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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:53,907 --> 00:00:58,154 I'm sorry. I can't seem to find my purse. I must have ten of'em. 2 00:00:58,245 --> 00:01:01,449 - Can you just ring mine first, please? - There's someone ahead of you, sir. 3 00:01:01,540 --> 00:01:03,664 I usually keep my change in my little change bear, but... 4 00:01:03,751 --> 00:01:06,669 That's almost interesting. How much is hers? 5 00:01:08,173 --> 00:01:10,296 - 5.26. - Just add it on, please. 6 00:01:10,384 --> 00:01:13,301 Hold on, hold on. If it's not in this one, it'll be in another one. 7 00:01:13,387 --> 00:01:16,507 - That'll be 9.65. - Thank you very much. - How sweet. 8 00:01:16,599 --> 00:01:19,007 - You didn't have to do that for me. - I didn't do it for you. 9 00:01:19,101 --> 00:01:22,387 Check some bags next time. 10 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:23,429 Jerk. 11 00:01:37,805 --> 00:01:41,340 - How can I help you, Governor? - Some dirtbag... 12 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:44,221 dirtbag... from the attorney general's office... 13 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:47,147 had dared to mention the word "jail." 14 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:51,100 Waaah. 15 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:54,196 Waaah! 16 00:01:54,281 --> 00:02:00,154 - Somebody call the "waaambulance"! - What? What did you say? 17 00:02:08,964 --> 00:02:12,665 Governor, do you know what the number one killer of politicians under the age of 60 is? 18 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,086 - No. - Self-pity. 19 00:02:15,179 --> 00:02:17,421 Now, Governor, I'll be more than happy to help you out of this mess... 20 00:02:17,515 --> 00:02:19,841 that you so willingly seem to have stepped into. 21 00:02:19,935 --> 00:02:22,971 - But you ought to do something. - What's that? 22 00:02:23,063 --> 00:02:25,685 - Stop crying. - I'll try. 23 00:02:25,774 --> 00:02:28,978 No, I mean right now. You're giving me a headache. 24 00:02:44,337 --> 00:02:48,631 Excuse me, folks, anything more to drink? 25 00:02:48,716 --> 00:02:51,290 - Do y'all have any single-malt scotch? - Sure do. 26 00:02:52,679 --> 00:02:55,170 So, what do you do for a living? 27 00:02:57,685 --> 00:03:01,932 You wanna tell me about it? You know, comfort of strangers and all that. 28 00:03:02,023 --> 00:03:03,932 No. 29 00:03:06,278 --> 00:03:08,187 Oh. Must be something on the Internet. 30 00:03:09,865 --> 00:03:12,154 Or finance. 31 00:03:12,242 --> 00:03:14,282 Genetic engineering, maybe, huh? 32 00:03:14,370 --> 00:03:18,534 - I'm an image consultant, okay? - Okay. 33 00:03:39,564 --> 00:03:41,641 So you sort of troubleshoot for folks? 34 00:03:41,733 --> 00:03:45,518 You know, give 'em makeovers when they need revamping, right? 35 00:03:46,572 --> 00:03:48,861 Right. 36 00:03:48,950 --> 00:03:50,859 Hey, look... 37 00:03:50,952 --> 00:03:54,286 I'm flying to L.A. to start an anchor job in the local news... 38 00:03:54,372 --> 00:03:58,322 and I do not think that it's an accident that I'm sitting next to you. 39 00:03:58,418 --> 00:04:00,376 I see. So the cosmic purpose... 40 00:04:00,462 --> 00:04:03,036 of our meeting is for me to give you free advice. 41 00:04:03,132 --> 00:04:07,462 - What do I get out of it? - We don't know yet. 42 00:04:07,554 --> 00:04:10,223 But I'll owe you. 43 00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:30,284 - If I do it, will you shut up? - Quiet as the dead. 44 00:04:32,748 --> 00:04:35,500 Your hair's too big, your brows are too dark, your nails are too long... 45 00:04:35,584 --> 00:04:37,494 and your foundation's too orange. 46 00:04:37,587 --> 00:04:41,086 Your perfume's too sweet. It's the news, honey, not the prom. 47 00:04:41,174 --> 00:04:44,341 - I like your eyes... - Oh. Thank you. 48 00:04:44,428 --> 00:04:47,263 Bluer. Try the tinted contacts. 49 00:04:47,347 --> 00:04:49,305 But only when you're anchoring or in L.A. 50 00:04:49,391 --> 00:04:52,725 - When you're on assignment, take them out. - What about my accent? 51 00:04:52,812 --> 00:04:55,101 I'm always being warned to stop saying "y'all." 52 00:04:55,189 --> 00:04:58,606 Don't ever stop saying "y'all." Your "y'all" is your trademark. 53 00:04:58,693 --> 00:05:01,445 Say "y'all," and you'll be promoted in six months. 54 00:05:01,530 --> 00:05:04,614 Say "y'all" with a smile, you'll be famous in 12. 55 00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:09,244 Well, thank you. 56 00:05:09,330 --> 00:05:10,872 You're welcome. 57 00:05:10,957 --> 00:05:14,706 Now, will you please shut up? 58 00:05:33,106 --> 00:05:37,603 All right, let me have him. Hello, Your Honour. How are you? 59 00:05:37,695 --> 00:05:40,067 Good. Thank you. 60 00:05:40,156 --> 00:05:41,947 Define "not exactly alone." 61 00:05:44,452 --> 00:05:46,741 Your Honour, was this mannequin inflatable? 62 00:05:49,708 --> 00:05:51,915 You know if the press... 63 00:05:52,002 --> 00:05:54,244 Dodged one bullet. 64 00:05:54,338 --> 00:05:56,580 Listen, this is all gonna blow over. 65 00:06:08,437 --> 00:06:11,641 Hey! Did you see the... 66 00:06:13,234 --> 00:06:14,515 the... 67 00:06:18,031 --> 00:06:19,146 Yeah. 68 00:06:22,578 --> 00:06:24,654 Twelve cream pies are on their way over to the stadium. 69 00:06:24,747 --> 00:06:27,072 Bob Riley expects you in the owner's box at 3:00. 70 00:06:27,166 --> 00:06:31,164 Amy will meet you there. And why are you wearing a yellow tie? 71 00:06:31,254 --> 00:06:34,421 Janet. How could you know I'm wearing my yellow tie? You can't even see me. 72 00:06:34,507 --> 00:06:36,750 I can hear the stress in your voice. 73 00:06:36,843 --> 00:06:38,587 Whenever you're stressed, you wear the yellow tie... 74 00:06:38,679 --> 00:06:41,431 which makes you feel all-powerful, so you're probably gonna yell at me... 75 00:06:41,515 --> 00:06:45,134 which I'm not in the mood for, so don't. 76 00:06:45,228 --> 00:06:49,807 - Nice tie. - I am not stressed. 77 00:06:49,899 --> 00:06:52,984 There is nothing wrong with me. I just didn't get enough sleep last night. 78 00:06:53,070 --> 00:06:56,486 - Can I have today's work, please? - Take your phone off. You're with a human now. 79 00:06:56,573 --> 00:06:59,610 I did the ones and twos. There's a three, a four. 80 00:06:59,702 --> 00:07:03,154 I flagged the five in your mail. There's an eight on your desk to sign. 81 00:07:03,248 --> 00:07:05,917 And there's a ten standing in your office. 82 00:07:17,346 --> 00:07:19,470 Why did you let him in my office, Janet? 83 00:07:19,557 --> 00:07:22,475 He threatened me with a machete. 84 00:07:22,561 --> 00:07:24,719 He's your father, Russ. 85 00:07:28,734 --> 00:07:32,518 Wait 60 seconds and come in and tell me I'm late for something. 86 00:07:32,613 --> 00:07:35,899 - I hate you. - Fight fair. 87 00:07:41,748 --> 00:07:47,088 - That's a nice photo of you, uh, and Al De Niro. - Robert De Niro. 88 00:07:47,171 --> 00:07:50,208 Oh, it's a nice photo of you and Robert De Niro. 89 00:07:50,299 --> 00:07:53,835 Well, it would be, except that's Al Pacino. 90 00:07:53,928 --> 00:07:54,924 Oh. 91 00:07:55,013 --> 00:07:57,718 So, Dad, what can I do for you? 92 00:07:57,808 --> 00:07:59,966 Did you get the cheque I sent over this morning? 93 00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,468 Yes, yes, I did. 94 00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:06,602 But I didn't ask you for a cheque. 95 00:08:06,693 --> 00:08:09,266 I asked you to come over and help me lift a few things. 96 00:08:11,156 --> 00:08:13,149 Well, time is money, Dad... 97 00:08:13,241 --> 00:08:15,115 and my time is worth a lot more than a mover's... 98 00:08:15,202 --> 00:08:18,120 so I'm afraid the cheque is gonna have to do. 99 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,624 Look, your sister and her family are coming over for dinner tomorrow night. 100 00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:26,748 You haven't seen your niece and nephew in a long time. 101 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:31,218 - Uh, you may want some of those things in the attic. - Like what, Dad? 102 00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:35,384 - Some more of my childhood memorabilia? - You never know. 103 00:08:38,394 --> 00:08:40,601 How many times in the last 20 years that you lived in that house... 104 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:44,307 have I ever asked you for anything, hmm? 105 00:08:44,401 --> 00:08:46,477 Anything at all? 106 00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:53,952 Um, you're late for a very big meeting. 107 00:08:54,037 --> 00:08:57,157 Dozens of irate and highly important people are clamouring for you. 108 00:08:57,248 --> 00:08:59,822 There is pandemonium, I'm sure, somewhere... 109 00:08:59,918 --> 00:09:02,753 and you really must go... right now. 110 00:09:04,256 --> 00:09:08,124 Good luck with the move, Dad. Let me know how it goes. 111 00:09:22,735 --> 00:09:26,733 Call Fred and see how the market closed. Check the NASD AQ Bye. 112 00:09:26,823 --> 00:09:27,772 That's perfect. 113 00:09:27,991 --> 00:09:28,856 You look brilliant. 114 00:09:28,950 --> 00:09:31,738 Completely and utterly gorgeous. 115 00:09:31,828 --> 00:09:33,786 Don't look at me. Look out there. 116 00:09:33,872 --> 00:09:36,031 Have we signed a new client? 117 00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:39,459 We made a bet. If I make him look handsome, I get a free hot dog. 118 00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:43,626 - You're going to starve. - Not a chance. 119 00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:45,626 - Thank you. - My pleasure. 120 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,755 - Just don't share it with jerko. - No way. 121 00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:51,517 Watch your cholesterol, hot dog boy. Let me have that for you. 122 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,676 Hey, I worked hard for that! 123 00:09:53,769 --> 00:09:55,892 Amy, those hot dogs will kill you. 124 00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:57,889 Besides, we're about to have lobster in cream sauce. 125 00:09:57,982 --> 00:10:01,398 I don't want lobster in cream sauce. I want hot dog in mustard sauce. 126 00:10:01,486 --> 00:10:03,395 Please stop biting your nails, Amy. 127 00:10:03,488 --> 00:10:06,655 Nail. I only bite one. Why do you care anyway? 128 00:10:06,742 --> 00:10:08,651 I care because you work for me. 129 00:10:08,744 --> 00:10:11,235 When you bite your nails, you're advertising weakness. 130 00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:13,822 Really? Advertising weakness with one little nail? 131 00:10:13,916 --> 00:10:15,956 - What's this advertise? - Nice. 132 00:10:16,044 --> 00:10:18,250 - Hi, Mike. Is he in? - Waitin' for you. 133 00:10:18,338 --> 00:10:21,458 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 134 00:10:21,550 --> 00:10:23,258 Hello. 135 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,045 - Hello. - I haven't seen you in a couple of days. 136 00:10:27,139 --> 00:10:29,298 - How have you been? - Fine. Now can we go in? 137 00:10:29,392 --> 00:10:33,935 No. This is the bit where you ask me. 138 00:10:34,022 --> 00:10:36,015 We're very late. I don't have time to... 139 00:10:36,108 --> 00:10:39,311 Go on. Give it a whirl. 140 00:10:43,532 --> 00:10:46,450 Hi, Amy. How are you doing? 141 00:10:47,954 --> 00:10:51,869 Fine. We're really late. 142 00:10:54,670 --> 00:10:56,828 Hey, the cavalry is here! 143 00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:59,840 Russ Duritz to the rescue! 144 00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:03,342 Here to save my sorry behind. 145 00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:06,466 Josh, look after him. 146 00:11:06,558 --> 00:11:07,969 - Good luck. - Yeah. 147 00:11:08,060 --> 00:11:10,017 Hi. I'm Josh, Mr Riley's assistant. 148 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,096 - If you need anything... - I do. 149 00:11:12,189 --> 00:11:15,558 I need you to go up in the bleachers and find me a dozen 8- to 12-year-old kids. 150 00:11:15,651 --> 00:11:19,899 Eight boys, four girls. Five white, four Latino, three black. 151 00:11:19,989 --> 00:11:23,074 - Have 'em back here in three minutes. - Okay. 152 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,199 I need to use your Hi-8 for this one. 153 00:11:25,287 --> 00:11:27,363 So why is everybody busting my chops? 154 00:11:27,456 --> 00:11:29,449 And the way I see this thing... 