All language subtitles for Rahu Ketu (2026) Hin 1080p WEBRip x264 AAC ESub

Look, look,

Foofa has come.

He's here with a story, hurry up.

Life is a picture (film).

We are all the actors.

Rahu-Ketu are the two directors.

That's fine,
but who are these Rahu Ketu?

Hey, pendulum of a clock!

Listen to the story and play the drum.

Just as churning cream
in a pot yields fine butter,

Likewise, the ocean was churned
in search of Amrit (Nectar).

It was decided that gods
and demons would work together,

And whatever Amrit came out,
both would drink every sip.

Sipping it,
we will all become powerful,

You too will become immortal, O God,
and we too will become immortal.

We too will become immortal, O God.

But the Gods thought,

If the demons become immortal,

Then how will the world function?

That is why Lord Vishnu said,

No matter what,

we will only let the Gods drink
the Amrit.

That's fine,
but who are these Rahu-Ketu?

Hey, pendulum of a clock!

The story is not over,
Play the drum!

Everyone had made preparations
to drink the Amrit,

Lord Vishnu then changed his form
and became a beautiful woman.

She named herself Mohini,

And began serving the nectar.

Seeing Mohini's beauty,

All the demons went mad.

They started dancing
after drinking and eating,

The demons turned into firecrackers.

Among them was an 'atom',

Whose name was Swarbhanu.

He came disguised as a God,

Entering the 'No-Entry' zone.

Leaving aside tea,
coffee, and pastries,

He drank the Amrit face to face.

Lord Vishnu spun his chakra (disc),

And chopped his head
off the torso, brother.

For the sake of public information,

The two became Rahu-Ketu!

Rahu weaves the web of illusion,

Ketu walks the spiritual path.

One stabilises, one distracts,

Together they both created the story.

Create the story, create the story,

The oars of life's boat,

Everything runs relying on them.

But both are just comets.

Both are just comets.

The real thing is your karma, dear!

The real thing is your karma, dear!

The real thing is your karma, dear!

The real thing is your karma, dear!

The real thing is your karma, dear.

The real thing is your karma, dear.

My heart's darlings are here,

my sweet treats are here.

I absolutely knew
I'd be telling your story here

and you two would show up.

What Himachal used to be,

and what international drug addicts
have turned it into?

Earlier, every house grew walnuts,
apples, pomegranates.

And now,

cannabis and weed are being cultivated.

Damn, they opened a hotel
on every corner,

the water in the rivers
has dried up here,

and the world is coming to the mountains
to wash their backside.

Enough is enough.

Come on, we have to start the game.

The game.

The game.

Who is that?

Who is the father's son?

Father's son is a brother.

Who is the son's wife?

That is the sister-in-law.

Who is the sister-in-law's father-in-law?

That is the father, who are you?

Then your father has come,
open the door.

Foofa.

Foofa.

My saint.

My teacher.

"Where did you disappear to?

I won't let you go now!"

"The dhoti tore, trouble started.

"Now drink this dark cola.

"You overate;
now you're asking for digestive pills."

Forget a digestive pill,

your Churu will even take
a revolver bullet!

But I won't let you go this time.

The disciple has seen the fair,
now dance, swing, swing...

Go and kiss my brother-in-law's belt,
before mine.

Has brother-in-law also come?

Reminds me of my ex-girlfriend.

For the first time in my life,
I've made such a big mistake

by listening to you.

Mine?

You?

Which one?

I only listened to you once.

And got trapped.

Blessing in disguise, my son.

Whatever happens
or is meant to happen,

is written already.

We are all just playing
out what is written.

Foofa, is it necessary to talk
in riddles all the time?

Life is a riddle only.

This clay doll is running
on the breath of ego.

The moment that breath leaves,

that doll returns to dust.

There you go.

The answer to one riddle
with another riddle.

Where is that riddle?

The diary?

- This is the root of all my troubles.
- Yes.

- You gifted it to me, right?
- Yes.

You said whatever story I write in it

- will come true.
- Yes.

So I created two characters
named Rahu and Ketu

I wrote them.

I created them here
and they appeared in Manali there.

Oh!

Then I made them jinxes.

Thinking their influence
on bad people would

end the corruption in Himachal.

I tried to make an atom bomb,

but they turned out to be mere sparklers.

These worthless guys are wandering
the streets of Kullu-Manali.

Oh, oh, Sharma Ji.

What a splendid house you've built!

Strong roofs, looks like a mansion.

May no one cast an evil eye.

May even the one with
an evil eye be blessed.

- Son!
- Hmm?

You will have to take some laddu too.

- Yes, absolutely.
- Here,

you sweeten your mouth too.

Sorry, Uncle.

Jinx.

Run, run, run, catch them.

Buddy.

What great weather it is, man.

Get me a piping hot tea.

It will be amazing.

Oh, no no.

Don't serve them.

Throw these jinxes out.

Hmm, Ketu, isn't there
a little less sugar in the tea?

Buddy, give me some sugar, man.

Jinxes.

Oh jinxes!

They broke my restaurant.

Stop, Grab those rascals!

Hey, the problem is not with the diary,

it's with your writing.

You thought you'd wipe out corruption
by writing these two empty,

worthless characters?

You fool, you are trying
to measure corruption deeper

than the ocean while sitting
on a mountain peak.

You'll fall into the ditch, idiot.

Stories aren't made
from living corpses.

You have to breathe
a soul into them.

You'll have to breathe the shadows
of a jinx into your two Rahu-Ketus.

I have set up the whole game.

Look, look.

Where did you bring this trouble from?

Not trouble (bala), it's art (kala).

These two are such eccentrics

who will make your
written story immortal.

Oh man, Foofa,

these earthly Rahu-Ketus
are already out of control.

Now you've brought
the planets separately.

Who will manage them?

We have to make a story,

not a mess (khichdi).

Not mess, pickle (achar).

Gourd, gourd, mango pickle,
eat bread, and burp.

One story, four characters,

madness, no limits.

What are you saying, man?

Eh?

The guy got rhyming.

Now he'll get the writing too.

See, listen to me carefully.

Do you want to advance
the story of Rahu-Ketu or not?

I want to advance it.

Do you want
to eradicate corruption or not?

I want to eradicate it.

Then just do what I tell you.

Keep filling the empty diary.

The Ramleela fair,
and Rabri is there,

Taadka's ego,
the Chief's turban, you know,

Rahu and Ketu threw
them right down below.

She will come, she will come.

- Grandma Taadka will come.
- They'll be visible only to the sinners,

- She will come, she will come.
- they'll dwell in their birth charts.

I am Taadka, Ravana's granny.

My victim

cannot even beg for water

Sund is my master

I am his caretaker.

My figure is like Disha Patani.

Oye, come and see,
see my killer youth.

They're here!

Run, run.

Rahu and Ketu have arrived!

Run, run.

The jinxes are here, run!

Run, run.

Curses.

Where did these Rahu-Ketu come from here?

- Run and wrap it.
- Oh brother, this ghagra.

- My rented ghagra.
- Oh brother Ravan, let me sit too.

Glory to Lord Ram!

Ravan, bro, wait for me.

Hello, Granny.

Eat Chhole that's crispy.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

I confess all my sins.

I have been cultivating cannabis
for 25 years.

Not only did I get children
addicted to cannabis,

but I also made them drug peddlers.

I have ruined many children.

Please forgive my sins. Please.

Oh,

Who supplies the children to you?

It's the Ramlila casting
director, Bunty Bhatia.

He does it.

He pretends to teach kids acting,

but he makes them drug peddlers.

How will my bleeding stop?

Should I tell you, should I tell you?

Hey! Break a whisker of a black cat
and put it under your tongue

and bang your head on a stone like this,
this, this, three times.

- How?
- Like this, this.

Correct, the bleeding will stop.

And listen,

Before plucking the hair,
get the cat's consent.

A cat is a lady,

and it is very important
to take a lady's consent.

No means no.

Yes, how?

How, man?

- O, Ketu?
- Yes.

Looks like Auntie Taadka
has had a chicken attack.

Hey, not a chicken attack, man,

It's a heart attack.

A chicken has a heart too,
right, brother?

- Yes.
- Then why are you breaking

its heart by saying this?

Hey, whether it's a chicken
or a human,

there must be a heart
for an attack to happen, right?

And instead of a heart,
she has that snake's burrow.

You drag anything...

- Hey, it always happens like this.
- Oh, Ketu?

Yes.

Is Granny gone?

Oh, pot full, person finished.

Sir,

Ever since the jinx of these
two fell on our village,

some mountain of trouble
keeps befalling us

Earlier, they used to
commit minor mischief.

Sometimes they'd demolish
someone's shop,

sometimes someone's house.

But now they've crossed the limit.

They took the village head's life.

Yes brother,
what are your names?

This is Ketu, this is Rahu.

Okay, Rahu-Ketu.

What do you put behind (surname)?

Behind?

Oh, when we get heat rash
in summer,

we put on powder.

And mustard oil in winter.

Don't talk nonsense.

Tell me who killed the corpse?

Who killed the village head?

We did nothing.

The village head was killed
by his own misdeeds.

And he was no ordinary village head.

He was the head of corruption.

All the money he received
for the ECG machines,

he wasted it on the chief's wife.

What?

Champakali?

You cheat!

And furthermore, Chief,

your son is not yours,
he is the village head's son.

Village Head, tell the whole truth.

