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♪ Ooh, Las Vegas ♪
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♪ Ain't no place for
a poor boy like me ♪
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00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,676
Okay, writers, here are
your informational resources
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00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,136
on Deborah Marie Vance.
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You have biographical
background,
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00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:16,306
joke areas approved,
joke areas refused,
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00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:17,683
as well as several
character quirks
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00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,018
that you should be aware of.
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00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,020
If you get carsick
while reading,
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00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,313
just focus on a fixed
object on the horizon,
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00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:26,775
because this
reading is required.
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00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,159
Are we all done?
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00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,620
Great. What are your pitches?
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Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,165
Let's back it up a second.
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00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,750
Why don't we start
with some icebreakers?
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00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,043
I'll go first.
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Uh, my name is Ava Daniels.
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I'm from Waltham, Massachusetts.
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00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,048
And one thing about me is,
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I recently became
allergic to shrimp.
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00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:52,217
Who wants to go next?
- Me.
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00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,719
I'm Deborah Vance,
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00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,512
and one thing about
me is, I love pitches.
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00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:56,555
Got any?
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00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:57,681
- Ooh.
- Uh...
27
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,475
Why don't we ease into working
28
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,643
by getting to know each other
a little bit better first?
29
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:02,978
Why?
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00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:04,897
They're writing for me.
I'm not writing for them.
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What is your problem?
- What happened to our truce?
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Nothing!
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We agreed to put our
personal differences aside
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and never speak of them
again, but that doesn't mean,
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00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:22,748
creatively, I have to agree
with all your stupid ideas.
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00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,917
The point is to warm
up to each other.
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00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,835
We're supposed to bond, mingle,
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play "Cards Against Humanity,"
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if you would have given me
two seconds to grab my deck.
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00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:32,925
You know how much
work we have to do.
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00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,843
We do not have the
time to find out,
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00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,887
you know, what their last
names are and all that shit.
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00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,180
But this is a retreat.
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I called it that
because, legally,
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I was advised that I couldn't
take them into an office
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over the weekend.
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00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,645
You're insane!
48
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:47,773
Listen, I have been in
writers' rooms before.
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You can't just throw
people together on day one
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00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:52,945
and expect them to
churn out material.
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00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,447
Well, I'm not playing
slip, slap, slop with them.
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00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,616
Okay.
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00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,868
Clearly, we are not gonna
see eye to eye on this.
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00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:03,956
But at the very minimum,
we have to tell them
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00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,708
exactly what kind of show
we are trying to make.
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00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,752
Fine. I can do that.
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00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,088
Okay.
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00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:13,674
High-five me.
- What?
59
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:15,843
High-five me. They're
definitely looking.
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00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,177
We need to show unity.
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00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:22,349
- Let go.
- No!
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00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,433
Let go!
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00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,323
Follow me.
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00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,492
A few steps behind is fine.
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Yes!
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This way.
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Okay.
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00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,687
The room where it happens.
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00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,023
Okay, we've got
cantaloupe and saltines.
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00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,525
Everybody, dig in and
let's get to work.
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00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:21,575
So I've had a long time
to think about this.
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00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:24,745
The reason late night works
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is not because of the format,
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00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,499
but because of the person.
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00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,461
We didn't say, did you
see "The Tonight Show"?
76
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:36,215
We said, did you see Carson
or did you see Letterman?
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00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,134
It's a person you let into
your house late at night
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00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,511
and you go to bed with.
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So how do we make
millions of people
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00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,223
wanna go to bed with me?
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00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,184
They need to get to know me.
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They need to understand me.
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00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,772
That means every
monologue joke we write,
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every desk bit, every sketch,
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00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,567
every interview question
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has to be specific to me
and something only I can do.
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00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,699
And more importantly,
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00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,743
this needs to be the
number one late night show
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00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:05,827
within three months.
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00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,747
- Uh.
- Whoa.
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00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,583
Deborah, my friend, can
we talk outside for a sec?
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00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:12,752
Sure.
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00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,255
That's, like, really soon.
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00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,632
You cannot tell
them it needs to be
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00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,425
the number one show on day one.
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00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,261
That is such insane pressure.
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00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,555
Winnie says that we have
to save late night comedy.
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00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:28,308
And if we go from being new
kid on the block to number one,
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00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:29,810
that proves it's not dead.
100
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:32,229
And I want to be number
one because I can be.
101
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,730
Okay.
102
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,565
Perhaps we could start by
giving them a smaller target
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than global number one hit.
104
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,612
God!
105
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,531
Okay.
106
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,741
I understand that
some of you were hired
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to write monologue jokes and
others to write sketches.
108
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:51,957
But for this weekend, I
would like us all to focus
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00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,167
on the first episode opener.
110
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,796
Now, the very best
late-night premieres
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00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:00,632
have kicked off with a
buzzy, hilarious segment
112
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,801
that grabs the
audience's attention
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00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,137
and sets the tone
for the entire show.
