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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:02,960 All right, who would like to start? 2 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:04,294 Oh, yes. 3 00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:06,380 Face card not declined. 4 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,799 She looks gag-a-tron sickening. 5 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,467 What did he just say about me? 6 00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,344 Oh, no, it's a compliment. It means you look good. 7 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:13,637 Oh. 8 00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:14,847 Uh, who else? 9 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,473 Yeah? - So funny. 10 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,267 I love when she roasts celebrities. 11 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,019 - Yeah. - Oh, my God, I would love it 12 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,603 if Deborah Vance roasted me. 13 00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:23,313 What would she even say? 14 00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:25,649 - Tiny Q-tip head. - Oh! 15 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,484 Can't see her legs behind the desk. 16 00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:29,570 - Wow. - OK. 17 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,655 She's got amazing legs. I want to see them. 18 00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:33,657 - Put a star next to that one. - Mm. 19 00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:36,493 She looks like an old Lolita. 20 00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:39,496 "Old Lolita"? That's just a woman. 21 00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:40,956 I like when she's funny, 22 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:43,667 but I don't like when she's trying to be funny. 23 00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:45,002 You know what I mean? - OK. 24 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,295 Shut up. 25 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,672 - Anyone else? - Her hair. 26 00:00:48,673 --> 00:00:50,507 What about it? 27 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:52,301 I don't know, that it's short. 28 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,553 I-I don't like that it's, like, up. 29 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,181 - Ah, yeah. - Oh, yeah, wait. 30 00:00:57,182 --> 00:01:00,267 It's, like, too up. 31 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:03,187 Like, that where bird lay egg. 32 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,314 "Too up"? What does that mean? 33 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,357 - A bird's nest. - Yeah, like a bird's nest. 34 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:08,692 - OK, we want it down. - Yeah. 35 00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:10,736 Y'all need to get a grip. 36 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,821 How a woman wears her hair is none of our business. 37 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,031 Thank you. 38 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,866 That's between her and her husband. 39 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,910 OK, OK, now it's my turn to give feedback on all of you. 40 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,328 - Deborah. - No. 41 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,662 - First of all, Mr. Jowls... - Deborah! 42 00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:22,706 Yeah... yeah, you! 43 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,541 You with the jowls! 44 00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:28,545 It sounds a lot like Deborah Vance. 45 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:30,672 That sounds like Deborah Vance. 46 00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:33,050 OK, so the ratings of the first few episodes 47 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,802 were fantastic. 48 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,387 New host, first female host... we got the curiosity bump. 49 00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:39,556 But now we've dropped to fourth place. 50 00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:42,518 So Mark here from Data is gonna walk us through 51 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,728 exactly what's going on, yeah? 52 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:48,023 The top line is, men of all ages love Deborah. 53 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:49,858 You're overperforming with males 54 00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,443 in pretty much every field. 55 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,570 Well, like I've always said, data imitates life. 56 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:55,864 America loves their MILFs and GILFs. 57 00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:57,741 - Kayla... - Actually, that's correct. 58 00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:00,244 In pornography searches, the terms "MILF," 59 00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:02,913 which stands for "mom I'd like to eff," 60 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,582 and "mature" account for almost twice as many searches 61 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,418 as for... younger demographics. 62 00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:10,170 - He means teens. - Yes. 63 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,089 So she's right to note the correlation. 64 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,384 Understood, but it is best not to encourage her. 65 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,553 I'm doing No Nut November. 66 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,638 Cool. It's, uh, February. 67 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,057 Some other subgroups where you play well... 68 00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:23,767 middle-aged Black business owners, 69 00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:27,312 gay dads under 50, college-educated Singaporeans, 70 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,439 retired divorcées in the Great Lakes region. 71 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,359 And then we have our weaker demos, 72 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:37,114 most notably women ages 25 to 45. 73 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,907 They do not like you. 74 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:41,118 Women? Oh, God. 75 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,786 72% of them have children, 76 00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:45,164 and 37% are on medication for high blood pressure. 77 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,957 Who cares about stressed-out moms? 78 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,417 They don't laugh at anything. 79 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,002 That demo is very important to ad sales. 80 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,253 They spend the most. 81 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,088 Are you saying women be shopping? 82 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:54,965 Statistically, they do be. 83 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,759 OK. We'll figure out a way to appeal to them. 84 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,761 What about DJ? She's about to become a mom. 85 00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:01,597 Maybe you film a segment with her. 86 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,223 No, no, I'm not going to use 87 00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,100 my pregnant daughter for ratings. 88 00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:06,977 Right. Where's the line? There's the line. 89 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,437 We're not gonna cross it. Noted, right? 90 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,980 - Yeah. - Yeah. 91 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,315 I doubt she'd give us much of a boost anyway. 92 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,983 - Hmm. - Guests. 93 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,360 OK, who can we book that moms like? 94 00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,154 Testing shows that America's favorite moms 95 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,614 are Jennifer Garner, 96 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,449 Reese Witherspoon, and Gabrielle Union. 