All language subtitles for Animal Control s04e07 Donkeys and Weasels.eng

?

[beeps]

All right the happy couple
is three minutes out.

This is so romantic.

This lady has no idea
she's about to adopt a kid

and then get proposed to
on the same day.

Couple goals!

Yeah. Wow.

Just what every woman wants.

To take care of two living
things until they die.

What a great way
to start a marriage.

Through deception.

I hid Maya's ring
in a cupcake.

And then I forgot about it,
and I ate it.

And then I went to the hospital.

Okay. Places, people.

You're coming, you're coming,
we're all going.

Here you go.

[Victoria] Good!
Good, good, good. Good.

- [notification alert]
They're here. They're here!

Glad we didn't
overcomplicate this.

Jessica broke up with me
in the parking lot.

Congratulations!

[doves chitter]

? [vocalizing]

I miss bath crayons.

You know, you're soakin',
you're drawin'.

You make a mistake,
you scrub it off the tub.

You fall asleep, you drown
in two inches of water.

Sorry.

I finished that story
the way I wanted it to end.

[radio static]
[Dispatch] Dispatch to Truck 12.

There's an emotional support
donkey loose

in Seattle Grace Hospital.

Truck 12 responding.

Hmm. A creature known
only for kicking

as a support animal.

At least they're already
near the ER.

When I was a boy,
I had a hermit crab

with the patience of an angel.

Turns out it was just a shell.

Nothing inside. But...

that shell got me through
some really hard times.

[Emily] Hey, guys.
I've gotten a few calls about

a deceased raccoon
in the middle of Boylston Ave,

Olive Road.
Can you pick him up?

Starting the morning
with a splat.

We're on it.
Do you wanna scoop the splat,

or do you wanna be a bag duty?

If it's a flat splat,
I'll scoop.

-Mm-hmm.
-They're actually kinda fun.

It's like peeling off
nail polish.

Okay, you guys realize

you're still
on the radio, right?

Uh... no, we're not, I...

I still got
my finger on the button.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

It's just a little
too soon, guys.

The raccoon had a family.

It's just shop talk.

You can't take the heat,
you get outta the kitchen.

[Emily] Well, I'm trying to,

but you keep holding down
the button.

-Oh, whoops.
-Your thumb is on it!

So, a volunteer said the donkey
got spooked when a patient

rang the "done with chemo" bell.

[metal clattering]

[donkey brays]

[Frank] Oh.

Hope this isn't contagious.

Hello there,
you rough draft of a horse.

[Frank] There you go.

All right. Nice.

[man] This place stinks!

Nothing good on the TV.
And what the hell keeps beepin?

It can't be.

[door slams]

-It's definitely him.
-Yeah.

-What happened, Dad?
-Nothing.

I just love hangin' around
in hospitals.

I had a heart attack!

Ya boob.

Papa Shaw, no!

-Are you okay?
-I'm gonna be fine.

Shoot. Maybe we could get
a second opinion?

You can ask your new
girlfriend here.

There's that classic
Shaw family love language. Hate.

I'm gonna call Patrick.
I assume you were

too proud to notify
any of your other children?

I'm not proud of anything
involving my children.

You know, it's weird
that someone with

a charcoal briquette
for a heart

could even have
a heart attack.

Yeah, a lotta love
being hurled around in here.

Can you get that ass
outta my room?

[donkey snorts]

You're gonna have to be
more specific.

Did you see the look
on that dead raccoon's face?

He was like...

No, he was more like...

-Like, scared.
-Yeah.

-Yeah.
-[Emily] Hey, Patel.

I have some bad news, uh...

Somehow all of the food
that was donated for

your community outreach event
caught on fire.

Wh- wh-what?

[Patel] How does that
even happen?

Yeah, well, we think
it might've been a spark

from an electrical wire.
I mean, Roman's contractors

really cut a lot of
corners putting

this place together, so...

Also, his crew had the worst
catcalling game.

Lotta repeats.

Yeah, I do agree with that.

Um, luckily the fire
was contained, but,

yeah, all the food
is obviously ruined.

I need all that kibble.

We open up the kennel on
Wednesdays to give away

free food to the public.
What am I supposed to do?

Just, like, sit there
and take in the frowns

and the disappointment
like I'm at home?

