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1
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Is that...
2
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:18,207
_
3
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,621
Gummy-bear.
4
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,088
- How are you?
- Jack?
5
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,759
Hey, have you heard from
our... our kids?
6
00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:28,293
Hey, uh... Mr. Randall.
7
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,495
Nate Parker here, uh, Robin's husband.
8
00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:32,765
Uh, uh, we're just calling all
our family members
9
00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,099
to see if the kids have checked in.
10
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:35,635
You know, it's just what you do
when they go...
11
00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:38,370
What was that?
12
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,772
Has someone tapped the phone?
13
00:00:39,774 --> 00:00:42,174
Mom! Get off the phone, please!
We're on it.
14
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:44,376
Please tell me this line is secure.
15
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:47,312
Hi. It's Helen.
What's the soup tonight?
16
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:49,381
Mom, get off the phone!
17
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:52,517
You want to call me back
at a more convenient time?
18
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,719
No, I don't want to wander
all the way down the hall
19
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,122
for that mop water
you call hot and sour.
20
00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,590
What's the soup?
21
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,859
- It's chicken noodle.
- Oh, that's great. That's her favorite.
22
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,662
- I don't know what the soup is.
- Well, don't lie to her about the soup.
23
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,093
- It's important.
- It's not!
24
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:06,231
Oh, I'm sorry.
25
00:01:06,296 --> 00:01:07,732
So, if you were expecting
chicken noodle
26
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,734
and some stringy garbage
like vegetable medley shows up,
27
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,069
you're not gonna be pissed about it?
28
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,071
We're looking for our ch... Jack?
29
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,073
Has either Delilah or Jared
contacted you?
30
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,676
Uh, they have, yeah. Twice, in fact.
31
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,277
About a year ago
at the Canadian border,
32
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:20,879
the girl came to see me about a job,
33
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,415
but she wasn't cut out for it.
34
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,099
She's not like you.
Her moral compass is too strong.
35
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,354
She also doesn't have your natural gift
36
00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:31,356
for sociopathic deception.
37
00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,561
What's the chicken tonight?
38
00:01:36,562 --> 00:01:37,963
General Tso's chicken, lady.
39
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:38,966
Don't do that voice.
40
00:01:39,004 --> 00:01:40,016
Thank you, Ling.
41
00:01:40,018 --> 00:01:41,268
Mom, that wasn't Ling!
42
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,567
Sounds like Ling!
43
00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,503
Mom!! Get off the phone!
44
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,038
Jack, when was the second time
45
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,105
you heard from Delilah?
46
00:01:47,416 --> 00:01:48,629
Uh...
47
00:01:48,915 --> 00:01:50,575
yesterday.
48
00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:52,044
She's on her way here, to Russia.
49
00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:53,512
I think she's bringing the boy.
50
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,913
Why wouldn't you call me?!
51
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,314
Because she told me not to.
52
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:57,982
She doesn't want to see you.
53
00:01:57,984 --> 00:01:59,317
She's my daughter.
54
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:01,119
Uh-huh. And you're my daughter.
55
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,998
And the last time we spoke,
you said, and I quote,
56
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,991
"Stay out of my life,
you meddling old man.
57
00:02:07,290 --> 00:02:08,766
Don't ever contact me again."
58
00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:10,328
And I respected that.
59
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,930
All right, well, I'm nothing like you.
60
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,732
Oh, but you are.
61
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,001
Nobody escapes who they really are.
62
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:18,671
- Are those gunshots?
- I tell you, Ling,
63
00:02:18,673 --> 00:02:20,405
the way this neighborhood is going,
64
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,207
I wouldn't be surprised.
65
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:25,810
There were some negro children
playing hopscotch suspiciously,
66
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,011
- and I...
- Get off the phone!
67
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,747
And I called...
68
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,284
Listen, I'll keep my eye open
for the kids,
69
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,886
but I got to be honest with you,
70
00:02:33,888 --> 00:02:35,487
my hands are really full right now.
71
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,296
Not the Taurus.
