All language subtitles for S01e09 - But Seriously, Folks

If it's fatigue, get some sleep. If it's
drugs, get some help.

Drugs? No way.

What's the Biden language saying now?

It's saying scared.

Please double G, Hank Berger. Please
double G, Hank Berger.

What do you want from me?

I mean, I'm trying to make a start for
myself and nobody cares.

A star of tomorrow, Danny Amatulo.

big dream.

You want fame.

Well, fame comes.

And right here is where you start paying
in sweat.

Participate. They're part of this
number.

It's not so much a performance as it is
an invitation.

You want to be saying, hey, you can come
up here, you can get up here with us,

you can boogie. Yeah, but it's so hard
to do without the audience.

Sweetheart, until you convince me that
you know your left foot from your right,

be glad there is no audience.

I don't like to work my rehearsals
around people who are late. Understood?

I'm not a dancer or a singer. I'm a
comedian.

Do you see me laughing, Amatulo?

No.

Then you better start singing and
dancing.

You want to be Woody Allen, you do it on
your own time, not ours.

Shut up.

Shit!

Precision is a very important element of
clear writing.

This is particularly true in the case of
pronouns.

Let me give you an example.

When his brother came in, he said he was
tired of telling him he wasn't supposed

to go there.

Who wrote that? Now, as you can see, the
excessive use of the pronoun he makes

it impossible to understand the
sentence.

I understood it.

If you read the book, you'd know who he
was.

I have read the book. That isn't the
point.

The point is... Can someone give me
another

example?

Danny Amatullo?

You want another example?

Mm -hmm.

Didn't you like the last one? I did, but
Leroy didn't. Would you care to oblige

it?

Terry Bradshaw is known for his
precision passing.

Not even close.

Sorry I woke you up.

She's going to put me to sleep. I'm
sorry? I missed that, Danny. Did you

another clear -cut example of precision?

I was just saying that if your class was
a little more interesting, we wouldn't

be nodding off as much.

We'll discuss that later.

You'll be back here at the end of
classes today.

You understand everything in those
books, but you know nothing about life.

we've been through all this before.

When your mother died, the authorities,
they were going to put you in a home.

My son, they were going to put in a
home. Said I wasn't fit to raise a kid.

Look at me, Franco.

Were they right? Did I bring you up
wrong? Did I? Hold it, please.

I'm sorry to break you in the middle of
this.

What are you doing, Amato?

Judging from the tone of your voice, not
too good.

That's being kind.

What happened to all the gentle moments
we worked on in the last session?

You're supposed to be warm, loving,
especially to Franco.

I keep thinking Franco, but I keep
seeing Montgomery.

This is a very physical man.

He's a great big hugger. He's a toucher.

He's Italian.

You're Italian.

You should have no trouble relating to
this.

Why don't we use some of your own family
experiences?

Is your dad alive?

Not according to my mom.

You want to try it again?

No. The only thing I can play today is
an Italian jerk from the South Bronx.

I'll pass.

You okay, Danny?

Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I be okay?
Because you're having a problem in my

and I get the impression mine isn't the
only one.

I ain't got a problem.

Wrong on both counts, Danny.

It's haven't, not ain't.

And you do have a problem.

You've been nodding off.

I want to know if the cause is physical
or chemical.

I'm not sure I follow.

If it's fatigue, get some sleep. If it's
drugs, get some help.

Drugs? No way.

It's just that I'm working nights.

Working where?

Doing what?

I got a job at an all -night sandwich
stand.

My old man got laid off, so we're kind
of tight for money.

You know how it is.

Danny, do you know what I mean if I use
the phrase body language?

I'm not sure.

It means your words are saying one
thing, but the way you're standing, the

you're not looking at me, they're all
saying something else.

Yeah, well, what's the body language
saying now?

It's saying scared.

I gotta go.

I told you I got a job and I'm late.
Goodbye.

He's been taking Leroy lessons.

But I never went on the commercial
interview. Are you sure we can get in?

cattle call. We'll stand around until
somebody decides if we have the right

or not. The right look? What's that?

Nose. Don't they know? They don't have
the slightest idea.

I can't believe that. How can you
interview somebody if you don't know

you're looking for, huh?

Watch. Okay, people, people, I just want
to take a look at you.

Now, the look is what's important here.

We'll get the performance out of the way
later.

Just looking for that look.

You've already got a redhead.

