All language subtitles for Trump’s Mixed Messages About War in Iran, He Gets a Vigorous Stroking by Tech CEOs & His Gross Rash [GfanWG7f-NE].en

Everybody, I'm Julian. I'm the host.

Everybody, I'm Julian. I'm the host.
Thanks for watching. Thank you for

Thanks for watching. Thank you for

Thanks for watching. Thank you for
JOINING US HERE IN OUR HOME IN beautiful

JOINING US HERE IN OUR HOME IN beautiful

JOINING US HERE IN OUR HOME IN beautiful
Hollywood of California. We have a lot

Hollywood of California. We have a lot

Hollywood of California. We have a lot
of things to get to tonight. Uh it seems

of things to get to tonight. Uh it seems

of things to get to tonight. Uh it seems
like we have a lot of things to get to

like we have a lot of things to get to

like we have a lot of things to get to
every night. And that that wasn't always

every night. And that that wasn't always

every night. And that that wasn't always
the case. Just for fun, I went back. I

the case. Just for fun, I went back. I

the case. Just for fun, I went back. I
looked at one of our monologues from

looked at one of our monologues from

looked at one of our monologues from
2011. You remember 2011? It was a

2011. You remember 2011? It was a

2011. You remember 2011? It was a
simpler time. These were the topics on

simpler time. These were the topics on

simpler time. These were the topics on
our show 15 years ago tonight. Uh NBC

our show 15 years ago tonight. Uh NBC

our show 15 years ago tonight. Uh NBC
announced that Christina Aguilera would

announced that Christina Aguilera would

announced that Christina Aguilera would
be a judge on The Voice. Lindseay

be a judge on The Voice. Lindseay

be a judge on The Voice. Lindseay
Lohan's dad was rumored to be joining

Lohan's dad was rumored to be joining

Lohan's dad was rumored to be joining
the gang at Celebrity Rehab. A sophomore

the gang at Celebrity Rehab. A sophomore

the gang at Celebrity Rehab. A sophomore
at BYU was kicked off the basketball

at BYU was kicked off the basketball

at BYU was kicked off the basketball
team for having sex with his girlfriend.

team for having sex with his girlfriend.

team for having sex with his girlfriend.
And there was a new episode of Jersey

And there was a new episode of Jersey

And there was a new episode of Jersey
Shore in which the situation hooks up

Shore in which the situation hooks up

Shore in which the situation hooks up
with a girl who seems to have a strange

with a girl who seems to have a strange

with a girl who seems to have a strange
odor.

odor.

odor.
Now we got war pedophiles and measles.

Now we got war pedophiles and measles.

Now we got war pedophiles and measles.
Oh my, it's We also have, you know, the

Oh my, it's We also have, you know, the

Oh my, it's We also have, you know, the
weather's different than it used to. It

weather's different than it used to. It

weather's different than it used to. It
seems to be a lot colder on the east

seems to be a lot colder on the east

seems to be a lot colder on the east
coast and a lot warmer in the west.

coast and a lot warmer in the west.

coast and a lot warmer in the west.
We've had we've had such beautiful

We've had we've had such beautiful

We've had we've had such beautiful
weather here the last two weeks. I've

weather here the last two weeks. I've

weather here the last two weeks. I've
almost been scared to mention I feel

almost been scared to mention I feel

almost been scared to mention I feel
like the rest of the country hates us

like the rest of the country hates us

like the rest of the country hates us
enough already, but it has been in the

enough already, but it has been in the

enough already, but it has been in the
high 70s. Been sunny and it has been as

high 70s. Been sunny and it has been as

high 70s. Been sunny and it has been as
cold as Melania's heart everywhere else.

cold as Melania's heart everywhere else.

cold as Melania's heart everywhere else.
This is from Rhode Island where even

This is from Rhode Island where even

This is from Rhode Island where even
kids have had enough of snow. cuz I'm so

kids have had enough of snow. cuz I'm so

kids have had enough of snow. cuz I'm so
sick of snow on this.

>> That's what you call an old soul.

>> That's what you call an old soul.
There were primary elections in North

There were primary elections in North

There were primary elections in North
Carolina, Arkansas, and Texas yesterday.

Carolina, Arkansas, and Texas yesterday.

Carolina, Arkansas, and Texas yesterday.
Democrats are hoping to win their first

Democrats are hoping to win their first

Democrats are hoping to win their first
Senate seat in the Lone Star State since

Senate seat in the Lone Star State since

Senate seat in the Lone Star State since
1988. James Terico won the primary there

1988. James Terico won the primary there

1988. James Terico won the primary there
last night. He beat out the author of

last night. He beat out the author of

last night. He beat out the author of
Bleach Blonde, Bad Built, Butch Body,

Bleach Blonde, Bad Built, Butch Body,

Bleach Blonde, Bad Built, Butch Body,
Jasmine Crockett. Uh, Taller Rico will

Jasmine Crockett. Uh, Taller Rico will

Jasmine Crockett. Uh, Taller Rico will
now face the winner of a runoff between

now face the winner of a runoff between

now face the winner of a runoff between
the incumbent Senator John Cornin and

the incumbent Senator John Cornin and

the incumbent Senator John Cornin and
his opponent, Texas Attorney General Ken

his opponent, Texas Attorney General Ken

his opponent, Texas Attorney General Ken
Paxton, seen here dying before our eyes.