72
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,430
Shit.
73
00:02:50,843 --> 00:02:54,439
_
74
00:02:54,873 --> 00:02:55,920
_
75
00:03:04,426 --> 00:03:05,450
Hello?
76
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:06,985
Oh, hey, there.
It's Nate Parker calling.
77
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,186
What's the dessert tonight?
78
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,922
We don't want orange slices
and milk again.
79
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:11,390
It's not dessert. I know.
80
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,125
We ordered the Golden Nosh plan,
81
00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:15,527
and that comes with, at least,
babka or hamantaschen.
82
00:03:15,870 --> 00:03:18,330
Uh, what is hamantaschen?
83
00:03:30,745 --> 00:03:32,410
Would you get a haircut
84
00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:34,613
or at least buy a hat
to get it out of your eyes?
85
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:35,948
Okay, relax, Mom.
86
00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:38,350
Don't ever call me that.
I'm nothing like her.
87
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,352
That woman is a sociopathic liar
88
00:03:40,359 --> 00:03:42,353
who would say anything
to get what she wants.
89
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:43,408
Well, hello, there.
90
00:03:43,442 --> 00:03:45,223
You two looking for your parents?
91
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,160
No, I'm a palliative
caregiver, and my patient here
92
00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:50,162
doesn't have too much time left.
93
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,165
He always wanted to see Red Square.
94
00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:55,700
What are the chances we can
get on a flight to Moscow?
95
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:57,235
You're pretty young to be a doctor.
96
00:03:57,749 --> 00:03:59,972
You're pretty "in a vest"
to be a nosy douche.
97
00:04:00,636 --> 00:04:02,240
Okay.
98
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,108
Well, I've got something for ya.
99
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,577
Looks like we're gonna getcha there.
100
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,379
Well, good, 'cause that's your job.
101
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:10,248
No direct, unfortunately.
How 'bout a one-stopper?
102
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,450
That would be great, thanks.
103
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,452
That would be great
if I could find that.
104
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,520
Which I can't.
105
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,990
I do, however, have a two-plus stop.
106
00:04:18,369 --> 00:04:20,459
How many stops is that,
"Welcome to Walmart"?
107
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:23,328
It's just a vest. They make me wear it.
108
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,263
And it's nine stops.
109
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,367
You know what?
You're nothing like Mom at all.
110
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,036
She would have told him
he looked hot in that vest,
111
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,403
and we would have gotten there direct.
112
00:04:33,808 --> 00:04:36,741
Nine stops?! That is miserable.
113
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:38,210
- Why didn't you do your thing?
- What thing?
114
00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:39,544
You know, your thing. This thing.
115
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,146
How am I supposed to show my tits
116
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,481
to an international ticket database?
117
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,037
I don't know, I'm not the sociopath.
118
00:04:44,038 --> 00:04:46,138
- All right. Easy with that.
- Okay, let's find another airline,
119
00:04:46,139 --> 00:04:47,352
and... Oh, shit.
120
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:51,289
This guy. Well, yo ho
ho, and a bottle of dumb.
121
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:53,958
I get it. I get it.
122
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,094
That's a reference to me.
Because I'm the ho.
123
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,562
And he's the bottle of dumb.
124
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:58,798
I mean, it's funny, 'cause it's true,
125
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,098
'cause he's so dumb.
126
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,700
Yeah, I know, right?
127
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:02,709
What are you doing?
128
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,862
Gene here is taking
his handsome man trip
129
00:05:04,895 --> 00:05:05,904
- to Russia.
- Handsome man.
130
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,527
That's a, uh... charter flight?
131
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:08,708
- Charter flight.
- Charter flight.
132
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,775
There's plenty of room on
those things for anybody.
133
00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:11,976
Plenty of room for you.
134
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:12,984
Oh, God, for me.
135
00:05:13,010 --> 00:05:14,024
Let's do this.
136
00:05:14,126 --> 00:05:15,459
Excuse me, sir.
137
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:19,117
God damn it. She is good.
