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1
00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:12,882
["The Blue Danube Waltz"
by Johann Strauss II playing]
2
00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:19,976
♪
3
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:45,958
[bell dings]
4
00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:49,049
[indistinct chattering]
5
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,532
- That looks good.
6
00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:59,842
[Gentle piano music]
7
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:04,064
- All right, we're here.
8
00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:08,111
- And "here" is?
9
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,548
- The place where we had
our first date.
10
00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:12,289
- No, it's not.
11
00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:15,292
- Okay, well, it isn't
technically the same place.
12
00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:16,728
[Together]
They tore that place down.
13
00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:19,470
- Yeah, but it's built
on the same lot.
14
00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:22,299
- Welcome,
mademoiselle and monsieur,
15
00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:24,084
to the Restaurant Français.
16
00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:25,607
My name is Arthur.
17
00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:27,870
I will be serving you
this evening.
18
00:01:27,913 --> 00:01:31,439
Tonight's special
is a simple yet elegant
19
00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:34,790
filet mignon stuffed
with foie gras.
20
00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:39,664
It is one delicious thing
stuffed inside another.
21
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:41,927
What could go wrong, no?
22
00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:44,365
But before we get started,
mademoiselle,
23
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:47,933
we have quite the appetizer
for you,
24
00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:50,197
the finest
of escargot paired
25
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:54,201
with a decadent...
- Marriage proposal.
26
00:01:55,289 --> 00:02:02,339
♪
27
00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:06,996
Quincy Adams,
I love you so much
28
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:08,606
it makes me crazy.
29
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:11,348
I wouldn't change
a single thing about you.
30
00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:13,307
So what do you say?
31
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:16,484
Will you make me
the happiest man in the world?
32
00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:19,487
Quincy...
33
00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:21,706
will you marry me?
34
00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:30,237
[Upbeat music]
35
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:37,331
♪
36
00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:47,428
- Your aunt still has
that cabin, right?
37
00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:49,081
- Who wants to know?
38
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:52,607
- Uh, I-I do.
- Oh, yeah, she does.
39
00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:56,741
- I want to take Quincy on a--
- A vacation. Really?
40
00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,830
Did you get that promotion?
- What?
41
00:02:58,874 --> 00:03:00,963
No, I mean,
I don't know.
42
00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:03,270
I don't think
they've decided yet.
43
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:05,141
- Oh.
- I just thought it would be
44
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,230
good for us to get away
for a few days, you know?
45
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,884
Help us get things back to...
46
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:11,147
- Normal? Normal would be
breaking up with her
47
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,801
because the stress
of rejection got to be
48
00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:15,064
too much of a burden
on your relationship,
49
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:18,110
but, you know,
who needs normal?
50
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,590
- I know
I can make it work.
51
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:23,420
Assess, prepare, execute,
conquer, right?
52
00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:25,161
- Yeah.
53
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,729
- I hear Hawaii is nice
this time of year.
54
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:29,992
- No, I've already got
the perfect destination.
55
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:33,082
- Oh.
I thought you might want to...
56
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,866
- Take her somewhere
more exotic.
57
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,564
- I can't really afford
that at the moment.
58
00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:39,741
- Like Orlando.
- It has to be the woods.
59
00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:42,265
There's nothing like gathering
kindling
60
00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,876
to rekindle
a relationship, right?
61
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,444
- What the fuck
did you just say?
62
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:49,577
- It sounded better
when I was thinking it.
63
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:53,233
- I hope so, 'cause it sounded
like shit coming into my ear.
64
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,539
- A cabin in the woods?
65
00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:57,976
Have you ever even
seen a horror movie?
66
00:03:58,020 --> 00:03:59,804
- Yes to both.
No, look:
67
00:03:59,848 --> 00:04:03,155
I know that it's not
the most glamorous location,
68
00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:05,201
but we're gonna make
the most of it.
69
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,464
It's all about
who you're with, right?
70
00:04:07,508 --> 00:04:09,118
- Good point.
71
00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:10,815
So, you want to go
on vacation with me and Colin
72
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,252
to a cabin in the woods?
73
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:14,210
- Is that really
such a good idea?
74
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,865
I mean, what are you gonna
tell him about--you know?
75
00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:18,388
- Look, I'm just trying to
figure stuff out
76
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:20,434
right now, okay?
I'm seeing a therapist--
77
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:22,000
- Therapist?
78
00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:23,350
You hate it
when people give you advice.
79
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:24,873
- Do you think you can
get off work?
80
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:26,570
- [Scoffs]
I practically run the place.
81
00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,833
- You just make the sandwiches.
- Exactly.
82
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:32,620
Without me,
there are no sandwiches.
83
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:34,317
- Not to mention,
Colin and I still have
84
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,363
six months left
on our lease, so--
85
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:39,235
- Yeah, I'm not sure that that's
the best reason to...
86
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,672
- Stay with me.
- Why do I get the feeling
87
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:44,284
you're not just bringing me--
your best friend of 18 yours,
88
00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:45,763
along with you
to this romantic getaway
89
00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:47,635
to my Aunt Stacy's cabin
in the woods
90
00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:49,637
in the middle of nowhere
to help you and your girlfriend
91
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:53,945
of two years
rekindle your love?
92
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:57,209
- Can I trust you with this?
- You're gonna propose again?
93
00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:58,602
You're gonna propose again!
94
00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,300
Of course you can trust me,
man.
95
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:01,779
Come on, give me the rock, huh?
[Clatters]
96
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,738
Oh. I'm sorry.
97
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,609
It's in here somewhere.
Just relax.
98
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:08,003
- Plus if there's
a deranged killer on the loose,
99
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,483
you'll keep me safe.
100
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,354
The slut always
dies first, right?
101
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,878
- Rude.
[Both laugh]
102
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:14,879
I always thought
it was the black guy.
103
00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:15,967
- Hmm.
104
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,059
- We're only going
for the weekend?
105
00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:23,845
- Well, you know my motto:
always be prepared.
106
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:25,803
- That's the Boy Scout motto.
- Yeah.
107
00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:27,849
- You weren't
a Boy Scout.
108
00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:29,677
- Yeah.
109
00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:34,159
- [Sighs]
110
00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:36,031
- Is that tuna?
- It is.
111
00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:37,728
- You're gonna finish that
before we leave, right?
112
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,513
Because it reeks.
113
00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,079
- Okay.
114
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,301
- Thank you.
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
115
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,695
- That's great.
Why did we have to invite Harry?
116
00:05:47,738 --> 00:05:49,827
- It's my aunt's cabin.
- It's his aunt's cabin.
117
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:51,133
We can't not bring him.
118
00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:53,309
- Mm.
Double negative. What up?
119
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,877
- Well done, Harry.
- Single positive.
120
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,661
- Up up--oh!
[Both laugh]
121
00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,837
- Let's just get this over with.
- That's the spirit.
122
00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:02,536
Now where's Tammy?
- Tammy? Tammy's coming here?
123
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:03,972
When did she get back
from Beijing?
124
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:05,495
I've been dying
to meet the other half
125
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:08,716
of my other half's
other half.
126
00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:12,546
- She's been back for months.
127
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,025
Where are your bags?
128
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:16,419
- I don't have any.
129
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:19,553
- Hello. I'm Harry.
130
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:21,424
- You certainly are.
131
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:26,255
[Ukulele playing]
- Oh. It's tuned.
132
00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:28,170
- He's not gonna be playing
that the entire time, is he?
133
00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:30,477
- He might.
- Any requests?
134
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,566
I only know three songs.
- Ooh, ooh, uh...
135
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:33,697
which three?
- Don't encourage him.
136
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:35,133
- I wrote them all.
137
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:37,005
It's called "Eagles Victory,"
138
00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:39,616
"Hoops On Fire," and "I Have a Tickle in My Throat."
139
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,401
- That one's a good one.
It's my favorite.
140
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,272
- Here we go with
"A Tickle in My Throat."
141
00:06:43,315 --> 00:06:45,448
- And a three and a two
and a one.
142
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:48,451
- ♪ Tickle
- [laughs]
143
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:51,498
♪ Why are you in my throat?
144
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:54,022
- And away we go.
145
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:57,025
[Suspenseful music]
146
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:59,636
♪
147
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,813
- I spy with my little eye
148
00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:04,554
something brown.
- A tree.
149
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,251
- You're really good
at this game.
150
00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:08,036
- I know.
151
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:10,517
- Does this thing go any faster?
152
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,562
- Not really,
but in a few years
153
00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:15,130
the savings in gas
will pay for itself.
154
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:24,400
♪
155
00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:54,648
- [humming]
156
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:13,928
♪
157
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,672
[clangs]
158
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:20,587
- Oh, oh, it's this one.
159
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:24,460
Yep, there, on the right,
I think. Number 666.
160
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,636
- That's really encouraging.
161
00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:32,163
- Okay, guys.
162
00:08:32,207 --> 00:08:34,731
Cell phones in the tin.
163
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:38,256
- Uh, hold on a minute.
I'd like to watch this video.
164
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:39,954
- What is so important
165
00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:42,043
that you have to watch it
right this moment?
166
00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:44,480
- Fainting goats.
167
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,830
[Goats bleats]
- [laughs]
168
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:50,268
Why is it fainting?
- Believe it or not,
169
00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:52,619
some mammals involuntarily faint
when startled.
170
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:53,794
- Awesome.
- Weird.
171
00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:57,537
- [Laughs]
- Okay.
172
00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,669
Good-bye,
internet videos.
173
00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:03,543
- Quincy, your turn.
174
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,457
- Hello?
We're in the middle of nowhere.
175
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,721
I'm not just burying the single
most useful piece
176
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,157
of technology
ever invented.
177
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,028
- Soap?
- The printing press?
178
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:13,553
- What if something happens?
- Then we will experience
179
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:16,599
that something together
without distraction.
180
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:18,601
Think of it like
a trust exercise.
181
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:21,822
You all trust me, right?
- Mm-hmm.
182
00:09:21,865 --> 00:09:25,608
Quincy, we need a reboot.
This is the first step.
183
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:27,871
- One small step for man
is one giant leap for--
184
00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:30,308
- Okay, shut up.
Whatever.
185
00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:33,050
- Tammy?
- Oh, I don't have a cell phone.
186
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:36,358
- Can't say I'm surprised.
187
00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:38,316
All right.
188
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,537
No phones, no internet,
no interruptions.
189
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,279
We are completely cut off
from the outside world.
190
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:48,283
For the next two days,
we are entirely on our own.
191
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:50,633
- Except for that guy.
- Howdy, folks.
192
00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,374
- Howdy.
- The name's Rick.
193
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:57,074
- Ranger Rick! Ha!
- Colin. Colin Dense.
194
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:59,555
Didn't really plan on running
into anybody out here.
195
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,078
- Well, I saw
your environmentally
196
00:10:01,122 --> 00:10:02,950
conscious vehicle and figured
197
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:05,866
I ought to extend you all
a warm Wilshire Woods welcome.
198
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:07,519
Don't get too many visitors,
199
00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:11,001
but heck if I'm not glad
you're here.
200
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:12,829
It's a magical place.
201
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:16,398
- What's that swanky bracelet
you got going on there?
202
00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:18,661
- This here is my trusty
bear tracker.
203
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,968
They don't make them
like this anymore.
204
00:10:21,011 --> 00:10:22,534
- Are there bears
in these woods?
205
00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:24,319
- You bet your buns there are,
206
00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:25,929
and it's mating season,
207
00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:27,539
so you'd do well
to keep your distance.
208
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:29,716
Bears can get mighty irritable
209
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:32,196
when they're trying to scratch
Mother Nature's greatest itch.
210
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,809
- Okay, well, it was nice
to meet you Mr.--
211
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:38,638
- Ranger.
- Mr. Ranger. But--
212
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,901
- Rick.
- But, Rick...
213
00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:43,904
we have some
serious vacationing to get to.
214
00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:47,342
- Course you do.
Stay safe, folks.
215
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:50,084
And remember,
bear hunting season's over,
216
00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:54,262
though there should be
plenty of fish in the... lake.
217
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:58,135
[Laughs]
218
00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,397
Yeah.
219
00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:05,795
♪
220
00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:08,668
- You have the key, right?
- No. Why would I have the key?
221
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:11,105
It's your aunt's cabin.
- It's just an expression.
222
00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:14,499
- No, it isn't.
Just open the door.
223
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,633
- Key, key.
Who's got the key?
224
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,984
- Ooh.
I've got a key.
225
00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:23,900
- No rocks!
- Oh, no. Ah! Under the mat.
226
00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:25,162
Under the mat.
That's what Aunt Stacy said.
227
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:29,993
Under the mat.
Oh. Ah.
228
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:34,911
- Ooh! Ha ha!
Maybe his name is Matt?
229
00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:37,087
- Oh, exactly.
- What?
230
00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:44,181
♪
231
00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:13,123
- [inhales sharply]
232
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,212
Ah.
233
00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:22,219
♪
234
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:25,309
[tea kettle whistling]
235
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:34,405
♪
236
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:38,279
[tea kettle
continues to whistle]
237
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:41,108
- Why are you boiling water?
238
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:43,458
- Oh, no.
That was already on.
239
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:46,156
[Tea kettle
continues to whistle]
240
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,202
[whistling stops]
241
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:51,292
- I didn't know
your uncle was black.
242
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,773
- Me, either.
Oh, no,
243
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:56,558
Yeah, that's not my uncle.
- Weird.
244
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,908
- Also, that's not
my Aunt Stacy.
245
00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,431
♪
246
00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:02,433
- I just parked.
You close?
247
00:13:02,477 --> 00:13:04,218
- Just past the Jamesons'.
248
00:13:04,261 --> 00:13:05,872
- Oh.
Well, then you're not close.
249
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:08,309
- Well, if it makes
you feel any better,
250
00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:10,267
I'm wearing
that dress you like.
251
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,835
- Well, then I'll wait weeks
if I have to.
252
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:15,011
- Oh, shit.
- What? What's the matter?
253
00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:16,752
- I think
I left the stove on.
254
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,407
- Oh, no. Look, the reservation
255
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,322
is for 8:30--
- No, no, no. Go in.
256
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:23,063
- No, no, no. I'll wait.
- Go ahead, order without me.
257
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:24,847
- No, I'm sure you didn't
leave it on.
258
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,283
- But if I don't go back
and check right now,
259
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:27,807
it'll drive me crazy
all night,
260
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:29,591
and I won't be able
to enjoy you.
261
00:13:29,634 --> 00:13:31,332
- All right. All right. Well--
- Okay?
262
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:32,768
- Okay. Drive safely.
263
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:33,943
- I'll hurry.
- Yeah.
264
00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:35,640
- Bye.
- Bye.
265
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,557
- What is this?
- Oh, no. It's a phone.
266
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:42,996
We need to hide it.
- Yeah. Yeah.
267
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,217
- What do you think of Harry?
268
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:49,002
- Oh, I try
not to think of Harry.
269
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,786
- I like his vibe,
you know?
270
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,353
Like, he's got no idea
what's going on.
271
00:13:52,396 --> 00:13:55,008
- That's 'cause he's an idiot.
272
00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:57,880
- What do you think of Tammy?
- I don't know. Why?
273
00:13:57,924 --> 00:13:59,490
- She's got a good vibe,
274
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:02,232
and she's always digging
whatever's going on.
275
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:05,192
- Yeah, that's 'cause
she's on drugs.
276
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:06,976
- Oh.
277
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,370
- My therapist told me that
278
00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:11,415
I should do things
that make me happy.
279
00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:15,115
He called me a strong,
beautiful...
280
00:14:15,158 --> 00:14:17,639
flexible woman.
281
00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:20,685
- All right. So once we get
everyone into the woods,
282
00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:23,601
you make up an excuse
to get away.
283
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,560
Do you have one in mind?
284
00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:28,476
- I left my notebook inside.
- No. That'll never work.
285
00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:30,957
Um, maybe just say
286
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,611
you're gonna grab
some trail mix,
287
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:35,526
but then you head to the--
288
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:39,879
- Kitchen to get the trail mix.
- No. You go to the shed.
289
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:43,578
Any questions?
290
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:46,015
- Why do girls always go
to the bathroom together?
291
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,454
- Did your therapist say
anything about not going
292
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,195
on vacation with a guy you're
about to break up with?
293
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:54,632
- I am not planning
on breaking up with Colin.
294
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:56,896
I was, but I don't know.
295
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:58,593
Look, let's just get
through this weekend,
296
00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:00,116
and then, if we do split up,
this was, like,
297
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,988
a last hurrah for us,
you know?
298
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,645
- [Inhales sharply]
299
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:09,517
- You don't
have this key either?
300
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,475
- I don't remember the shed
ever needing a key.
301
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:12,650
- Do you remember it
being a shed?
302
00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,522
Because this is a garage.
303
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:16,959
- I'm sure it seemed smaller
when I was a kid.
304
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:19,179
- No, it'd be
the other way around.
305
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:23,183
- Ah.
306
00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:24,706
No.
307
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,229
- When was the last time
you were here?
308
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:27,752
- Three or four, maybe.
309
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,363
- Years ago?
That's not that bad.
310
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:31,887
- No, I was
three or four years old.
311
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,715
- Great.
312
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:50,340
- Did we forget anything?
313
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,125
- Are you sure
about all this?
314
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:53,953
You can still back out,
and we can just have a nice,
315
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,998
relaxing weekend
and enjoy each other's company.
316
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:59,306
- Absolutely not.
This trip could change my life.
317
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:01,134
It could change everything.
318
00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:04,659
I know it's a Hail Mary,
but go big or go home, right?
319
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:06,226
- Home is where the heart is.
320
00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:09,272
- Unrelated proverbs aside,
I can feel it.
321
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:11,318
She's gonna say yes
this time.
322
00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:13,494
Let's do this.
323
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:14,974
[Clatters]
324
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,540
Oh, jeez.
325
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:17,889
- Let's use our flashlights...
- Yeah.
326
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:18,890
That was stupid
to turn them off.
327
00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:19,979
- To exit.
328
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:22,329
- [Inhaling]
329
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:24,200
[sniffing]
330
00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:25,506
- Where have you guys been?
331
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:27,421
- Uh, just unpacking.
332
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:29,466
Preparing for
the big weekend adventure.
333
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:31,903
- Always be prepared.
334
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,905
- So, who wants
to play a board games?
335
00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:35,429
- Well, I'm bored already, so...
336
00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:37,039
- Not technically a game.
337
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,563
- Let's play "Life."
I fucking rule at "Life."
338
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:41,609
- Do you?
- Yeah.
339
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,741
- Okay.
You set up the board.
340
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:47,354
Then, s'mores
by the campfire, huh?
341
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:50,052
Then, before we go to bed,
stargazing.
342
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:53,360
The classic cabin
in the woods experience.
343
00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:59,366
The classic cabin
in the woods experience.
344
00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:00,932
[Clears throat]
345
00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:05,546
- Oh, I'm cold, all of a sudden.
- Really?
346
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:09,463
I feel like it's really hot
in here, no?
347
00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:11,030
I'm getting kind of sweaty.