Paxton, seen here dying before our eyes.

Paxton, seen here dying before our eyes.
This is Ken P. This guy has quite a list

This is Ken P. This guy has quite a list

This is Ken P. This guy has quite a list
of accomplishments as attorney general.

of accomplishments as attorney general.

of accomplishments as attorney general.
He faced 20 different articles of

He faced 20 different articles of

He faced 20 different articles of
impeachment. He was indicted for three

impeachment. He was indicted for three

impeachment. He was indicted for three
felonies. He's been sued by the SEC.

felonies. He's been sued by the SEC.

felonies. He's been sued by the SEC.
He's threatened with disbarment. and his

He's threatened with disbarment. and his

He's threatened with disbarment. and his
wife, a woman he started a church with,

wife, a woman he started a church with,

wife, a woman he started a church with,
divorced him for cheating with a Senate

divorced him for cheating with a Senate

divorced him for cheating with a Senate
aid. Oh, you forget the Senate. With a

aid. Oh, you forget the Senate. With a

aid. Oh, you forget the Senate. With a
resume like that, you could run for

resume like that, you could run for

resume like that, you could run for
president of the United States. Of

president of the United States. Of

president of the United States. Of
course, Paxton is tight with Trump

course, Paxton is tight with Trump

course, Paxton is tight with Trump
because only the best people Democrats

because only the best people Democrats

because only the best people Democrats
fit uh flipped a state legislature seat

fit uh flipped a state legislature seat

fit uh flipped a state legislature seat
in Arkansas yesterday. That makes more

in Arkansas yesterday. That makes more

in Arkansas yesterday. That makes more
than two dozen seats in various state

than two dozen seats in various state

than two dozen seats in various state
legislators. They have flipped since

legislators. They have flipped since

legislators. They have flipped since
Trump took office last year. Whereas the

Trump took office last year. Whereas the

Trump took office last year. Whereas the
number of seats that have gone from blue

number of seats that have gone from blue

number of seats that have gone from blue
to red now totals zero nationwide. I'm

to red now totals zero nationwide. I'm

to red now totals zero nationwide. I'm
beginning to see why Trump dislikes

beginning to see why Trump dislikes

beginning to see why Trump dislikes
these elections so much. The president

these elections so much. The president

these elections so much. The president
got a vigorous stroking at the White

got a vigorous stroking at the White

got a vigorous stroking at the White
House today. He had a meeting of

House today. He had a meeting of

House today. He had a meeting of
executives from Google, Microsoft,

executives from Google, Microsoft,

executives from Google, Microsoft,
Amazon Meta, and Open AI who gathered to

Amazon Meta, and Open AI who gathered to

Amazon Meta, and Open AI who gathered to
gravel at his feet. If you're the CEO of

gravel at his feet. If you're the CEO of

gravel at his feet. If you're the CEO of
a big tech company, your schedule seems

a big tech company, your schedule seems

a big tech company, your schedule seems
to alternate between partying on a super

to alternate between partying on a super

to alternate between partying on a super
yacht and frenching the president's ass.

yacht and frenching the president's ass.

yacht and frenching the president's ass.
There's no in between. So, he had the

There's no in between. So, he had the

There's no in between. So, he had the
tech bros sign a pledge that says they

tech bros sign a pledge that says they

tech bros sign a pledge that says they
will supply their own power for their AI

will supply their own power for their AI

will supply their own power for their AI
data centers. Wouldn't it be great if

data centers. Wouldn't it be great if

data centers. Wouldn't it be great if
they do it by building like a 100

they do it by building like a 100

they do it by building like a 100
million windmills just to drive Trump

million windmills just to drive Trump

million windmills just to drive Trump
nuts? And of course, my favorite part of

nuts? And of course, my favorite part of

nuts? And of course, my favorite part of
any White House event is when the

any White House event is when the

any White House event is when the
president of the United States attempts

president of the United States attempts

president of the United States attempts
to pronounce someone's name. CEO of

to pronounce someone's name. CEO of

to pronounce someone's name. CEO of
Oracle play Mooseoot Quark Moose Quark.

Oracle play Mooseoot Quark Moose Quark.

