All language subtitles for 095 - Rage Before Beauty

Though with love, sad as could be, cause
my pretty face got the best of

me.

Suddenly, you came into my life and gave
it meaning and built

it like.

Now look, I've learned to do it.

talk to you.

Can you believe that?

Okay, I know I've gained a few pounds,
but I think I'm carrying them pretty

well. I don't know why people are
looking at me like I violated some local

zoning law.

Let's order lunch.

Murphy, perhaps we shouldn't be thinking
about food so much. After all, when we

got pregnant, we were only supposed to
gain 30 pounds.

I don't think they meant per limb.

I had a one -gallon bucket of cheese
popcorn in my office.

I opened it up yesterday, and somebody
had sucked it clean.

Why don't you just come right out and
say it? I'm a Hoover. I'm huge. And

wherever I walk, a great shadow falls
upon the land.

That's certainly not the case, Slugger.
We're just concerned you may be a little

out of... concerned that you might be
letting yourself... that you...

Hell, what's a polite way to say your
thighs are starting to make noise when

walk?

Well, I'm proud of the way I look. This
is motherhood in all its splendor and

glory. I'm a miracle of nature.

Now, if you'll all excuse me, I think
there's a raisin bagel in my file

Hi, I'm Murphy Brown. You must be my...
Good morning, Miss Brown. I'm Jane

Sokol, your new secretary.

Oh, this is your first, isn't it? I had
my baby four years ago, but I remember

it like it was yesterday.

Ouch.

Quiet. So, Jane, I'm working on an
extremely important interview with Boris

Yeltsin for tomorrow night, and just out
of curiosity, what did you mean when

you said, ouch?

Oh, you don't want to know.

I was in labor for 37 hours.

most horrible, unbelievable pain I've
ever felt in my life.

And I was pinned under a bus once, so I
know pain.

They had to tie me down to the table
after I kicked my obstetrician in the

windpipe. My husband took a video.

It's just hour after hour of me begging
to be killed.

You're fired.

Oh, you don't mean that.

Morning, Murphy. And how are you feeling
today?

Miles, how long before... cream cheese
goes bad.

Maybe I can scrape it off.

Don't want to interrupt.

Know you're working on your Yeltsin
thing. Boy, are we proud of you for

that. Speaking of tonight's show, we're
going to have you do the interview from

behind the anchor desk. Well, got to go.
Get your little tweed self back in

here, Miles.

Oh, I don't really have to come in,
Murphy. This is more of a stick your

the door kind of conversation.

If you don't come in, it'll be more of a
slam your head in the door kind of

conversation.

Okay, Miles.

Why am I doing the interview behind the
desk?

It's just a temporary thing, Murphy. The
network thinks it'll be a more

comfortable arrangement between you and
the audience.

The network thinks. Now, there's an
oxymoron if ever I hear one.

I know what this is about.

They think I'm fat, don't they?

They think rope should be tied to my
ankle so I could float next to

in the Macy's parade.

Well... They're entitled to their
opinion, but as far as I'm concerned, my

weight is nobody's business but my own.

Just so you know, I went to bat for you
on this. I told them it was ridiculous.

I mean, even if we put you behind a
desk, they're still going to see those

upper arms.

I don't think that's exactly how I
worded it.

Oh, this is too perfect. Instead of
worrying about better election coverage,

great minds of the network are busy
trying to hide jumbo behind a desk.

Face it, Murphy, the network cares about
how their reporters look. That's why

they have things like that appearance
clause in your contract.

What appearance clause? What are you
talking about?

It's a standard clause for on -air
talent that says you can't drastically

your appearance without the approval of
the network. I cannot believe that after

15 years with this network, I would be
subjected to something as...

As humiliating, as degrading, as
ridiculous as an appearance clause.

Murphy, could you maybe limit your anger
to one topic per day?

The anchor desk, the appearance clause,
people at the cash machines who forget

their secret codes. Pick one. Oh, don't
worry, Miles. This stupid clause has my

full attention.

Come on, we're going upstairs and talk
to Gene Kinsella about it right now.

Forget it. His secretary says he's in
top -level meetings all day. I called

twice this morning to talk about a
budget problem. He couldn't even come to

phone. Fine, I'll just go by myself. I'm
sure your name won't come up more than

seven or eight times.

Good morning, Louise.

I'd like to speak with Gene for a
minute, please.

He said he didn't want to be disturbed,
but I'll check.

Of course.

Have her check.

Why miss an opportunity to put poor
Louise in an awkward position? If he

talk to me about the budget, he
certainly doesn't have time to talk to

right in, Murphy.

Good morning, Brownie.

I get down, but we're right in the
middle of my cups. You understand.

