All language subtitles for Ghosts.2021.S05E12.720p.HEVC.x265-MeGusta

Well, this is good. I'm not seeing
anything in the local news about all the

bodies we found in the bunker.

That's one advantage to being on a first
-name basis with the county coroner.

Sounds like you guys successfully buried
the bodies.

Please repeat that for Jay. Give me
credit.

Oh, this is a relief.

We can't have news like that leaking on
today of all days.

Woodstone is being considered for
inclusion on a prestigious list of top

hotels and B &Bs.

The guy from the list is coming to check
us out today.

It's very important this goes well, so
please no ghost shenanigans. I mean it.

Oh, hello.

You must be a cult ghost. They keep
coming over from the bunker. We're sort

cult ghost tourist attraction now. This
feels very shenanigan adjacent.

Nice to meet you. I'm Eugene, a fellow
survivor.

Have you also found it difficult to
acclimate to the outside world?

Isaac, you were in the cult for like
four hours.

All of them harrowing.

Wait a second, are you Eugene Woodstone?

I'm Harry Woodstone, your ancestor. And
I built this house.

You know him? Yeah, he lived here for
several months in the late 1960s. My

parents shipped me up here so I wouldn't
embarrass them at their precious garden

parties. I was sort of the black sheep
of the family.

Rumor has it this poor fellow was cursed
with the infamous Woodstone tale.

It's just a small bump at the base of
the spine. It's fascinating.

Does it wag when you're happy?

I don't really want to talk about it.

I'm Samantha, also a Woodstone.

I'm unafflicted, not that it's
important.

What is going on?

The cult ghost is also a distant
relative.

Oh, is he the reason that the cult was
in our bunker?

Yeah, I thought they liked me for my
personality, but in retrospect, they

liked me because I had access to a
bunker.

Nailed it, Jay.

Now that sounds like quite the tale.

I think he means T -A -L -E.

He can't hear us.

We don't have to dwell on it.

Okay, I de -scummed the shower, I
touched up the paint in the maple suite,

folded the toilet paper into those fancy
little triangles.

Now, I just need to take a load off.

Oh, that's nice.

I think we need to lose the recliner.

What do you mean? Well, it's not in line
with the rest of the decor, is it?

Agreed. Stick out like Chair of
Frasier's father on TV program Frasier.

familiar with that program.

We didn't have a working TV in the
bunker, so I would do a lot of magic for

cults. Oh, that's right.

You were an aspiring magician.

I recall your parents whispering
shamefully. I didn't have my cups or

I did a lot of thumb magic.

By Odin, you're...

He's a warlock!

Uh, Jay?

Hedy was pointing out that the recliner
doesn't go with the rest of the room,

and honestly, I kind of agree with her.
I mean, with the list guy coming, why

risk it?

You got this for me as a gift.

You remember when I almost got dragged
to hell and you got this for me so I

would feel better? Right, so how about
we just move it into another room,

somewhere less public?

Can't move into Thorfinn's room.

Oh, that's nice. Thor's offering to take
it. Will be fun new place for Thor and

flour to fornicate.

And that's all he said.

Fine, if it'll help us with the list.

Speaking of which, I've been emailing
with some other B &Bs, and they're

me this guy expects us to grease his
palm.

Like a bribe? Like a very nice welcome
gift.

So I did some insta -stalking, and turns
out he's really into antiques. Well,

that's great.

We have a ton of old crap around here.
Uh -uh. I mean, exquisite heirlooms.

Hey, Thor.

I think there's something behind your
ear.

Oh, it's my thumb.

You are most impressive, sorcerer.

Yet you could never conjure a job or a
wife.

Abracadabra! I think not.

So, what do you think?

Isn't that Jay's recliner?

Yeah, Sam gave to Jay to demonstrate her
eternal love.

But then get rid of it for some minor
decorating concerns. So now we are lucky

recipients.

Wow.

Thanks, Thor.

It's just, um, I can't have this in my
room. It's made of leather.

So? So they killed a cow to make that.
That cow could have had a family. A mom,

a dad, maybe a secret lover.

Yes, but chair very comfy, so we
keeping.

Thor, you're not listening to me. I'm
telling you, I don't want the chair.

And Thor telling you we keeping it. Thor
not care that chair was once unfaithful

cow. Fine, Thor.

Keep the stupid chair.

Thank you. Now, on the other subject,
can you check Thor's ear for strange

thumbs? Thor think Thor might have a
problem.