348
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:14,250
- I'm going to the attic
where my Aunt Stacy
349
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:18,994
keeps a heating apparatus
350
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,866
so that we may be warmer.
351
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,565
- God, he's such a weirdo.
- Yeah.
352
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:27,263
Uh, let's find
some sweet tunes, huh?
353
00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:30,484
- Yeah, whatever it is,
could it not be ukulele music?
354
00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:32,964
- No promises.
355
00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:35,837
[Static on radio]
356
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:41,843
- [groaning]
357
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,933
This is an emergency broadcast
for the Smithtown County area.
358
00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:46,935
- What is that?
- Oh, I'm sure it's just a test.
359
00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:48,763
- This is not a test.
- Oh.
360
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:51,157
- This is a real life
emergency situation.
361
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,463
There have been multiple reports of a ravenous bear
362
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:56,075
rampaging through the wooded
areas around Lake George,
363
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:58,077
including but not limited
to Smithtown Ranch
364
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,687
and Wilshire Woods.
365
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,602
The bear has already
taken the lives
366
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:04,344
of three hikers and is considered extremely dangerous.
367
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,694
Until further notice,
stay in your homes,
368
00:18:06,737 --> 00:18:10,089
lock your doors,
and shut your windows.
369
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:13,353
And if you have removed
any articles of clothing,
370
00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,746
keep them removed.
371
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:19,010
Be smart, be vigilant.
372
00:18:19,054 --> 00:18:21,012
That is all.
373
00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:22,666
- What the hell?
374
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:25,408
- Dude, look what I found
in the attic.
375
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:27,367
Oh! Score!
- Gross.
376
00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,369
You can't keep wine in an attic.
377
00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:31,414
- There's a bear on the loose,
and it's gonna kill us all.
378
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:34,548
- Yeah, no. Fuck this.
We're going home.
379
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:37,116
And I'm getting my cell phone.
380
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:41,337
- I think my server is convinced that you are a complete fiction.
381
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,034
- [Laughs] What?
- Listen, you'd better hurry
382
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:44,993
and get here
before I have another
383
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:46,299
bottle of wine all by myself.
- I can't really hear you
384
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:48,301
'cause--
What the fuck's that?
385
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:53,741
- Hello? Hello?
386
00:18:53,784 --> 00:18:56,526
- Um, where did our phones go?
387
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:58,398
- I don't think
you're gonna like this,
388
00:18:58,441 --> 00:18:59,921
but I think the bear got them.
389
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,488
- You're right.
I don't like that.
390
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,403
- Why would a bear
want our phones?
391
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:04,708
- I knew I should have
washed my hands
392
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,232
before I watched
that goat video.
393
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:08,059
- What?
394
00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:09,713
- My fingers were literally
covered in tuna residue.
395
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:12,238
- Bears can smell tuna residue
a mile away.
396
00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:14,109
- Even in a hole?
- Even in a hole.
397
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,589
- None of this
makes any sense.
398
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:17,547
- Some of it makes
a little sense.
399
00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:19,680
- Guys,
you need to see this.
400
00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,290
- The bear
slashed the tire.
401
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:24,075
- Colin, you paid
for the spare, right?
402
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,382
- Yeah, totally.
403
00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:28,471
- The bear stole
the spare tire.
404
00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:30,430
- Maybe I didn't get
the spare tire.
405
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:33,781
- Oh.
406
00:19:33,824 --> 00:19:36,087
- There's no reason to panic.
- What are you gonna do?
407
00:19:36,131 --> 00:19:39,395
Gut the bear with
your grandfather's rusty knife?
408
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:43,182
- Maybe.
- Harry, make yourself useful
409
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:46,097
and open a bottle
of that attic wine.
410
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:51,233
- Well, yeah,
I've had a good run.
411
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:52,800
- No one's gonna die.
412
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:57,108
This is all just
an obstacle in our journey
413
00:19:57,152 --> 00:19:59,328
that we can overcome together.
414
00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:04,246
- Come together.
- Assess, prepare, execute,
415
00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:06,901
conquer.
We got this.
416
00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:08,555
- What is that?
- It's just a mantra that
417
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:10,296
he picked up
at this leadership conference,
418
00:20:10,339 --> 00:20:11,906
and he won't shut up about it.
419
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:13,777
- That sounds like
a whole lot of bullshit.
420
00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:17,216
- No. No, no, it's not a mantra,
and it is not bullshit.
421
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:19,130
And it was
a management conference.
422
00:20:19,174 --> 00:20:20,480
- Whatever you say.
423
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,090
- Can and will be
used against you.
424
00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:31,230
- Oh, that attic wine
is the worst.
425
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:35,277
- Now, we've accomplished
the first task: assess.
426
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:38,019
Now we need to...
427
00:20:38,062 --> 00:20:39,499
- Pizza.
- Prepare.
428
00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,762
- Prepare.
- So we should be okay,
429
00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:43,416
as long as we remain inside,
430
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:45,896
but to make sure,
I want to lock up every door
431
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,724
and shutter every window.
432
00:20:47,768 --> 00:20:50,553
I do not want him seeing us
and getting any ideas.
433
00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:52,642
- Or her.
- Her?
434
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:53,991
- Could be a sexy lady bear.
435
00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:55,558
- Sexy?
436
00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:57,299
- Also, they're afraid
of loud noises,
437
00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:59,823
so let's get some pots and pans
to bang together.
438
00:20:59,867 --> 00:21:02,086
- Bang together.
- Yes.
439
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,088
[Both snickering]
440
00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:11,182
♪
441
00:21:26,850 --> 00:21:28,548
[phone rings]
442
00:21:28,591 --> 00:21:30,201
- Rick here.
443
00:21:30,245 --> 00:21:31,942
- Where the fuck
have you been, Rick?
444
00:21:31,986 --> 00:21:33,770
[Sirens blaring]
- Well, I was just greeting--
445
00:21:33,814 --> 00:21:35,511
- Never mind.
You're gonna have to stay on
446
00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:37,861
until somebody can make it back to the station.
447
00:21:37,905 --> 00:21:40,124
A nasty car wreck, Route 4.
448
00:21:40,168 --> 00:21:42,039
Somebody hit a bear!
449
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:44,607
Big fuckin' mess.
Crashed into some dry brush,
450
00:21:44,651 --> 00:21:47,175
and started a big fuckin' fire.
451
00:21:47,218 --> 00:21:49,786
- Gosh. Is anyone hurt?
- Hurt?
452
00:21:49,830 --> 00:21:52,876
No. More like burned
to a fucking crisp!
453
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,923
- Oh, jeez. Oh, no.
- So look, man the phones.
454
00:21:55,966 --> 00:21:57,881
Don't leave the station
under any circumstance.
455
00:21:57,925 --> 00:21:59,535
- Yes, sir.
456
00:21:59,579 --> 00:22:01,363
- And for the love of
fucking God,
457
00:22:01,407 --> 00:22:03,496
do not let another goddamn bear die on your watch,
458
00:22:03,539 --> 00:22:06,673
or the Wildlife Commission's
gonna have me by the balls.
459
00:22:06,716 --> 00:22:09,240
You were supposed to be
tracking these fuckers.
460
00:22:09,284 --> 00:22:11,199
- I-I--
[dial tone]
461
00:22:11,242 --> 00:22:12,766
[sighs]
462
00:22:15,638 --> 00:22:17,031
Hm.
463
00:22:19,903 --> 00:22:23,037
- Okay, this is weird.
You know, how Colin proposed?
464
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,039
- Yeah.
- Well, I might have...
465
00:22:25,082 --> 00:22:27,433
kind of accidentally told him
466
00:22:27,476 --> 00:22:31,393
that I was super
afraid of bears.
467
00:22:31,437 --> 00:22:34,918
- Well, props on
the weirdest rejection ever.
468
00:22:34,962 --> 00:22:36,920
- He thinks I'm perfect.
469
00:22:36,964 --> 00:22:39,662
Do you know how much pressure
it is to try to be perfect?
470
00:22:39,706 --> 00:22:41,142
- This is perfect.
- Mm-hmm.
471
00:22:41,185 --> 00:22:42,839
- After all these months
of planning,
472
00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:45,233
I can't believe
it's actually gonna happen.
473
00:22:45,276 --> 00:22:48,454
Are you ready for this?
- I was born ready.
474
00:22:48,497 --> 00:22:51,195
- You were born a month early.
475
00:22:51,239 --> 00:22:53,894
- Because I was ready.
476
00:22:53,937 --> 00:22:55,722
- Relationships
are supposed to be about
477
00:22:55,765 --> 00:22:58,202
accepting a person's flaws
and loving them anyway,
478
00:22:58,246 --> 00:23:01,989
not thinking the person doesn't
have any in the first place.
479
00:23:02,032 --> 00:23:05,471
So he asked me to tell him
one of my flaws, and...
480
00:23:05,514 --> 00:23:07,603
- Fear of bears
isn't really a flaw.
481
00:23:07,647 --> 00:23:10,824
- I'm not good on my feet.
I had to bullshit something.
482
00:23:10,867 --> 00:23:12,695
- Did you?
- You weren't there.
483
00:23:12,739 --> 00:23:16,525
He had these puppy dog eyes.
It was so sad.
484
00:23:16,569 --> 00:23:18,048
- You couldn't have...
485
00:23:18,092 --> 00:23:19,876
I don't know,
tried being honest?
486
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,225
- What does it matter?
487
00:23:21,269 --> 00:23:23,706
We're here,
in this stupid cabin,
488
00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:26,143
being hunted by a bear,
and it just feels so--
489
00:23:26,187 --> 00:23:27,667
- Ironic.
490
00:23:27,710 --> 00:23:30,104
- I was gonna say
suspiciously implausible.
491
00:23:30,147 --> 00:23:31,192
[Howling]
Oh, God.
492
00:23:31,235 --> 00:23:34,500
[Girls screaming]
493
00:23:34,543 --> 00:23:35,501
[snarling]
[girls whimpering]
494
00:23:35,544 --> 00:23:37,633
- There!
495
00:23:37,677 --> 00:23:41,289
[Snarling, growling]
496
00:23:41,332 --> 00:23:43,204
[animal cries]
[all scream]
497
00:23:43,247 --> 00:23:45,511
- What the hell? What is it?
- A coyote, maybe?
498
00:23:45,554 --> 00:23:48,949
- Coyote?
No, that's no coyote.
499
00:23:48,992 --> 00:23:51,081
That's a bear.
500
00:23:51,125 --> 00:23:54,171
[Howling]
501
00:23:56,391 --> 00:24:02,658
♪
502
00:24:02,702 --> 00:24:04,399
[all gasp]
503
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:05,661
- A raccoon puppet.
- Uh, I think it's just
504
00:24:05,705 --> 00:24:07,446
half of a raccoon.
- Oh.
505
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,665
- Oh, the bear was just here.
Jesus Christ.
506
00:24:09,709 --> 00:24:11,058
- It kind of looks
like Ranger Rick.
507
00:24:11,101 --> 00:24:12,538
- The popular
Boy Scout mascot?
508
00:24:12,581 --> 00:24:13,539
- Yeah.
- I don't think
509
00:24:13,582 --> 00:24:15,410
he was that popular.
510
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:17,543
Actually, I don't think
he was the Boy Scout mascot.
511
00:24:17,586 --> 00:24:19,501
- You're right. Ranger Rick
was the raccoon mascot
512
00:24:19,545 --> 00:24:21,503
of the National Wildlife
Federation children's magazine.
513
00:24:21,547 --> 00:24:23,374
- What the fuck are you guys
talking about?
514
00:24:23,418 --> 00:24:25,594
We were almost just killed.
- Get, get, get, get.
515
00:24:25,638 --> 00:24:28,292
- [Whimpering]
What's happening to me?
516
00:24:28,336 --> 00:24:30,338
- Don't worry.
It's just a nosebleed.
517
00:24:30,381 --> 00:24:31,513
- You've been doing coke, like,
the entire time we've been here.
518
00:24:31,557 --> 00:24:33,036
What did you expect?
519
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,603
- This is getting
out of control.
520
00:24:34,647 --> 00:24:37,563
We have got to contain
this situation.
521
00:24:37,606 --> 00:24:40,783
Tammy...
this is an intervention.
522
00:24:40,827 --> 00:24:45,135
- This entire trip has been
an intervention for me?
523
00:24:45,179 --> 00:24:47,137
- Yes.
- What? No.
524
00:24:47,181 --> 00:24:50,227
- No.
- But your recreational
525
00:24:50,271 --> 00:24:53,230
drug use is ruining the trip.
526
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:07,593
- Tammy, I know that we haven't
known each other very long,
527
00:25:07,636 --> 00:25:09,333
but I don't like what
the drugs do to you.
528
00:25:09,377 --> 00:25:11,118
- What--when did you have time
to write that?
529
00:25:11,161 --> 00:25:13,424
- I think that if we are--
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
530
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:17,559
- I didn't know that you guys
felt this way.
531
00:25:17,603 --> 00:25:19,909
I thought
this was a vacation.
532
00:25:19,953 --> 00:25:22,999
- It is,
just not for you.
533
00:25:23,043 --> 00:25:26,394
This trip is so that Quincy
and I can work some things out.
534
00:25:26,437 --> 00:25:31,007
You and Harry are just here
for moral support.
535
00:25:31,051 --> 00:25:33,227
- Oh.
536
00:25:33,270 --> 00:25:34,881
Okay.
537
00:25:34,924 --> 00:25:36,273
- Give me the cocaine
you brought.
538
00:25:36,317 --> 00:25:37,666
- [Groans]
539
00:25:37,710 --> 00:25:40,060
- You can have it back
when you leave.
540
00:25:45,761 --> 00:25:48,634
Cocaine is gonna do nothing
but ruin this trip for everyone.
541
00:25:48,677 --> 00:25:50,984
- [Groans]
542
00:25:51,027 --> 00:25:54,074
- Hide this somewhere.
543
00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:58,469
Harry.
544
00:25:58,513 --> 00:26:00,384
Somewhere over there.
545
00:26:07,261 --> 00:26:10,307
[Animal breathing hard,
growling]
546
00:26:12,832 --> 00:26:19,882
♪
547
00:26:21,144 --> 00:26:24,191
[water running]
548
00:26:31,502 --> 00:26:33,679
- Colin, why are we really here?
549
00:26:33,722 --> 00:26:35,724
I know that there's something
you're not telling me.
550
00:26:35,768 --> 00:26:41,121
- That's crazy.
We're here because I love you.
551
00:26:41,164 --> 00:26:42,862
That's the truth.
552
00:26:42,905 --> 00:26:46,387
- You know, if you wanted
to open up,
553
00:26:46,430 --> 00:26:50,652
we could have
a talk or something.
554
00:26:50,696 --> 00:26:53,699
- It's just our chance
to get away from it all.
555
00:26:53,742 --> 00:26:56,310
Just enjoy
each other's company.
556
00:26:56,353 --> 00:26:59,966
- Right. In a romantic cabin
in the woods.
557
00:27:00,009 --> 00:27:02,490
In the middle of nowhere.
558
00:27:02,533 --> 00:27:04,710
Where no one can
hear you scream.
559
00:27:04,753 --> 00:27:09,976
- Which means we can scream
as loud as we want.
560
00:27:10,019 --> 00:27:13,196
- I'm exhausted.
561
00:27:20,900 --> 00:27:23,946
- I know things haven't
gone exactly as planned,
562
00:27:23,990 --> 00:27:28,603
but I'm just glad
to be here with you.
563
00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:30,779
- Oh, and tell Harry
to back off of Tammy.
564
00:27:30,823 --> 00:27:33,913
She doesn't need another
unhealthy relationship.
565
00:27:33,956 --> 00:27:36,393
- Uh, okay.
566
00:27:36,437 --> 00:27:38,831
- What?
567
00:27:38,874 --> 00:27:41,703
- I don't really think
he's looking for a relationship.
568
00:27:41,747 --> 00:27:44,445
- Those two are not right
for each other.
569
00:27:56,631 --> 00:28:03,682
♪
570
00:28:08,469 --> 00:28:10,123
- [yawns]
571
00:28:15,781 --> 00:28:17,304
[both scream]
572
00:28:23,092 --> 00:28:24,877
- Oh, that smells awful.
573
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:26,356
- Yeah.
Who knows how long
574
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:27,793
it's been baking up there
in that attic?
575
00:28:27,836 --> 00:28:29,403
- Mm.
- Cheers.
576
00:28:29,446 --> 00:28:32,623
- Cheers.
577
00:28:40,457 --> 00:28:42,068
Harry, what do you do?
578
00:28:42,111 --> 00:28:44,200
- Well, I'm an artist.
- Really? What kind?
579
00:28:44,244 --> 00:28:47,900
- Primarily of the
sandwich persuasion.
580
00:28:47,943 --> 00:28:52,034
- Could you make me one?
- Yeah. Right now?
581
00:28:52,078 --> 00:28:53,906
- Yeah. I'm starving.
582
00:28:53,949 --> 00:28:56,386
I don't think we've eaten
anything this entire trip.
583
00:28:56,430 --> 00:28:59,346
- Hmm. You're right. Hmm.
584
00:28:59,389 --> 00:29:05,352
So, what is your...
sandwich?
585
00:29:05,395 --> 00:29:06,788
- Reuben, probably.
586
00:29:06,832 --> 00:29:08,659
- I mean metaphorically.
587
00:29:08,703 --> 00:29:14,013
- Oh. I want to own
my own vintage clothing store.
588
00:29:14,056 --> 00:29:16,406
I mean, it's stupid. I know.
589
00:29:16,450 --> 00:29:18,974
- No. No, it's not.
I like old clothes.
590
00:29:19,018 --> 00:29:22,673
I've had this shirt for,
like, 15 years too.
591
00:29:22,717 --> 00:29:25,024
- I-I noticed.
592
00:29:25,067 --> 00:29:27,287
Mostly I just work
as a nanny.
593
00:29:27,330 --> 00:29:28,375
- I love kids.
594
00:29:28,418 --> 00:29:30,072
I have a, um...
595
00:29:30,116 --> 00:29:33,380
a savings account set up
for my child's college fund.
596
00:29:33,423 --> 00:29:35,382
- You have kids?
- No, no. No, I don't.
597
00:29:35,425 --> 00:29:37,210
But one day.
598
00:29:37,253 --> 00:29:39,734
- That's definitely the sweetest
thing I've ever heard.
599
00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:43,042
- Well, wait till you hear
your own moans...
600
00:29:43,085 --> 00:29:46,219
after taking a bite of this
fucking sandwich.
601
00:29:50,397 --> 00:29:52,703
- Mmm.
602
00:29:52,747 --> 00:29:55,358
Mmm.
- Mm-hmm.
603
00:29:56,446 --> 00:29:58,666
- [Sighs]
604
00:29:58,709 --> 00:30:00,276
You know, I hope
one day someone loves me
605
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:01,887
as much as Colin loves Quincy.
606
00:30:01,930 --> 00:30:03,932
- Uh,
careful what you wish for.
607
00:30:03,976 --> 00:30:05,499
- What's that supposed to mean?