114
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,557
Conan ran across the country
to his new stage in LA.
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00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:12,394
Letterman's was in the style of
Boris Karloff's "Frankenstein."
116
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,812
So what will mine be?
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Go.
118
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,982
Oh. Um, right now?
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00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,650
If you don't have
anything, let's move along.
120
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:19,985
You.
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00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,821
Uh, uh, maybe it's like
a bunker situation,
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where you've been in,
like, a bomb shelter
123
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,284
for the past 45 years?
124
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,786
Yeah, maybe you went down
there to get a bottle of wine
125
00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:31,496
and the door locked behind you.
126
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,833
And you've been surviving
off canned beans.
127
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,335
Yeah.
128
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,463
Yeah, and you can't stop
farting 'cause...
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00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,256
'cause of the beans.
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00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:46,595
Huh.
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00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,180
It's... it's interesting
direction, you guys.
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00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,681
It's really cool to see
how your minds work.
133
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,183
So, anything else?
134
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,185
Oh, maybe a sports movie parody,
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00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,479
like a "Rudy" style
thing, but it's Deborah,
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00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,189
who's never been in the game.
137
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,399
Shoulder pads have always
been flattering on my frame.
138
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:03,695
And all of her teammates can
be veteran late-night hosts.
139
00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:04,863
We can get some
really fun cameos.
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00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,323
Yeah.
141
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,532
And they can dump a
Gatorade cooler on you,
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00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:08,658
but it's full of glitter.
143
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,996
And one of them accidentally
punches you in the boob.
144
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,876
It's... actually, "SNL"
might have done it.
145
00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,212
That man is a riff killer.
146
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,838
Let's go fire him.
- No.
147
00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,548
Maybe that's how he
acts when he's nervous.
148
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,050
I mean, you haven't
exactly created
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00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,718
the warmest environment
for creativity.
150
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,261
You're giving their
jokes nothing.
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00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:30,222
Well, and you're giving
them too much with your...
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00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:33,558
Please, at least
just smile at them.
153
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,061
Oh, wow, you're telling
a woman to smile,
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00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,230
when you made such a scene when
my dear friend, Dave Blaine,
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00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,815
was simply giving you advice.
156
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,525
Just be a little nicer to Nate.
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00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:42,984
What do you want me to
do, give him a hand job?
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00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:44,694
- Jesus.
- He's a loser.
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00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:45,862
God!
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00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,074
What if we do a
"Twilight Zone" send-up
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00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,201
to highlight the
absurdity that there has
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00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,787
never been a woman at 11:30?
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00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,122
Um, anything else?
164
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,456
Maybe you're stuck at the DMV,
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00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:58,083
and they aren't
calling your number,
166
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,585
and you realize you've been
there for, like, 45 years.
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00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,421
And all of the numbers
they are calling
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00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,798
are just for, like, white
men in suits named Jimmy.
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00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,716
Okay. Maybe.
170
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,218
Um, or how about a
beauty pageant sketch?
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00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,679
We can talk about how
pleasing I am to the eyes,
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00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,097
compared to the
guys in the suits.
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00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,723
I don't know if
we wanna overload
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00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,267
too early on the
appearance stuff.
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00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,351
It'd be funny.
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00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,186
I mean, TV is a visual medium.
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00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,604
Who likes my pitch?
Show of hands.
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00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,940
No, don't. You can't
make them do that.
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00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,942
Who thinks that I
can make you do that?
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00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,569
Show of hands.
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00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,779
Uh, uh, I do.
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00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,281
Good. Okay.
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00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,158
Uh, what did you
like about my pitch?
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00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,951
I think it's good.
185
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:36,455
But don't... don't you think
it's potentially reductive?
186
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,748
True. I see both points.
187
00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:39,958
But isn't funny, funny?
188
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,210
- Yes. Funny is funny.
- Yeah.
189
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,920
And if funny is funny,
this is a comedy show.
190
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,046
We should do funny.
191
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:46,047
Right.
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00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,257
You're pressuring her.
193
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,050
You don't wanna do it, right?
194
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:52,429
I think
it could be funny,
195
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,639
which is obviously funny.
196
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,142
And then I also see
how we could think
197
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,977
of something funnier,
some of the smartest
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00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,479
people I know around here.
199
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,315
Okay, so what would be funnier?
200
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,693
Um, one second, Miss.
201
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:08,487
No, you don't have
to answer right now.
202
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,155
We're all trying to
think of something funny.
203
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,656
That's what we're doing here.
204
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,116
Okay, but... but if you
didn't have something funnier,
205
00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,160
why did you say that?
206
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,495
I'm sorry.
207
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,413
D-don't apologize.
I'm asking seriously.
208
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,165
It's just my sister's
baby shower today,
209
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,666
and I'm missing it.