Well, this guy's pulling up. Did you
settle on something to give him?

No, Hedy was being impossible. She was
claiming some sentimental attachment to

every item in the house.

Okay, well, is she in here right now?
No, Alberta made up a lie to get her to

the restaurant.

Great, well, then just pick anything.
How about that paperweight?

Oh, no, apparently that was Hedy's
correcting paperweight that she would

sometimes throw at the butlers. Yeah, I
can see how that could be a very special

keepsake for her. What about that box?

It's pretty.

Yeah,

this is nice.

Fine, let's just do it.

But what if it's important to Hedy?

Better to beg forgiveness than ask
permission. That's what Ben Franklin

before polishing off the entire
Christmas booth.

Ah, hello. I'm Paul from Boutique Hotels
of the World. Hi, Paul. I'm Samantha.

This is my husband, Jay. Welcome to
Woodstone.

The judging begins with your handshake.

Adequate. He's pretty snickety and
overly formal. I like him.

Very interesting older property you have
here. That's a nice way of calling it a

dump. Give him the gift, Sammy. Grease
that palm.

We have a welcome gift for you. It's
this box.

Oh, this is exquisite. What a rare find.

An early 19th century parlor box with
steeple tip hinges.

Oh, that was a waste of time.

Alberta thought she saw Colin Farrell at
Mahesh.

In my defense, as a celebrity, I have
celebrity blindness.

Well, you must be exhausted after your
travels. Yeah, let me show you to your

room. Is that the list fellow? Why is he
holding my parlor box?

You didn't give him that as a welcome
gift, did you? Yes, I did, and just deal

with it.

You really should have asked me first.

Why? You would have just said no.

Yes, I would have.

Because it has a false bottom full of
cocaine.

What? That's right.

Peru's finest.

So unless the purity of your narcotics
is one of the list categories on which

you're being judged, I suggest you get
that box back.

Why was there cocaine in the box?

Because it was my box and I love
cocaine.

Can't argue with that explanation.

Plus, that was in here this whole time.
I was searching for it frantically when

I possessed your husband. I was going to
return him to you with a hole in his

septum the size of Rhode Island.

Hey, babe.

This is going so well. He thinks the
room is super cute. He loved the folded

toilet paper.

Jay, the box we gave him has a false
bottom that's full of cocaine.

Damn it, ghost. That falls squarely in
the shenanigan zone.

Shenanigan zone. I used to take Laura
there when she was a little girl. Great

pizza. Maybe this isn't a problem. Maybe
this guy loves drugs.

This is really bad. Even if he doesn't
find it, he could get busted when he

through security at the airport.

We're not going to get on the list if
Paul's in jail, Sam.

Why don't you just ask for the box back?

We can't take it back. He loves it.
Plus, if you ask for it back now, it's

going to seem like you heard him say how
valuable it was and that you wanted to

keep it for yourself.

I'm sorry I suggested that box.

Another typical Eugene screw -up.

Stupid, you fool.

Look, this ain't that hard. You just
gotta wait for him to leave the room,

the box, empty out the drugs, and then
put the box back. I've done this a

million times.

Alberta's saying we should sneak into
the room, take the box, and get rid of

drugs. All I'm hearing are shenanigans,
shenanigans, shenanigans.

One seat at every table had a whoopee
cushion.

Shenanigans.

Oh, can we watch that murder show again?

I just want to watch whatever Thor wants
to watch.

He's a big, strong man, and he makes all
my decisions for me. What now?

I'm sorry, is everything okay between
you two?

Flower a little upset because I put foot
down and decided to keep chair and room

despite being made from promiscuous cow.

Okay, hold on. I don't mean to butt in,
but it sounds like maybe you guys are

having some problems communicating?

You know, I'd be happy to help.

I was a travel agent.

So? So, being a travel agent is
basically like being a couples

One person wants to go to Fiji, the
other person wants to go to Paris.

Well, it was my job to help them find
common ground and steer them toward

Orlando. You can't beat it.

God, that place is the best.

You missed the spot.

Oh, I'm just pretending. I'm waiting for
Paul to leave so I can get into his

room. Seems just as easy to actually
dust as it is to pretend to dust.

Can you not right now?

Okay, he just left to go on a walk.

Isaac, let us know if he comes back.

Will do.

I was the captain. I think I can handle
a simple lookout.

Hey, man.

