All language subtitles for The.Goode.Family.S01E11.Trouble.in.Store.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Hurtom_track3_[eng]

(playful music)

(sighs)

- Thanks Logan.

- Helen!

- Nice V-neck cardi, Gwen.

- It's my roommates.

- Keep it.

(laughing)

Save me a sample of
that pluot, Steve,

or I'll have to wring your neck.

(laughing)

That's my loaf.

- An 85 rating?

I don't drink anything
less than a 93.

How could you not have
a more expensive bottle

of organic wine for me?

- Special occasion, Margo?

Or just a little something
to keep in your purse?

- No, we're celebrating.

Kent came through again.

He generated parks
funding for the college

by reclassifying the weeds in
the courtyard as green space.

- What?

But that was Gerald's idea.

- Oh, I don't think so.

The chancellor specifically
thanked Kent for it.

- Gerald, you should be
getting credit for your ideas,

and we should be celebrating

with a ridiculously overpriced
bottle of organic wine.

The chancellor needs to know
how important you are here.

- I'm sure he does.

Kent says he tweets the
chancellor about me constantly.

- Gerald, I'm on my way
to La Bouche for lunch.

Got any plans?

- Oh, well, thank you,
Kent, but Helen and I...

- Cancel it.

I need you to write
up an idea for me

to present to the chancellor.

Make it super boffo.

Chop-chop.

- Yes, yes.

Now we'll both be happier

if you pretend you
didn't hear that.

- Give it up, Goode.

This chamois will make
that bike shine as bright

as the rhinestones on
Waylon Jennings' coffin.

- Ray, I could never justify
using tanned animal hide

in order to clean my bicycle.

Oh, my goodness.

- Dad, I thought
maybe, just maybe,

I could play off these Sav
Big jeans you bought me

as a kind of hip,
retro-folkie thing.

I couldn't.

- Yeah, kids can be cruel,

especially when it comes to
butt-ugly clothes like that.

- I like these.

Velcro fly rocks.

- I saw this really hot
pair of El Prado jeans

at Urban Taboo, and...

- Now, now, Bliss,
there's no need

to splurge on pricey pants.

Those Sav Big jeans
are just as good.

Their seams are hot
glued for extra strength.

- When I was your age,
all I wanted was a pair

of purple and yellow
high-top Dr. J's.

My parents would only buy me
shoes from the dime store.

- Dime store shoes?

- So I got a job.

- A job?

Of course!

I can make my own money.

- I don't know.

A job?

It seems so conservative.

- Finally, I'll buy real
jeans and real detergent

to wash them in.

- When I'm hungover,
I just ramble.

- Put on a pot of our
strongest black tea, Helen.

Kent needs his ideas ASAP.

It's going to be an all-nighter.

- Gerald, what would
you say if I told you

that you could give your ideas
straight to the chancellor?

- That's an interesting
idea, Helen.

Let's run that by Kent.

- Not anymore, forget that.

As a matter of fact,
I already called

the chancellor's assistant,
said I was Kent's secretary,

had her access the
chancellor's desk calendar,

create an opening and
set up our dinner.

Now we can topple the
existing power structure

and catapult you all
the way to the top!

Your satisfied expression
is all the thanks I need.

- Uh...

(upbeat music)

(singing in foreign language)

♪ The Goode family ♪

- You went over Kent's head
and planned this covert dinner

with the chancellor?

You know how I feel
about covert things.

- Gerald, it's done.

And don't worry, Kent's
not going to find out.

Once we have this dinner,

you'll finally get credit
for your brilliance.

Don't you see?

You win, the chancellor wins,

and most importantly,
the college wins.

- Well, that is
a lot of winning.

- Come look at this
One Earth web site.

Here are the 34 things you need

to throw an impressive
dinner party.

- Ugh, can't we just
write down those steps

and buy everything at Sav Big!?

- I'm a loyal One
Earth customer.

I signed the loyalty oath.

- Mr. Heelo, sir?

Do you happen to have
any job openings, Sir?

We're always looking to
expand our One Earth family,

and since our policy
doesn't allow me

to ask any discriminatory
questions, you're hired.

(Bliss gasps)

Here's your vest.

You can expect great
pay, free lunch,

discounts to other stores,

concert tickets before
they go on sale.

- I got to see Maroon 5, and
I met four of them backstage.

- Whoa.

- Whoa, indeed.

I just need your
driver's license

so we can start filling
out the paperwork.

- Oh, well, I
don't have one yet.

I'm still 15.

- You have to be
16 to work here.

The law's the law.

- Yeah, you can't be 15.

- Too bad we weren't
born on the same day,

or you'd be 16 already.

- You're 16?

You're hired.

First order of business,
hit the break room,

get on the game station
and make yourself an icon.

- But he likes his jeans.

- After you get the votives,
go to the magazine rack

and grab anything with
these words on the cover,

biodynamic, tipping
point, Ecuador.

- Your grown-up dinner
sounds so exciting.

I've never been
invited to one before.

And even though I'm not
invited to this one,

I'm honored just
to be a part of it.

