All language subtitles for 093 - Murphy Buys The Farm

Excuse me. Could you remove your hands,
please?

Buddha's getting off.

Unbelievable.

People are constantly touching me. I
feel like an exhibit at the Children's

Museum. You know what it is? We live in
an overcrowded city where there's no

escape from any nutcase who comes along.

Good morning, everyone.

What is wrong with living in the city?
I'm sure you'll tell us. Dirt, crime,

traffic, noise. How long have you heard
me complaining about it? Well, Murphy,

you do a lot of complaining. I don't
think any of us have had the time to

it down by subject heading.

Well, you've heard the last of my
complaints because I'm finally doing

about it. Oh, boy, here it comes.

The farm speech.

She's fed up with the city. She's going
back to the land. And on her farm,

she'll grow some food. E -I -E -I -O.

I understand that you're bitter, Miles.
I was bitter, too, when I was a pasty

-faced, smog -sucking city dweller. but
that was before yesterday, the day I

bought a farm.

Get out of here.

I did.

It's on five acres in Virginia with a
rambling old farmhouse and a red rooster

weather vane. I drove up to see it
yesterday and fell in love.

I can't believe it. You actually bought
a farm just like that?

It takes me three weeks to buy a comb.

Well, I haven't bought it yet
technically, Frank. The broker said I

and spend a few days getting the feel of
the place before I make up my mind, so

I'm going to go up on the weekend.

Oh, what a wonder. thing for you and the
baby, Murphy.

You know, growing up on a farm is very
educational.

I learned a lot about life.

Although, if you're too young the first
time you see sheetmate, it can cause

flashbacks during your honeymoon.

Wow.

A weekend alone in the country?

No stress.

No deadlines.

Forget it, Frank. I'm not taking you.
Oh, come on, Murph. I need to get away.

The guy in the next apartment just
bought a stereo and he keeps playing

Herb Alpert records.

If I hear The Lonely Bull one more
time... You think you need a trip to the

country? I'm the one who's stressed out.
Look what it's doing to my gums. If

they recede anymore, I'll be flossing my
skull.

You can all come. Bring your families,
bring your dog, put Granny in a rocking

chair and tie her to the roof of the car
for all I care.

But after this weekend, if you feel like
country, you can just hang out in the

Ralph Lauren department at Macy's.

So, guys, what did I tell you?

Is this rustic or what?

But I want your honest opinion. Do you
think it's really worth the money?

Uh, hard to tell, Murphy.

Did you have to pay extra for that
toilet on the front lawn?

You're all sick.

Now, there's an interesting word.

It always sounds so charming until you
realize it means, have you had your

tetanus shot?

Good Lord, look at the gingham.

It's like Dorothy from Kansas exploded
in here.

Get them, Murph. They're wimps. This is
the way life was meant to be lived.

In harmony with nature, getting by with
nothing but your hands and your wits.

That's nice, Frank. Will you be driving
back with me on Sunday, or will you be

riding Babe, your blue ox?

Where's Corky and Will?

No doubt still pawing each other in the
back seat of my car.

Oh, Jim, you know, this is their first
weekend together in quite a while, so I

find their open display of affection to
be quite refreshing.

That's because you didn't have to watch
it for two hours in the rearview mirror.

All that juvenile giggling and lip
-smacking felt like a limo driver on

night.

You know, I was upstairs patching a
couple of holes in that room with the

beds. There's a family of squirrels
living in there.

Howdy, Eldon. Eldon came up yesterday to
see if this was a place he could work

with. So, Eldon, what's the verdict?

It's got possibilities, although I'm a
little stumped on which way to go with a

mural. You know, I'm not known for my
farm themes.

Although, I once painted a cow to
represent the working class with Ronald

milking it dry.

Excuse me, Eldon. Miles, what are you
doing? Trying to get an update on that

hostage story we were listening to in
the car. Sorry, but that's technology,

this weekend technology's not allowed.