Papa,

- Are you not my father?
- I am your father.

How could you leave us?

Damn,

no wonder I thought
his face resembles the

Sarpanch (Head)
and not the Mukhiya (chief).

Same.

Stick to the point.

We have not come here to listen
to the village head's indulgences.

If you want to say something,
talk about the jinxes.

These two are such bad omens

that once they placed their
hand on my buffalo's head.

Since then, the poor thing
has been giving curdled milk.

Madam, don't say that.

Earlier her milk sold for Rs. 50 a kilo.

Now the paneer made from that
curdled milk sells for Rs. 400 a kilo.

We benefited you, didn't we?

You should be thanking us.

Look, the thing is,

even if our work seems
bizarre in the beginning,

in the end, everyone's
welfare is hidden in it.

Understand?

If we get destroyed in the beginning,
what will be left till the end?

But why do you do all this?

We don't do it.

Someone else makes us do it.

Behind our deeds,
there is someone else's hand.

Tell me, tell me now,

whose hand is in this,
tell me everything now.

I don't know, man,
we are troubled ourselves.

We don't know when, where,
and how that hand sneaks in

and makes us do what.

No problem, I'll tell you.

Now, behind this is not my hand,

but my stick's hand.

He made me do it.

Listen up, both of you,

pack your bags and leave from here.

Otherwise,
I will (struggle to speak) them both!

What?

(struggle to speak)do it.

What will you do?

Stop.

Stop.

See, see.

We all saw, didn't we?

Did we do anything?
We didn't do anything, right?

It's always someone else' doing it,
Our name gets attached to it.

You want proof.
Proof is visible, visible.

Ghosts and spirits never come near,
when the name of Mahaveer is heard.

Ketu. Finished?

He's there.

Auntie.

That's it!

You squashed the onions with a punch.

Kept cooking the tomatoes
till they turned into coal.

Give me something to eat,
Brother. I'm very hungry.

Oh, the spice mix is ready.

Now if only some flying paneer
would land in this wok.

Your brother will feed you Shahi Paneer.

Meaning?

Paneer will come flying.

It will fall into
the pot exactly like that.

Why not?

Son,

if the spice mix is made with the heart,

the paneer will fly into the wok itself.

You just look up,

the paneer will drop from there.

Brother, such confidence.

It doesn't empty the mind, does it?

Forget the mind,
hold onto the heart.

Look, the one who gave the stomach
will also give the paneer.

You just do one thing.

Stand at silly point.

- Ready to catch.
- Okay.

Here comes Rahu at a silly point.

Ready to catch.

Both hands out
and attention up here,

and listen, catch it before it bounces,
or it will get dirty.

Hands up here.

And what is this silly point?

Son, silly point starts right
from the point where you are standing.

- Huh.
- Yes.

Silly point?

Ketu.

Yes.

Who are we?

I don't know, man.

You please raise your hands, man.

No, I mean

Where have we come from?

We came from Mummy's womb, man.

Please raise your hands, man.

You'll drop the catch.

That reminds me

do you know there's a country
called Egypt in a distant jungle?

There, brother,

the children's fathers become
mummies after they die.

Imagine, man,

they have two mummies
and we don't have even one.

Hey, son of a mummy.

Stand quietly.

Otherwise, the paneer that's coming,
will go back.

Man, please raise your hands.

Man, pay attention up there.

Who writes this destiny?

How did this paneer turn into a chicken?

You made it? Jinx.

You've been clucking like
a chicken since then.

That's right, brother.

When destiny is full of bitterness.

How will you get it?
Paneer pakoras.

Vegetarians.

O, Foofa. Foofa.

Foofa.

Hey, what happened, son?

Foofa.

- There's a twist in the story.
- What?

Those two Rahu-Ketu started
asking themselves questions.

Which questions?

The same, who are they?

Where did they come from?
Who are their parents?

Foofa, I didn't even write these
questions in their destiny.

I'm scared that

if they keep asking these questions

and reach me, then...

Then it will be very difficult.

Your story will slip out
of your hands even before it begins.

It will go into someone else's hands.

Your story will end even
before it starts.

Foofa, I...

that's what I'm asking.
What should we do?

Let's call the idea.

It came.

Entangle them so much
in the web of illusion

that they don't get time to think
or understand about themselves.

- Introduce them to Mordechai.
- Spineless writer.

Hey, don't come straight to the point.

Take a detour.

Make the story a little interesting.

Add some spice and flavour to it.

Show the boys dancing and singing.

Introduce them to sexy girls

and get their hearts broken.

A girl in both their lives.

You fool!

Take these two jinxes
into the girl's life.

They will go into her life.

They will spread the jinx.

One-sided love will happen.

Hearts will break,
there will be drama, conflict,

and your story will
keep moving forward.

The moment the bubbles go inside,

the artist comes out.

- Is it?
- Look at this.

Yes.

Last night I saw a dream.

What?

Brother,

A beautiful girl on a horse.

Oh.

The horse's colour was white.

Oh.

The girl blushed seeing me.

Hey.

Brother, my condition got tight.

Tight.

- Just then...
- Yes.

Her horse stumbles.

What?

The girl, bouncing into the air.

Oh.

Like this, like this,
like this, she rises.

And I'm running around behind
her with my bag like this,

and then she suddenly just
drops straight into my bag.

Wow!

Amazing.

Brother, I've made a painting
of that very dream on this rock.

This.

Look, brother.

Now where is that girl?

Here she is, brother.

Look at her long, flowing hair.

And the horse?

Here's the horse, brother,
that's the horse's tail.

Hey, that was the girl's hair, right?

How did it become the horse's tail?

Don't you know?

A horse's tail comes
out of a girl's hair.

They call it a ponytail.

- Really?
- Yes.

Move aside.

And where are you?

Here I am, brother.

Running after the flying girl
with my bag open.

Hey, that was a horse, man.

How did it become you?

It was a horse.

Now it's me.

They call this Modern Art,

you won't understand, man.

Man, M.F. Hussain's slipper.

You've become an artist, man.

Amazing!

What a piece, Rahu!

Wow!

No.

Oh, come on!

Hey, did you see
the horse's tail, saw it?

- Ketu?
- Yes.

She is the one, man,

that came in my dream.

Hey.

Go to her.

Come on, run.

Brother, but where is her horse?

Hey, what about the horse?
It went to graze grass, man.

You go.

She has come to drop into your bag.

Come on.

Be a man, attack.

Fill the bag, bag,

fill the bag, bag, fill the bag,
bag, fill the bag, bag, fill it.

Hey, I'll slap you and make
your dogs fail, understood?

Aren't you ashamed of begging?

I've heard of parrots flying away.

Since when did dogs start failing?

Brother.

Are dogs going to school now too?

Just listen

You look exactly same to face.

Hey!

Oye!

Gentleman.

Looks like the horse
has run out of petrol.

Shall we give it a push?

Why are you wasting money
on yellow petrol

in the age of green energy?

Meaning?

Meaning, sell this old bike,

add a little more money,
and buy a horse.

The thing about horse is,
it will give you free rides

and also become
a money printing machine.

Money printing machine,
a horse, yes, how so?

Tell us.

It's like this

that the horse neither
drinks yellow petrol,

nor does it emit black smoke,

and it doesn't get punctured either.

All you have to do is feed it
the grass from the mountains.

From that, it will produce dung.

That dung will become dung gas (biogas).

Sell the gas, earn money.

Now buy another horse with that money.

Now two horses,

double gas, double money.

Twenty horses from two,
twenty thousand horses from twenty.

Now imagine

when twenty thousand
horses excrete together,

a gas well will be created.

Money, money everywhere.
Money will come tearing through.

See, I gave you, didn't I?

A wonderful idea
to print money for free.

What names did you two tell me?

This is Ketu, I am Rahu.

Rahu Ketu?

You two are the ones who touch a buffalo
and it starts giving curdled milk, right?

Yes, whatever comes under
our hand gets spoiled.

Whether it is white milk,
or the black messenger of Death!

Take your hand away, jinx.

Remove your jinx hand
from my bike. Get lost.

Donkeys trying to sell horses.

Stupid.

Get lost!

Donkey.

Donkeys trying to sell horses, donkeys.

Brother,

spreading a bag in front
of her won't do anything.

Yes.

I'll have to fall at her feet
and beg, man.

But, Ketu.

Yes.

This woman will certainly
become your sister-in-law.

Huh?

This one?

Truly?

You will?

Sister-in-law!

Sister-in-law!

Sister-in-law!

I saw strangers, and I got scared, oh

All my friends have gone back home, oh

Look, the night has grown dark now, oh

Slowly, slowly

When my eyes met the liquor's gaze, oh

It hit me hard,
and it went right up, oh

I danced like crazy,
I was completely lost, oh

Slowly, slowly

This intoxication is a sickness

That keeps on getting worse and worse

It won't come down,
it won't decrease

It keeps rising like the high of love

This is a serious announcement

It's being issued for public interest

How can we control a spirit/body

That makes us dance in
a crazy, winding way

The liquor has hit me,
it's hit me hard

The liquor has hit me,
it's hit me hard

Like the Betaal spirit
on King Vikram's back

Like the Betaal spirit
on King Vikram's back

It's hit me hard

It's hit me hard, it's hit me hard

It's hit me hard

It's hit me hard, it's hit me hard

This intoxication is lethally potent

It makes our condition utterly carefree

Come on, try this, just a little bit

The fun you only get inside a club/bar

This intoxication is lethally potent

It makes our condition utterly carefree

Come on, try this, just a little bit

The fun you only get inside a club/bar

This intoxication is a sickness

That keeps on getting worse and worse

It won't come down,
it won't decrease

It keeps rising like the high of love

This is a serious announcement

It's being issued for public interest

How can we control a spirit/body

That makes us dance in a crazy,
winding way

The liquor has hit me,
it's hit me hard

The liquor has hit me,
it's hit me hard

Like the Betaal spirit
on King Vikram's back

He killed our bother Gregor.
He is dead.