608
00:30:05,542 --> 00:30:07,153
- I mean--no, I mean,
love is great and all.
609
00:30:07,196 --> 00:30:09,329
It's just, like,
a little wacko to arrange
610
00:30:09,372 --> 00:30:12,245
a whole bear hunting trip
just so he can propose.
611
00:30:12,288 --> 00:30:14,116
Am I right?
612
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,989
- What?
- What are you doing?
613
00:30:17,032 --> 00:30:18,033
You weren't supposed
to tell her.
614
00:30:18,077 --> 00:30:19,469
Both: Tell me what?
615
00:30:19,513 --> 00:30:21,820
- God damn it.
616
00:30:25,388 --> 00:30:27,347
So there I am,
down on one knee,
617
00:30:27,390 --> 00:30:29,131
more nervous
than you have ever been
618
00:30:29,175 --> 00:30:32,831
in your entire stupid life,
and she says...
619
00:30:32,874 --> 00:30:38,445
- [slo-mo] No.
620
00:30:38,488 --> 00:30:41,317
- You know why?
621
00:30:41,361 --> 00:30:44,755
Apparently I put her
on a pedestal,
622
00:30:44,799 --> 00:30:47,976
and I don't understand
her flaws, which is crazy,
623
00:30:48,020 --> 00:30:50,631
because she's perfect,
right?
624
00:30:50,674 --> 00:30:54,765
So I asked her to name
one flaw--just one.
625
00:30:54,809 --> 00:30:57,029
And she finally
opened up to me.
626
00:30:57,072 --> 00:30:59,422
Now, I thought that we knew
everything about each other,
627
00:30:59,466 --> 00:31:01,729
but it turns out she has an--
628
00:31:01,772 --> 00:31:03,905
both: Overwhelming
fear of bears.
629
00:31:03,949 --> 00:31:08,301
- Wait. You know about this?
Why would she keep that from me?
630
00:31:08,344 --> 00:31:11,347
- [Sighs] Hey, guys...
[insect buzzing]
631
00:31:11,391 --> 00:31:12,783
There's probably something
I should tell you.
632
00:31:12,827 --> 00:31:14,785
- Wait.
Just bear with us.
633
00:31:14,829 --> 00:31:18,789
- So all I have to do is
help Quincy overcome her fear.
634
00:31:18,833 --> 00:31:20,661
Then she'll realize
that she's perfect
635
00:31:20,704 --> 00:31:23,359
like I've always known,
and then we can get married.
636
00:31:23,403 --> 00:31:26,275
- Okay, so, tomorrow, we go out
to hunt the bear--
637
00:31:26,319 --> 00:31:29,452
I.e. me in a bear costume
that I bought,
638
00:31:29,496 --> 00:31:32,455
that was surprisingly expensive.
639
00:31:32,499 --> 00:31:33,935
- Right.
- 'Cause I'm broke.
640
00:31:33,979 --> 00:31:35,589
- Okay. You kept the receipt?
- I did.
641
00:31:35,632 --> 00:31:39,375
- Okay. So, Quincy shoots
the bear with a blank.
642
00:31:39,419 --> 00:31:41,377
Harry plays dead.
- [Groans]
643
00:31:41,421 --> 00:31:44,424
- Quincy overcomes her fear,
Harry rips off the bear mask,
644
00:31:44,467 --> 00:31:46,992
gives me the ring,
and Quincy and I
645
00:31:47,035 --> 00:31:48,863
live happily ever after.
646
00:31:48,907 --> 00:31:50,952
- So there isn't
a real bear out there?
647
00:31:50,996 --> 00:31:52,998
- Nope.
It's all part of the plan.
648
00:31:53,041 --> 00:31:56,305
- What about the raccoon?
- Oh, that was all Harry's idea.
649
00:31:56,349 --> 00:31:58,438
Great work, by the way,
with the whole roadkill thing.
650
00:31:58,481 --> 00:31:59,961
- Right.
651
00:32:00,005 --> 00:32:01,658
- I really wish
I'd thought of that.
652
00:32:01,702 --> 00:32:03,922
- And the radio?
- You'd be surprised how easy
653
00:32:03,965 --> 00:32:05,227
it is to reverse
the transmission
654
00:32:05,271 --> 00:32:06,925
on a shortwave radio.
655
00:32:11,190 --> 00:32:13,496
- That's the dumbest
fucking plan I've ever heard.
656
00:32:13,540 --> 00:32:15,498
- No, you don't even know
the half of it.
657
00:32:15,542 --> 00:32:18,501
[Upbeat music]
658
00:32:18,545 --> 00:32:21,374
♪
659
00:32:21,417 --> 00:32:22,984
- The evidence is clear.
660
00:32:23,028 --> 00:32:24,899
This wild animal isn't
messing around,
661
00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:27,206
and I don't think pots
and pans are gonna be enough.
662
00:32:27,249 --> 00:32:29,208
That raccoon was just
the beginning.
663
00:32:29,251 --> 00:32:31,166
- Ranger Rick.
664
00:32:31,210 --> 00:32:34,169
- And now things are about
to get grizzly.
665
00:32:34,213 --> 00:32:36,737
- It's actually mostly
black bears around here.
666
00:32:36,780 --> 00:32:39,261
- I don't know what we did
to piss off that bear,
667
00:32:39,305 --> 00:32:42,873
but we need to take care of it
before it takes care of us.
668
00:32:42,917 --> 00:32:45,920
- The ranger specifically said
hunting season's over.
669
00:32:45,964 --> 00:32:49,054
- This isn't hunting.
This is self-defense.
670
00:32:49,097 --> 00:32:50,577
- Now, I'm not a lawyer--
- Ugh,
671
00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:53,406
it's not
like bears are endangered.
672
00:32:53,449 --> 00:32:54,755
I mean, are they?
673
00:32:54,798 --> 00:32:56,583
- You know what is endangered?
674
00:32:56,626 --> 00:32:58,541
Our relationship,
675
00:32:58,585 --> 00:33:00,891
and I'm not gonna
let some bear keep me
676
00:33:00,935 --> 00:33:02,545
from enjoying a romantic weekend
677
00:33:02,589 --> 00:33:05,026
with the love of my life...
678
00:33:05,070 --> 00:33:06,593
and Harry...
679
00:33:06,636 --> 00:33:08,464
and Tammy.
680
00:33:08,508 --> 00:33:11,076
- [Retches]
681
00:33:12,816 --> 00:33:15,471
Okay. I'm ready.
682
00:33:16,646 --> 00:33:17,908
[Ukulele playing]
683
00:33:17,952 --> 00:33:21,086
- ♪ Going on a bear hunt
684
00:33:21,129 --> 00:33:24,654
♪ Tromping through the trees
685
00:33:24,698 --> 00:33:27,831
♪ Going to shoot an animal
686
00:33:27,875 --> 00:33:30,660
♪ Even though Ranger
Rick said we shouldn't ♪
687
00:33:30,704 --> 00:33:33,837
♪ This ragtag
merry bunch of friends-- ♪
688
00:33:33,881 --> 00:33:35,883
- Do you want me
to smash that ukulele?
689
00:33:35,926 --> 00:33:37,232
Because I will.
690
00:33:37,276 --> 00:33:39,669
Right over your thick skull.
691
00:33:39,713 --> 00:33:42,237
- Ukulele.
- Yeah. That.
692
00:33:42,281 --> 00:33:43,978
- It's pronounced "ukulele."
693
00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:45,632
- Do you even know
where we are?
694
00:33:45,675 --> 00:33:47,547
- Yeah. I spent every summer
in these woods
695
00:33:47,590 --> 00:33:49,201
as a kid, ages two to four.
696
00:33:49,244 --> 00:33:51,290
I know them like
the back of my hand.
697
00:33:51,333 --> 00:33:52,465
- How many freckles?
698
00:33:52,508 --> 00:33:54,075
- I can't.
- What?
699
00:33:54,119 --> 00:33:55,076
- How many freckles
on the back of your hand?
700
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:58,166
- Oh. Uh, 12.
701
00:33:58,210 --> 00:34:00,212
- Did you hear that?
702
00:34:00,255 --> 00:34:02,518
- Oh, no.
I hope it's not a bear.
703
00:34:02,562 --> 00:34:05,695
- Don't worry.
I'll keep us safe.
704
00:34:05,739 --> 00:34:10,613
- Oh, crap.
I forgot my... notebook.
705
00:34:10,657 --> 00:34:13,268
- Why do you need a notebook?
706
00:34:13,312 --> 00:34:16,532
- Uh--what I--
- Because he wrote his
707
00:34:16,576 --> 00:34:18,752
bear tracking strategies
in the notebook.
708
00:34:18,795 --> 00:34:21,842
- Oh, yes, the bear tracking
strategy's in the notebook.
709
00:34:21,885 --> 00:34:24,540
- And you can't track a bear
without a strategy.
710
00:34:24,584 --> 00:34:26,151
- That's what I always say.
- Mm-hmm.
711
00:34:26,194 --> 00:34:28,109
- What?
- Yeah. Okay, so...
712
00:34:28,153 --> 00:34:31,286
don't go too far.
I'll be right back.
713
00:34:35,638 --> 00:34:37,988
- What the hell is going on?
714
00:34:38,032 --> 00:34:40,034
[Voicemail beeps]
715
00:34:40,078 --> 00:34:42,602
- Hey, baby, I'm calling you from a pay phone at the airport.
716
00:34:42,645 --> 00:34:45,213
I left my cell phone
in the cab like an idiot,
717
00:34:45,257 --> 00:34:48,695
but it's all right,
'cause the pitch went great.
718
00:34:48,738 --> 00:34:51,132
I couldn't have done
this without you.
719
00:34:51,176 --> 00:34:55,223
Listen, I know things
haven't been ideal lately.
720
00:34:55,267 --> 00:34:57,617
If you told me a year ago that I'd lose my job in the city
721
00:34:57,660 --> 00:34:58,966
and end up living
in our summer home,
722
00:34:59,009 --> 00:35:00,750
I wouldn't have believed you.
723
00:35:00,794 --> 00:35:03,057
At least we got to keep
all that wine, huh?
724
00:35:03,101 --> 00:35:06,408
Oh, thanks for sticking
with me, babe.
725
00:35:06,452 --> 00:35:08,628
I think things
are turning around.
726
00:35:08,671 --> 00:35:10,804
Don't finish unpacking just yet.
727
00:35:10,847 --> 00:35:13,154
See you soon.
Love you.
728
00:35:13,198 --> 00:35:16,157
[Frantic music]
729
00:35:16,201 --> 00:35:23,251
♪
730
00:35:40,877 --> 00:35:43,924
- [panting]
731
00:35:47,101 --> 00:35:50,148
[leaves rustling]
732
00:35:53,934 --> 00:35:55,675
- So what's going on
with you and Harry?
733
00:35:55,718 --> 00:35:57,459
- What? Nothing.
734
00:35:57,503 --> 00:35:58,982
I just met him.
735
00:35:59,026 --> 00:36:00,767
- That hasn't
stopped you before.
736
00:36:00,810 --> 00:36:02,334
- Thanks for keeping track.
737
00:36:02,377 --> 00:36:03,944
- [Whispers] Guys...
- What is it?
738
00:36:03,987 --> 00:36:05,728
- Shh, shh, shh.
739
00:36:05,772 --> 00:36:08,253
- Ugh.
740
00:36:08,296 --> 00:36:11,256
[Suspenseful music]
741
00:36:11,299 --> 00:36:12,953
[branch cracks]
[all gasp]
742
00:36:12,996 --> 00:36:14,520
- We have to get inside...
now.
743
00:36:14,563 --> 00:36:16,391
- Who are you?
- Haven't you heard?
744
00:36:16,435 --> 00:36:18,785
- No. That's why I asked.
- There's a bear on the loose.
745
00:36:18,828 --> 00:36:22,049
- That's why we're out here.
It's nice to meet you.
746
00:36:22,092 --> 00:36:24,182
I'm Quincy.
Quincy Adams.
747
00:36:24,225 --> 00:36:26,575
- The radio specifically said
to stay indoors.
748
00:36:26,619 --> 00:36:28,229
[Indistinct radio chatter]
Direct orders.
749
00:36:28,273 --> 00:36:29,883
- Finally, somebody
with some sense.
750
00:36:29,926 --> 00:36:31,101
Let's get out of here.
751
00:36:31,145 --> 00:36:32,712
Oh, you hit the gym, huh?
752
00:36:32,755 --> 00:36:35,062
- Nature is my gym.
- Thank you so much,
753
00:36:35,105 --> 00:36:37,020
but we don't need rescuing.
754
00:36:37,064 --> 00:36:38,892
- You think because you got
your hands on a bear rifle,
755
00:36:38,935 --> 00:36:40,807
it means you actually have
what it takes to kill one?
756
00:36:41,895 --> 00:36:44,289
Hunting bears
isn't about this.
757
00:36:44,332 --> 00:36:47,509
It's about this.
758
00:36:47,553 --> 00:36:49,555
We should retreat to your cabin.
Follow me.
759
00:36:49,598 --> 00:36:51,644
- I'm coming.
760
00:36:51,687 --> 00:36:53,472
- If he sees Harry
in the bear costume--
761
00:36:53,515 --> 00:36:55,387
- He's gonna shoot him for real.
762
00:36:57,867 --> 00:36:59,260
- Nice place you got here.
763
00:36:59,304 --> 00:37:00,914
Makes mine look like
an old shanty
764
00:37:00,957 --> 00:37:02,872
held together with garbage
and tree sap.
765
00:37:02,916 --> 00:37:05,701
- I'm sure yours is fine.
- For me, maybe.
766
00:37:05,745 --> 00:37:07,703
Not for you lovely ladies.
767
00:37:07,747 --> 00:37:10,097
But let's not get caught up
playing "whose cabin are we in?"
768
00:37:10,140 --> 00:37:12,795
I heard,
on my police scanner,
769
00:37:12,839 --> 00:37:17,060
some lady crashed her car
straight into a large male bear.
770
00:37:17,104 --> 00:37:18,148
Bam!
- Oh!
771
00:37:18,192 --> 00:37:20,281
- Killed it dead.
772
00:37:20,325 --> 00:37:24,894
Now, what that means
is that his mate is out there,
773
00:37:24,938 --> 00:37:27,419
and she is angry.
774
00:37:27,462 --> 00:37:29,464
Do you have any idea
what a female bear
775
00:37:29,508 --> 00:37:31,727
will do to avenge a loved one?
776
00:37:31,771 --> 00:37:33,381
Well...
777
00:37:33,425 --> 00:37:35,383
I'll spare you the gory details,
778
00:37:35,427 --> 00:37:38,560
but I've seen firsthand what
those five-inch claws can do.
779
00:37:38,604 --> 00:37:40,910
That hunter didn't last long
when he small intestine
780
00:37:40,954 --> 00:37:44,174
was painting the ground
a pretty shade of crimson,
781
00:37:44,218 --> 00:37:46,612
and all he could do was
pick his own guts up
782
00:37:46,655 --> 00:37:48,570
in his hand and scream,
783
00:37:48,614 --> 00:37:51,660
"Why?"
784
00:38:00,495 --> 00:38:02,671
Then the bear ripped off
his hand, too.
785
00:38:02,715 --> 00:38:05,413
- Who are you?
- Oh.
786
00:38:05,457 --> 00:38:07,197
Pardon my manners.
787
00:38:07,241 --> 00:38:08,938
I don't get much human
interaction these days.
788
00:38:08,982 --> 00:38:11,941
The name is Hudson.
You can call me Hud.
789
00:38:11,985 --> 00:38:14,161
I'm a self-trained
wilderness soldier.
790
00:38:14,204 --> 00:38:15,641
You three are safe with me.
791
00:38:15,684 --> 00:38:17,686
- Wait. Where's Harry?
792
00:38:18,948 --> 00:38:21,995
- [Panting]
793
00:38:26,304 --> 00:38:29,307
[grunting]
794
00:38:40,579 --> 00:38:43,538
[dramatic music]
795
00:38:43,582 --> 00:38:48,630
♪
796
00:38:48,674 --> 00:38:50,893
- Well, your friend's
on his own now.
797
00:38:50,937 --> 00:38:52,547
And I know it feels wrong,
798
00:38:52,591 --> 00:38:55,071
but sometimes you got
to make the tough calls.
799
00:38:55,115 --> 00:38:59,293
- Nobody is making any calls.
- Yeah, the phones got eaten.
800
00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:01,643
- They're getting smarter.
- Okay, so what's the plan
801
00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:03,384
and how are we
getting out of here?
802
00:39:03,428 --> 00:39:06,300
- Well, you got a car?
That's our best hope.
803
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:09,477
I would offer mine, but it isn't
exactly road-worthy.
804
00:39:09,521 --> 00:39:12,219
I put it up on cinder blocks
a few years back.
805
00:39:12,262 --> 00:39:16,005
A family of raccoons has since
taken up residence there.
806
00:39:16,049 --> 00:39:18,094
The trash birds,
I call them.
807
00:39:18,138 --> 00:39:21,968
[Sighs] Poor raccoons.
808
00:39:22,011 --> 00:39:25,058
They seemed to be mourning
this morning.
809
00:39:25,101 --> 00:39:26,625
[Raccoons chittering]
810
00:39:26,668 --> 00:39:28,409
They lost one of their own
to the bear.
811
00:39:28,453 --> 00:39:29,845
- It's Ranger Rick.
- Don't even get me started
812
00:39:29,889 --> 00:39:31,804
on that pansy-ass
son of a bitch!
813
00:39:31,847 --> 00:39:33,196
- Wait, the forest ranger?
814
00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:34,502
- No, the popular
Boy Scout mascot.
815
00:39:34,546 --> 00:39:36,330
- Really?
- No, the forest ranger!
816
00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:38,376
- He's not
a Boy Scout mascot.
817
00:39:38,419 --> 00:39:40,813
- Ooh, before I forget,
I have a request.
818
00:39:40,856 --> 00:39:43,816
- A request?
Of course.
819
00:39:43,859 --> 00:39:46,122
Anything you want,
I will get right on that.
820
00:39:46,166 --> 00:39:49,430
- Great, because
I need batteries.
821
00:39:49,474 --> 00:39:51,693
- Batteries.
- Of the D variety.
822
00:39:51,737 --> 00:39:53,303
- Great. Okay.
823
00:39:53,347 --> 00:39:55,044
Let's all find Hudson
some batteries,
824
00:39:55,088 --> 00:39:56,785
and that way he can go home
and recharge
825
00:39:56,829 --> 00:39:58,657
whatever critical piece
of technology he owns.
826
00:39:58,700 --> 00:40:01,181
- I don't appreciate
your sarcasm.
827
00:40:01,224 --> 00:40:02,704
If it wasn't for me,
you'd be up--
828
00:40:02,748 --> 00:40:05,185
- Colin, we need to talk.
[Exclaims]
829
00:40:05,228 --> 00:40:06,404
- Who the hell are you?
830
00:40:06,447 --> 00:40:08,144
- Harry. Harry Jameson.