Silverbird? I guess you didn't get my
message, Mr. Kinsella. I was told you

in top -level meetings all day.

What a surprise to see you standing on a
little box.

Well, there's a lesson to be learned
here, Silverberg. It can't all be work,

work, work.

Panther yourself every now and then,
isn't that right, Leon? I'm working with

pins here. Stop moving so much.

So what can I do for you, Brownie?

Gene, Miles and I were having a little
chat, and he happened to mention

something about an appearance clause in
my contract. Right, it's a standard

clause. What's the problem? The problem
is that I find it slightly demeaning. I

mean, to say that I can't change my hair
color or get a nose job or dress

differently without your permission
implies that how I look has something to

with how I do my job.

I think that's a little silly, don't
you? Well, Brown, you know, that clause

just a formality.

A protection against any of our on
-camera people letting themselves go to

Now, we both know that's never going to
apply to you. You're a beautiful woman.

Large, but beautiful.

Thank you, Gene.

So remove the claws.

I can't do that.

Oh, Leon, the pins.

I warned you, didn't I?

Let's take a break.

If I could just interject, Mr. Kinsella.
Murphy?

Personally, in principle, I agree with
Murphy that the claws shouldn't be

necessary. However, she did sign the
contract, so any changes would probably

best be dealt with in future
negotiations.

I know this might sound like a mere
recapitulation of the problem at hand,

eliciting myself, I realize that's
exactly what I've done.

But perhaps in some small way, I've
clarified the situation for all parties

concerned. I think I'm done.

Where'd you get that jacket? Excuse me?
It doesn't hang right. I saw it when you

came in. Get on the box, I'll fix it.

That's okay. I have a tailor. You're a
liar. Stand still.

Gene, you can't honestly tell me you
believe that a journalist's appearance

anything to do with their competency?

Well, of course not. But face the facts.
The news is ugly.

Hearing it from an attractive person is
the only thing that makes it tolerable.

Can you imagine ugly people doing the
news? Why, our suicide rate would jump

beyond Sweden.

Crazy me.

And to think that all this time I
thought you'd kept me around for the

years because I was a good reporter.

Brownie, you're a fantastic reporter.

But it's all part of the package.

Look, a lot of people watch FYI because
it's a hard -hitting news program.

And whether you like it or not, a lot of
people watch because Murphy Brown is a

sexy woman with blonde hair and terrific
legs.

But let's ask the great recapitulator.

Do you ever notice Murphy's legs?

Ah, well, interesting question.

I am, of course, aware of the fact that
she does have legs.

But as to whether or not I would
actually be able to, say, pick them out

lineup, well, that's a different story.
If you keep sweating like this, you're

going to ruin the lining.

Brownie, look at it from my perspective.
This is the news business.

If we lose a single rating point, why,
we're looking at millions of dollars in

lost revenue.

Gene, I'm going to ask you one more
time.

Are you going to remove the clause?

No.

So let me understand this.

Are you saying no?

Give it up, Murphy.

Fine. You're so interested in my legs,
you can watch them carry me out of the

room.

You got a lover, right?

Take off the pants. They'll be ready
Friday.

It was more of a stabbing pain.

I know it's hard for men to understand.

Look, I brought some pictures from the
delivery room to show Miss Brown.

doesn't it? When you consider the size
of a baby's head.

Excuse me. I need to stop eating now.

I can understand why Murphy's upset. I
didn't know about this appearance clause

either. What is it with you people?

Am I the only one around here who reads
their contracts?

Oh, yeah. It's on my reading list. I'm
going to get to it as soon as I finish

the Magna Carta.

Well, my daddy gave me two pieces of
advice.

Never sign anything without reading it
first.

dance with a sharp object in your mouth.

His cousin Lila fell while square
dancing with a cherry sucker and it

off her uvula.

Made a big impression on him.

Did you see how ticked off Murphy was
when she came out of Kinsella's office

yesterday? I tell you, it's been a
while. Murphy all worked up fighting

the establishment.

I know what it's like when she gets that
way.

I'm going to Canada for a while. Who's
coming with me?

Can you believe it?

I don't know.

I was angry yesterday, and you know what
they say. Never operate heavy machinery

or get a haircut when you're angry.

Please tell me you don't think it looks
terrible. What do you think?

It makes your head look so small.

Well, this certainly is very different.

What would they call that? Hurt. Perky.

Frightening.

Sorry, Murphy, I didn't mean that last
one.

Frank, what do you think? Be honest.

You look like John Candy.

Morning, everyone.

Jim, Frank, Corky.

Ah!

You! Hair!

Gone!

I know.