What are you talking about?

It's not country.

Now, if you look around, you'll notice
there's no telephone, no television,

of the trappings of modern civilization.

in your car along with your cellular
phone and whatever other high -tech

contraband you were thinking of
smuggling in here.

You are.

No, you are.

No, Bunny Buster, you're the cutest.

Oh, for the love of Mike.

Hey, great place, Murphy. Where do we
put our stuff?

Oh, wherever you want as long as I get
the room closest to the bathroom.

There's a queen -size bed in one bedroom
and then there's two twins in the room

across the hall and then at the far end
there's some bunk beds. Well, Frank and

Ma should probably take those.

You mean...

The squirrel room?

Okay, Miles, Chip and Dale have checked
out. It's not like you have to sleep in

their nutty sheets.

All right, but I want the top bunk,
Frank. Makes no difference to me. I'm

sleeping outside.

Oh.

Are you sure, Frank? It gets down into
the 20s here at night. Hey, you guys can

lead the cushy life if you want, but I'm
spending my weekend in the arms of

Mother Nature.

I'm gonna put my bag upstairs.

Here I come.

bushy little tail.

If it's all right with Jim and Doris,
Will and I will take the queen -size

Oh, unless you'd rather have it, Jim.

Well, I... Will and I don't have to have
it, but he did just get back from Los

Angeles, and this is our chance to
finally be together.

Kind of a second honeymoon, really.

What if you and Doris had your heart set
on it? Oh, no, no. I only wanted it

because I'm tall and my feet hang over
the edge of a twin.

Thanks, dear.

I didn't mean it like that, Doris. It's
just that... that... Oh, Lord, there

goes the weekend.

You take the queen, Corky. The twin beds
will be just perfect for us. Just

perfect.

Great. Come on, Ronnie.

Who's the happiest married person in the
whole state of Virginia?

I... No, I am. No, I am. No, I can't.

Okay, all set for the nature hike. Ha,
fine idea.

Gorky, Will, don't unpack yet. We're
going on a hike.

You know, in my college botany class, I
could identify over 473 varieties of

flora.

473, you say? My, Doris, didn't you take
botany in college?

No.

Come on, guys, we're waiting.

Geez, maybe I better go up and drag them
down.

Or we could just go off on our own.

I tell you, Murph, eating off the land
is the

best. When you know what you're doing,
walking through a wide open field is the

same thing as going up and down the
aisles at Food World.

Oak bark?

No thanks, Frank. I'm still full from
that tree stump I had for lunch.

beaten us back. Hope he didn't get lost.

No, it's the 473 varieties of flora.

Told him to stick close.

Maybe he's upstairs already.

Lyle!

Uh,

excuse me, but I feel I should tell you
I found this bone under the house.

It's either from a cow,

Or a teamster?

It should be a pilgrim. This place is
full of history.

Yeah, well, let me tell you, if I find
any more history around here, my rates

are going up.

It is now tea time.

Where do I put those scones?

Is there anything I can do to help,
Doris?

hand as I asked while we crossed those
slippery rocks in that stream, that

have helped.

It's just that my hands were full of
pine cones at the time.

Yes, yes, you keep saying that.

You know, Jim, there was a time when I
couldn't get you to stop holding my

Yes, well, I had these pine cones.

Why don't I go get some wood to build
you a nice toasty fire?

You do that.

I'll be upstairs freeing a trout from my
brassiere.

Oh, hi, Doris. How was your afternoon?

Splendid. As you can see, I had my hair
done.

How was your afternoon?

Oh, fine.

Why am I starved? There's just something
about being in the country that gives

me an appetite.

Here, peel these if you have the...

You know, I'll be growing my own carrots
someday soon. Not puny little ones like

these. Big ones. Farm carrots. Big
enough to choke a bunny.

There'll be frost on the pumpkin
tonight.

Good thing you've got Jim Dial, master
fire builder.