831
00:40:08,188 --> 00:40:09,842
- One does not simply burst
into another man's
832
00:40:09,885 --> 00:40:11,583
residence, Harold Jameson.
833
00:40:11,626 --> 00:40:16,283
- Wait, it's my aunt's cabin.
- Oh.
834
00:40:16,326 --> 00:40:19,199
Why didn't you say so?
835
00:40:19,242 --> 00:40:20,940
Do you know where your aunt
keeps the D batteries?
836
00:40:20,983 --> 00:40:23,203
- What?
No. I'm sorry.
837
00:40:23,246 --> 00:40:25,248
- It's okay.
You don't have to apologize.
838
00:40:25,292 --> 00:40:29,165
You should know, I once killed
a man who scared me like that.
839
00:40:29,209 --> 00:40:32,473
The year was 1994,
840
00:40:32,517 --> 00:40:35,345
and I hadn't eaten
a proper meal in six days.
841
00:40:35,389 --> 00:40:37,565
I'd gone on an exploratory
rafting mission,
842
00:40:37,609 --> 00:40:39,480
but there's been heavy rains,
and then damn rapids
843
00:40:39,524 --> 00:40:42,091
must have been a class six.
844
00:40:42,135 --> 00:40:43,397
Before I knew it, bam!
845
00:40:43,441 --> 00:40:45,181
[All scream]
- Capsized.
846
00:40:45,225 --> 00:40:46,705
I swam ashore and ended up
in the woods,
847
00:40:46,748 --> 00:40:48,576
much like the ones
you're in now,
848
00:40:48,620 --> 00:40:50,491
and on the fifth day,
849
00:40:50,535 --> 00:40:53,712
I had to make a decision:
die of starvation,
850
00:40:53,755 --> 00:40:56,062
or eat my only friend
in the world...
851
00:40:56,105 --> 00:40:57,846
- The squirrel?
- Have I mentioned
852
00:40:57,890 --> 00:40:59,631
any other friends in the story?
853
00:40:59,674 --> 00:41:03,112
- No, you have not.
854
00:41:03,156 --> 00:41:06,028
- So, there I was,
855
00:41:06,072 --> 00:41:10,468
holding him just inches
from my mouth,
856
00:41:10,511 --> 00:41:14,907
drooling for sustenance...
857
00:41:14,950 --> 00:41:17,736
[chittering]
858
00:41:17,779 --> 00:41:21,827
But I couldn't.
859
00:41:21,870 --> 00:41:24,394
So I put him down.
860
00:41:24,438 --> 00:41:27,397
[Somber music]
861
00:41:27,441 --> 00:41:31,489
♪
862
00:41:31,532 --> 00:41:33,403
I looked him straight
in the eye...
863
00:41:33,447 --> 00:41:35,623
- The squirrel?
- Yes, you fuck.
864
00:41:38,844 --> 00:41:41,020
And I told him--
865
00:41:41,063 --> 00:41:43,283
I told him
it's the end of the road for us.
866
00:41:43,326 --> 00:41:44,937
[Chittering]
867
00:41:44,980 --> 00:41:48,897
And it didn't matter
how much I loved him.
868
00:41:48,941 --> 00:41:51,683
We couldn't survive
together any longer.
869
00:41:54,250 --> 00:41:56,514
So I set him free.
870
00:41:59,517 --> 00:42:02,650
- [Sighs]
That's beautiful.
871
00:42:02,694 --> 00:42:04,391
- Wow, okay.
Great story.
872
00:42:04,434 --> 00:42:06,698
I guess it's safe
to say that we're safe,
873
00:42:06,741 --> 00:42:08,438
so you can head on home now.
874
00:42:08,482 --> 00:42:09,744
- No, the story's not over.
Not even close.
875
00:42:09,788 --> 00:42:12,704
- Oh, wow. Great.
Okay, uh...
876
00:42:12,747 --> 00:42:15,750
In that case,
I need to use the bathroom.
877
00:42:15,794 --> 00:42:18,361
Harry?
878
00:42:18,405 --> 00:42:19,885
Oh, what?
879
00:42:19,928 --> 00:42:21,190
You two can go
to the bathroom together,
880
00:42:21,234 --> 00:42:22,322
but it's weird when guys do it?
881
00:42:22,365 --> 00:42:23,845
[Overlapping agreement]
882
00:42:23,889 --> 00:42:28,633
- Okay, then I need
your help in...
883
00:42:28,676 --> 00:42:31,636
the hallway.
884
00:42:31,679 --> 00:42:33,812
- Are you gonna shit
in the hallway?
885
00:42:33,855 --> 00:42:35,857
- What?
No.
886
00:42:35,901 --> 00:42:41,297
Yes. Come on.
887
00:42:41,341 --> 00:42:43,038
- Sorry. Sorry sorry.
888
00:42:43,082 --> 00:42:45,084
- What took you so long?
We were waiting out there.
889
00:42:45,127 --> 00:42:46,389
- I'm, like, really sorry,
but look, we should have done
890
00:42:46,433 --> 00:42:48,087
a dress rehearsal or something.
891
00:42:48,130 --> 00:42:49,175
- You know that we didn't have
the time or the money
892
00:42:49,218 --> 00:42:50,959
for real rehearsals.
893
00:42:51,003 --> 00:42:52,831
- I couldn't get the costume
on by myself,
894
00:42:52,874 --> 00:42:54,572
and then, when I did,
I could hardly see out of it.
895
00:42:54,615 --> 00:42:56,878
- Man, I am tired
of the excuses, all right?
896
00:42:56,922 --> 00:42:58,967
We have a real problem.
- I know.
897
00:42:59,011 --> 00:43:00,142
- Yeah, the crazy woodsman.
- The bear.
898
00:43:00,186 --> 00:43:01,709
- Wait, what?
899
00:43:01,753 --> 00:43:03,363
- There's a real bear
out there, man.
900
00:43:03,406 --> 00:43:04,843
- What do you mean there's
a real bear out there?
901
00:43:04,886 --> 00:43:07,149
- You know,
"Roar,
902
00:43:07,193 --> 00:43:09,369
I'm gonna eat you"?
That kind of a thing.
903
00:43:09,412 --> 00:43:11,371
- Really?
- Yeah.
904
00:43:11,414 --> 00:43:13,416
- Uh, I think
I read that bears are
905
00:43:13,460 --> 00:43:14,722
more afraid of us
than we are of them.
906
00:43:14,766 --> 00:43:16,506
- Oh,
I've not read that.
907
00:43:16,550 --> 00:43:19,248
- We will be fine.
908
00:43:19,292 --> 00:43:21,555
Well, I will be fine.
909
00:43:21,599 --> 00:43:23,644
Hudson has a real gun, and if
he sees you dressed as a bear,
910
00:43:23,688 --> 00:43:26,125
he's gonna shoot you
and mount your head on his wall.
911
00:43:26,168 --> 00:43:28,649
- I spent two days
without him,
912
00:43:28,693 --> 00:43:31,347
and I knew that I had a task
to accomplish,
913
00:43:31,391 --> 00:43:34,524
but I couldn't let my human
emotions get in the way.
914
00:43:36,309 --> 00:43:38,311
- You're a really
passionate guy,
915
00:43:38,354 --> 00:43:40,574
and I find that
really attractive in a man.
916
00:43:40,618 --> 00:43:43,490
- Really?
- What?
917
00:43:43,533 --> 00:43:47,015
- Could you just excuse us
for one second?
918
00:43:47,059 --> 00:43:48,669
Come on. Sorry.
919
00:43:48,713 --> 00:43:50,628
- I don't mean to be
the voice of reason here,
920
00:43:50,671 --> 00:43:52,151
but maybe we should
call it quits.
921
00:43:52,194 --> 00:43:54,370
Look, I didn't sign up
for a real bear.
922
00:43:54,414 --> 00:43:56,068
I didn't sign up
for a real gun.
923
00:43:56,111 --> 00:43:57,678
Technically,
I didn't sign anything,
924
00:43:57,722 --> 00:43:59,811
except for the receipt
for the bear costume,
925
00:43:59,854 --> 00:44:01,987
which put me into overdraft,
just so you know.
926
00:44:02,030 --> 00:44:05,251
- Whoa, what are you doing?
Are you hitting on that guy?
927
00:44:05,294 --> 00:44:06,731
- What? No.
928
00:44:06,774 --> 00:44:08,994
He's just had
a very interesting life.
929
00:44:09,037 --> 00:44:11,997
Besides, my therapist said that
no feelings are bad feelings,
930
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,260
except shoulder tension.
931
00:44:14,303 --> 00:44:16,175
- We are so close.
932
00:44:16,218 --> 00:44:18,307
I can't do this without you.
933
00:44:19,787 --> 00:44:23,138
- Why is it such a big deal
to propose to her like this?
934
00:44:23,182 --> 00:44:25,837
- I don't know.
935
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,708
[Sighs]
936
00:44:27,752 --> 00:44:29,797
I just want to give Quincy
a reason to stay with me.
937
00:44:29,841 --> 00:44:32,408
- She has enough reason
to be with you, all right?
938
00:44:32,452 --> 00:44:34,019
You love her like crazy.
939
00:44:34,062 --> 00:44:35,890
You're a handsome fellow.
You've got a good job.
940
00:44:35,934 --> 00:44:37,413
- Had.
941
00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:41,069
- Oh.
942
00:44:43,332 --> 00:44:45,639
- I haven't told Quincy yet.
943
00:44:49,556 --> 00:44:50,644
- [Exhales sharply]
944
00:44:50,688 --> 00:44:52,385
Okay, okay..
945
00:44:52,428 --> 00:44:55,083
I have a plan, all right?
Now, you turn the radio on,
946
00:44:55,127 --> 00:44:57,825
and you make sure
that Hudson is listening.
947
00:44:57,869 --> 00:45:00,828
[Suspicious music]
948
00:45:00,872 --> 00:45:04,353
♪
949
00:45:04,397 --> 00:45:07,748
- Where are the girls?
- Uh, lady problems.
950
00:45:07,792 --> 00:45:11,360
- What does that even mean?
Don't answer that.
951
00:45:11,404 --> 00:45:13,928
Let's take a break
from all this craziness
952
00:45:13,972 --> 00:45:15,887
and go listen to the radio.
953
00:45:15,930 --> 00:45:19,238
- I love radios.
- Yeah. Great.
954
00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:24,156
- I'd really appreciate it
if you stopped hitting on Harry.
955
00:45:24,199 --> 00:45:25,548
You were supposed to be
my friend on this trip.
956
00:45:25,592 --> 00:45:26,941
You remember that?
957
00:45:26,985 --> 00:45:28,551
- Look, I know that
I just met Harry,
958
00:45:28,595 --> 00:45:30,771
but I think
I really like him.
959
00:45:30,815 --> 00:45:32,381
And why can't you
just be happy for me?
960
00:45:32,425 --> 00:45:34,079
- I would be happy for you
if I thought
961
00:45:34,122 --> 00:45:35,515
that it was going to work.
962
00:45:35,558 --> 00:45:37,517
Look, Colin even said--
963
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,127
No, you know what?
I shouldn't say anything.
964
00:45:39,171 --> 00:45:40,825
- Shouldn't say anything
about what?
965
00:45:40,868 --> 00:45:42,783
- Colin said that Harry
isn't interested in you.
966
00:45:42,827 --> 00:45:45,743
That you two are just not
right for each other.
967
00:45:45,786 --> 00:45:49,094
Harry is a huge idiot,
but at least he has standards.
968
00:45:49,137 --> 00:45:51,574
- What's that supposed to mean?
- You know, I don't even--
969
00:45:51,618 --> 00:45:53,446
I don't--I literally
don't know anything.
970
00:45:53,489 --> 00:45:54,882
I haven't known a goddamn thing
971
00:45:54,926 --> 00:45:56,405
since we showed up
to this place.
972
00:45:56,449 --> 00:45:58,190
Everyone's acting weird,
you included,
973
00:45:58,233 --> 00:45:59,974
and now I just want some wine.
974
00:46:00,018 --> 00:46:01,933
Where'd Harry put
that nasty attic wine?
975
00:46:01,976 --> 00:46:04,283
In the attic?
Thank you.
976
00:46:04,326 --> 00:46:06,111
[Sighs]
977
00:46:06,154 --> 00:46:07,852
He probably just didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
978
00:46:12,900 --> 00:46:14,119
[Static on radio]
979
00:46:14,162 --> 00:46:17,078
- [moaning]
980
00:46:17,122 --> 00:46:20,255
This is an emergency alert from the Smithtown County area.
981
00:46:20,299 --> 00:46:22,431
[Clears throat]
Residents are advised
982
00:46:22,475 --> 00:46:24,216
to stay inside their homes.
983
00:46:24,259 --> 00:46:26,261
Emergency teams will be
coming door to door
984
00:46:26,305 --> 00:46:28,829
delivering care packages
filled with water,
985
00:46:28,873 --> 00:46:31,484
bear repellant,
986
00:46:31,527 --> 00:46:34,748
and D batteries.
That is all.
987
00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:39,144
- What are you doing?
- Uh-oh.
988
00:46:39,187 --> 00:46:42,538
- Uh, well, buddy,
I guess you'd better get home
989
00:46:42,582 --> 00:46:44,758
so you can get your
D batteries or whatever.
990
00:46:44,802 --> 00:46:47,282
- Too risky.
Could be a trap.
991
00:46:47,326 --> 00:46:49,894
- A trap set by who?
The bear?
992
00:46:49,937 --> 00:46:52,287
- That's the dumbest
fucking plan I've ever heard.
993
00:46:52,331 --> 00:46:54,899
- You just have to promise not
to let Colin know that you know.
994
00:46:54,942 --> 00:46:57,510
- Plus they're gonna be bringing
a care package here, too, right?
995
00:46:57,553 --> 00:47:00,339
- Right.
- So?
996
00:47:00,382 --> 00:47:02,210
- Oh, God damn it.
997
00:47:02,254 --> 00:47:03,777
- This is ridiculous.
998
00:47:03,821 --> 00:47:06,258
- He has worked so hard
on this, Quincy.
999
00:47:06,301 --> 00:47:08,869
Please play along,
for his sake.
1000
00:47:08,913 --> 00:47:15,136
- Okay, just wait here.
Just wait.
1001
00:47:15,180 --> 00:47:18,357
- This is all for you!
This whole weekend!
1002
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:20,359
All of it!
Just because he loves you.
1003
00:47:21,708 --> 00:47:23,275
- [Sighs]
1004
00:47:29,368 --> 00:47:30,848
- What was she doing in here?
1005
00:47:30,891 --> 00:47:32,632
- No, it's not
what it looks like.
1006
00:47:32,675 --> 00:47:35,200
- What does it look like?
- It's just an expression.
1007
00:47:35,243 --> 00:47:37,332
And don't worry, I covered.
She doesn't know about the plan.
1008
00:47:37,376 --> 00:47:41,075
She just wanted
the nasty attic wine.
1009
00:47:41,119 --> 00:47:42,860
- Hudson didn't go for it.
- What?
1010
00:47:42,903 --> 00:47:44,339
- It was a good try,
but we're gonna have
1011
00:47:44,383 --> 00:47:45,906
to find another way
to distract him.
1012
00:47:45,950 --> 00:47:49,083
- I'll distract him.
- Great. How?
1013
00:47:49,127 --> 00:47:51,738
- I'll show you what it
looks like to lead someone on.
1014
00:47:51,781 --> 00:47:54,262
I don't care if he can
make sandwiches or not.
1015
00:47:54,306 --> 00:47:56,047
I mean,
he's really attractive, right?
1016
00:47:56,090 --> 00:47:57,483
He's got a great body.
1017
00:47:57,526 --> 00:47:59,354
That's always
been enough in the past.
1018
00:47:59,398 --> 00:48:00,790
[Sniffles]
1019
00:48:00,834 --> 00:48:03,097
- So what is your plan,
exactly?
1020
00:48:03,141 --> 00:48:07,275
- I said I would
handle it, okay? Jesus!
1021
00:48:07,319 --> 00:48:09,451
[Crying]
1022
00:48:12,454 --> 00:48:16,067
- Does Hudson really have
that great of a body?
1023
00:48:16,110 --> 00:48:19,113
- I'd say a seven.
- A seven?
1024
00:48:19,157 --> 00:48:20,723
- But I'm not really
into flannel,
1025
00:48:20,767 --> 00:48:23,117
so I might not be
the best person to ask.
1026
00:48:23,161 --> 00:48:25,946
We may have been interrupted,
but nothing has changed.
1027
00:48:25,990 --> 00:48:28,383
The bear is still out there,
and we need to hurry,
1028
00:48:28,427 --> 00:48:32,213
because if we lose the sun,
the bear has the advantage.
1029
00:48:32,257 --> 00:48:34,781
- Can bears see in the dark?
- It's, like, midday.
1030
00:48:34,824 --> 00:48:37,653
- Exactly.
- Where are Tammy and Hudson?
1031
00:48:37,697 --> 00:48:39,264
- I thought you said there
were batteries in here.
1032
00:48:39,307 --> 00:48:42,006
- [Gasps]
- Hi.
1033
00:48:42,049 --> 00:48:44,965
- They'll catch up with us.
Let's go.
1034
00:48:45,009 --> 00:48:46,924
- Did you hear that?
1035
00:48:49,970 --> 00:48:51,450
They're gone.
1036
00:48:51,493 --> 00:48:53,452
- Which leaves you and me
all alone.
1037
00:48:53,495 --> 00:48:55,584
- Has nothing I've said
gotten through to you people?
1038
00:48:55,628 --> 00:48:58,152
They'll die out there.
- They'll be fine.
1039
00:48:58,196 --> 00:49:01,112
- If only there had been time
to tell the rest of my story.
1040
00:49:03,288 --> 00:49:04,811
Two days after
I let my squirrel go,
1041
00:49:04,854 --> 00:49:06,465
I realized I wasn't alone.
1042
00:49:06,508 --> 00:49:07,988
There was a band
of hillbillies hunting me.
1043
00:49:08,032 --> 00:49:09,947
- Shh.
1044
00:49:09,990 --> 00:49:12,384
Has anyone ever told you
how good you look in flannel?
1045
00:49:12,427 --> 00:49:16,954
Like a normal-sized
Paul Bunyan.
1046
00:49:16,997 --> 00:49:18,868
Mm.
- You seem like a...
1047
00:49:18,912 --> 00:49:21,262
nice girl, but--
- I'm not a nice girl.
1048
00:49:21,306 --> 00:49:24,352
[Both moaning]
1049
00:49:25,963 --> 00:49:27,529
[phone rings]
1050
00:49:27,573 --> 00:49:29,009
- Rick.
1051
00:49:29,053 --> 00:49:31,098
[Phone rings]
Rick.
1052
00:49:31,142 --> 00:49:33,492
- Where the fuck have you been, Rick? Never mind.
1053
00:49:33,535 --> 00:49:35,885
This goddamn fire burned up
right up to a cave.
1054
00:49:35,929 --> 00:49:37,713
Trapped a bear inside, Rick.
1055
00:49:37,757 --> 00:49:39,411
Had to listen to the fucker
for six hours.