Hello, Eugene. I can't be bothered right
now. I'm carrying out a very important

mission. That's cool.

Crazy about the cult, huh?

Indeed. I heard you got in on the first
try.

Really?

You heard about that?

Yeah, you're like the talk of the cult.

How did you do it, by the way? It's like
unheard of.

Well, you see, Eugene, it's all about
confidence.

And when confidence meets competence,
well...

Then you get something very special.

Now press on this part with your thumb
to release Paul's bottom.

I got it.

Now do a little and describe it to me.

Slowly.

Bill! Johnny!

He came back early. No!

Under the bed! That's what you

chose! Sam, you weren't here.

You could have been changing towels or
retriangling the toilet paper.

Oh, and now we're sitting down to read a
book. Boy, are you in a big mess.

Thank you for agreeing to do couple
therapy with a licensed travel agent. I

think you've made a very wise decision.

Do travel agents need licenses?

They do not, but I made one for myself.

Laminated it and everything.

Now, Flower, you were saying you didn't
like how Thor handled this disagreement.

Yeah, he was just so stubborn about it.

Argument is like battle. It must be won
at all costs. It is actually very

similar to disagreement Thor have long
ago with Viking wife, Olga.

Olga! I have returned from battle
victorious.

Oh, Thor.

How I've missed you.

Thor think about you all the time.

In fact, Thor bring you back souvenir
from Denmark.

His dang head.

Will look perfect on beam.

Tie room together.

Huh?

What? So you're saying she didn't want
to hang a severed head in your living

room? Yeah.

Ogre want Thor to put head in fish room
where no one see.

But Thor get his way. Thor not back
down. Thor win.

Argument. Like battle, you see.

The only thing I see is that you're
making the exact same mistakes in our

relationship as you made with Olga a
thousand years ago.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

No.

Whatever. This is pointless.

No, it's not.

And just like that, battle won.

Right.

I was going to take a walk, but it
looked like rain.

Don't panic, Samantha. This conversation
sounds like it's winding down, after

which point he'll surely leave.

Oh, no.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Tell me
everything.

I give up.

Where's Jay already? I thought you
texted Jay.

Hey, Paul.

Oh, I'll call you right back.

And here is Jay, armed with what I am
sure is a can't -miss gambit. You want

see a lizard on the porch?

I'm deathly allergic to lizards.

But thank you for the warning. I'll stay
right here.

Come on, Jay.

Actually, why don't you come down to the
restaurant?

I made some hors d 'oeuvres special for
you.

Yeah, thank you. That sounds very nice.

Let me just change into my loafers.

Now, where are my loafers?

Ah. Oh, he's going to look under the
bed. Oh, damn it, Samantha. If you had

partook, you would have at least been
high as a kite right now. Sam!

Here he comes.

What the hell?

Here's your law firm.

Samantha? Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Eventually she's going to have to say
something other than hi.

He got by me. I don't know how.

So.

It's a funny story. I was just coming in
here to change the sheets, and I lost

the contact lens, which I could have
sworn rolled under the bed.

You know, I've seen a lot of innkeepers
try a lot of different things to gain an

advantage. Hidden cameras listening at
the door, but hiding under a bed?

No, it's nothing like that. I just, I
have narcolepsy. I fell asleep.

Well, that settles that. Paul, would you
like to see our magical creek?

My cousin has narcolepsy.

What do you take for it?

Oh, no. He's testing you, Samantha.

Tread carefully.

There is no medication for narcolepsy.

There are several.

Right. Listen, I don't know what you two
are up to, but I've seen enough to know

that Woodstone B &B is nowhere near
worthy of my list. Please leave my room.

Sorry.

I rode a narcoleptic horse once.

It was a short ride.

Let me ask you something, Cora.

After you won the argument with Olga
about the Dane's head, was anything

different between you two?

Now that you mention it, maybe there are
a few things.

Olga really not want to hang out in that
room.

She not want to watch fire with Thor
anymore.

Made Thor very lonely.

That's tough.

Thor, are you familiar with the concept
of a Pyrrhic victory?

I think you know answer to that.

Well, it was named after a king who won
a battle, but he lost so many men in the

process that he realized it may not have
been worth it. And in the end, he lost

the war.

Oh, so sometimes someone can win battle
of argument, but lose

war of relationship.

Not exactly how I would put it, but
yeah, it seems like you're getting the

general concept.

Yes, so in therapy.

Sure.