You know, most people think that
kindling is the secret to a good fire,

they're wrong.

Log placement.

That's the key.

Where's the gas jet?

way oh of course no problem

it

didn't start thank you will

crazed heifer losing my glasses and
tumbling down a steep hill only to land

down in a thick patch of zygadenus more
commonly known as death lily how did you

find your way back thank god i had my
binoculars do you have any idea what

like to be 500 yards away from someone's
front door and think you're knocking on

it

weed spray.

Delicious.

Anybody want some?

Oh, sure.

I'm going to put into my mouth something
I pay my gardener 50 bucks a month to

haul away.

Oh, God.

Jim, why don't you forget the fire for a
while? Have your dinner. It's getting

cold. I've almost got it, Murphy. I
think I've got an ember.

Damn it to hell.

warm. It's freezing in here. It is not.

It is, too.

You're only warm because you're
pregnant.

This is great. I can sit here blind and
freezing, or I can go up to my room

where a family of squirrels is waiting
to pick me apart.

I've had enough.

I've got a zippy log in my car, and I
say we use it. Zippy log? What's that?

Oh, it's one of those pressed sawdust
logs they sell at the supermarket. I

have it in my fire.

You brought a log?

I was born in this city. I came prepared
for any emergency.

Well, you can just forget about it. The
farmers didn't use zippy logs, and

neither are we.

I guess we'll just have to snuggle a
little bit closer.

Who's the most huggable snuggable in
Virginia? You are.

No, you are. No, you are. No, you are.
No, you are. Go get the stupid log.

Here, Miles, I'll get it.

You know, I could have done that fire
going if the wood wasn't so quite so...

Remember some of those damp wood fires
I've started, dear?

In there, those fires, no man can start.

Oh, man, Corky.

No, no, Corky, that log won't light
unless you crumple up some paper and you

it under the grate, and then if you add
kindling...

country evening. There's a million
things we can do.

Name one.

Well, we could read. Doris brought a
book.

Seven people are going to read one book?

Besides, I didn't come here to read. I
came here to have fun.

As I was just talking.

Wouldn't that be a nice change, dear?

Yes. The lost art of conversation.

That's what the farmers did.

That's how ideas and news were passed by
farmers telling farmers.

So... Why don't we start with something
of general interest?

Frank, you start us off.

Well, uh... There's an economist at
Harvard who says that the Russian people

are going to have to come up with 15 to
20 billion dollars this year alone to

stabilize their economy.

Well, good night, everybody.

See you in the morning.

So, is that right?

15 to 20 billion.

I sure don't envy Elton.

I heard that 20 people were hospitalized
fighting over a loaf of bread.

Imagine that.

20 people.

Oh, Elton, hello. Come on.

Elton, have some dinner. I fixed you a
plate. No, thank you. The next food I

is going to be handed to me through a
drive -up window.

My work team is done. I'll talk to you
back in town. Oh, Elton.

No, I gotta go. You know, the way people
are looking at me, I'm starting to feel

like the weakest member at a Donner
party.

want to make love, we never do.

When you're feeling your oats, usually
after watching an old John Wayne movie,

have to drop everything and run to your
beck and call.

creeps up over the meadow.

What peace.

What color.

Okay, that's it. Let's go.

Hey, where are you guys going?

Back to bed.

You can't go back to sleep.

We're burning daylight here. We got a
million things to do. We can chop wood

mend fences.

We can find a roadside stand and sample
the fresh produce from the neighboring

farms. We're in Virginia. What are we
going to buy?

It's what the farmers would have done.

All those for the bullets.

Oh.

So, this is what it's come down to.

Well, I guess it's up to you and me to
carry the torch, Frank.

To forsake technology and carve out a
brave new direction for the well -being

future generations.

I want to watch TV.

You do?

appliances. Pollute Nirvana with your
electromagnetic waves.

I've had it with a lot of you.

You come in here talking the talk of
farmers and now, well, you'll just

have to live with your shame.