Oracle play Mooseoot Quark Moose Quark.
Not even close. Not the name you were

Not even close. Not the name you were

Not even close. Not the name you were
looking for is Mgoric. Uh which now I'm

looking for is Mgoric. Uh which now I'm

looking for is Mgoric. Uh which now I'm
not saying it's an easy name to read.

not saying it's an easy name to read.

not saying it's an easy name to read.
Put the name up on the screen so we can

Put the name up on the screen so we can

Put the name up on the screen so we can
all see what he saw. But how do you get

all see what he saw. But how do you get

all see what he saw. But how do you get
muth work out of that? I'm start bone

muth work out of that? I'm start bone

muth work out of that? I'm start bone
spurs of the brain. Now, you know, we

spurs of the brain. Now, you know, we

spurs of the brain. Now, you know, we
goof on the president a lot, but the

goof on the president a lot, but the

goof on the president a lot, but the
fact of the matter is he knows a great

fact of the matter is he knows a great

fact of the matter is he knows a great
deal about tech, about uh computers. In

deal about tech, about uh computers. In

deal about tech, about uh computers. In
fact, when it comes to computers, no one

fact, when it comes to computers, no one

fact, when it comes to computers, no one
knows more than him.

knows more than him.

knows more than him.
>> There's no problem with with computers

>> There's no problem with with computers

>> There's no problem with with computers
all over the place and robots, lots of

all over the place and robots, lots of

all over the place and robots, lots of
robots.

robots.

robots.
>> You know, the reason you use computers

>> You know, the reason you use computers

>> You know, the reason you use computers
is to make time so that it's like fast.

is to make time so that it's like fast.

is to make time so that it's like fast.
>> We don't need computers in the sky. Dell

>> We don't need computers in the sky. Dell

>> We don't need computers in the sky. Dell
computer. Go out and buy a Dell

computer. Go out and buy a Dell

computer. Go out and buy a Dell
computer. They're great.

computer. They're great.

computer. They're great.
>> All the tech geniuses were there. They

>> All the tech geniuses were there. They

>> All the tech geniuses were there. They
they love their computers.

they love their computers.

they love their computers.
>> We have the best computer guy there is,

>> We have the best computer guy there is,

>> We have the best computer guy there is,
right? We have Elon, my son. I told you,

right? We have Elon, my son. I told you,

right? We have Elon, my son. I told you,
Baron, he loves that computer. They're

Baron, he loves that computer. They're

Baron, he loves that computer. They're
unbelievable at computers.

unbelievable at computers.

unbelievable at computers.
>> He started making computers on his bed.

>> He started making computers on his bed.

>> He started making computers on his bed.
>> He said they make love to their

>> He said they make love to their

>> He said they make love to their
computer. I said, I don't want to hear

computer. I said, I don't want to hear

computer. I said, I don't want to hear
about that.

about that.

about that.
>> Everything's computer.

>> Everything's computer.

>> Everything's computer.
>> That's right. Everything's computer.

>> That's right. Everything's computer.

>> That's right. Everything's computer.
Wait till he hears about phone.

Wait till he hears about phone.

Wait till he hears about phone.
Everything's phone. So, as the meeting's

Everything's phone. So, as the meeting's

Everything's phone. So, as the meeting's
wrapping up, Trump tells the group, he

wrapping up, Trump tells the group, he

wrapping up, Trump tells the group, he
says, "I have to go back and look at the

says, "I have to go back and look at the

says, "I have to go back and look at the
war." And he left. Everyone who works

war." And he left. Everyone who works

war." And he left. Everyone who works
for him is saying this is not a war.

for him is saying this is not a war.

for him is saying this is not a war.
It's not a war. He keeps calling it a

It's not a war. He keeps calling it a

It's not a war. He keeps calling it a
war. We're now on day five of whatever

war. We're now on day five of whatever

war. We're now on day five of whatever
this is. Pete Hexath today said we're

this is. Pete Hexath today said we're

this is. Pete Hexath today said we're
just getting started in Iran. They're

just getting started in Iran. They're

just getting started in Iran. They're
still trying to figure out who will be

still trying to figure out who will be

still trying to figure out who will be
Iran's next top Ayatollah. The front

Iran's next top Ayatollah. The front

Iran's next top Ayatollah. The front
runner is said to be the newly exploded

runner is said to be the newly exploded

runner is said to be the newly exploded
Ayatollah's son, Mushtaba Kmeni. Imagine

Ayatollah's son, Mushtaba Kmeni. Imagine

Ayatollah's son, Mushtaba Kmeni. Imagine
your dad being the Ayatollah. I mean,

your dad being the Ayatollah. I mean,

your dad being the Ayatollah. I mean,
talk about strict.

talk about strict.

talk about strict.
The Ayatollah's son. This guy is said to

The Ayatollah's son. This guy is said to

The Ayatollah's son. This guy is said to
be an even more of a hardliner than his

be an even more of a hardliner than his

be an even more of a hardliner than his
dad, which is what a lot of people worry

dad, which is what a lot of people worry

dad, which is what a lot of people worry
about. You know, you start bombing

about. You know, you start bombing

about. You know, you start bombing
leaders, you wind up with one who might

leaders, you wind up with one who might

leaders, you wind up with one who might
be even wor. It's a real I hate to say I

be even wor. It's a real I hate to say I

be even wor. It's a real I hate to say I
told you so is what I'm saying. But I

told you so is what I'm saying. But I

told you so is what I'm saying. But I
mentioned last night that team Trump has

mentioned last night that team Trump has

mentioned last night that team Trump has
been throwing out a wide and conflicting

been throwing out a wide and conflicting

been throwing out a wide and conflicting
array of reasons for why they decided to

array of reasons for why they decided to

array of reasons for why they decided to
launch this attack. Was it to stop Iran

launch this attack. Was it to stop Iran

launch this attack. Was it to stop Iran
from enriching uranium or a longrange

from enriching uranium or a longrange

from enriching uranium or a longrange
missiles because Israel was going to do

missiles because Israel was going to do

missiles because Israel was going to do
it anyway? Was it for regime change? Or

it anyway? Was it for regime change? Or

it anyway? Was it for regime change? Or
maybe it's what Trump's press secretary

maybe it's what Trump's press secretary

maybe it's what Trump's press secretary
Caroline Levitt said. It was another

Caroline Levitt said. It was another

Caroline Levitt said. It was another
hunch.

