All language subtitles for 096 - Phil’s Not-so-silent Partner

So, due to the length of Murphy's
interview, I think we should move

segment up and put Jim's commentary
behind Corky's piece.

How do you feel about that, Jimbo? Well,
this is odd. I only have 11 french

fries. You're kidding.

Look at those three. They aren't even
full size.

That one right there is black on one
end. I don't know what that means, but I

never eat those.

With a Philburger, you normally get
anywhere from 20 to 35 fries.

Not that I count my french fries. That
would border on the eccentric.

Oh, 12. There was one under my lettuce.

You know, this is why I hate working
over lunch. Today, it's French fries.

Yesterday, we couldn't plan our special
on immigration because Murphy's bun

didn't have sesame seeds on it. Miles,
I've been eating here since 1977.

Fifteen years of sesame seeds, and then
one day, without warning, bang, bowl

bun.

Hey, guys, look at my napkin. It doesn't
have filth printed on it. Oh, good

Lord. No wonder you're always hungry,
Frank. Nothing ever makes it into your

mouth.

I think that there's a pattern
developing here. A lot of things have

different. You know, there is only one
colored chalk for the graffiti board in

the men's room.

I wouldn't have noticed, but I was
drawing Bush at the Japanese banquet,

need a green for his face.

Anyone here for dessert?

Nope, just a check, Phil. Hey, uh, Phil,
you know, I noticed your napkins don't

have your name printed on them.

Oh, well, the supplier got my order
mixed up and sent me 200 that said...

Happy 50th anniversary, Butch and
Queenie. So I sent them back.

Well, what about the chalk in the men's
room? You know, there's only one color.

Look, Frank, I'm trying to run a
restaurant here. I've got better things

with my time than to order you chalk.

You spend too much time writing in the
bathroom anyway.

Give me that, Frank. You guys go ahead.
I'll catch up.

Murphy's going to pay the bill?

Don't question it. Just get out before
she changes her mind.

Phil, you got a second?

Oh, Murphy, you're not going to hound me
about that sesame seed thing again, are

you? I told you yesterday it was some
kind of mutant bun.

I don't know how it got in there.

I'm over that, Phil.

But I know you pretty well, and I can
tell when something's bothering you.

Nothing's bothering me. Happy
anniversary, Butch and Queenie, which I

know are the names of your two Irish
setters.

Okay, Murphy.

No sense in trying to fool a good
reporter.

I'm cutting back on a few things around
here because money's a little tight.

Gee, Phil, I had no idea.

Is there anything I can do?

Yeah, sure.

You can pull George Bush's head out of
the sand, and if he still can't see the

recession, you can kick his butt all the
way back to Texas.

Hitting me pretty hard, Murphy.

Cutting corners is about the only way I
can keep my head above water.

Have you thought about a loan, Phil? You
know, just to get you over the rough

period. Oh, sure.

The bank hears the word restaurant, and
it's all over.

I might as well ask them to lend me
money to buy Chrysler stock.

You know, Phil, I've been saving money
in an account for a rainy day.

It can be your rain just as well as
mine.

Oh, Murphy, that's awful nice.

But I couldn't do that.

Phil's has pulled through tough times
before.

Prohibition, the Great Depression, 1989
when John Sununu went on a diet.

Thanks for the offer, but it'll work out
all right.

Are you sure, Phil? I'm sure.

And, Murphy, I want to keep this just
between you and me, okay?

You have my word. And, Phil, remember,
I'm here if you need me.

Murphy? Yes, sir?

Would you mind paying your check?

All right.

Murph, I am sitting on two great stories
for the pitch meeting, but I don't know

which one to hit Miles with first. If
someone confided in you that they had a

problem, and you gave your word not to
tell anyone, but it was the kind of

that by other people knowing, maybe
something could be done about it.

What'd you do?

Oh, God, Corky's getting divorced, isn't
she? Frank, this has nothing to do with

Corky. It's Jim. He's sick. I thought he
looked thin. Will you stop jumping to

conclusions and answer my question?

Miles is being fired? Frank! Is it me,
Murph? Geez, Frank, are you sure three

days a week of therapy are enough for
you?

If I tell you this, you've got to give
me your word not to tell a soul. I mean

it, Frank. This is important. I gave my
word. And I give you mine. I promise. I

swear on my mother's eyes.

I'm not sure what that means. I saw it
in an old Tony Curtis movie.

Okay.

It's Phil.

He's dying.