97 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,201 Yeah, but none of them have anything to promote right now. 98 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,036 What about Kristen Bell? 99 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,787 She's got that new live-action Tinker Bell movie coming out, 100 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,789 and she's a big-time mom... Hello Bello. 101 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,499 Yes, she does great on socials. 102 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,001 Very clickable face. 103 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,502 Unfortunately, we tried to get her. 104 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,004 She's doing "Kimmel." 105 00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,839 - Yeah, they vacation together. - They what? 106 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,090 I think they vacation together. 107 00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:38,467 If you follow her Instagram, 108 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:39,948 she posts a lot with him and his wife. 109 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,869 - Oh, sorry. - Oh, I am so sorry. 110 00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:08,538 Excuse... Kristen Bell? 111 00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:10,165 - Yes! - Hi! 112 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:11,500 Hi, Deborah, it's so nice to finally meet you. 113 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:12,709 I'm such a huge fan. - Oh. 114 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,711 Oh, my... you're a fan? - Yeah. 115 00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:17,547 I was just re-binging "Veronica Mars." 116 00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:19,925 - That's so random. - I know. 117 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,385 Congratulations on your new show. 118 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,886 Oh, thank you so much. 119 00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:24,888 You're so sweet. You know, you should come on. 120 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,390 Oh, I would love to. Absolutely. 121 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,766 - Oh, fabulous. OK. - I'll be there. 122 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,226 I'll have my publicist reach out, OK? 123 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,894 Yeah, but why bother the publicists? 124 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,104 We can just figure this out. 125 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,689 Oh, I don't think it bothers them. 126 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,232 It doesn't, because I only work with people 127 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:36,483 who love what they do. 128 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:37,818 - Really? - Yeah. 129 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,236 No, come on. No, seriously. 130 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,363 I'm gonna get out my calendar, you know. 131 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:42,906 Just name the day. 132 00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:45,325 OK. Um... let me see. 133 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,035 How about today, like, around 4:00, 4:30? 134 00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,578 "Today"? 135 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,455 Oh, yeah, no. Next week's fine. 136 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,416 OK, let me see. 137 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:55,252 OK, Monday I have a pickup. 138 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:58,422 Tuesday... oh, I'm speaking at the UN. 139 00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:00,424 Are they flexible? 140 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,592 I'm kidding. 141 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,928 OK. Wednesday... 142 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,930 Oh, Wednesday is good for me. I'll bump Giamatti. 143 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:09,642 Should we put it down? - Oh, I have therapy. 144 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:14,521 But I'll skip it... 145 00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:16,189 'cause last session, she was telling me 146 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,108 I was too nice and had trouble with boundaries, 147 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,068 so I feel like canceling on her might impress her. 148 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:21,611 - Good for you. - Yeah. 149 00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:23,447 OK, Wednesday, then. - Great. Fabulous. 150 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,115 - Yeah. Great. - OK. 151 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,450 - I'll see you Wednesday. - See you next week. 152 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,327 - OK, great. - Thanks, Kristen. Bye. 153 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,411 Bye. 154 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,839 ♪ Born to boogie ♪ 155 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:47,054 Do you need something, Kayla? 156 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,389 My bad. Did that land over here? 157 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,932 - Good morning. - Good morning. 158 00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,267 How are you? 159 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,685 I'm doing good, 'cause I have a plan. 160 00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,145 Oh, God, is this your plan to trick 161 00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,813 the Olsen twins into acting again? 162 00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:59,149 They don't want to. - No, but that plan would work. 163 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,193 We would just need to get Tia and Tamera first because... 164 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,986 Twins listen to other twins. 165 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,155 - Yes, I've heard your theory. - Well, I've been thinking 166 00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,573 about the late-night testing results, 167 00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:08,492 and I figured out a way we can help Deborah. 168 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,077 Great. What is it? 169 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:13,288 By bringing in TikTok star Dance Mom. 170 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:16,166 She's from rural Alberta, which is apparently in Canada. 171 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,502 People love her. 172 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:20,128 Dance Mom? 173 00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:21,338 Huh. 174 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,674 Wow. 175 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,635 ♪ All the while they're thinking us, us, us, us, us ♪ 176 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,220 ♪ 'Cause you've been so out of touch... ♪ 177 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,513 - She's cute. - Mm-hmm. 178 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,681 Honestly, this is a great idea. 179 00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:33,892 She's got a lot of followers. OK, book a meeting. 180 00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,228 Oh, I did. It's right now. You're late. 181 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,854 She's waiting for you to let her in. 182 00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:39,356 - Wait, what? - Hi! 183 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,941 - Hello. - Hi! 184 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,443 It's so great to finally meet you. 185 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:46,029 I'm Kayla. This is Jimmy. 186 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:47,823 We are the cofounders of Schaefer & LuSaque. 187 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,366 LuSaque & Schaefer. 188 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,284 Well, it's really great to meet you. 189 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:54,162 Like I said in my message, we love your dance moves. 190 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:55,705 He can't stop watching them late at night. 191 00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:57,040 So good. I'm addicted. 192 00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:58,667 Well, anytime, really, not just late. 193 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,419 - Yeah, but late. - Oh, my goodness. 