:33:16,641 [envelope tears] 1324 01:33:21,879 --> 01:33:23,347 [paper slams on table] 1325 01:33:24,982 --> 01:33:25,983 [lighter flicks] 1326 01:33:26,851 --> 01:33:28,219 [Mike] What? 1327 01:33:30,155 --> 01:33:31,989 [low rumble] 1328 01:33:42,300 --> 01:33:44,368 [distant, distorted applause] 1329 01:33:51,909 --> 01:33:53,611 [Moderator] Please welcome 1330 01:33:58,816 --> 01:34:01,419 reading an excerpt from her first collection 1331 01:34:01,452 --> 01:34:03,387 of short stories, "Her Other Mouths," 1332 01:34:03,421 --> 01:34:05,423 - Lidia Yuknavitch. -[applause] 1333 01:34:08,193 --> 01:34:10,561 Lidia, please. Welcome. 1334 01:34:18,803 --> 01:34:20,304 [audience chatter] 1335 01:34:25,276 --> 01:34:27,812 [Lidia VO] "The day my daughter was born. 1336 01:34:29,781 --> 01:34:31,382 After I held the future. 1337 01:34:35,820 --> 01:34:36,821 Stillborn. 1338 01:34:40,658 --> 01:34:41,659 And pink. 1339 01:34:46,831 --> 01:34:47,832 And rose-lipped. 1340 01:34:51,102 --> 01:34:53,571 And rose-lipped in my shivering arms. 1341 01:34:54,872 --> 01:34:56,340 Little tragedies are 1342 01:34:56,374 --> 01:34:58,309 difficult to keep straight. 1343 01:35:03,614 --> 01:35:07,286 Chronology convinces us we are moving toward a real place. 1344 01:35:07,318 --> 01:35:09,487 [Lidia VO] Swimmers, to your marks. 1345 01:35:10,955 --> 01:35:12,523 A gunshot. 1346 01:35:12,557 --> 01:35:15,092 A gunshot released our tense flesh. 1347 01:35:16,561 --> 01:35:18,863 Fathers were often uncontainable 1348 01:35:18,896 --> 01:35:21,666 while the little women swam for their lives. 1349 01:35:21,699 --> 01:35:22,767 Swim. 1350 01:35:24,169 --> 01:35:25,603 Swim! 1351 01:35:26,103 --> 01:35:27,605 Hurry! 1352 01:35:28,739 --> 01:35:30,341 Come on, baby. 1353 01:35:31,709 --> 01:35:32,710 Harder. 1354 01:35:33,145 --> 01:35:34,345 Harder! 1355 01:35:35,012 --> 01:35:36,114 Faster! 1356 01:35:36,148 --> 01:35:39,350 A cacophony of men swelling 1357 01:35:39,383 --> 01:35:43,020 and pressing down on the wet motion. 1358 01:35:44,856 --> 01:35:48,926 How many times did I slip into the chlorinated depths, 1359 01:35:49,827 --> 01:35:54,166 secretly hoping to shed this useless skin 1360 01:35:54,199 --> 01:35:57,501 and emerge something 1361 01:36:01,772 --> 01:36:02,907 amphibious 1362 01:36:05,310 --> 01:36:06,644 and without gender? 1363 01:36:08,980 --> 01:36:10,381 [underwater rumbling] 1364 01:36:11,916 --> 01:36:12,917 [Lidia sighs] 1365 01:36:15,419 --> 01:36:16,621 The thing is, 1366 01:36:20,625 --> 01:36:23,928 this letting everything in 1367 01:36:25,596 --> 01:36:27,965 and waiting to see what comes out 1368 01:36:31,802 --> 01:36:32,803 is creepy 1369 01:36:34,373 --> 01:36:35,573 and idiotic. 