210
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,001
My mom keeps texting me,
which is... but I think
211
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,336
I'm just actually hungry.
212
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,795
Really? Could have fooled me.
213
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:26,963
You cleaned out the cantaloupe.
214
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:28,173
Let's take five.
215
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,341
I'm sorry if I ate
too much cantaloupe.
216
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,550
You are fine.
217
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:31,968
We can't keep
going on like this.
218
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:33,803
It's torture.
219
00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:36,723
You really think that if
they have a good time,
220
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,184
they'll work harder and
write better material?
221
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,852
Yes.
222
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,354
Fine.
223
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,065
I will show them the best
weekend of their lives,
224
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,861
right before I grind
their bones to dust.
225
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:54,367
Okay, who wants
to have some fun?
226
00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:57,244
Yes?
227
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,289
No, it's...
228
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:02,874
Winner gets a grand.
229
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,543
- Oh, okay.
- Shit. Okay.
230
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:08,213
♪ Yeah, I'm gonna ♪
231
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,298
Ready?
232
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:13,385
Three, two, one, go!
233
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:20,392
♪ Learned to spin fortune
wheels and throw dice ♪
234
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,687
♪ Ain't good looking but
you know I ain't shy ♪
235
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:27,065
♪ Ain't afraid to look a
girl, yeah, in the eye ♪
236
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:31,903
♪ So if you need some loving
and you need it right away ♪
237
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:32,904
Fuck.
238
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,531
♪ And maybe I'll stay ♪
239
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:36,700
♪ But I got to ramble ♪
240
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,411
♪ Ramblin' man ♪
241
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,747
♪ Gamble, gamblin' man ♪
242
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:45,750
♪ Ramble, ramblin' man ♪
243
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,878
♪ I was born a
ramblin', gamblin' man ♪
244
00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:50,755
Buh-bye.
245
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,721
Whoo!
246
00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:01,182
- ♪ Oh, bring it on ♪
- Ahh!
247
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:03,727
I beat ya. I beat ya.
I beat ya. I beat ya.
248
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,937
Okay. Okay. Okay.
249
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,274
You're a good man.
250
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:11,943
Cheers!
251
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,448
Anybody need a rainbow roll?
252
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,616
Whoo!
253
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,576
Team building.
254
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,577
Build it up.
255
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:25,957
I have to grab my car,
so I'm exiting the bus.
256
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,792
And anyone who gets on the bus,
257
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,587
once I leave, I have
no knowledge of.
258
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,801
What's up, party people?
259
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,638
Welcome to Vegas.
260
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,515
I got Molly, weed, G.
261
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:43,808
And if you're
feeling really crazy,
262
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:46,019
I got 12-year-old
cans of Four Loko.
263
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,979
Okay, let's do the drugs.
264
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,149
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
265
00:10:53,694 --> 00:11:01,694
♪ All your loving is,
all your loving is ♪
266
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:08,124
♪ All your loving is
taking me to paradise ♪
267
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,126
Yes, you! Come on, Deborah.
268
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,087
- Me?
- On the stage.
269
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,172
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
270
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,507
Oh, no.
271
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,133
Oh. Are you serious?
272
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:19,135
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Ah!
273
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:31,606
♪ Let's make it
last all night ♪
274
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:35,026
♪ Let's make it last ♪
275
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,070
Let's go, Las Vegas!
276
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,156
A piece of poker advice.
277
00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:42,701
It's about ranges, not hands.
278
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,202
Oh. Ooh.
279
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,578
- Don't embarrass me.
- Okay.
280
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:47,330
Yay!
281
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:50,250
My loves are back at last!
- Oh.
282
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,043
Wait. What are you
guys doing here?
283
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,337
I'm here with my new
writers. We're on a retreat.
284
00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,715
They're trying to figure out an
opening for my first episode.
285
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,258
Ooh.
286
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,009
You should do a turn reveal
like "The Real Housewives."
287
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,720
This would be mine.
288
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,389
I can deal with whatever
life brings my way,
289
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,057
and I love that about me.
290
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:07,225
Awesome.
291
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:08,727
You should write for my show.
292
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,730
Oh, Deb, you know I
love you, but I hate LA.
293
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,897
It's too cold.
294
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,190
Okay. Come on.
295
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:17,402
- Yeah!
- Yes! Yes!
296
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,487
Yes! Yeah.
297
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,740
You kids stick with
me. Mama's hot tonight!
298
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,408
Ooh, you bust again.
299
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,077
- Damn.
- I forgot how bad you are.
300
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,871
I'm not that...
I'm not that bad.
301
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,414
I wanna hear all
about your new gig.
302
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,875
Actually, I have
a break right now.
303
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,334
Come on.
304
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,044
I'll say great things
about you guys, obviously.
305
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:36,463
Glowing reviews.
306
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:37,881
Okay.
307
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,216
Okay, Miss Head Writer.