I can't believe this. We screwed up so
bad.

Babe, we can't beat ourselves up. Who
would have guessed that there would have

been a bunch of cocaine in an old wooden
box?

Yes. Who indeed?

Oh, wait.

Me. What are you talking about? Pretty
ironic, huh?

The so -called screw -up of the family
flawlessly executes the revenge plan? I

was the one who suggested the box in the
first place, which I knew from family

lore is where Hetty Woodstone kept her
stash.

Using cocaine for nefarious purposes?

How dare you?

Then I intentionally distracted Isaac so
that Paul would catch you in his room.

That is no way to treat a cult brother.

Is it because I got in on the first try?
Is it jealousy?

I don't under...

Why would you do this?

Because I hate the Woodstones.

This family treated me like a freak just
because I was different.

Hey, how you feel about tacos tonight?

Shh. I think Eugene is doing his villain
origin story, but yeah, tacos do sound

good. I never fit in. I marched to the
beat of my own drum. I told my parents I

wanted to go to magic school.

Is that a real thing?

I don't know, but I want to stuff this
guy in a locker.

But my parents forced me to go to a
fancy college.

I couldn't keep up. Eventually, when I
flunked out, they told me I didn't

deserve the Woodstone name.

Eugene, I just have one thing to say to
you after all of this.

I'm sorry.

What?

For generations, we Woodstones have
spent too much time concealing anything

made us seem less than perfect.

I've spent a century hiding my son's
crimes and also the nature of my own

demise.

And it only ever led to isolation and
loneliness.

So I say no more.

Yes, they got the poblano tonight.

Shame is a problem that is passed down
in families. Not unlike the Woodstone

Tale. And the only cure for shame is
sunlight.

Which, unfortunately, is not a cure for
the Woodstone Tale.

They tried that.

Thank you for saying that, Hedy.

I agree with Hedy.

I don't condone your actions, but...

I do understand them now, and I think I
have an idea.

Oh, is it to see if you can hang a coat
on it?

On what?

Come on.

Paul, we need to talk to you. Thank you,
but I'm not interested in hearing any

more fabrications.

That's just it.

I was lying to you.

I snuck into your room to steal back the
box we gave you because it's full of

cocaine. Excuse me?

Girl, what are you doing? We didn't
realize there were drugs in it when we

it to you. But the truth is, an antique
box full of 19th century narcotics

perfectly epitomizes this family.

I've been so preoccupied trying to paint
a rosy picture.

This property's history is so much
messier and so much more interesting.

Like Hedy, the woman who owned that box?

Her son murdered a jazz singer right
inside this house. And Hedy's husband,

was this brutal robber baron who died
before he could be held accountable for

his sins. He suffocated in a secret
vault in the basement.

And he was riddled with syphilis. Add
that, please. Right out there on the

an innocent cuckold was shot through the
neck by a 10 -year -old girl.

Okay, I guess it's just nice to be
included.

This mansion's history is full of
bootlegging and murder and war and...

Syphilis.

Syphilis. The point is that I was so
worried the Woodstone's flaws would stop

from being on the list, but honestly, I
think you should put us on it because of

them.

Well, what do you think, Paul?

You're telling me this box is full of
cocaine?

Uh, yeah.

Can I keep it?

Excuse me?

If I can keep it, you make the list.

There it is.

There's a little bit of...

It's yours.

Great.

We'll be in touch.

Congratulations. Thank you.

Didn't know how I expected it to go, but
it'll make a hell of a tale.

Come on, man.

What are we watching?

Oh, Health Hunters.

No, I mean, what is that thing?

That's a television, sweetie.

Oh, right on.

Well, do you have a moment?

What do you want, Thor?

Thor wanted to talk to you about
arguments we had earlier.

If flower not want chair in our room,
then we can get rid of chair, because

relationship about compromise.

And compromise mean doing what woman
want.

Really, Thor?

Do you mean that?

Thor may be oldest ghost, but sometimes
slowest to learn lesson.

But if flower willing to be patient,
Thor will make effort.

Because...

Flower worth it. Well, you're worth it
too, big guy.

Lovemaking is imminent.

But they about to pick the house.

Can y 'all just go to a different room?

No, too late.

Practice has already started.

Sorry. You're welcome to watch, join in.
Cheering is appreciated.

I'm going, I'm going.

Let me know what happens.

Well, first, sorry. No, I meant the
show.

God darn you freaks.