Oh, gee. Frank, will you just shut up
and listen?

He's having financial problems.

That's the reason for all the changes.

And if things don't turn around, he may
not be able to keep the plate open.

I don't believe it.

Feels like my second home.

If it had a washer -dryer, it'd be my
first home.

Story meeting time.

What's wrong, Frank? TV Guide call you
Fred Fontana again?

Let's go, people.

Remember, Frank, not a word. I know, I
know.

Okay, let's get moving.

Frank, earlier you said you had two hot
stories. Is that right?

I did, but, uh... What if we were to do
a story on...

how the recession is affecting small
businesses.

Frank! You're not pitching that old
chestnut, are you? 60 Minutes already

piece on it. What else have you got?

Could you give the man more than one
sentence, Murphy?

Go ahead, Frank.

Well, I'm not just talking about any
small businesses. I was thinking about

ones that have been in existence for
years.

Over 50 years. Even 60 or 70. Don't go
there, Frank.

And what about the people who patronize
these places on a day -to -day basis?

What about them? To them, these aren't
just stores or neighborhood bars.

home and family. I can't believe you,
Frank. You hold on to a secret for about

two minutes, and then you've got to tell
the world Phil's is going under. I

should have known better than to tell
you.

What is wrong with you? Are you crazy? I
wasn't going to mention Phil's name.

Well, you might as well have. Everybody
knew who you were talking about.

God. So much for your mother's eyes,
Frank. I can see her right now in

stumbling into the bingo table.

Hey.

Enough.

Now, is this true?

Is Bill actually going out of business?

He may be forced to if things don't turn
around.

I offered to give him money, but he
wouldn't take it. You know how proud he

Indeed. Frankly, I'm surprised he'd even
tell you this. He told it to me in

complete confidence. That's why no one
can repeat what Frank told you. Do you

understand? What I told them? Frank,
quiet! So, do I have your word on this?

Yes, of course.

This is so hard to believe. Phil's is an
institution.

Think of all the information that's been
passed from barstool to barstool in

that old watering hole.

I've got an idea.

Why don't we take up a hush -hush
collection all over town and we give it

Phil anonymously? We can leave it in a
paper bag in the men's room.

The men's room frequented by senators,
congressmen, Supreme Court justices. It

would be gone in a flash.

I know.

I know. What if we gave Phil a benefit?

You know, like farm aid. We could call
it Phil aid.

Corky, I told Phil I wouldn't tell
anyone.

Don't you think he's going to suspect
something if Sting and Naomi Judd walk

into the bar?

I don't mean to be the voice of doom
here, but how can we help Phil if he

take any money and we're not supposed to
know anything about this?

Miles is right.

I don't think we have any choice but to
just wait this out and see what happens.

Who knows?

Maybe the economy will turn around soon
and everything will be okay.

Oh, God, I'm a Republican.

Here you go, Phil.

I've got a two o 'clock deadline.

This should cover it.

Hey, Bill, you gave me a $46 tip.

Service was excellent.

That's what all the big tippers have
been saying today.

Whoa. Did you look at this place?

I haven't seen a crowd like this since
Jan Murray came to our temple.

I can't believe it.

It's a miracle.

It's not a miracle.

It's a disaster.

I made a few calls to some of Phil's
friends, but they weren't all supposed

show up on the same day.

I told the A through Ls to come today
and the M through Zs to come on

Look, there's Helen Thomas.

What's the matter, Helen? You can't
spell?

Oh, nice going, Murphy.

Phil's going to hate this, and it's only
a matter of time before he traces it

back to you.

I don't see what the problem is.

This is wonderful.

As a matter of fact, I think you should
march right over to Phil and take credit

for this very sweet thing you've done.

Murphy Brown, I want to talk to you.

Lie like a rug.

Hey, nice shirt.

You leaked it, didn't you, Murphy?

Leaked it?

That'd be you.

You're the only one I told.

How could you do this to me, Murphy?

You gave me your word.

Now, Phil, let's keep in mind that
Murphy had nothing but good intentions.

And you know what they say.

The road to hell is paved with good
intentions.

Although there's probably a better adage
than that. Let's go over there, Corky,

and think of one.

You gave me your word.

You got any idea how embarrassing this
is?

Jean Kirkpatrick gave me a $50 bill, set
it for interest on a quarter she

borrowed in 1965.

I didn't even know her in 1965.

Felt like some cheap boy toy.