138
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:22,587
Coats, watches, jewelry,
shoes, and belts
139
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,456
must all come off and go into the bin.
140
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,591
Coats in the bin, shoes on the belt,
141
00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:28,527
jewelry in the bins,
belts on the belts.
142
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,729
Lace-up boots?
That's such a rookie move.
143
00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:34,999
And change? Who the hell brings change?
144
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,869
Medallion Plus members
shouldn't have to endure this.
145
00:05:36,871 --> 00:05:38,203
Any liquids in your bag, ma'am?
146
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,872
Of course, gotta stay hydrated.
147
00:05:39,874 --> 00:05:41,673
All liquids must be dumped
in the garbage, ma'am.
148
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,007
Wait. It's just water.
149
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,143
- Why can't I bring water?
- This guy brought water one time,
150
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,712
and didn't know there was
actually a bomb in it.
151
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:47,946
Have you never flown before?
152
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,414
Only private, douche.
153
00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:50,749
Secondary!
154
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,484
Okay, ma'am, now with my prayer hands,
155
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,086
I will run them down your sternum
156
00:05:54,088 --> 00:05:55,954
between your mammary glands.
157
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,489
I don't think it's the government's job
158
00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,558
to harass pretty little white girls.
159
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,560
- I'm tired of it.
- Yeah, we're tired of it.
160
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,962
You say that out loud,
and they call you a "racist."
161
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:07,031
And let you for "not reflecting
the views of America."
162
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,633
Now with the backs of my thumbs,
163
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,969
I will be tracing the
outline of the mons veneris
164
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,171
down and parallel to your labial folds.
165
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:14,907
I mean, what have you
ever done to anyone
166
00:06:14,909 --> 00:06:17,242
with that milky alabaster skin?
167
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:19,511
And now, with bear claw hands,
as to remain professional
168
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:23,048
and not accidentally insert
any digits in your anal cavity,
169
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,250
I will be applying
gentle pressure here.
170
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:26,452
You know what... Give me your hand.
Give me your hand.
171
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,186
Just get right up in there.
Feel anything?
172
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,654
Anything in there?
I got nothing to hide.
173
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:32,057
You know why? 'Cause I got
a super-shallow crack.
174
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,458
Tertiary!
175
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,527
- What's that mean?
- Basically, everything we just did,
176
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,862
expect one of us will
still have his clothes on.
177
00:06:38,726 --> 00:06:40,465
This airport is unbelievable.
178
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,172
First, the TSA loses my shoes.
179
00:06:42,346 --> 00:06:43,936
Then the only shoes
available for purchase
180
00:06:43,938 --> 00:06:46,538
are these orange heel-y
things from Syra-shoes.
181
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,741
I swear to God, I feel so violated.
182
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,608
- Oh, shit. Oh, sh...
- Oh, my God.
183
00:06:51,609 --> 00:06:53,011
- You okay, babe?
- No.
184
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,156
Walk it off, babe.
I'm gonna go get molested.
185
00:06:57,345 --> 00:06:58,350
You okay?
186
00:06:58,352 --> 00:07:00,352
Nope.
187
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:02,388
Shit!
188
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,053
This is my chair.
Get your gross feet off.
189
00:07:35,699 --> 00:07:36,855
Jesus.
190
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,457
Would you say you find
trouble or trouble finds you?
191
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,326
Ugh! God!
192
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,793
First her with the feet,
now him with the entire body.
193
00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:45,197
This is my chair!
194
00:07:45,199 --> 00:07:46,464
Don't use it as an assistive device
195
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,733
to get your fat ass up.
196
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:48,800
Engage your core.
197
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,136
And if you don't know where it is,
lift up your gut and find it.
198
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:54,206
Ma'am, you cannot speak
to people that way.
199
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,742
So I'm the asshole.
200
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:04,616
Come on, man. Come on.
Are you sleeping?
201
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,484
Move your seat up.
202
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,435
Don't worry about these little bumps.
203
00:08:10,436 --> 00:08:11,489
I'm not.