It's hit me hard, it's hit me hard

It's hit me hard

It's hit me hard, it's hit me hard

The liquor has hit me,
it's hit me hard

Like the Betaal spirit
on King Vikram's back

Meenu, In the dream,
you fell into my bag.

Don't run away so far here.

I beg of you.

Please get a small tattoo of my name.

Here, please.

Shut up, idiot.

Just listen, Meenu!

Then tell me,
why have you come here to do business?

Whoever comes
to Himachal will be killed.

If I come to Goa

then where will you go?

Huh?

Hello, Madar chai Sir, how are you?

Say my name correctly.

My name is not Madar, but Mordechai.

Next time you say the name wrong,

I'll pull out your tongue
and make a slingshot.

Understood?

Sir, Shakespeare said,
what's in a name?

So, forget the name, look at the work.

Sir, I have grown a crop that

will swallow the youth
of the whole country.

Right?

Sir, even Malana Cream is nothing
in front of my stuff.

You'll fall after taking a puff.

Tell me, and I'll cut the stuff
and deliver it.

Paca- Paca (Goodbye).

Papa.

Easy.

You came early.

I've come after three months.
You call this coming early?

Last time you came
after six months, right?

So according to that, this is early.

Okay, fine, then

I'll meet you again
after three more months.

Papa.

Papa,

I missed you so much.

And you know what.

I've done such a job this time

that you won't need to go
anywhere or do anything.

We will eat sitting at home.

Oh, really?

What kind of work have you done?

Shall I show you?

Show me.

One second.

Blindfold.

Oh ho,

carefully.

What madness is this.

We're here.

Papa, look what I grew.

Cannabis, Papa.

Cannabis.

A patch worth five lakhs.

The Israeli of Kasol bought 15 patches.

We got 7.5 million.

I rented this land to grow apples.

Not to grow this poison.

- Take it out.
- Papa, please, please, please, Papa.

- Papa Papa, please, please.
- Move.

He will kill us.

Papa, please.

Please, please, please, please, please.

Move.

I just went out for three months.

They've gone mad.

Mummy.

- Yes.
- Mummy!

Stop Papa, please.

I worked day and night
to grow cannabis.

He's destroying everything.

He won't understand!

Come on, come on.

Papa, please.

Please.

Why are you being so childish?

I have been struggling since childhood.

What has this apple farming given me?

Bank loans and EMI?

You people have made me
crave for money.

You, you, you go outside.

Stay behind.

Hey, stop this madness.

Hey, that Israeli will kill all of us.

Look how upset the girl is getting.

Move back, move back.

It's a good thing that idiot died

He was your step-father,
he sucked my blood.

Hello, Bansi.

Mummy, I don't want to go to jail.!

Then think and do something stupid

Uncle is gone.

We'll have to make it
a case of suicide.

The work will be done.

But what will I get?

Meenu's love, my affection,

and unlimited money.

Hmm.

Bansi,

I know you still carry
my photo in your pocket.

When I used to go to tuition,
you would follow me on your bicycle

and when I ate jalebi,
the syrup would drip from your mouth.

Yes.

I still remember that day.

You were newly young

and I had just become a new
constable at the police station.

You used to pass in front of the station

and I used to keep watching you go.

Uff, what a figure you had.

Not "had," fool, I still do.

And idiot, if at that time you
had said 'I love you' from behind,

I would have turned back, blushed,

and left saying 'I love you too'.

Yes.

Okay, forget love, let's get married.

Marriage?

Yes. Marriage.

No, no, no, no, no.

This feels like a dream.

Meenu...

Oh Meenu, don't say that.

My heart will fail.

Not a dream, crazy, it's reality.

You can try a hug
and a kiss if you want. Come on.

- Put the brakes on, taxi.
- Come on.

Look at his condition.

He's trembling like a dry leaf.

He won't be able to handle your kisses.

Lest we have to dispose
of two corpses instead of one.

Mummy is right.

My heart burst.
It got stuck in my throat.

Why don't we settle
for a hug instead of a kiss?

On the first date.

Okay, come on, let's hug.

Lights

and Action.

Oh brothers of the sister.

I said action.
Why aren't you doing anything?

Hey brother Bunty,

give us some dialogue, man.

Tell us what to say.

Dialogue.

your role is that of a apes
in the army of Vanaras.

You're not Shahrukh Khan from DDLJ.

You'll deliver dialogues?

Huh! Acting is all about listening.

Khikhi Khokho Khikhi Khokho.

Hoohoohooohoo hoohooohooo.

Action.

Khokho Khikhi Khokho Khikhi.
Hoohoohooohoo hoohooohooo

Khokho Khikhi Khokho Khikhi.

- Hoohoohooohooo
- Cut. cut.

- Khokho Khikhi.
- Cut.

Sister s brothers,
Khikhi Khokho Khikhi Khokho

is what I asked you to say.

I didn't say Khokho Khikhi Khokho Khikhi

Idiots, don't you understand
chronology, chronology?

Brother Bunty, one more time.

Do a crash course, son.

Okay, give me 10 thousand rupees
and I'll make you a great actor.

You have the potential.

Sir, looks like you
didn't recognise them.

Hey, at the time of work,
I don't recognise even Bachchan.

Are they some bigshots?

They are Rahu Ketu.

Huh.

They are Rahu Ketu, sir.

Rahu Ketu.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Kidney stone, kidney stone.

Brother Bunty,
brother Bunty, brother Bunty.

Stop casting couch in an
auspicious event like Ramleela.

I explained it last time too.

Sorry.

Stop looting poor children in
the name of teaching them acting.

You know,

someone steals money
from their father's closet,

someone blackmails their family,

and someone even sells drugs
to bring you your fees.

Stop taking the curses
of innocent poor people, or else.

It will become a thin rock in the stomach
and come out of the backside.

And your...

- Brother Bunty.
- Stop.

Spit corruption out.

There is a lot of corruption.

Return the children's money.

Return everyone's money.

Right now.

- Brother Bunty.
- Yes.

Now listen.

Recruit both of us into
the Army of Vanaras.

Seriously, I swear.

We will kill Ravana
and bring back Ramrajya.

What do you say?

So then

You will do as I say.

Khikhi Khokho.?

Hey KhoKho Khikhi.

Khikhi Khokho.?

Hey KhoKho Khikhi.

- Khikhi Khokho.
- Guys listen to me.

- Khokho Khikhi
- khikhi khokho.

Hey, sister's brother.

Not Khikhi Khokho.

In the river,
You have to float a stone.

If the stone floats, you're in.

If the stone doesn't float, you're out.

Out.

Float a stone?

Forget a stone,
we'll float the entire mountain.

Come on.

- Let's go.
- All the best!

There you go!

- Come on!
- Ketu.

Come.

Ketu, Listen to me!

Ketu. Ketu, Wait a minute.

Looks like there's a misunderstanding.

- Brother.
- What?

You had to float a stone, right?
Why did you tie it to my back?

Hey, look, what will you do
when you jump into the river now?

I'll quickly take off my underwear
as soon as I go in.

Why?

Man, wet underwear gives me rashes.

Then I have to walk like this.

Hey fool, what will you do after that?

I will swim.

Exactly.

If you swim here,

the stone tied
to your back will also float.

Automatically, automatically.

Right.
The stone floats here,

and Bunty Bhatia will recruit
us into the Army of Vanaras.

Oh! Brother, man,

I'll have to build a temple
for your brain and worship it.

I'll break the first coconut.

Come on.

Go. Go.

Jump.

One more question.

- What?
- Is a wet stone heavier or a dry one?

Wow!

I didn't even think of that.

Brother, you think.

You sit comfortably and think.

- I'll be right back. You think.
- Yes.

Yes.

Not a single word should be changed.

Tell the story exactly as I told you.

Okay.

Bansi.

You look so dashing, man.

I feel like eating you up.

Bank loan to become SHO,

Jai Hind, Sir.

Jai Hind.

Oh, Machar ji.

Hello, Sir.

What's wrong with you?

Sorry, sorry.

One for you,

one for everyone else.

18 for me

inside the cupboard.

Go!

Machar.

Now, what is this?

- Sir.
- How is this?

- Sir.
- Where are you people trying to enter?

Sir, we had to file
a missing person complaint.

- Whose?
- Thank you sir.

My dad's, sir.
He hasn't come home for three days.

I'm very worried, sir.

Tell me the name.

- Sir...
- Meenu Taxi.

You drive a taxi.

Not this one, I used to drive, sir.

I used to drive all over the city

and one day,
her father came and sat in my taxi

and, Sir, we fell in love.

Then, sitting right there,
we got married too.

And then,
Sir, when I was pregnant,

we were going to the hospital.
Sir, in the taxi,

and just then,

Meenu was born, so, Sir,
I named her Meenu Taxi.

Take a deep breath.