Oh, right. Yeah, thanks.

Why do I feel like I'm in the Caucasian
version of Roots? Who just spoke?

I want someone to look into my camera
with eyes that say, I'll die if I don't

have a Hank burger with double cheese.

Eyes don't fail me now.

That's cute.

I like her.

So the guy says, I don't understand. If
that was your mother -in -law, what

happened to the donkey?

But you know where I like it best?

Right here in New York.

NYC, the Big Apple. In fact, there's
really no reason for leaving.

Because getting back, impossible.

He's really cooking tonight.

Yeah.

How long have you been stage manager
here, Dad?

Almost two months.

And you're doing a good job.

Keep things running nice and smooth.

Thanks, Mr. Caridi.

Did you hear Joey's leaving?

Yeah, Vegas. Six weeks. The Sands. The
main room.

It's Reno.

Four weeks. The Poker Palace and the
Lounge.

Well, it's still a good break for Joey.

For Joey, yeah.

But for me, it means I've got an open
spot starting next Thursday.

You interested?

You kidding?

Interested? I've been working till 2, 3
in the morning every night just so I...

A real comic?

You better be, because I'm putting you
down for the closing spot Thursday

You probably go on about 1 or 1 .30.

All right? Okay.

I saw a coyote chasing a jackrabbit, and
they were both walking.

Thank you very much.

Hey, now, why do I get the feeling that
the boss is giving you a shot next

Thursday? You're working a real
audience.

No more telling jokes to mirrors.

Oh, you look beat, kid.

I am.

It's been so tough.

It's hard to do my school stuff here.

It's just all catching up with me.

Let me give you a little advice.

No, uh, no.

Let me give you a little opening night
present. No, that's okay. Come on.

You want to go out there next Thursday
feeling like a schlump?

You want to make the people feel good?

You've got to feel good yourself.

I got plenty.

I don't want to be a slump out there,
that's for sure.

You know, having a radio show is like
having a figure. You've got to use it

it to do you any good.

You talking to that all -night phony
show again?

Al, I don't know if UFOs are real or
not.

Nobody knows, that's the point.

And nobody's trying very hard to find
out, either.

That's what I'm saying.

My mother.

The wacko.

That will sit on your stomach like a
cannonball this time of morning. There's

soup. Take some of that. I thought you
were talking all night out.

I'm on hold till the 2 o 'clock news is
finished.

Sit. I'll make you some soup.

You're just getting in.

Yeah. Didn't mean to wake you.

You didn't.

I'm on the 3 to 11 shift this week.

There's soup for your thermos. I'll make
the sandwiches in a sec.

I get to perform at the club next
Thursday.

On a Friday, some kind of holiday?

No.

You're going to work the same hours as
now?

At first.

Pop, I have to go where I can perform.

You could always work talent night over
the nights at St. Anthony's.

Not at my lodge.

Why not?

It's bad enough he has to go to that
school, but I won't have my son playing

clown in front of my friends.

I'm not a clown. I'm a comedian.

Oh, there's a difference.

There is.

A clown will do anything for a laugh.

Danny, let's not get into it, huh? See,
when you get older, you're gonna get

some sense in your head. You think I'm
gonna grow out of this or something?

If we're lucky.

Are the sandwiches ready yet?

Yeah.

I'll be home regular time.

I'm gonna stop at church and light a
candle for Vinnie.

Hey, what's going on? A star is born.

I got called back by that cuckoo bird
who wanted me to look into his camera

eyes.

Yeah, better me than you, bud. If not
me, why not you? Congratulations.

What should I do?

Why ask me? Well, you're the one who
dragged me there in the first place. Oh,

didn't drag you anywhere.

Listen, you're going to stand there and
argue with me? You're going to help me?

All right, the first thing you've got to
do is stop thinking the director is a

cuckoo bird. No matter what he is, he is
the director.

And cuckoo.

Next to Prada.

Love it!

Have you ever eaten a Hank burger?

I don't know who Hank is, but his
burgers are the pits.

Look, do you want the job?

They're great.

None better.

All right, next you're going to have to
read the job. Sorry to interrupt, which

is a lie, but I have to ask you all a
question. Is it important?

No, it's an unimportant question.

How would you all like to come see a
fast -rising young comedian perform?

You got a gig?

Not too loud. I don't want to get tossed
out of school.

Hey, when and where?

Why? Cute.

It's a comedy club.