But, Phil, look at this outpouring of
love and support.

It's like that movie, It's a Wonderful
Life. Sure, it's a sappy, over

-sentimental film, and nobody believes
Uncle Billy could have been that stupid,

but isn't it great to know you have so
many friends?

It's humiliating.

I'm a damned charity case.

In half the guidebooks of this city, I'm
known as Phil, colorful and respected

Washington barkeep and raconteur.

In one day, you've turned me into Phil,
loser.

Okay, Phil, I made a mistake.

I owe you an apology.

I can forgive a lot of things, Murphy.

But this is too much.

I trusted you.

I think you should leave.

Phil. I mean it.

I don't want to see you in here anymore.

Excuse me.

Have your attention, please.

Quiet down.

Seems there's a rumor floating around
that, uh... I'm having trouble making

meet.

Well, that rumor started as some kind of
a joke, and I want to put an end to it

right now.

It's going to take a hell of a lot more
than a recession to knock old Phil out

of the box.

And to prove it, we're all my friends.

And you know who you are.

Drinks are on the house.

way murphy was staring at us as we left
the office she reminded me of one of

those dogs who's tied to a long rope
they want to go with you and they start

run but then they reach the end of the
rope and it snaps their little head

around that's what she reminded me of a
poor little dog has been jerked by the

neck too many times it's quite an
infamous distinction being banned from

to my knowledge only two others before
murphy have met that fate joe mccarthy

And more understandably, Regis Philbin.

Here's your cup of tea, Corky.

Look.

It's her.

I can't stay.

Frank, this call came for you at the
office. I thought it might be important.

Pretend this is important.

Thank you, Murphy.

So urgent, Frank. Why aren't you
returning it?

Nice improv, Frank. Robin Williams has
nothing to worry about.

Oh, hi, Phil. What's new?

I've got nothing to say to you, Murphy.

You don't have to say anything, Phil.

Just listen.

It was a pushy thing that I did.

The sort of pushy thing a certain
bartender might have done a few years

a friend of his needed help.

telling her she was a drunk and refusing
to serve her in front of the entire

bar.

I was humiliated, too.

Not that I remember being humiliated. I
was pretty out of it at the time, but

I'm told that I was.

And that I was wearing a tray of olives
on my head.

Cocktail onions.

Oh.

Phil, the first few days at Betty Ford,
I was so mad at you, it was all I could

think about.

By day five, I began to understand why
you did it.

By day 17, I was grateful.

Phil, it's day five.

Isn't there some way we can put this
behind us and start over again?

Hey there, stranger.

Welcome to Phil's.

What can I get you?

Thank you, Phil.

Thanks.

You know, there is a way I could help
put this mess behind us.

Reconsider my offer.

Accept my personal loan.

I don't like taking money from people.
It gets too complicated.

What's complicated about one friend
helping another?

It'd be a loan on a handshake. No
pressure.

I don't know.

Look, Phil, I don't want to push you
into something you don't want to do.

But imagine your life without this
place.

Sitting around the house, day after day,
just you and Phyllis.

Phyllis and you, day after day.

Let me get this straight.

I could have the money today?

I was hoping business would have picked
up a little by today.

Patience, Murphy.

You only loaned Phil the money three
days ago. You can't expect miracles

overnight in the restaurant business.

Unless you're that diner in Roanoke that
had the image of the Blessed Mother in

their pie carousel.

I thought we'd sit over here today.

Why would we do that?

Well, there's just the two of us.
There's no sense wasting a big table.

It's better for Phil.

Oh. All right.

Sitting at another table after all these
years.

Different perspective entirely.

Ah, so close to the door.

So, what are you having? The fruit
plate.

Jeez, Jim. Are you going to go to your
grave with every quarter you've ever

earned? The man is drowning in debt.

You're having the surf and turf.

Hey there, Jim.

Murphy. Hey, Phil. Did you have a chance
to read the article I gave you?

Which one?

Salad bars put green in your pocket or
the early bird special catches the worm?

Either or both.

To tell you the truth, Murphy, I've been
a little busy.

I'm sure I'll get to it tonight.

Well, when you do, save a little time
for going over these.

They're sketches for putting in a
takeout window.

I had Steve in the art department whip
them up for me.

What a job he did.

Look, he even drew me in there.

Waving from inside.

Wearing a paper hat.

I don't need an answer right now. Think
it over. In the meantime, Jim will have

the surf and turf, and I will have a
small fruit plate.