Tell me your father's name.

Sir, Radheshyam Katoriya.

And he was wearing a brown jacket
and black pants.

Height five feet eight inches.

Fair complexion, hair black,
mixed with white,

and Sir, he was also wearing
an iron bracelet on his hand.

- And Sir,
- on his Tunni,

there is a black mole.

Huh?

There is a black mole on the tunni, Sir.

Tunni, Sir.

- I see.
- What did I say wrong, Sir?

If you are ashamed to write Tunni,
then write belly button, please.

Write both. Tunni, belly button.

Hey, stop it, bro.

Flirting around?

Yes.

Where do we deposit this dead body?

Sir, Sir.

Did the corpse wake up?

Sir, the dead body.

Dead body.

Whose?

I don't know, Sir,
please go and see.

- Let's go.
- Come, Sir.

- Excuse me.
- Yes, Sir.

- Come.
- Yes, Sir.

(Whispers)

Look, Sir.

Walk quickly.

Look, Sir.

Sister-in-law Meenu,

You here?

The daughter-in-law of our house
does not come to the police station.

Come, I'll drop you.

She might be your daughter,
but she is my sweetheart.

I stole Meenu's heart, didn't I?

She must have come
to file an FIR about that.

Police bro, I'm ready to surrender.

Hang me if you want.

Go, Meenu, quickly go home
and make paneer pakoras for me.

I'll wrap this up in two minutes,
and be back, come on, bro.

Who let this balloon inside?

Pick up these jinxes,
and throw him out.

Their shadow shouldn't fall
on the police station.

- Get out.
- You know him, right?

The whole of Kullu
knows these jinxes, Sir.

Wherever they go,
they spread misfortune.

I'm surprised you don't know them.

Where was the dead body found?

Inside the river.

What were you two doing in the river?

We were floating stones.

What were you floating?

Stones?

Hey, even your dad floated stones.

Not just ours, but all of our father,
Shri Ramchandra,

He floated stones.

Glory to Lord Ram.

Every child knows this.
You don't know?

Who made you a policeman?

They are cunning jinx, the rascals.

They are both lying, the rascals.

They killed a man, brought him
to the police station,

and came to give witness themselves.

I'm telling you,
Sir, a big scandal will happen.

Sir, look,

the dead body is wearing
a brown jacket,

and the hair on the head
is black and white.

The complexion is fair,

and I think his height
is also five eight, Sir.

And Sir, look,

he is also wearing
an iron bracelet on his hand.

The pants must be black too.

He is your dad, isn't he?

No, Sir, it doesn't look like him.

Sir,

If you say so, I will unbutton
the dead body's shirt

and check the black mole
on the belly button.

Stop, stop, stop.

Why did you commit suicide?

Small arguments keep happening.

What have you done?

Take this, son. You wear my bindi,
what do I need it for?

And take these,

my bangles.

My marital bliss is gone.

Why did you commit suicide?

Sir,

One second.

I...?

One second.

Sir,

I want to give you proof
of my innocence.

Okay! Yes, the law does
demand evidence.

Come.

Wait a minute.

Meenu, the law is blind.
How will it see the evidence?

Bansi,

Put this useless fellow into
the frying pan of the law!

Sir,

there is a CCTV in your room,
isn't there?

Sir, we can go to the lockup, right?

There's no CCTV in the lockup.

Correct!

Come.

Meenu! Meenu!

Sir, Sir,
listen to me for a minute, Sir.

Lock him up too.

- Meenu!
- Hey!

Meenu ji,

Will you marry me?

- Sir.
- How much dowry will you give?

Dowry is given by the girl's side,
isn't it?

No, no, no, no, here we have
the custom of taking dowry.

Sir, I can think about your offer.

You just have to
do one small thing for me.

Meenu ji, Your Demand
is My Command. Tell me.

It's 'Your Wish Is My Command'.

It might be, but from now on,
what you say will happen.

You speak.

Sir, save me from Mordechai.

It's like my dad ruined
the cannabis garden. He's after me.

I've already taken One million
in advance.

Mother Father,

Brother of Peacock. Mordechai.

You messed with him?
Do you know who he is?

- Who is he?
- He is a wild animal.

He is a retired agent of
the Israeli intelligence, Mossad.

Now, who am I to save you?
Even the Home Minister can't save you.

- Sir...
- Quietly double his money

and return it to him.

I'll talk to him.
Let's see if he spares your life.

Sir,

All the money is gone, right?

Oh man.

Half of it was used
to pay off Dad's bank loan,

and with the other half,
a bike was bought.

Sir, please do something.

Then go and jump into
your father's pyre now.

Because who am I to help you?

My father, my grandfather,
my greatgrandfather,

my great great grandfather,
no one can save you.

That scoundrel will destroy
your hut with a bazooka.

Are you crazy?

My dream is broken.

Take the dowry now.

Come, Bansi.

You made a fool of me.

You charmed my boss.

Bansi, I was helpless, man.
Just listen to me.

Oh, really!

Don't make me speak.

Okay, if I hadn't trapped him,

you would have lost your job
and I would have gone to jail.

Understood?

Fool.

Okay, listen. Sorry.

Shut up!

Listen.

Be quiet.

Why did you kill Meenu's father.

Sir, first you answer
one of our questions.

One room, one elephant, two bananas.

The elephant ate one banana,
but not the other.

Why?

Because its stomach is full.

One banana was of plastic.

What is this?

Okay, one more, one more, one more.

Mine.

One room, one elephant, two bananas.

The elephant didn't eat either banana.

Tell me why?

Simple.

It's easy.

This time both bananas
were of plastic.

Both bananas were not of plastic.

The elephant was of plastic.

Hey, hey, hey, one more,
one more, one more.

Yes, yes, the easy one.

Yes, one room, one elephant,
two bananas.

The elephant is real,
the bananas are real too.

The elephant still didn't eat them.

Why?

Because

The elephant has an upset stomach.

The elephant was on TV

and the bananas were on the table.

Why did you commit murder?

Accuse

Sir!

Sir, you want us to take the blame
for Meenu's father's murder,

and you want to spend your entire
life having fun with Meenu, right?

That's what you want, Sir, right?

Right, right, right?

Brother, this is what he wants.

Sir, whatever you say, we will do it.

I even suggest, file two
or four more fake cases against us.

Yes.

Oh, Sir, we will accept it, right?

We will.

But after that,
whatever happens to you...

What will happen?

Oh, forget it, man,
you won't be able to handle it.

Oh, What do you mean by that?

It means the same thing
will happen to you

as is about to happen
with this cop Shishupal.

What is about to happen?

What is about to happen?

Huh?

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Why are you crying?

How did she run away like that?

Who ran away?

Everything is ruined!

Sir,

My daughter ran away from home.

- Her wedding was two days later.
- Yes.

And she ran away
with the same confectioner

who had come to make sweets
for her wedding.

She took 200,000 rupees in cash.

and five kilos of gold. Sir.

Everything is ruined, Sir.

Everyone has been disgraced.

Shishu.

The policeman spent his whole life
taking bribes to collect dowry

for his daughter's wedding.

The confectioner took
the dowry and ran away with her.

The account of bad deeds
is settled, that's all.

People sow the seeds
of thorn apple,

and wish for mangoes.

They sow the seeds of evil,

but when the time
for payment comes,

they go to offer gold and silver
as a bribe to God.

Offering gold won't do it.

Only by sowing the seed of goodness

does the harvest of peace grow.

There is still time Deepak,

repent,

otherwise, suffer the consequences.

Brother.

Brother, I understood everything,

but what is this thorn apple?

Oh, I'll explain it
to you sometime when we're alone.

Right now it seems like Sir's

luplup is happening.

Luplup.

When a scared heart slips
from the chest

and starts beating in the backside,

that is called luplup.

Oh! Sir, oh Sir, don't worry.

The pitcher of your sins
is not full yet.

The day your sins overflow,

that day you'll be thrashed
from all sides.

Sir.

Sir, there's a fire in your room.

Sir, run, Sir.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

All the money burned.
I'm ruined.

You must have been shocked.

I knew it beforehand.

That jinx you've placed
in your horoscope.

Drag them by their hair
and throw them in the car.

I'll check their horoscopes.

The real thing is your karma, dear.

- The real thing...
- Brother-in-law

Here, brother-in-law, eat.

- The real thing, eat.
- Foofa!

Yes, yes,

- Oh Foofa!
- Oh, yeah!

Foofa!

The real thing

is your karma, dear.

Foofa!

You told me to trap these two
in the web of illusion.

Okay, I trapped them.

Now, while trapping Rahu and Ketu,
I got trapped myself.

My story isn't moving forward anywhere.
I don't know what happened.

I think I have a writer's block.

- Perhaps.
- So.

So I need your help.

It's your story.
You write it yourself.

The real thing is your karma...

I, I will write it.

But how will I find
a co-writer like you?

Forget it, son.

You and your story won't be
able to handle what I write.

I'll handle it.

Now, please write ahead.

Think carefully.

I add spice quickly.

You'll burn up.

I'll apply ice.

Please don't stop writing.

I asked you to write

and you closed the diary
and slid it towards me.

Why?

Why is that?

Now the writer himself will go
and explain it to the character.

The one who understands will be saved,

and the one who doesn't
will regret it standing right there.

The real thing is your karma, dear.

I got a thousand rupees
worth of diesel this morning.

How did it run out?

The diesel hasn't run out.