155 00:11:29,542 --> 00:11:33,409 it's just a little misunderstanding. 156 00:11:33,504 --> 00:11:35,544 Okay, Bob, let me see if I can explain to you... 157 00:11:35,632 --> 00:11:38,384 how other people see this little thing. 158 00:11:38,468 --> 00:11:41,042 You see, to Joe Baseball Fan out there, you're the guy that promised... 159 00:11:41,138 --> 00:11:43,843 you would give five percent of each ticket sold this season... 160 00:11:43,932 --> 00:11:46,887 to establishing a baseball camp for inner-city kids. 161 00:11:46,978 --> 00:11:49,683 You're also the guy that gave pictures to the press of kids... 162 00:11:49,772 --> 00:11:52,809 actually attending this camp which, in fact, does not exist. 163 00:11:52,901 --> 00:11:56,815 Yet. I was intending to get around to it, uh, eventually. 164 00:11:56,905 --> 00:12:00,690 - Ah. - I am a very busy guy. 165 00:12:01,994 --> 00:12:04,201 No, Bob, you're not a busy man. 166 00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:07,373 See, what you are is a "stoopid" man. 167 00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:10,744 A very stupid guy who only played Mr Charitable... 168 00:12:10,837 --> 00:12:12,747 because you wanted to suck up to city council... 169 00:12:12,839 --> 00:12:16,423 so they'd build you a brand new baseball park. 170 00:12:16,510 --> 00:12:18,752 But guess what. Bye-bye, ballpark. 171 00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:23,139 Hello, jail. 172 00:12:23,226 --> 00:12:28,184 - So what's your big plan? - How do you feel about chocolate cream pie? 173 00:12:28,273 --> 00:12:32,271 Why? You gonna feed the kids cream pie to get me out of this mess? 174 00:12:32,361 --> 00:12:35,528 No. The kids are gonna feed you cream pie and get you out of this mess. 175 00:12:35,615 --> 00:12:38,106 - Huh? - Bob... 176 00:12:38,201 --> 00:12:40,110 prepare to be pied. 177 00:12:41,746 --> 00:12:44,238 I deserve it! 178 00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:46,325 More pie in the face! 179 00:12:46,418 --> 00:12:48,791 Bob, the press is gonna eat this up. 180 00:12:48,879 --> 00:12:50,837 Amy, what do you think? 181 00:12:50,923 --> 00:12:54,174 - Amy? Amy? - You want to know what I think? 182 00:12:55,094 --> 00:12:57,716 I think there's something very creepy about all this. 183 00:12:57,806 --> 00:13:00,890 Amy, Amy, I swear to you... 184 00:13:00,976 --> 00:13:04,974 I will make sure that the editing of this tape is handled tastefully, okay? 185 00:13:05,064 --> 00:13:07,816 - I'm sure you will. - No, I promise. 186 00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:10,438 - We didn't do anything wrong today. - No. 187 00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:15,819 - We did the right thing by our client, Bob Riley. - I love him. 188 00:13:15,909 --> 00:13:21,152 Russ, today we shamelessly exploited innocent children... 189 00:13:21,248 --> 00:13:24,914 just to help some crook with his cash flow problems. 190 00:13:28,548 --> 00:13:31,335 Are you gonna finish this last piece of yellowtail? 191 00:13:31,426 --> 00:13:33,668 Russ, you should be concerned about this. You're turning 40 in... 192 00:13:33,762 --> 00:13:36,763 - Thank you so much for bringing that up. - You're at an age when... - What, and you're not at an age... 193 00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:38,842 Yes, we both are. 194 00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:43,513 Well, we can't go around any more talking about what we're going to be like when we grow up. 195 00:13:43,606 --> 00:13:45,184 We are up. 196 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:50,363 - Is that it? - Yeah. 197 00:13:50,447 --> 00:13:54,030 - You finished? - Yeah, I'm finished. 198 00:13:54,118 --> 00:13:56,656 Good. 199 00:13:56,746 --> 00:13:59,866 Toshiya, if you get called a jerk four times... 200 00:13:59,958 --> 00:14:02,034 in the same day, does that make it true? 201 00:14:02,127 --> 00:14:04,665 - What, only four? Did you get up late? - Excuse me. 202 00:14:04,755 --> 00:14:07,839 - I'm asking Toshiya. - Just four times, a pattern. 203 00:14:07,925 --> 00:14:10,381 It have to be five times to be a fact. 204 00:14:10,469 --> 00:14:14,384 - Thank you very much. You see? There is hope. - Jerk. 205 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,972 Thank you. 206 00:14:22,649 --> 00:14:25,853 Yo, Pedro, make sure this gets in the trash. 207 00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:36,492 Yes! 208 00:14:36,581 --> 00:14:41,540 That was fantastic! I can't believe you just did such a fantastic thing! 209 00:14:41,629 --> 00:14:43,622 Me neither. 210 00:14:43,714 --> 00:14:45,754 I must really be stressed out. 211 00:14:49,846 --> 00:14:51,839 Probably still in there. 212 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:56,594 You are not going Dumpster diving to look for that stinky, fish-encrusted tape. 213 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:59,891 You're right. I shouldn't go in there. 214 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,438 I'm wearing a $2,000 suit. Come on. I'll give you a boost. 215 00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,235 Come on, come on, come on. Distract yourself. 216 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,108 Honour your instincts. Look at the moon. Look at it. 217 00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:11,149 - What? Look at what? - Look. 218 00:15:12,371 --> 00:15:16,203 Isn't it lovely? It's big, it's beautiful, it's... 219 00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:18,534 revolving around the earth, proving once again... 220 00:15:18,628 --> 00:15:21,795 that the universe does not revolve around you. 221 00:15:21,881 --> 00:15:23,921 It's worth a look, if you ask me. 222 00:15:25,302 --> 00:15:27,425 Are you looking? 223 00:15:27,513 --> 00:15:29,422 - I looked. - Look again! - Okay... 224 00:15:29,515 --> 00:15:31,923 Okay! Amy... 225 00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:33,927 Quit fooling around, all right? I looked. 226 00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:35,929 Now can we go? 227 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:39,226 - Come on, grumpy. - Hey, will you stop? 228 00:15:39,317 --> 00:15:42,022 I stopped. 229 00:15:42,112 --> 00:15:44,485 I want to show you something. Tell me if you think this is cute. 230 00:15:46,409 --> 00:15:50,952 Oh! Look at the moon! It's so big and round... 231 00:15:51,039 --> 00:15:53,791 and when I look at it, I'm all perky and excited and... 232 00:15:53,875 --> 00:15:57,660 no one would ever know that I'm almost 30! Ooh! 233 00:15:57,754 --> 00:15:59,831 What do you think? 234 00:15:59,923 --> 00:16:02,331 Cute or just stupid? 235 00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:10,927 You know, Russ, just when I think I've seen the worst... 236 00:16:11,019 --> 00:16:14,803 that there's no possible way you could be more of a jerk... 237 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:21,360 you outdo yourself. 238 00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:23,570 And then... 239 00:16:25,410 --> 00:16:29,194 just when I'm about to leave, you do something. 240 00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:33,667 Like tonight, when you threw that tape away. 241 00:16:33,753 --> 00:16:38,047 Then I get the tiniest, briefest glimpse of the kid in you. 242 00:16:39,968 --> 00:16:43,419 That's when I decide to hang around for five more minutes... 243 00:16:43,513 --> 00:16:45,553 see what happens next. 244 00:16:47,476 --> 00:16:49,599 Bye. 245 00:17:14,506 --> 00:17:17,626 Janet, I want you on the phone with the alarm company first thing in the morning, okay? 246 00:17:17,718 --> 00:17:20,387 There is no way anybody should ever get inside those gates. 247 00:17:20,471 --> 00:17:23,721 Ever! As a matter of fact, get 'em on the phone right now, and you tell them... 248 00:17:23,808 --> 00:17:26,050 - It's 3:00 a.m. - Janet, I don't care if it's 3:00 in the morning. 249 00:17:26,144 --> 00:17:29,062 They're supposed to be a 24-hour security service, okay? 250 00:17:29,147 --> 00:17:31,270 I want the sensitivity set on ten. 251 00:17:31,358 --> 00:17:34,394 I want electrocution. I want charred flesh. Do you understand? 252 00:17:34,486 --> 00:17:37,772 - Write it down. Janet. - "Charred flesh." - Write it down! 253 00:17:37,865 --> 00:17:41,115 It was probably just some neighbourhood kid. I don't know why you're so upset. 254 00:17:41,202 --> 00:17:45,283 - I'm not upset. I'm just mad. - Okay. Mad. Not upset. 255 00:17:45,373 --> 00:17:48,707 - You know, maybe we should get a new security company, okay? - Uh-huh. 256 00:17:48,794 --> 00:17:51,415 I want rottweilers. I want big, scary rottweilers. 257 00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:54,625 I want the guy who trains the rottweilers to be afraid to come over here, okay? 258 00:17:54,717 --> 00:17:57,884 - I want a moat with lava. - "Moat with lava." 259 00:17:57,971 --> 00:18:00,047 Trolls with that? Evil ones? 260 00:18:00,140 --> 00:18:02,631 No, Janet. No trolls. 261 00:18:02,726 --> 00:18:06,973 - Hello? Uh. Russ. It's Dad. Uh... - Hold on a second, Janet. 262 00:18:07,064 --> 00:18:10,516 - Honey, I'm so sorry. - I know I asked earlier... 263 00:18:10,609 --> 00:18:13,148 but. Um. It'd be nice to have you here for dinner. 264 00:18:13,237 --> 00:18:16,155 I know Joanne and the kids would love to see you. 265 00:18:16,241 --> 00:18:18,814 And. Uh. Well. If your schedule opens up... 266 00:18:20,495 --> 00:18:25,039 - Janet, I am going to bed. - Good idea. Me too. 267 00:18:25,126 --> 00:18:27,699 I do not wish to talk to you or anyone else... 268 00:18:27,795 --> 00:18:29,954 on this planet for the next three hours. 269 00:18:30,048 --> 00:18:32,005 - Guess what. Neither do I. - Goodbye. 270 00:20:14,204 --> 00:20:16,114 "Rusty." 271 00:20:16,207 --> 00:20:19,161 Dad, you are really gettin' weird. 272 00:20:57,335 --> 00:20:59,827 Hey! 273 00:20:59,921 --> 00:21:02,413 Hey! 274 00:21:02,508 --> 00:21:05,081 Hey, stop! Stop! Come back! 275 00:21:05,177 --> 00:21:08,511 Come back here! Hey! 276 00:21:08,598 --> 00:21:11,303 Gotcha! Ow! Ah! 277 00:21:15,814 --> 00:21:18,566 Hey! Hey! 278 00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:42,133 Hey! Hey! 279 00:21:42,218 --> 00:21:44,045 Get it outta here! 280 00:22:03,033 --> 00:22:04,990 Look out, idiot! 281 00:22:05,077 --> 00:22:07,829 Move it, you jerk! 282 00:22:10,082 --> 00:22:12,538 Hey! 283 00:22:36,695 --> 00:22:38,902 Hey! 284 00:22:38,989 --> 00:22:40,947 Hey! 285 00:22:46,915 --> 00:22:49,240 Hey! 286 00:22:49,334 --> 00:22:50,994 Hey! 287 00:23:22,329 --> 00:23:24,820 Uh, uh, good evening. 288 00:23:24,915 --> 00:23:28,000 Uh, a kid just... 289 00:23:28,085 --> 00:23:31,252 ran in here a moment ago, and, uh... 290 00:23:31,339 --> 00:23:33,912 Any of you see anything? 291 00:23:35,426 --> 00:23:38,000 Can any of you see anything? 292 00:23:38,096 --> 00:23:40,006 For we can fly 293 00:23:40,098 --> 00:23:45,140 'Cause this kid who, uh, was just here... 294 00:23:45,229 --> 00:23:47,186 Up. Up and away 295 00:23:47,273 --> 00:23:50,607 - He... - See you later. 296 00:23:50,693 --> 00:23:53,101 Hey! Officer! 297 00:23:57,201 --> 00:24:02,990 The world's a nicer place in my beautiful balloon 298 00:24:03,082 --> 00:24:05,490 It wears a nicer face 299 00:24:12,759 --> 00:24:15,298 Uh-uh. 300 00:24:25,023 --> 00:24:27,312 Good morning, Doctor. 301 00:24:27,401 --> 00:24:30,153 I'd like to get right to the point, if you don't mind. I've got a meeting in ten minutes. 302 00:24:30,237 --> 00:24:32,230 You're entitled to a 50-minute hour. 303 00:24:32,323 --> 00:24:34,565 Thank you, but I only require a five-minute hour... 304 00:24:34,659 --> 00:24:36,568 or however long it takes you to write a prescription. 305 00:24:36,661 --> 00:24:38,986 I see. 306 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,488 Uh, we should talk about this. Why don't you sit down. 307 00:24:41,583 --> 00:24:43,955 No, thank you. I don't want to sit down. 308 00:24:44,044 --> 00:24:46,084 It all starts with sitting down. 309 00:24:46,171 --> 00:24:48,497 You sit down, and then before you know it... 310 00:24:48,591 --> 00:24:51,046 twelve years has gone by, and you're still talking about... 311 00:24:51,135 --> 00:24:53,044 the time you saw your mother naked in the shower. 312 00:24:53,137 --> 00:24:55,214 You saw your mother naked in the shower? 313 00:24:55,306 --> 00:24:59,174 No! I'm just saying I'm happy to stand, okay? 314 00:24:59,269 --> 00:25:01,262 Look, I-I-I don't want therapy. 