hunch.

hunch.
>> I think it was important with respect to

>> I think it was important with respect to

>> I think it was important with respect to
the timeline. But I think the president

the timeline. But I think the president

the timeline. But I think the president
prior to that phone call uh had a good

prior to that phone call uh had a good

prior to that phone call uh had a good
feeling that the Iranian regime was

feeling that the Iranian regime was

feeling that the Iranian regime was
going to strike uh United States assets

going to strike uh United States assets

going to strike uh United States assets
and our personnel in the region.

and our personnel in the region.

and our personnel in the region.
>> He had a good feeling about it. What

>> He had a good feeling about it. What

>> He had a good feeling about it. What
more do you need? I mean, what why are

more do you need? I mean, what why are

more do you need? I mean, what why are
good feelings for him bad for everyone

good feelings for him bad for everyone

good feelings for him bad for everyone
else? You know, this is a tough one for

else? You know, this is a tough one for

else? You know, this is a tough one for
the gang at Fox News and all the teeth

the gang at Fox News and all the teeth

the gang at Fox News and all the teeth
suckers in the right-wing echo chamber

suckers in the right-wing echo chamber

suckers in the right-wing echo chamber
because they desperately want to praise

because they desperately want to praise

because they desperately want to praise
the president and cheer him on, but they

the president and cheer him on, but they

the president and cheer him on, but they
also know that starting a foreign war is

also know that starting a foreign war is

also know that starting a foreign war is
the opposite of what he promised their

the opposite of what he promised their

the opposite of what he promised their
viewers. It's a tough needle to thread

viewers. It's a tough needle to thread

viewers. It's a tough needle to thread
and it put Pete Hexath's former co-host

and it put Pete Hexath's former co-host

and it put Pete Hexath's former co-host
Will Kaine in a bit of a pickle last

Will Kaine in a bit of a pickle last

Will Kaine in a bit of a pickle last
night when he interviewed retired

night when he interviewed retired

night when he interviewed retired
General Jack Keane. It's not 100% clear

General Jack Keane. It's not 100% clear

General Jack Keane. It's not 100% clear
to me, General. And that's not to

to me, General. And that's not to

to me, General. And that's not to
suggest that I don't support 100% what

suggest that I don't support 100% what

suggest that I don't support 100% what
is happening, nor that I 100% offer my

is happening, nor that I 100% offer my

is happening, nor that I 100% offer my
support. I just think I want to ask a

support. I just think I want to ask a

support. I just think I want to ask a
couple of critical questions. And I hope

couple of critical questions. And I hope

couple of critical questions. And I hope
you know how much respect I have for

you know how much respect I have for

you know how much respect I have for
your service. And I think it goes

your service. And I think it goes

your service. And I think it goes
without saying to anybody watching how

without saying to anybody watching how

without saying to anybody watching how
much respect I have for the men making

much respect I have for the men making

much respect I have for the men making
these decisions.

these decisions.

these decisions.
>> You don't have to patronize me. Just ask

>> You don't have to patronize me. Just ask

>> You don't have to patronize me. Just ask
the question.

Just when you thought it couldn't get

Just when you thought it couldn't get
more embarrassing to be on Fox News,

more embarrassing to be on Fox News,

more embarrassing to be on Fox News,
pull your pants down, soldier. I'm going

pull your pants down, soldier. I'm going

pull your pants down, soldier. I'm going
to pink up your ass. And then on the

to pink up your ass. And then on the

to pink up your ass. And then on the
other side of the coin, you have Greg

other side of the coin, you have Greg

other side of the coin, you have Greg
Kelly over on Newsmax, who seems to

Kelly over on Newsmax, who seems to

Kelly over on Newsmax, who seems to
think that this war is about checking

think that this war is about checking

think that this war is about checking
out chicks.

out chicks.

out chicks.
Well, that's what Iranian women used to

Well, that's what Iranian women used to

Well, that's what Iranian women used to
look like before the Ayatollah Hommani

look like before the Ayatollah Hommani

look like before the Ayatollah Hommani
showed up. Could look like that again.

showed up. Could look like that again.

showed up. Could look like that again.
I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll see you tomorrow.
Does he know he's on television?

Does he know he's on television?

Does he know he's on television?
Someone really ought to tell him.

Someone really ought to tell him.