194 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,254 But, yeah, we're so excited to talk to you 195 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,673 about collaborating with our client Deborah Vance. 196 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,509 Ever heard of her? - Oh, my God! Of course! 197 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,886 I'm obsessed with her sassy oven mitts. 198 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:11,555 Do you know they're flippin' machine washable? 199 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,056 I know. They're a great set of mitts. 200 00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:14,474 We can actually send you a pair. 201 00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,351 So, listen, we would love to fly you to LA 202 00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:19,020 and have you meet Deborah and potentially audition 203 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,897 to be a guest dancer on her show. 204 00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:23,400 - Oh, yeah. - Really? Oh, stop. 205 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,569 I mean, the only time I've ever been to the States 206 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,571 was when I was a kid, when my whole family 207 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,407 went to Pittsburgh to visit the Heinz Ketchup museum. 208 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:33,076 My whole family loves ketchup. 209 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:36,037 Yeah, it's... ketchup is great, yeah. 210 00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:38,081 We'll get you a whole big bottle, girl. 211 00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:39,875 Wow, Los Angeles. 212 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,918 Like the LA episodes of "Sex and the City." 213 00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,420 - Yeah. - I would love to. 214 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:44,671 - Great! - Oh, my God! 215 00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:46,756 - All right. - We'll fly you private. 216 00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,508 Unfortunately, we can't fly you private. 217 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,218 That's not possible, but... 218 00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:51,845 You will fly first, and you'll have a greeter. 219 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,013 I'll be there! 220 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,931 Yeah! 221 00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:56,266 Oh, wow. 222 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,602 Look at that. - There you go. 223 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:04,900 OK, spill. Are you seeing anyone? 224 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,485 I feel like when you left "On the Contrary," 225 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,153 you were super single. 226 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:12,532 Actually, I have been seeing this boy/girl couple. 227 00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,409 Oh, my parents are boy/girl. 228 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,786 No, it's actually super ideal with the new job, 229 00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,288 because I work such late hours. 230 00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:19,748 They don't get mad 231 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,249 'cause they have each other to hang with. 232 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,918 - Yeah. - There you go. 233 00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,794 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 234 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,630 Ava, I meant to say, I didn't know 235 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,423 Courteney Cox played the drums. 236 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,175 Yeah. You saw that? 237 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,427 Well, Lewis was asking me if we'd seen it. 238 00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:35,138 He described a clip to the room. 239 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:36,932 But I did see the Golden Bachelor 240 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,308 eating spaghetti with his feet. 241 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,643 That was funny. 242 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,645 Yeah. That was stupid. 243 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,480 I-I pitched Fran Lebowitz, 244 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:46,816 but Deborah wanted to go with the foot thing, so... 245 00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:47,984 You know, it's a new show. 246 00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:49,277 We're still figuring it out. 247 00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:50,820 But the plan has always been to lean 248 00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,489 in a more political direction. 249 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:53,490 - That's cool. - Yeah. 250 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:54,866 Awesome. - That's awesome. 251 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,451 And we have amazing musical guests. 252 00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:57,994 So if there's anyone you guys ever want to see, 253 00:08:57,995 --> 00:08:59,496 you should come to a taping. 254 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,414 Yeah, maybe when we're back from D.C. 255 00:09:01,415 --> 00:09:03,416 - Yeah. - What are you doing there? 256 00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:05,627 Well, our segment on the Innocence Project 257 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,170 helped get this guy out of prison. 258 00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:08,922 And now he's graduating college, 259 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,632 and we're all going to his grad party. 260 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:11,967 Wild. 261 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,468 And then we're going to the Hill. 262 00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,136 Apparently, the Senate Finance Committee 263 00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,846 is low-key obsessed with us. 264 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,431 That is so great. 265 00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:21,810 - Yeah, they're sweet. - Totally. 266 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,521 ♪ Come back, pretty baby ♪ 267 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:27,524 ♪ And I'll be the girl ♪ 268 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,652 ♪ You want me to be ♪ 269 00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:33,405 ♪ Lordy, Lordy, Lordy ♪ 270 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:37,367 ♪ I'm begging you, my little darling ♪ 271 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:38,868 ♪ Oh... ♪ 272 00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:43,540 Hello, Deborah. 273 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,875 Jimmy. What a pleasant surprise. 274 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,043 Is it? 275 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:48,878 KB's not doing your show. 276 00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:50,088 KB? 277 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,257 Don't play dumb. Kristen Bell. 278 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,551 Everyone knows that when she has a new project, 279 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,052 she does my show first. 280 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:58,054 I got full custody when Conan died. 281 00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,848 Oh, you own her? 282 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,891 Let's just say I've put in my time. 283 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,727 I switched to a Samsung phone 284 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,687 so she wouldn't be the only one with green bubbles. 285 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:10,400 I invested $38,000 in her gluten-free energy bars 286 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,485 for Africa or something. 287 00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:16,406 I wore a K. Bell brand organic diaper on a billboard. 288 00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:19,409 You think I did that because I'm proud of my body? 289 00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,870 No, I did it for bookings. 