The jinxes have begun.

Bansi, don't talk nonsense.

I don't believe any of this.

You can take a test and see.

Test.

Get down.

Get down.

Come on, get down,
get down, let's push.

Hey, I'm not talking to you.

Get down.

Okay.

Get down.

Get back up.

Okay.

Are you a wretch?

You've ruined my mind.

I will hit you right
in the middle of your forehead.

I'll make a third eye, rascal.
Do you understand?

Who are you both?

Hello!

- Who are you?
- Risk Taker.

Myself Kingmaker meaning Risk Taker.

I turn a king into a beggar
and a beggar into a Prime Minister.

Wherever I go, I spoil
an already established game.

I'll give you one.

Your life is messed up
Yet you are arrogant?

Why, darling, why?

Who made Rahu Ketu a jinx?

I did.

Who made Bansi meet Meenu?

I did.

Who made Deepak kiss Meenu?

- Who?
- I did, who else?

I can turn a dog into a lion
and a lion into a worm.

Tell me,

do you want to become a lion

- or live the life of a worm?
- Hey, old man.

I don't know about worms and all,

but if you keep talking
in riddles like this,

I'll will put a broom in your throat
and turn you into a helicopter

You will keep spinning.

Now quickly tell me what
you know about them.

It's very suffocating in here.

Come out,

I'll explain it in the open air.
I'll tell you the whole story.

Come.

It's a very interesting story.

What happened is.

Once upon a time...

It happened like this,

that 2000 years ago,

after the battle between
Alexander and Porus,

when Alexander was preparing
to return from India,

his commander refused to go with him

and stayed somewhere here in Manali.

Alexander had a Quirky Diary of Fate

on which he wrote his own destiny
with his hands,

and because of which
he ruled the entire world.

Alexander gave that diary
to his commander.

Even today, that diary is alive
and is with a writer

whose name is Churu Lal Sharma.

Churu Lal Sharma wrote the story,
and these two, Rahu Ketu,

are the heroes of the same story.

- Meaning?
- Meaning?

Meaning whatever that
writer writes in the story,

it becomes the inner voice
of both of them,

and these two do whatever
this voice makes them do.

In the same words, in English,
it is also called the Subconscious Voice.

Huh!

This Sub Inspector is standing here,

what department is this
Subconscious, brother?

Department of Foofology.

Excuse me, Uncle, one minute.

Does this mean that someone else records
and sends the voice inside us?

Absolutely, my child.

Okay, let's assume
someone else is recording,

but how does this voice enter inside us?

The way sweetness enters a mango,

the way water enters clouds,

the way fragrance enters the air,

the way love enters hearts.

Hey, did you do dry drugs?

If you don't believe,
then go and meet Churu right now

and see that quirky diary.

That diary is kept in the drawer
of his library table.

How do you know?

I told you, didn't I,

that Alexander gave that diary
to his commander when he was leaving.

He must have given it,
but how did you find out?

Because I am that commander.

Commander, you sit on my chariot.

I'll beat you in front of everyone.

Come. Come.

Come.

Madarchai Sir,
at least listen to me, please.

Say my name correctly.

Morde...

(Struggles)

No.

Bansi,

Where the hell are you?

That Madar Chai is after me,
he wants to kill me, man.

Save me, please.

Do as I say.

Don't ask any questions.

We will both rule the universe.

There is a writer in Kasol,
Churu Lal Sharma.

Eh!

Who is it?

Who?

Eh! Who?

Foofa, where have you been
all this time?

I asked you to write
the story, didn't I?

Look what I brought for you.

Come on.

Why did you bring him here?

Rahu Ketu.

Won't you embrace your father?

Papa.

Hey Ketu, are fathers really like this?

Such fathers would be spent
on their children, man.

Hey, if you type rubbish on Google,
this guy pops up.

Man, we're not becoming your sons.

Bring Mom.

Which Mom?

Which Mom?

Oh, the Diary Mom!

The one who created us.

Go and bring her.

And Commander hasn't come alone.

The entire army of Himachal is with him.

Here, take my weapon.

Please use it with a little love.

Where is the diary?

Who are you and which diary?

- Hit him one.
- No.

Hit him one?

That diary, that diary,
I, I forgot where I kept it.

Now, second!

Second? Cheating

I... I...

I'll bring it.

Don't bring.

Let's go take it.

Don't stare like that.

Don't be surprised.

Don't be surprised.
I've laid all my cards out.

Now the twist has come in the story.

With spice, ripping the dhoti.

Now we will get proper entertainment.

I hate you.

I love you.

Foofa.

Mom?

Mom is there.

Go, go, go, go.

Oh man, writer, show some respect.

Come on, writer.

Come on, take the diary.

Take it, take it.

Open it.

Here, man.

Where is my diary?

It's stolen.

Isn't it, Bansi?

Huh?

It's stolen.

No one stole it, he hid it.

He did.

Search.

One minute.

What does it look like?

Beautiful.

Tall and wide.

Written in golden words.

Quirky stories.

- Quirky stories.
- Search.

Search.

Search, search.

Quirky story.

Cover, cover, what colour is the cover?

Golden.

Hey, where is it?

- Found it, found it, found it, found it.
- Found it.

No, no, no, no.

Search.

Sir.

Earlier there were two,

and now there are four,

and now all four
of them are making your that...

the word I can't even say to you.

But it starts with 'Choo'
and ends with 'ya'.

In between there is 'T' too.

That's the one.

Declare these two certified crazy
and close the case.

If any of them are seen again,
shoot them. Understood?

Stand up.

Who stole my diary?

Who stole my diary, Foofa?

It seems like sheer nonsense.

It means everything that has happened
in my life since I met Rahu Ketu,

that writer was making it happen.

Rahu, Ketu the heroes,
and I'm the villain.

Now I understand,

a man was writing it, wasn't he?

He will write exactly
this for a woman's story.

All the things he made me do, man.

My mind says it's nonsense,

but my heart says it's true.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking.
Let's start from the beginning.

Let's write a new story of our own.

I'll be the Prime Minister,

you the Home Minister.

We will rule the country.

What!

Yes, we will rule.

Is it that easy?

Open the first page
of the diary and see.

What is it?

The rules of the story.

Yes.

First rule.

A new story cannot be started

without finishing the one
that has already begun.

Second rule:

the story can only move forward
through the hero and only the hero.

Third rule:

what has been written
cannot be erased by anyone.

Now what will happen?

What now?

Now there will be chaos,
what else?

So what are you going to do?

I'll write four lines

and all the enemies will be destroyed.

Madarchai will become a beggar,

the hero will become a slave.

I will become the cannabis Queen.

And you, my beloved.

Beloved?

You are a very lame writer, man.
Yes, my God.

A writer makes his hero superhuman.

The things their hero does.

He breathes fire,

walks on water,

flies in the air, man.

Exactly!

And what did you make us?

Jinx.

if you had to write our destiny,

you should have written
100-200 crore rupees into our fate.

If you wanted to remove corruption
from Himachal,

you should have made us
the Police Commissioner.

- Chief Minister.
- Yes.

These chairs are the root of corruption.

Imagine, if I had made you the same,

what difference would there have been?

History is witness.

All the heroes in today's world

have been underdogs at some point.

Mahatma Gandhi ji,

Bhagat Singh ji,

Amitabh Bachchan ji,

Shah Rukh Khan ji,

Charlie Chaplin ji,

Bruce Lee ji.

Hey, they also wrote their own destiny
with their own hands.

They did, didn't they?

Hey, they could write, we can't,

because their destiny is
in their hands,

and our destiny was
in your hands before.

Now I don't know whose hands it's in.

I'm really scared, man.

I don't know what all he must
be writing in our destiny now.

I don't know what all
he will make us do now.

Rahu will stand up,

and go to Ketu,

Looking

into Ketu's eyes,

and say.

Ketu darling.

What do you think about me?

What is the donkey with a rabbit's
face doing in a human body?

I'm not talking about him,

I'm talking about myself.

When you saw me for the first time,

What did you feel?

I felt like vomiting.

Gas rose to my brain.
Understood?

The doctor told me to stay away
from this disease. Go back.

You know?

whenever I walk out of any street,

boys turn around and look at me,

and there's you,

who never even look.

Whenever I see him,

this bloated idiot is hitting on me

and keeps hounding me saying
"Meenu, Meenu".

I feel like poking him
with a finger and bursting him.

Oh ho ho! Meenu Taxi.

Excuse me.

- May I come inside you?
- No.

- May I come in.
- No.

- No.
- No.

- No.
- No.

Meenu. Meenu. Meenu.
Meenu. Meenu. Meenu...

Please, I beg you.

Please don't leave me, Meenu, please.

I, I, I swear, I will bathe every day.

I will bring snacks
for you every day.

Please don't leave me, man.

Go away, I won't stay inside you,
go, take a bath first.

Come, and your mouth smells like
a dead rat.

First, go brush with acid
and come back, and then I'll think.

Meenu, Meenu.

Meenu, you come out quickly.

Come out quickly.

I'll count to three,

otherwise I'll break down
the door and come in.

Come out quickly.

Why did you take
my father's dead body out of the water?

Why did you take that dead body
to the police station?

Meenu started writing in the diary.

Get out of here.

Get out of here, kid! Go on.

Hit the writer of your kind.

You were writing my story,
weren't you?

You got my father killed.

You caused me a loss of millions.

