All language subtitles for NS 30 Rock A XXX Parody 2010

Hey, I'm Trey Jordan, you know, the
super mega extraordinary movie star,

spectacular actor from the TV show TCS
with Trey Jordan.

Welcome to my crib.

This staircase right here, this is from
my mega hit movie, Freaky Ass

Frankenstein. It was shot right here on
the staircase.

Oh. And these cities, you see this
railing?

This used to be Tyler Perry's.

Sold it.

Come check out my other rooms.

This here is for my proceeds.

I bought this table with the money I
made for my hit movie, Little Black

Cracker -Ass Parents.

Coming to a theater near you.

I'm so rich.

Rich.

Rich.

Come on, man.

See what's in my fridge.

Who wants Chinese?

How we do.

Damn, I'm rich.

We're eating.

Hey, who wants Chris Scott?

This is where all the magic happens,
right here.

Really. I stole this from Chris Angel.

Fuck you, Chris Angel.

Welcome to my master bath.

This is it, y 'all. This is where it
goes down.

I had this shower installed.

You know, when I go out on the club and
I bring home my dirty clothes, take them

in and I clean them up just before I
take the clothes off.

twice. Told me I'm dirty.

Y 'all remember this?

I know y 'all remember this. In that PCS
comedy sketch.

Black to the Future.

Great Scott, Marty. We've gotta go black
to the future.

Holy shit. I gotta get black to the
future.

Did you check the flux cablacator?

Y 'all remember this.

That's right. When I played the Black
Roddy Dangerfield in a TCH sketch, Black

to School, he was always giving me shit
all the time about Black this, Black

that in my sketches.

They didn't like Black Zorro.

They didn't like Caddy Black 1. They
didn't like Caddy Black 2.

Black Flipper.

And they didn't like Black Enthusiasm.

That's why I took a moment for my people
to make a special service announcement.

Black people, stop stealing.

Y 'all want to see my big brown cotton,
don't you?

It's sweet, delicious, and it's made of
Swiss chocolate.

You see this right here? This is the
cheese wood gift that came from Jake

Donaghy, the king of the network when
TCS was number one.

We ain't number one no more.

We're not even number 201, I don't
think.

You didn't get any of that.

I'm confused, Alicia.

It means big cough with money, but it
was much funnier when I thought it than

when I said it out loud.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out
what my network comedy skit still needs

to stoke the ratings.

I already hired an erratic black star.

What else can be done?

Well, how about I stroke your ratings?

until they grow Karina

You always make me feel better.

Let me fuck your beautiful breasts,
baby.

Your hot, young tits.

Oh, God,

that looks good.

Yes,

baby.

Feels so good.

Oh, God. I'm glad you like it. Oh, God,
baby. Tits are so soft.

oh oh no don't come yet oh god that's
beautiful

baby oh yeah oh yeah

oh yeah

My sexy little whore.

Yes. You make life worth living, baby.

Suck that big dick, baby. Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

I'm your boss, baby.

I want your boss's cock, baby.

Oh,

yeah.

It's so tight, baby. How does it stay so
tight?

You're such a fucking whore. How does it
stay so fucking tight?

You fuck everybody, don't you think?

Everybody.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, baby.

You like my cock inside you, baby?

Come on,

baby.

Suck that dick.

Oh, don't you?

Oh, yeah.

Look at those beautiful hands on my
dick.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah. Yeah, you know how to take care of
it, baby.

Yeah, you're so hot.

You're so fucking hot.

Yeah.

Juicy, sexy bitch.

Juicy fucking bitch.

I want you to taste what you fucking
taste like, you

hot cunt.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Yeah, baby.

How's that taste, baby?

Nice, sweet, young, Latina cunt, baby.

Now you know what I feel like, baby.

Come on.

Too bad you can't fuck yourself. You
fucking whore.

Yeah,

baby. Yeah, baby. Suck that dick.

Grab my balls while you suck my dick.
Come on.

Oh, come on.

Stick your cunt on my face, baby. I want
to eat you while you eat me. Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Get your leg back, baby.

That's it.

Oh, yeah.

Come on. Bring it back, baby.

Ah.

Ah.

God, I want you, baby. You feel like a
horrid dick, baby?

I feel real.

I want you so bad.

Come on, baby.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, God, baby, I love your cunt. I love
that cunt.

It's too fucking hot.

Too fucking hot. No man could last in
that country.

You'll always have a job with me baby.

Just the way I wanna fuck you, baby.

Get your beautiful body, baby.

I'm crazy about you, babe.

How sexy you are, baby.

You're too sexy, baby.

Oh, yeah.

God, I want you so bad, baby.