1056
00:49:39,454 --> 00:49:41,021
You ever hear a bear scream?
1057
00:49:41,065 --> 00:49:43,415
- Oh, no.
Is there anything I can do?
1058
00:49:43,458 --> 00:49:47,419
- What are we? A couple of schoolgirls comparing tit sizes?
1059
00:49:47,462 --> 00:49:49,421
Of course there's something
you can do.
1060
00:49:49,464 --> 00:49:51,640
You can go out there
and track these goddamn bears.
1061
00:49:51,684 --> 00:49:53,512
One more dead bear
on your watch,
1062
00:49:53,555 --> 00:49:55,122
and I will see to it that you
1063
00:49:55,166 --> 00:49:57,081
will never work
another fucking day
1064
00:49:57,124 --> 00:49:59,344
in your fucking life!
[Bear roars]
1065
00:49:59,387 --> 00:50:00,780
Holy shit!
What the fuck was tha--
1066
00:50:00,823 --> 00:50:03,000
[dial tone]
1067
00:50:04,697 --> 00:50:06,960
[clatters]
1068
00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:09,963
[upbeat music]
1069
00:50:10,007 --> 00:50:15,490
♪
1070
00:50:15,534 --> 00:50:18,276
- Uh, according
to this data--
1071
00:50:18,319 --> 00:50:21,366
intel all we need to do
is go that way.
1072
00:50:21,409 --> 00:50:22,889
- Oh yeah? You sure
about that book there?
1073
00:50:22,932 --> 00:50:24,238
- Mm-hmm.
- You--Maybe I should,
1074
00:50:24,282 --> 00:50:25,239
you know, take a look?
- No!
1075
00:50:25,283 --> 00:50:28,416
I need to pee.
1076
00:50:28,460 --> 00:50:31,637
- Well, pick a tree.
- I mean, I need trail mix.
1077
00:50:38,165 --> 00:50:45,216
♪
1078
00:50:58,055 --> 00:51:01,014
[dramatic music]
1079
00:51:01,058 --> 00:51:04,148
♪
1080
00:51:04,191 --> 00:51:07,151
[frantic music]
1081
00:51:07,194 --> 00:51:10,284
♪
1082
00:51:10,328 --> 00:51:13,287
[suspenseful music]
1083
00:51:13,331 --> 00:51:19,032
♪
1084
00:51:19,076 --> 00:51:22,079
[frantic music]
1085
00:51:22,122 --> 00:51:23,645
♪
1086
00:51:23,689 --> 00:51:25,299
- We're too exposed.
1087
00:51:25,343 --> 00:51:26,953
We shouldn't be out
in the open like this.
1088
00:51:26,996 --> 00:51:29,651
- You're right.
Let's do it in there.
1089
00:51:29,695 --> 00:51:36,745
♪
1090
00:51:38,138 --> 00:51:41,098
[both breathing heavily]
1091
00:51:41,141 --> 00:51:43,752
[spits]
1092
00:51:43,796 --> 00:51:46,755
[both moaning]
1093
00:51:46,799 --> 00:51:49,845
- [grunting]
1094
00:51:52,370 --> 00:51:53,980
- Mel.
1095
00:51:54,023 --> 00:51:55,808
[Suspenseful music]
1096
00:51:55,851 --> 00:51:57,505
Babe?
1097
00:51:57,549 --> 00:52:04,599
♪
1098
00:52:06,732 --> 00:52:09,778
- I love sex!
[Grunting]
1099
00:52:12,129 --> 00:52:18,744
♪
1100
00:52:18,787 --> 00:52:20,311
[crying]
1101
00:52:20,354 --> 00:52:22,051
[both grunting]
- [crying]
1102
00:52:22,095 --> 00:52:29,146
♪
1103
00:52:34,716 --> 00:52:36,892
[voicemail beeps]
- Hey, Mel,
1104
00:52:36,936 --> 00:52:38,633
I know I'm not
supposed to call the house.
1105
00:52:38,677 --> 00:52:40,287
I'm sorry, but it's just
I tried your cell
1106
00:52:40,331 --> 00:52:41,897
and it went
straight to voicemail.
1107
00:52:41,941 --> 00:52:43,943
I'm worried.
Where are you?
1108
00:52:43,986 --> 00:52:46,293
They're about to close
the restaurant.
1109
00:52:46,337 --> 00:52:48,034
- We should get out more.
1110
00:52:50,341 --> 00:52:53,387
This is nice.
1111
00:52:53,431 --> 00:52:58,479
[Both grunting]
1112
00:52:58,523 --> 00:53:01,221
- Hey, babe, I'm calling you from a payphone at the airport.
1113
00:53:01,265 --> 00:53:03,267
I left--
[beeps]
1114
00:53:03,310 --> 00:53:05,921
- Mr. Carter,
this is officer Berkley.
1115
00:53:05,965 --> 00:53:07,662
I'm calling you
from Grace Hospital.
1116
00:53:07,706 --> 00:53:09,838
Your wife's been--
your wife's been in
1117
00:53:09,882 --> 00:53:12,058
a car accident.
The same wreck that started
1118
00:53:12,101 --> 00:53:14,191
the fire
we've been dealing with.
1119
00:53:14,234 --> 00:53:16,323
I need you to come to the
hospital as soon as possible.
1120
00:53:16,367 --> 00:53:19,674
She's--I can't say
any more over the phone.
1121
00:53:19,718 --> 00:53:21,589
I need you to come in.
1122
00:53:21,633 --> 00:53:23,983
- The fuck?
1123
00:53:24,026 --> 00:53:31,077
♪
1124
00:53:41,087 --> 00:53:44,133
[bear grunting]
1125
00:53:57,321 --> 00:53:58,974
- Hey!
1126
00:53:59,018 --> 00:54:01,368
Come on! Hey!
1127
00:54:01,412 --> 00:54:02,848
Hey!
[Bear roars]
1128
00:54:02,891 --> 00:54:04,893
- Oh!
1129
00:54:04,937 --> 00:54:06,852
- [Howling]
1130
00:54:06,895 --> 00:54:09,071
♪
1131
00:54:09,115 --> 00:54:12,379
- Oh...
1132
00:54:12,423 --> 00:54:15,556
[bear growling]
[screaming]
1133
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:16,731
- [yelling]
1134
00:54:16,775 --> 00:54:19,299
- [screaming]
1135
00:54:19,343 --> 00:54:22,084
[both shouting]
1136
00:54:22,128 --> 00:54:25,610
- [screaming continues]
1137
00:54:25,653 --> 00:54:27,655
♪
1138
00:54:27,699 --> 00:54:30,571
- Wait.
What was that?
1139
00:54:30,615 --> 00:54:32,312
- I don't know.
1140
00:54:32,356 --> 00:54:33,879
Was it the bear?
1141
00:54:40,407 --> 00:54:44,237
- Oh. Look, baby.
There.
1142
00:54:44,281 --> 00:54:45,760
There it is.
1143
00:54:45,804 --> 00:54:49,590
- This is like a nightmare
come true,
1144
00:54:49,634 --> 00:54:52,680
but it's also strangely
romantic.
1145
00:54:52,724 --> 00:54:54,639
What do I do?
1146
00:54:54,682 --> 00:54:57,816
- Shoot it.
- Okay.
1147
00:54:59,165 --> 00:55:01,515
[Sighs]
1148
00:55:01,559 --> 00:55:04,736
- Okay, now, deep breaths.
Steady your hands.
1149
00:55:04,779 --> 00:55:08,130
Now on three,
I want you to exhale
1150
00:55:08,174 --> 00:55:10,002
and squeeze the trigger.
1151
00:55:10,045 --> 00:55:12,178
Don't pull...
- Mm-hmm.
1152
00:55:12,221 --> 00:55:14,180
- Squeeze.
1153
00:55:14,223 --> 00:55:17,618
One...
1154
00:55:17,662 --> 00:55:20,621
two...
1155
00:55:20,665 --> 00:55:23,058
- Stop! Don't!
1156
00:55:23,102 --> 00:55:24,669
[Whistle blows]
1157
00:55:24,712 --> 00:55:29,326
- [shouting]
- [grunting]
1158
00:55:29,369 --> 00:55:30,979
- Rawr!
- Shh. Shh.
1159
00:55:31,023 --> 00:55:33,025
Did you hear that?
- Oh.
1160
00:55:33,068 --> 00:55:34,461
Sounded like
a rape whistle?
1161
00:55:34,505 --> 00:55:36,376
- A bear whistle.
1162
00:55:36,420 --> 00:55:40,685
- Ooh!
[Groans]
1163
00:55:44,384 --> 00:55:46,778
- I specifically told you
hunting season was over!
1164
00:55:46,821 --> 00:55:48,649
Specifically!
1165
00:55:48,693 --> 00:55:51,086
I remember, because I forgot
to tell the last group of folks,
1166
00:55:51,130 --> 00:55:53,480
and that really came back
to bite me in the butt.
1167
00:55:53,524 --> 00:55:55,395
Pardon my language.
1168
00:55:55,439 --> 00:55:57,658
- I can assure you this is
all just a big misunderstanding.
1169
00:55:57,702 --> 00:56:00,182
- Yeah, we weren't actually
gonna shoot a bear.
1170
00:56:00,226 --> 00:56:02,359
- How would you know
what I was going to do?
1171
00:56:02,402 --> 00:56:04,143
You were obviously
preoccupied.
1172
00:56:04,186 --> 00:56:07,233
- Eh! We
were preoccupied.
1173
00:56:07,276 --> 00:56:08,887
- It's not you two
I'm worried about.
1174
00:56:08,930 --> 00:56:10,105
It's these ones.
1175
00:56:10,149 --> 00:56:13,674
It's just--
I just--
1176
00:56:13,718 --> 00:56:15,372
Specifically!
1177
00:56:15,415 --> 00:56:17,678
- It won't happen again,
I promise.
1178
00:56:17,722 --> 00:56:19,593
- And why in God's good name
would I believe
1179
00:56:19,637 --> 00:56:21,595
you'd keep your promise?
1180
00:56:21,639 --> 00:56:24,642
- Rick, you're just gonna have
to take my word on this one.
1181
00:56:24,685 --> 00:56:26,731
- People think that just because
of my gentle disposition
1182
00:56:26,774 --> 00:56:28,820
that they can take
advantage of me,
1183
00:56:28,863 --> 00:56:32,127
but I will not allow
another bear to die on my watch.
1184
00:56:32,171 --> 00:56:34,129
- Out of season.
- Well, yes. Out of season.
1185
00:56:34,173 --> 00:56:37,219
Of course.
1186
00:56:37,263 --> 00:56:39,483
Do you even have any idea
what kind of danger you were in?
1187
00:56:39,526 --> 00:56:41,180
- That is exactly
what I have been saying.
1188
00:56:41,223 --> 00:56:43,487
These people blatantly
ignored the radio broadcast.
1189
00:56:43,530 --> 00:56:44,966
- Radio broadcast?
1190
00:56:45,010 --> 00:56:47,316
- You ignored the second
radio broadcast.
1191
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:49,406
- I don't appreciate your tone.
If it wasn't for me, you'd be--
1192
00:56:49,449 --> 00:56:52,191
- Jiminy Christmas!
[Breathing hard]
1193
00:56:52,234 --> 00:56:53,975
You shouldn't
scare me like that.
1194
00:56:54,019 --> 00:56:55,281
I'm a man on the edge.
1195
00:56:55,324 --> 00:56:58,371
- Sorry?
- Who are you?
1196
00:56:58,415 --> 00:57:01,809
- Harry.
All: It's his aunt's cabin.
1197
00:57:01,853 --> 00:57:04,421
- Oh,
why didn't you say so?
1198
00:57:04,464 --> 00:57:06,466
- Well, Rick, thanks so much
for stopping by,
1199
00:57:06,510 --> 00:57:08,076
but if you're done,
we have some unfinished business
1200
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:10,949
we need to attend to.
- Oh, I finished.
1201
00:57:10,992 --> 00:57:13,038
- I most certainly
am not done.
1202
00:57:13,081 --> 00:57:15,475
I am not leaving here until I
get through to you people.
1203
00:57:15,519 --> 00:57:17,564
It's my job on the line here!
1204
00:57:17,608 --> 00:57:19,914
Not to mention
the well-being of the wildlife.
1205
00:57:19,958 --> 00:57:22,700
- Just tell us what we need
to do to make it right.
1206
00:57:22,743 --> 00:57:24,092
Whatever it takes.
1207
00:57:24,136 --> 00:57:28,140
- Well...
1208
00:57:28,183 --> 00:57:31,796
your aunt sure
does make a mean lemonade.
1209
00:57:31,839 --> 00:57:35,060
Had a boatload of sugar.
1210
00:57:35,103 --> 00:57:36,931
I never could resist.
1211
00:57:43,721 --> 00:57:47,159
- I'll make us
all some lemonade.
1212
00:57:47,202 --> 00:57:49,770
- I will, too.
1213
00:57:49,814 --> 00:57:55,297
- Much obliged.
[Sighs]
1214
00:57:55,341 --> 00:57:57,299
- [groans]
- If you had been there sooner,
1215
00:57:57,343 --> 00:57:58,692
we could have done it.
- Been there sooner?
1216
00:57:58,736 --> 00:58:00,172
- Yeah,
I was counting on you.
1217
00:58:00,215 --> 00:58:02,087
- Dude, it was horrible.
I was stuck in--
1218
00:58:02,130 --> 00:58:04,219
- Just stop. Now with Ranger
Rick breathing down our necks,
1219
00:58:04,263 --> 00:58:06,308
we're never gonna be able
to execute this as we planned.
1220
00:58:06,352 --> 00:58:08,180
There's too many
elements to reassess.
1221
00:58:08,223 --> 00:58:09,877
- No.
- You really think a little
1222
00:58:09,921 --> 00:58:13,620
lemonade is gonna placate him?
- Yes. No. Oh!
1223
00:58:13,664 --> 00:58:15,622
Lemonade and sandwiches.
1224
00:58:18,364 --> 00:58:21,323
[Plucky music]
1225
00:58:21,367 --> 00:58:28,417
♪
1226
00:58:40,604 --> 00:58:44,042
- Shit.
What's this doing out?
1227
00:58:48,220 --> 00:58:51,266
[Birds chirping]
1228
00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:08,240
[suspenseful music]
1229
00:59:08,283 --> 00:59:15,334
♪
1230
00:59:25,997 --> 00:59:28,826
This whole thing
has gone so wrong.
1231
00:59:31,176 --> 00:59:33,004
- Do you see this?
Huh?
1232
00:59:33,047 --> 00:59:35,746
This tiny,
expensive piece of rock
1233
00:59:35,789 --> 00:59:37,791
is all you need to focus on.
1234
00:59:37,835 --> 00:59:39,619
Now listen to me, okay?
1235
00:59:39,663 --> 00:59:44,972
We're gonna reassess,
ponder plans of conquests
1236
00:59:45,016 --> 00:59:46,408
that we'll execute:
APEC.
1237
00:59:46,452 --> 00:59:47,888
APEC. APEC. Okay.
1238
00:59:47,932 --> 00:59:51,239
Now listen.
We can still do this.
1239
00:59:58,246 --> 01:00:01,206
[Dramatic music]
1240
01:00:01,249 --> 01:00:08,300
♪
1241
01:00:10,911 --> 01:00:13,174
- Oh, thank God.
I'm starving!
1242
01:00:17,265 --> 01:00:18,919
- [Belches]
1243
01:00:18,963 --> 01:00:20,529
- I always forget
how much a good fucking
1244
01:00:20,573 --> 01:00:22,053
works up an appetite.
1245
01:00:30,844 --> 01:00:33,325
- You know, I think you boys
may have forgotten
1246
01:00:33,368 --> 01:00:36,415
the one thing
I specifically asked for:
1247
01:00:36,458 --> 01:00:39,113
- Sugar.
- See? You did hear me.
1248
01:00:39,157 --> 01:00:41,420
- [Chuckles]
I, uh--I put in
1249
01:00:41,463 --> 01:00:46,686
a whole bag of sugar,
Mr. Ranger Rick.
1250
01:00:46,730 --> 01:00:49,341
But if you want more,
your wish is my command.
1251
01:00:49,384 --> 01:00:51,865
- No, I got it.
1252
01:00:58,742 --> 01:01:01,701
[Dramatic music]
1253
01:01:01,745 --> 01:01:06,401
♪
1254
01:01:06,445 --> 01:01:11,755
- [gasps]
Fuuuck.
1255
01:01:15,846 --> 01:01:17,891
- Well?
- Hmm?
1256
01:01:17,935 --> 01:01:21,025
- What's the holdup?
- Oh, nothing.
1257
01:01:21,068 --> 01:01:23,244
Here you go, Ranger Rick.
1258
01:01:27,727 --> 01:01:29,250
- [Chuckles]
1259
01:01:30,643 --> 01:01:31,600
- [groans]
1260
01:01:31,644 --> 01:01:33,428
- Oh, thanks, boys.
1261
01:01:33,472 --> 01:01:36,780
You know, I think
that I have found a way
1262
01:01:36,823 --> 01:01:40,435
to settle this whole thing.
1263
01:01:40,479 --> 01:01:43,221
Now, if you'd sign there
1264
01:01:43,264 --> 01:01:45,484
agreeing not to hurt
any bears...
1265
01:01:45,527 --> 01:01:48,269
- Wait. When did you
have time to write this?
1266
01:01:48,313 --> 01:01:51,229
- Now, we'll seal the deal
1267
01:01:51,272 --> 01:01:56,147
with a glass of the old yellow.
1268
01:01:56,190 --> 01:01:57,452
- Cheers.
- [Indistinct mumbling]
1269
01:02:01,543 --> 01:02:08,594
♪
1270
01:02:12,816 --> 01:02:15,035
- No! Ooh!
Okay! Okay!
1271
01:02:15,079 --> 01:02:16,558
Um, Hudson's choking.
Hudson's choking.
1272
01:02:16,602 --> 01:02:18,604
Come on.
1273
01:02:18,647 --> 01:02:19,779
Come on, man.
Come on.
1274
01:02:19,823 --> 01:02:21,041
Oh, yeah, I'll save you.
1275
01:02:21,085 --> 01:02:22,739
Harry's got you.
Yeah.
1276
01:02:22,782 --> 01:02:24,436
Yeah, don't go towards
the light!
1277
01:02:24,479 --> 01:02:26,351
- Stop! Stop!
[Overlapping shouting]
1278
01:02:29,093 --> 01:02:31,660
- [gulps, belches]
1279
01:02:31,704 --> 01:02:33,271
There we go.
Problem solved.
1280
01:02:36,230 --> 01:02:38,755
- We have a problem.
- Just one?
1281
01:02:39,407 --> 01:02:41,932
- I lost the ring.
- Oh, shit.
1282
01:02:43,847 --> 01:02:46,632
- Okay. I am gonna ask you
two questions, Harry,
1283
01:02:46,675 --> 01:02:48,547
and you need
to be honest with me.
1284
01:02:48,590 --> 01:02:52,681
Where is the ring, and why
did you just molest Hudson?