315 00:25:01,355 --> 00:25:04,938 - I don't need therapy. - Why do you feel that way? 316 00:25:05,025 --> 00:25:08,395 Because I'm not like the other nutballs that roll through here, okay? 317 00:25:08,488 --> 00:25:10,979 I don't have a smoking problem. I don't have a drinking problem. 318 00:25:11,074 --> 00:25:13,565 I don't have a closet full of ladies' undergarments. 319 00:25:13,660 --> 00:25:18,453 Sit down, Mr Duritz, and tell me what the problem is. 320 00:25:18,540 --> 00:25:22,289 - No, you don't! - Mr Duritz, I'm not trying to trick you. 321 00:25:22,378 --> 00:25:24,786 I'm trying to understand your issues. 322 00:25:24,881 --> 00:25:28,464 Issue. Issue, singular. Just one. 323 00:25:28,551 --> 00:25:31,469 All right. What is it? 324 00:25:35,684 --> 00:25:38,639 For the last few weeks... 325 00:25:38,729 --> 00:25:41,896 I have been seeing a guy in a plane. 326 00:25:41,983 --> 00:25:44,474 Oh, I see. 327 00:25:44,569 --> 00:25:46,977 Not that kind of seeing! I mean... 328 00:25:47,072 --> 00:25:50,572 I've been hallucinating a guy in a plane. 329 00:25:50,659 --> 00:25:55,037 And these delusions, or whatever it is you people call them... 330 00:25:55,122 --> 00:25:56,831 seem to be getting worse. 331 00:25:56,916 --> 00:26:00,866 Anyway, now I'm seeing a kid. 332 00:26:00,962 --> 00:26:06,301 And you think this kid is a hallucination too? 333 00:26:06,385 --> 00:26:08,045 Yes. 334 00:26:08,137 --> 00:26:12,349 Is he someone you knew from your past, from your childhood? 335 00:26:12,433 --> 00:26:15,719 No, not from my childhood. I've forgotten my childhood. 336 00:26:15,812 --> 00:26:18,268 My childhood is in the past, where it belongs. 337 00:26:18,356 --> 00:26:21,856 But doesn't want to stay in the past, does it? 338 00:26:24,989 --> 00:26:28,156 Mr Duritz, I notice your eye is twitching. 339 00:26:28,242 --> 00:26:31,160 - I don't have a tic. - I didn't say you had a tic. 340 00:26:31,246 --> 00:26:35,030 It's not a tic. I have dry eyes. Why are you asking me about my dry eyes? 341 00:26:35,125 --> 00:26:38,375 - Why are you so upset? - Because I'm having hallucinations! 342 00:26:38,462 --> 00:26:41,036 And I'm asking you to make them go away... 343 00:26:41,132 --> 00:26:45,212 with very powerful medication that I can pick up on my way to work. 344 00:26:46,971 --> 00:26:49,510 Please, ma'am. 345 00:26:52,477 --> 00:26:57,187 Mr Duritz, you will pick up your powerful medicine... 346 00:26:57,274 --> 00:27:00,062 and then you will... 347 00:27:00,153 --> 00:27:02,644 go home and take the rest of the day off. 348 00:27:02,739 --> 00:27:06,986 - Yes, ma'am. - This is for a total of four pills. 349 00:27:07,077 --> 00:27:10,162 They will help to keep you calm until tomorrow at 4:00... 350 00:27:10,247 --> 00:27:13,533 at which time I expect to see you back here in my office... 351 00:27:13,626 --> 00:27:16,662 for an appointment, which you must promise to keep. 352 00:27:16,754 --> 00:27:18,996 Yes, ma'am. 353 00:27:19,090 --> 00:27:22,424 You're having these hallucinations for a reason. 354 00:27:22,511 --> 00:27:25,132 - Yes, ma'am. - And Mr Duritz... 355 00:27:25,222 --> 00:27:28,093 you need to figure out what that reason is. 356 00:27:29,852 --> 00:27:31,761 Thank you. 357 00:27:36,401 --> 00:27:38,560 The woman in question. if I understand it correctly... 358 00:27:38,653 --> 00:27:40,942 she was your pilates instructor. 359 00:27:41,031 --> 00:27:44,899 - Um. Well... - Yeah, are you watching this? 360 00:27:44,994 --> 00:27:47,532 - Unfortunately, yes. - I mean. Not beautiful like you are. Honey. 361 00:27:47,622 --> 00:27:51,287 - Oh, that's good. - Why won't hejust say what I told him to say? 362 00:27:51,376 --> 00:27:54,045 - He's an actor. He's improvising. - Give me his cell phone number. 363 00:27:54,129 --> 00:27:55,956 They won't let him take his cell phone to the set. 364 00:27:56,048 --> 00:27:58,717 Well, just get me any number, okay, Janet? 365 00:27:58,801 --> 00:28:00,793 Coast Guard, the police. 366 00:28:00,886 --> 00:28:03,425 Just get me a number before he spontaneously combusts. 367 00:28:03,514 --> 00:28:05,637 Let me see if I can get the power taken out in Atlanta. 368 00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:09,260 Okay, go. 369 00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:12,391 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 370 00:28:12,482 --> 00:28:14,725 Okay, got it. Bye. 371 00:28:40,513 --> 00:28:43,431 - You! - Don't get mad. I'll clean it up. 372 00:28:46,145 --> 00:28:47,520 Don't move! 373 00:28:51,108 --> 00:28:55,107 Look, look, this has just gotta stop, okay? This is... This is wrong! 374 00:28:55,196 --> 00:28:58,032 You can't just go around breaking into people's houses like this! 375 00:28:58,116 --> 00:29:00,156 It's against the law! 376 00:29:00,244 --> 00:29:03,079 I'm just gonna call the police now, all right? 377 00:29:03,163 --> 00:29:05,156 Tell them... 378 00:29:20,975 --> 00:29:23,014 Do I know you? 379 00:29:23,102 --> 00:29:25,261 I don't know. 380 00:29:31,862 --> 00:29:33,771 Why do you keep comin' back here? 381 00:29:38,119 --> 00:29:40,028 I came back to get my plane. 382 00:29:41,331 --> 00:29:45,245 - And then I saw the popcorn. - Your plane? 383 00:29:45,335 --> 00:29:48,918 My mom gave it to me for Christmas. How'd you get it? 384 00:29:49,006 --> 00:29:51,793 That is my plane, okay? 385 00:29:51,884 --> 00:29:54,719 My dad just dropped it off over here. 386 00:29:54,804 --> 00:29:59,680 Okay? It was in his attic for a long time. I've had that plane for 30... 387 00:30:12,115 --> 00:30:14,273 thirty years. 388 00:30:14,367 --> 00:30:16,111 Then why does it have my name on it? 389 00:30:16,202 --> 00:30:19,287 Look. Right here. "Rusty." 390 00:30:21,959 --> 00:30:23,952 Russell Morley Duritz. 391 00:30:24,044 --> 00:30:27,461 I hate that stupid name! 392 00:30:27,548 --> 00:30:29,956 How'd you know my name? 393 00:30:30,051 --> 00:30:35,473 - Mother's name is Gloria. Your father's name is Sam. - How do you know all that? 394 00:30:35,557 --> 00:30:38,309 - Your sister's name is Joanne. - But everybody calls her... 395 00:30:38,394 --> 00:30:40,801 - Josie. - Josie. 396 00:31:24,361 --> 00:31:26,354 Hi. 397 00:31:28,282 --> 00:31:30,654 Hi. 398 00:31:30,743 --> 00:31:34,611 Are you who I think you are? 399 00:31:34,706 --> 00:31:37,162 I don't know. 400 00:31:37,250 --> 00:31:40,501 How did I get here? 401 00:31:40,587 --> 00:31:42,295 I don't know. 402 00:31:44,759 --> 00:31:47,001 Holy smokes. 403 00:31:47,094 --> 00:31:50,049 How old are you? 404 00:31:50,139 --> 00:31:53,010 Forty in a couple days. 405 00:31:53,101 --> 00:31:56,802 That is old. 406 00:31:58,148 --> 00:32:01,482 I'm turning eight in a couple days. 407 00:32:01,569 --> 00:32:04,736 Eight. 408 00:32:04,822 --> 00:32:06,815 You're eight. 409 00:32:08,326 --> 00:32:09,524 I'm eight. 410 00:32:09,619 --> 00:32:11,861 This is scary. 411 00:32:11,955 --> 00:32:14,743 No. 412 00:32:14,833 --> 00:32:17,040 This is hilarious. 413 00:32:32,102 --> 00:32:37,442 All right. I'm just going to the kitchen. I'm gonna make a sandwich. 414 00:32:37,525 --> 00:32:40,811 There's safety in sandwiches. 415 00:32:40,904 --> 00:32:44,984 See? There's safety in sandwiches, see? 416 00:32:45,075 --> 00:32:50,117 It's funny how he knew that we called Joanne "Josie." 417 00:32:50,206 --> 00:32:54,702 But only I know the secret name... 418 00:32:54,794 --> 00:32:59,540 I had for Aunt Cathy when she was having her epileptic spells. 419 00:32:59,633 --> 00:33:01,626 Aunt Spazzy! 420 00:33:03,804 --> 00:33:06,805 Safety. Safety in a sandwich. 421 00:33:06,891 --> 00:33:08,967 Safety in a sandwich. 422 00:33:09,060 --> 00:33:12,061 Safety in a sandwich. Safety... 423 00:33:14,524 --> 00:33:15,723 Get out! 424 00:33:15,817 --> 00:33:18,106 Okay, hallucination? Get out! 425 00:33:18,195 --> 00:33:20,104 - Am I having a nightmare? - No. 426 00:33:20,197 --> 00:33:22,320 You are not having a nightmare, you see. 427 00:33:22,408 --> 00:33:25,326 You do not exist. 428 00:33:25,411 --> 00:33:29,990 I am having a nightmare, okay, and my nervous breakdown. 429 00:33:30,083 --> 00:33:32,753 This is my first nervous breakdown, so I'm not quite sure how they're supposed to go. 430 00:33:32,836 --> 00:33:35,672 But I'm pretty sure that I'm dreaming, you understand? Dreaming! Dreaming! 431 00:33:35,756 --> 00:33:38,294 Dreaming! Dreaming! Okay? 432 00:33:38,384 --> 00:33:40,507 I don't think you're dreaming... 433 00:33:40,595 --> 00:33:43,347 'cause you're talking, and your eye is sort of twitching. 434 00:33:43,431 --> 00:33:48,010 Hey! I don't have time to go crazy, okay? 435 00:33:48,103 --> 00:33:50,855 So if you want me to go crazy, you're gonna have to get on the phone... 436 00:33:50,940 --> 00:33:54,985 and call Janet just like everybody else and schedule an appointment! 437 00:33:56,571 --> 00:33:58,943 Ah. Ah, good. Okay. 438 00:33:59,032 --> 00:34:01,357 Make contact with the outside world. 439 00:34:01,451 --> 00:34:04,488 - Hi, Janet. It's Russ. - Hi. You okay? - No, no, good. 440 00:34:04,580 --> 00:34:08,578 Uh-huh. Nothing. Fine. No, I just came upstairs to return my calls. 441 00:34:08,667 --> 00:34:12,167 You wanna hear something funny? I was downstairs and now I'm upstairs. 442 00:34:12,255 --> 00:34:13,879 - Hey. - You see... 443 00:34:13,965 --> 00:34:17,500 - You dropped this. - Russ. Hello? 444 00:34:17,594 --> 00:34:21,295 Safety in a sandwich. Safety in a sandwich. Safety! 445 00:34:21,390 --> 00:34:24,261 Safety in a sandwich. 446 00:34:29,065 --> 00:34:31,639 You are just a hallucination! 447 00:34:31,735 --> 00:34:34,273 One that is about to disappear. 448 00:34:36,657 --> 00:34:39,148 Prepare to disappear! 449 00:34:43,873 --> 00:34:45,913 Prepare to disappear. 450 00:34:48,044 --> 00:34:49,954 I'm sitting on the floor. 451 00:34:50,046 --> 00:34:52,716 I'm taking the very powerful medication. 452 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:56,169 Just waiting for it to kick in. Prepare to disappear! 453 00:35:08,692 --> 00:35:11,266 Disappeared? 454 00:35:11,362 --> 00:35:14,197 Very powerful medicine seems to be working. 455 00:35:17,410 --> 00:35:19,735 I'm still here. 456 00:35:52,449 --> 00:35:54,821 I'm not throwing your dismembered enemies into the Dumpster. 457 00:35:54,910 --> 00:35:56,819 I've got my limits. 458 00:35:59,415 --> 00:36:02,831 Do you remember when I had you sign those confidentiality papers at the office? 459 00:36:02,919 --> 00:36:05,326 - Yeah. - And do you remember me telling you... 460 00:36:05,421 --> 00:36:09,289 that if you ever said anything to anyone about anything that happens in this company... 461 00:36:09,384 --> 00:36:13,216 that I would not only sue you, but I would bring you to financial ruin? 462 00:36:13,305 --> 00:36:16,176 Snore. 463 00:36:16,267 --> 00:36:18,259 Okay, then. 464 00:36:35,121 --> 00:36:39,166 You can, uh... You can see him? 465 00:36:40,502 --> 00:36:44,085 Yes, I, um, can. 466 00:36:44,172 --> 00:36:46,924 You could see a little boy standing there? 467 00:36:47,009 --> 00:36:49,500 Yes. 468 00:36:49,595 --> 00:36:51,802 I'm pretty sure. 469 00:36:53,057 --> 00:36:55,050 Okay. 470 00:36:58,855 --> 00:37:02,022 This little boy is me at age eight. 471 00:37:02,109 --> 00:37:04,517 And I want you to make him disappear. 472 00:37:04,612 --> 00:37:06,320 - He's you? - Yeah. 473 00:37:06,405 --> 00:37:07,520 - At age eight? - Mm-hmm. 474 00:37:07,615 --> 00:37:11,530 And you want me to make him disappear? 475 00:37:11,619 --> 00:37:14,407 Please. 476 00:37:14,498 --> 00:37:16,906 - How was the therapist this morning? - Do it, Janet! 477 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:21,330 - How am I supposed to make a kid disappear? - Hey, you are the assistant! 478 00:37:21,422 --> 00:37:23,331 Figure it out, okay? 479 00:37:23,424 --> 00:37:25,583 You yelled at me! That is great. That... That helps. 480 00:37:25,677 --> 00:37:27,385 I feel I'm thinking more clearly. 481 00:37:27,470 --> 00:37:31,765 I-I feel I-I'm just more in touch with my, my magic assistant powers. 482 00:37:32,893 --> 00:37:36,227 Alakazam, alakazam. Dalakazam kazoo. 483 00:37:36,313 --> 00:37:38,805 Boom! Presto! Ha! 484 00:37:38,900 --> 00:37:43,229 - Hi. - Didn't work. 485 00:37:43,321 --> 00:37:45,563 I should've worn my magic bra and panties. 486 00:37:46,950 --> 00:37:48,777 Get in the car. 487 00:37:50,371 --> 00:37:53,123 - I'm really disappointed in you, Janet. - Oh, fired, I hope. 488 00:37:53,207 --> 00:37:56,826 - No. Forget about your bonus. - Oh, boo hoo. What about my dental? 489 00:37:56,919 --> 00:37:59,874 My boss appears to have lost his mind. 490 00:37:59,965 --> 00:38:02,586 Sure you wouldn't rather stay here with me? 491 00:38:02,676 --> 00:38:04,170 I'll be okay. 492 00:38:08,891 --> 00:38:13,803 Waaah! Waaah! Somebody call the "waaambulance"! 