Don't ever leave me, baby.

Don't ever leave me.

Yeah, baby.

I'm going to come over your beautiful
tits, baby.

Don't hide your nipples, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Put them together, baby.

Oh, God,

baby. Oh, don't hide your nipples, baby.

So, you got any big ideas?

Will I have sex?

Ladies and gentlemen, please follow me
on the forum in SCS TV Studios, home of

such great programs as America's Next
Top Methodist, According to Himmler, and

of course the His Sketch comedy show,
TCS, with Trey Jordan.

And what luck!

It's one of the stars of TCS, Miss Jenny
Marona!

Yeah, very kind of.

You know, I grew up in a very small
town.

There was hardships, you know? We had
barber shops, but no bleach.

Hey, yo, check this shit out.

Me, me, bop, bop.

I'm a black robot, motherfucker.

But, hey, look at me. I'm a black robot,
too.

Racist.

Look, it's Mr. Trey Jordan. Star of such
blockbuster movies as... I'm a black

cowboy, bitch.

My cracker honey gets croaky with it.
And are we motherfucking there yet?

you. Thank you, Ken.

All you white people, thank you for
making me so rich.

See this chain?

It was Dracula's.

And here, fans of TCS, is the comedy
trifecta, Ms. Liz

Lyman, the producer.

Hi, Ken.

I hope you all enjoy the show.

Thank you, Miss Lyman. Oh, and a couple
of quick messages for you. Your doctor

called. It's not a grope. It's a small
vibrating rubber toy that must have got

stuck in your vagina.

It's not.

It's not.

Don't judge me.

You all just paid to take a tour of my
workplace.

You should be ashamed.

Oh, and Miss Lyman, by the way, Mr.
Donagree is waiting for you on set.

And on our right is the bathroom, if
anyone needs to tinkle.

Don't you think that Welcome Back Hotter
is maybe a little dated for a sketch?

What are you going to do next,
Spartacus?

Hey, when are we going to shoot the gay
gladiator sketch?

Did you say something?

Not a word, sir.

Listen, I want this sketch comedy show
to be fresh, Lyman.

Don't you want this show to be fresh?

I think I've done fresh with keeping it
real and bringing the beat back and

walking the dinosaur.

Look, Lyman, you and I aren't so
different. Except for maybe your Ross

card, which has clearly given you free
reign to buy your entire wardrobe from

under a sign marked discontinued
clothing 75 % off.

We both want this show to succeed.

And dressing Jenny as Patsy just isn't
going to... Cut it.

No, sir.

No way.

What do you mean, no way?

No, you don't want the show to succeed?

No, you don't want to be like me?

No, you don't want to stop dressing like
a Walmart greeter?

Listen, when you brought Trey on the
show, I went with it. When you wanted to

change the name of the show, I went with
it.

Whatever you want to do now, I'm not
going with it.

Well, then.

You leave me no choice.

Well, what are you going to do, fire me?

No.

I'm going to give Trey a promotion to
executive producer if you don't do this.

Well, he'll just... He'll just what?

Lionel, come here.

Listen, as king of the show... Producer.

Producer, whatever.

I want to make a few changes.

Instead of having a musical guest each
week.

I want to have a midget in a clown
outfit fighting a large dog with

I know. I don't think we could do any
more animal sketches.

Get it?

So what would you like me to do to
freshen up the show?

Sex.

Sex. Believe me, Lyman, sex is what
sells on TV.

Microwave ovens aren't a different
story.

You need violence to sell microwaves.

And that's why I teach you, bitch.

Welcome, Black Cotter.

I want you to write a sketch for me
while I'm a cop.

Okay. Getting up at the crack of dawn,
putting on my uniform, never using

electricity, raising bombs.

Oh, try it.

That's an Amish guy. Then who's the ones
walking around, moaning, with their

clothes all torn, eating brains?

Zombies? Yeah, that's what I'm talking
about. A zombie Amish cop.

Yeah. Okay?

Yeah. I have something interesting to
talk to you guys about.

You're going, Lesbo?

No, Fred, I'm not going to be a lesbian.

You're going to try to change everyone's
mind about you?

What? Nobody likes me?

You're going to get that surgery where
they replace your knees with jet fuel

rocket knees.

And when the guys come up and be like,
yo, nice knees, baby, you can be like,

thanks. And then burn his face off with
your rocket knees.

It's a cold bitch, Lima.

Damn.

What? Was it rocket fuel knees? Jake
wants us to add more sex.

the show.

Listen, we can do this as long as we
don't get hacky and we don't write any

sketch about guys driving around a white
van picking up amateurs, okay?

Hi, Ms. Lyman. How are you doing today?