1285
01:02:52,725 --> 01:02:55,772
- Okay. I can kill those
two birds with one stone.
1286
01:02:55,815 --> 01:03:00,341
The ring is inside Hudson.
1287
01:03:00,385 --> 01:03:02,169
- What?
- Listen.
1288
01:03:02,213 --> 01:03:03,823
I've been nothing but supportive
with you on this trip,
1289
01:03:03,867 --> 01:03:05,259
and I'd appreciate it
if you didn't take
1290
01:03:05,303 --> 01:03:07,087
that tone of voice
with me, mister.
1291
01:03:07,131 --> 01:03:09,350
- You let a stranger eat
my grandmother's wedding ring.
1292
01:03:09,394 --> 01:03:12,136
- I guess it fell into
the sandwich. I am sorry.
1293
01:03:12,179 --> 01:03:13,920
- Okay.
I'm sure he didn't mean it.
1294
01:03:13,964 --> 01:03:17,837
- You can take your sympathy
and get--get rid of it.
1295
01:03:17,881 --> 01:03:19,926
- Didn't mean it?
Oh, he didn't mean it?
1296
01:03:19,970 --> 01:03:21,754
Oh, that makes
everything better, doesn't it?
1297
01:03:21,798 --> 01:03:23,451
I'm just gonna propose to Quincy
1298
01:03:23,495 --> 01:03:25,714
by wrapping a fucking twig
around her finger!
1299
01:03:25,758 --> 01:03:27,325
- Twigs don't really bend.
- She's gonna say no anyway.
1300
01:03:27,368 --> 01:03:29,544
- You need to solve this now,
all right?
1301
01:03:29,588 --> 01:03:31,285
We are moving forward
with this plan
1302
01:03:31,329 --> 01:03:34,636
whether you like it
or--what did you just say?
1303
01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:38,466
- I said she doesn't love you.
- That's not what you said.
1304
01:03:38,510 --> 01:03:40,338
- It was implied, Harry.
1305
01:03:40,381 --> 01:03:42,166
- What are you talking about?
We're working things out.
1306
01:03:42,209 --> 01:03:44,429
- She only came on this trip
because she's too much of
1307
01:03:44,472 --> 01:03:47,606
a little pussy to confront
her problems directly.
1308
01:03:47,649 --> 01:03:49,434
She met somebody else.
1309
01:03:49,477 --> 01:03:53,960
Look, I'm sorry, dude.
1310
01:03:54,004 --> 01:03:56,615
- Oh.
- Also, it's probably
1311
01:03:56,658 --> 01:03:59,270
a good time to tell you,
Quincy--well...
1312
01:03:59,313 --> 01:04:00,880
- Just spit it out.
1313
01:04:00,924 --> 01:04:02,403
How much worse can it get?
- Okay. Okay.
1314
01:04:02,447 --> 01:04:05,145
She knows about the plan.
1315
01:04:05,189 --> 01:04:11,935
But buddy, don't worry,
'cause it's gonna be okay.
1316
01:04:11,978 --> 01:04:13,893
- Abort mission.
1317
01:04:17,157 --> 01:04:19,725
- Now look what you did.
1318
01:04:19,768 --> 01:04:21,466
You didn't have
to tell him that.
1319
01:04:21,509 --> 01:04:23,294
- What, you really think
he would be better off living
1320
01:04:23,337 --> 01:04:25,513
in some fantasy where he makes
some grand romantic gesture
1321
01:04:25,557 --> 01:04:28,342
and lives happily ever after?
- Maybe. I want him to be happy.
1322
01:04:28,386 --> 01:04:29,778
- Yeah? Well maybe that's
your problem, you know?
1323
01:04:29,822 --> 01:04:31,215
You're just trying
to please everybody.
1324
01:04:31,258 --> 01:04:32,738
If you didn't like me,
then you shouldn't
1325
01:04:32,781 --> 01:04:34,218
have led me on like that.
- I do like you.
1326
01:04:34,261 --> 01:04:38,178
- Exactly. Wait, what?
1327
01:04:38,222 --> 01:04:40,746
- Why wouldn't I like you?
You're enthusiastic.
1328
01:04:40,789 --> 01:04:44,097
You have a great... taste
in sandwiches,
1329
01:04:44,141 --> 01:04:45,664
and you're helping
me and Colin
1330
01:04:45,707 --> 01:04:46,926
even though you know
this is a bad idea.
1331
01:04:46,970 --> 01:04:48,232
- Then why did you tell Colin
1332
01:04:48,275 --> 01:04:49,973
that you weren't
interested in me?
1333
01:04:50,016 --> 01:04:52,627
- I never said that.
- No. When I told Quincy--
1334
01:04:53,977 --> 01:04:57,850
[groans]
Fucking cunt face.
1335
01:04:57,894 --> 01:05:01,898
Oh, God, that means that I slept
with Hudson for no reason.
1336
01:05:02,986 --> 01:05:07,033
- I... watched you and Hudson...
1337
01:05:07,077 --> 01:05:08,905
fucking each other.
1338
01:05:10,732 --> 01:05:12,082
- What did you just say?
1339
01:05:12,125 --> 01:05:14,823
- I was in the garage.
1340
01:05:14,867 --> 01:05:16,173
- I'm so sorry.
1341
01:05:16,216 --> 01:05:18,827
- Yeah, me, too.
1342
01:05:18,871 --> 01:05:20,655
- Look,
I only did it because
1343
01:05:20,699 --> 01:05:22,266
I was mad at Quincy,
1344
01:05:22,309 --> 01:05:24,050
and we had to find some way
to distract him,
1345
01:05:24,094 --> 01:05:26,705
and I just--
1346
01:05:26,748 --> 01:05:29,751
I was faking it
the whole time.
1347
01:05:29,795 --> 01:05:32,580
Could you just say something?
1348
01:05:32,624 --> 01:05:35,105
- I've seen you naked.
- And?
1349
01:05:35,148 --> 01:05:36,628
- Oh, yeah.
It was good.
1350
01:05:36,671 --> 01:05:38,935
Except for the man
that was inside of you.
1351
01:05:38,978 --> 01:05:40,806
That was bad.
1352
01:05:40,849 --> 01:05:43,417
Oh, also, I should mention
that Colin poured
1353
01:05:43,461 --> 01:05:46,029
all of your cocaine
into the lemonade.
1354
01:05:46,072 --> 01:05:47,508
- Wait, all of it?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
1355
01:05:47,552 --> 01:05:48,988
- Oh, shit, man.
1356
01:05:49,032 --> 01:05:51,599
I was wondering why
I felt so... rrr!
1357
01:05:51,643 --> 01:05:55,168
- Uh! Yeah.
Look, so, what should we do?
1358
01:05:55,212 --> 01:05:57,736
- I have an idea.
[Clangs]
1359
01:05:57,779 --> 01:06:00,739
[upbeat music]
1360
01:06:00,782 --> 01:06:06,919
♪
1361
01:06:06,963 --> 01:06:08,442
- Harry, what are you doing?
1362
01:06:08,486 --> 01:06:10,967
- Saving your marriage.
1363
01:06:11,010 --> 01:06:15,449
♪
1364
01:06:15,493 --> 01:06:17,756
Oh, Aunt Stacy.
1365
01:06:17,799 --> 01:06:20,454
God. No.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
1366
01:06:22,195 --> 01:06:23,153
Here we go.
1367
01:06:23,196 --> 01:06:26,591
Here--C.
C.
1368
01:06:26,634 --> 01:06:28,680
Fuck it.
Okay.
1369
01:06:30,551 --> 01:06:33,815
Melanie Carter.
Melanie Carter. Melanie Carter.
1370
01:06:37,689 --> 01:06:39,082
No time, Harry.
A-ha! Ha ha!
1371
01:06:39,125 --> 01:06:40,909
Laxatives!
1372
01:06:40,953 --> 01:06:42,563
Of course
this is my aunt's cabin,
1373
01:06:42,607 --> 01:06:45,523
and what's more,
Tammy and I, we have a plan.
1374
01:06:45,566 --> 01:06:47,133
Come hell or high water,
we are gonna do
1375
01:06:47,177 --> 01:06:48,787
exactly what we came here to do:
1376
01:06:48,830 --> 01:06:50,919
trick Quincy into shooting
a fake bear
1377
01:06:50,963 --> 01:06:52,791
so she can be perfect
and you two can get married.
1378
01:06:52,834 --> 01:06:54,749
- Harry, she knows
about the plan. The jig is up.
1379
01:06:54,793 --> 01:06:56,795
- Oh! Yeah, I know
she knows about the plan,
1380
01:06:56,838 --> 01:06:58,144
but she doesn't know
that you know
1381
01:06:58,188 --> 01:06:59,928
that she knows about the plan.
1382
01:06:59,972 --> 01:07:03,454
- This is getting confusing.
- In the best way.
1383
01:07:03,497 --> 01:07:05,934
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
1384
01:07:05,978 --> 01:07:07,806
- Let's do this.
1385
01:07:07,849 --> 01:07:10,765
Okay, this is just an obstacle
that we need to overcome.
1386
01:07:10,809 --> 01:07:12,158
Assess. Prepare.
1387
01:07:12,202 --> 01:07:16,206
- No! No. Up.
No more mantra.
1388
01:07:16,249 --> 01:07:19,035
- It's not a mantra.
- Life isn't black and white.
1389
01:07:19,078 --> 01:07:20,819
You can't solve all your
problems with four little words!
1390
01:07:20,862 --> 01:07:24,083
Sometimes, you got
to get creative: fuck shit up.
1391
01:07:24,127 --> 01:07:27,217
- You're right.
- Yeah, I know.
1392
01:07:27,260 --> 01:07:30,263
Now, first thing's first.
We're being hunted.
1393
01:07:30,307 --> 01:07:31,873
There's still
a real bear out there.
1394
01:07:31,917 --> 01:07:33,875
We got to stay safe
and stay vigilant.
1395
01:07:33,919 --> 01:07:36,095
If we've removed any articles of
clothing in the past 24 hours,
1396
01:07:36,139 --> 01:07:38,097
we've got to keep them off,
just like the radio said.
1397
01:07:38,141 --> 01:07:39,446
- But that was you on the radio.
- Yeah.
1398
01:07:39,490 --> 01:07:41,100
- Okay.
So what's the plan?
1399
01:07:41,144 --> 01:07:42,710
I feel like
I'm ready for anything.
1400
01:07:42,754 --> 01:07:44,538
- That's just
natural love feelings.
1401
01:07:44,582 --> 01:07:46,105
It's in no way related to all
the cocaine that we drank.
1402
01:07:46,149 --> 01:07:48,412
- Okay. So what do we do.
Wait. What?
1403
01:07:48,455 --> 01:07:51,763
- Oh, fuck.
You got about two clicks
1404
01:07:51,806 --> 01:07:53,982
to get Hudson to drink
all this laxative.
1405
01:07:58,030 --> 01:08:00,206
You're my best-looking friend.
1406
01:08:01,816 --> 01:08:03,383
[Grunts]
1407
01:08:03,427 --> 01:08:07,300
- So I went for it.
There was no stopping to me.
1408
01:08:07,344 --> 01:08:08,867
I was a killing machine.
1409
01:08:08,910 --> 01:08:12,131
Those damn hillbillies
never stood a chance.
1410
01:08:12,175 --> 01:08:14,481
- What are you guys
even talking about?
1411
01:08:14,525 --> 01:08:16,135
Why are you even here?
1412
01:08:16,179 --> 01:08:17,919
Where is everybody?
1413
01:08:17,963 --> 01:08:21,009
- This lemonade tastes
different than I remember.
1414
01:08:21,053 --> 01:08:23,621
It's bitter.
Doesn't taste good.
1415
01:08:23,664 --> 01:08:26,145
I want more of it.
1416
01:08:26,189 --> 01:08:28,582
- Colin, where were you?
- Hudson,
1417
01:08:28,626 --> 01:08:30,106
you don't have nearly
enough ice in your glass.
1418
01:08:30,149 --> 01:08:31,542
I am gonna get you
some more quick.
1419
01:08:31,585 --> 01:08:33,326
You don't either.
Ice for everybody.
1420
01:08:33,370 --> 01:08:35,241
- I love ice.
1421
01:08:35,285 --> 01:08:38,244
[Frantic music]
1422
01:08:38,288 --> 01:08:44,337
♪
1423
01:08:46,165 --> 01:08:49,168
- Here you go.
1424
01:08:49,212 --> 01:08:54,739
Wait, no!
1425
01:08:54,782 --> 01:08:58,743
Wait, no!
That's not right. Shit!
1426
01:08:58,786 --> 01:09:01,963
- What are you doing?
- Uhh.
1427
01:09:02,007 --> 01:09:03,878
Why don't you just have
both of these, Hudson?
1428
01:09:03,922 --> 01:09:06,359
- If you insist.
- No, I want some more.
1429
01:09:06,403 --> 01:09:08,144
- I bet you can't drink both of
those before I drink
1430
01:09:08,187 --> 01:09:10,624
just one glass.
1431
01:09:10,668 --> 01:09:13,192
- Watch and learn, punk.
1432
01:09:23,333 --> 01:09:24,856
- You beat me, Hudson.
1433
01:09:24,899 --> 01:09:26,945
I guess you really
are the bigger man, huh?
1434
01:09:26,988 --> 01:09:28,294
- There's that sarcasm again.
1435
01:09:28,338 --> 01:09:29,948
- Well,
you are a bit bigger.
1436
01:09:29,991 --> 01:09:31,036
- You better count
your lucky stars, boy.
1437
01:09:31,079 --> 01:09:32,211
If it wasn't for me...
1438
01:09:32,255 --> 01:09:34,126
- The bear got Tammy.
1439
01:09:34,170 --> 01:09:37,260
- This is exactly what I've been
warning you people about.
1440
01:09:40,219 --> 01:09:42,003
I'll save you, Tamantha!
1441
01:09:42,047 --> 01:09:44,397
- No, don't you hurt that bear!
- Now, tie him up.
1442
01:09:44,441 --> 01:09:45,790
Both: What?
1443
01:09:45,833 --> 01:09:47,487
- Colin, you got to
trust me, okay?
1444
01:09:47,531 --> 01:09:49,272
Tie up Ranger Rick
so he can't leave this house,
1445
01:09:49,315 --> 01:09:50,925
or he'll spoil
this whole thing
1446
01:09:50,969 --> 01:09:53,319
with one little blow
of his rape whistle.
1447
01:09:53,363 --> 01:09:55,234
[Gasps]
1448
01:09:55,278 --> 01:09:58,237
[somber music]
1449
01:09:58,281 --> 01:10:05,288
♪
1450
01:10:07,899 --> 01:10:10,206
My ukulele.
1451
01:10:12,512 --> 01:10:13,992
- Why do we have to tie him up?
Couldn't you--
1452
01:10:14,035 --> 01:10:15,994
- There's no time!
1453
01:10:16,037 --> 01:10:18,997
[Dramatic music]
1454
01:10:19,040 --> 01:10:26,091
♪
1455
01:10:27,658 --> 01:10:31,270
- Tammy!
Tammy, where are you?
1456
01:10:31,314 --> 01:10:33,707
- Oh!
Whoa!
1457
01:10:33,751 --> 01:10:36,754
The bear took her this way.
1458
01:10:36,797 --> 01:10:38,886
Yeah, follow me.
Yeah.
1459
01:10:38,930 --> 01:10:41,324
- Please don't do this.
You can't kill that bear.
1460
01:10:41,367 --> 01:10:44,501
Hasn't the fire already
claimed enough ursine lives?
1461
01:10:44,544 --> 01:10:46,111
- Fire?
- Ursine?
1462
01:10:46,154 --> 01:10:48,287
- The huge fire that's
devastated the woods
1463
01:10:48,331 --> 01:10:51,116
during your whole visit.
From the car wreck.
1464
01:10:51,159 --> 01:10:52,900
- I can't believe that
you're doing this.
1465
01:10:52,944 --> 01:10:54,946
- We are doing this.
- No, because if we get arrested
1466
01:10:54,989 --> 01:10:57,165
I will be claiming otherwise.
- Nobody has to get arrested.
1467
01:10:57,209 --> 01:10:59,080
If you let me go,
we'll pretend it never happened.
1468
01:10:59,124 --> 01:11:00,647
- You just stay put,
and I will explain
1469
01:11:00,691 --> 01:11:02,301
everything
when we get back.
1470
01:11:02,345 --> 01:11:03,911
- Bears are just like you
and me, Colin.
1471
01:11:03,955 --> 01:11:06,740
Don't you get it?
They live, they love.
1472
01:11:06,784 --> 01:11:09,395
When they itch,
they desperately seek a scratch.
1473
01:11:09,439 --> 01:11:12,920
When they hunger,
they hunt for salmon.
1474
01:11:12,964 --> 01:11:16,446
- I don't care.
- Don't do it!
1475
01:11:16,489 --> 01:11:18,622
[Clatters]
- Oh, Jesus, uh...
1476
01:11:20,232 --> 01:11:24,323
- Don't! Don't.
Don't do it.
1477
01:11:24,367 --> 01:11:27,413
[Frantic music]
1478
01:11:27,457 --> 01:11:34,507
♪
1479
01:11:35,639 --> 01:11:37,162
- Let's do this!
1480
01:11:37,205 --> 01:11:38,946
[Upbeat music]
1481
01:11:38,990 --> 01:11:40,513
- Are you sweaty?
I'm so sweaty.
1482
01:11:40,557 --> 01:11:41,906
- It's the woods, baby.
1483
01:11:41,949 --> 01:11:45,126
Everything's sweaty
in the woods.
1484
01:11:47,041 --> 01:11:48,260
[Spits]
1485
01:11:48,304 --> 01:11:50,088
This track is fresh.
1486
01:11:50,131 --> 01:11:51,785
This way.
1487
01:11:51,829 --> 01:11:54,527
- There we were, just me
and the last damn hillbilly.
1488
01:11:54,571 --> 01:11:56,355
I'd already slaughtered
his entire plans,
1489
01:11:56,399 --> 01:11:58,357
but he was--
[bear panting]
1490
01:12:00,533 --> 01:12:02,709
Whoa.
1491
01:12:02,753 --> 01:12:07,932
- Ooh. You got to use
the bathroom now, Hudson?
1492
01:12:07,975 --> 01:12:10,674
- In fact, I think I do,
all of a sudden.
1493
01:12:12,415 --> 01:12:14,547
- Yes.
1494
01:12:14,591 --> 01:12:17,245
Yes.
1495
01:12:17,289 --> 01:12:18,943
Yes.
1496
01:12:18,986 --> 01:12:21,902
- Shh. Shh.
There it is.
1497
01:12:21,946 --> 01:12:24,078
Okay, baby, this is it.
1498
01:12:24,122 --> 01:12:25,950
- I know this isn't
conventional,
1499
01:12:25,993 --> 01:12:27,821
but it's kind of sweet,
1500
01:12:27,865 --> 01:12:30,433
and I don't know if it's love,
1501
01:12:30,476 --> 01:12:33,784
but my heart's beating out
of my fucking chest.