1370 01:36:37,575 --> 01:36:41,313 And it's starting to piss me off 1371 01:36:41,346 --> 01:36:45,449 that I have to even think about that hole. 1372 01:36:46,184 --> 01:36:47,518 What I am saying is 1373 01:36:52,257 --> 01:36:56,994 there is a woman in a room who is tired of looking down 1374 01:37:00,198 --> 01:37:01,532 and bleeding 1375 01:37:02,700 --> 01:37:03,601 and-- 1376 01:37:03,634 --> 01:37:06,971 bearing and itching and aching. 1377 01:37:08,506 --> 01:37:12,476 And tired of remaining open 1378 01:37:12,510 --> 01:37:16,114 with no hope of suturing herself up. 1379 01:37:26,657 --> 01:37:28,693 It isn't that I want it gone. 1380 01:37:32,830 --> 01:37:33,831 It's that 1381 01:37:34,865 --> 01:37:35,866 I want 1382 01:37:36,834 --> 01:37:37,835 wanting 1383 01:37:39,637 --> 01:37:43,007 to come from somewhere else. 1384 01:37:48,679 --> 01:37:53,118 There are moments between years that surface with great force." 1385 01:37:54,785 --> 01:37:56,754 [Lidia] Remind me why we're here. 1386 01:37:56,787 --> 01:37:59,124 [Claudia] I thought this was your idea. 1387 01:37:59,157 --> 01:38:00,624 I came here with you. 1388 01:38:05,163 --> 01:38:06,164 Delusion. 1389 01:38:08,699 --> 01:38:10,168 Grown women are idiots. 1390 01:38:12,270 --> 01:38:13,271 I don't know. 1391 01:38:14,473 --> 01:38:15,673 She begged. 1392 01:38:22,314 --> 01:38:23,647 I changed my name. 1393 01:38:30,054 --> 01:38:31,055 [Dorothy] Mike! 1394 01:38:32,290 --> 01:38:34,692 Lidia! Lidia! 1395 01:38:35,394 --> 01:38:37,628 Lidia! Lidia! 1396 01:38:38,196 --> 01:38:39,964 Mike! Lidia! 1397 01:38:40,232 --> 01:38:41,799 Lidia! 1398 01:38:41,832 --> 01:38:43,901 [Lidia] Turn him over. Help me! 1399 01:38:45,102 --> 01:38:46,103 [Lidia grunting] 1400 01:38:52,943 --> 01:38:54,212 [child screams] 1401 01:39:03,488 --> 01:39:04,688 [Lidia VO] "Kill. 1402 01:39:06,224 --> 01:39:08,260 Or suck the killing back. 1403 01:39:13,131 --> 01:39:14,565 And pump it 1404 01:39:15,566 --> 01:39:19,204 into the story of someone else. 1405 01:39:19,237 --> 01:39:21,939 [Lidia panting] 1406 01:39:21,972 --> 01:39:26,077 [Lidia VO] My father lost his memory from hypoxia that day. 1407 01:39:26,977 --> 01:39:28,513 [water splashes] 1408 01:39:28,547 --> 01:39:29,747 [pounding] 1409 01:39:30,781 --> 01:39:32,583 I did not kill him. 1410 01:39:34,519 --> 01:39:35,953 I did not save him. 1411 01:39:37,922 --> 01:39:41,992 -[birds calling] -I am learning to live on land." 1412 01:39:45,130 --> 01:39:46,131 Um, 1413 01:39:47,132 --> 01:39:48,133 [Lidia inhales] 1414 01:39:49,134 --> 01:39:50,701 [applause] 1415 01:39:50,734 --> 01:39:52,970 Thanks. Oh, that -- that's... 1416 01:39:53,003 --> 01:39:55,107 [applause] 1417 01:40:07,319 --> 01:40:09,019 [Female 1] But have your parents read this story? 1418 01:40:09,053 --> 01:40:11,223 -What do they think of it? -[Lidia clears throat] 1419 01:40:11,256 --> 01:40:12,124 Enjoy New York. Really. 