Madarchai is thirsty
for my blood because of you.

I will settle the score with you.

Take out my 7.5 million rupees.

Meenu...

You speaking from inside Ketu?

Yes, just like you were saying.
From inside these two.

Who?

- From inside these two.
- Get lost.

Ketu

Hey, run, run.
How far will you run?

Hey, one day you'll all be caught.

My heart's darlings.
My sweet treats.

Run, man.

Hey, run, my love.

Hey, Meenu. Meenu.

Ketu. Ketu. Ketu.

- What?
- Brother Meenu, Brother Meenu.

We are not criminals, are we?

Why are you hitting?

What friend?

What brother?

Get out of here, you ghost!
The storm is here!

Ketu.

Get lost.

Hey, go.

Oh man, I'm not playing with you.

Are you crazy?

Run.

My bungalow was snatched.

My diary was stolen.

Everything happened because of you.

Whatever happens,
whatever is supposed to happen,

is all written down beforehand.

Man, stop giving speeches.

I am ruined.

Look, for the last 20 years
you haven't stepped out of your house.

Your thoughts have paused.

You stopped feeling.

Only tired, boring stories
come out of a stagnant mind.

Look around yourself in life
and listen carefully.

Nature is narrating new,
fresh stories.

become like water... water.

Complete the journey
from the glacier to the sea, my dear.

You will find a treasure
trove of stories floating.

Go.

Take water.

Become water.

Ketu,

Hi.

I understand this Churu writer, Meenu.

But Rahu?

Why did you make me hit Rahu?

Rahu.

Rahu is useless to me, man.

I thought I'd get him killed
in the next scene.

Oye!

If even one hair on
my brother's head is messed up,

I'll pull off your skin,
make a drum out of it,

and beat it morning and evening.
Understood?

You are my pawn.

If you keep obeying me,
then you'll live in luxury.

I promise you.

What if I don't obey?

You have no choice, hero.

The graph of your character
has been written.

You have to do exactly
what my Meenu has written.

You'll see a miracle.

Magic.

Now you will pick up my shoe
and hit yourself on the head twice.

What?

Is that funny?

Pick up the shoe.

Oh!

Without my will,

my hand hit my head

with a shoe.

Bravo, shoes. Bravo.

Yes, you can do it.

You want it?

Have you gone mad?

Ketu, the thing is...

If you don't surrender
to the situation,

you'll keep fighting
yourself your whole life.

Because what I have written
is what will happen.

Listen to me.

I'll make you Superman.

You'll get nothing but cash,
and live in absolute luxury.

And if you don't do it,

Rahu is finished.

Don't drag Rahu into this.

Just set him free.

Go, I've set Rahu free.

Go meet him one last time.

Doing things for no reason

Half yours, half mine

Fighting without a cause

Half yours, half mine

We are the same, the world is new

The moment is the same,
the day is new

You are the same,
wherever you go

The house is the same,
the door is new

No words are said, but

The feeling is the same

The friend may be anywhere

But the friendship is right here

I don't remember why

But the memory is the same

The friend may be anywhere

But the friendship is right here

No words are said, but

The feeling is the same

The friend may be anywhere

- But the friendship is right here

I don't remember why

But the memory is the same

The friend may be anywhere

But the friendship is right here

Get away.

Don't do it, man.

Aren't you a brother?

Brother?

What friend? What brother?

Get out of here, you ghost!
The storm is here!

Have you gone mad?

I've gone mad?

No, no, no! Not the slipper!

Enough!

Why did you go?

Enough!

Please don't go away from me.

I don't feel like living without you.

Run away, Rahu.

Leave Himachal and run, brother.

I don't know what deeds
she will make me do now, man.

She's my girl.

Why would she make you do deeds?

Ketu, she's is virtually
a mother to you.

You fool.

Why don't you understand,
brother, your life is in danger.

Don't lose heart, man.

Once I marry my Meenu,

then both of us will cook food for her.

I will knead the dough
and make rotis for her.

You make vegetables
and cut salad for her.

See, brother,
our luck will open up.

Hey, you idiot!

If Meenu eats the rotis,

how will our luck open up?

You are very naive, man.

You don't understand the law of nature.

Look, if she eats good food,

she will be happy.

And you know,

the luck of a house
where the ladies are happy,

automatically opens up.

Your mind is messed up,
but your values are good.

I'm sorry.

Meenu.

Make me do as many
bad deeds as you want.

Now I'll see.

Don't you worry, brother.

As soon as I get a chance,
I'll sneak you back into the story too.

Understood?

Wait until then.

Okay.

Take care, brother.

Go.

Bansi,

Are you asleep?

Yes.

Bansi,

I'm feeling cold. Do something.

Here, take my blanket.

Then what will you take?

I'll sleep with my hands
between my knees.

Bansi.

Please come into my blanket.
I'll die of cold, please.

And if I come into your blanket,
I'll burn to death.

Please.

Bansi.

Bansi.

Bansi.

You go. Brother,
you can't handle it.

Your beating heart will blow to pieces.

You just talk big from a distance.
Understood?

Take the blanket too.

And get out of here.

Idiot. You ruined my mood.

I am trapped, Meenu.

Neither can I go away from you,
nor can I come close to you.

How about we celebrate Rakshabandhan
instead of the wedding night?

Look, I can't become the
father of your children.

Yes, I can definitely
become a good uncle.

Lover will become brother.

Hey, if I become such a brother,

you'll say you've become
a top class brother.

And I'll find such a brother-in-law.

that no one in all of Himachal
will have one.

a brother-in-law like mine.

Everyone in the neighbourhood
will call out.

Hey, Bansi's brother-in-law
is passing by.

- Have some tea.
- Are you done?

Is there more?

No, I'm done.

- Hello!
- Hello Meenu ji, how are you?

Will you come today?

I'm in a really great mood.

I am not.

Come on, hang up.

Oh, then let me turn the mood on.

I told you I'm not in the mood.
Hang up.

See, think about it.

Your father was murdered.

I am the SHO of the police station.

So if you don't come,
then my police team will come.

They will drag you by your hair.

Really?

Okay.

Then my team will also come,

and drag your soul out of your body.

Understood. Hang up.

Idiot!

She has committed a gross insult.

Bring the scarf.

Come on.

- Dance.
- Today again. I will.

Yes, come on.

You will become the SHO
of the police station.

- You.
- Me?

Yes.
Do you want to?

Yes. If you say so,
I will become one.

One arrow,

two targets.

Ketu Tiger.

Go.

Go.

Go.

Brother Bansi,

go and sleep
with your hands between your knees.

Idiot!

She got upset.

Go, my Bruce Lee.

Wreck them all.

Tell me what exactly I have to do?

What to do?

That inner voice of yours
will keep telling you.

Just keep following it.

Oh no, no.

I'm not going to listen
to my inner voice anymore.

It confuses me a lot.

You won't hear your voice inside you.

You will only hear my voice.

Just keep following it.

I will make you Superman.
Understood?

Go on.

Whatever Meenu Didi is saying,
keep doing it quietly.

And don't try to become
my brother-in-law too much.

Come on, get lost.

- Hmm.
- Not "Hmm," Sir.

Stop it.

Stop it.

I'm going.

Tea for 150,

coffee for 250,

popcorn for 450? Popcorn!!!

Is this a cafe or a cinema hall?

Foofa,

Let's just drink water and leave.

Order two coffees and two popcorn.

The hero is about to make an entry.

Yes.

If you mispronounce his name,
he gets angry.

You say it.

Call him Madar Chai.

Chai.

Chai.

Chai.

One...

hot tea.

Take a seat.

You'll get tea.

You wretch!, I didn't
send you to drink tea.

Forget tea, slap him,

hit him hard enough for the sound
to reach me, understood?

Oh, the inner voice.

Tell me straight,
why are you confusing me?

Do I have to slap him
or say Madar Chai?

Oh, slap him, slap him.

Oh ho.

Mother Father.

What a sweet twist
you made of this situation.

Foofa, but you didn't tell me
the name of this film.

Yes, Razia got caught among the goons.

Bansi, you just watch.

I will grab everything belonging
to this Madar Chai.

My Ketu must be thrashing him.

After the bungalow,
The bakery will also be mine.

Ketu?

- Meenu, Ketu?
- What?

Hey, Ketu!

Come, let's go.

Come on, let's go. come on.

Bansi!

How did this happen, man?

I didn't write this at all.

Did the diary go wrong?

Hey modular kitchen,

Look how knives and forks have entered
you from all sides, don't you feel pain?

Oh, it hurts but I don't show it.

Hey, you're not even bleeding.

Oh, where will blood come from?

Your witch sister sucked all the blood.

Hey, are you hollow from inside?

Not hollow, toothless.

He ruined the whole plan.

He went to kill the Israeli,
but ended up getting beaten himself.

You are not a hero,

you don't even qualify
to be a comedian.

Bansi!

Hey, are you crazy, policeman?

Huh?

Made a hole in the pants.

Hey, I borrowed it from Rahu.

He's going to mess me up badly.

Did you come out of
Aladdin's lamp, brother?

You are the eighth wonder of the world.

Genie, ghost, spirit?

What are you, brother? Tell me.

Look, brother,

listen carefully to what I say now.

I won't repeat it.

Look Meenu,

you are writing my story

but you couldn't understand
my character.

Rahu Ketu,
we are two bodies, one soul.

We cannot operate without each other.