Someone really ought to tell him.
Meanwhile, the chair of the House

Meanwhile, the chair of the House

Meanwhile, the chair of the House
Oversight Committee, James Comr, this is

Oversight Committee, James Comr, this is

Oversight Committee, James Comr, this is
the Yokal in charge of the Epstein

the Yokal in charge of the Epstein

the Yokal in charge of the Epstein
hearings. After hauling the Clintons in

hearings. After hauling the Clintons in

hearings. After hauling the Clintons in
for questioning last week, Comr said

for questioning last week, Comr said

for questioning last week, Comr said
they're going to bring in some more big

they're going to bring in some more big

they're going to bring in some more big
names, including Bill Gates, not to ask

names, including Bill Gates, not to ask

names, including Bill Gates, not to ask
him about Epste. They want to know why

him about Epste. They want to know why

him about Epste. They want to know why
one of the richest men in the world

one of the richest men in the world

one of the richest men in the world
still gets his haircut at Fantastic

still gets his haircut at Fantastic

still gets his haircut at Fantastic
Sams.

Sams.

Sams.
One of the names that is not on his list

One of the names that is not on his list

One of the names that is not on his list
is Donald J. Trump, even though his name

is Donald J. Trump, even though his name

is Donald J. Trump, even though his name
appears in the Trump Epstein files

appears in the Trump Epstein files

appears in the Trump Epstein files
hundreds of thousands of times, and even

hundreds of thousands of times, and even

hundreds of thousands of times, and even
though key documents related to

though key documents related to

though key documents related to
accusations made against Trump by a

accusations made against Trump by a

accusations made against Trump by a
young teenage girl have disappeared,

young teenage girl have disappeared,

young teenage girl have disappeared,
Comr feels that Trump has been asked

Comr feels that Trump has been asked

Comr feels that Trump has been asked
about this enough. We're we're working

about this enough. We're we're working

about this enough. We're we're working
with the president. He's turning over

with the president. He's turning over

with the president. He's turning over
documents. Thus far, I I'm very

documents. Thus far, I I'm very

documents. Thus far, I I'm very
appreciative of of the cooperation with

appreciative of of the cooperation with

appreciative of of the cooperation with
the Trump administration, and President

the Trump administration, and President

the Trump administration, and President
Trump's answered hundreds, if not

Trump's answered hundreds, if not

Trump's answered hundreds, if not
thousands of questions about Epstein.

thousands of questions about Epstein.

thousands of questions about Epstein.
Prior to our deposition, I don't think

Prior to our deposition, I don't think

Prior to our deposition, I don't think
the Clintons had answered very many

the Clintons had answered very many

the Clintons had answered very many
questions. That's right. James Comr and

questions. That's right. James Comr and

questions. That's right. James Comr and
his team will leave only one stone

his team will leave only one stone

his team will leave only one stone
unturned, and that is Donald Trump. I

unturned, and that is Donald Trump. I

unturned, and that is Donald Trump. I
can't figure out how he keeps saying

can't figure out how he keeps saying

can't figure out how he keeps saying
this with a straight face. like there's

this with a straight face. like there's

this with a straight face. like there's
no difference between asking reporters

no difference between asking reporters

no difference between asking reporters
uh questions from reporters and

uh questions from reporters and

uh questions from reporters and
answering questions under oath and

answering questions under oath and

answering questions under oath and
Congress. They're going to interview

Congress. They're going to interview

Congress. They're going to interview
everyone but Epstein's best friend. This

everyone but Epstein's best friend. This

everyone but Epstein's best friend. This
is like if they arrested Sig Freed and

is like if they arrested Sig Freed and

is like if they arrested Sig Freed and
said nothing to Roy at all. The

said nothing to Roy at all. The

said nothing to Roy at all. The
Oversight Committee did vote today to

Oversight Committee did vote today to

Oversight Committee did vote today to
subpoena Attorney General Pam Bondi. So,

subpoena Attorney General Pam Bondi. So,

subpoena Attorney General Pam Bondi. So,
I guess that's something. Meanwhile,

I guess that's something. Meanwhile,

I guess that's something. Meanwhile,
over in the House Judiciary Committee,

over in the House Judiciary Committee,

over in the House Judiciary Committee,
they heard testimony from our soon-to-be

they heard testimony from our soon-to-be

they heard testimony from our soon-to-be
former Secretary of Homeland Security,

former Secretary of Homeland Security,

former Secretary of Homeland Security,
Christy Gnome. Chrissy Nome got quite a

Christy Gnome. Chrissy Nome got quite a

Christy Gnome. Chrissy Nome got quite a
grilling from members of both sides over

grilling from members of both sides over

grilling from members of both sides over
the last couple of days about the

the last couple of days about the

the last couple of days about the
hundreds of millions of dollars she

hundreds of millions of dollars she

hundreds of millions of dollars she
spent for commercials she starred in,

spent for commercials she starred in,

spent for commercials she starred in,
about hundreds of million dollars on

about hundreds of million dollars on

about hundreds of million dollars on
private jets, about suspiciously

private jets, about suspiciously

private jets, about suspiciously
appropriated funds. There was a lot. And

appropriated funds. There was a lot. And

appropriated funds. There was a lot. And
she also repeatedly refused to apologize