1420 01:40:12,157 --> 01:40:13,991 You're gonna get an agent outta this. 1421 01:40:17,094 --> 01:40:18,796 [Female 2] Lidia, it's so nice to meet you. 1422 01:40:18,829 --> 01:40:20,298 Thank you for being here. 1423 01:40:20,698 --> 01:40:21,899 Excuse me. 1424 01:40:23,201 --> 01:40:24,768 Do you have anything, um, 1425 01:40:26,138 --> 01:40:27,638 a little stronger? 1426 01:40:29,006 --> 01:40:30,007 Thanks. 1427 01:40:34,845 --> 01:40:37,081 Carol Houck Smith, Norton Publishing. 1428 01:40:39,184 --> 01:40:41,685 It's pretty impressive what you did up there. 1429 01:40:43,087 --> 01:40:44,256 Thank you. 1430 01:40:44,289 --> 01:40:48,226 No, really. It didn't look easy. 1431 01:40:49,361 --> 01:40:52,397 Tell me, is there any more where that came from? 1432 01:40:52,430 --> 01:40:55,634 Something, a little longer? 1433 01:40:55,666 --> 01:40:57,701 -[airplane rumble] -[cocktail party fades] 1434 01:40:58,736 --> 01:41:00,771 You should send me something. 1435 01:41:05,477 --> 01:41:06,944 [Lidia VO] It's just that 1436 01:41:09,780 --> 01:41:13,817 something in me had been born 1437 01:41:15,387 --> 01:41:16,388 still. 1438 01:41:24,094 --> 01:41:25,729 -[music playing] -♪ And there you got me ♪ 1439 01:41:25,763 --> 01:41:27,064 ♪ That's how you got me ♪ 1440 01:41:27,097 --> 01:41:29,367 ♪ You taught me to be mean ♪ 1441 01:41:34,239 --> 01:41:35,574 ♪ But I ♪ 1442 01:41:35,607 --> 01:41:37,142 ♪ Ran out ♪ 1443 01:41:37,175 --> 01:41:43,047 ♪ Of white dove's feathers ♪ 1444 01:41:43,080 --> 01:41:45,716 ♪ To soak up the hot ♪ 1445 01:41:45,749 --> 01:41:48,386 ♪ Piss that comes through your mouth ♪ 1446 01:41:48,420 --> 01:41:50,854 It's a small stone I carry. 1447 01:41:52,557 --> 01:41:53,757 ♪ Ohh ♪ 1448 01:41:54,825 --> 01:41:57,629 Shame of wanting something good. 1449 01:41:57,662 --> 01:42:02,133 ♪ Of white dove's feathers... ♪ 1450 01:42:03,535 --> 01:42:05,736 [sirens wailing] 1451 01:42:23,655 --> 01:42:26,291 [dramatic music] 1452 01:42:29,294 --> 01:42:30,761 [Lidia gulps] 1453 01:42:45,976 --> 01:42:48,380 [Lidia indiscernible] 1454 01:42:48,413 --> 01:42:51,915 [dramatic music continues] 1455 01:43:01,626 --> 01:43:03,794 -[tires screeching] -[crash] 1456 01:43:07,399 --> 01:43:08,366 [door slams] 1457 01:43:19,009 --> 01:43:20,844 [door twisting open] 1458 01:43:26,751 --> 01:43:28,852 -[woman crying] -[broken glass clinking] 1459 01:43:31,855 --> 01:43:33,491 [woman whimpering] 1460 01:43:38,896 --> 01:43:41,098 [woman crying] 1461 01:43:41,899 --> 01:43:44,502 [dramatic music continues] 1462 01:43:48,773 --> 01:43:50,974 [sirens wailing] 1463 01:43:54,912 --> 01:43:56,281 [police radio chatter] 1464 01:43:57,215 --> 01:43:58,216 [door slams] 1465 01:43:59,551 --> 01:44:00,984 [Lidia exhales] 1466 01:44:16,668 --> 01:44:17,868 [Lidia grunts] 1467 01:44:26,444 --> 01:44:28,279 [sploshing] 1468 01:44:42,193 --> 01:44:44,763 [Woman] I told you not to fuck with me, bitch! 1469 01:44:44,796 --> 01:44:48,199 I told you. And you [indiscernible]. 