Hi, Ken. What do you want? I'm supposed
to pick up a pre -taped sketch for two

and a half men and a cup.

Rudy has the tape. You can pick it up
from him. Yes, ma 'am.

Okay, so see what you guys can do with
this.

You know, Fred, a great sex sketch
featuring an attractive blonde could

said blonde into the limelight.

Was any of that in English?

What I'm saying is, if I were trying to
get my star to rise, a great sketch by a

great writer would probably do that for
me.

So now you want to be a comedy writer?

No. Stay with me here.

Okay. I... You.

Want you to... Want me to... Write me a
good sketch.

So you can say that you did it.

No, fuck it. I'm just going to fuck the
shit out of you and you're going to

write me a good sketch.

Okay.

Get up on the table.

You fucking cunt.

Thank you. I mean, thank you. Thank you
very much, Sherry.

Hey, I have a quick question.

How did you get into this business?

Oh, when I was a little girl, I had this
dog named Rafi.

He was an Israeli setter.

He was like gray and white, little dog.

I used to take him for walks.

Yeah, he died a little while ago.

It was pretty sad.

Oh shit.

Wow.

Oh shit.

Wow. Oh shit.

Yeah, we should go through that.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ugh.

Look at me.

Shit.

Oh shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

That's when I got this job.

Yes. Yes, you certainly did.

Well, I just want to say thank you for
that.

I really needed it.

Hey, dummy.

Danny, what are you doing here? We broke
up like months ago.

Well, I called your cell phone. It was
out of service.

So I bought you a beeper.

I'm kind of more of a cell phone kind of
girl by now.

What, are you kidding me?

You're dating New York's Prince of
Pagers.

You're a beeper royalty.

I'm not going to have my princess be
caught with some clunky cell phone.

Well, it actually was pretty compact.

But... Did you just call me princess?

Oh, yes, I did.

You know, you can be quite romantic
sometimes.

Does that mean we can bone?

Fine.

Rudy! Rudiger! Get in here.

Whoa, whoa.

What's this?

Don't worry about it, babe.

It's just for me. No one will ever see
it.

What could possibly go wrong?

You're okay with it, right?

Yeah.

Please. Oh, you know I want it.

Oh, give it to me.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Oh, I love it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like that.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Yes, please smack my ass.

Yes.

That's so fucking good.

Yes.

Fucking cocktails so good. Yes. Yes. Oh,
grab me and fuck me. Just like that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Fuck yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes. Yes.

Give it to me. Give me that fucking
couch.

You know I love it.

Oh, I love it.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck you.

Yes, there you go.

right there nice and fucking deep yes oh
please yes

It's so good.

Yes, right there.

Oh, I love it.

Oh, fuck, yes.

Deep inside me.

Fucking deep. Oh.

Give it to me, please.

Fucking gun

How's that feel?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Screw you.

Yeah, especially halfway through when
you decide to offer me that new deal on

pagers.

No princess of mine is gonna pay full
price on pagers.

Now check out this hilarious skit.

I don't know what you're so upset about,
Lyman.

The ratings for your show are through
the roof.

And all because you stuck your ass out
to the team.

And my boobies are all over television,
sir.

And because of them, your show is a hit.

So embarrassed.

Sure, you were howling and panting
hilariously like a rabid dog in heat.

But the point is, you took one for the
team.

And as hilarious as it was, I will
forever respect you for that.

Yeah, that was real noble of me.

What? I'm sorry, I was just listening to
someone else.

Someone else?

There's no one else in this room except
me and Ken.

Thank you.

And please come back to see me again
soon, Lyman.

Ken, good job on that little tape mix
-up.

Thank you, Mr. Donoghue. You keep this
up, and one day, you'll make Senior

Wow. Me?

Senior Page.

Senior Page!

Hello, my little flour tortilla.

You're so powerful now that you've
gotten your promotion, and you just

town from El Cuapo.

Please, take this Paco, and our bodies
is your reward.

Yeah.

Yeah. And you come sit right over there.

Oh.

on your page.

From the makers of the hit TV show TCS
with Trey Jordan comes a whole new

spinoff series.

Amish zombie cop starring Trey Jordan.

Not today, copper.

You can run, but you can't hide from the
Amish

zombie cop.

Jackson, good day to be a cop.

He'll serve up justice for the side of
brains.

He'll eat your brains, child turkey.

I'm playing around, Jackson.

Electricity, sucker.

I'm a zombie cop. Always gets a fan.

He likes brains, justice, and raising
bonds.

Amish zombie cop Amish

zombie

cop When

his partner dies Amish zombie cop bows
rebe -

zombie cop coming this fall.