493 00:38:15,357 --> 00:38:17,599 What are you crying about anyway? 494 00:38:17,692 --> 00:38:19,317 I just wanna go home. 495 00:38:19,403 --> 00:38:21,609 Well, I'm trying to get you home, okay? 496 00:38:21,697 --> 00:38:24,484 - Am I in trouble? - You're gonna be in trouble if you wipe that snot... 497 00:38:24,575 --> 00:38:27,660 on my calfskin seat... Don't do it. 498 00:38:27,745 --> 00:38:29,785 Just try and remember where you live, okay? 499 00:38:29,873 --> 00:38:33,918 - You should know that. - Well, I don't know that. We moved 12 times. 500 00:38:34,002 --> 00:38:35,995 We move a dozen times? 501 00:38:36,088 --> 00:38:40,881 - Yes. A dozen is 12. We moved 12 times. - What happens? 502 00:38:40,968 --> 00:38:43,008 What happens? A big truck comes... 503 00:38:43,095 --> 00:38:46,097 they put all your stuff inside, and you move to another house. 504 00:38:46,182 --> 00:38:49,598 - Twelve times. - Look! There it is right there! Remember it now? 505 00:38:59,113 --> 00:39:03,325 - No. - Look, that's where we fell off the roof last year. 506 00:39:03,410 --> 00:39:09,116 That's the bush we fell onto. And that's where the really big possum crawled under the house. 507 00:39:09,208 --> 00:39:12,209 - Remember? - Yeah, that was one of life's big events... 508 00:39:12,294 --> 00:39:14,252 when the possum crawled under the house. 509 00:39:14,338 --> 00:39:18,171 - How could I forget? - You don't remember the possum? 510 00:39:18,259 --> 00:39:20,252 It was, like, this big! 511 00:39:20,345 --> 00:39:23,631 And it had really long teeth. 512 00:39:23,724 --> 00:39:27,936 He took our sneaker in his mouth and ran off with it. You've gotta remember that. 513 00:39:28,020 --> 00:39:30,227 Hey, I don't remember the possum, okay? 514 00:39:31,441 --> 00:39:33,599 I hardly remember living here at all. 515 00:39:33,693 --> 00:39:36,860 But you do, and that's all that counts. Get out. 516 00:39:39,741 --> 00:39:44,071 Wait. The house. It's different. 517 00:39:45,748 --> 00:39:48,833 - Bye, honey. - Who are they? 518 00:39:53,924 --> 00:39:56,629 What am I gonna do? 519 00:40:00,097 --> 00:40:01,342 What now? 520 00:40:03,976 --> 00:40:06,978 Hey, will you knock off the waterworks, okay? 521 00:40:07,063 --> 00:40:11,358 You know what the number one killer of kids under the age of 8 is? Self-pity. 522 00:40:11,443 --> 00:40:13,519 And you're already pitiful enough. 523 00:40:13,612 --> 00:40:15,901 Well, at least I don't do this! 524 00:40:18,826 --> 00:40:20,653 Nice. 525 00:40:23,289 --> 00:40:28,913 Chester! Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 526 00:40:29,004 --> 00:40:31,412 Chester! 527 00:40:31,507 --> 00:40:34,876 Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 528 00:40:36,429 --> 00:40:38,718 Chester! 529 00:40:38,807 --> 00:40:42,223 Come on, Chester! Chester! 530 00:40:42,310 --> 00:40:44,220 Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 531 00:40:44,313 --> 00:40:46,685 - Chester! - Kid, will you stop that yelling? 532 00:40:46,774 --> 00:40:49,692 - Chester! - Hey! Now! 533 00:40:51,070 --> 00:40:53,277 Where's Chester? 534 00:40:53,364 --> 00:40:56,401 - Who is Chester? - My dog. 535 00:40:56,493 --> 00:40:58,818 The dog I'm going to get when I grow up. 536 00:40:58,912 --> 00:41:03,160 - Oh. - The world's greatest dog. 537 00:41:03,250 --> 00:41:05,623 The one who rides in the back of my truck... 538 00:41:05,711 --> 00:41:08,713 plays Frisbee, goes everywhere I go. 539 00:41:08,798 --> 00:41:12,630 - Chester! - Bad news, kid. 540 00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:16,468 - No dog here. - What do you mean? 541 00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:19,677 I mean no dog. There's no dog here. 542 00:41:19,768 --> 00:41:23,980 - I don't own a dog. - No dog? No dog? 543 00:41:24,065 --> 00:41:28,015 - I grow up to be a guy with no dog? - That's right. 544 00:41:28,111 --> 00:41:32,026 - Why don't I have a dog? - Because I don't want a dog, okay? 545 00:41:33,242 --> 00:41:36,409 I can't take care of a dog. 546 00:41:36,495 --> 00:41:38,784 I travel all the time for work. 547 00:41:38,873 --> 00:41:41,080 You travel for work? 548 00:41:41,167 --> 00:41:43,919 I grow up to fly jets, right? I knew it! 549 00:41:44,004 --> 00:41:46,791 I knew I would grow up to fly jets! 550 00:41:46,882 --> 00:41:48,875 Uh, no. 551 00:41:48,967 --> 00:41:52,503 - No, I don't fly jets? - Not really, no. 552 00:41:52,596 --> 00:41:56,215 - What do I do then? - You're an image consultant. 553 00:41:56,309 --> 00:41:59,512 What's that? 554 00:41:59,604 --> 00:42:01,431 Uh, it's... 555 00:42:01,523 --> 00:42:04,726 - What does a consultant do? - Consult. 556 00:42:04,818 --> 00:42:07,606 But what do I do? 557 00:42:07,696 --> 00:42:10,401 You don't do anything. You tell other people what to do. 558 00:42:10,491 --> 00:42:12,531 That's the fun of it. You boss people around. 559 00:42:12,619 --> 00:42:14,576 Like this. Stop talking! 560 00:42:19,710 --> 00:42:22,794 Shouldn't there be a lady here somewhere? 561 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:26,795 What do you mean, a lady living here? No. I live alone. 562 00:42:26,884 --> 00:42:29,839 I thought you said you were 40. 563 00:42:29,929 --> 00:42:32,966 I said I was almost 40. So? 564 00:42:33,058 --> 00:42:36,094 So, I'm 40, I'm not married... 565 00:42:36,186 --> 00:42:39,141 I don't fly jets, and I don't have a dog? 566 00:42:41,525 --> 00:42:43,814 I grow up to be a loser. 567 00:42:46,406 --> 00:42:50,024 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 568 00:42:50,118 --> 00:42:53,155 That's my name too 569 00:42:53,247 --> 00:42:56,782 Whenever we go out the people always shout 570 00:42:56,876 --> 00:42:58,915 There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 571 00:42:59,003 --> 00:43:00,830 Da na na na na na na 572 00:43:00,922 --> 00:43:04,338 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 573 00:43:04,426 --> 00:43:07,380 That's my name too 574 00:43:07,471 --> 00:43:10,591 Whenever we go out the people always shout 575 00:43:10,683 --> 00:43:13,008 There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 576 00:43:13,102 --> 00:43:16,020 Da na na na na na na 577 00:43:16,105 --> 00:43:19,640 Wow! Look at it! Man! 578 00:43:19,734 --> 00:43:23,815 Gee! Holy smokes! Holy Moses! 579 00:43:23,906 --> 00:43:25,815 Look at the moon! 580 00:43:27,618 --> 00:43:30,074 - Wow! Far out! - Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Stop that yelling! 581 00:43:30,162 --> 00:43:32,321 - Holy Moses! - What are you doing up? 582 00:43:32,415 --> 00:43:34,491 Look at it! It's huge! 583 00:43:34,584 --> 00:43:38,119 What is with you people? It's the moon, okay? 584 00:43:38,213 --> 00:43:40,621 You travel 30 years across time... 585 00:43:40,716 --> 00:43:43,587 and all you can do is stand out here and scream about the moon coming up? 586 00:43:43,677 --> 00:43:47,628 But you can see the man in the moon really good tonight! 587 00:43:47,724 --> 00:43:49,847 Well, did he speak to you? 588 00:43:49,934 --> 00:43:52,011 Did he invite you up for a little bit of cheese? 589 00:43:52,103 --> 00:43:54,595 Did he blow fart bubbles out of his butt, huh? 590 00:43:54,690 --> 00:43:56,682 Because if he didn't, then there really isn't any reason... 591 00:43:56,775 --> 00:43:58,851 to be excited about the moon, is there? 592 00:43:58,944 --> 00:44:02,479 Sorry. I'll never get excited again. 593 00:44:02,573 --> 00:44:04,483 Obviously. 594 00:44:05,869 --> 00:44:07,363 Wait! 595 00:44:07,454 --> 00:44:09,696 Can I ask you a question? 596 00:44:11,625 --> 00:44:15,409 Why does the moon get, like, orangy sometimes? 597 00:44:18,758 --> 00:44:22,803 Because there is a, uh... 598 00:44:22,887 --> 00:44:25,461 a band of, uh... 599 00:44:31,814 --> 00:44:36,026 Just shut up and go to sleep, okay? 600 00:44:36,110 --> 00:44:38,233 Or better yet, go away! 601 00:44:38,321 --> 00:44:42,699 I knew it! I grow up to be a guy who doesn't know anything! 602 00:44:44,369 --> 00:44:47,074 And who doesn't have a dog! 603 00:44:52,795 --> 00:44:56,295 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 604 00:44:56,383 --> 00:44:59,384 That's my name too 605 00:45:05,184 --> 00:45:07,177 Kid? 606 00:45:19,366 --> 00:45:21,075 Good. 607 00:45:27,751 --> 00:45:31,583 Maybe Russ here can explain it a little bit better than I've been able to. Russ? 608 00:45:31,672 --> 00:45:33,629 Here's how we see things, Mr Vivian. 609 00:45:33,716 --> 00:45:36,254 Call me Vivian. 610 00:45:36,343 --> 00:45:38,253 Okay. Vivian. 611 00:45:38,346 --> 00:45:40,671 You're going public, you're making an IPO... 612 00:45:40,765 --> 00:45:42,674 your software's brilliant, and that's all great. 613 00:45:42,767 --> 00:45:45,934 But if you wanna make Fortune 500, you have to understand... 614 00:45:46,021 --> 00:45:48,559 that at a certain point, people are gonna want to get a good look at you. 615 00:45:48,649 --> 00:45:50,227 And that's where things get a little dicey. 616 00:45:50,317 --> 00:45:52,987 Dicey. That's right. Very, very dicey. 617 00:45:53,070 --> 00:45:56,274 I don't see why I have to change a thing. 618 00:45:56,366 --> 00:45:58,738 Okay. Let's look at this. 619 00:45:58,827 --> 00:46:01,235 - You live in a cabin... - I won't cut my hair... 620 00:46:01,329 --> 00:46:04,284 and I won't shave my beard. 621 00:46:06,210 --> 00:46:08,286 Let me give it to you straight, Z.Z. 622 00:46:08,379 --> 00:46:11,380 If you wanna ride your cow to Farm Aid, you don't have to change a thing. 623 00:46:11,466 --> 00:46:13,375 But if you wanna make the front page of the Wall Street Journal... 624 00:46:13,468 --> 00:46:16,006 there is one thing you're going to have to change. 625 00:46:17,431 --> 00:46:19,139 The, uh... 626 00:46:21,769 --> 00:46:25,470 To, um... Uh... 627 00:46:28,902 --> 00:46:31,607 - Someone you know? - What? 628 00:46:31,696 --> 00:46:34,900 - Friend of yours? - No! 629 00:46:34,992 --> 00:46:37,281 It... It's a little boy. 630 00:46:37,369 --> 00:46:40,240 - Hello! - I don't know any little kids. 631 00:46:40,331 --> 00:46:42,739 - I'm starving! - Just tragic that parents... 632 00:46:42,834 --> 00:46:44,826 would send their kids out to beg like that. 633 00:46:44,919 --> 00:46:47,042 - Very, very sad. - I can't believe it. - Russ! 634 00:46:47,130 --> 00:46:50,001 Russ Duritz, I'm hungry! 635 00:46:50,092 --> 00:46:54,386 Feed me! Ugh! I'm hungry! 636 00:46:54,471 --> 00:46:58,801 If you'll excuse me for just a moment, please. 637 00:46:58,893 --> 00:47:01,431 What are you doing here? I thought you disappeared. 638 00:47:01,521 --> 00:47:04,855 - I don't know how to disappear. I'm hungry! - Hello. 639 00:47:07,653 --> 00:47:09,942 I'm Amy. Who are you? 640 00:47:10,030 --> 00:47:12,023 I'm Rusty. 641 00:47:13,367 --> 00:47:16,322 And who is Rusty? 642 00:47:16,412 --> 00:47:18,370 - My nephew. - Your nephew? 643 00:47:18,456 --> 00:47:20,330 Yes. My sister's kid. 644 00:47:20,417 --> 00:47:24,545 - The one who's going to college in the autumn? - No. The other one. 645 00:47:24,630 --> 00:47:27,750 Melissa? 646 00:47:27,842 --> 00:47:30,759 Yes, Amy. This is Melissa. 647 00:47:30,845 --> 00:47:32,802 No, it is the other one. 648 00:47:32,889 --> 00:47:36,056 - The one she doesn't like to talk about. - Oh, I see. 649 00:47:36,142 --> 00:47:38,301 Which completely explains why you never told me about him. 650 00:47:38,395 --> 00:47:40,851 Maybe I don't tell you every thing. 651 00:47:43,692 --> 00:47:45,685 So are you having fun with your uncle? 652 00:47:45,778 --> 00:47:49,361 Not really. He made me sleep outside... 653 00:47:49,449 --> 00:47:51,607 he didn't give me any breakfast... 654 00:47:51,701 --> 00:47:53,778 and he doesn't have a dog. 655 00:47:53,870 --> 00:47:55,780 That is a problem. 656 00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:58,660 - You made him sleep outside? - He slept in a tent. 657 00:47:58,751 --> 00:48:00,874 - You've got a tent? - It was his tent. 658 00:48:00,962 --> 00:48:03,667 You didn't give him any breakfast. 659 00:48:03,756 --> 00:48:07,885 He can stand to miss a meal. 660 00:48:07,969 --> 00:48:12,014 Rusty, are you hungry? 661 00:48:12,099 --> 00:48:15,135 - Starved. - Let's go and get some bacon and eggs. 662 00:48:15,227 --> 00:48:17,516 No, no, no, no. Rusty can't have bacon and eggs. 663 00:48:17,605 --> 00:48:19,514 I've gotta get him back to his mom right now. 664 00:48:19,607 --> 00:48:21,849 Don't forget Kenny's this afternoon. 