1470 01:44:50,702 --> 01:44:52,537 [service vehicle backing up] 1471 01:44:56,708 --> 01:44:58,476 I'm fucking trash. 1472 01:45:00,645 --> 01:45:04,182 [Officer Kyle] Hey, what are you doing? Keep it moving. 1473 01:45:04,716 --> 01:45:07,552 [jazzy drums beating] 1474 01:45:17,529 --> 01:45:18,496 [Lidia pants] 1475 01:45:22,333 --> 01:45:23,334 Hi. 1476 01:45:27,138 --> 01:45:29,940 Chopping block. Peer review. 1477 01:45:30,608 --> 01:45:32,110 Who wants to go first? 1478 01:45:32,143 --> 01:45:33,445 [classroom chatter] 1479 01:45:33,478 --> 01:45:34,512 Really helpful. 1480 01:45:35,447 --> 01:45:37,582 You know, you can't live the wrong life. 1481 01:45:37,615 --> 01:45:39,350 You really can't. It's a story you were told. 1482 01:45:39,384 --> 01:45:41,352 Your one is just as important, it's your own. 1483 01:45:41,386 --> 01:45:44,955 You have to -- It has to hurt. But I'm excited for you. 1484 01:45:57,802 --> 01:45:59,002 [Lidia sighs] 1485 01:46:03,741 --> 01:46:06,144 [low rumble] 1486 01:46:09,347 --> 01:46:11,115 [Woman crying] 1487 01:46:13,318 --> 01:46:15,220 [screeching tires, crash] 1488 01:46:20,859 --> 01:46:25,028 [indistinct arguing] 1489 01:46:33,036 --> 01:46:35,540 [arguing continues] 1490 01:46:36,574 --> 01:46:38,041 [Man] I don't give a shit! 1491 01:46:38,075 --> 01:46:39,544 [Woman] Now what? 1492 01:46:41,646 --> 01:46:43,046 [Lidia] Something small 1493 01:46:43,080 --> 01:46:45,048 and specific caught my eye, 1494 01:46:45,082 --> 01:46:46,851 an important detail -- 1495 01:46:46,885 --> 01:46:50,221 a bruise on the bridge of her nose letting me know that 1496 01:46:50,255 --> 01:46:51,923 her eyes were blue like mine. 1497 01:46:51,956 --> 01:46:53,157 Hey! 1498 01:46:55,426 --> 01:46:56,427 How much? 1499 01:46:59,062 --> 01:47:02,567 I pay her pimp $100. I ask her in. 1500 01:47:03,234 --> 01:47:04,702 I tell her to sit down. 1501 01:47:05,570 --> 01:47:06,738 [desk creaks] 1502 01:47:08,573 --> 01:47:10,341 In the story, I say, 1503 01:47:10,375 --> 01:47:12,443 [Lidia VO] "This is what it feels like to be me." 1504 01:47:14,112 --> 01:47:16,614 A woman who teaches English, 1505 01:47:16,648 --> 01:47:20,083 looking down at a woman who sucks dicks all day 1506 01:47:20,118 --> 01:47:23,187 as she sits on my couch, smoking. 1507 01:47:25,290 --> 01:47:28,726 When I look at her, I think she looks like Mary. 1508 01:47:30,528 --> 01:47:33,698 [whispering] Whenever I see an image of Christ , 1509 01:47:33,731 --> 01:47:36,301 I picture Mary so drawn and gaunt and tired 1510 01:47:36,334 --> 01:47:38,202 and angry to the point of emaciation 1511 01:47:38,236 --> 01:47:40,772 that she can barely wear her own face. 1512 01:47:51,015 --> 01:47:53,585 In the story, I say, 1513 01:47:55,987 --> 01:47:57,355 "What am I gonna do? 1514 01:47:58,756 --> 01:47:59,757 Teach her?" 1515 01:48:02,493 --> 01:48:06,731 This is what me, an addict, upwardly mobile, 1516 01:48:06,764 --> 01:48:09,734 given something as infinitesimally small 1517 01:48:09,767 --> 01:48:12,604 as words to believe in, thinks. 