308
00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:42,886
I'm so proud of you.
309
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:45,722
It is so cool to see how far
you and Deborah have come.
310
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:48,767
Like, I remember when you
were her total servant-bitch,
311
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,436
intern-babygirl, straight
slurping her abuse,
312
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:52,896
like, one month ago.
313
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,439
No, dude. You'd
be so proud of me.
314
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,316
You remember how we had that
conversation about setting
315
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:57,442
boundaries with Deborah?
- Mm-hmm.
316
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,443
Well, I did.
317
00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:59,944
Basically dommed her ass.
318
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,071
See, I knew you had a
bad bitch inside of you.
319
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:03,615
Deborah didn't.
320
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,951
She wasn't gonna give me the
head writer job, so I took it.
321
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,536
What do you mean, you took it?
322
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:11,247
I mean, like, I had
leverage over her,
323
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:13,291
and I used it to my advantage.
324
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,459
Like blackmail?
325
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,252
Yep.
326
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:17,587
Oh, no, no. Wait.
327
00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,714
That's so sad and
dark and horrible.
328
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,424
- What are you talking about?
- No, I'm serious.
329
00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:22,967
That makes me really sad.
330
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,220
Like, the two of you had
such a good thing going.
331
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,805
I just did what Deborah
would have done.
332
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:30,434
Sure, babe, but it's
just not very you.
333
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:33,812
Well, don't worry about it.
334
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,814
We... we made a truce,
so we're moving past it.
335
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,817
A truce with Deborah?
336
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,485
No, girl.
337
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,487
Deborah holds grudges forever,
338
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,489
even if the person
didn't do anything.
339
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,157
Have I ever told
you about Tiffany?
340
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:47,158
No.
341
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,160
Tiffany had my job before me,
342
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,995
but Deborah had a
losing streak with her.
343
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,832
And then, one night,
she didn't stop Deborah
344
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,208
from hitting at 17.
345
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,126
And then she pulled a jack.
346
00:13:57,127 --> 00:14:00,672
That was her last
game in America.
347
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,173
Deborah got her deported?
348
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:05,510
No, but she also didn't
stop it from happening.
349
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:09,472
Anyways, Tiffany works in
Macau now, as a doctor.
350
00:14:09,473 --> 00:14:11,015
She's, like, really fulfilled.
351
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,601
I hit Like on all her posts.
352
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,194
That's why I don't
date other dealers.
353
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,197
Yeah. No, totally.
354
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,533
Um, where'd everybody go?
355
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,451
I think they ditched you, baby.
356
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:31,619
No.
357
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,662
They would not ditch me.
358
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:34,497
I'm the head writer.
359
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,332
Oh, my God! They ditched me!
360
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:37,709
How do you know?
361
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,502
Because I installed Find
My on Deborah's cell,
362
00:14:39,503 --> 00:14:41,337
'cause she kept losing it in
the east wing of her house.
363
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:42,714
I know she goes there to poop.
364
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,215
I gotta go. Bye.
365
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,384
Oh, I forgot to tell
you, I got engaged,
366
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,552
but I'm not marrying him.
367
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,888
- Amazing.
- Text me!
368
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,725
Welcome to a Vegas institution.
369
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,059
Grab some tables in the front.
370
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:57,896
Is that everybody?
Okay, here we go.
371
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,772
What the hell?
372
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:01,107
You left me?
373
00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:02,734
You told me to
curate a fun vibe.
374
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,235
I thought it would
help by abandoning you.
375
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,778
It was working.
376
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,906
- Hello!
- Loretta!
377
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,407
Hi, Deborah.
378
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,242
Thank you for hooking
me and my writers up.
379
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,661
Anytime, baby.
I love your ass.
380
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,330
- Oh, you are the best.
- Aw.
381
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:17,498
Now, don't none of
y'all fall in love.
382
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,208
I promise you, they
don't love you back.
383
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,586
Eva!
384
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,713
It's Ava, but hey.
385
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,089
Girl, get on in there.
386
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,884
I used to play trivia
with this bitch.
387
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,595
What the fuck? Right?
388
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:33,932
♪ Wanna see what dreams
are getting money ♪
389
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,600
- Let's do a toast!
- Yeah.
390
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,353
- Yeah, to Laughing Out Loud.
- Yeah.
391
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:39,771
I coined that phrase.
392
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,732
I've been saying LOL since 1991.
393
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,902
Cheers!
394
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:52,116
Deborah, I got you a
little congratulations gift
395
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,910
for your late-night gig.
396
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:55,620
Cherry!
397
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:58,915
Custom lap dance,
free of charge.
398
00:15:58,916 --> 00:15:59,999
Ah, that's okay.
399
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,834
I really don't... oh, okay.
400
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:02,919
Wow.
401
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,629
So your own late-night show.
402
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,422
That's so exciting.
403
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:07,465
It is.
404
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:08,967
When do you premiere, mama?