she also repeatedly refused to apologize

she also repeatedly refused to apologize
to the families of Alex Prey and Renee

to the families of Alex Prey and Renee

to the families of Alex Prey and Renee
Good, the two Americans who were killed

Good, the two Americans who were killed

Good, the two Americans who were killed
by ICE. Uh she suggested they were

by ICE. Uh she suggested they were

by ICE. Uh she suggested they were
domestic terrorists. I guess she felt no

domestic terrorists. I guess she felt no

domestic terrorists. I guess she felt no
remorse about that, so she didn't

remorse about that, so she didn't

remorse about that, so she didn't
apologize. And then things took a turn

apologize. And then things took a turn

apologize. And then things took a turn
for the risque when Gnome was asked

for the risque when Gnome was asked

for the risque when Gnome was asked
about a rumored affair with her top

about a rumored affair with her top

about a rumored affair with her top
adviser and former Trump campaign

adviser and former Trump campaign

adviser and former Trump campaign
manager Corey Luwendowski.

manager Corey Luwendowski.

manager Corey Luwendowski.
>> So Secretary Gnome, at any time during

>> So Secretary Gnome, at any time during

>> So Secretary Gnome, at any time during
your tenure as director of Department of

your tenure as director of Department of

your tenure as director of Department of
Homeland Security, have you had sexual

Homeland Security, have you had sexual

Homeland Security, have you had sexual
relations with Corey Loendowski?

relations with Corey Loendowski?

relations with Corey Loendowski?
>> Mr. Chairman, I am shocked that we're

>> Mr. Chairman, I am shocked that we're

>> Mr. Chairman, I am shocked that we're
going down and pedalling tabloid garbage

going down and pedalling tabloid garbage

going down and pedalling tabloid garbage
in this committee today. reclaiming and

in this committee today. reclaiming and

in this committee today. reclaiming and
ma'am one thing that I would tell you is

ma'am one thing that I would tell you is

ma'am one thing that I would tell you is
that he is a special government employee

that he is a special government employee

that he is a special government employee
who works for the white house there are

who works for the white house there are

who works for the white house there are
thousands of them in the federal

thousands of them in the federal

thousands of them in the federal
government

government

government
it is okay for you to be authority

it is okay for you to be authority

it is okay for you to be authority
making any decision okay for you to be

making any decision okay for you to be

making any decision okay for you to be
authority by the question you should be

authority by the question you should be

authority by the question you should be
wanting to answer that question because

wanting to answer that question because

wanting to answer that question because
it is not about your senses that you

it is not about your senses that you

it is not about your senses that you
have brought it is about your judgment

have brought it is about your judgment

have brought it is about your judgment
>> how do you think this goes over when she

>> how do you think this goes over when she

>> how do you think this goes over when she
goes home to her husband at how was work

goes home to her husband at how was work

goes home to her husband at how was work
today hun anything interesting happened.

today hun anything interesting happened.

today hun anything interesting happened.
Here's Christy and her coworker Corey.

Here's Christy and her coworker Corey.

Here's Christy and her coworker Corey.
Yeah, there you go. Just wearing jeans

Yeah, there you go. Just wearing jeans

Yeah, there you go. Just wearing jeans
and having fun. I'm rooting for those

and having fun. I'm rooting for those

and having fun. I'm rooting for those
two. I really am. We got some diddy news

two. I really am. We got some diddy news

two. I really am. We got some diddy news
today. Sean Diddy Combmes is now

today. Sean Diddy Combmes is now

today. Sean Diddy Combmes is now
expected to get out of prison a couple

expected to get out of prison a couple

expected to get out of prison a couple
of months earlier. As if the price of

of months earlier. As if the price of

of months earlier. As if the price of
oil wasn't already high enough.

oil wasn't already high enough.

oil wasn't already high enough.
Apparently, the parole board doesn't

Apparently, the parole board doesn't

Apparently, the parole board doesn't
have Netflix. And they have moved up his

have Netflix. And they have moved up his

have Netflix. And they have moved up his
release date from June of 2028 to April

release date from June of 2028 to April

release date from June of 2028 to April
2028. And you know what that means? The

2028. And you know what that means? The

2028. And you know what that means? The
Arbor Day freakoff is back on everybody.

Arbor Day freakoff is back on everybody.