- Helen!

The "One Earth Guide
to Entertaining"?

You're entertaining?

How courageous.

Who could you be entertaining?

- Nobody.

This book is a gift for Penny.

- Whoa, I'm gonna
get it wrapped.

- I'd better help her.

Sometimes she gets
tape in her hair.

Ooh, wheat grass samples.

Just the boost I need.

- It doesn't matter
that you're 15.

Here at the youth action team,

we empower you to
work for yourself.

Think you can handle that?

- Yes, sir.

I don't know what you do
or what you want me to do,

but I'm ready for the challenge.

- Now you have to
make them believe

that if they don't buy
these chocolate turtles,

you're gonna get on
drugs and/or join a gang.

- How much can I make?

- That depends on you.

You can make up to 100K a year

and work as little
as an hour a day.

Now the key is to make the
customer just worried enough

that you may come back and
rob them if they don't buy,

but not worried enough to
actually call the police.

I suggest wearing a do-rag.

(Bliss sighs)

- That's the last
time I listen to a guy

who says, "Follow me to my
warehouse full of candy."

- I'm hosting a very
important dinner, Shelly.

Are bamboo serving
spoons still in?

- Mm, no.

It turns out bamboo
uses a lot of water.

Try these salad tongs.

They're made from recycled
awareness bracelets.

That'll be $83.52.

- Excuse me, ma'am,

I need you to step out
of line and come with me.

- What, why?

- No more talking, ma'am.

(soft dramatic music)

- Is this a jail?

- Let's focus here, ma'am.

Why did you shoplift this
cup of wheat grass juice?

- What?

Oh, gosh, I thought
that was a sample.

- We have footage.

- Um, okay, I mean,
I admit that...

- Watch the monitor.

Here's your premeditation,
here's your crime,

and here's your lack of remorse.

- Yes, I know I drank
the wheat grass.

- Look into my lens, please.

(Helen yelps)

- Ubuntu, please
come to the backroom.

Ubuntu.

- Why are you calling my son?

And why is my
picture on that wall

with all those other mug shots?

- Ma'am, I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave the premises.

But I have a dinner to put on.

How long do I have to leave for?

- Forever, you're
banned from One Earth.

- What?

- Ubuntu, I'm gonna need you

to escort said
perpetrator out the door.

- Forever?

- Bye, mom.

- I know I'm guilty of
degrading the planet

and depleting its
resources by being alive,

but I am not a thief.

- Boo-hoo.

You got kicked out of a store.

I got kicked out of our
house when you were 12.

Didn't see you crying then.

- Okay, the only work I'm
allowed to do is farm work,

so if anybody needs me,

I'll be picking cumcumbers
in the hot, searing sun.

- Hydrate.
- Okay, wear some sunscreen.

(Bliss groans)

Helen, we'll all miss One Earth,

but I need you to focus on the
dinner with the chancellor.

- But I can't without One Earth.

- Yes, you can.

Look at this as a fantastic
opportunity to take advantage

of Sav Big's low, low prices.

And their products
are just as good.

- No Sav Big!

One Earth is a lifestyle, and
I'll just go to Carbondale

to experience it.

(cars rumbling)

(Helen sighs)

(alarm buzzes)

- It's over, Helen.

(Helen sighs)

(dramatic music)

- I'm so glad there
are laws to protect me

from having a job
with air-conditioning.

- We got a mumbler?

- No.

- Are those Sav Big jeans?

- I need to speak to your CEO.

What?

Yes, I have been
recently banned.

(dial tone buzzes)

So, Ubuntu, what happened
at One Earth today?

- The usual stuff, new
apples from Austria,

a Spanish guitarist
came and played.

- What were the soups?

Tell me about the soups, Ubuntu.

- I've told you
too much already.

- (sighs) There you are, Helen.

I see no prep or pre-prep

for this dinner party
you connived us into.

Enough is enough.

Now you know what we have to
do and where we have to do it.

(Helen sighs)

(dramatic music)

You're gonna love Sav
Big's produce section.

Everything's half the price,

twice the size and just as good.

- Yeah, yeah.

Everything's "just as good."

Let's get this over with.

(air howling)

- Ah.

Ah, volume.

Okay, I'll snag us a cart.

- Oh!

(Helen gasps)

(scooter beeps)

Ugh.

- Now, Helen, we're here
to shop for the dinner.

Next trip, you
can take advantage

of the haircuts and eye exams.

- Just as Good?

That's their house brand?

And it's really
called Just as Good?

- Uh-huh.
(buzzing)

Hey, look, they have
a big board, too.

Maybe they have some fun
ideas for entertaining.

(doorbell dings)

- Huh?

- Yo, would you like to
buy candy to help keep kids

like me off drugs?

- Ooh. (laughs)

Got any Mike and Ikes?

- No.

- Have fun in rehab.

- Why can't I get a
decent job until I'm 16?

How is it protecting me to
hustle candy, breath pesticides,

not get bathroom breaks?

(sighs) I just want a
decent pair of jeans.