665 00:48:21,943 --> 00:48:24,648 - Bye, Rusty! - Bye! 666 00:48:24,738 --> 00:48:27,146 Nice to meet you. 667 00:48:33,789 --> 00:48:37,740 - Just get that moony look off your face. - I like that Amy lady. 668 00:48:37,836 --> 00:48:40,505 I bet she likes dogs. 669 00:48:40,589 --> 00:48:42,961 I don't know what's worse, the fact that I'm stuck with you... 670 00:48:43,050 --> 00:48:44,959 or the idea that I don't know what to do about it. 671 00:48:45,052 --> 00:48:47,009 Why don't we eat something? 672 00:48:47,096 --> 00:48:50,845 Why? Because you don't know what to do, you just wanna stuff your face? 673 00:48:50,933 --> 00:48:54,433 No, because it says to up there in the sky. 674 00:48:59,526 --> 00:49:03,441 Okay. Why don't we eat something? 675 00:49:07,285 --> 00:49:09,194 What can I get ya? 676 00:49:09,287 --> 00:49:12,407 Um, I'll have French toast, pancakes and bacon. 677 00:49:13,542 --> 00:49:16,459 - Just bring him something healthy, okay? - Sorry, sir. 678 00:49:16,545 --> 00:49:19,167 We only serve starchy, sugary, salty food... 679 00:49:19,256 --> 00:49:22,708 high in fat and cholesterol that tastes delicious. 680 00:49:22,802 --> 00:49:25,091 Comforts people deep down inside. 681 00:49:25,180 --> 00:49:27,885 Okay. I'll have French toast, pancakes and bacon. 682 00:49:27,974 --> 00:49:30,892 - You want a milk shake with that? - Chocolate, please. 683 00:49:30,978 --> 00:49:33,895 Extra whipped cream. 684 00:49:33,981 --> 00:49:38,478 - And for you? - You know, I think I'd just like the magic bean omelet. 685 00:49:38,569 --> 00:49:43,066 Aw, did somebody not get their coffee today? I'm gonna go get it! 686 00:49:43,158 --> 00:49:45,614 Maybe you can bring it before the diner disappears. 687 00:49:45,702 --> 00:49:47,825 What are you lookin' at, Sparky? 688 00:49:48,997 --> 00:49:50,907 Oh, man. 689 00:49:53,336 --> 00:49:56,752 - What are you doing here? - Having French toast, pancakes and bacon. 690 00:49:56,839 --> 00:50:00,339 That's not what I'm talking about. What did you come here for? 691 00:50:01,636 --> 00:50:04,554 I don't know. My model aeroplane? 692 00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:07,475 Well, you already got that, and we're still screwed up. 693 00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,763 We're even more screwed up than we were before. 694 00:50:12,857 --> 00:50:16,061 - What am I gonna do with you? - What do you wanna do with me? 695 00:50:16,152 --> 00:50:18,229 I want to put you on a diet, chubby! 696 00:50:18,322 --> 00:50:21,074 Fix you up so you aren't such a pathetic loser. 697 00:50:21,158 --> 00:50:24,907 This is what I do for a living, okay? 698 00:50:24,996 --> 00:50:28,780 Making people look good is what I do. 699 00:50:28,875 --> 00:50:32,125 Problem is... 700 00:50:32,212 --> 00:50:35,581 there's so much to do with you, I don't know where to start. 701 00:50:35,674 --> 00:50:38,545 Well, I'd like to not get my butt kicked so much. 702 00:50:38,636 --> 00:50:41,388 Kids are always laughing at us. 703 00:50:41,472 --> 00:50:45,304 It sorta hurts my feelings. 704 00:50:45,393 --> 00:50:47,137 Why didn't I think of this before? 705 00:50:47,228 --> 00:50:50,265 This is what you came for, okay? 706 00:50:50,357 --> 00:50:53,809 I just gotta teach you how to fight. By the way... 707 00:50:53,902 --> 00:50:55,812 they're not laughing at us, they're laughing at you. 708 00:50:55,905 --> 00:50:57,981 When you get to be me, they laugh, they die! 709 00:50:58,074 --> 00:51:00,861 - They laugh, they die? - Yes. 710 00:51:00,952 --> 00:51:03,906 You laugh, you die! You laugh, you die! 711 00:51:03,997 --> 00:51:06,204 You laugh, you die! Pow! Pow! 712 00:51:06,291 --> 00:51:10,336 Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! 713 00:51:10,421 --> 00:51:13,588 - Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! - Okay, okay. Okay, okay, shut up! Shut... 714 00:51:13,674 --> 00:51:16,794 - Hey, guess what. - What? - I gotta pee. 715 00:51:16,886 --> 00:51:20,801 Are you sure you know someone who can teach me how to fight? 716 00:51:20,891 --> 00:51:23,512 Yeah, I think I could find somebody. 717 00:51:26,063 --> 00:51:29,017 Isn't it cool how we both have to go at the same time? 718 00:51:29,108 --> 00:51:33,153 Yes. I'll cherish this moment for a lifetime. 719 00:51:44,855 --> 00:51:47,393 - I'm just gonna have one more piece. Just one... Just one more piece. - What do you think of this one? 720 00:51:47,482 --> 00:51:49,475 - Hey! - It's too short. - Oh, God. 721 00:51:49,568 --> 00:51:52,902 Please tell me that's not... Hey. 722 00:51:52,989 --> 00:51:54,981 You're five weeks away from defending your title. 723 00:51:55,074 --> 00:51:57,067 - What are you doing eating pizza? - But I... I'm a nervous eater. 724 00:51:57,160 --> 00:51:59,616 - Beat it. - You'd be nervous too if you was getting married tomorrow. 725 00:51:59,704 --> 00:52:04,367 Yeah, I'd be nervous that my bride would dump me because I'm a big, fat tub of lard. 726 00:52:04,460 --> 00:52:07,212 - Hi, Giselle. - Hi, Russ. 727 00:52:10,174 --> 00:52:13,508 - What is that? Is that 20 more pounds? - No. 728 00:52:13,595 --> 00:52:17,046 - Hey! Put the... - Damn, he won't even let you eat, huh? 729 00:52:17,140 --> 00:52:19,466 - Does he look like he needs any pizza? - Who is he? 730 00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:21,718 This is Russ's nephew, Rusty. 731 00:52:21,812 --> 00:52:25,478 Oh, I didn't know you had two nephews. 732 00:52:25,566 --> 00:52:28,022 - How do I look, baby? Look. - Mmm, like Adonis. 733 00:52:29,445 --> 00:52:32,233 Hey, hey, Adonis. Adonis. 734 00:52:32,324 --> 00:52:35,029 - What? - Can I use your boxing ring? 735 00:52:35,118 --> 00:52:37,195 I wanna give pudge-boy here some lessons. 736 00:52:37,287 --> 00:52:41,202 - Maybe you could step in, show him a few moves. - Yeah, I would be glad to. 737 00:52:42,710 --> 00:52:47,503 That way, you can punch his lights out the next time he tries to call you pudge-boy. 738 00:52:47,591 --> 00:52:49,583 Groovy! 739 00:52:52,221 --> 00:52:55,388 First things first. You tryin' to get knocked out or something? 740 00:52:55,474 --> 00:52:58,310 All right, well, then get your hands up then. You gotta protect that chin. 741 00:52:58,394 --> 00:53:00,517 I pop you on that chin, that's it. 742 00:53:00,605 --> 00:53:04,520 Remember, this is number one, this is number two. You punch one, two. 743 00:53:04,609 --> 00:53:07,979 One, two. Go ahead. Try it. One... That's it. That's it. 744 00:53:08,071 --> 00:53:10,444 - Get out of the way. - Come on. 745 00:53:11,909 --> 00:53:14,235 Come on. Good. Come on. Come on. 746 00:53:16,414 --> 00:53:20,033 - You hit me. - Yes, unfortunately, I did hit you... 747 00:53:20,126 --> 00:53:22,534 and I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. 748 00:53:22,629 --> 00:53:24,788 Or maybe I will. Come on. 749 00:53:24,882 --> 00:53:26,958 Fight. Yeah. Come on. Come on. 750 00:53:27,051 --> 00:53:30,135 Come on, kid. Fight. Come on. Come on. 751 00:53:30,221 --> 00:53:34,089 - Hit him. One, two. One, two. - Go on, Rusty. Punch his lights out! 752 00:53:34,184 --> 00:53:36,426 - Hey. Whose side are you on? - Throw it. Throw it. 753 00:53:42,568 --> 00:53:45,024 Whoa, whoa! Take it easy, little Tyson! 754 00:53:45,112 --> 00:53:47,520 What are you gonna do next, bite his ear off? We don't hit 'em when they're down. 755 00:53:47,615 --> 00:53:51,150 - They hit me when I'm down. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who? Who? Who? 756 00:53:51,244 --> 00:53:55,077 - The kids at school. - Kid's havin' some trouble at school. 757 00:53:55,165 --> 00:53:57,703 Well, why didn't you say that, Russ? I'm teachin' the boy boxin'. 758 00:53:57,793 --> 00:53:59,786 He don't need that. He needs street fightin'. 759 00:53:59,879 --> 00:54:02,335 Why don't you show him that WWF scissors hold? Show him that one. 760 00:54:02,423 --> 00:54:05,211 - Here we go. Ready? - Whoa! 761 00:54:05,301 --> 00:54:07,840 Now that I can use. 762 00:54:08,764 --> 00:54:10,970 Get off me. 763 00:54:18,149 --> 00:54:20,058 Have you noticed how alike those two are? 764 00:54:20,151 --> 00:54:22,227 Makes sense. They're related, right? 765 00:54:24,030 --> 00:54:26,023 I suppose so. 766 00:54:29,954 --> 00:54:32,527 Russ Duritz's office. How may I help you? 767 00:54:32,623 --> 00:54:34,581 - Yeah, it's me. What's up? - Oh. It's you. 768 00:54:34,667 --> 00:54:37,585 I hadn't heard from you in four hours. I'd assumed you were dead. 769 00:54:37,670 --> 00:54:40,126 - Hey, how's mini-you? - That's hilarious, Janet. 770 00:54:40,215 --> 00:54:42,967 - What's up? - You got 19 messages, last count. 771 00:54:43,051 --> 00:54:44,629 - You want 'em? - Let me have 'em. 772 00:54:44,720 --> 00:54:48,220 Let's see, uh... Bob Riley. 773 00:54:48,307 --> 00:54:51,890 Bob Riley. Not Bob Riley. Not Bob Riley. Bob Riley. 774 00:54:51,978 --> 00:54:55,643 Bob Riley. I'm sure there's another one in here. Just a second. Here's Bob Riley. 775 00:54:56,566 --> 00:54:58,559 Hey! 776 00:55:00,612 --> 00:55:02,439 Hey, Amy. Where are you going? 777 00:55:02,531 --> 00:55:04,524 My place for some ice cream. See you there. 778 00:55:04,617 --> 00:55:06,775 - Ice cream? - Bye! 779 00:55:14,962 --> 00:55:18,627 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 780 00:55:18,716 --> 00:55:20,792 Are you our girlfriend? 781 00:55:22,970 --> 00:55:25,722 That's a funny way of putting it. 782 00:55:25,807 --> 00:55:27,966 Mostly, no. 783 00:55:29,186 --> 00:55:31,759 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 784 00:55:31,855 --> 00:55:34,525 Are you our nephew? 785 00:55:36,068 --> 00:55:38,061 Mostly... 786 00:55:40,114 --> 00:55:42,191 no. 787 00:55:44,077 --> 00:55:46,995 - But you are related, aren't you? - Uh-huh. 788 00:55:48,457 --> 00:55:50,865 - How close? - Pretty. 789 00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:53,083 How close is pretty close? 790 00:55:54,088 --> 00:55:55,713 Pretty darn. 791 00:55:59,469 --> 00:56:01,676 Oh, my God. 792 00:56:01,763 --> 00:56:03,471 - Hi. - He's your son. 793 00:56:03,557 --> 00:56:06,179 - What? - He's your son! You have a son! 794 00:56:06,268 --> 00:56:08,890 Hey! Whatcha... Get off! Hey! 795 00:56:08,980 --> 00:56:11,019 And all this time you never even breathed a word! 796 00:56:11,107 --> 00:56:15,734 And you're some deadbeat dad who had visitation rights today or something. 797 00:56:15,820 --> 00:56:17,944 - Amy, do you know how... - And who's the mother, anyway? 798 00:56:18,031 --> 00:56:22,029 Don't tell me. I don't wanna know. I know. It's that Swedish chick, isn't it? 799 00:56:22,119 --> 00:56:24,824 Yeah, that Ingesborg or Smorgasbord or whatever her name is. 800 00:56:24,914 --> 00:56:28,746 - Inga? - Not that I care, of course, about who or where or what you do! 801 00:56:28,835 --> 00:56:33,047 - Amy, he is not Swedish. - And I'm not his son. 802 00:56:33,131 --> 00:56:34,875 Honest. 803 00:56:37,052 --> 00:56:39,970 Then who are you? 804 00:56:46,020 --> 00:56:48,512 Russ? 805 00:56:50,108 --> 00:56:54,771 Because I've been watching the two of you together, and I swear to God... 806 00:56:54,864 --> 00:56:56,856 there's something very... 807 00:56:57,825 --> 00:56:59,569 strange going on. 808 00:57:01,246 --> 00:57:04,081 - We have to tell her. - We are not going to tell her. 809 00:57:04,166 --> 00:57:06,918 - Tell me what? - Come on. Do it! 810 00:57:07,002 --> 00:57:10,122 Hey! Zip it! We're not gonna tell her, okay? 811 00:57:10,214 --> 00:57:13,251 Besides, she won't believe us anyway. She'll just think you take after me. 812 00:57:13,342 --> 00:57:15,881 - Then do the knuckle. - That's not gonna convince her. 813 00:57:15,970 --> 00:57:19,422 Then tell her something only I would know, and then she can ask me about the same thing. 814 00:57:19,516 --> 00:57:23,181 - Like Aunt Spazzy. - How is that gonna work? Think about it. 815 00:57:23,270 --> 00:57:26,141 - Then show her the scar. - Anybody could have a scar. 816 00:57:26,232 --> 00:57:29,019 - What about the birthmark? - Well, that could be a coincidence too. 817 00:57:29,110 --> 00:57:31,648 - I know she'll believe us. - She is not going to believe us. 818 00:57:31,738 --> 00:57:34,655 - I know she'll believe us. - She is not going to believe us. 819 00:57:34,741 --> 00:57:36,568 - She will! - She won't! - She will! - She won't! 820 00:57:36,660 --> 00:57:38,569 - She will! - Hey! 821 00:57:38,662 --> 00:57:40,738 I wish I was standing on a carpet. 822 00:57:47,255 --> 00:57:50,042 - Told ya. - Amy. 823 00:57:51,384 --> 00:57:55,679 ...aboard that ship in... ...which process the potatoes into a variety of products. 824 00:58:01,395 --> 00:58:03,969 - Stop biting. - Leave me alone. 825 00:58:05,358 --> 00:58:08,893 I'm advertising terror and bewilderment. 