290 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,080 - Shit. - Big-time shit. 291 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:26,082 Go jam your dick up Fallon's ass. 292 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,751 You fucked with the wrong Jimmy. 293 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,586 Oh, I see what this is. 294 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:30,837 You think it's fun to bully 295 00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,589 the first female late-night host? 296 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,424 Oh, you think this is bullying? 297 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:37,135 I just don't want to see you end up like James Corden. 298 00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,762 Did you hear what happened? 299 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,598 They found a whole bunch of horse porn on his computer. 300 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,475 Happened right after he got a little too friendly 301 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,601 with Jennifer Aniston. 302 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,478 He had to move back to England. 303 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:49,314 He's sweeping chimneys now. It's really sad. 304 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,815 Yeah. 305 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:53,276 OK, well, I have a show to do, Jimmy. 306 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:54,402 - Yeah. - Hmm. 307 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:55,737 Good luck. 308 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,448 Break a leg. 309 00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:02,911 My parking spot's closer to the door 310 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:05,121 than yours is, you fucking loser! 311 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,879 What if instead of Founding Father, 312 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,548 we did the Founding Mother, but it's just Deborah in a wig? 313 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:17,592 Like, a different wig? - That's really funny. 314 00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,636 Oh, this stupid pen! 315 00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,763 I had the cap off. 316 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:22,806 Yeah. 317 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,432 Eliot, I love that idea. 318 00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,643 What if it's, like, a very long CVS receipt, 319 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,478 but it's actually the Declaration of Independence 320 00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:31,147 but there's, like, still a, like, Neutrogena coupon 321 00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:32,607 at the bottom? 322 00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:34,150 The Declaration of Independence? 323 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:36,152 I do not want to hear CNN words 324 00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:37,779 every time I walk into this room. 325 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,197 You're supposed to be working 326 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:40,949 on my mom-friendly cooking bit with Antoni. 327 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,534 Right, about that. 328 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,786 Um, I was thinking last night, and I just think 329 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:47,539 that we should focus on things that feel unique to you. 330 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,541 Well, I don't want to spend my time doing jokes 331 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,626 that most people have to Google to understand. 332 00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,795 Well, using Google isn't as hard for most people 333 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,171 as it is for you. 334 00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,340 Why don't we watch the cyber-shaming? 335 00:11:57,341 --> 00:11:59,968 What I want to do are segments 336 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,845 that are appealing to moms. 337 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:05,014 Does anyone have a segment that moms would like? 338 00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:06,516 I know! Ooh. 339 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,476 How about a week of mommy makeovers? 340 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,519 "Makeovers"? 341 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,770 Anyone can do mommy makeovers. 342 00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,355 No one can do a makeover like me. 343 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,815 It's just broad. 344 00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,692 I mean, you remember Jen Silvers from "Salon" 345 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,193 said we were leaning a little daytime? 346 00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:18,778 Well, who cares what she thinks? 347 00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:21,030 She cuts hair. - No, "Salon" magazine. 348 00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:22,699 Well, the only salon I care about 349 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,117 is Sally Hershberger. 350 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,035 Oh, my God, she could do the makeovers! 351 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,871 OK, I've got it. Done deal. 352 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,706 All right, everybody, Sally Hershberger, makeovers. 353 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,207 I'm gonna make the call. Let's go. 354 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,502 OK, why don't we take a ten-minute phone break? 355 00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,839 What? 356 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,302 I think we are in danger of bending too... 357 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,888 Too much towards the data. 358 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:47,098 And perhaps that's not the best way to create art. 359 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:49,184 Frida Kahlo didn't consult a focus group 360 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,769 about what colors she should paint with. 361 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,771 She also didn't consult a pair of tweezers. 362 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,230 What's your point? - Well... 363 00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:55,732 I have to pee so bad. 364 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:58,736 Can we just finish this in the restroom, please? 365 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:02,906 They didn't give us all that data 366 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,699 just to admire the graph patterns! 367 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,242 I get that data is useful. 368 00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:07,911 We can keep it in mind and weave it into the show 369 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,579 when we can organically. 370 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,414 But you are trying to reverse engineer jokes 371 00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:12,916 to make specific people laugh. 372 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,751 We can't please everyone. 373 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,587 Wrong. No, our job is to please everyone. 374 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,923 This isn't like 12 shows on the road 375 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,549 where the audience self-selects. 376 00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,426 This is national television. 377 00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:25,094 We are selling soap. 378 00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:28,264 Yes, we have to be funny, but we are also selling soap. 379 00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:29,599 You can still sell soap 380 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,601 while remaining authentic to your voice. 381 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:33,061 It's the difference between making art 382 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,562 and churning out content. 