Are you sure you want the surf and turf,
Jim?

You haven't ordered that in the 15 years
I've known you. What can I tell you,

Bill? I'll just be buried in the cheaper
casket.

I'll be right back with your bit.

I'm driving a bus.

Just hold that thought, Jim.

Excuse me.

I couldn't help but notice that you put
three packets of artificial sweetener in

your coffee. I was just wondering, would
it be possible for you to put in one

packet, stir and taste, and then, if you
deem it necessary, put in another?

These go for nine cents a piece.

Get a rat for these.

Eldon, you made it.

Phil, you remember Eldon? Hey there.

How you doing?

You know, Phil.

Ellen and I were talking last night, and
we thought it might be a good idea to

have an artist here doing caricatures.
We thought it might spark business and

maybe attract new customers.

You mean he'd go from table to table
drawing funny pictures of my customers

while they're trying to eat? Yeah, I was
hesitant at first, seeing as how my

creative impulses rarely run towards
folk art.

But then I thought, what better way to
pay homage to the tragic plight of the

independent businessman?

And it sure beats some chick going
around with a basket of roses making

feel cheap if they don't buy one of five
bucks a pop. Oh, that irritates me.

Elvin, that couple looks like they have
some disposable income. Why don't you

start with them?

I don't know, Murphy.

I got a real pet peeve about stuff like
this. People don't... like to be

distracted while they're eating. Phil,
you're the restaurant man. It's your

call. Whatever you decide, I'm fine with
it. Either way. I'd really rather not.

Okay, fine.

Let's just give it an hour. If after
that you feel it's not working, Eldon

pack up his pastels and go home. What do
you say to that?

The way you're helping me out, how can I
say no?

I must admit, I've always been confused
by the popularity of an art form such as

this. What you do...

is find the most obvious feature on a
person and exaggerate it.

In your case, that would be your nose.

Okay. Then you always give them a real
little body and ask them if they have

hobbies.

Well, Alan, do you?

Backgammon. Not visual enough. How about
fishing? Okay.

I'm going to draw in a poll and have you
hook your own nose.

That would be very humorous.

Evelyn, how's it going?

You tell me.

So, you're a fisherman.

Why is he catching a zeppelin?

Get out of here, Sam.

Is there a problem here, folks? He's
drawing unflattering pictures.

These aren't caricatures. Where's your
sense of humor? Surely you couldn't go

through life with a forehead like that
and not...

Look at this. Two lousy fruit plates.

Murphy, honey.

Yeah, Phil.

Would you mind if I made a little
suggestion?

Of course not. Name it.

Get out.

What? You're driving away my customers.

I don't work with a partner, Murphy. I
never have.

And if I ever do, it won't be with one
who wants to wrap up the leftovers in

little foil swans.

It doesn't have to be a swan.

It's just that they take less foil than,
say, a giraffe.

I'm buying you out, Murphy.

As much as I can afford.

I'll give you the rest when I can swing
it.

Okay, okay.

I went a little too far. But I can
control myself. Keep the money, Phil. I

open my mouth again. No.

Forget about the article. Forget about
the salad bar.

No.

Forget about the takeout window.
Although, feel free to keep the drawings

want to. Oh, God, you're right.

I'm about as good for the restaurant
business as a botulism scare.

Thanks, Murphy.

We gave it a shot.

But I guess there's only one thing left
to do.

I was hoping it wouldn't come to this.

Phil, you can't sell the place.

Oh, no, not that.

I'm gonna have to raise prices.

That's it?

That's all you have to do?

Why didn't you just do that in the first
place?

It's not that easy.

Phil's has always prided itself on
giving its customers a fair meal at a

price. I don't know if they'll be
willing to pay a little extra.

This may be the end of the line.

Here you go, Phil.

Ah!

I believe you ordered from one of the
old menus.

There's been a slight increase in
prices.

The Philburger is no longer $3 .50, it's
$4 .75.

I hope that's not a problem.

Are you kidding? $4 .75, it's still the
best deal in town.

I'm sorry.

Did I say $4 .75?

I meant $5 .75.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

What's the matter with me?

Did I say $5 .75?

Yes, you did. That's the price.

$5 .75 for a Philburger.

Phil, I have to get back to the office.

How much do I owe you for the surf and
turf?

Oh, gee, Jim.

I believe you ordered from one of the
old menus.

You might want to stick around, Murphy.

I may be able to pay you the rest of
that loan in a minute.