Well, I would just restock.
I mean, you still have money

in the outreach budget, right?

Yeah, that's a good point.

I don't have any of the money!
I blew through all of it

for the Sip n' Snip.

I shouldn't have got
those swag bags!

Again, still holding down
the button!

-Oh!
- What do you mean

the money's gone?
-I gotta stop doing that.

- [Emily rambling]
-Turn her off.

You just have to get creative.

I'll help you.

Thanks.

Did you start the fire?

Accidentally, yeah, I did.
I started the fire.

But- I was smoking weed
in there.

Mm-hmm. So, let me
get this straight.

You were getting high
by the dry goods

at the place where you work.

I wasn't getting high.
It was one joint.

Would it kill you
to get me a cheeseburger?

Dad, are you okay?

I brought you calla lilies.
Mom's favorite.

Did you get those
at the same drugstore

you buy your tampons?

Thanks for coming.
He needed a fresh target.

Good news, Mr. Shaw.

Your numbers have stabilized,
so we're gonna discharge you.

Oh, hey!
Let the healing begin.

You sure you don't need
to keep him for, like,

a month or two?

Yeah, we'll sign off on any
unnecessary exams and probes.

The nurses have
made it very clear.

If we don't discharge him
as soon as possible,

they will strike.

Wow. Banned from a Denny's,
a church, and now a hospital.

-Kind of on a hot streak.
-[Jimmy] Whatever.

I'm going home.

Little miss.

You get my trousers
and look away.

I...

He should make a full recovery,
but he'll need to be monitored.

I suggest he stay with
one of you for the week.

[both] Not it!
Nose goes.

-Rock, paper, scissors.
-Best out of five.

[both] Rock, paper, scissors,
shoot.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

A smart guy would do
paper right now.

Then do it, smart guy.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Tap! Ow!

Come on.

This is our father
that we're talking about.

You're right.
This isn't a game.

First one to the medical
waste bin

around the corner wins.
-Okay.

I don't agree with anything
that brought us here,

but I love a competition.

On your marks.

And...

Go!

[crash sounds]

[both groaning]

?

[woman gasps]

?

I hope you enjoy
emptying bedpa-

Ah!

[laughing]

[laughing]

Ha! Ha! I win!

Yeah, only because I got doored.

Doesn't matter.

[sing-song] 'Cause you have
to take Dad.

You have to take Dad.

Oh. Oh...

?

I don't know how to work
this crap.

Yeah, that's the idea.

Keep you distracted
for a couple hours.

I almost forgot,
if you need anything,

anything at all...

Whistle for Frank.

Here we go, Mr. Shaw.

[high-pitched tweet]
-Ow!

Keep this kid from
messing around back there.

Are you trying to take
my wallet?

I took your wallet,
and keys.

And as fun as it
would be to watch,

Doc says you can't drive.

So, I'm stuck in
this frickin' dump?

Okay, well, as the owner
of this house,

dump feels like a strong word.

I mean, have you seen
the new backsplash?

Scooter Munchkin here
is your landlord?

How are you still
renting at your age?

Well, you could stay
at my place, Dad.

But remember, the condo board
deemed you as undesirable.

Hey, hey, hey.

One of you knuckleheads

go and get my sweater
back at the house.

The blue one.

I cannot do it.
I'm still at work.

I got an active DUI
checkpoint going right now.

Dad, goodbye. Frank...

I'm turning off my phone.

Shred, the backsplash
is amazing.

I need my sweater.

I'm not driving to your house
to get your sweater.

You can borrow one of mine.

Oh, just give me a second
to find the itchiest one.

[high-pitched tweet]

Fine, I'll pick it up
during lunch.

Unless you wanna have an even
bigger heart attack right now

and just be done with it?

No? All right.

I'll leave that with you.
And Mr. Shaw...

these lights are on a dimmer,
if that helps you relax.

Maybe we can still
give this away if we just say

it's been slow-roasted?

Yeah, yeah, these carcinogens
probably taste great.

-[Victoria] Hi.
-Hi. Sorry.

The, uh, donation center's
temporarily closed.

We are, uh,
out of inventory right now.

I'd actually like to make
a donation.

I don't need
this food anymore,

my... cat passed away.