204
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,958
Did you... Did you lose your seat?
205
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,727
A little bit of a light chop.
They call it turbulence.
206
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:15,728
Yeah, I know. I know.
207
00:08:15,750 --> 00:08:17,362
I-I forget why they call it that.
208
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,031
'Cause the...
the air flow's "turbulent."
209
00:08:19,033 --> 00:08:20,366
Oh, that's it. That's it.
210
00:08:20,368 --> 00:08:22,434
And, of course,
no reason to be nervous.
211
00:08:22,781 --> 00:08:24,702
Like I said, I-I'm not, but, you know,
212
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,638
I-I think you should
really find your seat.
213
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,914
Ladies and gentlemen,
please fasten your seatbelts
214
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,449
and remain seated.
215
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:39,251
Well, looks like you're
stuck with me now.
216
00:08:41,426 --> 00:08:42,672
You know what?
217
00:08:43,457 --> 00:08:45,063
How 'bout you...
218
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,393
have one of these?
219
00:08:47,797 --> 00:08:48,860
Oh, no. I shouldn't.
220
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,195
Oh, yeah. No, you should.
221
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,663
You should. It'll help your nerves.
222
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,066
I don't want to sit here
and listen to 'em.
223
00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,332
Yo, yo, yo, yo!
224
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,668
This is the bro classical
renaissance hypebeast.
225
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,604
- You got to be kidding.
- The comedy Bugatti,
226
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:01,807
the info Lambo,
this is Mason The Block!
227
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,475
Are you kidding me?
228
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,528
Can I just cut to the right now, fam?
229
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:09,615
How tired are we of
this Cheeto in Chief?
230
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:13,218
This guy's so orange,
231
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,953
nothing rhymes with him.
232
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,289
He's such a criminal,
233
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:20,092
orange is the new orange.
234
00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:28,033
My producers told me that
was intellectual comedy.
235
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,570
Jesus Christ, another
unique take on politics.
236
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,440
What's he eviscerating this week?
237
00:09:34,442 --> 00:09:36,241
Why are you so judgmental?
'Cause he's your ex?
238
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,843
No, 'cause he sucks.
239
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:39,311
If you have a TV show, you should be
240
00:09:39,313 --> 00:09:41,179
funnier and smarter than
me, and he's neither.
241
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,914
Ow! Ow!
242
00:09:43,171 --> 00:09:44,782
Oh, my God, I love this guy.
243
00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:46,452
He is so funny and so smart.
244
00:09:46,454 --> 00:09:48,757
Why don't you be happy for the guy
and say something nice...
245
00:09:48,843 --> 00:09:49,988
Mom?
246
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,858
Ha! A-ha!
247
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,860
Fine. I'm Mom. You happy?
248
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,194
Why would that make me happy?
249
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:01,266
I wish this was more
of an à la carte thing,
250
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,069
'cause I've got 17's rack.
251
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,537
14's legs.
252
00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:07,739
9's nose, and, uh...
253
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,475
2's left eyebrow.
254
00:10:09,477 --> 00:10:10,676
Perfect.
255
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,813
Oh! That makes me so happy.
256
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,014
It's good.
257
00:10:16,302 --> 00:10:17,501
You know, it's funny,
258
00:10:17,666 --> 00:10:20,109
no matter how much
I intellectualize it,
259
00:10:20,296 --> 00:10:22,707
- planes just doesn't make any sense.
- Yeah.
260
00:10:22,847 --> 00:10:24,956
I mean, a big piece of
metal in the sky?
261
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,025
I mean, h-how does that even work?
262
00:10:27,987 --> 00:10:29,227
Thrust and lift.
263
00:10:29,547 --> 00:10:32,364
I've heard that, but
what does it even mean?
264
00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:33,431
Well...
265
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,033
Hi.
266
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,769
I don't want to alarm
the other passengers,
267
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:40,706
but we have slight medical
emergency in the cockpit.
268
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,640
Our captain, Captain Ron Weaver...
269
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,709
Oh.