1518 01:48:12,637 --> 01:48:15,740 -[Lidia] I'm looking at her. -[birds chirping] 1519 01:48:19,143 --> 01:48:20,645 Offer words. 1520 01:48:30,888 --> 01:48:33,224 [crickets chirping] 1521 01:48:34,192 --> 01:48:37,428 People say to me all the time, 1522 01:48:37,462 --> 01:48:41,432 "Did the things in your short stories actually happen?" 1523 01:48:42,667 --> 01:48:43,668 [door shuts] 1524 01:48:44,535 --> 01:48:46,237 Isn't that the-- 1525 01:48:46,804 --> 01:48:48,139 the question 1526 01:48:49,207 --> 01:48:50,808 when it comes to life? 1527 01:48:56,814 --> 01:48:58,583 Did this really happen to me? 1528 01:49:07,558 --> 01:49:08,559 Andy. 1529 01:49:10,561 --> 01:49:11,562 I don't know. 1530 01:49:19,470 --> 01:49:22,573 [Lidia VO] The things that happen to us are true. 1531 01:49:24,776 --> 01:49:28,713 But writing is a whole other body. 1532 01:49:29,781 --> 01:49:32,583 I was hoping we could discuss my manuscript. 1533 01:49:33,985 --> 01:49:36,688 Oh. Of course. Yeah. 1534 01:49:39,257 --> 01:49:41,359 I also want to loan you my car. 1535 01:49:45,029 --> 01:49:46,964 Saw you were taking the bus, and 1536 01:49:48,167 --> 01:49:49,867 I happen to have two cars. 1537 01:49:52,970 --> 01:49:53,971 [keys jingle] 1538 01:50:04,582 --> 01:50:05,583 Hey. 1539 01:50:22,900 --> 01:50:24,402 [Andy gasps] 1540 01:50:28,239 --> 01:50:29,540 You can tell a lot about a person 1541 01:50:29,574 --> 01:50:31,375 from seeing them in the water. 1542 01:50:33,311 --> 01:50:34,512 [Andy] Thank you. 1543 01:50:37,715 --> 01:50:40,418 -For what? -For letting me swim with you. 1544 01:50:41,120 --> 01:50:42,620 I read a couple of your stories. 1545 01:50:42,653 --> 01:50:44,822 I know that swimming's a big deal. 1546 01:50:46,158 --> 01:50:48,025 I always let my students choose the venue. 1547 01:50:49,228 --> 01:50:50,428 [Andy] You know, I wanted to say 1548 01:50:50,461 --> 01:50:52,830 I've seen you a couple of times before. 1549 01:50:52,864 --> 01:50:55,333 Yeah, I read about Ken Kesey teaching at U of O 1550 01:50:55,366 --> 01:50:57,769 when I was abroad, and I applied to the program, 1551 01:50:57,802 --> 01:50:59,403 but it already happened. 1552 01:51:00,239 --> 01:51:01,806 No shit. That's funny. 1553 01:51:01,839 --> 01:51:03,441 [Andy] Yeah, I know. 1554 01:51:03,474 --> 01:51:05,210 And then I seen you stomping around 1555 01:51:05,244 --> 01:51:06,778 the creative writing department. 1556 01:51:08,646 --> 01:51:10,648 I was in the reading you gave at Gerlinger. 1557 01:51:13,818 --> 01:51:14,952 Wow. That's... 1558 01:51:18,356 --> 01:51:20,558 That's weird. Weird. 