Arbor Day freakoff is back on everybody.
I mean, I I was thinking about it. Maybe

I mean, I I was thinking about it. Maybe

I mean, I I was thinking about it. Maybe
Diddy could be the next Ayatollah. You

Diddy could be the next Ayatollah. You

Diddy could be the next Ayatollah. You
know, he does look good with the beard,

know, he does look good with the beard,

know, he does look good with the beard,
right? The president, by the way, might

right? The president, by the way, might

right? The president, by the way, might
want to think about growing a beard

want to think about growing a beard

want to think about growing a beard
because I mentioned last night Trump has

because I mentioned last night Trump has

because I mentioned last night Trump has
a big red yuck on his neck. Uh just when

a big red yuck on his neck. Uh just when

a big red yuck on his neck. Uh just when
you thought Melania couldn't find

you thought Melania couldn't find

you thought Melania couldn't find
another reason not to sleep with him or

another reason not to sleep with him or

another reason not to sleep with him or
maybe she tried to strangle him in his

maybe she tried to strangle him in his

maybe she tried to strangle him in his
sleep. I don't know. because the

sleep. I don't know. because the

sleep. I don't know. because the
reporters have been asking about the

reporters have been asking about the

reporters have been asking about the
White House claimed first they claimed

White House claimed first they claimed

White House claimed first they claimed
it was a kite surfing accident and then

it was a kite surfing accident and then

it was a kite surfing accident and then
no they've so far refused to give any

no they've so far refused to give any

no they've so far refused to give any
detailed explanation of what it is. So

detailed explanation of what it is. So

detailed explanation of what it is. So
we decided to investigate this

we decided to investigate this

we decided to investigate this
ourselves. And joining us now to help

ourselves. And joining us now to help

ourselves. And joining us now to help
hopefully understand what is going on

hopefully understand what is going on

hopefully understand what is going on
with Donald Trump's neck. Please say

with Donald Trump's neck. Please say

with Donald Trump's neck. Please say
hello to Donald Trump's badly bruised

hello to Donald Trump's badly bruised

hello to Donald Trump's badly bruised
baby hand. Hello baby hand.

baby hand. Hello baby hand.

baby hand. Hello baby hand.
>> Hello America. Who's got questions for

>> Hello America. Who's got questions for

>> Hello America. Who's got questions for
me?

me?

me?
>> Well I do baby hand. I was hoping you

>> Well I do baby hand. I was hoping you

>> Well I do baby hand. I was hoping you
could tell us what is going on with that

could tell us what is going on with that

could tell us what is going on with that
rash or whatever is happening north of

rash or whatever is happening north of

rash or whatever is happening north of
you on the president's neck.

you on the president's neck.

you on the president's neck.
>> That's not a rash. The neck is just a

>> That's not a rash. The neck is just a

>> That's not a rash. The neck is just a
little irritated from all the medals it

little irritated from all the medals it

little irritated from all the medals it
has been wearing.

has been wearing.

has been wearing.
>> Oh,

>> Oh,

>> Oh,
>> we've won so many awards.

>> we've won so many awards.

>> we've won so many awards.
>> The FIFA Peace Prize.

>> The FIFA Peace Prize.

>> The FIFA Peace Prize.
>> Olympic gold. Yes.

>> Olympic gold. Yes.

>> Olympic gold. Yes.
>> A lifetime achievement award from

>> A lifetime achievement award from

>> A lifetime achievement award from
Arby's.

Arby's.

Arby's.
>> All right. You got a lifetime

>> All right. You got a lifetime

>> All right. You got a lifetime
achievement award from Arby's for what?

achievement award from Arby's for what?

achievement award from Arby's for what?
>> For eating 10,000 beef and chedders.

>> For eating 10,000 beef and chedders.

>> For eating 10,000 beef and chedders.
>> All right. Well, that is You know what?

>> All right. Well, that is You know what?

>> All right. Well, that is You know what?
That is an honor. Is Hey, is that a new

That is an honor. Is Hey, is that a new

That is an honor. Is Hey, is that a new
bruise you have there on your back?

bruise you have there on your back?

bruise you have there on your back?
>> Yeah, that's right. I got it when I was

>> Yeah, that's right. I got it when I was

>> Yeah, that's right. I got it when I was
killing the Ayatollah.

killing the Ayatollah.

killing the Ayatollah.
I punched him so hard. POP CHOP CHOP

I punched him so hard. POP CHOP CHOP

I punched him so hard. POP CHOP CHOP
right in the turban. He was like, "Sir,

right in the turban. He was like, "Sir,

right in the turban. He was like, "Sir,
sir, it's such an honor to be punched by

sir, it's such an honor to be punched by

sir, it's such an honor to be punched by
such a strong and large hand." And then

such a strong and large hand." And then

such a strong and large hand." And then
I stole all of his shish kebabs. Have

I stole all of his shish kebabs. Have

I stole all of his shish kebabs. Have
you heard about these things?

you heard about these things?

you heard about these things?
>> Yes. Yes.

>> Yes. Yes.

>> Yes. Yes.
>> It's an oldfashioned word. KEBABS,

>> It's an oldfashioned word. KEBABS,

>> It's an oldfashioned word. KEBABS,
MARCO. KEBABS for everybody. Kebabs.

MARCO. KEBABS for everybody. Kebabs.

MARCO. KEBABS for everybody. Kebabs.
>> Okay. Well, I

>> Okay. Well, I

>> Okay. Well, I
>> I love kebabs. They call me kebab

>> I love kebabs. They call me kebab

>> I love kebabs. They call me kebab
Marley.

Marley.

Marley.
>> I did not know that.

>> I did not know that.

>> I did not know that.
>> Many people.