Oh.

Well, let me just
take this moment to say...

Your cat has amazing timing.

Thank you!
Sorry for your loss.

We need pet food.

But you know who doesn't?

Dead pets.

Wait, I hope you're not
suggesting that we kill pets.

No, but I think I have a plan.

Yeah, now I gotta
check in with my dumb dad

every couple of hours.

Because of a major cardiac
event he experienced.

He's gonna outlive us all.

He told me that
on my 10th birthday.

And now he's at my house,

probably rifling through
all my stuff.

Are you worried he's gonna
find your diary?

It's a captain's log
and he's never gonna find it.

I have it hidden behind-

Oh. Nice try.

[sighs]

Wait, what's that,
what's that rustling sound?

Is that potato chips?

No, that would be crinklier.

No, no, Frank is

stress eating sugar-free
gummy worms right now.

Look, I've been grinding
my teeth lately.

It's a dissolvable
bite guard, okay?

You eat all the sweet treats
you need, buddy, it's...

It's tough taking care of
an aging parent, it really is.

Your mom's, like, 45.
Whatever.

Uh, actually,
my mom just turned 50,

and I can't wait
to take care of her

'cause she's gonna be such
a fun roommate, she really is.

[Patel] Yep. Aging parents
can be tough.

Not for me, personally.

I got all these
siblings and cousins.

I'm never gonna
have to worry about it.

Yeah, my sister's
on the hook for our parents

'cause she's a hospice nurse,
so she's, like, really sweet

about gross old people.

[Patel] Yeah, they're gross.

[phone rings]
-[Patel] We're both lucky.

-Hi, Emily.
-Hey, Frank.

Your, um... your dad is here.

[Frank] What? Ugh!

Look, he senses heat
like the Predator.

My best advice is to cover
yourself in mud and don't move.

[Emily] He's been strongly
requesting his sweater.

I offered him
my office cardigan,

and he said he does not
like balloon sleeves.

You have my permission
to put him down.

I wanna watch
the Mariner game.

Okay. Yeah.

We can set you up on the iPad
until Frank gets back.

And bring me
my sweater, dipstick.

Yeah, and bring
the sweater, dipstick.

Sorry, Frank.

-Don't look at me.
-Okay.

No pine tar players
who aren't fat.

Baseball's not the same game.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, sorry, um,

I can change that if you
wanna watch something else.

No, this is a good one.

Pedro and Gemma
get into a fight.

Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait.
Are-are you telling me

that you watch Hot Pursuit?

Well, at first I thought
it was a cop show,

and then it got its hooks
in me.

It's literally my favorite
dating show of all time.

We have to turn the volume up.

Throw the subtitles on too.

Definitely. I can never
understand what Gemma is saying.

A donation like this would be
a wonderful way to honor

the memory of Rusty.

Yeah, now that he's crossed
over the Rainbow Bridge,

his earthly possessions
can be put to good use.

I think Rusty
would've liked that.

Absolutely. Yeah.

Oh, come here, you.

I know this is
a difficult time, but...

may I ask,
did you buy in bulk?

Hey, come here,
just for a second.

There's another service starting

and look at the size
of the gravestone.

You just know
they spoiled their dog.

Please donate before 5:00 PM.
Thank you.

Watch out.

Oh... God.

Another great ep.

Though I don't know how
they can legally call

any of those things
bathing suits, but...

Well, it's good that
you have this show.

Yeah.

Wait, what do you mean?

Nothing. It fills a void
for you, it's good.

Okay, well, you don't actually
know that much about me, so.

Well, I was a detective
for 30 years.

I can draw a few conclusions.

-Please don't.
-You have a...

small bald spot

in an irregular location
on your scalp.

-No.
-You're a worrier.

And you're a workaholic.

And clearly you're not married,

based on that
withering ring finger.

Excuse me. Um...

I am actually very happy
with my life,

and I am not in a rush
for any of that stuff.

Well, part of the issue
is how you dress.

What's with the blazer?

You win the Masters?

The homeowner said she's been
hearing a scuttling sound

coming from up there
for the past two weeks,

and she said it's less of a
shhk-shhk-shhk-shhk-shhk,

and more of a
tick-tick-tick-tick-kk-kk.