383 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,022 I do not want to make a show... - Oh, no. 384 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:38,107 This is not about what you want! 385 00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:40,443 It's not even about what I want... it's what they want. 386 00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:43,154 And in case you've forgotten, I am the face of this show. 387 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,782 No one in that focus group brought you up even once, 388 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,242 if you can believe that. 389 00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,827 Uh... 390 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,120 OK, change of plans. 391 00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,623 Do you guys actually mind stepping out? 392 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,458 Oh, for the love of... 393 00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:57,585 And remember your tools... 394 00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:00,004 compassion, not condescension. 395 00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:03,091 OK, we'll wait for Stacey to finish this conversation. 396 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:06,302 Well, it's gonna be a while. 397 00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:36,291 Fuck. Shit. 398 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,251 Is everything OK? 399 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,586 Emily Blunt doesn't want to do 400 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,129 the "Gravy Bowl Challenge." 401 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,965 Fuck. 402 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,675 Sorry, guys, I might have to go deal with this. 403 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,176 - OK - Is that OK? 404 00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:49,345 - Yeah, yeah. - Thank you for understanding. 405 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,055 You guys are so... so good at this. 406 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,349 I'll text you. You're awesome. 407 00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:54,517 You're awesome. 408 00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:57,145 - I love you. - I love you. 409 00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:01,357 Oh, fuck! 410 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,695 ♪ Ain't no trouble, baby ♪ 411 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:07,822 ♪ I got to see you tonight... ♪ 412 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:10,158 Can we also get a bottle of sparkling for the table? 413 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,285 Oh, not for me. Too spicy. 414 00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:14,203 - Ah. - OK. 415 00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:16,372 I'd like to keep this and frame it. 416 00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:17,624 Thank you. 417 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:18,625 Scrapbook. 418 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,627 - Exactly. - Yeah. 419 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,795 Everyone in LA is so glamorous. 420 00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:24,714 I mean, gosh! 421 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,634 I've never seen so many people wearing makeup in the daytime. 422 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,469 Well, this could be your life, mama. 423 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,889 Oh. This day has been all bucket list. 424 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,183 I mean, Rodeo Drive, Sunset Strip... 425 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:38,061 - Whoo! - Ripley's Believe It or Not! 426 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,188 I feel like the Beverly Hills Chihuahua. 427 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,731 And to top it all off, 428 00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,566 you're gonna audition for Deborah's show. 429 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,401 How cool is that? - Pretty cool. 430 00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,278 I've been thinking about that. 431 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:52,075 And gosh, Jimmy, I'm so sorry, but I-I... 432 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,409 I don't know. 433 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:55,578 - Why the hell freaking not? - Yeah. 434 00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:57,246 I'm flattered. 435 00:15:57,247 --> 00:16:00,291 And today has been the best day of my life. 436 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:04,712 But everyone in LA is just so fancy and so beautiful, 437 00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:07,048 and I just feel like such a hoser. 438 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,760 And I would be too intimidated to be on the show. 439 00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:14,097 And so I just think that... 440 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,224 I'm not the person you're looking for. 441 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,684 No, no. You are. 442 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,227 And we should have brought you to Mid City. 443 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:20,687 You know, there's a lot of ugly people there. 444 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,438 - I don't believe you, Jimmy. - It's true. 445 00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:23,940 And you're gorgeous, respectfully. 446 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:25,608 I can't be on TV. 447 00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:27,777 I just make content on my phone. 448 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,279 Listen, it is scary, but, honestly, 449 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,447 Kayla and I grew up here, 450 00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:32,907 so we really know LA. - Mm-hmm. 451 00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:34,742 And the truth is, everybody's intimidated. 452 00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,119 Everybody. 453 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,870 They're just pretending like they're not. 454 00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:39,789 To be honest, imposter syndrome is an epidemic. 455 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,541 Even I struggle with it. - Not me. 456 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,960 Well, OK, a lot of people do, especially women. 457 00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,628 A lot of women and Jimmy. 458 00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:47,672 And the truth is, is that you're really special... 459 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,465 - Yes. - And nobody here 460 00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,843 is any better than you are. - Oh, except for Demi Moore. 461 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,970 She's awesome, and she's over at the bar. 462 00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:56,806 I'm friends with one of her daughters. 463 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,516 Not the other one. We're fighting. Yeah. 464 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,143 - Oh, my God. - Yeah. 465 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,978 Look, it might not work out with Deborah. 466 00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:03,646 But you're here. You're in Hollywood. 467 00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,023 - Yes. - Why not just audition? 468 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,983 You only live once. Seize the day. 469 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,484 You're right. 470 00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:09,861 I'll audition. 471 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,320 - Yes! - I'm going to audition. 472 00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:13,031 OK, great, great. 473 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,491 Yes! Let's get margaritas! 474 00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:17,285 "Margaritas"? I don't think so. 475 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,287 It's lunchtime. 476 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,247 Let's drink. Let's go to the M&M store. 477 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:22,623 Come on, live a little. 478 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:23,791 OK, I'll have a margarita. 479 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,001 - Yeah! - Margaritas! 480 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,004 Olé! - Wow! 481 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:32,008 ♪ Keep on doing what you're doing ♪ 482 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,010 ♪ Keep on, don't stop ♪ 483 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,970 And you thought we were just making a standard PBJ. 484 00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,472 No, not today. 