826 00:58:08,987 --> 00:58:14,991 Holy smokes. Ninety-nine channels, and there's nothing on. 827 00:58:16,621 --> 00:58:19,112 How can this be? 828 00:58:22,127 --> 00:58:24,119 I have no idea. 829 00:58:26,089 --> 00:58:28,082 Look at him. 830 00:58:28,175 --> 00:58:30,464 He's so embarrassing. 831 00:58:31,971 --> 00:58:34,842 You're not embarrassing. 832 00:58:34,932 --> 00:58:36,475 You're adorable. 833 00:58:39,855 --> 00:58:42,524 Then. You're adorable then. 834 00:58:45,235 --> 00:58:47,691 Stop picking! 835 00:58:47,780 --> 00:58:51,315 Look at that haircut. I look like Herman's Hermits. 836 00:58:51,409 --> 00:58:55,787 And I "shpeak" like I got a mouth full of "shpit." 837 00:58:55,872 --> 00:58:57,782 Well, of course you do. 838 00:58:57,874 --> 00:59:01,575 Doesn't the fact that I'm a pathetic dweeb make you despise me? 839 00:59:06,968 --> 00:59:09,424 No. 840 00:59:09,512 --> 00:59:11,754 Why? 841 00:59:11,848 --> 00:59:13,924 Do you despise you? 842 00:59:17,062 --> 00:59:20,147 When I look at him, all I see are awful memories. 843 00:59:20,232 --> 00:59:23,150 Memories I have been spending most of my life trying to forget. 844 00:59:27,073 --> 00:59:29,446 I'm sorry. 845 00:59:42,882 --> 00:59:45,421 Hello? Kenny. 846 00:59:45,510 --> 00:59:48,084 Nauseous about the wedding tomorrow? 847 00:59:48,180 --> 00:59:50,671 My God, the wedding tomorrow. Hang on a minute. 848 00:59:50,766 --> 00:59:53,304 Wedding tomorrow. What am I gonna do with him? 849 00:59:53,394 --> 00:59:55,766 - We'll take him with us. - What? 850 00:59:55,855 --> 01:00:00,067 To an important event? Are you out of your mind? Take him with us? 851 01:00:00,152 --> 01:00:03,355 This is an important event with people who respect me. 852 01:00:03,447 --> 01:00:06,021 - He's gonna humiliate me. - Hey! 853 01:00:06,116 --> 01:00:10,530 - Ohh. - Hey! I forbid you to bond with this boy! 854 01:00:10,621 --> 01:00:14,370 What, Kenny? Who got sick? 855 01:00:30,185 --> 01:00:34,183 Thank goodness your nephew replaced little James. 856 01:00:34,273 --> 01:00:38,401 None of the other children was fat enough to fit in his clothes. 857 01:00:45,869 --> 01:00:49,036 It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry about it. 858 01:00:49,122 --> 01:00:53,868 - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah - Yester-me. Yester-you 859 01:00:53,961 --> 01:00:58,291 - Yesterday - Ooh-ooh 860 01:01:00,009 --> 01:01:02,168 What happened to 861 01:01:04,014 --> 01:01:06,422 The world we knew 862 01:01:08,394 --> 01:01:11,561 When we would dream and scheme 863 01:01:11,647 --> 01:01:15,977 -And while the time away - Don't worry. 864 01:01:16,069 --> 01:01:20,861 Just take it off and shove it under the table when no one's looking. 865 01:01:20,949 --> 01:01:22,443 - Really? - Yeah. 866 01:01:25,496 --> 01:01:29,364 - Where did it go - Where did it go 867 01:01:29,458 --> 01:01:32,626 That yester-glow 868 01:01:32,712 --> 01:01:33,875 - Ha-ha. - Hello. 869 01:01:33,963 --> 01:01:38,377 - How are you? - When we could feel the wheels of life 870 01:01:38,468 --> 01:01:40,627 Turn our way 871 01:01:40,721 --> 01:01:45,015 Yester-me Yester-you 872 01:01:45,101 --> 01:01:46,725 Yesterday 873 01:01:48,438 --> 01:01:51,724 - I know. Ohh... - I had a dream 874 01:01:51,817 --> 01:01:53,394 So did you 875 01:01:53,485 --> 01:01:57,898 Life was warm and love was true 876 01:01:59,533 --> 01:02:04,990 - Two kids who followed all the rules - Holy smokes. 877 01:02:05,081 --> 01:02:06,741 - Russ! Russ! - Yester-fools 878 01:02:06,833 --> 01:02:09,503 -And now. Now it seems - Excuse me, Clarissa. 879 01:02:09,586 --> 01:02:13,038 - You're interrupting us. We're dancing. - But it's really important. 880 01:02:13,132 --> 01:02:16,501 - Not now, kid. - But it's really, really, rrrr... 881 01:02:16,594 --> 01:02:22,799 Werejust a cruel and foolish game we had to play 882 01:02:22,892 --> 01:02:25,728 - Drivin' you crazy, huh? - Yeah. - Yester-me. Yester-you 883 01:02:25,812 --> 01:02:28,434 - It's different when they're your own. Speaking of which, - Yesterday 884 01:02:28,524 --> 01:02:31,359 when you gonna give up your evil ways and settle down? 885 01:02:31,444 --> 01:02:33,483 - As soon as you become available again, Clarissa. - When I recall 886 01:02:33,571 --> 01:02:35,778 - I'm serious. - So am I. - What we had 887 01:02:35,865 --> 01:02:39,946 I feel lost I feel sad 888 01:02:41,955 --> 01:02:46,950 - With nothing but the memory of - Amy, I have a question. 889 01:02:47,044 --> 01:02:49,167 - Oh. Yester-love - A big one. 890 01:02:49,255 --> 01:02:52,256 - Okay. -And now. Now it seems 891 01:02:52,342 --> 01:02:54,381 What about that pretty woman you came with today? 892 01:02:54,469 --> 01:02:56,758 - You mean Amy? Nah, we work together. - Those yester-dreams 893 01:02:56,847 --> 01:03:01,593 - I've known her for a really long time. - I know we haven't known each other very long. 894 01:03:01,685 --> 01:03:05,933 Don't worry about me. When I meet the right person, I'm sure I'll get around to asking. 895 01:03:06,023 --> 01:03:08,479 - Yester-me. Yester-you - In case I never get around to asking... 896 01:03:10,362 --> 01:03:12,354 - Yesterday - Somebody's making a move right now. 897 01:03:12,447 --> 01:03:16,113 Oh. Come on and sing it Yester-me 898 01:03:16,201 --> 01:03:17,945 - Yester-you - Amy... 899 01:03:18,037 --> 01:03:21,488 - Yesterday - Will you marry me? 900 01:03:21,582 --> 01:03:24,537 Oh. Yester-me 901 01:03:24,627 --> 01:03:26,786 - Yester-you - Okay, let's go. - Hey! 902 01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:29,917 - Yesterday - Let me go, you big jerk! 903 01:03:31,051 --> 01:03:33,091 Wait a minute. Stop. He asked me a question. 904 01:03:33,178 --> 01:03:34,887 - Don't you want to know what I was going to say? - No. 905 01:03:34,972 --> 01:03:38,223 - No? - No. He had no right asking you what he did, okay? 906 01:03:38,309 --> 01:03:40,516 - You and I aren't even... - Well, we are! - Since when? 907 01:03:40,603 --> 01:03:43,177 - MYOB! - What? 908 01:03:43,273 --> 01:03:48,516 Mind your own beeswax. Do you or do you not want to know what I was going to say? 909 01:03:48,612 --> 01:03:52,028 - What were you gonna say? - Yeah, what were you going to say? 910 01:03:52,116 --> 01:03:54,987 Try it again. Less practised indifference. 911 01:03:55,078 --> 01:03:57,948 More warmth. 912 01:03:58,039 --> 01:04:00,957 - What were you going to say? - What were you gonna say? 913 01:04:01,043 --> 01:04:03,450 So you want to know what I was going to say. 914 01:04:06,006 --> 01:04:09,173 - Take a walk. - I'm the one who asked her. - Just go away. 915 01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:24,192 - What were you going to say? - I was going to say... 916 01:04:25,361 --> 01:04:27,733 - I'll have to think about it. - Oh, really? - Yes. 917 01:04:27,822 --> 01:04:31,026 Because, impossibly, what had previously seemed to me... 918 01:04:31,117 --> 01:04:34,569 to be the worst idea in the universe has, over the last 12 hours... 919 01:04:34,663 --> 01:04:37,071 transmogrified into not such a terrible idea... 920 01:04:37,166 --> 01:04:40,416 opening a very small window of opportunity for you. 921 01:04:40,503 --> 01:04:42,496 - For me? - Yeah. 922 01:04:42,588 --> 01:04:47,465 Ah. And what if I didn't want to take advantage of this opportunity? 923 01:04:47,552 --> 01:04:51,847 A part of you obviously wants to, and it is that part of you that is causing me... 924 01:04:54,727 --> 01:04:56,803 to think about it. 925 01:05:09,994 --> 01:05:12,070 Are you... 926 01:05:12,163 --> 01:05:14,784 asking me... 927 01:05:14,874 --> 01:05:17,033 to think about it? 928 01:05:19,254 --> 01:05:22,041 Wait. Wait a minute. 929 01:05:22,132 --> 01:05:24,255 If you'll just wait, I... 930 01:05:24,343 --> 01:05:26,336 I'm gonna go get the valet... the car... 931 01:05:26,428 --> 01:05:29,180 the car from the... 932 01:05:32,060 --> 01:05:35,643 But now. Now he was ready to start feeling the love. 933 01:05:35,730 --> 01:05:38,019 Oh. Yeah. Before the game this afternoon with the visiting Orioles... 934 01:05:38,191 --> 01:05:41,940 Riley invited a dozen kids to barrage him with chocolate cream pies... 935 01:05:42,029 --> 01:05:46,110 as a way to say. "I'm sorry. " for what he claims is a simple case of miscommunication. 936 01:05:47,368 --> 01:05:50,323 Uncle Bob knows how to party! 937 01:05:53,625 --> 01:05:55,701 This is so much fun! 938 01:06:01,008 --> 01:06:05,303 - Some of these guys... - So you crawled through the Dumpster behind the bar after I left. 939 01:06:12,855 --> 01:06:16,639 I shot that. I'm part of this. 940 01:06:17,777 --> 01:06:20,149 Tell me, do you know for certain that he turned the funds over... 941 01:06:20,238 --> 01:06:22,231 or is he maybe still sitting on them? 942 01:06:24,785 --> 01:06:26,861 Poor little Amy. 943 01:06:26,954 --> 01:06:29,279 Mixed up with a rotten boss... 944 01:06:29,373 --> 01:06:31,532 who feels obligated to his clients. 945 01:06:32,960 --> 01:06:35,997 - Do you know that the number one killer of young men... - Russ! 946 01:06:36,089 --> 01:06:39,209 The person I am pitying here is not me. 947 01:06:41,678 --> 01:06:43,920 Look, it's all my fault. 948 01:06:44,014 --> 01:06:46,636 I made the big, stupid mistake. 949 01:06:49,645 --> 01:06:51,056 I thought you'd change. 950 01:06:57,905 --> 01:07:00,610 I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. 951 01:07:03,577 --> 01:07:06,828 Do you want to know what the saddest part of this whole thing is? 952 01:07:12,462 --> 01:07:14,954 You could have been great. 953 01:07:54,759 --> 01:07:57,215 Man. Man! 954 01:07:58,388 --> 01:08:01,473 When do we ever stop blowing it? 955 01:08:02,601 --> 01:08:05,638 Russ, we've gotta change. 956 01:08:07,398 --> 01:08:09,391 We have to change. 957 01:08:19,912 --> 01:08:22,581 That's pretty cool, how we both have to, uh... 958 01:08:39,934 --> 01:08:43,268 - It's our birthday tomorrow. - Yeah, I know. 959 01:08:43,354 --> 01:08:46,439 - Could I ask you a question? - Sure. 960 01:08:46,524 --> 01:08:49,063 - What happens next? - What do you mean? 961 01:08:49,152 --> 01:08:51,145 I mean to me. 962 01:08:52,281 --> 01:08:56,742 Between being me and becoming you. What happens? 963 01:08:56,828 --> 01:09:01,490 - Do I ever do anything right? - Well, sure you do. You do a lot of things right. 964 01:09:01,583 --> 01:09:04,121 - Like what? - Well... 965 01:09:05,671 --> 01:09:08,588 you make it through grade school alive, barely. 966 01:09:09,758 --> 01:09:13,377 In high school, while you're still a loser... 967 01:09:13,471 --> 01:09:15,713 you're no longer stupid. 968 01:09:15,807 --> 01:09:19,057 You work your butt off and you get good grades. 969 01:09:19,144 --> 01:09:22,845 Very good grades. You end up winning a scholarship to UCLA. 970 01:09:23,982 --> 01:09:26,853 - I'm smart? - Very smart. 971 01:09:26,944 --> 01:09:29,067 But you're still a loser. Hop in. 972 01:09:35,662 --> 01:09:38,284 Scoot over. 973 01:09:38,373 --> 01:09:41,957 In college, things start to get a little bit better. 974 01:09:42,044 --> 01:09:46,291 You join the track team, find a speech therapist... 975 01:09:46,382 --> 01:09:48,458 you continue to work your butt off... 976 01:09:48,551 --> 01:09:51,221 and you graduate at the top of your class. 977 01:09:51,304 --> 01:09:54,009 You eventually go after a master's degree in business. 978 01:09:54,099 --> 01:09:56,507 Where I work my butt off. 979 01:09:56,602 --> 01:09:59,223 Story of your life, kid. 980 01:09:59,313 --> 01:10:02,848 The good news is that, while you are currently a pathetic dweeb... 981 01:10:02,942 --> 01:10:04,935 eventually you grow up to be me... 982 01:10:05,028 --> 01:10:07,601 a high-powered, affluent chick magnet. 983 01:10:07,697 --> 01:10:09,690 Who doesn't have a dog or a chick. 984 01:10:11,660 --> 01:10:15,243 Is that how you see me? A dogless, chickless guy? 985 01:10:15,331 --> 01:10:18,534 - With a twitch. - Right. 986 01:10:18,626 --> 01:10:22,671 - When do I get that? - I forget. 987 01:10:22,756 --> 01:10:24,998 - When do I learn how to drive? - When you're 16. 988 01:10:25,092 --> 01:10:27,250 - When do I get a car? - When you're 18. 989 01:10:27,344 --> 01:10:29,136 When do I get a hickey? 990 01:10:30,181 --> 01:10:33,348 - When you're 17. - When do I find out what a hickey is? 991 01:10:34,894 --> 01:10:36,970 Not tonight. 992 01:10:41,818 --> 01:10:44,392 Russ? 993 01:10:44,488 --> 01:10:48,189 - Yeah, kid. - I get what you do now. 994 01:10:48,284 --> 01:10:50,740 I mean, I get what I do. 995 01:10:50,828 --> 01:10:52,905 When I grow up, for a living. 