1559 01:51:24,263 --> 01:51:25,997 That was a weird day for me. 1560 01:51:28,833 --> 01:51:29,834 Why? 1561 01:51:38,709 --> 01:51:39,710 My father 1562 01:51:42,847 --> 01:51:43,848 was--my-- 1563 01:51:45,117 --> 01:51:46,317 my father... 1564 01:51:49,921 --> 01:51:51,355 [Andy] Your father? 1565 01:51:53,391 --> 01:51:54,592 Was abusive. 1566 01:51:58,062 --> 01:51:59,030 Your father. 1567 01:52:02,134 --> 01:52:03,334 How so? 1568 01:52:05,770 --> 01:52:06,771 Sexual. 1569 01:52:07,405 --> 01:52:08,606 [Andy] Oh. 1570 01:52:10,374 --> 01:52:11,576 That sucks. 1571 01:52:20,785 --> 01:52:23,921 I hope something karmically fucked happened to him. 1572 01:52:25,290 --> 01:52:26,490 Yeah. 1573 01:52:29,627 --> 01:52:31,529 It kind of actually--it did. 1574 01:52:32,964 --> 01:52:34,233 Excellent, then. 1575 01:52:34,266 --> 01:52:35,466 [Lidia laughs] 1576 01:52:40,339 --> 01:52:41,873 Uh, I, um-- 1577 01:52:42,540 --> 01:52:44,176 Blah. It was a long time ago. 1578 01:52:44,209 --> 01:52:46,377 I was a totally different person then. 1579 01:52:48,045 --> 01:52:49,513 So who are you now? 1580 01:52:52,049 --> 01:52:53,384 I'm your teacher. 1581 01:52:53,417 --> 01:52:54,919 [Lidia laughs] 1582 01:52:59,957 --> 01:53:02,560 So, Teach, are you gonna take my car? 1583 01:53:26,484 --> 01:53:28,052 [Lidia VO] I don't quite know how to tell you 1584 01:53:28,085 --> 01:53:29,720 what it feels like. 1585 01:53:32,623 --> 01:53:35,793 Watching the little woman swim for her life. 1586 01:53:36,827 --> 01:53:37,962 [paper tears] 1587 01:53:39,063 --> 01:53:40,965 I mean. 1588 01:54:02,220 --> 01:54:04,122 [Lidia] Are you fucking insane? 1589 01:54:11,729 --> 01:54:12,730 No. 1590 01:54:22,274 --> 01:54:24,008 You think I'm someone else. 1591 01:54:25,776 --> 01:54:26,777 Hm-mm. 1592 01:54:32,117 --> 01:54:33,884 I can see the mother in you. 1593 01:54:43,561 --> 01:54:46,164 There's more to your story than you think. 1594 01:54:58,909 --> 01:55:00,245 [baby cries] 1595 01:55:00,278 --> 01:55:02,780 [soft dramatic music] 1596 01:55:07,051 --> 01:55:08,619 [baby cries] 1597 01:55:11,256 --> 01:55:12,990 [inaudible whisper] 1598 01:55:13,024 --> 01:55:15,193 [baby cries] 1599 01:55:23,268 --> 01:55:25,203 [baby cries] 1600 01:55:33,311 --> 01:55:34,312 [baby coos] 1601 01:55:57,068 --> 01:55:58,602 [Miles babbles] 1602 01:56:13,951 --> 01:56:15,086 [Miles babbles] 1603 01:56:19,657 --> 01:56:21,226 [Miles babbles] 1604 01:56:24,229 --> 01:56:25,996 [car approaching] 1605 01:56:26,030 --> 01:56:27,566 [Miles babbles] 1606 01:56:39,244 --> 01:56:41,146 [door opens] 1607 01:56:41,179 --> 01:56:44,615 -[Mike] Oh it's, very nice. -[Andy] This is it. 1608 01:56:44,648 --> 01:56:46,151 [Mike] Very nice. 1609 01:56:47,419 --> 01:56:49,221 [Andy] Well, we're just gonna go this way, sir, on the left. 1610 01:56:49,254 --> 01:56:50,621 [Mike] Oh. 1611 01:56:50,654 --> 01:56:52,290 [footsteps] 1612 01:56:55,393 --> 01:56:56,394 [Mike