405
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,802
Um, uh, four weeks.
406
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,136
Wow.
407
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,596
I'm surprised you
have time for this.
408
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:16,307
What are you doing here?
409
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:17,892
Good question.
410
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:18,893
Thanks.
411
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,104
This was inspiring. Gotta go.
412
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,605
Ava! Ava.
413
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,482
Ava! Get back to work.
414
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,817
- Now?
- Yes.
415
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,944
Listen, for the opening,
we can do a version
416
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,613
of some kind of a man
on the street segment.
417
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:31,990
Take your top off!
418
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,742
We are getting into
a creative flow, sir.
419
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:38,287
Deborah, sit down or
take your top off.
420
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:40,081
I know you got them thangs.
421
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,499
Oh, God. Come on.
422
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,961
You, me, champagne
room right now.
423
00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:48,339
Hey, ladies.
424
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,299
Hey. You don't need
to do all that.
425
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,010
We're just here to find
a quiet place to write.
426
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,345
Well, do you mind if I
chill and look at my phone?
427
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,139
It's my only time
to be non-verbal.
428
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,682
- Sure.
- What do you want?
429
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,017
Either you pitch or I pitch.
430
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,309
If you're not gonna
pitch on my pitches,
431
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,853
then you gotta pitch
your own pitches.
432
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,312
I am getting to the point
where the word pitch
433
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:04,480
has lost all meaning.
434
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:05,690
We're in a strip club.
435
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,025
We're not working right now.
436
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,234
You have to!
437
00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:09,527
It's 3:00 a.m., and
we have nothing.
438
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,528
You need to calm down.
439
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,071
There's no time to calm down.
440
00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:14,533
If you're not gonna help
me, then they need to.
441
00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:17,035
- Bye!
- Bye.
442
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,536
♪ Big floss on that bitch ♪
443
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,204
There they are, my
beautiful little writers.
444
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,539
Anybody got any pitches yet?
445
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,707
Anybody? Anybody?
- Deborah!
446
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,292
I got an idea for the opening.
447
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,669
Finally. I knew I liked you.
448
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,880
What if you come down
on a stripper pole,
449
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:32,508
but it's actually a fire
pole because of the fire?
450
00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:34,218
It was in the binder.
451
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,678
You're fired.
452
00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:37,055
Sit down. You are not fired.
453
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,890
It's my show, so it's
my call. You're fired.
454
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,059
Well, I'm the head writer,
so it's actually my call too.
455
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,560
You are not fired. Sit down.
456
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,020
Don't listen to her.
Listen to me. You're fired!
457
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,480
No, you are not. Sit down.
458
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,398
If I only get one chance,
so do you. You're fired.
459
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,400
This is famously
your second chance.
460
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:50,943
Oh!
461
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,403
You see? I was right.
462
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,696
We were riffing,
and he killed it.
463
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:55,198
Okay, enough.
464
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,283
You and I are gonna work
alone and decide on an area,
465
00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:59,744
let the writers go to sleep
and sober up for tomorrow.
466
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:00,912
Fine! Let's go.
467
00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:03,915
Oh.
468
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,792
Great first day, guys.
469
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,460
Samira, I love your dry wit.
470
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,712
Eliot, more like El-O-L.
471
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:11,047
Rose, you took it in stride...
- Ava!
472
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,548
When I forgot
your name. Sorry.
473
00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:13,967
I will email the rest of you.
474
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:17,970
Unreal.
475
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,680
I can't believe you tried
to fire someone on day one.
476
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:22,100
You are being so unreasonable.
477
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,559
I'm not being unreasonable.
478
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,728
I'm being tough because
the job is tough.
479
00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,605
I mean, if they can't
handle a weekend of partying
480
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,107
in Las Vegas, how
are they gonna handle
481
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,942
the grind of late night?
482
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,778
They have to be funny,
even when they're exhausted
483
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,613
and it's 3:00 a.m. and
they've been doing it
484
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:40,701
over and over again, all day,
every day, 5 shows a week,
485
00:18:40,702 --> 00:18:43,204
20 shows a month,
month after month.
486
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:45,957
I need people who can keep up.
487
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,795
Oh, crap!
488
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:57,969
You don't have drugs, do you?
489
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,179
No. I don't think so.
490
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,472
Hello.
491
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:02,682
I am not drunk.
492
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,475
Well, I pulled you
over for speeding,
493
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,269
but now I have to give
you a breathalyzer.
494
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,646
- Absolutely not.
- Just do it. You're not drunk.
495
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,606
My lawyer advised
me not to do one.
496
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,024
They malfunction all the time.
497
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,485
Ma'am, I suggest you comply.
498
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,320
I am a U.S. citizen
on American ground.
499
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:18,156
This is beyond...
do you know my name?
500
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,657
You're about to find out.
501
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:22,952
Ma'am, please get
out of the vehicle.