996 01:10:52,997 --> 01:10:56,414 - I figured out how to explain. - Let me hear it. 997 01:10:56,501 --> 01:10:59,503 You help people lie about who they really are... 998 01:10:59,588 --> 01:11:03,040 so that they can pretend to be someone else, right? 999 01:11:05,845 --> 01:11:07,256 Yeah. 1000 01:11:08,223 --> 01:11:11,259 See? That's not hard to explain. 1001 01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:14,180 That's pretty good. 1002 01:11:15,314 --> 01:11:18,600 - Good night, buddy. - Good night, kid. 1003 01:11:26,618 --> 01:11:31,115 This is ABC-7 Los Angeles. Now. Eyewitness News. 1004 01:11:31,206 --> 01:11:34,457 Good evening. Everyone. And welcome. I'm Harold Greene. 1005 01:11:34,543 --> 01:11:36,583 Good evening. Y'all. I'm Deirdre Lafever. 1006 01:11:36,671 --> 01:11:41,463 Tonight's top story: Another high-speed chase on a Los Angeles freeway... 1007 01:11:41,551 --> 01:11:45,003 this time involving a mother of eight in a stolen minivan. 1008 01:11:45,097 --> 01:11:48,466 The chase started about 8:30 this evening when police first no... 1009 01:11:50,811 --> 01:11:53,516 I know. Thanks, Don. See you tomorrow. 1010 01:11:54,649 --> 01:11:56,807 I heard the "y'all." 1011 01:11:57,944 --> 01:11:59,439 It works. 1012 01:12:03,534 --> 01:12:05,325 Well, it's Mr Image Consultant. 1013 01:12:06,996 --> 01:12:09,487 So, what do you think? 1014 01:12:09,582 --> 01:12:11,741 Don't tell me. My hair's still too big. 1015 01:12:11,835 --> 01:12:14,290 No, it looks good. 1016 01:12:14,379 --> 01:12:17,962 Can I buy you a cup of coffee? Comfort of strangers and all that? 1017 01:12:20,052 --> 01:12:22,590 If what you're telling me is true... 1018 01:12:22,680 --> 01:12:26,180 that has got to be the strangest thing I've ever heard. 1019 01:12:26,267 --> 01:12:28,343 Makes perfect sense to me. 1020 01:12:29,604 --> 01:12:32,060 - It does? - Why wouldn't your 8-year-old self... 1021 01:12:32,149 --> 01:12:33,809 time travel here to give you a hand? 1022 01:12:33,901 --> 01:12:37,566 I mean, you're obviously in trouble. It'd straighten you out. 1023 01:12:37,655 --> 01:12:39,944 You think he's here to straighten me out? 1024 01:12:40,032 --> 01:12:43,900 Well, of course. You didn't think it was the other way around, did you? 1025 01:12:48,250 --> 01:12:51,536 Maybe he's here for you to teach him some things... 1026 01:12:51,628 --> 01:12:55,461 but maybe he's here for you to remember some things. 1027 01:12:55,549 --> 01:12:57,875 Ever thought about that? 1028 01:13:00,722 --> 01:13:02,715 Not till just now. No. 1029 01:13:04,017 --> 01:13:05,393 Darlin', look. 1030 01:13:07,563 --> 01:13:10,232 You're turnin' 40 tomorrow. 1031 01:13:10,316 --> 01:13:15,144 You haven't acquired a single thing of real value in your life. 1032 01:13:15,238 --> 01:13:17,231 - And no, no, money doesn't count. - Hey... 1033 01:13:18,450 --> 01:13:22,364 You're virtually friendless, you barely talk to your family... 1034 01:13:22,454 --> 01:13:25,954 and you've just lost the only woman in the world who's ever meant anything to you. 1035 01:13:26,041 --> 01:13:29,126 Who? Amy? Please. 1036 01:13:29,212 --> 01:13:33,079 Look, she's not the only woman in the world, okay? 1037 01:13:33,174 --> 01:13:35,167 She... She works for me. 1038 01:13:35,260 --> 01:13:38,345 She's neurotic. She bites her nails. 1039 01:13:38,430 --> 01:13:40,470 Nail. 1040 01:13:42,643 --> 01:13:44,435 This one. 1041 01:13:46,356 --> 01:13:48,432 Oh, my God. 1042 01:13:52,946 --> 01:13:57,692 Excuse me. Um, while he's gettin' a clue, could I... could I get a warm-up, please? Thank you. 1043 01:14:01,330 --> 01:14:04,166 Okay. Don't stop. Go on. 1044 01:14:04,250 --> 01:14:08,083 - What's it like? - He keeps asking about his future... 1045 01:14:08,171 --> 01:14:09,796 my past. 1046 01:14:09,882 --> 01:14:12,289 - Haven't really told him much. - Good. 1047 01:14:12,384 --> 01:14:14,507 "Good"? You think that's good? 1048 01:14:15,930 --> 01:14:18,468 Why? What would you do? 1049 01:14:18,558 --> 01:14:21,096 Wh... If little Deirdre was suddenly here... 1050 01:14:21,186 --> 01:14:24,637 burstin' out of her St Mary's uniform, askin' me what comes next? 1051 01:14:24,731 --> 01:14:26,973 Yeah. 1052 01:14:27,067 --> 01:14:31,813 I'd say, "Baby, don't you worry about a thing. 1053 01:14:31,906 --> 01:14:34,527 Everything is just gonna be great." 1054 01:14:36,828 --> 01:14:40,909 I-I mean, how many of us turn out the way we think we will when we're kids, really? 1055 01:14:43,585 --> 01:14:47,999 I-I mean how many of us grow up to be astronauts? 1056 01:14:48,090 --> 01:14:51,175 Or prima ballerinas? 1057 01:14:53,096 --> 01:14:56,346 We just all do the best we can. 1058 01:15:06,277 --> 01:15:08,519 Time for me to take big Deirdre home. 1059 01:15:10,866 --> 01:15:13,357 You know, if you wanna learn about your childhood, seems like you're online... 1060 01:15:13,452 --> 01:15:16,323 with a pretty good source, you know what I mean? 1061 01:15:16,413 --> 01:15:20,875 Yes, I am. Deirdre, thanks for taking the time to help. 1062 01:15:23,713 --> 01:15:26,039 Well, don't ever stop asking for help, Russ. 1063 01:15:28,051 --> 01:15:29,676 You just might get it. 1064 01:15:32,139 --> 01:15:34,215 - Thanks. - You take care. 1065 01:15:36,602 --> 01:15:39,307 Bye, y'all. 1066 01:15:39,397 --> 01:15:41,556 Bye. 1067 01:15:53,788 --> 01:15:57,122 Hi, Janet, it's me. I'm sorry to call so late. 1068 01:15:57,208 --> 01:15:59,332 It's okay. Russ. I think I'll recover. 1069 01:15:59,419 --> 01:16:03,002 I just want you to cancel all my appointments tomorrow and move 'em to Friday. 1070 01:16:03,090 --> 01:16:06,376 -Anything else? - No, that's it. 1071 01:16:06,469 --> 01:16:09,304 - Okay. You've got it. - No, wait. 1072 01:16:09,389 --> 01:16:11,465 There is something else. 1073 01:16:12,767 --> 01:16:16,267 I want you to find out why the full moon looks orange sometimes when it rises. 1074 01:16:17,564 --> 01:16:21,064 - Okay. Sure. - Thanks, Janet. Good night. 1075 01:16:39,171 --> 01:16:42,623 Hey, kid. Rusty. 1076 01:16:45,428 --> 01:16:48,798 - Hi. - Hey. 1077 01:16:50,517 --> 01:16:55,263 Wanna help me with something? I think it might get you back to your time. 1078 01:16:55,356 --> 01:16:57,812 - Sure. - Good. 1079 01:17:00,653 --> 01:17:02,730 Anything about me? 1080 01:17:03,782 --> 01:17:05,858 Yeah. Anything that'll take me back. 1081 01:17:08,579 --> 01:17:11,153 You know how I like to find caterpillars... 1082 01:17:11,248 --> 01:17:13,372 and put 'em in jars and feed 'em... 1083 01:17:14,627 --> 01:17:16,703 and watch 'em make cocoons? 1084 01:17:21,426 --> 01:17:25,010 - No. - And then one day... 1085 01:17:25,097 --> 01:17:27,505 they break out, and it's really cool. 1086 01:17:30,019 --> 01:17:32,261 No. Not a clue. 1087 01:17:32,355 --> 01:17:35,025 But keep goin'. Tell me some more stuff. 1088 01:17:35,108 --> 01:17:37,646 Remember last summer at Josie's birthday party... 1089 01:17:37,736 --> 01:17:40,903 when I got Parmesan cheese stuck up my nose? 1090 01:17:42,950 --> 01:17:46,485 - Got any sixes? - Nope. Go fish. 1091 01:17:48,206 --> 01:17:51,373 - Got any fours? - Negative. Go fish. 1092 01:17:55,214 --> 01:17:57,123 Got any sevens? 1093 01:17:59,552 --> 01:18:01,758 Tell me some more about Dad. 1094 01:18:03,598 --> 01:18:05,591 Sometimes... 1095 01:18:05,684 --> 01:18:07,760 he lets me help him work on the car. 1096 01:18:07,853 --> 01:18:11,981 But if I do something wrong, he yells at me. 1097 01:18:13,692 --> 01:18:16,480 Sometimes he buys me ice cream afterwards. 1098 01:18:16,571 --> 01:18:19,655 But still, I don't like messing up. 1099 01:18:20,867 --> 01:18:23,537 Like last week, I lost a screw. 1100 01:18:25,205 --> 01:18:27,079 I was afraid to tell him. 1101 01:18:28,918 --> 01:18:31,623 I found it later on in my pocket. 1102 01:18:31,712 --> 01:18:34,001 Look, I still have it. 1103 01:18:39,179 --> 01:18:41,931 I'm afraid to give it back to him. 1104 01:18:44,226 --> 01:18:46,848 Got any nines? 1105 01:18:49,857 --> 01:18:51,981 No. 1106 01:18:52,068 --> 01:18:55,188 My homeroom teacher last year was fat Mrs Kinkelman. 1107 01:18:55,280 --> 01:18:58,115 She was so much better than Mr Lupus. 1108 01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:00,572 He had that purple bump on his face. 1109 01:19:00,661 --> 01:19:02,903 I don't remember the bump guy. What grade was that? 1110 01:19:02,997 --> 01:19:05,405 How come you're asking me all this stuff? 1111 01:19:05,500 --> 01:19:07,160 'Cause I'm forgetting something. 1112 01:19:07,252 --> 01:19:09,873 I'm forgetting this one event that meant something to me... 1113 01:19:09,963 --> 01:19:12,964 and if I can remember that one thing, maybe I can get you home. 1114 01:19:13,050 --> 01:19:15,422 Are you sure it's not the purple bump? 1115 01:19:15,511 --> 01:19:18,263 - It's not the bump, kid. - It was a pretty big bump. 1116 01:19:18,347 --> 01:19:20,387 - Tell me more about second grade. - Why? 1117 01:19:20,475 --> 01:19:22,551 Nobody had a bump in second grade. 1118 01:19:24,854 --> 01:19:28,021 My best friend was Tim Wheaton, until a few months ago. 1119 01:19:28,108 --> 01:19:30,065 Remember him? 1120 01:19:30,152 --> 01:19:33,652 - No, I don't. - His house smells like fish sticks. 1121 01:19:34,740 --> 01:19:36,733 - No. - Well, he was my best friend... 1122 01:19:36,826 --> 01:19:39,282 until he started hanging out with Vince... 1123 01:19:39,370 --> 01:19:41,992 and these other creepy guys. 1124 01:19:42,082 --> 01:19:45,498 He threw a rock at me, and we haven't been friends since then. 1125 01:19:45,586 --> 01:19:48,919 - He threw a rock at us? - Oh, yeah. 1126 01:19:49,006 --> 01:19:51,497 - Why? What happened? - Oh, those guys get together... 1127 01:19:51,592 --> 01:19:54,166 every recess in the corner of the playground yard... 1128 01:19:54,262 --> 01:19:56,302 where they like to pick on kids. 1129 01:19:57,849 --> 01:19:59,806 Back behind the kindergarten. 1130 01:20:00,894 --> 01:20:03,350 Yeah. Where the yard monitor can't see you! 1131 01:20:03,439 --> 01:20:05,930 - Where that big sliding board is? - Yeah, the really huge one! 1132 01:20:06,025 --> 01:20:08,314 - You remember it! - Go on. Don't stop. 1133 01:20:08,402 --> 01:20:11,108 There's four of them, and if they don't like you... 1134 01:20:11,197 --> 01:20:13,653 they make your life a nightmare! 1135 01:20:20,833 --> 01:20:24,333 And the worst thing about them is they're really mean to animals. 1136 01:20:24,420 --> 01:20:26,627 Especially this one three-legged dog. 1137 01:20:29,092 --> 01:20:30,836 Tripod! 1138 01:20:30,927 --> 01:20:33,419 Tripod! The dog's name is Tripod! 1139 01:20:33,514 --> 01:20:36,717 I know the dog's name! I know everything, kid. 1140 01:20:36,809 --> 01:20:38,802 I know why you're here! This is the event! 1141 01:20:38,894 --> 01:20:41,053 Vince Kajinski, the fight! It's the fight! 1142 01:20:41,147 --> 01:20:45,145 It was my eighth birthday. It was 32 years ago. 1143 01:20:45,235 --> 01:20:47,773 Today! Ha-ha-ha! 1144 01:20:54,745 --> 01:20:57,497 Holy smokes. 1145 01:20:59,542 --> 01:21:01,784 Look at the car! 1146 01:21:03,505 --> 01:21:05,830 Look at your clothes! 1147 01:21:08,928 --> 01:21:10,920 Holy smokes. 1148 01:21:12,098 --> 01:21:14,636 - Holy smokes! - Holy smokes! 1149 01:21:14,726 --> 01:21:18,890 - We did it, kid! - Am I home? Is it really 1968? 1150 01:21:23,861 --> 01:21:26,269 No doubt about it, kid. What time's recess? 1151 01:21:26,364 --> 01:21:29,281 - 10:30. - Hang on, kid. 1152 01:21:29,367 --> 01:21:32,238 We've got 15 minutes to change our life. 1153 01:21:32,328 --> 01:21:34,368 Okay, now listen. This is gonna happen real fast... 1154 01:21:34,456 --> 01:21:36,330 so you gotta remember what Kenny told you, all right? 1155 01:21:36,416 --> 01:21:40,331 - One, two, one, two. - One, two... - Keep your head down, keep swingin'. 1156 01:21:50,265 --> 01:21:54,180 Look, look, look! There's the really big slide, remember? 1157 01:21:56,480 --> 01:21:59,434 It used to be a lot bigger. 1158 01:21:59,525 --> 01:22:01,269 Here's what I remember: 1159 01:22:01,361 --> 01:22:05,359 Some really bad guys tie up that three-legged dog, Tripod. 1160 01:22:05,448 --> 01:22:07,406 When you try to stop 'em, you get really thrashed. 1161 01:22:07,492 --> 01:22:09,865 Oh, no. Do I save him? 1162 01:22:09,953 --> 01:22:12,741 No. You go down after only one punch... 1163 01:22:12,832 --> 01:22:14,908 thereby solidifying your reputation as a loser... 1164 01:22:15,001 --> 01:22:17,574 for the next eight years, all the way through high school... 1165 01:22:17,670 --> 01:22:19,877 and ruining our life from that moment on. 1166 01:22:19,964 --> 01:22:22,420 Oh, holy smokes. 1167 01:22:22,509 --> 01:22:26,293 Any second now, Vince Kajinski and his cohorts are gonna come around that corner. 