sighs] 1613 01:57:10,841 --> 01:57:13,043 What about the room? 1614 01:57:13,077 --> 01:57:15,280 They said it would be ready tomorrow for sure. 1615 01:57:15,547 --> 01:57:16,747 Okay. 1616 01:57:20,185 --> 01:57:22,953 That must have been a very weird ride. 1617 01:57:25,756 --> 01:57:26,957 [Lidia laughs] 1618 01:57:28,627 --> 01:57:29,827 Thank you. 1619 01:57:30,961 --> 01:57:32,830 [whispers] You don't ever have to say thank you to me. 1620 01:57:40,172 --> 01:57:41,672 I'm good. [laughs] 1621 01:57:42,207 --> 01:57:43,208 Yeah? 1622 01:57:43,941 --> 01:57:45,075 Yeah. 1623 01:57:59,191 --> 01:58:00,358 Hi, Dad. 1624 01:58:00,392 --> 01:58:01,792 [Mike] Marilou? 1625 01:58:02,394 --> 01:58:04,094 No. It's me. It's Lidia. 1626 01:58:04,895 --> 01:58:06,431 I know that, kiddo. 1627 01:58:06,464 --> 01:58:08,732 [Miles babbles] 1628 01:58:17,775 --> 01:58:19,110 I read that book. 1629 01:58:20,010 --> 01:58:21,712 -Oh, yeah? -[Mike] Yeah. 1630 01:58:23,381 --> 01:58:24,982 Do you know who wrote it? 1631 01:58:25,550 --> 01:58:26,750 Oh. 1632 01:58:29,554 --> 01:58:30,754 You. 1633 01:58:31,590 --> 01:58:32,756 That's right. 1634 01:58:36,428 --> 01:58:38,296 Did you read all of the stories? 1635 01:58:38,330 --> 01:58:39,297 [Mike] I, uh, 1636 01:58:40,998 --> 01:58:42,967 There was one about swimming. 1637 01:58:45,670 --> 01:58:46,870 I liked that. 1638 01:58:49,106 --> 01:58:50,108 Thank you. 1639 01:58:52,210 --> 01:58:54,412 Not very flattering of me, though. 1640 01:58:57,449 --> 01:58:59,150 That's fair enough. [laughs] 1641 01:58:59,184 --> 01:59:00,185 [Mike] Ah. 1642 01:59:08,092 --> 01:59:11,895 You know, I won a prize for that story. 1643 01:59:13,298 --> 01:59:14,798 I got to go to New York. 1644 01:59:21,172 --> 01:59:22,173 [Mike] Huh. 1645 01:59:24,576 --> 01:59:26,478 Well, isn't that something, huh? 1646 01:59:28,313 --> 01:59:29,314 [Mike sighs] 1647 01:59:31,316 --> 01:59:32,450 It's beautiful here. 1648 01:59:35,886 --> 01:59:38,022 It's a real home you have here. 1649 01:59:43,194 --> 01:59:44,229 Well done. 1650 01:59:45,563 --> 01:59:46,564 Well done, you. 1651 01:59:48,633 --> 01:59:51,068 [Lidia VO] The safest memories are locked away in the brains 1652 01:59:51,101 --> 01:59:52,504 of people who can't remember. 1653 01:59:52,537 --> 01:59:55,307 [Dorothy] Oh, oh! Get her, Mike! Get her, Mike! 1654 01:59:55,340 --> 01:59:56,341 [splash] 1655 01:59:57,575 --> 01:59:59,076 [Mike] You know I don't swim. Claudia, go get your sister. 1656 02:00:01,045 --> 02:00:03,214 [Lidia VO] Underwater forever. 1657 02:00:03,914 --> 02:00:05,550 [water splashes] 1658 02:00:05,583 --> 02:00:07,218 [Andy] There you go, pal. 1659 02:00:07,252 --> 02:00:08,720 [ducks quacking] 1660 02:00:08,753 --> 02:00:10,821 Look, I'm doing 'wimming. 