502
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,162
I'm live on Instagram.
503
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,830
You are being
recorded and broadcast
504
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,332
directly to six witnesses.
505
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,626
Five. Four witnesses.
506
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:31,919
Five! He's back. Five!
507
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,630
Both of you, out now.
508
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,049
What?
509
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:38,969
Now!
510
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:43,848
Hey, what's going on?
511
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,684
You're not gonna believe
this one, brother.
512
00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:49,020
What are you doing?
513
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,688
Trying to get my phone.
514
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:55,526
I sneaked it into my waistband
when that cop took my purse.
515
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:58,196
Can you reach it?
516
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,197
Ow.
517
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,782
Here.
518
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,203
Who are you texting?
519
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,913
I'm getting us out of here.
520
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,165
Yeah, Deborah Vance.
521
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,750
She's a female comedian.
522
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,877
I know, man. She's ornery.
523
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,212
You know, maybe for the opening,
524
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,047
the background is
black and white,
525
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,507
but I'm in color because
I bring color to the world
526
00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:20,593
through my comedy. I mean,
that hasn't been done.
527
00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:23,471
Uh, except for the little
girl in "Schindler's List."
528
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,724
Oh, yeah. That was good.
529
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,893
Vance, Vance.
530
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,061
Vance, dance.
531
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,730
Pants, Lance, France.
532
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:33,898
France. I don't know.
533
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,067
Something to do with
Vance and dance.
534
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,401
Dance. Pants.
- Oh, my God.
535
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,653
We are in the back of a cop car.
536
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,029
Would you give it a rest?
537
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,239
Plus, it's only been one day,
538
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,406
and we have a whole
team of writers
539
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:43,741
to help us figure it out.
540
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,035
Oh, they're not
gonna figure it out.
541
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:48,329
They can't write for me
'cause they're not me.
542
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,914
This is why I never
worked with writers,
543
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,833
except for you, which was the
biggest mistake of my life.
544
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,543
So much for our truce, huh?
545
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,587
God, I was so
stupid for thinking
546
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,089
you could move past anything.
547
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,716
It's hard to move past
getting stabbed in the back.
548
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:01,926
Well, I did.
549
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,094
And now I'm just trying to focus
550
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,595
on making the best
show possible,
551
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,305
which is why I did this
in the first place.
552
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:11,143
Okay, yes, I blackmailed you.
553
00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:12,436
And I'm not stupid.
554
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,938
I know you love
to hold a grudge,
555
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:18,442
but I hoped that what we
had was special enough
556
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:21,237
to where you would, at
least for one second,
557
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:23,615
consider my point of view.
558
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,575
I didn't just do it for me.
559
00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,036
Oh, really?
560
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,540
I did it for both of us.
561
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:37,044
Yeah, keep telling
yourself that.
562
00:21:38,922 --> 00:21:39,922
Fine.
563
00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:41,132
Whatever.
564
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,633
Make me the villain
all you want,
565
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,135
but don't take it
out on the writers,
566
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,137
'cause they don't deserve that.
567
00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:49,974
Oh, she's here.
568
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:51,309
Took her long enough.
- Who?
569
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,396
Look alive. The
mayor's here.
570
00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:59,484
Body cams off, boys.
571
00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:03,654
Sorry I took so long, Deb.
572
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,656
I was having a driveway moment.
573
00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:07,658
What do you mean?
574
00:22:07,659 --> 00:22:09,118
You know, it's when
you kind of get lost
575
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,661
in thought in your driveway.
576
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:13,122
Anyway, I heard they got
you for manslaughter.
577
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:14,373
They said that the
murder weapon's
578
00:22:14,374 --> 00:22:15,374
got your prints all over it.
579
00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:16,459
- What?
- Whoa!
580
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,169
I'm just kidding.
581
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,379
Hey, but you don't wanna
take a breathalyzer.
582
00:22:20,380 --> 00:22:21,839
That's fine.
583
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,008
But what are we willing to do?
584
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:25,343
What do you mean?
585
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,386
Nothing in this town
is free, Pepper Ann.
586
00:22:27,387 --> 00:22:29,180
You scratch my back,
I scratch yours.
587
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,681
Actually, that
sounds really good.
588
00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:32,350
Would you scratch my back?
589
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:33,601
I live alone.
590
00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:34,810
Are you drunk?
591
00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:37,188
I... I am, a little bit. Yes.
592
00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:38,856
But shh.
593
00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:41,525
I noticed that you haven't
maxed out your contributions
594
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:42,943
to my campaign this year,
595
00:22:42,944 --> 00:22:45,696
so maybe you could
look into that?
596
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:48,283
Headline a fundraiser?
597
00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:50,701
Sure.
598
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:52,036
Now we're talking.
599
00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:53,871
All right, I'll be right back.
600
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:55,706
You stay there.
601
00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:57,375
Here's the thing.