1502
01:12:33,827 --> 01:12:35,525
- Life will never be boring
with me, Quincy.
1503
01:12:35,568 --> 01:12:38,397
I can promise you that.
Let's shoot this bear.
1504
01:12:38,441 --> 01:12:39,659
- Let's kill this fucker.
1505
01:12:39,703 --> 01:12:41,835
- Oh. Ooh.
1506
01:12:41,879 --> 01:12:44,229
[Grunting]
1507
01:12:44,272 --> 01:12:46,274
- How's it going
over there, Hudson?
1508
01:12:46,318 --> 01:12:47,885
- Damn. I think the cheese
on that sandwich
1509
01:12:47,928 --> 01:12:49,930
must have got me all blocked up.
1510
01:12:49,974 --> 01:12:52,542
- What? No.
No, you have to poop, Hudson.
1511
01:12:52,585 --> 01:12:55,936
You have to poop now.
Just empty your bowels.
1512
01:12:55,980 --> 01:12:59,157
- What the hell
are you talking about?
1513
01:12:59,200 --> 01:13:00,506
- If you poop now,
Hudson...
1514
01:13:00,550 --> 01:13:03,596
Hmm?
I have a prize for you.
1515
01:13:03,640 --> 01:13:05,468
[Clicking]
1516
01:13:05,511 --> 01:13:08,253
- D batteries?
You found them?
1517
01:13:08,296 --> 01:13:09,907
- What? No. No.
1518
01:13:09,950 --> 01:13:11,299
No. You don't get them
till after you poop.
1519
01:13:11,343 --> 01:13:13,127
- Hand them over, boy.
- No.
1520
01:13:13,171 --> 01:13:15,478
You don't get them until after.
1521
01:13:15,521 --> 01:13:18,219
- You son of a bitch.
1522
01:13:18,263 --> 01:13:20,439
[Grunts]
- Ha ha ha ha!
1523
01:13:20,483 --> 01:13:23,094
Poop time,
and then battery time, okay?
1524
01:13:23,137 --> 01:13:24,922
- Bitch.
- [Breathing shakily]
1525
01:13:24,965 --> 01:13:28,055
Never fuck
with another man's batteries.
1526
01:13:28,099 --> 01:13:29,448
- You're not Tammy.
1527
01:13:32,712 --> 01:13:35,628
- Victory!
1528
01:13:35,672 --> 01:13:39,240
- Oh, fuck me.
1529
01:13:39,284 --> 01:13:41,155
Oh!
[Bear roars]
1530
01:13:41,199 --> 01:13:43,462
[screaming]
1531
01:13:43,506 --> 01:13:45,029
[gunshot]
1532
01:13:45,072 --> 01:13:46,726
- [screams]
1533
01:13:47,814 --> 01:13:50,904
- Motherfucker!
1534
01:13:50,948 --> 01:13:53,907
- What was that?
- Follow me!
1535
01:13:59,870 --> 01:14:01,262
- You killed her.
1536
01:14:01,306 --> 01:14:05,136
- Damn right I did.
1537
01:14:05,179 --> 01:14:06,964
- Where did you hit her?
1538
01:14:07,007 --> 01:14:09,357
There's no bullet wound.
1539
01:14:09,401 --> 01:14:13,231
- Please help me, God,
in my moment of need.
1540
01:14:13,274 --> 01:14:16,582
There's a bear out there.
A bear who needs me.
1541
01:14:16,626 --> 01:14:19,977
[Bear breathing]
- Fainting bear!
1542
01:14:20,020 --> 01:14:21,631
[Bear roaring]
1543
01:14:21,674 --> 01:14:23,633
- Clever girl.
1544
01:14:23,676 --> 01:14:26,026
- That poor,
innocent creature is alone,
1545
01:14:26,070 --> 01:14:28,507
helpless, scared.
- Shit.
1546
01:14:28,551 --> 01:14:30,204
- And if I don't save it,
1547
01:14:30,248 --> 01:14:31,510
I'm afraid
it's gonna be up there with you
1548
01:14:31,554 --> 01:14:32,990
in bear heaven
before too long.
1549
01:14:33,033 --> 01:14:35,427
- Oh, bitch, no!
- Hudson! I'll save you!
1550
01:14:35,471 --> 01:14:40,301
[Groaning]
Fuck that shit!
1551
01:14:40,345 --> 01:14:42,826
- These are C batteries,
you fuck!
1552
01:14:42,869 --> 01:14:44,741
[Bear roaring]
[screaming]
1553
01:14:44,784 --> 01:14:48,701
- A forest ranger
all I've ever known.
1554
01:14:48,745 --> 01:14:51,138
The only thing
I've ever been good at.
1555
01:14:51,182 --> 01:14:54,968
If you help me, I promise
to protect your woodlands.
1556
01:14:55,012 --> 01:14:57,710
[Tammy groaning]
1557
01:14:57,754 --> 01:15:01,409
- I will not fail you now, God.
1558
01:15:01,453 --> 01:15:04,543
I am not going down
without a fight.
1559
01:15:04,587 --> 01:15:07,590
[Laughing]
1560
01:15:10,462 --> 01:15:14,553
- Okay, Harry.
You can come out. We did it.
1561
01:15:14,597 --> 01:15:16,424
- [Panting]
1562
01:15:16,468 --> 01:15:18,557
- Tammy?
Where's Harry?
1563
01:15:18,601 --> 01:15:20,167
- He should be here
any second with the ring.
1564
01:15:20,211 --> 01:15:21,560
- Oh, my God.
- I thought that thing was
1565
01:15:21,604 --> 01:15:23,170
supposed to be loaded
with blanks!
1566
01:15:23,214 --> 01:15:24,650
- There must have been
a mix-up with the guns.
1567
01:15:24,694 --> 01:15:28,567
- Oh, I shot Tammy.
[Harry screaming]
1568
01:15:28,611 --> 01:15:31,657
- Oh, my God!
[Screaming]
1569
01:15:34,138 --> 01:15:36,053
- The bear got Hudson!
- Harry, you can drop the act.
1570
01:15:36,096 --> 01:15:37,794
She knows that I know
that she knows.
1571
01:15:37,837 --> 01:15:39,796
- No! No, it's not an act.
- Where's the ring?
1572
01:15:39,839 --> 01:15:42,015
- Where's Hudson?
- To kill another two birds
1573
01:15:42,059 --> 01:15:43,582
with one stone,
or to have killed
1574
01:15:43,626 --> 01:15:45,323
a total of four birds
with two stones--
1575
01:15:45,366 --> 01:15:47,586
- Harry!
- Hudson is inside the bear.
1576
01:15:47,630 --> 01:15:48,892
- I thought
I was the bear.
1577
01:15:48,935 --> 01:15:49,980
- Nobody cares about
your sex life.
1578
01:15:50,023 --> 01:15:52,809
- No! The real bear!
1579
01:15:52,852 --> 01:15:55,333
- I thought there wasn't
a real bear.
1580
01:15:55,376 --> 01:15:59,903
- There is a definitely
a real bear.
1581
01:15:59,946 --> 01:16:02,253
- Come on, lady bear.
Where are you?
1582
01:16:02,296 --> 01:16:03,515
[Bear tracker beeping]
1583
01:16:03,559 --> 01:16:06,126
Rick's coming to save you now.
1584
01:16:06,170 --> 01:16:09,956
Rickety Rick to the rescue.
1585
01:16:10,000 --> 01:16:12,437
Rickety Rick.
Ricky, I'm getting you.
1586
01:16:12,480 --> 01:16:15,092
It's close by.
I know you're here.
1587
01:16:15,135 --> 01:16:17,268
Well, there's a--
1588
01:16:17,311 --> 01:16:19,444
What?
1589
01:16:19,487 --> 01:16:20,793
Wait a minute.
1590
01:16:20,837 --> 01:16:22,752
Is this--
1591
01:16:25,755 --> 01:16:27,887
Oh, no.
1592
01:16:27,931 --> 01:16:29,628
Oh, no! Oh, no!
1593
01:16:29,672 --> 01:16:33,980
Oh, sweet Lord, no!
[Screaming]
1594
01:16:34,024 --> 01:16:36,679
- Hudson's dead?
He and I just--
1595
01:16:36,722 --> 01:16:38,681
- He died
the way he lived:
1596
01:16:38,724 --> 01:16:43,250
overly concerned
with batteries.
1597
01:16:43,294 --> 01:16:47,472
- It wasn't supposed
to happen like this.
1598
01:16:48,908 --> 01:16:51,955
- You always take
everything too far.
1599
01:16:51,998 --> 01:16:54,958
I don't even know why I went
along with this stupid plan.
1600
01:16:55,001 --> 01:16:56,394
- I'm sorry.
I just wanted it to be--
1601
01:16:56,437 --> 01:16:58,091
- No.
1602
01:17:00,616 --> 01:17:03,140
- God damn it.
- Ugh.
1603
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,404
So are you gonna apologize
for shooting me
1604
01:17:06,447 --> 01:17:08,058
or just pretend
like it never happened?
1605
01:17:08,101 --> 01:17:09,755
- That wasn't my fault.
1606
01:17:09,799 --> 01:17:11,627
That gun was supposed
to be loaded with blanks.
1607
01:17:11,670 --> 01:17:13,063
- You ever think about
anybody but yourself?
1608
01:17:13,106 --> 01:17:14,760
- What are you
complaining about?
1609
01:17:14,804 --> 01:17:16,675
You've gotten to fuck
everyone on this trip.
1610
01:17:16,719 --> 01:17:19,025
- 100 % of the people
that I have fucked on this trip
1611
01:17:19,069 --> 01:17:20,810
are now dead.
- What was I thinking
1612
01:17:20,853 --> 01:17:22,246
putting you in a cabin
with a couple of guys?
1613
01:17:22,289 --> 01:17:24,944
- Quincy,
I slept with Hudson for you,
1614
01:17:24,988 --> 01:17:27,991
because I thought that this
stupid plan had some chance
1615
01:17:28,034 --> 01:17:30,167
of helping you find happiness,
1616
01:17:30,210 --> 01:17:32,517
but all you get off on is making
other people miserable.
1617
01:17:32,560 --> 01:17:34,345
- Yeah.
- Shut up, Harry.
1618
01:17:34,388 --> 01:17:38,697
- You leech off Colin.
You're nothing but a leech.
1619
01:17:38,741 --> 01:17:41,439
- You have no idea
what you're talking about.
1620
01:17:41,482 --> 01:17:44,529
I give him everything.
- You give him false hope.
1621
01:17:44,572 --> 01:17:47,488
- You broke my ukulele.
- You are an idiot, truly.
1622
01:17:47,532 --> 01:17:50,230
- I'm not an idiot.
- Yes, you are.
1623
01:17:50,274 --> 01:17:53,756
- I am not an idiot!
1624
01:17:53,799 --> 01:17:56,584
Colin is so high strung.
Everybody is.
1625
01:17:56,628 --> 01:17:59,109
Look, life is always
a little bit awful,
1626
01:17:59,152 --> 01:18:01,372
and if I can play the fool,
make people laugh,
1627
01:18:01,415 --> 01:18:02,852
maybe that's what
everybody needs
1628
01:18:02,895 --> 01:18:04,331
to get them
through the heartache.
1629
01:18:04,375 --> 01:18:06,333
Now for the love of God,
1630
01:18:06,377 --> 01:18:08,814
would you go apologize
to the guy who's so crazy
1631
01:18:08,858 --> 01:18:11,643
about you he convinced us
to put ourselves in danger
1632
01:18:11,687 --> 01:18:13,819
just so he could be romantic?
1633
01:18:22,785 --> 01:18:23,916
- Colin.
- Hey, you don't have to--
1634
01:18:23,960 --> 01:18:26,136
- No, I do.
1635
01:18:26,179 --> 01:18:28,704
Because I haven't
been 100 % honest with you
1636
01:18:28,747 --> 01:18:31,663
and I need to tell you
something.
1637
01:18:34,797 --> 01:18:36,407
I...
1638
01:18:36,450 --> 01:18:38,844
- Just spit it out.
- [Sighs]
1639
01:18:38,888 --> 01:18:40,498
- Colin, Quincy has been
seeing someone else.
1640
01:18:40,541 --> 01:18:43,631
- I've been seeing my therapist.
Both: What?
1641
01:18:43,675 --> 01:18:45,677
- I thought you were seeing
some guy from the gym.
1642
01:18:45,721 --> 01:18:49,115
- I met him at the gym.
He's a physical therapist.
1643
01:18:49,159 --> 01:18:52,466
- Oh, that makes
so much more sense.
1644
01:18:52,510 --> 01:18:55,861
His advice was the worst.
1645
01:18:55,905 --> 01:18:57,907
- I got laid off
about a month ago
1646
01:18:57,950 --> 01:19:00,736
and I have been
hiding that from you.
1647
01:19:00,779 --> 01:19:04,130
[Both inhale sharply]
1648
01:19:04,174 --> 01:19:07,830
- We're gonna--we're gonna
give you two a moment.
1649
01:19:13,183 --> 01:19:14,793
- This was fucked
from the beginning.
1650
01:19:14,837 --> 01:19:17,317
- No.
- Such a stupid, stupid idea.
1651
01:19:17,361 --> 01:19:21,452
- No.
- I'm sorry I lied to you.
1652
01:19:21,495 --> 01:19:24,760
I just--I wanted everything
to be perfect.
1653
01:19:24,803 --> 01:19:27,763
[Gentle music]
1654
01:19:27,806 --> 01:19:29,939
- Nothing is perfect,
Colin.
1655
01:19:33,943 --> 01:19:37,381
- Thanks for going along
with it anyway.
1656
01:19:37,424 --> 01:19:39,209
It's pretty amazing of you.
1657
01:19:39,252 --> 01:19:40,253
- Well,
what was I supposed to do?
1658
01:19:40,297 --> 01:19:42,168
I'm not good on my feet.
1659
01:19:42,212 --> 01:19:44,954
♪
1660
01:19:44,997 --> 01:19:48,305
I really thought that you
were gonna get that promotion.
1661
01:19:48,348 --> 01:19:51,308
- Yeah, so did I.
1662
01:19:51,351 --> 01:19:53,658
- That was a really impressive
speech you gave back there.
1663
01:19:53,701 --> 01:19:57,009
- Oh, thank you.
I wrote it myself.
1664
01:19:57,053 --> 01:19:58,881
- Look,
I know we just met,
1665
01:19:58,924 --> 01:20:03,320
and maybe it's the cocaine
talking or the adrenaline
1666
01:20:03,363 --> 01:20:05,104
or the copious amounts
of blood loss, but--
1667
01:20:05,148 --> 01:20:06,845
- Probably the copious amounts
of blood loss.
1668
01:20:06,889 --> 01:20:08,194
- You know, being around
all that insane love,
1669
01:20:08,238 --> 01:20:10,066
it makes me want
something like that.
1670
01:20:10,109 --> 01:20:12,851
I mean, not exactly
like that, obviously,
1671
01:20:12,895 --> 01:20:14,940
but something that's just--
1672
01:20:14,984 --> 01:20:22,034
♪
1673
01:20:40,009 --> 01:20:42,141
- So...
1674
01:20:42,185 --> 01:20:44,448
what's this about a therapist?
1675
01:20:46,232 --> 01:20:49,453
- I don't know.
I met him at the gym.
1676
01:20:49,496 --> 01:20:52,760
Look, nothing has happened,
but...
1677
01:20:52,804 --> 01:20:55,546
[sighs]
There's feelings.
1678
01:20:55,589 --> 01:20:59,071
♪
1679
01:20:59,115 --> 01:21:00,768
- Why did you even
come on this trip?
1680
01:21:00,812 --> 01:21:02,727
- Because we have been
together forever
1681
01:21:02,770 --> 01:21:05,904
and I don't know
how to live without you.
1682
01:21:05,948 --> 01:21:08,646
I just wanted to give us
one last shot.
1683
01:21:08,689 --> 01:21:11,127
- And?
1684
01:21:11,170 --> 01:21:13,738
- Mm... I don't know.
1685
01:21:13,781 --> 01:21:16,480
But...
1686
01:21:16,523 --> 01:21:19,222
you have done
all of this just for me,
1687
01:21:19,265 --> 01:21:21,833
and that is by far
the sweetest,
1688
01:21:21,877 --> 01:21:25,010
weirdest thing that anyone
has ever done for me.
1689
01:21:26,969 --> 01:21:29,580
- I wish there was something
I could do for Colin.
1690
01:21:29,623 --> 01:21:31,277
I mean,
we've come this far.
1691
01:21:31,321 --> 01:21:33,149
- I think
it's too late now.
1692
01:21:33,192 --> 01:21:34,890
[Sighs]
1693
01:21:34,933 --> 01:21:36,761
Probably best to just
throw in the towel.
1694
01:21:36,804 --> 01:21:38,850
- Wait,
what does that mean?
1695
01:21:38,894 --> 01:21:41,635
- Dude, that's, like,
a really common expression.
1696
01:21:41,679 --> 01:21:42,941
- Maybe it isn't.
1697
01:21:42,985 --> 01:21:44,377
- No, it totally is.
1698
01:21:44,421 --> 01:21:46,902
- Maybe it isn't too late.
1699
01:21:50,253 --> 01:21:53,778
Um, tie that around your leg
like a tourniquet,
1700
01:21:53,821 --> 01:21:58,043
because... let's do this.
1701
01:21:59,784 --> 01:22:01,960
- So what now?
1702
01:22:02,004 --> 01:22:04,354
This was the part where I was
supposed to get down on one knee
1703
01:22:04,397 --> 01:22:08,314
and ask you to marry me again,
1704
01:22:08,358 --> 01:22:09,968
but the ring is gone,
1705
01:22:10,012 --> 01:22:13,189
and somebody actually died
because of me,
1706
01:22:13,232 --> 01:22:16,453
because of something that
I thought would be romantic.
1707
01:22:16,496 --> 01:22:20,022
This whole trip was a lie
inspired by a lie.
1708
01:22:22,589 --> 01:22:24,635
Why did you tell me
you were afraid of bears
1709
01:22:24,678 --> 01:22:26,767
when I asked you
to marry me the first time?
1710
01:22:26,811 --> 01:22:29,901
- I don't know,
but I'm kind of glad I did.
1711
01:22:29,945 --> 01:22:31,903
Look, relationships?
They're the worst.
1712
01:22:31,947 --> 01:22:34,253
And what is marriage,
anyway?
1713
01:22:34,297 --> 01:22:38,954
- Yeah.
You are nowhere near perfect.
1714
01:22:38,997 --> 01:22:40,825
- That's what I've been trying
to tell you.
1715
01:22:40,868 --> 01:22:44,829
- You're selfish, and negative,
and manipulative...
1716
01:22:44,872 --> 01:22:49,355
- Okay, okay, but you have
some serious control issues,
1717
01:22:49,399 --> 01:22:51,531
and you're pretty much
insane.
1718
01:22:51,575 --> 01:22:53,969
But you're sneaky,
because you look normal.
1719
01:22:54,012 --> 01:22:57,233
- Literally nothing about
this weekend was real.