It's the late show, one in the morning.

My dad would massage my gums with an
automobile jack.

Ah, same here. Not on a school night.

That's great.

That's really great. I mean, I worked my
buns off for three months trying to

wedge my way in there, and it finally
all comes together. All right, shut up

real quick if I were you.

What are you doing in here, Mr.
Martelli? I was

just leaving very quickly. Bye.

Good instinct, boy.

Good instinct.

And what are y 'all looking at?

Hey,

how you doing, kid?

Okay.

Okay?

Okay?

Hey, Danny, this is it. The night.

Yeah, well, it's been a long day, and I
couldn't get anybody to come watch. Oh,

who cares? This is your night.

You ought to be flying, especially with
those little bombs I laid on you.

Kid, you're not going out there alone,
are you?

Guess so.

All right, dummy.

Look, I'm steering you straight on this.

The way you make it in this business is
with a full charge.

That's the way things are. You gotta be
up. There ain't no down, not for a

comic.

Don't go out there by yourself, kid.

You take a couple of friends with you.

Good evening, friend.

All right, you bums, listen up.

I want you to give your undivided
attention and a great big hand to a new

the block, a star of tomorrow, Danny
Amatulo.

Thank you. Thank you.

I think I should warn you, I'm... I'm in
deep

trouble.

Frost's work stresses simple,
straightforward imagery and a lack of

intellectualism. Now, there's a direct
connection between that sort of

simplicity and the writings of William
Wordsworth, one of the first to put

poetry into the language of the common
man.

He also used the platonic doctrine of
recollection.

Mr. Martelli, what was it?

Give me an example.

Well, when you're born, you know
everything.

And learning is the adult remembering
his childhood.

And an example?

Ode on Intimations of Immortality.

But please don't ask me to explain the
title.

It means, Mr. Wordsworth, the cough is
more than just hay fever.

You stay here. We need to talk. I got
class.

You've been dodging me for several days
now. And you have lunch next period. So

sit down.

I'm surprised.

I'm puzzled.

Also, I'm very angry. Why? Because I
bust one little rule?

I'm not talking about rules.

You want to get yourself thrown out of
school, that's your problem.

But you conned me.

All that nonsense about having to help
your family.

It's true.

Why do you think I work at the club? I
prefer my fairy tales to start with once

upon a time.

What do you want from me?

I mean, I'm trying to make a start for
myself, and nobody cares.

All you care about is if I know poems,
or if I know how to diagram sentences.

I mean, nobody cares what I'm going
through.

Just what are you going through, Danny?
Nothing. I'm not going through... Danny,

look at me.

Don't touch me.

I don't like when people touch me.

You're on uppers, aren't you? Sure, but
if you're finished... Hold your hand up.

Hold it out.

The object is to hold it steady.

I'm just nervous about the performance,
that's all. I'm just a little on edge.

Damn it!

Now, you listen to me, young man.

There's a part of me that wants to close
my fist and flatten you. But because

I'm a reasonable person, I know that's
what they call misdirected anger.

It isn't you I'm mad at.

It's that piece of breathing dirt who
gave you that poison.

It's not poison. It's poison.

And it destroys young people.

And I hate it.

Danny, I've lost students.

And friends.

And people I cared about very deeply.
And I don't intend to lose any more.

Dead?

In effect.

Obviously, there's somebody out there
telling you it's okay.

Somebody telling you everybody does it?
Well, I'm here to tell you that person

is a liar.

And a thief. He's not a thief.

He's a thief.

He's stealing your life, Danny.

And he's getting you to act as an
accomplice.

It's lunch.

Go.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

I'm going to have to think about it.

But you are going to do something.

You'll be late for lunch.

Imagery, Doris. That's what it's all
about.

Why are you doing this?

I thought you hated commercials.

I do.

Well, then why are you doing this?

I thought I'd get into coaching for some
extra money. It's what they call

fallback position.

Do you know how thrilling it is to be in
someone's fallback position?

Doris, it's just that when I heard you
say how you hated hamper... They're like

poached hubcaps.

Any way you eat them, they turn
sideways. Well, that's what imagery's

What's your very favorite food, the food
that you absolutely can't resist?

My grandmother's lentil soup. It's
unreal.

Oh, great.

So when you look at those hamburgers, I
want you to see, smell, and taste your

grandmother's lentil soup.

My grandmother's lentil soup.