270
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:46,978
- Has come down with a bit of the flu.
- Oh.
271
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,646
And a little birdy told me
272
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,382
we have a reserve pilot here.
273
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:54,385
- Oh.
- Yeah, and that birdy is ready to fly.
274
00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,389
Wait, what? You're a pilot?
275
00:10:57,799 --> 00:10:59,257
You're so nervous.
276
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,792
Nervous flier.
277
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:03,729
Very, very confident pilot.
278
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,263
See?
279
00:11:06,184 --> 00:11:07,199
Oh.
280
00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:09,267
Except on these big birds.
281
00:11:09,713 --> 00:11:11,469
Not nearly enough experience.
282
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:14,472
The death multiplier
on your mistakes is like...
283
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:18,076
- Okay. Here I go.
- Wait. No, no, no!
284
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,477
You're letting that guy fly this plane?
285
00:11:19,757 --> 00:11:22,799
Ah, First Officer is fine by himself.
286
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,617
Why don't you have a drink?
It'll calm you down.
287
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:28,820
I di... I had...
288
00:11:32,426 --> 00:11:33,892
It's funny, 'cause it's true!
289
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,427
Ow! Ow!
290
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:39,898
He's not funny!
291
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,700
He's not even telling jokes!
He's just dancing!
292
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,370
Ma'am, settle down,
293
00:11:44,372 --> 00:11:46,572
or we will have to
put this plane on the ground.
294
00:11:46,574 --> 00:11:48,640
Folks, from the flight deck,
295
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:51,109
looks like we're gonna have
to make an emergency landing
296
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,379
due to the, uh...
297
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:57,249
excessive amount of vomit
up here in the cockpit.
298
00:11:57,251 --> 00:11:58,716
Instruments are...
299
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,386
Aw, Jesus!
300
00:12:00,388 --> 00:12:02,921
The air sickness bag is
right there, God damn it!
301
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,126
God damn it!
302
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,462
- Hey, where are we?
- Ma'am...
303
00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:10,997
- Can someone tell me where we are?
- Sit down.
304
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,491
You need to be seatbelted.
It's the law.
305
00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:14,199
In what country? I don't what countr...
306
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,134
This country is just blank!
307
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,209
Babe!
308
00:12:17,521 --> 00:12:18,536
Babe?!
309
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,540
Yo, yo, yo!
310
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:29,040
_
311
00:12:30,721 --> 00:12:32,992
_
312
00:12:33,182 --> 00:12:35,182
_
313
00:12:35,683 --> 00:12:37,494
_
314
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:39,495
_
315
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,740
- Why is he yelling at us?
- I'm scared.
316
00:12:41,849 --> 00:12:44,725
_
317
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,365
Who would've thought
a half gallon of vomit
318
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,362
would write off an jet?
319
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,569
That's the Tupolev for ya.
320
00:12:53,545 --> 00:12:55,773
I can't believe they're
making me cover my head.
321
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,242
Oh, my God, would you let it go?
322
00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:58,911
How about you don't have to
worry about your hair for once?
323
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,246
Yeah, well,
it's a double standard, Nate.
324
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,913
You know, you get
to roll up here in clown shoes,
325
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,181
and I'm in head prison.
326
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,250
It's a beautiful scarf
that I bought it.
327
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,652
It's an oppressive law.
328
00:13:06,654 --> 00:13:08,520
Oh, my God. Why can't it be
the height of feminism?
329
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:10,922
- Oh, my...
- You're rejecting society's views
330
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,224
that you have to look
sexy all the time.
331
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,292
I would like to have the choice
to look sexy all the time.
332
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,194
I've known you for 16 years.
333
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:19,131
You've "chosen" to
dress sexy for me twice.
334
00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:21,533
Yes, and I would like to have
the choice to dress sexy.
335
00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:23,546
- I'm taking it off.
- Don't do that here.