Jim said he thought it was perky. Didn't
you say perky, Jim? How could you do

this? Fine, get a little trim, but this?

hair at the end you don't like it oh i'm
sorry i didn't mean to give you that

impression when are you gonna fly away
and join the other lost boys come on

everyone my career is dead but maybe if
we believe and clap our hands together

real hard it'll come back to life okay i
made a mistake i went to a

new place yesterday and they talked me
into something i shouldn't have done I

knew I was in trouble when I saw that
sign over the cash register that said,

Servicemen, welcome.

Oh, she is so innocent.

I know what you're up to, Murphy. This
isn't a girlish whim. This is you

punishing me for that appearance clause.

Miles, is that the kind of person you
think I am?

Oh, God.

I wonder if Kinsella's hurt.

Maybe he won't find out.

Maybe he'll forget to watch the show for
the next two or three months, and by

that time, you'll be thin and hairy
again.

I think he's probably heard by now. It's
a funny thing. I spent a lot of time in

the lobby this morning walking back and
forth in front of the newsstand. You

know where all those corporate guys who
work next to Kinsella's office stop to

buy the morning paper?

Yep. Back and forth.

Back and forth.

My lungs are filling with fluid.

Hi, Miss Brown.

Very practical haircut.

Long hair just gets knotted up during
delivery.

It's from all the writhings.

Anyway... Mr. Kinsella's on line one. He
says it's urgent.

Morning, Jean. How are the... What's
that?

Oh, yes, it's true.

Well, it is short.

How short?

Jim said it was perky.

Fine. And will you want to see Miles,
too?

I thought you would.

It's so short. It's shorter and shorter.

Wow.

Well, Gene, I decided that with the baby
coming, I could use an easy -to -care

-for hairstyle.

You know, Mr. Kinsella, I think we've
all had the experience of looking a

funny after a haircut.

Who among us hasn't gone home, looked in
the mirror, and said, darn, they took

too much off the top?

This is a temporary thing. It's not a
tragedy. Not that losing one's hair is a

tragedy. No, not by any means. What a
lovely photo of Mrs. Kinsella.

Brownie, do you honestly think I'm going
to accept this as a slip of the

scissors? We all know what's going on
here. This was an act of defiance, pure

and simple. And one of my better ones,
if I do say so.

But now that it's done, Jean, don't you
think you're overreacting? The people

who watch don't care if I change my
hair. You'll see after tonight's show.

George, what do you think? How badly can
this hurt us?

Well, Gene, the numbers speak for
themselves.

When audiences were asked what quality
they admired about Murphy Brown, 62 % of

the urban males 18 to 35 listed her
trademark mane of air at or near the

Gentlemen, I'm afraid we are in for a
ratings disaster worse than the Jane

home perm fiasco of 1984.

Gene, I'm dying.

You might as well put a plastic bag over
my head and tie it with a twisty.

I battle every day to sell airtime
during a recession.

Do you know which advertisers I've lined
up for tonight's show?

A shampoo, a hairspray.

They're going to take one look at Friar
Tuck here and come after me with a rug.

I think we're all forgetting one very
important thing here.

Mary Lou Retton.

She had short hair, and America loved
her. Remember her, Mr. Kinsella? Mary

America's Spitfire, little cutie, short
hair, perfect score, loved her.

There's a blatant and deliberate
violation of the appearance clause.

not a court in this country that could
look at that head and not find it in our

favor. Milt, come on, we're all in this
together. Oh, you're in it, my friend,

you're in it deep. Gene, we could sue
them both. I could prove shared

like that.

Milt, Milt.

Norm, can't your people do some sort of
damage control on this?

Sure. It always falls to publicity to
clean up the mess.

Okay, okay, there's got to be a way we
can put a positive spin on this.

Less air, more news.

Murphy Brown, it's like getting the news
from your brother.

None of this is helping. The woman goes
on the air with a highly publicized

major interview in less than 12 hours.

Brownlee, I don't know what the
technical term is, but maybe you could,

know... Poof it?

Poof it?

Yeah, you know, poof it?

Okay, that's it. I have heard enough.

Gentlemen, I suggest you watch FYI
tonight. You're going to see what the

America sees. A compelling, thought
-provoking interview with Boris Yeltsin.

And unless he shows up wearing pigtails,
I guarantee you nobody will be talking

about hair tomorrow.

Oh. And gentlemen, if you still want to
see some poofing, may I suggest you go

poof yourselves.

Yeah, Murphy, I'd have to say your
interview last night with Gelson was one

your best ever.

Insightful, historically significant.

Although I thought he was out of line
when he said you looked like John Candy.

No, please. He just brought up the hair
because he was trying to dodge my

question on Gorbachev. No one cares
about it.

Well, all I know is I never judge
anybody by their physical appearance.

I look around this bar and I don't see
good -looking, bad -looking.

I see what's really important.

Big tipper, little tipper, beer nut hog,
asprey thief.