602
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:59,001
She's had all sorts of troubles.
603
00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:00,336
And I won't get into it
now, but she's not gonna
604
00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:01,670
hurt anybody and she's fine.
605
00:23:01,671 --> 00:23:02,838
And she's not drunk, so.
606
00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:04,382
I'll tell you later.
It's medication.
607
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:05,841
She's all right.
- So we're letting her go?
608
00:23:05,842 --> 00:23:07,551
You're letting
her go. Go ahead.
609
00:23:07,552 --> 00:23:09,720
Let's go, boys.
610
00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:11,890
Ladies, free to go.
611
00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:19,897
If Deborah says she's not
drunk, she's not drunk.
612
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,107
Thanks, Mayor.
613
00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:22,274
In fact, she can prove it too.
614
00:23:22,275 --> 00:23:23,943
She is straight as an arrow.
615
00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:25,611
Hey, Deb, I want you to hit
that street light, all right?
616
00:23:25,612 --> 00:23:27,071
Take my gun.
- Come on!
617
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,197
- Mayor!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh.
618
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:29,782
That is not necessary.
619
00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:32,159
We'll take your word for it
and issue Ms. Vance a warning.
620
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,495
Great. You see
how ebey that was?
621
00:23:34,496 --> 00:23:35,746
Sorry. Typo.
622
00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:37,164
See how easy that was?
623
00:23:37,165 --> 00:23:38,749
Hey, thank you for
your service, boys.
624
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:40,751
Thank you.
625
00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:44,380
I don't get why firemen
are more popular than cops.
626
00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:47,383
Then again, I don't
really follow the news.
627
00:23:47,384 --> 00:23:48,759
You're the mayor.
628
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,219
Yeah.
629
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:51,929
Isn't that cool?
630
00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:53,556
It's very sweet of
you to say that to me.
631
00:23:53,557 --> 00:23:55,891
That's right. I won.
632
00:23:55,892 --> 00:23:57,101
Thanks, Jo.
633
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,186
See you at the
fundraiser.
634
00:24:05,777 --> 00:24:07,778
- It's in the tongue.
- Yes!
635
00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:08,904
There you go.
636
00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:10,781
- That's right.
- Hey, you guys.
637
00:24:10,782 --> 00:24:12,074
Sorry we're late.
638
00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:13,909
It's a crazy story,
but, uh, basically,
639
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:16,287
last night, we were
pulled over and detained.
640
00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:17,621
Wrongfully.
641
00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:19,248
Wrongfully detained.
642
00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:20,791
Huh.
643
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:23,586
The speed limit in Las
Vegas is just a suggestion.
644
00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:27,339
No, I was just thinking
off of what you said.
645
00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:29,967
What if the opening video
is Deborah getting out
646
00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:31,510
of late night jail?
647
00:24:31,511 --> 00:24:33,387
Like she's been stuck in there
648
00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:35,724
for 30 years and
she's finally free?
649
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:38,809
That could be something.
650
00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:40,311
Yeah, maybe.
651
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,980
Yeah, maybe it's, like, an
overcrowded women's prison
652
00:24:42,981 --> 00:24:44,482
and then next door
is a men's prison,
653
00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:46,650
but it's completely empty.
654
00:24:46,651 --> 00:24:48,903
And you've been chipping
away at the wall with a pen,
655
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,279
like, "Shawshank
Redemption" style.
656
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,906
- Eyebrow pencil.
- Yeah, yeah.
657
00:24:51,907 --> 00:24:53,949
And there's, like, a Deborah
Vance Vegas residency poster
658
00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:55,493
covering the hole.
- Oh, yeah.
659
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:57,286
And then you're walking
back to your cell
660
00:24:57,287 --> 00:24:58,579
from the warden's office.
661
00:24:58,580 --> 00:24:59,788
You're wearing the
orange jumpsuit.
662
00:24:59,789 --> 00:25:00,956
We pan down.
663
00:25:00,957 --> 00:25:02,583
You're wearing Louboutins.
664
00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:04,168
Oh, I like that. I like that.
665
00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:06,128
And you try to lock James
Corden in on your way out
666
00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:07,838
so he doesn't do
any more musicals.
667
00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:08,881
Oh!
668
00:25:08,882 --> 00:25:10,341
Aw, James is sweet.
669
00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:12,176
But, yes, let's do
that. I love that.
670
00:25:12,177 --> 00:25:14,345
And I'm sorry, by
the... I'm sorry.
671
00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:16,514
Just... I'm sorry.
- About?
672
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:17,515
Okay.
673
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:18,849
If you... then it's fine.
674
00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:20,184
If you don't remember
it, then it's fine.
675
00:25:28,026 --> 00:25:29,860
- Hi. You wanted to see us?
- Yeah, yeah.
676
00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:31,153
Come on in.
677
00:25:31,154 --> 00:25:32,655
Heard you had an
impromptu retreat.