485 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,140 And what I like to do, a little hack... 486 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:40,683 I take some of these hemp seeds, 487 00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,351 and I put them... sneak them right in the middle 488 00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:44,520 for some added protein and a little bit of crunch. 489 00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:46,189 That is sneaky. 490 00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,357 And you know you got to trick kids into eating healthy. 491 00:17:48,358 --> 00:17:51,152 I remember when my daughter was in first grade. 492 00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:54,197 She refused to eat anything except shrimp cocktail. 493 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:56,491 I had to sneak vegetables into a rémoulade. 494 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,201 Moms get it. 495 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:01,204 I cannot wait to dig into this. 496 00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:02,538 Mmm! - Beautiful. 497 00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:04,207 I love bread. Oh, and I eat it. 498 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:06,042 It's terrible. 499 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,585 Mmm. Oh, my gosh! 500 00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:10,922 And this spread is one of my favorites. 501 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,548 It's absolutely... - Oh, Deb, sorry. 502 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:13,925 You're getting your hair in the jam. 503 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,176 Oh, oops. Sorry. 504 00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:19,222 Ha. 505 00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,224 You know, I feel most comfortable in the kitchen. 506 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,725 I really do. 507 00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:24,852 Thank you to Antoni, and we'll be right back. 508 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:29,190 ♪ You got me where you want me ♪ 509 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,650 ♪ Want me ♪ 510 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:33,069 ♪ I'm shackled to your love ♪ 511 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,320 ♪ To your love ♪ 512 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:40,660 ♪ Set me free, set me free ♪ 513 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:41,994 OK, it's go time. 514 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,913 You are gonna nail this audition. 515 00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,331 You got it. OK? 516 00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:48,084 Stomp that yard, queen! 517 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,585 Be yourself 'cause everyone else is taken. 518 00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:51,254 OK. I wish I didn't wear this sweater. 519 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,547 It's really hot. 520 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:53,923 Oh, I like it. 521 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,967 It's so nice. You look like a princess. 522 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:58,094 OK, we're ready for you. 523 00:18:58,095 --> 00:18:59,303 - OK. - Here we go. 524 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:00,763 - I got this, eh? - You got this. 525 00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,598 Yeah! Good luck. 526 00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:04,433 Have fun. We'll be out there watching. 527 00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:06,102 - OK. - OK. Break a leg. 528 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,770 - She's so sweet. - I know. 529 00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:10,148 I gave her a tequila shot to help loosen her up. 530 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,775 - You did? So did I. - So she's had two shots? 531 00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:15,486 - Three. I gave her a double! - Oh, my God. 532 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,613 ♪ I'm gonna love you till the end ♪ 533 00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,282 ♪ And then repeat it ♪ 534 00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:25,788 Whoa. 535 00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:28,624 Whoo! 536 00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:29,876 Yeah! 537 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:32,461 Whoo! 538 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,297 Wow, OK. 539 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,798 You aren't kidding around, are you? 540 00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,384 We have a lot to discuss. 541 00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:40,094 I know one thing for sure. 542 00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:41,971 I could use that energy in my audience tomorrow night. 543 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:43,764 Yeah, we're gonna get you some tickets. 544 00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:45,892 Oh, really? Oh, my goodness! 545 00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,560 That would be amazing. Thank you so much. 546 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:48,811 I'll see you tomorrow. - OK. 547 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,938 I can't wait. I can't wait! 548 00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:52,273 Thank you. 549 00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:53,608 Thank you so much for coming. 550 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:56,152 - Bye-bye. - Bye. 551 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:58,154 It's obviously a no, right? 552 00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,780 She does have a lot of followers. 553 00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:02,450 - She does. - Yeah, so did Charles Manson. 554 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,993 It is dangerously close 555 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,953 to "Gong Show" territory, Jimmy. 556 00:20:05,954 --> 00:20:07,997 She has other dances she could do. 557 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:09,999 I loved it. 558 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,334 It's a no. 559 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:13,961 OK. Well, thank you for your time. 560 00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:15,713 - It's your loss. - No, I'm sorry. 561 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,007 I have to go. Antoni's taking me to dinner. 562 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,509 We're going to a place that has acclaimed butter. 563 00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:22,845 - Sorry, Jimmy. - It's OK. 564 00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:24,305 - It's OK. - Thank you, guys. 565 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,474 Thank you. - OK, yeah. 566 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,018 My little maple leaf, she's gonna be so disappointed. 567 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,311 I know. 568 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,520 Let's tell her after the show tomorrow. 569 00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:32,688 - Not it! - OK. 570 00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:34,523 Ay, Christmas! 571 00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:36,651 ♪ Get it! ♪ 572 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,194 ♪ Find a move ♪ 573 00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,862 ♪ Get the groove ♪ 574 00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:41,280 Thank you. 575 00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,032 Oh, Antoni, you're so welcome. 576 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,867 Obviously, all that stuff I said about Tan, 577 00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,494 that stays between us, right? 578 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:49,538 Of course. 579 00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:50,873 Oh, honey, thanks for doing the show. 580 00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:52,708 Mwah, mwah. 581 00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,669 Hey, do you want a tour of the kitchen? 582 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,712 I actually happen to know the executive chef. 583 00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:58,589 We did a week at Ecole Ducasse together, 584 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,049 and she's a fucking legend. 