If he is the head,
I am the body. Understood?

Hey, I was fighting like
a headless chicken there.

Trust me.

Send both of us together.

Then see the miracle.

The second rule of the story,

the story cannot move
forward without these two.

Oh.

Rahu.

Rahu.

Hey, Rahu.

What is this badge you've pinned on?

This is not a badge,

I have brought the blessings
of Mother Goddess.

Now watch,
I will ruin all the demons.

Done?

Memorise it properly.

Not a single dialogue
should be out of place.

Okay, Understood?

I understood,

but when will you understand my love?

If you had understood,

our child would be playing
in your lap.

Meenu.

You are so mean.

Idiot.

I brought you back into the
story with great difficulty.

You can make her a mother later.

First, focus on your Mom.

Look, the diary is very close.

Just keep doing whatever she says now.

The diary is very close,

I can't see it.

Meenu is very mean, brother.

She's writing and giving
it on pieces of paper.

She must have hidden
that diary somewhere.

- Come on.
- Come on.

Let's make Mordechai into a chicken

Hasn't the interval gotten too long?

Look there.

Stand still, stand still,
Just stand right there!

Oh, Mordechai

Stand still, kid, just stand still.

I'll make you understand one thing.

I'll slap you behind your ears.

I'll roll you in the mud.

I'll crush your bones,
and make you ride a mule.

I'll slap you repeatedly

until your mind flies away

Those who kneel and beg
don't usually dare to fight.

A pack of jackals never kills a lion.

Oh, Lion, let out a roar and rip
the chests of your enemies.

Let their soul tremble,
extract the blood from the enemies.

Oh, Lion, let out a roar and rip
the chests of your enemies.

Let their soul tremble,
extract the blood from the enemies.

Hit hard, tear them apart,
and shatter the heads of the enemies.

Oh, Lion, let out a roar and rip
the chests of your enemies.

Stand still, stand still,
Just stand right there!

Oh, Mordechai

Don't look at me
with crooked eyes, boy.

I will pluck out your eye.

You acted like a big Mogambo,

I will break your ribs.

I'm trying to explain this
to you again and again.

Kid, change your path.

Otherwise,
I will climb on your chest

and perform the bhangra forcefully.

I will destroy the foundation
of the world you built.

I'll pick up a stick and use full force
to crack your head open.

Today, kid, I'll beat you up
until you look like a peacock.

The lion roars, the clouds thunder,
everything will happen now.

Oh, Lion, let out a roar and rip
the chests of your enemies.

Let their soul tremble, extract
the blood from the enemies.

Hit hard, tear them apart,
and shatter the heads of the enemies.

Oh, Lion, let out a roar and rip
the chests of your enemies.

Stand still, stand still,
Just stand right there!

Stand still, stand still,
Just stand right there!

You too, you little son of a dog.

Ketu.

You did a wonderful job, man.

- Thank you.
- Meenu.

Do I have thorns in my chest?

I did half the work.
Half the hug is mine too.

It's a complete hug, friend.

You'll get the whole hug. Here.

Thank you.

Man, how you guys thrashed Madar Chai.

Uff,

One sister, two brother-in-laws.

People can't handle one brother-in-law.
How will I handle two?

Brother-in-law Solo.

Him, brother-in-law.

- Son, bow your head.
- Huh.

One thorn is out.

The whole cactus has yet
to be removed.

- Okay Bansi.
- Yes.

Read out the next scene to them.

Scene number four.

Rahu Ketu went to the market.

They ruined Deepak.

Listen,

- Listen.
- What?

Get up. Someone has come outside.

Tell them to meet me at the station.

I told him.

But he said he brought a gift.

Hey, what are you guys doing here?

And dad, who let them inside?

Stand right there.

I'll break your ribs
and put them on your shoulder.

If you make a mess

I'll shoot you. Rascal,

Sir, Sir, we have stopped
doing jinx-related work.

Now we have become filmmakers.

We have made a biopic on your life,

and we have come to get the teaser
inaugurated by your auspicious hands.

We thought we'd get your 'yes'

once before putting it on social media.

Hey man, you didn't tell
Sir the film's name.

Sandalwood is free,
so use it excessively.

Hey, what a rubbish title?

Looks. Names are kept
on the basis of work.

Now, look, you have taken
bribes all your life.

Now it's your turn to suffer.

Hey.

We present Rahu Ketu's
exciting presentation

Sandalwood is free,
so use it excessively.

What nonsense?

Hey, Sir, at least bow down.

Go, go, bow down properly.
Get out of here.

- I'll tell Mom and Dad.
- Hey brother, brother, one minute.

- In here?
- Yes.

- Dad, I want to see it too.
- Son, You sit there.

- You sit there.
- Dad, please.

Go, sit there.

Hey, Inspector, what are you saying?

Let the kid watch your movie.

You're talking nonsense.
Now tell me this, Inspector,

if a son, isn't inspired by
watching his father's films,

then who will inspire him?

If he doesn't see his
father's achievements,

then whose will he see?

What do you guys want?

Sir, we already told you before,

the day your sins are overflow.

that day we'll come
and thrash you from all sides.

Brother, please listen.

Ketu.

Lu... lu... luplup?

- You get it now?
- Exactly

Even I want to feel it, man.

I'll make you feel it some other day.

- I could feel it from inside.
- Yes.

- It feels like this, friend.
- Brother, what does he do like this?

Hi Varun, good morning,
how are you?

- Hold this, come on.
- Who is this?

- What is happening?
- Varun, listen. Listen.

I have tied a bandage.

But keep this finger straight
like this for six months.

I will kill you.

You will get well.

I'll give you six months of medicine.

Now suffer.

Deepak,

Your bakery and property
are about to be sealed.

The phone is on surveillance.

There are charges of murder
and drug dealing.

We are in touch
with the Israeli Embassy.

It is better that you surrender.

- He sat down.
- Yes, I am sitting.

Come on, brother.

Oh, he's gone.

- Hey fake police.
- Catch him.

Run after him.

He will spend the rest of his
life as Tarzan of the jungle.

He will drink cold water
and eat green grass.

Damn it! OMG.

I got promoted.

I became SHO.

S.H.O.

Meenu, what a destiny you wrote.

I was thinking of making
you the Home Minister,

and you are happy being an SHO.

Yes, Meenu, this is wrong.

If we are doing Griha Pravesh
(housewarming) together,

I should be the Home Minister, right?

Give him the Animal Husbandry portfolio.

Bansi, let's go.

Meenu.

O hero.

What is this animal husbandry?

Ministry of Animals.

Come on, come on. Fast.

Four of you go upstairs,
two of you with officer.

Come on. Come on.
Check cash counter.

Sir!

Sir!

Sir!

Hey!

Wait!

Now take it.

What did you cook today?

Chhola, Chhola,

Every day Chhola. Chhola.

Deepak.

Quirky diary, writing a story,
king, queen, story over.

Bullshit.

I am police.
I will give you proof.

- Come with me
- Eating food.

If you eat that much, how
will you clean yourself?

Hey, I see Machar.
Machar. Come.

Brother Machar.

Say my name correctly.

Oh yes, Mother Father, brother.

- Run.
- Hey Machar.

Where?

Here!

Here.

Here!

Hey, stop.

Hey stop, Machar.

Stay in your limits.

Where?

Straight, straight.

That's it, I can't run anymore.

Come back.

Coriander, Mint Are
sown... sown... sown,

In a strange story,
Everyone is lost

Applying saliva on the paper

Everyone went to smoke get high

Then hunger struck

Everyone fell upon (food) like that

As if it were a community kitchen

The dog inside

Is like a monkey

Shows stunts

Without any hesitation

Makes everyone dance fully

Blows everyone's senses away

Increases greed

Makes everyone jealous.

And everyone says

They eat their own fate.

Be it Rahu or be it Ketu

I am stronger than both

This world is my circus

And I am its ringmaster

Be it Rahu or be it Ketu

I am stronger than both

This world is my circus

And I am its ringmaster

Bad planets, a cat cuts the path,

Karma says I was already fine,

Taking dried fenugreek,
the assistants search

Where is Saturn sitting in the
horoscope with his bag packed

The stories of the diary,

My share,

I write destiny

By grinding herbs plants,

The intoxication is rising,

Eyes are pink,

I have The key to destiny

Be it Rahu or be it Ketu

I am stronger than both

This world is my circus

And I am its ringmaster

Be it Rahu or be it Ketu

I am stronger than both

This world is my circus

And I am its ringmaster

Foolishness just causes trouble.

And breath increases restlessness

Where the lock is rusted,

then the key to destiny is applied

Foolishness just causes trouble

And breath increases restlessness

Where the lock is rusted,

then the key to destiny is applied

The story has been ruined.

I don't know what the end will be?

Even the heroes have become
slaves to the villains.

Who will finish the evil?

Look, Churu.

Goodness is silent,

but evil makes noise.

And the day the silent one strikes,

it makes a peacock out of evil.

Where did the silent come
from in the story,

You wanted to see
the end of the story, right?

Come on, I'll show you.

Seats are reserved on the balcony.

Yes, come on, come.

Come.

Shimla.

Mandi.

Open this.

- Aah?
- Yes.

Not this, open this.

Hmm.

Great!

What are you doing, Rahu?

Rahu, stop.

Man, I'm not playing with you.

When I come close,
you say run away.

When I start running, you say stop.

- What is it?
- Did you forget?