Huh. Annoying and unhelpful
as usual, thanks.

[phone rings]

Hey, Emily.
Putting you on speaker.

Hi, Frank, yeah,
your father's a nightmare.

So, his condition
hasn't changed.

Sounds like you 86'd him?

Darn right, I put him
in the parking lot.

Isn't it about to rain?

[Emily] Yes, so please
come pick him up.

I am gonna go journal. Bye.

[phone rings]

[thunder cracks]

[Jimmy] What?

I'm sending a cab
to take you to my house.

I'm not getting into some
driverless robot car.

No, I said a cab, probably
driven by another

half-blind old man like you.

It's going to start raining.

[Jimmy] I do just fine
in the rain.

Ask the Viet Cong.

[yells]

[yells]

Are you- are you all right?

Yeah. I'm fine.
No! I'm not.

He's probably gonna
catch pneumonia,

and then I'll be stuck
with him indefinitely.

Him: slowly fusing to
the fabric in the couch.

Me, explaining what happened
to the old host of Jeopardy!

That's my life, forever!

[chittering]
-Ahh!

-Ahh!
-Shred, quick!

Hey, are you okay?

[Frank holds his breath]

All right, you're
scaring me a little bit.

Vision's goin' blurry.

Just gonna take a closer look
at the floor.

Wait. Frank?

Frank, I only know how to do
CPR on a dog.

-I need you to get up. Ahh!
[animal chitters]

Ahh! Ahh...

Haven't you done enough?

[beeping]

OMG, look who's here!

You remember Patel.

Victoria. Emily.

Dude, I didn't hit my head.

[Emily] We came
as soon as we heard.

Well, as soon as we could
make out what Shred was saying

in between sobs.

Okay guys, I'm fine.

Unless I'm not, of course.

Well, we're here for you, buddy.

You got a plan
for this sherbet?

Oh, and don't worry, Frank.
Your dad is okay.

-I didn't ask.
-He's down in the car.

And can I just say,
I am surprised this is

your first heart episode,

Mr. Shaw! Good news.

Your EKG results are normal.

-[Shred] Yes!
-Yes! I knew it.

My heart is awesome.
Yours all suck.

Yeah, it seems this incident
was simply caused by

excessive flatulence.

[Emily] Oh.

Thank you, doctor,
for waiting until

all my co-workers were present
to give me that diagnosis.

Could we get
that report in writing?

We'd love to frame it.

Have you had any
sugar-free foods recently?

Yes. My man was mainlining
sugar-free gummy worms all day.

Well, that would do it.
We found high amounts of

sorbitol in your blood,
which can contribute

to chest pain
and high levels of gas.

Yeah, I was here when
the nurse released it, and, uh,

I will never forget
what I heard.

[Frank] Stop, stop.

Listen, I don't
usually eat this way.

I track all my macros
across three different apps.

I'm just...

wound a little tight today.

Well, today was a false alarm.

But with your family history
of heart disease,

it's important that
you manage your stress.

You know, I still have
a lot to process, so...

I'm gonna have to ask
all of you to leave the room.

- Absolutely.
- Of course.

Immediately.

[Emily] Yeah.

No, we gotta go.
We gotta go right now.

-We gotta go right now!
-Go-go-go-go!

[Victoria] Yes!

Okay, I just got a message
from that family

who buried their poodle.

Two bags of food and
a gently used dog bed.

At this rate,
I'm gonna need a second shed.

Hey, guys, I just got
a pretty weird call.

A man said that you were

soliciting him during
his cat's funeral?

-Mmhmm.
-No, we didn't mean to interrupt

the service, it was just a super
long moment of silence.

What?

Actually, we brought
them closure.

And scored a bunch of
free stuff. Up top.

Look, your job is very hard,
but it has turned you into,

and I say this with love,

soulless monsters.

Uh... soulless monsters with
a kennel full of new dog food.

-Take a look at that kennel.
-Have you been out there?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Okay. Um, look.
I'm a cool boss, I am.

Everyone knows it,
everyone's talking about it,

and I know that you guys
use gallows humor

to get through the day,
but this has gone too far.

I really think you need
to talk to somebody about it.

You mean like an open mic?