Yeah, I'm talking to you. Let me see
your pockets.

Hey, Murph.

Frank, have you seen Miles? I was
wondering if he'd had any viewer

on last night's interview.

Oh, Murph, don't worry. You know, nobody
wrote in when I stopped wearing my

toupee.

Of course, a few letters would have been
nice.

You know, somebody noted, somebody was
watching.

But America is a thing.

Honey, here comes the Fontana segment.
Let's take the dog out to the curb.

Hi, Murphy.

Hello. Guys, hi.

Have you seen Miles?

I was wondering if he'd had any word
about last night's show.

No, but Entertainment Tonight, Newsweek,
and Time all called looking for quotes

about your new hair.

Jim, you spoke to them? They've been
hounding me all morning.

Leave it to the media to make a story
out of a non -issue. I guarantee you,

average American viewer couldn't care
less.

I'm sure you're right, Murphy.

But I think you should know, Glamour
Magazine called.

Next month, your head's going to be a
glamour don't.

Miles, hi.

What's new? Not that anything has to be
new. I just thought you'd like to know

we got 456 calls on your Yeltsin
interview.

Yes. The American public comes through.

Uh -huh.

17 callers liked the interview.

43 thought you talked to too many
foreigners.

And 396 called to register an opinion on
your hair.

Oh.

Oh, of course.

We all know what kind of crackpots use
the phone. It's right there by the

easy to pick up and dial. I myself once
called Dean Rust to ask him if his

refrigerator was... We also got over a
hundred telegrams.

Phone calls and telegrams, the classic
tools of crackpots.

Sight for yourself.

Dear FYI, I tune in the show to watch
your intelligent stories.

I also like to see Murphy Brown's hair.

I enjoy spending many hours trying to
get my hair to look like hers.

What do I do now? Put my head in a weed
whacker?

This is Marion Dugan, Patterson, New
Jersey.

Poor Mrs.

Dugan. Imagine her pain.

Poor Mrs.

Dugan. This just proves that people have
gone completely insane and their leader

is Mrs. Marion Dugan of Patterson, New
Jersey.

There were a few other messages.

Hated the hair.

Walter Cronkite.

What were you thinking?

Diane Sawyer.

Love the new look.

John Candy.

Okay.

I give up.

People have spoken.

And you know what?

Deep down, I always knew this is what
they'd say. I just didn't want to

it.

Oh, Murphy.

I'm so torn.

I know that it's not fair that we get
judged on our looks.

But I also... know that if I had a face
like the dog's dinner, I'd still be back

home handing out billy bars at the Dairy
Queen.

I gotta tell you guys, I'm a little lost
here. I've never been the kind of

person who cares about his appearance.

Oh, what a crock! You spend more time in
the makeup chair than anyone.

I do not!

You do, too. You sneak in and pluck your
eyebrows. We've all seen it. I have to.

I did it once and it flew back like
horse hair.

Let's be honest here. We're all
concerned about our looks.

Remember the Arthur Kent frenzy during
the Gulf War?

Oh, yeah.

The scud stud.

You know, anybody could be sexy when
they're standing on a roof with bombs

off around them.

Yes, well, rumors had him up for every
job at the network. I bought some goop

take the gray out of my hair.

What stank to high heaven, and Doris
said she could see herself in the back

my head.

I'm using what's left to seal small
cracks in my driveway.

I don't know what you're worrying about.

What's easier for men to grow old in
this society? Oh, here it comes. The old

double standard.

Well, it's true.

You get distinguished.

We get old. You know, Miles, you're
lucky you're behind the camera. You'll

probably work forever.

Oh, really?

News shows have to stay on the cutting
edge. You think the network's going to

listen to me when I'm an old codger of
35?

I already met this up -and -coming
producer at the Today Show. He'd never

heard of the Go -Go's.

Little punk.

Probably has a Fisher -Price briefcase.

journalists, but if you look around,
there aren't any women over 60.

What happens?

When you turn 59, suddenly you get
dragged off the air by the wrinkle

Well, there's always plastic surgery.

Fine, be that way, but a lot of people
in our business do it.

Men, too.

Oh, please, I'd never take that route.

Nip here, a tuck there.

Next thing you know, your face is so
tight, you look like you're flying on

wing of a Concorde.

The thing that really kills me is that
one day I may not be allowed to do my

because I look too old.

Boy, what a depression.

I just wish there was something you
could say to get people to change their

minds on this.

God, give it up, Merv. There's nothing
you can do about it.

There's always something you can do,
Frank.

Order me a double cheeseburger and a
large order of fries.

Merv, you already ate.

Okay, make it a small order.

Hello, is this Mrs.

Marion Dugan of Patterson, New Jersey?

It is?