This is really nice of you. The thing
you'll have to ask yourself, is this

to make you a better actress?

It'll make me a richer actress.

If that's what you're after.

Coco, if Sir Lawrence Olivier can sell
cameras, if Orson Welles can refuse to

drink wine before it's time, then who am
I, Doris Renee Swartz, to refuse to

stand in front of a camera and pig out
on a Hank Berger double cheese?

Tell me that.

See, I don't do drugs because I think of
my body as a cathedral. I don't want to

do nothing to mark beauty.

So why don't you tell that to Amatulo?

I ain't telling him nothing.

As long as he takes the heat from
Sherwood and keeps off me, I'm fine.

I'm due for some time off from her.

Pull up, change partners, promenade.

If everyone is so concerned about Danny,
how come nobody went to go see him? The

way I heard it, somebody did.

Sherwood. Change partners, peak.

tendu, and one.

I noticed you didn't go.

Get off my case. Nobody went. We all let
him down.

Port de bras, chassé.

In a circle, chassé. In a circle,
chassé. And tendu, close

fifth.

Tendu, close fifth. Port de bras, brie.

What I don't understand is, why did he
get into pill?

He's from the South Bronx, silly. So
what's that supposed to mean? Look, if

don't understand that, you're not going
to understand anything.

Being number one isn't easy.

I think we should stop talking about
this and show him that we care.

I think he's scared and we didn't help
him any.

When you don't have anyone to talk to,
you look for something else.

I want to see love in your eyes.

I want to see passion in your faith.

I want to see adoration in your whole
person. And most of all, I want to see

double cheese in your look.

What's so funny?

Nothing.

Um, happy.

Joy.

Double cheese.

Terrific. It's just what we want.

Okay, roll them.

Hank Berger, double cheese, take one.

And action.

When you're having a Hank burger, don't
forget, it's please double cheese.

Cut.

That's not bad, Dora.

I want to do it again, only this time I
need more on the please.

More, um... More... More.

Okay.

Roll them.

Speak. Hankberger double cheese, take
two.

And action.

When you're having a Hankberger, don't
forget, it's please double cheese.

Hankberger double cheese, take four.

When you're having a Hank burger, don't
forget it's cheese double please.

Wrong. Hank burger double cheese take
seven.

Action. When you're having a Hank
burger, don't forget it's please double

cheese.

Hank burger double cheese take ten.

grandmother's rental suit. Cut.

All right, everybody, take an hour.

An hour?

For what?

Lunch.

You remember the discussion we had about
using a corporate spokesman? Yep.

I think our instincts were right on the
money.

Yep.

I'm on my way.

Don't you want to watch the second half?

Knicks are coming back.

I don't have the time.

I have to be down there by 9 .30.

Fine. Just thought you'd be interested.

I'll read about it in tomorrow morning's
newspaper.

I'm going.

Danny, we've got a problem.

If you're worried about Maggie's exit,
I'll get it right tonight. No, I'm not,

and no, you won't.

One more time.

Show me some ID.

I got a call about you being underage.

I've had my suspicions, but I figured I
ask you no questions, you tell me no

lies, and we're both in the clear.

But if somebody's going to blow the
whistle, show me some ID.

I don't see 18 on there anywhere.

You mean I'm canned here and out there?

Say goodnight, Danny.

Danny. Danny.

Nobody sees me looking like this. I mean
nobody.

That's what I qualify for.

Mr. Nobody.

Thanks to you.

Yeah?

Why thanks to me?

You said you were going to do something,
and you did.

You got me cans from the comedy club.

Danny.

I got a couple of news items for you.

First, you're not the only student I
have.

Second, you're on my mind.

But you're not the most urgent problem
in my life right now.

And third, I haven't the fanciest idea
what you're talking about in regards to

the comedy club.

Then who got me canned from the club?
Tell me that.

Somebody who cares about you?

That's for sure.

So why do you think it couldn't have
been your father?

It's not his style.

He doesn't get involved where I'm
concerned.

Why not?

Count of Vinnie.

He was my older brother.

He died about three months before I was
born.

They never told me what of or how.

Just he died.

Cute kid.

Four years old.

I see pictures of him in our scrapbook
with him and my old man.

My old man looks different in those
pictures.

Making faces at the camera, that kind of
stuff.

He doesn't do that in any of the
pictures after... after Vinny.

All my life, he's been walking away from
me.

I must have been ten before I realized
he had a face.