336
00:13:23,548 --> 00:13:25,967
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
- _
337
00:13:26,418 --> 00:13:27,614
_
338
00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:29,377
_
339
00:13:29,378 --> 00:13:30,890
_
340
00:13:30,891 --> 00:13:31,891
_
341
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:32,979
_
342
00:13:33,048 --> 00:13:35,213
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm American.
I don't speak oppression.
343
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,814
She's American. I'm half Canadian.
344
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,083
Scarf. Now.
345
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:39,284
Make Up. Too heavy.
346
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:40,920
I've always told her that.
She's a natural beauty.
347
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:45,491
Ah! Pants. Too short.
This... too tight.
348
00:13:45,493 --> 00:13:46,958
Okay, you know what I'm gonna do?
349
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,827
I'm gonna do what the women around here
350
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:51,263
should have done back in 1979...
351
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:54,833
I'm just gonna...
352
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,570
Like this? Is this how you do it?
353
00:14:00,233 --> 00:14:01,432
Go. Thanks very much.
354
00:14:04,712 --> 00:14:06,644
Americans.
355
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,115
Shit.
356
00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:12,050
Very cool shoes.
357
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,185
_
358
00:14:21,438 --> 00:14:22,702
You need haircut.
359
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:25,330
Please indicate on the form
how you heard about Iran.
360
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,399
I don't understand
why we have to clear customs.
361
00:14:27,401 --> 00:14:28,666
We didn't even get off the plane.
362
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,736
This is just stop eight
on our way to Russia.
363
00:14:31,212 --> 00:14:33,471
How you heard about Iran?
364
00:14:33,863 --> 00:14:35,207
From a man in a vest.
365
00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:36,875
Oh, don't worry.
Not a boom vest or anything.
366
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:38,744
Uh, we're not the kind
of guys to bring that up.
367
00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:39,878
Please.
368
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,881
Write in how you
369
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,083
heard about us.
370
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,818
- There.
- Stop being such a dick.
371
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:47,853
Just write it.
372
00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:53,625
A cat told you?
373
00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,093
Mm-hmm. He was Persian.
374
00:14:58,832 --> 00:15:00,766
Oh, yes. Hi.
375
00:15:01,225 --> 00:15:02,634
Oh, shit.
376
00:15:02,938 --> 00:15:04,302
Oh, sure, I'm a dick,
377
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,238
and then you go make a comment
about the smell on here?
378
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,639
That's borderline racist.
379
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,040
What? No. Look.
380
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,443
This curtain closes, right,
to keep out the riffraff?
381
00:15:11,445 --> 00:15:13,178
First class! Come on, bab...
382
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,446
- Shit!
- Whoa!
383
00:15:14,448 --> 00:15:15,713
Quick, let's go.
384
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:18,250
- Go where? We're on a plane.
- We got to go to... Go to the back!
385
00:15:18,252 --> 00:15:20,986
Just get in the bathroom!
386
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:21,993
Go, go!
387
00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:25,591
Oh, shit.
388
00:15:25,593 --> 00:15:27,125
First class.
389
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:28,507
Thank you Uncle Gene
390
00:15:28,588 --> 00:15:31,660
for taking a year of Farsi in college.
391
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,532
I don't know what that means.
392
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,001
Boom!
393
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,603
We got a... We got blankets.
394
00:15:37,605 --> 00:15:39,605
I don't think that was Farsi. Awesome.
395
00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:41,807
Oh, look at this. Sleep mask. Mm-hmm.
396
00:15:41,809 --> 00:15:43,008
That'll come in handy.
397
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:45,010
I'll be too excited to sleep.
398
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,945
Nuts. I got nuts.
399
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,880
I got ear plugs. Yes. Mm-hmm.
400
00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:50,282
Socks! Socks!
401
00:15:50,284 --> 00:15:52,150
I got socks.
402
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,551
And d... dates!
403
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,220
Two dates! Double dates.
404
00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:56,844
Can I offer you a drink, sir?
405
00:15:56,845 --> 00:15:58,690
You know what... I haven't had
an alcoholic beverage
406
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:01,026
in over year,
and I think it's about time.