585 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,051 This woman can take apart a hogget with her teeth! 586 00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,095 Oh, my gosh, maybe next time, honey. 587 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,555 Thank you. I have something I have to do. 588 00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:08,724 OK, take care. 589 00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:10,893 - Should we get dessert? - Yeah. 590 00:21:10,894 --> 00:21:12,895 Oh, hello. 591 00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:14,563 How long have you been there? 592 00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:16,107 What have you... what have you seen? 593 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,525 Enough. 594 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,110 So I guess you can please everyone. 595 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:21,696 Hi, I'm Deborah. 596 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,364 - Hi. Emily. - I'm Dev. 597 00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:24,907 - Hi, nice to meet you. - We should get going. 598 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,867 We were just finishing up. - Oh, great, great. 599 00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:28,244 I'll get the bill, 600 00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:29,925 unless you were planning to do a three-way. 601 00:21:32,332 --> 00:21:34,041 Oh, excuse me. 602 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,168 Yes, we'd like to get some dessert... one of everything. 603 00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:38,379 Then they can sort out how they want to split it. 604 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,340 That's so sweet. Thank you. 605 00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:43,009 May I? 606 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,719 Excuse me. 607 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,388 Thank you. 608 00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:49,181 So... 609 00:21:49,182 --> 00:21:52,227 how do you three know each other so well? 610 00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:56,439 Dev and Emily are my... 611 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,608 We're in a... the three of us... 612 00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:01,736 Monogamy is a silly con... 613 00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:04,280 Dev and I are married, and Ava is our third. 614 00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:06,615 Oh. Is there a fourth? 615 00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:09,160 Or is third sort of the lowest you can place? 616 00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:13,914 Uh, we... we feel pretty good with three. 617 00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:15,583 You don't have to answer her questions. 618 00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,293 No, we're happy to answer questions. 619 00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:19,170 You know, people are curious. 620 00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:21,839 It's good to talk about it, destigmatize it. 621 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,591 - Exactly. - Yeah, we're open. 622 00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:25,926 I mean, we're open to talking about it, 623 00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:27,595 but we're also open. 624 00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:29,388 Two women? 625 00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:31,390 Wow, you must have incredible stamina 626 00:22:31,391 --> 00:22:32,767 and a headache. 627 00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:34,268 I'm just kidding. 628 00:22:34,269 --> 00:22:36,062 Lucky guy. 629 00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:37,938 That is so antiquated. 630 00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:40,900 You know, Emily and I are both queer, so we're all lucky. 631 00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:42,485 Mm, I'm happy for you. 632 00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:43,611 And for you. 633 00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:45,404 And you. 634 00:22:45,405 --> 00:22:47,156 - Thank you. - Thanks. 635 00:22:47,157 --> 00:22:49,992 Uh, is it weird seeing each other outside of work or... 636 00:22:49,993 --> 00:22:51,327 Oh, no. 637 00:22:51,328 --> 00:22:52,787 Ava used to live in my guest suite. 638 00:22:52,788 --> 00:22:55,122 Oh, you two knew each other before the show? 639 00:22:55,123 --> 00:22:57,918 Not well. I just wrote jokes for her. 640 00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:01,254 That's right. 641 00:23:04,674 --> 00:23:07,468 Well, I should be going. 642 00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:09,136 Oh, what about dessert? 643 00:23:09,137 --> 00:23:11,389 Oh, no, no, no. You enjoy. It's fine. 644 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:12,890 Um, but don't stay out too late. 645 00:23:12,891 --> 00:23:14,350 Remember, the show is at 11:30. 646 00:23:14,351 --> 00:23:16,685 I hope you're watching every night. 647 00:23:16,686 --> 00:23:18,187 - Well... - Um... 648 00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:20,648 What? 649 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:23,527 I told them to wait for it to get good. 650 00:23:27,322 --> 00:23:30,032 Well, of course. 651 00:23:30,033 --> 00:23:32,868 It's lovely to meet you. - You as well. 652 00:23:34,871 --> 00:23:37,039 Maybe we should get the dessert to go? 653 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,332 - Sure. - Yeah. 654 00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:46,882 How's that, Ms. Vance? 655 00:23:46,883 --> 00:23:49,051 - Can you see my ankles? - A little. 656 00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:50,344 Then a little bit more. 657 00:23:50,345 --> 00:23:51,720 We're gonna need a fresh blade. 658 00:23:51,721 --> 00:23:53,806 - Thank you. - Hey. 659 00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:56,392 Nate wrote a great blow to the modern-parenting setup. 660 00:23:56,393 --> 00:23:58,477 "Sweden voted to increase parental leave 661 00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:00,396 "to 500 paid days. 662 00:24:00,397 --> 00:24:03,232 The only downside is, you have to live in Sweden." 663 00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:04,733 That's it? 664 00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:06,694 No, then we're gonna cut to, like, pictures 665 00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:08,904 of how beautiful Sweden is... that's the joke. 666 00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:11,407 No, I'm not using visual aids to help you sell your joke. 667 00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:12,741 No. 668 00:24:12,742 --> 00:24:14,869 Uh, this is exactly what you want. 669 00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:18,289 Who cares more about paid parental leave than moms? 670 00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:20,916 Come on, work with me on this. - No, it's depressing. 671 00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:22,793 No, I'm doing the wine o'clock joke. 672 00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:25,296 We can't do wine o'clock. 673 00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:27,047 I'm doing wine o'clock, and that's that. 674 00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:28,924 You're not doing wine o'clock! 675 00:24:28,925 --> 00:24:30,301 I'm doing wine o'clock! 676 00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,303 - No wine o'clock! - Yes, wine o'clock! 677 00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:35,931 Ladies! Looks like you both owe the volume jar some money. 678 00:24:35,932 --> 00:24:38,726 Send me an invoice. I have to finish getting ready. 679 00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:43,522 Oh, my gosh. There's almost $4,000 in here. 680 00:24:43,523 --> 00:24:46,859 I do not feel comfortable having that in my car. 681 00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:50,197 My sister was knocked unconscious for less. 682 00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:53,782 Hey, Aaron, can you pull up the last mono joke? 683 00:24:53,783 --> 00:24:57,620 We're gonna replace it with this. 684 00:24:57,621 --> 00:24:59,288 Mm-hmm. 685 00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:10,341 But I'm not threatened. 686 00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:11,967 I'm not. I'm not. 687 00:25:11,968 --> 00:25:13,595 Oh, and, finally... 688 00:25:20,810 --> 00:25:23,854 And, finally, a-a new study out of Harvard 689 00:25:23,855 --> 00:25:25,523 just discovered 690 00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:28,609 that babies sleep better if you put them to bed at 8:00. 