Fork, knife, screwdriver.
Brother-in-law.

Give it.

First, touch my feet.

Touch my feet.

Hello, Brother-in-law.

Always be sad.

Go stand with Didi.

Go.

Go.

- Not the diary.
- Go, go, go, go, go.

Rahu.

Rahu, please.

Don't do this.

If you play
with my emotions like this, Meenu,

the pitcher of your sins
will fill up quickly.

Now finally tell me,
should I stay or go?

Please stop, please.

You do one thing, you stop.

Hey Majnu's spit.
Come on, run away.

No, Rahu.

Here, take your gun

Oh!

Quirky diary.

Everything is possible. Bro.

Speak in Hindi, you
You wretch!, Hindi.

Okay.

I didn't believe it earlier,
bro. Now I've started believing.

I am telling you again and again.
I am extremely scared

Look at your finger,
all due to that diary.

I will strangulate her.

Speak in Hindi.

Is this Hindi?

Oye!

What should be done with this now?

Hey, this diary is the root
of all the trouble.

I feel like sprinkling kerosene
and burning it right now.

Don't even think about it.

- Ketu.
- Oye.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid.

Just as the demon's life
was in the parrot,

exactly like that,

Your life is also in this diary.

Hey, don't listen to them.
You run.

Wait a minute.

We haven't come to take the diary.

Oh, then what have you
come here to do?

You two have ruined my whole life.

So you ruin someone else's life too.

My dear, who has stopped you?

Meaning?

Meaning today your destiny
is in your hands.

Whatever you want, write it.

Here.

Whatever is true, correct,
write it down, it will become true.

- Really?
- Truly.

Meaning,

Can we go to Mars?

Absolutely.

And we can float stones on water.

Absolutely.

We can do anything.

Anything.

Rahu.

Anything.

Meenu, bro. Meenu.

Write Meenu me in my destiny.

Rest of you can decide
whatever you want.

You shut up, man.

The story is already complicated enough,
and you're adding more mess.

Hey, we'll deal with
everyone one by one.

It will be a waste of time, man.

Call all the enemies together.

We'll make one kill the other,
the other kill the third.

Then Meenu will remain.

My marriage with her,
four children, and disaster.

Hey, stop.

Life is a house of cards, darling.

Slide the bottom card,

and the whole house will collapse.

Yes! brother.

Let's do it.

Oh!

Rahu Ketu?

Oh!

The inner voice will talk,

Revealing the ace of spades.

The one who understands,

will be saved.

and the one who didn't understand

will regret standing right there.

Brother, Meenu?

Oh man!

Give me the pen.

Shut up!

God bless you.

You too.

10 rupees, 10 rupees,
Shoe shine, 10 rupees.

10 rupees, 10 rupees,
Shoe shine, 10 rupees.

10 rupees, 10 rupees,
Shoe shine, 10 rupees.

Oh, Sir.

I still pick up money that is thrown.

Because my father

is corrupt.

Sinner!

Forgive me.
Forgive me.

Please, forgive me.

My wife will elope
with someone else.

Children will be on the streets.

My parents will beg.

They will suffer lifelong condemnation.

It will be all my fault!

It will be all my fault!

Everyone told me...

Everyone told me

Don't take bribes.

Don't do it.

I didn't bloody listen,

I am a bloody greedy dog,

I am a bloody greedy dog.

It won't happen now.
I won't do it now.

Forgive me.

Deepak.

Deepak.

Ooh! Close the back door
of the bungalow. Close it.

Close the door.

Foofa.

Are you coming to eat golgappa?

Hey, go to sleep.

Meenu,

since the diary left my hands,

my heart is in my throat.

From right under your nose,
they slid the diary away and took it.

Were you high on hash?

Meenu, We won't get the diary back
by staring at me.

How can you make such
a big mistake?

Yes, those two must be writing.
Our destiny.

What if they write suicide,

or make us kill each other?

Run, Meenu. Run.
There's going to be a raid.

Bansi, did you hear anything?

I've been shouting for so long.
Did you hear or not?

Did you hear?

Run, Meenu.
There's going to be a raid.

Where are you going?

Bansi, you stay. I'll be back.

Bansi, listen.

Meenu.

Come come.

Come.

Stand like that.

Stop, stop, stop.

I was a state champion
in catch me if you can.

You won't be able to catch me.

Yeah, right. State champion.

Bansi.

Who is it?

Bansi.

Who is it?

Who is it?

Who is it?

Bansi.

Who is it?

Bansi.

Who is it?

Bansi.

Who is it?

Bansi.

Who is it?

Show yourself.

Show yourself.

I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid.

Come.

Caught you.

Sinner.

No.

No.

No.

Taxi, oh Taxi.

Your meter is sexy.

You ran away leaving me on the road.

Look Bansi, don't act crazy.

Your secrets have been exposed.

Failed Fourth grade
and got promoted to SHO.

All your fake documents
have been revealed.

Listen to me.
Become a government approver.

You will get minimum punishment.

I guarantee this.

Don't run after the puppets.

Catch the one whose hand
holds everyone's string.

Leave the shadows behind.

Catch the shining sun. You fool,

why did you run after coins?

The threads of relationships
came undone.

Whose string, his kite.

The one who understood
is a carefree soul.

I am a carefree soul.

Brother of the peacock,
brother of the crook.

Take my name correctly.

Mordechai!

Brother of the peacock,

brother of the crook

Brother of the peacock,

- Brother of the crook
- Brother of the peacock,

Here, there, everywhere,
wandering letter.

Which language is this?

Speak Hindi.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

Sinner.

A surprise. A surprise. A surprise

I've brought something...

Seriously, man,
I really enjoyed it.

You gave me goosebumps, by God!

As his karma was,
he was given the same ending.

Deepak had guilt in his heart,
so he was given a chance to improve.

Mordechai was a wild animal,
so he was given an animal's death.

And Bansi, who was always confused,

he had to go mad.

Foofa.

I only wrote what my soul wrote.

But what to do with this diary now?

What to do?

All three of you get together
and make a Writers' Room

and write stories one after the other

Let's write a story, Ketu.

Ketu's Rahu's Meenu.

We will make a film
and earn five crore

Oye,

who wrote this?

Run, Meenu run,
there's going to be a raid.

Who wrote this?

Who made Meenu run away?

I wrote jail in her destiny.

Who alerted her before the raid.

Foofa must have done it.

They like to poke their
finger into a flying bird.

Oh hello.

Why is everyone staring at me?

I wasn't alone in this house.

Ketu's Rahu's Meenu.

I will make your cartoon film.

Whatever is to happen, whatever happens,
whatever is supposed to happen,

it is all written down beforehand.

We are all just enacting
out what is written.

Oh Foofa, my Aunt isn't married to you,
so please stop giving lectures.

In a world full of hatred and deceit,
love is the only thing.

Love is the only thing that
can save us all from troubles.

If there was no love, the world
would have been burnt to ashes.

Hey, but this story
hasn't ended yet, has it?

Then write a sequel, my dear.

Start the next one
from where this one ends.

And the first scene of the sequel,

Meenu is dancing madly in love
with Rahu, and then...

Come on, you write, I'm leaving.

Where are you leaving for?

Mumbai.

But--

When will we meet, Foofa?

You don't have a mobile phone,
nor a pager.

- How will I talk to you?
- The inner voice.

Dial here.

I will come right away.

Come on. You did a good job.

Go.

Brother-in-law,
we have to go to Mumbai.

Come on, brother-in-law.

One game is over.

Now we have
to start the second game.

It's nothing for me,
I keep coming back.

Foofa will appear
in the new disguise.

Accepted.

From today you are my father
and I am your nephew.

Sure.

Ketu.

Brother!

Hmm.

You didn't tell me what
will happen after that.

What will happen after what?

When Meenu is dancing madly
in love with you,

What will happen after that?

I haven't thought about it.

Right now, I am just watching her dance.

Say, Glory to Rahu Ketu.

Victory to them!

Rahu Rahu Rahu Ketu,

Ketu Rahu Rahu,
Rahu Rahu Rahu Ketu.

Coriander, Mint Are
sown... sown... sown,

In a strange story,
Everyone is lost

Applying saliva on the paper

Everyone went to smoke get high

Then hunger struck

Everyone fell upon (food) like that

As if it were a community kitchen

The dog inside

Is like a monkey

Shows stunts

Without any hesitation

Makes everyone dance fully

Blows everyone's senses away

Increases greed

Makes everyone jealous.

And everyone says

They eat their own fate.

Be it Rahu or be it Ketu

I am stronger than both

This world is my circus

And I am its ringmaster

Be it Rahu or be it Ketu

I am stronger than both

This world is my circus

And I am its ringmaster

Bad planets, a cat cuts the path,

Karma says I was already fine,

Taking dried fenugreek,
the assistants search

Where is Saturn sitting in the
horoscope with his bag packed

The stories of the diary,

My share,

I write destiny

By grinding herbs plants,

The intoxication is rising,

Eyes are pink,

I have The key to destiny

Be it Rahu or be it Ketu

I am stronger than both

This world is my circus

And I am its ringmaster

Be it Rahu or be it Ketu

I am stronger than both

This world is my circus

And I am its ringmaster

Foolishness just causes trouble.

And breath increases restlessness

Where the lock is rusted,

then the key to destiny is applied

Foolishness just causes trouble

And breath increases restlessness

Where the lock is rusted,

then the key to destiny is applied