Danny, don't make jokes about it. Why
not?

The whole thing is a joke.

Take my father, please.

A funny thing happened on the way to my
father.

It seemed there would be two fathers...
Danny, stop it.

Sometimes I think... Sometimes I think
he doesn't think I'm any good.

As a performer, you mean?

He's never seen me perform.

Remember I told you I'd lost students
and people I really cared about?

Well, when that happened...

There's a temptation to stop getting
involved, to build a wall.

If I felt that way when something
happened to one of my students, I can

conceive what it must be like for the
parent who loses a child.

Your father may not be able to say it,
and he may not know how to show it.

But if he got you fired from that club
and what it was doing to you, he cares.

He cares.

A lot.

Another chance.

Another closing door.

What good are dreams when they tumble to
the floor?

Sometimes I wonder if it's always been
this way.

And I've got this feeling up and down is
here to stay.

Maybe that way.

Didn't

Every shot, this woman in glory comes
swooping out of the shadows with a

hairbrush and a mirror. Only her hair
looks like something he killed

the sink.

I got fired from the comedy

club. We've heard.

How are you handling it? You okay?

I will be.

With a little help from my friends.

If I got any left.

Night at St. Anthony Lodge.

I'll be right back.

Hey, do you guys really do all that
night stuff?

Night stuff?

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Knock each other off your horses and all
that.

What's up?

These kids say they're your guests.

I never invited anybody.

We met his son, Danny.

Oh, Dante.

Yes, of course.

Listen, why don't you take those chairs
over there?

Thank you. Wait a minute.

How come my son is inviting all these
people to my lodge?

Thank you. Thank you. Welcome to Talent
Night Show.

But before I bring up the dancing
girls... All right, all right, all

I got a couple of announcements. First
of all, Thursday night is the start of

the annual bingo tournament. Those of
you interested in signing up with Father

Zanowski. All right, Saturday morning.

We got the St. Anthony's bocce team
playing the Garibaldis over there in

Astoria. So Joe Bonagorio says, you
know, you all come out, cheer the team

huh? Show a little spirit, all right?

Okay, we're all set now. We got a very,
very special surprise for you here.

We have a soon -to -be professional
entertainer. So it's your last chance to

him at the special reduced rate.

He's not only a fine entertainer, by the
way, but he has a very good wing on the

St. Anthony's soccer team. So give him a
nice hand, one of our own. Give him a

nice hand and welcome Danny Amatulo.
Danny, hey!

First, I'd like to thank the members of
the Lodge for allowing me to appear here

tonight. You guys are always doing
something great for the community. I

MC mentioned, the sports program.

It wasn't always like that. I mean, when
I first moved to this neighborhood, I

was taught to play kick the can.

The thing was, it was my can.

And I played a lot of sports here.

But now I go to the High School of
Performing Arts.

And we don't have any teams.

But we put on a halftime show you would
not believe.

And it's an excellent school.

I mean, the kids are different. Like,
when I walk into the men's room, there

people rehearsing, you know, instead of
shooting dice.

And I really miss the extra money.

But the more I think of it, I think we
should have teams. I mean, look at the

dancers. They are excellent athletes.

Right? Can you picture it? Okay, team.
It's third and four.

I want a pirouette to the left on two.

And I don't want to see any of you
spiking your tutus.

Well, I see that the bell ringers from
St. Martha's are here, and I don't want

to cut into their time.

So I'll just say I hope you all have a
good night.

What happened was I forgot to come up
with a big finish for my act.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, yeah.

That was our cue. You see, we were
supposed to all come on stage, and we

going to do this really terrific closing
number. I guess we got so absorbed in

Danny's jokes that we kind of goofed.

I want you to know.

Together we'll try.

Pizza orgy. What am I looking at here?

Dante.

Yeah?

People laughed a lot.

Yeah. They always laugh like that?

Sometimes yeah, sometimes no.

Ask you a question.

Sure. Are you through with those funny
pills?

They were on your nightstand.

Now they're in the toilet.

Through with them for good.

Can I ask you a question?

How come you started to leave the show
when I was up there?

I heard the people laughing.

People you were making happy.

And I started to, uh, what is it your
kids say? Uh, puddle up.

And I figured, you don't want a guy
crying when you're making them all

It's very important to make people
happy, Dante.

You make me real proud tonight.

Good night, Papa.

I love you.

Thank you.