691 00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:32,154 But we moms, of course, know that it's really wine o'clock. 692 00:25:34,824 --> 00:25:38,160 And here's a picture of Sweden. It's beautiful. 693 00:25:38,161 --> 00:25:39,995 All right, we'll be right back. 694 00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:46,502 And we're clear. 695 00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:48,295 How dare you put that joke in? 696 00:25:48,296 --> 00:25:50,005 You should have done it. Yours bombed. 697 00:25:50,006 --> 00:25:51,674 Because I didn't have the right cue cards. 698 00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:52,925 You should know the punch line 699 00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:54,009 because it's the same hacky shit 700 00:25:54,010 --> 00:25:55,344 that's been done a million times. 701 00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:56,845 Oh, God, God, why don't you just go 702 00:25:56,846 --> 00:25:58,138 back to your old show so you could do 703 00:25:58,139 --> 00:25:59,932 your boring C-SPAN bullshit? 704 00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:01,517 Too late... I left to join this sinking ship. 705 00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:03,435 Guys, guys. Both of you calm down, please. 706 00:26:03,436 --> 00:26:04,979 You want to be an ice queen in your personal relationships, 707 00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:06,355 go ahead, but if you want the audience to like you, 708 00:26:06,356 --> 00:26:08,023 you need to let them get to know you. 709 00:26:08,024 --> 00:26:09,567 Yeah, and how did letting you get to know me work out, 710 00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:10,985 you pathetic, conniving bitch! 711 00:26:10,986 --> 00:26:12,403 - Oh, my God. - No, no! Please! 712 00:26:12,404 --> 00:26:14,154 This conversation's not being monitor... 713 00:26:14,155 --> 00:26:15,823 Oh! Oh! 714 00:26:15,824 --> 00:26:18,200 - Holy shit! Are you OK? - Oh, shit! 715 00:26:18,201 --> 00:26:20,536 - Oh, God. - TJ! 716 00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:21,829 - Ooh. - Oh! 717 00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:23,330 - Is it bad? - It's a little cut. 718 00:26:23,331 --> 00:26:24,540 - Yeah, there's a cut. - It's not good. Yeah. 719 00:26:24,541 --> 00:26:25,874 And you might have chipped a tooth. 720 00:26:25,875 --> 00:26:27,418 Party people, make some noise! 721 00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:28,669 Yeah! 722 00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:30,170 - This is all on you. - What? 723 00:26:30,171 --> 00:26:32,089 OK, calm down. Nobody here is at fault. 724 00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:33,757 Oh, they're both at fault! 725 00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:35,843 I'm with you two all the time. 726 00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:38,554 You... you're obsessed with data and demos. 727 00:26:38,555 --> 00:26:40,556 I mean, get over it! And you! 728 00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:43,559 You're obsessed with making this show seem so highbrow. 729 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,144 - What? - Yes, honey. 730 00:26:45,145 --> 00:26:47,730 I see you on your phone constantly googling, 731 00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:50,357 "When are the Peabody Award submission dates?" 732 00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:52,860 December 1st. December 1st. 733 00:26:52,861 --> 00:26:54,653 Why is that so hard for you to remember? 734 00:26:54,654 --> 00:26:56,071 OK, you need to see a medic, 735 00:26:56,072 --> 00:26:57,489 and we need to finish the show, OK? 736 00:26:57,490 --> 00:26:58,532 - Yeah. - Let's go. 737 00:26:58,533 --> 00:27:00,200 We're gonna get you some help. 738 00:27:00,201 --> 00:27:02,077 Date didn't change the 700 times you looked it up. 739 00:27:02,078 --> 00:27:04,079 I'm fine! - Can we, please? 740 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,497 Is Dance Mom still here? 741 00:27:05,498 --> 00:27:07,166 Wait, what? Come on. 742 00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:08,250 Is she? 743 00:27:08,251 --> 00:27:10,294 - Yes. - Jimmy. 744 00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:11,920 Good. 745 00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:14,256 Get her ready. 746 00:27:14,257 --> 00:27:16,258 All right! 747 00:27:21,598 --> 00:27:23,932 To wrap up the show, we have a very special guest. 748 00:27:23,933 --> 00:27:27,770 Making her television debut, Dance Mom! 749 00:27:35,779 --> 00:27:37,613 ♪ I'll love you for ♪ 750 00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:41,283 ♪ I'll love you for life ♪ 751 00:27:41,284 --> 00:27:43,702 ♪ Lifetimes ♪ 752 00:27:43,703 --> 00:27:45,579 ♪ I'll love you for ♪ 753 00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:49,083 ♪ I'll love you for life ♪ 754 00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:50,626 ♪ Lifetimes ♪ 755 00:27:50,627 --> 00:27:52,961 ♪ I know you feel it ♪ 756 00:27:52,962 --> 00:27:54,713 ♪ Can you believe it? ♪ 757 00:27:54,714 --> 00:27:57,132 ♪ I'm gonna love you till the end ♪ 758 00:27:57,133 --> 00:27:58,634 ♪ And then repeat it ♪ 759 00:27:58,635 --> 00:28:00,969 ♪ I know you feel it ♪ 760 00:28:00,970 --> 00:28:02,596 ♪ Can you believe it? ♪ 761 00:28:02,597 --> 00:28:04,932 ♪ I'm gonna love you till the end ♪ 762 00:28:04,933 --> 00:28:08,227 ♪ And then repeat it ♪ 763 00:28:08,228 --> 00:28:12,147 ♪ Like the sun is always rising ♪ 764 00:28:12,148 --> 00:28:15,943 ♪ Like the stars are in the sky ♪ 765 00:28:15,944 --> 00:28:20,155 ♪ You and I will find each other ♪ 766 00:28:20,156 --> 00:28:22,950 ♪ In every single life ♪ 767 00:28:22,951 --> 00:28:24,952 ♪ Baby, you and me ♪ 768 00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:26,829 ♪ For infinity ♪ 769 00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:30,999 ♪ My eternity ♪ 770 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,001 ♪ Baby, you and me ♪ 771 00:28:33,002 --> 00:28:34,878 ♪ For infinity ♪ 772 00:28:34,879 --> 00:28:39,341 ♪ My eternity ♪ 773 00:28:39,342 --> 00:28:41,468 ♪ I'll love you for ♪ 774 00:28:41,469 --> 00:28:43,846 No, no, no, no! 775 00:28:43,847 --> 00:28:45,264 Oh, my God. 776 00:28:45,265 --> 00:28:47,516 ♪ Lifetimes ♪ 777 00:28:47,517 --> 00:28:49,768 ♪ I'll love you for ♪ 778 00:28:49,769 --> 00:28:52,938 ♪ I'll love you for life ♪ 779 00:28:52,939 --> 00:28:54,773 ♪ Lifetimes ♪ 780 00:28:54,774 --> 00:28:56,692 ♪ I know you feel it ♪ 781 00:28:56,693 --> 00:28:58,861 ♪ Can you believe it? ♪ 782 00:28:58,862 --> 00:29:01,155 ♪ I'm gonna love you till the end ♪ 783 00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:03,031 ♪ And then repeat it ♪ 784 00:29:03,032 --> 00:29:05,033 ♪ I know you feel it ♪ 785 00:29:05,034 --> 00:29:06,702 ♪ Can you believe it? ♪ 786 00:29:06,703 --> 00:29:09,037 ♪ I'm gonna love you till the end ♪ 787 00:29:09,038 --> 00:29:11,874 ♪ And then repeat it ♪ 788 00:29:25,722 --> 00:29:28,223 Wasn't she phenomenal? 789 00:29:31,060 --> 00:29:33,562 We should have her back, right? 790 00:29:33,563 --> 00:29:36,398 Dance Mom! Give it up, give it up, give it up! 791 00:29:43,907 --> 00:29:46,742 ♪ Oh, love is a fire ♪ 792 00:29:46,743 --> 00:29:50,537 ♪ And it's burning up my soul ♪ 793 00:29:50,538 --> 00:29:53,874 ♪ Oh, love is a fire ♪ 794 00:29:53,875 --> 00:29:57,419 ♪ And it's raging out of control ♪ 795 00:30:03,092 --> 00:30:04,885 ♪ Baby ♪ - ♪ Baby ♪ 796 00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:07,429 - ♪ Listen ♪ - ♪ Listen ♪ 797 00:30:07,430 --> 00:30:11,433 ♪ I'm selling my soul to the devil in you ♪ 798 00:30:11,434 --> 00:30:14,895 ♪ So give me ♪ - ♪ Give me ♪ 799 00:30:14,896 --> 00:30:19,107 ♪ Give me the strength, and I'll push it through ♪ 800 00:30:19,108 --> 00:30:21,652 ♪ So open the door ♪ 801 00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:25,781 ♪ And take me where I've never been before ♪ 802 00:30:25,782 --> 00:30:29,409 ♪ Oh, love is a fire ♪ 803 00:30:29,410 --> 00:30:33,121 ♪ And it's burning up my soul ♪ 804 00:30:33,122 --> 00:30:36,333 ♪ Oh, love is a fire ♪ 805 00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:39,294 ♪ And it's burning up my soul ♪ 806 00:30:39,295 --> 00:30:41,004 ♪ My soul ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪ 807 00:30:41,005 --> 00:30:44,842 - ♪ My soul ♪ - ♪ Love is a fire ♪ 808 00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:46,969 ♪ Love is a fire ♪ 809 00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:49,930 - ♪ Oh, love is a fire ♪ - ♪ Oh, baby ♪ 810 00:30:49,931 --> 00:30:51,390 ♪ Love is a fire ♪ 811 00:30:51,391 --> 00:30:53,308 ♪ And it's burning up my soul ♪ 812 00:30:53,309 --> 00:30:57,104 - ♪ My soul ♪ - ♪ My soul ♪ 813 00:30:57,105 --> 00:31:01,108 - ♪ Love is a fire ♪ - ♪ My soul, yeah ♪ 814 00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:04,319 ♪ Oh ♪ 815 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,407 ♪ Oh, love is a fire ♪59032

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