'Cause I've been working
on this joke about

the headless rabbits we found.

You've heard of
a hairless head,

but have you heard of a-
-[Emily] Okay.

Don't wanna hear
the end of that.

Um, no, I meant that there's
a more healthy way to process

the sad things that you see
on the job

than making jokes.
Like therapy.

-We don't need that.
-What?

We don't need that.

It's not good
to bottle stuff up.

Look at Frank.

And how should we be,
what, like you?

Yeah. Yelling at old guys,
leaving them out in a monsoon.

Okay, fine. Be miserable.
I don't really care.

Just don't let it affect
your jobs anymore.

-Mm-kay.
-That's a good plan.

Nice.

I've heard of undressing
people with your eyes,

but hugging people
with your eyes?

It's disturbing.

You really scared me today.

Everything scares you.

I can't say Bloody Mary
three times without you-

Don't.

It's twice this year.
Don't do it.

And I'm serious, man. Okay?

Your dad turns you
into a stress machine,

and that's only gonna
get worse as he gets older.

So, I've brought somebody here

that knows a thing or two
about that.

[donkey brays]

I'll give you two
a second alone.

Someday they'll track a disease
spreading to this very moment.

That is really cute.

Adorable.

See? We feel stuff.

Yeah, we're not monsters.

We just don't dwell
on the negatives.

-Right. Yeah.
-If we were,

we would look at that puppy
over there and we might...

remember some things.

Yeah.

Like what happened on Route 12.

Route 12. I don't-

I don't think
I remember that one.

Route 12 was
the labradoodle puppy.

No, I know.
Of course I remember.

I'm just pushing it down.

What was his name?

Splat.

No.
Seriously, I wanna remember.

It wasn't Splat,
it was Burrito.

Burrito, that's right.
I knew it was something pretty.

Stop, I can feel you
getting upset.

I don't wanna get upset,
so just stop crying.

I'm not up- [snorts]

Stop.

You remember the kittens
in the well?

Alastair, Pepper,
Buttons and Crosby.

-I think about them every night.
-I think of them every night.

[sobbing] And I don't wanna
think about them anymore.

[sobbing] I don't- I'm so sick
of thinking of them.

You guys are scaring that child.
What's going on?

You opened the floodgates.

-Everything's gonna die.
-Everything is.

Okay. All right, I'm pulling
you both from the field.

-Let's go.
-Cherish this time.

Because before you know it,
that dog's gonna be gone.

-And your parents.
-No-no-no-no-no.

-Everything.
-Oh, he's gonna be there.

He's gonna be there.
Therapy now.

[Patel sobs]

I don't know, Bucky.

Doesn't he realize that you're
supposed to mellow out with age?

And somehow, I think
he's getting even worse.

And because my family sucks,
I'm gonna be the one

that has to take care of him,
and I just don't...

know if I can do that.

I mean, who's gonna take care
of me when I get old?

'Cause I'm all alone.

And...

I don't know if that's ever
gonna change.

You are surprisingly helpful
to talk to.

[Frank] Hey, Dad.

[TV in the background]

I, uh...

can't believe I'm gonna
say this, but, uh...

I'd like to talk to you.

[TV volume gets louder]

We need to try and find
a way to make this work.

We need to yell less!

Or maybe even...

listen to each other.
[TV volume mutes]

Look, I understand that

you've been through a lot
these past few days, so...

Here.

It's the wrong sweater, numbnuts
I said the blue one.

-That is blue.
-The one I like!

Not the cheap one
you gave me for Christmas.

Color-blind and stupid.

[knocking]

You can't leave him here!
I won the race!

I have no honor.

My wife vetoed
all my baby names.

Huckleberry Patel.

Would've been
a major league pitcher.

So, what have I gotta say
to get you to prescribe me

the good stuff?

I think I led us down
a weird path.

I'm not actually gonna
kill anyone.

You know, I was just asking
if you would have to report it,

out of curiosity.

And you do have to report it,
which is good.

And why I asked.

I understand that giving
a patient a letter grade

completely misses the point
of therapy, but if you were

to give me a score out of 100
on how good I'm doing...

Here's a couple of areas
I don't want to unravel.

Love life, family,
fear of mortality.

Oh, nothing about body or food.
Let's do it.

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