1720
01:22:57,276 --> 01:23:00,018
[Dramatic music]
1721
01:23:00,062 --> 01:23:01,933
But now it is.
1722
01:23:01,977 --> 01:23:03,848
- What?
- It is real.
1723
01:23:03,891 --> 01:23:05,415
It is all real.
1724
01:23:05,458 --> 01:23:08,548
The bear,
the hunt, the danger.
1725
01:23:08,592 --> 01:23:10,420
And I will tell you
something else.
1726
01:23:10,463 --> 01:23:13,162
My feelings are real!
1727
01:23:13,205 --> 01:23:14,206
Come on!
1728
01:23:14,250 --> 01:23:16,034
Harry!
- Colin!
1729
01:23:16,078 --> 01:23:17,601
Both: We don't have much time,
but if we act fast,
1730
01:23:17,644 --> 01:23:19,429
I think we can still
pull this off.
1731
01:23:19,472 --> 01:23:21,126
- Whoa. You really think so?
- I think so. But listen.
1732
01:23:21,170 --> 01:23:22,649
I got to be honest
with you, man.
1733
01:23:22,693 --> 01:23:24,390
I think Quincy's horrible.
Like, the worst.
1734
01:23:24,434 --> 01:23:26,827
She's conceited, entitled.
She's manipulative,
1735
01:23:26,871 --> 01:23:29,656
she's lazy, she's boring,
she broke my ukulele,
1736
01:23:29,700 --> 01:23:31,702
but you love her,
and that's enough for me, man.
1737
01:23:31,745 --> 01:23:34,618
- And she can hear us right now.
1738
01:23:34,661 --> 01:23:36,402
- Oh.
- Harry, you're the best friend.
1739
01:23:36,446 --> 01:23:37,925
- I know, also, I should
probably tell you,
1740
01:23:37,969 --> 01:23:39,753
I think we're staying
in the wrong cabin.
1741
01:23:39,797 --> 01:23:41,581
- We can't waste time playing
"whose cabin are we in"?
1742
01:23:41,625 --> 01:23:43,061
- No, we cannot.
1743
01:23:43,105 --> 01:23:44,062
- What happened to your shirt?
1744
01:23:44,106 --> 01:23:46,456
- Love happened.
1745
01:23:46,499 --> 01:23:49,067
- Harry, I am gonna propose
to that girl
1746
01:23:49,111 --> 01:23:52,114
if it's the last thing I do!
1747
01:23:52,157 --> 01:23:55,769
[Both growling]
1748
01:23:55,813 --> 01:23:57,728
Can you walk?
- I can do anything.
1749
01:23:57,771 --> 01:23:59,686
- Good, 'cause we're doing this.
1750
01:23:59,730 --> 01:24:01,340
All we have to do
is go back to the cabin,
1751
01:24:01,384 --> 01:24:03,212
get Ranger Rick's bear tracker,
1752
01:24:03,255 --> 01:24:05,083
find the bear, and shoot it
with Hudson's real gun.
1753
01:24:05,127 --> 01:24:07,085
Then I'll cut it open
with my grandfather's knife
1754
01:24:07,129 --> 01:24:08,956
so that I can get
my grandmother's ring back
1755
01:24:09,000 --> 01:24:10,958
and give Quincy the marriage
proposal she deserves,
1756
01:24:11,002 --> 01:24:12,960
no matter what her
answer may be.
1757
01:24:13,004 --> 01:24:15,441
Easy peasy.
- Lemon squeezy.
1758
01:24:15,485 --> 01:24:20,403
- No, no. No!
1759
01:24:20,446 --> 01:24:23,145
- Don't worry. Don't worry.
He can't have gone far.
1760
01:24:23,188 --> 01:24:27,105
- Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.
1761
01:24:27,149 --> 01:24:30,326
- Oh, oh, oh. Do you want
an aspirin or something, maybe?
1762
01:24:30,369 --> 01:24:31,718
Instead of...
1763
01:24:31,762 --> 01:24:33,329
- Nope.
- Okay.
1764
01:24:33,372 --> 01:24:34,721
- Oh, fuck it.
- Oh!
1765
01:24:34,765 --> 01:24:37,159
- To Hudson.
- To Quincy.
1766
01:24:37,202 --> 01:24:42,294
- To me!
1767
01:24:42,338 --> 01:24:44,209
- [Screams]
1768
01:24:44,253 --> 01:24:47,952
[all screaming]
1769
01:24:47,995 --> 01:24:49,606
- Okay, here's the situation.
1770
01:24:49,649 --> 01:24:50,998
- When did you have time
to draw this?
1771
01:24:51,042 --> 01:24:53,523
- Now.
Hudson is inside the bear
1772
01:24:53,566 --> 01:24:55,960
and the ring is inside Hudson.
1773
01:24:56,003 --> 01:24:57,918
- Did the bear eat Hudson whole?
1774
01:24:57,962 --> 01:25:00,704
- Oh, oh, oh, this is just
my artistic interpretation.
1775
01:25:00,747 --> 01:25:03,315
Don't worry about it.
You still got that knife?
1776
01:25:03,359 --> 01:25:06,318
[Dramatic music]
1777
01:25:06,362 --> 01:25:08,407
♪
1778
01:25:08,451 --> 01:25:09,800
- Come on.
1779
01:25:09,843 --> 01:25:11,802
Come on, lady bear.
1780
01:25:16,633 --> 01:25:18,504
[Branch snaps]
1781
01:25:18,548 --> 01:25:19,940
- Now!
1782
01:25:22,639 --> 01:25:26,338
- Now wait just a minute.
- Quincy, stop him!
1783
01:25:26,382 --> 01:25:28,601
- No!
- Aah!
1784
01:25:28,645 --> 01:25:31,604
- Quincy!
- I'm not good on my feet!
1785
01:25:31,648 --> 01:25:35,304
- [Screams]
1786
01:25:35,347 --> 01:25:36,740
- [grunts]
1787
01:25:36,783 --> 01:25:39,438
Aah! No. Wait.
1788
01:25:39,482 --> 01:25:40,657
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1789
01:25:40,700 --> 01:25:44,661
- Yeah!
- Why? Why?
1790
01:25:44,704 --> 01:25:47,185
- It's okay.
They like trees.
1791
01:25:47,229 --> 01:25:49,666
- That was such good teamwork.
- You're amazing.
1792
01:25:49,709 --> 01:25:52,277
- I would make
you sandwiches forever.
1793
01:25:52,321 --> 01:25:54,192
- Oh. Oh. Oh.
1794
01:25:54,236 --> 01:25:56,586
- What's that beeping?
- All right, listen here, Rick.
1795
01:25:56,629 --> 01:25:58,283
Nobody has to get hurt.
1796
01:25:58,327 --> 01:26:00,329
We just need to borrow
your bear tracker.
1797
01:26:00,372 --> 01:26:02,548
- You don't need the tracker
to find the bear.
1798
01:26:02,592 --> 01:26:05,072
- Oh, don't you play dumb
with us, Rick!
1799
01:26:05,116 --> 01:26:06,683
My ridiculous boyfriend
has put a lot of effort
1800
01:26:06,726 --> 01:26:08,163
into doing something
1801
01:26:08,206 --> 01:26:09,164
that's making me
feel good about myself,
1802
01:26:09,207 --> 01:26:10,513
so don't fuck this up!
1803
01:26:10,556 --> 01:26:12,819
- Yeah, give it to us,
Rick!
1804
01:26:12,863 --> 01:26:14,256
- You don't understand.
1805
01:26:14,299 --> 01:26:17,998
You don't need the tracker.
1806
01:26:18,042 --> 01:26:20,305
[Dramatic music]
1807
01:26:20,349 --> 01:26:22,568
[all scream]
1808
01:26:22,612 --> 01:26:24,483
[gun clicking]
1809
01:26:24,527 --> 01:26:25,658
- It's jammed!
1810
01:26:25,702 --> 01:26:27,573
Both: We're all gonna die!
1811
01:26:27,617 --> 01:26:30,489
- Give me that.
- No!
1812
01:26:30,533 --> 01:26:32,839
[Bear tracker beeping]
1813
01:26:32,883 --> 01:26:36,016
[Rick crying]
1814
01:26:36,060 --> 01:26:40,020
- Oh whoa whoa.
- The plan, it--it worked.
1815
01:26:40,064 --> 01:26:42,109
[Both moaning]
1816
01:26:47,506 --> 01:26:49,378
- This is for you, Quincy.
1817
01:26:52,207 --> 01:26:55,210
[Screaming]
1818
01:26:59,431 --> 01:27:01,955
Oh!
1819
01:27:01,999 --> 01:27:04,958
[Grunting]
1820
01:27:05,002 --> 01:27:07,961
[classical music]
1821
01:27:08,005 --> 01:27:15,055
♪
1822
01:27:21,236 --> 01:27:24,456
[dry heaving]
1823
01:27:24,500 --> 01:27:27,459
[breathing heavily]
1824
01:27:27,503 --> 01:27:30,462
[grunting]
1825
01:27:30,506 --> 01:27:37,556
♪
1826
01:27:46,304 --> 01:27:48,306
[indistinct radio chatter]
1827
01:27:48,350 --> 01:27:50,874
What the hell?
1828
01:27:54,791 --> 01:27:56,271
[Inhales sharply]
1829
01:27:56,314 --> 01:27:59,317
[grunting]
1830
01:28:06,629 --> 01:28:09,675
[groaning]
1831
01:28:14,767 --> 01:28:17,727
[grunting]
1832
01:28:17,770 --> 01:28:24,821
♪
1833
01:28:39,966 --> 01:28:43,448
[chuckling]
1834
01:28:43,492 --> 01:28:45,711
Yes!
1835
01:28:45,755 --> 01:28:48,801
[Laughing]
1836
01:28:55,765 --> 01:29:01,684
Quincy Adams,
we are so fucked up.
1837
01:29:01,727 --> 01:29:04,774
People are dead.
1838
01:29:04,817 --> 01:29:07,472
You told me
you were afraid of bears
1839
01:29:07,516 --> 01:29:09,561
so that you wouldn't have
to break up with me
1840
01:29:09,605 --> 01:29:12,738
like a normal person.
Who does that?
1841
01:29:12,782 --> 01:29:14,871
But you know what?
1842
01:29:14,914 --> 01:29:17,047
I don't care.
1843
01:29:17,090 --> 01:29:20,311
Life is bloody,
and it is dangerous,
1844
01:29:20,355 --> 01:29:23,836
and I want to spend mine
with you.
1845
01:29:23,880 --> 01:29:28,145
Will you do me the honor
of being my wife?
1846
01:29:28,188 --> 01:29:35,065
Will you be
Mrs. Quincy Dense?
1847
01:29:35,108 --> 01:29:39,983
Quincy,
will you marry me?
1848
01:29:40,026 --> 01:29:45,031
- Colin...
[stammers]
1849
01:29:50,472 --> 01:29:53,431
[upbeat music]
1850
01:29:53,475 --> 01:29:59,481
♪
1851
01:29:59,524 --> 01:30:01,613
- ♪ I'm no historian
1852
01:30:01,657 --> 01:30:04,007
♪I want to know
how this story ends ♪
1853
01:30:04,050 --> 01:30:06,139
♪ If I had a DeLorean
1854
01:30:06,183 --> 01:30:08,620
♪ I'd give you shotgun
1855
01:30:08,664 --> 01:30:13,190
♪ And amend with our red pens
the sentences that offend ♪
1856
01:30:13,233 --> 01:30:17,629
♪ Then go pull some pranks
on our friends just for fun ♪
1857
01:30:17,673 --> 01:30:19,065
♪ But that's dumb
1858
01:30:19,109 --> 01:30:22,460
♪ I've got a million words
1859
01:30:22,504 --> 01:30:26,899
♪ And still a few
you haven't heard ♪
1860
01:30:26,943 --> 01:30:31,643
♪ Like "I'm"
and "so" and "sorry," ♪
1861
01:30:31,687 --> 01:30:37,432
♪ But I can't find the one
to make time go backwards ♪
1862
01:30:37,475 --> 01:30:44,439
♪
1863
01:30:44,482 --> 01:30:46,223
♪ I won't prevaricate
1864
01:30:46,571 --> 01:30:49,618
♪ I want a chance
to demonstrate the ways ♪
1865
01:30:49,661 --> 01:30:53,665
♪ I could make myself clear,
but it's so opaque ♪
1866
01:30:53,709 --> 01:30:58,235
♪ I know you'd see through it,
so don't misconstrue this ♪
1867
01:30:58,278 --> 01:31:03,936
♪ My life's so lugubrious when you're not here, my dear ♪
1868
01:31:03,980 --> 01:31:07,505
♪ I've got a million words
1869
01:31:07,549 --> 01:31:11,988
♪ And still a few you
haven't heard ♪
1870
01:31:12,031 --> 01:31:16,732
♪ Like "I'm"
and "so" and "sorry," ♪
1871
01:31:16,775 --> 01:31:22,477
♪ But I can't find a one that
wouldn't sound absurd to say ♪
1872
01:31:22,520 --> 01:31:27,830
♪ It's only been a day,
but it hurts ♪
1873
01:31:27,873 --> 01:31:29,701
[indistinct chatter]
1874
01:31:29,745 --> 01:31:32,530
- Action.
- Just--Just bear with us.
1875
01:31:32,574 --> 01:31:36,142
Just... bear with us.
1876
01:31:36,186 --> 01:31:37,404
Just bear with us.
1877
01:31:37,448 --> 01:31:39,537
Just bear with us.
[Laughs]
1878
01:31:39,581 --> 01:31:43,498
♪
1879
01:31:43,541 --> 01:31:46,544
- My ukulele?
[Laughter]
1880
01:31:53,116 --> 01:31:54,683
- You got me.
1881
01:31:54,726 --> 01:31:58,208
- For me, maybe.
Not for you, lovely ladies.
1882
01:31:58,251 --> 01:31:59,514
But let's not get
caught up playing
1883
01:31:59,557 --> 01:32:01,864
"whose... line is it anyway?"
1884
01:32:01,907 --> 01:32:03,561
[Laughter]
1885
01:32:03,605 --> 01:32:06,999
- Lemon squeezy.
Lemon squeezy. Lemon squeezy.
1886
01:32:07,043 --> 01:32:10,089
Lemon squeezy.
Lemon squeezy.
1887
01:32:10,133 --> 01:32:11,526
♪
1888
01:32:11,569 --> 01:32:13,179
[laughter]
1889
01:32:13,223 --> 01:32:14,572
Stay in your homes.
1890
01:32:14,616 --> 01:32:17,314
Lock your doors.
Shut your windows.
1891
01:32:17,357 --> 01:32:20,970
Hide your kids, hide your wives,
hide your husbands,
1892
01:32:21,013 --> 01:32:23,712
'cause he raping
everybody out there.
1893
01:32:23,755 --> 01:32:26,802
[Laughter]
1894
01:32:29,631 --> 01:32:31,328
Just...
1895
01:32:31,371 --> 01:32:32,677
bear with us.
1896
01:32:32,721 --> 01:32:35,506
Just... bear with us.
1897
01:32:35,550 --> 01:32:39,118
Hey, you. Bear with us.
1898
01:32:39,162 --> 01:32:41,164
- [Screams]
- Oh! Oh.
1899
01:32:41,207 --> 01:32:42,687
- Hi.
1900
01:32:42,731 --> 01:32:44,210
- I thought
that would work better,
1901
01:32:44,254 --> 01:32:45,821
and it did,
but now we're here...
1902
01:32:45,864 --> 01:32:47,605
- I'm hungry.
1903
01:32:47,649 --> 01:32:49,433
- [Snaps fingers]
1904
01:32:49,476 --> 01:32:51,261
Let's have some love
for dinner.
1905
01:32:51,304 --> 01:32:53,524
[Laughter]
1906
01:32:53,568 --> 01:32:56,092
- [screams]
- [screams]
1907
01:32:56,135 --> 01:32:57,876
- Why...
- Whoa!
1908
01:32:57,920 --> 01:33:00,313
Because...
- Would you do that?
1909
01:33:00,357 --> 01:33:01,576
- For fun... time.
- No!
1910
01:33:01,619 --> 01:33:03,055
- For fun time?
- No.
1911
01:33:03,099 --> 01:33:04,361
- Sneak up on a girl
in the night.
1912
01:33:04,404 --> 01:33:05,884
- [Groans]
- Creeper?
1913
01:33:05,928 --> 01:33:07,451
Creep her out?
- Does that work for you?
1914
01:33:07,494 --> 01:33:09,105
- Nope.
1915
01:33:09,148 --> 01:33:10,802
I swear to God,
I better make out with her
1916
01:33:10,846 --> 01:33:12,456
by the end of this trip,
or I'm gonna fucking
1917
01:33:12,499 --> 01:33:15,024
cut my dick off.
[Laughter]
1918
01:33:15,067 --> 01:33:17,635
- Cut. Cut.
1919
01:33:17,679 --> 01:33:19,332
- Aah!
1920
01:33:19,376 --> 01:33:21,030
You wouldn't hit a guy
with glasses, would you?
1921
01:33:21,073 --> 01:33:24,076
[Laughter]
1922
01:33:24,120 --> 01:33:26,470
- Cool your nuts.
- Cool your nuts.
1923
01:33:26,513 --> 01:33:28,080
- Young man.
1924
01:33:28,124 --> 01:33:29,908
- You cool your nuts,
young man.
1925
01:33:29,952 --> 01:33:32,084
- [Laughs]
- Yes. And...
1926
01:33:32,128 --> 01:33:34,086
- You don't even know
the half of it.
1927
01:33:34,130 --> 01:33:37,786
You don't even know
the half... of it.
1928
01:33:37,829 --> 01:33:40,223
You don't even know...
the half of it.
1929
01:33:40,266 --> 01:33:43,313
[Laughter]
1930
01:33:45,228 --> 01:33:47,796
[sniffing]
I can smell your fear.
1931
01:33:47,839 --> 01:33:49,624
[Sniffs]
It smells good.
1932
01:33:49,667 --> 01:33:52,670
- [Groans] Damn it.
[Laughter]
1933
01:33:55,064 --> 01:33:57,806
- ♪ Tickle
1934
01:33:57,849 --> 01:34:00,896
♪ Why are you
in my throat? ♪
1935
01:34:00,939 --> 01:34:03,594
- And away we go.
1936
01:34:03,638 --> 01:34:07,206
♪ I--
The car isn't moving, guys.
1937
01:34:07,250 --> 01:34:09,644
- I didn't charge it.
1938
01:34:09,687 --> 01:34:12,647
- 48, asshole, take three.
[Laughter]
1939
01:34:12,690 --> 01:34:17,956
♪
1940
01:34:18,000 --> 01:34:21,003
- Just bear with us.
1941
01:34:21,046 --> 01:34:22,918
Just bear with us.
1942
01:34:22,961 --> 01:34:25,660
♪
1943
01:34:25,703 --> 01:34:27,357
Bear with us.
1944
01:34:28,532 --> 01:34:31,187
[Laughter]
131577
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