407
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:03,161
Yes, you can. I will take one of those
408
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,096
champagne and orange juice thingys.
409
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,833
Unfortunately, Iran is a dry country.
410
00:16:07,835 --> 00:16:09,501
I know it's dry.
That's why I need a drink.
411
00:16:09,503 --> 00:16:10,969
Mm, no alcohol.
412
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,304
I can offer you water.
413
00:16:12,458 --> 00:16:13,757
I'll gladly accept.
414
00:16:13,841 --> 00:16:16,108
- Still nice to be asked.
- This plane smells so bad.
415
00:16:16,110 --> 00:16:17,509
Whoa. Whoa.
416
00:16:17,511 --> 00:16:18,776
You cannot say that.
417
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,646
- Why not?
- 'Cause it's a loaded thing.
418
00:16:20,648 --> 00:16:22,781
You can't say other races smell bad.
419
00:16:22,783 --> 00:16:24,582
This plane is not a race.
420
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,319
And it would be racist
to not say it smells bad
421
00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:29,655
because you're afraid you look
like a racist if you do.
422
00:16:29,657 --> 00:16:31,056
Oh, look at this.
423
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,590
Fancy. It's just water.
424
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:35,393
Folks, I want to
apologize for the smell.
425
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:38,263
The economy bathroom is
broken, and it really smells.
426
00:16:38,265 --> 00:16:40,065
This airline sucks.
427
00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:43,401
A little legroom.
428
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:44,670
I like that.
429
00:16:44,672 --> 00:16:46,604
Ahhh! First class!
430
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,606
First class!
431
00:16:54,682 --> 00:16:57,149
I've never seen a squat toilet
on a plane before.
432
00:16:57,151 --> 00:16:58,684
Squat toilets are proven
much more effective
433
00:16:58,686 --> 00:17:00,085
for passing stool.
434
00:17:03,113 --> 00:17:06,485
_
435
00:17:06,487 --> 00:17:08,378
_
436
00:17:08,379 --> 00:17:10,900
_
437
00:17:10,902 --> 00:17:11,831
_
438
00:17:11,832 --> 00:17:13,165
What does that mean?
439
00:17:13,167 --> 00:17:15,100
_
440
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:16,768
Oh, that was close.
441
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,445
Do you hear that.
442
00:17:26,716 --> 00:17:27,716
Hmm? No.
443
00:17:27,810 --> 00:17:29,936
- Hey, can I get some more nuts?
- Of course.
444
00:17:29,938 --> 00:17:32,477
Yeah. The hot ones... really good.
445
00:17:35,856 --> 00:17:37,523
You want to shower first, or should I?
446
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,212
_
447
00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:48,734
Hoo.
448
00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:50,068
Thank you so much for that flight.
449
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,603
It was really, really... Merci.
450
00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:52,670
That's French, dum-dum.
451
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,540
- I'm happy you enjoyed.
- No, I really...
452
00:17:54,542 --> 00:17:56,408
I don't want to overstep
my cultural boundaries,
453
00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:59,144
but, uh, your hijab... just beautiful.
454
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:01,213
It really is. It brings out your eyes.
455
00:18:01,215 --> 00:18:02,895
- Merci.
- See?
456
00:18:02,897 --> 00:18:05,030
Yeah, okay.
So, uh, I'm gonna go find my dad.
457
00:18:05,158 --> 00:18:07,325
You're gonna go to the American
Embassy and get us some help, yes?
458
00:18:07,326 --> 00:18:08,686
Yeah. I know, I know.
459
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,288
Apropos of nothing,
460
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:12,824
This has been, like, the smoothest trip
we have ever taken.
461
00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:14,092
I agree.
462
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:15,861
Aside from being slapped around
by the Modesty Police.
463
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,629
- Well, you kind of had it coming.
- I'll take it.
464
00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:20,232
I just feel like it's easier
when it's the two of us.
465
00:18:21,478 --> 00:18:23,569
You know, I think... I think
maybe it's the kids that have been
466
00:18:23,571 --> 00:18:24,705
getting in the way the whole time.