>> Many people.

>> Many people.
>> Hey, since you mentioned it, do do you

>> Hey, since you mentioned it, do do you

>> Hey, since you mentioned it, do do you
have a plan in mind or a hope for who

have a plan in mind or a hope for who

have a plan in mind or a hope for who
will take power in Iran?

will take power in Iran?

will take power in Iran?
>> Oh, yeah. Big time we do. Right now,

>> Oh, yeah. Big time we do. Right now,

>> Oh, yeah. Big time we do. Right now,
we're leaning very strongly towards

we're leaning very strongly towards

we're leaning very strongly towards
Aladdin. Mhm.

Aladdin. Mhm.

Aladdin. Mhm.
>> Big pants, gold lamp, and a monkey BFF.

>> Big pants, gold lamp, and a monkey BFF.

>> Big pants, gold lamp, and a monkey BFF.
I call him Abu.

I call him Abu.

I call him Abu.
He flew on a carpet. Jimmy, remember

He flew on a carpet. Jimmy, remember

He flew on a carpet. Jimmy, remember
that?

that?

that?
>> I do remember that. Yeah. Hey, well,

>> I do remember that. Yeah. Hey, well,

>> I do remember that. Yeah. Hey, well,
speaking of BFFs, is there anything you

speaking of BFFs, is there anything you

speaking of BFFs, is there anything you
can tell us about Jeffrey Epstein?

can tell us about Jeffrey Epstein?

can tell us about Jeffrey Epstein?
>> Jeffy? My Jeffy? Oh, I miss him. I miss

>> Jeffy? My Jeffy? Oh, I miss him. I miss

>> Jeffy? My Jeffy? Oh, I miss him. I miss
flying on his private jet. Just me,

flying on his private jet. Just me,

flying on his private jet. Just me,
Jeffrey, and Redacted. Oh, Redacted knew

Jeffrey, and Redacted. Oh, Redacted knew

Jeffrey, and Redacted. Oh, Redacted knew
how to party. That I will tell you.

how to party. That I will tell you.

how to party. That I will tell you.
>> But can I ask you specifically about the

>> But can I ask you specifically about the

>> But can I ask you specifically about the
allegations against you that have

allegations against you that have

allegations against you that have
suddenly disappeared?

suddenly disappeared?

suddenly disappeared?
>> Go ahead. But for legal reasons, I have

>> Go ahead. But for legal reasons, I have

>> Go ahead. But for legal reasons, I have
to respond with angry silence.

to respond with angry silence.

to respond with angry silence.
>> Okay. Well, then I will ask, what do you

>> Okay. Well, then I will ask, what do you

>> Okay. Well, then I will ask, what do you
say to Americans who believe you should

say to Americans who believe you should

say to Americans who believe you should
be testifying under oath?

be testifying under oath?

be testifying under oath?
>> I say, uh, would you look at the time? I

>> I say, uh, would you look at the time? I

>> I say, uh, would you look at the time? I
have to pick the next country to go to

have to pick the next country to go to

have to pick the next country to go to
war with. Spin it, Marco. Round and

war with. Spin it, Marco. Round and

war with. Spin it, Marco. Round and
round it goes. Whoever it stops, let's

round it goes. Whoever it stops, let's

round it goes. Whoever it stops, let's
find out. We will be bombing Costa Rica.

find out. We will be bombing Costa Rica.

find out. We will be bombing Costa Rica.
>> Oh, tough luck, Costa Rica.

>> Oh, tough luck, Costa Rica.

>> Oh, tough luck, Costa Rica.
>> Oh, no. Adios to Costa Rica and Puerto

>> Oh, no. Adios to Costa Rica and Puerto

>> Oh, no. Adios to Costa Rica and Puerto
Rico.

Rico.

Rico.
>> All right. Well, thank you for your

>> All right. Well, thank you for your

>> All right. Well, thank you for your
time, baby.

time, baby.

time, baby.
>> Bad bunny. No bueno.

>> Bad bunny. No bueno.

>> Bad bunny. No bueno.
>> Rodriguez.

>> Rodriguez.

>> Rodriguez.
>> Yes. Yes. I've heard all of those

>> Yes. Yes. I've heard all of those

>> Yes. Yes. I've heard all of those
things. All right. Thank you so much.

things. All right. Thank you so much.

things. All right. Thank you so much.
That's President Trump's badly bruised

That's President Trump's badly bruised

That's President Trump's badly bruised
hand.

hand.

hand.
>> We have a fun show tonight. We got an

>> We have a fun show tonight. We got an

>> We have a fun show tonight. We got an
real live Oscar nominee here. Vagner

real live Oscar nominee here. Vagner

real live Oscar nominee here. Vagner
Mora is with us. We have music from the

Mora is with us. We have music from the

Mora is with us. We have music from the
ball game. Sai Smith is sitting there

ball game. Sai Smith is sitting there

ball game. Sai Smith is sitting there
with the cleans and we'll be right BACK

with the cleans and we'll be right BACK

with the cleans and we'll be right BACK
WITH IKE BARON.