1168 01:22:27,514 --> 01:22:30,302 - Look. There they are. - Hey, boo! 1169 01:22:31,936 --> 01:22:34,641 They're gonna say something to you to get you to come over there. 1170 01:22:34,731 --> 01:22:37,518 Once you get back there, they have Tripod tied up. 1171 01:22:39,152 --> 01:22:42,771 - Any questions? - Yeah. What's a cohort? 1172 01:22:44,033 --> 01:22:45,990 Hey, Rusty, come over here. 1173 01:22:46,077 --> 01:22:49,528 It's your birthday, right? We got a present for you. 1174 01:22:49,622 --> 01:22:53,490 Look, kid. You don't have to do this at all. 1175 01:22:53,585 --> 01:22:57,334 - You don't have to fight today. - Come on. Hurry up! 1176 01:23:00,843 --> 01:23:04,212 No. If I don't go against them today... 1177 01:23:04,305 --> 01:23:07,223 I'll have to fight tomorrow or the next day... 1178 01:23:07,308 --> 01:23:09,882 and today, you're here with me. 1179 01:23:09,978 --> 01:23:13,561 That's right. I'm here with you today. 1180 01:23:15,401 --> 01:23:17,440 I can do this. 1181 01:23:18,654 --> 01:23:21,228 You can do it. Don't be afraid. 1182 01:23:21,324 --> 01:23:23,317 Here I come! 1183 01:23:24,911 --> 01:23:26,904 I'll be right here. 1184 01:23:36,632 --> 01:23:38,043 What took you so long? 1185 01:23:38,134 --> 01:23:40,625 - Come on, Rusty. - I just saw it... 1186 01:23:40,720 --> 01:23:43,176 - Yeah, hurry up. - A big surprise. 1187 01:23:43,265 --> 01:23:45,756 It's really far out. 1188 01:24:04,788 --> 01:24:07,410 Come on, man. It'll be great. Why don't you go? 1189 01:24:07,500 --> 01:24:11,035 - Yeah. - It'll be fun. There's your present. - Cool, huh? 1190 01:24:13,590 --> 01:24:16,377 - What are you doing? - This stinkin', three-legged dog is worthless. 1191 01:24:16,468 --> 01:24:19,469 We'll see him run. Light the firecrackers. 1192 01:24:19,555 --> 01:24:23,505 Let the dog go. You guys are dirtbags. 1193 01:24:23,601 --> 01:24:27,101 - What did you call us? - Dirtbags! 1194 01:24:27,188 --> 01:24:29,858 - Good shot. - Look at flabby. - We rule. 1195 01:24:29,941 --> 01:24:32,646 What a dope. 1196 01:24:32,736 --> 01:24:35,821 - That was far out. - Right on. - Yeah, right on. 1197 01:24:35,906 --> 01:24:37,698 - We rule. - Wait, Vince. 1198 01:24:37,783 --> 01:24:39,741 Turn around. 1199 01:24:41,204 --> 01:24:44,787 Oh, that's how it's gonna be. 1200 01:24:44,874 --> 01:24:47,413 - Come on, Vince. Get him! - Stop it! 1201 01:24:49,546 --> 01:24:51,504 Come on! 1202 01:24:51,590 --> 01:24:54,710 - Get him! - Come on! Get him! 1203 01:24:57,013 --> 01:24:59,504 - Up against the wall! - Come on, Vince! 1204 01:24:59,599 --> 01:25:02,090 - Stop! - Come on, wimp! 1205 01:25:02,185 --> 01:25:04,937 Are you gonna cry? 1206 01:25:05,022 --> 01:25:08,106 - One, two. - Gonna run to your mom? - One, two. 1207 01:25:08,192 --> 01:25:10,481 One, two! 1208 01:25:12,530 --> 01:25:15,104 - Say uncle! Say uncle! - No. 1209 01:25:15,200 --> 01:25:17,442 - Apologize! - No. 1210 01:25:17,535 --> 01:25:19,778 Say uncle! Apologize! 1211 01:25:19,871 --> 01:25:21,615 Uncle. I'm sorry. 1212 01:25:27,922 --> 01:25:29,915 Yes! You won. 1213 01:25:30,008 --> 01:25:33,507 - Holy smokes! You did it! - Yabba-dabba-doo! 1214 01:25:33,595 --> 01:25:35,588 Ha-ha! Yabba-dabba-doo is right. 1215 01:25:35,681 --> 01:25:38,848 - You won the fight. You really did it. You won the fight. - I did it. I did it! 1216 01:25:38,934 --> 01:25:41,342 That's all! I did what I had to do. 1217 01:25:41,437 --> 01:25:43,430 Everything's gonna be different now. 1218 01:25:44,690 --> 01:25:46,434 Yeah, I guess so. 1219 01:25:46,526 --> 01:25:49,776 Over. That is all. Yes. 1220 01:25:51,823 --> 01:25:53,531 That's all, right? 1221 01:25:56,745 --> 01:25:59,237 - Oh, no. - What? 1222 01:26:01,542 --> 01:26:03,203 It's not over. 1223 01:26:04,045 --> 01:26:06,963 This gets worse, kid. Much worse. 1224 01:26:07,048 --> 01:26:09,421 What are you talking about? I won the fight. 1225 01:26:09,510 --> 01:26:12,131 It wasn't the fight. That wasn't it. 1226 01:26:16,768 --> 01:26:18,760 It's not over. 1227 01:26:23,275 --> 01:26:25,268 Ice on the eye, son. 1228 01:26:29,031 --> 01:26:31,949 Mr Branch, I put all the reports on your desk. 1229 01:26:41,712 --> 01:26:44,499 Mom. I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry. 1230 01:26:44,590 --> 01:26:48,374 Oh, it's okay. It's okay. 1231 01:26:48,469 --> 01:26:51,007 I'm sorry you had to come in, Mrs Duritz. 1232 01:26:51,097 --> 01:26:53,885 We all know you haven't been well. 1233 01:26:53,975 --> 01:26:58,804 Please, don't punish him, Mr Branch. 1234 01:26:58,897 --> 01:27:00,890 It's his birthday today. 1235 01:27:09,492 --> 01:27:12,328 - Mom, Daddy's home. - Daddy? 1236 01:27:12,412 --> 01:27:13,990 Gloria. 1237 01:27:14,081 --> 01:27:16,655 What are you doing? Are you out of your mind? 1238 01:27:16,750 --> 01:27:18,542 - I'm fine. - Come on, dear. - I'm fine. 1239 01:27:18,628 --> 01:27:21,582 Shh, shh, shh. Get you inside. 1240 01:27:21,673 --> 01:27:24,378 You stay there! 1241 01:27:24,467 --> 01:27:27,338 Please don't scare him. He's had a hard day. 1242 01:27:27,429 --> 01:27:30,596 Gloria, the doctor said you weren't to leave the house. 1243 01:27:42,863 --> 01:27:45,354 - What is the matter with you? - I'm sorry. 1244 01:27:45,449 --> 01:27:49,032 How could you do this to your mother? What are you trying to do, kill her faster? 1245 01:27:49,120 --> 01:27:51,907 - What? - We're gonna lose her. 1246 01:27:51,998 --> 01:27:56,126 God, and you pull some stunt like you did today. You're killing her! 1247 01:27:56,211 --> 01:27:58,880 I found the screw, Dad. The screw. 1248 01:27:58,964 --> 01:28:01,965 - Stop cryin'. - Here's the screw, Dad. 1249 01:28:02,050 --> 01:28:04,756 Look! Here it is. Here it is. I found it. 1250 01:28:04,845 --> 01:28:07,965 - Just stop cryin'. - Please, Dad, look at the screw. 1251 01:28:08,057 --> 01:28:10,679 - Here it is. - Stop crying! 1252 01:28:10,768 --> 01:28:13,010 Stop. 1253 01:28:13,104 --> 01:28:16,059 You gotta grow up, now. 1254 01:28:16,149 --> 01:28:18,142 Do you understand? 1255 01:28:18,235 --> 01:28:21,189 - Yes, sir. - Grow up. Grow up! 1256 01:28:45,557 --> 01:28:48,131 Mom's dying. 1257 01:28:49,853 --> 01:28:53,020 - I know. - Soon? 1258 01:28:54,275 --> 01:28:56,944 Yeah. 1259 01:28:57,028 --> 01:28:58,771 Before your next birthday. 1260 01:28:58,863 --> 01:29:00,607 Did I do it? 1261 01:29:03,952 --> 01:29:06,622 No. 1262 01:29:06,705 --> 01:29:08,698 No, you didn't do it. 1263 01:29:11,460 --> 01:29:14,130 It's not your fault. 1264 01:29:14,213 --> 01:29:17,049 Dad was just saying those things because he's scared. 1265 01:29:19,261 --> 01:29:22,345 'Cause he knows that he has to raise you alone, and he doesn't know how to do it. 1266 01:29:26,185 --> 01:29:28,474 I thought you never cried. 1267 01:29:31,941 --> 01:29:33,981 Not since my eighth birthday. 1268 01:29:35,654 --> 01:29:38,275 Guess I'm starting up again. 1269 01:29:38,365 --> 01:29:41,984 - How come? - 'Cause I just figured out where I got that twitch from. 1270 01:29:43,120 --> 01:29:45,279 Somebody call the "waaambulance." 1271 01:29:46,624 --> 01:29:49,875 Yeah. Yeah. 1272 01:29:49,961 --> 01:29:52,001 Gonna need 'em now, huh? 1273 01:29:57,678 --> 01:30:00,430 Come on. You wanna get outta here? 1274 01:30:01,975 --> 01:30:04,014 Let's go. 1275 01:30:08,357 --> 01:30:10,349 Let's go get something to eat. 1276 01:30:10,442 --> 01:30:13,646 Okay. But I'm eating whatever I want. 1277 01:30:18,409 --> 01:30:21,079 This is disgusting. Let me have some of yours. 1278 01:30:21,162 --> 01:30:22,443 - Hey! - Hey! 1279 01:30:24,583 --> 01:30:27,288 - You don't seem all that mad. - About what? 1280 01:30:28,504 --> 01:30:30,580 That we didn't change anything. 1281 01:30:30,673 --> 01:30:33,247 Like the fact that we're still gonna have to fight Vince Kajinski... 1282 01:30:33,343 --> 01:30:35,216 every week all through grade school? 1283 01:30:36,346 --> 01:30:38,671 - Yeah. - And we'll still be ugly through high school? 1284 01:30:38,765 --> 01:30:41,091 - But not stupid. - Not stupid. 1285 01:30:42,478 --> 01:30:44,636 And that we spend our college years... 1286 01:30:44,730 --> 01:30:48,016 as a chickless, dogless jerk with a twitch? 1287 01:30:48,109 --> 01:30:50,730 And still not have a family when we're 40? 1288 01:30:53,740 --> 01:30:55,199 Yeah. 1289 01:30:56,451 --> 01:30:58,575 What's done is done. 1290 01:30:59,705 --> 01:31:01,614 Yeah. 1291 01:31:03,417 --> 01:31:08,246 But, hey, this is our birthday. Okay? 1292 01:31:09,174 --> 01:31:11,843 Happy birthday, kid. Cheers, kid. 1293 01:31:19,727 --> 01:31:21,969 Hello, boy. How are you doin'? 1294 01:31:22,063 --> 01:31:24,352 - Who are you? - Chester, come on, boy. 1295 01:31:33,743 --> 01:31:38,239 Did you hear what he just called his dog? 1296 01:31:38,331 --> 01:31:39,956 Chester. 1297 01:31:53,306 --> 01:31:55,133 Can that... 1298 01:31:56,267 --> 01:31:58,640 be that? 1299 01:31:58,728 --> 01:32:02,596 - No way. - Can't be. 1300 01:32:07,238 --> 01:32:09,729 Here you go. 1301 01:32:32,099 --> 01:32:35,016 You like the old plane? 1302 01:32:37,688 --> 01:32:40,014 Uh-huh. 1303 01:32:41,359 --> 01:32:43,150 Yeah. 1304 01:32:44,279 --> 01:32:46,272 You did all this. 1305 01:32:48,283 --> 01:32:50,276 You put that plane on my doorstep. 1306 01:32:50,369 --> 01:32:54,782 Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was a particularly nice touch. 1307 01:32:56,375 --> 01:32:58,831 Yeah. It was. 1308 01:32:58,920 --> 01:33:01,707 I bet you got a lot of questions. 1309 01:33:03,508 --> 01:33:06,344 - Yeah. - Well, I wouldn't worry about it. 1310 01:33:06,428 --> 01:33:09,762 You got 30 years to figure 'em out. 1311 01:33:09,849 --> 01:33:12,969 Right now I gotta go. Family's waitin'. 1312 01:33:36,920 --> 01:33:39,293 It was especially nice seeing you again. 1313 01:33:41,926 --> 01:33:45,461 - I'll see you. - See ya. 1314 01:33:48,183 --> 01:33:50,176 Bye. 1315 01:33:54,857 --> 01:33:57,348 Holy smokes. 1316 01:34:12,751 --> 01:34:15,124 We did it. 1317 01:34:21,887 --> 01:34:24,556 - Holy smokes! - Holy smokes! 1318 01:34:24,640 --> 01:34:26,763 - We did it! - We did it! 1319 01:34:26,850 --> 01:34:29,009 Yeah-ho-ho! 1320 01:34:29,103 --> 01:34:32,140 - I'm okay! We're okay! - We're okay! 1321 01:34:32,231 --> 01:34:34,639 We're okay! 1322 01:34:34,734 --> 01:34:36,857 - You're a pilot. - You're a pilot. - You're a pilot. 1323 01:34:36,945 --> 01:34:39,863 - No, you're a pilot. - I'm a pilot. - We grow up to be pilots! 1324 01:34:39,948 --> 01:34:42,903 We grow up to be pilots! Hey! 1325 01:34:42,993 --> 01:34:45,401 - Did you see our dog? - What's his name? - Chester. 1326 01:34:45,496 --> 01:34:49,079 - Chester, the world's greatest dog! - The world's greatest dog! 1327 01:34:49,167 --> 01:34:52,618 Yes! Hoo-Ha, Hoo-Ha... One, right, left, left... 1328 01:34:52,712 --> 01:34:55,038 - Did you see our family? - Yeah. 1329 01:34:56,174 --> 01:34:58,167 Wild. 1330 01:34:59,553 --> 01:35:01,760 That old lady looked familiar. 1331 01:35:02,890 --> 01:35:05,845 Yeah. I thought so too. 1332 01:35:18,616 --> 01:35:21,866 - Look at us go. - Yeah. 1333 01:35:21,953 --> 01:35:23,780 Look at us go. 1334 01:35:29,128 --> 01:35:33,624 I am not a loser! 1335 01:35:47,815 --> 01:35:49,808 Look at us go. 1336 01:35:54,447 --> 01:35:56,440 Kid? 1337 01:36:08,755 --> 01:36:10,747 Bye, kid. 1338 01:36:17,598 --> 01:36:19,591 Thanks. 1339 01:36:39,789 --> 01:36:42,458 Hello? 1340 01:36:42,542 --> 01:36:44,250 I'm here. 1341 01:36:46,254 --> 01:36:48,828 Russ? 1342 01:36:48,924 --> 01:36:52,507 - Russ? - Hi, Janet. I'm back here. I'll be out in a second. 1343 01:36:52,595 --> 01:36:55,845 Hey, a couple of questions. Why am I not at the office? 1344 01:36:55,932 --> 01:36:57,925 Why are you not at the office? 1345 01:36:58,017 --> 01:37:00,425 - And where have you been? - Did you call my dad? 1346 01:37:00,520 --> 01:37:03,190 Yes, I told him you'd be there Sunday to help him move. 1347 01:37:03,273 --> 01:37:06,524 He almost had a heart attack, if that was your intention. 1348 01:37:06,610 --> 01:37:08,568 What about the plane tickets to Hawaii? 1349 01:37:08,654 --> 01:37:11,940 I booked 'em. Two first-class seats. You leave at 2:00. 1350 01:37:15,036 --> 01:37:17,741 Thank you. Got a pen? 1351 01:37:17,831 --> 01:37:21,876 Change these names on here. Use my credit card. 1352 01:37:28,092 --> 01:37:31,010 Russ! Ha-ha-ha! 1353 01:37:31,096 --> 01:37:34,013 - I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it. - Aloha, Janet. 1354 01:37:34,099 --> 01:37:38,393 I love Hawaii. I love Hawaii! 1355 01:38:43,467 --> 01:38:46,303 Do you want to come in? 1356 01:38:46,387 --> 01:38:48,380 Yes. 106896