678
00:25:32,656 --> 00:25:34,532
Yes... started
out a little bumpy
679
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:36,367
but turned out to be
just what we needed.
680
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:38,494
And we think we came up with
an idea for the opening.
681
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:39,703
Great.
682
00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:41,289
Glad something good
came out of it.
683
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:43,541
What do you mean?
684
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:46,168
You know Stacey from HR.
685
00:25:46,169 --> 00:25:48,045
Hi, ladies.
686
00:25:48,046 --> 00:25:50,339
Well, there were many reports
687
00:25:50,340 --> 00:25:52,299
about highly
inappropriate behavior
688
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:54,051
on your writers' retreat.
689
00:25:54,052 --> 00:25:57,471
Hired and fired a
writer multiple times,
690
00:25:57,472 --> 00:26:01,475
offered a suitcase full
of illegal substances,
691
00:26:01,476 --> 00:26:03,060
withheld food and water.
692
00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:04,979
You took the writers
to a nude strip club.
693
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:07,523
Don't they know what happens
in Vegas stays in Vegas?
694
00:26:07,524 --> 00:26:08,899
Well, apparently not.
695
00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,442
Who told? I'm gonna
beat their ass.
696
00:26:10,443 --> 00:26:12,570
No, no. You can't say
that. She can't say that.
697
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:14,071
That is not permissible.
698
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:16,574
You don't beat someone's
ass. All right?
699
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:18,576
Which brings me to
the final complaint.
700
00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:21,912
There's a lot of disruptive
tension between the two of you,
701
00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:23,247
a lot of reports about that.
702
00:26:23,248 --> 00:26:25,374
I told you pretending
wasn't gonna work.
703
00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:26,709
Oh, it's my fault?
704
00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:27,960
You just said you wanted
to beat someone's ass.
705
00:26:27,961 --> 00:26:29,253
Yeah, and you wanna know who?
706
00:26:29,254 --> 00:26:31,255
Ladies!
707
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:34,091
Here is what is going to happen.
708
00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:35,926
Per the network,
709
00:26:35,927 --> 00:26:38,429
Stacey here is going
to be the dedicated
710
00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,055
HR chaperone for our show.
711
00:26:40,056 --> 00:26:42,683
If you're in this building,
Stacey's with you.
712
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:45,227
The two of you will
not be unsupervised
713
00:26:45,228 --> 00:26:47,354
together ever again. Got it?
714
00:26:47,355 --> 00:26:48,897
No, I'm sorry.
715
00:26:48,898 --> 00:26:50,608
I think that's gonna be really
disruptive to our workflow.
716
00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:52,109
We... we can't do that.
717
00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:54,111
You're just not even gonna
know that I'm h-here.
718
00:26:54,112 --> 00:26:55,404
It's gonna be fine.
719
00:26:55,405 --> 00:26:57,239
Sorry. Wrong pipe.
720
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:58,532
Sorry.
721
00:26:58,533 --> 00:27:00,909
Wrong... I do that
a lot. I aspirate.
722
00:27:03,246 --> 00:27:05,789
Excuse me. I'm fine. I'm...
723
00:27:08,418 --> 00:27:10,419
♪ You caught me once ♪
724
00:27:10,420 --> 00:27:11,962
♪ You caught me twice ♪
725
00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:15,758
♪ My eyes were closed,
I paid the price ♪
726
00:27:15,759 --> 00:27:19,303
♪ But I'm amazed,
oh, yes, I am ♪
727
00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:22,931
♪ To find you back
with another plan ♪
728
00:27:22,932 --> 00:27:26,518
♪ Are you out of your mind? ♪
729
00:27:26,519 --> 00:27:28,937
♪ It took me ever
such a long time ♪
730
00:27:28,938 --> 00:27:31,440
♪ Just to leave
it all behind ♪
731
00:27:31,441 --> 00:27:33,692
♪ Hey, yeah ♪
732
00:27:33,693 --> 00:27:37,196
♪ For quite a while
I didn't know ♪
733
00:27:37,197 --> 00:27:40,824
♪ Just what to do,
which way to go ♪
734
00:27:40,825 --> 00:27:44,495
♪ But that's all right,
yeah, it's okay ♪
735
00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:48,165
♪ I'm just beginning
again to feel my way ♪
736
00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:51,752
♪ Are you out of your mind? ♪
737
00:27:51,753 --> 00:27:54,254
♪ It took me ever
such a long time ♪
738
00:27:54,255 --> 00:27:56,006
♪ Just to leave
it all behind ♪
739
00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:58,509
♪ Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
740
00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:02,596
♪ Well, I don't know
what your game is, boy ♪
741
00:28:02,597 --> 00:28:06,684
♪ Or where your motive lies ♪
742
00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:09,812
♪ But I'm not offended, no ♪
743
00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:12,690
♪ I'm just a little
bit surprised ♪52527
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