467
00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:25,771
Oh. Yeah, no.
468
00:18:25,773 --> 00:18:27,039
It is definitely the kid...
469
00:18:27,041 --> 00:18:28,595
Jesus Christ.
470
00:18:29,214 --> 00:18:30,242
Ugh.
471
00:18:30,244 --> 00:18:31,843
Quick. Let's go.
472
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,107
Mom and Dad are gone.
473
00:18:33,981 --> 00:18:37,515
Please. Change into it. It's all I had.
474
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,317
Uh, no. Thank you. We couldn't.
475
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,586
Please. You wear it.
476
00:18:40,588 --> 00:18:41,987
You smell like shit.
477
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,896
This is scary.
478
00:18:50,898 --> 00:18:53,031
Totally.
479
00:18:53,517 --> 00:18:55,100
What the hell happened here?
480
00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:56,968
And why is there milk everywhere?
481
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:57,989
Eugh.
482
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,438
And why is there so many soccer balls?
483
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:01,773
Okay. Just focus, okay?
484
00:19:01,775 --> 00:19:03,641
You know, you got to dote
on Peepaw a little
485
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,840
before we ask him for money.
486
00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:07,311
"Peepaw, we love you.
Peepaw, we miss you."
487
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,247
Peepaw, why doesn't our mother
let us have
488
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,782
"a meaningful relationship with you?"
489
00:19:10,784 --> 00:19:12,033
You know, shit like that.
490
00:19:12,168 --> 00:19:13,184
Peepaw!
491
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,920
Peepaw, your grandkids are here!
492
00:19:14,922 --> 00:19:16,254
Where the hell is he?
493
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,389
How should I know?
494
00:19:17,391 --> 00:19:18,656
This is where he said to meet him?
495
00:19:20,861 --> 00:19:21,993
Those are soldiers.
496
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,328
And they have guns in their hand.
497
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,730
And there's bullets
all over the ground.
498
00:19:24,732 --> 00:19:26,865
- What the hell did you get me into?
- I'm sorry.
499
00:19:26,867 --> 00:19:28,534
I don't want to be here anymore.
I want to go home.
500
00:19:28,536 --> 00:19:29,601
Okay, okay.
501
00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:30,737
Are you guys looking for somebody?
502
00:19:30,738 --> 00:19:32,294
Hoods down. Hoods down.
503
00:19:44,552 --> 00:19:46,435
My husband was right.
504
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,431
Those oppressive outfits...
505
00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:51,324
really do accentuate
506
00:19:51,325 --> 00:19:52,705
the features that matter.
507
00:19:55,429 --> 00:19:58,895
You have the most beautiful eyes.
508
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:07,372
And I want you to know
that you have the choice
509
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,575
to stop hiding anytime you want.
510
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,311
Please.
511
00:20:16,784 --> 00:20:18,450
I'm so sorry.
512
00:20:18,452 --> 00:20:20,051
Don't be sorry.
513
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,454
Don't be sorry.
514
00:20:22,456 --> 00:20:24,656
No, you're fine. You're fine.
515
00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:25,924
You okay?
516
00:20:25,926 --> 00:20:27,593
I'm okay. I love you guys.
517
00:20:27,595 --> 00:20:29,861
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
518
00:20:30,435 --> 00:20:32,664
You're doing fine, right?
519
00:20:32,666 --> 00:20:34,400
Okay. Let's get out of here.
520
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,270
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
521
00:20:38,272 --> 00:20:39,673
Do you know him?
Okay, just... No, I don't.
522
00:20:39,674 --> 00:20:41,673
Just shut up. Shh, shh.
523
00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:43,341
Hi. Hello. Hi.
524
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,077
You are J.R.'s family?
525
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,615
Your dad...
He's at the Embassy right now.
526
00:20:49,617 --> 00:20:51,584
He's gonna get us help, okay?
He's gonna get us out of here.
527
00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:52,630
Okay.
528
00:21:06,928 --> 00:21:09,286
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
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