The queen is dead!

Get the TV!

Well, do you have a hair dryer by any
chance? I can get the coffee and then

game.

Marv, if you're having a problem with
the weekend camera crew, It's up to you

work it out. I only call to remind you
about the budget. Well, I'll taste this.

I might be a touch heavy on the paprika.

When you're finished with the rough of
the budget, fax it to my machine in the

car. Yep, you know the number.

It is a little spicy, Jim.

I've always loved this commercial.

It's so sweet the way the husband puts
those comfort insoles into his wife's

shoes in the morning when she isn't
looking.

Don't laugh, but it sort of reminds me
of you and Jim.

Why? Is there an air of unspoken
resentment and recrimination between

It's the kind of thing you do for each
other.

Like how Jim always washes your car on
Sunday morning or driving up here the

you took the pickle off his cheeseburger
and he didn't even have to ask.

Those are things people who really know
each other and really care about each

other do.

Well, surely you and Will do those
things?

Not really.

I don't think it means we love each
other any less, but for some reason we

never think to do them.

You're lucky.

I hope someday Will and I have what you
two have.

Well, if it isn't mission control, what
time does the shuttle lift off?

Oh, come on, Murph. You invited us here
to have a good time. We're having a good

time. But you're not having a country
good time.

Like me.

Look what I made.

Butter. I found an old churn out in the
shed, and I read how to do it. It took

me three hours to make about half the
stick's worth, but I did it, and it was

fun, and now you're all gonna eat the
damn butter.

Sit down.

It's one of those old -fashioned non
-electric doors you have to open by

You probably don't remember how that
works.

This is my wife, Ann. We live on the
next spread over to the east.

Oh, well, hello. Come on in, please.

We heard that you were thinking of
buying, and so we wanted to stop by and

welcome.

They're muffins.

Well, thank you. That's right,
neighborly.

I'm Murphy Brown, and these are my
friends, city folk.

It's nice to meet you. If you have any
questions about the area, we've lived

here longer than just about anybody, so
feel free to ask.

Did you hear that?

Feel free. Now, that's country
hospitality for you.

So, tell me, how many years has the
Abernathy clan called these parts home?

Oh, Lord, it must be, what, two years
this August?

That's it. And best investment we ever
made. And we practically stole it from

the old couple who used to own it.

Look, I really wasn't thinking of it as
an investment.

I know.

I know. You want a little place to get
away to on weekends to relax, get back

basics.

Boy, we almost went crazy our first
couple trips down here. There was

do. I mean, nothing.

Nothing. Nothing.

I thought we'd kill each other.

Truth is...

We're about to sell the place until we
heard about some of the improvements

they're starting to make around here.

Improvements? Yes, they're going to tear
down that old yellow barn across the

road and put in a mall.

But that's a landmark. That's the oldest
barn in Virginia.

Not anymore.

Oh, Gary, don't gloat.

He bought the wood, and he already sold
it to an architect in Georgetown for

three times what it cost us.

I'm almost going to pay for the new wine
cellar.

We're finally getting progress around
here. And with the new interstate coming

through, it'll even be better.

I guess that's why so many people like
us are looking to buy out this way.

Well, we should be going.

Bye now.

Bye.

I almost forgot.

I'm supposed to say hello from your
neighbor up the road, Sam Donaldson. See

I surrender.

I give up.

If you want to pack up, we can be back
to the city by dark.

What are you talking about?

You're kicking us out? I was just
starting to have a good time. Yeah, come

I'd like to stay, too.

Fine. You're having a good time. Go
ahead. I'm getting the hell out of here.

You're not going to buy this place?

Frank, I could tolerate them all. I
could learn to live with the interstate.

I'm not driving two hours to see Sam
Donaldson and Bibb overalls and a straw

trying to milk a horse.

Our bedroom doors.

Must be jammed.

Wait a minute. Where's Jim and Doris?

Somebody help

me.