- You know, when I was just
a little older than you,

there was one thing I
wanted more than anything

in this world, to go to Vietnam.

- As, like, a tourist?

- No, to fight.

But I was only 17, so
I told them I was 18.

Six weeks later,
I was in country

with my very own machine gun.

- You mean, you lied?

- And you can, too.

(beeping)

- These bags aren't ringing up.

- Those are my
reusable shopping bags.

For conservation.

(Helen gasps)

- Oh, and don't forget your
Sav Big membership card.

You're one of us now.

(scooter beeps)

- Ugh.

- Come on, Helen.

The dinner is tomorrow.

We need to steep the legumes.

- I want my couch back.

Nothing on TV seems
funny from this angle.

(Helen sighs)

- Why is mom in
a fetal position?

- Well, your mom has not been
herself since the banning.

We just need to snap
her out of her funk.

Pop up like toast, Helen.

Come on, you can't just give up.

I don't know how to throw

an underhanded business
dinner, but you do.

- Mom looks broken.

- She is, Ubuntu.

- I can try to braid her hair.

- No, here's only one
way to fix your mother.

I'm getting her
back into One Earth.

- Didn't think a guy in shorts
could look so determined.

- $13. 95 for peanut...

(sighs) All right,
stay focused, Gerald.

Mr. Heelo, my wife
was unfairly banned

from the entire One Earth chain,

and you need to let her back in.

- Sorry, she's in the system.

Nothing I can do once
they're in the system.

- Not to gender-type, but
you know how women can be,

and my wife, behind my back,
invited my boss' boss over

for a schmoozy business dinner.

And you'll like this
part, she's convinced

that she can't do it
without One Earth.

You know how it is.

- So she lies to you
and steals from me?

She does not sound
like an ideal customer.

(Kent grunting)

- Kent, you won't believe
what Gerald Goode did.

He invited the chancellor
over to his house for dinner!

- What, Goode went over my head?

- It was Helen's sneaky plan
so Gerald could get credit

for his own ideas.

- It shouldn't be
about the credit.

I've told him that 100 times.

- Don't worry, Helen's
been banned from One Earth.

At least her dinner will
be a sheer disaster.

- No, I can't have that.

The chancellor could
end up firing him.

Then I'll lose
all my good ideas!

- Well, maybe you could
come up with your own ideas.

Oh, god.

We have to save this dinner.

- Would anybody like
to sign a petition

to boycott One Earth?

- [Girl] Nu-uh.

- Helen's never
gettin' off that couch.

- Oh, hello, Margo, Kent.

We're...
- Why'd you go over my head?

Gerald, if you'd just asked me,

I would have agreed to
share credit for your ideas.

- Really?

Wow, I'm so sorry.

- We're past this, boys.

Right now, everyone here
has to do whatever it takes

to get Helen back
into One Earth.

- I got it!

Free Helen Goode!

(groaning)

- That was the last of my
one Earth ylang-ylang soap.

- (sighs) Ubuntu can
bring home another one.

- No, this is who we are now.

- (sighs) I'm so sorry.

I did everything I could
to get you back in there.

- It's not your fault.

I have to learn to let go.

(sobs) Where's that barrel
of tissues we bought?

- I wish I could help mom.

- Ubuntu, I never wanted
it to come to this.

We've always tried to teach
you core ethical values

and that the ends never
justify the means.

- I know that.

- Good, as long as you
understand that, turn around,

go to work and do
whatever is necessary

to get your mother
back into One Earth.

(thrilling music)

- Mom, ban over.

- Over?

(soft gentle music)

- Worked at all the biggies,

Riverlake mall, Parkside
Promenade, Hoover galleria.

Now I'm looking
for a midsize mall.

I feel that's where
my strengths are.

- Wow, you're hired.

Go grab anything you
like off the rack.

Our inventory tracking
system is very sloppy.

(Bliss happily sighs)

- Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to
enjoy shopping at One Earth.

(cheerful music)

- Helen, we missed you.

Here's your latte.

- Thanks, Gwen.

Ah.

- [Employee] Helen,
saved you a tangelo.

- Free sample.

- No, thank you.

- Well, we may never be
able to afford to eat again,

but at least we'll have one
heck of a meal to remember.

- I can dazzle the
chancellor with food,

but you need to get out
there and dazzle him

with your ideas.

- So, chancellor
Harrison, I was thinking

that we can offer
a degree program

in converting vehicles
to natural gas.

- I was thinking
other thoughts, too.

- What?

- What Kent's trying
to say about our idea...

- Our idea!

- Huh.

- Is that this
program would allow us

to get our maintenance
vehicles upgraded for free.

I missed my One Earth Helen.

Sav Big Helen slept a lot.

- Is this your first
grown-up dinner, too?

- Helen, thanks for
dinner last night.

Oh, a word to the wise, salt
is better dashed, not poured.

- Didn't seem to slow you down.

I'm surprised you can
hear any conversations

over your slurping.

(upbeat music)

(singing in foreign language)

♪ The Goode Family ♪