1661 02:00:11,189 --> 02:00:14,225 Wow! 1662 02:00:17,529 --> 02:00:19,863 [Lidia making noises] 1663 02:00:20,332 --> 02:00:21,865 [Miles screams] 1664 02:00:22,866 --> 02:00:24,101 What's wrong? 1665 02:00:24,135 --> 02:00:25,903 [Miles] The water will go in my 1666 02:00:25,936 --> 02:00:29,441 nose and ears and into my brain. 1667 02:00:29,474 --> 02:00:30,475 [Lidia laughs] 1668 02:00:31,409 --> 02:00:32,976 Uh, Miles? 1669 02:00:35,747 --> 02:00:38,616 How many times have you seen 1670 02:00:38,650 --> 02:00:41,252 Mama swimming and swimming laps? 1671 02:00:43,154 --> 02:00:45,490 -Lots of times, right? -Yeah. 1672 02:00:45,523 --> 02:00:48,760 Have you ever noticed 1673 02:00:48,793 --> 02:00:52,029 that I've never got water in my brain? 1674 02:00:55,233 --> 02:00:57,268 Water's never gone into my brain. 1675 02:00:57,836 --> 02:00:59,036 You want to see? 1676 02:00:59,069 --> 02:01:00,772 -Huh. -Watch this. 1677 02:01:00,805 --> 02:01:02,507 Tell me how much water goes in my brain. 1678 02:01:02,540 --> 02:01:03,541 -Okay? -Okay. 1679 02:01:05,543 --> 02:01:06,877 [Lidia breathes deeply] 1680 02:01:14,119 --> 02:01:15,253 See? 1681 02:01:15,286 --> 02:01:16,287 Mm-hmm. 1682 02:01:16,821 --> 02:01:18,189 [Andy] Okay, pull. 1683 02:01:18,223 --> 02:01:21,024 [Miles] I have a very important game. 1684 02:01:22,960 --> 02:01:25,830 I'm gonna put my whole head underwater. 1685 02:01:25,864 --> 02:01:26,831 [water splashes] 1686 02:01:26,865 --> 02:01:28,065 Okay. 1687 02:01:28,098 --> 02:01:31,068 [Miles] And we look at each other underwater. 1688 02:01:32,970 --> 02:01:35,540 -What game is this? -I made it up. 1689 02:01:35,573 --> 02:01:37,040 [both breathe in deeply] 1690 02:01:38,576 --> 02:01:41,146 -[underwater rumble] -[ethereal music echoes] 1691 02:01:48,085 --> 02:01:49,554 [Lidia VO] The key is, 1692 02:01:51,556 --> 02:01:52,557 make up shit. 1693 02:02:02,333 --> 02:02:05,470 I'm not speaking out of my asshole when I say this. 1694 02:02:07,739 --> 02:02:08,939 Come in. 1695 02:02:12,075 --> 02:02:13,611 The water will hold you. 1696 02:02:28,593 --> 02:02:31,529 [dramatic music] 1697 02:02:36,668 --> 02:02:40,103 [singer vocalizing] 1698 02:02:46,043 --> 02:02:49,681 [dramatic music continues] 1699 02:03:46,237 --> 02:03:49,340 [dramatic music continues] 1700 02:04:06,991 --> 02:04:10,328 [singer vocalizing] 1701 02:04:53,571 --> 02:04:56,274 [Lidia whispering] Anything. Anywhere. Anytime. 1702 02:04:56,307 --> 02:04:59,644 [whispering continues] 1703 02:05:06,084 --> 02:05:08,753 [pencil scribbling] 1704 02:05:11,155 --> 02:05:14,492 [dramatic music] 1705 02:05:22,967 --> 02:05:27,171 [singer vocalizing] 1706 02:06:03,941 --> 02:06:07,945 [singer vocalizing continues] 1707 02:06:12,383 --> 02:06:16,821 [dramatic music continues] 1708 02:06:38,443 --> 02:06:41,779 [singer vocalizing continues] 1709 02:07:04,335 --> 02:07:08,272 [dramatic music continues] 1710 02:07:47,512 --> 02:07:50,548 [dramatic music fades] 111050